#and shows the author probably loves all of her characters very much with little preference

[ardate]

One thing I love about Dungeon Meshi - that I have neither read nor watched yet and only get subjected to through my dash - is how much the fandom seems to love Every single one of those fuckers.

Unlike the usual, I don't see Only one or two over-popular guys, there's so much love for everyone in this story from the fandom.

Honestly I think it's a good sign.

[lauraneedstochill]

My first choice (part 2)

summary: Aemond thinks you are way too good to be Aegon’s best friend. But you are enough for the one-eyed prince to fall in love with. pairing: Aemond Targaryen and F!Reader words: ~8500 (this is why I divided it into 2 parts lmao) warnings: friends to lovers, more angst (death of a parent, attempted harassment), hurt/comfort, an embarrassing amount of softness, Aegon is the smartest one for once author’s note: this is heavily inspired by “Little women” (2019) and Amy March in particular (read the rest of my long-ass explanation in part 1). again, I apologize for the angst! it gets worse before it gets better.

 Part 2. In a room full of art I stare at you.

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment you fell in love with Aemond. Maybe you were too blind to notice until it was too late or maybe you were doomed from the start. From the moment when the boy, who everyone deemed to be intimidating and reclusive, bent down to you to offer help without any hesitation. The second-born son of the King, tall and close-mouthed, surely had more important things to do than waste time on a strange girl crying over her stupid dress — and yet, he only showed you solicitude, asking for nothing in return.

You thought that mayhaps you owed him, and were seeking the opportunity to return the favor. Or at least that’s how you tried to justify the fact that you were looking for him every chance you got. You often found a reason to chat with Aemond during dinners and feasts, feeling bad for him spending time on his own — and you learned that he was very easy to talk to. You made sure to visit the training yard if he was there and sometimes stayed to watch him train for hours, even — or especially — when everyone else already left. His tenacity and strength had certain allure but under all those layers, you saw a lonely boy whose only friend was probably his dragon.

Despite the circumstances and his preferred solitude, Aemond never rejected your company, however sudden it might have been. Even when Aegon foolishly suggested playing hide and seek one evening, bored out of his mind, and you busted into the library and stumbled upon Aemond, who looked like he had no interest in silly games. And yet, when you awkwardly asked for the best place to hide at, he guided you to the enclosed area of the reading room. It was dimly lit by just a few candles and, somewhere between feeling uncomfortable and getting scared, you reached for his hand. He didn’t pull away. Furthermore, he stayed with you and cheered you up with stories about Old Valyria, making you forget about any childish fears.

As the two of you have grown older, you often heard people being frightened by Aemond’s disposition but you found there to be no ground for that. He’s never been rude to you nor had he lost his temper, regardless of circumstances — and the day you saw him without the eyepatch for the first time was the prime example of that. It was getting late and Aegon had too much to drink and, while running around in a drunken stupor, he cut his hand somewhere in the yard. Luckily, the wound wasn’t too deep but he was bleeding and refused to get help, against your best wishes. He was babbling that scars adorn a man — and then, in an attempt to escape you chasing him, he barged into Aemond’s chambers. You ran in merely a second after, with explanations at the ready, and were met with his younger brother standing there, looking startled. It took you a second to realize he wasn’t wearing his eyepatch.

“My scar will be easier to hide,” Aegon giggled, not recognizing the gravity of the situation.

It was the only time you had to make an effort not to slap him in the face. You thought it was mostly a secondhand embarrassment, which was part of the experience of being Aegon’s friend, but the look on Aemond’s face, hurt and humiliated, also made your heart ache.

“His scar is a reminder of his bravery and the strength of his character that he should only be proud of,” you gave Aegon a death stare. “Yours will be a reminder of your idiocy.”

It seemed to work as his smile vanished and he even muttered an apology, leaving hurriedly to call for the maester. When you turned to Aemond, he already had his eyepatch on, and you fought the urge to come and take him by the hand again. You didn’t want to bother him at such a late hour, so you opted to offer an apology, too, and leave him be.

“His behavior was unworthy. But I meant what I said,” you turned to Aemond on your way out. “And the sapphire looks very pretty,” you could swear you saw a trace of a smile on his face but you chose not to think much of it.

With every encounter, sudden or not, and every conversation, most of which were too short for your liking, you were making more room for Aemond in your heart. You should’ve known you were a lost cause when you actually told yourself — out loud, with hands grabbing the edges of your table — “I will not fall in love with him.” At that point, you already did. He always worked so hard to be seen — and you only had eyes for him all along.

You hid your true feelings well enough for anyone to take notice — but your father was no fool. He also knew better than to meddle with whatever your thinking process was. So he watched from afar for quite some time, until you started catching his curious glances on you every time you went to talk to Aemond. Predictably, after yet another feast he could not resist bringing up the topic.

“Did the royal menace have too many cups of wine again? Haven’t seen him this evening,” he adored Aegon whole-heartedly, and you suspected that their shared love for crude humor was the main reason for that. You didn’t mind.

“Wasn’t that many, actually,” you chuckled. “But he asked me and Aemond to help him to his chambers, said he wasn’t in the mood today.”

“Well, you seem to really enjoy Aemond’s company. I assume that the feeling is mutual?” he looked expressively at you.

Your face grew hot at his words. You also felt your heart break just a little.

“We are merely friends,” you told him, your smile too tense to be believable.

There was a shadow of concern in your father’s gaze, followed by a sad sigh.

“You will let me know if anything changes, though?” he mustered a smile in return and his was much brighter than yours.

“You will be the first one to know,” you promised as he came closer to bring you into a bear hug. You never spoke of it again.

Surprisingly, the only other person who seemed to have suspicions about the nature of your and Aemond’s relationship was his father, the King. You didn’t think he was aware of your existence, and even when your friendship with Aegon grew stronger and you became a regular guest at the castle, you soon realized Viserys barely paid any mind to his younger kids’ whereabouts. You would catch a glimpse of him in the halls and curtsy out of politeness but didn’t expect him to notice. You got too comfortable with his absence — so much so, that one day, when Aegon was carrying your supplies and humorously complained about the lack of art in the castle, you blithely suggested painting a portrait of the King. The last thing you expected was for said man to step out of the corner.

“I would be delighted,” he cut right to the chase. “Lady Y/N, isn’t it?”

He didn’t look scary up close, his face wrinkled and a tad too tired, but quite benevolent. He simply asked if you would be content with drawing him on the Iron Throne and you agreed, just as easily. Truth be told, you didn’t think he would follow up on his offer — being the King and all that, but he sent a carriage down to fetch you literally the next day. Viserys took the task with juvenile ardor, bombarding you with questions — what pose to take, what paint do you use, how quickly will it dry and how did you learn to draw. After he was satisfied with the answers, he changed the subject.

“My wife considers you to have a positive influence on my eldest son,” he pointed out with ill-concealed interest.

“I deeply appreciate her trust but I believe that he is capable of changing on his own,” you corrected him courtly.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” he disagreed with a mischievous grin. “I’ve only heard good words about your guidance. It seems that you rein him back so easily, you would’ve made for a fine wife.”

You silently groaned at his comment.

“Your grace, I can assure you, our relationship is strictly of a friendly nature.”

“Oh, I know, I have seen you two,” he said, laughing, and when you peered at him, you saw that it wasn’t his usual uncomfortable-looking crooked grin but an actual genuine laugh.

“Shall you ever lay an eye on any other of my sons,” Viserys continued, much to your surprise. “Do not hesitate to tell me,” and his face suggested he knew more than he was letting on.

You ducked behind the canvas so he didn’t see your heated cheeks.

His suggestion lodged in your memory and even though you wouldn’t dare to actually approach the King, you held out hope that maybe he would give Aemond a similar hint. But months passed, Viserys’s condition drastically worsened, and for whatever reason, he never mended the relationship with his children. And eventually, your hope was gone.

You didn’t lie to Aemond when you told him about having power over who you love. But you failed to mention that said power has its limits — and doesn’t guarantee that your feelings won’t be one-sided. You learned that lesson the hard way when you had to face up to the reality you were in. Your love for Aemond seemed to be as infinite as the ocean — and you had to fit it in a fragile vessel of your heart. At first, you felt the waves raging at the mere glance of his, at every gesture of his goodwill or just upon hearing his voice. The storm of your feelings would splash over the rocks of your self-control but you survived the roaring torrent of love, time after time. The rough ocean grew calm over the years as you came to terms with being in love with someone who didn’t love you back.

You did choose to harbor feelings for Aemond, and you had no regrets about that. But when adulthood came with its own responsibilities that you had to focus on, all your energy was put into finding a husband. You were aware that your choice would have a major impact on your family as their stability depended on it. You approached the issue in a cold-hearted manner, prioritizing the duty above all else. Mayhaps, you were too calculated in your pursuit, and that was how you ended up accepting the courtship of a man who had nothing to give but his wealth.

When it comes to Jason, he never ceases to evoke a few feelings, too, but none of them are pleasant. His arrogance is the first thing that catches the eye — he’s wrapped in it and wears it with pride as if it’s another title of his. You often have to bite your tongue and fake a smile in response to his dismissive remarks and borderline vulgar comments. It doesn’t help that his self-esteem is inflated beyond your comprehension, and if only he could put his own face on their House’s sigil, he would. You are grateful that he keeps his hands to himself but you notice him getting quite handsy with the maids, and it gives you an unsettling feeling. His behavior is so disdainful and frivolous, you have no doubts that once you are married, you will be merely an accessory to him, a pretty wife to show off to his friends without taking your opinion into account. Showing off is the one thing he does best — and each time you can’t help but compare him to Aemond who doesn’t even know how to take a compliment. You find yourself thinking about the prince every time Jason comes by, and these thoughts help you get through tiresome promenades with the lord and endure boring dinners with him.

But after your last conversation with Aemond, you force yourself to stop thinking about him altogether. That decision is remorseless but you believe it’s for the better — or at least that’s what you convince yourself to think after you run out of the garden and into your carriage, only caring about getting home as soon as possible. You pretend that nothing happened, lying to your parents that the prince was too busy and you had to return earlier than planned. And then you lock yourself in your chambers, with hand clamped over your mouth to muffle the sound of crying. A small part of you hopes that Aemond will come to you the same day and explain himself. But he doesn’t. When you don’t hear from him for another two days, you come to the conclusion that he regretted his sudden outburst. And that his words actually held no meaning.

Cutting Aemond out of your life does seem to be attainable with some time, and you perceive it as just another task, another skill you can master. But getting him out of your head seems like an impossible goal from the start. You are so used to keeping memories of him, cherishing each and every one, you can’t just erase them all at once. You try your best, you do so with ferocious persistence, but there’s always some annoying little reminder ready to surface and catch you off guard at the most inopportune moment.

It gets even harder when four days later you find yourself sitting next to Jason who is even more presumptuous than usual. At this point, you feel like your nerves are at the limit, so you can’t even find it in yourself to keep up the act. You push your food around the plate, jumping from one pointless thought to another: the tasteless meal, the barely visible crack in your cup, the revolting tone of the lord’s voice. You feel your mother staring at you, clearly displeased with your attitude, yet Jason is oblivious, too wrapped up in bragging about his winery — or whatever else he is talking about, you have no idea because you stopped paying attention about twenty minutes ago.

You think if you stay by his side any longer, you will be physically sick.

So you get up from the table — may be a bit too dramatic for your own liking — and muster out a weak excuse:

“My apologies, I am in need of fresh air.”

You leave before anyone has a chance to stop you.

It seems like an act of disobedience but there’s so much freedom in it, you feel that you can finally take a breath. And you do exactly that once you reach the balcony, several corridors away from the dining hall that felt stuffed with Jason’s ego. As you stand there, soaking up the last rays of the sun, you can’t ignore the obvious question — how is it even possible to marry someone you absolutely cannot tolerate. You never had illusions about the nature of your relationship with him but you at least hoped there would be some ground to build your future on. At yet, right now it looks like you are trying to lay a foundation in the quicksand. For a man of a noble lineage, Jason knows too little of what nobility actually is, and you have enough self-respect to not give him explanations. The prospect of marrying him makes your duty feel like a burden, and you contemplate if you should even take the risk.

You are lost in your thoughts until you hear a thin voice:

“Do you know where the sun lands?”

You turn to find your sister Alyna standing at the door, in her long white nightgown and barefoot, her eyes unnaturally large for her baby-like face. She always talks like that, too thoughtful for her young age, and sometimes she reminds you of Helaena. There you go, another connection to Aemond.

“I do not, my sweetling. Wherever that place is, it’s a well-guarded secret,” you comb her curly hair with your fingers as her curious eyes study your face.

“Maybe it doesn't want to be seen,” she deduces. “Just like you don't.”

Her ability to get straight to the point sometimes blindsides you. It’s also quite liberating to talk to someone who hasn’t yet learned the skill of pretense, and she may be the only sibling of yours with no ulterior motives or hidden agenda. Alyna tilts her head, signaling that she isn’t enjoying your touch anymore — and when you remove your hand, she says, out of the blue:

“Just like Ser Lannister doesn’t.”

You stare at her in bewilderment, and only then notice that the hallway behind her is empty. It dawns on you that Alyna’s nanny Dorea is nowhere to be found. She is only a couple of years older than you, meek and quiet, her trusting nature ever so defenseless — but she is also very pretty. Too pretty for her own good, as your mother likes to say.

You feel a wave of nausea again. This time, it’s followed by a sense of dread curdling in your stomach.

“What did he do?” your voice comes out unusually calm, in striking contrast with how you are really feeling.

“I heard him talking to Dorea outside my chambers. I wanted to join the conversation but he asked me to leave,” her brows slightly furrow. “He said there are some things I am not supposed to see.”

It may be the first thing you and Jason can agree on, you think. It is also the only thing because you certainly will never agree to marry him — and that realization frees you of any false politeness and self-restraint.

