#and while watching it yesterday I felt like the runtime was a bit of a waste of it's potential

[froggy-puddles]

LETS GOOOO

Okay, this tweet about Monstrosity? You know what this mean, right?

We gotta post, reblog, retweet the hell out of this show. Alternative accounts. The works. We need to show lego that there is an audience for a more mature ninjago. Because there IS. We just gotta show them.

NINJAGO FANDOM, ROLL OUT

[nerdnag]

So here are my completely uninteresting thoughts about the Miraculous movie, which I watched yesterday. First few paragraphs are spoiler free.

Overall impression while watching was honestly positive. It was well-animated, the tension and atmosphere were good, the voice actors for the main characters did great, the music was pretty good, and the nostalgia gave me warm fuzzy feelings several times. However, the day after watching it, I realize I have a lot of issues with it that weren't obvious to me at first.

I didn't mind it being a musical. But like everyone else, I thought the difference between Marinette's speaking VA and singing VA was jarring. It was jarring enough that it didn't feel like it was actually Marinette singing; it felt more like she was lipsynching along to a soundtrack, and I found it hard to take in what she was trying to communicate in her songs because of that. Adrien didn't have this problem; his singing VA was similar enough that it worked. As for Gabriel, oh man, was it a TREAT to discover that Keith Silverstein did his own singing. I literally had goose bumps the whole song, not because it was a particularly interesting song, but because Keith just did it so well (and it was so great to have him seamlessly start singing)!!

They changed or removed a lot of things compared to the show; the main reason for this was probably that the movie was only 1:32 in runtime (which was way too short even to convey some of the basic points of the plot). Some of the changes were for the better, I think. But many of them were for the worse.

(Spoilers below, though if you've seen the show, it probably doesn't matter very much.)

Some good changes:

Gabriel's characterization and character arc were WAY improved, in that his motives are clearly established, he's shown as suffering emotionally during the entire movie (while very obviously caring a lot for Adrien), and he had a redemption at the end that made sense. Gabriel was probably my favorite character in this movie. I almost wish it had centered more around him, lol.

This is maybe not a change so much as a choice of focus, but a major part of why I stopped watching the show two seasons back or so was because the new kwamis, heroes and identity switches were getting incredibly annoying, confusing and boring. The movie had only three active kwamis and only two heroes, i.e. it went back to the good old days of the show, and I appreciated that a lot.

There are also way fewer characters who get any screen time (basically their entire school class is only shown in the periphery), which I personally think is a good thing, because I never really found most of them interesting in the first place.

After their first couple of times fighting bad guys, Ladybug and CN get into a habit of meeting with each other to train or just hang out even when there are no threats around. That kind of casual interaction was something I think many of us wished had been a part of the show (it definitely was a major part of many fanfics).

Adrien is clearly shown mourning his mother, and I think that his withdrawn manner and the fact that he always wears earbuds at the start of the movie makes a lot of sense.

Marinette and Adrien are chosen as guardians in a slightly different way, and I think I like Tikki's movie introduction more than the one in the show (however, see another point about this further below). Also, the idea behind the ladybug and cat miraculouses was well explained in my opinion.

I really liked the first meeting between Ladybug and CN. CN was characteristically cocky, and LB was very reasonably annoyed with him throughout it all (more so than in the show, as far as I recall). While there were a few moments during the fight itself that felt a bit cringe, their interactions were still pretty great. I also liked how CN went from seeing himself as the main superhero with LB being his sidekick, to acknowledging that it's probably the other way around and that they work best as a team. Also, his pet name for her is pretty cute (though I kind of miss the names he calls her in the show).

Some bad changes:

The fashion-related connection between Marinette, Adrien and Gabriel was completely removed. Adrien isn't a model it seems (at least it was never mentioned), and it was only briefly shown at the start of the movie that Gabriel is a fashion designer. Marinette still does fashion sketches, but the whole reason for why she is obsessed with Adrien at first as well as the fact that she looks up to his father a lot is completely non-existent. The connection just isn't mentioned at all.

Adrien and Marinette are barely shown interacting outside of their first meeting, their resolution, and a brief montage in-between. It doesn't really make sense why Marinette is even interested in Adrien (see also my previous point). It doesn't even make sense that she would like him just because she's lonely and not used to attention, because movie Adrien barely gives her any...

Marichat and Ladrien have ZERO interactions. It's a shame and a huge minus.

The way that Ladybug's and CN's powers work is a disappointment. We're told that they have the power of creation and destruction respectively, and this is shown in a few scenes (CN destroys some things, LB repairs some things), but gone are all the clever strategies from the show where LB had to figure out a creative way to solve their problems. The way her powers are portrayed in the movie, it seems like Tikki does everything for her. Her yo-yo seems to have a life of her own and pulls her along without her consent a lot of the time, and she never has to think for herself about how to solve a problem because her powers miraculously show her exactly what to do. We do get a few cool scenes where LB and CN execute moves in tandem though, but that's about the extent of it. Basically, LB isn't a strong, clever superhero; she's pretty much a doll puppeteered around by Tikki. (A bit of an exaggeration but that is how I felt.)

The reveal between Marinette and Adrien feels underwhelming, both because of how little we have seen of their friendship and interactions throughout the movie, and because the reveal itself is done in a rather anticlimactic way. Marinette has already known who he is for a while at that point (it's unclear exactly how long), and Adrien seems to realize who she is as soon as she calls his name. They barely speak during the reveal and it is difficult to know how they feel about it all outside of Marinette's shy expressions and Adrien's shocked eyes. The whole ~masquerade reveal~ felt like an attempt at fanservice that unfortunately fell flat.

Alya was a good character in this movie, but I think she should have received more screentime. I would much rather have seen more of her and Marinette than suffer through her bad scenes with Nino (more on that below).

Chloé was done dirty. It's like they added her in just because "she's supposed to be there" without taking the time to making her actually fit in with the other changes they had made. Not only did she seem to fluctuate between three or four different personalities throughout the movie, she also made very light of the concept of bullying in a COMPLETELY unnecessary and shockingly badly written line at the end of the movie. (This is literally a direct quote: "Marinette, I hope you have a lovely evening, because next year, bullying's back on.") Also, she bragged about being favored by Adrien, even though they had zero interactions in the movie? (I don't remember them having one, at least.)

Plagg was done REALLY dirty. Every single scene he was in was cringe and badly written. His entire personalty was boiled down to "he fart lol".

