#and the way I get super fucking low in the spring even when I'm perfect about my meds

[pearl-kite]

psych wants to check if it's not actually your bog-standard Clinical Depression™ and is in fact potentially a different mood disorder, like BPD II, in case I need something like a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic instead of SSRIs

[existslikepristin]

Activated My Trap Card

This one is VERY old. Even from before What A Bummer.

Tags: TheLounge?, CLC, Seungyeon, Yeeun, Eunbin, male reader insert, scary ladies, the most uncomfortable threesome with an audience of one, vote story

~~~~~

You stand in front of the door to Cube Entertainment's offices. You got a strange call a few days ago telling you to come to this address in order to "make a lot of money." You were worried that it might be something illegal, or a scam, but after you looked the address up you got a little excited.

And it seems like you were right to be! After a minute or two, the door opens and you see Seungyeon standing there, looking straight into your eyes. She's wearing a super low cut black tank top, a pair of jean shorts that look like they've been cut extra high for optimal showing off, and the most basic pair of black flip flops ever. She doesn't look surprised to see you.

"Yeah, there you are," she says in her deep, beautiful voice, putting her hands on her hips, "I knew you would be perfect. Come on in. I've got a job for you."

She stands aside to let you through the doorway and closes the door behind you.

Unsure of where to go, you wait for her to make the next move. She does exactly that, walking past you and letting her hand graze past your thigh on the way. That had to be an accident right?

With her back turned to you, you look down and she that her tank top is mostly backless, and her shorts reveal about half of her butt cheeks. There is so much skin on display to you right now. You make an effort not to look, but it's damn hard.

You're about to take another look when Seungyeon spins around gives you a deadly look in the eye. "So tell me... who's your CLC bias?"

Holy shit, why is she putting you on the spot all of a sudden?! She looks like she wants an answer, and fast! This really was a trap! Fuck!

Options: 1. (Picked:) Seungyeon 2. Seunghee 3. Yujin 4. Sorn 5. Yeeun 6. Elkie 7. Eunbin

~~~~~

"Y-y..." you stutter, trying to think about how fast you can turn around and open the door to run.

"Yeeun?" Seungyeon takes a step toward you. She's very, very close.

You stumble back and bump up against the door. Seungyeon follows.

"Y-you," you manage to say.

A mischievous half grin grows on her face. "Yu...jin?" She punctuates the "jin" part by pressing herself up against you. You're still nervous, but you suddenly think you know what this is about (that isn't some shit like assassinating you). She's soft but firm, like you can definitely feel the dancer muscles under her tender skin. Except for her tits, pressed against your ribs. Those are totally soft, other than two tiny points of hardness.

"Nah... you."

You feel Seungyeon's body shiver from top to bottom, and she slides one of her legs up yours, trapping you against the door just a little more. Her hands are suddenly on your shoulders.

"That's what I was hoping. I saw you a while ago. You didn't see me, but I saw a picture of me on your phone," She squeezes your shoulders a little, like she's getting needy, "Do you touch yourself when you see me?"

You gulp. You're really not sure if telling the truth about that will help your case here.

Then it's your turn to shiver, as Seungyeon licks your neck, then buries her face in it. "Tell me which one of my holes you fantasize about being inside the most."

Well, what do you say?

