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May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 15 days into May and I haven't touched on this topic/issue near/dear to my heart....

Today, my Monday Motivation is mental health in the Black community. Mental illness is prevalent within my family; mental disorders that vary from mild (depression & anxiety) and severe (schizophrenia). Experts define a mental disorder as a significant dysfunction in a person’s thinking, emotional control, and behavior. The condition often disrupts a person’s ability to relate to others and to deal with the demands of life. In the Black community, there is a trend of overlooking, minimizing and ignoring mental health and the importance of addressing it. Fear, uncertainty and judgement from both internal and external have prevented a lot of those suffering from healing, properly. Many people misunderstand what a mental health condition is and don’t talk about this topic. This lack of knowledge leads many to believe that a mental health condition is a personal weakness or some sort of punishment from God. Many (especially our black community) may be reluctant to discuss mental health issues and seek treatment because of the shame and stigma associated with such conditions. However, there are so many of us ready and willing to heal despite the discomfort we may face along the way. I am no therapist, but I am a huge advocate for self-care starting from the inside out. We all deserve happiness and mental clarity, but we have to be proactive. Family members and friends can play a vital role by providing reassurance and support.

(I had time today, 😊)

[lessonsformydaughters]

May is my favorite month of the year.... and not because I was born in May.

May Flowers/Spring is my favorite season. 

I was baptized in May. (May 10)

Mother’s Reign in May 

My husband proposed in May. (May 30) 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month (Topic/Issue dear to my heart) 

[lessonsformydaughters]

Black is Beautiful. 

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💯💯💯

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“I AM a STRONG Black Woman And I CANNOT Be Intimidated!”  Queen Maxine’s response to Bill O’Reilly’s remark regarding her hair. Maxine Moore Waters is the U.S. Representative for California's 43rd congressional district, and previously the 35th and 29th districts, serving since 1991. Fifth out of thirteen children, Waters was raised by her single mother once her father left the family when Maxine was two.[3] She graduated from Vashon High School in St. Louis, and moved with her family to Los Angeles, California, in 1961. When south-central Los Angeles erupted in riots — in which 58 were killed — after the Rodney King verdict in 1992, Waters gained national attention "when she helped deliver relief supplies in Watts and demanded the resumption of vital services." Waters described the riots as a rebellion, saying "If you call it a riot it sounds like it was just a bunch of crazy people who went out and did bad things for no reason. I maintain it was somewhat understandable, if not acceptable." In regards to the looting of Korean-owned stores by local black residents, she said: “There were mothers who took this as an opportunity to take some milk, to take some bread, to take some shoes ... They are not crooks.” As she confronts the issues such as poverty, economic development, equal justice under the law and other issues of concern to people of color, women, children, and poor people, Rep. Waters enjoys a broad cross section of support from diverse communities across the nation. 

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The social media outcry is one reason why Mayor Muriel Bowser announced a slew of new programs aimed at improving the district’s response to missing youth.

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#FIndOurGirls 

"One of the things people are not touching on is how these predators are using children's own peers to recruit them into trafficking. They're comfortable going with someone they trust, not knowing about the dangers or the ulterior motives." 

If parents really want to know how their children are presenting themselves online – a preferred tool of traffickers and other predators, like it create at least one dummy social media account and friending them to get an authentic perspective.

[lessonsformydaughters]

Divorce & The Affects on Children

(This could also apply to separated couples/single parent homes).

On the day of your wedding, you start on a journey that will be sure to bring its share of problems, the Bible says that “those who marry will have pain and grief.” (1 Corinthians 7:28, the New English Bible)

The question is not whether problems will arise but how you will face them when they do.

I made the overwhelming and daunting decision to file for divorce in July 2010 (after a six month separation) from my ex-husband and father to my two of my daughters. We had spent our entire adulthood together until that point and it hurt, it was extremely painful. Our divorce was finalized April 2012. My true and honest opinion (based off experience): Divorce is disgusting.

What parents see as a quick way out, often results in emotional damage that children will carry for 30 years or more? Divorce is no small thing to children. It is the violent ripping apart of their parents, a loss of stability and sometimes a shock to their young minds. While we often think of children as resilient, going through such trauma is a lot to ask of our kids.

Every child of divorced parents suffers the loss of relationship and loss of security and the emotional scars are usually visible. More than 30 years of research continues to reveal the negative effects of divorce on children.

