#and then the rest of the poem would be from cherrys perspective. but it would veer into evies perspective too.

[strawberrycircuits]

My favorite number is 7! whats your favorite poem?

aaabh... mary olivers wild geese is a v good one i thibnk...

also the crime of being small / 10 legs 8 broken fucks me up hard

[sulrae]

Megatron likes Hip-hop

Megatron never really understood the Lost Light's love for human media. In part because of his...negative impact on earth. Therefore, he's left out of the several conversations and references that some (Rodimus and Swerve) bots tend to make.

He does eventually find interest in human poetry after receiving a datapad of earth's greatest literature, courtesy of Minimus. He goes through the likes of Emily Dickinson and Lewis Carroll with a fine tooth comb. He ends up learning a bit about earth history and culture as he attempts to interpret context and meaning. Arabic poetry leaves a tingle in his spark as the words of Maram al-Marsi's A Red Cherry on a White-tiled Floor has him enamored with human's relationship with love.

He pours over Maya Angelou's I Know Why The Cage Bird Sings several times that he has it memorized. He even finds video clippings of her performing the poem over the years.

Megatron ends up stumbling into Hip-hop through human forums.

A decacycle habit to observe discourse and theories gave insight to much of the works he had read. Perspectives surrounding word choice he never considered. There were times in which he wanted to take part. The lack of mechs interested in poetry left him itching for conversation. However, the concept of Megatron, former Decepticon warlord arguing about stanzas with humans would be frowned upon by many. So he was content with reading and mumbling to himself about his own opinions.

And then one of his forums becomes rife with discussion after someone posts a wall of text, filled with anger and passion on the disrespect of the music genre of hip-hop. A response that came from someone else's thinly veiled contempt towards an artist receiving a Pulitzer for his work. The poster goes in detail of how this form of rhythm and poetry combine in ways the require skill. How the stories of oppression and love are spoken with such intensity in one moment, and a quiet calm in the next. "You clutch pearls at the sight of it as if you don't rip them from the clams you so greatly detest". The scathing remarks provides enough intrigue for Megatron to finally look into music on earth.

He pulls up the Trapped by 2pac. It rattles the bones of his past. The words lingers in his processor for cycles after.

It takes no time at all for Megatron to dive into the rest of Tupac's discography. Once he's done with that, he takes in more. N.W.A lights embers that was similar to the early days of the war. Mobb Deep brings him back to the streets of Kaon. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill centers him a bit; allows him to simply sit with the album's beauty over a cube of energon one evening.

He picks through the more modern hip-hop and rap. Megatron can't seem to let go of the sound of the artists before, his expectations set unbelievably high. Very few could provide the same captivation of hearing Trapped for the first time.

Which was why it was fitting when Megatron finally reaches the artist that was so ardently defended.

Kendrick's music surprised Megatron at every turn. There was serenity in one verse that would build into a maelstrom of vigor and fervor. He was playful with intonation that any form of monotone required stillness. His lyrics melded with melody and the quick change of beats felt as though Megatron was listening to master craftsmen. To Pimp A Butterfly pushed Megatron to fill datapad after datapad with his own analysis and excitement. He gets through the DAMN. album and sits in silence after Duckworth finishes playing. Megatron almost misses his shift due to filling over 4 datapads worth of thoughts. One of them being that the album- while phenomenal- comes second to Pimp A Butterfly (The sampling of the interview with Tupac certainly adds to the bias).

It comes to the point where Megatron has to find someone to talk to about the genre. Minimus will spend too long on the vulgarity of lyrics. While Megatron thinks that while Drift would take delight in some of the music, there's still an air of tension whenever the two are around one another that suggests their relationship should stay professional. Megatron's at a loss with all of his thoughts when Grimlock of all bots catches him humming and goes, "Is that Outkast?"

It's a strange comradery they build, yet one that Megatron's delighted to take part in over energon at Swerve's. They've gotten a few stares that intensify anytime they have any arguments on which region's produces the best rappers.

("You can't deny the impact of west coast rap." Megatron had threw his hands up.

"And I refuse to let you consider southern rap artists as a 'paltry attempt' of emulating New York!" Grimlock pointed at Megatron.)

Magnus gently asked them to have their conversations somewhere else.

