#and thats when my brain shuts off and pretends the stuff doesn’t exist

[fruixtii]

the thing about me is that i’ll be anxious and procrastinate over my problems but when there’s a chance to fix them i ignore them because i don’t want to think about them. That just results in a constant loop of stress and i hate my self for it.

[flawnle]

My brain decided to have angst for my weird au thing. Feel free to ignore if you want nothing to do with it.

-[START]-

Dmitri spotted the fucker, the one who’s been messing up his prison. He gives chase, just barely keeping the person in sight as he followed. They make a right turn. He knew this would lead to a dead end. Dmitri slides into the hallway ready to confront them but instead sees someone a bit more familiar.

Wallace, his son, was standing around where the person he was chasing should be. He seemed unbothered. Like someone hadn’t just ran by. He noticed Dmitri and greeted him with a wave.

“Uh, hey kid. Did you happen to see a person run past here? I’ve been chasing them down and I’m sure I saw them run in here!”

Dmitri says quickly. Not wanting to risk the person who’s been running his place to the ground getting away. Wallace just looked confused.

“I didn’t see anyone sorry.. maybe they went the other way?”

“Im sure I saw them run in here kid. My eyesight is perfectly fine.”

“Well I honestly saw nobody.”

Dmitri groaned in annoyance. Looking down the other hallway.

“Maybe they went the other way... I can still catch them!”

He was about to go off again but Wallace stoped him.

“Actually I wanted to talk to you for a second.”

“Wallace. I really got to go after this guy..”

“They are probably gone by now, they’ll be back eventually. Next time you can get all of us to help conner them property.”

Dmitri thought for a second. The guy will indeed come back, he doesn’t seem to have finished his job.

“.. fine. What did you want to talk about kid?”

“Well it’s just I’ve realized I haven’t exactly been completely honest with you about some things..”

He said nervously. Wallace figgeted with his bracelet. Dmitri raised his eyebrows in a bit of surprise. Out of all the topics he thought Wallace was going to go to he never expected that.

“Well whatever it is I won’t be mad at you. Just explain alright? How many things are we talking about here?”

“O-only two..”

“What’s the first thing?”

“... it’s about my nightmares.”

Dmitri sighed. He knew how bad Wallace’s nightmares were, plus the fact he’s been dealing them them for about 20 years. He didn’t know much about them asside from the one time he found Wallace crying when he woke up. That was also the time he found out he had nightmares to begin with.

“What about them? Have they gotten worse or something?”

“Not exactly..”

Wallace looked Dmitri in the eyes as two lengthy looking figures rose from his shadow. Their faces looked the same, eyes not seemed to exist. They scared down at Dmitri. He took a step back.

“These... are my nightmares..”

“Kid I don’t know what to tell you but, nightmares are dreams. They don’t come out like that physically! It’s like some sort of cryptid shit!”

“I can’t expect you to believe me.. but I’m telling the truth, these things are the stuff that make my nightmares what they are.”

“May we speak now..? Speak now..?”

Wallace shot the two a look after one of them spoke. Their echoing voices seemed to bounce off walls that didn’t exist.

“Not yet.”

“... did that thing just ask you permission to speak??”

“Y-yeah... one day they just decided to leave me a alone and start listening to what I tell them too. They said I wasn’t worth the trouble if I was already this far gone.”

Wallace’s words confused Dmitri. What does he mean by ‘this far gone’? As far as he knew Wallace was the same as he has been since the day he came to the wall.

“Kid.. what are you talking about?”

“You wouldn’t notice the difference... it’s been like this for awhile...”

He gave a small nod to the creatures. They move forward a bit to speak.

“About 3-4 years to be exact~ be exact~”

“What..?”

Dmitri was stunned. How could this be happening for years when he’s seen how these very nightmares effected Wallace first hand. Then a new thought crossed his mind. Could Wallace had faked that? Pretended the nightmares effected him the way it did when that wasn’t the case? He shook his head slightly, getting rid of the thought. Wallace wouldn’t fake something like that, he had no reason to. He trusts his son.

“Is something wrong? Something wrong?”

“Yeah, your fuckin voices.”

“That’s enough guys..”

The two returned back to Wallace’s side after he spoke.

“I’m sorry for not mentioning them before, there never really was a good time for me to tell you..”

“It’s fine kid. That was then, this is now.”

“Thanks.. there still the other thing though..”

Dmitri almost forgot about that. Seeing the two creatures made him lose track of the fact wallce said there was two things, not just one.

“We’ll go ahead. Surely it can’t get weirder then you having cryptids at your command.”

“If your sure..”

Those words from Wallace made Dmitri nervous. The figures seemed to smirk, as if they knew what was to come.

“... I’m still a tophat.”

He said simply. After he spoke his posture changed. Dmitri couldn’t tell how though, he was more focused on his words.

“You.. WHAT?! Your still a tophat? Why didn’t you tell me sooner!”

“I didn’t think it was necessary. I’m still actively working here. It just made it easier to say I didn’t work with them anymore. But I feel the need to come clean about it.”