Options: 1. (Picked:) "I've always wanted your pussy wrapped around me." 2. "Do you think your throat can take all of me?" 3. "Spread your ass and I'll show you." 4. "Hole? But what about your tits?"

~~~~~

"I've always wanted your pussy wrapped around me."

...

Holy shit, you've never seen clothes come off a person so fast. You barely catch a glimpse of Seungyeon's nipples before they're smashed against your chest again.

"Well I want to wrap my pussy around your cock," she says, already lowering your pants, "Help me make that happen, okay?"

You're not sure how you're supposed to help, since you're pinned between the door and her paralyzing, hot body. You feel your pants dropping to the floor, taking your underwear with them. Your dick springs up and slaps Seungyeon's pussy. Of course you're already hard.

Seungyeon isn't waiting for anything. She lifts herself onto her toes, and your dick gets just enough room to be able point fully up. Your tip rests somewhere in her folds. She reaches around her back and you feel her fingers adjust you very slightly, and suddenly you feel your entire dick being engulfed by her as she drops back down.

She groans. Loud. You're very aware all of a sudden that you're having sex in the front hallway of an entertainment company's office and look around. Seungyeon grabs your chin and forces you to look into her eyes though. You see stars dancing around them, but that's probably because you're feeling light headed from the pleasure being forced onto you right now.

The look she gives you is... intense. The whole time she's moving her body just right to keep your dick inside her, despite the fact that she's so soaking wet and slippery and at such an awkward angle. She manages it well though.

"Do you like this? Hm?" She asks. You open your mouth to answer but all you get out is a moan as she squeezes your dick with her pussy. Against your stomach, you feel her abs working to make that happen. What a fucking talent!

She smiles and pulls your head down to her open mouth. You open yours too and it gets assaulted by her tongue, dancing just as wildly as her body does.

When she finally breaks away from the thing you could call a kiss, she moves her chest off of yours to let you get a really good view of her jiggling tits, shining with sweat. If you're honest, you've already seen most of them thanks to the clothes she wears, but with nothing to cover them at all they're absolutely amazing.

"I need you to... cum, alright?"

Woah, that's sudden. Does she mean inside?

"The first cum... happens fast," she pants between every couple of words. No wonder, since she's still fucking you while just on the tips of her toes, "but that's what... we need... You need to last... longer for the next round."

You definitely already feel your orgasm coming, she doesn't need to tell you that. But wait. Next round? What is she talking about?

Simple poll this time:

Choices: 1. Take charge and cum the way you want to! She didn't specifically say she needed you to cum inside her, but that's a risk you're willing to take. 2. (Picked:) Are you joking? She knows what she's doing and has a plan for MORE? Don't take charge, she'll make you cum the way she wants to!

~~~~~

No way you're risking doing something she doesn't want you to right now. Not after she mentioned a "next round."

"It's happening now!" you say through your half gritted teeth. You really hope she knows what you meant, but you're having a little trouble forming full, meaningful sentences right now.

Seungyeon gets both of her arms around you and squeezes. Her eyes lock on yours again and you're captivated. You can't look away. "Do it... then."

Her hips grind against yours, and your orgasm hits you like a runaway train. You're dizzy, but you can still notice that she's squeezing down on you. As your cum fills her up, her eyes roll up, she bites her lip, and a grin spreads across her face.

You barely register that you slump to the floor, with Seungyeon's clamping pussy bringing her down with you.

"You dumb fucking hooker."

Suddenly, your senses all come back to you. That wasn't your voice. Or Seungyeon's. Oh shit. You can't see where it came from. But you recognize it. You start to imagine yourself getting beat up by body guards, or thrown in jail, or... fuck, maybe exiled from South Korea? Is that a thing that could happen?

So, whose voice was it?