“What are those things?” Alyna naively asks, shifting from one foot to the other.

“I shall go and ask him,” you pat her on the cheek. “But you stay here, alright? I will be back before you know it.”

Usually, it would take about a minute to reach your sister’s chambers, but you cover the distance twice as fast. You are a couple of feet away when you hear muffled voices — one is demanding, the other one is scared, and both are well-known to you. You grasp the situation in no time and run to quickly open the door. When you walk in, you feel a flare-up of anger at the sight: Jason grabbed Dorea by the hips, trying to pull her closer, as she weakly protests, her palms pushing at his chest in an attempt to get away. The squeak of the door makes them turn their heads to you, and you see the distressed look on the nanny’s face.

And then their gazes fall behind your back, and Dorea gets horrified.

You easily guess the reason for that — your younger sister isn’t very good at following orders. So Alyna mumbles, standing next to you and looking at her nanny:

“I do not think she likes it.”

“Neither do I,” you throw Jason a baleful stare. “Let her go and get out.”

He removes his hands — so carelessly, it almost seems like he’s offended by your suggestion of his wrongdoing. Dorea immediately comes to your side, ashamed and distraught.

“Did he hurt you?” you inquire, helping to adjust her dress.

“My lady, I think you misinterpreted —” Jason tries to say but you shut him off.

“I am not talking to you,” you scowl in his direction. Your face softens when you ask Dorea again: “Are you hurt?”

She shakes her head, sheepishly trying to explain:

“I didn’t do anything, I-I didn’t want to, and he said... He said he is a lord and I sh-should be flattered.”

Not only did Jason has the audacity to pull that off but he also wanted to do so at your little sister’s chambers — and you simmer at the thought.

“I believe you,” you gently stroke her shoulder. “I promise you will never see him again.”

“These are some unrealistic expectations,” Jason sneers, walking to you but his grin dies down when you look at him again.

“I know your opinion of women isn’t very high — trust me, the feeling is mutual — but you cannot seriously believe you will fool me,” you sense that now he isn’t pleased with your attitude but you don’t care. “When I told you to get out, I meant it. You are not welcome in this house.”

“That doesn’t sound like a wise decision to make if we are to be wed,” Jason contemptuously hisses.

“Then I guess the wedding is off,” you glare defiance at him. “But whoever you end up marrying, I hope she outlives you. Just so she can spit on your grave,” the last part is meant only for him to hear.

And he definitely does as his face reddens with rage. Jason roughly grabs you by the hand, and your nose fills with the stench of wine when he speaks:

“You are in no position to make demands,” he drawls. “Your family is in debt up to its ears, you little halfwit, so I suggest you choose your words very carefully.”

While he doesn’t see it, Alyna looks between you two, and, out of the corner of your eye, you notice her frowning. She doesn’t do well with conflicts as they upset her deeply, which can only trigger one reaction. Before you can say anything, a high-pitched scream shatters the room, echoing through the whole house.

Jason removes his hand within a second, looking shocked, but Alyna stands innocently with her mouth closed as if nothing happened. Your parents come to her chambers in the blink of an eye.

“What is wrong?” your mother looks at you all uncomprehendingly.

“Ser Lannister got lost,” you cooly explain. “He is already leaving.”

“And why is that?” your father glares at him with suspicion.

You want to spare Dorea the humiliation so you pause for a moment, trying to come up with an excuse. But Alyna has no understanding of what a maiden’s honor is — and she loudly proclaims:

“Ser Lannister was touching Dorea, and she didn’t like it.”

No one in the room needs an explanation for that.

“You shameless scoundrel!” your father roars at Jason, who unsurprisingly isn’t as courageous as before.

“Ser, there clearly has been a mistake — ”

“It was a mistake to let you in,” your father rudely interrupts him. “You won’t set foot in my house ever again. Get out of here before I make you!”

Jason doesn’t need to be told twice and storms out of the room as your father’s gaze follows him. He stands with hands clenched into fists, his nostrils flaring with anger.

“Pompous jerk,” he mumbles under his breath. “And to think that I was willing to give him my daughter’s hand...!” his voice breaks, hoarse with ire, and you notice a vein pop on his forehead. You have never seen him so furious.

“He’s been dealt with,” you cautiously say to ease the tension. “That shouldn’t be a cause for your concern anymore.”

He turns to you, his eyes bloodshot and breathing heavy. As you step closer, you hear whistling sounds with his every breath, and his gaze gets absent. You realize that something is wrong as he opens his mouth to speak but no sound comes out.

“Father, are you alright?”

He places a hand over his heart, trying to inhale, a look of fear in his eyes. The chain of events is too sudden to comprehend: his breathing begins to wheeze as he squirms, falls flat on his back and convulses.

And then your evening turns out to be way worse than you could’ve ever imagined. A week later Aegon wakes up at an ungodly hour — and he’s fueled by sole determination to put an end to everyone’s misery. Surely, he must be the only sane person in his house since all his family members seem to be oblivious to what is going on between you and Aemond. Aegon, however, can use his eyes for their intended purpose — and it is clear as day to him that you and his brother are in love with each other.

He caught on to that pretty fast, although the signs were not that obvious at first: you often smile to people purely out of politeness and Aemond may not show his true feelings even under threat of death. So Aegon kept secretly observing you two, taking note of fleeting glances and light touches, of the way you would relax in Aemond’s presence, the way he was always too eager to help you with whatever you needed, and how you two would gravitate toward each other. Both his brother and his best friend were annoyingly stubborn about making their own decisions so Aegon didn’t mean to interrupt — or at least he tried not to. But when your evident mutual pining stretched into years, Aegon started losing his patience.

In the beginning, he initiated small things, asking Aemond to come and greet you (“Oh, I just woke up! And you are already dressed for the occasion”), to deliver you his hand-written message (“Yes, it is incredibly important and I trust no one but you!” — it was his doodling of Aemond), to keep you company during the feast while Aegon stepped out for a moment (he didn’t come back). He asked him to switch places at dinner (so you and Aemond could sit together), to help find the books you wanted (“All those years of you reading should be good for something”), to pick up the portrait of his children (“They are your nephews, is it so hard?! No, I am not being dramatic!”). A couple of times he even pretended to be way more drunk than he actually was just so you and Aemond could help him to his chambers and spend some time alone in the process. None of that worked. At some point, he seriously contemplated locking you both in a room but then came to the conclusion that you would rather team up to find a way out than confess your feelings. Truly, it seemed hopeless, and Aegon thought that maybe he should give up.

But as of recently he couldn’t help but notice that something was clearly off between you and Aemond, although the younger prince refused to talk about it, and you simply stopped visiting the castle. He decided to give it a day or two, hoping that you would sort things out and refusing to even consider the opposite. A week passed and nothing changed, and Aegon cannot bear looking at Aemond’s sour face any longer. So the older prince comes up with a plan.

He is unexpectedly the first one at the breakfast table and everyone who walks in shoots him a surprised glance. They are amazed even more to see that Aegon isn’t drinking which is as rare as a miracle. Aemond comes last and he is the only one who doesn’t notice the change, too wrapped up in his thoughts. Another thing that goes unnoticed is the gleam of sadness on their mother’s face.

Five minutes in, Aegon clears his throat to attract everyone’s attention.

“So, I was thinking,” he drawls loudly.

“That does not sound good,” Otto mutters, unimpressed, which Aegon chooses to ignore and continues.

“Lady Baratheon’s poor taste in men shouldn’t be an obstacle in our way of reaching the grand goal.”

“Which is...?” Otto asks while the younger prince doesn’t move an ear.

“To find a lady worthy of my brother, of course!” Aegon tries his best to say it with a straight face.

Aemond spares him a glance. “I didn’t know you took much interest in that.”

“I always have your best interest in mind,” Aegon slaps him on the shoulder earning a disgruntled hum in return.

“I was just thinking if we should go over the list of requirements once more,” Aegon suggests.

“I don’t have a li—”

“Of course you do!” another slap. “At the very least, she should be of a noble kind. Am I right?”

“Sure,” Aemond absentmindedly agrees.

“And we are definitely looking for someone who is keen on reading.”

“Yes,” Aemond rolls his eye and looks at his plate, already showing no interest in the conversation. That is exactly what Aegon wants — and he starts talking a bit faster:

“Someone with a flexible nature...”

“U-hmm.”

“And with a kind heart...”

“Yes.”

“A great listener...”

“Uh-huh”

“Who will attend to your every need...”

“Sure.”

“And may even be of indescribable beauty...”

“Hmm.”

“...And you will still be miserable because you love Y/N.”

“Yes,” Aemond says without thinking — and then it’s too late to take his word back because everyone’s eyes are already on him. When he turns to his brother, Aegon has a shit-eating grin on his face:

“You are welcome.”

Alicent looks genuinely confused. “Aemond, but why haven’t you mentioned it?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same question for years,” Aegon snorts, and Otto raises an eyebrow.

“Years?” his grandsire questions.

“I almost gave up on him,” Aegon keeps talking while his brother just sits there, eye glued to the table.

“She was the one who drew the portrait of our father,” Helaena cheerfully speaks up. “And he kept it.”

“He did,” Alicent nods and gives her son a sympathetic look. “Aemond, she is an admirable young lady. No one would have spoken against it if only you —”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Aemond cuts her off, averting his gaze. “She is to be betrothed to Ser Lannister, and I do not intend to ruin her plans.”

“You cannot be serious!” Aegon pinches the bridge of his nose. “Shall you find the courage to propose, she will immediately reject him!”

“She already did,” Alicent avows, to everyone’s surprise.

Aemond looks up at his mother in an instant.

“Did she?” he asks in disbelief.

Alicent gives him a wan smile.

“A week ago, yes. It is rumored that his behavior... left much to be desired,” she explains half-heartedly. Her face, however, doesn’t show any signs of happiness.

“That seemed like a reason to celebrate but it doesn’t sound like it,” Aegon looks at her questioningly, and Aemond tenses up in anticipation.

Alicent dithers as her face falls, eyes getting woeful and voice feeble.

“Her father fell ill that very day. Some say he got too upset with the whole situation, and I...,” she takes a deep breath. “I received a message this morning. He passed away three nights ago.”

Everyone falls silent, their faces showing shock that is quickly replaced by sadness.

“Seven hells,” Aegon mumbles.

Aemond doesn’t utter a word, feeling his heart sinking. He knows that you’ve always been your father’s daughter, and the prince cannot even begin to imagine how heartbroken you are right now. He should’ve been there for you, he thinks, full with remorse and guilt.

“You should go,” Aegon turns to him, not a hint of jesting in his voice. “We may give her some time to grieve, but I will gladly take Sunfyre out for —”

“Why would you need to?” Aemond gives him a puzzled look. “I can take Vhagar.”

Aegon emits a long-drawn groan and says to no one in particular:

“And to think he is the smartest one? I am having doubts”, he then glances at Aemond with reproach. “I am sure her mourning family will not at all get terrified at the sight of your monstrous dragon.”

His brother mulls over the idea.

“It is not safe to fly drunk.”

“I will be stone-cold sober.”

“You believe both of us will fit into the saddle?” 

“We will fit just fine, can you stop with your excuses?! I am being reasonable for once, and you are making me regret it!”

“I don’t think it would be wise,” Otto cuts in their bickering, and both princes turn to him.

He holds pause with a blank stare before a sly smile crawls out on his face.

“I would rather recommend the prince goes right away. We don’t want her family to make any rushed decisions,” their grandsire advises, earning a sign of relief from Aegon, who jumps out of his chair.

“We’re leaving this very second! Do I need to drag you out of your —”

“You do not,” Aemond stands up in a hurry — and then Aegon still grabs him by the hand, pulling his brother out of the room.

Alicent gazes fondly after them.

“It was very kind of you,” she says to her father without looking at him.

Otto thinks that, with how well you’ve been handling Aegon, marrying you to Aemond would be a blessing. Because gods know, he is fed up with them both.

On their way to the Dragonpit Aegon can barely hold back his excitement but his brother’s mind is clearly elsewhere. The older prince lets Aemond take time to gather his thoughts and doesn’t bother him along the road. But once they reach the cavernous building and both pop out of the carriage, Aegon decides some encouragement would be fitting. 

“Have I ever told you how I met her? That day at the feast?”

Mentioning your name always works wonders — Aemond turns to him in a flash.

“I was jesting around and she was the only one who didn’t laugh at my jokes. At all. Just stood there with a straight face and ignored me. Can you imagine?” 

Aemond does know the unimpressed look you usually give Aegon, and it causes him to let out a dull chuckle.

“Took me good five minutes to even make her smile — and, frankly, my success didn’t last very long. Pretty sure half of my jokes landed flat. But you know what was the real issue?” Aegon’s smile is melancholic. “Most of the evening she kept asking about you.”

Aemond looks like the very epitome of heartbreak. Not only was he blind, he was also an idiot, he realizes.

“I know, I should’ve told you sooner,” Aegon gives him an apologetic look.

Aemond shakes his head. “I should’ve told her sooner.”

“Well, it’s only been what, seven years?” his brother chortles weakly while the dragon keepers finally bring out Sunfyre, and the dragon casts Aemond a curious look.

Aegon approaches the beast first, running his hand over the scales that shine bright in the sunlight, and the prince can never get tired of that blinding beauty. But his excitement mingles with another feeling.

“I value her friendship, you do know that, right?” he squints at Aemond, who simply nods.

“This is my way of saying that if you mess it up, I might push you off my dragon on our way back,” Aegon casually remarks, grabbing the rope to climb up.

Aemond falters with answering, reluctant to admit.

“There is a chance that I already messed it up.”

Aegon looks down at his brother and gives him a stern glare.