Lastly, Adrien was also done dirty. He's barely given a discernible personality outside of "I'm sad and miss my parents" and "I'm a cocky superhero who loves puns". The way he handles being told that Marinette has another love interest is immature and spiteful, his first meeting with Marinette ends with him leaving out of nowhere and thinking that she's weird, and we never get to see how kind, shy, clever, awkward and perceptive he can be. The contrast between him and his superhero persona is badly explained; someone who hasn't seen the show wouldn't know that he longs for adventure and the freedom to express himself, because his struggles as a homeschooled model with few sincere friends are completely absent from the movie. Basically, he's made into a rather one note character (well, I guess two note, really, with at best a wobbly connection between the two sides).

Other things that weren't changes per se, but that I have Opinions about:

I'm torn on how they remade Marinette's "awakening". Just like in the show, she refuses Tikki's powers at first, before eventually accepting them and having her growth arc. I think this is an important part of her larger character arc. However, considering how short the movie is, it's my opinion that they dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to this arc, where I feel that there were important plot and characterization details they could have used that time for instead. I understand that they probably did this because they wanted to focus a lot on Marinette's "hero's journey" in this movie, but it was almost like they dragged it all out.

Related to the previous point, there is quite a lot of "be yourself" and "trust your heart" and "overcome your fears" propaganda shoved down the viewer's throat throughout the movie. I watched the movie with my partner, and every time that Marinette started singing, I jokingly went, "do you think this song will be the next 'Let It Go'?" I mean, it's a good message to give kids I guess, but it was so much that I couldn't help but view it cynically.

Nino could have been removed as a character. No, actually, he should have been. He was extremely one note in a way that borders on being a racist depiction, his romance arc with Alya was flat and unnecessary, his "romantic advice" to Adrien was cliche and cringe, and he fulfils no purpose in the story whatsoever (possibly apart from being Adrien's only friend at first, but that's so brushed over that I don't think it would matter if it was removed).

I liked almost all of the interactions between Ladybug and CN. They were fun, cute and mostly felt natural. The few issues I have are mostly present in the show as well, so I have nothing to complain about regarding the movie itself.

As a contrast to the previous point however, there were, in my opinion, way too many one liners and far too few sincere interactions between characters. Some of the interactions were so weirdly cut short that they felt jarring or superficial. I saw a good example of this in another post from the early parts of the movie, where Marinette is sad because she feels lonely at school, her mother tells her to cheer up and be herself, at which Marinette suddenly does cheer up and goes "you're right!!" (I'm paraphrasing, but the meat of the issue is that the change in her mood is unnaturally sudden, and it feels like there's so much more that had to be said between the lines for that to happen).

The climax felt somewhat sudden and uncalled for, both in how it started and how it ended. Hawkmoth's powers (which hadn't been very well explained before this) suddenly became completely different and no longer focused around the power of his kwami. Suddenly he could create storms, and levitate, and use telekinesis??? And while I appreciated the reveal between him and Adrien, it was weird to have Marinette standing nearby without ever seeing her reaction to CN's identity reveal. Also, the ghost hug from Adrien's mother at the end felt a little too on the nose for me.

Final thoughts: If they had spent their budget on a longer movie rather than on licensing 15 seconds or so of Careless Whisper, and if they had cut all of the musical numbers in favor of including some more plot and characterization, I think the movie could have been really great. As it stands, I think the main issues with the movie all boil down to it being too short. Still, I'm glad I watched it, and I think fans of the series will still have a lot to appreciate about it. As for the people who have never seen the show, they might think it's an all right movie, but they're missing out on a lot of the things that make the show so great.

The teaser for a sequel at the end was... Weird, btw. I really don't see how they're going to keep people's interest up for another movie when CN and LB already have had their reveal and romantic arc, unless the supposed sequel focuses on other people (crossing my fingers for a Gabriel-centered movie, I guess).

[elexica]

Second Chance Christmas: {{ December 24 }}

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27832405/chapters/69340716 Christmas Eve is a lot more pleasurable this year.

Rating increased to Explicit for smut this chapter. If you would like to skip it, end the chapter at the grilled cheese.

Entire chapter under the cut.

When Joey rolled over to look at his cellphone, he was startled to see it was almost 10:30 am.  How did he sleep in, until mid-morning, on Christmas Eve?  It was impossible that the kids hadn’t awoken with the dawn, and absolutely impossible that they didn’t need some form of attention by now.

Maybe they’ve been kidnapped, Joey wondered to himself.  That would be just his luck—the second Kaiba’s back, loved ones get kidnapped.

He looked out the French doors that lead to the master bedroom’s balcony.  It wasn’t a bad view at all, and the snow was wafting down.  It was soft, fluffy, powdery stuff, already accumulating on the handrail of the deck.  Joey considered fighting the temptation to wander out, but decided to just take a peek outside.

He was instantly rewarded with the sight of Alexis braining Atticus with a snowball.

They were dressed warmly, if a bit mismatching.  From the bright red glove on one of Atticus’ hands, and the black mitten on the other, someone wasn’t able to find the right counterpart in time.

That someone was looming a bit off to the side, like he always did.  Kaiba was crouching in the snow too, busy at work making something.  Joey couldn’t tell at this distance, and it would be pretty harsh of him to join in the snowball fight.  Joey knew from experience that Kaiba didn’t half-ass snowball fights and had killer aim.

Joey had only managed to keep up because he thought shoving snow down the back of Kaiba’s shirt was the funniest thing in the world.  The full body shiver and searing rage it inspired were unparalleled.

Instead, today it looked more like he was on hand to intervene if Alexis got too invested and owned her older brother too hard.  And like he was doing something of his own, playing with the snow.

Was Seto Kaia building a snow man? Joey squinted, but the white snow was too bright and the packed snow was too indistinguishable from the freshly fallen drifts for him to actually be able to tell.

Joey felt some snowflakes collecting in his own fluffy hair, and with a shake of his head decided he could do a better job spectating from downstairs.

A latte was sitting on the kitchen counter.  The foam had somewhat disintegrated, melting back into the coffee and milk mixture.  At first, Joey assumed Kaiba had just left it behind for himself when he had been probably unceremoniously dragged into the falling snow by their little miscreants.

