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marythegizka · 6 years ago

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Bodyswap AU - Part 8 (here are the links to: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7)

The Ark Angel took off and dashed over the valley, piercing through clouds of ash as it made its way up. Aphra punched the coordinates into the computer. In a matter of hours, she would be home. A mental scoff followed. 'Home'. It wasn't home, really. Never had been. Just a bed and a roof. And if there was one thing she hadn't planned on doing with Vader, it was bringing him along to pay her father a visit. But there was little choice in the matter. Aphra sighed, a slightly louder wheeze, casting Vader a brief glance. Maybe she should give him a heads up, just in case. Or maybe not. It had been such a long time since she'd last seen her father, he would hardly notice the change. She'd blame suspicious behavior on 'the booze'. At least that he would believe, with all the credit he gave her. All they had to do was show up and mention the Ordu Aspectu, and he'd just roll with it. Things would be fine. Probably.

She turned towards Vader, then towards Ahsoka, and towards Vader again. None of them had spoken since they had taken off. The hyperdrive whirred and hummed, filling the gaps between her breaths, and a sense of discomfort hung around like stale air, making her throat clench a bit. Subtle wafts of emotions flowed her way, spikes of anger and dips of guilt, surges of hope followed by dread. Although she knew they came from them, she couldn't pinpoint which was whose. It was like bathing in feeling-soup. She didn't like it.

Ahsoka made an attempt to break the silence.

"So... do you intend to spend the whole trip pouting?"

Vader didn't bat an eye.

"Why not."

Oh, Aphra fully believed that. Vader had never struck her as the most cheerful person to be around, and she'd gotten used to his 'moods', as Triple-Zero called them. Even so, the atmosphere was a little tense for her taste.

"Hey, not that this is any of my business," she said, "but why all the drama? I'm... picking up bad vibes. Literally. I think."

"I do not routinely engage in conversation with traitors." Vader snapped. "Forgive my lack of practice in the matter."

"Traitors?!" the girl blurted out. "You tried to murder me but go off I guess."

"That makes two of us."

Ahsoka fell silent, and the air grew heavier. Her eyes were glistening, Aphra noticed. She shifted in her seat, unsure of what to say.

"Oookay... How about music then? I have Jatz, Quenk Jazz, some old Rodian Rock... any preference? "

Her hand hovered over the dashboard, waiting for an answer she half-suspected wouldn't come. It didn't. She sighed, and pressed "on". An engaging Zeltron dancer began jiggling over the holo-player, casting the camera sultry looks. Vader gave her a side look.

"Stop judging," she said, opening the food-safe.

"I'm not judging."

"Right," she said, handing him a can of cheap blue mappa. He eyed it with suspicion.

"You won't get drunk on that," she reassured. "Trust me, you've got training."

He grabbed the can, took a sip and coughed. Oh dear. And after all those years on vitapaste he wouldn't call himself picky.

"I will pass."

"Snob."

"What?" He knew what she had said - the vocoder was more suited to barking orders than mumbling - but the word took him by surprise. He wasn't snobbish, really. Just... direct.

"Nothing," she said, turning towards Ahsoka. "Ahsoka, would you like a drink? You look beat."

The girl snapped out of her stupor and looked at them numbly, her eyes moist with silent tears.

"I'm fine," she said feebly. "Thank you."

There was a time he would have attempted to comfort her. Now she was a traitor. She could have joined him, become an inquisitor, a Sith apprentice maybe. She chose the Rebellion. Perhaps it was a good thing then, that this time was long gone. His throat clenched. Perhaps.

Aphra shrugged.

"Hm. Well if you change your mind... you know where the hooch is. There's food too."

Ahsoka tried to smile.

"How about you?"

"I uh... I just drank weird stuff from a straw. I'm good. Sort of good."

Vader snorted. Weird stuff from a straw. That was one way to put it.

The music switched to dissonant Leap-jump.

"They used to play this at Dexe's", Ahsoka said.

"Dex. It's called Dex."

Ahsoka sat upright, pointing her chin up.

"Dex. It's called Dex," she parroted.

"Quit it, Snips."

This time, Ahsoka actually smiled.

"You just called me Snips."

"I thought you hated it, Snips."

"Not anymore, Skyguy."

"Don't. Call me. Skyguy."

"Or what?"

"Permission to intervene, Masters?" Triple-Zero chimed in.

"Denied," came their joint reply.

The droid left the cockpit.

"No Beetee, this doesn't look promising. Humans these days."

Aphra looked at the navicomputer. Two hours left. And the ambient tension lingered.

"By the way Ahsoka, why don't you grab some sleep? You look exhausted. My bunk is..." she paused, remembering the girl's confusion upon finding them there. "You know where it is. Make yourself at home."

"You're right. I am exhausted."

Ahsoka stood up.

"Thank you," she said, bowing her head slightly before leaving the room.

The tension eased a little. Now Aphra had two whole hours to ruminate about her boss meeting her dad. And the longer she dwelt on it, the more the thought worried her.

Ahsoka jerked awake as he ship hit the ground, bouncing like a spring on its landing gear. She had feared the nightmares, but her sleep turned out dreamless. Yet she remained exhausted. But she had been prepared. Her last encounter with Anakin had left scars on both of them, and as much as she hoped, as desperate as she was for another glimpse of that faint flicker of light, she knew nothing would ever be the same. And it hurt. Malachor had hurt them. And it had changed her. With nothing but Sith artifacts to engineer her escape, she had delved into their secrets, tapped into their power... and made it hers. She had found it, in the end, her one and only way out: one last portal through the Force. She had found it, used it, destroyed it. But for that to happen... A sob escaped her. She had to. It wasn't really falling if you didn't lose it, right? Not if you could claw your back to the Light. It couldn't be. It mustn't be. And now that she was free, she would help Anakin break out. She had to. For the Rebellion. And for her friend.

Aphra leaned back in her seat, not quite succeeding to stretch in the cramped space, and switched the engines off. A red light remained on at the bottom of the dashboard, signalling a leak in the secondary fuel tank. Aphra stood up.

"See? This ship is a keeper. Told you the leak wasn't that big. We still have quite a bit," she said pointing at the fuel gauge. "I'll check it up in a minute."

Vader shook his head. Her faith in that piece of junk would be the death of her. She stood there and stared at him, hands firmly planted on her hips. She must have picked up on his exasperation.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"What you've just been thinking," she said.

Vader gave her a wry look.

"Doctor, what makes you think you're allowed in my head?"

In truth, it was unlikely she had sensed a clear, fully-formed thought. The occurrence was rare, even for him. A general feeling of aggravation? Definitely. But thoughts were another matter. A delicate matter, one that required control.

"I didn't..." She paused. "You can read thoughts?" she asked, which such incredulity Vader could almost hear her popping round eyes at him.

"It's not that easy."

And it was lucky, really. He remembered one time, walking through a busy street, when the minds of passers-by had suddenly become as clear as pure water. It had felt like an assault. "If I don't pay Black Sun..." - "Senator Mothma said..." - "So if that's ten credits..." - "Who's that?" - "Monster" - "Freak" - "Don't come near"... The incident had barely lasted a minute, and had left him exhausted, his blood pulsing in his hears, physically struggling not to slash through the crowd. He'd stood there paralyzed, feeling like a proton torpedo ready to explode. "Are you alright, sir?" "Get away from me!" He hadn't told his master. There was no point.

"Is that a challenge?" Aphra asked.

"No," he snapped, pointing a finger at her. "Do not try it."

Vader heard steps behind him.

"Hi!" came Ahsoka's voice.

Aphra greeted her with her usual enthusiasm.

"Good morning," he said reluctantly. "Why don't you join Doctor Aphra? She's got a leak to fix."

"It's no big deal, really, I can do that on my own."

Vader shot her an icy look.

"On second thought, maybe I could use a hand. After that we'll go meet my... contact."

"Sure."

Ahsoka followed her into the engine room.

"You don't really need a hand do you?"

"Nope. I've got two," she said, wiggling both arms. "Kidding. Really."

Ahsoka shook her head.

"Would I be wrong to assume he's always like that?"

Aphra chuckled, lifting a panel behind the tank. There was a thin drip on the side on the container, but that was nothing she couldn't manage.

"What did you expect?"

"Honestly? I don't know. A lightsaber in the heart was always a possibility."

Aphra nodded.

"I know the feeling."

Ahsoka gave her a wan smile.

"Yet you're staying."

"Yes." Aphra bit her tongue. Things were getting awkward. "Right. There's a plasma welder right under your left foot."

Ahsoka handed it to her.

"Thanks. Aaaand there we go," she said, sealing the breach. "Easy. Now if you could keep an eye on the kids?"

"Kids?"

"Droids. Just in case. We'll be back in a bit."

"Okay but..."

Aphra waved a hand.

"You'll do great!"

She could still feel Ahsoka's stupefied look as she left the engine room, heading straight for the cockpit.

"There, patched it", she said.

"Then let us not delay."

Vader followed her outside.

They had landed at the foot of a grassy, stony hillock, the top of which was crowned by a small, hive-shaped mud house.

"Is this where your contact lives?"

"Yes, but he..."

Before she could finish, Vader was leaping up the dirt stairs. There was no point in delaying. The door had been left ajar. He knocked and pushed it.

"Hello?"

The place was, to put it simply, an absolute junkyard. Stone tablets lay scattered all over the clay floor, amidst heaps of old books and worn-out artifacts - there was even a kyber on top of the fireplace. The stew that simmered over the hearth gave off a musty smell, like the underside of a sun-beaten evaporator. At the center of the room, half-hidden by a pile of books, an oldish man was bending over a manuscript, mumbling in... was that Proto-Basic?

The man hardly noticed him. Vader stepped inside.

"Sir, we have need of you."

The man looked up from his work, his eyes popping round.

"Sir?"

"What else should I address you as?"

The man flinched as Aphra entered the room as well. His mouth fell open, but no sound came out.

Aphra sighed, pinching the nose of her mask.

"Oh kriff... try 'Dad'."

>Part 9

#bodyswap au #vadaphra #my fics

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jonathanmorgenstern · 7 years ago

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Where I’ve Been

[[TW: LONG POST!!!]]

I was an active tumblr user from around 2011 - the end of 2015. Without warning, life became more hectic than I was used to (moving, getting fired from my job, issues within the family, health problems surfacing, death of a beloved family friend, and more) so juggling the realities I was facing with the superficial need to please people I didn’t know online was apparently too much for me to handle at that time.

I wasn’t feeling like myself for some time then, so I decided to get my blood tested to see if something was actually the matter. Surprisingly, there were tons of things the matter and it sent me into shock. I suddenly had to start treatments, go on medications with names I couldn’t pronounce, and worst of all I had to watch my mother swallow back her fears as she stood by me through it all. For more than a year I was in a daze caused both by my failing endocrine system and the chemicals surging through my bloodstream as they tried to fight my illness. The side effects of the medications were changing the person I was. I became lethargic, depressed, and most scarily - aggressively angry. Every little annoyance aggravated me to the point where I figured it best to shut myself off from society altogether. I spent all my time in my room and pushed my loved ones way one by one.

I was in a long-term, long-distance relationship with a man serving in the Air Force. He lived literally a thousand miles away so besides the twice a year visits, our relationship relied solely on digital communication. We texted all day every day and skyped when we had free time, but after a while of isolating myself in my bedroom I became lonely and I wanted something more. I had started a new job in the summer of 2016 and my coworker/reference was, and still is, a very good friend of mine so she began to take me out to bars on our nights off after I turned 21. I met her friend groups and I really started having fun and being my weird, outgoing self again. I was making new friends and shit was just good, ya know?

So as my hermit lifestyle molted away, my boyfriend was getting jealous. He’d see the fun I was having and killed it by making me feel guilty for going out. I was finding myself asking for his approval to go out with my friends and apologizing to him for wanting to engage with other people other than my mom and himself via a computer screen. My short time of fun had come to an end, because it was obvious it was taking a toll on the relationship and I was looking at it like I was picking love over partying. I rejected future invitations, stopped responding to texts and phone calls, and eventually deleted my Facebook because everything I was posting or posts about me were carefully examined by him with a microscope. I didn’t want to upset him and have him leave me. It was sickeningly evident that my daddy issues were showing.

One day at work I was telling my coworker/friend about my dilemma with my boyfriend and why I was never going out anymore. She told it to me straight, and metaphorically slapped the shit out of me. She helped me realize that he was the reason I was feeling so down all of the time. I was still “in love with him” and didn’t want to be too confrontational and hurt his fuckboy feelings, so I began distancing myself from him meanwhile letting the friends I had pushed away in the past come back into my life. Eventually a certain friendship with a guy in my coworker’s friend group began to blossom and I was finding myself with the awkward decision of either being with this new guy who shared more of my interests and made every effort to see me smile, or stay in a toxic and stale but long 3 year relationship with a guy a thousand miles away. The choice was too easy.

The breakup went smoother than I had anticipated and now I am with a man who is treating me like the queen I am. My health still sucks balls but I’m doing what I can and enjoying life as much as possible. Keep your head on straight, y’all. Know your worth and put your foot down from the beginning, and you won’t waste 3 years of continuous strain and struggle trying to save a dead relationship. I wish I had known how to stand up for myself at the time, but it taught me that you MUST do what’s best for you and if your partner isn’t game, drop em.