“Kid, you really should have told me. We have an alliance with them, it doesn’t matter if you are or aren’t one.”

“... I know.”

“He just didn’t want to~ want to~”

Wallace nodded at what the figure said. Dmitri finally figured out what was different. Wallacw was standing more straight, as if more professional. He didn’t like the implications of that.

“Didn’t want to..?”

“Exactly! Like Wally boy said, it was unnecessary, so why bother? Besides, he didn’t want to ruin what you thought of him. Of him.”

“Is this true?”

Dmitri asked. Now more on edge, there’s something off about all this. Wallace was still hiding something, he just knew it. And god be dammed if he didn’t find out what.

“Of course it is. They wouldn’t lie, at lest not to you. They’d only really try to lie to me.”

“I wouldn’t have thought any less of you if I knew Wallace..”

“I know, I know. I didn’t know then but I do now. That’s why I’m telling you.”

“And that’s it? That’s all you wanted to tell me?”

“Pretty much, yeah..”

Wallace started acting a bit more like one he knew. But Dmitri planned on finding out more.

“.. who exactly were you chasing just now..?”

The question caught him off guard, he was about to say something before Wallace did. But Dmitri composed himself, trying not to let Wallace know he knew something was up.

“Just the fucker that decided they could march on in here and try to sabotage my complex..”

He says with a growl. Wallace seemed to think for a second.

“Oooohhhh THATS who you were after! I know who that is.”

“Wh-what!? Yow KNOW!? Why didn’t you tell me!”

“Why wouldn’t I know who I am?”

“Wha- that’s not what I-“

Dmitri’s voice trails off his gaze matched Wallace’s as realization sank in. He smirked as he saw Dmitri’s expression.

“You.. you..”

“Come on now Dmitri. You can say it.”

“Your the one who’s been sabotaging the wall..”

His voice was shaky. Dmitri couldn’t believe it. How could he? His own son, the one who he was thinking of possibly handing the wall over to, is the one who’s been setting it up to fail. A look of satisfaction rested on Wallace’s face.

“There you go. I’m surprised it look having to say it outright for you to realize~”

Everything about Wallace changed. How he stood, how he spoke, it was startling. It was like someone flipped a switch in him. But for some reason, Dmitri got the feeling he was finally meeting the real Wallace Pemberton.

“Why..? Why would you..?”

“Sabotage the wall? It was my duty. I wasn’t just a spy, my job was to break everyone out, and I was going so slowly but surely, by taking the wall down completely..”

“But there’s a-“

“An alliance, I know. The reason’s quite simple. You were too late. The plan was too far into motion. I can’t reverse it now, so why should I stop? Might as well go all in.”

Wallace smirked once again, the nightmares behind him smirked as well. He was scary. Dmitri backed up, wanting to try to run. He couldn’t kill Wallace, he’s his son for gods sake! So his only option was to get out of there.

“And where do you think YOUR going? Your going?”

Wallaces voice mixed with the nightmares. It startled Dmitri so much he froze in place. The one of the nightmares take the opportunity to come up behind him. Stoping his attempt of escape. Wallace’s a kind of “tsk tsk tsk” sound, like he was about to scold a child.

“What made you think I’d just let you leave? There’s still some stuff I want to say~ don’t you know it’s rude to leave a conversation early?”

“...”

“Good to know your smart enough to know when to shut up.”

The nightmares laughed a bit at that. The echoing laughter made Dmitri’s head hurt.

“You know, I was planning on waiting until you give me the wall before I revealed myself. But I’ll admit, I made an amateur mistake, I fumbled. You caught on end it was either I show myself willingly, or you find out in... a situation I wouldn’t find favorable.”

“You didn’t want to be ambushed..”

“Exactly! I’m glad you understand. I always knew there was some kind of brain in that hollow skull of yours~”

“...”

Wallace looked at Dmitri. Raising an eyebrow in amusement at his expression of confusion and betrayal.

“I get why your so quiet now. Your betrayed, backstabbed, by the man you concidered your son. Confused as to why, how, I could possibly do such a thing.”

“I thought you cared..”

Wallace freezes at that. Maybe he’s feeling some form of remorse? Gult? He knew the answer almost immediately after those thoughts, because Wallace started laughing. Similar to the laugh of the nightmares. He was laughing at him, absolutely losing it. It seemed like Wallace tried to compose himself after his laughing fit.

“You.. you really thought-“

It’s hard for him to speak through his giggles.

“You really thought I cared! Haha! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard! YOU THOUGHT I CARED ABOUT YOU!”

Dmitri flinched. This was his son, his son who never cared.

“I CANT BELIEVE IT! Why would I care for a sorry old man like you!? Your a useless waist of a man who can’t even lay a finger on the person who betrayed you. All because I’m your ‘son’ “

He put son in air quotes. Cackling here and there.

“Oh Dmitri how far you’ve fallen. You’ve made my job so much easier! I was going to kill you here and now but now I don’t want to anymore.”

