#and the worst part is that idk anything abt fashion so idk how to make a pin board for inspo

[danothan]

i have a reputation among my friends for being the one w the most boring taste in characters and somehow making them seem interesting (sometimes), which is a reputation i carry with pride. but then the boringness will creep up on me and it’s like facing the horror of your own doing.

i guess i did sign up for this…

[neonstatic]

Ahh I can't sleep until I get this out of my system.

Sometimes I rly feel like I blew it. I have little desire for romance so I've never tried anything and don't feel like putting myself out there either. I'm almost certain I could live a very fulfilling life in total celibacy. I do fantasise abt romance tho, constantly, cus it's fun and it's free. But sometimes I'll find myself thinking abt the few opportunities that came my way... Most of it happened in the last five yrs. I've had a glow up of sorts: stopped hiding my body and started wearing clothes that actually fit me, found ways of expressing myself thru fashion, idk if my face changed or if I just realised that I'm cute actually? All those factors contributed to getting some attention and I'm not used to it and frankly, idk that I wanna do smth abt it. I've pretty much ran away from advances every time. And not bc I wasn't interested! Even when I could admit to myself that I did like this person in more than a strictly friendly way, I just came up w a bunch of reasons why it didn't matter and that it wouldn't work. And my feelings never felt that intense anyway. It's always, "Eh, I'll get over it." And then I did! For the most part.

But there's this girl... idk why she keeps crossing my mind. We met at a BIPOC sapphic event she organised and I already admired her for putting this together. She was beautiful and funny and smart, and I just found her so cool. And somehow, she thought much the same abt me! She said I was cute, she laughed at my jokes and she even found my awkwardness endearing. She didn't find me boring or off-putting, and knew how to keep the conversation going even when I went quiet. We definitely clicked. At the time, I didn't realise I was feeling romantically abt her. I didnt even know I was flirting. I was just familiar with the song and dance. (Turns out, my socialising looks a lot like flirting.) I was super caught off-guard when she asked me out on a date. I kinda felt like running off but I just smoothly rejected her and walked home w my friend.

"You don't even know me!" is what I wanted to say. What made her think I'm dating material? I don't see much when I look at myself and I realise it's bc I know myself way more and I'm my biggest critic, but even then... I wonder what ppl think when they look at me. What do they see? What do I make them feel?

At the event, I didn't mingle much w everyone else, was lowkey glued to my friend's side (who's way more extroverted) and I was just sipping a can and steadily getting tipsy... What tf did she see? And, will anyone else be able to see that again? I feel like she must've been real special to find me charming at my worst - i.e. me at a function. Absolutely rizzless, borderline pathetic. What if that was my one shot and I blew it? And when I meet God and whine abt being a loveless loser, He'll stare me down and say, "I sent you a baddie but you passed on her, stupid." What if I doomed myself bc I chickened out of a date w a pretty girl I definitely liked back in some ways? And how do I recover from the shame. It's been over two yrs, get over it, oh my gosh.

Bc truth is, if by some miracle, we reconnected and she asked me out again... I would not say yes. My ass is not ready for a relationship. I don't even feel like I'm made for it. I think I'm a good friend (but could always improve), an alright sibling, an alright child, an insignifiant cousin/grandchild/relative... I just feel fundamentally inadequate in relationships! Be it romantic or platonic or wtv. But where I agree that I do well as a friend, Idk that I'd be a worthwhile partner. Even tho romance is just friendship with extra parts. I could start kissing and sucking on a homie of my choosing and we'd be lovers, technically, no?

Do I not care abt romance that much or have I fooled myself into thinking so to spare my own feelings of inadequacy? Could be a mix of both. I want love and I want to experience it, but I don't care enough to look for it and I will run away from it. What a mess. What a fkg bummer.

Ah, maybe I rly did blow it. Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

Maybe I should sleep.

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[nikadd]

i’ve said this in the tags of the previous spn post i reblogged but i just wanna highlight how the writers kept aborting sam’s storylines before they really got to the part where it became a Storyline. with dean, those things were more noticeable, e.g. demon!dean, bc it’s the A plot. with sam, unless you were really paying attention to every single subplot (as i like to do bc i like seeing things begin and grow into something else, which is probably stupid of me to do so on this specific show but still) you wouldn’t be able to really tell what his story was supposed to be. it’s not about him losing his THEE main character status, but losing his A main character status, bc at some point his story mostly hung on his screen time, rather than anything else.

this is going to be off the top of my head and i’ve only seen the show once, but here are some thoughts on his storylines and what i think killed them. if i don’t remember something, honestly i think it says more about the validity of my argument, because i have a pretty good memory on plot-related things, and if it’s insignificant enough for me to forget... yeah. this is not going to be whether i liked certain storylines, but whether i think they were strong enough to really be called a storyline. also, i’ll be mostly talking abt sam vs dean, as 1) a good portion of cas’s story is an extension of dean’s story and 2) this is just the lens i’m using for this. i’ll try not to blame specific writers/actors for this, just the story as a whole:

seasons 6-7: even though these seasons are considered to be comparably the worst out of them, i think they balanced sam’s story considerably well in regards to his subplots. soulless!sam, working with the campbells, lying to dean, being suspicious of cas, dealing with the fall out of getting his soul back, loss of memories, gaining back his memories, ptsd, lucifer hallucinations... there was a lot going on with sam, and these things did make sense in the cause and effect fashion.

season 8: the whole amelia thing... confused me, but i once read this really good meta that said that amelia never actually existed and it was all a part of his hallucinations which i think i’ve kinda accepted. a good chunk of this season is dealing with kevin, which is technically for both dean and sam, but bc i think in the future kevin was going to be more of a sam’s responsibility i’m going to start counting kevin as sam’s plot. then there’s also mistrusting of benny (same as mistrusting cas in s6? sam mistrusting dean’s significant others? hmm), which is really an extension of dean’s plot, but i’ll take it, as sam made active choices on his part about the whole thing. then as the season comes to an end, besides what’s happening with cas, it really does have a major arc for sam, seemingly capitalizing on the last two seasons, though i wish there was a stronger thread of them throughout the season.

season 9: this was the first season i watched live AND i had not seen the end of s7 and entirety of s8 by that point, so i didn’t know how sam ended up in the hospital, but i was willing to go along with it. the whole gadreel plot was pretty interesting (and i do hate kevin’s death), but i can see how gadreel was more of a dean plot than a sam plot, as sam was largely unaware of what was going on until later. at the same time, i think this made sam dean’s plotline in this cas via gadreel, so you can really go either way with that. by the end of s9, the whole thing is switched, and dean is sam’s plotline bc of the mark of cain. around the end of s9 is when i think is the start of losing sam as a character, because such a large portion of this season was about dean.

season 10: i swear to gd idk what sam’s plot is in this season besides curing dean in the first few episodes. i just read through the ep summaries on wikipedia and i cannot tell you what he’s doing there really besides research. this season introduces rowena who is going to be a part of sam’s arc in the future seasons, but she’s mostly all about crowley in this season, and honestly? i like that they gave her some time to develop as a character before making her a part of either sam or dean’s story.