But upon close inspection, the foam had a sort of heart pattern on the top, made from pouring the steamed milk just so.  Latte art had been an interest of Kaiba’s for about a day several years back—he had been convinced that he could replicate the delicate pouring in a robotic attachment added to the espresso machine, which could be repurposed to replace certain precision work in the Duel Disk manufacturing line.  In the process, he had gotten very good at making them by hand as well.

Could the mug actually be for Joey?  It didn’t look like Kaiba had sipped from it.

Kaiba was probably just showing off to the kids, Joey thought to himself.  Even so, it melted his heart in his chest just a little bit.  Even if it wasn’t for him, Joey was going to taste it.  It was on Joey’s counter now, right?

The milk foam was soft against his lips, sweet little bubbles popping on his tongue as he sipped, and the coffee was still warm.  He could feel the heat of it course down his throat.

He took another long drink of it, and it really was that good.  If Kaiba had a love language, Joey pondered midway through another gulp, it probably would be fancy coffee.

Joey took the mug out with him, the warmth of the mug soothing in his hands as he wandered to the backyard.  The chill in the air hit him in the face, instantly, and he wished he was wearing more than night clothes, his bathrobe, and slippers.

The family hadn’t really moved since he’d seen them from the master bedroom balcony.

Watching Seto play was always a source of fascination.  Sure, it had been infuriating back in the day.  The seriousness and anger he took to Duel Monsters, even when it wasn’t him dueling, was unpleasant at the time.  But over the years, it had become endearing and intriguing.  Sometimes, early on, Joey would even sit near Kaiba, during Yugi’s duels especially, just to hear the commentary.  Kaiba was thoughtful and smart as hell, and his take on the game was as insightful as it was overly intense.

When Kaiba played other games, it was even more fun.  Before they had met, Joey had never fathomed that someone could be completely engrossed in Operation!, or bring complete vitriol to Connect Four.  Discovering that Guess Who could be played through carefully crafted insults to each figure’s appearance was delightful.

It had been one of the things Joey had kind of been looking forward to seeing in Kaiba when they had kids.

But… things don’t always pan out the way you want them to.

Joey took another sip from the coffee—Kaiba had put some sugar in it too, to Joey’s surprise.  It had to be for him.  Just that thought lit a spark in his chest that warmed him in a way that his bathrobe and flannel pajamas couldn’t.

Joey refocused on Kaiba, trying to discern exactly what the other man was doing in the snow.  He was almost on his knees in the snow, and using his black-gloved hands to shape something.  The packed snow was rather elegantly shaped, and even if it had been years since he had seen one in person, those white scales were incredibly iconic.

“Ay, Kaiba, is that?!”

With a finishing touch of black pebble eyes on the modestly-sized snow-dragon, Kaiba turned to face him dead-on.

Kaiba’s smirk was almost as haughty as it had been when he was a teen.  He stood proudly in his winter coat, hands on his hips before the three-foot snow-dragon and pointed back at Joey with a flourish.  “Attack with white lightning!”

Like magic, the kids turned on Joey.  Snowballs were launched in his general direction and the kids made what Joey assumed were supposed to be dragon noises.

Joey was fortunate—the deck was pretty far from where they were playing, and the snowballs exploded harmlessly on the bannister or the porch in front of him.  Alexis’s little screech was especially precious, even if her throw wasn’t.

Joey laughed so naturally that he didn’t realize he was doing it.  When he composed himself again, he dramatically raised one hand, and pointed back.  “I play my trap card,” Joey shouted into the fray, revolving enough to point at the kitchen behind him.  “I’m making pancakes!”

Indeed, the promise of pancakes was more powerful than the lure of pretending to be dragons, and the kids cheered as they headed in.

Kaiba trailed the kids, looking oddly contemplative.  Joey was about to leave and make good on his promise, but he was struck by the way Seto had his lips pressed together.  He really looked like he was trying not to say something.

Joey gave him an expectant look, the space to say whatever it was that he was thinking.

“I never knew it could be this way.”

Joey tilted his head, blond hair flopping to the side.  “What do you mean?”

Kaiba walked closer, within a few inches of Joey.  With his thumb, Kaiba brushed a few snowflakes from the shorter man’s cheek.  “I… didn’t realize that life could be this free.”  And without any other comment or discussion, Kaiba composed himself and brushed past Joey.  Leaving Joey with his now-chilly latte and distant thoughts.  

…

Time slipped by quickly, the sands of the holiday magic hourglass rushing down as the finale approached.

The family had a holographic call with Mokuba and Yui, who expressed again how grateful they were to have the kids at their wedding.  If Mokuba was surprised to see Joey and Kaiba alongside each other, not fighting, he didn’t show it.  

After three years away from the high technology, Joey kind of saw the appeal of the holograms with fresh eyes.  It was pretty neat to see Mokuba again, in three dimensions, glowing just a little in his living room.  While Mokuba was patiently listening to Atticus explain how they were playing dragons this morning, Joey was just taking it in.

Then they sat down for another round of Christmas movies—this time all the classics.  First was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, which Kaiba insisted had an overly mature message, that being unique is respected only when someone else can profit off of it.  Then was Frosty the Snowman, which Kaiba objected to on the grounds that it sent mixed messages about mortality.  “It is like watching ‘All Dogs Go to Heaven’ if you actually had to watch the dog—”

“Kaiba, it’s fine, he’s a snowman.”  Joey interrupted.

“He’s clearly sentient.  He’s aware of his surroundings.  Do you think he cannot feel his body melt—”

“Next movie!” Joey announced, clicking away.  

Kaiba completely left the room for Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, which was a pity, given how much of the runtime was dedicated to business decisions.

Kaiba only returned later, to poke his head around the corner and say that he had finished making dinner.

Joey wasn’t sure what to expect from Kaiba for a holiday dinner.  Frankly, the times he had seen Kaiba cook were few and far between—he had helped out yesterday, but otherwise it was something of an informed ability.  Kaiba said he could cook, but Joey supposed the proof would be in the literal pudding.

When they were dating, Kaiba was usually working and they would get take out or go out to dinner far more frequently than doing dinner at home.  Joey couldn’t pinpoint exactly when the expectation of family meals had appeared—maybe after Atticus was born?  Whenever it had happened, the family chef had appeared like magic.

Joey realized that maybe Kaiba had no idea what Joey’s cooking was like outside of this week either.  That was a disturbing thought.  How long could you spend with someone without ever learning what their cooking tasted like.

