#and since I can’t buy more of my Ed shirts I have to improvise and instead make my walls look like his fucking cell in Arkham

[raeofgayshine]

I’ve been itching to do some crafting lately but I had no real ideas on what to make and I guess my brain got tired of that because I spent several hours today creating stencils, covering them in tape to protect them, tracing them, cutting things out and coloring four different sizes of question marks.

You know, because like a normal person I want my room to look like Riddler fucking exploded all over it. And I am so tickled by the idea that I can make a few of these at a time and put them up, so that it’s like a slow takeover. And also that they will probably look different over time which furthers that they didn’t all go up at once. And of course I am thrilled thinking about Riddler spending days upon days locked up in his apartment hand making question marks for every riddle room, because of course he is extra like that. And as I make mine I get to be just like him for real.

[shewantedtobeasecretgirl]

11. The Lovecats a.k.a an irresistible offer, a guy in proper clothes and a dangerous ginger

In the previous chapters: Effie gives a few pictures taken by her to Krisha who promises to show them to Kelly Curtis but Effie rushes away in the middle of the conversation to avert a date crisis between Judy and Jeff . After Mike’s awkward one-night-stand and the embarrassing intermezzo between Judy and Stone in the shower (that might have been seen by someone else too), the bunch is gathering at breakfast time in a bistro near the motel. Their exchange gets interrupted by Eric who has bad news for them.

 „Guys, we have a problem.”

Ugh… if I was a road manager and the band I’m managing had a show tonight and the lead singer had lost his voice due to his uncontrolled yelling, maybe I’d call it a problem. But I’m a lead singer of a band that is supposed to play a show tonight who lost his voice due to his uncontrolled yelling so I just call it an as fucked-up dumpster fire as possible.

I can barely understand the reactions since everyone in the bunch is desperately shouting at us.

“Has Karrie disappeared?”

“Did Suns defeat Sonics? I knew it!”

“Is the Twelfth Amendment coming into effect again?”

“We’re out of weed?”

Yeah, preferences.

“Hey, everyone, calm the fuck down!” Eric tries to talk them down. “It’s about the show tonight. We… we probably have to cancel it.”

“What? Why? No way!” the cacophony goes on and it only stops when Eric shuts them up with a loud whistle using his fingers.

“Should I explain calm or fuck or down?” he asks annoyed. “The thing is… Ed has lost his voice. He’s not even able to speak.”

“But… how?” Stone stares at us with clueless face. Such a smart guy and such a stupid question.

“He obviously forgot it in a public restroom and by the time he went back, it was already gone. Jesus.” Judy rolls her eyes playing with her fork. Thanks Judy, that’s what I was thinking about, now that you’ve translated it into Sarcasm, Stone might understand too.

“Actually, he accidentally flushed it down the toilet. In case you need to know the exact details to process it, Stoney.” Beth supports her with an audacious grin.

“No problem, we send Jeff down in the canal, I’m sure he’ll find it.”

“I’m able to deal with any shit except yours, Stone.” Jeff retorts, getting a snort from Judy as a reward.

“If I was you, I wouldn’t be so proud of that…”

“Seriously, what happened?” Mike cuts the forming exchange off.

“He was complaining about having a sore throat already yesterday evening too… he was working on a few lyrics but he felt tired and fell asleep relatively early and by this morning… nothing, he can only whisper, I’m afraid…”

“NO!!!” Judy interrupts her and blushes in a second since suddenly, all eyes are fixed on her. “I mean he mustn’t whisper, that’s the worst he can do.”

He? Hey, I lost my voice, not my hearing or my mind.

“It kills vocal cords, which can even lead to neck pains, I’m speaking from experience.”

“Really?” Eric frowns in disbelief.

“He has probably laryngitis. I mean, I’m not sure, he should see an otorhinolaryngologist for an exact diagnose but it’s very likely. It’s mostly viral or bacterial but extreme overburdening doesn’t help either… and extreme overburdening is a pretty euphemistic description for what you’re doing every night, sorry Ed but someone has to finally say it.” she addresses me but my only answer is a helpless shrug. I’m sure I do something wrong but I was procrastinating to face my limits until now and… here’s the result.

“And now she’s already a doctor too. And she completed the medical program in one single night, remarkable.”

“Shut up Stone.” Eric interjects not taking his eyes off of Judy.

“And how long is the regeneration period?” Beth asks, digging her face into my shoulder, which makes me reach for her neck instinctively. She rubs her cheek against my back like a lazy cat as she’s enjoying the improvised massage.

“Well, he shouldn’t speak for a few days but singing is another case, maybe one month…” My hand stops.

“What?” Beth screams right into my ear as her head perks up. Okay, so much for my hearing.

“It depends but usually after a laryngitis, you win back your singing voice note by note, beginning from the nether region.”

“Whoa, Camden, you’re getting naughtier and naughtier…”

“Spirits sometimes help…”

“That’s what I’m telling you all the time!” Mike hits the table with his fist.

“… but it’s only symptomatic treatment, if it’s bacterial, antibiotics are the ultimate solution. And… although I definitely do not support anything that kills throat but I know that singers often get a Calcium shot if they have to perform when having voice problems. So... that would maybe help shorten the silence phase.” Judy explains unwillingly.

“So… let’s summarize what you’re suggesting: we bring Ed to an expert, convince the doctor to give him a Calcium shot and swear he won’t sing for a month… and we cancel the show tonight… and then... we’ll see?” Eric looks at Judy for reassurance.

“Kind of… but I have serious doubts if he can let any note out this week. But are you sure the show must be canceled? I mean, what if someone else sang? Stone? You like singing, don’t you?”

Judy, you have a huge luck that I’m not able to ask publicly why you know about that.

“Jesus, no, I’m not a singer.”

“Aren’t you?” she provokes him raising one eyebrow.

“Nah. Plus, I can’t sing while I’m playing the guitar, I’ve already tried it but every time I try sing, I fuck the riffs up.”

“And he cusses every time he talks. He’d be lynched by the crowd in like ten seconds.” Jeff adds. “Anyway, I’m the other one who sings the backup vocals, maybe I…”

“NO WAY!” everybody protests in unison.

“Okay, okay, it was just an idea…”

“A very bad idea. We would end up playing odes about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, geez…”

Actually, why would it be that bad? He’s like a childhood hero to me. Plus, Stone wouldn’t be a better choice either, our crowd isn’t prepared for a rock cover of The Lumberjack Song.

“No, we have no other choice.”

“Maybe…”

“I SAID NO WHISPERING!” Judy nips my attempt to join the conversation in the bud. I reach in the chest pocket of my shirt because I think this is the right moment to use my latest invention. Beth immediately gets it and jumps in the middle.

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, I’m Beth Liebling, your favorite hostess and when I say favorite, I mean it.” she emphasizes the ongoing pun about the meaning of her last name with exaggerated winks. “Many of us have certainly experienced sore throat when swallowing or coughing is extremely painful and speaking seems to be impossible. The lack of communication makes us feel isolated and if we’re surrounded with sarcastic people, unsolved conflicts may result in anger issues.”

“I’m not angry at all, everything’s fine.” Stone smirks.

“But as always, we offer you a solution to tackle these difficulties and to present this incredible product, I ask my handsome partner, Edward for some help.” she pulls me next to herself by the sleeve of my shirt. I put on my dumbest smile and wait for the cue.

“Interaction cards!” she announces with pretended enthusiasm and glances at me. I lift the deck in my hand to eye level and show it around, still with the tooth-flashing fake smile.

“They make possible to maintain basic communication with the simplest messages.”

I present the first two cards with the words “yes” and “no”.

“Give me the “no”, I’ll buy it.” Stone grabs for it. I should have known.

“They also make us capable of expressing our current feelings.”

I spread out the next cards saying “shit”, “damn”, “fuck” and “I love you”.

“Aww. Give me that one!” Mike reaches out for the latter.

“Some of them declare basic axioms…” I wave with the “Pete Townshend is god” card. “No one? No problem, we’ve still got great stuff for our customers: the combined interaction cards!”

I flip through the deck and pick the “Fuck you Bush/republicans/Nazis/racists/homophobic assholes!” card.

“That’s cute, so heartfelt!” Eric presses his hand against his chest and takes it from me with the other one. I keep searching and giggle in advance when I finally pick the “Fuck you Stone!” card.

“Mine!” Judy and Jeff both almost fall out of the booth and then exchange a grin. Although Jeff was the faster, he places the card onto his palm and kneels down in front of her.

“In token of my appreciation, milady…” he offers it to the girl. To my biggest surprise, her first embarrassment evaporates quickly and she plays along.

“I’m always going to wear it over my heart.” she puts it into the chest pocket of her dungaree dress.

“How cheesy.” Stone comments dropping a piece of Emmentaler from his cheese plate into his mouth.

