#and the website is very complicated and i'm getting a bit stressed

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

my therapist on saturday: what happened to you is una putada (a shitty situation) so it's best to take it slow, and relax this week, don't do anything academia related, just chill.

me, today: receives my first positive answer from a foreign professor willing to supervise my phd proposal and writes them a wholeass essay as a reply email with around 10 attachements. and right after that i start looking for more phd options.

[wardenparker]

Hummingbird Has Landed, ch 13

Marcus Pike x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

After the debacle of his failed engagement and relocating to Washington to take charge of his task force, newly minted Special Agent Marcus Pike is ready to get back out into the dating pool once more. A slew of bad dates has him feeling a little down, and he takes an old friend up on an invitation to get away and get his head on straight. Imagine his surprise when he finds not only fresh air, but his soulmate as well - hiding in plain sight but in the unlikeliest of places.

Rating: M for Mature but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 14.5k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: occasional mention of American politics, pregnant character, food/alcohol consumption, mentions of clothing/regulated dressing for occasions, mentions of therapy because we believe in self care here, reader is in a previous relationship, love triangle, reader is mentioned as turning 30 during the course of the story, dom/sub dynamics* Shitty exes being shitty, anxiety, stress of confusion, attempted sabotage. A bit of dirty flirting in there for good measure. Summary: When you and Marcus stumble upon the perfect place for your engagement party, things get complicated by Sam's plans to rent the very same venue. Notes: I'm sure I missed some errors in the proofreading, but such is life. Please enjoy, my dears! Chapter photo from Monticello's website.

Ch1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12

The idea happened a bit by accident, but a few days after your goddaughter was born, once Sydney and Juan and Constance were comfortably and safely at home, Marcus had convinced you to take the last of your days off and go out to Monticello with him for some fresh air and historical tourism. The numerous tours and lunch at the café on the vast grounds are exactly the break that you need, and you're bent over the map together on the sunny grounds when you tilt your head and look up at him beside you.

"Ya know..." The idea is just a hum in the back of your throat. "I bet they're booked ages in advance to do events here...but it might be worth asking if they have an opening or a cancellation sometime soon."

"What are you thinking of having here?" He's not even arguing against the idea, just trying to get a feel for what you are starting to plan. "I don't think we can build our house here." He teases, having nearly gone cross eyed from going through house plans with you over the last two days.

"No, we're definitely not doing that." You roll your eyes playfully and nudge him. The work on the house is finally underway and now you've moved on to talking about decorating so it feels like square one of an entirely new project instead of just a new phase on a continuing one. "I was thinking it would be a hell of a place for an engagement party if they have an opening before Thanksgiving. But I doubt it."

Marcus contemplates it, looking around with his hands on his hips and hums. "I think it would be good." He agrees before glancing back at you with a smirk. "There's only one way to find out if they have any dates available." He teases. "We've got to ask."

"Gee, what a shocking idea." When you poke him in the side it comes with a giggle and you motion back at the visitor's center behind you. "Let's go see if anyone is in to chat with us about it."

Marcus snickers, wrapping his hand around your waist and tugging you closer while he snatches up the map with his free hand. "Let's go. Touring can wait."

Inside the Visitor's Center, the middle–aged woman sitting at the desk is pleasantly chatting with the last guests of a long line before turning her smile on you and Marcus. "Well hello there dears," she greets, just as pleasantly as a sunshiney summer day. "How can I help you?"

“My fiancée and I were hoping to talk to an events coordinator?” He glances back at you for confirmation at the title and when you nod, he turns and beams at her. “Is there one available, or do we need to make an appointment, Miss….” He glances at her name badge. “Amber?”

“Well certainly there is, but she is just finishing up a meeting at the moment.” Amber glances at her computer screen and back again without the smile ever leaving her face. “They should be done in just a few minutes if you’d like to wait and speak to her afterward?”

Marcus turns back to you, “do you want to wait, sweetheart?” He asks, rubbing your waist gently. Still proud as a peacock at being your fiancé.

“Why not?” There’s still a chance that there are no openings anytime soon, but waiting around for a few minutes to ask won’t hurt anything.

“Wonderful.” Amber picks up the telephone on her desk and pushes a few buttons with that everlasting smile on her face. “I’ll let her know she has someone waiting. May I have your name, sir?”

Marcus smiles as he gives your name and tries not to smirk when it’s obvious she recognizes the surname. “And Marcus Pike.”

“One moment, please.” The conversation that Amber heads into the receiver is hurried and she tries not to be terribly animated but you catch her glancing up at you once during the frazzled conversation and you smile kindly in response.

Marcus leans over and nuzzles your neck. “Hopefully she’s a political support of your mom and not firmly against her.” He teases quietly.

“Fingers crossed,” you laugh back quietly.

Marcus chuckles in your ear, holding you close as you both politely wait for the phone call to be finished.

When Amber sets down the receiver, she offers you and Marcus a warm smile and motions to a set of chairs to your side in the lobby of the Visitor's Center. "Melanie will be right with you. She will only be a few minutes more."

“Thank you.” Marcus thanks her sincerely and guides you to the chairs.

It's about ten minutes later than a tall, pretty blonde in a floral dress appears from around a corner, leading two people back toward the lobby of the building. If you hadn't watched them come into view you would have said it was too ridiculous. Too much of a coincidence. But there they are – Sam and Vanessa side–by–side with a notebook and pen in Vanessa's hands and Sam gesturing authoritatively all the way.

Marcus stiffens slightly, his hand squeezing yours gently and he wonders if he should stand and greet them or pretend that they aren’t known to you or him.

It only takes a split second, but the decision is taken from you almost instantly. Sam spots you from across the lobby and pauses only momentarily before aiming the group of them directly for you instead of toward the exit. “Looks like we’re doing this,” you murmur to Marcus, and stand with his hand still in yours as your exes approach.

“Congressman Chase, Vanessa.” Marcus greets both of them politely, if a little stiffly. Formal. Something that couldn’t be misinterpreted by anyone as rude. “What a surprise to see you both.”

“Well this is a surprise.” Sam doesn’t offer to shake Marcus Pike’s hand or yours, barely looking at you while the well–dresses blonde that had been walking with them senses the tension right away.

“Congressman. Miss D’Amario.” She looks nervous too, by association. Unlike Miss Amber at the desk, she knows exactly who is in front of her. “Let me just get you that last brochure, shall I?”

Marcus doesn’t say anything else, just rubbing the back of your hand gently and watching as the blonde guides them back towards the desk. “Well, I’m not sure why they are here.” He murmurs quietly.

“Who knows?” You huff quietly, holding onto him for stability. “Maybe the same reason we are.”

“No, no.” Sam’s voice is distinct in the echoing building. “We want to have the event at the house.” He is insisting loudly. “Not on an overlooking lawn.”

“I’m very sorry, sir, but as I explained to you, we have four locations across the grounds for private events.” With the patience of a saint, Melanie explains yet again. “Each location has multiple rooms available for hosting. However, the historical house is not one of them.”

“That’s is not good enough.” Sam tried charming her, but now it’s time to be serious. “Don’t you know what this is for?”

“Yes Congressman, you’ve been very clear about that.” Her painted on smile is placid and professional, even if her nerves are fraying slightly. “But with respect, even if the president wanted to have a campaign event here, the house would still not be an option.”

“There has to be a way to make this happen.” He glances over at you and Marcus, frowning slightly at why you are here. Another symbol of why he is having to fight so hard to make things happen. You’ve screwed him over.

“It is not an option we have available.” The woman’s eyes track his, glancing over at you in the lobby. She knows the ticking time bomb she has in her hands. She had been following the new first family in the news since the election. “And I assure you that our answer for anyone else will be the same.”

The shift of her eyes irritates him. Signifying that he’s not the most important person in the room. Clenching his jaw, he shakes his head. “I would hate for this to descend into a legal battle.” He speaks as if it’s not a threat but then he shifts topics. “What days are available?”

“If you are looking to hold an event next month, our lawn here is entirely booked aside from the night of Saturday the fourteenth. We had a cancellation that night. Otherwise we have smaller spaces available on several days but your maximum capacity for the event would be sixty people.”

"That will not be enough for our needs." Sam insists. "We would need the entire venue."

"We will be happy to accommodate the number of guests you quoted on the lawn on Saturday the fourteenth." The otherwise very pleasant looking blonde smothers a sigh of frustration and hands a brochure over to Vanessa, who accepts it with a snap of her hand and clips to the folder she is carrying. "Beyond that, our next available date to accommodate that many guests would be in January."

"Fine." He's not happy and he will be having a word with the proper people to get the answers he wants. "We will let you know, but pencil us in."

"The date will be held for twenty–four hours. At which time I will be happy to accept your deposit or establish an alternative plan with you for another space on the property, otherwise the availability will be released to other clients." When she smiles this time there is a measure of relief in it. "If there is anything else I can do for you, or anything other questions I can answer for you, please feel free to contact me. My office hours and direct line are listed on the card that I gave to your assistant."

Vanessa straightens slightly, tall and proud beside Sam. Her eyes flicker over to the pair of you to see if you are watching. Curious to know why you are here and desperate to not appear that way.

“Fine.” Sam bristles, disliking being told ‘no’ and placing the blame squarely on one single set of shoulders. No one had told him no while he was publicly dating the First Daughter. His effort to organize re–election events shouldn’t be nearly this hard, but here he is. Having to take meetings himself instead of making a simple phone call or just sending Vanessa on his behalf. But without knowing for certain why you and that FBI lackey of yours are here, he wants to see if he can at least eavesdrop on the beginning of your meeting before he leaves.

When Melanie shakes hands with Sam and Vanessa again, turning to walk towards you and Marcus, the two of you stand. “Thank you for taking the time to see us.” He starts, offering the slightly frazzled woman a sincere smile. “Hopefully our questions won’t be too arduous.”

“I’m sure they won’t be.” She wants to say that nothing would be as arduous as the meeting she just took, but that would be less than professional. She shakes your hand in turn and motions toward the direction she had come from with the congressman. “Why don’t we go to my office?”

Marcus does the polite thing and nods to Sam and Vanessa, a little surprised when the woman who had ended things with him amicably turns her head to snub him. He doesn’t say anything, just guides you to office, following behind Melanie at a few paces.

“Here we are.” Down a hall and up a few stairs, she stops and opens the door of an office to let you and Marcus inside. “My name is Melanie O’Neil and I’m the special event coordinator here at Monticello. I understand you’re interesting in planning an event with us?”

“Sweetheart?” Marcus looks towards you to take the lead, smiling softly.

"We were hoping you might have availability in the beginning of October, though I know that is short notice," you explain, but you did hear her rattle off some dates to Sam in the lobby. "We're interested in having our engagement party here."

“Engagement?” Her eyes widen happily as she takes in the sight of a happy couple in love. “Delightful.” She shuffles through the book and nods. “We have Saturday the fourteenth, I’m afraid that it is the only date available.” She tilts her head. “Someone else has expressed interest, but they have not paid to reserve it.” She would not feel bad about direct Sam Chase somewhere else.

"That would be fine with us, but I insist on waiting the appropriate twenty–four hours to give the other interested party their fair chance." You won't have Sam whining to some blogger about how you stole his venue space. That just won't fly. "Can you tell us a little about how you organize the space or if you have caterers on site?"

“It is the lawn area.” Motioning to the large detailed map of the event areas, she indicates a gorgeous area close to the water. “We can set up the space to accommodate practically any needs. A dance floor, a bar, string lighting.” She explains. “Tents are approved but they have to be provided by Monticello, to make sure that we don’t have someone coming in and destroying the grounds. Catering can be provided or you can invite someone in to cater for you.”

“That all sounds very reasonable.” The pricing is also reasonable for the location and what is being offered, and Melanie shows you and Marcus a brochure of price packages. “So we could select to have you provide the bar, tents, tables, chairs, lighting, and a dance floor…and we can bring in our own catering?”

“Absolutely.” She agrees with a nod and smile. “We pride ourselves on making sure that our clients have the best possible time.”

“And…” Glancing over at Marcus and then at the door where Agent Bailey is currently standing as nonchalantly as possible while keeping her eyes open. “You won’t have a problem with having the Secret Service on property?”

“Oh no.” If she’s shocked by the question, she doesn’t show it. “We will follow the lead of your security at all times. I do have to warn you that there are other events that day, but we keep the spaces separate.”

“That’s wonderful.” It’s hard to believe that anyone would have a problem doing business with this woman, but then…some people are quite picky. And you know Sam is one of them. “Honey, did you have any questions or ideas?” You ask, wanting to make sure Marcus is in on this planning.

Marcus considers the space and looks towards you. “Live band?” He asks. “Can there be speakers placed?”

“Certainly.” Melanie smiles at that and scribbles an additional note in the pad in front of her. “We have a bandstand ready to be put up when needed. As long as we’re not talking about a full scale orchestra, that can be accommodated.”

“No, nothing like that.” Marcus laughs. “I don’t think we would want to be that pretentious for an engagement party. We just want to have fun, right Birdie?”

“I don’t even want a big orchestra for the wedding, let alone the engagement party.” You agree, laughing a little at the very idea of it. It’s utterly ridiculous. You’re not orchestra people even if you do both like classical music sometimes. “No, I think we’re talking about something very reasonable. Nothing too big or too nit–picky.”

“I think that’s the best option, a live band and then we have a playlist for when they are taking breaks.” Marcus agrees looking towards Melanie. “Do you have a lot of bands that you work with? I’m not too familiar with the scene here.”

“We have a few.” She nods, turning to her computer, presumably to print out a list. “Mostly the kind you would hire for a wedding. Cover bands like that get a lot of work out here.”

“I would imagine they would.” Marcus agrees, looking towards you. “What do you think, sweetheart? Unless you have someone specific?”

“No, I think that sounds perfect.” Live music is definitely something you both feel strongly about, and it continues to incorporate local artists into the fold of every one of your events. It’s an excellent plan. “Can I leave you my number, and ask you to give me a call tomorrow to tell me whether or not Congressman Chase decides to take the date?” You ask Melanie as politely as possible. “If he doesn’t, I think we’ll be very glad to have it.”

“I will most assuredly call you.” She promises with a smile, hoping that she deals with you instead of the congressman.

“Then how about a tour?” You suggest, offering the woman a smile.

“That would be wonderful.” Marcus agrees. “If you have time, of course.”

“Of course.” Melanie stands from her desk again. “Come along with me.”

******

“What if we just stayed here?” You groan for the second time this morning, burrowing deeper into Marcus’s side in bed as the sun rises higher in the morning sky. It’s early but you have a lot to do. His parents and a few other friends and family are arriving this morning for the engagement party tonight. The planning had gone well for being such short notice, but that still doesn’t mean you want to leave the warmth of your fiancé’s side just yet. There are a thousand things to do today before the party tonight, but you’ll manage. You just want a few more minutes of quiet with Marcus before facing it all.

“Then we will have a party that will be will be talked about for ages.” Marcus hums in amusement. “An engagement party where the couple doesn’t arrive.” He rubs your back gently. “We could start a new fad.”

“It would be very mysterious of us,” you snicker, knowing you and Marcus are some of the least mysterious people on the planet.

“Yes it would. I think everyone would start a manhunt for us.” He laughs.

“Probably not the best idea,” you admit, even if it makes you laugh. “Since the Secret Service would be involved in the manhunt.”

“Millions of taxpayer dollars, wasted.” He snorts, smirking at you slightly. “All the helicopters they would bring out.”

You snort, looking up at him in the morning light and sigh dramatically to get one more laugh from him. "I guess we should get up then, huh?"

“If we have to.” This time, he’s the one pouting. “Our honeymoon needs to be someplace quiet. A cabin in the mountains. Where we just stay in bed all day.”

"You know you can go stay at the hotel where they filmed Dirty Dancing, right?" As you drag yourself out of bed on the morning of your engagement party, talking about your honeymoon sounds like the perfect conversation.

“Really?” Marcus hums, intrigued by the idea. “It’s really up in the Catskills, isn’t it?”

"It is." Unconcerned with wearing anything night for the first part of the day, you go straight to your closet for jeans and a t–shirt. You'll change into the silver cocktail dress you have picked out later tonight. "And they supposedly really lean into the Dirty Dancing thing, which is fun."

“I’m sure Agent Bailey would love an isolated cabin to have us locked away.” He teases. “If you want to look into that, I’m completely game.”

“It’s a far cry from our original idea.” Which is neither good nor bad, just worth pointing out. “Paris is very different from a cabin in the Catskills.”

“That’s true.” Marcus stops and turns to you. “I love the idea of both, each for very different reasons.” He admits with a grin. “Whatever you want, as long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy.”

“We could always make up a little list?” You offer, ultimately pulling an old college t–shirt out of your closet with a clean bra. “And then narrow it down after we settle on a wedding date?”

“That works for me.” Marcus agrees, watching you as you start to get dressed. It’s probably his favorite part of the day, unless you count undressing.

"Where else might you want to go?" He's watching carefully and you wiggle your hips a little in his direction.

Marcus grunts, feeling his body respond to the little tease and he’s honestly wondering if he can take you back to bed for another hour. “Um…you pick.” He tells you. “A beach?”