#my story #health #love #relationships #fuckboys #hyperthyroidism #graves disease

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theleagueofsupermushrooms · 7 years ago

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The Villain Wrangler: Chapter 3

I entered the bar and noticed the party was in full swing already. Honestly if heroes could see this bunch of bad guys now, wearing party hats and chatting like normal adults, they would have sworn they were dreaming. Still there was a comicalness to see toughened criminals enjoying a slice of cake and unique party bags; the contents varied from cute to ray guns and everyone contributed, I did the number 1 villain badges. People saw the humour in it. “You made it!” The loud exclamation from Nate brought me some attention as he launched for a hug, one I happily returned, before Jake offered me a smirk and thrust a party bag into my hands. He was dressed in his casual Matrix attire with an arm flung around his boyfriends waist. “Ahhh Ben is so happy, conversing with kids his own age and conspiring for world domination~” “Yeah. The kid is ecstatic but…” Jake gave an evil grin to me and I raised an eyebrow while I picked up a glass of orange juice. “We want you to be his godmother, aunt or whatever you call a non related female who will be practically family and look after the kid if we perish.” It took me a couple of moments to process what they were saying and even longer to believe it. “Wha…wuh…but you haven't known me for as long as half the people here a-“ “You brought us the one thing we couldn't have and then you didn't judge us for what we are.” Nate responded to my frantic confusion. His smile was warm and genuine and it held promises of welcoming me to this family they were building. Maybe it was the happiest atmosphere in the world affecting me or maybe orange juice affected your ability to think straight but either way I found myself agreeing to this proposal frantically. After that the party was in full swing, party games and all, with everyone enjoying themselves. Some played heroes vs villains, others happily told stories about various encounters with heroes while others boasted about their victories. All in all this was the first party I ever enjoyed, which figures, and I assume that something else changed as well. At some point the party ended and people began bidding their goodbyes around midnight. I happened to come across Boomer, explosives expert, and slipped him his file. There was no need to speak to each other and I'd adopted a little red book to keep contacts in. In the two months I was jobless I had begun the process of complicated, mind numbing code with Nate. We practically created a new language and soon enough he declared we would write our code in code once we sorted out our actual code. The bubbly bartender was a lot smarter and cunning than anyone seemed to give him credit for which made sense as to why he was in charge of a bar that doubled up as a guild for local villains. Heroes nor villains would expect him of anything but a bad choice in job prospects and that in it's self was powerful. Nate sighed happily as he roped me into helping clean up. “Someone was enjoying themselves. I didn't think it was possible for you to smile so much~” His voice gave that sing song taunt and I deadpanned in response. “Who knew I had the ability to smile? I certainly I didn't.” “How was work? You looked pretty pissed off not gonna lie” An aggravated scowl escaped “It started off fine. Got assigned a new case. It was going fine until Miss perfect from perfectville waltzed in and invited me to some party or whatever.” My frown deepened as I thought about the fact I'd stick out like a sore thumb and I scowled again. “That's bad because…” “Then she dragged me along to meet who else but the leaders of the Avenging League. And I'm like woah you guys are living legends and then all they care about is some criminal record and then that grumpy dick has the audacity to tell me I'm putting kids in danger. So yeah. There's that.” My friend hummed in thought and looked as if he was about to say something thoughtful when my mind suddenly seemed to be flooded even more things that pissed me off. “So then of course you ring me and I'm like I really need to take this cause they'll freak if they think I'm missing and she just gives this disappointed look and drags me away. She literally hasn't talked to me since and I'm like well what the fuck? Where does she get off anyway? Her persistence in having a friendship with me makes absolutely no sense at all and her friends are even more cryptic or on edge around me than I was when I first walked into the bar. What's that all about? I know I don't come from the higher social classes but do I really stick out like a sore thumb? Why won't she just tell me what she wants Nate?!” He blinked in surprise at the fact that all came out as one long rant and I was breathing hard because that was all fired out in one long angry breath. But why did she care about me so much and why was he suddenly grinning at me like some Cheshire Cat on their birthday? “Sounds like you two have quite the relationship.” I looked at him in confusion before shrugging. “You could even say it's tense when your around each other~” My confusion turned into a frown as he gave me a knowing look. “Wait are you implying she and I should…” He nodded frantically while I looked at him scandalised. “Ew. No. I mean yes Alexandra is attractive and clever and you can't help but admire her but no. Nope. Noooo.” “She likes you~” If I had a drink I would have dumped it over his head or choked on it. Either way we were lucky I was drinkless. “Look even if I harboured feelings for her, which I don't, or she did me, she doesn't, it wouldn't work. Her friends hate me. She's the daughter of billionaires and I’m still figuring out what I want to do. She dates superheroes and my closest friend is the leader of a villain guild. She's attractive and likes doing girly things and partying and I'm boring.” I finished my rant with a red face of embarrassment. Of course he would call over his kid and bent over to whisper in his ear. I watched the exchange carefully as they both stopped to look at me before going back to talking again. Eventually they both nodded their head in pure determination as Jake patted my head comfortingly “You're fucked mate” Turns out he wasn't wrong. Or rather me getting ‘fucked’ was kinda the plan. Well Ben put it nicer as “We are gonna make you the best suit ever and she won't be able to resist you.” The teen was cute when he was determined though and I expected him to be quite the heartbreaker. How could I say no? Besides I needed clothes and where else was I gonna get a hand tailored suit cheap? After taking measurements I was ushered out the door and came to the unanimous decision they were a pear of devils in disguise. A couple days later the suit was thrust into my hands by the pair of cupids and yet it was Jack who suggested I take a chaperone. Since the invitational a plus one he was clearly hinting at something. “I don't need a body guard Sparkles” I snapped at his insistence. Both of us scowling “no offence but it's a room full of the richest people this side of the country and I like you but I'm not stupid enough to leave you alone with all that opportunity.” His eyes probably rolled behind those matrix style glasses of his and my eyes narrowed. Nate was watching in complete amusement with Ben in tow. Ben was calculating something and Nate just enjoyed a good fight. “Rich people equals heroes which equals interest in getting information out of you. We need to send a strong message about leaving you alone a-“ “I'll go” All of us turned to look at Ben. The teen had finally made his move and I think we were a little surprised at his sudden boldness. That being said I wouldn't be against it. His parents looked less than impressed though and Jake was clearly annoyed that it was even brought up. “Think about it if she gets in trouble I can call you and they won't know who I am plus it could totally be recon and test out my awesome spy skills” The brunette grinned and I raised my eyebrow. “No” “Absolutely not.” “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” “YOU COULD BE HURT!” I was highly amused as I watched both parents completely break down at the thought of their child doing something they would have done at their age. Actually they probably did worse.

#The Villain Wrangler #villain wrangler #super villain #super heroes #fiction #chapter 3 #parody

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cas-hyung · 8 years ago

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Because Of You, I’m Becoming Ruined

Fandom: Voltron Legendary Defender

Rating: Teen and Up (for language oops)

Summary: Keith doesn't really believe in soulmates, he's not really a fan of the whole thing. Yeah a line magically shows up on your skin some day and ta-da! It's what the love of your life is gonna say to you when you meet them. Sounds perfect right? Definitely logical.

This is a back up gift for @dylogger as a part of the @voltron-ss !! Hope you enjoy this :3

Read on AO3 or under the cut

Everyone always said sappy things about soulmates; how they saw the writing on their wrist and they were already in love. What they were taught in school was that one day around your 18th birthday you would wake up to find writing somewhere on you. No one ever knew where it would show up or what it would say, but everyone anticipated the day it would be there. Of course everyone would be happy to get a glimpse of the person they’re gonna spend the rest of their life with. Right?

When he woke up his hip itched, which is normal enough, but it wouldn’t stop. So Keith did what any sane person would do and he looked at the offending area, and really didn’t expect what he saw.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!”

His mark appeared, y’know the one that’s supposed to be the first words that the person you spend the rest of your life with is gonna say to you. Keith never expected the “you have pretty eyes,” or “I love your smile,” but what he never would have imagined is waking up with “your hair is stupid” written across his hip in delicate cursive. Truly romantic. Definitely something he wants to hear from the ‘love of his life.’

Even though he has the shittiest line ever for his mark, that doesn’t change the fact that Keith has stuff to do. So he gets up and goes about his business, even forgetting about the mark. Out of sight out of mind right?

Days pass, weeks, months and then it’s years. No sign of the ass he’s supposed to end up with, and really Keith isn’t too worried about it. He goes about his daily life and for the most part forgets that little mark is there. Sitting and waiting to come to life, for its words to be spoken and the whole ‘fate’ thing be sealed.

Really Keith isn’t into the whole soulmates thing anyways. Why does some biological evolution get to decide who he ends up with, and how does it really even work. He’s sure not everyone out there believes the whole “It’s magic” *insert jazz hands here* thing.

There’s plenty of people out there that never meet their soulmate and Keith would be okay with that happening to him, being alone doesn’t sound so bad anyways.

That’s what he tells himself, until he actually meets his soulmate.

He thought it was a normal day, keyword is thought. He went in to work just like every other day, Keith works at a mechanic shop in town and it just so happens that there’s a really good café right next door. So when he forgets his lunch he heads there for warm food and a nice atmosphere, but today was different.

They were so busy, line all the way to the door and Keith had no idea why. There were always a few people in line but never this much, and he’s been coming for years.

So after waiting a good 15 minutes and only being halfway to the counter he hears another regular grumbling about ‘damn new cake, making me wait in this line just for some grub.’ He supposes it makes sense, the café does seasonal stuff a lot and it’s always packed when they bring back a favorite.

Anyways, now he’s been waiting for a solid 20 minutes and he’s getting aggravated. He’s been here too long to just give up and leave, yet there’s still quite a few people in front of him. He resorts to tapping his foot and sighing every once in a while, y’know, typical ‘I really don’t wanna be here but I don’t really have a choice stuff.’

He was okay being passive aggressive until some dude behind him answers a phone call and he’s so obnoxious with it. Talking loud and not caring that he’s literally surrounded by people, ones that really don’t want to hear that his sister can’t find her favorite jacket and she thinks he hid it from her.

His sighing turns into an outright growl and the foot tapping turns into an angry stomp as Keith crosses his arms, really his day couldn’t get any worse. Well that’s what he thought.

Keith angrily turns around to give the dude a piece of his mind and those words are tumbling out of the other’s guy’s mouth like he doesn’t even realize what he’s saying.

“Your hair is stupid,” it’s so nonchalant and casual. He says it like it’s normal to tell a complete stranger that their hair is stupid. At least he looks a little surprised when he realizes it, the fact that he just insulted a complete stranger.

“And you inspire my inner serial killer. Now could you please shut up so we can all continue to suffer in this line, but in silence now.” Keith didn’t know what was wrong but the guy really didn’t look like people usually do when Keith says something like that.

He looked speechless and surprised, mouth hanging open and eyes and wide as they could go. Then it hit Keith, he didn’t realize it before because of the anger but now it’s hitting him. This guy said the words, the words that have been set in his skin for years now. The words that Keith tries so hard to ignore.

“Let me buy your lunch, it’s on me today. I’m pretty sure there will be other times to pay me back so today let me do this, we should probably talk,” he looks so awkward. Which is understandable, you only meet your soulmate for the first time once.

“Well I guess I can’t really say no, and I’m not one to complain about a free meal after all this waiting.” It was no use fighting it right? Keith has deemed this dude an asshole since the day the mark showed up, but now that he’s looking at him he can’t bring himself to keep thinking that.

“My name is Lance,” he steps up even with Keith now, standing next to him in line now since he’s the one paying.

“Keith.” He knows he’s being standoffish, but soulmate or not, he just met this dude.

Lance just bobs his head a few times; he looks so awkward and like he doesn’t really know what to do, but Keith really can’t say anything; he’s kind of in the same boat.

They order their food and find a table, everything still pretty quiet and awkward. That is until Lance desperately tries to break that silence.

“You know; I tend to do my best thinking over coffee. I usually have a latte on my mind.” He says it with the goofiest smile and Keith really can’t help but laugh.

These are usually the kind of people Keith hates the most, the annoying kind that says whatever is on their mind and they’re hyperactive and silly and well, the complete opposite of Keith. Lance though? He doesn’t mind Lance, and it’s weird and new but that makes it exciting.

They talk, and then they talk some more and it keeps going. Somehow that terribly awful pun broke the ice and then there was no stopping. Even Keith was talking more than normal, more than he had in months. All because of Lance.

After a few hours passed and their food was eaten and coffee drained, Keith remembered that he does indeed have a job and if he wants to keep it he should probably run back and with a damn good excuse. So they agree to meet again, they trade phone numbers and head off in their separate directions.

~A year later~

Keith always dreaded his mark, wanted to forget about it and told himself he was better off alone. Then Lance showed up, dorky Lance. So goofy but smart in ways people can’t imagine, hyperactive but so gentle when it matters, so loud and yet he listens the best. Keith fell fast, faster than he thought was even possible. He went straight from not believing in any of the soulmate shit, and straight into being in love with his soulmate.

No it’s not perfect, especially considering they’re almost complete opposites, but that’s what relationships are. It’s something you continuously work at and evolve, something that’s always changing and growing in new ways. They made it work, and for the first time in a long time Keith is truly happy.

Especially happy at times like these where they’re lying in bed going to sleep and they just talk, about anything. About the starts and how amazing it would be to explore them, about how a cat would fit perfectly into their little family, and about them. About how they met and how they’ve changed.

“You know, the day we met I was so aggravated. My sister was being so whiny and I just wanted a piece of that new cake and the line was so long, and then you turned around. Words flew out of my mouth before I could even finish thinking about them and then you were responding, you were responding and they were the words I had been waiting to hear for so long,” Lance started tracing random patterns into Keith’s back as he continued, “they were words I looked at every day for so long. Words that left me curious as to what sort of person would say that to a stranger, but they were words that gave me hope. Hope that I would find someone to love.”