season 11: just my imagination was a pretty good episode that gave us a glimpse into sam as a character!! i liked that whole thing!! but immediately after we are getting sam seeing lucifer again. (also ik that jared actually expressed his dislike of having sam work with lucifer due to, well, their history, and i fully agree that it should have been dealt with very differently. but oh well. the only character whose faults they like to ignore more than lucifer’s is john winchester, and ain’t that saying something.) then lucifer becomes more of a castiel issue, which automatically makes it a dean issue. i wish they kept lucifer more of a sam issue and i wanted sam to kill lucifer :) bc he deserved it :)

season 12: here we have a significant sam storyline where he is working with the BMOL, by extension from mary. the significance of it directly corresponds to him having to lie to dean about what is going on, because as soon as dean is involved, it just automatically transfers the plot line to him. the relationship with mary ends up also being more of a dean thing, even though they clearly have very different relationships with their mother. also eileen is killed this season for no reason (aight i said im not gonna blame specific writers but we all know who did that silly number), as if they literally want to kill sam’s plots. edit: forgot about this, but the ep with the culty family who had a psychic daughter??? whom sam tried to save?? and i bet he doesn’t actually know that ketch killed her later??? okay yeah they kind of pulled a good one with that, even if heartbreaking. AND THEN they had sam work for bmol...... okay yeah you see how that was a sabotage of sam’s story.

season 13: i wanna say that jack was definitely a large part of sam’s story this season and i’m glad for it. besides benny and cas, sam was always the one to say that a supernatural creature is not a monster, and i liked that they brought this part of sam toward the light (re: magda in s12.... wait. see: edit in s12). dean’s plot with jack extended to his relationship with cas, and you really don’t have to be a heller to see that. also, this is when we really get into sam/rowena and witch!sam. also, we get some sam/gabriel interaction, as gabriel has always been more of a sam thing than a dean thing, i’ve appreciated it. then the whole lucifer thing... anyways. they should have had sam kill him. honestly? they should have somehow made sam michael’s vessel to really go galaxy brain on that.

season 14: sam being the leader of the new hunter network is a SEXY idea and what should have remained for the rest of the show but fuck if this show hates having nice things. also, i liked both the sam & charlie and sam & cas collabs, bc even tho they were both always more of a dean thing, i enjoy those characters having one-on-one plots with sam as well. also this season continues sam caring for jack with both sergei and lily sunder connections, furthering the witch!sam plot, but still not enough to really put it forward.

season 15: the season starts with sam’s connection to chuck, and i genuinely enjoyed that storyline, and i wish they made the whole thing last for longer, maybe even into the finale. (i think there are so many plots on this show that they like to Have but then Not Do much with them.) then obv they have sam/rowena arc continue, with him making her the queen of hell (pls look at this post i’ve made abt it before bc i think the whole thing is actually Hilarious) and then furthering witch!sam storyline with resurrecting eileen. (in some way samwena and saileen are actually extensions of each other and maybe could have been samwenaleen but yk. a girl could dream. maybe throw gabe into that as well).... after that... there’s nothing really. i mean, sam goes out to meet with the surviving hunters, but it’s just that. and i don’t even count 15x19 and 15x20 really because 19 was more of a joint story with dean and 20 was well. that. i think i would have accepted the ending if they actually built to it.

in the end of the day, i think sam had a few stories that were either aborted by poor writing or by transferring much of the burden to dean. i think having so much lucifer in the middle of it all without Really addressing sam’s feelings about it was probably the biggest clue that the writers didn’t Really care about his story as much. leading the hunters, rowena, eileen, witchcraft, jack (i will argue that jack had a significant relationship with all of his dads) were all good parts of it, but severely underutilized, and it makes me sad. i just edited the s12 part about magda, and i think that part was especially upsetting, as they gave us a glance into sam’s savior nature and then took it out. anyways i hope this made sense, and if anyone wants to add anything in reblogs/tags, feel free, i’ll read everything.

[stygiuscantus]

@daybreak-dragon replied to your post:     i really need to do an analysis of mr. universe at...                

   Imo Greg fked up, idk why he thought it was a good idea to explain *nothing* to his son who JUST had a huge breakdown, then pile on his own childhood problems onto him   

my friend you have opened the fucking flood gates, HERE WE GO

So the thing abt “Mr. Universe” is that both Steven and Greg were right and wrong for various reasons--but neither of them realized this, and many viewers didn’t realize this. Highkey one of my biggest berserk buttons is people not realizing that both sides have a point here, but are also at fault for numerous things.

I have a lot of experiences similar to Steven--growing up homeless, having a parent come from an abusive household and cut off her family from me, not knowing about and not connecting to extended family as a result, undiagnosed and therefore untreated mental illnesses at 16--as well as 3/4ths of a psychology/criminology double major completed. So this entire argument is very personal to me.

I’ve seen viewers range from complete lack of sympathy for Steven or Greg, to saying one side was completely right and that they lost respect for the other side, to people actually understanding the complexity of the situation, to people saying that Steven crashed the van on purpose. (To the ppl who believe the last one, did we even watch the same episode.)

Let’s go through the argument itself before getting to into analysis. Strap in folks this is gonna be a long fucking ride. (Also apologies for this being kind of messily structured, it’s hard to talk about this in any kind of linear fashion.)

Steven: I don’t need the song, I need--I need what you had!

Greg: What?

Steven: I wish I could have grown up in a house like that!

Greg: No you don’t!

So here we start out strong with the two biggest themes running through this argument: invalidation and miscommunication. Throughout the argument, both Steven and Greg invalidate each other’s feelings and experiences.

Steven: Maybe your parents weren’t so bad. Maybe they gave you curfews and chaperones and meatloaf, but for a reason!

Greg: Steven, you don’t know what they were like!

Steven: They can’t be worse than Mom’s family! I went halfway across the galaxy for them, and this was right here?!

Greg: Steven, I couldn’t do anything growing up. Anything I liked, or wore, or wanted was always wrong! Trust me, you’re better off than I was.

Here, too, comes the invalidation, and the line that precedes Steven turning pink. By saying ‘Trust me, you’re better off than I was,’ Greg singlehandedly invalidates Steven’s experiences and his grievances with his traumatic childhood by saying that it was ‘better’ than what Greg had. Greg, however, is most likely referring to more positive aspects of Steven’s life, like how he was able to wear, say, believe, and act how he wanted and be more free to explore himself than Greg was.

They’re not talking about the same things here. They’re talking about the worst parts of their own experiences while glorifying the good parts of the other’s.

Steven is talking about the normalcy and stability that Greg had, along with two parents who were there, school, doctor’s visits, extended family. Greg, meanwhile, is talking about Steven’s freedom to express himself, to like what he liked and like stuff how he wanted to like it.

Steven: I can’t believe I never realized... you’re just like Mom!

Greg: You grew up with actual freedom!

Steven: I grew up in a VAN! I never went to school! I’ve never been to the doctor until two days ago!

Greg: Steven! You’re a Gem! You’re not like other kids!

Steven: I could’ve done all that stuff! My problem isn’t that I’m a Gem, my problem is I’m a UNIVERSE!

So now that we have all the dialogue laid out here, let me make smth perfectly clear: I am not condoning Steven’s actions. Him blowing up at his dad which leads to him accidentally crashing the van is obviously not okay. I personally think that Steven was angry at his situation in general, but was directing it towards Greg because, at the time, he was the easiest person to blame.

Steven’s side:

Let me say that Steven has every right to be upset with how Greg raised him (though not a right to yell at his father). Steven grew up homeless. His early childhood up until he was at least 8 years old--judging by the extended intro--was spent living in the van with Greg. He was, by all definitions, homeless, as homelessness includes children who live in vehicles. As well, Steven had to watch his father still be homeless even after the beach house was built. Now there are a lot of adverse factors that follow homelessness that we haven’t seen in Steven (hunger, possessiveness of possessions, higher susceptibility to things like domestic violence and substance abuse), but that’s because we just don’t know what life was like for Steven before he moved in with the Gems. (The other thing we see is higher rates for mental illness but considering all of the trauma that Steven went through it’s impossible to say if homelessness could be related to that.)