“Wh-what..?”

“I think I’d rather see you SUFFER. I want to watch the pain in your face as you watch your son ruin the one place you call home. The place you’ve spent your life keeping together. IM GOING TO RIP IT TO SHREADS! And you won’t do anything about it.”

Dmitri started to shake, he was actually scared of Wallace. And he knew he wouldn’t do anything to him. He couldn’t, it’d break him to put Wallace in harms way, even if he’s betrayed him.

“Your.. your a monster..”

“Oh how you flatter me. Monster is such a tame word to call me.”

He chuckled, his eyes glancing to a clock on the wall. Wallace’s expression turned into a sickly sweet smile. The nightmares disappearing.

“Sorry to cut this short.. but I have a very appointment to get to. I’ll see you again I’m sure of it.”

“...”

Dmitri watched Wallace walk away cheerfully, like nothing ever happened. He was at a loss for words. He collapsed on the ground, taking a few deep breaths, as it felt like he wasn’t breathing.

He couldn’t believe what just happened, but he had to. Dmitri couldn’t do anything but prepare for his pain. As much as he wanted to stop Wallace, he couldn’t do it. And so Dmitri walks somberly back to his office.

-[End]-

[bastardguy]

(haha there's very icky thoughts in this so don't read if it triggers ye, if anyone's reading this lmao) boy! it's one of those nights ain't it haha. ultrasadness. i dont have people to talk to which, yknow i feel like a lot of people don't have others to talk to. but anyways! i am sad! f! the most annoying aspect of myself i dislike is how one moment im daydreaming because hehe escapism and dont wanna talking to people at all then the, next moment im unbearably sad and i wanna! have friends that aren't people from my imagination. it's my fault, yep, its allll my fault, im not even trying to be sarcastic here, i know i should actively seek out people to be friends with them but!! im in my element to run around pretending i made fucking animations for my friend group that also exists! totally! it makes me feel great and content until i realise its not real! god am i pathetic haha! how do i improve ? how? why am i like this? is it because my brain views my escapism as safer and more wondrous then reality? to the po in t talking to people just? bore me? it's weird as hell, im probably just a selfish git but i genuinely look at chats and either go "conversation going,, i no want join cause rude" or "there's no point they're all so boring. being alive is boring. your life, your personality, you as a person is boring. that's why he left. he left for someone else he already had plans with, someone who he can actually see regularly in person in the future, someone who makes him happy. you never made him happy. he was miserable being stuck with you, that's why he left, that's why he immediately got into another relationship with someone else. you're why he lied to you, you're the problem, he hates you, you were an abusive fuck who couldn't keep his mouth shut and never changed. he's going to spend years being happy with someone and he's glad he's left you. he hates you. he hates you. he hates you. he hates you. you're the problem. don't ever try again, you don't have thr privlage to die, not yet. wait until everyone's finally tired of your manuplitive, selfish shit then kill yourself. die. just fucking die. just die. no one will stay loving you, you'll be forgotten, why did you say so much? you're fucking obsessive and its all your fault. you existing in the first place was a mistake, when have you ever brought joy to people? when had anyone be glad that you're here? you're better off dead, you're better off dead. you know if she had the choice mother would pick a normal person as a child in a heartbeat. you know if she knew you were going to turn out this way she would have fucking killed you herself because you've been nothing a burden. she'll leave, just like he left and everyone else did. so what if you just followed along with everything they were saying? you should've been smart enough not to be a dick you asshole. anyone that comes into your life will leave, everyone will leave, everyone is going to leave. even thinking about this you're cementing it, it's going to happen because you're thinking so hard about it. all bad things happen to you because you think about them. it's your fault. every bad thing that happens is your fault, you deserve all the slander that will come to you, you will die alone. you will die alone. no one will miss you, you've had a sad pathetic lonely life being unwanted. and it's all your fault. suffer. suffer. suffer. suffer. suffer. suffer. you ungrateful, selfish bastard-" and its very unpog i dont like my brain.

i wish i could find life enjoyable again, i wish i liked talking to multiple people, i wish i had multiple people to talk to. i wish i, didn't have these fucking attachment and abandonment issues that just make me terrified of being close with someone again. i think i have rejection sensitive dysphoria and oh! boy! MM. an internal conflict of "do i have adhd or is it just my anxiety and life long loneliness" had been going on in my brain. because if i had adhd i think thatd explain, a lot actually uYubun, but also those symptoms could stem from uhh, childhood issues and stuff pfft. like id be socially withdrawn and daydream a lot, to the point where i avoided playing with other kids just so i could walk around the yard to think about stuff, which are symptoms of adhd but also it's because "brain got lowkey traumatised being neglected on a plane for so long as a baby without its mother then just got whipped around the country serveral times giving me 0 safe secure places." i, i don't know man. that's a lot i have to talk with my therapist in like half an hour haha.