The Lost Light ends up encountering a human ship that isn't thrilled to see Megatron (even in a parallel universe, Megatron still finds a way to cause fear), but doesn't outright attack him on the account of the autobot badge on his chasis. They give him a wide berth while on the Lost Light. That is until him and Grimlock play Juvenile (at Grimlock's request), and have two human's peaking around the corner with shock and judgement. They ask both of them their thoughts on the genre that has Megatron stand a bit straighter as he talks for joors about his descend into hip-hop. One of the humans nod- still wary of Megatron but regards him with the respect. The other (Jeremiah) revels in this fact and is brought into the fold. The three meet every so often, discussing the state of music.

Then one day, Jeremiah rushes to Megatron with the rap battle of the generation.

Megatron smiles so hard at Kendrick's responses that it scares the whole Lost Light.

[nocticola]

2021 Fic Year in Review

Tagged by @greyhavenisback . It’s over a week into 2022, but I wanted to see what exactly I managed to write during 2021 before doing this, so here it goes:

Total Number Of Completed Works: 11+ one poem. And that number is a bit high because I mostly added chapters to works I had already completed and then there is the doubling of a Finnish/English language works. And then I closed Drabbles on Touch and Haven Oneshots/Prompts to start a new fic for those, so this isn’t very accurate. And it least a few of these are ones I might add to this year.

Total Word Count: 69952 words for 2021, which is not accurate because most of these are older. I’ve also written a few Six Sentence Sunday fics, but tumblr doesn’t let me find them right now so *shrug*

Fandoms I’ve Written In: Haven, Cherry Magic (also podficced!), Game of Thrones (a Varys oneshot based on one scene!), Marvel Comics/MCU, Country Comfort, Country at Heart/Love Song, Dollhouse, House, MD (to fix the aphobia), The Christmas Setup, The Dark Artifices, The Expanse.

That was a bit more than I expected lol

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

I had higher hopes for Ace Week but considering I had two jobs for many months and some studies, yeah, I’m happy with how much I managed to write. 

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

Duke Sterling, (closeted aroace) Country Superstar

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28402077/chapters/69594087

I will write the rest of this fic because I love it so much. Country at Heart has become a real comfort movie for me, and looking at Duke Sterling was this perspective is really fun and validating for me.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

I think maybe actually writing in the MCU, especially since I am writing a character who is aroace in the comics and fandom doesn’t want her to be and I am making it clear that is how I am writing Yelena. I haven’t gotten any push back yet but I am never going to venture into her tags over on Ao3 without some serious blocking and filtering and that’s never a fun experince. 

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

I have some plans for Genuary I just learned about, and I hope to finish a lot of the fics I started last year.

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

It’s not even a contest Pizza Dog and Fanny

 https://archiveofourown.org/works/35721904/chapters/89070631

It’s a gen Kate Bishop & Yelena Belova fic AU set during Hawkeye. I’ve only written the Kate pov but it very quickly got over 700 hits, it has over 50 kudos and 7 bookmarks, and right now it has 15 subs, which is almost the amount of my user subscribers lol. And it’s only 3 weeks old. 

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

This is also not even a question:

Marvel Guy and...

 https://archiveofourown.org/works/35046331/chapters/87291742

It has one hit and I’m not completely convinced that isn’t a mistake on someone’s part. This is easily my least read fic.

It’s about Benjamin ‘Benny’ Thomas aka Marvel Guy, a teenage superhero who’s asexual and demiromantic and the first chapter is about his friendship with Carmen Cruz, an afrolatina mutant lesbian. They’re from Children of the Atom and I enjoyed that run and their friendship so I wrote about it. 

I have a sibling chapter for Benny and his brother Jason coming up at some point. And I am kinda thinking of writing one with Nadia Van Dyne. If no one’s reading it, I can write what I want. 

Most Fun Story To Write:

Comfort at Heart. For some reason , combining Country at Heart and Country Comfort was just really fun, and I have at least 2 chapters I’m writing for that one at some point. 

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: New chapters for Finnish American Nathan Wuornos/Amerikansuomalainen Nathan Wuornos. IDK, Duke Sterling Country Superstar, having an aroace reading of a Hallmark movie.

To Be or not to Be (Out) for Christmas Setup. Whether ot not to be out and how and why.

Biggest Disappointment: Marvel Guy and... Seriously, I’ve had more interest in a fic for 8/12 year old Christmas movies.

Biggest Surprise: This only kinda fits but almost 5 years ago (Feb 2017) I wrote a fic for Roshanna Chatterji, DC Comics’ only asexual character, and it finally got its first comment! 