I nudge Beth to show her the card I made for her when she wasn’t looking. When she reads the “I love you, Beth” text on it, she slowly steps to me, laces her arms around my neck and pulls me into a relaxing, soft kiss. I capture her in a bear hug, letting her bury her head into my chest so that I can kiss the top of it and feel the familiar smell of the shampoo she’s used since I met her…

“Booo, the hostess is fucking the stage prop, disgusting…”

“Look, she’s licking the germs out of his mouth, ew…”

I try to ignore the childish remarks of Mike and Stone, luckily, Eric steers the conversation back to more professional questions.

“I guess I have to make a few phone calls, starting with the club, the guys who bought the ticket should receive refund… and I try to get a doctor for Ed, maybe we should try it in Charlotte, I don’t think we could find a specialist here…” he starts thinking loud, getting lost in the current, messy “to do” list he’s keeping in his pocket.

“„Sssooo… since the show has been canceled, I guess we have tons of time for the guitar lesson you asked for.” Jeff changes the topic with a huge grin, without the slightest intention of hiding his joy. And with the definite intention of using every occasion to spend more time alone with her.

“Guitar lesson? From Jeff?” Stone scoffs. “You know he didn’t become a bassist by chance, don’t you?”

“I must admit Stone’s right. There’s a particular reason for it… This bony asshole can’t hold a bass. We tried it, I swear but he ended up with his face in the concrete. If you take a closer look, you can notice that his Les Paul is only a cardboard replica too. He just pretends to play it, actually, it is Scully who plays his parts behind the amps.”

Judy bursts out in a heartfelt laughter, finally, Jeff has figured out that the way to her heart leads through well-played jokes. Possibly at Stone’s expense.

“I guess we could hang out together even tonight…” Jeff recommends with a cautious squint. That’s it, strike the iron while it’s hot…

“Tonight? But what about the show???”

“What show, Stone? We’ve just decided to cancel it…”

“But the supporting act is Tribe After Tribe! You love them, you’ve wanted to see them playing live since Tom Petty gave you their record! I definitely go and watch them!” Stone pouts like a child whose parents are about to call off the family visit to Disneyland.

“Shit… I mean, that’s true, they’re amazing… maybe you could come too…?”

“Nah, I don’t think so, I could finally sleep through the whole night… but we don’t have to do the soundcheck today, we could have the first lesson instead.”

“Hey Camden, you have a lot to learn, no one said you can skip today’s work!”

“I start with turning your volume down…” Judy retorts and turns immediately back to Jeff. “So, what do you say?”

“Sure… I mean, maybe you end up teaching me. But sooner or later, I have to figure out what I’m doing so…”

They both stand up, and as they are walking towards the exit, they keep talking, leaving the sour-faced Stone behind. I can only guess the reason of the change in her behavior… Jeff Ament, you’d better not mess up your chance.

***

„Granny, stop turning your head all the time! I can also hear you when you’re looking straight ahead. Otherwise I mess up your hair!”

“Effie darling, I’m an old woman, I don’t want to be pretty, I just want shorter hair so that I can comb it easier after hair wash.” she answers, of course she can’t help moving her head this time either.

“Granny! What did I just say? Okay, I accept that you don’t care about your look but I don’t lend my name to anything. Plus, if you keep squirming, I might even cut you. Or myself. Geez, I don’t know what happened to your hair after it had turned grey, it’s like barbed wire, maybe I should try it with a machete…” I mutter as I try to straighten her strands with a comb before I start cutting.

“I’ve told you, you can do anything with it, my body is a rusty, old machine, I can’t lean forward in the bath tub or brush it for hours. You could even shave it, I don’t care.”

“Do you really want to enjoy the Seattle rain on your bald scalp? I doubt it. Did you know that dripping ice cold water on the shaved head of prisoners was a popular way of torment in the Middle Ages? And I don’t think Mr. Taylor would like it either.” I refer to her old neighbor with a sly smile.

“Come on, Effie. Peter and I are both basically fossils.” she waves with an embarrassed, short laughter. We’ve been teasing her with him for years but she always reacts with denial, she belongs to the generation of which members think attraction over a certain age is something inappropriate. Or can’t even exist. And if it still does, it’s better to pretend it doesn’t.

“Single fossils!” I point out.

“I know it’s a very fashionable word nowadays but we are both widows, my dear. That’s completely different.” she insists playing with her wedding ring that embraces her ring finger still perfectly. I could stare at her hands for hours, her elegant fingers with strong, even, oval nails, whereas the backs of her hands and her palms are soft and always warm, Mom is convinced that’s the reason why she can prepare the most delicious homemade pastries in the world. The thin, fine, spiderweb-like wrinkles on them are telling the story of a complicated life, every single day adds a newer chapter to it…

“That doesn’t mean you have to live like a recluse, I don’t know why you’re fighting even against the idea.”

“We’ve just put dear Clara in the grave and…”

“Granny, Mrs. Taylor died like… eight years ago???” I whine clipping together a few strands of her.

“To me, it feels like it had happened yesterday.”

“Because with aging, the perception of time is changing completely. It’s scientifically proven. Mr. Taylor is handsome and kind and however much you try to ignore it, he likes you.”

“Sweetie, the head of girls in your age is full of romantic imaginations but…”

“Don’t even try to project it back on me! He trims the hedge in your front yard and peeps from behind the curtain all the time, just to show up by chance whenever you step out of the house! He basically tears the shopping bags out of your hands every time you arrive home from the grocery store!” I confront her with the facts and begin to trim her hair in the meantime.

“Because he’s a gentleman! Our generation was taught how to be polite!” she explains intensely making me grab her head with both hands and turn it back in the right direction.

“Are you trying to say my generation is rude? Anyway, Mr. Taylor is a retired TV mechanic! He could repair that piece of shit old box you’re not willing to replace whenever it gets fucked up.” I play my ultimate argument knowing she has a soft spot for her favorite series. She was mourning after the last episode of Dallas for weeks.

“Effie, you know I don’t like dirty words! Please!”

“Sorry. He could repair that useless device you’re not willing to replace every time it gets fucked up.” I giggle.

“Effie!”

“Granny, just think into it: you shouldn’t make us record the missed episodes and come over if you want to watch them… you don’t like video cassettes anyway and you said you could never learn how to work a video player…” I purr into her ears trying to sound hypnotical.

“It’s rather you who should have a suitor! You’re such a pretty, young, smart girl, I can’t believe you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Oh no. She turned the tables on me. Clever.

“First of all, being single is not a shame, I won’t expire if I don’t get married before I turn 25. I’m just… not interested in anyone right now.”

And by the way, if you’re not studying, not working, and your so-called friends have forgotten about your existence for the reasons above and gave up inviting you at parties and social events, you don’t even have any possible love interest around. Not that I blame them, my high school classmates are scattered everywhere in the country and after I suspended my studies, I kind of slowly drifted away from the college buddies. We hung out a few times after it but I lost track of everything, I understood fewer and fewer inside jokes, I’m not allowed to drink alcohol, which was obviously no fun to them… damn, I can’t even get rid of my waste products without outside help. So at this point, it’s not that easy to meet guys at all. Let alone normal guys who aren’t slackers, heroin addicts and don’t have commitment issues. I mean, bad guys seem to be exciting until you have one. And I’ve had a few one, I always buy their stupid shit and I’m sick of them. Victor is my only friend who still cares and lets me know about must-see shows at RCKNDY but he’s a friend, we’ve never thought about each other with any hint of romantic feelings at that’s okay. To be honest, I don’t even want to be in a relationship only for the sake of it but I miss that little tingle in the chest and the stomach, at least a teeny-tiny, innocent crush wouldn’t hurt…

“I’m sure you have admirers, just no one meets your expectations, maybe you set the bar too high… Ouch!” she lets out a short scream since I manage to pull her hair involuntarily. The “picky girl” card again… this time, I’m not willing to begin a debate with her about that, I’ve done that several times and she just waved me off every single time.

“I think we should rather discuss Judy’s love life, it’s her who‘s surrounded by handsome boys right now.” I change the subject of the conversation, I know I’m mean and if Judy was here, she’d certainly kill me… but she’s not and the end justifies the means.

“I still can’t imagine her in the company of those men.”

Those men. Granny refuses to call the band members anything else. Okay, on sunny days, she refers to them as “those young men”… but Seattle isn’t famous for the frequency of sunny days, as we know.

“They are nice guys, she likes them. And as far as I know, they like her too…” I rather resist the urge to mention Stone’s aversion to her. “Moreover, I heard through the grapevine that one of them liked her more than the others…”

“A suitor? Sweetie, please bring my bag here, now that you’re mentioning that, I want to ask you something.”

I obey, and walk to the armchair to grab it. Like it was so easy.

“Jesus, Granny, are you keeping bricks in your handbag??? It’s a lethal weapon, if you beat someone in the head with it, you can be put in jail…” I shake my head as I put it on her lap.

“Come on, it’s not that heavy. There are a few things in it a woman can need anytime… “ she starts rummaging in the bag and as I peak into it, I can spot a Swiss Army penknife and a small bottle of tear gas spray. I rather don't ask anything. “I know you’ve shown me pictures of those men, magazine articles, posters but you know I forget everything… So I bought something up-to-date so that you can tell me what I have to know about them, especially if it concerns my granddaughter…” she pulls something colorful out of the mess.