Joey was in for a pleasant surprise.  It certainly wasn’t fancy, but tomato soup from a can—garnished with a basil leaf—and a decent stack of not-burnt grilled cheese sandwiches were waiting.  With the snow falling gently outside, and the reflection of a few twinkling Christmas lights draped around the kitchen, it was a very pleasant scene.

It felt like too much to demand, but Joey bit into a perfectly buttery sandwich—crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside—and thought maybe he would like it if Kaiba cooked every night.

…

Finally, the kids were instructed that they needed to have an early bed time, as part of the last ditch efforts to convince Santa that they were good kids.

With certain designated cookies set out and carrots left for the reindeer, the kids were headed to bed.

“So… we didn’t wrap the presents last night,” Joey announced.  Kaiba nodded, and they grimly turned toward the master bedroom to contemplate their fate.

The present pile was absolutely not representative of what Joey had purchased on his singular trip to the mall.  At some point, quite deviously, Kaiba must have procured another thirty presents, through some assistant or something—Joey really could account for most of the time, and had them hidden in Joey’s secret present hiding place (unsurprisingly the master bedroom’s closet).

As a result, even with the two of them working to wrap presents, it had been almost three hours and they were still at it.  Kaiba was frustratingly slow: he was both meticulous about straight edges and perfect tape amounts, and just slightly terrible at wrapping.  It was brutally obvious he had never had to do it before, so even though the theory was easy for him, his long fingers struggled slightly with execution.  It made the process even slower because Joey kept getting distracted, watching Kaiba’s long fingers fiddle with the paper and the tape.

“We can take a five minute break, we’ve been pretty busy this week,” Joey announced, stepping away from the supplies covered desk and flopping back on the bed.

Seto walked over and sat on the edge of pensively before curling into the fluffy duvet.  “It’s true.  Whatever doesn’t get wrapped can be saved for birthday presents.”

Joey graced him with a skeptical look.

“What?! You said you wanted it to be lower key,” Kaiba snapped back, offended.  Kaiba looked down at his hands, tape resting on his pinky as he tried to get the fold just so on a small packet that was obviously a Duel Monsters cards booster pack.

The bags that were omnipresent under Kaiba’s eyes were etched just a little deeper than before.  “A five minute break… sounds wise.”

Joey flopped backward onto the bed, avoiding the wrapping paper.  Kaiba relaxed backwards as well.

Five minutes passed, and then another five.  The bed was really soft and cozy.  Joey knew it was much more comfortable than the guest room bed, and Kaiba was burrowing in somewhat.

The other man really did look peaceful, brown hair falling into his glasses, eyes finally closed and relaxed.

Two hours later, a quick glance at the bedside clock warned Joey that it was almost eleven at night.  The lights had been extinguished, but the curtains hadn’t been drawn, leaving the room with a hazy glow from the bright snowscape and moon beyond the French doors.

Joey had dozed off on the bed and like magnets, Seto had ended up so close to him.  Joey really hadn’t expected to wake up to the other man clinging to him for dear life, but it felt so nice.  A pleasant weight, holding him, making him feel treasured.  God only knew where his glasses had ended up.

Seto’s breath ghosted across Joey’s collarbone.  “I missed you.”  It was soft, sleep addled, and entirely sincere.  His breaths were deep and warm, as if he was taking in everything about the situation that he could, inhaling the sleepy cozy scent of his partner, the soft detergent smell the dryer had left on Joey’s pajamas, the pine scented holiday candle that had been inadvertently left to burn for the last two hours.

Cuddling again felt so magical, after so long.  Joey’s hand caught in Seto’s hair, soft brown strands running across his rougher fingers.  His nails scraped lightly across Seto’s scalp, and Seto practically purred.  It was enough to make the heat rise in Joey’s cheeks.

“I don’t want to let go of you,” Seto admitted to Joey.  Seto looked up from where he was snuggled into Joey’s chest, eyes softer than Joey remembered them.

“Then don’t,” Joey answered, pulling Seto up so that their faces were perfectly aligned.

Staring into Kaiba’s eyes was always like this.  It hit so deep, struck Joey right on the inside of his sternum.  Something in the blue depths broke his heart every single time.

And Joey pulled him into a kiss.  Seto’s mouth tasted the way that it always had.  With his large hands grabbing at Joey’s back, clutching at the fabric, it felt the same way that it did before.  When Seto deepened the kiss, when his tongue plunged into his mouth, nothing had changed.

But Seto pulled away, marking that Joey hadn’t truly time traveled.  “I… are you sure you want to do this?  I’m leaving tomorrow, Jounouchi.”  Seto was so serious.  The flush in his cheeks was just painted onto his ex-husband, the rest of his face was schooled into a business-like countenance.  It almost made Joey forget the familiar hand on his hip, thumb stroking over his side.

Joey smiled, but he could feel the pinpricks behind his own eyes.  “Then you better not ruin tonight, huh?”

Kaiba smirked, falling back into his role.  “As you should well know,” Kaiba dived into Joey’s neck, sucking and biting something fierce, “I always rise to a challenge.”

Kaiba’s hand drifted up, grasping for Joey’s shirt and tearing it off.  “If I remember correctly,” Kaiba continued, crawling down his body and quickly arriving at his cock, “and I always do,” Kaiba’s eyes flashed up to meet Joey’s, devious and dirty be fore pulling down Joey’s pajama pants, exposing his dick to the tense air of their bedroom, “I have some reliable methods for ensuring this is worth your time.”

“You talk too—” Joey attempted to complain, but Kaiba’s mouth on his hardening penis cut him off.  A shock of lust zapped through is body, reaching the ache in his chest.

As Seto sucked gently—cheeks hollow and eyes closed in focus, Joey felt the lust course through him.  But also a sense of comfort, of safety, and of loss. Each jolt of pleasure also triggered something cruel and bittersweet.

Joey tried to hold off, knowing that the sooner he came, the sooner it would end.  The fantasy of having his husband back, adoring him in the most intimate way, would be over, even as the pangs of pleasure rippled through him.

But it was hard.  Kaiba was an obsessive man, and when pleasuring Joey was his focus, he was meticulous in mastering its intricacies.  One of Kaiba’s hands was caressing his inner thigh, alternating worshipful touches and soft, stinging scratches that dragged needy whines from Joey’s lips.