Options: 1. Seunghee 2. Yujin 3. Sorn 4. Yeeun 5. Elkie 6. (Picked:) Eunbin

~~~~~

With a semi-exhausted sigh, Seungyeon leans to the side and looks over her shoulder. You feel a sense of impending doom as you see that the voice came from the daddy long le-- er, you mean, "maknae" of CLC, Eunbin.

Eunbin is only about fifteen feet away down the hall, wearing shorts (not as short as Seungyeon's, but still revealing her full legs), a blue sweatshirt, and tennis shoes. She looks... well she looks stone-faced as normal, but you bet she's super angry, based on the tone of her voice.

"Beannie, it's all good, okay?" Seungyeon sounds annoyed. She stands up, a wet plop nearly echoing as she comes off your dick. She faces away from you. If you weren't terrified, you would be admiring the bottom view of her bare ass and pussy dripping with your cum. Actually, you just came inside her. You're suddenly even more terrified, thinking about the entertainment company lawyers that are about to sue you into oblivion.

There's a dead silence for a solid ten seconds as the leader and the maknae stare each other down. You barely have the self consciousness to cover your dick with your hands.

"Don't you want to try him out?"

You stare up at Seungyeon's back. Could she make this situation worse? Don't mock the witness!

Eunbin's deadpan glare lowers down and locks with your eyes. ShiiiiIIIIT. Her look goes a little further down, right at your hands. And she licKS HER LIPS, WHAT?

"I'm busy, ass whore. Besides, the bitch is waiting with her cunt wide open," she swears evenly, like she's discussing the mild weather. You would question what she's saying if you weren't so confused, and still light headed.

Seungyeon groans, this time with annoyance rather than with pleasure like earlier. She turns around and bends over to grab your arms and starts pulling. You have to assume she wants you to stand, so you try, but it's awkward, trying to stand without revealing your mostly softened cock. Once you're up, she yanks on your hands, flashing Eunbin. Yet, she only looks for half a second, then turns and walks through a doorway. The same one Seungyeon starts dragging you toward, all the while with your cum slowly dripping out of her onto the floor.

What the fuck is happening here?

And who's the "bitch" Eunbin is talking about?!

Options: 1. Seunghee 2. Yujin 3. Sorn 4. (Picked:) Yeeun 5. Elkie

~~~~~

As you make your way through the door, dragged by Seungyeon, Eunbin is nowhere to be seen, but there is definitely another person. You're not sure you recognize her though.

She's tied down with some soft looking rope to a cushioned table. And the ropes are all she's wearing, with the exception of a blindfold. The ropes are holding her down and holding her legs wide open, but her arms are completely free. Doesn't seem like effective bonda--

The door slams shut behind you, making you just about jump out of your skin. Eunbin was hiding behind it! She has on exactly the same expression as before, too. She must be determined to creep you the hell out.

Before you can do or say anything about that, Seungyeon grabs your chin and turns you to look at the tied up girl on the table again. "See there? That's Yeeun. She's been a very good girl until today. She's only had sex a couple times before, but last month she told us that she wants to be a little slut, so that's why you're here."

You see Yeeun biting her lower lip. Seungyeon reaches down and starts stroking your dick back to life.

"You can fuck her any way you want to, as long as it's hard, and as long as you can do it for a really, really long time. And if you can do that..."

Seungyeon drops to her knees and takes your mostly hard dick in her mouth, diving all the way to the base and quickly sucking off whatever was left from the first round. She pops back off and licks it from the bottom to the top.

"If you do that for her, I'll definitely be calling you back."

You look back and forth from the leader of CLC below you and the rapper in front of you. Should you really? This seems crazy.

"What will it be? You can take her sweet pussy all the way to the moon and back, but she's not on the same prodigious birth control I am,"

You mentally breathe a sigh of relief at that, but also wonder what the hell qualifies a birth control as "prodigious."

"If you're afraid of putting a baby in her though, we already pre-lubed her pretty little ass. It hasn't been used before, but you should glide righ-"

DEAR LORD, Eunbin's ever-expressionless face appears right in front of yours, out of nowhere, "Or you can face fuck her. I've been dildoing this stupid thot's dumb mouth for days to get her ready for your fatass penis, if you have the balls," she says, nearly monotone. You're seriously confused by her rude behavior here and suspect she might be hiding a torture room somewhere in this building.

From the table, you hear Yeeun. You may not be at a good angle to see her, but it's definitely her. You'd recognize that sweet, meek voice anywhere, "I'm ready... please fuck me?"

Holy damn. This is really happening isn't it?