“Steel Hammer magazine? Haha, I can’t believe it! You just went to a kiosk and asked for the latest issue of a metal magazine???” I laugh walking back behind her to pick up the threads again.

“Well… I couldn’t remember the band’s name, I just told to the salesman that my grandchild was working with one of the famous rock bands from our town and I wanted to learn more about them. He just laughed and told me this issue was full of Seattle rock bands and I could certainly find in it what I was looking for.” she flips through the pages. “So tell me again the names of those men, please.” she lifts the magazine and I giggle as I look over her head at it.

“Oh, that’s Alice in Chains, they are also popular but… I don’t think you would approve if Judy worked for them.”

“Why? They do drugs, right? I don’t even want to hear more about that.” Thank God. I don’t think I could tell her much about them without causing her a heart attack. “But they must be them!” she puts a picture in front my nose again.

“You’re getting warmer… but… still not hot. That’s Soundgarden, they are good friends with the guys, they’re even meeting them in a few weeks in Texas, I guess they’re playing a couple of shows together. But they are nice guys too, you don’t have to worry. No drugs, no sex. I mean no sex with strangers. Or other bands’ crew members.” I add before she’d make me run background checks and look into their police records.

“And these men?”

“Whoohoo, you’re hot! That’s them, Pearl Jam!”

“They have nice hair! Actually, all these musicians do. And their eyes are clear, I like that. They seem to be honest young men.” Young men. Maybe if I tell enough nice things about them, she’ll even call them “boys”, or even “guys”. ”Who is who?”

“Eddie, Jeff, Stone, Dave and Mike.” I list pointing at each name on its owner.

“And which of them is courting our Judy?” she inquires excitedly.

“I wouldn’t call it courting yet, all I know he’s already asked her out once but I’m still investigating the details, you know how secretive she can be. Anyway, it’s the bassist, Jeff. The second one from left.” I glance over her head again while I collect another strand with the comb and straighten it to see its length.

“He’s very athletic, he looks healthy, that’s good. A strong man. But those earrings and bracelets… does he always wear them?”

I can hear the frown in her voice.

“I guess so. But that doesn’t make him a bad person, body piercings are very fashionable nowadays. Anyway, he’s a Montanan guy, he’s also an artist, he paints I guess. And you see right, he’s a talented athlete, he plays basketball too and he’s an avid skateboarder. It’s not dangerous!” I add quickly since I’m not sure if skateboarding is old enough to be on Granny’s list of approved spare times activities

“His clothing style is weird, though. His chest is almost bare, he couldn’t be cold but then why was he wearing that hat?”

“Hehe, no one knows, he’s just into hats, that’s his trademark.” I shrug.

“I can’t believe Judy likes him. But that serious one with those sad eyes might be her type.”

“Who?” I wrinkle my forehead since I can’t really pair the description with any of them.

“Him. He dresses normally, that’s a nice shirt, no earrings or other weird jewelry. Does he have a tattoo?”

I glance back at the magazine only to see she’s pointing at Stone.

“Hahaha, oh my gosh, no, as far as I know he doesn’t, but if you ask me, he could even be as spotted as a panther, Judy can’t stand him.”

“But he seems to be a nice boy…”

BOY??? Stone?

“Okay, I admit, he looks good and the crew likes him and he’s super talented but he’s an asshole to Judy.”

“Effie!”

“He is! At first he ignored her and then he started acting like a douchebag and…”

“Effie, dear, you know how boys behave in school… they sometimes literally torture the girl they like… maybe he is just immature.”

“No, Granny, this is…”

Luckily, the stupid debate gets interrupted by the ringing of the phone and I jog to pick it up, maybe it’s Judy…

“Hello, Camdens…”

“Hey, Krisha’s here.”

“Oh… hi…”

“So you haven’t been abducted by aliens. You basically ran away from the office last time without any explanation and I’ve been waiting for your call since then… are you okay?”

“I am… I just… didn’t want to seem too desperate or impatient… I mean, managers are busy people, I thought it’d take some time until Kelly gets to watch my pictures…”

To be honest, I was convinced they’d ditch me with some polite lie like “Nice photos but we are looking for something else” or “We are going to call you later”… so I was just procrastinating facing the truth.

“I tied him to his chair and didn’t set him free, I have my methods… which means, I’ve got news for you.” she announces secretively.

“Effie, sweetie… my hair is still wet, would you give me a towel?”

“Just a second, Granny! Look, I’m busy now but could we meet later somewhere in the city?”

“You mean today?”

“Yes… ah, shit, I have an appointment at the hairdresser’s, but maybe after it…”

“I’m flexible, just tell me the place and the date…”

“Okay, it’s…”

***

When I pull down at the address she gave me on the phone, she’s already waiting for me in front of the building. As I lean over the passenger seat to open the door for her, my eyes are involuntarily drawn to the window decorated with kitschy hearts behind her.

“Love Is In The Hair? Seriously???” I frown. “I’d never let my hair be touched by anyone who’s able to make up such a terrible pun.”

“Oh, don’t be influenced by that, the owner is a hopeless, sentimental old woman but the girls working there are real pros!” she shakes her head as she gets in and buckles herself up. “Meg’s got golden hands, she’s the only one who can keep this haystack under control.” she points at her good smelling, fluffy, blonde strands. “I mean, several people have attempted but she’s the only one who’s succeeded without turning me into Dolly Parton.”

“Well, that’s definitely wouldn’t be a fortunate outcome.” I crack up. “But you got a nice perm, truly.”

“Oh, that’s my hair in its natural state. I had only a haircut, that’s all.”

“I can’t believe that! Aw, I’m so envious, I mean look at this mouse tail…” I flick my thin ponytail with one hand, keeping the other one on the steering wheel. “Unfortunately, my hair can’t recover from what I did to it in the ‘80s…”

“Ouch, well, those were tough times... I’m sure Meg could recommend something… you should give her a try!”

“Maybe… I don’t know, somehow I have a strong aversion to beauty salons, that chicken yard vibe freaks me out.”

“Me too! But this place is not like that at all, that’s the other reason why I became their regular client. Meg studied psychology, she always feels without asking if I want to talk or just listen to her or I just want both of us to… you know, just shut up. She usually has good advice for every situation but not in a pushy way… she rather makes you realize what’s the right thing to do… or just points out if you’re about to make a terrible mistake without explicitly saying it.” she chuckles. “I don’t know, it’s like a sixth sense thing, she’s gifted.”

“So she’s a beauty wizard and a guru in one person.” I summarize.

“Haha, exactly. She’s simply a cool chick but for some reason, she has such a bad luck with guys, I don’t know the exact details, only that a problematic guitarist broke her heart.”

“Ha, that invasive species has kinda conquered this town…” I mutter knowingly.

“Speaking of that, do you know anything about Judy and Jeff? I ran away last time since I felt a disaster coming… she wasn’t even aware she’d been asked out… and since then, we’ve barely talked and she ignored the question when I came up with that…”

“Ugh, to be honest, I don’t know, I talked to Eric about work stuff, we’re busily preparing that free open-air show in May…” I stop since I’m not sure if I should go on. “Of course I talked to Stone as well…” I finally decide to do so but I pretend to be distracted by the traffic in the junction to have an excuse for not finishing the sentence.

“I bet he trashed my sister again, didn’t he?” she unfortunately jumps on the topic without hesitation.

“No… not really… I mean, he’s disapproving about anything romantic between them for sure but not because of Judy as a person… he just doesn’t think it’s a healthy thing right now. But he was obscure, I didn’t even understand what he was trying to say, he was babbling something about deflowering and cabal… he’s showing off his vocabulary all the time, even if it makes no sense. Especially when he’s high, maybe that was the case.”

“Deflowering? You mean my sister?” she scoffs and I can’t do anything but shrug since Stoney was truly vague, almost secretive. “The dude’s got obviously a screw loose.” she underlines the statement by circling with her index finger at the temple. “Anyway, why are you turning in that direction, aren’t we going to the management office?”

“I never claimed we’re going there.” I watch the road with a mysterious smile. “Actually, I realized after having called you that I had an errand to run so I thought you could accompany me…”

“By accompanying you mean kidnapping me and holding me hostage in your car?”

“Maybe. Open the glove compartment, I put there something for you.”

“Now you’re scaring me, is it a gun? Whoa.” she startles since after she obeys me, tons of tapes fall onto her lap.

“Ah, I get it. You’re holding me hostage and make me listen to shitty music, what are these? Tapes of Wham! tribute bands or what?” she asks checking the cases.

“Okay, you just gave me a great idea. The tapes weren’t intended for you, they are demos of bands monkeying PJ, we receive a buttload of them every week. Needless to say they all suck, could you do me a favor by listening to them for me? Kelly insists on me checking all of them, I don’t know why, though, we usually send them a polite refusal… but he thinks they deserve a chance. 99 % percent of them are indistinct yelling to worn-out riffs. What about my constitutional rights?”