Just when Joey was certain he wouldn’t be able to hold on for any longer, the pressure building inside, threatening to spill out, Kaiba disengaged.  A bit of pre-cum mixed with spit bridged between his plush lips and Joey’s rock hard cock.  The light glinted off of the dew on Kaiba’s mouth, and accentuated the way that his lips were trembling.

Kaiba slid up, rolling over far enough to reach the top drawer of the night stand.  And, just as if no time had passed, a bottle of lube was waiting for him.  Joey’s eyes lingered on the way Kaiba poured it along his hands, leaving them glistening in the reflection of the moonlight off of the freshly fallen snow.

Kaiba removed his own sweatpants, and Joey’s eyes could see how devastatingly hard Kaiba was.  The full body shiver that ran through him just touching himself in order to lube his own cock.  And when he looked back over at Joey, the determination in his eyes was so intense, it was almost scary.

Kaiba crawled over, hands framing Joey’s head, heat radiating off of his body in hot waves, cocks threatening to touch.  “I want you so bad, Jounouchi,” he whispered, voice husky from sucking him off.

“Then take me, Kaiba. You never had a problem taking what you want before,” Joey issued the challenge with a hint more menace than he had realized was there.

And the restraint was lifted.  Joey hadn’t really realized there ever was any restraint, but with Kaiba’s fingers plunged into his tight opening, searching and quickly finding the familiar magic spot, maybe his partner had been holding back.

With only so many desperate thrusts of his fingers, Kaiba withdrew them.  Joey almost moaned at the loss, wanting to tell his partner there was no rush.  That they had enough time for everything, make love like they used to—languid and peaceful, wasteful of time.

Any complaints were silenced as he felt Kaiba’s thick cock enter him.  Joey was lost in the sensations, swimming in the lust. The only things he could keep track of were the thrusts, the feeling of Seto’s hips and thighs rhythmically moving against his own.  The white hot pulse of Kaiba coming inside of him, and that perfect moment, when he felt full and complete.  Finally coming himself, untouched, semen spilling over his own stomach.

Even though it was sticky, and would soon be uncomfortable, he hated when Kaiba withdrew.  His heart ached when he handed him a damp towel from the in suite, and when Kaiba gathered his pajamas, prepared to walk to the guest room.

Joey had to go back in his memory all the way to their earliest days to remember Kaiba getting up immediately after sex.  Once their relationship was, well, a relationship and not a duel to see who could keep the connection more casual, Kaiba loved to be close afterwards.  Even if he didn’t necessarily snuggle, he was usually present, sharing small smiles and holding Joey until he fell asleep.

“Don’t.”

Kaiba froze.  And then he looked back, more surprised than he should have been.

The look on his face sent Joey to the early days of their courtship, when Kaiba would wear that same expression as he gathered up arm-belts as he bailed from Joey’s shit apartment back in Domino.

But that they had shared this exact bedroom for six years.  

Joey hadn’t even changed up the pictures on the walls—shamefully enough, a wedding photo still sat on the dresser.  Their trapped smiling faces judging the messy entanglement that their romance had become.

“Don’t leave me,” Joey choked out.  Don’t leave me again went unspoken. He didn’t have that bad of a time saying how he felt, but Kaiba always tested the limits, made him want to withdraw into himself.  It took some kind of bravery to be open with his feelings now, and it swelled in his chest.  “I want you to stay the night, here.”

Kaiba nodded slowly, and dressed in his pajamas.  He sat down on the bed carefully, cautious, like he hadn’t slept there a thousand times before.  It almost seemed like he didn’t trust the mattress not to turn to dust beneath him.

And then he laid in bed like a corpse in a coffin, careful to bind his arms to his waist.

With a deep sigh, Joey said, “Ah come on. We just fucked, Kaiba.  You can uh… you can touch me, if you wanna.”

Kaiba looked over.  In the darkness, the glow of the moon-touched snow glinted in his eyes, sparking something mysterious.  “We… did.”  He looked a little bit like a cryptid, something not quite of this world, trapped in a reality he couldn’t totally understand.

“I don’t regret it,” Joey said, though his voice betrayed a bit of his uncertainty.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Hn.” Kaiba scoffed.

“Yeah, I shoulda seen that one coming,” Joey said, leaning back against his pillow.  It was somehow entirely foreign to have another man in his bed, and yet also familiar.  Like Kaiba had never been there before, but also like he had never left.

The warmth was almost that of a phantom sensation—almost close enough to touch, just far enough away to feel like a figment of his imagination.

And then, somewhat suddenly, Joey felt the familiar hands of his ex-husband wrap around his arm.  Just like that, Kaiba crept back into his space, foreheads almost touching, straight brown hair entangling in unruly blond strands.  Joey could feel each exhale of Kaiba’s against his cheek.  They were soft and rhythmic, pantomiming sleep.

Joey was surprised when he didn’t tense up at the contact.  When they both melted into the shared cozy warmth under the quilt.  When his own breathing turned more evenly paced.

He was falling asleep in that most literal sense, the experience of complete relaxation where one sinks through the mattress and into the dream world.

Somewhere in that sinking, the purgatory between sleeping and wakefulness, Joey could have sworn he heard Kaiba whisper “I still love you” in his gravelly tone.

But it could have been just a dream.

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Decryption_Error: “Undecided”

Summary: Now that the incident in the server room is becoming a distant memory for everyone at CIStech, indecision plagues Y/N as she tries to figure out just what she wants from Elliot. The real question, of course, is what does Elliot want?

Story Summary,  “The Server Room, Part I”,  “The Server Room, Part II”  “The Long Weekend, Part I”,  “The Long Weekend, Part II”,  “The Aftermath”

Word Count: 5000

Tags: @sherlollydramoine  @rami-malek-trash  @teamwolf2411  @limabein  @txmel  @hopplessdreamer  @ouatlovr  @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @alottanothing  @moon-stars-soul  @free-rami  @ramimedley

If you want added, let me know.

Warning: Tiny mention of something R-rated toward the end

By Thursday, the office felt normal, and I was once again left to marvel at how quickly things could snap back into place. People just . . . moved on. They continued to run their daily programs and despite a hiccup in the system, they hit reboot and it was back to normal runtime.

I was no different.

Yesterday was spent looking through the applicant pool, and I had found a few good candidates. I wanted to compile a final list by the end of the day and set interviews for next week. In another two or three weeks, it would be like Julia, Aaron, and Maurice had never even existed in the world of CIStech.