Research comparing children of divorced parents to children with married parent’s shows:

Children from divorced homes suffer academically. They     experience high levels of behavioral problems. Their grades suffer, and     they are less likely to graduate from high school.

Kids whose parents’ divorce are substantially more     likely to be incarcerated for committing a crime as a juvenile.

Because the custodial parents can or may income     drops after a divorce, children in divorced homes are almost five     times more likely to live in poverty than are children with married     parents.

Teens from divorced homes are much more likely to     engage in drug and alcohol use, as well as sexual intercourse than are     those from intact families.

  Children from divorced homes experience illness more frequently and recover from sickness more slowly.

 They are also more likely to suffer child abuse.

Children of divorced parents suffer more frequently from symptoms of psychological distress.

The emotional scars of divorce last into adulthood.

Before you say, "Not my kid," remember that the children and teens represented in these statistics are normal kids, probably not much different from ours. The scope of this last finding — children suffer emotionally from their parents' divorce — has been largely underestimated.

Obviously, not every child of divorce commits crime or drops out of school. Some, rather many do well in school and even become high achievers. However, we now know that even these children experience deep and lasting emotional trauma. For all children, their parents' divorce colors their view of the world and relationships for the rest of their lives.

Divorce can devastate children, regardless of their age.

Children have reported how divorce affects them:

They felt the financial strain of living in a single parent household.

They have had to feel as if they have to choose between parents.

They struggle with divorce, even as adults.

They do not take kindly to one parent badmouthing the other parent.

They feel happy to see their parents get along.

This is not to say that children and teens whose parents’ divorce are doomed emotionally or otherwise. They can succeed, especially if they have a relationship with both parents. However, it is naive to think that divorce will always be, as some might say, ‘better for the children’ or that it will put an end to all tension between spouses. In fact, some find that they have to deal more with their spouse after the divorce than before and on much more serious issues, such as financial support or child custody. Divorce doesn’t always end family problems; it can simply moves them to a different arena.

The Bible also says: “The shrewd one considers his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15) That principle applies not just when choosing a spouse or whom you have children with but also when considering what to do about a marriage or a relationship that is struggling or failing.

Marriage is a divine commitment that should not be taken lightly.

Divorce is war. Choose wisely.

If you are divorced, it is to be expected that you will experience a wide range of emotions. On the one hand, you might still feel love for this person with whom you had a marital bond.  On the other hand, you might feel resentful over what has occurred. Even after several years, you may still feel confused, humiliated, and helpless. Many happy moments from your marriage come to mind, and you think: “ Why did this happen?’”  Divorce affects us all. 

References 

Nan Marie Astone and Sara S. McLanahan, "Family Structure, Parental Practices and High School Completion," American Sociological Review 56 (1991): 309-320. ↩

Cynthia Harper and Sara McLanahan, "Father Absence and Youth Incarceration," Center for Research on Child Wellbeing, Working Paper #99-03, http://crcw.princeton.edu/publications/articles/2004/WP99-03-pub.pdf. ↩

Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur, Growing Up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1994), p. 82. ↩

Robert L. Flewelling and Karl E. Bauman, "Family Structure as a Predictor of Initial Substance Use and Sexual Intercourse in Early Adolescence," Journal of Marriage and the Family 52 (1990): 171-181. ↩

Jane Mauldon, "The Effects of Marital Disruption on Children's Health," Demography 27 (1990): 431-46, and Olle Lundberg, "The Impact of Childhood Living Conditions on Illness and Mortality in Adulthood," Social Science and Medicine 36 (1993): 1047-52, both as cited in Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage (New York: Doubleday, 2000). ↩

Jw.org A House Divided—The Impact of Divorce on Adolescents Awake!—2009

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This deserves our Attention & our Vigilance! 

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Helping Children Cope with Death

Recently, my daughters lost their grandfather.  It wasn’t expected and it is still fresh. Reggie was extremely intelligent and articulate. He was part Native American and his reddish-brown skin is reflected in Laila. His high cheek bones shine through India. He was kind and thoughtful, Reggie made it a point to be in his granddaughters lives, despite circumstance, despite distance. My girls had a great bond with Reggie, so naturally, it pained me to watch my daughters grieving our loved one.