“Haha, are you serious? I mean, I don’t really have any proper excuse, I have plenty of time and unfortunately, fucked-up kidneys don’t clog ears but…”

“Just kidding, I meant the folded sheets, maybe they are buried deep, just dig for them.”

“Okay, got it” she groans basically putting her head in the glovebox. “What’s that? Mr. Hugh Mility… Mr. Juan Badapple… Jim Rockford... Dr. Hugh Jeego… Guy Jantic… what the hell is this?”

“Well, since the guys are getting huge, fans are lurking at the hotels, they make up impossible lies to get their room numbers, a few of them even tried to bribe the receptionists… so it became obvious they should use codenames…”

“And who is who?”

“You missed the point, should I maybe explain the concept of codenames? What if you start stalking or harassing them?” I tease her and maybe I’m hallucinating but I’d swear I see an amused smile forming in the corner of her mouth. “Anyway, joke aside, they are pretty obvious, just think a little.”

“Wait, the list goes on… these must be the crew members… Elle Koholic, okay, this must be Carrie. Oh my god, I found my sister’s one.” she slaps herself in the forehead.

“Yeah, no offense but she’s got a one-track mind… anyway, we’ve arrived.” I announce steering the car right to the empty site next to the building.

“Are you willing to finally reveal where we are?” she asks stuffing the tapes back into their place.

“Curiosity killed the cat. Okay, I hope not, Stone would kill me.” I laugh at my own joke, fishing out the shopping bag from the backseat. “Come.”

“I don’t understand a word.” she pouts indignantly while we’re entering the building and climbing the stairs in the semi-darkness.

“I enlighten you very soon, I promise, just follow me.” I turn back to her and we fell silent until we reach our destination. “Here.” I point theatrically at the door.

“What’s this? Are you gonna buy drugs here? Or is this sort of a den of gamblers? Or…”

“Jesus, I thought you’re the adventurous one…” I roll my eyes. “Anyway, you mentioned the species of problematic guitarists… where we’re standing is the cave of a specimen from one of the subspecies.”

“…which iiiis…”

“One of the most complex inhabitant of Earth’s fauna: the rhythm guitarist!” I raise my index finger. “It’s very widespread at bars and concert venues, the male ones are inseparable from their favorite delicacy that is beer. The male living here is famous for his trademark, sarcastic remarks that are not without jokes about nether regions. During his mating season – that includes every single day of the year –, he tries to catch the attention of female specimens with the excessive flipping of his magnificent mane and his repetitive, distinctive laughter. He often leaves the location of mating right after the act, his volatile nature…”

“Wait, are you trying to say…” she cuts me off, getting tired of my improvised presentation.

“Yess.”

“No shit!”

“Yes shit. We’re at Stone’s apartment. Okay, it actually belongs to his sister but she moved in with her boyfriend last year. And Stoney got a gentle reminder from his parents that he should finally leave the family nest.”

“Hey, then maybe me and Judy are super uncool since we live with our mom too…” she frowns offended.

“It’s all about the context, first of all: he turned down Chris Cornell when he asked him to be his roommate. I repeat, Chris Cornell.” I explain, as I begin to fumble with the keys.

“What a fool!”

“I mean, I kind of understand him to a point, his parents are the dearest people I know but turning down such an offer when you’re over 20? Time went by and I think his parents just got fed of him tearing the strings at their attic all the time and coming home in the middle of the night every single day. Even if they have always been totally supportive of him, they didn’t freak out even when he announced he didn’t want to go to college… he started working as an espresso guy in a small bakery at Pioneer Square, he was the worst, by the way, I mean I almost puked of the coffee he made… He quitted that job when Mother Love Bone got signed to PolyGram and… you know what happened later. So he kind of stuck at home, indebted.”

We enter the apartment in the meantime and I take a few steps in the living room to turn on the standard lamp.

“But then, not much before the tour started, his sister let him her place over, he’s a low-key guy so…” I shrug. “Now that they became basically rock stars, he’s planning to buy a small house… his dad is an attorney-at-law with acquaintances at real estate firms, that helps a lot.”

“We had to sold our house when… a few years ago.” she sighs. I don’t ask, I guess it has to do something with her father, Karrie mentioned he’d died a few years ago. “This is a pretty nice place, I thought it was messier. No piles of beer cans, no smell of rotten food…” she remarks walking around the living room.

“Despite your impressions, he’s not a caveman, he always jokes referring to himself as an emancipated guy meaning he can and is willing to do all kind of housework. He can be pretty oblivious, though, which sometimes affects the result…” I giggle and open the windows to let in some fresh air. “His brain works in a weird way, he loses everything, all the time and forgets where he put his personal belongings and therefore never finds them again… whereas he’s pretty good at remembering riffs and melodies.”

“So this place is like a black hole. Anyway, why are we here? Wait, are we going to pull pranks on him? Let’s stick pins in the armchairs, smear tooth paste on the door handles and hide dog poop under the doormat…” she suggests with stars in her eyes. Okay, I have to do something against this hatred campaign before these wicked women cast a lethal spell on him.

“As I mentioned, I have a mission. First of all, I have to keep those poor things alive…” I point in the corner.

“Wow, a private jungle!” she exclaims surprised. “Philodendron, ficus and mother-in-law’s tongue! If someone had told me Stone liked indoor plants, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

“Actually, he sometimes forgets about their existence too. But they are real survivors, they even made it despite his girlfriend’s interesting watering methods… by the way, he even gave them names: Phil Collins, Biggus Diccus and Robert Plant, I guess I don’t have to explain…” I go on with the guided tour while I go in the kitchen to fill the coffee jug with water.

“At least the guy has a good taste in music.” she shouts. She must have found his record collection and the stereo system, I guess if something, this can soften Effie up.

“Yes, he’s surprisingly omnivorous as for musical genres…” I call back although my voice sounds muffled, since I had to basically crawl into the cupboard at the bottom for the bag of the pet food. “He’s pretty much influenced by everything he hears on the radio. Ouch!!!” I manage to bang my head when I straighten up too early.

“Are you okay?”

“I am… just a household accident…”

I walk back to the bedroom with the small bowl full of dry food only to find her staring amazed at the large star chart on the wall.

“Wow. My sister would love this.” she keeps examining it with dropped jaw, only her lips are moving.

“Well, I’ve always known they have much more in common than they think.” I grin.

“Judy had a pretty long phase when she wanted to be an astronomer… I mean, basically her in her whole childhood. She later found out physics and science weren’t really her thing but she’s still obsessed with space exploration and science fictions…”

“As you can see, Stone isn’t that beer-drinking, douchebag barfly type…” I spread my arms to point out that the walls are almost covered with bookshelves.

“Yeah, as far as I can see, he’s pretty much an intellectual asshole.” she narrows her eyes.

“AND NOW… let’s jump to the second part of my mission.” I kneel down and lift the bedspread. “Your Majesty, your subjects are only waiting for you to begin the audience.” After a few seconds of silence, two reddish paws reach out from under the bed, soon followed by a pink nose. Their owner makes sure there’s nothing dangerous in the room in full alert mode, before she crawls out slowly and rubs her snout against my hand reached out.

“Oh my god! A cat! Was she here during the whole time?” Effie screams surprised, sits down cross legged and invites her to herself making smacking sounds. “Hey sweetie… you’re very shy, aren’t you? Come here…come…”

“Effie, let me introduce you Red. Red, this is Effie. Be cautious… she can behave quite wild, especially with women…”

Despite my fears, she slowly moves towards Effie and sniffs her fingertips. After a few seconds of tense hesitation, she lets herself be caressed with that typical vigilance of cats like she was sending the message “I’m here but if you make a wrong move, you die”.

“What a beautiful fur… and those green eyes…” the girl runs her finger along the red-white spotted back. “She seems to like me…” the girl chuckles.

“One more proof that Stone’s theory was right.”

“What kind of theory?”

“Well… he adopted her not much after the forming of the band… she was just a tiny, fluffy kitten but from the very first moment, she’s acted very weird with the girls around Stone. And I don’t mean girls in general, I’m talking about his female visitors, if you know what I mean… she’s been very hostile to girls he’s dated, she’s basically driven away all the chicks he’s got hooked up with… She’s literally jealous of his love interests.”

“Interesting, I’d rather think Stone is a dog person…”

“He is, his family has always had dogs… but with Red… it was love at first sight. I’ve never seen him being as affectionate to actual girls as to Red. Even his voice softens when he’s talking to or about her… so long story short, Stone was joking that they must have been lovers in a previous life and she had been some red-haired girl who’d stolen his heart.”

“And does she like girls who hate him because they mean no competition for her?” Effie wonders as she follows the cat with her eyes who’s now approaching her bowl and gets lost in the deliciously looking pieces of meat. “It’d be an interesting experiment to introduce her to Judy.”

“Definitely, she’s never met a real female enemy of him. Maybe because girls usually like him…” I shrug.