What we do see is a combination of fallout from homelessness and a result from Greg’s permissive parenting style. Permissive parenting is like the “friend-parent” style, basically, which is kind of something that we see in Greg’s parenting. We rarely see Greg impose punishment on Steven--the only time I can really think of is “Fusion Cuisine” where he’s grounded from watching TV. Steven often doesn’t listen when the Gems tell him to do or not to do things, which is also a result of the permissive parenting style. Greg often ran away from Gem stuff because he didn’t understand it, leaving Steven with the Gems, who are, as we know, Less Than Qualified to deal with human emotions.

Steven mentions never going to school--now he still got an education via being homeschooled by Pearl, but school is much more than just the education. It’s also about being exposed to other (human) kids his age, and gaining (human) role models and authority figures that he could trust and confide in. It’s more than just a ‘traditional’ education, it’s also about other connections that Steven never got the opportunity to have. (And maybe the federal laws are different in the show’s US, but homeless kids can be enrolled in school.)

(Sidenote: people would bring up the first song in “Mr. Greg” when Greg says that he could put Steven through college with all of the money he just got, with Steven dismissing it and saying that he’s with the Gems all the time. Steven was 14, people, would you have wanted to go to school if asked at 14 when you neverhad to go before? Steven shouldn’t have been in charge of that decision because he’s a child and doesn’t know better. And also, Steven never knew life when everything was fixed: life was always Corrupted Gem monsters, before it evolved into fighting Homeworld threats. As far as he knew, he would be with the Gems forever, because there was no life he knew where there wasn’t something to do.)

Also as shown in this episode and “Gem Harvest,” Greg never told Steven about his family. Not who they were, not where they were, not if they were still alive, not even their names. Having contact and relationships with extended family is seen as ‘normal’ for human kids, and Steven never even had the opportunity to learn who they were for himself. He probably feels like he missed out on other human connections because of his dad’s decisions.

Steven lacked any kind of stability and structure growing up, and he’s starting to realize that, and he’s angry at his circumstances. He’s angry and upset because that lack of stability and structure is making his emotional problems worse by the time of “Mr. Universe,” and suddenly, his dad just gave him one of the big reasons why Steven lacked that in his childhood: it was because Greg wanted to give him the freedom that Greg himself didn’t have. In the moment, Steven sees Greg as a big source of his strife and pain, and here Greg is saying that Steven “had it better” and “isn’t like other kids” (when struggling with his human identity was kind of a big thing for him, esp seen in “Bismuth Casual”). In Steven’s mind, Greg just revealed that he was the source of a lot of Steven’s pain and his lack of skills in coping with said pain, and then invalidated Steven’s feelings about his childhood that he’s just realized was super fucked up, which is smth that takes a huge emotional toll to realize.

Greg’s side:

(this one is probably going to be shorter since i explained a lot in the previous section whoops)

As we saw in the flashback episodes, Greg had basically nothing. No home, no money, no contacts, nothing. Genuinely he did the best that he could given the circumstances. No money meant no insurance, which meant no doctor. His partner was literally an illegal alien, so Steven was born off-the-grid and doesn’t have an SSN, which could make a lot of things Difficult to get. Greg even built a house for Steven!

Greg is right in that Steven was half-Gem and that could have meant a lot of trouble in terms of doctors and schooling. Doctors and teachers not knowing what to do, Steven accidentally activating his powers at school, Steven falling behind on schoolwork or missing days on end because of Gem stuff, Steven being bullied by other students, etc. There’s a lot that could go wrong and hurt Steven.

Greg was also completely unequipped to handle Gem stuff, and since he’s only human, the first human instinct is to avoid. Not to say he didn’t care about Steven, since the poor man nearly had a heart attack during “Full Disclosure” when Steven told him about what happened, but Greg had no idea what to do when it came to Gem stuff.

It’s also implied that Greg’s family situation was really Not Good. His and Andy’s strained relationship, the implications that the Demayos completely fell apart after Greg left, the unopened letters, the fact that Greg had to climb in through his window so many time it became habit even over two decades later, the miserable photos, the forced haircut--it paints a really bad picture of the Demayos. Greg could have easily cut them out of his life and kept Steven away from them because they were toxic and he didn’t want them to hurt Steven.

Greg also genuinely believes that Steven had a better childhood than him, something that Greg wished he had but didn’t. Hence, his horror and confusion at Steven saying that he wishes he had what Greg had. Greg saw his childhood as stifling and suffocating and restraining, and he didn’t want Steven’s life to be like that. He loves his son unconditionally, and tries to be as understanding as he could.

Unfortunately, the understanding nature then leads to the end of the episode, where Greg says that he’s proud of Steven for standing up to him, then saying that he wished he could have told his dad the same. Greg made it about himself, and didn’t put any punishment or even reprimand onto Steven, which was probably the literal last thing he needed to hear at the moment.

However, Greg’s feelings were also invalidated by Steven, who only saw the more material things in Greg’s life and didn’t consider why Greg left, or the miserable photos, or the unopened letters. He also tells Greg that his family “can’t be worse than Mom’s family,” which while probably true considering it’s the Diamonds we’re talking about (even if they’re actively trying to be better), that’s still not something you should say. Steven also didn’t consider the situations that lead to him not going to places like the doctor--though, he wasn’t in the mental headspace to really think about that kind of stuff at all. Trauma fucks with your brain, man.

tl;dr

so i’ve seen a lot of people not consider a lot of things about this scene so lemme just give a rundown of the points that i’d like y’all to take away from this/lowkey address the common responses i’ve seen in the fandom

1) no one person is right here

2) both parties did stuff wrong

3) steven is still a CHILD no matter HOW mature he is and he’s also still reeling from a fucking ptsd-induced emotional breakdown from the previous ep so yeah he’s not gonna be thinking straight

4) greg loves steven and that is a Fact but he can still have fucked up in his parenting

5) you can still hurt the people you’re supposed to take care of and not meant to have hurt them, especially if the circumstances were out of your control, but that doesn’t erase the hurt or make the person’s feelings completely invalid

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

[mooosicaldreamz]

please do a song by song review of lover i beg u

oh......u didn’t have to beg!!!! i’ll give it to you 4 FREE.

I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED: what i enjoy about this song is that it is fun and not especially mean, just like, shrug emoji. i think sometimes when ur in a relationship that is not especially amazing and you reach the point where you forget that you dated someone is the funniest thing and its such a strange moment. it’s a good tonesetter for the album, bc its so fun and chill and like, whatever. it has the same energy that i think we are never getting back together wanted to have. i LOVE the “i just forget what they were” breakdown. what a fun, bouncy song. easy listening to start the album. calvin harris rip.

CRUEL SUMMER: i love jack antanoff vERY much and have liked his work with fun. and as bleachers, and i think his production on lorde and taylor’s albums has been so wonderful. this song just reeks of him and it’s so like, ascendent, how it builds up and up into the chorus. i think it’s interesting that she reaches so high on the chorus. “summer’s a knife/i’m always waiting for you to cut to the bone/devils roll the dice/angels roll their eyes.” the breakdown is once again wonderful abt crying in the back of the cab on the way back from the bar - i feel like this album and its concept brings a much more natural version of taylor that i think has largely (and perhaps rightfully, considering the evolution of her fame and craft) been in hiding since probably red but maybe even since speak now. “I LOVE YOU AIN’T THAT THE WORST THING YOU EVER HEARD // HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE A DEVIL” while she’s screaming it is more exuberant than ANYTHING on 1989 or rep (and i love both of those albums). 