"The beach is good." If you reach for a pair of nearly non–existent panties just to keep teasing him? Well, who can blame you for that? "Sand and swimming and sunny skies. Are you thinking Mexico or Mediterranean?"

Marcus blows out a breath when you pull out the see through lace that is literally just scraps of cloth posing as panties. “Mexico would be nice. Somewhere off the beaten path?”

"Someplace with a little bungalow and a private beach?" Since Marcus likes to tease you just as much as you like to tease him, you don't feel bad for even a second about bending over dramatically in front of him so he can have the best view of your ass when you put your panties on. "Hawaii could be fun, too."

“Too many people.” He immediately grunts. “Too many cameras.”

That makes you smirk, and you throw it over your shoulder at him. “So you’re looking to have me all to yourself?”

“Absolutely.” He nods immediately, finding your eyes for a moment before he goes back to ogling you. “All mine.”

“Well that’s true even if we go someplace not isolated.” Deciding to continue messing with him just a tiny bit, you grab your tightest jeans to slip into while you’re still talking. “I’ve been yours since the day we met.”

“But I’m thinking more of being able to strip you down whenever I want.” He admits with a grin. Completely unrepentant at the idea. “Maybe not even pack clothes.”

“If that’s what we’re going to do, we can lock ourselves in the house and Door Dash every meal.” You remind him, finally going to put on your bra and shirt. “Our honeymoon is a chance to have an adventure together. A sexy adventure, but still an adventure.”

“Get your head out of the gutter, got it.” He winks and shoots finger guns at you playfully. “Like it said, just ideas.”

“Listen,” you grin in response to his silliness. “If we decide on a winter wedding, we’re absolutely going someplace tropical to get away. I’m not looking to put snowshoeing on our itinerary.”

“So an Alaskan dog sledding race is off the table?” He jokes, snickering to himself.

“You don’t like snow either, Texas.” But both of you laugh, and as you shimmy into your t–shirt you’re already feeling better about the day. “Also…I don’t think a winter wedding sounds ideal. Even DC gets snow, and we lose any chance of having part of the night outside.”

“Yeah, I’ve never understood the ‘Winter Wonderland’ theme some people go for.” He admits with a huff. “Freezing my nut— uh, toes off doesn’t sound fun.”

“No,” you snort and tug him up out of bed to get dressed with you. “Freezing your nuts off does not sound fun.”

“Caught that, huh?” He huffs, even if he’s well aware that you don’t mind that kind of humor. “I don’t think you would like it either. You seem to like that part of my body.”

“I like that part of your body very much.” Your smirk is puckish. “Just as much as you like my tits.”

“Don’t forget your ass.” He reminds you, smirking as he pulls off his sleep shirt to get dressed. “I like that too. Oh and your thighs.”

“I like all parts of you and you like all parts of me.” You bite your lip unconsciously when he starts to change, always admiring of your fiancé in as many ways as he’ll let you at any given time. Marcus isn’t vain. He doesn’t dedicate himself to cut abs and weight lifting. But he does go to the gym to be in shape for his job and that combined with his love of food has made him broad and strong with a layer of cushioning softness that you adore.

“Then it sounds like we are a perfect match.” He winks at you as you eye him. Turning around and wiggling his own hips playfully, even though he has a flat ass.

It gets a snort and a giggle from you, and you swat at him playfully. “Do you want to go downstairs for breakfast or have something up here?”

“Completely up to you, love.” He promises. “I’ve heard rumors that Syd has been haunting the kitchens with a snuggly little Constance strapped to her chest.

“I keep telling her that maternity leave exists for a reason, but she can’t stay away.” Not that you blame her. You know for damn certain that you won’t be able to stay away from the inn after you’ve had your kids, either. “Let’s go down and say hello.”

He snorts to himself, well aware that he will be fighting the same battle Juan is when you are recovering from giving birth. “I think we need to just build her a house on the property too.” He tells you. “Make sure she’s close enough to rest.”

“The house is almost done.” Just one more month, according to the contractors. “Maybe we should keep the apartment up here as a resting space for the staff for a while? Before we turn it into a guest suite.”

“Orrrrrr…” Marcus tilts his head as he looks around the apartment. It’s not large, but it’s large enough. “What if we turned it into a small area for a nanny?” He asks. “Someone to come and watch Constance and the future Pike brood for us?” He had been thinking about it and it seemed like a good idea and it would allow everyone peace of mind in knowing the kids are close.

“That…” Your eyes flick up to his, wistful smile tugging at your lips and warmth blooming in your heart. “Sounds like a wonderful idea.” Marcus has an uncanny ability to see the future so clearly that it might make you envious if you weren’t so grateful to have him as your partner. “I genuinely love that, baby.”

“You do?” He asks, wondering if you are just agreeing to it because you are so in love with him right now. “I figured it would be a good way for you to see the babies, ours and Syd’s, anytime you get a chance.”

“It’s a lot more practical than driving them to daycare in town only to come back here for work.” Instinct and affection make you want to snuggle into his side again, but you know you have things to do around the possibility that your baby goddaughter is downstairs make you reach for a cardigan instead of your fiancé. “I think it’s smart. And will probably save us some anxiety in the long run.”

“I think so.” Marcus agrees quickly. “There’s someone dedicated to watching them, so work can be uninterrupted, but you can see and snuggle them when needed.”

“Don’t pretend you won’t be working through your lunches sometimes just to get home to them sooner.” It’s an image you can see so vividly that it almost makes you glow, knowing how much Marcus is looking forward to being a father to as many kids as you can manage together.

“Have to make it home before the sun goes down.” He scoffs. “How else will we play ball? It can’t be in the house.”

“The only balls anybody’s playing with in the house are yours when I give you head,” you tell him unequivocally, nudging him toward the bedroom door once you’re both dressed to go brush your teeth together so you can go downstairs and eat.

He snorts in amusement, although he can’t deny that you do play with his balls while you are blowing him. Smacking his lips to your cheek before he loads up your toothbrush and then his, he winks in the mirror – thoroughly enjoying the everyday chores with you.

You’re on your way downstairs within about fifteen minutes. Agent Bailey is downstairs by your office when the elevator opens, having opened up to giving you more space now that you have an armed federal officer in the apartment with you every night. Around the corner and into the kitchen, you have to smother a squeal of delight when you see Syd hovering by the line with little Constance in her baby carrier strapped safely to mama’s chest.

“Told you.” Marcus bumps your arms and immediately grins when he sees the little girl. Shes not too old to stay awake for long and she’s snoozing peacefully while the chaos of the kitchen goes on around her. “This has to be her lullaby.” He jokes. “She grew in the womb to it.”

“Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.” You scurry to Sydney’s side without hesitation to hug her gently and peer into little Constance’s face. “Hello angel! Oh my goodness she’s so sweet when she sleeps!”

“She’s actually one of those babies that sleeps better amidst the noise!” Sydney laughs and rubs her daughter’s back through the sling, leaning against you instantly. “You caught me, huh?”

“I’m not even cross that you’re poking around work while you’re supposed to be resting because you brought the baby,” you admit, although you restrain yourself from doing anything besides admiring Constance. Waking her up by accident would be awful. “Are you guys feeling okay about coming out tonight?” Juan’s mother had assured her son and daughter–in–law that the baby would be in expert hands if they wanted to make the engagement party their first outing since her birth. And you had also assured them that you wouldn’t be offended if they only came to the party for dinner and headed home before the dancing to be with their little girl.

“I’m looking forward to it.” She admits with a lopsided smile. “Just forgive me if I text my mother–in–law six hundred times to check on her?” She asks, knowing you would never be upset about that. “I don’t know how we are ever going to drop her into a daycare. That’s if we find one that will open up in the next six months.” They have been on a wait list for the daycare of their choice since she found out she was pregnant. There are still twelve other couples on the wait list ahead of them.

“Marcus actually had an idea about that.” A proud grin to your fiancé on the other side of the kitchen where he is getting your breakfast from Syd’s sous chef lights up your whole face. “Why don’t we bring dinner over to your place after the weekend is over and the chaos subsides, and we’ll tell you about it?”

“Of course.” She grins at the way the two of you had made deep and lasting plans. Knowing you deserve all that and so much more. “Indian?” She suggests. “I’m craving curry.”

“We’ll get take out from Rasika. Whatever you want.” While it might be one of your and Marcus’s favourite take out spots, it’s also a favorite of your friend group so that is an easy answer. “And you text home as much as you need to tonight, love.” Casting your eye from mother to daughter, your smile softens and your heart aches from wanting one of your own. “This little angel is worth it.”

“Isn’t she?” Like any new mother, her daughter is the most perfect thing to ever exist. “She’s feeding for longer. She ate four whole ounces yesterday when Juan fed her a bottle.” She’s pumping and they are bottle feeding to make sure Juan gets his own bonding time with Constance when Sydney isn’t breastfeeding. Plus there are times the still recovering mother is too tired to do it. So it helps them tag team their newborn.

You and Syd can and have cooed together over her growing girl for hours at a time, so you don’t even realize you’ve been standing there for ten solid minutes being an absolutely doting pair of sentimental idiots until Marcus comes up behind you and gently slides one hand around your waist.

“You need to eat, sweetheart.” He reminds you, whispering in your ear as he watches the baby sleep against her mother’s chest. He’s gotten to hold her for a bit, but he lets you hold her more when the opportunity presents itself. “We have a lot to do before the party.”

There are two plates with pesto–prosciutto breakfast panini on them sitting on the counter nearby along with two oversized ice coffees and you relent, leaning back against Marcus after giving Syd one more gentle squeeze. “You’re right,” you sigh. “I just want to stare at this little nugget of a baby forever.”

“I know.” Marcus chuckles. “How many times have you thought about having our first since she’s been born?” He teases, knowing he’s also been hit by baby fever as well.

“Like fifteen times a day every single day.” You can’t help but laugh, knowing he feels the same, and you let him peel you away from the baby reluctantly when Syd’s sous chef has a question for her. “Fifteen is a minimum estimate, by the way.”

“I was honestly thinking it was more like thirty.” He laughs. “I’m about that too.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t wait a whole year to get married?” The idea hums through you with excitement. Being able to have a wedding date by tonight would be a fun little plus.

“When’s the last time the roses bloom in the Rose Garden?” Marcus asks, knowing you want to have your wedding there.

“September, really.” The first week of September would be a full year from when Marcus proposed, which seems tidy to you in a way you weren’t expecting but makes you smile. “What if we did early September? Would that step on Constance’s first birthday?”

“I think we should talk about it with the parents, but I don’t see that being a problem honestly.” Marcus hums happily.

"I heard parents!" Syd calls across the kitchen, fearless in the face of a miracle baby who truly can sleep through the chaos of a kitchen. She bounces subtly as she walks across the room, making sure her daughter is comfortable against her chest, and leans against the counter where you and Marcus are having your breakfast. "What's up?"

“We were talking about wedding dates.” Marcus admits, glancing at you with a small smirk. “We don’t want to schedule something to step on the birthday girl’s toes.” He reaches out and caresses the sleeping baby with the back of index finger.

"Were you guys thinking of doing it in September?" She asks, eyes sliding over to you and when you nod through a bite of food she smiles. "What if we pick a different weekend?" Sydney suggests. "I don't want to suggest doing the baby's birthday in place of a day–after brunch or anything. So we can just do two weekends in a row?"

“Or we could.” Marcus offers with a grin. “I know my family is up for celebrating a baby’s first birthday. Especially since they are going to fall in love with her tonight.” He warns. “Constance will be gaining a lot of aunts and uncles.”

"We weren't really planning on having a day–after event anyway," you assure her. There are already so many wedding events on your plate that adding one more sounds overwhelming to you. "What if we added more of Juan's family to the wedding guest list so they'll already be in town, and the next day we can all relax with something much more casual? It sounds...kind of perfect, actually."

“I think that Juan would like that. I thinks it’s perfect.” Their friendship had grown even closer and Juan had confided he wanted more time with his family. It’s the perfect opportunity. “We can book out the inn, right?” He asks you. “And get more hotel rooms, of course.” He chuckles. “My mom has already said she wants to stay here but the Watergate Hotel is calling her name.”

"We could have Connie's birthday here?" You raise an eyebrow to Syd in question. "We'll be surrounded by family and friends and you'll barely have to roll out of bed to get here." The Badillo house is close by and you and Marcus will be more or less in the inn's backyard.

"Comfort food, family event, and very casual." Sydney laughs, but she is nodding her head. "Sean has been a great sous chef. I know he can handle that even with my nitpicky ass hovering over everything."

“It sounds like we have a plan.” Marcus agrees. “So I think our wedding day needs to be the day before little Connie’s birthday.”

"September ninth." Of course you and Sydney say it at the same time, grinning at each other. Constance was born in the wee hours of the tenth.

"That means it will be a long weekend for people. It will be good to give them the date well in advance." It will be beautiful, is what it will be. Beautiful, and fun, and an occasion well worth celebrating.

**

His suit and your dress in the trunk of the car, Marcus steers towards the venue happily. “So we start getting set up, the band should be there first, right?” He asks. “Get the sound check done before the other vendors?”

"Yeah, that's what we planned on." A White House photographer will also be on hand, documenting the event for any press that Annette deems appropriate. You've left it entirely to her. "Melanie will be there to direct traffic, and she has a room for us to change and keep personal affects in."

“My parents are landing in about an hour.” He reminds you. “They will be out here to help and generally support us as soon as they drop bags in the hotel.”

"Selena, Leo, and Clark are all meeting us out here around the same time. They're riding together." The contingent from Dallas that has moved to DC in the last few months have banded together well and are all excited to join the next board game night. Bringing your friends and his together has been exceptionally easy.

“Perfect.” Marcus chuckles. “It’s a good thing the bartender will be showing up next.” He jokes. “Seriously, if we need to get any last minute items, mom said she’ll send dad.”

"I'm just glad we decided not to do flowers." It had been Junie's idea. During the Friday night dinner after you had booked Monticello, the discussion at the table had turned to decor and when your mother's ideas for florals got overcomplicated it had been your sister who suggested having a few large, live plants amongst the tents and lights and candles on the tables instead. "Melanie pulled those potted plants and light plans out of nowhere and I love her for it."

“I think it will make the wedding even more special.” Marcus admits. “Flowers don’t need to be at every event.”

"The rose garden is going to be spectacular." Your genuine excitement for that is infectious enough that it makes Marcus beam brightly at you as he pulls his car into the large lot around the Monticello visitor center.

“Wow.” Marcus frowns slightly as he sees all the vendor vans. “Are they early?”

"They must be." You check the time on your phone and frown to see that it is a full forty–five minutes before the caterer is set to arrive, and two of the vans nearby are marked with a florist's logo. "Maybe it's for one of the other locations on the property? Melanie did say they had multiple events tonight."

“That has to be it.” He agrees, although he knows the other venues have their own designated parking on the other side. He sends you a smile as he parks. “Let’s go get started.”

Melanie is waiting for you inside, smiling and ready in the lobby. “It’s so good to see you!” The nice thing about her is that she seems to actually mean it. “Your caterers just got here, and the florists are starting to unload. We’re doing great for time.”

“Uh...” Marcus shakes his head and looks towards you. “We don’t have a florist.” He reminds her. “The potted plants were what we decide, right?” He asks, wanting to make sure that the plan hadn’t changed.

"And I confirmed the arrival time with the caterers this morning. They aren't supposed to be here for another hour." Your worried eyes meet Marcus's and then Melanie's. "I think there has been some kind of mix–up."

Her brow furrows for a moment and she nods. “I will go make sure they aren’t supposed to be on the other side of the mansion.” She decides, sure that it’s a simple mistake.

"I'm sure it's nothing." The words come out of your mouth but you aren't convinced. Instead, you squeeze Marcus's hand in yours and head to the small room beside Melanie's office to store your party clothes and purse until you're ready to change.

“I’m sure it will all be worked out.” Marcus promises, reassuring you even if he has his own worry. “Come on, let’s go see the space.”

Once your things are stowed away, the pair of you step outside to the lawn to check out the tents, lights, and plants as they should be finished being put up. But instead of seeing potted plants and fairy lights there are sunflower arrangements and autumn harvest centerpieces stacked out on the banquet tables. Even the tables have the wrong color tablecloths – deep navy instead of the seasonal shade of red that you had picked out.

“Well, shit.” Marcus huffs, clearly seeing the problem and he quickly steps over to the young lady that is directing the flowers. “Excuse me.” He interrupts politely. “I’m afraid there is a problem.”

"There is?" She looks spooked, almost like a deer in the headlights with the large arrangement of flowers in her hands. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure–who are you, exactly?"

“Sorry.” He’s always going to fall back to manners, so he offers her an apologetic smile. “I’m Marcus Pike and this is my fiancée.” He introduces you. “We are setting up for our engagement party tonight and we don’t have floral arrangements.” He explains kindly. “Are you sure you have the right spot here? I know there’s several events happening tonight.”

“Oh!” She laughs in obvious relief and digs in her pocket to pull out some folded paperwork to show you both. “I think you’re in the wrong place, Mr. Pike. We’re setting up for Mr. Chase.”