wow i talk about my problems too much this is why he left me 😩

a ok uhm, uh, yea! im very lonely haha. there's like, a person who i could chat with but i dont want to bother them. they're a good friend but they've been busy and i feel like im highkey using them. which is not pog at all! im not fun to talk with and im very annoying hahaha!

why are people so untrustworthy. why am i sad? only god knows but im god, so god doesn't know.

i think me despretly trying to talk to someone while im sad is so, utterly selfish and pathetic. i mean come on man why only now? haha.

i mean i did start to emulate a lot of his bad behaviour but! it's ok i know what's bad to do know and ive learnt from this experience and am moving forward.

where does forward lead? i dont know! probably jobless and suicide but hahaha! im not gonna make it past 25 baby! im gonna fall in love with someone then they'll leave forever and ill die!! After my mum gets sick of me!! hahhaha!!!!! im not unstable right now, i don't even wanna die! that'd be so selfish id break my parents! haha! i want someone to love me as much as i love them and to hold them in my arms! i wanna be comfortable with someone! i wanna be held! i want someone who won't cheat on me!! i wanna be loved!! woohooo!!! that's all i want! yknow what else i want? a friend group thats genuinely happy to see me! people i can eat lunch with and laugh with! people that don't make me feel small and pathetic! and why can't i have that? because im a piece of filth that doenst deserve any of it because ive done nothing to earn it! how the fuck do i do stuff! to talk! how do i not feel hopeless and small all the time? no matter what i fucking say im going to be yelled at for not being positive! fuck! fuck. fuck you.

[what-ever-happened-to-chip]

Detective Rinoa

Squally better fucking gather info together with Camp B or I will kill him. I won’t be the only one pulling weight in this. 

Detective Rinoa is on it. 

First things first need to dress for the occasion. I find my best biker shorts, my tightest tank top (might need to use my womanly charm for info), my apple watch, three pens, my pocket journal and a short sleeve cargo vest for all my accessories. 

For protection I bring along Angelo and pepper spray. Plus my shooting star blaster edge. Hair tie on and I am set.

I make a list of all the people with possible info. Christian obviously, J, Tidus, Noah. Also Jenn and Yuna with questions marks after their names. Those two I doubt have any info but maybe since Jenn was dead she’ll remember something. Also I am suspicious of what Natsu was yelling about. Darn if only we had just a little more time together with Camp B I coulda got more info. Maybe they separated us for that reason.

Yuna I put down cause I don’t think she personally had any information but she hung with Eli a 

lot and he knows something. Or at least pretends to know. 

They shut off any way of talking to B. Our phones don’t work trying to call or text them. We obv can’t send letters. I even tried like hacking the system and using email or facebook when I really wanted to talk to Zidane but no that was all blocked. I just don’t get it. When we were in San Diego we were still able to talk to each other just not live together. Now they have us completely separated! Like we been with these people thousands of years and outta nowhere BOOM! Separated. They claim its cause we got “too rowdy” but we were like that forever so something musta changed. 

I bet Ulquiorra knows something about all this spirt stuff but not like I’ll be able to get anything out of him. Or maybe I can? He does have a weak spot for attractive woman. I add him to my list and check myself if the mirror. Yea you got it girl. 

okay who to start with? Christian I probably get most info outt a but I am not in the modd for his cryptic speech pattern right now. So no I wait on that. 

Me and Jenn are friends so I decided to knock her out quick. Okay Rinoa you got this. I whistle Angelo along and head towards her room. 

“Knock knock its me girl!:

“Rinoa!” She runs up and hugs me. She's so cute. I love her. 

“Isn’t this so shitty ! Its like I finally getta be back with Aiden and then they take us apart again ! How could they be so cruel? She pouts and sits on her bed. 

I have been trying the last hundred years to get her to dump that creep but no she's wayyyy into his flaming ass. He;s like a literal monster and fucking killed her! Jenn.  Sweet, innocent Jenn! But she doesn’t listen to reason just with her heart. I admire that in ways but just wish her heart was head over heels for not such a piece of shit as a person. Gray warned me if Aiden found out about what i was doing he would send me straight to hell. He’s not gonna do shit he's a pussy and so what if he does. He doesn’t have shit on me and even if he does that just proves to Jenn he is a fucking monster. Whatever. Fuck Him. 

“I know girl this is so fucked up!! Least we’re on the same camp side!!”

“Yea totally and I guess besides Aiden and Namine I am not really friends with any of them.” 

“Oh you have more friends then that!!” I tried to think who wasn’t a dirt bag piece of shit on that side of the camp. They definitely had wayyyy more then we did. 

“I mean I guess Marcus is like sorta my friend but it always seems like hes making fun of me.” Jenn looked upset at this and began messing with her nails.

You could always tell how anxious she was by how long her nails were. They were like stubs now. It was probably hanging with Aiden. He’s so stressful for her. 

“Yea I feel you girl him and that slut Lana just walk around like they are better then everyone and pretend they are like this power couple when aha- yea no.” (word from narrator. She said the last part with a scoff and a very pronounced “aha: in about the bitchest way you can imagine it) 

“Yea she like hung out in here other day and it was just weeeirdddd.” 

