#and they were already used to the romantic aspects but were so frightened of acknowledging it

[ash-soka]

Truth serum!

Orph—how’d you meet your man? What drew you to him?

Aqua—Favorite doll and favorite ghost investigation!

"Orph—how’d you meet your man? What drew you to him?"

A question about my beloved Sol ☀️💚

I wish I had a more romantic tale to tell, the first time I laid eyes on him was when I first performed for the Pythian Royal Court. My old dance troupe was hired to entertain the king and his court, and during the performance the sun glinted off the Crown Prince's iridescent scales, catching my eye.

But our first conversation was far from idyllic.

Some weeks after this initial sighting, he requested a private meeting with me, though "requested" may be too light of a word. I met with him and his personal guard in his quarters, I can't say it wasn't intimidating.

He had put together that I was working for his father as an informant, but he wasn't angry, he gave me the benefit of the doubt. And in truth I was ignorant of his father's tryanny, which Sol laid out quite plainly, before giving me the opportunity to work with him instead, to feed the king false information.

I accepted, and this lead quite naturally into the second part of your question, — what drew me to him. We met many times while working against the king, and I saw his kindness, the strength of his convictions and his morals, his determination to be different to his father.

I had a front row seat to the strength of his character, and the full force of his determination to do right by his people. I don't feel there was a single aspect that drew me too him, it was a mix of these qualities that had me falling in love with him while we worked together.

Thank you for asking, I love few things more than discussing my beloved. However, I would have preferred to spin a more romantic fable than the truth that these feelings bloomed as we planned a coupe.

"Aqua—Favorite doll and favorite ghost investigation!"

Hello!

My favourite doll is Mildred! She's been with me the longest! She was given to me by a relative as a child, and I was fascinated by her. She's been a friend to me for most of my life. For as long as I've had her I've felt watched over, and comforted. She just wants somewhere nice to hang out with her friends, she's been really welcoming of new additions to the family as well!

Millie's not the most active physically, but she has an undeniable presence! Even people who aren't very sensitive to spirits get the feeling that someone's there with them around her. Her big brown eyes really make it look like she can see you, as well! Some people find her unsettling because of this, but she's a sweetheart 💗

I don't know if it would count as an investigation, as I already knew about the spirit in question, but favourite ghost experience is actually one that wasn't associated with Wraith Watch.

As you may know, my boyfriend is afraid of ghosts. I don't blame him, it's unknown, and it's something that can have scary connotations. Also, because of his job, he's only available at night, which can add to the frightening atmosphere! So he's only accompanied me a handful of times.

But one night he agreed to accompany me to observe a phenomenon I find fascinating! Sometimes a spirit will stay somewhere not because it's associated with their death, but simply because it's somewhere they loved in life. I tend to leave these spirits alone, they're doing no harm and I trust them to move on when they feel ready.

There's such a spirit who hangs out only a short drive from our city. The location is a beautiful outlook in the desert, especially at night, when the scorching sun is replaced by a blanket of stars.

I was honest with Leo, so he was tense to start with, holding tight to my hand, but the beautiful location helped him calm down, and we sat on the hood of his car. It took barely half an hour for the apparition to show up. They knew were there, but didn't acknowledge us, nor did we do anything to disturb them.

The three of us hung out in silence, enjoying the beautiful scenery and watching the stars, until it got into the early hours of the morning, and Leo became tired. It was the first time he's wanted to leave somewhere haunted because he was tired, rather than scared!

It was really special to share one of my interests with him, and see him so comfortable with it! It's also one of my favourite supernatural phenomenons to observe. I struggle to think of something more beautiful than the fact that you can love something so much that your love will outlast death itself. Thanks for asking!

thought I'd include these nice picrews of them, orph on the left, aqua on the right!

(picrew by caramael)

link to the truth serum post!

[lawslessons]

hey! i really enjoyed what you wrote for the soulmate alphabets so [insert All Might smile] i am here!! could i request D [soulmate] for Zoro? thanks in advance! ☺️💓

Hello my dear! I am so sorry for how long this took, I haven’t been feeling well but today I had energy to write so I decided to take advantage of that! I took some creative liberty with the whole Marine aspect and I hope you enjoy it!

Zoro x Reader - No Promises 

D - “damage done to a person also translates into their soulmate’s body”

Warnings: mentions of bodily harm

Synopsis: A vicious pursuit, Zoro manages to get lost and stumble across someone powerful. Their aura is daunting and their ability with a sword is even more frightening, but being efficient with a sword is not their only similarity. Zoro soon finds out that their connection runs deeper, much deeper, not just skin deep in the pursuit.

“We almost caught up with him, Vice Admiral!” A shaky man yelled to his head officer with his hand against his forehead in pure respect. The person they were addressing didn’t look too pleased by what their subordinate said. 

“Almost? Almost? Why didn’t you catch up to him?” They scowled as they slammed their fist down against the table and watched as it began to shake under the sheer force of their fist. 

“He’s fast, we had no way -- “

“Bullshit,” They scoffed as they adjusted their white cape with a sour expression on their face. The subordinate squeaked and quickly scrambled to grab his papers before he ran out of the office with a small scream. They sighed in annoyance as they watched him run away, they leaned against their desk with a small frown. “Guess I need to go out there,” They said as they grabbed their sword and left their office. If something needed to be done, do it yourself or something like that, they thought. Like usual, the Strawhat crew was making a mess of a town they were in, and being the Vice Admiral in charge of the island and the islands surrounding it, they took it as their personal responsibility to make sure that this disturbance was accounted for. While most of the crew had escaped, there was a person that wasn’t accounted for yet: Roronoa Zoro, one of the world’s strongest swordsmen. They felt their hand tense at the thought of being able to finally fight him, to finally see if his strength was anything remarkable. 

“Vice Admiral! We caught sight of him near the pier, it seems that he’s lost?” Another subordinate said in some confusion. They couldn’t help but sigh at that, they had heard about how directionally challenged the swordsman was, but they never expected it to be this bad, after all the island was only so big. With a small breath, they got into a running stance before they were practically flying through the air to the pier to catch up with the swordsman. They came to a skidding halt when they heard the sound of swords clashing. 

He was here. 

When they looked over their shoulder and saw the swordsman heavily breathing as he put his swords away, they couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Are you already tired?” They teased as they slowly approached the rabid Zoro. Zoro frowned and went to pull his sword out, but their quick reflexes quickly stopped the swordsman in his tracks. “Did you seriously think that would work?” They frowned as they pulled their sword away. Their eyes scanned over the swordsman's body and noticed something interesting. Scars ran across his chest and his arms, all deep and jagged and painful, and most importantly exactly like theirs. They frowned at that realization and took a step back from him. Now it was Zoro’s turn to smirk, he took their look as them checking him out, who would blame them? He was built, strong, he was almost godly in his stature. 

“If you just wanted me you could’ve asked, I've never done a vice admiral before,” Zoro teased. 

“Shut it,” They snapped in disgust, they moved to take their coat off and unbuttoned the top of their shirt to show the same, long scar that Zoro had. “I was looking at your scar, where the hell did you get it?” They asked as they pointed to the swordsman in curiosity. Zoro frowned when he saw the scar that was the same as his own, but before either of them could say anymore, the marine reinforcements were beginning to arrive and come in full force. 

“Run!” They quickly said as they grabbed the swordsman’s hand and went to run to a safe place for the two of them. They ran fast, Zoro even had to admit that he was surprised by their deftness and speed. As they reached an isolated, quiet part of the town, they started to slow down and looked over at the swordsman. 

“Where -- “

“An abandoned part of the town, it was run down by pirates and the people here had to evacuate,” They shared as they adjusted the coat over their shoulders again. Zoro watched as their face became sullen and how they grew quiet as they looked around the town they were in. Even more than that, Zoro was surprised at how quickly they were opening up to him, why was that?

“Abandoned?” Zoro decided to ask. He almost regretted asking when he saw how their face darkened. 

“All you pirates think you’re so righteous, you fight marines, other pirates but do you ever think about the citizens who have to live in your mess?” They asked him. Zoro stayed silent and watched as they glared at him. Zoro could feel the power emanating off of them, they were someone he knew he shouldn’t mess with so easily. A Vice Admiral, but why were they so different? Did they have the same moral compass as a normal Marine, yes, but something about the way they held themselves, the way the coat slid off of their shoulders caught his eye. 

“What if I said the same about you, huh? You marines only cause damage where you go. You say you represent justice, but what is that justice? Where is it?” Zoro decided to press with a sour frown on his face. 

“Don’t even compare me to -- “

“So you think you’re above the law? You think you can destroy towns that were run by pirates? What about the innocent people there depending on their protection? You guys do the same thing the lowly pirates do. I’m not saying pirates are better, I’m not. I’m saying to look at yourself before you spout bullshit like that, at least pirates have the guts to acknowledge when they destroy something, you all just run away,” Zoro ranted as he slowly stepped towards them. When he noticed how they were trying to look away from him, he used his hand to grab at their chin and force them to maintain the sharp, almost painful eye contact with him. Both of them had hate in their eyes, the tension between them was thick, but thick with what exactly? Neither of them could place their finger on what exactly it was. But soon, Zoro noticed how their eyes began to soften, their lips tightened and it looked as if they were thinking. 

“There really are bad people on both sides,” They frowned as they tried to step away from the swordsman, but Zoro wouldn’t let them go that easily. 

“Why do you have those scars?” Zoro asked instead. The position they were in looked compromising. The Vice Admiral’s back was against a wall now, the swordsman was looking straight down at their chest with curious eyes. Realizing the strange position they were both in, the Vice Admiral had the grace to blush and cast their eyes away from the swordsman as he seemingly undressed them with one of his eyes. 

“They showed up one day. I was a captain on a ship and one day when I was patrolling, a sharp pain. I passed out, when I woke up I saw the deep scar across my chest which confused me, I wasn’t even attacked, and then even more scars started to appear. And two years ago the worst pain in my life happened. A deep pain, it was a personal scar I could tell, it was like fire,” They tried to explain, they did their best to try to explain something that seemingly didn’t make any sense. Zoro was stunned to silence, he stared at the scar some more and looked at the smooth edges of the scar, the stitching, everything. He knew the work of that sword, he was the one who was on the other end of the sword. 

“It was my fault,” Zoro breathed out apologetically, but now it was their turn to be confused. 

“What -- “ Before they were allowed to finish, Zoro stepped back and pointed to the deep scar on his own chest with a frown on his face.

“I got hurt then, that must've done something to you, but I don’t know why,” Zoro frowned. When they both looked at each other again, they began to realize that their connection may have run deeper than he realized. Neither of them were able to say anything about it though, how could they? One was a Vice Admiral and the other a pirate, a powerful pirate from a notorious group. 

“I won’t forget you, Zoro,” They said as the sound of footsteps were heard in the distance: the rest of the reinforcements were coming. Their connection was deep, their lives were intertwined and they didn’t know it yet. “I will capture you one day, and then we can talk,” They said, their sense of justice and their loyalty to their job was still on the forefront of their mind, they couldn’t let Zoro know the power he had over them. Zoro felt the same way, he did his best to look annoyed, but it was difficult, he was intrigued by them. 

“And I will do my best to kick your ass,” Zoro smirked. 

“Romantic,” They teased. 

“I can be if you give me a shot,” Zoro flirted as he started to follow the Vice Admiral out of the abandoned part of the town. They rolled their eyes and looked back over at him. 

“You wish, now get out of here, and don’t get lost!” They yelled as they saw Zoro already running, was it even in the right direction?

“No promises,” Zoro smirked as he started to run past the marines that were there. They all looked confused, how did their Vice Admiral not catch up to him yet? 

“Get him!” A marine yelled as the pursuit began. Zoro wasn’t worried about the people chasing him, instead his mind lingered on the Vice Admiral. The way the coat dropped off of their shoulders, their frown, so romantic. Zoro laughed and sped up, this was going to be an interesting pursuit for sure.

[everythingoesnk]

Don’t Let It Break Your Heart

summary; you break up w/ him & one day you get to.. catch up?

word count; 3 483

disclaimers; the group is only famous in their hometown.

warnings; :)

********

You glared at John in silence.

He was reading the newspaper while breathing in the thick grassy aroma of the tea.

Having swallowed the last sip, he put the cup down.

Rain hitting the window pane, you felt a chill settle along your spine. Unrelated to the coldness resulting from the winter temperatures, the reason of your fragility had nothing to do with the atmosphere of the room. Truth is you had to turn on the radiators to somehow keep the flat warm in that aspect.

“Do you have a cig with you?” you asked, slouched in your chair.

John looked up to you as if he had momentarily forgotten you were there, shook his head and concentrated the attention back to the headlines.

He was ploughing through the Vietnam War updates.

As he learned about the ongoing consequences and impact the conflict had on society and politics, his expressions changed dramatically. Truly questioning himself if faith on humanity was worth keeping, John didn’t acknowledge until then how moments ago you dropped your head down on your chest.

The sandwich you so lazily prepared was still on your plate, untouched.

His eyebrows snapped together.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

You picked your head up after noticing he was talking to you.

“No, I’m fine”

“You’ve lost weight” he added.