Fuck. Marcus feels you tense beside him, but he shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry, but I’m not in the wrong place.” He tells her kindly aware that she is a vendor caught in the middle of something. It’s not her fault. “My fiancée and I rented out this space for tonight. Mr. Chase must have gotten his dates mixed up.” Marcus is well aware that isn’t the case, but he won’t air dirty laundry in front of her. “Here.” He pulls out his own contract for the venue that he had slipped into his pocket, always one to cover his bases and he’s glad that paid off.

“That’s weird…” Looking at both contracts, the florist frowns heavily and offers you both an apologetic expression. “Let me get my boss. Hang on one second,” she says before scurrying away.

“Shit.” Marcus hisses, turning towards you. “What are the odds it’s a mix up on Melanie’s part?” He knows the answer, and so do you.

“Zero. That woman is so meticulous it makes Juan look scatterbrained.” Closing your eyes against the frustrated outburst that is pushing on your chest right now, you lean into Marcus and exhale slowly. “I honestly can’t believe he’d go this far.”

“Just plaster on that amazing customer service charm and I will dazzle them with kindness.” He murmurs, leaning in and kissing your temple. “We have the contract for the venue.”

“I love you.” Murmured words aren’t enough to keep your heart from pounding with anxiety, but his arms around you are. Marcus hugs you tight and you just find yourself wondering what the hell happened to turn Sam into this vindictive monster…or if he was always this way and you never knew him at all.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He promises. “It’s just a small bump in the road.”

“I hope you’re right.” It’s terrifying to think that things might go so entirely wrong so early. It isn’t something that sits well with you, especially not when you have almost a hundred people coming tonight.

“It will.” He promises again, kissing your forehead again. “We have a legal contract.”

A serious looking woman with short gray hair and a clipboard comes back with the girl who had scurried away, and she introduces herself only to Marcus with forceful authority. "I understand we have some confusion on our hands?"

“Yes madam.” Marcus shows her the contract that Melanie had given him, clearly stating the space and date were his and gives her an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid your client is mistaken.”

"I'm sure that's not right." The prim woman doesn't even look at the paperwork that is being presented to her. "The Congressman was very specific in his planning and we are right on time in setting up for tonight."

“The Congressman was mistaken.” Marcus insists, a little more firmly. “The First Daughter signed this contract to rent this space tonight for her engagement party. Which the President will be in attendance for.” Titles seem to impress this woman, so he throws out a few that are sure to get her attention.

"Let's see if we can't get all of this sorted out." Melanie has appeared, looking frazzled but quickly recomposing herself with a young man in tow behind her. "It seems that our event staff did not verify paperwork for the caterer or florist when you arrived." She offers the gray–haired woman a professional smile, but you get the impression that the kid behind her with his tail tucked between his legs is going to get his ass kicked for this mistake. "May I see both sets of reservations, please? I'm sure we can get this cleared up quickly."

Marcus steps back and lets Melanie take over, sure that she will be able to clear things up quickly. He turns to you and gives you a reassuring smile.

"Well, I'm not sure what went wrong." After looking over both contracts, Melanie holds tight to both and looks between her actual clients and the florist who apparently should not be here. "But unfortunately, Congressman Chase never reserved this date or location with my office, did not make any payment on the space, and certainly is not hosting an event here tonight. So I'm going to have to ask you to leave, I'm afraid. We do have a contracted event here tonight and our security will be very tight."

“I’m sorry?” Blinking owlishly, the prim woman shakes her head, obviously not used to being told no. “Congressman Chase has a campaign event here tonight. Many important people will be here.”

"More important than the President of the United States?" Melanie challenges, not backing down. What she does, though, is turn to you and Marcus and apologize. "I will take care of this. If you would like to have a seat inside, I will absolutely come and let you know when everything is resolved."

“Thank you.” Marcus takes your arm and leads you towards the building so Melanie can deal with things. “You might want to call that White House press person.” He murmurs quietly. “I have a feeling Chase did this on purpose.”

"I don't know what the hell we did to deserve this," you huff, pulling out your phone to call Annette. She's probably on her way to the venue already but you know she was coming with her husband so hopefully he's driving and she can talk.

“I think he’s got a fucking screw loose.” Marcus mutters, shaking his head at the increasing antics the congressman is pulling.

When the call connects you have to swallow a sound of relief mixed with frustration. Getting to talk to Annette is a relief but you're so frustrated you could scream. "Annette? It's Birdie. We, uh...we have a situation. It appears that Sam Chase has attempted to double book the same venue as us for tonight."

“Oh dear.” The soft sigh is one of practiced patience, having put out many a fire in her day. “It’s not a mistake on the venue?” She clarifies.

"No." You shake your head as though she can see you, but it's just an emotional reaction. "Miss O'Neil is certain there was no mix up in the booking, but there are vendors here to set up for a campaign event that is definitely not supposed to be happening." Glancing up at Marcus beside you, you sigh softly. "Marcus and I suspect that Sam is trying some kind of indecipherable stunt. To make us look heartless or something equally outlandish. Like we stole his venue, I guess."

“Gotcha.” Her voice is slightly terse but it’s not towards you. “I will start making calls to his office right now. You just hang tight and I’ll be there in a few minutes. Don’t worry.”

"Thank you, Annette." Your eyes close against the sinking feeling in your stomach that the night is starting to unravel at an alarming rate. "We'll see you soon."

You end the call and Marcus reaches for you, pulling you into his arms. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He soothes you, quietly.

“She’s almost here.” The urge to cry out of sheer frustration is strong, and you bury yourself in Marcus’s chest for strength. “What in the hell did we do to deserve this?”

“I don’t know.” He answers honestly, unable to fathom the malice behind the way Sam Chase is operating. “But we will show him that we are not to be messed with.”

“How?” The question is incredulous, but it’s honestly because you’re feeling so at sea with confusion in this whole situation. “By running to my mommy about it? The President can’t kick a Congressman out of power for being a dick to her daughter.”

“By showing him that he holds no power over us.” It’s a bit unsatisfying, being the bigger person and not using his own status to make like difficult for Congressman Chase, but he wants to be above reproach when shit hits the fan. And he has no doubt it will.

“Ugh, that’s so unsatisfying,” you groan, unknowingly echoing his thought exactly. It’s a small mercy to have the same thought, though, and you both laugh. “I want to nail him to the wall but there’s no crime against being an asshole.”

“I know, but he wants to get under your skin.” He reminds you softly. “That’s the entire point of this, I think.”

“Well he’s succeeded.” As much as you hate to admit it, he really has. He’s made you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to celebrate your love with your soulmate, which isn’t fair in the least.

“I know.” Marcus kisses your forehead again. “I’ve never wanted to hit someone more in my entire life.” He huffs. “Not even Patrick Jane when he convinced Teresa to choose him.”

"And that guy was an asshole," you huff, having heard the entire story from Marcus early on in your relationship.

“Yeah…he really is.” He chuckles and pulls away slightly to look into your eyes. “He did me a favor.”

"I don't know what I did to deserve you." His kindness and his support mean the world to you, and the ugly realization that if Marcus had not appeared in your life like a whirlwind that you might still be with Sam? It stings your heart in a way that isn't quite aching or envy but that smacks of bitter regret.

“Just being the most wonderful woman in the world.” He teases, nudging his nose against yours.

"Hardly." Or, at least, it doesn't feel like it right now. But you sigh, letting yourself settle against him and accepting the kiss he offers you before you stand straight again. "We should change a little early," you decide after a moment. "Present a united front of joy instead of looking like we're not quite prepared."

“Whatever you want to do, sweetheart.” He will follow your lead of course, wanting you to feel in charge. Especially with the turn of events.

"I think it might be better." Or, at least, it well help you feel less at sea. Because right now you just feel like you're floundering in uncertainty. "Especially if we have to deal with Sam directly."

“Do you think that he will actually show up?” His brows lift and he doesn’t like that prospect at all. Sam has been exhibiting dangerous behavior, even if he can’t prove it has been him behind the vicious rumors.

"At this point I'm not really sure what to expect at all." But confidence comes from all places, and if right now it comes from putting on the beautiful dress that Alex and David helped you pick out and going out there holding Marcus's hand? Then so be in. Sam does not get to ruin to night, and he does not get to ruin your joy. "But I guess I would rather be mentally prepared for the worst."

“Whatever happens…” Marcus smiles at you proudly. “I’m going to be right there beside you.”

**

It takes nearly a half an hour to calm down, change clothes, and do your make up, but once you’re ready you head back outside with Marcus to find Agent Bailey waiting for you in the lobby and a commotion outside. “What’s going on?” You ask, though you’re afraid for the answer and not even sure if she will know.

“Miss D’Amario is trying to get the Congressman on the phone,” Agent Bailey explains. “Your vendors are starting to arrive and Melanie had them prepping so they can set up the second the others are cleared away.”

“Vanessa is here?” Marcus looks around warily and spots her standing off to the side looking slightly frazzled as she furiously types on her phone.

“Awesome.” The obvious sarcasm in your voice comes out in a huff. Your exes always being together is more like a Nightmare Team than a Dream Team.

“I’m going to talk to her.” Marcus decides, done with them upsetting you.

“I’m going to stay nearby so that I can intercept anyone who arrives,” you decide. Going up on your toes to give him a kiss, you brush the sharp lapel off his blue suit and offer him your most encouraging smile. “Go get ‘em, Slugger.”

Marcus smiles at your reassurance, but it drops into a frown when he turns and walks towards Vanessa. He’s tired of the games and now, he’s going to face the problem head on. “What is going on, Vanessa?” He demands when he reaches her side. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“What’s going on is crossed wires.” She doesn’t look up from her phone. She doesn’t need to. She still knows Marcus Pike’s voice. “I don’t know how this woman could possibly have booked us both tonight and now she’s playing dumb and getting defensive about it.”

“She’s not playing dumb, but I’m disappointed you are.” Marcus states flatly, sighing softly. “This little game you and Chase are playing needs to stop.”

“I’m not playing dumb.” Vanessa defends, brow furrowed in frustration as she looks up at Marcus after hitting the send button on her text. “The Congressman booked the location himself. All the other vendors were booked by me personally. We’re supposed to be here.”

“Did he forward you the contract and emails?” Her reaction is more honest than he expected and the fact that Sam booked the venue makes him wonder if she was kept in the dark. He pulls out the contract he had tried to show the vendor earlier. “Where is this if Chase actually was double booked?”

“He has the contract. I’m trying to get ahold of him to get a copy right now.” She huffs, frustration and uncertainty lining the worries creases in her brow. “Why couldn’t you two have just had your little party at her hotel anyway? Isn’t that what the place is for? You don’t need the clout of a place like Monticello.”

“Why should she always have parties where she’s doing most of the work? This is our engagement party.” Marcus fires back, unable to believe the condescension in her tone. “What do you have against her, Vanessa? You ended things with me not the other way around. And I thought we ended on good terms.”

“She’s a snob. And dishonest, too boot.” Vanessa doesn’t hold back, obviously pushed to the edge of whatever manners she usually has by the situation at hand. “Almost an entire year in the campaign trail as her mother’s Golden Child preaching freedom of affection and holding Sam up to be the next Jack Kennedy and then she flips her entire platform on a dime when she claims to find her soulmate. It’s pandering, Marcus. And I honestly thought you were better than that.”

“I am her soulmate, Vanessa.” He murmurs quietly. “We didn’t know when we met. I figured it out, that night you broke up with me. Hell, she knew before I did and didn’t say anything because she was with Chase.” He sighs. “So freedom of affection means you can’t choose your soulmate?” He asks. “What about you? You chose your soulmate when you broke up with me. Should I have been spiteful?”

“I always wanted my soulmate.” Vanessa defends, standing up a little straighter and squaring her shoulders. As it that stance somehow gives her a moral high ground. “I support him, and take care of him, and do whatever he needs. That is what love is.”

It clicks, like a bolt of lightning. “It’s Sam, isn’t it?” He asks. “Your soulmate is Sam Chase. That’s why you are doing this.”

The frown on her face flattens into a thin line, unwilling to say a single thing against the man she’s been loyal to for years now. “If I can’t give him the position he wants, I can at least help him make up for what he’s lost,” she reasons, not thinking for a moment that Marcus would understand. He isn’t ambitious the way Sam is. He doesn’t want to lead. To mold an entire nation. Dating the First Daughter was supposed to get him there in leaps and bounds.

He shakes his head sadly, hating to see that Vanessa is blind to what is happening. Willingly looking the other way. “Are you happy?” He asks. “Not being enough?” He folds the contract up and puts it back in his pocket. “If losing access to the White House on a personal level is a detriment, then he’s not a very good politician.” Marcus turns around and starts to walk back towards you.

“No one gets into the White House without knowing someone.” She tells his back, tone laced with bitterness because, No of course she isn’t happy, but why does her ex boyfriend have to be the one to point that out to her? “Just like you don’t get to Hollywood or a record deal or a place in an Ivy League without it.”

He doesn’t answer her, knowing that nothing he says will get through to her. She’s blinded by her loyalty to Sam and her utter devotion to the idea that she should support her soulmate no matter what. It’s a twisted logic and he feels bad for her. When they were together, she was a sweet and earnest woman, looking forward to having a family and building a life with her soulmate.

When Marcus comes back to your side he looks sad rather than angry, and you frown all the more deeply for it. “What’s going on?” You ask gently, letting him lean into your side for comfort. “What did she say?”

“Well….I figured out why Vanessa is so blindly helping Chase with his revenge.” He sighs and glances back at the other woman. “She’s his soulmate.”

“Ah shit.” It was somehow in the back of your mind the whole time, you realize, and now that he’s said it there are puzzle pieces that click into place all too easily. “So this…all of this really is just about the fact that I dumped him?” It makes your skin crawl to think about, a grotesque and unsettling feeling that you know is going to haunt you far longer than you want to admit.

“He wants the White House one day.” He reminds you. “I’m almost positive that he either made promises to people because of having access to the President, or was using that relationship to bolster his career.”

“Well that doesn’t make me feel used and disgusting at all.” You cringe, eyes set down on the sturdy flooring beneath your feet. It’s worse than disgusting, actually. It’s downright humiliating. You’d fallen in love with his act. Bought it hook, line, and sinker. Meeting Marcus may have snapped you out of it, but you had still be entirely fooled for a year.

“Hey.” Marcus reaches for you, rubbing your arms and pulling you closer. “Don’t blame yourself, sweetheart.” He hums. “Chase is a man who put on an act to get what he wants. He has fooled plenty of people.”

“Please know that none of this is because I missed him or still had feelings for him.” Careful not to get makeup on his shirt, you tuck into Marcus’s embrace and breathe in the strength of him. “I’m embarrassed at being taken in so completely. And love you impossibly more for being such a good, honest man.”

“I don’t think you feel anything but heartbroken that he could feign affection for his own personal career gain.” He promises. He would have thought it was because of his feelings for you that he was reacting so badly to this, except for what Vanessa had told him. “Even if you still had feelings for him, I would never expect you to turn off a year of emotions like a switch.” He’s secure enough in your love that there is not any reason to doubt you or be jealous.

“Whatever I felt for him started dimming the second I met you,” you assure him. Even though you and Marcus are strong in the love you have for each other, a bit of reassurance never goes amiss. “More than anything I’m upset with myself for being so blind to his true intentions.”

“Honey, you can’t always see the darkness in someone’s heart.” He reminds you, not wanting you to feel guilty. You have nothing to be upset about. Your intentions have always been good.

“So what do we do now?” He seems to have the answers tonight and there is comfort in that — on top of which, he is the one who talked to Vanessa. “Is she backing down? I don’t want to have to have an altercation.”

“I don’t think she knows what is going on, to be honest.” He admits, looking back at the very flustered woman. “I told her that if it was a venue mix up, the congressman would have a contract.”

“Vanessa does all his bookings.” You look up at him in confusion. “Shouldn’t she have the contract?”

“She said he booked the venue and she booked everything else.” He explains, shaking his head. “It’s pure fucking malice.”

“He never booked it.” The realization kicks you in the gut with the force of a wild stallion. “He’s going to go to the press with a story about us stealing his event venue to make us look bad.”

“What better way to do that, with all the press already here for his ‘event’?” His smile is brittle and humorless.

“I heard the press.” Annette comes swinging around the corner and into view like she’s late for a cue on stage. “Tell me what’s going on, kids. I’ll handle it from here.”

Marcus looks at you for the go–ahead and when you nod slightly, he turns to the White House press agent. “We think Sam Chase did this deliberately.” He explains quietly, not wanting the conversation to go beyond the three of you. “Vanessa D’Amario is his personal assistant and apparently his soulmate.” The older woman’s eyes widen in surprise. “She says that Chase personally booked this venue and she booked the vendors. I think he set this up, knowing we were considering this place to force some kind of public ‘they are pushing their weight around’ accusation.” When it’s voice out loud, it sounds like some kind of conspiracy theory, but he knows it’s true.

“Interesting…” Annette looks between the two of you and offers you both what she hopes is a reassuring smile. “If all of that is true, which sounds alarmingly plausible, by the way…well, it means doing a little politicking of our own. Are you two going to be okay if a little press leak happens ahead of your party?”