Roshanna Chatterji does not like to be touched

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9717557

And that was very gratifying for me, because the reason I started writing fics for ace characters even if they barely get a response, is for someone to have the reaction that commenter did, of ‘I hoped there was fic for this character, didn’t assume much, but you gave me what I wanted’. Am I the best writer? No, especially not back then, but I have aspec thoughts and I will write about them.

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year:

Getting a podfic for Fujisaki's Aro Week . Having someone else be inspired by my words and interpret them so beautifully, it was very validating. And the fact that it was an aro fic makes it even more special to me. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29674707

Podfic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29834853

I think this is it. Not tagging people, but feel free to do if you see this and write fic.

[save-the-spiral]

InkWizTober Day Twenty: Tread + Sleeping In

Welcome to Inktober Day Twenty! This is basically just a sapphic love poem masquerading as prose. I did a tiny bit of research, if any of my lil hints of things were wrong please tell me. I have never traveled, T_T

(link to prompt lists) (link to inktober tag)

Mari woke up to a soft kiss on her bare shoulder, loose t-shirt fabric bunched down her arm, her brown skin on display. Her confused mumble are muffled by her pillow. 

“Good morning sunshine.” Irisi’s teasing voice, Krokotopian accent thicker with sleepiness, was the siren song that truly woke Mari.

Rolling over in their huge shared sleeping bag, Mari kissed Irisi, missing a bit so it was only half her mouth, but they both huffed with amusement at Mari’s clumsiness. Irisi was already dressed for the day of hiking, her tank-top leaving freckled, toned arms bare and making Mari stare far too obviously.

“C’mon, Mari. I made breakfast already. We gotta get going if we don’t wanna miss the sunrise.”

Mari groaned, rolling over and flopping against her pillow pathetically. “Remind me why I let you drag me out in the middle of the Japanese wilderness?”

“Emrys wanted to go to all those museums to learn about his culture and you didn’t wanna stick around for when he looked for his biological dad, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah. He didn’t want us around either.” Mari got up, accepting her fate, and rummaged through her duffel bag for proper clothes. Camping in Japan was amazing, the spring blooms making every view gorgeous, every moment worth staying in forever. 

Their tour of Earth had started in America, where they had some connections, and they quickly got what they needed to forge passports and such to be able to get to where they wanted to go. They toured Europe, then traveled around northern Africa and lingered around Egypt, where Irisi was fascinated by such a similar culture to her own. Then it was India, where Mari wanted to stay forever, to really learn and exist where she came from, to be absorbed in the very ground there and become one with it. 

India was Mari’s favorite. She convinced them to stay for the whole winter, only leaving after Holi.

Now they were in Japan, and Emrys, her brother, was more closed off than ever, trying to understand the hurt that lead to him being left alone by his parents. Trying to understand what it actually is to be half Japanese, besides something he can idly mention when talking to close friends about Earth. Then they’d go to South Korea, Emrys’ other half, and he’d start all over again over there, except hopefully the reunion with his mother would be better.

In Mari’s opinion, his biological parents didn’t deserve to see what an amazing, intelligent man they missed out on raising. Irisi insisted that would be rude to say.

Mari looked into her backpack to find it full of the supplies they’d need today for their hike. She’d have to nag Irisi about getting more sleep later, her girlfriend had a habit of waking too early and not even trying to sleep again.

She grabbed Irisi’s jacket, and once she pushed out of the tents’ flaps, threw it at her girlfriend. 

“It’s not a desert here, you’ll catch your death.” Mari said tensely, trying not to snap with her own tiredness.

“Someone’s bright eyed and busy tailed.” Irisi muttered, snorting as she shrugged the jacket on in the pitch blackness of the morning.

Mari laughed, nudging Irisi with her hip as she pushed past her to look at their little food set up. “Tofu breakfast burrito? You spoil me.” 

Irisi kissed her on the cheek, passing by to grab her own bag. “Anything for you.” 

They worked together to pack up the tent and their chairs, all without any magic to aid them. When their contact got them to Earth, they were told to never use magic unless a life was on the line. Unfortunately, carrying their heavy camping gear up a mountain didn’t count.

It was still hard to see, and they had to use flashlights to navigate in the darkness. Mari sometimes was passively able to shift nature to their advantage, instinct over need causing it. Ambient magic seemed to pulse off of her as she got more and more into her element, reveling in the beauty around her, how it was all so alive, new and growing.

