#and thankful for his late night tio bad helping them to be close

[kadextra]

Thinking about late night trio, it’s insane how deeply they love each other. like it’s hard to put into words the special bond they share as siblings and best friends. Pomme would do anything to protect them, Dapper would do the same, Richas literally said they are one of the reasons he’s happy to still be living. they talk about each other & mention each other in their writings constantly, even ooc they always hang out in dms, in vc, they have inside jokes which they bring into character. it’s so nice that they were able to meet, like…. that’s a french mexican & brazilian egg <3

and it’s sweet how the three quickly took in Pepito as their baby sibling. Richas already did, but a bond had also been forming between Pepito & Pomme and Pepito & Dapper. what really proved it though was that night all 4 stayed up having a sleepover together and Dapper made them breakfast :’)

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia Ch 17

Living with the Cowell's is going about as well as you'd expected it to go. In other words it's more or less a disaster for your mental health. Which is ironic considering you didn't put this much stress on yourself when you were sure a stalker was watching you.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the stalker didn't own your house and wasn't in your personal space at every turn.

You'd honestly been expecting Little Jo to be the biggest space invader but Dia and Nate were constantly hovering around you. Nate had taken up the other spare room, or rather his room away from home, the minute he heard you'd be staying with the Cowells. He's made it his job drive you to and from work for the past two days and you both take breaks together now closing the store when you do. Then the second you cross the threshold Dia is right by you either asking for some help cooking or rushing you off for hobby time in the sitting room. It's like living in a 1920's story book, minus the extreme prejudice you would've faced.

It's only been two days and you can't find a way to ask for more space. You tried asking to go on a walk earlier and it turned into a partial jog with Nate. You really just need a moment to yourself it's been five or six days since you last had some 'me' time. All your nerves are shot and you are just a few minor inconveniences away from snapping at someone.

And it would not be a smart idea to nap at your boss. Your boss who's been so considerate and helpful offering his support to you through this whole mess of a situation.

Nonetheless you need space and your own clothes. Nate's don't fit you properly and they're uncomfortably itchy against your skin. His detergent is also very smelly, more in the chemical sense than in a bad sense. Though it could be a bad sense considering the headache you've had the past day from the over bearing smell. You know it won't end well for you but you desperately need to go back home and grab your own clothes and maybe even your car.

Having the illusion of more freedom would put you more at ease.

After all it isn't like you want to knowingly put yourself in harms way, you just can't stand the suffocation any longer. That's why you decided to bring it up during dinner, and why you are now sat in the tensest atmosphere this table has possibly ever experienced.

“Installation ain't done yet.” is Big Jo's gruff response.

It's as if that short sentence gave everyone premission to breathe again.

“I'm not planning to stay, I just need my own clothes.” you press.

Nate glances over to you before placing his fork to the side, “Then why do you need your car?”

“I'd just feel more comfortavle if I had it.....y'know instead of just relaying on you for rides.” you gesture around to the table trying to get someone yo come to your defense.

Big Jo pinches the bridge of his nose, it's been a stressful week for him as well. You don't mean to be ungrateful in this scenario but you are Autistic and the routine you've spent months carving out for yourself is being ruined. You are wearing smelly itchy clothes and need to have something you have control over. Not to mention you're the one who actively experienced the home invasion and were sat in a hospital for two days.

Big Jo can deal with you asking to go collect your thing, as far as you're concerned anyway. You're at least entitled to that much.

Dia puts her hand on Jo's arm and he sighs, “Fine, if Nate takes you. You can go to the cottage.”

“Tio, they can't have the car.” Nate is wildly failing his arms and motioning to you as he explains that you're a known flight risk.

Great, nothing's been resolved and you are back to a tense dinner in the Cowell's home.

“Fine I won't take the car, just lemme give it to someone to watch it for the...the what's it gonna be a week?” directing the question to Big Jo who's been handling the security detail for your home.

He gestures in a so-so manner.

“Yea, just lemme give it to someone to watch for the week.” you pause before throwing your hand up, “Because let's face it none of us have any idea where those two are now, and they could've easily tampered with my car.”

That was the worst possible thing to say because the second you finish you sentence the table erupts into chaos. Dia and Little Jo voicing their concerns over you driving your car, Big Jo and Nate all but forbidding you from driving and you trying to find some sort of compromise.

“What if we had it towed to Whistle's? Nate takes me there after work and we make sure nothing's wrong with my car.” looking around the table at the mixed reactions before you.

“I'll call Lewis for a tow in the morning and you both can go after work.”

“thank you.” you say relieved that you can finally gain back control over your life. Maybe get a little bit of space a long with it.

Everyone calms down and goes back to eating. The air is still so tense you could practically cut it but without your constant stirring it seems to settle. The rest of the night goes by uneventfully, you've changed into some pajamas and are ready to lay awake staring at the ceiling for hours.

The antsy energy you've been building up these past few days have left you without sleep. Tomorrow the hallucinations will probably start up, you wonder if they'll be worse thanks to your healing concussion. Hallucinations aside, your real problem is being alone with your thoughts for the next seven or eight hours.

You have nothing to occupy your mind with and thus nothing to help block out the invasive thoughts.

You'd finished the TAZ graphic novels while you were still at the hospital. The Cowells had taken you straight to their home after you got discharged, so you hadn't been able to grab your switch or any smaller art supplies.

Ultimately knowing that all this was for your safety and benefit you understand them wanting to keep you away from your home. The sight of you attack. Even a supply run could prove dangerous. Try telling that to your restless and bored mind. Constantly feeling like one of the undead wandering around aimlessly with no real purpose has certainly not done anything good for your mental health The lack of stimulation was definitely making it harder to mask and not just explode in  frustration. To just let loose and rage at everything: from the situation to your stalkers, hell even to Jo and yourself. The after the brief flash of rage it would be washed away by the overwhelming guilt you felt about being in this web and dragging everyone around you into it. Whether directly or indirectly.

Safe to say, it is not good to be alone with your thoughts right now.

And it is with that restless energy that your night of staring at the ceiling turns into a morning of staring at the ceiling. Until a knock at your door signals the start of breakfast. A routine you've recently become apart of while staying with the Cowells. Getting ready for the day you make your way to the dining room, not before steadying your nerves and static filled mind with a long and drawn out huff of air.

Not quite cathartic enough to be viewed as a sigh.

And with that you begin you day.

The morning fades into late afternoon and you find yourself in the shop a little before close, just looking through the isles. A vaguely human figure, much too tall to truly be an actual person, had brushed past Nate and into one of the isles. Honestly you're sure it's one of your hallucinations but you still have to double check the isles before you finish locking up the shop. Today had been really slow and you can only recall a handful of patrons throughout the day, though you haven't been with it enough to actually hace much accuracy on that statement.

Nevertheless you are searching for stragglers, thankfully you find none. Really hoping to get out and to Whistle's soon, then home to grab things that'll keep you occupied. Things that are finally yous; actual comfortable clothes, that smell like you too. Eyes blinking in rapid succession at your near giddy nerves.

For once your tic helps you vision, you're able to catch the book laid on its side. Its cover a deep russet nearly matching the shelf in color, you'd have missed it if it weren't for the inverted shapes that pressed themselves into your eyelids almost burning the scenery into your memory. Picking the book up you try to discern where it had come from.

Upon further inspection it appeared to be more of a journal. Half written in English with margins made out it – was that German? Yeah that was definitely German, the Eszetts is way too distinctive for it to be any other language. Poorly drawn out sketches littered several pages as you flip past them. Until you see a familiar but scrathy image. It's of a symbol a circle with an 'x' through it.

As you look at the jagged lines you can't really place where you've seen this symbol before. It's so familiar but the ringing bells do nothing to help you remember where you've seen this symbol. Flipping further in you catch sight of a drawing of a being that is slim and taller than the trees. Wasn't that the figure you'd seen moments before? Right as you were doing you check for customers? You're beginning to think this shop's haunted.

“Hey YN, coast clear?” The sound of Nate's voice stops you from inspecting the book any further.

Placing it back on the shelf and nestling it in between to larger books you turn and head out of the isle.

“Yea, no customers.”

“C'mon then, I don't want to be out all night.”

Rolling your eyes at Nate's exaggeration, Whistle's probably wouldn't take more than an hour tops and you won;t take long gathering your things from the house – you follow Nate out the door.

Waiting close behind him as he locks up. One thing about the attack is you've become hyper aware of your surroundings and are nearly always on high alert now when you're out in the open like this. Luckily in most spaces you had already noted the number of exits and where to find them. Having to plan escape routes ahead of emergencies might not be the healthiest mentality but it's kept you sane throughout this ordeal. Thank you American public school system.

When you get to the auto shop you see a familiar ticcing brunette talking to a group of mechanics as he leans on your car.

“Who the hell is that?” Nate says squinting at Toby who's practically laid out across the hood of your car.

Weird, haven't they met yet? Toby did hang out at the shop for an entire day. Had Nate not noticed him then? What about the picnic? Before you can say anything Nate's already out of the car and shouting something to the group. Most of the men standing around tense up as Nate storms up to them.

But you catch the dead look in Toby's eye, the other is still horribly out of commission. Honestly without your glasses faces blur from so far away but it's undeniable that there isn't a light reflecting in his eye. Nate seems to be directing his lecture to Toby who doesn't appear to do anything. He's like a big old house cat, tired and done with everyone's shit if they aren't actively feeding him.

Sighing you exit the car, your only real thought is defusing your Karen.

You aren't at all surprised when Toby locks onto the movement of you walking towards the group. The man perks right up and lifts himself off your car in one fluid motion. He's so agile, just like a cat. You can't help but smile a bit at the connection automatically reaffirming with yourself that Toby would totally push over a precariously placed glass of water.

“Hey, wh-mrrow-what'd you bring the car in for?” Toby asks side stepping Nate, completely ignoring the older man.

“Huh – oh, yea boss wanted it checked out to make sure it wasn't like tampered with – I guess. Y'know after the accident.” you know the mechanics probably know what happened to you, you do live in a small town after all. Gossip stops for no one. But you do have control over details and talking about the incident and you won't be letting go of that any time soon.

Toby's one good eye darkens as he nods, “Gotcha, well it's fine even had Jess take it for a drive. Drove fine. Fixed that weird clicky thing it did on left turns, you're welcome.”

Hah, during the drive through Franklin Toby lost it after two left turns. He noticed the clicking sound your car would make, oddly only on left turns, and started bitching about it to you. At the time you just thought he was being funny when he'd complained you needed to take it in to the shop to fix that. Guess he wasn't. But what's the point of fixing something so trivial?

You cross your arms and are about to sass Toby about how unnecessary that was when Nate interrupts.

“Well since the car's cleared we'd better go settle the bill with Lewis.”

“No need, no parts to replace plus my free labor.” Toby looks away from Nate and back to you “It w-w-was so sl-o-ow-w so I told the old man we were dating and I'd been wanting to fix up your car.”

Normally you'd protest a friend or anyone giving you free services but since this was on the Cowells' dime you weren't going to burden them anymore.

“That's sweet – really really stupid, but sweet.”

Nate's already moving around you two and motioning towards his car as he says, “Well thank you, now we really need to get going YN. I don't want to be out late.”

You nod to Nate, turning and saying bye to Toby from over your shoulder.

When you suddenly remember, “Wait, hey Tobias can you take care of my car for the week? I know it's probably a weird request, but I'm sorta “grounded” right now and can't drive till the cottage is set up. A little worried the battery will drain from disuse.”

If it weren't for the mask and swollen eye the confused sneer of his would be clear to everyone on the lot. He sputters for a moment before speaking up.

“Ok? I mean like that's valid – whoa – a valid concern...but your car's not that old. But I guess I'll watch it? I don't have Connor so it'll have to stay in the lot tonight, that ok?”

Oh this stupid beautiful boy just gave you an out. Probably not the one he meant to give you but you are taking it and running as fast as you can.

“Or, or, or-”

“No, no, and no. You can't be trusted to not just drive off in the dead of night.” Nate cuts in.

It took a bit of coaxing but after calling the house and getting Dia's blessing you obtained one night to yourself. Really it'd be one night spent at the lodge but it was still better than being a guest in someone else's house for the night, this way you're a guest at the lodge for the night. A little mini vacation if you will. And Toby seemed fine to go with you to the cottage while you packed a bag with your essentials, before you both go back to the lodge.

He even agreed to drop you off at the bookshop in the morning.

“Are you seriously going stir crazy after five days?” he asks as you pull up to the cottage.

“it's more their constant smothering I'm over. I know everyone's worried but I still need my own agency. Y'know?”

“Yea....I do.” he murmurs with a solemn look about him before he exits the car and makes his way to the front door.

Your steps falter as you near the cottage. A few flashing images pass through your mind before you shakily inhale. Fortunately Toby is right beside you squeezing your hand to remind you of his presence. You aren't alone this won't end like Monday night.

Opening the door the house is quiet and just as you had last seen it. Nothing was disrupted, even peeking into the bathroom where you expected a crime scene to be – only a toppled shower curtain and over turned bath mat remained.

It doesn't really feel like your house right now. A fuzzy sensation clouds your thoughts, like your brain is trying to protect you from connecting with this place after your recent trauma. Although you aren't sure how you actually feel there's a strong sense of discontentment.

Noticing how you linger in the threshold of the bathroom Toby gently guides you into your room, all without a word. Leaving you alone in your room to collect your things. You move around at a moderate pace, you aren't drawing this out but you aren't rushing to leave soon either. A handful of shirts, a set of jeans, shorts, and joggers later you are grabbing your switch. Before diving into your art supplies you hear a thud across the hall.

You freeze as if ice water had just been poured onto you keeping you in place.

“Tobias!” you call out not moving.

“Fuck – sorry I acc-ack-accidently kicked your trash can.”

When had he gone to the bathroom?

“Are you ok?” you receive a quick 'yea' in response.

Jittery and in no mood to sit and draw you pick up an embroidery kit you'd been meaning to rip into. Should keep your attention long enough, but maybe you should grab another kit just in case. Bag loaded with enough of your things so you aren't driven mad during your stay – you turn to leave but decide to grab your goat plush as an after thought before leaving your room.

Walking out and into the rest of your house you notice a lack of Toby anywhere. Going towards the front door you spot him as you pass the kitchen. He's messing with your garbage can before he takes out the bag and ties it up.

“Wha' cha doin'?” he's been a bit off since you both arrived but you don;t blame him. Not like you're fairing any better.

“I, I kicked it and a whole bunch of trash came out. So then I had to put it-it all back, but there's a lot here and you aren't gonna be here for a week....I, I ju-just thought it'd be better to tak-take it out now.”

Nodding, you're thankful to have such a good friend looking out for you. It would've sucked to come home to a toxic waste site because you'd left trash in the garbage for three weeks.

You probably just thought it came from the bathroom because of the echo or something. Paranoia's been a pain this past week. Maybe you should look into getting a roommate, they might help.