LOVER: i love how sleepy soft this song is, i love how simple it is, and it’s made me cry like, six times. the wedding band sound is just, so fun and beautiful. it really makes me feel like i’m drunk, happy, and dancing really slow on an emptying dancefloor. i’m going to assume that was the vibe. it’s so soft. god it feels like a cloud. i enjoy how simple the lyrics are in this song, and how the words get to breathe and simmer. they take on a lot of meaning bc of how much space they’re given by the echo and by pacing. it’s so nice. i’ve gone back and forth on whether i like the wedding vows thing, but i think it might be nice. i love “swear to be overdramatic AND TRUE! to my lover”

THE MAN: the bumpy sound of the bass beat is really fun, and i think the song is a good bop, but it doesn’t say anything i don’t already know - but i think taylor bringing up the back end on the Woke train, trying to reach all those people who still aren’t totally sure about the gays or feminism but also think trump is terrible and are now reconsidering their life choices is a fine enough goal for her social justice initiatives. also i just realized she says “getting bitches and models” which she already does, you don’t have to pretend taylor

THE ARCHER: this song is sonic perfection the rolling synths the dreamy voice, the awful awful breakdown at the end of “they see right thru me / can you see right thru me / i see right thru me” “help me hold onto you” i just ... can’t handle this song. it’s perfect. i like the implication throughout this album that taylor is in Love, the big real kind, and i support her and joe bc i think it’s obvious their relationship has totally like, taken her to a new and good emotional space. anyway i like the implication that taylor fell in real, big Love and realized that love is still a fucking mess, like it doesn’t solve all the problems. “ALL OF MY HEROES DIE ALL ALONE” i mean come on. i hate her

I THINK HE KNOWS: this song is a bop “i think he knows his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a stn move. the rumbly noise in the chorus and the synthy breakdown is a beast, it owns itself. there’s a real comfortable self-confidence that i, once again, maintain has been missing from taylor’s music up until now. also that moaning noise distracts me every time. “hand on my thigh/we can follow the sparks/i’ll drive” tAYLOR! inappropriate. i’ve seen some takes on this song that it’s not a fave, but it’s a fun song and people are wrong. there’s not one song on this album that i’m like this is bad in the way that i DO NOT like some songs on rep

MISS AMERICANA AND THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE: the first thing i thought when i heard this song is that it sounds like lana del rey. give it a re-listen, it does. sounds just like idk, “high by the beach” but it also rings a bell for me of electra heart era marina and the diamonds (like “teen idle”). i like this song a lot, even though it’s relatively oblique in my opinion on what it’s.....actually about. “you play stupid games / you win stupid prizes” is a great lyric in masterful taylor swift fashion bc it looks stupid when u write it on paper. i like the shouting breakdown thing that happens on the back end of the song with go/fight/win (OH I JUST GOT that, it’s like cheerleaders shouting). i’m a fan of it, but it’s an oddball on the tracklist.

PAPER RINGS: this song rings with a lot of red’s chaotic energies but with the adult sensibilities that she’s rolling with on this album. i love the sort of down-home shouty stuff happening on the verses, and the “kiss me once / kiss me twice / three times” bridge. it’s a good one. “i hate accidents/except when we went from friends to this” is a fun and good lyric. i LOVE the key change i LOVE the “wrap your arms around me baby boy” for some reason very much. 

CORNELIA STREET: i mean obviously this song is wonderful. i’ve seen much Discourse about this song being related to Kaylor which seems plausible. it’s clear that taylor wrote some of these songs in the present tense when they’re in the past, which i think is really interesting. i LOVE “jacket ‘round my shoulder is yours” what a good inversion of the phrase. i love the way that the phrase cornelia street breaks up the lines in a really weird way, because of how its syllables run. it’s a good song. it’s a soft boi

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: early frontrunner for my fave song!!!!! love the opening repeating noise, and the simple guitar plucks initially. taylor’s voice takes up front and center bc it isn’t especially altered/layered/echoed like it is in some other spots on the album. it has an amazing rolling pace on its verses that’s followed by the slower pace on the chorus. “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be okay and they say i don’t know” i am certain that this song is about karlie kloss and i will not accept any other possibilities i know she said it was about a movie but i don’t care. “my hips my heart my body my love / tryna find a part of me you didn’t touch” wow taylor god what a gifted lyricist i hate her

LONDON BOY: this song is fun. “i saw the dimples first / then i heard the accent” i love the rising effect on “walking on the afternoon” resetting with the horns. it’s just a song that makes you bob your head. she does sound like she’s throwing out as many english references as she possibly can which is amusing and i don’t know what the legs are on this song bc of that - it could come across as somewhat kitschy. but! also i’d like to start some discourse bc i think it’s CLEAR that taylor isn’t afraid of using pronouns or even very direct references to who she’s with (this song is basically an I LOVE JOE ALWYN shirt), and it makes it even more clear when she’s avoiding using pronouns or direct description. the two songs before this don’t do that in the same way that this song does. 1989 barely uses pronouns at all. i’m just saying. taylor is bi is what i’m saying.

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER: obviously this song is sad and it makes me cry i have no further commentary except that it’s a wonderful, simple song that has an excessively odd placement on this album following after london boy

FALSE GOD: this song is sexy! and interesting. the horns come back again, which is good and her voice is lower. honestly the line “the altar is my hips” is just..........a lot for me to compute. “i’m golden when you touch me / hell is when i fight with you” the bridges are really fun, sexy, soft. this song is like when lover ends and a song with a little more of a sultry feel comes on but ur still drunk so its a little sloppy.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN: obviously this song ruined my life. it sent me to the heights of elation and then i sort of had a hangover on it but i’m back around on it guys! it’s a fun, fun, summery song. that chorus with the oh-oh is just .... pop perfection. the bumpy synth noise that goes ba-duh-duh-duh like it’s reverberating is absolutely perfect for the pacing of the song. it’s excessively well-crafted to the point of slickness. it should have been the lead single but what do i know about anything

AFTERGLOW: i know that i wasn’t supposed to be into i pinned your hands behind your back but i was so. this is a continuation of the theme of like, i’m in love but i’m still a mess!!! sorry :) i like this song but it does not inspire me. 

ME!: i don’t know why the exclamation point is there and it sounds much more like a brendon urie song than a taylor song, but it’s fun! i don’t hate it! i can see why it was picked as a lead single - to really illustrate the tonal change from rep to here, but still. spelling is fun, tho.

IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND: this song is simple and so, so so sweet. i love the childhood friends to lovers narrative, and i just. like it. so much. it’s so sweet. and then obviously the horns come back for this one, but don’t overwhelm. this song is a good palette cleanser after the bombast of me!

DAYLIGHT: i tweeted about this but this song reminds me of clean and long live (particularly long live, it for some reason really sounds like that in my head). but i like that it really relates a feeling that i feel sometimes of like, my life was a mess and sometimes still is a mess but bc i’m in a stable and good relationship, things feel approachable, like, if everything goes wrong again, i’ll at least know for sure i have this, and i think this song sort of shows that off with the  “I don’t want to think about anything else.” it’s nice. it’s calm. i read an oral history today about the kanye storming the stage moment at the vma’s because it’s been 10 years since it happened - and i feel like this album and this song, in many ways, are a plateau on the meteoric catapult of taylor’s relationship with fame that really had started to run before that moment but certainly started rolling after that. i think this song is a demonstration of the growth that she’s gone through over the last ten years that we’ve all watched with such close attention. it makes me feel happy for her. i hope she gets to keep this the way it is. i’ve read that she thought for the longest time that this album would be called daylight and i’m honestly? not sure it shouldn’t be. but the vocal note at the end sort of draws it back thru.

it’s a good album. i think the back half of it doesn’t hang as tough all the way thru as the first half, but overall, i think it’s overall quality is better than reputation even though i think reputation, as a concept album, works very well. it’s a great evolution and a real, authentic thing. very impressive that she’s managed to produce four very different albums successively where as many artists don’t change that much from album to album. but i think that’s evidence of the work that’s gone into them, to be honest. death by a thousand cuts is my early fave. 