“Unmess it, then.” You don’t remember much from the past week, your days and nights blurred into one another. The only thing that stays on your mind is your father’s face — you can still see it so clearly, with his gentle gaze and his every wrinkle, the corners of his mouth always upturn like he’s a second away from smiling. You also remember how that face contorted in pain, how his body stiffened, and that scene plays on repeat in your head, over and over. And then there are only pieces of memories, torn and mushed together, and you can’t find it in yourself to sort them out.

You spend all your time at your father’s bedside, with a string of never-ending prayers falling from your lips. They don’t seem to help — and nor do the maester’s efforts, and you lose hope with each passing minute. As hours fly, you get a very bad feeling that soon turns into blood-curdling awareness. Deep down, you know what’s to come, and you hate yourself for it. You think you will never stop crying but by the time the maester declares your father’s demise, there are no tears left. Death has many faces — none of them looked at you with mercy.

Your mother wails, overtaken by despair, your sisters don’t leave her side, eyes puffy and full of sorrow, and you are sure that you look the same — yet you feel completely empty. There’s a cleft in a place of your heart, and all the feelings seemed to flow out, leaving you drained and emotionless, but it brings you no relief. Everything in your house reminds you of your father, his presence tangible in the rooms and in the halls, his image still as clear as a reflection in the mirror. The memories of him crawl out of every corner, seep from under the doors, fall on you along with the dust you brush off his things that you can’t make yourself take away.

Stacks of hardcovers with bookmarks in the middle.

The unfinished cup of wine.

The long grey coat hanging on the back of his chair.

Piles of letters left unanswered.

Parchments, ink and a quill that he will never use again.

All the pieces of him that you can’t look at, don’t want to look at — yet it’s all you see, and there’s is no hiding from it. You feel trapped in your own house, and you wait for the walls to collapse so maybe under the weight of them you will find some peace. You are restless in your grief, you are drowning in it.

The day of the funeral leaves a blank space in your memory, void of colors and sounds apart from everyone’s crying. The ceremony is rushed and there is only a handful of family members since your mother couldn’t bring herself to tell everyone yet. You don’t blame her for it — you think she’s too afraid to say it out loud, afraid that speaking the words will make them real, and she’ll have to finally accept his death. You have no problem with acceptance, you just don’t know how to move on. How to stay strong when you are shattered beyond repair.

Your home now feels like a coffin but everyone expects you to be in charge, so you force yourself to. Merely an hour after his body was buried in soil wet with rain, you find yourself sorting out his papers. You look through his diary, his scribbled notes, the calculations he made in attempts to stabilize the emptying coffers. He’s always been the responsible one, keeping count and cutting costs, planning for the future — and yet he’s been robbed of it. None of it makes sense to you and your father isn’t there to teach you. You clench your teeth in frustration, and it makes you want to put your head through a wall.

You push through the second and the third day. You give orders to the maids, who walk on eggshells around the house, sharing concerned looks. You take it upon yourself to bring meals to your mother and all but spoon-feed her so she at least will have some energy to get up from bed. She doesn’t — while you want nothing more than to get away. You’ve had a fair share of responsibilities your entire life but now there’s an abundance of them and it puts you in a chokehold, and you are all alone in your discomfort which brings you no respite at all.

On the fourth day you wake up feeling like the walls are closing in and you can’t breathe, the need to leave anchoring in your lungs. You don’t want to waste another second as you put on a coat right on top of your nightgown, frightened that each moment of stalling might lead to you being dragged into the same routine again. But the house is asleep, and the sun has barely risen when you tiptoe out of your room. You only wake up one maid, telling her you’ll go for a walk so your sudden absence doesn’t come off as a deed of cruelty.

You step outside and close the door behind your back, taking a slow, deep inhale. And just when the guilt is about to sneak up on you — you dart off into the morning fog.

The air is fresh and cooling against your skin as you run away from your house and through the trees, not minding the branches or the damp ground. You breathe the crisp air in, and it makes your body feel weightless, and you speed up, leaving no chance for the responsibilities to catch up with you. Patches of the forest, splattered with all shades of green, bushes and weeds that graze your knees — you pay them no attention as your feet carry you further away, up the hill, to the most remote place you can think of. You don’t know how long it takes for you to reach the narrow wooden bridge and cross the remaining field that ends with a cliff, but when you finally do, your feet ache and your lungs burn and you gulp air.

The sky is draped by the light layer of clouds but the blue of it stretches as far as the eyes can reach, and the movement of the sea can be seen in the distance. The morning is still with silence and it welcomes you, the fresh breeze encircling your body. The feeling of it isn’t gentle as the wind instantly bites every part of your skin that is covered with sweat. You should’ve worn thicker layers, you shouldn’t have rushed, maybe you shouldn’t have come at all — but you are too tired of thinking, of restrictions. Of yourself.

You let the cold seep in and pierce you to the marrow as you watch the waves meeting the horizon. You then close your eyes, hands coming up to cross over your chest. It’s an oblivion of some sort — with no demands and no tears, it’s only you and the wind. The empty space around you matches the emptiness in your heart, and the beating of it sounds like a hollow note. You feel nothing, you feel numb, but it’s so tranquilizing, you can’t help but give in, just to stop brooding for a few minutes — or maybe hours, you care not.

In this state of torpor, you almost miss the sound of wings cutting through the air. When you open your eyes, you only catch a shadow hidden by the clouds and a glimpse of gold but it’s still enough to guess. Sunfyre. At any other time, Aegon’s visit would’ve brought you joy yet right now it feels useless against the doldrums of your soul. At least your sisters will be happy to see him, you think, not having the slightest desire to move from your spot. The wind is now howling, the grass is rustling — and then the small measured sound joins the melody of nature. It sounds like someone’s approaching but their step is nearly noiseless. There is only one person who walks like that, and the realization brings you out of your trance.

You turn to Aemond before he can say anything, your gaze meeting his, and he immediately stands still. The distance between you is just like before, and you only now grasp the amount of time that has passed. You haven’t seen him in two weeks — and so much has changed, and nothing is the same — but when you look at Aemond, at every painfully familiar feature of his, your heart twinges. You really, really missed him, and it’s the first thing you feel in fourteen days.

He notes your lack of protest and hesitantly comes toward you, only pausing when he’s at arm’s length. His cheeks are flushed pink from the wind, the collar of his coat raised to the angles of his jaw.

“I didn’t want you to be alone,” his tone is filled with sadness. “Even if you despise me.”

“I could never,” you mirror the words he once said but your voice comes out too quiet and blank.

There is only compassion and understanding in his gaze, and you are hungry for both, so you don’t break eye contact. He doesn’t, either, and reaches out a hand — it moves to your shoulder as he says:

“I am so sor—” when his fingers come in contact with you, Aemond suddenly stops talking, and his eye darts to your arm. There is a flicker of confusion on his face that quickly turns into worry.

“You are freezing,” he breathes out, and his worry grows stronger in an instant.

Aemond cautiously guides his hand up and down your arm — you see the movement, clear as day, but you don’t feel it at all.

“I didn’t really notice,” you mumble.

You want to tell him that staying with your family drove you up the wall, that you lost sleep and the nights bring you no rest, that you accept your emptiness and loathe it. But the wind is still howling, your mind is clouded with exhaustion, and you are afraid that Aemond will get angry at you.

Instead, he pleads.

“Let me take you home,” he continues caressing your arm. “Please, let’s go back. You can’t —”

“I don’t want to,” you retort, and all the unsaid words bubble up and pour out. “I could not stay there any longer, it was all too much, I needed a break, I — it just made me feel like...,” your skin finally absorbs the heat of his touch which sends goosebumps down your spine, and you get short of breath.

“Like I wanted to disappear,” you say, voice barely above the whisper.

Your confession hangs in the air, and you catch that same unreadable emotion in his eye. Three heartbeats later Aemond removes his hand, and the absence of it threatens to strip you of your short-lived comfort. But then he unbuttons his coat — and opens his arms to you:

“Disappear here.”

His words break the ice of your numbness, filling your lungs with air — so much of it, you almost feel light-headed. You are cold, and you are lonely, and you missed him. In a heartbeat you fall into his embrace, with the same force one may plummet down from a cliff — only instead of waves, you are welcomed by his warmth, and you instantly sink into it.

Aemond takes you under his coat, gently putting it over your body, and then holds you tight. You instinctively wrap your hands around his waist, nestling against his chest. Your cold palms glide over his shirt, and Aemond involuntarily shivers but doesn’t budge. He starts slowly stroking your back, and you soak up the calmness that radiates off him. His touch is soothing, quieting your mind, and you lose yourself in the serenity that it brings. 

You are both lost in time, standing quietly, as your body gradually warms up and relaxes. You listen to his heartbeat, the rhythm of it even and lulling, and it makes you feel at peace.

When Aemond looks at you clinging to him, his heart swells with so much love, he can barely contain it.

“How are you feeling?” he asks softly.

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “It all happened so fast, I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t. Everyone expects something from me now and I... I wish he was still here.”

“Your father was the kindest man I have ever met,” his voice is laced with sorrow. “I am so sorry you had to go through that. I should’ve come sooner but I only found out this morning.”

“And you came,” you remark delicately. “It’s all that matters.”

You snuggle up to him even more and relish in the feeling of his body close to yours, finding solace in it. You let yourself forget about everything else in the world, comforted by his kindness as he shields you from all the worries and the troubles of life.

“Whose idea was it to take Sunfyre?”

“Aegon’s,” the prince chuckles. “He was very persuasive, I’ll give him that.”

“Is he waiting for you on the hill?”

“He went to see your family, offer his condolences. And maybe complain a little since he didn’t particularly enjoy the flight.”

You try imagining the two of them squeezed into the saddle, and you know Aemond must’ve teased Aegon all the way to your house. You feel the tickling of laughter in your throat but it doesn’t go higher and then dissolves. Still, it’s a start.

“How much do you regret agreeing to that?”

Aemond pauses — and then his low voice vines through your hair:

“Right now, I don’t.”

You feel his heart skipping a beat, and for some reason, his pulse speeds up. You wonder what the reason may be, and your cheeks heat up when you are struck by the answer you can’t dare to hope for.

Or maybe you can.

“I’m not marrying Ser Lannister,” you blurt out, your own chest vibrating with anxiety. 

Aemond pulls away just a bit, only to have a look at you.

“I heard about that,” he reveals. “He was never a good —”

“You are under no obligation to say anything or do anything,” you cut him off, nervously lowering your gaze, because if he tries to pity you it will break your heart all over again, and you cannot bear it right now. “I just... I knew I would never love him. So I believe it’s only for the best.”

You keep babbling, but he hardly listens, his eye fixed on your face. Aemond isn’t sure you fully allow yourself to be this vulnerable with anyone. But it’s his favorite side of yours — with your bashful sincerity, your overly complicated explanations that he understands with ease, your habit of talking with hands, with your searching gaze and your eyes bright with life. It’s all the little things that he adores.

It’s what makes his feelings finally spill over.

“...But we don’t need to talk about it, you don’t need to say anyth—”

His touch is so gentle, you barely register when Aemond puts a finger beneath your chin, lifting your head to look at him — and then suddenly his lips cover yours. His mouth is even warmer than his hands, and he gives you a couple of seconds to make sure you won’t pull away. And then he starts kissing you, slowly and steadily, in a way you could only dream of.

Aemond gently cradles your head, his lips are soft and ardent — they meld with yours, and time freezes and sounds fade as you melt into the kiss, into his touch. And at that moment nothing else matters. You are wrapped in his tenderness, the ocean of feelings flooding your body, and he enters your heart like he owns it. He always did.

Aemond is the one to break the kiss, sensing that you are gasping for air. You slowly open your eyes in a daze, as if you’ve been awoken from a dream.

“I will take care of everything,” he affirms, his mouth still only a couple of inches away. “You do not have to worry about a thing.”

One of your hands moved on top of his chest, and you feel that his heart rate is back to normal. The pounding of it pulls you back to reality.

“You mean that?” you whisper. “Aemond, I don’t have that much to offer.”

He brushes a strand of hair from your face and leaves a trail of light kisses up to your temple.

“You have everything a man can wish for,” he reassures you, and his gaze finds yours again. “Everything I have ever wished for.”

The prince takes your face between his hands, and his thumbs follow the contours of your cheeks.

“Even in a room full of art I can only look at you,” Aemond murmurs, his words are flamelike and go straight to your heart, making it flutter.

Only now you notice that the sun emerged from the clouds, and the golden light illuminates everything around you. You bask in it as well as in Aemond’s affection — and he makes you feel seen, safe, cared for. Loved.

“That was very poetic of you,” you tilt your head and lean closer to him.

“I agree with poets on one thing — we have no control over who we love. But I have never regretted loving you,” he can’t stop himself from placing a kiss on the edge of your mouth. “And if I had to choose, it would still be you.”

When you meet his gaze, this time you read it with ease — and you are sure it’s a mere reflection of your own. An overwhelming feeling sweeps over and spreads through you. But the ocean is calm, and you are not cold anymore — and Aemond does love you, after all.

You feel your mouth quirk in a smile, genuine and a very happy one. Aemond presses his forehead to yours and promises:

“From now on, you will always be my first choice,” and then you see him trailing for your lips.

And you believe him.

the taglist: @greenowlfactif, @mischiefmanaged71, @pasta-rask, @imjustboredso, @iiamthehybrid, @m00n5t0n3, @crispmarshmallow, @bellaisasleep, @aemondssuit, @ipadkidsworld, @itisjustwhatitis, @maximizedrhythms, @fckwritersblock, @hiatuswhore, @fantasyreader130, @bibli0thecary, @teapartydreams, @kyuupidwrites, @thelittleswanao3 (I couldn't tag some of you for whatever reason, so I'll just message you guys)

yep, it’s me again!

the title is someone’s quote (I have no idea where it’s from, pls help a girl out)

“Disappear here” are Jonathan Carroll’s words that have been engraved in my memory for years and they just popped into my head while I was writing in a haste and only then I realized wait, technically it’s a quote, you can’t do that?! but guess what, I did! I also tried to rephrase these two words but it looked weird so I’m letting you know that I suck as a writer

the bit when she babbles and he looks smitten with her — I couldn’t help but think of that scene from “North and South” (it screams Aemond to me!)