“They're not that helpful trust me.”

“Wow, did I say that out loud?” Toby nods, “Fuck I am out of it. How are you and Tim doing?” you might be deflecting/ignoring your own issues. But Toby had his own shit going on Monday night and you doubt he's talked to anyone.

“We're fine. Just fucking hate him.” the sharp jerk of his head keys you in that he's very much not fine.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Who are you, my fuck-ing therapist?”

“Fine, wanna bitch then?”

He comes off the defensive like he realizes that he's talking with you right now. His good eye down cast after he relaxes his stance a bit.

You go to grab your kettle, filling it up and placing it down on the stove to warm up.

“Any preference on tea? I've got a few.” it was very much more than a few.

A chair screeches as Toby drags it out to sit down at your small kitchen table. He doesn't respond so you get one of your special blends out. This blend has rose hips which you normally dislike anything scented or flavored with roses but the ginger and cinnamon can normally over power the slightly floral sting of this tea. Plus it's made with the intention of healing the heart and promoting self love. A spell tea of sorts. Toby could probably use a little pick me up, you always did after a fight with a friend. Getting out the honey you ready the tea infuser into the cup waiting for the kettle's whistle.

“So just wanna start talking....or should I ask questions?” you turn to face Toby as you lean against the counter.

He's taken his mask off and placed it on the table, of course you remember his deteriorating face but it still surprises you to see it after a few days of not actually seeing his face. Maybe you'll get used to it and one day won't be so fascinated by his teeth.

“Tim's just a dick who thinks he has a right to act like he's my dad. Li-ike-like I'm twenty-four he doesn't need to constantly question the things I do. He doesn't have any room to talk to me about my mistakes he literally could've fucked staying here up for us....” Toby head had been snapping to the left several times during his rant and it continued as he got very quiet suddenly.

Tim could've messed staying here up? Did he mean here as in Kepler or the lodge? Barclay did have to break up the fight maybe he didn't want any of the trio in but let Toby stay out of concern for his condition.

“Hey I'm sure it wasn't that bad, I could even talk to Barclay to get you unbanned from the lodge.”

He takes the mug you pass him and spoons some honey into it/ It's weird to see half his face drawn into concentration since the other half isn't able to emote yet. Holding the cup in his hands he stares at the swirling steam rising up as you bring your own mug over to the table taking a seat. Not once does he look up at you as you stir in a bit of honey into your own tea.

Toby's neck snaps, “Am I...is it bad that I don't want you to?”

You send him a slightly pitying smile.

“No hun, you're upset. And you're having a totally valid reaction to a falling out.”

Toby rolled his eyes, at least you thin he did. Hard to tell with just the one.

“My therapist would love you. That's the kind of bullshit she tells me like all the time.”

Not knowing what to say to that you just nod as he continues to stare at you.

You both continue to talk, well you continue to let Toby rant about how stupid and dumb Brian and Tim are as you finish your tea. You still don't know the details of the fight but it sounds like the cause was just the last straw between the men and not the actual catalyst. According to Toby the other two tend to baby him or talk over his ideas and suggestions because he's the youngest of the group. Twice Toby mentioned Tim's paranoia and how that was really the cause of the tension between them. And how Brian wasn't any help because he'd always side with Tim to make sure his boyfriend was ok.

Toby was very bitter when talking about Brian's role in this more than Tim's. As if his role of passive bystander just sent Toby over the edge. Which from the way he spoke seemed like it's been dragging on for some time. All of this was painting an even worse picture of the smug asshole. Though you didn't break your silence or series of nods and hums until Toby off handily mentioned Brian getting him in trouble with his therapist by saying he was the one who started the fight.

“He fucking snitched....wait no he lied?!” Toby had to blink a few times before he finally understood what had gotten you so upset.

“Yea I mean it's not that big a deal. I was able to tell Clarise I missed a few days of my meds and she made me set reminders in front of her on the call.”

Apparently Clarise was sure Toby suffered from Bipolar Disorder, he was very flippant when he told you like it wasn't anything big. When you mentioned ADHD he kind of blanked. He got fidgety when you mentioned the symptoms you saw and  nervously told you his medication was working just fine for him. Not wanting to make him more uncomfortable you dropped the topic. Soon it was dark and you needed to leave to make it to the lodge for dinner.

“You sure you want to take the garbage out? What if Chonk is over there?” joking as you lock the door.

“Good point. Trash you live here now.��� he dumps the bag onto your lawn and walks towards your kia.

“Toby!”you gasp out, which sounds weird amidst your laughter.

He stops and looks at you his expression more unclear than it's been all evening. Your heart skips a beat as you stare at each other for a moment, your laughter gone now.

“It's weird to hear you say 'Toby'.”

That's all he says before he grabs the bag and carrying it to the side of your house where your bins are.

The conversation in the car is pretty light in comparison to what it has been. Just jokes getting thrown around and sharing the gossip that you'd head in the hospital because nurses' can't keep their mouths shut. Neither of you know any of the characters in the stories but they're still pure gold. Like the man who came in after getting his hand stuck in a cookie jar. Nervous and scared his wife would find out he's been eating the new holistic dog treats. A few stories or more like vents about the auto shop got thrown in. By the time you got to the lodge both of you were in lighter spirits.

Everyone was ecstatic to see you up and about and made an extra spot for you at the table. You didn't miss how Barclay would rise an eyebrow every time you locked eyes. You just roll your eyes and continue eating. When it got time to settle in for the night you were planning to commandeer the couch but Toby offered his room.

More accurately he offered a chance to hang out with Connor which you readily accepted. The rottie was just as excited to see you, bounding over the second you stepped through the door.

“Sigh if only there was a way to see Connor everyday.” you say dramatically whistful as you hold the pup's jowls in your palms.

Toby responds in turn in a drawn out sarcastic monotone “Oh my, how sad your life must be. There's only one solution, marry me. So Connor can finally have the second parent he's always wanted” he ends with a scratch behind the pups right ear.

“I was just gonna kick you and steal your dog.”

He turns to face you, “I can't feel-”

“So if I kicked you in the back of the knee it wouldn't buckle?”

Toby goes silent before conceding to your point. A mumbled “Connor would avenge me.” is heard.

After you two settle down you both hop into bed to try and get some sleep. Toby was holding your switch hostage so you had no choice but to “sleep” now.

You really hoped he changed his sheets from the other day. You'd hate to find out you're laying in milk stained sheets. Pushing those thoughts away as your body finally starts to relax, you can feel when your mind begins to drift into the beginning stages of sleep.

“Tobes, you can crash at my place if you need to.” is the last thing you say before falling into a peaceful slumber.

Toby on the other hand wasn't able to get much sleep at all that night. He couldn't shake the feeling something bad was about to happen. And unlike Tim he didn't think it was because of you, it just had something to do with you. You were too kind to be one of The Operator's proxies, with all the clues of His presence in this town you were one of many red herrings. Looking over to you Toby only hoped you wouldn't get hurt in the crossfire. Not like Lyra did, he doesn't think he could handle something like that. Especially with how shitty Tim's been lately, he's on edge and constantly about to snap. He just needs a break from everything. Maybe then the weight in his stomach would go away.

In the morning Toby's keen to hold up his end of the deal and drive you to work. You buy him breakfast and an iced coffee from Dunkin' and a pup cup for Connor. The three of you eat in your car while you wait for Nate to arrive. When he does you say your goodbyes and head off to start your shift. Promising Toby you'd call once you've been ungrounded.

Nate's face is grim as you approach the shop, you're starting to get used to the cold sweats from these dread bearing encounters. That can't be a good thing.

Did something happen last night? Were the Cowells targeted? Was everyone alright? These thoughts and more swam through your head as Nate motioned for you to follow him into the shop quickly.

He locked the door and pushed you into the back room. His hast doing nothing to settle your fraying nerves as you stumble past the threshold.

“That Rogers kid, how well do you know him?” his eyes dart around the back looking at every shadow as if watching their movements.

“Who's Roger?” you feel out of the loop.

Was Roger one of your assailants? Had the police already found suspects so soon on what little information you had to go on?

With a groan Nate smacked his hand against his face muttering something under his breath.

“Toby, Tobias Rogers how much do you know about him?” his tone is rushed and sharp.

You didn't even know his last name until now. But maybe you had heard it before but it never clicked with you. Honestly you've known each other for a month that's not very long at all. But maybe it's long enough to learn some things?

“...ah not much?”

There's a panicked look in Nate's eyes and he does his best to control his breathing. But it's clear that Nate is either about to hyperventilate or go into an anxiety attack. You wonder what's got him so worked up as he reached into his bag and pulls out a manila folder.

He hands it to you, you can see the water marks left by his sweaty palms.

What on Earth is going on?

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Good afternoon, guys!! So, we’re almost 2/5 into this longer season! How are we all feeling? Thank you guys so much as always for reading, and I know I’ve been shitty at the translations, I’m going to do my best to get those updated as soon as possible. RL + Cuba v DR leaves me very little time to eat or sleep, but I swear I will get to it!! In just five days, we’ll be having our next giveaway!!

EPISODE 15

Nevada stood in the Green room of the club late that night, watching as Omar and Jose brought in the last of the gun haul they would be moving with the bikers in just a few days. With their warehouses under watch, the club was the safest place for their contraband until the new police captain fell in line with all the other cops Trujillo had on his payroll. But since the man was fresh in the precinct, Nevada knew he would want to make his mark as the captain that would change the Heights and would be waiting for Nevada and his men to make a mistake.

Not on my watch, pendejo, Nevada thought to himself with a smirk.

They’d closed two the VIP rooms for “repairs,” which hadn’t sat well with the strippers at first, but Nevada always took care of his girls and had offered them all an additional thousand bucks an hour. With the escort business in Harlem doing so well, he could afford it easily without taking money out of anyone’s pocket except his own, which he would make back tenfold once this load of guns were delivered.

His phone rang and Nevada reached into his pocket as Omar brought in the final crate and answered. “Si?”

“Heads up, man, the new captain’s hardon is pointed right at the club,” Reyes said in a hushed voice, obviously still at the precinct and being careful to not be overheard.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Nevada growled.

“I wish. Think he’s hoping to find illegal girls or prostitution going on there.”

He wouldn’t find either of those, that much Nevada knew for certain. He was always careful to vet every girl to make sure they were of age and legal citizens, and if he had ever caught wind of any of his girls selling pussy on the side, that girl would not only lose her job, but she’d also lose her head. The businesses Nevada kept were always legitimate on paper as well as in their operational practice. The only illegal activity was the dirty money being laundered through that business.

What the chief would find, however, were twenty five crates filled to the brims with semi-automatics and assault rifles, all illegal and all carrying a prison sentence of up to seven years for each weapon.

“Fuck,” Nevada spat. “When?”

“Tomorrow morning. He’s getting a search warrant from an old college buddy of his,” Reyes answered.

“Alright, thanks for the heads up,” Nevada replied. “I’ll make sure you get a little extra something this week.”

“You got it.”

Hanging up his phone, he looked up at Omar again. “You’re gonna fucking kill me.”

“Jesus Christ, what?”

“Fucking new captain’s coming in the morning to search this mother fucker, we gotta get rid of these,” Nevada answered.

“Fuck you,” Omar groaned as he tossed his head back.

Nevada dialed Josiah as he spoke to Omar. “Yeah, I know, bro. This guy’s a fucking pain in my asshole already. Chibby better find some dirt on this scrubby fuck before I make some dirt.”

“What is it with this guy’s hardon for you? You’re not that good looking,” Omar teased with a smirk.

“You know you’d suck my dick if I asked you nicely,” Nevada joked right back, putting the phone to his ear.

“Fuck that, I’d make you my bottom bitch,” Omar chortled, earning a laugh from Nevada.

“Si?” Josiah answered.

“Oye, we gotta bring some hardware over to Hechicera for the night,” Nevada said.

“How much space you need?”

“A room would probably be fine. Twenty-five packages, all heavy hitters,” Nevada answered.

“Yeah, I can open a room for you. Gonna need some gratitude for the tenant.”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry. We’ll be there in a couple hours,” Nevada replied, hanging up. “Alright let’s start getting this shit back into the van. We’re gonna take it to Harlem.”

Omar sighed, nodding his head before he lifted a crate and took it back to the van.

“I’m gonna update the girls and then I’ll come help you,” Nevada said, going to the main room of the club.

He looked around for an available dancer, which on a Saturday, especially in the heavy hours of the evening, was a tall order. The club tended to draw in an endless supply of customers on the weekends, from the morning to the wee hours of the night. He saw Lola--a tiny yet curvy woman with mocha skin that would make any man’s mouth water and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of--standing by the bar, obviously on her break since she spoke only to Barry and wore a silk robe around her lingerie. Coming up behind her, Nevada slid a hand over her hip and brought his mouth to the skin just beneath her earlobe.

“Tell the girls the VIP rooms will be open in two hours,” he purred.

“Aww,” she replied, feigning a pout and she arched her hips to rub against his groin suggestively. “No more extra thousand an hour?” she teased, turning her head towards him.

“Coño, mami, you’ve already been here four hours plus two more I’m giving you. Six grand ain’t enough?” he replied with a smirk.

She turned in place and slid her hands over his chest as she looked up at him from beneath her thick lashes. “A night with you would be better.”

He smirked. “You gotta talk to my wife about that.”

She grinned up at him. “I’ll let everyone know.”

“Good girl,” he replied, dipping his head to give her a peck on the lips before he went back into the green room to help Omar.

“You know, we got guys that could do this,” Omar said as he lifted another crate.

“Nah, we gotta take care of this from start to finish. Too risky using low-level guys, especially with this new captain. We gotta be smart,” Nevada answered. “Sides, you’re starting to get a dad-bod. You could use a work out.”

“Fuckin’ asshole,” Omar chuckled as he and Nevada carried crate after crate to the van parked in the alley behind the club.

Once they had all the guns out of the VIP rooms, Nevada handed Omar the keys. “Josiah’s waiting on you already, and just make sure to give his girl six grand for the room.”

“Alright,” Omar replied.

“Oye, take the back streets, stay off Amsterdam,” Nevada said.

“You got it.”

Jose leaned back against the bar in the club the next morning as the cops walked out empty-handed. Nevada had dealt with overzealous cops before, but none as hungry as this new captain. This one wouldn’t stop until Nevada was in cuffs, especially with elections coming up in a few months. Putting away a major player in the drug and gun trade would catapult anyone’s career and Jose wasn’t sure Nevada would be able to worm his way out of this Captain’s sights.

He could always spot something out of place in the club. That meant he saw the six-foot brown haired kid he helped raise from a mile away. Eddie strode into the club in a way that made it clear he had no idea how to behave in such a place. When his eyes met Jose’s, the boy made a quick beeline to him.

“Slow down, bumble bee. What’s up?” Jose asked.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Eddie said.

“Okay...so talk,” Jose answered. “Outside.”