“That is weird why was she in here?”

“I don’t even know she was like asking me about how I feel about Aiden having Harry suck his dick, which I thought was super weird she was thinking about that. Like is she trying to imagine Aiden’s penis or something.” Jenn paused to grab her box of nail polish outta side table drawer. “Anyhow I told her its like fine cause Harrys so weird its like who cares about him.”

“Totally girl.” My nails needed some color too. I searched through her colours till I found a really lovely silver. 

While we both painted our nails and updated each other on our feelings about the newest bachelorette. I felt like Todd should totally get with Kaitlyn but Jenn felt Winston was the better match. Todd was just so cute. Okay now that thats all settled I needed info.

“Hey so like before we got split up Natsu yelled something about you being like a dark thing or like idk what?”

“Yea I don’t know what he was saying it was just like weird and its like how can I be that? Doesn;t make any sense to me”

Rats no info. 

“Yea I wouldn’t worry about it Natsus an idiot and probably just misheard something.”

“Yeah, your probably right.” Jenn looked a bit worried though.

Well this wasn’t getting me anywhere I should go see Yuna next just to get both the easy ones outta the way. 

“Hey girl I gotta go, I am trying to figure out whats going on in this camp. Somethigns fishy and I am going to find out what. Maybe if I do they won’t have us spilt up as much.”

“Okay yea, good luck to you! I know you can figure it out!” Jenn flashed her teethy grin at me. She lead me to door gave me a big hug and sent me on my way. 

Okay next stop stonerville

I tried her room but she wasn’t in there. Fuck hopefully she didn’t go anywhere I guess if she did I could just go to someone else on list. I saw Neji down the hall “Hey Neji have you seen Yuna?’

“Yes she was in the living room watching tv and smoking weed with a ton of people.”

“Thanks!” He seems less angry lately which is nice cause he was getting pretty flippin weird with all his hubris yelling. 

I walked into living room and Neji wasn’t joking there was like 10 people in here. I spotted Yuna squeezed on couch next to Lana and Naruto. Gippal lay sprawled on the couch with his legs on all of them. Such a lazy fuck couldn’t sit up for people. Um Rude!

I didn’t want to talk to her here and have everyone yelling their opinions at once. So annoying. Once I received more information I would relay it to rest of camp but not yet. 

“Rin No Na! What it be what it do?” Jesse yelled. He would be kinda cute if he wasn’t so obnoxious. 

“I am fine, no don’t move over I am not staying.” I looked at tv they were all watching the hangover. I did want to watch it with them but I’ve seen it like 5 times and my mission was important. I sat on coffee table facing Yuna “Psst hey Yuna can we go somewhere to talk’

“WHAT YA GUYS GONNA TALK ABOUT?” Naruto yelled. Great just fucking great now everyones gonna start yelling other annoying things. 

“I bet its period stuff.” Natsu yelled

“No I bet its woman stuff” Naruto yelled

“Periods are woman stuff you dumb fuck” Sasuke yelled

“Shut up all of you its none of your fucking business!.”

Some mumbles and a few more yells how we were gonna have sex and scissor each other. Everyone is so moronic here, it's sooo aggravating. 

“Yea of course Rinoa!” Yuna squeezed herself outta the couch with the grunts from Gippal. He better not vomit on the fucking couch again that was so fucking gross and disgusting.

I guided Yuna to my room which was the safest room to talk. No one ever came here except Zidane but he was with other camp so I am safe. 

“Oh I love what you’ve done with the room!” Yuna smiled and sat on the end of bed . She just sat there smiling. I wonder how her face isn’t stuck in that position from how much she does it. I dug around in my desk until I found my one hitter and a lil bit of weed. I didn’t smoke much so this was probably months old but whatever it will do. I hand the packed pipe to Yuna whose face lights up at it “Oh thank you Rinoa this is so thoughtful!” She takes down the whole bowl in one huge hit. Packing it again with her own personal stash. She hands it towards me but I wave it off. Have to keep my brain clear. 

“So whats going on? Is everything okay?” Yuna asked. Okay good the weed didn’t make her retarded. This stuff wasn’t that strong so that probably helped, also her tolerance I bet is wayyy too high for this cheap stuff to effect her much. 

“Yeah I am fine, everything is good with me. I am just, well I been thinking about all that stuff that happened before they split us up, like about the darks spirits, I was wondering if you knew anything about that?” 

“Oh yes it was such a terrible thing that happened to Jonis dear daughter, I am so furious with Gray and how it all happened. Just so Gray could oh I don’t even know what he wanted out of it which makes me even more mad! “ Yuna huffed a little after all this, its probably from the weed and she didn’t take a single breathe while talking but I liked to believe it was from the extra pounds she carried around with her. Ha chunky Yuna huffing away. Okay Rinoa focus

I didn’t really care about all the stuff with Jonis daughter but I needed Yuna to stay on my side so I said “yea that was so fucked up of Gray, Just cause hes sad and miserable doesn’t mean he needs to bring everyone to his level.” I scoffed and Yuna nodded in approval “So yea anyhow about dark spirits you know anything?”