Options: 1. (Picked:) Take that risk! Pussy time! 2. Well, if her ass is already lubed... 3. Don't risk Eunbin crushing your skull. Throat fuck Yeeun. 4. Why is titfucking still not an option?! Lol, jk, we all love her boobs, but she's not big enough for that. 5. Run the fuck away! These bitches are actually insane!

~~~~~

You take a deep breath. This is just plain insanity that you are witnessing before your eyes.

Insanity is contagious, apparently.

You step around Seungyeon, and stand over Yeeun. She's at just the right height, and your dick rests on her pelvis, between her legs. You hear a short gasp of excitement from her... and two more behind you, which is definitely still weird.

You back up a few inches, bend your knees just a bit, and move forward again. Yeeun is a bit small, so it takes some pushing, but you can see the anticipation building on her face (what isn't covered by the blindfold). With a thrust, you're in.

Yeeun sighs and a smile crosses her face. Seems you made a good choice. She's going to like this.

"Woohoo! Now make her a slut!"

Again, you nearly forgot about your audience. Seungyeon moves to stand right next to you, one hand on Yeeun's inner thigh and the other one squeezing your ass cheek. Yay, fun...

For hours, you pound Yeeun into the table. Seungyeon stays with you the whole time, climbing on top of Yeeun, sliding herself all over you, and licking... pretty much everywhere.

A couple of times you have to change things up, untying Yeeun and flipping her onto her stomach, re-angling her so you can hold yourself up mostly by your arms, and eventually scooting her to where her head hangs off the table while you kneel over her.

You cum at least four times, but it's hard to be sure, since you think you went basically numb after the first three hours.

Yeeun seems to have lost her mind around that same time. Her blindfold fell off at some point while you were fucking her from behind and now you can see that her eyes have become unfocused. Every time you pull out to adjust after the second hour, she whined and tried to get you back in. But anything coming out of her mouth eventually turned into needy moans.

You kind of wonder to yourself how realistic it is to have lasted so long, for Yeeun to have actually gone half comatose, or for this process to have "turned her into a slut," but hey, it was bliss for you.

Seungyeon gets on her knees between you and cleans off your exhausted cock (and the area around it) with her tongue. It's a little sore actually, but you're not about to complain.

She stands back up and wraps her arms under yours, pulling you in. "I think you were successful, baby. Yeeun is going to want so much more from now on. Let's hope the baby you definitely put in her doesn't slow her down."

Oh. Right.

"So, what's next? Want any kind of... reward before you go?"

With her hips slowly rubbing side to side against yours, it's pretty obvious what she means, but hey, she asked, so...

Options: 1. (Picked:) You're drained, but you'll try for Seungyeon! Even if it results in embarrassment! 2. You want more, but you don't think you can get it up anymore. Be smooth and give her your contact info. 3. Uh, yeah. The call you got said you were going to get paid money for this. That's a reward. 4. Maybe just something to drink? You're fucking exhausted! (Warning, this option is mad kink territory.)

~~~~~

With your cock just about ready to fall off, you aren't sure how well this will work, but you're willing to try for Seungyeon. You grab her by the hips. A smirk crosses her face, and she doubles down on grinding against you.

You lift her chin up for a kiss. It's your turn to take charge with her now. She coos into your mouth. Her fingernails lightly scrape either side of your spine, sending tingles all up and down your body. Her entire behavior just changed! Sheesh, and all you had to do was take the initiative in grabbing her? This girl changes her mind as fast as she takes her clothes off.

The sweetness continues for the better part of ten minutes. You could swear the room's temperature is evening back out, from the sun-like heat earlier to being very pleasantly warm.

Seungyeon slowly breaks away from the kiss, looking into your eyes with less intensity and more... care. She leans her head back, and you take the hint, diving in and sucking carefully at her neck. Her silent shuddering is only interrupted by a moan coming from behind you.