Eddie nodded and the two moved outside of the club. There was a moment of silence as Eddie seemed to gather his thoughts and ran his fingers through his hair.

“So…Greyson and I are moving to Miami.”

Jose’s brows shot up on his forehead. “Shit. When?”

“I'm not sure yet, but soon.”

“That’s great. Good for you, kid,”Jose replied with a smile.

Eddie looked down at his feet for a long time before finally speaking again. “I want you to come with me…”

“That’s not happening,” Jose answered, shaking his head. “The hell am I supposed to do in Miami anyway? My life is here.”

Eddie's face fell. He knew it was a long shot, but he'd held out hope for a miracle.  “You've been with me my whole life...I guess I was just hoping.”

“You’re not a kid anymore, mijo,” Jose replied. “You don’t need anybody to take care of you. You’re a grown man now.”

Eddie nodded.“I know but, I'll miss you, ya know?”

“I’ll miss you too,” Jose replied. “You’ll be okay. I think it’s good you’re getting away from all this.”

“Me too,” Eddie said. “I'm afraid I don't know who I am without my family. I need to find out.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jose looked up in time to see an unmarked police cruiser posted across the street. “The sooner, the better if you ask me,” he added in a mumble.

Eddie looked at the car as well, moving to hug Jose. “You were my first best friend. I won't forget that.”

“I love you, too, kid,” Jose replied, patting Eddie on the back. He never had been one for physical affection, even with someone he thought the world of. “You’ll be fine. Just do yourself a favor and stay far away from people like us.”

Eddie smiled, “I'll see what I can do.”

“Good. You gonna go to school down there?” Jose asked.

Eddie nodded. “Yeah I'm looking at schools but probably University of Miami.”

“That’s a tough school to get into. Expensive too. You should check FIU, my cousin went there. Said it’s a good school.”

Eddie nodded and smiled. “Thanks.” He looked nervous, he wanted to start this new chapter, but even contemplating leaving had been hard. Everyone was so supportive and happy for him. It made him wonder if he'd even be missed.

“You gotta let your tio know where you land so I can come see you. Get down to Miami beach and grab me a nice tan,” Jose teased.

“Guys in Miami aren't half bad, ya know.” Eddie smirked and shrugged casually.

“How do you know? You’ve never been there,” Jose replied with a smirk.

“I've seen the brochures. We could find you someone nice, stable, easy going, just like you,” he said with a roll of his eyes and a laugh. “Maybe a nice Mormon boy.”

Jose shook his head. “No, no...the only guys I look for are pieces of ass. One and done. I don’t do that whole bullshit fairytale of thinking I could have a family. You kidding me? He’d be dead or gone inside a week.”

“Cause you do that dangerous shit. Get a better job.”

Jose arched a brow. “I like my job. Pays good, good hours...besides I didn’t go to college, what am I gonna do? Work some minimum wage job, bust my ass 12 hours a day for peanuts?”

“I worry about you. Minimum wage is better than dying.”

“We’re all gonna die someday,” Jose answered with a shrug. “That’s life. Everybody’s got their day.”

Eddie thought for a moment before nodding. “That's true, I guess.”

“But you don’t gotta worry about that,” Jose replied, patting Eddie on the shoulder. “Greyson happy?”

“Yeah he really is. Wants a new start, ya know?”

“Yeah, I don’t blame him,” Jose answered. “It’ll be good for you both.”

Eddie smiled before looking at his phone. “Shit, I gotta go, I gotta head to class but...can we hang out, just us before I go?”

“Yeah, we can probably work something out,” Jose answered.

Eddie nodded before he gave Jose a wave and started to walk towards the subway.

Rafael sat near the window of the cafe down the street from his mother’s apartment, using an index finger to idly trace over the rim of his cup. He heard the bell ring at the front of the shop and looked up as Lucia searched for him. When she met his eyes, he offered a hesitant smile and stood as she came towards him.

She sat down and Rafael sighed heavily. Usually she would kiss his cheek whenever she saw him, except when she was angry with him. “Okay...I guess you’re still upset.”

She quirked a brow. “Could you blame me?”

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. “No, I guess not,” he mumbled. Running a hand through his hair, he looked up at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I thought it would work itself out before I had to tell you...and I guess I was just so ashamed. I still am.”

“I know my son, you didn't do anything. Y/N was my wild child, not you,” she said with a soft chuckle. “Mijo, when you have a problem, you come home. You don't run off and hide from your family, me entiendes?”

Rafael nodded once. “I was embarrassed. I’m usually so aware of people’s intentions or at least paranoid about their behavior when it raises red flags.” He chuckled to himself and shook his head. “There were so many with Abby, I just chose to ignore them.”

Lucia listened carefully. “You're not going to catch them all, mijo. But you can't take everything on alone. Soy tu mama, you can always come to me.”

“I know,” he mumbled, staring at the dark liquid in his mug, which was likely already cold by then. “I’m sorry.”

Lucia moved to him and kissed his cheek. “Esta bien.”

He let a moment of silence pass between them and pushed his coffee cup away. “So what’s been going on the last two weeks? Anything exciting?”

“Nada, things have been slow.”

He furrowed his brow. “What does that mean?”

“Quiet, nothing new. Is Roxie enjoying the second trimester? You know I had heartburn all through my pregnancy with you, mijo.”

“She’s doing great, no heartburn. A little bit of leg cramping and a sore back every once in a while,” he answered. “We’ve started talking about names.”

“Ah si? What names did you like?”

“We’ve thrown a few around, haven’t really settled on one just yet,” he replied. “We’re gonna have a list people can see at the reveal party.”

“Si, I got the invitation. No te preocupes, I’ll be there. Oye, I’d like to bring Gladys, is that alright?” she asked.

He smiled at her and nodded. “Yeah, of course that’s alright. We’d love to have her there.”

The waitress came over and Rafael ordered a fresh coffee after Lucia had ordered one for herself. A comfortable silence settled between them as they waited for their drinks. When they got their beverages, Lucia stirred some creamer into her coffee and added sugar.

“Have you talked to your sister?” she asked carefully.

“No,” he answered, taking a sip from his fresh cup. “And she hasn’t reached out either.”

“You two need to talk this out, Mijo.”

“She’s the one that doesn’t want to talk to me and beyond that, mami, I’m tired of her loyalty coming with conditions. I’m always the one trying to mend fences with her. So this time, she can reach out to me with the olive branch,” he answered.

“Mijo, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. We've all said something we don't mean once in a while.”

“I’m not gonna talk about this,” he replied. “What happened to make her so angry was a mistake and she treated it like I purposely did something to hurt Lily. And then she betrayed my trust because she was angry. I can’t keep forgiving her for the same thing over and over and then pretend like it never happened.”

Lucia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Si, okay.”

“Mami where we go?” NJ asked as you buckled him into the car seat next to his sister the following day.

“We're going to the arcade, my love. You'll like it.” You nodded to Fiona who loved to help buckle the seatbelt. “We are going to have a great time at the arcade as soon as papi--oh there he is,” you smiled as Nevada stepped out onto the street from the apartment building with Lily who needed a last minute bathroom emergency.

Lily ran to the car, smiling. “Mami, can I have a hundred dollars?”

“What do I look like, an ATM?” you teased, ruffling your daughter’s hair as she climbed into the SUV. “Buckle up, okay?”

“Okay,” she replied. “Are we gonna go out to eat after?”

“Yeah, if you want,” you answered.

Nevada got into the driver’s seat and turned the ignition. “You don’t think the twins are too little for the arcade?”

“Probably, but they’ll get a kick out of the skeeball machines,” you replied, settling in the passenger’s seat.

Fiona pointed to Lily until the older girl buckled her seatbelt. Then she pointed to Nevada. “Papi, buckle,” she insisted.

You grinned as you buckled your own seatbelt. “My very own seatbelt police officer,” you said. “Alright, everyone ready?”

“No,” the twins echoed together. Nevada chuckled under his breath as he turned on the car and drove three blocks down, where he turned the corner and pulled up to the arcade.

“That was a short ride,” Lily observed. “Why didn’t we walk?”

“Cause your mother doesn’t like to sweat after she fixes her hair,” Nevada answered with a smirk. “She’s too pretty to sweat.” He got out of the SUV and opened Lily’s door, keeping his eye on the road to be sure there were no approaching cars. “Dale, get on the sidewalk.”

She hopped out, you and the twins all following suit. “Alright, now hold Lily's hand,” you instructed the twins.

As the five of you walked into the arcade, Nevada pulled out his phone to check his messages. Captain Asshole should have already served his warrant at the club and considering that none of their gun haul would be there, Nevada was anxious to know whether the new Captain would have a next move. More importantly, he wanted to know what that next move would be. Being on parole, the last this he needed was to get pinched on illegal gun possession.

“What do we do now?” Lily asked, eying all of the games, most of which were too tall for her to reach.

“Now we start off with skeeball. Think you and the twins can beat mami and papi?” you asked with a smirk.

The twins both looked at the machine.

“Mami what do?” NJ asked as he pointed to the machine.

You knelt down, putting coins into the machine as you heard the familiar clunk of the balls dropping into the dispenser. You grabbed one and rolled it up into the 100 points hold. “You roll it into the holes, papi,” you said and handed each of them a ball. Fiona rolled it up into the 10 point mark. Smiling at you for reassurance as you nodded. “Ay que bueno, mami!” You kissed her cheek.

NJ threw a ball overhand and hit the plastic cover, earning a laugh from Nevada as he stood to the side, before continuing to look through his phone.

“Me next,” Lily said, tossing a ball that didn’t quite make it all the way up to the slots, rolling back down towards her.

“You bad,” Fiona said, tossing another ball and also missing the marks.

“Well you suck,” Lily replied with a grin.

“Lily we don't say suck,” you said as you moved to put a quarter in your own machine. You tossed a ball, missing, purposely for the kid’s benefit.

“I do,” Lily giggled.

Fiona and NJ sat down with another ball and rolled it back and forth to each other instead of playing the machine while Lily continued to try and make points.

You smiled watching the twins before moving back to Nevada. “Wanna give it a go, papi?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Nevada sent another text to Chibby as he held his hand out for a ball. You put one in his hand and he stepped up to the machine, looking up from his phone long enough to see where the slots were before he turned his eyes back to his screen and tossed the ball. Despite his attention being elsewhere, he sank the ball into the 100 points slot as he stepped away again.

“This fucker’s not gonna stop,” he mused, shaking his head. “He’s gonna stay on our asses till he gets something to stick, I know it.”

“You sure you can’t pay him off?” you offered, genuinely trying to help.

“You don’t think I already tried? This fucker’s got something to prove,” he replied. “He’s one of the honest ones.”

“I wish I knew how to help,” you said sympathetically and rubbed his back. “What's the next step then? Have him removed?”

“What are you nuts? That’ll bring way too much heat,” Nevada replied. “We just gotta keep dodging him until he gets bored with us and hope he doesn’t get one of his buddies in City Hall to do him a favor and shut us down just for shits.”

You nodded. “Any luck finding the senator?”

“No, that’s another one that’s a pain in my ass,” he replied, sighing heavily.

You nodded, kissing his cheek. “It'll work out,” you said.

“Maybe,” he mumbled.

“Anything I can do?” you offered as you threw a skeeball up to the 100 mark before turning back to him with a smirk. This reminded you of your first date together.

“No, stay out of it. Both of us getting pinched won’t do these three any good,” he replied softly, shaking his head. “You’re not in my crew, just stay out it.”

You frowned. “I was just trying to help, I didn't mean with anything illegal,” you murmured before turning and moving back over to the kids.

“What exactly were you gonna do to help that’s not illegal? Tell me.”

“Nevada, I don't want to fight, I was trying to be supportive,” you replied.

“Do me a favor, be supportive some other way. You don’t wanna know all this shit that I do,” he said. “And I’m not trying to fight either, stop trying to make me look like I’m treating you shitty. I’m just talking to you.”

You just sighed, kneeling down to play with Lily.

“Unbelievable,” Nevada mumbled to himself as he called Chibby.

“This is Chibby.”

“Oye, tell me when the pigs are outta the barn, si? And do me a favor, get in touch with Reyes and see if he knows what this guy’s next move is,” Nevada said.

“Chibby is on it, young Jefe.”

Nevada hung up and looked down at the twins. “Oye, you guys want some candy?”

You picked up the twins, who were cheering for candy as Lily ran right to the concession stand on her own.

“We gotta tell these kids the story of La Llorona. They run off by themselves all the time. What the hell is wrong with them?” Nevada said before calling out to Lily. “Oye! Get back here! You don’t run away from mami and papi, me entiendes?”

Lily came back with a roll of her eyes. “Papi, you can see me.”

“It doesn’t matter. It only takes a second for something to happen. I don’t care that we can see you, you don’t step away from us. And roll your eyes at me again, mira ver,” he answered.

She nodded as she came back to where you guys were still standing. “Lo siento, papi.”

“Alright. Come on, let’s go get some candy,” he replied, putting a hand on her shoulder as the five of you walked to the cantine.

[purplexflamingo]

Elvera spent most of her life reconnecting or connecting with people and her mama, before she fell ill. She had to fix things with Fernando, as he continued to shun her. As he harbored hatred for the whole separation situation as he always wanted everyone together.

 Her singing career did not consume her life or time. Taking a small job in a family owned local restaurant, to feel apart of the community. Where she became close with the cook. A rather on the heavier side of weight and short compared to herself. His name was Ricardo, but he let everyone call him Rico. He was a very generous, kind, very happy man. The two got along rather well. While she was away attending one of her stage performances, he’d pay a visit after his shift and bring her a small variety of foods. She loved his cooking. As she wasn’t able to make too much herself. Overtime she developed feelings for Rico as Rico did the same towards her. It was evident when she’d stay after hours to make sure he closed up on time and wasn’t seen left alone. It could be dangerous. The two had officially dated for months and Rico gifted her a puppy, a chihuahua. Blanco. Which overtime became the critter that ate too many scraps from the restaurant. 

Rico was there for her when her mother’s illness claimed her in 1949. Which Fernando continued to shut her out, as he suffered much worse. The moment caused him to say awful things towards her- how she didn’t care for the mama. She left. That it hurt her that she chose her papa over them.  But mama wanted her to be happy and let her go. Not to mention how their papa forgot about him. His final remark was a scoff to how she took his  name. Which Fernando publicly uses their mama Alma’s stage name. 

  Fernando’s  esposa, Lupita, apologized for him. That he was dealing with a lot, hinting around his mental issue. Which Elvera did not let his words bother her, she knew he didn’t truly mean it. It was true their papa didn’t have time for a whole lot, but she thought he tried.