“I have”

“You’re too thin”

Whether it was your bottom lip’s subtle tremor or the moistness in your eyes, John figured he had touched a nerve.

His mind travelled years behind to the start of your relationship. To how your figure was a strong impediment for you to get intimate with him, at least in the beginning. Then he helped you understand you are perfect the way you are, no matter what absurd prototypes you think you have to fit in. He refused to stop insisting until you had it seared in your soul that you are the most resplendent angel in his eyes.

“These measurements are ridiculous. Who the fuck is saying you have to respond to such ignorant standards? A magazine for brats who want to become the next Miss Stick across the globe? For fuck’s sake, look at that one. One gust of wind and she’s gone to fucking Jupiter”

John wasn’t angry, but he looked like he was. It bugged him that you wouldn’t realise how freaking hot you were.

“I’m not trying to look like them, I just want to start watching what I eat,” you said with your face covered in red, embarrassed that you were caught prying into that section.

John stared at you. “I’ll support you if that’s what you want, whatever. But modifying your shape ‘cause these nits” he picked the magazine up to allude to the assholes that wrote the article, “are convinced it’s the only way you’re allowed to feel beautiful oughtn't to be an incentive”

Reminiscing on the memory you managed a smile. It was a weak smile, but you glanced down with it lingering on your lips as you rewound the scene in your head one more time.

When you finally looked up into his face, yours was like a bullet through his heart.

The grin had disappeared and you seemed distant and sick. John felt a severe prickle of agony.

“Do you want me to drive you to the doctor’s?”

A film of culpability adhered to your skin was giving you a headache.

Husky with emotion, your voice cracked when you attempted to speak. Fear spewed into your throat as you thought of ways to approach the topic for it to be as painless as possible.

“We need to talk”

“About?”

In front of you was the man that instilled in you so many good values. Among them unconditional true love. And that’s what you wanted him to remember, despite your final decision. He’d have you forever and always until the day you died.

“About us”

John swallowed.

He didn’t read many novels nor obsessed over romantic plots in films, but he wasn’t an idiot. If someone wants to talk about their relationship, especially in the state you were in, it’s no good.

Impatience was rising in him.

“You see, lately I haven’t… I… Hold on, I don’t know how to…” you stuttered when you saw him stroking his chin using the back of his fingers, expectant.

You swept your hair behind your ears, a habit you had which helped you collect yourself.

In a beat, not after a long exhale, words began tumbling out your mouth. Along with every syllable you sensed the beat of your heart accelerating.

“John, you… you’re my best friend. I wouldn’t change for anything in the world what we created, what we have. I’m so grateful I found you. You’re special and unique, and everything we lived together has proven how much we care and love each other. I… What I’m trying to say…”

Pressing the back of your hand against your nose, you lowered your head and shut your eyes. He could perfectly see you shaking.

Commotion sharpened his voice.

“Are you dumping me?”

Too choked to utter a sound, lost as to what else to add next, you kept quiet.

John scrambled to his feet, silent tears stinging his eyes. He turned his back on you as plenty of feelings were rattling in the most obscure depths of his mind intoxicatingly fast. He could feel your gaze on him as he crossed the length of the chamber to put distance between you two.

For a brief second you thought he was going to walk through into the entrance area and leave.

Stunned, John rounded on you with lips tightened into a straight line.

“I’m impressed, honestly. I never would have guessed someone could throw away that easily so many years—”

“Don’t go down that path” you cut him off, raising a hand as a warning.

John looked you over judgmentally.

“What do you expect from me?”

“Stop, please. You’re making it more difficult”

He sighed sharply.

“You met someone��

“What? N-no!”

“What the fuck is it then?! I thought we were happy!” he yelled, strolling closer towards you, trying not to let rage consume him even more.

“Shut up for a moment and I’ll explain myself!”

He chewed the inside of his cheek and grabbed roughly with one hand the stool where he’d been seating earlier. Placing it before you he then slumped in it, hands folded in his lap. He was the type to lose it rather quickly, his temper taking the best of him. But although it was nothing new to you, his manners were getting under your skin.

This was his way to cope with things. He got angry first and cried after.

“Pay attention to what I’m going to say. I love you very much, I do. And I don’t regret one single decision I’ve ever made because they led me to you. But this can happen, and it’s not something I have control over. I tried to stop it because you’re the love of my life and I’d never want to intentionally hurt you” you remarked.

John listened as the tears built up.

It took every ounce of the strength he had to not let them roll. The unbearable feeling of his heart crashing deep was freaking him out.

You tried to keep your spirit light to facilitate the situation even though you were hurting too.

“You’re a wonderful human being. You inspire me and you mean a lot me”

John clenched his jaw.

“Say you’re leaving me already” he interrupted, a hard expression printed on his features.

“John…” you sighed and buried your face in your hands, annoyed by the inappropriate silliness emerging from him.

“No, like,” he continued, scratching his eyebrow, mockery full mode in his tone, “it’s funny that you’re breaking up with me but have to mention how fantastic I am. Identical to when someone dies, suddenly they’re the shit. It’s so fucking unnecessary”

“You’re a dick” you condemned.

“Am I a wonderful human being or a dick? Sorry, it’s confusing” he pressed, following you around when you jumped out of the chair and moved to the hallway.

You weren’t in for adding fuel to the conversation that turned into a fight because of him.

“Don’t stop talking, (Y/N). I want to hear everything”

Exhaustion and sadness spiking on you you met his intense gaze.

“I don’t have a magic wand to shake and make things go back to how they were” you murmured, holding back the desire to cry your heart out. “John, I fell out of love”

As if he turned deaf abruptly, your sobs didn’t reach his ears.

John walked to the closest wall, bent forward and rested his forehead against it, right arm above his head to, in a sense, create a roof to be under. Like that would make him disappear from your sight.

You heard him curse.

You brought your hands up and put them together close to your mouth. Swallowing the need to release and burst into tears, you eventually saw what you’d been so frightened to witness, which was John falling apart before your very presence.

“I’m so sorry”, you whimpered. “It must’ve been the monotony. Or that I know you too well. Like I said I still love you, but I don’t feel the same anymore”

John wasn’t fully there yet. But one specific word brought him back.

“What ‘monotony’ are you talking about?” he turned his head at you.

A daunting shudder shot through your body when his eyes bored into yours.

“Well… You’re always out with the boys composing and rehearsing. I’m not entirely complaining because I know you’re a hard worker, but I do feel lonely”

You moved to Liverpool to support him in his dream of becoming a successful and famous musician.

John straightened and narrowed his eyes at you.

“Are you serious?” he asked, stupefaction flooding his veins.

“What?” you frowned.

“Just so we’re clear, you’re putting the blame on me for being locked up in this flat and not stepping one foot outside. Is that it? Is this what this is all about?”

Did you hear right?

“It’s not my fault you haven’t gotten a job or met new people to kill the time”

“Hang on, are you listening to yourself? My home is in Bristol, I came here after you begged me to move because you needed me by your side. You dare to say that when the main reason I’m in Liverpool is ‘cause of you? Mimi warned me you were a tough cookie, but a cretin? I didn’t see that coming, mate”

John opened his mouth to apologize but you resumed your speech.

“Instead of taking your fury on me you should dwell on what caused me to stop staying awake until you came through the door at dawn or kissing you when you laid your head down next to mine on the pillow” you argued, salty tears streaming down your cheeks.

Sentence after the other, heartbroken by his ineptness to keep the composure like an adult without having to attack you, you stepped away and clutched the doorknob of the bedroom door.

“Doesn’t it ring a bell that up to now you haven’t been able to get a glimpse that something was wrong? Have you been in the relationship with me, John? Or you left me alone in it?”

This was his way to cope with things.

He got angry first and cried after.

//

On tiptoes in order to reach the cereal box you wanted you went over the other things you needed to buy, mentally checking the list. The shopping cart wasn’t at its capacity limit but it weighed badly. Your fingers were sore so you put it down for an instant.

An unexpected harmless push from behind almost made you knock the shelf down.

Luckily one foreign hand reached out to grab your arm and pull you back before you fell.

“Damn it”

You glanced down at the shopping cart to see if the eggs cracked, given that you tripped and hit it. They didn’t.

The hand that saved you from falling deepened the grip after hearing your voice.

You looked back and nearly fainted.

“Oh my God,” you breathed.

“Long time no see, eh?” John smirked.

Your heart lifted.

Face alive with one large enigmatic grin, John hugged you and then drew back.

Nerves tingling and blood pounding in your ears, you brought your hand to your chest. You didn’t remember the last time you did lines. This wasn’t a side effect of being high or hopped up on drugs for fun like in the early days. He definitely wasn’t an illusion.

In a quavering tone, you said the first thing that occurred.

“What are you doing in London?”

“Paul’s getting married” he explained.

His look of authentic joy just wouldn’t dissipate.

“You look good” he claimed.

Cheeks flushing in joviality, you lowered your head. Loud silence filled the air. A tender half-smile hovered on John’s lips nevertheless.

“You live here now?”

“Yes. I…” a blush crawled up to your face after realising how slow you were acting. “Forgive me, I’m a little bit—”

“Shocked? I get it, dear. When I first saw you I froze. You know how I am. I couldn’t come up to you, pat you on the shoulder and say ‘hi’. I had to fake crashing into you”

You smiled shyly. Tilting your head up, you gave yourself a moment to just take him in.

Eight years passed. There wasn’t any drastic physical change to the eye when it came to you, meanwhile he’d grown his hair a few more inches and overall naturally looked more mature. At the time you were sure you were going to spend your entire life with him, therefore that you would get to see his growth as you aged together. Considering it’s not the case, you were more than grateful that the universe decided to send him your way, even if it was briefly.

Your pulse amusingly escalated.

“I do live here now, yes. I like it. You know I’ve always been an uptown girl” you said, returning to the point where you left it.

“Since when? I thought you went back to Bristol”

John watched you bite your lower lip.

“Mummy! Mum? Mum, you promised we’d get ice cream”

He dropped his gaze to a kid who’d turned the corner and began clinging to your coat. Bewilderment saturated in John’s face, you felt your heart racing relentlessly in agitation. Rubbing your hands on your thighs to remove the sweat, you placed one on your son’s head and smiled warmly down at him. You took the tub from him and stuffed it into the cart. Getting in one knee, you held his hands and locked eyes.

“I’m going to introduce you to a very important person. I need you to be polite, okay?”

“Alright,” he nodded in agreement, clearly unaware of how much of a deal this was to you.

You rose and turned to John. He’d been contemplating quietly.

“Stu, this is John. John… this is Stuart” due to the meaning of it all taking a toll on you, you started to weep. Although you hurried to wipe the tears away so your son wouldn’t get upset.

“Hello,” Stu said, cocking his head to the side. Not caring too much, really.

John wanted to ask, but he didn’t. He had the answer already by staring into your wet eyes.

Images of the five of you, because Astrid and George joined the gang soon after, in Stuart’s attic hanging out whilst he snapped photographs and asked for everyone to pose for a quick drawing filled his mind, projecting every laugh and every smile that took place within those walls.

Stuart Sutcliffe had been your best friend, who happened to be John’s best friend as well.

As much as John wanted to curl up into a ball and cry for the rest of the day he held it together: the fact that you named your son after him squeezed his heart tightly. He couldn’t help but smirk through a sniff eyeing Stu, noticing how he had inherited your eyes and their soft but ardent effect on people.

“Honored to meet you, little man” he held out his hand to shake Stu’s.

When Stu grabbed John’s hand, John pulled a face and exclaimed ‘ouch!’.

“My goodness, you’re so strong!”

Your boy’s mouth curved into a timid petite smile. He looked down at his hand as if checking whether it grew bigger muscles and he didn’t know. Then, he hid his face from John and stood behind you, wrapping your leg with his short arms.

You were still getting rid of any proof on your face that you’d been crying. John pretended to not take notice that he saw and focused on Stu only.

Carrying most of the talking, John learned that Stu had great interest in nature which he shared with friends from preschool. He was fascinated by how much he reminded him of you. He was your son, of course, but something about the way he expressed himself and moved was mesmerising. John instantly grew an overprotective feeling towards him.

“Uh, John?” you intruded, voice caught in your throat, small and emotional. John met your eyes. “We have to go. I still have to cook dinner and—”

“But mum!” Stu complained. He didn’t want the conversation with John to end just yet.

“Sorry, babes. It’s late and daddy’s waiting. Remember you promised him you’d tidy up your room?”

Stu sighed.

You found John’s eyes again but you closed your mouth after having opened it. The twinkle in his eyes had changed.

He didn’t know why it affected him that much hearing about the existence of another man in your life, he should have had seen it coming. Like, Stuart wasn’t there only because of you exclusively. It just didn’t happen to click until you mentioned him. He blinked a few times and touched the nape of his neck. This just confirmed that he would never have one more opportunity to make you happy. The opportunity he so much fantasized about.

By the way John was avoiding eye contact, you connected the dots and realised what he was thinking.

“I’m sorry” he uttered.

Your heart broke.

“I didn’t take care of you how you deserved”

“John, don’t. I forgave you a long time ago”

“Still,” he said, dropping his hand and inching forward to ruffle Stu’s hair. “You needed to hear that I know where I failed”

You didn’t want to cry again. You patted your son’s back.