“Whatever we need to do.” Marcus agrees easily and then looks at you. “What do you think, sweetheart? I think we’ve been on the defensive long enough. Time to play a little offense.”

“There was going to be press coverage for this party anyway, so why not?” You shrug slightly “Do whatever you think will help, Annette.”

“I’m on it,” she promises, disappearing again in a flash with a wink and a thumbs up.

“Well, if anything, we can prove when we sent out the party invites.” He reminds you with a shrug.

“Annette seems to have it in hand.” The best you can do right now is shrug and check your watch. “Your parents, my siblings, and the first carload of our friends should be here soon.”

“We are a little bit behind, but nothing we can’t deal with.” He promises.

“At least I can hear the band doing sound check.” That in and of itself is a huge relief. It means things won’t be too behind schedule. “Let’s go see who’s here.”

“Of course.” Marcus grins at you. “Maybe we stop by the bar and grab a drink to calm our nerves.”

“Slow sipping,” you agree with a nod of your head. “It makes me extra relieved that we have those charcuterie tables as part of our appetizers. Even if the caterers get held up with the other things, people can graze.”

“You loved that idea and I have to admit that it’s a good one.” He steers you towards the lovely little alcove that the beer, wine and cocktails will be handed out from. The bartender is already set, since the venue provides ice and he is handing you drinks in no time.

The first to arrive are Marcus’s parents. Matthew and Donna practically smother the two of you in hugs immediately, so glad to be here to celebrate that they’re buzzing. How handsome Marcus looks in his suit, how lovely your dress is, the perfect warm autumn night for the party, they’re just delighted to be there and a balm of positivity over your soul.

Marcus points his father to the bar while his mother coos over you with a proud smile. Donna Pike absolutely adored you, it was evident from the way she always asked about you and reached out to you without him as an intermediate, wanting to forge a relationship with you separate from her son.

“We’re so glad you were able to come up on short notice.” It’s a relief (one of many tonight) to have such a good relationship with your fiancé’s mother, and you walk with Donna toward the bar with Marcus walks ahead with his father. “We both would rather have waited on the party than do it without you here.”

“The good thing about what I do is that I can teleconference when needed.” It’s not something she employs all the time, but her only child’s engagement party warranted the change of pace.

“We’re grateful.” Especially now that their presence is a calming balm over both you and Marcus. “And I thought…while you’re here…I was hoping to ask a small favor of you?”

“Anything.” The answer is immediate and doesn’t need any consideration. “What do you need, sweetheart?”

“I was hoping you would be willing to come to lunch with me tomorrow,” you glance up at her with a small smile. “At the White House. For a little wedding planning.” It’s both to include your future mother–in–law in planning that she will not be close by enough to really take part in, but also to have your family around you for an afternoon. “My grandmother’s wedding dress has been passed down and I’d like for you to be able to see it. You know, before any decisions or shopping or anything happens.”

“Oh…” she exhales softly, tears immediately making her eyes water and she nods. “Absolutely. It would be— of course.” She insists. “I would be delighted to come to such an important event.”

“I know it will be hard to have you included in most aspects of the planning,” you explain, wanting to make sure she understands how much you’ve thought about this. “So I wanted to have to you included in the most important ones.”

“And I would have understood if you hadn’t included me at all.” She folds you into another warm hug. “Thank you. And I have something for you.”

“Oh?” In all the commotion you can’t think what it would be — after all, you and Marcus had specified that gifts were not necessary in your invitations for tonight.

She pulls back and reaches into her purse for a card. "I know that we aren't supposed to bring gifts, but..." She looks fondly to where her husband and son are at the bar talking and smiling. "It's the groom's family's responsibility to take care of the rehearsal day and I want you to plan exactly what you want."

“Donna.” She knows very well that you and Marcus are doing well in your careers. Well enough to be able to build a house and plan for a family and all sorts of other things. “You really didn’t have to.”

"Yes we did." She tells you with a small smirk. "You have made Marcus completely happy and that is worth more to me than the national debt your mother inherited."

There is the barest moment of pause before you snort, and you and Donna both bust out giggling. “Well, thank you.” You’ll open the envelope later with Marcus, but for now you give her a very tight hug. “I’m sure everything will go smoothly. It’s just the nerves of everything.”

“Anything else we can help you with?” There’s the briefest flash of unhappiness on your face before you hug her and she knows it’s nothing between you and Marcus that caused it.

"Not at all." Their being here is wonderful, and they're helping financially when they're not obligated to. That is more than enough. "Why don't we grab you a drink and we can take a look around. The view from here is beautiful."

“You have chosen a gorgeous venue.” She marvels, even as the people working continue to bustle around to put the event together.

After procuring a glass of the same spiked hot apple cider that you're drinking for Donna, you turn to look around the lawn with her and actually let yourself smile. "We were here for a day out after our goddaughter was born and we fell in love with it," you tell her. "It was perfect, so we dove in and talked to their event coordinator that day."

“It’s a mixture of homey and sophisticated.” She admires. “I think it’s very fitting for the two of you.”

"I think that's sort of the vibe we're going for with everything," you admit, sipping your drink beside her. "Comforting and fun Americana, but a little sophisticated."

“I think that you’ve nailed it, love.” She agrees, taking a sip of her drink and humming in approval.

"I'm really glad you're here." And while you know that isn't something a lot of people say to their in–laws, you count yourself as lucky. "And I'm just as excited for tomorrow as I have been for tonight."

“I am too.” She admits with a grin. “I am just happy to be included.”

**

On the edge of the lawn, nearest the parking lot, Annette has intercepted the first batch of friends and family to arrive with a plan and a spark in her eyes. "Alex! June!" She knows the First Children well, and Sydney Badillo as well, flagging down the new mother and her husband when they get out of their car. "I'm very glad to see you all."

“I wonder what this is about.” Juan murmurs to his wife, taking her hand after he rounds the front of the car. “I don’t know.” Sydney frowns slightly, knowing that you hadn’t said much about Annette doing the publicity for the party, but it’s unusual to have her meet them out in the parking lot. “But we will find out.” She murmurs before sending the older woman a warm smile. “Annette! Lovely to see you.”

Alex’s soulmate David, his brother Noah, and Junie’s soulmate all pile out of the cars as well, followed closely by the arrival of Marcus’s cousin Selena and his friends that had moved to DC. This is Annette’s army assembled, and she smiles at the large group. “I wonder if I could ask a favor of all of you?” She poses, knowing there will be a few skeptics in any group. “We’ve had a little mix up here tonight but everything will go smoothly will your help.”

“What happened?” Alex demands, aware more than Junie about all the negative press surrounding you and Marcus lately. He and David both agree it’s a smear campaign.

“It’s not necessary to go into deep detail,” Annette insists. She doesn’t want anyone being pointed or cruel tonight. “But there is someone trying to claim that Birdie and Marcus stole this venue from them for an event tonight. They don’t have any proof that they booked it, of course, but I suspect they’ll try to go to the media with a story for the morning. So I was hoping I could get all of you onto your social media accounts tonight with positive posts from the party and a few mentions about how excited you’ve been for this?”

“Done.” Junie immediately agrees. “I’ve got photos of the invitations to the party when I opened them. I’ll post those with the ‘it’s finally the day!’ theme.”

“We’re on it. A hundred percent.” Alex agrees, glancing up at David and getting a nod from his partner. They don’t have to be told to know who is behind this, and they’re going to do their part to stop the stupidity.

“Do we have an official Insta for Birdie’s wedding?” Junnie asks. “Or should we tag mom’s White House account?”

“Definitely tag the White House.” Annette nods, but she chewed over the question. “But we should do a tag for the event, and maybe a tag for the First Kids? What do you think?”

“It is our sister.” Alex muses. “We should also do a tag for the engagement. Something like fairytale2017 or something as equally disgustingly cute.”

“Maybe we could think of something unique and a little catchy?” Sydney suggests, pulling out her phone. “Something we can use through all the events?”

“Birdie&Marcus’TilEternity?” Junie offers, a slightly dreamy smile as she thinks about soulmates. Since discovering her own, she’s become more of a romantic.

“It’s a little long…” Alex chews on the thought. “FirstWife2018? Like a reference to being the First Daughter?”

Sydney laughs softly, shaking her head. “It would work,” she admits with another laugh. “Except he’s been married before. So technically she’s the second wife.”

“We will come up with something.” Annette agrees. “May I text you all when it’s decided.”

“Of course.” Selena nods her head along with several of the others. “We already have a group chat for planning their combined bachelor/bachelorette party. We can do a version of that group that has you in it, too? In case you need us again.”

“That would be perfect.” Annette agrees. “I will not text without a good reason, I promise.”

There is a little bit of back and forth conversation, but Alex adds Annette’s number to a new group chat with everyone involved and renames the new group Mythbusters with a giggle.

“Oh that’s good.” Sydney snorts when the welcome text pings through and quickly responds with who she is so Annette can associate numbers with names.

“It’s the Congressman, isn’t it?” Selena asks, saving Annette’s number to her phone like the others.

Her brow wings up, nothing getting by the friends and family you have, but she doesn’t answer in the affirmative. “We would just like to get ahead of any potential issues a quickly as possible.”

“That’s yes, in White House Staffer,” June translates for anyone who isn’t familiar. “And I can finally say with glee that something about that guy always felt off to me.”

“I tolerated him.” Sydney admits. “I know Birdie would huff, but he just always was so smug. I wanted to slap him.”

Alex offers here a high five for that and Juan nods in agreement while Annette bites her lip from saying anything unprofessional. “How about something cheeky?” She suggests after a moment, when the murmurs about disliking Congressman Chase have subsided. “The press called her the First Princess after she and Agent Pike were photographed dancing together. Maybe we can do something with that?”

“#PrincessPike2018.” Sydney supplies immediately and Juan chuckles. “They will love it and she will be a tiny bit embarrassed when it trends.”

“Which is perfect.” Selena agrees. She’s taken to this new group of friends like a duck to water, sense of humor included. “We can also do a plain and simple #PikeWedding2018 for all the event photos we’ll end up posting.”

Juan nods. “Well, the official day should have the hashtag #WhiteHouseWedding2018.” He offers.

“Perfect.” Annette agrees with that right away. It’s good social media coverage in every way. Let’s use #PrincessPike for anything relating to Birdie as a bride, #PikeWedding for planning and events, and then #WhiteHouseWedding for the day.”

“That sounds like a plan.” Everyone nods as Sydney answers. “We will start posting things now. Tagging them and Monticello for the engagement party.”

“I appreciate all your help.” Annette steps away, as if she is releasing the group into the wild. “We’ll nip this in the bud and have fun doing it.”

“Is there anything else we can do?” Junie asks seriously, her hand in her soulmates and looking determined.

“Help your sister have a great time.” Annette tells her seriously. “Right now she’s a bit stressed, and nervous. Just go celebrate with your family and she’ll feel better being surrounded by it all.”

“That’s easy to do.” Alex grins. “Come on, Junie.” He chuckles. “Let’s go lovingly bully our older sister.”

**

"Baby, come here. You have to try one of these." The catering company had agreed to tweak their stuffed mushroom recipe to meet the one created by the Kennedy family's personal chef as written down in his cookbook, and the result is absolutely stellar. "Tell me this isn't the best stuffed mushroom you've ever had in your life."

He hasn't strayed from your side for more than a few steps, so it's easy to come closer. Grinning as he opens up for you to feed him one of the stuffed mushrooms, closing his eyes in utter delight as the flavors burst on his tongue. "Oh god, we are keeping the leftovers, right?" He moans.

"Absolutely." You grin and giggle a little that his face matches yours perfectly. They're little bites of heaven. "I have half a mind to have these at the wedding, too."

"We should." He agrees quickly, picking up another bite off the table and offering it to you since you sacraficed one of your mushrooms for him.

Without looking, he has grabbed one of the little cornbread cups filled with pulled pork with has been your other favorite bite at the beginning of the party. You hum around the delicious choice and sigh happily. "Everyone seems to be having fun. And the band is great, thankfully."

"They are good." Marcus has been impressed with the range of songs they can play, but it's to be expected for a good wedding band. "I'm so glad that tonight has gone off with little more than a slight hitch." He leans in and kisses your cheek. "Everything worked out."

"Fingers crossed that the rest of the night runs as smoothly." It's almost time to start dinner, which will surely come with a couple of speeches but should be a beautiful meal. This catering company is fantastic and the two sisters that run it deserves as much recognition as you can possibly heap on them. They, along with the band, will hopefully get lots of coverage from the White House.

"It will." Marcus doesn't mention that there is the best security that could possibly be provided by the Secret Service at this event. He pecks your lips. "Tonight is amazing and it will continue to be so."

"Are you sure about that?" Having not seen her in a while, it is a surprise when you glance past his shoulder and see Vanessa approaching from the corner of the lawn.

Marcus hisses a quiet sigh and squeezes your hand. "I'll ask her to leave and then I'll have someone escort her out." He tells you quietly, waiting for you to agree with a quick nod before he moves to intercept her.

"I come in peace." Vanessa insists, holding up a hand briefly as though it were a white flag.

"I'm not sure that I believe that." He admits, not calling security over simply to avoid a scene. If he can get her to leaving willingly, it would look better.

"I just came to tell you that my vendors are packed up and we're leaving the premises." She's feeling deflated and frankly embarrassed by being stuck in the middle without any kind of life preserver. The shouting match she had with Sam over the phone inside the Visitor Center did not help. At this point she just wants to go home and open a bottle of wine.

His brow lifts in surprise, sure that she would once again insist that this was their venue. "I have to say....I'm surprised that no guests of the Congressman have shown up." He comments quietly. "It's…almost as if they weren't invited."

"Please don't prod at me." Vanessa huffs, shaking her head slightly. At this point being kicked while she's down would be deserved but humiliating. "I just spent forty minutes making phone calls and having arguments. I have no idea what happened, but it's–it is what it is."

"I'm sorry." Marcus apologizes and bites his lip for a moment. "Why don't you join us for a drink?" He offers, motioning towards the bar. "I'm sure you could use one?" He wants to know what has transpired but he also wants to prove that, despite everything, you and Marcus are not her enemy.

"That...doesn't feel appropriate." It's kind of him, but Marcus is kind. That is part of him. "You guys enjoy your party. It...it looks nice. And the hashtags are a cute touch. Very media friendly." Vanessa sighs again and her deflation happens all over again. "I should...I should go. There are campaign events to plan. Even if this one sort of...imploded."

"Listen...." Marcus frowns slightly and looks over at where you are watching him with avid interest. "I know that we are kind of on opposite sides of the sand, but Birdie and I— we aren't— we don't wish you and the congressman anything more than happiness." He offers softly.

"It's all a little complicated," she admits, though she doesn't relish it. "Sam feels so strongly about this whole situation having two sides but I have to admit that I feel like that attitude is starting to do more harm than good."

"I think it is too." He agrees, nodding and offering her a small smile. "If you need anything..." The offer dies, unspoken, but it's there in case she needs it. Vanessa bites her lip and looks conflicted so Marcus takes that as his cue. "Have a good night, Vanessa." He offers before he turns back to return to your side.

"Is everything okay?" There wasn't any shouting or any real fighting that you could see, but Marcus looks upset when he comes back to you.

“Yeah, it’s good.” Marcus reassures you, rubbing your shoulder and bringing you closer for a kiss. “I think – I hope – that she’s starting to see the light in this entire situation.”

“Some cracks in the shiny veneer of it all?” You feel bad honestly. Vanessa might be blindly loyal but she never seemed outright cruel to you.

“I think so.” He hums. “She desperately wanted her soulmate, so I think she justified a lot in her mind.”

“I feel so bad.” There are a lot of people in the world who suffer in different ways for want of their soulmate, and Vanessa might not be your favorite person but she still doesn’t deserve to have that kind of pain.

“I do too.” Marcus admits, but he shrugs. “No one ever said every soulmate match was good.”

“I’m just glad I have you.” Your arm around his waist and your head momentarily on his chest are so grounding and so incredible calming. Just because you could weather the storm of the old without him by your side doesn’t mean you ever, ever want to. Not anymore. Not now that you know how much better it can be. “I love you, Marcus. More than words.”

“You are part of me.” He promises. “My soul, my heart, my thoughts.” He smiles softly, unaware that the moment is being photographed and posted online with the captions declaring true love was real.

“I’m stealing that for my wedding vows,” you chuckle softly, admittedly because you’re so choked up in the moment.

“Steal away, sweetheart.” He kisses your forehead and sighs, letting the problems of the day fade and just reminding himself that everything is perfect now. He has you.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

HHL: @haileymorelikestupid @anoverwhelmingdin @storiesofthefandomlovers @missladym1981 @babeincolor @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

My Masterlist!

[gabessquishytum]

CEO Dream is a camboy, he wears a mask and does it for stress release; merger company CEO Hob is one of Dream's best clients.

For a number of reasons, CEO Dream Endless needs to relax. He's been running the family business since he got out of school. It's not the original path he wanted to take (even doing his art doesn’t really relax him anymore), but he's good at it and the business is doing well.