Over a large period of time, the siblings began to slowly heal. Fernando was improving on his anger issues. Which he still harbored pain, it was not as bad as it was previously. It brought a smile to her face seeing how he was with his hija, Leticia. Treating her as his own. She was his strength. Elvera began to feel welcomed. Tio Enrique and Tia Bianca invited for her to live with them for a while. Which she gladly accepted. Tio Enrique was still the artist she remembered. She did her best to help promote him as a way of thanking them. Soon learning about Fernando becoming a matador made her grow rather nervous. It was a dangerous. He knew this. But he showed no signs of changing his mind. All went well, he lived after each showing. Just bearing a few scares here and there- Lupita was always patching him up. Elvera struggled to even watch. 1951 was his tragic death that she had witnessed. Shielding little Leticia’s eyes. Bruno was unable to distract the bull in time. It was a difficult situation to see and remember.

Switching between her careers she met so many people, it was dangerous how open she allowed herself to be. She wasn’t ever afraid of being exposed. She liked to feel close with everyone- almost normal. Though that was her fault. Later a man made himself known, a man that claimed to really like her. His name was Ramon. He was a fan Elvera associated with for a while. Rico had seen him linger around, feeling disheartened. He could never say anything on the job. 

One night Rico sat down with Elvera and continued. I am no singer, I am no dancer. I am not actor.  I am not a pleasing man to look at. I don’t belong on the big screens. I am not like your papa. But what I am is passionate. Passionate about you, but I’d understand if you wanted to move on. I’m holding you back in this small restaurant. You should be taking on the world with your talent.

She responded, with a soft smile, claiming his hands. You don’t have to be a singer or an actor-- you are a talented cook. Si, I know you are a passionate man, and I admire about you. Look at this place, it wouldn’t be where it is today without you. I don’t care about your appearance or what you do-- I love you for you. I love being here, I love being around you. I’d love to stay here. You are not holding me back, this is my choice. It always has been. 

Those conversations left Rico beaming. After serious thought and various visits to her remaining family- he wanted to ask for her hand in marriage. 

It was too late.

1957.

Elvera began to be harassed by this Ramon individual. Especially behind the restaurant after hours. While she never ignored him at the beginning she started to. His ramblings were bizarre and made her uncomfortable. The way he gazed at her, made her afraid. When he talked about marriage- how he wanted to marry her. She had to search for the right words. Attempting to let him down nicely. It only set him off more, on his talk of how much he loved her and would do anything for her. If she gave him that chance. Though she continued to refuse it, the more he pushed it the more she had to try to be stern about it. Because of her refusal the man took her life in a fit of rage. Fleeing after realizing what he had done, in a panic. Dropping his weapon. Leaving her for Rico to find the next morning.

[rauliskafan]

A Hard Lesson in Incrimination: Chapter 1

Authors’ Note: We’re back!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I are so excited to bring you the next part of our “Hard Lesson” Series!!! Time to pick up in the throes of a waking nightmare as Rafael and Natalia are caught in a crime scene and wonder what their next move should be. Read on to find out what happens!!! And enjoy!!! :)

           “I… I can’t close her eyes, Rafael.”

           “Natalia, you shouldn’t do that.”

           “I know, but even she doesn’t deserve…”

            Forgetting her fear as her voice trailed off, Natalia adjusted the tissue on the tips of her fingers to avoid placing prints on Eve Selby’s eyelids. After another attempt, she failed to close the dead woman’s eyes. A chill ran up her spine at the sight of Eve’s stare, vacant yet frozen in fright.

           “Here.” Rafael gingerly grabbed another tissue from the nightstand and managed to close her eyes for all time. At that, Natalia immediately turned away, a wave of nausea overcoming her as death permeated the room, and she struggled to find a breath of fresh air. Opening the window, she let in the crisp breeze from the night to fill her lungs. Still she felt like a fish out of water, gasping for oxygen and not going how to breathe in an unfamiliar world.

           “What now?” she finally asked. “We… we can’t just call the police, Atticus.” A million thoughts raced through Natalia’s mind as she tried to wrap her head around the scene… the crime scene straight out of a novel. Maybe this was part of his day to day, but for Natalia the horror was overwhelming. Along with the thought that there was a killer on the loose, and no clue was left as to who could have done this dreadful deed.

           Rafael ripped his gaze away from Eve’s body and forced Natalia to look into his eyes. “Hermosa,” he started, his voice hoarse and shaking. “I know how this must look. But I swear to you on our daughters that I did not do this.”

           Holding up one hand, Natalia swiftly shook her head. “Of course, you didn’t. You could never take another person’s life. But…” Her chocolate brown eyes scanned the room and took note of the struggle that must have transpired. Her stare wandered to Rafael’s blood staining the floor from the blow Eve inflicted, mingling with the bad blood between them in light of her false accusations. The woman had been out to ruin him in any way that she could. Despite her demise, was this her twisted moment of triumph?

          “Atticus, the things she said. You said. It could be taken for a motive. And since you’re here… I mean it just…”

          “I know,” he admitted. “Lonely at the top of the suspect list.”

           “Not true!” Natalia cried, clasping his collar. “She had so many enemies. But we… we have to figure out what we do now.”

           Before they could come up with a solid plan, there was a sudden knock at the door. Natalia trembled as she blinked back terrified tears, and Rafael wrapped his arms around her.

           “Who could that be?” Natalia whispered.

            “Be still, hermosa,” he soothed, his lips just dotting the top of her head. “Maybe… we can only hope that whoever it is will leave when there’s no answer.”

           Putting her faith in her husband, Natalia’s eyes roamed the room as she held her husband closer and wondered how they might make it out of this mess…

           “Guys? You in there? It’s Mike.”

           Hearing Dodds’ voice, they sighed together in relief. Rafael rushed to open the door and usher his brother-in-law inside.

           “Hurry,” he hissed. “How did you know?”

           “How do you think?” Dodds shot back. “Getting her address from my computer? Rafael, what the hell were you---?”

           The sergeant stopped short as he surveyed the room, and his eyes went wide.

           “My God,” he muttered. “Is she dead?”

           “Yes,” Natalia said. “But, Mike, Rafael had nothing to do with it.”

           Dodds stayed silent as he moved about the apartment, obviously taking note of the scuffle and the stains before fixing his eyes on the couple.

           “This looks bad in more ways than one,” he said, his voice like stone.

           “Mike,” Rafael started. “We argued. It got…” He gestured to the cut on his brow before releasing a heavy sigh. “But she was alive when I left. Someone knocked me out cold.”

           “And I found him like that,” Natalia chimed him, taking hold of her husband’s arm once more. “We came back up here… Mike, please believe us. Please.”

           For a few more seconds that seemed endless, Dodds said nothing. Drawing in a deep breath, he retraced his steps to lock the door and draw the curtains.

           “I do believe you,” he said. “No love lost between you and Ms. Selby. But also no shortage of people with axes to grind when it came to Eve.”

           “That’s my story,” Rafael said. “The true story. But what ADA couldn’t feast on this and spit me out?”

           “You could still beat the charges,” Dodds said. “I’d back you up.”

           “After you have to admit where I got her address?”

           Hanging his head, Dodds locked eyes with Natalia. Two tears streamed down her flushed cheeks. What would be his next move? He was nothing if not by the book, but she was still ready to argue Rafael’s case when…

           “We need to wipe this place down,” he stated. “Can’t be any trace that you were here. I’ll do it and call in an anonymous tip when I’m done. And then… then we’ll wait.” Without any further hesitation, Dodds pulled a pair of gloves from his pocket and began to go to work.

           But was this the way?

           “Mike,” Natalia said, placing one hand on his arm. “I… we can’t let you... you’ll be in the line of fire. Think of Maggie… and your father.”

           Dodds shook his head with a small smile. “Think of what Maggie would do if she lost either one of you. Hell, I wouldn’t even have Maggie if it weren’t... and think of the girls. Please… just let me do this one thing.”

           “But, Mike,” Rafael said. “This is playing with fire.”

           “Then you better head out so Eve Selby can’t burn you anymore,” Dodds said. “I’ve got this. Go.”

           Again, Rafael looked ready to protest, but Dodds was already committed to the task at hand, and Natalia gently tugged on his arm.

           “It might be our only chance, Atticus,” she said. “I guess we have to take it.”

           Sighing in agreement, Rafael almost followed her out the door when he looked to Dodds.

           “Thank you, Mike,” he said.  

           “Get home to your girls,” Dodds said. “Give them a kiss from Tio Mike.”

           And Natalia took one step back to the apartment to kiss his cheek and mutter her thanks before she and Rafael departed into the night.

           The cab ride to the townhouse was silent. They didn’t speak a word, both afraid as to what they would utter. Natalia kept closing her eyes, wishing that it was all  a nightmare and that she would wake up and find Eve Selby out of their lives. But also, still alive.

           “We’re home,” Rafael whispered into her hair.

           She stirred with a heavy heart and tried to compose herself before stepping through the front door, leaning against Rafael with each step. No little ones to be seen. But Ashtonja pulled off her earbuds as she left the sofa and smiled.

           “Everyone’s down for the night,” she said and started to add to her thought when her eyes moved from Natalia to Rafael and back again.

           “You two okay?” she asked.

           “Fine, Ashtonja,” Rafael said. “You should probably get to bed, too.”

           “Sure everything’s alright?” she asked Natalia.

           “Just a long day,” Natalia replied as she gave her a hug. “Good night, sweetheart.”

           “Night,” Ashtonja said, still looking uncertain as she ascended the steps.

           “We need to wait for Mike’s call,” Natalia said.

           “I want to lay eyes on our girls before we do anything else.”

           Hazel and Holly were sound asleep in their cribs, a soft pink lamp bathing them in a soothing light. Natalia couldn’t help but notice that they were smiling… no doubt dreaming of only happy things. And she wanted their lives to be that way in and out of all dreams.

           “Papi? Where Papi!” Before they could kiss the twins’ goodnight, Violetta cries caused them to sprint to her room. Rafael swept his daughter into his arms as she sniffled.

           “Shh, muñequita. I’m right here, I’ve got you,” Rafael whispered as he held her closer. Natalia watched from the doorway as Rafael managed to soothe their little girl, hating the fact that she was scared.

           “Oh, Papi, I couldn’t find you nowhere,” Violetta said with a sob.

           “It was just a bad dream,” he told her.

           “But it so real!” Violetta said.

           And Natalia wondered if their daughter could sense that something was terribly amiss.

           Rafael sat on the edge of the bed and settled Violetta back under the sheets. “Bad dreams can seem like that. But I’m right here. Nothing to be scared of. I promise.”

           In that moment, Rafael glanced over at Natalia, the words of reassurance obviously meant for her as well.

           She tried to wash the night away as she scrubbed her skin. Her mind was an endless pit of scenarios as to what would come next. Dodds had messaged them just as Violetta drifted back into better dreams, the anonymous tip having gone through and the authorities en route to Eve’s apartment. To her body.

           Before Natalia could give the late woman’s face another thought, Rafael stepped into the shower and embraced his wife.

           “It’s going to be okay,” he said. “Thanks to your sister’s suddenly rogue spouse.”

           “I know,” she said. “And I’m grateful. But… but I…”

           “What?” he asked, kissing her damp hair and waiting.

           “It seemed like the right move in the moment. But I don’t know if I... if we can live with this,” Natalia whispered while she wept.

           “We won’t have to. Not forever. Because we’re going to find out who really killed her.”

           “We will?” Natalia hopefully asked.

           “Somehow, some way,” Rafael said, his voice cracking around the words as she cleaned his cut and caressed his chest.

           “Hermosa…trust me on this,” he continued. “We’ve been through worse. We’ll come out the other side. I’m not going anywhere.”

           He tenderly cupped her chin and lovingly kissed her lips, Natalia’s mouth melted against his with no intention of ever letting him go.

[vintagemichelle91]

A Hard Lesson in Incrimination: Chapter 2

Authors’ Note: Happy Saturday everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the very first chapter!! @rauliskafan  and I so loved the feedback from chapter one and it feels so good to be back!! Now, let us check in on the Barbas! As always your feedback is very much appreciated!! 

           “I don’t know how it’s possible, but they get cuter every time I see them!”

           With Hazel in her lap as Dodds cradled Holly, Maggie pinched the twins’ two pairs of rosy cheeks one after the other, her giggles growing louder when Hazel reached past her sister and tried to take hold of the sergeant’s nose.

           “Hey watch it!” Dodds gently chided the baby girl. “I need that.”

           “Another girl with a thing for Roman noses!” Maggie chimed in. “Must run in the family. Right, Natty? Natty?”

           From her seat at the other end of the table, Natalia traced the rim of her wine glass with one finger and stared into the pool of scarlet liquid at rest in the crystal.  Her sister had to bring red wine; Natalia could only picture the apartment from five nights ago stained with Eve Selby’s blood… with her husband’s. Five nights… five sleepless sets of hours in bed. And Rafael was faring no better, his green eyes bleary, the sheets twisting and turning as he struggled and failed to find rest. At least he found her; even now, Natalia clasped his hand under the table as she had throughout the meal she barely touched. The feel of his flesh against hers was one of the few things keeping her grounded.

           “Earth to Natty!”

           Along with her babies.

           Releasing Rafael’s hand and managing a smile, Natalia reached for Holly and cuddled her close, kissing the top of her soft head and basking in her clean scent. Maybe it would all come out alright in the end. Rafael had done nothing wrong, and with each second that went by, trails had to grow cold…

           “Now, now, Hazel,” Maggie said to the other twin. “Tio Mike does need that big, beautiful nose. He has to sniff out the bad man who took an even worse woman down.”

           Holding Holly tighter, Natalia saw Rafael fidget in his chair, and Dodds took a quick drink as he waved one hand in the air.

           “Come on, Maggie,” he started. “Not tonight.”

           “I know, I know,” she said. “SVU is unofficially on the case since no sex crime was committed. But you’re being so unfair! What’s the point of being married to a cop if I don’t get the gory details now and then? Especially when it comes to the likes of her.”

           Dodds’ face flashed a brighter shade of pale. He laughed nervously and played a version of keep away Hazel’s nose which made Maggie chuckle. Just as quickly her eyes seemed to narrow, and Natalia bit her lip, fearing another litany of questions…

           “Look what we do!”

           A voice from on high or at least knee level when standing entered the room with Ashtonja at its side. Sighing in relief, Natalia saw Violetta balancing four cupcakes on one platter.

           “Easy, V,” Ashtonja cautioned. “Let me help.”

           “I got it, Ash.”

           Her words came true as she stood on the tips of her toes and placed the pastries on the table, sighing when the job was done and wiping her little hands together.

“For dessert, these are the blue velvet cupcakes!”

“Blue velvet?” Rafael echoed. “And the summer of David Lynch continues.”

Natalia had to smile at that, and she watched him take a bite followed by her brother-in-law.

“Delicious!” Dodds commented. How'd you manage it, Little V? Make it with some magic?”

“Oh, Tio Mike,” Violetta moaned. “Please. It done with food coloring. Next thing you say that Hazel and Holly bake them. But they can no even hold anything yet.”

“His nose would beg to differ,” Maggie quipped while lifting a treat to her mouth.

“What you mean by that?” Violetta asked.