She and Irisi rarely talked on their hikes. It was almost meditative, and a kind of peace settled over Mari that she hadn’t felt in years. Not since her quiet youth of gardening in Mooshu, of always sunny days and no quests to save worlds.

Maybe Japan was her second favorite country.

They got to a flattened out seating area along the trail, not the top of the mountain, but near enough that the air felt thinner than usual. A campsite would be nearby, and they’d set up for the day, but for now, they’d rest on this little sanctuary within the sanctuary of Mount Takao. 

Lazy dawn light was beginning to show, pale and shy. Irisi grinned, almost throwing down her bags and going to sit closest to the ledge, back against one of the concrete foundations of the picnic tables. Mari sighed, but settled her stuff down next to Irisi’s, grabbing the bag for camping chairs and also their fluffiest blanket from Switzerland. 

Being the sensible one was exhausting. Mari now knew why she never bothered before.

“Mari! Come on!” Irisi yelled, disturbing some birds.

Mari set out the chairs, popping them into place and looking at Irisi. “Slouching against concrete isn’t good for your back.” 

Irisi snorted, but upon seeing the blanket she got in her maroon camping chair and wiggled in it to move closer, making silly grabby hands at the blanket Mari had. 

They leaned together, Irisi resting her head on Mari’s shoulder, now fully cuddled into their blanket. Pinks began to light up on the horizon, the canopy of trees below a mesh of greens with patches of pink from cherry blossoms. 

Mari was transfixed. The sunrise filled her with the same awe that hollowed out her chest like New Years fireworks, like joyful children painting each other every color possible in the streets of New Delhi, like the pyramids of Giza, like seeing Irisi for the first time.

It was amazing in a whole new definition, taking her perspective and twisting it artfully, a wire sculpture of geometry she couldn’t even understand, in a dimension beyond her own three.

It felt spiritual, and before this trip she had only idly considered those kinds of things.

Warm tears traced lines down her cheeks, nothing but two twin tree trunks, two blades of grass, two stems to alien flowers. Magic and something she couldn’t name swirled within her, soft and welcoming, like coming home again and again.

Mari wanted to travel forever. To find every one of these moments and crystallize them in her memory, make them something tangible and real. She wanted to bring them back to the magical side of the Spiral, shove them in wizards’ faces and ask why they thought magic was what made them worthy, when no magic could make this kind of moment.

Irisi was snoring softly on her shoulder, and the sun was continuing to rise, the pretty colors gone, leaving only beautiful blues. Mari rested her head against Irisi’s, knowing she’d probably have a crick in her neck later, but let herself fall endlessly into a soft warm sleep.

They’d sleep for a few more hours, lovely and delicate, whole and there as two people in love could be.

[dontalk2melulu]

UNDER THE PALE MOONLIGHT WITH CHERRY BLOSSOMS TO ROMANTICIZE MY EXISTENTIAL DREADING

Blog: Japan

At some points in my life, I fantasize my death under the pale moonlight with cherry blossoms to romanticize my sweet demise. I think that Japan would be a good spot. Therefore, without a crumb of hesitation my feet headed me here.

I’m holding my journal notebook, with a title “Stuff of a Nearly Proper Person”. I came across this page where I wrote down the things that scare me in my mid 20’s and I started to feel my chest burning and like something is squeezing it tightly, then my tears cosplayed like a waterfall.

Things that scare me in my mid-20’s

1. My eyes will lose all light and my soul will lose all hope as I endure my 20s.

2. Not living a fun, reckless youth to fondly remember.

3. Not being hundred percent financially independent ever.

4. Never making friends again who will truly understand and care.

5. Not being able to travel or live in NYC.

6. Not writing anymore.

7. Either losing my hair or it all turning white completely and never get the chance to try gooddyeyoung products.

8. Cancer diagnosis.

9. Becoming a legit potato.

10. Not coming across books again that will make me feel something.

11. Not enjoying sex.

12. Never being able to let go of the people from my past or becoming my old self again.

13. Entering any kind of romantic relationship and will realize that I don’t like being committed to a relationship and might hurt someone. Specially my parents who want grandchildren.