“C’mon, can you get the shopping cart for me?”

“Of course he can,” John said and rolled his eyes, making Stu giggle against the one finger he was holding up to his mouth. “He broke my fingers, he could carry all the carts in the store with just an eyelash if he wanted to. Am I right, Stuart?”

“You are!”

“Oh, alright. Wait for me at the queue, love”

Stu waved goodbye to John and did as told.

“He’s so you it’s ridiculous” John commented, following him with his eyes, making sure nothing happened to him.

You embraced John in your arms without saying a word. He didn’t expect it to be as desperate and urgent and that’s why he didn’t move for a moment, registering the love your touch transmitted. He saw Stu staring at you two from afar and it made him recall when he kissed you for the first time, Stuart also peeking in and grinning at both.

He attracted you to him and whispered close to your skin that he’d missed you. You did the same.

You withdrew then and smiled wholeheartedly.

“Extend my congratulations to Paul”

“This is the last time I’m seeing you?”

You shook your head and laughed because you spoke at the same time.

“It isn’t. I really want Cornai to meet you”

“Mum! I’m next!” Stu shouted, stressed that you weren’t there to pay.

“I’m coming!” you pulled out your purse a pen and a piece of paper and wrote your address as smooth as you could so he could read it easily. “There, drop by whenever you want. You’re always welcomed. Take care, John. Please, aye?”

He nodded and bowed his head to kiss your cheek.

“See ya” you exclaimed, and jogged to be next to Stuart.

John smiled to himself, storing into his pocket the note.

Waiting for Stu to buckle up, you pressed your hand to your cheek where John’d kissed you.

You appreciated John a lot and it was true that he’d been your first love but you’d been wrong about one thing. The real love of your life was seating in the back seat, slowly dozing off.

Before starting the car, you thanked the universe again for running out of eggs.

[marshmallowgoop]

senketsu raped ryuko in their first scene together. shipping them is gross.

It’s fair if you feel it’s a bad pairing.

However, what does sending this rude ask essentially calling me a disgusting person for shipping them accomplish? I’ve written a plethora of essays about how much I hate Senketsu’s first scene, how I don’t fault anyone for disliking the relationship Senketsu and Ryuko share as a result, and how I wish his introduction had been handled differently. 

Please don’t act like I don’t recognize and acknowledge the problematic aspects of what I enjoy. I do. If you had attempted to look for this subject on my blog at all, you would see that.

If you’re really interested in a discussion on this, I can link you:

Senketsu’s First Scene*Further Analysis*Even More* Final Thoughts* 

What Changes Would You Make to Senketsu’s First Scene?

8 Reasons Folks Can’t Get Down with Pairing a Girl and Her Sailor Uniform Together: Masterpost of Rebuttals to Common Criticisms Against Ryuketsu* (point 5)

Do People Actually Ship Ryuko and Senketsu?

Ryuko’s Choice to Wear Senketsu

Or, to address your main point, I can quote what I’ve already written. From the “Even More” post:

The question of whether or not Senketsu “technically raped” Ryuko is likely something that it is utterly dependent on what you define as “rape.” From what I understand, laws vary everywhere about the issue. Here’s just one article discussing the confusion, for a small, small example of the problem. With a million different definitions about what counts as what and what counts as what where, the terms are blurry. Add in shaky and dangerous ideas about consent, and it’s no wonder so many have to ask, “Wait, was I raped?”

I can only really offer you how I personally view this matter. My definition of “rape” lines up with a generic, dictionary.com definition: “unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.” Applying this to Kill la Kill, then, I don’t think it’s fair to say Senketsu raped Ryuko. They did not have sex. He is not penetrating her. In my personal opinion, I think it’s almost offensive to define this as “rape.”

Is it a rape joke that’s completely and totally disgusting? Absolutely. Is it what I would consider sexual assault? Yes. Senketsu removes Ryuko’s clothing, gropes her breasts, and forces her to wear him when she doesn’t want to. But I wouldn’t categorize it as rape. It’s like forcing someone into a bikini or a leotard when they don’t want to wear it. Awful, yes, harassment, yes, but it irks me to call that “rape,” which is something very serious in my mind that shouldn’t be made light of.

But, really, I’m just getting into semantics. The real question is: Do you think Senketsu’s actions are forgivable, given the situation? This is fantasy. Senketsu’s created from parasitic Life Fibers that want to hurt humans—just take a look at Junketsu and what happens to Kinue. His actions in his introductory scene follow this line and are completely against his characterization for the entire rest of the show. He’s clearly not in his right mind nor himself when this occurs.

From the “Senketsu’s First Scene” post:

… that first scene? That’s something Senketsu is so incredibly afraid of being. It’s probably his greatest fear of all, a fear that’s even reflected in the battle theme “Before My Body is Dry” with the line, “So help me to stay focused so I don’t fall apart.” He really, truly doesn’t want to be that forceful monster he is then. It’s horrifying to him, and that’s the way I think the scene should have been played—as horrifying.

And it’s not like Trigger is incapable of this. The scene where Satsuki first puts on Junketsu is a scary, powerful scene that really shows the monstrous nature of Life Fibers. The scene where Ryuko is forced into Junketsu is also much the same—scary and frightening.

The only reason I can think of Senketsu’s scene being played in the way it is is to show that Senketsu’s not really evil, since the whole thing’s treated as a joke. But… it’s just so jarring. What he’s doing is just the same as what Junketsu’s doing. It’s not funny in the slightest. Add in the not-so-subtle rape joke and it’s plain offensive.

But it’s not like this is an issue just with Senketsu’s first scene. This is my biggest beef with Kill la Kill in general—it, like a lot of anime and media these days, has a nasty habit of playing off sexual harassment and abuse as something hilarious. Personally, I don’t know why Senketsu’s first scene is always used as the worst example of this, since it’s shown to be pretty OOC for him early on and he never acts remotely like it ever again.

Meanwhile, characters like Mako and Aikuro do similar things to Ryuko when they are in their right minds. Mako gropes Ryuko’s breasts in her Hallelujah in episode 3, takes off her bra in the one in episode 5, and constantly invades Ryuko’s personal space and grabs onto her when it clearly makes Ryuko uncomfortable (see the motorcycle scenes in episodes 8 and 17). Yet, this is seen as funny, cute, and romantic. Then there’s Aikuro, who completely disrobes Ryuko in episode 2, immobilizes her with needles while she’s naked, and flirts with her when he’s her teacher and when doing such is completely inappropriate and brings Ryuko a lot of discomfort. And this, again, is seen as funny.

That’s not to say that I want to bash on these characters or pairings. I just ask why it is that these scenes and behaviors are excused as funny and cute when they’re very clearly not, while Senketsu’s first scene is—as it should be!—almost universally agreed to be disgusting and uncomfortable. Ryuko and Senketsu are one of my most favored relationships in all of fiction, but I would never dream of saying that their first meeting is anything adorable or hilarious. I honestly find it frightening that a lot of similar behavior—unwanted touching and removing of clothing—is brushed aside and laughed at because the perpetrator is a sexy teacher or a cute girl.

Of course, Senketsu’s first scene is a lot more intense, and I’m not stupid. I know exactly what they were referencing with it. It deserves to be controversial, and deserves to be spoken up against. But I think the hate against Senketsu for it is pretty… misguided, to say the least. Again, it’s not that it happens that makes it so bad in my eyes. It’s that we’re supposed to find one of Senketsu’s greatest fears hilarious. We’re supposed to think it’s funny that he’s hurting Ryuko, when his character is so utterly devoted to her and so terrified at the thought of bringing her any harm. This is something that I see as really sad, and it’s so disappointing that we don’t get to see Senketsu grapple with it or apologize for it.

Now, “not being in control!” or “not being in his right mind!” aren’t excuses for what Senketsu does, and it will always be awful and unacceptable. Even if he did apologize for it, it doesn’t erase what he did, and I think it’s a fair argument to say that you should stay away from people who have harmed you in the past. Personally, though, I don’t necessarily believe in that. I think people change all the time. Who I am now is different than who I was five years ago, for better or for worse. It’s the now that matters most to me, so in Senketsu’s case, he’s pretty much a darling sweetheart for the majority of the series, which I place a lot more importance on than his actions in a terrible, OOC-introduction scene where he’s overpowered by primal urges and not himself.

There’s definitely something to the idea that some actions are unforgivable, but when it comes to Senketsu, I lean against that. Still, I’m not going to argue with anyone who does feel that way—that’s just as valid as my feelings.

This got quite a bit longer than I intended. Basically, I hate the scene, but mostly because it’s framed as a joke. As someone who has been subjected to sexual harassment, I can firmly say that there’s absolutely nothing “funny” or “cute” about it, and I think it’s really disappointing and gross that the show plays Senketsu’s nasty behavior towards Ryuko in that way. Not only that, but it’s just so against his character, and is thus something incredibly tragic to me. Had it been played as the nightmare that it is to Senketsu, I don’t think the scene would be so widely hated, but instead seen for exactly what it is: a horrifying moment that must cause Senketsu great pain and fear.

From the “Final Thoughts” post:

I just personally am uncomfortable with categorizing Senketsu’s actions in his first scene as rape. Others may very well have their own valid reasons for defining it in that way.

But if the issue is indeed sexual assault, this is a huge problem in Kill la Kill in more ways than simply Senketsu’s introduction, since the show, unfortunately, falls into this common trend of playing off that kind of behavior for laughs … 

And believe me, I understand and think it’s totally fair if Senketsu’s behavior in episode 1 makes his relationship with Ryuko uncomfortable or unacceptable to some. But I also think that this conversation needs to be extended more often. Senketsu and Ryuko’s friendship—and Senketsu himself—get so absolutely vilified in amounts that I don’t see concerning Aikuro and especially Mako, which, personally, strikes me as unfair and a double standard. These characters also disrespect and assault Ryuko throughout the series—and when they’re in their right minds, too.

Of course, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, Anon! I just feel that this issue is so, so much bigger than Senketsu and deserves to be talked about more. It really irks me that I retread this argument so many times whilst similar behavior coming from other characters is hardly called out, instead getting hailed as “cute” and “romantic.” In my opinion, if you’re comfortable pairing Ryuko with Aikuro or Mako and believe her relationships with them can grow and be healthy even after past instances of disrespect and harassment coloring their interactions (as I do!), then I don’t see any reason to think differently concerning Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship.

And, finally, from the “8 Reasons” post:

In my mind, there are bigger issues with the series’ handling of assault than Senketsu’s first scene, but beyond that, Senketsu is honestly probably the most respectful character towards Ryuko in the entire show. He never forces her to wear him when she doesn’t want to—and the fact that Ryuko does take him off multiple times across the series when she doesn’t want to emphasizes that her wearing of him isn’t her being a poor prisoner, but her choosing to be with him—and Senketsu values Ryuko’s thoughts and opinions, openly communicates with her, and constantly considers her wellbeing.

As I once put it, “[Senketsu] is nothing like that first scene in all actuality, and Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship is built not on nonconsensual behaviors and violence, but on respect and understanding.”

tl;dr, please stop acting like I don’t acknowledge the problems in Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship. I can like something and understand that it’s not perfect. I can like something and understand that others might hate it and think (fairly) that it’s offensive. 

I don’t want to make assumptions, but considering I’ve only been getting these mean-spirited asks since I wrote out my thoughts on Ragyo and got attacked for it, I figure there’s a connection. Please stop acting like my criticisms of Ragyo were somehow unique to her. I probably have more criticisms about Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship than even the biggest haters of the pairing, and I love them to pieces.

You can like something and also understand that not everyone will and might even find it problematic. Please stop sending me nasty, personally insulting messages about what I like when I have never, ever shamed you (or anons who think like you) for liking Ragyo.

[fuanteinasekai]

Tanuma Kaname and the Anime Problem

A sweet—and significant—moment in the middle of “Unchanging Form” that redefined Natsume and Tanuma’s relationship. Anime version: not found.

A BRAZEN THEFT

There’s a moment in “The Time-Eater” when a de-aged, amnesiac Natsume is sitting alone in Tanuma’s house, watching Sensei totter off in search of a cure. His friends observe him with concern. Taki comments to Tanuma that while Natsume’s transformation is difficult to believe, his “un-childlike, wooden” expression is still recognizable. After a brief acknowledgment from Tanuma, she rambles on that it’s good Sensei found their help, but wonders what will happen to Natsume if he can’t turn back. Then she sees Tanuma’s face, and her tone changes abruptly: she apologizes to him, saying she’s sure Sensei will fix the problem, there’s just not much they can do themselves.

There’s little ambiguity in this sequence: the change in Taki’s tone is visually apparent in the style of speech bubbles—from the soft curves of “normal” speech to the more angular lines of emphatic speech. And the use of a “…” speech bubble makes it clear that Tanuma is responding with silence, not just listening from the outside. Even Taki’s body language supports this reading, her fist awkwardly balled up as if to say “oh crap, I screwed up.”

