#and the newest chapter has gotten basically 0 views in

[embarrassingjon]

I feel like I’ve been a broken record about this when talking to people (mostly my boyfriends ((I’m so sorry y’all have to see this shit again, I love you)) ) but the state of the fandom I was last active in fucking sucks. I was a part of the discord for that fandom and it was fun at first but eventually it felt like no one wanted me there and so I left the discord because Why Would I Stay Where I’m Not Wanted?

I dropped a quick goodbye message so that people knew they could friend me if they wanted to and they could still message me nbd, but this is how I was feeling and I’m just gonna dip. As soon as my message went through (I had already left because I wasn’t doing it for attention) people flooded the chat with responses about how I wasn’t annoying anyone and my copious amount of fic work (seriously, me and my boyfriends were the only people posting fic at one point while everyone else complained about how there wasn’t any fic being written :/ ) was much loved and appreciated.

The thing that irritated me most about that is that they STILL aren’t reading my fic that they all loved sooooo much??? Not one of them has even tried to reach out to me to be a friend outside of the server either, which fucking sucks! Like, why pretend that anything I did was worth anything when it clearly wasn’t anything anyone wanted ever.

I am still very much into the fandom who’s server I left, but it’s such a small fandom that most everyone is either there or they don’t want to be active in fandom and I am so fucking mad that I let fandom irritate me to this degree again.

Anyway– all that to say: Fandom should be FUN. Fandom should feel like a place where people that are creating for it should feel appreciated even if you aren’t directly interacting with the content. What I mean by that is that you shouldn’t be actively complaining about how there's no new content being made by anyone when the last three writers of the fandom are working literally all of their free time into making quality fanfictions! Not to mention that damn near every single day someone was posting fanart on that server and yet there was this overall mopey attitude from the few people that were still active.

I think my breaking point was really and truly Kinktober. I wrote for about half of the days because by day 14 No One Was Reading It. Everyone had been so excited for it, and they were all blabbering on and on about how it was gonna be so nice to have new content every day and yet these people HAVEN'T EVEN READ THEM. Even on this, the day of our lord December 11th, I still have ONE Kudos on most of those and its from one of my boyfriends. Even now when I post fic for that fandom it doesn’t get anything!

Thank your fucking fic writers because thousands of words aren’t easy to produce especially when we work full time fucking hours and spend all of our free time trying to make shit for other people to enjoy.

When I say you should kudos if you got any enjoyment out of these god damn words, I fucking mean it. I’m so sick of this.