14. Not being able to get out of this place -my place.

15. Just talking but not doing anything to help the world.

16. Forgetting my dreams because it’s more convenient than chasing after them.

17. Slowly being apathetic.

18. Spending a major chuck of my life in traffic or in a line for girl’s restroom in public areas.

19. Always rushing.

20. Eating away all my hard-earned money.

21. No stable work and starve to death.

22. Finally deciding to find my escape route and feel guilty all my life for leaving my parents.

23. Pleasuring myself being alone and go mental and no one’s gonna be there to visit me in the asylum.

24. Forgetting the spelling of cat and apple.

25. Not being able to find purpose and gets tired trying and chasing.

In all honesty, I feel like floating all the time heading to neverending nowhere. I don’t think I could make it until 30. I don’t even know where the hell am I at this moment. I just slammed my body in this tiny bench with lined-up trees around.

Anyway, let’s just get into the very point of this blog, alright?

Japanese Literature

Facts about Japan:

Nippon – “Land of the Rising Sun”

Japan as a country has a past with its styles in its own tradition, in clothing, building, and foods. The name Japan came from the Chinese phrase meaning “the source of the sun.”The land of Japan is a low-based chain of islands over a thousand miles long. It has a total land area of 142, 247 sq. miles, with four main islands which are Hokkaido, Hanshu, Kyushu, and Shikoku. It is said that because of its shape, the people call their land “crystals dropped from the point of the creator’s spear.”

Japanese Literature is one of the major bodies of Oriental Literature. It is less voluminous than Chinese Literature but comparable to Arabic, Persian, and Indian Literature. It covers the period from the fifth century A.D to the present.

The written literature of Japan forms one of the richest of Oriental traditions.  It has received foreign influences since its beginning in the 8th century.  Before the middle of the 19th century, the source of influence was the culture of China. After the middle of the 19th century, the impact of modern Western culture became predominant.

Let us get to know the literary periods of Japanese literature including the authors and their works which contribute to the rich reservoir of Japan’s treasure.

Literary Periods

Japanese literature is divided into four periods: 1. Ancient Literature. Works were mostly dealt with legends and myths. 2. Classical Literature. The period where The Tale of Genji was written. 3. Medieval Literature. Literature was hugely influenced by civil wars and the emergence of the warrior class, resulting to the rise of war tales. 4. Modern Literature. It was marked by the emergence of new styles including romanticism.

Literary Works & Genres

Poetry is one of Japan’s oldest and well-known means of extension and communication. It includes the Manyoshu, Choka, Tanka, Renga, and Hokku.

Beside of poetry, novel, and drama that have long histories in Japan, but also some literary genres not so highly esteemed in other countries – like diaries, travel accounts, and books of random thoughts – are also prominent.

Works also include legends, myths, and war tales.

Notable Writers

Japan is a home to many prolific writers, including those who write fiction, nonfiction, poetry, and more. Few of the notable writers in Japan are Seami Motokiyo, The Haiku Poets (Basho, Buson, and Issa), Yasunari Kawabata, Tanizaki, Mishima, and a lot more.

Now, let me introduce you to one of Japanese Folktales. The folktale, “The Wise Old Woman” tells the story of a village where old people are taken to the mountains and left to die. One young farmer refuses to let his mother die, so instead he builds a secret basement in his home and hides his mother there for years.

After reading this myself, I came to point out the theme of the story: Our elders must receive love for they need it the most at such old age, respect for they are wise and have a lot of experiences and wisdom more than us who are only half their age, and appreciation because no matter how cruel we’ve been to them, they will still help us whole-heartedly in times of need.

Meet the famous poet of the Edo Period in Japan, Matsuo Basho.

During his lifetime, Basho was recognized for his works in the collaborative haikai no renga form. Today, after centuries of commentary, he is recognized as the greatest master of haiku.

A haiku is a three-line poem in which the first line has five syllables, the second line with seven syllables, and the final line with five syllables. In short, it has the 5-7-5 pattern. The lines in haiku may not necessarily rhyme but they usually create images.

The haiku is among the most ancient Japanese poetic forms. It usually contains somewhere a hint of one of the four seasons in Japan, love of nature and acceptance of life’s truths. It is short but full of meaning, often hidden from the reader.

Based on Basho’s three haikus, he didn’t have to lay on a summer grass to feel the unfulfilled dreams of the warriors; he just looks at it. He feels it by appreciating the nature. He wanted to share to us what his observations were about the natural world and would tell it and leave us spaces for self-questioning.

Want to have some more? Another literary piece written by one of the famous Japanese poet, Akutagawa Ryunusuke. Ryunusuke is prolific Japanese writer known especially for his stories based on events in the Japanese past and for his stylistic virtuosity. Akutagawa wrote almost all his central works in the ten years before his suicide. His early short pieces were carefully plotted historical tales, but toward the end of his short life, he focused more on his own emotional state and contemporary settings.