The effect is to create a contrast. Though Taki had shown concern at an earlier point in the story, she now demonstrates an ability to emotionally detach enough to speculate about undesirable results—she’s the kind yet tactless bookish friend. Tanuma, on the other hand, is too hurt by the thought to speak. The implication is that Tanuma is more invested in Natsume as someone he can emotionally relate to—not just a friend to take care of or have fun with, but a mental equal to share life with.

This theme continues, sometimes subtly, throughout the story. Whether it’s gently checking on a frightened Natsume while Taki giggles about how fun it was to chase him, or single-handedly dealing with Natsume’s fear of being hated by his caretakers, manga-Tanuma consistently demonstrates a higher level of attention and emotional intimacy. He’s even the one to beg Natsume to “come back,” a symbolically important role. The implied intimacy is not one-sided—Tanuma is the only character Natsume is unambiguously shown to regain memories of.

Yet when the anime adapted this scene, the dynamic is reversed. The visual staging and the progression of Taki’s tone of voice are changed to imply that she is, absurdly, apologizing to herself rather than Tanuma. The anime’s framing centers her and her stolen emotions, though it fails to do so for Tanuma later when it’s actually supposed to. Instead of reacting sadly to Taki’s rambling, Tanuma is shown observing with a blank expression at unrelated moments, looking as if he doesn’t understand why she’s upset.

The dialog remains exactly the same, simply recontextualized, and Tanuma is still shown reacting, merely at a different point; so it doesn’t save a millisecond of time or even art. The only practical reason for this change is to change the implication. In other words, the anime reversed the characterization of the manga in order to make the girl more sensitive than the boy. This continues throughout the episode: if a moment belongs to Taki, it’s Taki’s; if a moment belongs to Tanuma, he either shares it with Taki or gives it up entirely.

This is not an insignificant quibble. Taki and Tanuma’s personality differences and the way they relate to Natsume inform their roles in the broader story and the way their relationships with Natsume evolve. The anime erased one of the single most important aspects of this story.

Anime vs. Manga. [Remember that Japanese reads right to left.] The corruption of Taki’s “I screwed up” fist into an “I’m a delicate bird” fist is almost hilariously manipulative. Taki is feminine, but she’s anything but delicate—it’s one of her most admirable traits. And I could go on about the use of white space and merging shadows on the bottom left, but honestly the staging isn’t subtle. Natsume is talking to Tanuma, and Taki is watching. Any such implications preserved in the anime are so brief and unnoticeable as to be not worth crediting.

Prior to this episode, I had given the anime the benefit of the doubt, assuming that the numerous emotional scenes they cut from Tanuma repertoire were simply too long to fit. But there’s no such excuse here. Either (1) Taki’s lack of feminine intuition and Tanuma’s lack of masculine stoicism were unacceptable, or (2) the boy being more sensitive than the girl was too suggestive of queerness. Whether out of their own discomfort or to placate the audience, the anime has deliberately adapted the manga in a way that downplays Tanuma’s sensitivity and his emotional significance to Natsume. And while the above examples are among the most difficult to explain away, they are far from alone.

There’s a reason I’m bringing this up.

The popularity and availability of the anime mean that most people who’ve read the manga have also watched the anime—perhaps even seen the anime first—which means that their understanding of characterization and development is likely influenced by it. But Midorikawa-sensei isn’t using the anime to guide her writing, she’s using her own. (Little could be more obviously devil-may-care than making a story’s last minute reveal revolve around the color of something we’ve already seen. Have fun with that, anime!) And that means viewers (and readers) are being misled not only about what function characters play in the narrative, but also where the story is going.

DISTORTED LENS

For a look at the way a cynical, targeted heteronormative adaptation can influence characterization, themes, and even perception of the source material itself, there’s no better example than “The Other Side of the Glass,” a.k.a. the Omibashira Arc.

At first glance, the anime appears to have made a perfectly reasonable adaptation of the manga. When boiled down to plot points, it looks the same. And it’s still romantic enough, on Tanuma’s part, to make people uncomfortable (hat tip to the “fan” in the Crunchyroll comments complaining that Tanuma wasn’t Taki). Yet in reality, it’s a complete mess, with (in addition to a new cringe-inducing fake boy/girl scene) nearly the entire mansion sequence rewritten to change both the themes and characterization, spinning the emotional focus off its axis.

When I first read the manga, I was struck by two impressions: One, that it was much more delicate than the anime, with a painful, slow interplay between Tanuma and Natsume that spirals into emotional collapse for both. Two, that it was somehow also sloppy and inconsistent. At first I couldn’t put my finger on why, but then I realized, it was this:

Tanuma, looking supremely ungrateful, as Natori hands him the talisman stone.

What I perceived as “sloppiness” was actually the dissonance between the anime characterization and the manga. Because I had seen the anime first, I had subconsciously projected its version of the characters onto the manga, and thus found it jarring when, for example, the normally sweet manga-Tanuma continued to act petty and angry toward Natori long after the more assertive anime-Tanuma had shyly introduced himself.

Hmmmmm.

The anime’s replacement of manga themes with their own was too surgically precise to be unintentional. Once I recognized what they were doing, I started making accurate predictions about what else they would change. This is, without a doubt, a story revised to meet the anime’s priorities.

It would be impossible to list everything the anime changed without essentially transcribing the entire manga, so instead I will focus on three of the most important scenes.

Right to left, again!

First is the scene I mentioned above. This is where Natori apologizes to Natsume for not being able to get him out quickly, but also where Natori and Natsume treat Tanuma like a child—or worse, an object. Natori suggests splitting up and Natsume agrees, immediately charging Sensei with “following” Tanuma like he’s a wandering child, then with finding the exit. Tanuma is never addressed directly. Both Natori and Tanuma notice Natsume is in an agitated mental state, but it’s Tanuma who steps in and tries to provide emotional support, gently suggesting that they take a break. Natsume brushes him off, inadvertently rejecting Tanuma himself, and pretends to be okay. But in the next frame he’s mentally chiding himself not to “leave his heart unguarded” and “get led astray,” suggesting he’s afraid that his emotions for Tanuma will distract him and lead to disaster. Tanuma calls after him, but Natori interrupts with the talisman stone, snidely throwing his earlier rescue in Tanuma’s face: “Take this. It’s a protection stone. Since you’re no match for an ayakashi when it matters, are you?” Tanuma accepts with cold politeness, then gives up.

This is plainly intended to help set the groundwork for Tanuma’s emotional collapse. And it’s likely setting up his recklessness in dealing with Omibashira. The scene as a whole is a microcosm for the relationship issues that led to this point. Natsume relies on distance to maintain his equilibrium, pushing Tanuma away to “protect” him and calm his own mind, but also effectively rejecting Tanuma’s affection in the process. Though Tanuma tries to do something he’s actually good at, his rejection leads him to behave more recklessly so that he can be useful anyway—and perhaps earn Natsume’s respect. For his part, Natori is everything Tanuma thinks Natsume would prefer him to be: powerful, self-assured, with movie star looks. Perhaps worse, he speaks the judgmental opinions Tanuma is afraid Natsume holds, dismissing Tanuma as weak and useless. Natori takes Natsume’s side in pushing Tanuma away because it aligns with his cynicism: he, too, believes ordinary people must be rejected to be protected. That to make them “treasures” is to make himself “weak.”

In the anime, this becomes a scene where Natori does all the planning, where Natsume never pushes Tanuma away, where Tanuma insists on helping ineptly and Natsume is open about his fears. Instead of cruelly dismissive, Natori is silly with jokes about “not making a lady work.” Instead of distant and avoidant, explicitly trying to bottle up his emotions, Natsume is openly emotional, saying “If anything were to happen to you...” He’s far too articulate.

Thematic change #1: Instead of being emotionally repressed and struggling to adapt, Natsume becomes the Generic Hero, nobly worried about his foolish best friend who doesn’t know his own limits.

Second is this scene between Tanuma and Sensei. Here Tanuma fishes for validation from Sensei, pestering him incessantly about “that ‘Natori' guy” and “that ‘Reiko' girl.” He asks whether Natori can sense presences like they can, but Sensei brushes him off because sight is more important. He calls Natori “high pressure” but Sensei defends Natori, saying it’s a habit from having so many enemies. He’s about to interrogate Sensei about exorcists when Sensei finally snaps, saying “Don’t ask me, ask Natsume!” It’s a cruel, if not exactly intentional, reminder that Natsume never told Tanuma about Reiko or Natori or exorcists in general in the first place—yet another step closer to emotional collapse. Tanuma’s whole tone is clearly one of insecurity, digging for evidence that he’s better than Natori at something, however petty. Tanuma never lets go of this. Even at the end of the story, he’s making backhanded comments:

祓い屋って…やっぱり資格とか必要なんですか？ An “exorcist”.... Do you really need “qualifications” or whatever, after all?

This patent insecurity, framing Natori as a literal rival, evaporates in the anime adaptation. His exchange with Sensei about Natori is bastardized to make his opinion positive, with a laughably transparent “I think that ‘Natori’ exorcist might actually be a good person.” Instead of fishing for validation, Tanuma interrogates Sensei about how Natsume really felt about his involvement. As if he got involved out of bad judgment. As if it were not, instead, the emotional desperation of someone repeatedly shut out, repeatedly in the dark, finally having an opportunity to do something without being able to see Natsume tense up and try to escape. This reinvented scene is capped off with a wholly new comment from Sensei: “Someone weak like you will get eaten [in this world].”

Considering this scene was meant to be an illustration of Tanuma’s insecurities and his ineffective attempt to quell them, it’s almost comically cruel that the anime chooses to not only canonize Tanuma’s uselessness as a central theme, but to make their voice Sensei, the only character in the manga to give Tanuma any agency. Not only was Sensei the one who involved Tanuma in the first place (a fact the anime makes no attempt to explain), he’s also the one who trusted Tanuma with the task of freeing Natsume. The anime vaguely implies that Sensei and Tanuma worked up a plan together, but the manga was clear: Sensei more or less gives Tanuma a mask and kimono, slaps him on the back and says “you’re on your own.” Tanuma stumbled around interviewing dangerous yōkai by himself long enough to work up a sweat. The sake bottle gambit was all his.

(Though the above is mildly exaggerated for humor, it’s still more accurate than the anime.)

This scene doesn’t just miss the point, it flips it. Tanuma having good judgment is one of his central character traits. Natsume even says so in the same chapter, describing Tanuma as 思慮深い and 慎重, meaning that he is meticulously thoughtful, careful, and responsible. The problem, here, is not his lack of judgment. It’s that his judgment is overwhelmed by his emotions toward Natsume. Natsume, in his inexperience and emotional immaturity, has used the Natori-esque technique of outright avoiding people during yōkai problems. This leaves Tanuma with no outlet for his love and desire to support Natsume, a suppression and repression that eventually builds to the point of desperation. Natsume getting stuck in a bottle where Tanuma could not see or hear him was a crack in a wall that was already under a lot of pressure. As Tanuma says, blushing, at the end of the manga:

姿見えないから勢いで超キザなこと言った気がする… I have a feeling I got carried away when I couldn’t see you, and said something super-cheesy...

Thematic change #2: Instead of behaving uncharacteristically out of emotional vulnerability and insecurity, Tanuma is merely weak and foolish.

Third, we have the climax: Natsume’s emotional collapse when Tanuma finally gets hurt. Here, it’s the little details that really matter, like manga Natori showing up and utterly failing to acknowledge the collapsed boy at Natsume’s knees until Natsume falls apart. Anime Natori gets Sensei’s lines, reassuring Natsume as if he actually values Tanuma. Or the moment when Natori finally admits that Tanuma is important, which the anime gives soft-focus to emotionally center Natori instead of Natsume’s emotional needs. Or even the moment just afterward when Natsume—his and Omibashira’s eyes now open—regains his strength.

The manga has:

ぐずぐずするな夏目　あれを封じんとこいつもお前も帰れんぞ Sensei: Don’t dawdle, Natsume. Neither [you nor Tanuma] are going home if you don’t seal that guy. ああ　そうだな Natsume: Right!

The anime completely rewrites this:

夏目 無理なら私が行くぞ Sensei: If you’re not up to it, I'll go. いや 俺が行く 俺が行きます Natsume: No, I’m going [to Sensei]. I’m going [to Natori].

Thereby making Sensei strangely soft, and Tanuma an emotional drain Natsume has to shake off, instead of someone Sensei recognizes as a motivator.

Again the anime misses the point of the original manga. Or, perhaps more likely, dislikes the point. Natori is not, as they would have it, here to be the knight in shining armor, saving the silly boys and wisely imposing emotional advice. Natori is usually wrong about emotions, and this has always been so.

Though he means well and tries his hardest to be a good mentor, it’s Natori who offered to take Natsume away from the Fujiwaras, and gave him a nightmare about it. It’s Natori who told Natsume he had to “choose a side” between yōkai and humans, directly contributing to the child god’s rejection of Natsume. It’s Natori who, on finally being told of the Book of Friends, said he’d rather just burn it. When they first met, Sensei described him as “full of hate” for yokai, and there’s no reason to believe he’s improved. Yorishima’s accusation that he’s becoming more like Matoba is in his second most recent appearance (as of the end of 2018).

This should be no surprise: he’s only 22 and on top of that lacks even 15/16-year-old Natsume’s experience with healthy emotional relationships. From a strictly logical perspective, he has no basis to be wise.

