#and probably a third mom watching from the eternal abyss

[alwaysthecarcrash]

I find it hilarious that at Declan’s own wedding he didn’t have any friends of his own to invite so he just went “shit—fuck—uhh,, uhhhhh” and then invited all his younger brother’s friends

[mfarawr]

Thanks for the 11 questions @mind-over-grey-matter. I really enjoyed reading yours. :)

1. What is your earliest memory?

I’m not sure if my earliest memory was prettying to cook my toys in a pot in the living when I was around 2-3 or visiting my mom after my youngest brother was born.

2. If you could have any animal as an animal companion, what animal would you choose?

North American Great Horned Owl 🦉, always my favorite animal.

3. What is the worst song ever?

Any country song that unironically references enjoying riding in tractors.

4. Who has influenced your life the most?

Damn, I’m not sure if I could say one specific person has measurably affected my life above any other person, but I would say cumulatively if it weren’t for my close undergraduate friends I wouldn’t have come to terms with who I am in a healthy loving way. They not only provided a social environment of acceptance but were always there to listen (and chastise if I deserved it), and I’m not sure who I would be without that.

5. What’s your favorite album?

Another difficult choice, but based on sentimentality, and what came to mind first, I’d have to say The Family Jewels by Marina and the Diamonds. “Numb” is still my fave!

6. Are you religious? If so, what made you decide that was right for you? If not, what made you decide you are not?

I still have a complicated relationship with religiosity. On one end, I was raised in an uber-religious, uber-conservative background so moving past concepts like “eternal damnation” and faith aren’t so easily traversed — that shit lingers at the back of your head, eating you up inside slowly over time. Moral of the story was always “no matter what you decide to be true if it’s against God’s word and you don’t reconcile that with him then you have actively chosen to follow the wrong path.” But I also have seen a drastic politicization and closing of my parents perspectives over time. Honestly, as crazy as I find my family they used to always preach “question everything” and “look for the evidence, never take anything as read even if it’s from someone you trust.” I think those are valuable ways to look at the world but not they are just a puppet word vomiting sound-bytes from Sean Hannity and the like. I can get on board with a good amount of the basic moral tennents of Christianity (e.g. don’t murder, don’t steal) but the reason I have moved myself into a kind of agnostic category is bc I can’t get myself to believe that a God who claims to love everyone would make an exception bc of something biological, like sexuality (I have the scientific research articles if anyone wants them), but I’ve also heard it argued that all instances of homosexuality as negative examples in the Bible are cherry-picked to target homosexuals when in fact they are examples of other things not to do when contextualized in the chapter they are in (like not cheating on a spouse, etc). Whether that’s true or not I’ll have to do the research myself for my inevitable coming out. But long story short I am increasingly distant with my religious background and my feelings are still incredibly complicated on the subject. I have learned to recognize that every major religion has valuable tennents about how to treat people, and now tend to prefer humanist belief systems — like certain sects of Buddhism — that seek the improvement of self and society.

7. What is one thing that is really troubling you right now?

I’m planning to come out to my family this month and the prospect of being disowned by my family (which will inevitably happen), makes me feel like I’m falling helplessly into an abyss. Mostly because of my mother and brother Jason, whom I love dearly. But I also can no longer live in this web, nay cocoon, of lies that I’ve built around myself for all these years. The more I build on this lie the more fragile I feel it becoming and I want all of this to resolve on my terms. But how? What’s the best way? I have my plan but only time will tell.

8. Name three of your favorite artists (can be music artists or any form of art artist).

Through an introduction by @theprancingpony I have found myself deeply in love with the art of John Singer Sargent. Whose complicated mixture of Impressionism and realism in the human form I find so enticing.

Marina and the Diamonds is my forever queen with her use of sociopolitical satire, especially as relates to women and society’s treatment of them.

And all things Monet or Renoir. I just find their soft impressionist interpretations of nature to be so relaxing.

9. What is your favorite sweet food?

Do milkshakes count? I could have a milkshake evey day, even with different flavor varieties and probably be happy forever. Mint is my favorite, but I’m also all about them citrus flavors.

10. What are three of your best qualities?

Oh gawd, self reflection 💀. I would say my three best characteristics — though I’m not sure who strictly defined as characteristics these will be but meh:

I think am a extremely curious, and not in a negative prying kind of way (though a bit of casual drama from time to time can be enticing), I’m interested in problems and systems that perpetuate problems, that work their way into our daily lives from the top down. I’m curious about the stories of the down-trodden, of how things could be different, of how everyone will follow their life’s course.

Is having a spirit for travel/adventure a characteristic? Even if not, I just revel in the feeling of being in a new place, watching a different set of people engage in their everyday actions surrounded by a different history, architecture, culture, climate, etc. I just can never get enough.

Adaptability I would say is my third best quality. Whether it’s quickly adjusting from moving hither and thither, changing life circumstances, conversational flexibility, I generally think I adapt quickly to new places and situations with relative ease and can usually make a good impression with those I encounter in the process.

11. If you were going to jail but you were allowed to bring four things with you, what would those four things be?

My violin case with its contents inside lol (violin wouldn’t be useful for long without Rosin haha). It would be a great way to spend time.

The hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy ultimate edition (its 5 large books in 1 and hilarious to boot, I’d probably need some positivity like that in my life if I were in jail).

An empty book in which to write my feelings, frustrations, and potentially creative musings.

I suppose a pen, for the purpose of said writing.

I have most of the same friends as you @mind-over-grey-matter haha, but I guess I can try a few peeps if they are interested (I’ll keep your questions though bc they were killer! :D) @theprancingpony, @queerypie, @mrfergusdoyle