“Never mind,” Maggie said, her lips tinged with frosting as she leaned in to kiss her husband’s cheek. “But when he’s right he’s right; this is scrumptious!”

Looking beyond proud of herself, Violetta raised her small hand and slapped Ashtonja high five.

“Now you, Mami,” Violetta insisted. “You not eating enough lately.”

“Natty, why’s that?” Maggie asked.

“It’s nothing,” Natalia said. “Time to take a taste.”

Not magic… all in the food coloring. In the darkness, it would pass for red velvet, and in another time, she would have popped the entire cupcake into her mouth and asked for another. But nothing tasted right with a belly full of fear.

“Natty,” Maggie pressed. “Is there something wrong?”

           “All good,” she said. “It’s wonderful. You girls did a fantastic job.”

“But you not finishing it,” Violetta observed.

“More for me then!” Rafael said as he polished off the cupcake and hugged his little girl when she raced forward to wrap her arms around his ankles.

“You really like, Papi?” Violetta knowingly asked with the smallest, slyest of winks.

“Everything you make is magic,” he stressed before mouthing a quick thank you to Ashtonja.

“Tell Mami to eat more!” Violetta demanded, bouncing up and down before Ashtonja placed one hand on her shoulder.

“Come on, V,” Ashtonja tenderly warned. “A good chef never puts pressure on the patrons.”

Natalia followed her husband’s lead and smiled. For Violetta’s sake, she was willing to try to at least finish off the frosting…

…but again, her eye caught the glass of red wine. Which she sipped while trying to push away other images cloaked in crimson. The wine did nothing but rush to her head, and she shuddered where she sat, taking some comfort in the feel of Rafael’s fingers just dancing across her thigh.

           “No pressure needed here, Violetta,” Maggie said, finishing her cupcake and taking a dollop of Dodds’ frosting with one finger. “Does my Hazel want to try some?” The baby’s eyes grew wide, and she made for Maggie’s hand as if it was Dodds’ nose when Natalia passed one twin to her husband and grabbed her other baby.

           “It’s not good for her,” Natalia said.

           “You’ll make Violetta even sadder,” Maggie said, and Natalia’s shoulders started to sag.

           “I’m not trying to do that.”

           The wine began to take over, and Natalia wobbled when Maggie dropped the joke along with her plate.

           “Hey… I was only kidding,” Maggie said.

           On her feet, she heard Hazel fuss and felt Maggie take her back into her arms.

           “Are you really okay?” the ballerina asked.

           “Hermosa?” Rafael quickly said, his hand at the small of her back.

           “Fine,” Natalia swore. “We just need some coffee. After the twins… go to bed…”

           “Let me help, Natalia,” Ashtonja said, taking up Holly.

           “Me, too!” Violetta chirped. Blinking fast, Natalia watched her babies in other women’s arms. For a second she was seized with the fear of being ripped away from them, the sounds of doors closing as she was cast into darkness.

           “Mami?”

           Shaken from her shadowy reverie, Natalia glanced down to see Violetta standing before her with arms stretched towards the ceiling.

           “Don’t look so sad,” Violetta said. “I a big girl now, but you can still carry me if you want.”

           “Oh, sweet pea…”

           She sank to her knees, gathering Violetta in her embrace and trying to keep her tears at bay when Rafael’s hands settled on her shoulders. He helped her to her feet, and they exchanged a quick glance.

           “Alright?” he quietly asked.

           For his sake, she had to be, and Natalia started for the steps.

           “I’ll put the coffee on,” Rafael called out.

           “Thank you, Atticus,” she murmured, glancing back, hating seeing him scared when Violetta tweaked her nose.

           “Don’t drink a lot of it, Mami,” Violetta said. “You up too much at night now.”

           “Something you need to tell me, Natty?” Maggie asked before her lips curled into a smirk.

           “No,” Natalia remarked, her eyes cutting back to Dodds. She saw the sergeant as good as his word when it came to keeping the secret for Maggie’s sake, for theirs. Staying silent, she carried Violetta up the stairs and wondered if this might be the night when she could give into sleep once more.

           “So… coffee?”

           Rafael waited and watched until Natalia ascended the steps and disappeared into the nursery, turning slowly at the sound of the door closing to see his brother-in-law searching for filters.

           “Not there,” Rafael said. “To your left.”

           “Ah,” Dodds declared, opening another cupboard to reveal several bags of black walnut, toasted almond, and vanilla cream. “Someone’s moved a few things around.”

           “Violetta speaks the truth,” Rafael said, fishing through the fridge for the cream and milk. “We’re not sleeping.”

           “I get it,” Dodds said once the coffee began to brew, and he gestured for Rafael to follow him to the balcony. The breeze scattered a few fallen petals from Natalia’s untended flowers, and Rafael looked over the railing, sighing heavily at the stars when Dodds stood at his side.

           “What can you tell me?” Rafael asked. “I’m completely out of the loop.”

           “Not forever,” Dodds assured him. “Which is why we’re doing this. Bet you’ll get a call from Cutter any day now.”

           “Wishful thinking,” Rafael snorted. “Tell me something.”

           With a quick look over his shoulder, Dodds spoke in hushed tones.

           “Here’s what I know,” he said. “Liv is going to call you.”

           “She is?” Rafael asked. “Haven’t heard anything from her since that day at---”

           “You have to see it from her side,” Dodds cut in. “Eve was our ADA when this went down. And no one knows the Frost case better than we do.”

           “Except maybe for me,” Rafael challenged. “So is the director a suspect?”

           “Waiting for a new trial and on the list,” Dodds said. “So is Marcia Brown.”

           “Guessing her show is a non-starter,” Rafael said.

           “Not happening,” Dodds confirmed. “Had to be one of them. And Liv wants this all above board. When she reaches out, you should go and talk to her.”

           “Giving me orders now, Mike?” Rafael asked. The sergeant stood up straighter and folded his arms across his chest.

           “Would you have rather I called her to Eve’s place when her body was barely cold?” Dodds asked.

           “Thought you said you didn’t think I---”

           “I know you didn’t do it,” Dodds said. “But we got to stick with this story. Any day now, we’ll make an arrest, you’ll get back to work, and everything will be fine.”

           “But not yet,” Rafael said. “My wife is a wreck. She can’t sleep.”

           “Maybe listen to your daughter and cut out the coffee.”

           Meeting his weak attempt at a joke with a sad smile, Rafael longed for a cup but stayed on the balcony and shuffled his feet.

           “I hate that she’s caught up in this,” he muttered. “And you.”

           “I’m touched, counselor,” Dodds sincerely stated. “But you’ll do none of us any favors if you crumb the play.”

           “I hardly know what that means,” Rafael said, raising his eyes.

           “Have Violetta explain it to you when she wakes---”

           “I said no more, Maggie!”

           Looking towards the crack in the French doors, Rafael saw Natalia’s silhouette staring Maggie down. With Dodds at his heels, they rushed back inside to find the sisters locked in a kind of combat.

           “Natty, what is wrong with you?” Maggie demanded. “I mean sure it’s sad… I suppose…”

           “You so sound like your mother right now,” Natalia sneered.

           “Low blow,” Maggie shot back.

           “Someone has died!” Natalia exclaimed, and Rafael tried to shush her with a quick look up the staircase.

           But Natalia would not be swayed.

           “I don’t appreciate you making a party game of it,” Natalia continued. “It’s unseemly.”

           “Um… sorry, Natty,” Maggie said. “Maybe I should take a page from your book and be a horrible hostess. Of course, you were all smiles when Eve Selby came around.”

           “Maggie---”

           “Same goes for you, Rafael,” Maggie said. “Why? Even then I knew that she was bad news.”

           He said nothing and hurried to Natalia’s side as her lip quivered, her hand rolling into a frustrated fist and unfurling just as fast.

           “Good on you,” Rafael said.

           “So why does this whole night feel like a wake?” Maggie asked. “Why are we in mourning?”

           “For Christ’s… I didn’t wish this on Eve,” Rafael said. “I want whoever did this to pay.”

           “Does Rikers have a luxury suite,” Maggie joked. “Because the killer deserves the best---”

           “Stop it!” Natalia screeched. Turning on her heel, she hurried up the steps, and Maggie cried after her when Rafael caught the ballerina in his arms.

           “Let me---”

           “No,” he said. “She’s tired.”

           “She’s my sister,” Maggie said, her eyes fixed in determination, Rafael feared that he would lose the battle and the house of cards would come toppling down until Dodds took his wife’s hand.

           “You can give her a call her later,” Dodds said.

           “Now you’re telling me what to do?” Maggie asked with eyes blazing. Holding his breath, Rafael watched the sergeant bring Maggie’s hand to his lips. He kissed her tenderly there, and pressed his brow to hers.

           “Never,” he said. “But Rafael has a point. All that red wine and… and blue cupcakes.”

           “I can’t just go without saying goodbye,” Maggie protested

           “I will have her phone you,” Rafael promised. “Thank you for helping get the girls to bed.”

           Raising an eyebrow and stamping her small foot, Maggie sighed dramatically and pushed Dodds towards the door.

           “If you did something, you have one night to make it up to her,” Maggie warned. “Fix it.”

           “Will do, little sister,” Rafael said, and Maggie rolled her eyes before blowing him a half-hearted kiss.

“Maybe let’s try this again some night next week,” Maggie murmured.

           Waiting until they were gone, Rafael locked the door and slowly climbed the steps. Peeking in on the twins and kissing them one after the other, he proceeded to Violetta’s room where Ashtonja sat on the edge of the bed, braiding the younger girl’s hair.

           “But why they fight?” Violetta asked.

           “Who knows?” Ashtonja said. “I’m sure it wasn’t the cupcakes. Because they were fabulous.”

           “I know that, Ash.”

          ��Laughing, Ashtonja looked up and met Rafael’s eyes in the doorway. Her gaze told him that a million hairdos and as many sweet words could not keep this at bay forever. Better to talk to Liv when she called, to tread lightly and hope that she would solve the crime. But that was for tomorrow. As for this night…

           “Hermosa?”

           He found Natalia huddled in the tub, and he pushed the shower curtain aside to join her in the bath.

           “You need to call your sister,” he said. “She’s gone but---”

           “She thinks it’s all a gag,” Natalia said, rubbing her hands over her face. “But she has no idea.”

           “A good thing,” Rafael tried to reason. “Dodds said we have to see this out.”

           “Even if it kills us?” Natalia asked.

           Seeing her pale and choking back tears, Rafael quickly pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

           “Mike says that Liv is going to call,” he said.

           “Are you going to…?”

           “To feel her out,” he continued. “Mike swears there are other suspects.”

           “And you didn’t do it,” Natalia said. Cuddling closer, she winded her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. His lips met her fallen hair, and he kept her near until their eyes locked and he wiped the tears from her lashes.

           “You should get some rest tonight,” he said.

           “You, too.”

           “Me, too.”

           Helping her to stand, they made their way to the bed and shed their clothes. Easing her into a nightgown and wearing nothing but his boxers, Rafael joined her under the sheets. Their hands locked together, and Rafael looked up at the ceiling. The sounds of Violetta’s giggles courtesy of Ashtonja made him smile. Then there was only silence.

           “Are you awake?”

           And then there was the sound of Natalia’s voice nowhere near a dream. Pulling her to his chest, he kissed her, stroked her sides.

           “Te amo, mi hermosa flor,” he repeated over and over again, his heart falling when he heard her sniffling, whimpering. And when the dawn started to peek through the window and the twins stirred---

           “I have them,” Natalia said, beginning to leave the bed. He watched her slip into her robe as rays of sunlight streamed through her hair.

           “I’ll come with you, hermosa,” Rafael said, taking her hand and grabbing his own robe. She lingered in the doorway and helped him cinch the belt before kissing his lips.

           “Never leave me, Atticus,” she whispered.

           “Never,” he vowed.

Because even a sleepless night with Natalia was still a dream come true.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Translations here

Good morning guys!! Here is episode 3!! What are we thinking of the new season thus far?

EPISODE 3

Eddie didn't like coming into the club often, the loud thumping music and dim lighting mixed with intoxicated middle-aged men who threw dollar bills at the younger females twirling around the poles always felt a little seedy to him. It was a lifestyle he never really understood, but he couldn’t deny it was an honest living, at least to unsuspecting eyes. None of that mattered when it came down to family though. Eddie didn't care what Nevada did, he cared that Nevada loved him. And ever after all these years Nevada was one of the first people he wanted to talk to when he needed help.

He knocked on the door to Nevada's office and when it opened, Omar came walking out with Jose, both men greeting Eddie as they passed by. He could see Nevada sitting at his desk, waving him inside, and Eddie crossed the threshold, closing the door behind him.

“What’s going on?” Nevada asked, setting some papers aside.

“I was wondering if you and I could get lunch? I need some advice,” he said softly, smiling at his uncle. He had looked much more like himself since going in therapy, it seemed to be paying off for him.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Nevada replied. “Let me just pop in to tell Chibby something, and then we can go, si?”

Eddie nodded as Nevada stood up, walking to the room next door and opening it to speak to his IT guy before he came back out.

“Where do you wanna go?” Nevada asked as he walked with his nephew out of the club.

Eddie thought for a moment, bobbing his shoulders as they got into Nevada’s SUV. “Can we go grab some pizza? Maybe hang out on the rooftop and talk?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Nevada replied.

They drove down the street to the pizza shop for a large pie and some sodas before getting back into the SUV and driving to the rooftop. Once they got to the top of the apartment building, Nevada looked over at him as he opened the pizza box.

“Everything okay?” he asked, handing Eddie a slice and a soda.

“Yeah, I just...I’m having a hard time with school. I guess I'm just getting frustrated,” Eddie replied. “Things come so easily to Greyson. They used to come easy to me too but...lately every class is killing me.”

“Why do you think?” Nevada asked, taking a slice of pizza, which he folded in have before he bit off a piece.

“I dunno. I don't think I suddenly got stupid. The teachers are helping me as much as they can but I feel stuck. The work is just piling up,” Eddie said with a bob of his shoulders. “I just don't really know what to do. You and Tia are paying so much to put me through school, I don't want to let you down.”

“As long as you’re trying and doing your best, you won’t ever let us down,” Nevada replied. “How many classes are you taking?”

“Just six this semester, I used to take eight, but I wasn't sleeping then.”

“Six is a lot. That’s way more than full time. Ever think about just doing like three or four?” Nevada asked. “Even one or two? It’ll take longer, pero those credits add up before you know it.”

“Then I won't graduate early,” Eddie said with furrowed brows.

“So? What are you in such a hurry for?”

“I want to graduate and find a job. When I earn some money I can pay you guys back, get my own place with Greyson.”

“Don’t worry about paying us back, you don't have to pay us back. You don’t have to graduate early for us to be proud of you,” Nevada said. “You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself, mijo.”

Eddie smiled at Nevada and let out a shaky breath. “I just want to make everyone happy. I know I can't do that, but I want to try.”