When he was in school, Dream might have relaxed by being a camboy. He developed a strong following and a number of high-spending clients. He was always masked and at best people who watched his feed saw his raven tattoo (but since CEOs aren't naked in board rooms, no one sees the tattoo anymore). But he was free to follow directions and show off and get off for his internet "friends". He had one regular, RG, who gave the best "instructions".

When he agreed to take over running the family business, he shuttered his website and just stopped responding to chats and emails. There are times he misses it and RG. But it's been years.

Still, Dream is so stressed right now. The company is merging with the Gadling organization. The merger is a good thing, but he wants to change the organizational structure and continue working with Gadling Org CEO Robert Gadling, Jr, Hob. It is nerve-wracking. Dream has never had to share governing responsibilities, but Hob has good ideas for where to take the company that shouldn't be lost. Hob is so smart and fun. But Dream's getting so much push back from the family.

He just needs to RELAX.

Again, it's been years, but Dream just can't not - he'll reopens his cam site,,,,just for him; just this once. There is no way that any of his regulars (RG) would still be around. Besides he's older now, not the same twink he was when he first did it.

When the notification popped up that Raven was livestreaming. Hob couldn't believe it. That beautiful boy dropped of the face of the earth a few years ago. Hob was devastated when it happened. One minute Hob was spending every bit of money and free time he had glued to his computer watching a sex demon angel perform his every wish, the next nothing.

Hob kept up his "RG" moniker and subscription notification for the site active on the hoped chance that his beauty came back. So the notification was a welcome surprise, but it's been years.

What could the reactivation from the site even mean.........

Oh, god! Raven was older, but still so beautiful. Hob was again in so much trouble.

Oh, so SPICY.

For a while, everything is normal for Dream and Hob. The merger is running smoothly, they're working well together and troubleshooting the issues that crop up quite easily. And for Raven and RG, things are going well too. Raven keeps streaming intermittently and he's THRILLED to see RG pop up and message him every time. No one seems to mind that Raven isn't quite so skinny and wide eyed as he used to be. In fact he gets more compliments that ever.

And perhaps the two words would never have collided. But then, Hob and Dream find themselves together, working very late. There's a big deadline for a project coming up and a few complications have come up, so they've decided to work into the early hours and just get the issues solved.

Until Dream upends a pot of cold coffee down the front of his shirt. Sleep deprivation be like that. He has no choice but to take the shirt off, and it's soaked into his undershirt too so that has to go... and he doesn't notice that Hob is staring until its too late. The raven tattoo on the left side of his ribcage is fully on show.

Hob clearly recognises it. His eyes are so wide it's almost comical. Dream feels his face during deep, deep crimson and he starts sweating hard. He never, ever imagined that this would happen.

"If it makes it any better, I'm very much a long term fan." Hob whispers. "You probably wouldn't recognise it but my screen name is RG."

Oddly enough, that makes it a lot better. Suddenly Dream isn't thinking of jumping out of the window into the street below. All he can think about is everything he's ever done for RG - all the time he's edged himself and begged for relief, all the times he's fucked himself on dildos and watched RG say the prettiest little thing I've ever seen, such a sweetheart, aren't you a good boy for me? In the chat.

Hmm. Maybe the project can wait until a more reasonable hour of the day. Because the truth is, Dream can see the bulge in the front of Hob’s nice work slacks, and he's not going to think about anything else until it's inside him.

Get ready for a Raven x RG collab, coming soon...

[yenkat101]

Seeing reader cry pt 4

25 post event. 1/25. -pt. 5 (Kunikida and Tanizaki)

Characters: (Tetcho x you) (Jouno x you)

General: headcannons

Text type: Pine point

Warning: Mentions of insecurities, stress and even the urge to take upon your own life aka suicide (all the warnings are not describe what further detail other than mentioned and their opinion)

Master list

Tetcho Suehiro

-It only confused him when he saw you cry.. he didn't like seeing you sad. But he wasn't entirely sure on what he should do. don't get me wrong he has done some good decision involving someone's emotional state.. but.. He's still not entirely educated in that department..

-if he has feelings for you there's a 67% chance he would try to comfort you,

-Tetcho has a quiet approach, like he doesn't want to startle you but he does care and want to help.. So he'll quietly approach you and ask politely for you to tell him your burden (because he cares)

-if you do talk, he will listen carefully while trying to understand your point of view

-if you feel stress, anxious or even upset he would definitely be the type to make sure you take breaks if you're the type to over work yourself..

-if you feel suicidal, have low self-esteem or even think your a failure, he would first try to understand your point of view (yes he spends time trying to figure out your insecurities.. mostly meaning he tries to understand why you think you're *ugly*, ect) after he fully understands your point of view he tries to help but he may do something completely different (just like Kenji, I believe he has metaphors.. but not just any normal metaphors the complicated ones)

-(if you hugged him while crying he would be confused but once he understand what you're doing, he holds you into a hug *his hugs aren't that bad*)

-Now if your his S/O he acts a tab bit differently instead of a 67% chance he would comfort you it is now 97%

-he would still approach you in a quiet respectful manner but this time he would plead a little for you to allow him to share your burden (he has a good feeling that you were going to shake it off.. so he had to plead)

-if you do talk, he would listen carefully.. while trying his absolute best to understand you in every aspect (at the end, he admitted not understanding one third of everything you said)

-if you feel stress, anxious or even upset he would definitely be the type to make sure you take breaks if you're the type to over work yourself.. he's also the type to do things for you while you're working.. Like example he may grab a snack for you, prepare a bath for you, and all you need to do is just move the area that is all set up and he'll take care of the rest (despite his serious nature he's very sweet)

-if you feel suicidal, have low self-esteem or even think your a failure, he would also try to understand where you're coming from.. after a processes the information then he tries his effort to make you feel better.. he may ask a military police officer a website he could visit that informs him more about this mental and physical difficulty that many suffer.. If you do try to hurt yourself or and kill yourself he would be quick to stop you before even having the chance to hurt yourself and comfort you the best he could....

-there's a 34% chance he would cry because you feel this way

-he's willing to offer anything such as hugs, kisses, cuddles, embraces, quality time, words of affirmation, ect.. (quality time may be a difficulty because of his line of work)

-to make you feel better he would totally carry you around on his back (I'm referring to piggyback rides) like... That would be fun.. because he's not the type to drop people's except a certain someone

-if someone harmed you physically, simple enough.. they feel the wrath of the hunting dogs because they harmed an innocent civilian.. I'm assuming you're an innocent civilian because that makes the most sense if you're dating him.. afterwards not much would happen.. unless they harmed you because of him then that's a different story.... that will be saved for another time

Choice: S/o thinks their ugly

"S/o? Why are you crying? please, tell me why you're crying? (You say something) yes I have noticed the way you look at yourself in the mirror.. what about it? (You say something) do I truly love you? what are you talking about? (You say something) your appearance. why would I be worried about that? (You say something) No.. I think your ugly.. I'm more confused on why you think that.. (You say something) .., first of all I don't think you look ugly in any way possible, second if you were ugly I still love you third I didn't fall in love with you because appearance but rather your personality.. so don't think that right. I just gave you a free reason without even having a minute to think about it.. imagine how many more valid reasons I could come up with if I had the time to think.. now that we got that out of the way, I need my cuddles"

Saigiku Jouno

-he's quite shocked... Because he obviously doesn't know what to do with that.. WHAT'S HE SUPPOSED TO DO? SHAKE IT! This man almost has no experience when it comes to emotions.. because he's the one wrecking it all.. like have you heard him.. he cares about you but he's not used to be a nice to others

-if he has feelings for you there's a 7% chance he would try to comfort you

-if he did decide to approach you because he wants to know what's going on he'll most likely do it in a sadistic manner.. he walks up to you like he owns a whole goddamn world and try to ask in the nicest tone he can "please, tell me what happened"

-if you do talk, he will listen carefully while heavily criticizing this thing called crying because it makes his blood boil when he hears those tears

-if you feel stress, anxious or even upset he would only make sure you're taking care of yourself... If you do not. Then you're receiving a punishment.. Of course it isn't as bad as others he punished, but it's enough to make you want to take care of yourself (if you can't take care of yourself however *like if you're too mentally stressed to even move a muscle* then he's forced to take care of you.. Of course he will complain under his breath... but if it means that you're getting better, then it's all worth it)

-if you feel suicidal, have low self-esteem or even think your a failure, he would start by lecturing you on how unreasonable you are.. because someone like him fell in love with someone like you and you think you're not perfect.. you're more than perfect if he's able to love you, let me tell you that... If you ever criticize yourself then he'll throw in a harsh comment (he means well but he's just doing it in the wrong energy)

-(if you hugged him while crying he would...... Okay his first instinct was to push you off.. but once he felt you cling on a bit, he decided to analyze what he was feeling.. he felt your shaking arms around his back, he could hear your whales of pain, he felt the front of his shirt get wet and most importantly you were in pain.. so he quickly demolished the urge to instantly throw you to the ground and hug you back)

-Now if your his S/O he acts a tab bit differently instead of a 7% chance he's would comfort you it is now 67%

-if he did decide to approach you because he wants to know what's going on he'll still most likely do it in a sadistic manner.. he walks up to you like he owns a whole goddamn world and try to ask in the nicest tone he can "please, tell me what happened"

-if you do talk, he would listen carefully as he tries to understand you (at least he's trying)

-if you feel stress, anxious or even upset he would only make sure you're taking care of yourself... If you do not. Then you're receiving a punishment.. (if you can't take care of yourself however *like if you're too mentally stressed to even move a muscle* then he's forced to take care of you.. Of course he will complain under his breath... but if it means that you're getting better, then it's all worth it) if he notices that it's getting even worse. Then he'll even go as far as communicating with your workplace about the situation

-if you feel suicidal, have low self-esteem or even think your a failure, he would start by lecturing you on how unreasonable you are.. because someone like him fell in love with someone like you and you think you're not perfect.. If you ever criticize yourself then he'll throw in a harsh loving comment.... Self harming and suicidal? Anything that can hurt you is now baby proff (meaning you have absolutely no assess until you change your attitude)

-there's a 2% chance he would cry because you feel this way

-he probably won't be letting you initiate in a lot of affection only with the exception of cuddles and hugs because he feels bad whenever you are reluctant around him (yes. He knew that you were trying to hold his hand one time but since you knew he didn't like it, you became reluctant and pretended that you did nothing.. *it made him a little upset*)

-he may allow you to cuddle up to him while you watch a movie (yeah.. he's not watching a movie but rather reading a novel)

-if someone harmed you physically, simple enough.. they feel the wrath of the hunting dogs because they harmed an innocent civilian.. I'm assuming you're an innocent civilian because that makes the most sense if you're dating him.. afterwards not much would happen.. but he would prefer if you were an unemployed stay at home because you're in less danger when you stay at home (not that he would mention it.. unless he had something that he could manipulate the main reason behind the suggestion *meaning, having a second reason, used as the main idea to disguise the main idea*)

Choice: Severe Work Stress

"Y/n? Why are you crying. ..., I said why are you crying.. please stop crying it makes me feel uncomfortable.. it's like vines are popping as if they were boiling water when I hear you cry.. (you apologized) I'll let you slide with the apology.. now why are you crying? (You say something) so your work has been stressful lately.. tell me your schedule (you tell him the schedule) that's inhumane.. well I personally wouldn't have any problems with it, but you're not trained to do these sort of things.. (you try to say something) no, this is inhumane to anyone that has never received military training.. (you try to say something again) I don't care. I'll be giving you two options and you got to pick one. 1. you let me talk to your boss or 2. you quit. Now pick (you try to say something) no I don't want to come home to you passing out and I need to take you to the hospital because you were dehydrated yourself, you don't eat, you don't sleep and you're feeling emotionally stressed! So pick now. I'm doing you a favor.."

25 post event with (Tetcho x reader) and (Jouno x reader) 1/25.

[derpycat02]

Hot Take

Okay so now that I've been on the website instead of the app for a few days I have things to say I think.

The app is better (for me) than the website hands down. Easy. No competition. And no, this is not just because I am used to the app version. I actually thought this out.

Things the website does better than the app (to satisfy you long term tumblees):

I can delete a poll from my post if I accidentally click it thinking it is the listing format option. I do this a lot because listing is different than font type in every document editor ever, and there is no way to remove polls from drafted posts on mobile that I have found. The website puts a big fat red X in the top corner of the poll. This is helpful

Bigger screen = less overwhelm. The information to screen ratio is smaller which is less overwhelming for my skrunkly little brain. Also, since I have the pride theme activated (which was a bitch to try and find) all the extra space is pink!

More customization options. I haven't actually played with this, but it seems to be the thing that most Tumblr users use to say the website is better than the app. I did notice there were more options for themes when I finally figured out how to do that, which was cool. (On mobile, I'm pretty sure there are just 4 themes: light mode, dark mode, tumblr classic, and pride. I could be wrong though)

No push notifications. I have notifs turned on on mobile for all of the polls I follow, so I get like over 30 notifications from Tumblr alone overnight. It's very stressful, but I put up with it because it keeps me from missing voting times and ensures that I can go through and like every post that comes out from accounts that I am invested in. I know liking does nothing algorithm wise. I just like showing support and likes are a nice, quick, easy way to do that. Anyway, without the push notifications, I'm pretty much confined to me my feed, which I've never HAD to scroll before. The way I am now consuming content has become (mostly) more relaxed and less stress inducing.

Text formatting. I like that it's a drop down menu. In the app, It's just a button, and you have to press it repeatedly to get the format you want (this is fonts and listing specific).

Things mobile does better that the website

Navigation. Oh my gosh the app is SO much easier to navigate than the website. It took me less time comparatively to figure out how the app worked than it did for me to figure out how to do most things on the website. The website has been around longer, and therefore has the opportunity to be more complicated. The whole point of mobile apps is to be a simple, accessible way to go about navigating whatever the app is for. It's just easier to use.

Typing in posts. The amount of times my laptop has just randomly stopped typing in the middle of the post is ridiculous. It tends to happen when the "draft saved" bubble pops up, which makes me think it may be a glitch with the website rather than my computer. My computer also does not have this problem literally anywhere else. Also, the "draft saved" bubble, while cute and reassuring, obstructs my vision just a bit. There is so much dead space to either side. Why is this bubble not off to a side instead of right in the middle of where I am typing? It was also difficult for me to find the text formatting option, but this is mostly because I was not used to it.

GIFs. I do lots of propaganda, and to save space on my device I use gifs instead of going on the internet and downloading pictures and finding video links. I'm not always very good with words, and find that images tend to be more convincing anyway. On the mobile app, when I search something in the GIF search bar, it stays there even after I've made a selection. Not having to re-type my search 10 times makes it a lot easier and less monotonous to look for propaganda and fill up a post. This is not the case on the website. As I learned after attempting "Kitbull" propaganda, you have to re-type your search each time you add a new GIF. That got annoying really fast, and I only wound up putting two GIFs when I would normally use all image spaces (10).

Push Notifications. But I thought you said the website not doing this made consuming content less stressful??? I know what I said, and yes, for the most part, it does. However there are a lot more areas where the lack of push notifs on the website make my Tumblr experience a lot more stressful. For one thing, I am missing out on ALL of those polls. I follow SO MANY polls, because I was able to keep up with all of them as long as I had push notifications. I have not been able to vote in many polls this last week because I would have to go through and search every single one of their usernames exactly correct to find their pages and vote in my regular fashion. I simply do not have the time, energy, or memory to be able to do this. I also do not get notified when I am sent a message. I learned recently that most Tumblr users don't use the "share" function on posts, (via) however my girlfriend and I use it all the time. Our feeds consist of different interests that we like sharing with one another, so we share posts and polls back and forth just for funsies. To show that we love each other. Etc. etc. The website does not notify me when I get these messages unless I am actively in the tab, so I don't know when she's sent me something. Same goes for any interaction with my account or on my posts. I cannot see if someone has made a comment or a silly reblog with funny tags unless I am in the app. You know what the website DOES show me? How many new posts have been made. This is CONSTATLY refreshing even while I am actively scrolling and not only shows up in the app but also in the tab information. This is why I have such a problem with this. I understand that computers in general just don't do push notifications, but usually with social media, you can see how many notifications you have by checking the tab above the search bar. There's usually a little number in parenthesis next to the title or name of the social media you are using. This is very helpful for me, since my computer doesn't always give a little sound when I get any kind of notification, so I can just look over and see what I've missed while I was queuing up Spotify or playing Minesweeper or Solitaire. With Tumblr, this number only factors in the number of posts that I haven't seen yet. This number stressed me out, has me constantly refreshing the page even before I am done scrolling, and is not actually helpful in any capacity.

Page Jumping. Both the website and the app are dogwater at not jumping around the page while you scroll. However, the app is slightly less so. Page jumps in the mobile app only happen when an ad loads in where it wasn't before. This is pretty consistent with how any webpage, crappy mobile game, or social media app works on a phone (on my phone at least). When I'm scrolling anything I have to be careful to wait until all ads have loaded before I try pressing a button or I'll accidentally hit something I'm not supposed to. On the website on my computer, Tumblr page jumps every time I reblog. EVERY. TIME. Reblogging is, like, the currency of the realm. It is how things are meant to be done. I don't have the energy for a page jump every time I try to reblog something. That's gross.