DELETE 10211291.11181514.1312118935.DSET1 PURGE

<Execution_Complete>

Elliot was just as intrigued by people’s willingness to forget a traumatic event. While Tuesday night’s text conversation lasted a long time, the subject matter stayed pretty light. But on Wednesday, we ended up texting a lot about people’s reactions to what went down.

I hadn’t been sure if Tuesday night’s texts were an anomaly until my phone buzzed at exactly 7:00 pm, the same time I had texted Elliot the night before. I actually laughed out loud a little, figuring Elliot was playing it safe by repeating a previously rewarding behavior pattern.

On Wednesday, I had again left work much earlier than usual so I could head uptown to meet my father. He had asked me weeks ago to attend a benefit with him, and I had almost forgotten about it until he called to remind me in the morning. I used my lunch hour to run home and grab a dress and a pair of shoes. I was really looking forward to seeing Dad because I wanted to decompress—if there was anyone in the world I could vent my feelings to, it was him.

When he caught me smiling at my phone and trying to sneak a text without appearing rude, he told me to have Edwin, his driver, take me home and come back for him later.

“I love you, Dad,” I said as he hugged me tight.

“I want to meet the young man who makes you smile like that, sweetheart.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled at my dad’s good intention.

“If only it were that simple,” I said as the elevator doors opened.

He put his hands in his pockets and gave me a long look as the doors closed. I knew he worried I worked too much and abandoning my entire family over Memorial Day weekend did not alleviate his concern one bit. Nor did it help when I finally explained the work emergency that pulled me away.

But for the second night in a row, I found myself texting until my eyes blurred. When Elliot and I said good night, I set my alarm and immediately fell asleep, something that rarely ever happened. I felt like I could breathe freely again. Elliot didn’t seem to be harboring any ill feelings about being reprimanded, so when he and I ended up running into each other in the lobby on Thursday morning, I smiled brightly when I saw him.

We said our bland good mornings as we got on the elevator, then I asked if he had any plans for after work. When he said no, I pulled out my phone and texted him to ask if he wanted to come over.

He glanced at the other people in the elevator who were staring sleepily at the buttons of the passing floors and gave me a tiny smile before nodding yes.

I smiled back and as the elevator doors opened on our floor, he stood back to let me exit before he hurried out and grabbed the door to the office. I thanked him and we went our separate ways for the workday.

Around quitting time, there was a light tap on my door frame, and I looked up to see Elliot, his eyes alert, scanning over the room and not quite willing to focus on me yet.

“Hey—come in,” I said, unable to stop the smile that spread across my face at the sight of him.

He shuffled in, his hands thrust in his pockets.

“I need to run an errand. Will you be here . . . or should I . . .” Elliot trailed off as his eyes desperately searched mine, his own mind clearly wondering if he had imagined our conversation in the elevator.

“I’m planning on working until around 7. Do you just want to meet at that deli on Platt around 7:15? We can get a bite to eat there, then head back to my place?”

“Sure,” Elliot said in his trademark monotone, immediately turning on his heel and exiting my office.

I just shook my head and chuckled, thinking, Sure, Dad. Meet my painfully awkward boyfriend, Elliot.

Boyfriend.

My mouth went dry as indecision began to beat its ugly staccato within my mind.  

What did I really want?

Even more difficult to answer, what did Elliot really want?

A kiss in a heated moment was a lot less demanding of someone than asking them to be with you. And it was Elliot—did he even date? Despite all of our after-work conversations, we never really talked about romantic interests. It just wasn’t something that came up.

I continued to plug away at my analytics, hoping to drown out my thoughts about Elliot. I was about to see him outside of work again, and I would just have to test the waters, which was a scary prospect. If I pushed and Elliot wasn’t ready, I could knock over the foundation we had been so carefully building.

* * * * *

Elliot was waiting for me at the deli, so we grabbed a quiet, quick bite. By the time we reached my apartment and Elliot was standing in my entryway, shucking off his backpack, it was about 8:15 pm.

After he slid off his backpack, he bent to rummage around, and he pulled out my Columbia t-shirt.

I shook my head no.

“Keep it. I like knowing you have something of mine and that maybe, just maybe, you’re wearing it,” I said with a flirty grin.

“Okay,” Elliot said with a shrug as he stuffed the shirt back into his bag.

“Besides. You look good in white,” I said, knowing I couldn’t be deterred by one ignored comment. Elliot was wicked smart and could read people, but that ability seemed to diminish as he got closer to someone. I wondered if maybe that was why he kept his distance from most people—it made him feel too vulnerable.

Elliot looked at me, clearly determining whether or not I was joking.

“And you say I can’t take a compliment,” I huffed.

“You can’t,” Elliot said, seizing the shift in the conversation that would allow him to have the upper hand. “Your legs look good in that skirt,” he said as his eyes looked at me from top to bottom.

I narrowed my own eyes and replied, “Now see. I don’t know if you mean that or if you said it just to get me to say I don’t think it’s genuine, thus proving your point.”

Elliot chuckled. “Point proven. You can’t take a compliment.”

“Such an ass,” I said, smiling. “I should take back my meticulously planned evening.”

“Planned? So, this wasn’t just a random invitation?”

“God no. I have to mentally prepare for all my interactions with you,” I blurted out before realizing how terrible that sounded.

Sometimes it really was a blessing Elliot thought so much before he spoke so I could retract my foot-in-mouth statement, but unfortunately, his face was an open book. I could see the beginnings of hurt twist his features, so I rushed an explanation.  

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. Just in an ‘I think about you a lot’ way. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and have you look at me kinda like you’re looking at me now. Okay?”

Elliot’s brows contracted before he visibly turned his face back into an unreadable mask. It was remarkable to watch—like he just flipped a switch and turned off his emotion.

He nodded, but I could tell he already assigned a negative meaning to my words. I hadn’t meant it that way, but it was exhausting interacting with him at times. I still felt like I was taking one step forward, creeping along nicely, and then boom. I scared him and he bolted and we were ten steps behind where we started.

At least my indecision about pursuing a relationship with him was pretty damn warranted.

“I’m going to change,” I said. “It’s hot as fuck outside, so you may want to put on my t-shirt if you’re not wearing one under your dress shirt.”

“We’re going outside?”

“Yup!” I said, shooting him a grin.

Elliot looked at me with suspicion, but I shook my head and took off down the hall toward my bedroom. I dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, and I slid into some flip-flops. I pulled my hair up, knowing it wouldn’t survive any more time than it already had outdoors.