The corner of Nevada’s lips quirked upward as he nodded. “You gotta make yourself happy. At the end of the day if you’re not happy with yourself, you won’t be happy at all. And if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Eddie snorted a laugh. “Cheesy,” he said with a smirk. “But thank you, I'm glad I talked to you tio.”

“Yeah, me too...last thing this family needs is for you to get so stressed that you go on a killing spree,” Nevada replied.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “We all know I'm not the one in the family that would snap. Fi is going to kill you and Tia and eat you both one day, I'm almost positive.”

“You’re the one with the diagnosis, mi hermano. Don’t think tia didn’t do research on what your therapist said,” Nevada replied. “Stress can be a trigger for your PTSD, which can trigger the MAOA whatever the hell.”

“You know she brought over hot chocolate packets for me and Greyson the other day?”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Nevada asked.

“Tia. She can be such a mom.”

“She is a mom, bobo,” Nevada replied with a smirk.

“Yeah, she's a good one,” Eddie replied, smiling. “I'm glad she was around. You know having someone that was like a mom, it was cool. She's more of a mom than my real mami ever was.”

“Yeah, I know,” Nevada mumbled softly. “She loves you a lot.”

“And I love her, and you,” he mumbled, embarrassed.

“Love you too,” Nevada replied, ruffling Eddie’s hair.

Rafael had just finished reorganizing his home office and walked into the kitchen for a bottle of water. He’d been thinking about going to the DA’s office to talk to Jack McCoy himself seeing as how he still hadn’t heard about his job or whether he even still had one. It had already been a few days since Carisi told him that all the evidence against him had been disproved, he should’ve heard something by now.

As he drank from his bottle of water and contemplated what to do next with his suddenly free schedule, Roxie moved out of the bedroom with a yawn and draped herself over his form.

“Something wrong? You're making a stink face,” she whispered with a kiss to his forehead.

He snorted as he put an arm around her waist. “I am not making a stink face,” he replied with a chuckle. “How was your nap?”

“It was not restful,” she said with a tired sigh. “How was reorganizing?”

“Fine, done. Everything it’s proper place. Your naps are always terrible, why is that?” he asked, knitting his brows.

“Tossing and turning, I've got too much to do to sleep but the baby needs it.”

“Well, the baby isn’t getting it if you aren’t actually sleeping, honey,” he said, rubbing her back. “Have you thought about trying some chamomile tea? It’ll help relax you.”

“Chamomile,” she mused. “Rubbish, I just spend the whole time thinking about the things I should be doing for work.”

“That’s really concerning for me since you’re carrying my baby,” he said as he rubbed her stomach. “You should be getting to sleep if you’re tired or you might...you know, wear yourself out.”

“I know, there's just so much with the bakery, you know?”

“I understand that, but why can’t you delegate to someone who can do some of those things for you like I suggested weeks ago?” he asked, still rubbing her belly. “Honey, you have to take care of yourself and our baby. I would jump in there and do it for you if I could, but I can’t.”

“I know, but I feel okay, this baby feels strong. It is your baby, after all. Workaholic nature is in its blood from both sides. It'll be used to this,” she teased.

“Roxie…” He sighed, running a hand over his face. “Do you understand that whatever you’re feeling, the baby is feeling? So all this stress and anxiety, our baby is feeling all of that, and it’s not good for them.”

“Rafael, I'm joking. I'm doing the best I can to relax but relaxing has never been my strong point. I've been listening to those meditation tapes your sister bought me and I think they make my happy place want to punch her for suggesting them.” She sighed. “I'm doing my very best to stay relaxed and not overwork, but this is new for me. My body isn't used to it, but I'm trying.”

Well, you’re not trying hard enough, he wanted to say.

“I know you’re trying, but you not sleeping is really worrying me. A lot,” he said. “Please try the chamomile tea. It’ll help relax you and help you sleep. You don’t have to drink it every day, but just once in a while. Please.”

She nodded slowly. “I'll try it,” she said as she put her hand over his. “I'll do anything for this baby,” she said softly to him, eyes focused on his face. “I'm just...good at working myself up unfortunately.”

“I know you are,” he replied, smirking softly at her. “What do you think about us going on a little stay-cation? For a couple of nights, we can just get a hotel, maybe do a spa or something? Just the two of us.”

She grinned eagerly. “Really? Just us?”

“No, us and half of Manhattan. I thought maybe we could invite the office, too,” he replied, trying to suppress his smirk.

“Wonderful idea, sass the woman carrying your child,” she quipped with a snicker.

“Sorry, pregnancy does not exempt you from sarcasm,” he replied. “I’ll see where I can get us a room for a weekend. We can ask Izzy to stay with Mowgli.” He kissed her lips, then her forehead. “Hey, you know what, I was thinking?”

“What?” she said, humming softly as she leaned in closer to him.

“What if we wait until the baby’s born to find out the gender?” he asked. “What do you think about that?”

She thought for a moment. “Huh, alright…why?” She wasn't against it but she was curious as to why they would wait.

“I dunno, I think it’d be kinda fun to have it be a surprise,” he replied with a bob of his shoulders. “It was just a thought, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I don't mind the idea,” she said with a big yawn.

“See? That’s because you don’t sleep, so not only are you exhausting yourself but we can’t even have a conversation longer than a couple of minutes,” he teased.

“It’s killing our sex life as well,” she replied, closing her eyes and leaning against him.

“Oh, mi amor, our sex life has been dead for a while,” he replied. “Go and sit down, I’ll make you some chamomile.”

Roxie made a displeased face as she went to sit at the table. “Our sex life isn't that bad.”

“Roxie...we haven’t had sex since just after you got pregnant,” he replied, putting some water in a tea kettle before he put it on the stove to heat.

“That’s not--”

“Complete sex. Not sex where you fall asleep in the middle of it,” he replied with a chuckle, pulling a packet of tea from the box Carmen had dropped off the previous week out of the cupboard. “It’s been a while.”

She looked down at the table as her fingers fidgeted with the crumbled corner of a napkin that been leftover from breakfast and frowned; he wasn't wrong.

“It’s okay, honey, I understand,” he said, walking over to where she sat. “That’s why God gave me hands and an imagination,” he teased, kissing her cheek noisily.

“I'm just tired but if you want we can--” she began to offer.

“God, with a seduction like that, how could I resist?” he answered in a laugh as he went back to the kettle when it whistled and poured boiling water into a mug. He dropped in the tea bag and steeped it for her.

Roxie’s bottom lip jutted out in a cute pout as he brought the mug for her and sat down in the seat next to hers.

“Here,” he said, kissing her forehead. “Drink, then we’ll both take a nap together.”

She nodded and sipped the tea with a tired sigh while he took out his phone and checked his emails. Her eyes traveled to her own phone, pulling up the spreadsheet of current sale trends as she studied the numbers, making mental notes on what needed to be changed and how.

Rafael reached over and wordlessly took her phone, shutting it off. He then took the battery out and put it in his pocket.

“Rafael!” She narrowed her eyes and sipped her tea.

“No more work today,” he replied. “I’m not kidding and I know your recipe face, if I see it at all for the rest of the day, I will lock you in our bedroom and turn off the wifi.”

“Who knew carrying a child would bring such joy,” she mumbled sarcastically. “Rafael…” she said softly. “This bakery is what I'm good at. I'm good at running this business and making new food, better treats. This is where I thrive. Since I started, this is all I was good at. What if...motherhood doesn't come as naturally? What if my baby is crying and I can't figure out why? Our child deserves parents who can give it the best life. What if that's not us?”

His face fell, eyes squinting slightly. “What exactly are you saying, Roxie?” He knew it. Why had he let himself feel happy when he knew it was only a matter of time before it would go to shit? “You wanna give the baby up? So that you can run your bakery?”

He couldn’t help but feel bitter. How could she be so concerned over the damn bakery when she was growing a child inside of her? Their child.

She shot him a look of disbelief. “What the hell are you talking about? Rafael, I'm saying I'm scared. I want this baby to have everything, I want to be the perfect mother and I don't know how to do that.”

“Nobody is a perfect mother,” he replied. “Not even mine. She was a great mom, but she was far from perfect, just like everyone else. All we can do is our best.”

“I love this baby so much,” she whispered and sipped her tea again.

He arched a brow, but decided not to comment on something that would surely lead to an argument.

“I do too,” he said instead. “And when the time comes, we’ll figure it out together.” Unless you're too busy, then I guess I’ll figure it out on my own, he thought as he pursed his lips.

It was becoming more and more clear to him that he’d had entirely too much time off. He need to be back at work, where he could spend less time scrutinizing everything around him and focus his paranoia on people who deserved it.

Roxie took a deep breath before she finished her tea. “I'm going to go lay down,” she said softly. “Come with me?”

He nodded and followed her into the bedroom, getting into bed and laying on his back with one arm over his head, staring up at the ceiling.

“I would never give up this baby for a job,” she said softly as she laid down, facing him.

He nodded. “I hope not, because I already love this baby so much and all I want is to be a good father to them. It would...change things between us if you did want to give it up.”

“Do you really think I'm that kind of person?”

“It has nothing to do with what kind of person you are,” he replied, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t judge you for wanting different things than I do. You’re young, you have more time to start a family, but I want this baby. And if that were the case, that you realized your career was more important to you than a family right now, I would understand and there wouldn’t be any hard feelings but it would change things between us.”

“I do want this baby,” she said.

Again he nodded, looking down at her. “Okay. That’s all I need to hear.”

She settled herself against his chest, closing her eyes and trying to quiet the buzzing of her mind. Bringing his arm down, Rafael wrapped it loosely over her waist, fingertips resting against her belly.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too.”

Nevada got home later that night and dropped a bluray on the couch, shedding his jacket before he picked up the movie again. He climbed the stairs to Lily’s room and smirked at his little princess from the doorway.

“Oye, princesa, look what I brought for you,” he said, holding up the movie. “You’ve never seen this one, pero it’s got a mermaid in it. You’ll like it.”

Lily looked it over for a moment. “Thank you,” she said softly, her fingers fisted in the bed sheets as she twisted and moved to look back at her tv.

“You wanna stay up and watch it with me and mami?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I don't feel good,” she mumbled. “I wanna go to bed.”

He looked a little disappointed, but still smiled down at her and nodded his head. “Okay,” he said, shifting his weight to set the movie on top of her dresser before he bent and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Lily.”

“Goodnight papi,” she said and laid back, pulling the covers over her head.

“Good night, princesa,” he mumbled, walking out of her room and pulling the door shut. He sighed heavily and went into your bedroom, undressing. He got under the covers and layed on the bed face down. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom and hoped he could avoid another fight with you. Maybe if he pretended to be asleep he could get through the night without you jumping down his throat.

When you finally emerged from the shower you saw him in bed and climbed in beside him, checking to see if he was asleep. “You up?”

No answer.

“Nevada?”

Silence. You sighed, and leaned your face against his back, kissing his skin softly before laying back down.

“I love you,” you whispered.

“Mhm,” he mumbled.

You wrapped your arms around his waist and sighed softly. “I'll try and work less,” you mumbled against his skin. “I don't want to be roommates.”

“You already said that last night.”

You looked to the ceiling, rolling onto your back. “I said things out of anger last night, I'm sorry.��

He finally moved, turning his head to look back at you. “Why do you always need me to say thank you like you’re doing me a favor or something by being here? You’re always saying how I don’t tell you that I appreciate you, but you never even notice that I show you all the time. It’s annoying.” he said softly. “I don’t need a thank you, I know you guys appreciate me even if you get pissed at me sometimes.”

“It's just exhausting,” you said softly. “I love my life and I love everything I do, it's just frustrating to work all day and then have a pizza break and have you and my daughter shame me like I'm not doing my job. I was exhausted.”

“It wasn’t just one time though, it was two nights in a row. It happened last week, too,” he said. “It’s not that you’re not doing your job, I think you bit off more than you can chew. You don’t have to do all this extra shit with the PTA, the bake sale, the tutoring. You don’t have to do any of that.”

“But I love it,” you said. “I love what I do. Look, I'll try to cut some of it out, I am spreading myself a little thin.”

“A little?!” he asked, looking over at you. “It’s not about you, bro. You don’t think there’s things I wanna do? But I can’t cause it's not about me either. It’s about Lily and NJ and Fi.”

“You're acting like I leave these kids in a hot van all day,” you snapped. “I make sure they each have breakfast, I take them to school then when we're all done I bring them home, I help them with their homework, play with them, read them bedtime stories. I'm sorry they missed their five star meal two days in a row but I never neglect my kids. Not for a second.”

“I didn’t say you did and nobody said anything about five star meals. I don’t know why you always gotta get so damn defensive. I’m coming at you at a four, and you’re swinging with an eight. Take your shit down to a four. I’m not saying you neglect them, but all this shit is starting to affect them. What don’t you get about that?”

You took a deep breath, letting out in a huff. “You're right.”

“I know I’m right,” he replied. “So what are you gonna do about it?”

“I'm gonna drop some of my extracurriculars and--okay you are talking to me like a child.”

“Actually I’m not, pero it doesn’t feel good, huh?” he replied.

“I'm sorry,” you said with a sigh.

“Can I ask you serious question, not trying to be a dick; do you do all this extra shit just so you can tell people, ‘Oh, look at all the shit I do,’ or do you just do it because you got, like, nine arms that you think you can juggle everything at once?” he asked.

“Neither.”

“So what is it?” he asked.

“It's doesn't matter anymore, I'm going to cut back.”

“Of course it matters, why don’t you ever talk to me?” he asked. “We can talk about something without it turning into a fight, but when you pacify me like that, it’s like you don’t wanna fix anything. You just wanna put a bandaid on it to shut me up and do whatever it is you’re gonna do or act like I’m making you do shit.”

“I do it to balance out my guilt for things you or I have done. It helps me, feels a bit like penance.”

“Well, your penance made my kids have to eat fucking pizza two nights in a row. Pizza’s supposed to be a reward, not a last resort,” he replied. “I don’t know why you hold onto all that guilt anyway. It’s not like either one of us can change what already happened.”

“I try to let go,” you said softly, rolling onto your side.

“Obviously not if you feel like you gotta do all this shit to make up for it. Nobody hates you, they all hate me. So just let it go.”

You closed your eyes and sighed. “How are we supposed to fix the roommate thing?” you teased.

“What roommate thing?” he asked softly.

“The sexual dry spell,” you said with a sigh. “It's frankly depressing.”

“Fuck if I know,” he replied with a bob of his shoulders, looking over at you. “What, you wanna fuck right now?”

You shrugged and rolled to your side, looking at him. “I wouldn't be opposed.”

He thought for a moment before he mirrored your shrug. “Yeah, alright.”

You cupped his jaw and leaned in giving him a deep kiss before moving on top of him. His hands fell on your hips as he kissed you back.

“I love you,” you whispered.

“Yeah, me too,” he replied.

You brought your lips back together as you tugged off your pajama top, pressing your body close to his and feeling better for the first time in weeks.