At first Keith just hummed his acknowledgement, too comfy to move from his spot tucked against Lance’s side to try and talk but then something changed his mind.

“To be honest the type of person you are is what I hated most before I met you. Hyperactive, goofy, and somehow always happy. Then you said that goddamn pun and you had me. I’ve never laughed at a joke like that and then it was coming out of your mouth with the goofiest smile and I couldn’t help it. It was all downhill from there.”

“Oh so you’re saying it wasn’t my looks that made you fall madly in love,” Lance accompanied that statement with a very well executed eyebrow wiggle and Keith was gone again.

He started laughing just like the day they met. A year has passed and so much has changed and yet here they are, Lance still making bad jokes and Keith still finding them hilarious.

Keith moved up to give Lance a quick kiss before settling back down for bed.

“Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.”

“Lance go to sleep”

“Nope now that I know you like my puns it will never stop, sorry I don’t make the rules you did this to yourself.”

The last thing heard before they drifted off was the sound of Keith groaning, but he still wouldn’t have it any other way.

#voltronss2k16 #dylogger #voltron legendary defender #vld #klance #soulmate au #ish #a spin on it really #brianna writes #crack too

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mindfulrunner · 6 years ago

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#54: daring greatly: mississauga race report

the seed: rebellious child

I have a sassy, rebellious, high-energy toddler and I am still at heart a sassy, rebellious, high-strung child. I signed up for the Mississauga full as an act of rebellion. He was sick, and I was covered in snot and tired out of my gourd, but I did it anyway.

I thought: f*** it. I tempted fate.

Even though I have a rebellious streak, I fear and respect the marathon, and situations and circumstances I fear and respect tend to bring out the best in me. So that f*** it was also a tiny prayer: may I dig, dig, dig. May I get the most out of myself. Inspired by the openness of Shalane Flanagan and Gwen Jorgensen, I also put out my ambitious, challenging, yet within reach goal: to PB and break 3:07.

training: the limiting factor

Training this cycle went well overall, except for a major limiting factor: illness. Elliot picked up virus after virus at daycare, and I seemed to get every single one, except they lasted twice as long for me, and instead of taking off sick days to rest and take care of myself, I took them off to take care of him. Between January and May, I was sick with three upper respiratory tract infections (URTI) the flu (first time getting this in many years), and 3 GI viruses (at least one of the GI bugs was food poisoning, I think). In previous cycles, I got URTIs a couple of times that lingered, I assume because I chose to train through them, as long as I didn’t have a fever and my energy levels were OK. This year, the first of these infections struck just one week after seeing my naturopathic doctor at the end of January and telling her my immunity was great. Figures.

I was sick, or caring for Elliot, pretty much all of February, and I was intensely frustrated. At the same time, I was wrapping up a huge 5-month project at work that was overdue, and trying to maintain some fitness, mostly by running easy. Typically, I would feel OK after easy runs, but then the day after a harder effort like a long run or workout, I’d feel worse, and ease off again. On two occasions I took longer stretches off – 3 or 4 days— but had a hard time taking a full week off, which is what I probably should’ve done. My issue was I have zero faith in my immune system, and didn’t quite believe I’d get totally better with that amount of time off, since even when I’m not training colds and infections often last well over a week. In February, I averaged just 60k a week, ran only one proper long run of 28k, and 3 workouts total. In my last marathon cycle, I averaged 100+, hit all my long runs and workouts.

I raced the Chilly half sick at the beginning of March, another questionable life choice, and somehow ran a PB. It felt very hard from 6k on, which was early for me to push, and it was the first time in a long time I questioned my ability to complete a race. I coughed for a good five minutes straight at the end uncontrollably. In that moment, I really regretted what I had just done and had no joy in the PB, assuming I would get pneumonia or something, and screw over my work and family even more. Going into it, I wasn’t even sure I was going to race, but when I began to pick up the pace, I got competitive, wanted the PB, and somehow performed beyond my fitness and circumstances. Getting 100% out of myself on race day, despite only having 70-80% in my training, became my focus going into the marathon. I also figured if I could run 90 minutes on pretty bad training, the equivalent of a 3:09 marathon, I had a very good shot of PBing and, on a good day, maybe even running in the low 3s.

I got lucky and oddly enough actually felt better after racing Chilly. In March I averaged 94k per week, and in April I averaged 94k again. However, I only ran 7 weeks over 80k, and 6 of those were over 90k. In the last marathon cycle, I ran 12 weeks over 90k. So my overall build was not, for me, high-mileage. Workouts went OK. I ran marathon pace tempos between 4:21 and 4:25 pace. 4:21 felt too hard and 4:23 began to feel like the sweet spot. I had some craptacular long runs and workouts, and I noticed that these were occurring during the high-hormone, mid-luteal phase of my menstrual cycle. That started to psych me out, as the marathon fell on the same day. For more info, check this out:

pre-race: zero chill workin’ mom

The week before the marathon, a colleague abruptly went on vacation, which added an unexpected amount of stress to my workweek. Jeff was on days, which meant I was responsible for both pick-ups and drop-offs to daycare, which was also a little challenging, since Elliot seemed to be going through a period of separation anxiety again: he literally wouldn’t let go of my hand at daycare, and it broke my heart to pry his little fingers off one by one. Major mom guilt.

Taking over my colleague’s duties meant I was responsible for a project with a noon deadline the Monday after the race. F*** THAT, I thought. I worked my butt off to get it finished up as best as I could by Friday, putting in a 13-hour day, and dealing with Elliot, who was still not doing great: really fussy and clingy. I did not even have the time or presence of mind to properly track my carbs that day, although I think I got in around 500g.

After an awful night in terms of sleep, stress, and— OK I’ll admit it— a piss-poor attitude on Friday, I was super grumpy and lazed around all day Saturday. Jeff brought Elliot in to the walk-in and it turned out he had a nasty ear infection, poor dude, so I was concerned about him as well and cancelled the post-race party at our house. We called in reinforcements, and my mom agreed to come in the morning to watch him, so Jeff could still come to the race.

It was only at 5pm that I properly started getting my head into the race. I realized all my gels and nutrition contained caffeine, so I zipped to the Runner’s Shop for some non-caffeinated ones and also picked up a sweet pair of Goodr sunglasses since I wasn’t totally sure where my normal running ones were. Then I returned home and got my bag and clothes ready with Elliot. Instead of being in bed by 9 as I should’ve, I made a pace cheat sheet with my goal 5, 10, 15, half, 25, and 30k times, as well as directions for the final really tricky with a bunch of twists and turns. I wrote out the directions moreso to ease my anxiety about the course, which I practiced running the previous week. I don’t think I fell asleep until late, maybe midnight, and was up at 4:40 to scarf down my oats.

execute: PB or bust

My goal was to PB. I didn’t care if I blew up. And I was a bit greedy. I wanted to run 3:03-3:04. I wanted to be well within striking distance of a fall sub-3. I wanted to prove this was my distance, this is where I shine. No plan B.

the race: hello glycogen depletion my old friend

Morning of, the temperatures were looking a bit warmer than expected, so I got a little nervous. And as with the Ottawa Marathon, I couldn’t properly go to the bathroom which was so weird. I wonder if carb loading messes up my digestion?

My teammate picked me up and we drove the short 30 minutes to the finish line to take the shuttle to the start. We missed our exit, and I ended up not really listening to my pre-race visualization and jams properly. At the start, I changed and immediately lined up for the bathroom and again tried to go but couldn’t. I very briefly warmed up, just 1k with a few strides, before searching for my teammates, Jake and Gar, who were going to run a similar pace. The plan was to start out at 4:23, but Gar was quicker after a few kms, so Jake and I let him go. Neither Jake or I felt great from the outset. We both had a shin issue that migrated into a hip issue, and I my calf started to cramp at 5k. However, I stayed calm, if not positive, knowing that marathons are long and these things can majorly shift. I especially tried to take the downhills in a controlled way to avoid slapping and aggravating my shin again.

As usual, the GPS watch just provided a guesstimate. This guesswork does tend to add some mystery and suspense into the effort, as I’m never totally sure if I’m hitting my goal, even if the numbers say I am, and I usually try a bit harder just in case. However, feeling that Gar was a very controlled pacer, and wondering why he’d gone ahead when he’d only wanted 3:05, I grew concerned we were running too slow. Between 8-14 k there were a few faster kilometres: 4:15, 4:17, etc. At 14k, I pulled out my sheet with the split times and some older women spectating chirped, “You don’t need a map, honey”, but the sheet told me that we were running well under our goal pace, that Gar was fast, and not to worry about him and just do our own thing.

From that point on, Jake and I took turns leading until about 24-25k when I was officially slowing and starting to feel pretty crappy and let him go.

I don’t fully remember why I was slowing, if it was just overall discomfort or a negative mindset, or if my calf or hip were bothering me more. But I remember consciously letting him go, yet wanting to keep him in sight, and beginning to feel like the race was slipping from my control. I remember too, trying to quiet the needling thought: this is too early to feel so bad. I must’ve quieted most of my thoughts successfully, because I don’t really remember much about the next hour of the race. Maybe I lost focus? Or maybe I was incredibly focused on just hanging on. I don’t remember.

Something I struggled with that I could have controlled, maybe because I was distracted by what my teammates were doing and not running my own race, was fueling. I didn’t have a written plan, didn’t take the little baby bottles (literally baby bottles, ha ha!) of Maurten Jeff handed me, and didn’t take Gatorade at every station as I did at Ottawa. I think I took 4 gels total. I began to bonk around 34, 35k pretty hard. My watch was mostly in the low 4:30s, whereas I had wanted it in the low 4:20s. Around 35k, my heart rate also dropped according to Garmin? I’m still wondering if this was a fluke.

It was suit of armor hard, like in my first marathon. But I was reassured by the fact I was breathing pretty well, which to me signified it was still a manageable, if intense, effort. Not dead yet. I don’t think I took in any fuel after 37k, which again was silly, but I finally took one of the little bottles Jeff handed to me just prior to that. After 37, the effort to take Gatorade or a gel at that point seemed overwhelming. I need to learn to mentally prepare to work with this feeling and override it.

Luckily, during this period of bonking and serious effort, I did focus mentally, since I had women around me I was competing with. One woman in blue was wearing headphones and had very strong surges; we ran alongside each other for parts beginning at about 34k. We eventually caught up to a woman in black, who looked strong and was being paced by 2 male runners. I took their encouragement to her as my own “You’re doing great” and “Now’s the time to push if you have anything left” and we played cat and mouse a bit. I took the tangents straight, a bit aggressively, elbows a little out.

Because the course was so twisty, I did not have the finish line in sight until the last 100m or so, although I could hear the crowds. Finally, with about 20m-50m to go, my competitor in black, who I later learned was named Karoline, had a huge kick but I somehow responded (despite apparently not using my arms at all!) and caught her at the line and came 4th woman by 1/10 of a second. My teammates were pleased I put on a funny show at the end.

I had snuck under my PB of 3:07:36 by 50 seconds, running 3:06:46. It was a satisfying result, looking back, but I still somehow felt I’d messed up the race and felt a bit deflated, if not disappointed. Immediately after I felt terrible and needed my puffer in my bag, so I just focused on getting that instead of soaking in the accomplishment as much.

Next time, I will be more grateful. PBs are PBs, and they don’t come forever.

But there are things to improve: higher mileage. Immunity. Fuelling. Form.

after: and when it was bad it was horrid

After the race: I. Was. Trashed. Possibly worse than after my first full. My calves and quads were dead, my lips were blue for a good hour despite wearing multiple layers, my cough was bad, and my old groin injury had somehow resurfaced. I was a GD mess. I was in pain standing and walking, but afraid to sit and cramp up.

Nothing looked more appealing than a woman, probably late 50s, laying on the grass with her legs up and feet on the trash can. I laid next to her and we chatted and both had the sillies and shared some jokes and stories. She asked my time and I asked hers. She was late to running, and expressed joy at discovering it later in life. She asked me “how’s your mind”? And I said, “Fine. I think. But you know. I shouldn’t drive” and we both cracked up laughing. She had a beautiful laugh. It was probably my favourite moment in the race besides…

BESDIES MY TEAMMATES ABSOLUTELY CRUSHING IT. Jake, Heidi, Martina, and others had absolutely mind-blowing races. I was elated for them.

Walking to the truck wasn’t possible, so after I picked up my age category prize (4th overall, 1st in age group), we walked a little until Jeff got the truck and drove back to get me. Congratulatory texts and posts started streaming in. The satisfaction of the accomplishment moreso came to me secondhand.

gone gone beyond gone.

During the race, the heart sutra surfaced. Gate (pronounced: gah-eh), gate, paragate para sam gate, bodhi svaha!

I first learned it after I listened to Michael Stone’s podcast during a cold, wintery sidewalk run in the suburbs at my parents’ house. In the podcast, Michael said it’s a very good sutra to say after someone has died; for me it comes up in the blank part of a run that’s just effort, where I’m struggling to settle back into it and just accept. Instead I cling to it for distraction, for something to hold on to. One last clinging thing. I also just like the rhythm of it. It’s like counting to eight again and again in a run, but better.

We chanted it at Spirit Loft and at Downward Dog after Michael died in his memory.

Sometimes it arises out of nowhere, which was what happened in the race. Michael translated it as: gone, gone, beyond gone, across the other shores (the tone of “across to the other shores” is a bit celebratory because of the “svaha!” like a bit of a hooray thrown in).

After the result on the car ride home, I squirmed and fished around, looking to find what was gone, struggling to settle in my accomplishment, in the extreme effort of crossing to the other shore.