“Its a horrible place. I don’t know a lot but I know a little bit.” Yuna drank some water and continued “So usually souls are sent to their worlds version of the after life”

Rinoa interrupted “- so its like hell?”

“No I mean hell still exists in some worlds but their soul is still intact for lack of a better term. It can still be retrieved and brought back.” 

“Ok so this place is like totally different from other afterworlds, its like its own entity?” 

“Precisely! Its its own separate place! I am not sure where it came from or how long its been around, Elis I know speculates it formed when the worlds collided, yet I know Aiden was there before that so I don’t believe that is true. Christian told me once its always been around, and after Eli heard about that, he speculated that the reason the worlds collided had to do with this place. I am not sure about any of that. What I do know is the place consists of dark magic and dark beings dwell there. Any soul who steps into that place becomes tainted. So what happened with Lily is because she was killed with dark magic she was tainted and had to be sent there. No other afterlife could handle such a dark being without becoming dark themselves. I don’t exactly know how it all works though.” Yuna looked down seemingly flustered with it all

I pondered on this for a while. She gave me a lot more information then I could have hoped for. 

“So its pretty much the worst place in the universe? No wonder Aiden is so fucked up!”

“Yes it is, Eli told me once anyone who goes there becomes tainted in a way, incomplete rather. Like they aren’t all together human anymore. He couldn’t tell me how or why. He also said anyone who goes their becomes trapped but Aiden is intact and he has his soul still, so Eli must be wrong about that. Or perhaps thats what usually happens and Aiden somehow beat the system? I don’t know its all so horrible I don’t like to think about it!” Yuna took the liberty to pack herself another bowl to smoke. 

“Hmm so if thats the case and J was there and also got out there must be some way.”

“Yes they must be! Ya know I can feel souls with my summoner ability and I have always sensed J’s soul be off. Like it just feels wrong but now that I know he was in that place, thats probably why it feels that way!” 

“Yea and thats why spirits don't seem to want anything to do with him and let him get away with so much shit because they don’t want him around. He probably terrifies them!” 

 I began jotting down things in my journal and Yuna finished off her bowl. 

“Hey Yuna no offense but I gotta go. I need to figure out more about all this and I have quite a few more people to talk to!”

“Oh of course I will leave you, if you need anything more I will be in living room!”

“Okay yea thanks” Just before she left room I thought of one more thing “Hey real quick so I am gonna talk to Noah, Tidus, J , Ulquiorra and Christian , know anyone else in Camp A that would know something?”

Yuna pondered for a second “Perhaps try Sasuke? He seems to know a lot about everything. Oh and try Jet! He was an old commander so perhaps he knows something from his time in charge.”

“Okay yea i put them down, thanks see you around! “ Yuna waved and headed out 

No way in hell was I talking to either one of them. Especially if I didn’t have to. Wasn’t in the mood to get groped and deal with the biggest asshole in camp. No thank you. 

Next stop Noah! 

I found him in his room laying in the dark with his covers up. He looked briefly at me when I entered but turned around to continue staring at his wall. 

I took the liberty to let myself in. I slid out a chair and opened the blinds up so I could see. He looked like shit. 

“Hey I know you probably don’t want to talk about this but I need to know about the dark spirit place or whatever its called.” I paused looking at him “Its important.” I added 

No response. I couldn’t wait for him to get over whatever this was.

“Noah, I need to know, help me out here” 

“Why would you wanna know about that place?” He said it in a whisper 

“I, no we, as a camp need to know!” This came out a lot more harsh then I meant it too. Whatever. Usually the guy was so dumb you asked him anything and he replied. No filters. But now when I need him to talk hes understanding what silence means? What the fuck. Where's lady luck and why isn’t she on my side?

“No you don’t need to know, you think you need to know but it won’t help anything, it won’t change anything. It will just bring pain and destruction. 

I was geting so annoyed at his inability to just answer a fucking question I blew up. 

“OMG are you mansplaining to me? I know what is good and bad for me to know. Fuck right off Noah. I can handle myself, I can handle this, I am not a moron.” 

He sat up slightly at this and sighed “ No you can’t handle this, you or anyone else in camp that isn’t already involved in this doesn’t need to be. Theres no reason for anyone to know anymore then you guys already do. Now please leave me I am not in the mood.” 

I wanted to freak out at him, yet I realized that would get me nowhere. ;”Fine be that way, go fuck yourself Noah!” I slammed his door as hard as I could manage . I sat in the hallway and cried for a little bit. Why can’t I know? He obviously told Joni or else she wouldn’t have had him kill her kid. Or maybe he's the only one that takes orders from Joni. She's such a junkie cunt I bet even if she was here she wouldn’t give me any answers either. Just yell about needing more booze and making stupid inside jokes with jesse that no one else finds funny. They are the worst set of twins I have ever fucking met .