I imagined the cliff to look like this 🍃

I originally planned to turn the romance down just a notch ’cause I already have 4 sappy fics and I wanted this one to be more “realistic” but… oh well, me and romance go hand in hand, apparently.

you will see this version of Aegon more often because I enjoyed it immensely!

what do you guys think? comments and opinions are VERY welcome! 🥺 ✨ my masterlist English is not my first language, so feel free to message me if you spot any major mistakes!

[miyaur]

"little things they do that let you know they're saying ily" ♡

synopsis. scenarios or headcannons of mine about what they do to say ily, or u can see this as relationship hcs smh smh

warnings. none, other than kissing (ew)

author's note. im alive?!?! and posting?!?! woahh (send requests plss), yes i wrote everyone their own little paragraph. HELP ME THIS ALSO LOOKS LIKE THEIR LOVE LANGUAGES :( (it is basically)

pairings: most hsr characters x gn!reader (seperately:p, except bailu, hook, clara, yukong, and yanqing because i got lazy ><)

arlan acts out his love by his actions. constantly mentions and talks about that one quote that 'actions are louder than words.' and so they are! he always tries to yk, make you remember you feel loved. would like to just bring you around with him, or even vice versa, like i said before he doesn't seem too sociable, and usually just talking to people other than asta for business purposes, yet that differs when you help introduce him to other people.

tbh he'd probably like dates at home more than going out. like cuddling by the fireplace, just both of you covered in a blanket together cuddling near the warm fireplace like damn!

asta, oh this sweetheart!! she'd try to tell you with her words, all the time, that you are what she loves so much, and dearly!! the words 'i love you' are always constantly being said to you! and honestly she's just the kind of person to hold your hands, and put it on her chest, and tell you that she loves you to the moon and back. she just wants you to always know the way she loves you, is unlimited, and never ending. she wants you to always know that.

cmon, she would obviously stargaze with you for dates.. every weekend you both go out. to stargaze.

blade shows his love with his actions, i know he can't communicate that well with you, thinks its even luck finally on his side that you got with him, that you liked him back. that you loved him? just.. wow. you know? anyways, i just see him being the type to pull you in a little closer when his arm is around your waist, and you say something he agrees with! he's very touch starved, but that doesn't mean he can't be the one initiating the cuddles and shit!!!

just prefers dates at home, likes it when it's only the both of you that see each other in that moment. just likes it better yk?

bronya is the kind of woman to show it through gifts, and her words of praise? maybe an honest mix of everything? she's just really new to all of this so.. maybe just tries to give you everything she can. even if she doesn't always has time, she'll always be calling, texting, and sending gifts to you, even if you both are planets apart, she'll be constantly making sure you're okay with video calls and etc. besides, she's gonna miss you too much if she doesn't!

"hey hon.. it's like 2am.. is something up? anything bad that happened?" you asked bronya, as you look outside your window to see a dark sky, the moon covered by clouds. "i-- i'm sorry.. i just called to hear your voice. nothing bad happened.. i just really missed you." she says, while rubbing the back of her neck. "oh.. okay."

dan heng just that guy to be always giving his time to you. as much as he can, he'll bring you wherever he goes. as long as you want to too, but he always hopes that you do want too, because he isn't always gonna be on his phone to call or text you. so he thought it'd be easier to just bring you with him. and he'd put his life on the line just to protect you, so basically thinks you'll be fine travelling with him. but even if you don't wanna, he doesn't mind just waiting on the astral express with you and himeko..

similar to march 7th, he'd fill jars of little strips of paper of just compliments he's used on you before, or even square-ish paper filled with little doodles of you, or the both of you

fu xuan wants to show you she loves you with gifts, and her words. she speaks really fancy so she's gonna be using big words to describe how she loves you. or how exquisite you are. or how graceful you are when you fend off enemies. she thinks you're perfect, and deserving of the world. and she'll try her best to give 'the world' to you. honestly just seems like the type to whisper corny shit while you're sleeping. like 'i can't believe you're mine, and in my arms out of so many.'

would also stargaze, knows exactly when meteor showers will be, she's very factual when she talks about shooting stars, or meteors that pass by that look like shooting stars. she'll be busy ranting about how people think meteors that pass by are shooting stars, because no it isn't-- why does she feel soft lips on hers..? oh! you shut her up.. with a.. kiss.. now you got her cheeks red.

gepard likes to gift you little trinkets he finds around belobog or whatever planet. but he also would wanna gift his time as his best present to you. probably sets up the most romantic dates ever, with the help of serval of course! always asks big sis serval if this is good enough for you, or if you'll like this and that. seeing her little brother so in love makes her laugh a little too, but she's always more than happy to help.

tries to learn how march 7th did those little paper stars she gave to serval, has asked millions of times, so you decide to help him with the paper stars, not knowing he was learning for you..

herta.. would literally give you the world. but in all honesty she'd give words of praise, and i mean genuine words of praise. receiving real praise from THE herta?! and being her lover?! wow!! she doesn't really know what it means to love, and you probably would be her first, yet, she feels like you both have been in a relationship since forever. it kind of shocks her, sure she's seen, heck she's probably studied relationship for you to be with her! and it's nothing what she thought it'd be, never really.. prepared for the whole.. 'butterflies in your stomach' feeling..? the little warm tingly feeling, it really shocks her, but.. i guess in a good way.

would play cards against you, even thought she could very easily win against you, she doesn't, she lets you win most of the time, because she loves your expression when you win against her <3

himekooo!! oh himekoo <33 such a sweetheart!! i just know she's very good with her words! uses that to her advantage. takes every chance she can to fluster you! thinks whenever you cover your face with the palms of your hands all cuz she said a corny pickup line to you, she's in love with that!! she's all for it actually! lives for you being all flustered. she also remembers little things about you, little and big details. knows how you like your coffee, or if you like stuff like soda, etc.!!! it's just basic knowledge to her, like also what you're allergic to.

as soon as you come home, tea is ready for you, the bed is made, your favorite movie is on, fresh roses are in the pretty vase she gifted you before you both started dating. she just knows how you like everything, and is waiting for you with your favorite snack. ahh

jing yuan?? hmm.. i kind of see him as a mix of everything, like he'd give gifts very often, and his attention will be on you 24/7 too. and if you tell me and say he wouldn't be so smooth with his words.. like come on. there's so much i wanna say abt this cutie patootie. but yk.. if your gaze seems to last too long on a certain item while you both are walking around thoughh.. just know you'll be getting it that night later on, or even right now! and is another flirty sweetheart who lives for his s/o being flustered as hell!! that's srsly all i can say ykyk?!!?

"but i just need to finish this one stack of paperwork and i'll be free the rest of the week!--" you exclaim as jing yuan protests silently by carrying you up the stairs to your shared bedroom bridal style. "but i need you to cuddle me tonight though, besides, it is due in 2 weeks! just 1 break honey.." he says placing you down onto the bed, "fine fine.." you say as jing yuan jumps into bed onto your chest

kafka is another sweetie pie who's real flirty1!1!!!! and live laugh loves physical touch like ngl she always will be having her arm around your waist whenever she can! pickup line nerd, like i just know she knows every corny pickup line in existence. and lives for your flustered expression too! and would definitely shower you in kisses when she has the time!! 'oh honey.. you know i had such a day at workk..' she knows all the gossip, and will tell you. anyways! such a dear lover, wants to be with you 24/7, but not according to elio's script, she can't always be there with her baby..

"honey honey-- one more! one more! do you have a map?" kafka asks laughingly and she cuddles closer to you, phone in hand. "no i do not." a serious tone decorated in your voice, "because i got lost in your eyes!" your girlfriend laughs even harder, as you sigh, won't this be a long night.

luka bby&lt;33!! such a romantic sweetheart tbh... literally would love to drown you in praise. like it's just a telepathic feeling. probably likes skin-to-skin contact, both romantically, and sexually. like it's something he's so into bro i swear, and i kind of feel like or think that he never really gets a lot of hugs cuz of his arm, and ppl think his embrace would be like cold metal or whatever, AND THE HELL NO IT IS NOT?!?!? like please please please keep giving him cuddles, hugs, anything, keep loving him, tell him his hugs are so warm n stuff!!

outdoor dates!! big yes for him!! and as long as you wanna indulge into the mountains with him, he definitely will bring you to amazing places!

oh... luocha.. hahhahaaksdskdj.. this man is soo SMOOTHHHH WITH HIS WORDSSSS!!! such a physical man too sorry not sorry, such a sweetie pie hahaha...... sorry back to srs writing, he's very much a mix of everything, he could get gifts so extraordinary, like a bouquet of flowers of a species of flower that barely grows anymore, or even not in season that month. he gives the best cuddles ever, and his kisses are just so.. enticing!?!?! like very often as soon as he comes back from them long ahh expeditions, soft makeout sessions are a need for him.

yes yes yes. museum dates. or dates where he knows where your favorite flowers grow or even planting a garden together, but even if you don't like flowers, or are allergic, don't worry! an ordinary picnic with his favorite plant surrounding the place is quite alright!

march 7th!! she definitely has a fun way with her words! in a good way of course! and absolutely loves hugs, and hugging you. definitely loves cuddles too, physical touch is definitely one of her love languages. she just wants to compliment you while she gets to have you in her arms like damn <33?!?! she's just so in love with it, everything about you. almost losing the words to describe you, whether or not

march just that kind of lover to fill 2, 3, 4, and even 10 jars filled with paper stars of your favorite color!

natasha.. she's like the mommy to mommy issues idk.. oh but very loving i swear on my life. like if you tell me she wouldn't just loves to always have her arms around you, or her hand cupping your cheek to kiss you. very poetic, and romantic babe bro i swear, she the type to make a full on candlelit dinner for you, petals surrounding the path on the way to the dinnertable, she's a good cook promise!!

likes to just put your hair behind your ear whenever there's a stray strand on your face. like you both just in silence, while you look at something else, and she's just busy admiring you

pela omg such a cutie!?!?! probably so touch-starved too.. but she gives little gifts and her time as her way to love! really wants to give you the world, forehead kisses with her are very common, she loves to kiss you tbh! but her neck is very sensitive, give it a little kiss and she'll be as red as a tomato.

would definitely ask to draw portraits of each other, like both of you drawing or painting each other's faces on canvases! whether or not you're good at drawing, she doesn't care, just wants to laugh off the terrible art you both do <3

qingque!!!! honestly is also a touch-starved honey, like she doesn't show it off a lot, but she really needs just a hug. and also! likes to give gifts! probably very good at gifts! very creative with them! like even the box she wraps it in is so silly. oh but she likes to give you little pecks on the cheek ong!!

please. please. buy face paint and paint each other's face, like i just know she would love to do that with you!!!

sampo is a flirty jerk i swear. he flirts with you for the sake of seeing your pretty face getting flustered. and lives and breathes for pickup lines, they're either real creative, or them generic, CORNY ahh ones. loves giving you gifts, but he has.. maybe.. stole some of them.. JUST SOME OKAY!! oh but he can cook, like i think he can cook pretty well for himself! and can bake exquisitely, uses this talent when he needs a get-out-of-jail card, aka when he owes someone a favor.

just go bake with him honestly, like just a date at home where you two bake silly little cupcakes for each other, and decorate it with goofy candy.

like i've said on here before, seele would always use her words to let you remember that you're worth something to her. and worth a lot. you place a high value in her life, and she'd die a million times if it meant you wouldn't get hurt by anyone, not even a scar. she's a bit touch-starved, yes sure, she'll be a bit shy at first, but at some point, she will initiate the cuddling<3

i feel like belobog would have many festivals now that the underworld and the overworld are together as one now, and seele would always know exactly when all these festivals would be, and it always means the world to her when you tell her yes to go with her as her date, whenever you say yes, it reminds her of when you first said yes to being her s/o<3

AAAA SERVAL!!! she's so sweetheart real!! i just know she has her own skincare routine and would so do it on you too. she likes spending time with you as her way of saying i love you!! 24/7 sleep back hugs when you cook or bake!! she's an avid lover of skin-to-skin contact i promise! physical touch is another way she tries to kiss your scars better for you<33

i just know she holds both your hands when you both kiss, whether it'd be on your temple, your nose, your cheeks, or your lips, she always ends up holding both your palms or her hand on your cheek <33

silver wolf loves you as much as she loves her games, so she would always spend time with you in the arcade, everywhere she can bring you with her!! likes your hugs, but not when other people hug her, cuz why would she want others' hug when she can have yours, and only yours.

lets you win on purpose when you guys 1v1 each other in games, because she loves whenever your face starts to glow with happiness for winning against her

sushang likes to spend time with you too! she drags you to every end of the xianzhou luofu just to find all the good food at the food stalls!! knows almost all the kids that roam around the plaza tho, and both of you play with them by running around playing games like hide-n-seek! she likes to think that time is precious, and if she spends it on you, that means you're precious :0

would so make you buy a face painting kit and gather all the kids at the plaza to make them animals (as in painting their faces with their fave animal)

tingyun spends time with you, and sometimes even brings you along when she has work! besides yukong doesn't mind~ and of course, this wouldn't be a tingyun post of mine without me saying she would tease, and would love when you get flustered from her silly words!!!! and would love physical touch ngl?!?! like falls in love all over again when you cuddle her, now you get to see her red!

just always gets so flushed in the face whenever you both share a bed, specially when your relationship first started, and being a few months in, you both are stuck in a clichè romantical trope of sharing a bed, yeah she was joking about it in the start but-- she never thought it'd actually.. happen!!