I texted my brother, and Jeff previously texted my mom. Fourth woman sounds kinda cool, and it’s the type of thing non-runners usually find more interesting than running a certain time. Maybe what I needed was the validation. I scrolled through the congratulatory messages I received, searching there too. Trying to find the hooray on the other shore, the bit of joy. But I couldn’t.

The truth is I always feel a peach pit in my throat and ache in my chest after a race since my dad died. A text was never sufficient for the depth and breadth of his enthusiasm for my running. He would want a phone call with a detailed play-by-play. He would’ve looked up the result. He probably would’ve been there, cheering, telling me to kick butt. He would have gasped with amazement and interest that I’d outkicked someone at the line with an “Em-chen! You’re kiddin’!” and a big WOW, and would’ve called me “fast twitch” in the next few emails or texts he sent me.

I didn’t make the mistake of trying to search for my dad in my mom. They are different. I am growing. I didn’t begrudge her for not being him. The night before the race, she told Jeff that after my dad ran his first marathon, she let him know she wouldn’t support him running them anymore. I asked her about it when we got home from the race, curious but also already knowing why. She said, “It’s too extreme, the training takes too much time, you get too thin. My friends were asking what was wrong with him, he got to 145 lbs. 10ks, those are fine. But I said, with three little kids, we wouldn’t come to your races. You could do it on your own time. But we won’t support it.”

At one time I would’ve seen a jab in these words, a pin to deflate my victory balloons, which were already pretty sad and deflated. But now I frame it as touching: a mother’s concern, her sharp attention, even though I am grown up now, noticing and worrying about the lines in my face, the cough that won’t go away, the apparent lack of rest and pleasure in my life, the strange seriousness and intensity of my hobbies.

I sent her a text thanking her again for her help with Elliot and explaining, “I know running isn’t the most pleasant/healthiest hobby but for me it is very exciting to discovery athleticism, teammates, and a sport I have some skill at. Really really appreciative of your help.” She responded, “You are welcome. Glad you were happy with results. My bias will always be for optimal health. Which everyone perceives differently.”

My dad perceived optimal health differently than her, too. He sprinted the last part of his easy runs with his running mates, racing for fun. He always beat Rob, and mostly beat Sean. He ate the burger and the chips. He sometimes had the extra drink. He got chippy in the corners at hockey and didn’t control his emotions very well at all when fishing or playing golf. From the outside, his leisure time sometimes looked stressful. He had a rebellious streak, too. And he savoured the juices of life.

shore up

I am my father and my mother. I am the rebellious, intense child, but also the patient, steadfast mother. I don’t want to run reckless. I try and do things that impact Elliot the least: lunch runs, run commutes, 5:00am runs while he is sleeping. I don’t want to compromise my long-term health in a serious way, or my connections with Jeff and Elliot. I don’t think I am.

But I can’t deny I’m curious. I’m hungry. I’m keenly interested in limits. I want to be a student of limits. There is a spark here, there is a flame. I’m protective of it. I want to tend to it.

As a teenager and in my twenties, I shrank myself to accommodate my parents’ expectations. Risk-taking was out of sight, never in the open. The dark parts of my personality were hidden away the best that I could and came out in sulking and silence. My seriousness and intensity came out in academics, the secret crushes I had, and maybe our political and philosophical arguments around the dinner table, but I didn’t express it openly in my hobbies. I wrote but always in secret. I wrote with expletives, experimentally, raw and weird and my mom came across my blog once, the F bombs and all, and was shocked and disturbed, and never again followed any of us on social media. I published a poem but later requested it be removed from a website, ashamed of my rawness. I hemmed up all my raw edges.

But my goal this year is to neither puff myself up, press on foolishly headlong into bad decisions, stubborn and imagining myself so alone, nor shrink into the background resentfully, obediently, and only do-- on the surface-- what’s normal or expected or desired from others.

Neither puff up nor shrink. But also ask: why not me?

I see no reason I can’t achieve big goals.

I see no reason I can’t go sub-3.

I say this neither puffed up with ego, or shriveled with shame about the intensity of my own interests, the extremeness of my personality that befuddles and perhaps annoys others, even those I love the most.

So many of the skills I have as a runner– equanimity, understanding and maintaining boundaries, mental toughness, a desire to research, detachment, a deeper spiritual faith or purpose underlying my actions, the deeply joyful appreciation of nature on the trails and recreational paths– all of these things come from my mother.

But some skills come from my dad, too: taking corners aggressively with elbows out, the cycling between anxiety and excitement, the runner’s high, the chicken-leg calves, the competitive show-boat streak, the hacking cough, the imagination running wild late at night or at work with fantasies of fast finishes and faster times and unimaginable improvement.

The fascination with something like the heart sutra appearing unannounced at the end of a hard effort? Well, that one is the best. And that one is both of them.

I am a blend of the two, one measured and questioning, one seeking and a little recklessly enthusiastic.

And I am so much more: a mother, a partner, a sister, a teammate, a spiritual seeker.

Why not me?

#mississauga marathon #mother runner #race report

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whenyoufallinlove · 7 years ago

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Vent

Back on tumblr since I need to get some things out but don’t have anyone to talk to. I just need to calm my mind and get things out so that I can focus on what I need to do.

After several years of having issues I finally sought professional medical help. Over the past few months my anxiety and low feelings have been more present. A certain incident really set off my panic attacks and forced me to seek help.

My uncle passed away recently, so my mom had to leave for home for a little while. A girl at work saw it as an opportunity to be extra nasty towards me since my mom wouldn’t be there to defend me.

I work for a family business. The owners passed away a few years ago and left the business to their kids. I’m not a literal family member but I’ve known a lot of them most of my life and consider them family. Aunty r is the daughter of Aunty d who is one of the owners. She comes over to our house sometimes and invites me out. My family went to Aunty r’s wedding last year. Aunty n is her cousin and she used to go out to lunch with my mom and I before she moved away. We’re all really close. Aunty d and her brothers uncle d and uncle g run the business now. Uncle d’s daughter is the girl that hates me. When I met her, I was still in high school and didn’t work at the restaurant. But she never liked me. My mom introduced me to her and I said hi nice to meet you and tried talking to her but her response was looking me up and down and looking away ignoring me. This was not in an antisocial way or anything. She just treats a lot of people like shit and thinks she’s too good for everyone.

Recently I would be anxious and stressed over having to work with her, so much so that I wouldn’t sleep at all the whole night before. She has zero respect for anyone. I’ve never heard her say anything nice about anyone. I’ve never heard her say sorry, thank you, excuse me, or anything even polite. She won’t be nice to you unless she can benefit from it. What really aggravates me is how she treats people I care about. Aunty d is her actually Aunty but she talks badly about her and calls her by her full name, no Aunty or anything attached to it. This woman is a loud and funny sweet lady that is always helping everyone in any way she can. One time one of our cooks uncle r, (no he’s not my uncle or related to their family, we’re from Hawaii so elders [especially ones that you’re close with] are your aunties and uncles) was having his car towed while we were at work. She didn’t know the pretenses but she full on ran after the tow truck and when she found out it would cost a few hundred to drop the truck she went to the bank and paid it herself. But this girl has nothing nice to say about anyone in her family. This is her family’s business but she makes it a point that she doesn’t give a fuck what happens to it. She’s one of the owners daughters but they don’t let her work in the front because she would always treat customers poorly and say that oh she’s the owners daughter so whatever. The sad thing is people always ask if I’m the owners daughter because it’s clear that I really put in extra work. I willingly take up 12+ hour shifts when I worked late the night before and work early the next day. People say it’s like I don’t ever go home. They say I’m always so smiley and it’s clear that I’m checking on people honestly to see if they need things. I’m always cleaning things that usually get neglected and keeping myself occupied when I have down time at work and the customers take notice. Even if I’m not doing the job of my dreams, I still take pride in what I do, I care about the customers not because of the money but because they’re people, and I care about the people I work for so I want to work hard and do what I can for them.

On the other hand this girl will drink at work which can completely have them shut down especially since she works in the kitchen. She treats so many people like shit. My coworker t in the kitchen went to culinary school and Aunty d regards him as a really valuable cook. He is really friendly like everyone at work but it shows even more so because he’s playful and loud. This girl treats him like shit and always says that he doesn’t even know what he’s doing and calls him stupid. She’s older than me but is so immature. She locks him out of the kitchen and says things like, “oh I thought you were so smart. Must be stupid if you can’t even get back in the kitchen.” An old coworker of ours j is one of the sweetest and most easy going people. He is generally very quiet but he would always check to make sure everyone was ok. But she hated him too and would do everything she could to pick on him. He said it was so bad that he wanted to quit but he had no choice because he had just moved to America and had no options. This girl doesn’t even have anything nice to say about her parents. I don’t get along well with her mom for several reasons but her mom and I can at least be civil with each other. But she full on calls her mom by her full name often and always has nasty things to say to and about her. The first time she tried treating my mom that way she set her straight saying, “you may talk to your mom like that but you’re not going to talk to me like that. I’m 35 years older than you. Show some god damn respect for your elders. You don’t have to like me but you’re not going to treat me like you can walk all over me.” This girl takes after her mom a lot. Her mom refuses to be told what to do or admit that she’s wrong. Her mom would yell at customers and tell them their idiots often and refuse to refund them when she screwed up their orders. I would tell her that she got their order wrong and she’d say no she didn’t and then they would come to ask for it to be corrected and she’d be pissed that she was wrong. Never saying she was wrong.

This girl will go to the extremes to make work more difficult for my mom and I because she hates us that much. We often have these issues at work. If someone requests something from me I have to ask someone else that’s working to stop what they’re doing to ask the kitchen to ask for the thing because if she knows that they asked me she’ll start something. If the kitchen missed something we often have to ask for it or if we make a mistake and take something to the next order instead of the one before it we apologize and ask for the one that was supposed to be made later to be made now and let the customers know about our mistake. These are all normal things that happen at work. But to her it’s something else if my mom or I ask. Let’s say we need a plate on ticket #762, they’ve gotten everything else on their order and all the tickets up to #766 are done already, obviously the kitchen didn’t make that plate because someone didn’t hear it called out or they didn’t see it or they thought they had made it already. But if we ask she’ll leave her station in order to yell at us and say, “what ticket is that from!? We’ve made everything already so where did you fuck up? I’m not making that again just because you took it to the wrong table.” If she was in charge of making soup, she’d withhold the food and make them for 7 tickets all at once. Which we don’t do that many tickets at a time especially since it means people will get food on their table and won’t get the next dish for another 20 minutes or tables will get food way before the people who ordered in front of them. But the whole purpose is that we can’t hold as many bowls in the window as she’s trying to put in the window. She likes to scream at us saying that we’re too slow and to hurry up and do our jobs and that if someone is saying the food is cold it’s because we’re too slow. But we run our asses off and all our customers give us credit for it. She would stack the bowls because they don’t fit in the window. She’d put out 6-12 bowls and put dishes between them to stack them 3 high and we can’t even reach that high from our side of the window. She did it with the intent that we would get burnt. We’ve complained and they told her that she can’t do that 1) because it’s against health and safety regulations so we can get in serious trouble for stacking food like that, 2) because her mom got burnt because of stacked soups, 3) she’s going out of her way to make it more difficult instead of doing it the proper way. Literally no other cook does that and she doesn’t do it to anyone else. She also boils the soup extra hot and fills it completely to the brim so we will get burnt. I’ve gone home with completely red and raw hands because of her.

Before my mom left I was taking orders. One guy wanted an omelet but he didn’t want meat in it, instead he just wanted an extra egg. Mind you that sometimes we’ll substitute meat for mixed veggies or mushrooms and onions. We do all kinds of specialized orders as long as what you’re substituting something with doesn’t exceed the cost of the original thing. An egg is significantly cheaper than meat. But because I was the one that took the order the girl had a problem with it. I told my mom what the guy had ordered and to let the kitchen know since we don’t have buttons for special orders. When she let one of our cooks know when she got to that order the cook said ok and called it out. The girl came over to the window and started yelling, “no, refuse to make that order! That’s ridiculous. I’m seriously not making that. If you want stupid things like that you need to ask us first. We don’t do substitutions.” My Mom replied, “why not? We substitute meat for veggies all the time. And eggs cost a lot less than meat. It’s not like we’re asking for meat instead of egg.” The girl started yelling at my mom that she refused to make it and that we’re so stupid and better go make it ourselves. They were arguing and I couldn’t take orders because it was too loud. I excused myself from the register and the customer said it was fine he couldn’t even hear me anyways. She started yelling st me what she was telling me the same thing she told my mom. I said, “ok seriously just make it, or can someone else make it if you won’t? Do we need to ask the kitchens permission or your permission? No one else had a problem making it. We asked jo and she said ok so she called it out.” She said, “well maybe I’d make it if you weren’t so fucking bitchy.” My Mom was livid, “make the god damn omelette. If you want to see a bitch go look in the mirrior!” It was a screaming match and I told her, “we are at work. Can you not? Like it’s not an issue. The only issue is that you have such a problem with me that you can’t do your damn job. If anyone else had asked you would have made it. Just make the fucking food and do your job for once instead of trying to fight me. T please make the omelette instead of her.”

Ok so long ass explanation to all these issues leads up to the actual incident. Friday my mom had left already and i was working a double. All good normal day. Night shift she’s working. I don’t say anything to her like usual because I’ve tried being nice but she won’t even acknowledge me unless it’s to start something. I was bussing because if it can be helped they don’t put me at the window when she cooks because everyone knows she will argue everything I ask for and it makes work more difficult for everyone. It’s slow in the evening so I go downstairs to get supplies and stalk the storage closet so we won’t have to do it after closing.