The publication in 1915 of his short story “Rashōmon” led to his introduction to Natsume Sōseki, the outstanding Japanese novelist of the day. With this influence in Japanese literature, he is regarded as the Father of Japanese Short Story. One of his stories is the famous, “The Spider Thread”.

The main character, Kandata, could relate to some people in the present time because there are certain circumstances that, like Kandata, we want things only for ourselves for instance money, love, attention, respect, blessings, material things, and etc. Because of this greed, we unconsciously and consciously violate our own rights and of the others. We tend to narrow our perspective, focusing it only for ourselves. However, some people are able to wake up from their long reverie and start thinking and doing the right thing, even if this would hurt their pride but at least they could enjoy the rest of their lives. And some are still bewitched by greed and money, thinking that the world revolves around them until everything they hoped for to not be lost will be gone forever.

There are some selections in the story of Akutagawa Ryunusuke that are worth it to go back to (just like what I do to people). Then, later on, I’ll explain the meaning of these selections and the reason why I picked them.

Literary Luminary #1

Sections/Lines/Quotations/Passages: “As you can imagine, those who had fallen this far had been so worn down by their tortures in the seven other hells that they could no longer had the strength to cry out.”

Meaning: When you’re exposed and experiencing great torture, it seems like your potential energy is fading out. When this happens, do you still even care what level of pain you’re getting and how much does it hurt you? No. there’s none to do but to numb yourself down, all exhausted that you’re not even trying to vent out the pain because it’s pointless.

Reason for the selection: I’m wondering why people are still pushing through in doing evil acts even though we were warned from the very start about the existence of hell. We do bad things in this life and as a sanction, we rot in hell. Do we like it that much that we suffer from great level of misery that we’re screwing our lives knowing that we are to screw ourselves even more after?

Literary Luminary #2

Sections/Lines/Quotations/Passages: Kandata screamed at them, “Listen to me, you sinners! This spider thread is mine! Who said you could climb it? Get off! Get off!”

Meaning: Kandata wanted the spider thread to be just for him. If the other sinners insist on climbing that thread, it will soon snap and all of them including Kandata will fall down. Being pressured and not knowing what to do, he started yelling at the other sinners to get off. He only wanted to be saved.

Reason for the selection: This selection had got me thinking that when we’re too desperate to survive a situation, it’s a natural response of our brain to only think of the ways how we can overcome it and get out of that situation, no matter what the cost is, even if it means abandoning some people and force them to let go.

Japanese literature expresses innumerous components of Japanese people. It expresses their gratitude towards traditions and their sympathy towards nature. Their early literature was greatly influenced by cultural contact with Chinese Literature. But, later on established their literature into a seperate style.

Trust me when I say that I tried my best to make this blog possible although my creativity had abandoned me a few days ago. I just wanted to lay in this bench forever. I’m not even sure what I want in life. What do I want? I want to leave and won’t be found no matter how hard they search for me. I will be wandering around towns and cities. I won’t settle in one place because I dread to be in new places that make my heart to pound hard that I’ll be catching for my breath.

I’ll find a job and resign after 3-4 months, and seek for another job. A waitress in a lowkey restaurant in the countryside or a journalist maybe? It won’t be that easy, I know. I will be meeting potential friends on the way to cure some of my loneliness. Spend quality time with them and when it’s time to go, I’ll walk away again with another ache (a bearable ache), but I have to proceed.

No, I’ll not be running away nor hiding from something. It’s just me being insatiable and fond in experimenting unexplainable things in life. I want to do things I’ve never done before; feel different emotions; even discover new kinds of emotions, if there are. The journey will be lonely, and it has to be that way.

But will I be truly happy if I do all these? Will I ever be contented if I stay here regretting but at least I get to be with my family and other important human beings? Can’t I just be both?

I had enough of this. Things are getting complicated on my mind, so I’m ending this blog with a deep sigh.

[carryonchristmas]

The Ultimate Fandom Gift Guide

The “Carry On” Christmas party is coming closer and you’ve got no idea what to make? Well, here’s a list of all the awesome things just about anyone can create! Feel free to add your ideas in the comments!

