#and the fact that i have the symptoms but don't quite meet typical criteria

[vanishing-human]

As I said before, the DSM-5 criteria for ASD is very flawed. I was professionally diagnosed but I don't meet the criteria because it's very narrow. I'll give my own (unprofessional and autistic) version of it:

1. Individual displays unusual communicational and social habits.

The DSM views this as an inherent deficit. While some people with ASD might have genuine deficits, I don't view it as an inherent trait. Your communication and social skills can be perceived as odd, but that doesn't mean it's a deficit.

I can read other people's intentions, I simply have social traits that differ from the neurotypical norm.

Also, there's a building theory called the double empathy problem. I felt it's worth mentioning.

2. Individual displays and experiences interests and/or hobbies in a way that differs from (neurotypical) peers.

The typical stereotype describes an autistic person who has few but intense interests. That doesn't match my own experience, nor does it fit the experience of other diagnosed autistic people I've met.

Personally, I have little to no interests, but they aren't intense. I don't obsessively research every fact. Quite the contrary, I'm rather apathetic about it. That's not to say that they don't bring me joy, just not in the way neurotypicals do.

3. Individual experiences extremely strong and/or little to no emotions.

That's me! I can either feel like I want to die over small issues, or I can be absolutely apathetic with no emotions.

"Well but everyone's like this!"

Are you sure?

I don't think most people are chronic self harmers since childhood due to bad coping mechanisms and strong feelings of anger and hopelessness. Most people feel down and distract themselves with a movie or friends. But I can't.

As for the apathy thing, well, there are things that most people would find it impactful on some level but I can't simply can't. I feel absolute emptiness and I struggle to feel emotions like empathy or care. Yep, they aren't "pretty" symptoms so that's not what you see on online articles or personal blogs, but for me it's a huge issue, and I know other people who experience the same.

4. Individual either isolates themselves or gets overly-attached to peers.

I'm a bit of an stereotypical autist with this one. I'm very much prone to isolating myself. It's what makes me feel comfortable, other people are unpredicatble and unpleasant.

But I met people who are the absolute opposite. Both ends of the spectrum are quite common.

5. Hyper- or Hypo- sensivity

I don't experience this one at all, but it's common enough to warrant a mention.

Just as the name says, some autistic individuals are sensitive to stimuli (i.e. noise and lights) while others are the oppposite and they're less affected than neurotypical peers.