The next day, Izzy and Cleo met up in the park for coffee and decided to sit under an oak tree. They spent most of the morning talking about Cleo’s thoughts about joining the Peace Corps. Izzy tried to be supportive of her friend, but for the first time in a very long time, she had become close with someone without the pressures of a relationship. It felt nice to finally have a girlfriend that was actually just a friend, someone she could talk to about anything. The thought of losing the one friend in her life scared her and saddened her all at once, even if she was appreciative of how enthusiastic Cleo was.

“Where do you think you’ll go?”

“I dunno,” Cleo answered, taking a sip from coffee. “Maybe Simaliya...or Africa?”

“Like in the jungles?” Izzy asked, scrunching her nose.

Cleo giggled as she bobbed her shoulders. “Well, wherever the poor villages are. My dad keeps trying to talk me out it because it’ll be really hard for me to come back and visit while I’m gone for two years.”

“Why?”

“Because the Peace Corps doesn’t pay for travel. You accrue two days off for every month you work, so even if we were rolling in riches, I would still have to wait four or five, maybe even six months before I got enough time off for it to even be worth the trip,” Cleo replied.

“So, what happens after the two years?” Izzy asked.

Cleo shrugged, smiling at her friend. “I come home and either find a job or go to graduate school. Probably the first one though, cause I’ll be broke as hell.”

They both laughed and sipped at their coffee for a moment.

“I applied to more galleries, a few took a look at my portfolio,” Izzy said, looking over at the other girl.

“That’s awesome! Any bites?”

“So far? None,” Izzy replied with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sure something will turn up,” Cleo replied. “You really are talented, someone is bound to scoop you up soon.”

Izzy smiled. “Thanks,” she said softly. “I just feel like, I need a chance. I just need someone to cut me some slack and let me prove myself, you know?”

“That’s what everyone needs at some point in their lives. You’ll get your shot. Just keep working hard and keep trying,” Cleo replied. “How’s work at the restaurant going?”

“It's going really well, I think I'm getting pretty good at not having an attitude with rude customers.”

Her phone buzzed and Izzy set down her coffee as she reached into her pocket. She didn’t immediately recognize the number on the screen, but answered it anyway.

“Isabella Barba,” she chirped. She'd been working lately on answering her phone with phrases other than, “what?” or, “fuck, why do you call me all the time?”

“Ms. Barba, Ben Michaelson from Below Exile Projects. I got your number from a Larissa Hainly? She said you gave her some paintings for a galla she had a couple years back.”

“Yes, I remember Larissa, she had an amazing gallery! What can I do for you Mr. Michaelson?”

“Well, I’m sure you haven’t heard of Below Exile Projects, it’s because we’re just getting ready to launch our gallery in Chelsea and we’re looking for artists who want to maybe provide their work on consignment with us. Is that something you would be interested in?” Ben asked.

Izzy thought for a moment. “I would definitely be interested, but I'm going to need to know a bit more about your gallery.”

“Yeah, of course. Why don’t we meet up for coffee tomorrow, around eleven? Does that work?” he asked.

“Yeah that sounds perfect!” Izzy looked at Cleo and pantomimed a scream, free hand waving frantically in front of her.

“Sounds good. How about we meet on Broadway and 23rd? There’s a cafe right on the corner,” he replied.

“Sure, that sounds great! I'm excited to meet and chat.”

“Me too,” he said. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Yes sir, see you then.” When she ended the call she turned to Cleo with a grin. “A new gallery that’s opening in Chelsea wants my work!”

“See! I told you, if you put positive energy out into the universe, good things happen!” Cleo said, smiling back.

Izzy squealed and tackled Cleo, arms wrapping loosely around her friend’s neck. “I'm so excited!”

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Hey all!! Sorry this is coming rather late in the day, but here is new episode of Cuba v DR!!

EPISODE 13

Rafael did come by the hospital later that afternoon, moving into Lily’s room with pink and yellow flowers and a teddy bear in his hands.

“Hey, mi niña,” he said, coming to kiss her forehead. “How are you feeling?”

She made a pouty face and hugged him and the teddy bear tight. “I gots an owie,” she tugged up her gown and pointed to her bandaged side. “But mommy and tia Emmy said I'm all better now.”

“Oww,” he cooed, pondering on whether or not to try and correct her reference to Emmy. “I’m glad you’re all better, I was worried about you. Tia Roxie said she’s gonna come too, okay? Maybe I can tell her to bring you some cupcakes from her bakery.”

“Can tia Roxie bring the chocolate chip muffins?” she asked hopefully as she patted the bed for him to come sit with her. “I'm glad you came tio!”

“I will talk to her and ask her to bring you muffins too. Anything you want, mi niña,” he answered, sitting on the side of her bed and kissing her hair. “Donde esta tu mama?” he asked.

“Mommy is talking with Tia Emmy,” she said as she snuggled up to him. “Did you come to see mommy or me?” she asked with a pouty face. She was definitely your daughter.

“Emmy isn’t your tia, mi amor, and of course I came to see you! I’ve missed you,” he replied, giving her a gentle squeeze.

“Emmy is my tia. I love her like my tia,” she said with earnest little eyes staring up at him. “So she's my Tia.”

“Roxie’s your tia, you barely spend time with Emmy anymore, mi niña,” he pointed out gently.

“But Tia is nice and she always gives me birthday presents,” she smiled. “I love Tia Roxie too! She makes me yummy treats!”

“She hasn’t given you a birthday present since you were four, honey,” he mumbled with furrowed brows.

“No, no, Tia gives me a present every year,” she said with a serious face. “Last year she brought me the Barbie castle in my room.”

“That’s a little weird,” he mumbled. “Well, just don’t call her that in front of your Tia Roxie. It might hurt her feelings,” he replied.

“Why? Tia Roxie is Tia too, I love both of them. I love everyone!”

He snorted softly and kissed her forehead.

“I know, but since Tio Rafa and Emmy aren’t together anymore, it might hurt Tia Roxie’s feelings if you still call Emmy, ‘Tia,’” he answered.

“Okay,” she nodded as you and Emmy came in the room. “Tia, you can't be my tia in front of Tia Roxie,” she announced seriously.

You snorted a laugh as you quirked a brow at your brother. “Harsh.”

“I didn’t tell her to say that, and I didn’t tell her that either,” he argued. “Still it’s semantics, we’re broken up. We’ve been broken up for two years,” he said to Emmy softly.

Emmy nodded, “Indeed we have, thank you, oh mighty time master for the calendar lesson.”

Again you laughed, “She's a tia on my side,” you said to Rafael. “Emmy and I still talk, so Lily sees her sometimes.”

“I didn’t realize you made it a habit to get so close with my exes,” he replied in his typical snark. “One would think you would make the same effort with my fiance.”

“I'm not about to correct her, I love this little one,” Emmy said as she kissed Lily's fingers, pretending to eat them and making Lily giggle.

“I'm here,” Roxie said as she moved in. “Sorry, I got caught up with the exploring and didn't see that it was visiting hours-” her gaze went to Emmy and she smiled. “Hi Emmy, your hair is so long now, it looks lovely.”

“Thank you,” Emmy replied, smiling back. “I heard the good news! Congratulations on the pregnancy, when are you due?” she asked.

Rafael glared at his ex girlfriend as you bit your bottom lip, lowering your gaze.

“How did I never noticed what a big mouth you have?” he asked.

“What’d I say? Y/N told me--”

“Em,” you whispered, shaking your head.

Roxie took a deep breath. “Its fine, she didn't know,” she smiled at Emmy. “Thank you, Emmy, they were good intentions.”

She turned her attention to Lily and smiled as she came over with muffins.

“Look what I brought you,” she whispered.

Lily frowned and moved a hand to Roxie’s face, wiping her cheek. “Tia why are you crying?”

Rafael looked up at Roxie as Emmy spoke up.

“I have to...go do my rounds,” she mumbled, sharing a look with you as she left.

“You’re another that can’t keep your big mouth shut,” Rafael whispered to you.

“I mentioned it without thinking,” you said gently and sat down on the bed behind Roxie, wrapping your arms around her and hugging her tight. “I'm so sorry,” you whispered to her.

You knew that pain, you knew how bad it could be and you knew how isolating it felt.

“I'm so truly sorry.”

Roxie pushed your hands off her and turned to you.

“Maybe you should stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong and start focusing on your own failing marriage where your husband will barely touch you.”

“Whoa…” Rafael chimed, widening his eyes at Roxie and shaking his head. “Unnecessary.”

Roxie tensed and stormed out of the room. She felt bad, you had told her that in confidence but she was so frustrated. You stood up and moved after her.

“Watch Lily,” you said to your brother.

Lily stared at Rafael, “Why won't papi touch mommy?”

You caught her in the hallway and turned her to face you. “I fucked up, I know I did. I'm sorry, I know what it's like to lose a child and…it hurts more than anything.”

Roxie glared at you. “You don't know a damn thing. You have three living children. No one understands this.”

“Don't think for a second I don't think every day about the baby that could have been. I wonder what gender it would have been, if I would have seen dark curls of hair or if they would have been bald. Would they have said mama, or papi first, I wonder that still to this day. I know you're hurting. But so is my brother, so maybe you don't think I understand, fine. But he does, he lost the same thing you did and he's being strong for you. So don't act like you're the only one with a loss here.”

“I never asked him to be strong for me,” she whispered, shaking her head. “It wasn’t his body that failed to keep a baby safe. It wasn’t him who bled until there was nothing left inside him.”

“Your body didn't fail you, it just happens,” you said gently and took her hands. “Roxie, you didn't do anything wrong. You aren't at fault here.”

“Well I didn’t want it to just happen to me,” she replied.

“No one does,” you held out your arms as you waited for her to come to you. Once she did, you hugged her tight. “I know it hurts now,” you whispered. “But you aren't alone, we love you so much, you're my sister. Even if you never marry Rafi, you're my sister.”

“Why wouldn’t I marry Rafael?” she asked.

“I just meant that even without Rafael in the picture, you've grown into one of my best friends.”

“Really?” she asked, smiling a little.

You nodded seriously. “I mean it.” You hugged her tight. “How about we go out next week, spa weekend, just the two of us. We can relax, have some fun.”

“Oh...um...I think I would like that very much,” she answered, smiling a little.

You hugged her again very tight. “Now come on, Lily wants to talk to her tia,” you smoothed her hair back down and smiled at her, holding her hand as the two of you walked back inside.

“But tia said papi no touch mami, he did touch her. I saw him give her a hug last night,” Lily continued to argue.

“I think this is a conversation you should be having with your mother...a thousand years from now,” Rafael replied.

“Tia why doesn't papi touch mommy?” She turned Roxie who blushed.

“He does baby girl, tia said things she didn't mean because she was upset,” Roxie explained gently.

“Lies are bad,” Lily scolded.

“I know, darling. That's why I apologized to your mum outside.”

“Oh, okay,” she nodded and smiled at Rafael. “Tio will you stay here and read me stories?”

“Of course, I will. Which story do you wanna hear first?”

“Ferdinand,” Lily answered.

“Ferdinand it is,” he replied, turning his head to find the book in question on the bedside tray. “Okay….Once upon a time in Spain, there was a little bull, and his name was Ferdinand…”

By the time Nevada came back, Rafael and Roxie had headed home together.

You slept soundly by your daughter's side, only waking when the light of the door opening roused you.

“Hey handsome,” you whispered with a smile.

“Hey,” he whispered back, coming to help you out of the bed without waking Lily. “How’s this one been?” he asked.

“She's recovering perfectly, they said she'll be out by tomorrow evening if it stays okay.” You stroked her hair before standing up and wrapping your arms around his neck, kissing him slowly. It wasn't overly sexual, it was just sleepy and warm and loving.

He kissed you back, pulling you into his chest.

“That’s good,” he mumbled. “I’m so glad she’s okay,” he added, looking down at his perfect, sleeping princess.

“Me too,” you stroked your fingers up and down his back muscles as you snuggled in close to him. “God you smell amazing today,” you sniffed his jacket and hummed.

“I smell like this everyday, mami,” he replied with a smirk, tucking you further against his side. “You want me to tell them to bring un pín-pan-pun in here so you can get some sleep?”

“Maybe I don't need sleep,” you smiled and kissed his skin. “Maybe I just need to hold you.”

Wrapping his other arm around you, he held you tightly against him, letting his chin rest on the top of your head as one hand rubbed your back.

“Rafael stopped by,” you mumbled.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm…”

“How’s he doing?”

“Barely hanging on...he wanted to ask about Tres,” you answered.

“What about him?”

“I guess SVU wanted to talk to him about the kidnapping. I told him this was neither the time or the place but I'd pass along the message to you.”

Nevada nodded his head, shrugging.

“He’s not my son, but I’ll talk to OJ. See what he thinks,” he answered. “You okay?” he asked after a moment.

“Yeah, I just missed your touch.” You kissed him again, tangling your fingers in his hair and smiling against him.

He kissed you back for a moment before pulling you into another hug, holding your head against his chest.

You sighed a bit, but settled against him. You loved this too.

“Sure you don’t want me to ask them for a cot?” he asked again. “You should sleep, you’ve been here all day.”

“I just wanna be with you,” you mumbled against him. “I don't wanna leave your arms.”

“Coño, pero we can’t stay standing up all night,” he mused softly.

“Then carry me,” you joked dramatically, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning into him. He chuckled softly, shaking his head and giving your ass a light spank. “I’ll go see about getting us a cot,” he said, moving out into the hall to find a nurse.

You moved to Lily, stroking her hair and watching her sleep, you used to lay beside her as a baby and just watch her breathe, it soothed you. After Vegas, you started doing that again. She was your first born, your forever baby girl, if anything were to happen to her--

“Oye, they’re gonna bring a cot in. You want anything drink? Snack?” Nevada asked, poking his head inside.

You shook your head, “Do you remember when she was born?” you whispered.

He furrowed his brows a little, nodding his head.

“Yeah, I was there,” he answered softly. “Why?”

“She was so tiny and so beautiful. When my water broke on the dock, I was terrified, I didn't want to lose her but when they put her in my arms, I fell in love. I didn't know you could love a child as much as I love her, or the twins. I didn't want kids for so long but, now I can't imagine a life without them.”

“Yeah, they’re good kids,” he mused as the nurse squeezed past him in the doorway to get bring in a cot for you. He walked up and gave you a kiss. “I’m gonna go relieve your mom, okay? I’ll be back tomorrow to pick you guys up,” he promised.

You looked disappointed but knew he had to go be with twins, giving him a gentle kiss back, you laid down on the cot.

Moving to Lily, he gave her a kiss on her forehead, smirking a little at his sweet princess.

“Call me if you need anything, okay? I’ll tell the twins you said goodnight,” he whispered.

You nodded and waved, closing your eyes and trying to get some sleep the second he was gone. It was going to be a long night.

The next morning Rafael sat at the kitchen table with his morning cup of coffee, reading the newspaper when Roxie came out of the bedroom.