stelle would like to bring you out on every trailblaze mission she's on, and would tell you how beautiful, or how amazing, and genuine you are for years, on end. just if that's something you're comfortable with, i know that something mutual between the two trailblazing twins, is that they're always asking if you're okay with anything that concerns you. wishes she could keep you in her arms forever though<3

she will take pictures through march's camera, or even her own phone very often, so she would always show you old photos of you, and i think stelle is a very good photographer, no bad photo in sight, it makes everyone she takes pictures of a literal photogenic model, looking at old photos is what really comforts her when you aren't with her <3

caelus <33 quite similar to his somewhat twin, if he can, he will bring you to all the planets he's gotta trailblaze, he can go on for centuries just talking about how cute you are, literally gets so caught off-guard when you start to get flustered from his words alone, and to be fair he would lowkey use very.. big words. not like the ones fu xuan does, but only uses them when he talks about you, like he'll go 'oh.. you are such a pulchritudinous person, you know?'

unlike stelle.. when he pictures anyone, its all bad photos. like most of his photos on his phone, it's all such bad pictures help me.. shows them off to everyone with a very loud laugh too cuz why not ?!?!?!!?! looking at old photos is also what he'd do with you, making you laugh is also his objective while at it, so doesn't show the ones he has of you. actually the ones he has of you are the only good ones!!

welt yang is a man of taste, and divine bro, he is such a romantic. is a definite mix of everything. like he'd be so good with his words, while he has good hand placement and stuff, then again his gifts are so well-thought of. but what about the way he hopes you crave his touch as much as he crave yours?

i think im about to blow guys

[a-cloud-for-dreams]

So this is mostly a Choices blog but some of you know that I've recently started playing Romance Club as well because 1) there are some really good books on RC, 2) the art, and 3) to compare both apps. I could probably make this a series(?) to compare and contrast the two but here's one of the main things I've noticed playing both apps:

The Difference in Pacing

Background: The clear reason for this is because of how the books are set up. On Choices, each completed book is approx. 16 chapters (like a movie) while on RC, the book is typically 3 seasons with around 10-12 episodes (like a tv show). So a book like Open Heart, for instance, would be 3 seasons under one title instead of 3 separate books since they occur within a close period. This is different from a series like Heaven's Secret, which has two separate books that span ten years apart.

I bring this up because I assume this difference explains why the pacing in both apps is so different. I can use Blades II, Kindred, Theodora, and DALS as an example.

I've brought this up already, but one of my biggest gripes with Blades II was the very odd pacing. The beginning of the book (in my opinion) took longer than necessary to start the plot and there was a little too much filler with less time to focus on new lore the themes ate tho and I'm grateful we got another book.

Kindred has a similar issue. The concept of a witch book was cool and they had a good plot, but 16 chapters weren't enough to explore everything they wanted to with the book. The ending was rushed and it felt way too easy to defeat the Wraith King. Do I still love this book? Yes. Do I think the authors did well with the amount of time they were given? Also yes. But the rushed plot does make it hard to recommend it since PB is capable of handling a lot of plot (RE: Blades I).

On the other hand, Theodora has 3 seasons and the whole immortality arc (the premise of the book) wasn't explained until near the end of S2. We had an entire season to explore the character and at least half of a second season to explore her life after she realized she was immortal but without knowing why (human -> immortal -> realizing how she became immortal and starts controlling her power). As a result, it becomes easier to get attached to her since we spent more time getting to know her still one of my favorite MCs.

Dracula: A Love Story still can't believe it has 4 seasons spent an entire season before revealing Vlad's identity even though it's in the title. In comparison, PB would have done three chapters of leaving MC in the dark before revealing who Vlad is with the rest of the book being allotted to helping him. I get that we needed to see all the visions and stuff but personally, I feel like I was more invested in Lale and would have read an entire book about her, Aslan, and Vlad. I swear I don't hate DALS please don't be offended lol.

Am I saying I prefer RC to Choices? Not necessarily, I have problems with RC too mostly regarding representation, and I also know it wouldn't be fair to compare the apps since they are set up differently. I just thought this was something interesting to point out.

[ecargmura]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 5 Review - Big Brother Hikari

If you’re from an Asian family and you’re the eldest son or daughter, you probably experienced many different types of roles. Maybe you were the agony aunt, the trauma dumpster, the third parent, or something similar. To be honest, I’m not the oldest in my Asian family—I’m the youngest. I’m just listing out these categories from the people I’ve witnessed growing up. Why am I mentioning all of this? Well, as a toddler character, Hikari could have been written to be any one of the things I mentioned, but fortunately, the author does a great job balancing out Hikari as an individual and Hikari as a big brother so that he isn’t just one or the other. Though, I do want to warn you that anime kids are much, much different from kids in real life.

Hikari is a great big brother, honestly! He’s never been jealous of Hinata and he really enjoys having her around his life. He could’ve been easily jealous or possessive due to how spoiled he was, but he doesn’t seem to mind sharing his parents, specifically Masaki, with her. That’s a sign that he’ll be an amazing older brother growing up and that both siblings will have a strong bond.

Because his environment has changed, Hikari now has to grow up a bit. He tries to be a bit too selfless and it causes him to get a fever from stress. I’m glad that Masaki and Hiromu are great parents as they guide Hikari as gentle and wise as possible. For example, Hiromu didn’t freak out when Hikari tried feeding an apple to Hinata. Instead, he tells him that Hinata needs to learn how to chew before he can share food with her and then Masaki tells him that Hinata prefers watching Hikari eat rather than being fed, to which Hikari got happy. I swear, their parenting style is what all Asian families need. Down with trauma dumping and high expectations! We need more gentle and kind parenting! Parents are guides in their child’s lives, after all. Being a positive influence does wonders. This is why Hikari is super sweet and kind! I’m glad that Masaki and Hiromu aren’t putting all of their attention on Hinata and that they still share it with Hikari all the time.

I do like the little conversation Hikari has with Matsuo. Since Hiromu, Masaki and Yuuki are only children, Matsuo is technically his senpai in the land of big brothers. His advice to Hikari shows that he really was a great older brother, but he denies that. It also shows that Hikari is someone who takes things literally, which is why he overexerts himself and got himself a fever. The way he mentioned that his parents think of Hiromu as another son and Hikari as a grandson would be a great story idea. The Matsuo parents were supposed to make an appearance in the story, but it was scrapped by the author. Matsuo’s younger brothers will make a future appearance, however; stay tuned to when they make their debut.

Hiromu and Masaki’s little conversation was also really nice too. It’s their first time having two kids so both parents are growing alongside Hikari. They really have an ideal relationship where both of them talk about their worries to each other and are still lovey-dovey as they’re not afraid of public affection.

The second half of the episode was a nice little way for Hikari to be spoiled by his family. The family is invited to spend a day with the in-laws minus Matsuo and Yuuki this time around. It’s just the four of them. I think this was a nice segue in a way because Children’s Day was just yesterday in Japan.

It’s also a segment showcases how the relationship between Masaki and his in-laws are getting better and how Hiromu’s tension with his father has lifted, but he still has snarky quips towards him every now and then. It’s funny how similar they are in personality as they both record Hikari wearing the paper hat.

Speaking of in-laws, Hiromu’s mother Akira is formally introduced here. She’s very elegant and graceful. I love how kind she is when it came to wanting to make amends with Masaki and even had him trying on her bridal kimono that she wanted to give to him. She’s sweet, but I did wonder about her stance on her son marrying an omega. She doesn’t seem to be against it given her demeanor and that it seemed like it was only Kouji who had rejected the marriage before apologizing. Hiromu is surprising a very good balance of both of his parents in a way. His hair, eyes and mole all came from Akira, while the personality is all from his dad. I do wish I could’ve seen how his relationship with his mother was like since he mainly interacted with his father.

The voice acting in this episode was really good! Konomi Kohara makes very convincing baby babbles. You can tell that Atsumi Tanezaki has a good grasp on Hikari as she makes him more articulate as he’s now a three year old. Toshiyuki Morikawa does an amazing job with the many types of tones he gives Hiromu whenever he is interacting with someone. It feels like I’ve witnessed Morikawa play five different characters. He makes his voice high pitched when he is doting over his kids. He gets irritated when his father calls Masaki. He’s gentle when he’s only with Masaki. I think my favorite of Morikawa’s performance is when he makes Hinata sound like a woman in her 40’s. I got reminded that he did voice the Panda Mom in Shirokuma Cafe. Shinpachi Tsuji does a great job with the silly and serious sides of Kouji. Atsushi Tamaru does a great job with the gentle side of Masaki and also the part where he got all embarrassed from Hiromu staring at him in his bridal clothes was super adorable. Akira’s voice actress is Naomi Shindo and she does a great job bringing out the gentle demeanor of hers.

Oh, if you have noticed, this is the first episode where Yuuki doesn’t make an appearance outside of the brief recap in the beginning. I was surprised he doesn’t appear at all because I had been expecting another post-credit scene between him and Matsuo to appear again, but no, he doesn’t appear at all. His name doesn’t even appear in the credits. Well, it makes sense given that Yuuki wasn’t present in these two chapters either. Don’t worry, he’ll appear next episode. Do you miss Yuuki? What are your thoughts on this episode?

[writing-for-life]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (i don't know if you do these sorts of chain-letter things, or if you'd prefer not to, but for my part i do like to know which of their works a given author is especially hype on, so consider this an opportunity to gush!)

I was sweating for a moment there because I thought, “I’ve written all my life and even published, but I don’t have 5 fanfics, shit!”

And then I noticed… well, with a little bit of goodwill, I do. So thanks so much for asking, @stellerssong , and here comes the gushing:

The no. 1 has to be “The Light of Stars”.

I completed most of it during NaNoWriMo 2022 for a bit of fun and respite from other projects—and then did nothing with it. Until I thought, “Fuck it,” and started publishing it chapter by chapter, editing and tidying it up along the way.

It is a long fic, and I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m honestly proud of it. I put a lot of thought into characterisation and plot, keeping everyone in character (as much as aimed-for character development allowed, so certain OOC moments had to happen) and crafting an OC that works for what I was setting out to do. So much so that many people asked for a sequel, which I’m still in the process of writing (I completed the concept again last NaNoWriMo and wrote over 40,000 words back then, but progress has been slow since because… life).

I don’t want to give too much away here, but while it’s romance and there *is* more than enough sex (I write steamy romance professionally, albeit in my other language), this is really not what this one is mainly about. So it’s not one for people who look for thinly-disguised chapter-porn and super-explicit descriptions. It’s a novel with a fully developed arc, and it deals with topics like friendship, loss and grief. Someone told me though that it felt hopeful and they didn’t struggle with the broaching of those topics like in some other works, and that was probably the most wonderful thing anyone could ever have said to me.

I’ll choose “Snow Globes and Whisky” as my second, but only because it is a Christmas gift-type one-shot with the same characters.

You can, in theory, read it without knowing TLoS, but it just wouldn’t make sense. It’s just Christmas fluff, not incredibly deep (despite picking up on the friendship and loss-theme again), it was fun to write and to get Dream a little bit drunk (just because he was intrigued and allowed it of course 🤣).

Then there are Rachel and Johanna.

They have such a special place in my heart. I always wanted to tell their story because we never got it in the show—so I did. And as a bisexual woman, I am also Jo’s biggest stan. I desperately want her to be the Sandman-character who does away with bi-erasure once and for all (because if the onscreen love interest is female, everyone cheers, but bi m/f relationships never count in fandom because they’re “heteronormative”. Newsflash: We’re not “50% straight, 50% gay”. We have nuance and deep inner lives and different preferences that make up very personal identities, and we’re not some token queer representation that stops to exist once we’re in straight-passing relationships). We’ve seen her date a woman and she has tons of chemistry with Dream too—I want them to have the messiest affair ever and somehow have her take Thessaly’s place. But better. Because she’d protect Lyta for all the RIGHT reasons. There, I said it, and I’m not sorry. Anyway, that’s not what “As it Was Before the Otherness Came” is about. It’s sad and heartbreaking and canon-compliant. It just fills in the gaps. And again, I’m super-proud that someone in the comments said to tell Gaiman about it (we all know that’s not a thing for fanfic) because they thought it was so in character and well-written. Yes, I’m shamelessly blowing my own trumpet because you asked me to 🤣

Then there are my Inktober Haikus.

I still intend to turn them into a bound book with accompanying art one day (the latter is where it all falls down really because although I could, it would take me 1,000 years to create all the art myself). 31 poems, some more inspired than others, but they were a great creativity exercise, and I honestly love them for what they are.

And last but not least, from the serious to the totally unhinged: Muhulhu. Murphy and his Cool Hat. The crack ship of all crack ships, aka:

I set out to write a trilogy, the first part “By The Sea, I Mean In The Dreaming: A Comedy Prelude” is published, the second and third are currently in a vegetative state because I just can’t find the time to write and/or edit. And if I do, I prefer writing the TLoS sequel. Or metas. Or running silly fandom events 🤣 I’d love to write more fanfic, but between a full time job (or rather: three jobs that make up one) and a family, I just stare in awe at the people on here who produce constant output, because I honestly can’t. But I will get back to it eventually because that one is just sheer unhinged fun.

Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to flog my goods!