“And is this poor thing the whole day alone?”

“Ugh, it’s a complicated story. When the guys started touring, the Gossards adopted her. Again. But they have to get rid of her, because they all are allergic to cat fur, it wasn’t that disturbing when Stone was at home too and she basically lived in the attic with him and he was the only one really taking care of her… but when he was away and they had do it for him, they quickly had to look for someone else… and then, she got to Regan, our common old friend. They got on very well with each other but then Regan and his girlfriend adopted a dog and to say they weren’t compatible is an understatement. And then…” I took a big breath “…then came the Amber phase. I don’t know if I’ve already mentioned her, she’s his girlfriend.”

“Ouch.” she hisses. “That must have been tough.”

“It was. Due to the beforementioned circumstances, their relationship was everything but smooth… she never adopted her, she just came over to feed her and all but Red was trying very hard to make her life a living hell. She attacked her, scratched her arms, hooked her nails in her tights and ruined her nicest clothes…” I list and I can’t help smiling as I recall their clashes.

“I can’t believe this cutie pie did things like that. It sounds terrible but… hey, are you laughing???”

“It was a dis… a disaster…” I’m already choking of laughter since in the meantime, Red’s innocent face makes me remember the funniest part of the story. “Once she even… oh no, I can’t…” I try to calm down and put on straight face. “Once this little bitch…” Red turns her head towards me like she felt addressed “yes, I’m talking about you… so this little bastard peed in Amber’s heels.”

“Oh no! Cat pee is the worst, it’s a one-way ticket to the dumpster. I mean only if you don’t set everything that got in contact with it on fire.”

“Well, that happened to the heels in question too. But frankly, I don’t blame Red, I myself have played with the idea of doing the same a few times too.” I shrug and have Effie in stitches.

“So you hate her too…”

“I don’t, she’s not a bad person… but she can be so annoying, man… when you have to admire the umpteenth fashion photo of her posing in different clothes, it’s very difficult to seem to be interested.”

“Uhm… speaking of photos… you said you got news for me… I didn’t want to be too greedy, I mean I really like hanging out with you and I’m not doing it only because I want your help and…” she jabbers blushing.

“Hey, easy. The news are that Kelly loved your photos. And Susan Silver too. And they have a great idea…”

[winryofresembool]

EdWin one-shot: Laundry day

Summary: Doing your laundry can lead to unexpected confessions.

A/N: my part of the fic trade with @edxwin-elric! I used the fluff prompt “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.” for this fic. (I guess I could have taken this to an entirely different direction but didn’t :-D). And, since this is (another) confession fic, I also used @kittykatz009‘s prompt  “I wanted to say “I love you” for the first time without stuttering, but that failed.” because I really don’t think you’d want to read 23526436 confession fics from me. I hope you don’t mind me combining them, since this is kinda long-ish (for a one-shot). Please enjoy and review!!

Words: 2340+

Genre: ultra fluff (aka cotton candy, named by @kilmartin85). 

Warnings: swearing (Pinako ♥)

“Edward Elric! Where the hell are you? We are supposed to do laundry today!”

Up in his room, Ed closed the book he was reading dramatically and let out a deep sigh. He had beaten the god himself and saved the entire country, yet that didn’t give him free pass on boring things like household chores. To be fair, though, Ed hated being useless, so he didn’t actually mind helping around. He just found bickering with Winry too enjoyable.

“Didn’t we just do the laundry last week? Why do we have to do it again?” he yelled back, preparing for an explosion.

“DO YOU ENJOY USING DIRTY CLOTHES? I am NOT touching your underwear, you jerk!”

“Alright, alright! No need to yell. Just give me a second!” He started piling all the clothes he had thrown around the room onto his bed hastily, not wanting to make Winry any angrier. For some reason, he had become a bit more careful about that lately.

Al peeked inside Ed’s room and snickered.

“I recommend you hurry, brother. There might still be someone in Resembool who didn’t hear about Fullmetal Alchemist, the hero of the people, having to wash his dirty boxers himself.”

Ed threw the closest piece of clothing (lucky for Al, only a T-shirt) at his brother and fumed of anger.

“Laugh ahead, Al. There will be a day when Winry and the old hag will decide you are strong enough to be their slave as well.”

“You know I would help them already if they let me. Unlike some people, I don’t feel the need to complain about every chore I’m supposed to do.”

“Har de har.”

Ed picked up the pile of clothes from the bed and made Al a face when he handed him the T-shirt he had thrown but left from the room without saying another word.

When he sauntered into the laundry room (earning a pointed look for his purposefully lazy appearance), Winry was already washing her own clothes in a huge bucket filled with water and soap. Some richer families already had machines to do this job, and Ed had suggested the Rockbells get one too since he had money to buy them one. However, Pinako refused, saying that they were still perfectly capable of doing this with their own hands so there was no need to waste money on such unnecessary devices.

“Finally. I was about to come and drag you here,” Winry noted, not lifting her gaze from the overalls she was currently trying to scrub clean. There was no way she’d ever get the oil stains off it, but that didn’t stop her from trying.

“Why is it so important to you that I wash my clothes? It’s not like you have to wear them or anything…” Ed grunted as he filled his own bucket with warm water. Then he pulled his hoodie off to avoid getting it wet, giving Winry a nice view to his strong, bare arms, and put the rubber gloves on.

“Yes, but I have to smell you,” she pointed out, trying to not get too distracted by Ed’s appearance. “Clothes start smelling, Ed, especially when you sweat a lot, and trust me, no one in this house wants to deal with your stink.”

“I do not smell that bad!”

“Then what’s that weird stench that comes through your door every time I walk past it?”

“I… it’s… I don’t know! It’s probably Al!”

“Right.” Winry sighed.

“How about we just stay quiet for a while and finish this?” Ed pointed towards the mountain of laundry, and for once both of them agreed on something.

Soon enough, they had more clean than dirty clothes in their hands and Ed decided it was safe to speak again.

“How’s your apprenticeship going? Are you done with it soon?”

Winry was genuinely pleased that Ed seemed interested in her work. Before Al and his return, he had never asked about it.

“It’s going nicely. I think I’ll be done within the next few months!” she exclaimed happily. “Did I mention I’m gonna go to Rush Valley next week again? Garfiel wants to see how I’ve progressed, and you guys don’t really need me here anymore…”

“Don’t say that!” Ed said unexpectedly. “Who will make me do my laundry when you’re not around? Who will make me cook and clean and fix the broken roof and so on?”

Winry frowned at him. “I know you would do those things either way, you’re just pretending to be a tough guy whose job is to complain a bit first. And Granny is always here to keep you guys in line if you suddenly forget how to function.”

“I… We just like to, you know, have you around here,” Ed said sheepishly.

“Even though I should probably be honored, I need to remind you that I’m only going to be away for a couple of weeks. You guys were gone for years. How do you think I was feeling when I never even heard anything from you?”

“Sorry, Winry!” Ed squeaked before she had a chance to throw something at him. “We needed to focus on getting Al’s body back 100 per cent, and besides, I thought you’d understand. It was to protect you… and to avoid getting distracted.

“What do you mean by ‘getting distracted’? I don’t understand you, Ed.”

“I’m really bad at explaining this stuff, but… this place was the only home we had left, and had we come back, it would have been so easy to forget our mission and get too relaxed. Do you think we’d be here if we had slacked off?”

“No! But you guys never called, never let me know if you were OK… Would it really have ruined everything if you had talked with us two minutes on the phone?”

“You don’t understand!”

“What do I not understand?” Winry was practically yelling now. Here they went again, she groaned in her mind. Why could they not have a civil conversation anymore?

Ed had already passed the point in which he cared about what kind of consequences his next words might have.

“Have you ever considered that perhaps one of the reasons why I didn’t want to contact you was that I cared about you too damn much? That when I heard your voice or saw your face I was afraid I’d forget what I was supposed to do?! What if someone had found out how important you are to us? What if someone had tried to find out about our plans through you? They could have hurt you!”

“What?” Winry stared at him with wide eyes. Was he really saying what she thought he was?

“Don’t make me repeat it.” Ed said coldly and turned away from her.

“You are making me even more confused than I was before! Give me an honest answer to one question: does what you just said mean that you have been in love with me all this time?”

“I don’t… they all say… YES.” He nearly yelled the final word.

“You idiot,” Winry sighed and put the shirt she was washing back into the bucket, getting up and sitting down next to Ed. “How long were you going to keep that inside you?”

“I was going to tell you eventually.” He still couldn’t look at her. “This wasn’t really how I planned to do it…”

Winry set her hand on Ed’s knee and said: “It’s OK. I don’t care. I… have been keeping things from you too. I was scared you’d freak out if I told you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Edward Elric, the youngest state alchemist ever, yet still so dense… Hey, could you help me hang this sheet?” She suddenly suggested.