[seraphcna-blog]

hi  <3  i’m  diana,  i’m  nineteen   (   twenty  in  a  week......no  one  talk  2  me   ),   i  use  she/her  pronouns  n  reside  in  the  est  time  zone   !!    quick  facts  abt  me...i’m  a  libra   (   so  yes,  i’m  a  little  dumb   ),   i  am  a  lana  del  rey  and  girl  group  stan  FIRST  and  human  second....and  that  is  all   !!    now  onto  seraphina,  u  can  read  abt  this  baby  below  the  cut.  also  u  should  plot  with  me  because  u  make  me  ~  𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍   ~

(   NEPTUNE, JANG YEEUN, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER   ) guess what, SERAPHINA WANG has just landed in cannes with their private jet. they are a TWENTY year old socialite, who spends much of their time & money DAY-DREAMING. i think their family is in the BEAUTY INDUSTRY and their net worth is around 2 BILLION USD.    

(    𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫.   )

seraphina was born on the 4th of march, 1999. she was born in paris, france because her parents were in town for fashion week. creating and leading one of the biggest beauty companies in the world, her mother was expected to attend

her father protested, due to how close she was to her due date, but despite her pregnancy, her mother never really stopped working and continued to work even after seraphina was born

the story behind her parents marriage was not especially romantic. her mother came from old money, and her father was a soccer player, also heir to his parents fortune. it was a match made in heaven--or hell, depending on who you ask

they were quick to marry, but her father actually fell madly in love. her mother enjoyed his devotion, but when it came down to it, she was married to her career and all she really strove for was success

they were married for around 8 long years when her mother got pregnant. of course, it wasn’t planned in the slightest, and she wasn’t too thrilled but her parent’s (sera’s granparent’s) had been pushing for grandchildren for years

her father was happy. he thought a child was the perfect way to get her mother to step down from work for a bit and for them to actually be a happy family

unfortunately for seraphina and her father, that was never the case. her mother put her career before anyone else. she never wanted to get married or have kids in the first place

so, when seraphina was born, she was handed off to a nanny and her mother went straight to work

her father attempted to be there at the start, and he was for a few years, but it became increasingly difficult to be around seraphina who resembled her mother so much. he felt it was a constant reminder of his failed marriage and miserable life

seraphina was left to the nannies again. luckily for her, she was raised by two wonderful women who loved her dearly. they taught her the importance of kindness and let her know it was okay to be sensitive. admittedly, they coddled her a bit too much and it would make her vulnerable in the future

she grew up with both her parental figures mostly absent. her father popped in once in a while, but he had succumbed to alcoholism and was too busy wrapped up in a string of affairs to really care. 

her mother was away on business most of the time, but there were some nights when she’d return from a business trip and pay her daughter a visit. she would tell her stories about her travels, tales of extravagant parties and experimental fashion. seraphina ate it up. she craved for her mother’s attention desperately, so when she received it, she dreamed of the stories she told her for months until she’d see her again and hear new stories

despite her situation, she didn’t feel any resentment toward her parents. in fact, she wanted their love and validation more than anything. but she figured as long as they were happy doing whatever they were doing, she shouldn’t be so selfish in wanting them to spend time with her. besides, all the kids like her experienced the same thing. neglect was just part of the package

she spent all of her free time with her head in a novel or watching obscure cinema. she enjoyed getting lost in the stories, pretending she was part of them. she also became increasingly fascinated with the idea of love, especially as she grew older, though she had no idea what it was supposed to look like. her only examples were the things she saw in movies or read in her favorite books

when it came to schooling, seraphina switched around a lot between new york city, australia and france. it made it difficult to make long term friends, but she liked not being in one place for too long

she had boyfriends and girlfriends here and there, but nothing truly stuck. it was easy for her to fall for someone, but once they got together, she realized maybe she didn’t actually like them all that much

still, she believed in love as strongly as ever and believes one day she’ll find it, the real kind

it was always easy for seraphina to make friends. she was kind to everyone, but being a wang came with certain perks. no one would dare say a bad word about her. how could they?

all she wanted in a friend was someone that was willing to try new things with her. she was a good girl, but she would do or try almost anything for the experience

only in recent years has seraphina started to realized the way the world truly works. after years of hiding it, she found out her father had another child. it wasn’t intentional, but it happened with some woman he had an affair with

the worst part was, he was actually there for that child. it wasn’t hard for him to lead a secret life with another family while seraphina was away at school and her mother off on business

this discovery broke her heart. for the first time in her life, she understood what it was like to have your heart broken. she’s done her best to pick up the pieces and move forward, but it isn’t as simple as she hoped it’d be

she tries to maintain her optimistic outlook, but she finds that some of her beliefs are changing

(    𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀.   )

seraphina is a dreamer at heart. you can always find her lost in one of her daydreams. her attention span can be pretty short, only because her mind is constantly lingering on some fantasy

she is a very friendly, a softie u could say. she tries to be friends with everyone, partially because she is a bit of a people pleaser, but obviously not everyone will like u and she has trouble accepting this.

she also tends to be a bit of an optimist, so it’s easy for her to be manipulated or like taken advantage of. she’s a glass half full kind of girl

she is a pisces sun libra moon, so yes, a softie. falls in and out of “love” very quickly but it isn’t actually love most of the time.

she can be pretty naive at times because she was never rly exposed to anything that CRAZY and even when she is she’s just akdjhsjkhd dumb idk so she’s like :O most of the time when anything happens

ok she loves to have fun and make memories and live life. she refuses to waste any of her precious time being bored so she’s always off doing something to keep herself entertained

she loves to try new things and will try ANYTHING once

with her mom being such a prominent leader of the beauty industry, seraphina grew to love all things related to fashion and makeup. she uses both as the ultimate form of self expression and can often be seen in some weird looks (euphoria makeup lolzzz). she doesn’t really have a set aesthetic fashion wise because she dresses however she’s feeling in the moment and her interests are often changing, but her fav color is blue so you’ll catch her in blue a whole lot

she clings desperately to her fantasies despite how easily they can be torn down. she tries to remain in her little bubble and dream world because things are better there, or are they rly? lowkey she’s just running from her true feelings which she’s kinda bottled for years n years whew,,,,

she is a social butterfly she loves to be around people but can get bored easily so she likes when ppl keep things spicy

she is bi bi bi babey !

(    𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺.   )

adventure buddy - someone who is down to do some fun shit with her !!! someone who explores with her and tries new things with her 

ex-fling/gf/bf - there could b a few of these !! they could have ended on bad terms or good terms still have lingering feels or sexual tension or something of the sort but we can plot out the details however

unrequited crush -  maybe seraphina has a crush on ur muse. she is constantly falling for people so it would not be unlikely !! OR ur muse could have a crush on her and she’s oblivious to it 

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension !!! they started out not getting along, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways ! pls i want this it’s so sexy and she doesn’t dislike/not get along w that many people i’d say so it will be so interesting

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs. being an only child (minus her new sibling that she does not even know) and not really close to her parents, she would love a friend that she could basically call family !

dynamic duo - basically like her current best friend. this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - someone who kind of looks after her ?? maybe when she parties a lil too hard and drinks a lil too much, someone who kind of takes care of her n makes sure shes ok ! they would be someone she trusts a lottttt and also seraphina is a lightweight so like,, sis needs the help

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. maybe they bring out a bad side to seraphina that most ppl dont see

bad influence - seraphina is a mostly good girl, so i’d luvvvvv for a bad influence plot !! she drinks and does drugs here n there but other than that she’s pretty much a good girl so someone fuck her up and change that pls

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok !!

these are all the plot ideas i can think of for now, but i’ll prob make a plots page later on and add more stuff !