You can guess what it is, but curiosity gets you to turn enough to look. And of course, it's Eunbin. She's still staring, which is still creepy. But she's also got both hands moving inside her shorts. She's probably been there all along, so you guess she can stay and keep watching. You doubt she'd leave even if you asked...

Trying not to think too much about your audience, you get back to work on Seungyeon, kissing her tanned skin from her chin, to her chest, to her toned as hell stomach, to her clit. Once there, her knees shake, so you decide to set her down somewhere she won't fall. It's time to pay her back for all the oral service she's been giving you!

Seungyeon backs up at your touch, until she leans back against the table in the middle of the room, and onto Yeeun's half conscious body. The skinny girl groans as she's suddenly used as a back rest, but Seungyeon doesn't seem to have any interest in fixing the problem.

This is your moment. You're going to make Seungyeon squirm on top of her rapper. You'll make her explode! You start leaning down, tongue halfway hanging out of your mouth...

"Damn, you're still not hard?"

She's holding you back by the forehead, looking between your bodies down at your lifeless dick.

"W-well, yeah, I mean, I just..." you gesture down at Yeeun. That's where your hardness went, and it's still dripping out of her at a moderate pace!

Eunbin's hands are on your shoulders, pulling you away from Seungyeon. It's a bit of a shock, to say the least.

"I'll call you later! Buh-bye!"

The next thirty seconds are a blur. You're dragged, stunned, out of the room, through to the opposite end of the hallway you came in from, and shoved out a door into an alley.

"See ya, fuckface," is the last thing you hear from Eunbin before the door slams behind you.

What the hell...

The door reopens, and you spin around just in time to get a face full of your pants.

"Don't forget your stupid clothes, you degenerate," Eunbin throws you one last insult before the door closes again.

It's a little chilly out here.

[GAME OVER]

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Last Christmas

Word Count: 1100

Warnings: some language but none really

A/N: And so our story comes to an end, for now. Our handsome Irish anti-hero and head-strong Lady Lawyer will return in the spring for an all new Misfits!AU sequel inspired by conversations with @robertsheehanownsmyass 🤨

Tag list: @joz-stankovich @badsext @elliethesuperfruitlover @nightmonsters @bisexualnathanyoung @magic-multicolored-miracle @immortalled

Chapter Five: Last Christmas

When Violet turned 35, she changed her entire life. Everything she set out to do as a Public Defender was always overshadowed by just how many shitty people needed legal aid. The one or two kind, desperate clients a year just never stacked up to or made the other 100 worth it.

So Violet packed up all of her things, bid everyone a fuck you and cried in her dark apartment for a week. No prospects or experience with anything but law, it frightened her how easily she dropped everything to just do.. nothing. She ignored her sisters, “Why don't you go back to New Orleans? Or back to school!” And the calls from Tony “Come back to the firm!” Then one day.

There was a knock on the door that startled Violet from her misery. She didn't care how she appeared to the courier who handed her a rather monstrous package. She signed and tore into it revealing a thick release form and three proofs of graphic novels. Then her heart leapt into her throat.

Lanky with a devil’s smirk on his face and a cocky stance in jeans and black jacket with the collar turned up. The indentation of a dimple Violet had found herself touching as he died or slept. They somehow found a way to capture the unusual green that could have easily ruined her. And even though it was just a drawing, she could hear Nathan’s smart mouth.

Beside Nathan on the cover was a shorter, almost creepy but not unattractive guy. He donned a black sweatshirt, hood pulled up and Kevlar body pads. In the background an array of others in orange jumpsuits. Simon, she knew from her own masochistic research, and infamous remaining ASBO 3.

“Captain Invincible and The Super Hoodie: The Misfits Tales,” Violet snorted. “Huh.”

Still she sat down and flipped through it. Each section more absurd yet somehow believable than the next. Nathan impaled on a metal fence. Simon stuffing a female probation worker in a freezer. Alisha using touch to elicit the most perverse filth from men’s mouths. Curtis and his ability to rewind time reliving the night they all got busted a hundred times. And Kelly, having sex with a guy that was a gorilla. It all converged into the final book, “Vegas Baby.”