Screenshots. This is admittedly more of a device difference than a Tumblr format difference, but it is affecting how I interact with Tumblr, so I thought I should put it on here. If you actually follow me and try to keep up with what I post (which isn't much) you know about my Untitled Bots threads. Essentially when I see a bot follow me, and their name is either blank or "Untitled" I screenshot it, crop it to the word "Untitled" and add it to the thread with a silly quip or lament or goofy photo. However, to make sure I don't miss any, I don't block and report these bots until after I've gotten a screenshot of their profile. Because it is so difficult to take and edit screenshots on my laptop specifically, I have not updated this thread even after being able to access Tumblr via the website.

For these reasons, I have decided the app is better than the website. Thank you. Have a nice day.

[tacticalvalor]

«────── « HEADCANON » ──────»

As late-night boredom often has it, I decided to look at ETH.3N (Ethan) and try to determine his approximate composition and overall weight… Because unlike other robots on this blog, there really isn't a frame of reference to make a quick guess (e.g., Legion being more directly comparable to a living, organic species).

Or maybe there is, but I decided to take the complicated route!

So, like I have done for both Therapont and Alduin, I have decided to sit down and calculate these things manually. Despite me being bad at both math and chemistry! Both subjects I have almost failed at least once.

… This should go over well.

Put below the cut because I took explained everything like I was writing a damn thesis.

To start off, I want to clarify where I'm starting from. There are two key assumptions being made here:

Ethan is proportionally modeled after the average athletic human man. This is because the C6 classification of robots are designed to be worker drones and, specifically in Ethan's case, to be stand-ins for human soldiers.

Ethan is primarily composed of a 2-phase alpha-beta type Titanium alloy known as Ti-6AI-4V Titanium (6AI-4V), which is lightweight, corrosion-resistant, and incredibly strong. This type of metal is used in various modern military pieces of hardware, spacecraft components, medical/surgical devices, jet engine compressor blades, and other recreational equipment uses.

To explain a bit more on why 6AI-4V Titanium is one of the stronger (if not, strongest) metallic alloys, I want to briefly explain what a "2-phase alpha-beta type" really is. And to do that, I'm going to quote Yoshiki Oshida MS, PhD, in Bioscience and Bioengineering of Titanium Materials (Second Edition), 2013… or rather, the excerpt reposted onto Science Direct's website [LINK]:

Basically, titanium and titanium-based alloys can be classified into α type (HCP: hexagonal-closed packed crystalline structure), near α type, (α+β) type, and β type (BCC: body-centered cubic crystalline structure) alloy groups. Alloying elements added to titanium are divided into two groups: alpha (α) stabilizers and beta (β) stabilizers. Elements, such as Al, Sn, Ga, Zr, and interstitial elements (either singly of C, O, and N or in combination), dissolve into the titanium matrix and are strong solid solution strengtheners which produce little change at the transformation temperature (β-transus: 885°C for pure Ti) from the HCP (α) to the BCC (β) structure of pure titanium when heating and from BCC to HCP when cooling. Hence, they are known as α-stabilizers and exhibit good high-temperature performance. Alloying elements that decrease this phase transformation temperature are referred to as β-stabilizers. Generally, β-stabilizing elements are the transition metals, such as V, Mo, Nb, Ta, and Cr, providing much friability. Besides these alloying elements, Fe, Cu, Ni, Si, and B are frequently added to Ti-based alloys for improving mechanical strength, chemical stability, castability, and/or grain refining. By increasing the α-phase portion, it is generally recognized that (1) β-transus temperature increases, (2) creep strength as well as high-temperature strengths enhance, (3) flow stress increases, and (4) weldability improves. By increasing the β-phase portion, it is known that (1) room temperature strength increases, (2) heat-treatment and forming capabilities enhance, and (3) strain-rate sensitivity increases so that superplastic forming (SPF) is more favorably applicable.

What this translates to is that through mixing certain elements into the titanium, you get the properties of these elements reflected into the newly developed alloy. And titanium is already… fucking incredible.

So you add more shit to it, and you get something very, very versatile.

Particularly, with 6AI-4V Titanium, the primary elements being added to create the alloy are Al (Aluminum) and V (Vanadium), with both making up approximately 5.50%-6.75% and 3.50%-4.50% of the alloy respectively. Of course, there are smaller traces of other elements, such as iron, carbon, yttrium, etc., but these are trace compositions with little to no overall impact on the actual alloy. For those curious about the breakdown, here is a screenshot of the average chemical composition of 6AI-4V Titanium, courtesy of the Service Steel Aerospace Corporation:

With that background, we can get into the mathematical portion… almost. There is still the matter of Ethan's proportions. I couldn't get through to the original source material, but I did find the below image in "Modeling and Simulation of a Passive Lower-Body Mechanism for Rehabilitation" by Singh et al. (2016) [LINK]

With these proportions in mind, we can assume Ethan is about 188 cm, or about 6 feet and 2 inches.

And then we get approximate breakdowns for each limb section (e.g., upper arm, lower arm).

Of course, these are not entirely accurate, as Ethan's build is not 1:1 with the human body. However, looking at a full body concept of Ethan (pictured below), we can forego really making any major adjustments as he's close… enough.

A bit on the stockier side, so I will account for this by simply adding 1.5x the baseline calculations. Why 1.5? It's an easy number. It adds up quick, though, so I would say it's a good guess.

And finally—par a brief disclaimer—we can get into the math.

DISCLAIMER: I am using TW Metals' calculator [LINK] to determine the approximate weights of each section. They do not have the specific alloy of titanium listed on their site, as they only list what they sell (I'm assuming). So, for the closest weight, I utilized the calculator's input for pure titanium. The weight will be off, but it's the closest I can calculate given the information I have on hand.

So! Let's begin.

First, to utilize the calculator, I have to break Ethan down into parts. Sad.

But it's fairly simple, given the visual references on hand.

Given the nature of Ethan's design, most of the metal is going to be plated (thicker than sheets), so I can really just break down the human body diagram and get a baseline for the amount of plates he has (minus the intricate joints and more defined features, such as his chest chassis and the various abdominal-like grooves).

I then make calculations using the calculator, assuming a varying number (between 6 and 8) of sheets are used per limb section (front, back, and sides; not a super thought out measurement, just an estimate), assume the sheets themselves are (at the bare minimum) 6mm thick, and that's how I got my final estimated range.

With these assumptions noted and input, we get the following approximations for each body section:

HEAD - 8.29 kg // 18.28 lbs TORSO - 35.34 kg // 77.92 lbs ARMS - 15.7 kg // 34.62 lbs HANDS - 2.88 kg // 6.35 lbs HIPS - 12.6 kg // 27.78 lbs LEGS - 47.3 kg // 104.28 lbs FEET - 2.66 kg // 5.86 lbs

And for that bulk adjustment mentioned earlier:

HEAD - 12.44 kg // 27.43 lbs TORSO - 53.01 kg // 116.87 lbs ARMS - 23.55 kg // 51.92 lbs HANDS - 4.32 kg // 9.52 lbs HIPS - 18.9 kg // 41.67 lbs LEGS - 70.95 kg // 156.42 lbs FEET - 3.99 kg // 8.80 lbs

Yeah, not a lot of math to really showcase, so I'll skip right to the good shit:

Ethan would, given my assumptions are fairly accurate, weigh between 124.77 kg // 275.07 lbs and 187.16 kg // 412.62 lbs.

Give or take. Not accounting for the weight of his circuitry and motors.

Which is a pretty sizeable margin, but again, that simple little 1.5x adjustment for bulk makes the difference. So, in my classic fashion, I will simply take the average of these variables, and use that as my canonical weight.

AKA: Ethan weighs 155.97 kg // 343.85 lbs.

Yay.

[jess-frances-b]

You know, when I was younger, I was horrified at the idea of abortion, which I first learned about when reading books aimed at teenagers (I was 12). In school I learned that sometimes people chose it if they found their children had a lifelong condition, which I was also uneasy about (and even now I'm still unsure of my opinion on that). But that was back when I still thought more in black and white than I do now.

As I grew older I started to understand more about why some people might want to do it, and it was also brought up in Call The Midwife in at least one episode back when I had limited computer time and had to sit through various TV shows (there was a woman who had too many children to afford to look after already and because abortion was illegal at the time she had to resort to something more dangerous), and my Mum also made me read the story that episode was based on. So I became more open-minded.

I'm going to put a read more thing because this next part gets very personal.

I had a pregnancy scare several years ago. I'd not long gotten out of an abusive relationship, and I'd been taking the pill, and was "convinced" (basically the only way to get him to stop complaining about me not wanting to have sex all the time [and I didn't yet know I was asexual]) to switch to the one that completely stops your periods. Since I saw no need for it anymore after breaking up with him, I came off it, but then my period didn't come at the time it was supposed to. They're very irregular for me anyway, but my Mum and I came to the conclusion that we had to do a test, so that if it was negative, my body would "remember" and finally start the period. Which thankfully worked.

If I actually had been pregnant, things would have been very difficult. Even though I didn't want to have his child, it would still have been a hard decision to give up what could have been my only chance at having any child. My Mum also said she felt like she would have forced me, since we both knew we couldn't raise another child in our small, poor household. But it would have ended with an abortion eventually, even though I was scared that I would be at the stage where it would have to be surgical rather than chemical (I don't know which one is potentially more harmful or painful but I've never had surgery before unless you count the time I got a splinter stuck under my fingernail so I'm glad it didn't come to that).

And then a few years ago, I had a bit of a phase where I read about birthing complications on various websites from people talking about their experiences, and discovered some things that were even more horrifying. I realised that I couldn't handle a pregnancy, it would be too stressful for me because I'd be worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong, and then get even more stressed when things did go wrong.

So the fact that people are still trying to make abortion illegal today is frustrating and upsetting. I'm not from the US, but it still makes me feel less validated in my decision to never get pregnant (not that I want to ever have sex again anway, I don't miss it), and makes me feel like even more of an outcast than I already am just because I don't want to do what shouldn't still be expected of an AFAB person these days (I say that because I identify as a demigirl so I don't know if I should call myself cis or not).

[n1et]

Today marks I think 2 full weeks without my dear dictaphone; a device very dear to me; lay abandoned in my autumn bomber jacket; which itself lays tossed on a wooden chair used in my family home to swap out footwear and abandon the top most layer of clothing and bags on. It is usually the outlet of my melancholic pining and other monotonous and verbose ramblings, but as I find myself distinctly lacking, and in great need of an outlet of any kind, I have decided to, this one time, use tumblur for what it's actually supposed to be used as.

A micro blogging website.

I'll try to keep subject matter light and venting to a minimum, after all it's bad form to complain on main, that being said standards vary, so be warned if you're not into that sort of thing.

Throughout today I have felt a deep penetrating exhaustion; the kind that starts in your eyes goes all the way down your optic nerve into the temples, culminates in stress pains in your neck and shoulders and then reverberates throughout all your joints; the kind that is final overencompassing and complete. I say that not to complain; as I mentioned above I will try my best to avoid that when possible; but to set the scene. As always when a wave of such feeling hits me; there comes an equal and opposite reaction from my psyche, a result of a full day of inactivity, a powerful and just as overwhelming wanderlust. I write it in italics as I think simple letters on paper, or in this instance, a screen are, just as simply, inadequate. It is after all the same feeling that very closely tempted me to jumping out of a second story window into a thicket of bushes just to feel the wind, or has actually compelled me to go ice skating on a frozen river in the middle of the night (that particular excursion ended with a very bruised ass and 2 weeks of lung infection after nearly getting hypothermia {I at least had the good sense to skate on parts which I knew were shallower then I am high})

It's also on days like this that I am reminded what I want to accomplish within my lifetime; eat good food, figure out a way to function day to day; make pretty things; make functional things; make functional pretty things; become 50% metal and cured bone by mass; eat good food; and of course, become the kind of friend that throws dinner parties. That last part is more complicated then the rest; maybe with the exception of the functioning bit; but I've given up on planning for that one years ago and resigned to "just figure it out one day".

All that said I think I'm doing good progress; I already know how to make a mean creme brulee (at first it was an excuse to use my gas soldering iron as a kitchen torch, but I actually got good at it), and am adept enough at making decent, or at least drinkable tea. The tea is actually the hard part, not only do you have to have a good blend, brewing it is also non trivial, and differs with each kind of tea, which itself is a preference of your guests; but of all that the actual hardest part is sourcing willing guests that will not be discouraged by a 100 decibel dog with teeth the size of daggers that really, and I mean REALLY, does not want to have guests over.

If any of the people reading this will be visiting Cracow I encourage you to shoot me a message and come over for a chat, it's always nice to get an excuse to break out the "kitchen torch" again, and it's hard to justify spending a small fortune on vanilla beans when you can just make yourself hot chocolate like a normal person.

The second hardest part on the bracket is the making things, and I'm afraid my efforts thus far have been inadequate at best. For all the theorycrafting in the world, if you don't start, nothing will actually get done. That's something that I need to internalize on a deeper level, as more often then not I am content to talk about doing things, instead of actually doing anything. To gush about the perceived coolness of the project, without ever realizing any of said coolness into the world around me.

That too; as all things; is easier said then done when you have no work space and keep having to ping pong around the same two places, sometimes in a rather unpleasant hurry {that was the part that's entirely pragmatic and totally not venting btw}; but enough about that, let me move on to talking about all the cool projects I will totally get around to making some day; like my totally structurally viable and not at all partly fictitious deployable jumping stilts, walking locomotion throne, actively cooled oxygenated respirator mask, and fully controllable extra set of arms, that fits together with the stilts and mask to create a braced and spring supported exoskeleton that carries it's own weight.

Out of all of those, the mask is probably the most achievable, all I need to do is buy a full face PPE mask, get a used oxygen condenser from ebay, hook everything up, stuff it in a backpack, and hope nothing catches fire, and I don't get too high off of high oxygen exposure and crack my skull open on pavement. Easy. I'd say the second most likely project to see the light of day are the jumping stilts, I heard you can get good springs from car manufacturers, for cheaper then actual jumping stilts, tho how I'm going to keep the whole thing both light enough to jump around in AND collapsible is a mystery to even me. The end goal is to have something I could use to go shopping as well as vault cars when it strikes my fancy. And the thing I am least likely to ever complete is a tossup between the extra arms and locomotion throne, as for the arms I'd need to solve 2 issues that have been plaguing actual engineers and biophysicists for years and for the throne I'm basically signing myself up for making a fucked up walking car all on my lonesome, without as much as an actual car or an auto repair shop.

All of this on top of my very pronounced chronic fatigue; something which i both loathe and respect, as it made me into the person I am today. After all I would not be trying to reclaim my prison of flesh if that flesh was not imprisoning me on the first place. I would have more likely then not ended up just as maladjusted as I am right now, just in more boring, standard ways. Like starting to behave like your mother; or getting into an unhealthy relationship with a romantic partner; instead of yourself. Instead I got such wonderful aspirations as wanting to get screws into your bones to attach cool technology to your limbs, something I have long since abandoned after discovering any wound deeper then a scratch basically does not heal on me. Seriously, I pierced my ears over a year ago and they still haven't frown over, I'd be worried, but I basically never get infections, and I got used to bleeding from random places when I was little; so now I'm in this endless cascade of sunken cost fallacy. I mean surely the wound that has not shown any signs of healing since it was put there will heal after This Week of keeping the stud earring in, and it's not like it'd close properly if I pulled it out anyway so might as well keep it in right? That's just the kind of double standards you get yourself into when you finally want to put on some earrings I guess, I would like to get a tattoo to go along with those, but as you might have already guessed that's less then possible without a massive scar (at least according to my doctor). But I've gotten off topic.

All of those quirks shaped my life quite thoroughly and that's not even getting into all the people I met over the years, subsequently forgotten about, only to remind myself about them specifically on days like these.

You might even join them if you do decide to come over for that creme brulee and tea or coffee.

[jeannereames]

I just found your blog and I love it so much that I want to read it from the very beginning to the last post, it's getting overwhelmed, but I have a question that may be a bit basic but I haven't been able to clarify it, how did Alexander die, was it from the grief of losing Hephaestion, was he poisoned or maybe a bit of both?

I'm going to be a little bit lazy and just copy-and-paste material on their deaths from my website Hephaistion Philalexandros. I'll also link to my article "The Mourning of Alexander the Great," as it talks in more detail about their deaths.

----------------

Was Hephaistion poisoned by his enemies? Did Alexander go crazy with grief after his friend's demise? Was there a plot against Alexander's own life, hatched by his chief officers?

Popular questions. The answers are no, no, and no.

Hephaistion was sick. He died. That happened. That happened a lot in antiquity, even to the rich and famous and apparently healthy. Diseases that we shrug off today could be fatal back then. No one knows exactly what he died of. Maybe typhoid, maybe malaria. There isn't enough (good) information about his illness even to guess. As for the poison theory (whose proponents point to a boiled chicken and some wine that Hephaistion reportedly ate on the morning of his demise), at a highly suspicious court, if Alexander didn't believe Hephaistion poisoned and subsequently turn out the dogs after the murderer of his dearest friend, then I don't think we should assume it either. Alexander did have the doctor hanged, but that was for malpractice, not fear of conspiracy and murder. Hephaistion died of a fever. Case closed.