I’m in the closet with the door open and I hear one of the guys from the banquet hall talking in the hallway. I hear her reply, “oh don’t tell me you’re talking about that one fucking bitch. She needs to get her ass fucking fired already.”

I walked out of the closet and said, “seriously? Why don’t you shut your ass and go back to work?”

She starts shouting at me, “no you need to shut your fucking ass and go back to work. What are you even doing out here.”

“I’m working, stalking the closet and minding my business. But apparently you have free time to be talking shit about me. I haven’t even said anything to you all day.”

“So what!? You should shut your fucking mouth. Going and crying to (Aunty r) about all your problems. Honestly you think I wouldn’t know it was you? After last week I get a text saying I should watch my mouth. What you can’t handle if a say things to you? Go cry to your fucking mommy that other bitch.”

“This is work, if I complain to her and she tells you something it’s because you did something wrong. Now seriously just go back to the kitchen.”

She kept refusing to go to the kitchen and kept cussing me up and down like the week before. So I went to the dining hall and told Aunty e (her actually Aunty. She’s her grandpas sister) to tell her to go back in the kitchen.

She is still yelling at me from the kitchen calling me a cry baby bitch so I walk in the kitchen and say, “come in the hall.” Not even yelling anymore.

She goes, “no I thought you wanted to go back to work. Now go back to fucking work already or you want to bitch some more? Honestly you have some fucking nerve. Nobody even wanted you to work here in the first place.”

“Come in the hallway”

“Why go back to work, not that you can even do your job. This is why you shouldn’t have worked here. Always starting things with my mom and now me. You’re such a problem but your mommy had to ask for you to work here.”

“Ok first off, they asked me since we reopened to move to this store and help out here. Fucking everybody heard Aunty r ask at the reopening say if I could come work. Nobody wanted you to work here. Your own fucking family doesn’t want you working st the family business because you treat everyone like shit.”

She kept on yelling shit at me like fuck you you nasty bitch and mocking me while I’m talking.

“Can’t you be mature and just do your job instead of going out of your way to talk shit about me? Just show up and do your work and go home”

“Mature? You’re the one who looks like a fucking child. And I’m not even that much older than you. Just fucking quit. No one even likes you.”

The fight ended up getting broken up and I went back to working and I was calming down. But I went to the banquet hall to get ice since our machine was broken. And the guy who was in the hall earlier came up to me and said, “hey I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I didn’t mean to be a part of that and I wasn’t saying anything bad about you so I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I was asking your name because I felt bad that you’re always really nice to all of us and say hi and ask us how our days going and what we’ve got going on and stuff but I don’t know your name when I say hi.” I told him it was ok but I was so stressed that at this point my anxiety was going crazy.

I started thinking about how it’s unfair how nasty she is to everyone calling me a bitch when I’m nice to everyone at work. I always say I’m sorry for every little thing (because I’m usually more sorry than I need to be that I might be burdening someone this is a part of my anxiety). I always ask if they want something to drink in the kitchen mostly because it’s hot so I know they need it but also because they’ll make food for us when we’re hungry (I usually don’t ask for anything because there’s not much I can eat since I’m vegan) so I can at least make their drinks so they can stay in the kitchen. I say hi to everyone when I get into work. I bring snacks for everyone when I can and have them try my food when it turns out well. I ask them how they are when they look sad (I know how it feels to feel shitty and I hate when other people feel that way especially when I care about them). I ask them about things they like and try to joke around with them when we have downtime because having fun and conversation makes it nice to be at work for all of us. She is nasty and never says hi to any of us and the closest thing to, ‘are you ok?,’ that she’s said to anyone is, ‘what’s your problem?’

I started thinking about all those things and the guy apologizing to me made it worse. Like I appreciate it but I hate for people to worry about me or pity me. I wish I could’ve just decked her but it’s work so I can’t. I hate yelling and arguing. Why can’t you have a normal conversation and discuss the issue and solve it like I wanted to when I was calmer and asked to go out in the hall. Instead I’m a mess inside because I had to yell so much. And everyone is looking at me funny.

I started thinking about when I used to get bullied in school and those girls used to say nasty things about me and my mom would say they’re just jealous but I couldn’t do anything about it. People thought a certain way about me and didn’t even know me. I ended up with no friends and moving schools a lot because of girls like that. My social skills ended up shitty after all that and I would be mean to people because I didn’t want them to be mean to me or because it’s what kids do. I don’t have the capacity to be like that anymore. I can’t even be like how I was in high school anymore. But I remember how girls like that were and how much it hurt that there’s nothing I can do. I just have to let them be awful to me and everyone else. Sometimes no matter how nice you are to people they won’t choose you over being comfortable with the shitty person. In fourth grade there was a thai girl who couldn’t speak English super well so I used to help her a lot since I was really good in English and i kinda understood since I moved from Hawaii. Sure it’s not a whole other language but the dialect is different so people would tease me if i spoke the way I grew up speaking and I’d get marked down writing the way I spoke. We were really good friends and the teacher always wrote to my parents saying I’m so helpful that I go out of my way to help her all the time since I always get good scores and now the girls scores were almost as good as mine. But some girls that didn’t like me ended up telling her not to talk to me and it’s not like she was mean to me but she wouldn’t talk to me anymore and was complacent when they were mean. The whole thing reminded me of that because no one stuck up for me.

I ended up over thinking and having a panic attack. A bad one. I knew I couldn’t work like that so I had to excuse myself to the bathroom before it got bad. I told Aunty e that I was going to the bathroom because I was having a panic attack. I was crying and shaking. It’s not like I’m crying because of the things she said. I’m crying because of the panic attack. I just become such a mess when I’m so low or have a bad attack. I can’t stop shaking and crying and I’m standing in the stall hyperventilating trying to breathe and calm myself down but my chest hurts so so bad. I’m dizzy and I collapse on the ground, my legs feel too weak to stand. I throw up in the toilet and I can’t even get help for myself. I can’t remember any of the things that help me calm down. I try thinking about happy things but I’ve been low lately and I’ve been trying to think about happy things in general but it’s been so hard. I haven’t had a lot of good things happen lately and old memories have just felt so empty and distant. I was on the floor gasping for air and shaking. Half an hour later Aunty e shows up and she’s calling out for me. She had to come get me off the ground and was saying my dad was looking for me. She’s 74 but she had to help get me to my feet and guide me to the bathroom exit because I can’t even focus. She kept asking if I need an ambulance. She was so worried. I told her it’s ok I have anxiety and to bring my dad to the bathroom and not to tell him anything. I could barely even say that much. My dad had to help guide me out to the parking garage. He can’t carry me or support me well either since he’s 71. We got to valet and I hear someone saying, “oh god is that lei!? What happened!?” He ran over and helped carry me over to the car. He ran to get my keys. I heard his voice but I can’t focus well when I’m having a panic attack even a mild one. I couldn’t figure out who it was until the next day. I collapsed on the floor again and they had to help me into the car and my dad force fed me one of his xanax and drove me home. I started calming down on the way. It was a long night. I finally explained some of what happened to my dad and we called my mom and she called Aunty r to resolve it.

When I have bad attacks my body will feel sore and my chest really really really hurts bad for hours or days after. The next day I went to work and Aunty r had already said that she was coming with uncle d to resolve the issue after work that day. My dad gave me some of his Xanax to take with me to work just in case because I had to work with the girl. Most of the day was ok especially before she showed up. I didn’t say anything to her and just worked. But she kept filling the soups to the rim and I was getting burnt. Lots of customers were noticing that the bowls were too full and would see me get burnt or would see how red my hand was. I just sucked it up and worked. But at some point Aunty c (her actual Aunty, her grandpas brothers wife) went to take care of something for shift change and I was running the register and the window since uncle e can’t speak English well so he just busses. This is all fine. We do this all the time and no matter how busy it is I don’t mind. I don’t get overwhelmed by that type of thing at work, I prefer when it’s busy. I wasn’t getting to many plates to the window for fifteen minutes so I took the opportunity to take some orders between dropping the food at tables. Then I hear someone call out, “move soups coming.” Then all at once I see the window fill up and I go to serve them but they keep coming and so she goes to stack them and I block it and say, “no just leave them down at the line and when I take these out they can put it up in the window.”

“No you’re just too fucking slow, hurry up and do your job already. God you’re so slow the soups are getting cold.”

“No uncle d and Aunty r told you already not to stack the damn soups.”

“Do I look like I fucking care?”

She stacks them high to wear I can’t reach especially since I’m short. I start having a panic attack because she’s so fucking nasty to me. All of the bowls are completely filled with broth. I’m shaking and I pop a xanax. I don’t even care if the customers are right there. I have to ask t to help me take the soups out of the window so he starts doing that instead of working and I’m trying to dump out the soups so I can take several to tables at once but I’m shaking. T notices this so he tries to help me pour them out because it’s ridiculous and he gets burnt and I felt so bad that he got hurt trying to help me. I’m running all over shaking and I can barely speak. I had to breathe in the hall for a bit crying on the floor. I ended up having to work the register the rest of the shift and made Aunty c deliver food so we wouldn’t have more issues and I was too shaky and weak to carry food and walk a straight line. But customers could tell I was still a mess. Even if the xanax stopped the attack from getting too bad it was still there. I hated how everyone was so worried about me and all the customers were asking if I was ok if I was sick and I had to force our words to take their orders and regulars were wondering why I wasn’t smiley.

After work I had a talk with uncle d and Aunty c and said I was going to get help for my anxiety. They said that they’re so sorry and if it continues they know I’m not the problem and someone’s got to go and that someone isn’t me. Uncle d said even if he doesn’t spend a lot of time with me because he’s new around there he knows I’m a nice person. He said as gm its his job to see how the workers interact with customers and since I was at the other store where he is before he saw how I interact with customers. He said it’s clear I actually care about the customers because all day I knew most of the regulars and their orders, I joked and laughed with them, I had inside jokes with them, I knew what was going on in the customers lives, the children always wanted to hug me as soon as they saw I was working, I’d scold kids that weren’t doing well in school or listening to their parents. He said those aren’t things you do just because it’s customer service, it was clear to him that I just am nice and care about everybody. He said he sees me as a friendly and smiley person and not someone who would be the antagonist in this situation. I really appreciated all of that. After they talked to me they talked to her. Then they sat us both down and said that we just needed to work it out be civil at work no screaming and definitely not swearing and causing extra issues. And they said if we thought we could do that and I agreed because that’s what I try to do anyways and what I was trying to say when I asked her to go out to the hall. She hesitantly agreed and they asked if there was anything else we wanted to discuss. I brought up what happened that day and she scoffed and made a half ass excuse and laughed at me shaking her head while I talked. I said, “I don’t get what’s so funny.”

She said, “I don’t think it matters if I laugh or make faces at you. If I do my work it’s fine right?”

“Seriously what is your problem with me? You have never liked me. I tried being nice to you.”

“Oh please you’ve never tried to be nice. That’s straight bullshit. You’re so rude and disgusting. It’s because you give me an attitude every single day. And you gave my mom problems and you want to give me problems.”

“I give you an attitude when you talk down to me like you’re better than me and everyone else because you’re not. You’re a fucking human and I’m a fucking human. No one is better than one another. Yea go ahead and laugh all you like. But you’re not better than me whether you like that or not. But I do have a better personality than you. I know you disagree since you consider me to be such a bitch but I consider myself a good person. I consider your family my family even if you don’t. And you never liked me since the first day. M was there and she saw you give me the same up down every day I said hi to you for the first year it almost became a joke because you never once said hi back. And don’t even bring up your mom. You know how she treated us and you know you treat her worse than we did.”

It was a whole thing of her making excuses for herself and everyone catching her in her lies and sad excuses.

The next day she ended up saying she’s quitting. She really is the type of person that can’t handle being told that she’s wrong or what to do.

Even though Aunty r texted me she quit I didn’t get resolve from this. I mean it’s great that I can go into work without this worry. But I felt awful for having everyone stress and worry about me. The valet, the bell desk, the security, the dealers, everyone saw me and was so worried. They all said that she’s nasty to everyone unless it benefits her. She hates her own family even and that I should get help for my anxiety.

Since the whole situation I’ve felt like shit physically exhausted from it and mentally exhausted and spiritually exhausted. And I just felt extra anxious and low now. I feel like everyone is looking at me funny and I can’t look people in the eye. I don’t want to talk to them about my issues and burden them with that. Whenever people ask how I am I say I’m ok for a reason. But now they know that I’ve been bullshitting.

I was forced to get help and my doctor diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. She prescribed me meds and said if I still can’t sleep I probably have insomnia too and need to take something for that too. She said she’s starting me off on a low dose but since I’ve had symptoms for years and had self harming issues it could be a more severe type of depression that needs different medication. I know I should’ve gotten help years ago but I didn’t want my parents to know that I have issues. At this point I couldn’t avoid it and they agreed I should go to the doctor. But I don’t think they know about the depression yet. I’m hoping they don’t read into my meds. I’m hoping that these first ones work well. I’m scared of all the possibilities because I know how tricky it can be to get the right medication for depression and the wrong one can make it so much worse.

I just want my life to be normal. I want to sleep well at night. I don’t want to live in fear of everything. I want to go to school without worrying that if I’m feeling low for a few months during school I’ll be to emotionally empty to get out of bed or too anxious to take my exams. I want to be happier. I don’t want every tiny task to feel like climbing Mount Everest alone after not sleeping for days. I want to be that happy person that that one guy I used to love last year used to think was so happy I was like a light that he couldn’t help but be drawn to. But right now I’m a mess of a person that can’t even focus on putting papers together because the task seems to big when I have all this mess on my mind. Right now I’m a mess of a person that is too scared of getting better because it always seems to get worse. Right now I can’t even eat properly even though I have my have my favorite food from thousands of miles away right in front of me. Right now I want to eat so badly because I remember when I was too depressed to have an appetite and I weighed no more than 95 lbs at any given time. Right now I don’t know how to get through the day. Right now I just want to be held. Right now I just want to be alone. Right now I want to sleep forever. Right now I want to go do everything I used to love and take back my life. Right now I’m betting it all on a tiny pill.