@stellerssong ask answered

[raccoonfallsharder]

yo. wsp. sooooo i been writing some thoughts lately and i need help with something

HOW THE FUCK DO I WRITE GOOD SMUT? like i tried once and it was fucking BAD lollll. i seriously need help and you're the only person i can actually ask because you. are literally. the best at that. so pleassse send help

bb i love you and you are a sweet little raspberry pastry. i am so flattered to be asked something like this. i don’t know if i am the best but i do think any success i have is from learning from the best! im not great with advice but here are some things i believe have helped me.

the most important thing i can tell you is this: WRITE “BAD” SMUT! who cares? no-one has to see it?? write bad smut, and then write more bad smut, then go back and reread your og bad smut and decide what you would change so you enjoy reading it just a little bit more. then write some more bad smut. the first time you ever wrote a sentence, was it an ivory tower example of academically flawless grammar, punctuation, and spelling? was it an evocative and award-winning piece of revelatory poetry inspiring massive social change on a global scale? no way. you probably didn’t even have all your letters facing the right direction. WRITE BAD SMUT OR YOU’LL NEVER WRITE GOOD SMUT.

also write bad smut because it’s fun honestly and who cares how good it is?

next most important piece of advice: i think you gotta start by asking yourself what you like best when you’re reading smut. nono wait back up. first you gotta read A LOT of smut. no, more. however much you’re thinking, probably more. then you gotta figure out what your favorite parts are and why.

now. on a more individual note. every author’s smut is different and personal because everything author’s writing is different and personal and smut is in some ways even more personal, right? (don’t stop making plums) so what you’re writing will always look different. but here are some things that have worked for me and maybe they can provide a good space for you to start exploring how you want your smut to look. (warning for late-night first-draft rambling ahead)

for me, there are two parts to what makes smut satisfying (again, this is personal preference).

the first is when the smut is very rooted in an emotional core — specifically, the characters and their motivations. what does each character want? if it’s only an orgasm, why is it only an orgasm? if it’s more than an orgasm, what is it and why? and what does that look like?

sunshine-reader in sunshine wants a playful one-night stand but is incapable of not offering warmth. rocket in the same narrative wants connection because he’s rocket and never feels connected enough. their connection is warm and open because (they think) it’s low-risk and short-lived.

pearl-reader in wyndham/cicatrix wants to exercise autonomy for once in her damn life. rocket/“the monster” in wyndham/cicatrix wants revenge-sex. both of these two are grappling with their own versions of grief and that shows through in their motivations too (at least id like to think so).

in window, sex between jo and rocket looks different when it’s their first time versus when rocket’s trying to coerce her into taking up more space versus when jo is spiraling as they head back to terra, because the goals and motivations are always different.

knowing your characters’ motivations for sex, the way they’re trying to communicate with each other, and their outside-the-bedroom neuroses can also help make sense of kinks, too. in my imagination, rocket always has control issues (especially mcu rocket tbh) because of his historical lack of control and what it means for him to be under someone else’s power. (but i also see him with a complicated/conflicted praise kink a la adorations because he wants to believe nice things about himself while also not believing them, or not believing compliments are genuine).

all of the above is the philosophical part of smut — the emotional core that makes smut more satisfying for me personally as a reader. after that, we get into the technical writing-shit. i think, much like actual sex, the pay-off is better if you savor the journey. so at least for me, that means writing beyond just pinched nips, grinding, penetration. it means taking time to explore the way it feels to be touched in even the mundane parts of our bodies: different textures, pressures, etc.

for example, a claw prickling over the inner flesh of the forearm is not explicitly sexual but. i mean. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ or is it. you know?

another thing for me is to focus on detail. when our senses are overwhelmed we tend to focus on very specific details: the light coming through the window, the stroke of the back of the knuckles on your shoulder, the scent of the pillow. you could say “then she reached orgasm” or you could say “she squeezed her eyes tight. the crackle of electricity in her abdomen snapped taut, and then broke apart in a shower of sparks.” you could say someone was spanked, or you could say there was a crack in the air, and a stinging heat bloomed on their asscheek. don’t just say what happened — say what it felt like, what it looked like, what it smelled and sounded and tasted like. (i mean sometimes you gotta just say what happened or the scene can get too dense…but overall, i opt for relying on sensory description over exposition).

the rest imo is window dressing. are there certain phrases or words you particularly like to read or hear? are you someone who loves or hates the word “pussy” or “dick”? would you rather avoid explicit terms all together, or use them often? or sporadically, for impact?

anyway. like i said these are just my initial late-night first-draft thoughts so they might be rough and they ARE just things that have helped ME (everyone has different thoughts/ideas on this!) but i hope maybe this is a helpful place to start??? also if any of this did not make sense i apologize i am sleepy just lmk and i am happy to expand/clarify

also you are a precious little cherry tart, a springtime crocus, and i love you. please write more smut and allow yourself the freedom of enjoying it. ♡♡♡

[utilitycaster]

Has your work with the wiki informed how you interact with the fandom? Scrutinizing the source material so closely and all.

Oh definitely, and this is a great question.

I think, without getting too deep into weeds or bitterness, that my attitude towards aggressively non-canonical (or, frankly, anti-canonical) interpretations of ships or characters has shifted both because of my negative experiences with the Fandom wiki and because I effectively have to go over the happenings of each episode two or three times. Additionally, my deep dislike and distrust of conspiracy theories long pre-dates my work on wikis or even involvement with fandom, but now that I spend a decent amount of "fandom time" looking up citations, I have even less patience for it. There are so many wonderful sources beyond just the wiki! We have a transcript search! We have Dani's recaps! We have so many sourcebooks! We have a talkback/commentary show! Please, while I'd love for people to use and add to the wiki, at the very least, if you don't have time to watch or rewatch episodes in full, use these wonderful resources instead of relying on like, someone's personal silly little clip compilations to shape your understanding.

In terms of far more positive things, I think because wiki pages are changing, living documents, going back to them has given me a lot of insight that I might have forgotten. To give an example - just now, in summarizing the party's trip towards Yios, I ran across the fact that Imogen was asked if she wanted to give up her powers - if there were a cure, whether she'd take it - and she responded that while once she felt that way, she no longer does. I think Imogen's relationship with power is fascinating, and I think this puts her in contrast with Liliana in a new and interesting way that I'd love to explore further once we return to more direct conflict. This small moment says so much, but I'd forgotten it in the several months since it aired, and probably wouldn't have accessed again if I were not a wiki editor. I've also been doing a lot of work on editing out plagiarism, or fleshing out largely overlooked details, and it's a delight to get to revisit prior campaigns and see how everything fits together. I get both a very high level view of the world, and also get to zero in on tiny moments, like Veth shooting Caleb in the Vellum Steeple library, and I'm so grateful I get to relive that, and often my meta is informed by what I'm working on and what details I'm immersed in and the connections they spark.

Finally - while I'm obviously super opinionated here, on Tumblr, I think it's a really good and important exercise that I also spend time in a place where I need to consciously prioritize a neutral voice and give attention even to things I dislike. This is an entirely separate post so I won't derail myself but I think part of why I sometimes get extremely bizarre anons/responses is that I'm both someone who talks about CR on the whole, but also am open about my preferences (rather than running a blog that's highly focused on one character/ship nor being a true generalist blog that primarily reblogs art). Anyway, working on the wiki means that, for example, even if I'm really frustrated with an episode or a character or a relationship, I need to spend time and stop and ask myself what is actually happening, outside of my own feelings. I think this is a really good practice to have with fiction! I think you need to be able to do both and compartmentalize and switch between them; to say "what is the author/creator trying to say and how are they saying it and what is literally occurring" and also "how do I, an individual with my own unique perspective, feel about what's happening." Or at the very least, if you can't do this, you can still enjoy yourself, but you will always be preaching to the choir.

[purpleandstarlight]

Don't ask me why I thought of this (I don't even know) but I feel like if Ciel and Lizzie tried to discuss a book...they could but it would be something like:

Ciel: [Brings an extremely insightful although quite edgy at times analysis of the characters and overall theme of the story.]

Lizzie: [She liked the book but was there for the vibe, didn't really think to analyze anything much]

(This ISN'T a "Lizzie is stupid" post. I love Lizzie. She's really smart and capable and if anyone even so much DARES to talk shit about her in those extremely misogynistic or Clearly-didnt-understand-her-character-at-all ways they usually do i WILL become feral.)

People can just like media without needing to over-analyze every detail. I know, it's different from what me and everyone else who's reading this post is used to, but it's something that happens. I get subjected to it every time i watch a show with my mum and I immediately get into deep analysis of the characters and their reasoning for doing things and my mum listens to my reasoning and likes the show but if I ask her a question about what she thinks about a character or smth she's there like "Idk I'm just following the show" WICH IS FINE!! IT DOESNT MEAN SHE ISN'T UNDERSTANDING THE OVERALL MESSAGE OR STORY OF THE SHOW!! SHE JUST DOESN'T JUMP AT THE IDEA OF GOING INTO OVER-ANALYZING EVERY SINGLE BREATH A CHARACTER MAKES THE WAY I DO!!! IT DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S STUPID!!!

So yeah. Although Lizzie would be different from my mum in the way that Lizzie would be able to point out her favorite or least favorite characters clearly - saying what she liked and disliked about them, and even enthusiastically comment on wich scenes she liked the most, wich means she and Ciel could actually have a two-way conversation that isn't like what me and my mum usually do (Me talking non-stop about themes and symbolism and what I think a scene could relate to irl while my mum happily but still silently listens - wich is also fine mind you, I just mean Ciel and Lizzie would go at it differently)

Also i know Ciel and Lizzie would probably prefer different kinds of literature but imo they would be able to find a middle ground. Ciel prefers darker stories, yes, but i believe he himself said he reads almost anything to keep up with what people like for his business, and either way he would compromise for Lizzie. He wouldn't MAKE her read something that could greatly upset her, just like she wouldn't MAKE him read something that is completely out of his interests, like a cheesy romantic novel that would bore him out of his mind five chapters in. They are pretty good at respecting eachother's boundaries most of the time, I feel.

So like...idk, Alice in Wonderland? Lizzie would like the vibes and overall fun colorful story. Ciel could maybe appreciate the non-sense theme in how everything works differently (as in he would sit there, compare it to things irl, and try to understand how the author got to the wilder ideas from there) and also compare it to how things work in the real world. (I haven't read Alice in Wonderland since I was really little - like late elementary or early middle school, so keep in mind I'm not an expert who could give a more exhaustive theory)

I have not read Sherlock Holmes ever (I tried once tho! And I do own some of the books!! I just never got around to reading more than a chapter or smth YEARS ago) so idk how Lizzie would find it, but it IS o!Ciel's favorite author and he loves these books very much so I feel like Lizzie would want to give them a shot. Ciel lets her because although it is a murder mystery, it's not a fully horror novel (be it flat out gore or psychological horror) - (...and also he is excited about talking about these books with someone he's close with, so he gladly takes a risk promising to himself he'll just stop her if she gets too upset about the deaths. You didn't hear it from me though).

[hexagonalhavoc]

Can I request The Hax Characters With a cuddly sleepy reader hcs

Hex characters with a sleepy, cuddly reader hc’s

[Author’s Note: Heck yeah, stop normalizing the grind and start normalizing being a sleepy lil guy] 

Lionel: 

He doesn’t get very much sleep because he’d rather play or program his games later on in the day but he’ll chill in the same room as you. 

Lionel isn’t really a cuddler but he’ll let you lean against him. 

You’re probably the reason why he’s starting to have a better sleep schedule. 

He’s a pretty decent artist because he designs all the visual aspects of his games so he might sketch you while you’re sleeping. He’s very shy about showing you these sketches because he doesn’t want to come off as weird.

Carla: 

Carla loves to cuddle but she can’t sit still. 

She has so many stuffed animals you can cuddle with in her absence and a bunch of cool blankets with different designs on them. 

Before you moved in together she would fall asleep with you on Discord calls. 

Before she started dating you she would listen to asmr so she would recommend you some channels she liked. She would watch the funny ones with you in bed.

Reggie: 

If you’re asleep in front of other people he’ll make it very clear that no one should disturb your rest. 

Reggie has different records that he can play on the gramophone if you prefer music while you’re sleeping. If you don’t he can make the inn silent.

Will hum to you as you fall asleep.

Life can be so stressful so he’s just happy to see that you’re resting.

Jeremiah:

Jeremiah is a very awkward cuddler so in the beginning you’ll be initiating most of it. 

Even if you’re bundled up in blankets he’ll still give you his cloak.

He doesn’t need sleep but will sleep next to you if it’s something you want him to do. 

He likes listening to the sound of your heartbeat, it becomes his favorite sound to fall asleep to.

Chef Bryce: 

Bryce prefers to be moving and doing something but he considers all time with you to be precious, even if it’s sleeping. 

He may not fall asleep but he’ll use that opportunity to practice meditation, breathing exercises, or reflect on his day. 

He likes to tell you about the silly dreams he had when he wakes up and he likes to hear about your dreams. 

He doesn’t sleep with a lot of blankets so you can have as many as you like but he will steal your pillows. 

Lazarus: 

Laz is always tired even if he gets an appropriate amount of rest which is rare. 

He’ll sleep along with you no matter the time or the place. 

I saw a drawing of him with long hair once so that’s now my headcanon for him. His hair is super long and will get everywhere while you two are sleeping. It’s normal to wake up with some of his hair in your mouth. 

He likes to hold your hand while sleeping so he’s still connected to you. 

Chandrelle: 

Chandrelle talks in her sleep and it can be really funny sometimes. 

She’s a little grumpy when she first wakes up but then again she’s grumpy all the time. 

Before she met you she was fine with sleeping alone but now if she wants to sleep she needs you to cuddle her. 

She uses some of the items and potions from her game to create skincare products so that you two have a fun nighttime spa routine. 

Sado: 

Doesn’t need to sleep but enjoys sleeping anyways. 

She’s always hyper aware of everything meaning it’s hard for her to fall asleep. Your cuddles do help her get calm and cozy. 

Unfortunately her hyper awareness means that even the most faintest sound or a slight change in temperature will wake her up. 

She enjoys building a huge pillow fort for the both of you to sleep in. This pillow fort will literally defy the laws of time and space.