The “Obvious” One: Fanfiction

“Carry On” is just that: Rainbow Rowell’s fanfiction of the Simon Snow we know from “Fangirl”. (But it isn’t Cath’s fanfiction!) So what if Simon and Baz lived in Rainbow‘ s world (or in Cath‘s for that matter.) Or what if it was the other way around? Could you imagine them in your favourite film or TV show or in just about any alternative universe?

Once the ideas there you can write anything you want: A one-shot, an AU poem, a longer story with several chapters that you post on the days of the party (and beyond), there are no limits and no rules. If you have never written any fanfiction, don’t be afraid and just go for it! (On December 19st I will upload a post with a few tips and tricks for fanfiction writing so if you’re still unsure by that time make sure to drop by and maybe learn something new!)

The “Classic”: Playlist

If you know anything about Rainbow Rowell, you are probably aware of the fact that she LOVES playlists—if not, make sure to check them out on her Spotify! (My personal favourite is the Eleanor&Park soundtrack.) Nonetheless, playlists are a great way of sharing your favourite songs with others—the might even be Snowbaz, Simon Snow or “Carry On” related. Also: There is nothing better than being able to listen to a great, fandom made, soundtrack whilst scrolling through the #carryonchristmas Tumblr feed and enjoying not only the awesome music but also the amazing gifts posted to the Christmas party.

The “Musical” One: Song covers

Creating a playlist of your favourite “Carry On” related songs just isn’t enough? Try recording a cover of one (or all of them) then! Creating your own version of a music piece is not only a lot of fun but also a great way to give it a little twist, instead of a girl suddenly the song might be about a guy and so on. Covering a song is also a great way to show off your musical talent and also to try out new things—maybe it is just about the right time to get out that xylophone you played with as a child and see what you can do with it now.

The Popular One: Drawings/ Illustrations

There is this one scene of “Carry On” that you just can’t get out of your head? Draw it! Sketch it! Even if it’s just a curl of Simon’s luscious hair or one of Baz’s eyes or an entire scene or maybe even an entire comic strip—just let your creativity flow and most importantly, have fun whilst doing so! Don’t be intimidated by all the artists out there you think to be much better—it’s all do to practice and even then they will never have your style or see something the same way you do, a new perspective is always wanted and welcome!

The Rare One: DIYs (Do It Yourself)

For some reason, these aren’t as popular in the “Carry On” fandom or I just didn’t manage to find them yet. If you are part of one of the bigger fandoms you probably know, that there is a bazillion of DIY content you can recreate: from costumes to room décor to school utensils (f.e. the Harry Potter fandom or the Sherlock one) but in our community, there is still this giant lack. I have yet to come across a single “Simon Snow room decor” video or instructions on how to make my very own Sword of Mages pen, so if you are a crafty person please channel your innermost art concepts and enlighten us so that we can all make our own “Carry On” related things.

The “Simon” One: Recipes

“Carry On” is ALL ABOUT FOOD. (For inspiration you can always take a look at my food overview post.) So why don’t you cook or bake something, that Simon would like (let’s be real I don’t think that there is a single edible thing Simon would reject) and then share the recipe with the rest of the fandom? I, for instance, have never ever tasted scones—neither the sour cherry ones nor the plain raisin ones, because I’ve been struggling to find a good recipe, but maybe you know the one that will blow our minds? Sharing it would be an excellent gift for the Christmas party!

The “Old fashioned” One: Christmas cards

Are you a little bit old-fashioned (like me) and still enjoy sending out (Christmas) cards—and maybe even make them yourself? Then this is your time to shine! Share your self-written Christmas cards from or to the characters or instruct everyone on how to make their own (subtle or not so subtle) “Carry On” related Christmas cards. If you don’t know, what to do with them or have no one to send them to, make them anyway: You can still keep them to yourself, hang them on a rope like the British do or give them to your family. (They probably already know about your obsession and will appreciate any Christmas card as long as it contains a few personal  words on the inside.)

The “Humbug instead of Humdrum”: Christmas film AUs (alternative universe)

Probably all of you have a favourite Christmas film, be it “The Grinch”, the “Night before Christmas”, “Frosty the Snowman” or “Home Alone”, but what would happen if suddenly Simon and Baz where in the universe of your favourite Christmas film? What characters would they be? How would the plot line be different from the original? You can share your ideas through fanfictions, illustrations, simple text posts in which you state your ideas or in just about anyway. I’d love to read all about “Simon the Snowman” or maybe even “Baz Home Alone”!