#vent #don’t mind me #continue what you were doing #not important

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winter-freya · 7 years ago

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Winters’ Ballad: Growth & Love Ch. 2: Winters’ Choice

The second chapter. I guess i’m just gonna post all my chapters here too so more people can read. Hope you all like it. ;3

-Gotham City July 4th, 12:00, EDT-

The park was bustling this sunny day in Gotham. The birds were chirping, families were out together, kids were playing on the playgrounds. It couldn't be a better day to enjoy the fourth of July. Sadly, Gotham City was never without its problems, even on a nice day like this.

"Run away!"

"Somebody help!"

The screams of Gotham citizens cried out through the park roads of Gotham City park, running as fas as their feet could take them. Despite the summer heat and the hanging in a cloudless sky, the grounds of the park were littered with ice and snow, icicles forming from a familiar ice villain the city was all too familiar with.

"Enjoying family time?"

Pointing his freeze ray downwards at a family below him, Mister Freeze clad in his self made cryogenic armor gave a cold, disinterested look as he blasted a wave of ray of ice towards the scared family below him. Letting it wash over them, he stopped the ray and looked down at the newly frozen family he had created. "My family has other plans."

Sliding down to the lower parts of the park thanks to the ice bridge he had created previously, Mister Freeze scanned the park area, looking for his next targets to encase in his next frozen prison. Readying his gun to shoot off towards fleeing citizens, the villain had been preoccupied and was caught be surprise when a projectile, an all too familiar one, slammed into his gun and broke his concentration.

Catching his footing and gripping the handle of his cannon tightly, Mister Freeze turned her head over so slightly, already knowing the threat that was imminent to his plans. "Batman. I was wondering when-" Turning his body and ready to aim his weapon at the caped crusader who he thought was behind him, the ice villain frowned when he found that there was no hero to attack.

However there was an annoying laugh that echoed around the area.

"Hahahahahaa."

Turning back and forth to find the source of the laughing, it was an outline of black, red, and yellow from above that caught Mister Freeze's attention. Unfortunately by the time he realized this, he was too late to stop the stomping of his helmet, the figure jumping hard on his helmet to crack it before flipping off of him and throwing their own projectile tools to continue breaking Mister Freeze's defenses.

Falling to the ground with a thud and opening his eyes to the assailant, the villain couldn't help but give a sigh of contempt at his opponent. "Oh. Boy wonder. The bat sent you to drag me off to prison. Frankly I'm underwhelmed."

Eyes beneath his mask squinting at the villain's comment, Robin rolled his eyes and gestured his hands in an rushed fashion. "Great, but I'm kinda in a hurry here."

Getting up and carrying his cannon in hand, Mister Freeze groaned and stared down the thirteen year old as he began charging his weapon. "Kids. Always in such a rush."

Glaring at the villain who was ready to attack him, Robin simply replied, "No talking to you."

Confused by his comment, Mister Freeze turned his head back to follow the boy wonder's gaze. What transpired was the familiar form of the boy wonder's mentor, Batman. Dressed in his usual dark knight attire and appearing in his well known bat shape as he descended downwards, Mister Freeze was left only to give a look of utter shock before the dark knight drew close enough to raise a fist and punch through the glass dome helmet that was his protection.

-Star City July 4th, 9:01 PDT-

"He's doing this for attention?" The annoyed voice of Speedy spoke out from the high points of Star City's bridge. Alongside his mentor, Green Arrow, Speedy notched yet another arrow onto his bow and aimed down towards the crazy ice villain on the streets below.

Icicle Jr., a not so notorious villain as his father, was causing havoc in Star City again, and it was up to him and his mentor to take him down. But why was he just doing this to get noticed?

Ready to shoot his next arrow, Speedy gritted his teeth when he noticed large ice rays being flung in his and Green Arrow's direction. Following his mentor's lead and jumping out of the way of the attacks, Speedy landed onto the large bridge's cables before running down to get a better aim on his target. "I'm telling you now. This little distraction better not interfere."

Noticing the two were getting closer and seeing yet another arrow being shot at him, Icicle Jr. hastily moved his arms upward, calling upon a wall of ice to crack out of the ground and cover him like a shield. While it had worked, the arrows beeped for just a few seconds before exploding and creating a hole in his defenses. "Why can't you two just stop moving!?" Icicle Jr. yelled, slashing his hand through the air and throwing icicles towards Speedy's body.

Calling upon his years of training, Speedy continued his pace before jumping up into the air, letting the momentum of his speed flip his body over the attacks. Using his time wisely to ready his next, and hopefully last attack, Speedy pulled out an hardened projectile arrow from his quiver and readied the it before putting his sights on the ice boy and firing in the air.

Letting the arrow fly off at an alarming rate, the arrow found its mark and shot straight through the hole created by his mentor's explosives, heading right towards Icicle Jr.'s face and knocking him back with a thud.

Landing on the street below him, Speedy watched as his mentor walked over to the unconscious Icicle Jr. to check his vitals. Seeing as he was in no danger and no longer a danger to others, the mentor shrugged with a law. "Heh. Looks like the kid had a glass jaw."

"Hilarious. Can we go now? Today's the day." Speedy urged, eyes rolling at yet another attempt by his mentor to be funny.

-Pearl Harbor July 4th, 6:02 HST-

"I suspect this will not take too much time Kaldur'ahm. There is no need to have that worried look on your face." Aquaman called out from his perch on the broken battleship in the sea. Jumping downwards to dodge a wave of ice being shot towards him, Aquaman flipped off the edge of one of the downed cannons and landed below, ready to take on the likes of Killer Frost, who had decided to freeze the harbor of the sacred battleground.

That was until a wave of ice was shot towards him. Feeling his body become incased with a freezing chill, Aquaman gritted his teeth as he watched his body, safe for his head, become encased in a block of ice.

"To be honest my king, I am more concerned with the task at hand." The voice of Aqualad spoke up, jumping out from his cover and landing next to his mentor. Giving his king a nod of understanding, the young atlantean speed off in the direction of Killer Frost, letting his mentor focus on breaking out of his ice prison.

Taking out his weapons and focusing his magic on controlling the water that was around them, Aqualad created two matching morning star weapons out of water and rushed towards Killer Frost. Seeing her ready another ice attack, the sidekick raised his arms up to take the blunt force of the icy wave, allowing his arms and weapons to freeze into solid ice.

'Perfect.' Aqualad thought as he saw his victory at hand. Still rushing towards Killer Frost with as much speed as he could, he finally stopped and dropped low to the ground before swinging his frozen arms up towards the villain, letting the frozen weapons uppercut the villainous's jaw and knock her flat on her back, and free his arms from the ice.

'That was nice work." Aquaman commented, walking over to his protege after breaking from his ice prison. Smiling, the king crossed his arms and gave his partner a knowing look. "Now will you give me an answer?"

Putting his weapons away and breathing a sigh to calm his nerves, Aqualad turned to look at his mentor , his face still giving off its usual stoicism before finally smiling.

"Yes, I'm excited. Today's the day."

-Central City July 4th, 11:03 CDT-

A bag of diamonds in hand from a jewelry store he had just robbed and freeze ray in his other, Captain Cold gritted his teeth in anger at the predicament he was in. his plan would have been flawless if not for the speedster duo that watched over the city. And now he was literally stick in the middle as the two ran circles around him, making sure to dodge his freeze ray attacks if ever possible.

Speeding around the aggravated villain, The Flash ducked down to dodge another ray of ice from the villain he and his partner were trying to stop. "Stealing ice though? Isn't that a little cliché, even for Captain Cold? The Flash asked, his comment being directed to his protege, Kid Flash, who was speeding around the ice villain like he was to block any attempts of escape.

Jumping over another ray of ice from the cloaked ice villain, Kid Flash rolled his eyes and kept his running speed, turning his gaze to his mentor as they continued to run. "C'mon! We don't have time for this!"

Deciding it best to end this quickly, Kid Flash grabbed his iconic red goggles and placed them over his eyes, ready to keep his vision clear less Captain Cold used his ice ray again. Speeding out of the circle he and his mentor had created, Kid Flash ran towards Captain Cold and narrowly dodged an ice ray. Feeling the cold chill crawl of his right shoulder, the red head ignored the chill and sped towards the villain nonetheless and grabbed a hold of his weapon, snatching it out of his hands.

No longer feeling the trigger grip of his ice ray, Captain Cold turned to glare at the young sidekick and was ready to try and fight back, but just as he took a step the form of The Flash sped up to him, ramming a punch to his face that knocked him out.

Rubbing his knuckle and smiling at the unconscious villain on the street, The Flash turned to his protege. "Calm down kid."

"Oh please! You'll chat it up with the cops, with bystanders, with Cold even!" Kid Flash exclaimed, running over to his mentor to stand side by side with him. "No. No way! Today's the day!"

-Washington D.C. July 4th, 13: 55 EDT-

"You've prepared everything you need for today and finished any necessary tasks correct?" The authoritative voice of Nikolai Freya asked, his question reverberating off the walls of the plush and sleek limousine both her and his daughter sat in.

Sitting across from him and dressed as her alter ego Winter, the light blue eyes of the younger Freya looked to her father and nodded. Hand clasped together neatly in her lap and sitting up straight just like she had practiced all her life, she spoke. "Yes father. I went to my doctor's appointment, finished my lessons, and made sure to bring everything I need. I'm ready for anything."

"Of course you are. You're a Freya. Never forget that." Nikolai replied back, his hands resting on the diamond top of a shining black walking can in his hands.

Feeling the limousine reach its destination, the fancy car stopped at the corner of their destination. Large and imposing in size yet designed in both an elegant and simple fashion was the great Hall of Justice. Headquarters of the Justice League, museum to citizens to worship their heroes, a place to marvel at from afar and up close.

Turning her gaze to the great building just feet away from her, the young Freya couldn't' help but smile at the sight. Soon enough she'd be there, initiated into the same roster as the greatest heroes of the world. Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, even her mentor Ice Maiden! It was a miracle she didn't explode from the energy she was feeling just from staring.

Seeing his daughter's entrance gaze at the large building in the distance, Nikolai Freya cleared his throat to signal his daughter's attention. "Now I've continued to let you do this..."hero" work since your powers came about Samantha. While I am not very keen to this idea, I understand that using your powers this way is something you want to do, and that by leaving you without tutelage in using them correctly all those years ago, it could have lead to hazardous results in our future."

'Are we having...this talk again?' Samantha thought, her ecstatic gaze losing its light as she moved to look back at her father from across the seat. "I...I thought you said I could keep doing this. As long as I went to my lessons, got high grades, and listened to you, I'd be able to stay working as a hero."

"I did say that, however I did not take into account the amount of progress it would take for you to learn to control your powers and be recognized for your work. In my opinion it has taken you far too long to learn to control these ice abilities you hold. I know for a fact that there has never been a Freya in the family who has had abilities like the ones you hold, but even that should not constitute having this slow of progress in mastering your own gifted talents." Nikolai explained, never breaking eye contact with his daughter as he spoke.

'Where is he going with this?' Samantha thought, continuing to listen to her father continue speaking his thoughts aloud.

"This Justice League. While they may be overconfident in their abilities to protect the people and hold too much power in my opinion, I can see that they are not incompetent people. If it has taken three years just for them to deem you worthy to join their ranks despite our lineage talent, and our name," Nikolai spoke, stopping mid sentence to sigh and shake his head. "then perhaps you are not skilled enough for this line of work."

Feeling a real chill run down her spine as he father finished his sentence, Samantha clutched the hem of her skirt, feeling her eyes widen in shock as she stared at her father.

'W-What did he just say?' She mustered to think, her mind feeling is if it was suffocating and running hundreds of miles a minute.

"You may have been going to your lessons and getting high marks in your grades, however you've started your training and even still now after three years you're still a...sidekick." Nikolai strained to say, as if saying the title was poisonous to his very being. "Improvement is needed in all aspects of life, even this side job you decide to throw yourself into. If I don't hear of a real change in your role as a...hero by tomorrow, you're quitting this nonsense and returning back to living like a normal human being. It is a far less dangerous life to live and opportunity to grow is abundant." Nikolai ordered, his hands firmly resting on his diamond cane as he looked to his daughter.

Her voice feeling like it had been snatched from her, the young ice manipulator couldn't help but try to speak up in her defense. This wasn't fair! He didn't know what it was like having these powers! Trying her best not to accidentally reveal them in public, to hold in the stress she felt that could accidentally freeze a room, to balance the expectations he set on her each day while also having a clear enough mind to go out and protect people who needed her help!

"Y-You can't!" Samantha exclaimed, her voice rising with ever word she spoke. "Just because its taken me a while to join the Justice League, doesn't make me a bad hero. Everyone needs time to control their powers and learn the ropes before they can join the big leagues. I mean, you didn't just become a great geneticist all in one night right?"

His gaze hardened into a glare at his daughter's outburst, Nikolai shook his head. "I won't discuss this further Samantha." Gripping his cane ever so slightly, the older man reached his hand toward the door nearby them and grabbed the handle, ready to open it. However before he did so he looked to his daughter. "You're a survivor Samantha. I won't let the second chance at life I was able to help give you be wasted on frivolous dreams and life threatening situations."