Irving: 

Irving doesn’t really understand that people need to rest so he ends up pushing other people and himself to the limit. 

It’ll take some persuasion but you can get him to fall asleep with you. You tell him that you’ll only take a five minute nap and it ends up being hours later before either of you wake up. 

He thinks resting makes him weak but he loves holding you and making you feel safe. He tells himself that he’s only resting for you and won’t admit that he genuinely enjoys his downtime with you. 

He prefers to sleep and cuddle with you on a couch so that he can get up easily if his work requires him to do so. 

First Person Perspective: 

It’s hard to tell if he sleeps or not but he’s always down for cuddling with you. 

If you fall asleep and he needs to go somewhere he’ll just carry you around, he doesn’t really care who’s watching. It’s just comforting to have you close by. 

He loves glow in the dark stuff so if the both of you have a room at the inn it will be covered in those glow in the dark stars that stuck on ceilings. 

He’s great to cuddle with because he’s really good at staying still. 

Rust McClain: 

This man is so tired but will not sleep unless you drag him to bed. 

Even when he’s no longer in Waste World he insists on looking out for danger. After what happened in his game it’s hard for him to feel safe but he’ll sleep if you really want him to. 

He enjoys cuddling with you but you can only do it once he has all of his accessories off otherwise it’s going to be very uncomfortable. 

He loves sleeping to the sound of rain. If it’s raining he’ll start to fall asleep even if he doesn’t mean to.

[ebi-hime]

Since you've written quite a few yuri works yourself, what are some of your favorite lesbian stories you've read or watched?

My favourite lesbian novel is probably Affinity by Sarah Waters. I've read all of Sarah Waters's novels, and I'm very fond of all of them (she's the only author I know of who writes WLW stuff set specifically in Victorian England, which is very much My Thing), but I like Affinity in particular because of how morose the main character is. She's really rather gloomy, but she's gloomy in a very #relatable way haha. I also appreciated the twist ending in Affinity a lot: once I'd finished the book I had to put it down and lie on my bed for a while Feeling Things for the poor main character haha ;;; It's a very grim story which deals with a lot of uncomfortable subject matter (for example, the main character is suicidally depressed), and the ending isn't cheerful at all. If you prefer lighter, sweeter stories, I'd advise you to stay away from it, but if you can handle a bit a Misery then I think you'd find it a very engaging experience! As for visual novels, I'm pretty fond of Wanting Wings, which is a relatively sweet VN set in high school dealing with a trio of friends. The VN lets you pair these girls up however you want, and it gives you stories with each of them showing how things would pan out if they dated. It's mostly quite light, but the characters had a decent amount of depth, and the story had a bit of a bittersweet(?) vibe to it. It seems like a simple story, but there's a bit more to it than that. It'd also be remiss of me not to mention one of my favourite yuri VNs of all time, A Little Lily Princess. It's an adaptation of A Little Princess, the famous children's story, but it makes some of the subtext between the girls (there's a lot of "I love you dearly"s in the original novel haha) outright text. Since the characters are quite young, the romances aren't explicit at all (and some of the relationships are more friendly than out-and-out romantic), but it is a very sweet story which does a good job fleshing out the characters from the original novel who didn't get much attention. I especially love Lavinia's route: she is my best girl (because she's kind of horrible and she has Problems haha) and I love her a lot! I'm also pretty fond of Lilycle Rainbow Stage, surprisingly(?) enough. I tend to prefer gloomy stories on the whole, and Lilycle is very light and fuwafuwa, but I happened to read it at a particularly stressful time period and it cheered me up a lot! The art is gorgeous, and I enjoy how it has such a large cast of couples to read about. There were some pairings I definitely liked more than others (Alice and Ibuki in particular lol), but the sheer amount of variety was appreciated! It also might have some of my favourite UI out of any VN I've read before, since it's so dedicated to the 'moemoe' aesthetic haha. It's nice read, if you want something light and sweet!

[speculativeartisan]

A Quick Review of Camp Damascus

So I had a six hour plane flight and a new book and I finished it in one sitting and gave myself air sickness while doing it, but in my opinion it was worth it.

Camp Damascus by two time hugo award finalist Chuck Tingle is a novel about the horror of religious bigotry, conversion therapy, and indoctrination. Demons are also involved. It's tightly paced, evocatively written, and doesn't shy away from the fact that despite all the dismemberment that happens, this is a story about the triumph of love over hatred.

Chuck is open in interviews that he finds a lot of his inspiration in film and visual media and this is really clear in his writing style. Probably one of the most cinematic novels I've read recently, I found myself thinking very frequently "oh man I bet this would look so cool in a film adaptation" (and I do sincerely hope this gets a film adaptation someday because it would rock as one). Similarly the way scenes are paced, and the transitions between them, were reminiscent of a movie or TV show. It keeps the novel brisk, and full of momentum. And while there were points I felt could have used a little more room to breathe, or a little more tension, it never quite tipped over into feeling rushed. Breezy would be the word I'd use.

Unfortunately the pacing did keep me from really being able to get immersed in the horror side of things. The descriptions were vivid, visceral, and imaginative, but I never really sank into that headspace of suspenseful dread that usually comes to me while watching or reading horror. This is a personal hangup/preference, I can't say whether other people would find the novel very scary, but even if I didn't engage with the novel as horror I did enjoy it on the level of an action thriller.

I also appreciated Rose, and the way Chuck is able to so masterfully characterize both her autism and her deep religious indoctrination. When authors attempt to write characters deep in the throes of a religious upbringing, they tend to write too much rationalization into the character. They approach the worldview from the idea that this character knows what they believe is false and they have to constantly talk themselves in to their own faith. When the character loses their faith it is because they are confronted with something they can't justify.

Rose doesn't justify her faith to herself because she doesn't need to. These beliefs are just facts to her. The Sky is blue, water is wet, being gay is immoral. That's just how the world is. Anyone who says otherwise is just wrong, either because they are misinformed and need to be corrected, or because they are malicious and need to be avoided.

It really is that simple for someone who hasn't yet interrogated their own belief system. And likewise Chuck absolutely nails the voices of the religious community members Rose is surrounded by, from the therapist she sees, to her parents, to the head of Camp Damascus itself. It's all excellent character writing.

I haven't read any of Chuck's erotica, so I can't speak to how similar the writing in Camp Damascus is to the other works in his catalogue, or whether people who enjoy those stories would enjoy this one. I very much enjoyed Camp Damascus though, and would whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone looking for a fun and energetic story about love, community, and overcoming the people who would keep you in the closet for good.

[wesperbrekkered]

For the get to know fic writer asks:

1, 6, 10, 12

Hope you've had/will have an awesome day :]]]]

Thank youuuu for ze ask!

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Generally I prefer writing multi chapter fics because it means I can *really* dive into so many aspects of a character and how they would react when faced with different situations. It's this exact reason that I can sometimes carried away with oneshots that focus on character growth (I.e spiderverse and the new years wip) I do love writing silly little oneshots tho, as a treat

Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

I have a lovely beta reader who helps me out in a lot sticky situations but I don't go to him with every fic of mine so I wouldn't say it's an overly important part of my process. I'm a very independent person and I also hate asking for help so I'll only bombard mez if I REALLY need advice or if writers block is killing me. (Or if I just really want her to read something and I don't wanna ask lmaoo)

Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Wip from my new years fic, Counting Down The Years (its currently at 13k words...)

-----

“You guys are so cute,” the waitress commented as they prepared to head out, finally showing something other then resentful boredom in her voice. Probably because she can go home now, Jesper realised, but he was ultimately more bothered by making sure his face didn’t heat up any more that it already was to think about her.

Wylan laughed, sounding much less freer than it had a moment ago, and said, “oh no, he’s just my best friend.”

Jesper winced before he could stop himself.

-----

Hehe

how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Like a lot of authors i thrive on receiving feedback and support for my fics and can often get demotivated when there's a lack of support, but I try to tell myself that attention does not determine my worth. One of my most popular fics only started getting attention 2 months after I published it for example, and now it has over 10k reads. Cowboy au had crazy attention for the first chapter and then suddenly it all disappeared. It's just how the public happens to be on the moment of updating and not that my writing has suddenly gone terrible.

Thanks vm for the ask! And uh, let's hope tomorrow will be a better one!

[mobiletextgamesaremakingmebroke]

Game Recommendations likes Duskwood

I'm sure there are others like myself looking games similar to Duskwood to play. So I thought I'd play some and give you my thoughts. If you have suggestions let me know. I'll update this from time to time. This was last updated on January 28th of 2023.

Completed:

The Healing

Pros:

Players really got to know the core characters, and I felt it was pretty immersive.

I personally am tired of the 'swap and make 3' (aka candy crush) like games, so I liked the minigames used for 'hacking.

Pretty clever puzzles

If you like dark this does get a bit dark

What's scarier than one masked killer? Three.

For premium, I loved breaking the fourth wall and talking to the authors. Great fun.

Multiple endings. I believe there is a good, a neutral, and a bad end.

Your choices matter, even when they may not seem to.

Cons:

So. Many. Characters! It was hard for me to remember who was who and with each character came a lot of info.

Considering so many characters, I felt like only Andreas/Zoe were romanceable.

I was unable to save everyone, which makes me sad. However, that does make the fight more personal.

Would I recommend/Recommend buying premium?

Absolutely recommend playing. If you want 4th wall breaking dialogue yes premium's worth it, if not then I wouldn't recommend buying. I don't recall premium coming up any other time really.

Blue Orchid

Pros:

I like the puzzles and the 'minigames' in this one. They show you a photo and you solve the puzzle based on it, or you find the important things.

If there's a puzzle your struggling to figure out, no worries. The groups on your side and after a bit they'll figure it out. They provide hints too.

Small cast, and I quite liked the characters. There is no romance, but there's very little time for such thing.

There's more I really liked, but I'd spoil too much so I'll say this. I was not expecting the plot twist at the end of chapter 1 and into chapter 2. The game did a great job keeping me on my toes.

As you can imagine I found the plot really engaging, and interesting.

Depending on your preference, the game isn't actually all that long. I got most of it finished in a single evening.

Cons:

Ticket system. Most of your dialogue options require a ticket. So you have the option to pay for more, or watch free ads. Takes about 20 minutes for tickets to refresh.

This one is not a murder mystery situation. So if you're expecting to uncover the identity of a killer, this isn't for you. It's a bit more complicated of a plot to explain without some massive spoilers. Let me just say, it's more science fiction than crime.

First chapter alone would probably make people want to stop, I do recommend continuing. I don't want to spoil too much though.

Personally, I don't like when characters are my allies, then not, then they are, then they're not again. Let me just say, got a few emotions I need to work through on who I should have trusted/liked at the end.

You don't really develop much of a bond with the characters like in the Healing or Duskwood. In fact you really only learn the back story of two characters, and those are the two I'm most confused about.

Would I recommend/Recommend buying premium?

Absolutely recommend playing. I found it very fun, and a decent short game. As for buying premium? I don't think it's worth it. No special dialogue or anything. It's just 10usd for unlimited tickets. I can just "watch" a bunch of ads.

Currently Playing:

Somewhere- The Vault Papers

Thoughts thus far: (I'm not very far in this game)

Unlike the other games, this one doesn't look like a phone interface. It's more monotone in color and blocky.

The game will be put on hold from anywhere from minutes to hours so the characters in it can do something. Can be a bit annoying.

I haven't encountered any minigames yet. Just been directing 'Cat' on how to escape danger.

The term Crop Corp made me laugh.

Then it went downhill again.

I hate Cat. She acts in a way that makes it VERY hard for me to like her.

Honest opinion, I'm annoyed by the waiting only to not have dialogue options. Personally not a huge fan thus far and from what I've read from the developer's replies to bad reviews, not going great.

Scriptic: Interactive Dramas

Thoughts thus far: (Completed one of the first episodes)

Multiple chapters, multiple episodes

Oh my gosh I'm getting Layton Brothers Mystery Room vibes. I'm hyped

I have to pay for the next chapter of a case :,D

You play as a detective who is the 'behind the phone' guy. You contact the on the ground men, the lab, and intelligence.

You can interrogate suspects and decide on if you arrest them or not.

Honestly, very good chapter 1, holy cow I am very tempted to buy the next chapter of the 'redman' case

I have discovered there are free seasons.

Recommended

The Seven, aka The Healing's prequels.

[deng-yi-deng]

CDramas I watched 2022 edition

I thought this would be my shortest cdrama list ever (+ 1 kdrama) because the year started out so slow, but it picked up dramatically towards the end. Still, this year was more about excellent English language shows (OFMD, WWDITS, Sandman) and dropping dramas when they did not spark joy, which was often.

Surprise shoutout to NRTA for doing one (and only one) thing I agree with - trying to cut down on the overall number of episodes per drama. I do think this is improving overall quality, forcing dramas to tighten up writing and pacing.

I had zero interest in watching this year's hits (Love like the Galaxy or Love Between Fairy and Devil) because of petty personal preferences so here's my 'best of the rest'. Fave of the year goes to Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty, the surprisingly well-done costume-buddy cop-mystery-dramedy that I didn't know I needed. Honorable mention to New Life Begins (adorable) and Side Story of Fox Volant for favorite wuxia.

If you want to read a very thorough review of Strange Tales, check out the top review on my drama list (for once I agree with mdl ?!).

*Indicates that the drama was dropped - not an indication of lack of quality, just that I didn't finish

Luoyang

Bad and Crazy (kdrama)

Sword Snow Stride*

The Wind Blows from Longxi*

Heroes*

A Dream of Splendor*

The Side Story of Fox Volant

Light Chaser Rescue

Strange Tales of the Tang Dynasty

New Life Begins

see below the cut for my insightful complaining biased reviews

Luoyang (风起洛阳 ) (2021) 2.5/5🌶

I finished this in 2022 so it's on the 2022 list :)

Fun fact: WYB's character is not the main character despite the 217,876 gifs you may have seen. I had high hopes for this one as the novel it was adapted from was written by the same author of Longest Day in Chang'an which I liked. TL;DR version: it does not come even close to Chang'an in terms of the level of screenwriting, directing, art direction, or production. Acting is also weaker on average, but some actors weren't given much to work with.