This was pointless. I went to my room and screamed in my pillow for a few minutes. When I was done my throat hurt and Angelo looked worried. 

Sign this whole thing was stupid why did I even try it? No I have to keep going. I decided to go see Tidus when he actually took his meds he was pretty cool and we hung out. When he was off them though it was fucking annoying as shit. Lately he seemed normal so lets hope for the best. I can’t have two let downs in a row. 

I found him in his room lifting weights, his room looked mostly clean which was a good indicator on his saneness. “35, 36, 37,-”

“Hey Tidus its me can I come in?”

“Oh yea Rinoa let me just finish these reps. 38, 39- I waited till he counted to 50 and set the weight down before speaking 

“Hey so I gonna cut right to the chase, your a spirit and everything so I wonder if you know anything about all this dark spirit stuff they were talking about?”

 He was drinking out of his water but stopped after i said dark spirit and his face fell. Oh he totally knows something. 

“Umm no I don’t umm sorry,” He faced away from me and I saw in his mirror him muttering to himself.

“I know you know something Tidus, just tell me I can take it.” He fidgeted around picking up random objects then setting them down. 

“I mean well I wanna tell you but I am not suppose to talk about it” 

“What? Who says you cant talk about it?” Now I was super curious a secret dark spirit place that he was banned from talking about. Oh this was juicy. 

I heard people out the door talking and heard my name so my ears perked up, it sounded like Jesse and Yuna 

“You were talking to Rinoa? Egh talking to her is like I have an itch on the roof of my mouth that only a shotgun can scratch.” Jesse said loudly 

“Oh shes not that bad!” Yuna replied

What a fucking asshole, I made a mental note to go chew him out after this but I didn’t want to wreck my flow I had going here. 

Tidus looked at me sympathetically and I waited till they passed by before talking again

Tidus spoke first tho “Hey don’t mind Jesse he’s just an asshole”

“Uh Yea duh I know that and why would I be bothered by what a lonely wannabe says about me?” My eyes challeneged him to say something stupid. Wisely he changed topics

“Well um what you been up to today? 

“Well I been trying to get people to tell me about the dark spirit place.” 

He looked uncomfortable and said “Uh huh I see, why is it you wanna know so bad?” 

“Because I, or well camp, has the right to know about this, I mean like shouldn’t we do something about it or like go save people from it.”

“You can’t get rid of it that's not how it works, its like saying your gonna blow up hell, its not possible. ANd saving people, why would we have to do that? No one we know is there so that just be a suicide mission.” He shook his head and drank down the rest of his water. Going to refill it in the water jug he had in his room he added “Even if we did have someone to save, we couldn't. It would just be a waste of lifes and resources!” 

“Well Lily got there why wouldn’t we go save her?”

“You know why Rinoa, she doesn’t matter to camp, she's just a kid with no powers.” 

“Omg why didn’t I think of that!” If someone that camp needed or cared about went there we would have to go save them and have to go there! I refrained from saying this out loud though so no one could hear my scheme and block it. Tidus just assumed I didn’t realize Lily was useless which I mean duh, I let him think that though. Makes things easier. 

“Yea I mean maybe she would have powers later but she was only in camp like an hour and I mean like Yuna liked her and- He started rambling about how great Yuna was and I spaced out. Who should I get killed though? It would have to be Noah killing them and use his weird demon thing inside him to do it, can’t be a gun, no pretty sure it have to be Virgo inside him. Hmm who to kill though? My first thought after what Jesse said was him but no he was immortal that wouldn’t work. I don’t know if immortality worked against this but I didn’t want to risk it. Only have one go at this. Hmmm maybe Aerith? She was important plus easy to kill plus Sasuke would go insane and make people go save her with him. Yes, Aerith would be perfect. I almost think Jenn would be funnier to fuck with Aiden but shes useless, so the commanders might not let us go and then Aiden probably just convince himself she never existed and we all would just move on in our lives. Wait, Aerith is a spirit though, that might safeguard her. Not sure but once again don’t wanna risk it. Fuck who then? 

“And shes so caring and pretty and- “ 

“Tidus shut up I am trying to think”

He stopped talking and made a face at me. “You coulda said that nicer” 

“Yea okay I am sorry, whatever, “

“What are you thinking about anyhow?” Tidus inquired. 

Was it safe to tell him? Probably and I would need help with this so bing bing hes the winner! I decided to ease into it though and gauge him out. If he seemed hesitant I would have to find someone new to ask

“I was just thinking how shitty it would be if someone from camp was killed and sent there.”

“Oh yea that would be horrible we wouldn’t see them ever again!”

“I mean never again?” I asked as innocently as I could manage “I mean Aiden got out of there didn’t he?”

“Yea I mean yea but he has Christian helping him when Christian still had access to virgo or well access to his powers”

So thats how it happened hmmm 

“Well couldn’t he access them again?” I inquired 

“No cause Virgo is in Noah.” 

“What about J? He got taken out too? 