[killapunk]

the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references 

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her. 

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’. 

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning. 

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well. 

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

[dragimal]

How different are the crybaby characters compared to the characters in the manga? I haven't been able to watch it since I only have hulu and amazon prime.

(if u ever wanna watch it I could maybe try to set up a rabb.it for anyone interested and mooch my roommate’s netflix for a few viewing events. big maybe tho, I haven’t had a lot of personal time lately, and I don’t see that changing soon..)

for my own convenience I’m gonna try to do a compare/contrast list (+ personal “ideal” versions b/c why not). also, I must repeat my disclaimer that it’s been a minute since I read the og manga so some details may be warped by my memory

Ryo:

OG pre-Satan: 

environmentalist, conspiracy theorist, flips wildly between completely neutral/dead-pan and hysterical (which could be for any emotion– he could be hysterically happy, hysterically mad, etc.). he’s not the best strategist and often makes snap decisions (ex– doesn’t super give a shit abt blowing his cover, as long as he can make a clean/quick getaway). his “sacrifice the few for the many” approach is questionable, but ultimately logical in a battle for the survival of humanity as a whole. more likely to seriously injure than outright murder people. pretty desperate to keep Akira by his side. he’s basically the right image below

OG post-Satan: 

they actually face their mistakes and realize that by trying to wipe out humans, they turned into a version of the God they opposed, ultimately trying to wipe out a whole race of beings that deserve to live as much as anyone else, despite their faults. this is ultimately a lesson on Satan’s hubris, and lends to a thematically satisfying (and soul-crushing) ending

(x)

Crybaby pre-Satan: 

basically cool/collected throughout, with very few moments where he loses his cool (or has much emotion at all, really). seems like he knows what he’s doing most of the time, and most of his decisions seem to have a far-reaching goal that was planned ahead. indiscriminately kills everyone who poses even the slightest threat to his plans, despite the fact that his plans are supposedly for the sake of humanity. doesn’t seem super attached to Akira, beyond using Akira for his goals. basically the left image above

Crybaby post-Satan: 

Akira apparently taught Satan that love exists and is good? idk, the whole point of the OG plot was that Satan’s love of the demons pushed them to hate humanity. I think this is actually the main structural change that ruins the entire demon/Satan-revenge arc of Crybaby irreparably, b/c basically everything falls apart if Satan doesn’t feel any love or even obligation to the demons. like, if Satan doesn’t love demons already, then what’s even the point? as can be seen by the lack of cohesion/logic in anything Satan or their lackeys do, Crybaby clearly doesn’t know either. it’s also not a super effective approach when u can’t actually feel the love Satan/Ryo apparently has for Akira, and have to have it spelled out in the last 5 minutes of the series :/

Ideal Ryo: 

OG Ryo, in all respects (aesthetics, personality, etc.). tho I do like Crybaby’s puffy white coat, that’s 100% fashion-disaster OG Ryo

Akira:

OG pre-Amon: 

very skittish– will avoid confrontation as much as possible, but will still stick around to protect those he cares abt, even if he’s scared shitless. wary of weird stories abt demons, and rightfully questions their validity

OG post-Amon:

(edited w/ thessaliah’s input)

fiercely protective of humans until he realizes the atrocities they’re committing against themselves and devilmen, at which point he completely denounces humanity. thus, shows a strong sense of justice over forgiveness

Crybaby pre-Amon: 

obliviously cheerful and trusting– I’m legitimately not sure if he’s actually brave or just too dense to recognize danger as it comes. doesn’t question weird stories abt demons, and is ready to step right into the frying pan w/ barely an ounce of information beforehand

Crybaby post-Amon: 

(edited w/ thessaliah’s input) 

cries a lot, which I think is a nice visual metaphor for his inner humanity. much more forgiving of humanity, even when he sees humans at their worst.

Ideal Akira: 

personality-wise, I’d have to say OG, particularly for pre-Amon. while Crybaby pre-Amon is kinda cute in his obliviousness, I prefer the Akira who will knowingly jump into danger for those he loves, despite how scared he is. + I was so mad when Crybaby Akira didn’t question ANYTHING abt Ryo’s demonic explanations, like wtf dude u just swallowed that shit hook line and sinker, huh? 

on reflection, I also prefer OG post-Amon, b/c I think it’s a lot more soul-crushing to see this ~largely~ idealistic character finally finally get worn down to the point of just giving up on those he was trying to protect. Crybaby’s overly-idealistic approach isn’t necessarily bad, but I do think it smooths out Akira’s rough edges a bit too much for my liking. tho Crybaby def has a leg-up thematically when it comes to the crying, I love that so much

aesthetically I could go for either, but I think I’d ideally love the look of everything Crybaby Akira + OG sideburns/mullet lmfao

Miki:

OG: 

prideful as a personality trait, thus takes any slight as a personal offense. unashamed, but simultaneously defensive of her abilities (namely has some internalized misogyny in the beginning, which she eventually overcomes). impulsive and somewhat socially dense, which leads her to being unintentionally harsh in situations where she thinks she’s trying to enact “tough love”. could be read as (obnoxiously) selfish in situations where she wants Akira to fit her standards, and doesn’t question his changed state (and more importantly, doesn’t miss the ‘old Akira’)

Crybaby: 

proud of her accomplishments, but not necessarily defensive of her position– she’s secure enough in her abilities to not feel threatened. thoughtful of those around her and what they may be going through. possibly too trusting, considering the whole situation w/ her agent. actually seems aware and somewhat wary of Akira’s changed state, even if she does like it

Ideal Miki: 

this one’s tough b/c as much as I hate OG Miki and Akira’s relationship, there are certain negative traits that I think give OG Miki a more dynamic character than Crybaby. like OG’s socially dense, unintentionally harsh approach is p interesting to see, esp if it’s highlighted as a point of growth for her. of course, I want to completely trash the way OG Miki treats Akira in terms of throwing him into dangerous situations and harshly criticizing his pre-Amon character, but I wouldn’t necessarily mind seeing her sometimes harshly criticize Akira’s decisions in a way that is clearly framed as her trying to help Akira (even if it isn’t necessarily the most ideal approach). I also love OG Miki’s bubbly, unashamed personality, which is a gr8 contrast to her harsh approach to social situations

as for Crybaby, I fuckin ADORE Miki’s relationship w/ Miko, which I think only works the way it does b/c Crybaby Miki is securely proud, not defensively prideful like OG. plus, OG Miki’s defensive pride is p damn annoying to me, ESPECIALLY her internalized misogyny, god I want that completely trashed. yeah, OG eventually grows past the misogyny, but it feels less like satisfying character development, and more like a relief, like, “oh thank god she ain’t pullin’ that shit anymore” 

I suppose, given all this, my ideal Miki is one that combines OG’s social harshness/denseness (to a logical/understandable degree), bubbly temperament, and impulsiveness, with Crybaby’s secure pride in her abilities and actual physical prowess (+ Crybaby’s love of cats, which is adorable and relatable)

Miko:

OG: 

tbh I had to look her up again b/c I completely forgot her arc/personality. idk if that’s on her actually being a boring character, or if it’s just the fact that her arc was dropped in the middle of all the other wild bullshit of the main plot wayyyy at the end of the series

anyways, she’s a former delinquent trying to reform herself, but her old gang/posse won’t leave her alone, and she’s all stressed out over being half-demon. I don’t remember her personality necessarily being affected by the demon, which is kinda odd. also her demon form is some tiddy/pussy-volcano ridiculousness

Crybaby: 

it’s worth noting that the actual, literal OG Miko makes a very brief appearance in Crybaby as one of the half-demon test subjects held captive by scientists– volcano-tits and all. personally, I count this as OG Miko’s actual Crybaby counterpart, but for the sake of comparing important characters, I’ll be comparing OG Miko to main Crybaby Miko since they share a name and an actual arc in each respective series