Closing his eyes and opening the car door next to them, the head of the Freya family pushed the door open and motioned Samantha to leave the car. "You may leave now. Remember what I said. If there is no improvement, you'll end this."

Her gaze once on her father now looking downward at the carpet floor, the ice heroine gave a nod of understanding before making her way out of the car. Ice slowly forming beneath her feet as she landed onto the sidewalk, the white haired teen turned back to look at her father one more time before he left.

"I-I..." Samantha spoke, trying to find the words to continue.

'Say something! Don't let the conversation end like this! You have feelings! Let him know how you feel and what you want!' The voice inside Winter's mind screamed, trying to urge the snow child to speak up.

"I...I love you father." Samantha quietly spoke back, hoping her words would in some way sway his mood and decision.

Sadly it didn't go as Winter had hoped. Looking back towards his own daughter, Nikolai Freya only stared right back at his daughter before shutting the car door closed, breaking their eye contact and motioning the driver to move on.

Watching the car drive off from where she stood, Winter clenched her hands into fists and gritted her teeth, trying desperately not to cause a scene or lose control of her powers. She could already feel the crawl of frost beginning to cover the ground below her, and if she wasn't careful things could get hectic.

'Calm down, calm down. Remember what Ice Maiden taught you. Relax and don't let the anger and emotions you feel take over.' The conscious within Samantha's voice soothed.

Unclenching her fists and taking a few deep breaths, Winter focused to calm herself and her powers down, looking downwards to try and ignore the things around her.

"What am I going to do?" Winter quietly said to herself, feeling like she was growing smaller and smaller each time her mind went back to the conversation. This had been the most strict conversation she'd ever had with her father. Why was he bringing this up all of a sudden? Was he never okay with this in the first place? Did he just want want her to be safe? Or was it all a lie so he could have her back and control all of her life again?

Shaking her head, Winter looked up towards the Hall of justice a few feet away. 'This isn't the time to worry. You need to meet up with the others like we planned. They'll wonder if something wrong if I run too late.'

Taking one more deep breath to come herself, Winter rubbed her cheeks before doing her best to call upon all her training to put on smiles and pretend. Feeling some energy well up within her, the teen slowly walked down the sidewalk and headed towards the fountain area in front of the Hall of Justice.

It was pretty big from what she could see. A large fountain pool at the center of the neatly made courtyard, well grown trees lining the side walks, a beautiful gold art piece at the center of the large fountain pool. Everything screamed both elegance and professionalism. She never had been here in fact, all the times she wanted to usually taken up by her father's parties or her lessons. Seeing it all and standing there, it truly did feel massive than she was.

'So this is the Hall of Justice. I can't believe the league just works here without worrying about the villains who know about it.' Winter thought, her eyes gazing up at the impressive display.

"Hey Winter!"

Hearing her codename being called out, the white haired teen turned on the heel of her foot an smiled when she saw the figures of Batman, Aquaman, and Green Arrow with their fellow protege's Robin, Aqualad, and Speedy. The youngest, Robin who had called out to her, was waving his hand to have her come over.

The clenching feeling in her chest she had felt from her father's words began to slowly die down, her heart warming at the sight of her fellow sidekicks. 'Father may think being a sidekick is bad, but he doesn't know my friends like I do.'

Feeling the sour emotions she had earlier melt away at the sight of her friends, Winter ran over and gave the group an excited smile. "Hey guys. You ready for the big moment?"

Smirking and putting his right index finger in the shape of a gun, he pointed it to Winter. "You know it. But uhh...We're waiting on Kid though."

Perplexed by the answer, Winter couldn't help but chuckle and shook her head. "Of all the people to be late, it had to be Kid Flash. Honestly, you'd expect someone with super speed to get here before at least one of us."

Hearing her comment, Aqualad gave a nod of his head. "It is curious to think that he would be late. He seemed the most excited out of all of us. Perhaps something caught their attention?"

"Maybe an villain like we had to deal with. That stupid Icicle Jr. was wrecking havoc on the bridge in Star City. You remember him right Winter?" Speedy voiced, his arms crossed as he looked out at the streets of D.C., his eyes gazing around for any sign of their fellow sidekick.

Feeling a chill run down her spine at the name, the ice manipulator groaned. "Don't remind me. I took him down Christmas Eve last year and right after he tried to break out of prison to see me again. He's such a creep."

"Heh, sounds like what we had to deal with. Batman and I took down Mister Freeze on our way here. Dude was freezing people just trying to have a good time at the park. But we stomped him and took him out in record time." Robin said, raising his leg up to kick the air and imitate the move he had done to his enemy.

"Familiar to me as well. Aquaman and I were in battle at Pearl Harbor with Killer Frost. We did not learn her motivations, but it didn't seem like it was as tough as a fight as we thought." Aqualad said, turning to look at Robin.

"This doesn't sound like any coincidence to me. I may not have fought some big bad ice villain today, but three ice villains attacking heroes in different areas on the exact same day still sounds fishy to me." Winter commented, her gaze drifting to all of the sidekicks that stood alongside each other.

His gaze sharp in thought, Aqualad nodded and looked to the teens. "Winter is right. This doesn't sound like any coincidence. Unless Kid Flash somehow breaks the pattern."

"Why do I get the feeling that won't be the case?" Winter replied out loud to nobody in particular, shrugging her shoulders.

Feeling what seemed like an uncalled for gust of wind, Speedy grabbed onto his signature hat and looked out to the streets of D.C.. "We'll find out soon enough."

Colored in red, white, and yellow, two blurs side by side speed around the sidewalks and streets of D.C.. Moving closer and closer to where the elder and younger heroes stood, the blurs finally slowed down enough for the group to get their eyes on, and spotted the speeding duo The Flash and Kid Flash in front of them.

However one looked more annoyed than the other.

Taking a breath to regain his energy, Kid Flash looked up and frowned when he noticed not one, not two, not even three, but all four sidekicks had already arrived before they did! "Aw man! I knew we'd be the last one's here." The red head speedster complained, pouting and crossing his arms in protest.

Laughing at his friend's look on his face, Robin nodded to Kid Flash. "Good to see you too. Thought you might have decided to stay home today. Being so late and all."

Knowing he couldn't keep the charade up for long, Kid Flash finally gave up and gave his usual confident smirk. "You know I wouldn't miss this. Today's the day after all. And besides I've got a totally legit reason this time."

Rolling her eyes and crossing her arms, Winter gave a skeptical look. "Oh really. What happened this time? Decided to see if you could eat your weight in pizza before coming over? Again?"

Noticing the beautiful form of Winter looking to him, Kid Flash quickly sped over to the ice user's side and leaned on her shoulder, making the girl groan at his antics. "Hey snow angel. Don't be so cold. I know deep down inside you were totally lost without the great Kid Flash to talk and be with. But don't worry babe. I'm here now."

Suppressing the urge groan once more Winter simply turned to give the speedster a glaring look he was all too familiar with. "Kid Flash, you do remember what I said I'd do the next time you called me snow angel, right?"

Getting a dreamy look in his eyes a goofy smile, the speedster moved closer to Winter. "I'm sure it was something along the lines of giving my a kiss."

Crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at his friend's flirting attempts, Robin replied "I'm...pretty sure she said that she would freeze your feet to the ground if he said snow angel again."

Smiling at the younger boy's answer, Winter nodded. "Correct."

"Dude!? Who's side are your on?" Kid Flash exclaimed, shifting his gaze to his long time friend.

"The side that isn't gonna get me frozen to the ground. Similarly to how you are right now." Robin replied back, moving his finger to point downwards.

Confused, Kid Flash followed the direction of where Robin was pointing, and to his dismay and to the humor of Winter and Robin, the younger speedster's feet truly were stuck to the ground. Encased in blocks of ice and melded to the ground, the speedster frantically pulled at his feet, trying to lift them up from the ground.

Watching the speedster try his best to remove himself from his new punishment, Winter could only smile in satisfaction as she moved one step backwards, allowing the frozen teen to lose his balance and fall right on his face.

"There's more where that came from." Winter lightly threatened, though she gave a joking smile as she did so.

"Yeugh. Grot it." Kid Flash replied, his face muffled from the ground being smashed against his face.

Unable to contain his joy at seeing his friend suffer, Robin laughed and looked to Winter. "Looks like you froze him in his place."

Easily able to spot the ice pun Robin had set up, Winter rolled her eyes to the boy wonder. "Don't you start with that."

-A Few Minutes Later-

After a few more moments of bonding and catching up with one another, the sidekicks walked in tow with many of their mentors towards the Hall of Justice, smiling as fans of the various heroes circled around them to take pictures and try to get news stories.

"I think you gave my foot frostbite." Kid Flash complained, jumping on one of his feet to try and get the feeling back into it.

Smiling at the teens playfully bickering with one another, Green Arrow focused his attention to his protege and spoke." You ready to see the inner sanctum?"

Giving a confident smile, Speedy turned back to look at his mentor. "Born that way."

"I'm glad we're all here." Aqualad spoke, jumping into the upbeat attitude the teens were showing.

Smiling herself, Winter's mind wandered off to the threat her father gave her. Remembering what he said, the young ice user smirked at the situation soon at hand. "We'll be members of the Justice League soon. The wait is killing me."

"I know. Have all five sidekick's ever been in the same place at the same time?" Kid Flash asked, his voice filled with excitement.

However it was Speedy that retorted back, giving a determined gaze to the building the group was close to arriving to. "Don't call us sidekicks. Not after today."

Seeing the serious look in the archer's eyes, Kid Flash gave a nervous laugh. "Heh. Sorry. First time at the hall. I'm a little overwhelmed."

"Your overwhelmed, Freeze was underwhelmed. Why can't anybody just be whelmed?" Robin asked in a curious tone.

Filing into the entrance way of the Hall of Justice, the group slowly stopped to stand in front of a security door, the sign mentioning that it was only authorized for official leaguers. Around the area were citizens taking pictures of the group, various memorabilia from the League's various conquests against villains, and large statues standing high above them all of the founding members of the Justice League. Each imposing in size, they all seemed to have give off integrity, honesty, and strength.

A bit shocked by the severity of the Hall of Justice's decorum, Winter couldn't help but gasp at it all. "Maybe that's why." She whispered to Robin, the boy wonder having the same look of shock as she did.

However their time for gawking came to an end when the doors of the inner sanctum opened. Walking out into the outer sanctum, Martin Manhunter, Red Tornado, and Ice Maiden all gave warm welcomes to greet the young heroes.

"Robin, Speedy, Kid Flash, Aqualad, Winter. Welcome." Martin Manhunter spoke, his voice while not as enthusiastic as some, gave a professional feel to the ceremony.

Grinning widely and walking to her protege, Ice Maiden laughed and patted Winter heartily on the shoulder. "I'm happy to see my little snowflake here. I'm sure you are excited for your big day."

Her cheeks beginning to heat up at the playful banter her mentor was trying to start up, Winter hastily looked off to the side, doing her best to try and ignore the playful affection of her mentor. "N-Not here Ice. You're going to embarrass me."

Stifling a laugh behind his mouth, Kid Flash smiled. "Too late for that."

"Do you want to get your feet frozen to the floor again?" Robin asked, looking to Kid Flash with a raised eyebrow.

Deciding it be best to move things along, Martin Manhunter motioned to for the teens to follow suit, walking into the authorized area and explaining their new access. "You know have unlimited access to the gym, our fully stocked galley, and of course our library."

Walking further into the inner sanctum, the group finally stepped into the light as their newly realized headquarters was finally revealed. While small in size and not fully equipped with the best technology some of them thought it would have, it was proper accommodations for what they thought was a proper meeting room. At the center a table equipped with a holographic projector sat along with an array of chairs for members to take seat in, most likely during mission briefings. A large computer monitor sat to the side that could map out various locations and take calls from leaguers if necessary, different sound systems to help play back messages and listen to the news if needed. And lastly from wall to wall were bookshelves filled with texts on various places in the world, old literature, and the most up to date maps.

"Make yourselves at home." The Flash spoke warmly, raising his arms up to gesture for the teens to relax.

Taking up on their offer, Kid Flash, Robin, Winter, and Aqualad all began taking the seats nearby one another. Speedy however opted to stay standing, his gaze focused on the adult heroes who began to gather around nearby the second doorway within the room. That which was only allowed by league members.

"Quick debrief to discuss the coincidence of four ice villains attacking on the same day." Batman spoke to the older leaguers.

Her ears catching wind of the dark knight's words, Winter could only smile at the comment. "I knew it seemed fishy."

Turning his gaze to the ice user, Batman nodded in agreement and turned his gaze back to the rest of the group. "We shouldn't be long." Turning his back to the younger heroes, Batman and the rest of the leaguers walked towards the authorized entryway, standing nearby a camera sensor as a small light peaked out from it and began to scan each member for identification.

"Recognized: Batman, 0-2

Aquaman, 0-6

Flash, 0-4

Green Arrow, 0-8

Martin Manhunter, 0-7

Red Tornado, 1-6

Ice Maiden, 1-9."

"THAT'S IT!?"

Ready to walk off into the next room, the group of older heroes stop mid step to turn around and look to Speedy, his outburst apparent in the small room.

Clenching his fist in anger the protege archer looked to the various veteran heroes. "You promised a real look inside, not a glorified backstage pass." Speedy said, crossing his arms in anger.

"It's a first step. You've been granted access few others get." Aquaman spoke calmly, hoping to diffuse the situation.

Gritting his teeth at the lackluster answer, Speedy raised his hand up to point to a sky view box, various citizens watching from above and taking pictures. "Oh really? Who cares which side of the glass we're on?"

Seeing his partner's anger only growing, Green Arrow stepped in. Trying to be as civil as he could he spoke, "Roy. You just need to be patient."