Violet held her breath as she moved towards the end. The parts where she didn't expect to exist. That she even came across Nathan’s mind all these years later was curious to her, as was the version he came up with. All she could do was laugh and cry simultaneously.

There she was, more of a sexy librarian in a porn than a lawyer. Her skirt (she normally wore pants during trial) a bit too short, and her boobs far too large. Her cleavage out of control through a low cut dress shirt. She had her hair twisted up (which was true) and glasses (really?!). Nathan in that fitted suit looking more like an Irish mobster than the nervous man-child who chewed his fingers until they bled. A panel with Violet leaning, tits out, towards him as she questioned him before an explosion of rabbits.

Here was the story. It explained this fantasy of Violet, sexy porno lawyer, that's how Nathan saw her. He admitted she was rather plain and stuffy when they first met. Though by the end of their visit, her cheek and determination and inability to put up with his shit became a turn-on. How she played him on the stand and found a way to instill reasonable doubt by throwing Marnie under the bus in his defense was something no one had ever done before. Weirdly encouraged his arrogance, showed cool indifference to his charm, yet never gave up on him no matter how exasperated he made her. All of this made her “the sexiest bird I’d ever seen. I had t’be with her.”

Violet continued to the bits after the trial. The club, Nathan handing some meathead his tongue that had literally fallen out of his mouth. It wasn't even in Nathan’s head how drunk they were that night, their illustrated bodies simulating sex on the dancefloor or when she called him Irish Eyes in the back of a black cab. His insistence that the way she dodged his kisses, actually ducked like his lips were a dodgeball, made it “difficult for him to walk.” Violet rolled her eyes. A deep crimson still crept across her cheeks.

Then that night. That messy surprising night when her knife fit so perfectly in Nathan’s flesh and right into his heart. Sometimes Violet didn't know what haunted her more: the amount of blood he shed or the utter disdain in his eyes as the door slammed behind him.

As Violet ventured to that page, a perfect drawing of them on her hallway floor. Nathan’s head in her lap as she stroked his hair while he died. The air in her throat choked her as she read the panels.

“I forget hardly anyone knows I'm going to live forever. It hurts t’die with a butcher knife in your chest. Not as much as a sewer pipe or metal fence, mind ye. I don't always like the idea myself. But I did like the idea of our handsome hero being comforted by his own Lois Lane.

Kelly and Simon used t’drag me up a flight of stairs and toss me on my dirty mattress at the community center. Waited about like I was late for a concert. Kelly took the piss, didn't she?

Vi held me as I ruined her floor. No one’s held me while I've ruined anything. Wait till she finds out I'm such a selfish prick that I destroyed time just to get back a mate who didn't even like me to start.”

Violet didn't even have time to cry the tears that stung her eyes. Or think about what those words really said between the lines. Her cellphone rang making her scream a bit.

“FERN?!”

“Lettie you ok?”

“Just a bit shaken. I have to go through a release form to agree to my likeness being in both graphic novels and apparently the chance to option a film based on them.”

“Uh..”

“Nevermind, what's up?”

“Claire got a job in London at Burberry. Could you sell your apartment? Move with us and be Marigold’s nanny? You could look into getting back into law over there somehow. Eventually right?”

Violet laughed. From a lawyer to a nanny. “Why the fuck not? I know an Irishman over that way.”