When death strikes a family, parents, relatives and friends are often at a loss as to what to say or do to help children cope with what has happened. Yet, children need us to help them deal with death.

How do you explain death to children?

It is important to explain matters in simple terms. Keep it truthful too. Do not hesitate to use the real words, such as “dead” and “death.”  Also, encourage their questions. ‘What’s dead?’ they may ask. You might answer this way: “‘Dead’ means that the body stopped working and can’t do any of the things it used to—it can’t talk, see, or hear, and it can’t feel anything.”

Children often feel responsible for the death of a loved one. Because a child may at one time or another have felt angry at the person who died or didn’t always behave inappropriately, the child may come to believe that angry thoughts or words caused the death.  A young child may need such reassurances repeatedly.

Crying in front of children is both normal and healthy. Besides, it is almost impossible to hide your feelings from children completely; they tend to be very discerning and can often sense that something is wrong. Being honest about your grief lets them know that it is normal to grieve and at times to show your feelings.

Here are some things parents can do to help a child who has lost a loved one:

·         When talking about death, use simple, clear words. ...

·         Listen and comfort. ...

·         Put emotions into words. ...

·         Tell your child what to expect. ...

·         Talk about funerals and rituals. ...

·         Give your child a role. ...

·         Help your child remember the person.

 What Not to Do . . .

Do not keep away because you do not know what to say or do: ‘I’m sure they need to be alone right now,’ we may tell ourselves. But maybe we are keeping away because we are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Remember, the kindest words and actions are often the simplest.

Do not pressure them to stop grieving: ‘There, there, now, don’t cry,’ we may want to say. But it may be better to let the tears flow. I think it’s important to allow those grieving to show their emotion and really get it out.

Do not be quick to advise them to discard clothing or other personal effects of the deceased before they are ready: We may feel that it would be better for them to discard memory-evoking objects because they somehow prolong the grief. But the saying “Out of sight, out of mind” may not apply here. A grieving child may need to let go of the deceased slowly.

[lessonsformydaughters]

Indi Girl You Are My World! 🌎My hope is that you, will grow up to be a strong woman who knows how to get things done, and isn't afraid to roll up your sleeves to make things happen 💪... You're a beautiful young lady. Thank you for your hard work at school and home, you make me proud everyday. ❤ #queen . . . . #mymotherhoodmagic #daughter #proudmama #lifeofawifeandmother #blackgirlmagic #raisingqueens #beyou #beautiful #strong #smart #kind #sharemyworld #beautyandbrains #shegetitfromhermama #selfiequeen #motivation #monday #mygirl #countingblessings #firstbaby #teenageyears #middleschool #motherhoodmagic #parenthood #daddysgirl #mamasworld #livelaughlove

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Girls Run The World 🌟 . . . #afterschoolfun #sisterhood #flipshair #lifeofawifeandmother #blackgirlmagic #girlsjustwannahavefun #lovepeacehappiness #livelaughlove #mygirls #girlsruntheworld #motherhoodmagic #wcw #mood #proudmama #mommyofthree #tooblessedtobestressed #calilife

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Black Love Timeline !! I love this! 

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#TBT Daughters are one of life's greatest joys! ❤ #lessonsformydaughters

[lessonsformydaughters]

🎉 1/2 work day, to spend the afternoon with my favorite girls! Shopping, cake & ice cream and girl talk. The best times. Whether your child is an infant or a teen, your children need to feel that just because they exist, the delight you. They need to know they don't have to do anything to earn your undivided attention. They deserve to feel as if, just because they were born, they have earned the right to be adored. ❤ #mymotherhoodmagic #wcw

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#BLACKGIRLMAGIC #BLACKHISTORY 

[lessonsformydaughters]

Today, I officially leave my job of 4 years! I’ve been offered a position within the educational department that I simply cannot refuse. I’m humbled, thankful and I feel so blessed. I’m amazed how far Jehovah has brought me. This spring will mark my 9th year anniversary in California. I arrived in Oakland, on a beautiful April day. Who knew (by God’s grace) this black girl from Ocala, Florida (by way of Miami) would have an amazing husband, beautiful children, a lucrative career and a home to create memories as part of my journey. Over the years, I’ve suffered great heartache, disappointments and tribulations but it NEVER allowed me to stop dreaming. Don’t ever let your past circumstances block your future blessings. Be humble, be hungry and always be the hardest worker in the room.