So did Alexander go crazy with grief? No, he didn't. He reacted just like most people who lose a spouse,very close friend, or dear family member. The main difference is that he had enough money (and power) to have his wishes obeyed. If more people knew some of the odd (but perfectly normal under the circumstances) things grieving people do, they wouldn't think Alexander's actions so extreme. Grief of that sort is intense, and doesn't go away overnight, or even in a few weeks or few months. And although grief is something that happens to all of us, unless we're in a job or situation where we deal with grieving people regularly, we often don't recognize normal grieving behavior. Alexander's actions were, in fact, pretty normal, and he was starting to come out of his grief around the time of his own death, eight months later in Babylon ...

... which brings us to Alexander's death. Some consider the nearness in time of his death to Hephaistion's and once more, the old "It must've been poison!" theory pops up (in part fueled by ancient accusations of poison leveled against Antipatros's family). But to that, we can just repeat the refrain above:

Alexander was sick. Alexander died. That happened. That happened a lot in antiquity, even to the rich and famous and apparently healthy. There's been far more speculation about Alexander's final illness. The current reigning theory is typhoid with complications, although not everyone buys it, and malaria is still a strong favorite among dissenters. Did Alexander's grief over Hephaistion contribute to his death? Maybe so. That's not being sentimental. It's a recognized, medically documented fact that grieving people are at a higher risk for certain illnesses, including communicable illnesses such as typhoid (or malaria). Certainly, the stress of grief didn't help his health and he’d already suffered several serious and perhaps ill-healed wounds.

So while Alexander didn't die of a broken heart (sorry, poets), I do think it safe to say that losing Hephaistion did indeed contribute to his own demise.

[ongaku-ato-kakikomi]

Do you think you could do Monster Prom comforting their SO who is trying their best as a full time student? (I'm not sure if you take specific character requests but to make it less time consuming you could do only Damien unless you prefer to write the whole cast.) Thanks and I hope you have a good day/night!

(A/N): I do write for the characters individually! :3 I did all of the main ones here, though I wrote them as headcanons, so I hope it’s okay… (it’s less time consuming and I thought it would fit this request better). Anyway… hope you’ll like these!

Miranda Vanderbilt:

- She honestly doesn’t understand why you’re so stressed out; don’t you have serfs to do all your homework and studying for you?

- It takes you a little while to explain to her that, no, you don’t have any serfs to do your work and, no, you don’t want her serfs to do your work.

- It’s important to you that you succeed in your studies by yourself, even though you feel like crying and dropping everything from time to time.

- She still doesn’t quite get why you would put yourself through all that mental and exhausting pain, but she does understand that it’s important to you.

- Don’t expect her to help you with your studies: she’s a beautiful princess, so she will order her serfs to help you study while she enjoys other activities.

- She won’t necessarily notice that you might be stressing out until you start crying.

- When this happens, she might start blaming her serfs for it (execution-), but she will certainly wrap you up in her arms and whisper comforting things in your ear as she pats your back.

- She may or may not have suggested making her guards kill off your teachers at some point… and though the offer was very tempting, you told her no.

- She’s always ready to tell that order just in case you change your mind, and she might have threatened them into giving out less work so that you could ease up a bit.

- After all, you’re the love of her life; and she will do anything to make sure your happiness stays protected.

Damien Lavey:

- That boy barely manages to pass his classes, so he’s not really much of a help when it comes to studying.

- At least that’s what he believes, but he always tries his best to help you out nonetheless.

- You would make study notes for him to use to question you, but he rapidly gets confused and starts cussing at those overly complicated subjects.

- You often end up explaining your studying concepts to him, which more than often helps you learn the stuff.

- He gets annoyed pretty fast though, so you have to find other ways to study without his help.

- You don’t mind that much; it’s the thought that counts.

- If you ever get too stressed out or are about to hit the breaking point, he’s already there to help you out.

- He’s awkward when it comes to ‘saying sweet things’ and ‘comforting hugs’, but what he excels at are kick-ass hairstyles.

- It might seem a little random, but every time you feel his fingers go through your hair, your shoulders instantly relax and the loud thoughts shush down.

- It’s like getting a head massage from your boyfriend, and that’s pretty much what you need.

- He will force you to stop and watch a movie with you if he sees that you’re about to cry.

- You may need to study, but your happiness is much more important to him.

Scott Howl:

- Scott may not understand any of the subjects you have to study, but he’s the best boi when it comes to bringing a smile to your face.

- He will spend the entire day baking your favorite sweets and cooking you your favorite meals, wanting to make sure that you eat enough.

- If he somehow messes up a recipe, he will go out and come back with take-out and eat it with you in your room while you study.

- He will gladly ask you questions about your subjects: as long as you wrote them down with the answers beforehand.

- He’s not really much of any help though, because he often ends up telling you that you got the right answer (when you didn’t-) to make sure you stay happy.

- You get frustrated at him for a few moments then rapidly forgive him, kindly asking him to let you study in peace.

- If you ever get too stressed out, you can be sure that he will make you stop your studies for some well-earned cuddle time.

- He loves to hug you, so it’s honestly just an excuse for him to have you in his arms.

- He’s the best boi you could ever ask for, and he’s very happy to help you stay relaxed.

Liam de Lioncourt:

- You couldn’t think of a better person to help you out.

- Liam has been around for many centuries and knows about almost anything.

- He will gladly help you study; he doesn’t even need study cards, he remembers everything.

- If you need specific sources for an assignment, he will guide you through his own personal library to get what you need.

- He also knows about good websites to get great online articles, which he will happily provide to you.

- He will definitely create tests and exams to help you prepare for the real ones as much as you can, taking the time to explain to you why you got some of your answers wrong to make sure you understand.

- He’s so good at helping you get prepared, you hardly get stressed out about your exams and assignments.

- If you do start to panic about him, he will rapidly manage to calm you down.

- “We’ve studied and prepared you for this for weeks. I know you’re ready. You can do this.”

- If that doesn’t work; he makes you do breathing exercises and repeatedly reminds you that you’re doing great.

- Overall, he’s very proud of you, and he’s very happy to be able to help you out.

Polly Geist:

- Studying is completely boring to her, and she often tries to get you to stop studying so you can party with her.

- You often have to snap at her in order for her to let you work in peace, which she does for a few hours before she comes back whining and trying to get your attention.

- She knows that school is important to you, and it used to be important to her when she was alive, but not that she’s dead all she wants is for both of you to have fun.

- When snapping at her doesn’t work, you usually give out a sigh and accept to spend time with her, to which she responds quite happily.

- Those breaks might give you less time to work, but it definitely helps keep your stress level low.

- If you’re really struggling with a subject and are almost begging her to let you work, she will drop the ‘let’s party!’ act and settle down with you.

- She was at the top of her class back when she was alive and cared, so she picked up quite a few tricks to quickly learn and understand any subjects.

- She often blows your mind when she shares those with you, some sounding quite a little crazy, but you’re really thankful for her help. 

-  As soon as you’re both done, you can be sure that she’ll drag you out to get drunk; or at least watch a movie and cuddle if it’s the night right before your exams.

- She might get a little annoying sometimes, but you know she just wants the best for you, and you love her for that.

Vera Oberlin:

- Vera will only help you study if you really need to.

- She’s a smart woman who knows the importance of studying, but it’s not because she cares about her own grades that she loves doing it.

- So she only steps in when you’re either begging her or she sees that you’re on the verge of crying. 

- Her confidence and calmness rapidly help you ease down as she asks you questions about each subject you need to study for, even though you feel slightly ashamed when you don’t say the right answer.

- She often gives out groans of frustration when she has to explain something to you, but she does it nonetheless because she secretly wants you to succeed and be happy.

- If she sees that you need a little more time to get the hang of something; she won’t hesitate to make her minions kidnap your teacher to get you an extra week of studying.

- She always denies doing it, but you always thank her for it.

- She will most definitely find a way to steal the answer sheets for your exams, then make you learn the specific parts you need to know to increase your success.

- You never know that she does this, and she never tells you the specific answers either, but she’s very glad to see your grades increase ever since she started doing it.

- Let’s just say she’ll do anything to help you crush the others in your classes; she’ll just never tell you how much she cares about this.

[ianfrancis-blog]

Hi! This is my first blog and I would like to share my adventurous journey about my life. Let’s start. My name is Ian Francis Maranan. I’ve been living for 20 years since the day I was born on the 25th of October, year 2000. I’m currently living in the city of Calamba, province of Laguna. When I was younger, I was an introvert. I don’t like interacting with anybody other than my family. Many people don’t know the truth about me, not even some of my friends.

I am the fifth and last son of my biological parents. Yes, I am an adopted child. It is because of an emotional turmoil that my family was going through that time. Truth is during the whole duration of me being inside my mother’s womb, every single family member didn’t know that she was conceiving me. They only discovered it when my godfather heard my cry as a baby. The pregnancy was not expected nor my birth because it was just recent when my brother was born. During that time, my biological mom is experiencing a psychological problem so she’s been emotionally unstable resulting to our family facing financially insecurity. For everybody, I am the miracle baby. Despite the challenge that my biological family, there is still hope.

I was adopted by the eldest sister of my biological mom who is my Mama Dorie. She is one of the many Overseas Filipino Workers in Macau. She is still single until now so I’m very sure that I am the only boy in her life. Though I was left here by Mama Dorie with my Lola, Mama Dorie and Mama Gloria’s mom, we never failed to communicate with each other. I am really blessed, right? I have three mothers, a father and four brothers.

For 11 years, my Lola took care of me and loved me. I was in grade 5 then, but I can still remember how dark my days when she died. I really miss her. I miss when she brings me to school and takes me home every single day. I miss her ways of disciplining me. I miss her every Sundays I go to mass because it reminds me of her wanting me to grow up as a child who is God fearing. But I’m still thankful I had her for 11 years of my life and I would treasure those times and memories with her.

After the death of my grandma, I was left in the custody of my Tita Delia until I graduated grade school. Tita Delia is a day care teacher and the mother of my best friend and cousin, Benok. I had been a consistent honor student then. With the help of my biological brother, who is a licensed teacher now, I excelled in my studies. He’d been very patient with me every day so I guess I had to give back through a bit of recognition in school.

I graduated in grade six as the second honorable mention or top four of our class. That time, my Tita Delia was supposed to be with me on graduation but I was surprised when Mama Dorie showed up on the day of my graduation ceremonies. I was still in shock Mama Dorie and I claimed my diploma and academic awards at the stage provided. But that doesn’t end there; Mama Dorie brought me to Macau and Hongkong as a graduation gift.

After that, I continued my journey at the city of Makati. Mama Dorie decided to send me to my godmother’s house to live and continue my studies because things were a bit complicated when Lola passed away and no one will take care of me. Not even my brother because he needed to focus in his work to support the needs and finances of my biological family. So, I started studying in Gen Pio Del Pilar National High school in Makati as a grade 7 junior high school student. At first, I was really nervous. Imagine; you have been some kind of an introvert for years than suddenly you are in a new place with no acquaintance. Scary, isn’t it?

In spite of my shyness, I tried my best to have some friends in school and luckily, I gained a lot of them and found that extrovert part of me. Every holiday, I visit Laguna to have some vacation. I finished junior high school in Makati city. I experienced facing challenges and sharing memories as a student and as a friend. Although junior high school wasn’t a paradise, I still had great memories. I’ve gained a group of true friends which was formed during grade nine and grown at grade ten. We named ourselves “team hoCage”. We thought it was funny when one of my friends pronounced hokage as hocage and so we laughed and decided to use the word as the name of the group. I will never forget those treasured bonding memories that I had with my friends. At the day of our moving up ceremony, I thought it will be the last day I’ll see them; we hugged and promised that we will bond again. Now, even from afar, we still talk together through online communication.

Moving on, I decided to continue my studies in Laguna at an IT school named AMA Computer College-Calamba campus. Taking science, technology, engineering, and mathematics strand. For the last 2 academic years, senior high school has been very challenging yet fun for me. I’ve made new friends. I had come to learn to be more independent. It has been a year of learning as well. And though it was tough, I am grateful, especially to God, my friends, and family who have always been there to help and support me. I am hoping there will be more wonderful, exciting and blessed experiences to come in my journey through life.

For now, I am currently a student in second year at City College of Calamba, taking an IT course. I am grateful for experiencing college life, still in progress until I graduated. This period of time is not that easy as an adult. I'm always thinking about my future and whether I will be successful. Many responsibilities will come, so I should be ready to face them. Today, this pandemic has had a major effect on our lives. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful and that can cause strong emotions in adults and children. One of the major effects is education. Many students are struggling with their modules and online classes, and some of them are worsening their mental health conditions. I hope this pandemic ends soon.

Now, I’m focusing on the things I like. First on the list is my love for arts. I draw a lot. I love creating portrait and anime drawings. I wish to be recognized someday as one of the popular artists in the world. I also like taking pictures with my smart phone usually through selfies or groufies with my friends and taking pictures of sunset and post it on my Instagram or Facebook accounts. A lot of people say that I have skills in photography. Someday, I also wish to have a dslr camera. Definitely, my life will not be complete without sports. Badminton is first on my sports list which I started playing since childhood. Second is playing volleyball. I also love playing strategic games like chess and dama. I also dance and I consider it as my passion. I like watching hip-hop and urban dance videos because it really makes me happy. As a result, I’m become a fan of Matt Steffanina and Sean Lew for the reason that they are the great dancers and choreographers and that they keep inspiring the people in the field of dance. I’m also a certified music lover and I can’t live without it. I play music that fits me when travelling, feeling alone, feeling sad and feeling bored. Music is my source of happiness. Just by plugging the earphones, you can easily forget the world.

After all, I feel blessed and I’m thankful for the good things that had come into my life and for all my friends and my family who never fails to put a smile on my face. In life, we commit mistakes but always put in mind the things we learned from it. There will always be a bad days and problems will come into your life but never give up and always stick of the positive side of life! There will be a way to solve it and let our God guide you always.

I want to thank you for reading and I hope I made you smile :) Have a nice day! :D

[thebibliosphere]

Can you tell me how you got a diagnosis for MCAS? I have crohns, and very recently IST, and worsening asthma within the last couple months. I'm also allergic to everything under the sun. I cant shake the feeling that its all connected somehow, but my doc seems to care more about my sex life than my quality of life

I’m sorry to hear that, that sounds very stressful (and not to mention misdirected and possibly intrusive on your doc’s part). I was only able to get my diagnosis eventually, through sheer luck. The nutritionist I booked an appointment to see on a whim took one look at all my symptoms, asked me some pointed questions about my medical history, then told me she knew what it was because she had the same condition.

She told me she thought I had histamine intolerance (which I do), fiddled around with my already severely limited food intake which helped my symptoms drastically within a matter of weeks, and then my life took a bit of a scary and dark turn when the pernicious anemia caught up with me and I wound up seeing 8 different specialists in a week cause they all thought I either had lupus or cancer. During the course of seeing all these specialists, including an allergist who told me I had psychiatric problems and was imagining my symptoms (so fuck him) I saw a couple of other doctors who all listened to me, looked at my history and said, “I think you’re right, I think you have MCAS”.

So far I’ve tested negative for a lot of the basic testing, but that’s because MCAS is so fucking hard to test for, that unless you’re in an active flare, it won’t show up. I’ve been self-regulating my own triggers for so long, that when I did the blood test it came back fine, and my allergist refused to do the 24 hour urine test because he thinks I’m mistaking anxiety for anaphylaxis. The doctor who had to treat me in the ER last year for said anaphylaxis vehemently disagrees with him.

The only accurate way to test is through bone biopsy, which I haven’t done yet due to the risk of complications. The fact that I have a rare form of PoTS (Hyperadrenergic) and possibly some variant of EDS (diagnosis pending) all signify a mast cell problem, as does the fact that I responded to basic mast cell activation syndrome treatment. I’m seeing a mast cell specialist doctor in January, but my GP and all my other competent doctors all already agree I’m doing much better on basic MCAS treatment, primarily because I’ve stopped going into random anaphylaxis, which y’know, pretty big sign right there.

So usually what you want to do is get a referral to see an allergist and talk to them about all your symptoms. If they’re competent and up to date on the latest research, they will know that your tests coming back negative do not necessarily rule out MCAS, it just means you’re not having a flare right there in their office at that time. If they’re not, try and find another doctor.

There’s a resource on the mastcelldisease website here for anyone who has been trying and failing to find anyone who will listen:

http://www.mastcelldisease.com/physicians/

I hope that helps!

[boardbysara]

On Anonymity

The mystery. The intrigue. The suspense!

Was I trying to create that when I decided to publish my blog anonymously? Maybe a little bit.

Actually, I have deeper and somber reasons for doing so. Got your tissues?

I'm a survivor of complex emotional trauma. Complex just means more than one, and then they pile up on each other and do more damage to your brain and your heart and your life, and working that shit out is indeed very, very complex.