[shann8n-blog]

I'll start off by letting you know a little about me. My name is shannon and I am 26 years old. I plan to write a book one day of my life... maybe this is where it will start.. Tumblr. My birthday is October 4th and I love the date 10-4 good buddy. I've only met three people with the same birthday. Only one with the same year and only an hour apart- her name is Britney is she's rad as fuck. I was born in Maine and lived there until I was 11- I then moved to my parents home state to help take care of my grandfather who developed Alzheimer's. That was 2002 ish and he passed away in 2005 after suffering a stroke in the basement of his house. I always wondered why he was even in the basement. It's also haunted and I still think spirits did it. He was out of control at the end he would steal his wife's car keys as he was not suppose to drive and he would drive all over. Luckily he had a buddy who was always around him. I'm pretty sure he worked for the mob. I'm super convinced. When he was in the hospital he would flash nurses.. hysterical. My dad started drinking in 2005 I'm not sure if he fell into his old ways being around his old pals or if he was depressed because his dad was dying. Needless to say he started cheating on my mom, and he stopped coming home. My mom left him and took my brother and I to a house my grandma owned, and we lived there for awhile. My dad started smoking crack and well that's for another blog. I finally moved back to Maine at the age of 25. I've been living here now for 1 year and 2 1/2 months. I'll always regret not moving here sooner but the world had different plans for me. Everything happens for a certain reason right? I bought a house a few months ago and I live with my ex boyfriend... and my youngest brother who is almost 7 his name is Dominick and I'm about to become his legal guardian for life. I will get more into that another time. He is the sweetest kid ever. Really sent from heaven. I like penguins and the color purple. My hair is purple and my eyes are hazel. I'm on ancestry DNA so take yours to see if we're related because my dad was adopted and I don't know who any of his bio family is. My favorite shoes are vans, and spring is my favorite season. I'm a tv binger but enjoy shows rather than movies. "Reality" is my thing but I do love greys anatomy, handmaids tale, 13 reasons why, wentworth and so on. I will binge so hard I will suffer the next day at work since I have to be up and out the door by 430am weekdays. Oh I work at Lowes 6 years and counting- In hopes I won't get fired I will leave it at that haha. Better save then sorry. I started with Lowes to be closer to my boyfriend at the time. Really a terrible idea didn't even have an apartment in that town literally don't know why I thought I could live with him and have a life, and turns out after recently talking to him we were actually dating. I save all my messages always especially from important people. So I scrolled back through time into a time machine really and found out in fact we weren't dating but he did express commitment to me. Oh to be young and so fucking dumb. It's funny the day I interviewed at Lowes as I was driving back to his apartment I got a call from Walgreens wanting an interview so I went and I had two jobs for a few months, but that relationship squashed and it was impossible to live 45 mins away and have to work 5am-10pm between two jobs everyday. I defiantly suffered for those months. So I quit Walgreens and started working back at this gas station in my town and balanced Lowes and the gas station for awhile. That sucked too but Atleast after work at night I could just drive home which was a 5 min drive. Quit the gas station after awhile because 2 jobs sucks. I'm surprised if your still reading because who really takes the time to get to know someone anymore.. and this is really pointless stuff but hey it's my life and this is what this entry is about. I'm rambling :) it's what I do and this is the perfect place.

[faces-in-unexpected-places]

Hey Isaac, I really love your blog (esp the positivity posts). I'm a senior in high school and god I LOVED physics. But over the last few months I felt so fucking stupid and idiotic because I barely scraped an A last quarter, I can't even hit a 4 on the AP physics test, and I just bombed a final. I was a perfect 4.8 student but now I lost all respect and everyone's telling me to give science up and tbh maybe someone like me should. Any tips for pursuing something even when you feel dumb in it?

(2) and I’m sorry that I sound incredibly shallow and stat oriented. Im just frightened that I’m stepping into a black hole here and should quickly change to another field where I can reliably succeed before it’s too late. I want an easy, lucrative life with little risk on one hand while on the other I wanna do cool stuff in the lab and science 24/7. Since I can’t get any confidence from my nonexistent achievements, how can I get it?