Crybaby Miko is insecure and wants so very badly to prove herself to others, especially Miki. this is especially potent considering Miko’s actual name is Miki, but she’s forced to stick with Miko as a name b/c Miki’s popularity/prowess overshadows any other potential Miki. post-demon, this jealousy manifests itself as an insatiable competitive streak, as Miko now has the ability to not only reach Miki, but surpass her level. Miko eventually realizes that at least part of her insecurity was misplaced affection for Miki. thus, part of Miko’s desire to be on the same playing field as Miki was so she could feel worthy of potentially dating her. also, Miko’s demon form is some kinda spider creature

Ideal Miko: 

just b/c of her personal/thematic connection to Miki, I’d have to vote Crybaby Miko for almost all traits. I rly love her arc in Crybaby, and she’s a lot more personally connected to the plot than OG Miko is (considering OG Miko appears super late in the game, and barely interacts w/ Devilman). 

though I do like the idea of a former delinquent trying to reform herself– it might be kinda interesting to integrate that into Crybaby Miko. maybe have her be a delinquent before she met Miki (I can’t remember how long they knew each other in Crybaby, but I’m thinking maybe have Miko be a middle school delinquent, then a reformed high-schooler). it might be especially interesting to see how Miko struggles to restrain a delinquent side that was used to getting what she wanted, then have it all fall apart when she’s merged with a demon 

Crybaby Miko is also more interesting aesthetically, in all her forms (human, devilman, and demon). I’m esp super gay for her devilman form, while her full-demon form is such a huge improvement on tiddy-volcanoes. I do like OG’s hat tho, I wish Crybaby could have OG’s hat

Bullies/Rappers:

OG:

a little fuzzy on the details of these guys as well, but I mostly remember their overall arc

in the OG, these guys are straight-up bullies/delinquents, and aren’t there to fuck around. at first, they’re extremely aggressive towards Akira and Miki, and straight-up threaten to rape Miki. later on, once Akira gains their respect (and the world starts goin to shit), they become reliable, rough-around-the-edges friends, and try to protect Akira and Miki as much as they can

Crybaby:

these guys seem like harmless, disenfranchised rappers. they could be read as dangerous when they first approach Miki, but I honestly don’t think they would have done anything even if Ryo hadn’t intervened– I think they were just trying to scare her. Kukun in particular plays a significant role in Miko’s arc (however brief). they all rap about the hardships and injustices of society in a way that fits p well w/ the plot

Ideal bullies:

I rly love the OG bullies for how they go from aggressively antagonistic to aggressively protective of Akira and Miki. however, I rly hate exactly how aggressive they start out (namely, their willingness to straight-up rape Miki), which kinda sours their connection to Akira/Miki later on. it’s, uh, hard to forget something as serious as that, even when the ppl in question do seem to have changed some

as for Crybaby, I rly love how the rappers are a misfit group that makes comments abt society at large as the story progresses. + the rapping itself is p damn entertaining. I also, of course, adore Kukun’s relationship w/ Miko

it’s hard to say which I like more, but I’d def have to cut legitimate rape threats from the OG characters to truly appreciate them. as a way of merging some of their best traits, it might be interesting to see the stakes raised w/ the Crybaby rappers, and have them carry knives and make actual threats against Miki/Akira’s safety at first (again, w/o the rape threat,,), only to find out later it’s just a facade they put up for their own safety (but still won’t back down if they actually ARE up against trouble)

closing comment I guess

I think those are all the characters I feel like talking abt. I could talk abt other characters who got some significant changes (like Miki’s parents, or Akira’s parents), but I didn’t feel any particular way abt them in the OG or Crybaby, so they’re not rly worth my personal time ¯|_(ツ)_/¯

[dreamvrs-blog]

☾ —— have you met rowena "rhea" alvarez, the twenty eight year old female that looks a lot like emeraude toubia ? she has been in the syndicate as a get away driver for four months now and is known around as the fervor, because she is enchanting & loyal, as well as noncommittal & tactless. not just a gang banger, raven is also a real estate agent. 

numba one out of three huh??? whaddup, i’m lorna, she, 20, blah blah blah intros are so weird. anyways this is my baby rhea -- she’s been thru quite a life and has still come out smiling. like this if i can message you to plot !! [ plots page ]

her life actually didn’t start off so bad. it was just her and her mother and although she was somewhat unprepared for a baby she still did her best and was a really great mom. her family did always have ties to gang life but her mom kept her out of it, it wasn’t too difficult since she was only someone who handled the money. however, she had struggled lifelong with drugs

when she was nine, her mother overdosed. this was just the start and she didn’t even really understand what had happened to her, just that she had lost like her bff. her uncle took her in, which is where things got even more wild bc he was like head honcho.

outside of his job, he was a very kind man and he was always very good to rowena, however he didn’t really take into account that like... she wanted to be innocent and a child because her life became completely intertwined with gang life from probably 14 years old. he was kinda like m*lene’s uncle from tgd if anyone ever watched

she didn’t too often see the really bad stuff until she was older but she did hear about it, she knew how to work more guns than she should, she knew the deadliest points of the body, yada yada. it wasn’t until she was around seventeen that she actually started helping him out.

she was kinda spoiled honestly, not tht she was a millionaire but she was definitely dotted on and got almost anything she would ask for. it kinda shows... she kinda doesn’t take it best when things don’t go her way... is pretty dramatic and loving of attention

this lady my baby she met a lady, she joined the gang and was all tough and scary and rhea was like instantly in love with her. she was also a driver, nd that’s how she learned 2 drive back when she was 19! she was her bff, lowkey skinny love

blah blah blah life happens

eventually another new person comes into this gang, he’s very charming and very cute and it’s not in rhea’s nature to assume the worst about anyone at this point even still

that’s partly just bc of the way she is like........ she doesn’t handle her heavy emotions well so her mechanism is to just act like there is nothing bad around her at all it’s SO bad

anyways so this guy, she dates him, gets really close with him, tells him a bunch of stuff bc hey he’s already in the gang what’s the big deal! he was a cop!

mad stupid shit goes down. uncle/father figure gets shot, bff ends up in jail, she ends up in jail but for minimal charges since she was unknowingly the informant --- tho no one knows this since she had minimal concrete ties to the gang anyways so it makes sense she’d get lesser

anyways so afterwards she changed and was just laying low. life was honestly very boring and she hated it as much as she loved it. she was definitely sitting around with a huge grudge against like cops and shit ghfjkghk. she hasn’t been to visit her bff bc

right now i’m going to say she got back bc someone either pulled her in bc they heard abt her from the good ol’ days or she was like i hate the system pls lemme join ur fam and fuck it up

ANYWAYS now she is here and has been here for four months and she’s so like.... loving and warm that of course it took literally no time for these people to become her family. i feel like she’s definitely a mother of the group kinda thing and honestly like half the time it seems like she’s too soft for this but when it comes to her job she’s actually super intense and serious and i lov her.

personality wise &. other ----

think like.......... adorable...... her personality is comparable to the feeling of when a nice fluffy cat curls up in ur lap

she’s very... idk how to say it she’s the kinda type that draws u in??? like she’s kinda mysterious bc after what happened can u blame her for not trusting people and she’s a fun gal to be around like she’s the type to be ready to drop everything to be ready 2 go out and do something crazy nd definitely brings that out in other’s as well

she’s vry playyyyful like her humor is very much poking fun at things and she will tease u lightheartedly and be all sarcastic with a sweet lil smile on her face, it’s very charming tbh

looooves attention like truly n honestly she would wilt away without it

she doesn’t commit easily but she is very loyal which is like... it definitely doesn’t make sense but she’s very easily loyal to people you never have to worry about her telling your secrets or swaying and she would TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU but she is very cautious with who she commits to you know????