“Huh? What…”

Before Ed had time to react, Winry threw the damp sheet on them and pulled Ed up, setting her hands on his shoulders. Ed couldn’t see much, but soon he felt something moist that definitely wasn’t the sheet against his lips. It was warm and soft, making Ed shiver a bit. The sensation was over too soon, but Winry’s voice said: “Sorry… I just found it easier to do this way.” She took a deep breath and continued: “I love you too, you weirdo. Have loved for a long time now.”

“Why haven’t you told me earlier?”

“I think I could ask you the same question,” Winry snorted and pushed some of Ed’s hair aside so she could see his face slightly better under the damb sheet.

“Fair enough. But, um, why are we still under this thing? It’s wet and cold!”

“This may sound ridiculous, but in so many stories that I read as a child the prince and princess or whatever kissed in the rain… and I wanted to try that. Well, it’s not raining now so I had to improvise a bit.” Despite the cool cover, Winry felt her cheeks warm.

“OK, but we’re not kissing, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Jerk. We can always fix that!”

“OK.”

Lips met lips again, this time more eagerly, and since he was now prepared for the kiss, Ed took the lead. He snuck his hands into her hair and tilted his head to get a better access to her lips. Just when he thought he had gotten the hang of it, the door opened.

“Why is it so quiet here? Are you two slacking off? OH!”

Pinako spotted the feet under the sheet in the middle of the room and grinned at the sight.

“I was starting to wonder when you’d make the move, pipsqueak. You guys have been frustrating me ever since the boys came back, so it’s about time. Just make sure you’re not having sex under my roof when I’m nearby! And for fuck’s sake, don’t mess that sheet or you’ll get an earful.”

“Granny!” both youngsters screamed and threw the sheet off them, rushing to hang it on the clothes line.

The couple continued doing their laundry in an awkward silence as Pinako kept observing them. When they were finally done, Ed, who had noticed Winry seemed a bit cold after getting her clothes wet, handed her the white hoodie he had worn earlier.

“Here. You probably need it more than I do,” he said awkwardly, and Winry took the hoodie happily, enjoying the softness against her skin.

“Thanks.” Winry smiled and sighed of relief when she saw her granny finally leaving them alone.

“About that earlier…” she said quietly. “I think we should do that again sometime.” “Yeah, when the old hag isn’t nearby.” Ed stated. It was the second time that day they agreed on something.

…

Five days later, Ed, Al and Winry were waiting for Winry’s train to arrive to the Resembool station. Ed had secretly wished Al would let him walk Winry there alone, but unfortunately the younger Elric had been bored and wanted to take the opportunity to tease him mercilessly about his new relationship. Pinako had of course told him about the events of the laundry room, and after that Ed’s life had been a “living hell” (a couple of times Ed had thought fighting a Homunculus was easier than facing both Al and Pinako who always had those knowing smirks on their faces when they saw him, looking ready to taunt him). To Winry, Al had told that he was happy for them, and that he had been wishing his brother would finally admit the inevitable.

As they were standing at the platform, Winry noticed that Ed was staring at her with a weird look on his face.

“What?” she raised her eyebrow.

“What what?” Ed asked.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Is something wrong?”

“No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

“Oh.”

Winry was wearing the very same hoodie Ed had given her in the laundry room, not even realizing there was anything weird about it. When she had picked her outfit for that day, she had been pretty nervous about the upcoming evaluation with Garfiel (although Ed had claimed she was already better than anyone in Rush Valley), and the hoodie had seemed comforting in that moment. Maybe it made her feel that way because it was Ed’s, she had concluded in her mind.

“It suits you.” Ed said when Al ran a little farther to pet a cat that was walking by.

“Huh?”

She wasn’t used to Ed giving her such direct compliments, but she definitely wasn’t going to complain about this change.

“Do you mind if I keep it?” she asked then.

“Naah, I have plenty of them in my wardrobe…” Ed rubbed the back of his neck in a way that had become familiar to Winry during the years they had known each other.

“Good. Oh, I guess this is it,” she noted when she saw the train approaching the station. “Hey, Al, I gotta go!” she yelled at her friend who was now holding the cat in his arms and waved at Winry with its paw. “I’ll see you later! Please don’t traumatize that cat!”

“You know I wouldn’t!” Al yelled back and set the poor feline that had been meowing loudly back down.

“See you, Winry,” Ed said and snuck a kiss on Winry’s cheek when he saw Al wasn’t watching. When Winry was lifting her luggage into the train, he took a deep breath and added: “And don’t forget: I-I lo-love you.”

“What?” Winry genuinely didn’t hear what he said because the train was whistling loudly, signing the passengers it was about to leave.

“I wanted to say “I love you” for the first time without stuttering… but clearly, that failed.” He said much louder, not noticing Al was now in the hearing distance.

“Silly. Love you too,” Winry said before stepping inside the train and waving the brothers through the window.

“Aww, brother, I didn’t know you were so sweet!” Al said when the train disappeared from their view.

“Fuck off, Alphonse.” Ed growled, his face almost the color of burgundy.

[5hfanfiction]

Seasons - Chapter 04

Summer: Arriving at Camp Half-Blood

Lauren’s POV

That old car’s back seat might not be the best places to sleep, and the vehicle’s unloads was probably broken, sounding annoyingly. But I’ve slept through something worse in worse situations. Welcome to Jauregui’s world, a demigod who was happy to sleep for a few hours in the back seat of a car.

Of course, it wasn’t part of my plans to be here in the middle of a totally improvised escape, rescuing what I considered the most clumsy human being on Earth. My main purpose was to get back to Miami, survive on my way, but only go back to Camp Half-Blood in early summer. But, of course, destiny had no generous plans for me.

I woke up hungry after all; I barely touched the previous night’s pizza. Apparently, Cabello loved it and I preferred to leave my second piece to become her fourth. A small pleasure that she would not have again. No, I’m not a bad girl, not to the point of not having considered the turnaround that that little girl was going through. She even had a normal life, until cross our path the day before and come across a dumb Laistrygonian, but strong enough to hit me one time or another.

I knew something was going on. Not something else, something big. I was feeling it throughout the month and had tried to alert Dinah. But it was useless, the surprise almost burst in our faces in catching off guard and forcing us to run away with our tail between our legs. However, if something was going on, involved that latina girl. A “old” demigod unclaimed, who dominated hellhounds with voice command. I never really cared about Camila Cabello, not more than enough to send Dinah have an eye on her, taking advantage of the friendship of the two of them.

“She is cute even sleeping.” I heard Camila’s voice.

I almost frowned, giving my waking state. My eyes closed, lost in my daydreams, probably still appearing to be in deep sleep. But just now I listened as they spoke.

“Lauren isn’t as bad as she looks,” Dinah said gently “She’s just a girl who had to grow very fast”

Almost I rolled my eyes, I hated those things that Dinah was talking about me. It was as if at any moment I could be fragile. And I wasn’t, I couldn’t be. If I was, I would be killed at any time. Yes, I fought for everything, fought with the world if it was necessary and thought right. If life wanted to screw me, it would be extremely difficult!

“I wanted her to be more… easy to talk to.” I heard Cabello said hesitant. “Surely I would have a lot of questions to ask her”

“Forget it Mila, Lauren is difficult anyway”

“Could you both stop talking about me?” I decided to intervene getting annoyed. “And go take care of your problems”

I sat, staring Camila, who was still looking at me from the front seat. She shivered, looked away quickly and shrugged. I was pleased, cause this to her has always been an advantage. However, unlike what Dinah said, my logic of life was simple enough: to attack before being attacked. It was working so far, so it seemed a good strategy.

“Where are we?”

“In any city in South Carolina, at dusk we arrive at least in Virginia.” Dinah said looking a little to the side and into the sky. Camila looked at her in a funny way and the tall brunette laughed. “Traveler god’s daughter, remember? I always know where I am. And not all of us develop it”

“Now that’s useful, you would never get lost”

I had to agree with Cabello, which was a rare thing to happen. Dinah Jane was a prodigy daughter of Hermes. Quick and very agile despite her size, she had a wordy easily deceived human, and has a natural talent for stealing and never lose her way.

“Let’s stop to eat something and I’ll borrow some clothes from a shop around.” Dinah decided and smiled platter.

“No way, Hansen!” I yelled when I saw her smile. “If you come to me with a Hello Kitty t-shirt I shove it down your throat!”

Dinah burst into a laugh. It was about two years we were partners, or friends, never did define the point where something turned in the other. The fact was that we were going to camp together and we lived nearby, quickly learned to survive with someone increased the chances of success than to live alone in a way where monsters wanted to devour you. Literally.

Hermes’ daughter parked the car in front of a simple diner, followed always talking to Camila, as I preferred to stay a little further back, not paying any attention in the dialogue between them. I ordered the most expensive burger and fries, along with a lime soda. I was just addicted to lemon things. Sometimes I saw Camila seemed distant, with that look of someone who had just drastically change life. So it was in those times when Dinah pulled any conversation to distract the girl. This time she told about her numerous half brothers and sisters human, her human mother had with another human. I knew Dinah had run away from home to avoid any of them hurting, but I also knew that she still loved them with all the forces and not forgotten.