Huang Xuan is very good, as are many of the actors in minor roles (Old Carrot!!) - I may try to check out some of his other dramas, and would LOVE to see him work with LYX but alas probably never gonna happen. (they're both dancers! and can act! and are handsome! haha, that makes me sound so shallow.) WYB looks like a block of wood through the majority of the drama. Even if (like me) you interpret him as being autistic, it doesn't work. Song Yi's character might win for worst writing for a female character ever! Which is really saying something in cdrama world. Literally the most epic fail of the Bechdel test - she can't even mourn her father for a minute before refocusing all her attention on Erlang-bae. The romance - for either couple - was completely unnecessary to the thriller plot. Erlang and Liu Ran are on my NOTP list for sheer gag-inducing pointlessness. Huang Xuan and Song Qian tried to have a little chemistry but the sparks failed to ignite (see plot) and...sorry Victoria, after seeing you in Broker and then this...not impressed.

Sets & costumes were supposedly expensive (though the ghetto/Unwelcome Well set looked as fake as an old Shaw Bros set) I think most of the $ was spent on hiring lots of extras which - good to get people employed but ? Action scenes - well, you may have already read about them. If not, go ahead and do that I won't pile on. Pacing was brisk but the plot holes. Oh lord. The plot holes. Ending has a completely unnecessary twist (of the knife). Like Chang'an it got progressively weaker after the big mid-way shocker and ended not with a bang, but with a whimper.

Bad and Crazy (kdrama) 4/5 🌶

This was one of the more entertaining things I watched this year - actually looked forward to a new ep each week. Good acting, lots of action, satisfying ending. I was a little uncomfortable with how they characterized mental illness, but once I gave up and told myself (10 times before each ep.) that it's just a drama, was able to enjoy it.

*Sword Snow Stride (雪中悍刀行) 2/5 🌶

I wanted to like this SO MUCH. Finally some wuxia! With actors I like! The plot is ok, the characters are fun and interesting. Lots of really good actors, many familiar faces. There was humor! And some original ideas but... it was s o o o o s l o w. I lost interest during each episode (sometimes falling asleep) and had to force myself to watch the next one - there was just no momentum episode to episode. I gave up around ep 20. Fight scenes could've been better, which for wuxia is kinda important ya know? (I won't even comment on the cgi since others have already done that - it's not great). I really can't emphasize enough how much I wanted to like this. It's like all the ingredients were there for an amazingly satisfying dish but it was served lukewarm and watered down? I'm also getting a little tired of Zhang Ruoyun playing an all-knowing smartass.

*The Wind Blows from Longxi (风起陇西) 2/5 🌶

Acting: fine. Music: too loud in spots. Sets/styling: good. I didn't mind the dark palette, it seemed appropriate for 3 Kingdoms spy drama. The problem? I found myself wandering away to get snacks or looking at my phone too often, then having to go back and see if I missed a crucial bit of dialog. There was no momentum, nothing felt like it was at stake - which for a slice of life drama might be ok, but this was a spy/political thriller! Chen Kun and Bai Yu were ok (but just). I've heard the dialog is disconcertingly modern in spots, which is not a problem when you're using eng subs. The big red flag for me was the guy at the end who explains what just happened. Like. No. If you have to do that to your film/drama you have FAILED storytelling 101. I should be able to enjoy the story knowing only the basics of history (which I do) and then you fill in the exciting bits. Dropped this mostly because the ending was spoiled for me around ep 16 by a mutual who reblogged a gifset that gave away the identity of the double agent and had NO TAGS AT ALL much less a 'spoiler' tag. And this was before it wrapped for non-VIPs. Uncool. SO UNCOOL. TAG YOUR POSTS PEOPLE.

*Heroes 说英雄谁是英雄 3.5/5🌶

Another wuxia! Maybe...please...maybe? Pros: Baron Chen doing the most dramatic cape flipping, blood coughing, suffering stoically performance ever. And he wasn't wearing a wig - it was. his. own. hair. Just inject that sh!t directly into my veins. Good pacing, decent acting and characters (at least for the guys). Trope-y but it's the tropes I like, so yay!

Cons: fight scenes were of the comic-book pose/quick-cut type rather than actual fight choreography. Which is what you get when you cast actors and not martial artists so yeah, but man, it really makes me want to just watch some old HK movies. And surprise, surprise: tissue paper thin female characters particularly Wen Rou (and her costumes - ugh just no to the western-style ruffles.)

Though I was eating this with a spoon for the first 24ish episodes, I ended up dropping it (probably not forever) because it turned into a smorgasbord of angst and I wasn't in the mood. So if you are looking for angst with a side of suffering, then that would be a pro, I guess?

*A Dream of Splendor 梦华录 3.5+/5🌶

What? Well written female characters? In a female-centric historical drama? For me? Aw, you shouldn't have - no, actually you should have, and you should do it again!

Dropped this because I had English language shows to watch (hello Sandman) and it sort of lost steam for me - somehow the way it's shot made it a bit more of a slice of life than plot-driven drama? and NGL I was also tired of reading my tv, but I will try to finish someday.

Pros: production, costumes, pacing all pretty good. Aforementioned prettiness. The plot revolves around the women supporting each other, with the romance being sort of second? kind of? which I love, but also the FL & ML have great chemistry.

Cons: both the FL and ML are a little toooo perfect - too pretty, too smart, too accomplished (the ML was the #3 scholar, passing the test when he was young yet also is a master at wushu and swords? ah, ok) but this is a minor quibble since this is a cdrama.

Fun fact: was watching this and Heroes at the same time and Sun Zujun is in both and plays...a rich, hot, sexual predator in both. Um, hope you don't get typecast my dude. (his acting is pretty good so best of luck to him.)

The Side Story of Fox Volant 飞狐外传 4/5 🌶

Yay! More wuxia this year! please let this be the one....

The first few episodes are movie-quality: sets, action, art direction, sound, acting are all fabulous. Towards the middle it settles down into more typical cdrama territory. Based on a Jin Yong novel, it's what you would expect, and I think has been adapted before. Since I haven't read the novel or seen other adaptations I can't compare, so perhaps this wasn't as well received because it diverged from the novel?

Unlike the other wuxia this year, did not suffer from bad writing for the female characters! Full of tropes, but everyone was pretty well written - despite immediately loving Miao Renfeng, I also loved the 'bad guy' (who's character name I always forget, so will be referred to only as Peter Ho - he did a great job of making a bad dude sympathetic.) Qin Junjie was giving me Chen Kun vibes all over the place - I may try to watch Listening Snow Tower just for him.

Not really sure why this didn't do better. I assume because it's yet another Jin Yong adaptation, and the competition (LLTG and CJL) were more appealing to a (female) audience.

Pros: good acting, great actors, solid wuxia story with a strong start and well done (if tragic) finish

Cons: weak middle - pacing and overall quality dipped a lot. like they put the B team on all the middle eps for cinematography, editing and direction

Light Chaser Rescue 追光者 3.5/5 🌶

Finally a Luo Yunxi drama I can watch, though I'll admit if he weren't in it, no way I'd be watching. Though some of the marketing makes it look like a cp drama, it is in fact an ensemble cast, with the focus being on the diverse people that make up volunteer rescue squads. It's very politically safe and tbh was not surprised they chose to air it during the party congress.

Surprisingly for the moralistic/didactic theme, all the couples were really cute and well done, so if you want romance, there is some. The effects and sets were realistic, and everyone's tragic backstory was tragic. You may need tissues for this one if you're a crier. It wasn't without some super cringe moments (spoiler: the little orphan would be doubly scarred for life by their attempts to help him 'heal') but in general was ok.

Wu Qian (Janice Wu) was really good - I'd only seen her in two things when she was much younger, and she really is a mature talented actress. I'll say it - even better than Xixi, who did pretty good but still can improve, especially in shouty scenes where his emotion looks a little forced. (see, see, how I can critique my fave?)

Pros: Luo Yunxi and Wu Qian

Cons: not enough of the cute dog, didactic and moralizing, weak plot that is barely credible half of the time, often felt more like a bunch of 'how to survive x disaster' instructional videos strung together rather than a coherent drama due to choppy editing

Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty 4.5/5 唐朝诡事录

Please cdrama gods consider blessing a season 2 of this because it was so much fun! Even though Su Wuming is a disciple of Dectective Di, I think I liked this even more than the Detective Di movies I've seen (!) because as much as I love Su Wuming, the genius detective trope is a little played out for me, and giving him a great foil in Lu Lingfeng made the whole thing more enjoyable.

The writing for and acting of the two leads was so enjoyable to watch. They had great buddy cop chemistry that really elevated the whole drama. Female characters were pretty well written and realized, and some of the villains were downright enjoyable (creepy ghost guy, you looked like you had so much fun!) Production values were fairly high across the board - sets, visuals, costumes, sound, for what could have been a very cheap drama. Everything seems to have been done with care and attention to detail. Though the plots are a little silly sometimes I didn't mind because they were entertaining. Also tw to people like me who are sn*ke phobic - uh there are lots of scenes you will need to skip in the second mystery.

The drama starts at the end (!) which was an interesting way to wrap the whole thing up, but also an odd choice because they ended up basically reusing most of the first ep for the final episode? In between there are several loosely strung together 'supernatural mysteries' that our guys find themselves solving in different places all across the country. Each mystery is only slightly more difficult to solve than your typical Scooby Doo plot, and similarly any supernatural element is soundly debunked by the end.

Pros: writing, acting, chemistry between leads, production values, almost no romance (a pro for me)

Cons: easy 'mysteries', almost no romance (a con for many people it seems)

New Life Begins 卿卿日常 4/5

I hadn't planned on watching this, but I like Bai Jingting ok and needed something to watch after Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty and this looked cute. Spoiler: it is pretty darn cute.

If you're looking for an angsty palace/harem type drama this won't be it. Instead, they use the conceit of 9 vassal states sending a bride for the princes of the Xin kingdom to explore the different ways a society can treat women. It's a very very girl power drama. As such the female characters are pretty well done and acted, but the male characters aren't reduced to being caricatures - all have reasonable personal failings.

Is it realistic, even for a costume drama? I don't care. Sometimes a work of fiction is to show you how things could or should be - in this case the jerks get their comeuppance and the ladies get to succeed. Sure, sometimes the girl power message is a lil' too heavy handed but I'll take it for the overall message and the humor.

Just realized I rated this higher than Dream of Splendor and I should justify myself - Dream of Splendor is overall a better drama, but this was more tightly paced and because it had a larger ensemble there was more going on to keep my interest. That and the fact that this had humor pushed it up a little notch for me.

Pros: cute, mostly light and funny, well paced, decent plot

Cons: I didn't really feel any of the cps (I came closest to shipping Li Wei and Yuan Ying) but YMMV

[acourtofthought]

Yeah I think I need a break from anything Sjm related, especially acotar. Ever since acosf came out this fandom has become very draining.

Hopefully, I get the strenght to leave this fandom and move on from Sjm books entirely. Tricky, since I fell completely in love with some of her ships and characters but I don't like the route she takes and I honestly doupt Gwynriel and Elucien's books will be great, even though they have so much potential. Nessian had great potential too, but you saw what Sjm did with them.

Even though I've met great people here, there are also too many loud stans who scream under every comment section and post nasty tweets about others and fictional characters because they can't stand the fact that not everything and everyone will go their way. Very annoying.

My mental health has gone so bad (so much is going on in my life) I I feel a different kind of rage whenever I see an El/riel art simply because some nasty El/riels really don't deserve to have those artworks. I actually didn't have anything against El/riel but it's stans had managed to make me hate it in a total of 2 years. Also Sjm picked the worst year to release Acosf and then immediatly piss off because 2021 was when my mental health started to sink so low. Not only did I start having ship preferences but thanks to acosf I started hating some characters like Rhys, which is a struggle now because I can't read any sjm books without getting pissed whenever he shows up and I don't like it. I miss the days when I was just a casual reader enjoying my free time.

It's absolutely draining to have to defend your ship, characters and even yourself and also to calm down whenever seeing any El/riel content. I think I really need to move on from Elucien and Gwynriel first before I can truly let go of anything sjm related. I'm at least grateful and proud that I never had and would never engage in any kind of toxic behaviour. I also don't like the author and what she does with her books.. based on the interviews, livestreams, what she's written and the rumours I hear, she sounds like a mean person. Idk how I can explain it but yeah..

I'm so sorry that you've been overwhelmed with your mental health struggles but I give you credit for recognizing things that are triggering for you. And as sad as I am to see fellow Elucien / Gwynriels leave the fandom, I think it's very smart that you are prioritizing your health and well being over all else. The fandom can be entertaining and it can be enjoyable to chat back and forth about a series that's sucked us all in but, it's not real life. It's not what's going to matter when we're hopefully old and gray and surrounded by our grandchildren. At certain points we've probably gotten more invested in what happens to these characters than the author herself (considering how much time we put into thinking about them 😂) and I do think it's important to check ourselves and remember they really don't and never will exist. What is real, however, is the way you feel every day and how your feelings than translate over into your relationships with friends and family. And if ANYTHING feels like it's becoming a negative influence on that or even yourself, it is time to walk away. And maybe, when SJM releases the next book, we'll all have answers that will make the fandom a little more approachable and less toxic. We won't have to spend our time arguing what will be and can instead simply discuss what now is. I'm sending you a lot of love and positive thoughts, hoping that you find the strength to leave (if that's what is best for you) and that it gives you the peace you've been missing as of late ❤️