maximizinglendai

[autisticstarseed]

anyways sorry that i just soapbox abt this every now and then bc of The Trauma Feels TM comin out to the surface but. @ teens, dont ever let adults become obsessed with you, even platonically. if you are 18+, under no circumstances should you let yourself become best friends with a teen. as in, whatever relationships you ever happen to form with a minor, they should be Different from what you view as friendship amongst your adult peers. you cant let yourself form an emotional dependence on them. you cant rely on them to take care of you as your ‘bff’ or think you can do whatever you want without consequence. you cant even rly expect the same care back from them, theyre a kid and you’re an adult. no matter what, balls in your court to regulate your behavior towards a minor, bc they obviously dont deserve mistreatment from you just bc You werent thinking abt it or didnt care. its your job to do that! you choose to take that on when you try to get buddy buddy with em! 

you can have a friendly relationship or w/e, but it literally isnt the same as your regular adult friendships, and Cant be Treated like that. you cant ignore your power imbalance even a little bit, theres Zero margin for error, you will Hurt them if you ever let yourself just Forget they are a child. the gravity of your impact in this situation should be very important to you. you cant treat a young friend like your adult friends, bc they cant Be an adult for you. they DEFINITELY cant do MORE for you than you can do for them, no matter how much you feel you ‘need’ them. you definitely cant ask for emotional labor, you cant deflect any kind of manipulation patterns off of your personal issues. thats shit you shouldnt even do to your fucking adult friends but god, to do it to a kid is just another level of power trip and abuse. theres a Huge responsibility on your part here, and it honestly includes refusing to let it cross a line where you are the one being cared for. sometimes it means to ask for less and put in more, to expect to have to hold some things back and put in some efforts you might not usually think about. if you just cant do that, okay, then distance yourself. if you want equal maturity literally just. seek that out. pick someone of the same age, instead of trying to force kids in ur life to grow up for you. look for people who can meet your needs instead of taking whoever comes along and trying to pry more out of them when they cant meet your standards. thats just basic consideration.

if you are an adult who befriends a minor, you cannot seek an equal relationship, let alone one where they give You more. “but i have dependancy issues, thats an unhealthy relationship, thats not fair, Friendships require equal-” you are not best friends. because it is not equal. this relationship is inherently different from that of your adult friends, your maturity levels ARE different. if you selfishly ignore that to get what you want out of them, you’ll be willfully damaging them. like. dude im tired of feeling this leftover guilt and stress that like, even tho i was killing myself and losing my mind because i couldnt ‘do enough’ for others in relationships like this, i must have been a bad friend who was doing something wrong to make them that mad at me all the time when... i was just 15... like i was fully Just a regular 15 yr old..... thats all it was.... and the only Real relationship problem there was that nobody Cared abt that shit.