I wish I could say that to my family.

“Here the money I got last night,” Dinah said taking the money out of pocket. “And while I’ll arrange some things, you could go in any supermarket to buy groceries and some basic things. I can’t go taking everything from everywhere or be caught at some point. I’m good but I’m not even a ninja”

“Can I go with you?” Camila asked sly, great, I didn’t want to stick with her.

“Mila, I’m sorry, but you would end up holding me back, I need to be quick to not be noticed,” Dinah said carefully and opened a huge smile. “But later I give you some basic tips, you will need one day”

“Let’s go” I said finally.

I got up taking the money and going on the counter pay for the things. Dinah came out with a huge smile and whistling as if it was the amusement park. Her side kleptomaniac it was very amused with these parts. Then left for Camila and me follow to the nearest supermarket and do basic shopping that Dinah asked. I was quiet despite seeing Camila’s unrest that followed beside me at a safe distance. I knew she wanted to ask something, or simply break the silence that I imposed.

But when it came to Camila Cabello, every care was becoming little. After all, who would be that girl? An unclaimed almost sixteen, clumsy and had tamed a hellhound, one of the ferocious beasts that the king of the underworld loved. She could be a danger in the future, for my survival instincts screamed that. I was lost in my thoughts until I hear a noise, immediately look to the side just in time to see that Camila had stumbled and began to fall forward onto the floor. Without thinking, I reached my arm grabbing her and pulling her toward me, preventing her from falling on the white floor and a little dirty place.

“You’ll gonna kill yourself someday.” I noticed promptly.

“I don’t doubt it,” the brown-haired girl gasped with fright. “But thanks anyway”.

She was close. Dangerously close enough for me to feel the smell of her and I knew it was natural, since she couldn’t have used fragrance in the middle of our escape. It was a scent of flowers, a spring like touch that seemed to bear fruit a strange effect on me. I let her while puffing, turning to push the cart thinking that I was right. She was a glaring sign of confusion. I focused my attention on the flashlights in front of me, trying to read the yellow notes the details on it. But my reading is never or would be good.

“You have difficulty reading too?” Camila questioned by my side.

“Most of us do. Our genes were trained to read old things. Incredibly, it may appear something written in Greek and we know what it means,” I explained without giving much importance, choosing the silver flashlight just because I thought the orange one is too large. “Hyperactivity is also common. We can’t stand still because we aren’t born to stand still. We’re warriors. Or at least most of us, you’re far from it”

“I know that, but you didn’t need be stressing it all the time.” Cabello grumbled pouting without realizing it.

“You can learn to improve, that’s why there’s the Camp Half-Blood.”

I pushed the cart to the area of cereal bars, it wasn’t tasty, but they were small, nutritious and could break the branch in moments of suffocation. I saw Camila attempts to try to start a conversation, but I ignored her. The less involved with someone, the better. Another life lesson I would never forget.

[…]

We arrived in New York next morning. Tired of staying inside an uncomfortable moving vehicle. Dinah and I drive all the way, as Camila and couldn’t drive. Believe me, I thought I’d go crazy in that car! Those two couldn’t stop talking at any time! Dinah knew how to respect my quiet way, but Camila? She was so annoying!

Why would I want to know what was the most handsome one in a boy band of the moment? Or what Ed Sheeran’ music was better? Or why shouldn’t watch horror movies because they’re terrifying? This wasn’t obvious? In fact, Camila loved the gayest boy, she like Lego House and romantic comedies. Unnecessary information about a person I did not want to keep in touch.

“We’re arriving on Long Island!” I yelled almost a sigh of relief. “Dinah, hurry up!”

It was late afternoon, the traffic didn’t cooperate much. When the hills started appearing, I was more attentive and more serious. Dinah slowed, also taking a more serious approach.

“Something happened?” Camila realized the tension settled.

“There are always monsters here.” Dinah said without taking her eyes off the road.

“R-really?” Cabello stammered wincing in fear.

“The place where is the camp isn’t really a secret, at least the base area, they’re not able to get there. But nothing prevents them try to eat in the middle” Dinah concluded.

We were close. No sign that something strange was going to happen and it was there where danger lived. I was extremely uncomfortable, as if I knew something was to come and didn’t know what to say. My instincts were screaming it. Then a huge shadow passed over us and Camila cried. Dinah braked sharply and turned the wheel, making the car slid down the road and almost overturning, coming to slightly raise the side and fall time with the weight of gravity. I was thrown to the ground, as I wasn’t wearing seat belts. I didn’t say there was something strange?!

I opened the door abruptly, jumping out of the car finally seeing an entire tree was thrown on the road. I searched in my pocket my black lighter and activated. The small object turned into a silver sword, your weight is perfect for my management. Dinah and Camila went right after me, Dinah with her silver dagger in hand.

“Oh my God, what’s that?!” Camila cried in despair.

It’s not God, Camila. Gods. Because if the Christian God exists, he hasn’t the slightest bit of mercy on us. The ground began to shake with every step that huge figure approached. About six meters tall, humanoid body, decomposed and torn clothes. Barely hair on the head, but that part of the body that most attracted attention was his only eye. In one of his hands, the monster had a wooden stick of proportional size to your body. He approached a fast pace, making us away instinctively.

“Cyclops!” Dinah exclaimed when he finally saw the best monster.

“DJ, take Cabello and go to the Camp” I said taking a deep breath.

“But Laur…”

“NOW DINAH!” I cried hard with her.

Dinah held a frightened Camila and began to drag her into a forest that predated the hill where lurked the Camp Half-Blood. The cyclops observed the movement and his pace and I advanced. Blood flowed quickly in my veins, my heart bombarding an adrenaline I needed for that battle.

“Here you stupid big one” I yelled to get his attention.

“Demigod!” he cried through dumbfounded.

“Why the monsters has no brain?” I grumbled to myself, despite having to thank for that.

“I’ll eat yours!”

He went down the cudgel in vertical and direct blow. I threw my body to the side and spun twice, seconds after the wooden gun hit the ground with such force that split on impact. If I was there, would probably have been crushed. I got up and ran again toward the monster, my right hand firmly holding the handle of the sword, while the left pointed to the ground. I felt that vibration known when I started using a particular skill. Air currents passed through my body, stirring and mixing up to my command. When I was a meter away from the giant monster, I manipulated the air and did push my body up. The feeling I gave was that I would be flying, when in fact all it was to have some control of air currents. When I reached the cyclops shoulder height, I dug the blade of my sword, screaming with the effort of hit it altogether. The monster howled in agony and began to move. I grabbed with both hands the sword and let an electric shock escaped the sword, hitting the monster and causing more damage.

But despite my brilliant attack, that was not enough to bring it down. The cyclops staggered, moaned in agony, but his huge right hand took my body as if I was a stick. He squeezed hard, starting to literally crush me. My sword was stuck on him like a thorn. I couldn’t help screaming and trying to debate me furiously to try to drop me. I couldn’t die here, I won’t die here! Not like that, not for a stupid monster of those! The air around me started to get rough, my anger began to leave the increasingly charged time. But despite all this, I felt my ribs started cracking and blistering pain through my whole body.

“Bastard!” I shouted.

I wasn’t planning on a strategy in itself. I let lightning all over my body, giving shocks all over his hand. It hurt me, use as many lightning at the same time. But my basic purpose worked. Soon the grip was loosened sharply … But I was still at a height of six meters from the ground! The laws of physics were clear, soon I began to fall without concentration or energy to handle the winds. Shit, hopefully I would break some bones and would be in a coma for a few days! This is the monster does not trample me in the middle of the way! I was about to reach the ground when something went flying by my side, holding my aching body, but preventing the impact.

“Gotcha Laur!”

That voice caused me profound relief. Zayn was there, mounted on a real grayish Pegasus, like a true Prince Charming to save the maiden. Shit, I’d be disturbed because of that in the future. But the half-blood wasn’t alone. Forest, Apollo’s children archers began to shoot arrows into the monster, being led by Allyson. To the left, Ares’ children, the god of war, advanced and I could recognize Wes and Keaton between them.

“Fly up, we hit him up!” I told Zayn, already seated correctly on the winged horse croup.

“Laur, you’re hurt” Zayn warned.

“I won’t run from the fight!”

I was quite exhaustive. I searched my pockets and there was my lighter. I thanked mentally to who invented it, because that item ALWAYS returned to my pocket after a while. Arrows hit the cyclops in the arms, chest and legs. Ares’ children laughed as they mistook the monster, hitting him in the heel, digging spears feet. For them it was fun. Zayn made the Pegasus flew to the top, so when we were about two meters above the cyclops, I straightened my body, became my lighter sword and screamed as loud as I could.

“Hey ugly thing!”

The cyclops looked up by pure reflex. Then I jumped. I held my sword with the blade down and as I fell, moving my body to be able to hit exactly where I wanted. My sword nailed a second time that monster, but this time the blade was stuck in his one eye. The cyclops screamed loudly and staggered back. Ares’s children attacked his legs, arrows were also shot. Soon, the huge monster six meters and one eye, producing almost fell back a small earthquake with its fall. I held all the time in my sword, following his decadent movement, supporting the feet in large and oily nose.