Hey! Heh, I’m glad you like my blog and positivity, that’s good to know! I feel a lot better in general if I keep the positive mindset

And hey, shhh, don’t give up on any of that! And I know that it can sound a little superficial to be worried about that stuff, and if I’m completely honest, those things are important to me, and can get me down, too. But listen, you still got an A! Even if you didn’t, it would be okay because the point is that you’re learning a lot, and that is way more valuable and important than a letter next to a class name. (Not to mention that you can definitely get an A in a class, but not know what you learned) Obviously it’s important, but the difference between a B, a low A, and a high A are really not that big in the grand scheme of things, I promise you. It’s all about how things are overall! Like if you have a ton of A’s and one B, people aren’t going to be like “well what about that one time?”. It doesn’t say nearly as much about your character as what you consistently do does. If that makes sense!

And, you know, I didn’t get a 4 on the second half of my AP physics test, either! I “only” got a 3, and yeah, a good number of people have done way better, and there will always be the people who get extremely high 5′s and be like “wow u only got a 3 what a loser” (also if they do that they are so wrong and really ignorant and mean and are just trying to make themselves look better for their own self-esteem and others’ approval, probably)

And yeah, maybe you bombed a test, but it’s only one! I’ve bombed tests before! Actually, last spring, I had a lab practical final for my biology class (my major, mind you), and I got a D! But I still got an A in the class, and it doesn’t mean that I should give up biology, heh. At least not in my eyes. It just means that I struggled for a bit. And I’m sure that’s all that it means for you, too!

But anyway, so, tips for pursing something you feel dumb in, since that was the original question, heh. I would say maybe talking to your teacher about it, because they know that AP classes are tough! And I mean, I had a really hard time with AP physics when I first got into it, too! I went in and talked to my teacher about it, and arranged to have all of the extra help that I needed to do well. And once I got into a rhythm with that, I eventually got more comfortable and confident with it, and I didn’t need so much help anymore!

I know that there are people that just don’t really need all that much extra help, and that can make you feel kind of shitty sometimes, because you wonder like “well why am I not able to get this when that person just did instantly? why do they think its so easy and I just dont. get. it.”, but there is never anything wrong with getting more help, more practice, talking to more people about it, etc..

Sometimes one of the more important things is just having someone who can tell you that they understand that it’s hard, and just reassure you that you’re not dumb or inferior to anyone just because you have to work slower, or you have to work at something for longer. And if nobody else has told you that, then congratulations, because I am telling you!

As for your future… I can’t really tell you what to do, or what to pursue. But you know, I mean, the thing is that if it’s really important to you… if you really want to do something, then you’ll figure it out, and you’ll get there. It sounds cliche, but really, heh, where there is a will, there really is a way. And sometimes there isn’t a will, and that’s okay, too! I didn’t have the will to pursue physics, even though I had a ton of fun in my old AP class, you know? I had the will for something else, and that’s what I’m doing now!

But anyway, you might be able to talk to a guidance counsellor or something about it too, if you haven’t tried already! They’re trained in helping people feel better about themselves through listening to you, being understanding, and accompanying you through the steps that you can / need to take to make yourself feel better, whether that is overcoming the obstacles, or finding a way around them.

Just because you have a bad break, doesn’t mean it’s the end-all-be-all. Don’t give up science. Not if you don’t want to. Because that whole idea of “someone like you”? That is everybody. Literally everybody, heh. Everyone struggles, and what you’re talking about is super normal! And, just so you know, there are plenty of good, accessible jobs out there in science that you can get into to lead a comfortable life, alongside all of those crazy careers that require you to be in school until you’re dead, heh. You can do physics, if you want. You can do chemistry, or biology, astronomy, or geology, or any of the sub-branches of science that come to mind from there.

If there is anything else that I can do for you, or anything else you want to talk about, you can always drop by again, because I’ll always be here to let you know that you can fucking do it! Like holy shit, of course you can do it! 4.8! That’s amazing! I hope something out of all of this rambling nonsense helped, heh. I’m sorry that things are a bit tough right now, but I don’t have any doubts that you can do it!

Have a good day, anon!