she’s not mean intentionally like ever but is very uh blunt!!!!!!!! so um if u aren’t used to her she can definitely come off as very very snippy 

she’s not dumb or anything but her head is definitely up in the cloud and it makes her seem kinda naive even tho she definitely isn’t anymore.... issa just that she is rly not good at being ok with the bad parts of this life so she likes to pretend they aren’t happening nd if u try nd talk to her about that stuff it’s like her software malfunctions

very scared of love like not even of intimacy she’s just never really experienced real love until the cop and now she’s just scared of it she knows it’s not rational like at all hgjkfhgjkfd too bad bc she’s cute wifey material 

Eye Roll queen

long winded ramblings queen

fashion queen definitely loves to style all these pals

she is rly a big huge goodball honestly like a total classclown type she loves to see the fellow members happy with smiles on their faces 

[cleohn]

﹤𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝙽𝙰𝙴𝚄𝙽, 𝚂𝙷𝙴 / 𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello CLEO AHN. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY THREE, how you're a DANCE major,  and in fact.. how you BURNED DOWN YOUR FAMILY ESTATE FOR THE INSURANCE MONEY, ACCIDENTALLY KILLING A TV REPAIR MAN THAT WAS INSIDE. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

ahhh shit here we go again ... clown town ...... 

BACKSTORY

old money baby !! for those of u who have seen gossip girl …. u know nates grandpa …. the vanderbuilts…. thats her mom’s side of the family JSBDJWBJWD those of u who havent all u gotta know is that her grandpa (mom’s dad) is this super rich very old fashioned family oriented man -__-  he had 4 sons and 1 daughter (cleo’s mom) and very obviously favored his sons 

anyway he was always super hard on cleo’s mom !! very controlling of her life, very judgmental abt her choices, even though cleo’s mom was super desperate for his approval so she …. kinda revolved her life around what he wanted for her but it was never good enough </3 her mom literally married a doctor just to make this dumb old man happy and he was like ok hes not a surgeon though so … 

anyway cleo watched all this as she grew up and she was .. come se dice NOT happy abt it !! she was always super close and protective of her mom (not really close to her dad that much considering her mom really only married him for approval and safety) and she was always trying to get her mom to be like fuck the family !!! but her mom never did

and cleo’s grandpa never lightened up even as he got older … which was starting to give cleo some anxiety bc he was bound to die sooner or later and she was super nervous he was gonna be stingy abt his money and divide it unfairly giving more to his sons and very little to his daughter even though his daughter did everything this man wanted !!

so cleo started scheming….bc shes always been the type to be self sufficient like when she wants things to get done ? shes gonna do it herself ! she doesnt wait around for stuff to just fall into place also shes kinda impatient aha so she wasnt abt to just WAIT for her grandpa to die and see what his will said….

her first plan was just to steal the will. but then she was like ok not thinking big enough…..how can i make sure we get our money……then it all clicked. their family estate ….this old ass mansion…..where the whole family gathers for thanksgiving and christmas and her grandpa’s bday….she was gonna stage a little accident x

she was eighteen when she burned that baby to the ground ! she was methodical abt it like she did her research on their insurance plan, on how that money would be divided equally among the family automatically bc they were all listed as owners, she even looked up how to set the fire and where so it would look like an accident and not like an intentional burning….

cleo did all that and yet she failed to realize that their was a tv repair guy coming over to fix a problem with the wifi that day /: the worst part is she didnt even find out she accidentally killed someone bc there were no reports abt it like all the headlines mentioned was how this family estate that had stood for generations had tragically burned down </3

so cleo went off to college, majored in dance despite her grandpa pushing for all his grandchildren to have practical majors bc she refuses to bend to his will the way her mom did, and all was well…..for the first two years.

then comes christmas of her junior year of college where her grandpa gets too drunk and lets it slip he’d covered up a DEATH the day of the fire. cleo was like im sorry can u repeat that…and he lets the family know that there was a repair guy inside the house when it went up in flames and that he paid off the police in order to avoid being sued by the dead man’s family since all the reports were saying the estate had outdated electrical and thats why it caught fire

thats when cleo realized she fucked up <3 not only did she burn down their estate she also KILLED A MAN and it’s her fault it got covered up and that his family will never get closure bc she made it look like the estate had fucked up electrical when she set the fire in order to be able to get the insurance money 

so that was really fun for her junior and senior year have been so great for her <3 shes great <3 JSDBWBDJWBDJW

ok now moving to personality..

PERSONALITY AND TIDBITS 

cleo’s super protective over the ppl she loves (like her mom) and can be loyal to a fault !! will go to extremes to protect those she really cares about (like burning the estate down aha) but the second u cross her shes not quick to forgive and she will hold a grudge til the day she dies /: 

shes stubborn like super stubborn….the type of person that u cant force to do anything or change their opinion abt anything like if its not her choice ? shes not gonna do it JSBDWBDWBDJ has a tendency to not want to admit when she fucks up bc she’s a high key perfectionist so when she does fuck up shes like ok cool i’ll just die do not even look at me dont even talk about it

kinda over caring about what kind of an impression she gives off. like there are probably lots of people who when they first met her thought she was a bitch bc she likes to mind her business and can act kinda dry when she doesnt know you but cleo would just let them keep thinking that forever shes not here to change ppls minds 

if u do take the time to get to know her though ur gonna realize shes a lot nicer than she looks JSDBWBDBWJ and a lot less stuck up than u would think someone who comes from so much money would be. she never got the chance to develop into a spoiled brat since she was the black sheep of all her cousins <3 thank u grandpa 

speaking of being the black sheep. JDBWJBDJWBD she will take….any opportunity these days to piss her grandfather off. has a tendency to pull of crazy stunts like get herself arrested on a public nudity charge or order cases of dom perignon and have them delivered to the dining hall just bc she can. most of the time when ppl hear abt the things she does they dont believe cleo would have actually done something like that bc she really does not have a wild child vibe about her …. at all 

and shes not one JSBDWBDWJ like she parties a normal amount. if u ever see her doing something crazy 99% of the time she’s doing it to make someone mad or doing it because someone told her not to, and then the other 1% of the time shes doing it to cope with the fact that shes a murderer JSBDJWBJDWD

pretty liberal when it comes to sex but shes also not the type to always put her business out there. if u ask she’ll let u know but thats that ! also not a fan of drama of any sort if she has a problem she’ll let u know & expects others to do the same 

she loves to dance hehe she’s been a ballerina since she was 4 (it was the one hobby her mom made her do that actually stuck) and thats really like…..her true source of joy shes never happier than she is when shes dancing <3 literally does not care when ppl ask her wtf shes gonna do with that bc shes having fun babey and shes got money she doesnt need a real degree….. JSBDWBDWJDWJ

she looooves to dress nice. if ur chara dresses sloppy or ugly shes gonna buy them a designer fit and ask that they wear it just so things can look aesthetically pleasing JSBDJWBDBWJDBJWBDJWBJ she loves her aesthetics….probably a bitch that has a bullet journal and actually keeps up with it 

loves to karaoke but she only ever sings 80′s songs and shes gotta be wasted first … a cat person !! but tries to make exceptions for the sake of everyone else… allergic to peanuts like deadly allergic she will die…coffee addict but she pretends to be a tea person just so she can post those cute pics on insta but then every time she makes tea shes like this shits nasty…loves rom coms she will defend rom coms and claim they are the superior movie genre til the day she dies if u even mention tarantino she will kill u on sight…..idk what else to say im running out of juice this is the end x pls plot x