I used to always think that the trauma that had hurt me the most was my parent's divorce, my dad's neglect, and his remarriage to and complicity with a second wife who was completely psychotic and emotionally abusive. Plus a bunch of dysfunction elsewhere in my family and family life - and the dysfunction in my life that followed.

I thought it was just the daddy issues and family stuff. Turns out, I was wrong.

This past year (2020, everyone's favorite year ever), when I had even more time away from my already almost nonexistent social life, I realized that the "heavy teasing" I went through in school actually included bullying, and that bullying actually really F'ed me up. And ACTUALLY, the trauma of being bullied caused massive amounts of dysfunction that may not have been rooted in the daddy issues at all. I mean, to be sure, the emotionally abusive stepmom and complicit father did not help and made it way worse, but the bullying had already happened by then.

It finally hit me, like, just a few weeks ago, that the trauma from the bullying made me really uncomfortable around my peers (duh) and I had definitely experienced PTSD.

I get a lot of anxiety when it comes having to be in groups or at events that are dominated by people I identify as my peers. And for me, that includes the people who read my blog. It kind of includes everyone on the internet.

Being anonymous shields me from your judgment. Being shielded from your judgment is the only way that I feel safe to be my truest self. And being my truest self is the only way that I will ever fulfill my purpose (writing.)

My truest self is where the magic is.

Your truest self is where your magic is.

My brain doesn't shoot off warning signals that everyone who is around my age is a peer. I've had lots of good friends around my age who, for one reason or another, didn't get classified by my brain as a peer. They were at different schools, in different grades, in different classes, in different friend groups... various things.

But for instance, in order to preserve my sanity during quarantine, I considered going to some (safe, outdoor) meetups of people around my age (where I knew no one personally and would have to enter alone - no wing man or woman), and except for one event - which I left early - I've panicked and canceled my RSVP every time.

Currently, I've lived in my state for almost five years. Settling here was a lot harder than I expected on the job front, and I went through so much stress with that that I really didn't concentrate on making friends, so I'm behind the game, and I'm suffering from it - especially during the quarantine. I made good friends at early jobs here, and I've stayed in touch with a couple, but they live a bit far from me and have families, so they're not the kind of friends I can call on any given weekend and hang out with (because you know, adult life.)

I haven't really found my community. And it's not for lack of trying, but I would say that because of the lack of comfort I felt in trying to fit in with my peer groups in my previous state, I didn't try hard. I didn't want to. And I've been a lot happier for it - for not pushing myself into those triggering situations and doing things I didn't want to do. I feel a lot more like myself. A lot more content. But I still need community, because living without community is hard. Especially when a pandemic hits and you're "bubble" is you, yourself, and you again.

The pandemic made me resolve to try hard.

Thus, I looked at meetups. Then, the resulting anxiety. Then, the breakthrough (that I am even more fucked up than I originally thought.)

Writing anonymously on the internet means that I can be fully me without being judged. I mean, I'll still most certainly be judged, whether in comments or just silently in your mind, but you can't lodge your attack against a person you can identify.

You can't shoot your arrows at my heart... only in my general direction. And I can handle that.

Not uncoincidentally, my biggest passion is around emotional healing and healing from trauma, and I've self-published a book on the subject with plans to publish more. I've been studying online business as an "infopreneur" for years and know all the ins and outs of it, but every time it's come time to really press play on my marketing efforts, I have quit. Because putting myself in front of everyone on the internet felt like putting myself in front of my peers to be judged and slaughtered, and I just.couldn't.do.it.

I had the website all set up!

And then I felt God suggest that I go anonymous and I cannot even describe the weight that lifted.

It took so.much.weight.off.

My foray into all of this internet stuff started in college when Xanga was the first and most popular platform for people to publish a blog (I know how much that dates me.) I've been a writer since I was 6. Blogging is my O.G. It's my thing, it's me.

I think blogging has become an advertising vehicle that has cost us to lose out on people being real. I need to make money from this blog so I will use advertising when possible, but that's dependent on traffic, and if there's anything I'm going to get traffic for, it's being real.

Being anonymous lets me be the most real.

But really, we should all be real. Let's be real. Come be real with me.

[loveandbeatings-blog]

How Much You Need To Expect You'll Pay For A Good coffee face mask

As a powerhouse of vital nutrients; Honey has certainly been a favorite of your nutritionist, dieticians, attractiveness gurus and naturopaths for good reasons effectively-outlined.   Some details about Honey: It dates again to in excess of 4000 decades This DIY face mask to remove blackheads also contains sandalwood powder that acts to be a all-natural absorbent and cleanser, gently scrubbing and extracting blackheads out of your pores and skin. Why invest https://www.facebook.com/steptoremedies/posts/2099810723445530 than $twenty on the retailer-bought facial scrub once they keep on your face for just minutes and all Those people extravagant ingredients get washed down the drain? I do think I’ll in fact Incorporate three and 4 because I've dry and inflamed skin. One of several benefits of utilizing these kinds of components is they gained’t respond poorly jointly like atore purchased ones may possibly! Combination pores and skin implies you may have a rather oily T-zone and drier cheeks with dry patchy places right here and t here . website -dependent mask is ideal for balancing out the oily and dry areas of your skin. So we scoured Pinterest for the top face mask recipes to restore the skin. All of them involve very good-for-you elements like avocado, honey, oatmeal as well as chocolate—all things that is most likely presently sitting down within your kitchen cupboards. Begin Slideshow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua9o4c15Z1Y has become independently chosen and reviewed by our editorial staff. If you make a invest in utilizing the links bundled, we may perhaps generate commission. In this economy, why devote $30 or more with a leg wax when you are able to do it your self? I've several pals who wax their own individual legs and I learned a recipe for any sugar "wax" on the Double X Web-site for Females. Editor Hanna Rosin shares her family members's recipe. Applying honey regularly on your skin can provide you with success past your creativeness and might go a great distance in giving you balanced, younger hunting and glowing skin. What exactly are some great benefits of Honey for Pores and skin and Face?  This content material is accurate and correct to the most beneficial from the author’s understanding and isn't meant to substitute for formal and individualized suggestions from a qualified Experienced. Fuller’s earth or the multani mitti is surely an indigenous process to deal with numerous skin complications. It can be firm remover of oiliness and strongly fights the blackheads. In addition it dries to kind a agency mask. Considering that the peel is rich in vitamin C, it shields skin from cost-free radical destruction, retains acne at bay and promotes a healthy glowing skin. The oatmeal deep cleanses your pores and drives out any Dust, grime and oil with the surface with the skin. Listed here are five successful face packs for an acne-totally free pores and skin. The caffeine from coffee grounds On this cocoa-licious mask helps to lessen swelling and puffiness, when the antioxidants while in the cocoa aid to cut back growing old, and the yogurt replenishes lost moisture. > When it comes to make-up, There exists get which needs to be adopted to prevent makeup fails. Also, if you follow the proper buy, makeup stays in place for for a longer time however we would want to reiterate that it’s absolutely upto one’s own desire. Some Girls prefer to do their eyebrows very first while some others do […]

Detailed Notes on yeast face mask

Mix one tablespoon of quick coffee powder and more than enough freshly squeezed lemon juice for making a thick paste. Simply because cinnamon is so potent, I'd personally endorse only using this honey mask the moment a week at most. You can utilize one of many other, gentler honey masks on other days for those who’d like. Cinnamon can at times be annoying if your skin is admittedly delicate, so you should do a patch exam within the back again of your hand first. Using honey masks for acne therapy is really a very popular household remedy and If you're seriously interested in treating your acne inside of a pure, harmless way or if One's body does not answer effectively to absorbing medicines made of severe substances, then honey masks are the right choice for you. Your just lately seen merchandise and highlighted suggestions › See or edit your searching background This support makes it possible for you to join or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you could earn revenue from adverts in your content. No knowledge is shared unless you interact with this particular characteristic. (Privateness Coverage) Yogurt and honey have antibiotic Attributes, and this whole Mix is nearly as good for your personal outsides as it can be in the drink. Use steptoremedies.com inside a slurp-in a position smoothie with the milk of your respective alternative. Don’t rub or therapeutic massage as you clean it off simply because you don’t want the elements to exfoliate the skin even more. It's going to go away your skin dry, leading to your oil glands to create more sebum, which may result in far more acne! Somewhat cinnamon oil may be used Together with the coconut oil, but I might only use a drop or two in a little jar of coconut oil–over that will melt away the skin. Didi’s just take: “Never Do this 1 before the children! Spirulina is eco-friendly, extremely eco-friendly. You'll appear like the Hulk. Having said that, I beloved this mask. click here smelled like banana and left my pores and skin vivid and so hydrated that it absolutely was truly springy towards the touch.” What you may need: two polished clamshells. (All those observed inside their natural condition with the Beach front are too rough against the skin. Uncover clean clamshells at seashellco.com.) Make use of a fork or just give it a whizz from the blender for your smoother face mask that can be easier to utilize. Contains strong anti-inflammatory and skin lightening Qualities. Helps fade acne scars and minimizing swelling and redness from acne. The ideal face mask for acne can’t be acquired at a pricey department retail store. In fact, it only includes a single component and it’s likely previously as part of your pantry! https://www.wikihow.com/Take-Care-of-Your-Skin ’s one among my particular favorites: the Uncooked honey mask.

How diy face mask can Save You Time, Stress, and Money.

when you have extreme paleness or redness of your skin of your face: yeast face mask tones and offers to skin an attractive matte or pearly shade that can delight any individual. Unfold it evenly in your face and neck and chill out for 20 minutes. Gently rub the mixture although washing it off with h2o. This will help in removing the lifeless skin and brightens the complexion. Begin Slideshow Each product or service we function has been independently picked and reviewed by our editorial workforce. Should you come up with a order utilizing the inbound links provided, we may perhaps gain Fee. Therapeutic massage the mask on to your face for at least 2 minutes. Depart over the mask for quarter-hour. Clean off with heat drinking water 1st then chilly drinking water to shut off pores. via steptoremedies.com and honey have antibiotic Homes, and this entire blend is nearly as good for your outsides as it's inside a drink. Use any leftovers inside of a slurp-able smoothie Along with the milk within your decision. Egg White Face Masks—Egg whites are known for their capability to tone large pores and reduce surplus sebum, making them perfect for people with In a natural way oily skin. https://www.facebook.com/steptoremedies/ , 2014 at eight:19 pm Hi there! I\'m attempting the redness-cutting down mask for rosacea - I\'ve only applied a little bit on my face when compared with just what the recipe created, am i able to preserve it during the fridge for a few days to work with once more or do I really have to create a new combination every time? I've my fingers crossed it really works! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5BbUHcuKxY ! Coffee is not only a well known beverage. It is also a favourite ingredient of high-class pores and skin care goods. There are actually myriads of benefits of utilizing coffee for pores and skin treatment. It is often used for earning system scrubs. By mechanically exfoliating the pores and skin, the coffee scrubs make the skin sleek and tender and improves complexion. Lastly, scrub the skin using this type of mask and depart it for nearly fifty percent an hour or so to have tender, glowing pores and skin. It works for a purely natural bleach and lowers Solar tan when applies about thrice in a week for at least per month. for dilemma skin: these property facial mask is excellent: brewer’s yeast correctly cope with inflammations, acne and black factors; The product nourishes and gives pores and skin a delicate lustrous truly feel whilst honey functions as a mild astringent and the anti-septic Qualities it has really helps to cleanse skin of germs and dirt answerable for leading to acne. I exploit only New brewer's yeast with a little h2o or milk or lemon juice (for who may take this) or crops tea, come up with a paste, use on face, leave 10-15 mins, rinse, swipe a cotton ball total chamomile or tilia tea and then put Calendula oil or Macadamia oil-> perfection! Allow’s discover the potent nutrients in raw honey for its nourishing Added benefits to skin! Below, learn about three unique face masks you can try out for yourself at home, Each and every with a special gain. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty

What Does strawberry face mask Mean?

The sugar With this recipe works as a natural exfoliant useful in breaking apart scar tissue and unclogging pores and skin pores. Go away the mask on for around ten minutes and afterwards rinse it off with water. Use this splendor mask about a few times each week. If your adjective you utilize to explain the skin is “mature” or “dry”, this face mask is in your case. Its numerous elements put humidity again into your drained pores and skin and bring about a radiancy that maybe you have considered you missing for good. In this article’s the simple recipe. Then, position the yogurt and strawberries in the blender to mash or Incorporate together the yogurt and strawberries using a fork (a blender is effective ideal). It is best to employ raw, natural and organic honey rather than processed honey because the latter may well irritate your skin. In the bowl, mash the strawberries which has a fork right up until smooth. Increase from the honey and mix the ingredients jointly. Using clean up fingers or maybe a sanitized brush, gently utilize the combination throughout your face, steering clear of the eye region. A strawberry face mask could make the pores and skin glow additionally appear gorgeous, and helps you to treatment acne and acne scars. This face mask is ideal for oily pores and skin. for oily pores and skin: no other beauty item is able so would make narrow enlarged pores and reduce as soon as possible harmful shine from the face; You should use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No knowledge is shared with Facebook Except if you engage with this attribute. (Privateness Coverage) all right effectively it seems to obtain manufactured my skin smoother, but I've one particular suggestion: it might feel evident, but don’t set it in the eyebrows!! ? the cinnamon will get stuck in them and you've got to wipe it out harshly by using a wet paper towel or wipe hahah & also when rinsing your face don’t scrub along with your fingers, do it Carefully or it’ll bring about discomfort within the small pieces of cinnamon powder and it’s kinda painful ? I’m going to try and Test back in tomorrow early morning to determine if and of my acne has cleared up! Sounds like an incredibly refreshing facial mask! It will definitely scent fragrant far too. Thanks for sharing :) I in no way rubbed the yeast on my pores and skin to be a gommage or exfoliating motion prior to washing my face so maybe I could Do this following time. I attempted simply a mask for every se. Making use of orange juice on your own face is so beneficial. So just envision how far more helpful It will be to use the peel, full of pores and skin-boosting nutrients, on your face! Like another home face masks, yeast face mask has many indications to be used, which must be recognized prior to to undertake its planning. Yeast face mask is usually recommended: This magical face mask can confirm successful in holding the indications of ageing for instance pimples and fantastic lines at bay. Orange peel is great for decreasing oxidative pressure in pores and skin cells, which subsequently can help in preserving a youthful glowing pores and skin.

How Much You Need To Expect You'll Pay For A Good diy face mask

Soak uncooked rice within the drinking water. Following, go ahead and take strawberries and soaked rice and blend them in a single blender to make a sleek paste. Want to turn day to day right into a very good skin working day? Need to know tips on how to retain the skin youthful, fresh new, and glowing 24/7? Every single individual desires to appear and feel their finest always. Our confidence is right proportionate to the way in which we sense about ourselves. Deriving the very best from by yourself is even so a endeavor that may be considerably assisted with the usage of good goods. In the bowl, take some orange peel powder, sugar and almond oil. Be sure the level of sugar is equivalent on the peel powder and here you have an uncomplicated recipe to a lovely smelling lip balm that’s efficient and simple to produce. mask should be applied on clear skin in the face and keep for 20 minutes, then rinse underneath running h2o. Software: Utilize a layer of your apple honey mask on your own complete face. Wait for 10 to fifteen minutes and let the mask dry up a bit. After that, clean the mask off Along with the lukewarm drinking water and look forward to the results! Ideas: The apple honey mask works very best when it’s contemporary. To https://www.pinterest.com/pin/722616702689372461 , immediately after preparing, you shouldn’t maintain it while in the fridge to use later. Since it is so fast and simple to organize, make it just prior to deciding to intend to use it. August 2, 2014 at eight:19 pm Hello there! I\'m making an attempt the redness-cutting down mask for rosacea - I\'ve only used a small little bit on my face when compared to just what the recipe built, can I maintain it inside the fridge for a couple of days to implement once again or do I should produce a new mixture whenever? I have my fingers crossed it really works! Many thanks! for difficulty skin: these kinds of property facial mask is superb: brewer’s yeast properly cope with inflammations, acne and black factors; It contains zinc, an important part that encourages pores and skin regeneration and functions as an anti-inflammatory agent. Blend both of these ingredients in the bowl. Take another substantial bowl with heat water and spot the bowl Together with the combination on The nice and cozy h2o bowl for 2-3 minutes. face mask for dry skin from orange peels may seem like a strange thought, but it is extremely productive. You don’t consider it? Give it a check out and you'll be surprised by the outcome! For additional honey ideas, attempt honey and cinnamon for brighter skin or honey with cocoa and cream to exfoliate. These Do it yourself masks can work wonders for various skin issues—from dry, cracked cheeks and uninteresting foreheads to acne breakouts. Try and use natural and organic elements When doable, as being the pores and skin in your face is thinner than other portions of Your whole body and might soak up toxins much more conveniently. Even though the yeast facial masks are really valuable to the skin, have this facility and contraindications: When you've got destroyed skin, you can find scratches, cuts, you are doing laser resurfacing, then right up until it is completely healed, It's not needed to generate a mask with yeast;