“Morning,” he said, offering her brief glance before he turned his attention back to his paper. “Coffee’s ready if you’d like some.”

She nodded and sat down, taking his hand. “I'd like to go to the group with you,” she said gently.

Looking up from his paper, he nodded his head, smiling a little.

“I’d really like that,” he replied. “You know um...after you decided to walk around a little more last night instead of coming home with me, I um...I went to one of their meetings.” His bit his bottom lip nervously. “It actually helped a little to know I was with people who’ve been through something like this too.”

“It did?” she asked as she stroked his hair as he nodded. “Then I'm excited to go with you,” she said honestly.

He smiled a little and kissed the back of her hand, pulling her close to press his nose against her stomach. Inhaling her scent, he wished he could stay that way forever, but alas the world had other plans, and his phone buzzed a few times.

She sighed but stroked his hair as he answered the phone. “Barba.”

“Barba, any word on Nevada's associate and his son? We got nothing from our side, they barely acknowledged Carisi.”

“I passed along the message, but I haven’t heard back yet. From what I’ve heard, he was pretty traumatized, hasn’t said much since they found him,” he answered, looking at his watch. “I’ll be at the office in an hour, in the meantime, put together everything you have for the current case. I’ll stop by and pick it up.”

“Alright, I'll have it ready for you,” the call ended and Roxie snuggled against him.

“Your sister is going to take me for a spa day next week,” Roxie said excitedly. “She said I'm one of her best friends.”

It was clear this meant the world to Roxie. She'd never have a large group of friends, all of her time had been spent caring for her sister. But having you and Amber has been the closest thing to a girls group she'd ever seen.

He smiled at that, pulling her against him again and resting his face against her collarbone.

“I’m glad you and my sister are close,” he said softly. “And I think a day at the spa would be really great for you, too. Hey, I just remembered that we still have to pick out wedding bands. Do you maybe wanna meet for lunch and we can take a look around?” he asked softly.

“I would love that!” She hugged him closer and nodded eagerly. “We're picking out each other’s right?”

“Yeah, or we can just pick out a matching set. However you want to do it, mi amor,” he replied, smiling up at her.

She smiled and kissed him slow and loving, clearly happy at the idea of finally getting their wedding bands.

“Let's just get married now,” she whimpered against his lips.

“And do what about everyone we’ve already invited to the wedding that’s in three weeks?” he asked with a smile. “I can’t wait either, but we have plenty to do in three weeks, and I want you to have your wedding day. I wanna see you in your dress, walking down the aisle,” he whispered.

“I just want to be Mrs. Rafael Barba,” she said with a dreamy smile.

“And you will be in three weeks,” he replied, kissing her and humming against her mouth. “Besides, I would never hear the end of it if my mother found out we got married without her.”

She pouted but stroked her fingers over his skin. “Well today after lunch, I'm supposed to go with Amber to buy wedding night lingerie.” She blushed. “Your sister said she'd rather die than come along.”

“So you’re going with my ex girlfriend,” he mused, still smiling a little. “That shouldn’t be awkward at all, though I probably could’ve gone my entire life without knowing that she’s gonna know what you wear on our wedding night,” he added.

“She's got the cutest baby on the planet, she doesn't have time to wonder about our sex life,” she kissed him and smiled.

“Fair enough,” he mumbled against her mouth, kissing her back. He sighed heavily and folded the paper back up, downing the rest of his coffee. “I have to get to work, but I’ll see you later?”

Roxie nodded and gave him a big kiss. “Have a good day,” she whispered, getting up from his lap.

“You too. I love you,” he whispered back.

[rauliskafan]

A Hard Lesson in History: Chapter 8

Authors’ Note: Happy Friday, fabulous readers!!! Thank you once again for your amazing feedback last night!!! Even though Natalia is now in the know, Rafael still has some music to face for his past actions. Read on to find out more!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy!!!

“So what happens now?”

Walking down the early morning street on little to no sleep and far too much caffeine, Rafael gazed up at the sky. The breath leaving his lungs swirled towards the gray clouds, gray matching his mood despite the way Natalia sat with him in his office until the hour was too late to stay there one moment longer. Once home, she helped him to bed and rubbed soothing circles into his back until dawn. With the sunrise came the sight of Violetta perched in between the twins’ bassinets on tip toe telling them all about the dinner with Trevor and Alessia that they would have liked so very much since the restaurant had beds instead of tables.

And all you two really do is eat and sleep so…

“Barba? Are you listening to me?”

Liv’s question brought him back from the memory, and Rafael paused before Hogan Place to peer into her eyes.

“Yes. Sorry. I just---”

“Wishing you could be somewhere else,” Liv said, giving his arm a tender squeeze. “You know you should have just told me what was going on.”

“I could hardly admit to myself. Not that I’d change it but…”

“But it complicates things,” Liv said. “It could bring every case you’ve ever tried under scrutiny.”

“Maybe one less headache for you if we don���t work together again,” he said, the joke coming out weak and falling flat.

“Rafael.”

She said nothing else as her hands traveled up his arms to seize his shoulders.

“That isn’t what I want to hear from you,” she continued. “You’re meeting with the DA. Fine. But do not let it be all about that one moment. Think of all the good you’ve done for so many people. Me included.”

He watched her lips curve into a small smile and felt his cheeks flush as he took her hand.

“So your advice is that I go in swinging?” he asked.

“To come out and fight another day,” she said. “We’ll get Willard one way or another. And I want you on my team when that happens.”

“Same here,” he said, starting to turn away. Suddenly, he glanced back with his hands in his pockets.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“Come on now, Rafael.”

She waited as he sighed, looking to the sky again.

“This job… it’s a beast.”

“Don’t I know it,” Liv agreed.

“But I can’t lose it. Especially now… with my girls…”

His throat tightened as Liv touched his arm again.

“You want to… you do make the world a safer place for them, Rafael” she assured him. “Focus on that and fight like hell to get back to what you do best.”

Returning her smile one last time, he started inside. She believed in him, and Natalia promised that tomorrow was whatever they wanted it to be. Fortified by their confidence and taking a deep breath, Rafael rode the elevator to the fifth floor and turned a corner to find a redheaded assistant finishing a call before looking up at him with a faint grin.

“Mr. Barba?” she asked.

Nodding his head, he watched her extend one arm and point to a closed door. Rafael choked back any lingering doubts and turned the knob to enter.

“Rafael.”

At least it wasn’t Collier Ward. For so many reasons.

“Long time no see. We haven’t had a chance to properly catch up.”

Reaching across the desk, he shook the hand of the man whose name had escaped him while Violetta waited for their failed lunch date.

“Michael Cutter,” Rafael said. “It has been awhile.”

“Too long,” the other man said.

“I heard that you were teaching.”

“Needed a chance to clear my head and get back to basics,” Cutter said as he gestured towards the chair before his desk, and Rafael slowly sat. “If you ever can, get back in a classroom. You’ll learn more from the students than you could ever imagine.”

“My wife would agree with that,” Rafael said.

“Right!" Cutter exclaimed. “She’s a teacher, too. And three little girls! Everyone is well I hope?”

“Depends on what you say next.”

Cutter’s face fell as he resumed his seat and flipped open a file.

“Guess we’re not beating around the bush,” Cutter said.

“It’s why I’m here,” Rafael replied. “Now I know how this must look, but---”

“It looks like you bribed a witness,” Cutter said.

“Not everything done in the dark is shameful,” Rafael countered.

“Did you ever tell her daughter that much?” he challenged. “Or did you just send the money and hope that the problem would go away?”

For a second Rafael’s jaw came unhinged until he shook his head.

“School’s hardened you,” he finally uttered.

“Taught me to see both sides of any equation,” Cutter replied.

“If Jack McCoy could see you now,” Rafael quipped.

“I think he’d be pleased,” Cutter shot back. “But we’re not here to talk about the past. This is about the future. Your future.”

Liv’s words rang in his ears as he took another deep breath.

“My record speaks for itself,” Rafael said. “Do you really want to show me the door and see what happens to the conviction rate?”

“Someone’s confident,” Cutter said.

“With cause,” he continued. “I’ve given my heart and soul to these victims and this unit.”

“As did Alexandra Cabot and Casey Novak before you,” Cutter said. “Rafael, the sun will still rise if you’re put out to pasture.”

Now it suddenly felt all too real. And while the idea of returning to the townhouse and falling back into Natalia’s waiting arms kept him from completely falling apart at the seams, only now was Rafael starting to realize how much he truly stood to lose.

“So is this where you ask for my formal resignation?” he asked through clenched teeth. Cutter kept him hanging for what felt like forever, finally closing the file then cracking his knuckles over the manila.

“It’s a suspension, Rafael,” he began. “Anything less simply would not hold water. No one’s telling you to pack up your belongings just yet.”

“You want me to say thank you?” Rafael muttered.

“It would be the polite thing to do,” Cutter said. “But we won’t press the point. I can’t give you a date as of yet when or if this all goes away.”

“So you’re leaving me in limbo,” Rafael replied.

“Where you’ll wait,” Cutter said. “No offense, Rafael, but you made this bed. Now you have to lie in it.”

All he wanted now was to huddle under piles of blankets with Natalia and bury his head in her hair. But before he could get to that place…

“I… what about my current caseload?” he asked.

“All taken care of,” Cutter said. “I think you know… well speak of the devil!”

Looking over his shoulder, Rafael spied Eve Selby standing at the threshold to the office, smoothing her hands over her gray pencil skirt.

“You?” he asked.

“It’s… it’s a surprise to me too, Mr. Barba,” Eve said. “I didn’t ask for the job.”

But for the moment, or maybe longer, it was hers.

“Suppose the squad could do worse,” Rafael said as he rose from his chair and failed to shake Cutter’s hand a second time around.

“Rafael, don’t be like that,” Cutter said.

“Let’s save the pleasantries for when I’m back on the payroll.” With that he turned away from the desk and found himself trapped in Eve’s stare.

“Mr. Barba, I---”

“It’s alright, Ms. Selby,” he said. “If I’m allowed a few short minutes, I’ll bring you up to speed.

He waited until he heard Cutter’s voice.

“That sounds prudent, Rafael. Please fill Ms. Selby in on anything and everything pertinent.”

“Look who’s joining us for lunch!”

Walking through the front door well before his time, Rafael stepped into the living room to find Maggie and Dodds bouncing the twins on their laps as Violetta poured pretend tea.

“What brings you two by?” Rafael asked as he tossed his briefcase aside and wondered if he would ever need to pick it up again.

“Good news!” Maggie beamed. “We’re taking the loft in Soho.”

“That a fact?” he queried as Violetta rushed towards him, and he lifted her off the floor.

“Got a hell of a deal on the place,” Dodds said as he tickled Holly’s tiny tummy. “It’s kind of a fixer upper but---”

“But after the twins’ room, you two are the property brothers-in-law!” Maggie proclaimed, pinching her husband’s cheek and smoothing her hand through his hair. “I sense a YouTube show in your future. Right, Hazel?”

The other baby huffed, and the sergeant laughed.

“I’m down for it,” Dodds said.

“And I help!” Violetta said.

“Sweetheart, wouldn’t you rather go to lunch with me and the twins and Mami?” Maggie asked.

“No way!” Violetta said. “Me and Harold host and let Papi and Tio Mike do the talking part when it look like they not going to make it work.”

Her words hit a little too close to home, and Rafael held her tighter until she pressed her tiny palms to his face.

“But it all be good when you make the house pretty and it cut to two months later and everyone so happy!”

“You’ve been watching too much HGTV, muñequita,” Rafael said even as his mind drifted to where he would be in two months or two years’ time, and he lowered his little girl to the sofa. Kissing the top of her head, he watched Maggie flick her phone to life to present the slideshow that was her next chapter.

“You okay?” Dodds asked, still holding Holly. Rafael nodded his head.

“Just wondering what my wife’s making for lunch,” he said, starting for the kitchen.

“No pineapples, Papi,” Violetta said as Maggie helped her hold Hazel, and Violetta’s eyes went wide when the baby’s small mouth opened in a contented sigh. “Hazel happy to hear it, too!”

His girls looked perfect in Dodds and Maggie’s arms, but his legs felt heavy as he found Natalia chopping carrots and sporting a smile.

“Hey! This is a surprise!”

She started to kiss him when he simply gathered her close and nuzzled her hair. He felt Natalia tense, but then she softened in his embrace and her lips found his neck.

“Is it that bad?” she asked.

“I’m suspended,” he whispered, the words catching in his throat. “Indefinitely.”

“Rafael, I---”

Easing back, he cupped her chin in his hands.

“You know, I… I hated going back. Leaving you with the girls.”

“You didn’t leave us,” she assured him.

“It felt that way,” he continued. “But I… Natalia…”

At the sounds of their daughters’ laughter, she pulled her husband through the French doors and stood on the balcony with her hands at his sides.

“I feel like such a failure,” he said.

“Stop,” she said. “You could never be that.”

“You sure about that?” he challenged. “I’ve tried to justify it. You have. Liv---”

“I’m glad you told her,” Natalia murmured, quickly kissing his cheek. “Don’t you know that we’re all in your corner?”

“Will you always be there?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Atticus.”

“I mean it, hermosa. I… I’ve lost something today. I don’t know if I’m ever getting it back.”

Swallowing hard, he stared into her eyes glistening with the beginnings of tears.

“Forgive me,” he said. “For all of it.”

Her arms winded around his waist, and Natalia brought her head to the rest against his chest.

“Nothing to forgive,” she said. “I didn’t like the idea of someone holding something over your head… hurting you.”

“Or you,” he said, running his hands through her hair. Pressing one finger under her chin, he gazed into her eyes, his heart lightening when he saw her smile again.

“So don’t look like you lost your best friend,” she said.

“Meaning I haven’t lost you?”

After a kiss, she held him again, her breath warm against his ear.

“I was talking about Liv,” she teased. “But at least I’m in good company.”

“You are in a class by yourself, hermosa,” he swore, taking her hands in his to press his lips to her wrists.

“I don’t quite know what I’m going to do with myself,” he confessed. Gently pushing him back, Natalia arched one eyebrow.

“What?” he asked.

“You’ll have your lunch and when Maggie and Mike leave you’ll help me with the babies’ baths and then take Violetta for a walk,” she started.

“Alright,” he agreed. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Then we’ll do dinner, and you’ll sing everyone to sleep. Harold, too.”

“Naturally,” he said. “Wouldn’t want the hippo to feel left out.”

Nibbling on her lower lip, Natalia let her hand trail down the length of his tie, and she smirked.

“After all that, if you’re still restless, I’ll see what else I can come up with.”

She winked, and as he followed her back inside, Rafael laughed.

“What?” she asked.

“Definitely better things to do with one’s time off then stay in a classroom.”

“Where did that come from?” she asked.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Okay. But for that I get my own song tonight.”

He mirrored her smile and let the morning melt away as they moved back inside for the meal.