Furthermore, his given name 周一 (Shūichi) literally means “circuit one” or “lap one.” Though it’s typically used for a first-born son, here it has another meaning: Natori is the first version of Natsume himself. He was the powerful “good kid” (as Hiiragi called him, and as he called Natsume) who was turned bitter, isolated, and cynical by yokai trouble and emotional neglect. His attitude and his life reflect the direction Natsume was heading at the beginning of the series, when he says “I’d rather talk to [a yōkai exterminator] than to yōkai.” Natori is the little boy who “just wants to live alone,” all grown up and living alone.

In other words, Natori is what Natsume could have become without the unconditional love and acceptance of the Fujiwaras, and of Nishimura and Kitamoto; without the protective buffer of Nyanko-Sensei, and without the emotional pull of Tanuma. Perhaps without the cautionary tale of Taki: his inverted mirror in ability, desire for sight, and family life. (And gender.)

(Similarly, Reiko is the “avoided path” whose tragically short and lonely life is redeemed by the growth her “Book of Friends” forcibly imparts on her grandson—and she, too, makes an appearance here through Sensei.)

In fact, this is supported by, of all things, Natori’s paper bag mask. Besides being funny, it hides a bit of subtext. The marks are meaningless alone, but taken with the shape of the bag you get 肉. This is the word niku, meaning “meat,” but more importantly “flesh” as contrasted with “spirit.” Natori’s life, and his path, are preservative for the corporeal body, but spiritually sterile.

Natori is here not to be a hero, but to admit he is wrong and Tanuma is right.  He is still Natsume’s best source for advice on human magic, and still the protective older brother figure, but he is utterly lacking in the kind of relationship experience that Natsume needs advice on. The best he can do is to say “it might be terribly difficult, but you need [what I threw away].”

This isn’t just a moment of realization for Natori—it’s a dramatic reversal. The boy he was so foolishly, cruelly dismissive of, believing him to be nothing but an intrusive, “reckless” child, is actually a desperately devoted key to Natsume’s happiness. In a sense, we’ve known this all along. The standard Japanese word for “necessary” [that Natori uses] is 必要 (hitsuyō), and it contains the same kanji as Tanuma’s given name 要 (Kaname). There’s good reason: Kaname literally means “the most important person or piece.” He is the lynchpin of Natsume’s emotional growth.

We see this just three stories earlier in “The Long Road Home” when Tanuma confronts Natsume for lying about his parents' photo, thereby setting his visit to his childhood home in motion. This visit makes Natsume feel “lighter” and helps him let go of the past so he can recognize the Fujiwaras as his (new) true home. Tanuma’s role is so important he gets an entire third of the arc. In other words, Tanuma is the anchor who steadies Natsume so he can have stronger relationships with ordinary people.

In downplaying Natori’s cynicism, the anime also erases the reversal, and with it the sense that Natori has been convinced of the impossible by Natsume’s loving (if unintentional) description of Tanuma’s devotion. This opens up the scene for a broader interpretation that's about ordinary relationships in general instead of Tanuma specifically.

Thematic change #3: From Natori the avatar of emotionally barren power conceding to Tanuma the avatar of love, to Natori the charming if a bit silly hero saving Tanuma from driving Natsume away.

These are not the only losses, though they are the largest thematic issues. The anime suffers continuously from a Natsume who is far too aware and open about his emotions, and a Tanuma who doesn’t get interrupted or sabotaged. The groundwork for their respective breakdowns is poor.

The result is a two-parter that satisfies as many fans as possible, at the cost of Tanuma’s (and Natori’s) symbolic role. Anime Natori is fluffed up for his fans, and anime Tanuma is sweet enough to satisfy his fans without threatening those who would be uncomfortable with his fundamental centrality. In other words, it’s a cynical, heteronormative adaptation that assumes there is no long-term purpose to Tanuma’s role—an assumption they may come to regret.

力になりたいと頑張ってもやはり出来ない・かなわないということはあって、前向きに行動をとればとる程それにぶちあたってしまう田沼。話したいけれど話すと、そいうジレンマに田沼がおちいるとだんだんわかってきた夏目。それを見て、それ見たことか！と言いたいけれどそうとも言ってしまえない不思議な可能性に、口から出る言葉が変わっていってしまう名取。と、それぞれの立場のズレあいが描けてとても楽しかったです。普段描けないような夏目の表情が描けた先生ナツメもワクワクしながら描けました。あらためて夏目は表情とぼしい奴だなと実感しました。

Tanuma, who wants to help, but can’t no matter how hard he tries. Who, having things he cannot handle, finds that the more positively he takes action, the more he runs into that problem.

Natsume, who wants to talk, but is gradually coming to understand it leads Tanuma into that dilemma.

Natori, who wants to say “See, I told you so!” but finds himself unable, a curious possibility escaping his mouth instead.

I enjoyed drawing the meeting of these incongruous positions. I was also excited about drawing expressions on Sensei-Natsume that I normally can’t. I felt a renewed sense that Natsume was a guy with few expressions.

In Part 2, I’ll be talking about the textual basis for canonical Tanuma-Natsume soulmates, and how this is downplayed by the anime.

[utapri-headcanons-imagines]

Yo can we get like an all 3 groups on how they’d deal with having a Male/S/O bc like S/O might get all worried about the bois rep

Side Note: So sorry to the anon who sent this (like a week ago)! It was entirely my fault for taking so long, I have no excuse. We hope you like this… huggee post - Mod Zozo

HEAVENS

Eiichi Otori

Eiichi is very open about his relationships. He came out a long time ago, he didn’t care about the backlash he received. So when he talked about his male s/o, people weren’t so surprised by it. Of course, there was that share of people who were very taken back

His reputation? Who cares about it, he’s in love and he wants to show it to people

The press is on it? Let them, he doesn’t mind all of the questions

Though if there are any witch hunts for his s/o, he will immediately do something about it

Anything in the press that says something bad about him, Eiichi would freak and address it right away. He’ll clear things up, he doesn’t want his s/o to have a bad name

Eiichi is actually very active for campaigning for LGBTQ+ rights in Japan. So he often uses his own experiences with his s/o and his friends to describe his life. He even discusses the homophobic remarks and actions he’s experienced to give a clear image of how it’s like to be LGBTQ+ in Japan

Eiichi all together is just a very open person, he doesn’t want to hide his true self from others. If he’s going to fans and jobs, then so be it.

Kira Sumeragi

It’s hard to pry into Kira’s private life. So when the press found out Kira had a male s/o they were on it, fast

To be honest, Kira didn’t address the matter. He thought it wasn’t a big deal.

He thought if he ignored all the gossip and stuff, it’ll go away. But when his s/o’s name got out that’s when he had to say something

Kira just wants his s/o’s life to be private, he doesn’t want his life to be plastered everywhere. Kira doesn’t really care about the stupid gossip about himself. But his s/o? He’s definitely going to do something about it

He knows it’s not good to get in drama, but his s/o’s name is out there. Kira knows for a fact that he would face a major backlash. It actually frightened Kira quite a lot

So when Kira decided to respond to these claims, he was indeed very serious. His fans and the press listened into his response and came to a single conclusion. The press eventually stops bothering him about it, due to his terrifying response. 

Kira was happy that they weren’t asking him about his love life anymore, he felt safer. So did his s/o. They can finally go on semi-normal dates.

Nagi Mikado

Nagi couldn’t care less about the criticism he’s receiving

He constantly posts pictures of him and his boyfriend. With his boyfriend’s permission, of course

But wait! People started giving their own uneducated opinions on Nagi’s love life.

What does Nagi think about this?

“How does it affect you? You shouldn’t care about who I love.”

Nagi then proceeds to post more and more about his boyfriend to make the press angry

If some fans get angry, he doesn’t care. To him, they weren’t real fans in the first place

Interviews on the matter can be harsh, and borderline inappropriate. Especially for someone as young as Nagi, he’s just a 13-year-old kid after all. If the other HEAVENS members don’t shut down the conversation, Nagi will

“I love whom I love, so leave me be!”

Eiji Otori

Eiji doesn’t give out too much information on his private life. How people found out was because of Eiichi accidentally mentioned it in one of his interviews

Needless to say, Eiji was not happy, in fact, he was kind of scared. He didn’t want his boyfriend to face backlash or have anything crazy happen to him

Eiji would avoid conflict at all cost, he doesn’t want s/o to become hurt at all

All in all, Eiji and s/o have a very long discussion about this. After that talk, Eiji lets the cat out of the bag. He talks about it during an interview

Of course s/o was very much worried, however, they both did agree on making parts of their relationship public. Eiji only talked about the bits and pieces that he consented on

Eiji then became more and more open about his relationship in the public, but it took a while

Of course, whenever Eiji received some hate mail or anything that made him extremely uncomfortable, he made sure to tell s/o and the rest of HEAVENS

He wants his relationship to be kept mostly private, but small details here and there are not so bad

Shion Amakusa

Shion is extremely vague about everything. So most likely the paparazzi found out about his boyfriend

S/o became so worried, he picked up a tabloid magazine with both of them on it and showed it to Shion

Shion looked quite shocked, and he worried about s/o’s personal life. How would this affect him? Shion is just praying that he didn’t ruin his life

There were articles, tweets, and dumb discussions on the matter

Shion hated being confronted about all of this, he didn’t want s/o to be involved in the limelight

He tries to shield his boyfriend away from all of the hate

However, many positives did rise from this, Shion and his s/o did get a lot of support

So many of his fans stuck up for him and his s/o. Shion was so happy he cried about it to s/o

Yamato Hyuga

As soon as Yamato did get a boyfriend, he talked about him a lot (though never mentioned his name)

The press freaked the hell out, how could Yamato of all people have a lover? Especially a male one

Yamato rolled his eyes when he was met with homophobic remarks, he just ignored them altogether

But when they went after his s/o, he wanted to throw some fists. All of HEAVENS had to hold him back from punching someone

He was beyond angry, during an interview he dedicated a small portion of time on the issue. Yamato talked about how love shouldn’t be discriminated against. No matter what sex or gender the person is

“Why the Hell does it matter? If I had a girlfriend, I know everyone would still freak out. So what’s wrong if my lover is a guy? How does that change anything? It’s all dumb.”

Yamato makes sure to comfort his boyfriend after an interview. He also asks him what he could’ve done differently, or could have phrased something differently

All in all, Yamato sees this as dumb publicity, he knows that magazines are just trying to get more money. He soon stops commenting on the gossip so the press has nothing to talk about

Van Kiryuin

Van has always been open about his sexuality. So he didn’t have that much backlash when he relieved that he has a male boyfriend

Of course, he did receive some, though Van never let it get to him

S/o did worry about his rep, though Van did not care. He wouldn’t even care if he lost a job because of it, he just wants to express himself

Van just wants his s/o and himself to be happy, the paparazzi have nothing on him, neither does the press

He will talk about his s/o, but he doesn’t give out his name unless his s/o gives consent.

When he does face negative criticism during interviews, he quickly responds to them. However, Van just hates it and explains how idiotic it is to ask/say such nasty things

“You wouldn’t ask this stuff if I was with a woman, so why does it matter now?” - Van responding to the rude interviewer

Van knows that expressing his sexuality is a very controversial thing to do as an idol. But does he care? No, he’s happy to be with his s/o

QUARTET NIGHT

Reiji Kotobuki

Despite Reiji’s seemingly carefree and bubbly personality, he is deeply, deeply afraid of his relationship being found out by the media. It’s something that might occasionally keep him up at night

Taking the guise of a flirty straight-man is especially stressful when you have a male-partner

Reiji has had multiple internal “crises of faith” of sorts. He wants to be absolutely devoted to his s/o, constantly entertaining young women with flirts and praise makes him feel grimy

But it’s his job, and it’s a job he loves doing. At least the musical and entertaining aspects of it; so he doesn’t want to quit, he just wants to sort of “break character”

This is something he’s never mentioned to his s/o or anyone else for that matter. He doesn’t want anyone to worry, and most of all he doesn’t want his s/o to worry

Regardless of the internal strain

So instead of really doing anything about it, he just goes on as usual. Perhaps if his s/o is very perceptive he’d see some of Reiji’s stress, but that isn’t very likely since Reiji is just so good at hiding how he feels in general

Reiji would do absolutely anything and everything for his s/o. To him, dealing with that kind of mental stress is just another part of that

Reiji, we love you, please seek a professional for your mental health

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Ranmaru is most definitely already out of the closet, it’s just not largely acknowledged by the public

He didn’t even traditionally “come out” in his career life, his sexuality was just another theme in his music, particularly in his older songs

Punk rock and pop punk music has always been known to have controversial and/or political themes strewn within their lyrics, so this wasn’t really a surprise to anyone

That is, it wasn’t surprising to older fans of his music

With that all being said, however, Ranmaru is a pretty private person and wouldn’t talk about his s/o at all, even if he was a chick.