I walked back out to the living room, but Elliot was nowhere to be seen. I had just enough time to wonder if I really had scared him off before he emerged from the bathroom wearing tight black jeans and my white Columbia t-shirt.

“After last Friday, I decided to keep a change of clothes in my backpack.”

“Smart,” I said, eyeing the way his jeans clung to his thighs before sliding my eyes up to his face to appreciate how the tan tone of his skin was emphasized next to the white cotton of my t-shirt.

“Can I have another clue? I don’t really like surprises.”

“Mmmmm, no,” I said, enjoying my facetiousness. “Although, I did give you a clue earlier this week.”

Elliot’s eyes moved around my apartment as he thought back, and then, his face lit up.

“S’mores,” he said with a tiny timbre of excitement in his tone as his eyes connected with mine.

“Clever kitten,” I said as I started pulling out the supplies we had bought over the weekend.

“They won’t be as good as they’d be over a real bonfire, but a charcoal grill will serve the purpose.”

We headed up to the rooftop, which was delightfully empty given there was no special occasion and the work week was still droning on. I used my key to get out the charcoal grill’s supplies from the storage on the roof.

Despite telling Elliot to sit on the couch and relax, he hovered, watching everything I did.

“And now we wait,” I said as I prodded the coals with my tongs, encouraging them to catch. “The more they burn down, the better the taste.”

I plopped on the white couch and looked toward the setting sun. Elliot joined me and we slowly built up to a steady conversation. Away from people and when he was comfortable, Elliot talked a lot. It was almost comical to think of the juxtaposition housed within his lithe little body—it was like two people lived inside of him, one of them plagued by insecurities, and the other, just a normal guy, or rather, a guy who could just about pass for normal if it weren’t for his intellect.

Elliot wasn’t just knowledgeable about computers. He kept up with the news. He had keen insights about society. And he even liked to read the classics, or really just about any book he got his hands on.  

But work was the easiest and safest topic for both of us since that was the baseline for our friendship. I finally asked Elliot how he was doing as the dust began to settle, eager to hear his thoughts in person instead of from behind the safety of a screen.

“It’s weird,” Elliot began before he broke eye contact to gather his thoughts. “People are nicer to me, or at least they seem to be going out of their way to talk to me.”

“Colin is treating you alright?” I asked, curious if he was going to be an asshole about the whole thing.

“It was him, wasn’t it? He insisted on the letter,” Elliot finished with a statement, not a question.

I was quiet for a moment, warring with myself about whether I should say anything or not. It was an HR issue, and those could be tricky, but who would Elliot tell? What damage could come from talking to the one guy who was never going to tell anyone anything?

“I know you would never say anything, but I have to say this to make myself feel better—you can’t repeat anything I say about the . . . incident.”

Elliot raised his eyebrows at me and nodded.

“Yes, it was Colin. He’s kind of a “bro,” I explained, my hands rising to make quote marks in the air. “And since you’re totally not that kind of guy, he has no even ground with you—you’re smarter than him and he can’t deal with that.”

“What makes you describe him as a “bro?” Elliot said, imitating my earlier air-quotes.

“Mmm . . . he loves every sport, plays basketball with some of the guys in the company on Saturdays. He has that arrogance about him, that unwarranted arrogance that a guy who enjoys showing off just how much of a guy he is has. He used to run every day before work and he’d come upstairs all sweaty—and I mean sweaty as in looking like he’d just gone swimming sweaty—and he’d just go “freshen up” in his office. It grossed me out so much I flat-out offered to comp him if he took time to shower at the gym and was late for work. After that, he didn’t come to work sweaty anymore. Don’t get me wrong—woo! Fitness! But gross,” I said, wrinkling my nose just remembering what he looked like and smelled like.

“Every sport?”

“As far as I know—I do think he has season tickets to the Knicks, though. When he first started working for us, he asked me to a game,” I said, volunteering the information to see what Elliot would do with it.

Nothing, of course.

“I did notice he has a Mets pennant in his office,” Elliot said, more to himself than to me.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Like I said, he’s a dude. Or he at least wants everyone to know he’s a dude.”

“Does he have a girlfriend?”

“No. And I think that’s why he’s been extra Colin-y lately. He has a son with his ex.”

“What’s his name?” Elliot asked, quickly.

“You’re asking a lot from me because I don’t typically store information that has no relevance to myself. It’s something like Chris or Chuck or Chad?”

Elliot nodded.

“Would you want him to go—I mean, if you had a choice? Would you want Colin to leave CIStech?”

I chewed at my bottom lip a little, really considering Elliot’s question.

“I don’t know. That’s a hard question to answer. What I can tell you is that I wish I could clone JaLeah. She’s just a superfreak of an awesome person. I’ve never really met anyone as smart and dynamic as she is—she just makes everyone feel so welcome.”

“I think she’s funny,” Elliot said.

“Really?” I said smiling and arching my brow. “That’s interesting.”

“Why is that interesting?”

“I just wouldn’t have thought you would think about something like that.”

“That’s kind of insulting,” Elliot said, his voice flat and unreadable. “I do enjoy humor now and then.”

I shook my head and chuckled.

“See? I keep learning new things about you?”

“You told me I intrigued you, and that you have to figure out people who intrigue you.”

I reached out and poked at Elliot’s thigh, gently prodding.

“Is there a recording device you’re using to play back every conversation we’ve ever had?”

“I listen,” Elliot said, smiling. “Especially when people intrigue me.”

I looked at Elliot and there was a smile in his eyes even though there wasn’t one on his lips. I felt like I could drown in his grey, stormy eyes when they sparkled, housing the mischief he never really let anyone see.

Our eyes locked, intensely focused on one another for a long enough time that it made me look away, almost embarrassed. I felt sure he could see my interest, naked and wanting before him, but he just didn’t make a move—either to look away or to move closer. Just . . . nothing.

“Alright—let’s get our smores prepped,” I said, getting up to reach for the bag of groceries on the table.

As the sun set and the lights on the rooftop flickered on, Elliot and I made our smores. We laughed, well I laughed, especially when he caught his marshmallow on fire and waved the toaster fork causing the marshmallow to propel into one of the rooftop trees. He looked like a dark-haired version of Denis the Menace, and I had tears in my eyes at the expression of horror on Elliot’s face as his marshmallow went sailing.