The “Last but not Least”: Snowflake appreciation

You don’t feel like any of these things speaks to you and don’t have any other ideas on what you could contribute but don’t want to miss out? Well, why don’t you create a Snowflake appreciation post? In it, you can thank all the awesome friends you’ve made through the fandom and promote their blogs at the same time which will surely be a great gift to them as well. Christmas is the time of spreading love and what better way is there to do so than by telling everyone how amazing your friends are and how much you love them?

I hope that this post could help you with your gift making! Don’t forget that the Christmas party will start December 23rd! I’m excited to see all the things we are going to create!

[thevulturesquadron]

Tagged by @solas-you-nerd!  Thanks!  ❤  (this took me so long! I never found the time, but really, thanks for the tag!) Also I apologize; as I was filling the spaces I realized I am really bad at this. I can’t ever pick ‘favorites’. I just can’t so sorry for the messy post.

Tagging: @saraparilla @sanzosin @nickysvalentine and anyone else who wants to take this!! 

  ~ O N E ~ Name: Lexa Nickname: Umm I don't really have one? Friends I met online back in the days in games still call me 'Fleur' sometimes from my old gaming nickname - Fleur.du.Mal (after Baudelaire's volume of poems). Like Joost when he screams in agony as he plays Hanzo - 'Fleur, revive me plz! I have ult.' (I never revive him btw). Also on this blog I kept the nickname for personal tags or to differentiate my OCs from Ade’s in the tags.  Zodiac sign: Aquarius Height:  5′8″ Orientation:  Pansexual Ethnicity: White Favorite fruit: Hmm... sour cherries? Favorite season: Autumn Favorite book: Can't pick, I have so many. A library full of them... in the past few years though for some reason I have read mostly non-fiction books. It’s going to get boring if I start naming those.  Favorite scent: Almonds? I am really bad at ‘what’s your favorite’ type of questions. I love lots and lots of things and I cant pick. They are all related to the mood I am in.  Favorite animal: Cats. And tiny, creepy looking geckos. Coffee, tea or hot cocoa?: Coffee and tea anytime, all the time.  And then occasional hot cocoa with cinnamon during winter. Average hours of sleep: I need around 8 hours to be completely rested. But usually I sleep around 5 each night. Cats or dogs: Cats but if Ade and I will ever move to a house I wouldn't mind having a dog as well. Favorite fictional characters: It's impossible to pick!!!! So many fictional universes, so many characters. I’ll just go randomly with some characters off the top of my mind: Garrett (Thief series), Sloane Kelly, SAM and Alec Ryder (Mass Effect Andromeda), Handsome Jack (Borderlands - also my all time favorite villain) Dream trip: I don't care, i just want to see the world. As much of it as I can. When was your blog created: This one in February 2013 . My personal one in July 2011.  What do you post about: Mostly video games. Sometimes comics and movies. Geeky stuff. Occasionally my own edits and playlists, and once in a blue moon Ade and I post some fanart.  Do you get asks on a regular basis: Nope, not really. Aesthetic: Outer-space, summer thunderstorm, train rails and pomegranates. Favorite band/artist?: These questions will be the end of me. I’m a jukebox, I listen and enjoy too many things. Depends what I am in the mood for. Fictional character I’d date: Huh.. Isabela from Dragon Age Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

~ T W O ~ Countries I’ve lived in: Romania Favorite fandom: ??? eeh... I sincerely don’t have one. Hey, but I met some amazing people in fandoms. Now that I think of it I met my girlfriend waaaay back thanks to the Assassin’s Creed fandom. And I met one of my best friends, @saraparilla​ in the Fallout fandom. So if anything, people should never take to heart the bad and the ugly. There’s a lot of creativity and there are great things in fandoms so just sail those waters.   Languages you speak: Well Romanian (my own language), English, French and Italian. Everything else is too rusty to mention.  Favorite film of 2016: Here’s 3 COMPLETELY different titles:  Hail, Caesar! ; Hidden Figures;  American Honey. I haven’t watched a lot of movies last year.  Last article you read: It was actually just a review for a book I want to read -  Sexuality, Citizenship and Belonging: Trans-National and Intersectional Perspectives. 

Shuffle your music library and put your first three songs here: Purity Ring -  Obedear // Buddy Holly - Listen to Me // alt-J - Nara

Last thing you bought online?: Mass Effect Nexus Uprising  How would your friends describe you?: silver-tongue How would your enemies describe you?: manipulative