Then he dissolved into gold powder. That was how the monsters died, were transformed into gold dust and returned to the depths of Tartarus. When he disappeared, my body and my sword fell to the ground. Again, Zayn came to my side, wrapping an arm around my waist to support my body.

“You always come bringing confusion.” Zayn said, but smiled. “Welcome back, Laur”

“Confusion… confusion is my middle name.” I barely said, even breathing was hurting at the moment.

Zayn laughed. He was the closest I had to best friend, a black-haired boy, lightly tanned skin and incredible creativity. Hephaestus’s son, a terrible jokester. But he was probably the only person I trusted most in this world.

“We need to take her to the wand.” Ally Brooke approached, her bow was already back.

“Yes, Doctor!” Zayn agreed with his good mood.

Ally was the leader of the ward, her stature was rewarded by the size of her talent with the bow and healing, especially healing. Apollo’s daughter, was one of the kindest girls I knew, but my compliments stopped around, because I really didn’t know that girl. Zayn put me in Pegasus to prevent had to carry me or even if I had to walk. I was grateful, but before I hand over the pain I was feeling, I could question:

“Dinah and Cabello were able to reach the camp?”

“It was Dinah who warned us, with a thin scared latina girl, I think this should be Cabello” Zayn answered.

I let out a relieved sigh. Mission accomplished, now I might pass out peacefully.    

[eenefangirlanalysis]

Returning from our fourth commercial break viewers are presented with this really well drawn and animated sunflower field. These sun flowers add a unique touch to the scene. It feels as if they’re drawn in a unique way. Which is the purpose of this scene. 

Big Picture Show gives viewers new locations. We’ve been stuck in one spot for ten years. If we’re amazed at what we see then that’s how the Ed’s feel. They’re seeing the world for the first time. Through their eyes. Which is why the atmosphere feels so free, energetic, and calming. That’s what flowers do.

Oh look, a barn in the background.

Could the farmer who owns all those cows live there?

If so, that means that Ed’s have not gone far from the cow field.

I have never studied the locations in this movie until now. Which means, the kids aren’t far behind. They could have caught up with them if they weren’t distracted with their own needs. 

Since Rolf is all alone that is a much bigger distraction. We distract ourselves when we want to get things done. It would have made the movie better if Rolf did go along with Kevin and Nazz there would been less arguing and Rolf telling them to concentrate. Therefore, we wouldn’t have had a whole scene watching Rolf make an egg for himself. 

And then Kevin and Nazz wouldn’t be constantly bickering. Rolf tends to play the mediator between Kevin and Nazz. Kevin has always obsessed about his bike but it seemed a little out of character to always push Nazz to the side when they’re good friends.

Edd is walking through the field inspecting through a device that he prepared with objects from nature. This device is made out from sticks, leaves, maybe flat rocks, and water droplet to replace as a lens.

The Ed’s have always improvised with tools they don’t have. That is really inspiring and I hope that fans have noticed this. Everything may not come out the way you want it to. You have to improvise. That’s what I love about Edd. He is a unique inventor. 

As we would have learned through Edd’s confession he has been inventing since a young age. The dodge ball incident affected him greatly. I have a head canon that Edd’s parents never noticed that their child invented until the incident which game them a wrong impression about their son. They’ve always been too busy working or avoiding their son to observe his special talents.

And so Edd gave up inventing until he became friends with Ed and Eddy. They met as kids when Edd first moved into the neighborhood. My head canon is that the boys didn’t fully connect until some time late in the fourth grade. Have you ever noticed how they still feel as if they’re getting to know one another, or just Edd, through season 1? Ed and Eddy had no idea that Edd’s parents wrote to him through sticky notes. 

His friends inspired Edd to invent again. Eddy always gave him the credit he deserved before he started obsessing over becoming the best scam conniver like Bro. Eddy gave Edd new hope. He looks at himself in a more positive way. Still, he is unsure and holds back due to his past. 

Ed and Eddy are the best things that ever happened to Edd.

An excited Eddy calls out for Edd.

Aw, look at that smile Edd gives Eddy.

He’s so excited that he nearly runs past Edd and his to cling to his shirt.

Adorable.

Edd is protecting his device at all costs.

Eddy has something to show Edd when Ed rams into Eddy.

Once again these X marks appear in Eddy’s eyes and he grimaces.

And only Eddy is in pain upon the impact of falling to the ground.

I wonder if that means Eddy hurts more then he puts on. He always ignores pains. Eddy is one of the strongest people to ever walk the earth. He has taken so much pain and throws it into the shadows. He moves forward. That may not be the healthiest thing for Eddy as he is bottling all his failures and self esteem issues. You have to admire how he can put everything in the past and move on as if nothing happened.

Does that mean he’s going to have a tougher time post BPS now that his mask has been shattered?

“Oh, um....”

“Cute.”

Edd returns to his mature adult mask not wanting to lose focus. He has been given an important task. Which means he doesn’t want to let down Eddy if he really does want to locate his brother.

Letting someone down is not a part of Edd’s vocabulary. Especially a person who cares about him.

There will be a BIG line later on which implies so much about the relationship Edd has with his parents right now. I wonder if he still continues to do all those sticky note chores. Edd being who he is has to do them all. He has stopped relying on his parents mentally, but physically he needs to get all his chores done. He believes that his parents will one day come back into his life and act as if he’s their son for once.

Edd is about to walk away when Eddy pulls him back by his hat.

Look how freaked out Edd is. His hat was seconds away from slipping off his head.

I notice that Edd’s hat doesn’t stay suction cupped to his head along their journey. Edd needs to hold on to it. They may live in a cartoon world, but they’re facing reality. All children believe the cartoon world exists and will mimic dangerous stunts that happen in the shows they watch. 

This relates to the Ed’s. Living in a cartoon world would be the most amazing life to live. Except cartoon characters can’t have everything. There comes a point where their survival skills are tested. Edd can’t keep what is hidden under his hat a secret for long. This is the first time he has been out in the real world on his own. He feels vulnerable.

Eddy tares out this sunflower.

I love the animation on this, btw. It has a really unique feel in the movement.

And slams Ed in the face.

Eddy laughs hysterically at this scene holding himself against Edd who’s mouth turns into his ear for a moment.

Eddy loves causing trouble. He has to make it with the right people. Oh, he’ll learn his lesson during a famous scene.

“Uh Oh!” Literally this is the cutest Eddy reaction ever.

Eddy runs for it as Ed gives chase acting as if he were a ferocious lion.

Great facial expressions by Edd who is confused on how to act with his friends play. He needs to protect his invention at all costs.

“I AM THE MIGHTY AGAMUSHIN! I AM FROM OUTER SPACE!”

“Don't bite me, oh Agam... ah- whatcha-whatchamacallit!”

Eddy is so adorable throughout this scene.

This little scene is a callback to all the times where the Ed’s played with each other. There were openings to early episodes with them running through the fields, horsing around in the junkyard, and their famous signature dog pile. These were my favorite moment because they gave off the vibe of the show. 

Ed, Edd n Eddy is not just about three boys scamming neighborhood kids to buy jawbreakers. It’s about three outcasts trying to understand the world and each other. They’re kids who grow up too fast because they want to impress people who never respected them.

The Ed’s changed due to the people who affected them in their lives. These people made them have a negative outlook on themselves

I really want to take a minute and talk about Eddy’s character through this scene.

Eddy is usually annoyed with Ed’s antics or won’t play with him at all. He’ll just ignore it. This time away from the cul-de-sac is what he needed. He felt imprisoned with the constant bullying and harsh remarks.

Each Ed feels at peace. 

I remember in Look Before You Ed Eddy stared bewildered at Ed and Edd playing with one another. And then he grows angry. He fears that he gave up his childhood to do these pointless scams and mask a person who he disliked. Eddy has always regretted that. 

This journey is an opportunity to give Eddy a chance to be himself, enjoy life and be a kid.

@cyanidefilledcandy once analyzed this scene. I really liked the line she ended off with. The Ed’s escape from their imprisoned cul-de-sac gives them hope for a better life. They’re getting back in touch with their season 1 selves knowing they’ve become unlikable.

It’s a chance to reconnect. 

Edd is even giggling at Ed and Eddy’s play.

Edd Mentally made himself grow up. He wishes he could enjoy the days where he was kid. I love the way Edd acted through season 1 and 2. He actually initiated the dog pile in the first episode. He found a sense of belonging with Ed and Eddy.

Honestly, I think Edd misses those days. That’s why he’s laughing along at this scene. In the scene from Look Before You Ed that I mentioned above instead of rubbing off Ed’s play he plays along. This is the remainder of his childhood. And most of it was taken away.

Nice face, Edd.

“Agamushin. A forest substrate. How apropos.”

Apropos: Very appropriate to a particular situation.

Hmm? 

The lion is after the lamb bible passage?