“Yea I don’t know how that worked I only just found that out today, I assumine G accessed the igndaemoni stone. I heard that has to do with it” “ I also hear- all of a sudden Tidus’s face just stopped moving 

“What the hell?” I asked and just as I did I saw J walk into the room. Oh so he paused time. What an asshole 

 “J what the fuck!!!! I was so close!!” I pouted and waved my notebook around and my pen flew out of my hand as I flayed around 

“A little too close” His nasally voice said. God his voice was so fucking annoying

“Lets go to kitchen to talk” I followed him in there and noticed quite a few people in there all paused 

“Stop while your ahead Trist me on this.”

“Omg you fucking too-- omg look at grays face!!” 

His face looked like he was just about to sneeze. Contored and retarded looking. 

J let out his shrill laugh while Rinoa laughed like she was actually saying the words heehee     

“Wait Wait look at Lana!” Her face looked like it was turning both ways and her hand was in her butt cheek.

“Omg” 

Rinoa and J continued to point out others with dumb expressions on each letting out their different but equally annoying laughs. 

J wiped a tear from his eye “Oh that rich thats just great.”

I decided to try again “So J what the fuck why did you pause everyone.” 

“For my own safety that's why!” He yelled back. God did he not know how to get his voice at a reasonable level 

“You’re safety from what ?”

J looked around like a paranoid drunk. “Just trust me bitch, you don’t want to go down this path.” J himsellf knew hardly anything about this, he had to take a class in it at the spirit university but he fell asleep half way through and skipped the next two classes and the final class he was so lost on the exam he decided to get drunk in the bathroom and have G make sure he got a passing score. What he did know though was that Ulqiorra would kill him if Rinoa started some shit up. Partly why they let Harry and him spy on everyone was for security reasons and as long as everyone behaved themselves, at least a little, they were allowed to continue being camp security.                                        

“DON’T CALL ME A BITCH!” Rinoa stormed, proving J’s point in her screams of rage if she classified as a bitch or not. 

After her yells subsided with some throw ins of “clay piece of fuck,” “get new friends” “your an fucking asshole” she sat down and crossed her arms and started pouting. 

“I don’t see why I can’t just know, I am not gonna do anything with it I just want to know”

“No you definitely want to do something and I can’t risk you knowing too much and fucking things up for me.”

“For you what the fuck do you mean?”

Shit J thought didn’t need to add that last part “I just mean me as like everyone in camp its won’t be good and Ulquiorras gonna flip out if you unite everyone in some doomed mission.”

 Rinoas face contorted but then twisted into a devious smile. “Okay fine I won’t do anything” She said as innocent as she could manage.

J stared at her with a look of disbelieve but he also was just about to go to Milwaukee with Paine, Yuna and Gippal and he really wanted to get to that. Distancing himself from harry has really done wonders for his social life. He gets to hang out with Gipplal, GIPPAL! His dreams were coming true. 

As J daydreamed about his perfect day with Gippal and how maybe they could break off from the other two and get ice cream and Gippal would get some in his beard and J would slowly wipe it off for him-- Rinoa was thinking of how to get j out of camp so she can continue getting answers. “So can you unpause it, I get it okay?” 

“Yea Yea fine,” J took out a device in his pocket and hit the button. Everyone instantly started moving. 

“What where did you guys come from?” Gray asked 

“WE BEEN IN HERE FUCK OFF” J replied and left to go find his new friends. 

“Yea lay off the dope its making you stupid.” Rinoa shot back at him 

“I don’t recall you guys being in here either” Lana stated

“Whatever you guys are all dumb then” Rinoa flipped her hair and walked out of the room, forgetting about Tidus for the moment and headed back to her room 

In Tidus’s room he was quite shocked by Rinoa disappearing and was terrified he had hallucinated the whole conversation “Oh no Oh no, she was here, wasn’t she? No nonononono! “ Tidus yelled and began searching around his room for her. Looking under his bed and in his closet for obvious places but then under books and his lamp thinking maybe she somehow shrunk. Moving on from schizo boy we head back to Rinoa. 

“Okay I just have to find a way to get J to leave. hmmm “ Rinoa mindlessly pet Angelo while brainstorming. Suddenly Yuna walked in. 

“Hey Rinoa is was lovely talking to you earlier, I hope you figure out what your looking for!” 

“Yea yea I am trying to think now so can you like leave?’

“Oh okay yea no I can’t stay I am going to milwaukee with some friends!” As yuna turned to leave Rinoa yelled for her to stop

“Wait who are you going with?” Rinoa asked, she had to get J to go with them somehow. 

“Oh um Paine, Gippal and J” 

Rinoa jumped up and ran and hugged Yuna “OMG I could kiss you thats fantastic! Don’t let me keep you go go” Rinoa shooed out the very confused Yuna. 

“Okay Angelo we are back on track!” Rinoa jumped for joy grabbed her notepad and ran to go find TIdus. 

-- And that finishes Part 1 of this story-- I will either finish it or can have Rinoa explain how rest of it went when I see ya tomorrow! Probably do the latter so we can move on with plot!