Glaring, Speedy continued. "What I need is respect." Turning to the other sidekicks who sat with him, he looked to Kid Flash, Aqualad, Robin, and Winter with an angered look. "They're treating us like kids. Worse, like sidekicks! We deserve better than this."

A bit confused by his anger, the rest of the young heroes couldn't help but look to one another, trying to figure out what it was their ally was angry about.

"What are you talking about?" Winter asked, breaking the silence the group had been in since Speedy's rant and turning to look at the older sidekick.

"You're kidding, right? You're playing their game? Why? Today was supposed to be the day, step one to becoming full fledged members of the Justice League." Speedy asked surprised, unsure of how to register the answer he was getting.

Raising his hand up in a confused gesture, Kid Flash looked to the teens in the room. "Well sure, but I thought step one was a tour of HQ."

"Except the hall isn't the league's real HQ." Speedy retorted confidently.

Eyes widening at the bombshell Speedy revealed, Winter looked to her friends for any sort of answer. However no matter who she stared at, whether it was the jokester Kid Flash, the wise Aqualad, or experienced Robin, none of them had any look to say they knew what was happening.

"Y-You're kidding. Right?" Winter spoke, her voice laced with confusion.

Shaking his head to signal he wasn't, Speedy continued. "I bet they never told you it's just a false front for tourists and a pit stop for catching zeta beam teleporter tubes to the real thing. An orbiting satellite called the Watchtower."

Listening to everything his protege was saying, Green Arrow couldn't help but feel a familiar pair of eyes was on him. Turning around to find the source, it was the dark knight himself giving the archer a hardened glare.

"Uhh...I know, I know. But I thought maybe we could make an exception?" Green Arrow suggested lightly, shrugging his shoulders to try and deflate the situation. Unfortunately the bat's gaze only increased in severity, and seeing there was no way he was going to convince the man, Green Arrow frowned. "Or not."

"You are not helping your cause here, son. Stand down or-" Aquaman spoke, putting his hand on Speedy's shoulder to try and calm him down.

Feeling the leaguer's hand on his shoulder, Speedy swatted it away. "Or what?! You'll send me to my room?! And I'm not your son!" The archer exclaimed in anger, glaring at the sea king before shifting his gaze to Green Arrow. "I'm not even his. I thought I was his partner, but not anymore." Taking the hat of his costume off his head, the older teen flung the object to the ground in anger, gritting his teeth.

Winter, along with the other sidekicks couldn't help but stay silent and watch the scene from where they sat. What could they say? Wha would they even say? All of this information was all too much to handle. Their dreams and wishes had all been wrapped up in this moment, but to find out it was all a lie, or rather just another "step" for them to take. Hadn't they proved themselves enough yet?

Turning his back on the league heroes, Speedy began walking out to the exit of the inner sanctum, his hands clenched into fists and anger radiating off his form.

'No. This can't end like this. This isn't what was supposed to happen.' Winter thought, her mind racing at the events that had just played out. She was still trying to process what had just been revealed, what was said, what was going on. It wasn't until she noticed the form of Speedy walking past her chair that she snapped out of her thoughts and turned to watch the archer.

Feeling like this situation couldn't end like this, Winter hastily got up from her seat and ran over to the retreating archer and grabbed his arm. "Speedy wait. Please, don't go. You can't just leave everything like this." The white haired heroine spoke, her voice cracking as she tried to keep herself calm.

Seeing his once fellow sidekick trying to stop him, Speedy turned to look at Winter. Living in the same city, the two had hung out many times wile on patrol since they became sidekicks and had many great times together learning the ropes and working side by side. They had even been close enough to share their personal lives with one another. So why was she defending all of it?!

"And do what? Just sit back and listen to everything they tell me to do like it's the word of law?! You should be just as mad as me Winter. You told me how important this day was, how much you needed to prove yourself to your father. Well look where listening to them has gotten us." Speedy declared, motioning to the leaguers who watched the scene from the back of the room. "I know you enjoy all of this, but continuing to listen to these guys will only leave you stuck in place. And if you even controlled half of that brain of yours you'd realize that's only going to leave you stuck under the thumb of your fa-"

"Enough!" The thick accent of Ice Maiden boomed, her voce echoing through the room. Her icy blue eyes giving a glare that could perhaps even rival Batman's, the ice user stared Speedy down, her anger boiling at the words he had used against her protege and his own friend. "You've said your piece, so please hold tongue before I rip I out. You're anger is with us, not her. Don't throw your rage at her."

Glaring at the heroine but understanding the mistake he had made, Speedy looked to the shocked face of Winter before pulling his arm out of her grip. "Guess they're right about your four." Turning his back once more to the heroes, Speedy walked off to the exit. "You're not ready."

Exiting through the door and Speedy now gone from the room, the sidekicks and heroes were left in stunned silence. Nobody seemed to have the energy to speak or any idea of what to say. Confused and unsure of what just happened, all the sidekicks could do was sit in utter shock at the event they had just witnessed.

'This...This can't be true. It just can't be.' Winter thought, her mind reeling at the information Speedy had yelled out during his rant. Had this been the plan all along? Was this really just some made up next step to make the children feel important and not ask questions to their mentors? Had all their work and effort really meant nothing after all the time they dedicated to training and helping people?

No! She couldn't believe this. This was the exact opposite of what she wanted to happen! Today was supposed to be perfect. She was going to join the league alongside Ice Maiden, her friends and her would be heroes who would help on a bigger scale, they were going to be recognized for the time and effort!

She was going to...

She was supposed to...

She wanted to..

'Today was supposed to be the day.' Samantha thought, the emotions reeling within her beginning to crack and weigh her body down. Feeling her powers begin to build up from the emotional train wreck she was feeling, ice began to form on the ground beneath her.

What was she supposed to ask Ice Maiden? Had she known all about this?

What were the others feeling? Angered? Betrayed like Speedy?

'How could he? How could he say all of those things to me? I thought we were friends.' The ice user thought, her eyes feeling hot with the threat of tears ready to burst.

The mentor's now gone from the room, Robin, Kid Flash, Aqualad, and Winter were the only ones left in the room. While everything was still tough to process, the boy wonder knew the first thing to do was to check on his fellow sidekick. Slowly walking toward her to not surprise her in the condition she was in, Robin frowned a bit before reaching to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Winter? You okay?"

Feeling the comforting hand of a friend, Winter still could not turn to look at her friends. Shaking her head in protest to his question, Winter sniffled a little, trying her best to try and control the dam of emotions that was flooding. "H-He was right you know."

Discerning who it was she was talking about, Robin removed his hand and nodded. "Speedy?"

Nodding herself in approval, Winter continued. "I needed today to go like we thought it would. More than ever this morning. I just needed this to be real. I needed to be recognized for my effort, the training I put in. I just needed to be initiated into the Justice League and everything would have been okay."

Clenching her fists tightly as her mind set back onto the realization that nothing she thought was going to happen was happening, she felt a slow stream of tears begin to run down her face. However she kept her back turned. She didn't want the guys of all people to see her like this. "This was my only chance, and it wasn't even real. I'll never get another one."

"I know this is all a shock and we don't really know what's gong on right now, but this isn't the end Winter. We'll find another chance to get into the league. All of us." Robin said, trying to help ease the older girl's worries.

Winter however shook her head frantically, trying to deny the boy wonder's words. "No, you don't get it! I'm...I'm finished after today."

"What?! Don't tell me you're quitting like Speedy too?" Kid Flash exclaimed in surprise.

Clenching her teeth to try and hold in the sobs she felt were only growing with each word they added to the conversation, Winter finally turned to look at the three boys. Tears running down her face, eyes red, and ice slowly forming more and more beneath her feet she shook her head. "I don't want to! Believe me I want to keep helping people! I love being a hero and using my powers to help others. But my father...he said if I didn't stop being a sidekick and get recognized by tomorrow, I had to quit." Winter cried, feeling more tears fall down her face.

"That's not fair! You work harder than any of us! He can't do that!" Kid Flash yelled, speeding over to where Robin stood nearby the crying Winter.

Frowning at the display of emotions he was seeing, Aqualad shook his head. "Yes he can. He's her father and she's only sixteen. She has to follow his wishes. Would you really go and defy your own father just because he was being unreasonable Kid?"

Being put on the spot, Kid Flash froze a bit as he tried to think of an answer. "Uhh...I don't know! All I know right now is that this shouldn't be happening. None of this should be happening. We've worked our butts off to be the best sidekicks we can be and helped take down our share of bad guys, but they don't even trust us with the basic information. They've got a secret satellite H.Q. In space!" Kid Flash yelled, pointing his hand upward to explain his point as he growled and covered his face with his hands.

Knowing the younger speedster was right, Aqualad looked down to the ground in thought before looking up to the rest of the group. "What else aren't they telling us?" He asked, his voice filled with uncertainty.

"I don't know, but I for one am not letting it all end here." Robin said, grabbing a box of tissues nearby and handing it to the teary eye'd Winter. "We all know this wasn't the way things were supposed to go. Not by a long shot. And there is no way I'm gonna end this night with us being tricked and Speedy leaving."

Feeling determination build up inside him, Kid Flash nodded to the boy wonder. "I'm with Robin. There's got to be something we can do about this."

Listening to the two teens converse over some sort of idea to plan, Aqualad's focus moved from the and towards the large monitor nearby the league had been working on. Remembering the transmission that had been sent over, Aqualad focused his gaze on the screen and turned to look at the three teens. "What is Project Cadmus?"

Thankful for the tissues Robin had given her and wiping her eyes to clear her vision, Winter caught Aqualad's question and looked to the group as well. "Project Cadmus?"

"Before they left the league got a transmission about a fire at some research lab. Project Cadmus it was called." Kid Flash said, helping to fill in the blank Winter was having.

His gaze intense as his mind whirled through for some sort of answer, Robin smirked and looked up to the group. "Don't know. But I can find out." Walking towards the transmission computer the league had been using, Robin began to type a few of the keys in.

"Access Denied." The computerized voice of the security system voiced.

"Heh, wanna bet?" Robin asked jokingly, continuing his work on the large keyboard in front of him.

Watching the boy wonder work his technological magic, Winter, Aqualad, and Kid Flash walked over to stand next to the boy, their eyes watching the screen began showing the hacking of encrypted files.

"Wow. How are you doing that?" Kid Flash asked, his eyes wide at the hacking procedure that was taking place.

Prideful in his work, Robin continued pressing keys. "Same system as the batcave." Raising his finger to press one final key, the boy wonder pressed the enter button with a satisfied smile, watching as a security enhanced file on their target was unlocked.

Watching the file open up, a large window depicting the live video feed of the fire at Cadmus played, a white building burning with flames and surrounded by fire trucks.

Looking at the file on the screen, Winter wiped her eyes and read over the information given. "It says its a genetics lab in D.C.. Where's the rest of the information?"

"That's all there is, but if Batman is suspicious about this place, maybe we should investigate?" Robin suggested with a grin, turning around to look at the three sidekicks with him.

"Solve their case before they do." Aqualad said, letting the idea roll off the tongue. Smiling, he looked to the others. "It would be poetic justice."

Laughing, Robin placed a hand on his hip. "Hey, they are all about justice."

"True." Aqualad said, but frowned as he realized the predicament they would be in. "But they said to stay put."

Hearing his protest, Robin shook his head. "For that blotting out the sun mission, not this. But if you want a more conscience choice, why don't we let Winter decide?" The boy wonder asked, turning his gaze to the ice heroine.

Noticing the three sidekick's gazes all on her, Winter jumped in surprise. "Me? But why?"

Giving a serious look to the older teen, Robin spoke. "Winter, we don't have to do this. We could just sit here and wait for the league to come pick us up like kids, but this mission is important to all of us. You most of all. If we take this on and finish it before the league, they'd have to appreciate the effort we do and you'll be able to prove to your dad you've got what it takes. But it's up to you."

Listening to the sincere words of the boy wonder, Winter frowned at the last part. "You'd...be willing to skip this mission for me?"

Jumping into the conversation, Kid Flash sped over and lightly tapped the girl with his elbow. "Wouldn't be the same without you snow angel."

"I agree. We'd have our chance to prove ourselves, but we wouldn't be real sidekicks if we left one of our own by themselves. Nor would we be good friends." Aqualad added, a smile on his face as he moved to stand next to Robin.

"And look at it this way. If this all ends up blowing up in our faces, at least we tried. We can have your sidekick career end with a bang." Kid Flash joked, though his face gave a serious expression.

Feeling the love and warmth from the various words of her fellow sidekicks, Winter couldn't help feel her eyes tear up once more. However unlike the tears she was crying earlier, these ones were happy ones that she wasn't afraid to hide form her friends.

Walking over to Aqualad and Robin's side, she grabbed the two and hooked her arms around their necks to pull them close to her, a genuine smile of gratitude on her face. "You guys are the best friends a sidekick could ever have. Let's come out as heroes or go out with a bang."

"Yeah! Team sidekick is ready to go!" Robin exclaimed, raising his fist in the air to signify their formation.

"Let's us all do our best. This will be a tough task." Aqualad said, voicing his concern despite the smile on his face.

"Woohoo! Group huuaaah!" Wanting to join in on the love fest that was going around (and perhaps get a little bit closer to his snow angel), Kid Flash was ready to speed over to the group but felt his feet caught in the familiar prison of ice made by Winter.

Unable to stop his descent once again, the red headed speedster flung himself accidentally to the ground, landing on his face for the second time that day.

'Probably shouldn't have said snow angel.'

#DC #DC Comics #SuperboyxOC #OCxSuperboy #Conner KentxOC #OCxConner Kent #Young Justice #Fanfiction

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