He knows that they’d receive backlash regardless

He understands that the industry and fans generally aren’t kind to the romantic partners of idols, and most other musicians for that matter. So he makes the effort to hide this part of his life

Ranmaru and his s/o certainly don’t enjoy doing this. Hiding from the public figuratively and sometimes even literally is emotionally draining, and tiring

In the end, however, it is worth it because he can be with his s/o in peace. Even if Ranmaru is frustrated with their circumstances

Camus

Camus isn’t the type of person to tell the world about his lover so the paparazzi might’ve found out about it

Needless to say, Camus was quite shocked by the backlash he received. He knows the idol business had the potential to be volatile, but he didn’t think this of all things could’ve happened to him

Camus went to his s/o right away, he wanted to know what he should do. He was afraid of messing up and receiving some more backlash

They had a long talk about it, after they both agreed that Camus was to address the issue. Which he did, but was still faced with ridiculous criticism.

There was still so much support that many of his idol friends and fans gave to him though! Camus couldn’t thank them enough

Camus would slap anybody that would talk rudely about his lover. He would not ever tolerate such things

Ever since then, Camus tried his best not to mention his lover in topics. But still found himself talking about his s/o quite a lot

S/o gets all embarrassed when he watches TV and just sees Camus talking about him. However, he still loves it nonetheless

Ai Mikaze

Ai brought it up very casual like, in fact, it was so casual that people thought it was a joke. But Ai continued to talk about his relationship with his s/o regardless then things sort of spiraled from there

The next day everything went wild, though Ai wasn’t really shocked by all of this. He was worried about his s/o thought, but he didn’t place too much thought into it. Ai knows for a fact that no one will try anything funny on them

Ai was met with a lot of, but he didn’t care. He accepted the fact that he would get reactions like this

So he moved on and addressed the topic only when he needed to

S/o, of course, worried about his rep. Though Ai didn’t really care, he loves singing and performing. But doesn’t want to be apart of a system that’s so homophobic

Ai has spoken out about LGBTQ+ issues in the idol community, and he addresses lots of topics within the community

He expressed his concerns and his frustrations towards the stigma of LGBTQ+ people in Japan

Ai explains how he thinks that if he expresses his love for his s/o that other people like him can feel safer in their own country

STARISH

Otoya Ittoki

Otoya is a very open and loving person, he is not afraid to be himself or share his ideas. He wants his s/o to be a close part of his life, despite the difficulties that may come with that

Otoya wants his boyfriend to be close to, or at the very least like his friends and family. Otoya wants his s/o to be able to feel comfortable in the private space, and wants him to know that they are supported

He also would feel pretty bad if his boyfriend didn’t get along with STARISH, or vice versa

In Otoya’s private life it is very obvious he’s in a relationship, he’s open about it. Sharing selfies with his boyfriend to his friends and family, going on and on about how amazing his s/o is, etc  

Otoya and his s/o were unsure on as to how they should approach their relationship in the public eye. At first they decided that it would be best if they kept it a secret, but eventually decided otherwise

Otoya didn’t want to hide his sexuality, he’s not ashamed of it whatsoever. He feels like keeping his identity hidden is wrong. Coming out publicly could help not only himself but others who struggle with their sexuality as well

After lots and lots of discussion with his s/o they agreed that discussing their relationship publicly would a beneficial thing to do. His boyfriend was a tad worried, but Otoya was so earnest and confident his s/o couldn’t help but be as well

Syo Kusuru

Syo cared deeply for his reputation, but he doesn’t necessarily care if people dislike him for trivial reasons. Syo will apologize for something if he’s done genuinely wrong, but he has a pretty tough moral backbone and is very careful about what he says so that rarely happens

Things like people not liking his sexuality is something he couldn’t any care less about

Syo didn’t really even come out, the public sort of found out on accident. As for his friends and family, they’ve all known for a while now. It’s not really something Syo talks about a lot, but he’s comfortable other people knowing

So ya know, whatever. He doesn’t care

If Syo’s boyfriend was ever concerned for his reputation Syo would make certain to quickly to reassure them. His s/o shouldn’t have to worry for his sake, Syo can handle any problem (if they arise) on his own.

Other than all that sexuality controversy the relationship between Syo and his s/o was pretty normal. Syo makes sure that they’re both able to do the things they want to do without getting harassed or bothered, and he very much succeed

They both hang out with their friends and family a lot (this is particularly important to Syo), hopefully Syo’s boyfriend gets along with them all alright. STARISH especially can be a rowdy bunch

All in all everything is just plain good. They both are happy, and honestly that’s the only thing that really matters to Syo

Natsuki Shinomiya

Natsuki can be incredibly naïve and certainly was when he announced his relationship through the media

He was utterly baffled by the crude responses to his sexuality and to his relationship in general

Natsuki wasn’t really distressed, he was just confused. He isn’t ignorant, Natsuki was aware that there would be some backlash and disapproval, but he didn’t think there would be enough to at least bring his attention to it

“We’re in the 21st century, I didn’t expect that many people to get upset.”

However, we all know Natsuki, he doesn’t dwell on negatives for very long. Turning his attention away from the bitterness, he was actually more surprised on how much support he’s received

He didn’t expect so many of his fans to be so happy for him

Especially because he never formally came out, he just sorta put his relationship out for everyone to see

He and his s/o are absolutely delighted to be so supported, it makes them so much more comfortable being out together. Natsuki may have even started to vlog with them and post more about his s/o on Twitter in general

Overall, Natsuki and his s/o really don’t have any worries, they’re happy being together and they’re happy that the world knows

Ren Jinguji

Ren is an active advocate for all love, his views on sexuality are widely known and often supported by the public. He’s also not shy about talking about his  own sexuality and is unfazed by any negative criticism.

So Ren was quite confident when speaking about his relationship to the media

Ren has practically no worries in terms of his work in the industry and is so confident in his reputation his s/o isn’t even all that concerned

All Ren wants is for his s/o to be able to get along with his friends and the rest of STARISH, harmony is very important to him

This isn’t too big of an issue though, since his s/o will most likely get along with them anyway

Despite all that, Ren still doesn’t want to introduce his boyfriend to his family. His relationship with his brother can be quite on-and-off, and he doesn’t want to put his s/o through that kind of trouble

Ren will forever and always be a loyal partner, he is flirtatious in nature but certainly not a cheat. His actions very much stem from some sort of attention-seeking desire, if that’s not the case he’s just charming fans

He’s not necessarily proud of that; hopefully he’ll be able to have a talk with his s/o about how he feels

Their relationship is just overall pretty smooth; there are some obstacles to overcome, especially in terms of Ren’s idolship, but they’re working on it and doing quite well

Cecil Aijima

Cecil never needed to come out of the closet, there was never any closet to begin with. If Cecil takes a fancying to you, he’ll let you know, he’ll let his friends know, he’ll let the universe know

Everyone knew about this boy’s sexuality from the start, and Cecil didn’t give a shit about what you thought of it

In Cecil’s home country, Agnapolis homosexual relationships were accepted, and often encouraged. It was deeply embedded into the roots of his country’s history and religion, so naturally Cecil just accepts it

When Cecil went to Japan and realized homophobia was a thing that existed he was like, “????”. “Excuse me, what? Get this shit out of my house, thank you very much.”

Cecil just doesn’t understand, so when his s/o was like, “Uhhh, maybe you want to keep this a secret, ya know for your rep.” He just responded with a slick, “Nah fam, it’s cool.”

Honestly, Cecil just gets so ridiculously frustrated at the thought of someone being ridiculed for their sexuality, he’d just go crazy. It’s almost comical on how upset he gets sometimes

“If you are please gay stand up and smack the government.”

On a serious note, however, he is very much saddened by the fact that people aren’t accepted just because of their sexuality. He is even more saddened by the fact that gay marriage is not even legal in Japan

Watch Cecil campaign for gay rights

In general, Cecil doesn’t treat his homosexual relationships any different from his heterosexual ones. His s/o may worry about that from time to time, but overall he’s just refreshed by Cecil’s positivity

Masato Hijirikawa

Being outed to the public is probably one of his worst fears literally ever, so if he did have a male s/o Masato would definitely keep it under wraps. He is extremely careful about where/how he and his s/o go out

Honestly, Masato would worry more about it than his s/o

His anxiety is from such a strong combination of how he was raised and what he does for work; Masato feels so much shame and bitterness about who he is, it’s almost pitiful

Masato thinks he’s just worked so hard and given up so much to be where he is now. He’s terrified of how his sexuality could affect his career. He doesn’t want to lose everything he’s gained

It’s such an unhealthy view of his sexuality, and he knows this, he just can’t shake this feeling of disgust

It takes such a terrible strain on his relationship with his s/o. It’s absolutely exhausting to be partners with a person who is so uncomfortable with their sexuality, even if you love them so much

Their stress is only magnified and made worse by Masato’s idolship

Masato eventually realizes he can’t keep doing this to his s/o; he can’t have the person he loves be the representation of his inner turmoil, so he decides to seek help professionally

Initially, Masato considered breaking things off with his s/o altogether but decided that would be unfair to his partner

And to Masato’s surprise, counseling is actually helping him. Little by little he’s improving. Anxieties are still there and will always be there, thanks partially to his career, but he’s getting better

The relationship with his s/o is even strengthened because of this

Tokiya Ichinose

Tokiya sort of always knew his sexuality, he wasn’t even necessarily uncomfortable with it. It’s just a part of who is is he is and he’s embraced it for a long time now

This is partially thanks to lots of experimentation, but honestly Tokiya knows who is and what he wants, so in general he’s pretty confident in himself

That being said, however, Tokiya hasn’t come out to the public or his friends or family. Not because he’s ashamed of himself, he’s just pessimistic and sorta believes everyone around him will react negatively

His relationship with his s/o is very much a secret. STARISH and Haruka don’t even know about it. Tokiya just goes out a lot without telling them where he’s going, he worries them

His boyfriend very much worries and cares for Tokiya’s reputation. He knows how much Tokiya loves his career, and despite the stress it puts them both through, he’s willing to deal with it because it is so important to Tokiya

Unfortunately they don’t get to see each other very often, their time together is mostly spent through calls and texts. This makes Tokiya feel pretty guilty, he doesn’t want his s/o to go through this kind of distant relationship

Tokiya may sometimes even feel as though his s/o would be better off without him

Even so, Tokiya’s biggest concern overall goes back to the issue of his friends not knowing. He wants them to be closer, he wants them to know, but is still unsure

Perhaps the more time that passes by, the more comfortable he’ll get with the idea

[adamarinayu]

Now that we're on this hiatus, do you mind telling us what you thought of each episode?

Okay, I know I’m super late to answer this but here I am! I’m not gonna go too in depth on them, but I do want to talk about them.

Treasure of the Found Lamp!

This one was amusing, and I absolutely love what they did with Djinn. I’m so so so glad they changed his name, too, as “Dijon” always bothered me, even as a kid. Also, the story of the lamp was very heartwarming! And seeing Selene again was fun, especially as she had to run around and we find out she’s a terrible liar lol (so she definitely had nothing to do with Della’s disappearance, I think we can all finally put that theory to rest).

The wild goose chase aspect was funny, coming from both sides, and I still think the actress on Ma Beagle’s TV looked vaguely like a character from PKNA so. But Djinn did not pull punches and them Beagles at least got hurt XD

Also. It kinda has a “the greatest treasure is family” vibe to it.

The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck!

As someone who loves Scrooge and loves Goldie, but is indifferent to Scroldie… I still loved this episode. It was great! It was also absolutely hilarious. And Gyro’s time traveling was amazing. Especially Scrooge’s sudden moment of realization when Gyro returned lol.

Louie’s gonna befriend Goldie! That makes me excited. I bet they’re gonna teach each other things that we haven’t even thought of (ie Louie values his family, while Goldie doesn’t even have a family. Maybe Goldie will officially join the Duck-McDuck family not through her strange but obviously antagonistically-romantic relationship with Scrooge, but through her friendship with and tutelage of Louie? Maybe he’s the one who shows her the importance of family and offers her a place in their family… it doesn’t mean giving up adventure, it just means always having somewhere she can call home, and people she can trust and rely on!).

I’m iffy about Jeeves’ redesign, and also his somewhat betrayal of Rockerduck, but I’ve never been like a hardcore fan of the two of them so it was easy for me to move on. I am curious, though, just how they’re gonna come back… guess Gyro’s not quite done with time travel shenanigans.

The only real gripe I have is Sheriff Marshal Cabrera. DON’T GET ME WRONG, I absolutely loved him. He’s a beautiful babby boy. But at the same time, he’s literally just. Fenton. I know he’s like. Fenton’s great grandfather (or maybe uncle, idk) or something. There should absolutely be similarities yes, but it felt like someone had taken the characters and placed them in an old west setting. That being said, I do love him, I just wish he’d been slightly more his own character. Like, maybe a little more like a mix of M’Ma and Fenton! Idk.

The 87 Cent Solution!

…….. You really want to know?

Okay, the episode was good. It was funny, and I enjoyed seeing Glomgold’s timestop shenanigans.

But the funeral scene? That wasn’t cool. I saw the “not really dead” twist coming, I think we all did, but no one thought to tell Donald? Donald thought that, so soon after finally making amends with his uncle, he had lost him for good.

And I get it. It’s meant to be a gag. It’s supposed to be funny. But it kinda really soured the rest of the episode for me. I hate to say that too, because it was a good and funny episode… I just… I can’t believe they did that to Donald. :(

The Golden Spear!

AGONY. Agony is how I feel about this one. Della made friends with the Lunarians! Actual friends! And then Penny made a bad choice, and Lunaris… damn you, Lunaris, you traitor.

All the things Della listed off, wanting to do with her kids and brother and uncle… they’re things the others have already done without her. That hit me in the feels.

AND THEN DONALD- AGH, I CAN’T EVEN. Poor Donald. He’s so stressed and his family loves him so much and just wanted him to have some peace. But alas, it was not to be. And now the fandom cries.

… Even if he really shouldn’t have climbed into that rocket but y’know. He didn’t MEAN to press buttons….

Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!

Della reunites with her boys and no one realizes Donald is gone. And we see Della trying to be a mom, and kinda failing miserably. But she’s trying, and she’s learning!

ALSO THEIR WOULD-BE NAMES HFBVSHKFCS

It really put to rest one of my biggest fears, that all of the triplets would accept her immediately (Louie showed serious hesitation through the entire episode, definitely coming from his place of insecurity that Dewey and Huey don’t share) and she’d be super-mom. She makes mistakes, and it’s acknowledged that she seems to be trying to be one of them rather than be their mother. It does feel awkward at times, and alien, like the boys are trying so hard to think she’s doing great when she’s really causing harm, but in the end when it comes down to it she’d do anything to protect them, and gives them the choice of letting her into their life. She doesn’t try and force her way in (as she kinda did at first, but came to realize this isn’t easy for them either).

Right now she feels kinda more like a cool aunt than a mom, but she’ll learn.

Raiders of the Doomsday Vault!

IS LUDWIG’S CONSCIOUS TRAPPED IN THE VAULT?! HE REACTED TO AND INTERACTED WITH THE PEOPLE OUTSIDE.

Anyway Scrooge and Glomgold’s parts were absolutely A+ hilarious. Della and Dewey bonding, they’re so much alike, but we see Dewey’s insecurity flare up- how he wants to impress Della, feeling like he has to earn her love. Even though she’s already loved them for ten years, even without ever knowing what they looked like.

Della has a moment of realization here, too. She looks down and realizes Dewey is in a dangerous situation. She realizes that Dewey is in danger. She questions if they’re doing something crazy, clearly thinking maybe we shouldn’t be doing this, but when Dewey quotes her “I’m your son, I can do anything!” she instead chooses to encourage him, not wanting to discourage him and possibly cause him to fall.

And then of course, her “exit strategy” thing. I honestly kinda feel like it’s a bit of an ass pull, but it at least makes a little sense. When you’re being hunted by a monster on the moon, you always want to have an escape route planned. Scrooge sees that, even if she’s the same ol’ Della she was before, she’s still changed. Ten years still changes you.

Friendship Hates Magic!

New Girl! New Girl! Violet’s pretty cool. At first she comes off as one of those “um, actually” people, but since I’m one of those “um, actually” people it’s pretty whatever to me lol. And Lena’s back! I’m super excited about that.

Lena gets a little jealous-possessive but who can blame her, Webby’s one of the few people who have always believed in her. And Webby spent so much time we never knew about trying to find ways to bring Lena back, to the point that it’s like clockwork.

The whole “being tormented by her own mind” thing was actually frightening in a way, and I’m just glad it all turned out alright. And now Webby isn’t just a fourth triplet, she’s the central member of her own trio. It’s great!

The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!

Admittedly another plotline to be seen from far away. A good episode full of secondhand embarrassment, but dang Huey’s LUNGS.

I love Gandra’s design and personality. It’s pretty durn great. I love it! I just have one gripe. Warning, this is a bit of a rant.

Why can’t we let characters be feminine? By this I mean traditionally feminine. Dresses, makeup, shopping, high heels, giggling, soft and compassion and gentle and things I’m not, pinks and lilacs, etc. Yes, Webby’s favourite colour is pink and she likes glitter and wears skirts, she is pretty feminine. But she’s the only one, besides Roxanne Featherby (Featherly? I don’t remember, and that’s only arguably because of her clothes), to be even slightly feminine, and even then it can be argued she’s not all that traditionally feminine because, well… she’s the bruiser of the group. Which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with! A feminine bruiser absolutely works, and I love it, but looking at it from certain angles…

Most of the (non-villain) females, besides Webby, show next to no traditionally feminine qualities- Goldie is the closest, when she dresses up for special events or for schemes. Which I don’t mind, per se, I don’t have many traditionally feminine qualities either, but you’d think at least a few would. The original Gandra Dee, who I am glad they changed mind you, was very feminine; she wore her hair long, wore dresses, enjoyed makeup and manicures, etc. She was traditionally feminine, AND smart. (even if I never liked how they drew her face (the eyes and beak look weird imho, DT17 pulled it off better), and I felt like she left much to be desired *cough*…)

There is nothing wrong with having traditionally feminine characters. There is nothing wrong with having characters who enjoy dressing up, or putting on makeup, or shopping, etc. The problem with traditionally feminine characters comes in when it’s done for sex appeal, or you have a woman running from dinosaurs in 6 inch heels (yeah I’m calling that out) or there’s a feminine character there only to be dragged on by the others for their feminine characteristics.

Anyway, rant about that over. I still love what they did with Gandra, but I’m just noticing this trend where female characters aren’t being allowed to like traditionally feminine things. Yeah, there are absolutely a lot of girls who don’t, but there’s probably an equal amount who do! And there’s nothing wrong with showing a competent, traditionally feminine character. :/

The Duck Knight Returns!

DARKWING DUCK DARKWING DUCK DARKWING DUCK NEGADUCK AAAAAAAA

Need I say more?

Okay, Launchpad is a sweetheart and let’s be honest, we knew the moment we saw him that the other guy at the signing was Drake Mallard.

I love that they kept the “Darkwing Duck inspires Drake Mallard to become Darkwing Duck” aspect of DW’s origin story, while twisting it around so that time travel and paradoxes don’t occur. Also! We still get Jim Cummings as Negaduck, while also getting a new VA for Drake Mallard/Darkwing Duck- someone who does a pretty good job at sounding like them, too. So now Negaduck, who is no longer Darkwing/Drake Mallard from an alternate universe, has his own distinguishable voice!

… And I still think Negs is gonna have an unhealthy obsession with Launchpad, thanks to the “my fan” comment. I figure that’s how we’ll get Nega Launchpad, but who knows! There’s so many possibilities!

Anyway Gosalyn, yesterday please. Gimme.

[raendown]

With how some of you stories have Tobirama not understanding some aspects of social interaction (the bloodbending and the stalker fic), how would the Uchiha react to learning that about him? Low-key freakouts? Wondering how the hell Butsuma raised him? Wonder exactly what sort of things he might of come up with since he lack the normal idea of what you do/don't do?

(Set in the Bloodbender AUPart 1Part 2)

-

There was a certain amount of whispering, of course. Asproud as the Uchiha were of their clan Head and as normal as it was for theirkin to be attracted to a certain dangerous sort of person, the man Madara hadchosen was just a little bit of an outlier ever by their standards.

It wasn’t even really the danger itself which raised a feweyebrows. Sure, Senju Tobirama was probably the third most frightening mancurrently alive, but it was his seeming inability to understand the effects ofhis own dangers that gave some people pause. Being terrifying was one thing.Not understanding that what you were doing was terrifying to others was quiteanother.

Obviously the best example of this that came to mind wasusually the episode which had started it all, the day Tobirama oh so casually relieveda fully grown man of his own blood during battle. However, there were otherepisodes which began to stack up with startling frequency as Madara began hiscautious campaign to woo the oblivious man. It was likely that he’d been doingthe same sort of things all along but considering his past interactions withtheir clan most of the Uchiha had always preferred to ignore him and thus beenunaware of them until now.

The experiments that Madara sometimes walked in on wouldhave been enough to cause concern even if it had only been one questionableinstance but what made them truly alarming was the fact that they seemed tohappen all the time. Apparently the Senju clan as a whole had learned to ignorethe occasional muted explosion from within the man’s labs and wave away anystrange smells that trailed out when someone was brave enough to open the door.Tobirama himself never seemed to understand why the sight of him with his hairsmoking slightly and his clothes still covered in live sparks should be of anyparticular note. In fact, he looked rather confused when Madara asked him if hewas alright the one day, looking back at him with a tilted head that said hehad no idea why the man was even asking.

None of that, however, was to say that it wasn’t incredibly amusingto watch the most fearsome Uchiha to have ever lived flail his way through bad flirtingwhich didn’t even seem to work. Tobirama might have been a genius of war but itquickly became obvious that his interpersonal skills were lacking in severalareas.

After the fourth dinner date which accidentally turned in toanother business meeting, Madara made an attempt to step things up. He showedup at Tobirama’s lab with a generous bouquet of flowers and an embarrassedscowl – only for Tobirama to thank him for locating the ingredient his current experimenthad been missing, praising him for realizing it. When Madara made a pass atcomplimenting the Senju it somehow turned in to a conversation about all thepossible ways to disembowel an adult human opponent. He came away from thatconversation reeling with confusion, unsure if he was horrified or aroused.

Just over six months went by in a never ending parade ofoblivious misunderstandings and terrifying new inventions, broken up by theoccasional moment in which Tobirama had to be stopped from  attempting something which would surely gethim or someone else killed, before Madara finally got fed up enough to castaside his efforts to woo gently. Gentle had never really been his style anywayso it was something of a miracle he’d lasted this long without exploding in afit of temper. Likely what had held him back was a cross between not wanting toalienate the one he had accidentally fallen in love with and the knowledgethat, if displeased, Tobirama was fully capable of removing the contents of hisarteries. Consequences like that did tend to put a damper on any healthyarguments he tried to engage in.

There was a point where even death seemed more pleasant thanconstantly being misinterpreted, however. Madara reached that point when hisbold invitation for Tobirama to join him for the evening resulted in waking upto find the man removing singular strands of his hair in the dark of night. DNAsamples, he explained innocently. Apparently he was attempting something newand dangerous with his clones.

“Hold still,” Tobirama chided him when he frantically satup, legs kicking where they were tangled in the blankets. “It’ll only hurt ifyou fight it.”

“You can’t just break in to a man’s house and take his hair!”

“Nonsense. You told me yourself just this afternoon that Iwas welcome here day or night.”

“That isn’t what I meant,” Madara growled. When Tobiramareached for his head again he snatched the pale wrist hovering in front of hisface and held it fast. For his efforts he received an impatient look but hecouldn’t have cared less. The skin under his fingers was warm and the pulsesteady, an immediate distraction in his sleep-befuddled state.

As unaware as ever of the effect he had on anyone else,Tobirama huffed. “Well then what did you mean?”

Madara blinked at him sleepily. He could have hedged hiswords and said something open to interpretation as he usually did. Or he could havesaid something that was at least polite and would have broached the subject kindly.Instead, he found he was just a little too tired to coddle a man he’d been allbut beating over the head with his affections for months now.

“I meant that youare welcome in my bed because I was tryingto fucking seduce you. Or would youprefer a practical demonstration!?”

Before his surprise guest had a chance to answer Madarapulled him down by the grip he still had around a pale wrist. Tobirama came tohim more easily than he would have expected – although that might have had agreat deal to do with being startled – but Madara felt no shame in using thisadvantage to tug him in to a fierce kiss that wrung a groan out of himimmediately. Tobirama tasted even better than he’d imagined, like the endlesscups of tea he consumed and something bitter.

Nearly a full minute went by before his brain caught up tohim and he realized that maybe forcing someone to make out with you when theyobviously hadn’t even realized you wanted them in any way might not beconsidered the most polite thing. While he was far past caring for manners,Madara did acknowledge that his own feelings meant very little if he couldn’tconvince Tobirama to return them. After six months it only just occurred to himnow to wonder if his chosen had failed to see how he felt because he simplydidn’t consider Madara as a romantic option. The thought was chilling enough tomake him release his grip on Tobirama and allow the man to straighten, both oftheir eyes as wide as saucers.

“My apologies,” he bit out. “That was…perhaps forward of me.”

“Ah. Sometimes you have to be a bit forward to get myattention.” Tobirama smiled at him when his head snapped up. His grin wascrooked and sloppy and Madara was torn between wanting to memorize that faceforever and telling him it looked stupid.

“Do I have your attention now?” he asked cautiously.

Instead of a verbal answer Tobirama pressed him back in tothe sheets for more kisses, rolling over his body and pressing them togetheruntil there wasn’t an inch of that long delicious body that he could not feelagainst his own.

“And here I thought you were just a little bit afraid of me,”Tobirama murmured against his lips. Madara huffed and tugged on white hair.

“You’re terrifying,” he admitted. “I like it.”

He smiled in to their kiss as Tobirama made a happy liketrilling sound. As scary as this man had the capability of being, he could alsobe incredibly cute without meaning to. However, no matter how much he wasenjoying finally getting what he’d been working so hard for, sleep was startingto pull at him again like an angry mistress, irritated at being interrupted. Tobiramachuckled when he had to turn his head to yawn.

“Someone’s tired.”

“Well someone was just woken up out of a dead sleep to findsome creep harvesting their hair for nefarious purposes.” His grumbled had lessof an effect when his hands continued to stroke over whatever pale skin hecould reach.

Tobirama simply hummed and rolled off to the side, curlinghis body around Madara’s and laying his head down on Madara’s shoulder. “Rest.I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

Already closing his eyes and starting to drift, Madaramerely smiled and didn’t comment. He knew very well that Tobirama had likelynot slept himself in more than a full day. The chances that he would wake upthe next morning to find his favorite Senju still peacefully snoozing away onhis shoulder were fairly high and, if he were bring honest, he kind of hopedthat would be the case. Kissing had been nice and all but he figured hedeserved a much nicer reward after all that waiting he’d done.

-

Over the next few days the Uchiha clan slowly came to a horrifyingrealization. As inhuman as Tobirama had been before, he was several times worseonce he and Madara had entered a relationship. While they were indeed happy fortheir clan Head, truthfully they were, many of them wished he wasn’t quite sosmitten as to ignore many of the things he should have been helping to put astop to.

When Tobirama came to him to demonstrate the new jutsu hewas working on Madara simply smiled at him in an insufferably sappy mannerrather than pay attention to the way the ground shifted dangerously several dozenfeet away from where the jutsu was meant to take effect. Each time one of the clanmembers attempted to approach him with concerns about the sounds coming out ofthe laboratory which had seemed to spring up out of nowhere right in the middleof the Uchiha complex, somehow their conversations always took a turn in toextolling upon Tobirama’s more positive virtues. It was as though the man hadstrapped on a pair of blinders from the very first kiss and Tobirama withoutbarriers to rein him in was more worrisome than he truly should have been.

Of course, that didn’t stop the two of them from bickering –and that was using the term generously. Their fights were epic and dangerousfor anyone within half a kilometer.

And yet, at the end of every day, no matter what the membersof the Uchiha clan had to put up with, somehow it was all worth it every timethey spotted their clan Head trotted after his beloved with nothing butabsolute devotion on his face. He’d been miserable for so many years that noneof them had the heart to say anything too strongly against whatever happinesshe had found.

Still, that didn’t stop them from giving Tobirama as wide aberth as possible. Madara might be in love with the danger but they had theirown safety to look out for.

[visualnoveldiscourse]

Amnesia: Memories- Kent Route Day 10

We pick up on Day 10 at Kent’s house after we tell him about our scary encounter with the mysterious possible murderer.  

We are off to a great start.  No memories, spirits in our heads, friends that think we’re out to get the targets of their affection, an emotionally constipated boyfriend, and now we might have a serial killer after us.  Good deal. 

 Heeey, if there’s a serial killer aspect to this story, are we going to be rescued by big, scary Kent?  Yes, please~ I have always been a slut for a damsel in distress story.  But what would make me even happier is us rescuing Kent!  0v0

Kent is suspicious of the fact that we say we don’t know the guy that apparently knows both of us.  

Orion suspects that we might have known the scary guy before he lost our memories for us.  I agree that it’s unlikely that we have never seen or met him before.  Kent, ever the diligent man, notes our paleness and asks if we know of any reason anyone would want to hurt us.  Unfortunately, we have no memories and we’ve been hiding that, so we can’t tell him any form of helpful answer.  My answer choice here is “I can’t think of anything,” since we literally know of no reason that anyone would wish us harm.  

I dunno, man.  Maybe I’m pale because a scary guy I don’t know knows my name and your name and was talking about killing me and then you’re like “maybe he’s a serial killer.”  You tell me, would that not elicit at least some concern?  

Of course, Kent immediately follows that up with “He must have been really scary!”  And I’m like no fucking shit.  Before any further conversation can be had, Kent comes closer and looks really freaked out.  

Awh, was he going to hug us and then he realized he was about to touch us and was like “holy shit, better not frighten girlfriend”? Like, I could probably use a hug right about now, maybe chill, Kent.  

“I wasn’t going to do anything outrageous...”  Kent, you’re blushing because you wanted to give us a hug?  Precious.  Or... not.  

Well, I suppose hand holding can also be comforting.  But personally, I’d rather have a hug.  But he doesn’t stop there.  

Kent really worries too much.  We’re dating.  Hand holding and hugs and even sometimes kisses are typical things to expect from romantic relationships.  Having you come closer to me and hold my hand to comfort me is a plus, not scary. This must be because of our rocky relationship and the rocky foundation of it.  

“So you don’t need to be so guarded.”  Is the final part of Kent’s next lines.  Were we making a face?  Like.  Kent is the least threatening person we’ve met the entire game.  I’m pretty sure I could put him up against a kitten and the kitten would be scarier.  

Fortunately, Kent takes our concerns seriously.  He offers to walk with us after dark to make sure we’re safe.  I also love how Kent doesn’t put forth a bunch of blustering bravado to impress us.  He could just as easily have said “I’ll walk you home every night to make sure you’re safe.  I’ll beat him up if he bothers you.” or anything else involving typical macho man bravado.  But instead, he says he might be able to help deal with that man.  Help deal with that man.  Not swoop in as a hero in a cape to save the day.  Not fix the problem for us.  Not to reduce us to a prize in some macho man fight about who gets the girl.  He says he might be able to help us deal with him.  

Another significant choice of words is saying that he might be able to help.  Kent makes no guarantees that he would be able to protect us from any threat.  He humbly acknowledges here that he might not be able to deal with this guy if he seriously is dangerous, but he will do what he can to help us if it came to that.  There is nothing I like more than a guy that is honest with me and himself about his capabilities and the situations we are in.  

We are going to die.  I know I was just harping about how nice it is that Kent is honest with me and that he will help me deal with this scary man, but if the scary man is here right fucking now, I need more than like two seconds to mentally prepare myself for the fight or flight reflex.  If I’m hiding, are you going to shove a shelf against the door or are you gonna be dumb as fuck and open the door for the serial killer?  

Kent, I don’t want to watch your bespectacled ass die in front of me while I hide under your desk and hope I’m not discovered-

Son of a fucking bitch.  Kent.  Ikki.  I’m over here having a panic attack because serial killer and you two have to play your fucking math nerd assassin games?  That’s it.  I’m done.  Play your games like the overgrown children you are.  I’m going h o m e  and there is nothing you can do to stop me.  

Oh.  I can’t leave yet?  Not cool, game.  I’m mad.  Can’t we just leaaave?  No?  Fine.  

Kent apologizes for the interruption that Ikki caused in our discussion. As if that is what merits an apology.  How about giving me a heart attack and knocking twenty years off my life?  

Ikki changes the subject to math puzzles that Kent likes to make and when he discovers that Kent already gave us some of said puzzles, he has the most hilarious reaction.  You fool.  You didn’t even suspect that I love math puzzles.  Maybe soon, I’ll join your stupid play pretend math assassin games.  

Okay.  So I can’t really fault him much for this one.  Although, I am personally offended.  We already know that we met Kent through a basic/beginner’s math course thing, so it’s natural he would consider our math skills elementary at best.  But still to come out an say it in front of your bro and in front of me.  Rude. (This is another rare occasion where Orion and I agree).  

Immediately following Kent’s statement, Ikki takes to his defense... Or so it seems.  “I’m sure he’s a ton of trouble.  He’s not a bad guy though, so try to be patient with him.”  

Kent is suddenly affronted by something Ikki says or does and one thing that I don’t like about this scene is how we don’t know what Ikki is doing until Ikki and Kent describe it.  Would it have been that much more difficult to draw Ikki’s hand reaching over the camera to rub our head?  

Kent is, understandably, upset by this development.  Ikki is taking some liberties here, what with rubbing the head of his best friend’s girlfriend.  

Wow, Ikki.  You’re not even hiding the fact that you’re doing this to make Kent jealous. The tone of voice the actor uses here cements that fact, which I cannot portray to you through text and screenshots.  To Kent’s credit, he keeps his cool, calmly telling Ikki that he has no morals.  

Of course, Kent is getting prety worked up about Ikki touching us.  It’s probably because Kent can’t even bring himself to hold our hand without dramatically working up to it.  Ikki is being pretty insensitive to his best friend.  And Ikki isn’t content to leave it at that, either.  

Before, it could be excused as a little lighthearted teasing, but now Ikki is just being an asshole.  Like, dude, maybe leave Kent and his insecurities alone?  Also, maybe stop rubbing my head, cause like, I don’t remember you asking permission to touch me and I’m sensitive about things like that.  But alas, being a silent protagonist with a spirit running our show, we don’t have the option to punch Ikki for being too familiar and touching us without permission.  

Ikki, seriously?  With friends like you, who needs enemies?  Openly flirting with your best friend’s girlfriend and pushing our boundaries by touching us and making open advances without permission.  Kent is having no more of this.  

He’s clearly getting pissed.  Ikki should call it quits, since it’s obvious that his playful teasing isn’t being well received.  But he doesn’t.  He casts another jab at Kent by brazenly asking for our number right in front of Kent.  

Look, there is nothing wrong with a guy and a girl who are not romantically involved exchanging phone numbers.  Men and women can be friends, after all.  But Ikki’s timing here is awful.  He’s flirted with Kent and insinuated that he would give us more intimate contact and Kent is already suspicious that Ikki intends to seduce us.  It’s just a dick move. 

We, the MC, could definitely do more to discourage Ikki’s advances, but we’re a blank paper bag with little real input into the story.  So, we exchange numbers and Ikki backs off and heads out. 

Alone, Kent approaches us, with a deep blush on his cheeks.  Is he going to ask us for reassurance?  Is he going to attempt to reaffirm that we have feelings for each other?  Is he going to do something sweet? Oh, Kent-

This sets off so many alarm bells in my head.  He’s got his hand balled up in our hair and his expression is the scariest I’ve seen on him.  Kent is so insecure that he would hurt us to prove to himself that he is manly enough to touch us in an intimate way.  

Personally, in real life, this would be a straight up deal breaker for me.  I don’t give a flying fuck how cute you are, how smart you are, how much I like you and am interested in you romantically, the minute you cause me physical harm is the minute your ass is on the curb.  No one, no man and no woman and no one of any gender on the spectrum will be allowed to cause me physical harm of any kind and stay in my life.  Unless it’s completely accidental, like, we ran into each other face first and now we’re laying in the floor groaning about how much our heads hurt.  

You have disappointed me, Kent.  You have disappointed me.  

But you are still, by far, the best boyfriend this game has to offer.  You heard me correctly: there are boyfriends in this game who treat us much worse than this.  Much worse.  I will miss you and your insecure hair pulling when we move on from your route to another.  

Fortunately, we get a chance to talk to Kent about how this hair pulling, rubbing thing feels.  I choose “I don’t dislike it, but it hurts.”  In this scenario, alone with a man bigger than me, who is already holding me by the hair, I wouldn’t want to antagonize him.  Best to pacify him and when I’m no longer in immediate danger, run for the hills.  

I don’t forgive you.  First of all, your hand is still balled up in my hair.  You’re pulling my hair as you apologize to me for pulling my hair and hurting me.  Second of all, you lost control and you hurt me.  You hurt me because you wer insecure and you are intelligent enough to know better.  Not laying a harmful hand on someone you profess to love isn’t difficult.  It’s being a decent human being. 

Well, first of all, he wasn’t pulling my hair and hurting my head.  Second of all, I don’t have a good answer for that, because the protagonist is a blank, passive page and Orion calls almost all of the shots. But we’re hiding this from Kent, so we don’t have a good explanation for him.  But!  Regardless!  You have no right!  To harm me!  No matter if you think someone else was allowed to do it!  

Can we go home yet?  No?  Kent has to angst about how Ikki will make advances on us? You don’t trust me to love you and to choose you over Ikki?  Just what is our shitty relationship based around, anyway?  Why are we even still trying at this point? 

Then get your hand out of my hair, shit fuck.  

“While I hesitate to even hold your hand, your heart could turn towards him...” Hand.  In my hair.  Fuck you.  Also, before this fiasco, I would have said “of course not.  You are being paranoid.  “I’m afraid that he could take you away from me.”  Dude, I don’t even want to see your face right now.  

“It takes all I have just to touch your hair.”  Then stop touching it. It’s not like I’m forcing you.  

Oh, well, since you put it that way- you are not forgiven.  Not that quickly, you asshole.  Prove to me you aren’t gonna abuse me and that that sort of thing will never happen again.  Oh, wait, things like that usually have repeat performances.  

“Could you go home for today?  ...I’ll walk you back.”  

Oh, thank God.  Just the words I was waiting for.  I don’t especially want you to walk me home, but better for you to walk me home than me be axe murdered in the street, I guess.  

Back at our apartment, Orion says “That was a surprise.”  and I’m like, which part?  Kent going crazy and pulling our hair or Ikki violating our personal space or maybe the way that Kent excused his behavior like an abuser would do?  

Which is a major warning sign in my book.  Danger, danger.  That’s not something to be happy about, Orion.  “He might like you more than we expected.”  Bro.  This is a bad thing, not a good thing.  Instead of getting more onto Ikki about this, he let all of his anger out on us.  That’s not cool.  

What a crappy note to end day 10 on.  And our romance was finally starting to get better.