I positioned his fork over the coals for the next round and he attentively turned the marshmallow, refusing to even take his eyes off of it until it was perfectly browned on all sides.

“Your hands are healing quickly,” I commented.

“Thanks to you,” Elliot said sheepishly, shooting me a quick smile before returning his gaze to his marshmallow.

After we ate our fill of s’mores, we got comfy on the couch as we waited for the charcoal to burn down until it was safe to leave for the night.

We didn’t talk as much, but relaxed, enjoying each other’s presence, and I sat in the middle instead of on the end so I could test the waters, occasionally brushing a light touch to Elliot’s jeans or his bare arm, and he even reciprocated some of those furtive touches as he poked fun at me, teasing me for my inability to keep the plots of all three of the Back to the Future movies straight.

Eventually I sighed, knowing it was getting late and I didn’t want Elliot getting back to his neighborhood too late. We gathered up the left-over groceries and I shouldered my tote bag.

We said goodbye in my doorway, and Elliot moved in to hug me tight. We lingered for a moment, but he moved away and quickly pressed the elevator button. I watched him get on and we waved goodnight, a small smile ghosting across his lips as the doors closed.

I shut the door to my apartment and leaned back, thunking my head against it.

Purgatory. I was stuck in indecision-purgatory. Elliot was never, ever going to make the first move. If I wanted our relationship to shift, I’d have to do it, but it felt wrong. I was the one in the position of power. It would make more sense if Elliot made the first move so I wouldn’t feel like I was taking advantage of him.

Why did this have to be so fucking complicated?

* * * * *

The next two weeks proceeded much in the same fashion. Elliot and I texted nightly, and once or twice a week, I’d invite him over. We’d come dangerously close to kissing, but then he’d just leave.

I dropped as many hints as I could, especially about workplace romances. I talked about how Miles (my boss) and Jayne (my secretary) had gotten together, hoping Elliot would pick up on the comparison.

If he did, he never said a word.

So, my fear of losing him as a friend left me to continue writhing in indecision. I loved how close Elliot and I were getting, and if I scared him by moving too quickly, I’d lose the first good friend I’d made in a long time.

And what was really funny was that I was certain if I talked to Elliot about this, he’d get it. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Little did I know, fate was about to lend a hand; it was just too bad that fate was such a fucking bitch.

* * * * *

“You can’t be serious!” I laughed, finishing the last of my drink.

JaLeah nodded with emphasis, and we all burst into a fresh round of laughter.

Friday happy hours were always a fun way to wind down from the work week. We had a nice mix of people who went regularly and it was well known I always bought the first two rounds. People like Miles, singularly focused climbers, always underestimated the power of building relationships. That was one of the reasons why what happened with Elliot had stuck with me—I thought I had a better team than that.

People did seem to be closer now, more inclusive. There were several new faces at tonight’s gathering, and as I listened to the chatter around me, my thoughts drifted to one particularly attractive face that was not here. People’s voices became background noise as I thought about Elliot and I felt myself wishing he were here. I knew he’d hate every second of it, but he really was, albeit inadvertently, the reason for tonight’s greater sense of comradery.  

Sometimes, I truly did believe the universe revolved around me, but only so it could fuck me over for one hell of a laugh. Just as I was a million thoughts deep into Elliot, he walked in through the door, close on the heels of Sarah, his hands shoved in his pockets. When he got inside, his big eyes found mine almost immediately and as I coughed, choking a little on my drink, JaLeah looked to see what distracted me.

Her grin was wolfish.

“Don’t say it,” I warned, my voice low so as not to draw the attention of the others at our high-top table.

“I cannot believe he came,” JaLeah said, drawing attention because even when she believed she was whispering, she never was.

“Holy shit—Elliot’s here,” someone said from a few seats down.

“Don’t make a big deal,” I said in their direction as I watched Sarah and Elliot make their way across the bar to our tables.

Elliot ran a hand through his hair as his eyes glanced around as if he were checking for exits. More than a few eyes gave him a once over as he approached and I felt a pull of jealousy. Logically, I knew people were looking at him more out of curiosity than anything else, but logic wasn’t my forte when it came to Elliot Alderson.  

“Hey, everyone!” Sarah said, her smile bright and a bit nervous. “Look who I dragged out.”

Elliot gave the table a small smile as people said hello and a few who were a few drinks in gave a little whoop, which seemed to startle the small smile off of Elliot’s face.

JaLeah almost knocked me off my stool as she pushed me to stand.

“Elliot’s new, so he doesn’t know to cash in on Y/N’s generosity yet. Sarah—you can take my seat. What are you drinking?

“Gin and tonic, please!”

“You got it,” JaLeah said as she pushed Elliot and I toward the bar.

“Hey,” I said, once we were standing at the bar, our bodies pressed together thanks to the crowd.

“Hey,” Elliot said, his voice barely audible as he rested his hands on the edge of the bar, his fingers pressing into the hard surface.

“What can I get you to drink? I always buy the first two rounds for anyone at CIStech who shows up.”

“What are you drinking?”

“Vodka, cran. You want that?”

“Sure,” Elliot said, his eyes still refusing to settle on any one thing.

I reached over and rested my hand on his forearm.

“Are you sure you’re okay with being here?”

“Guess you can’t hold my hand all night this time,” Elliot said as his eyes flicked to mine.

I laughed.

“No, I suppose not. But, if you sit next to me, I’ll see what I can do,” I said as I winked at him.

Elliot smiled softly.

I put our drinks on my tab, along with Sarah’s. JaLeah had already dropped off Sarah’s drink and came back to say she was pirating the corner booth because our table was full and a few more people just showed up.

We followed JaLeah and I let Elliot scoot in before me. We crammed in and I shot Elliot a smirk as our bodies were forced to press nearer to each other. Elliot’s hand was fiddling with his drink until I reached down to pinch lightly at his outer thigh. His hand shot under the table and I gave it a squeeze before shooting him another look. He genuinely smiled as he realized we could hold hands without alerting anyone to our activities, except maybe JaLeah, but I wasn’t worried about her since she knew how I felt about Elliot without me ever having said a word.

As it turned out, the folks who joined us in our booth were good company. JaLeah kept the conversation light and fun, like always, and I could even feel the vibrations of Elliot’s chuckles on occasion.

“You know, JaLeah,” I began. “Elliot thinks you’re quite funny.”

JaLeah raised an eyebrow and said, “It’s about time people truly appreciated my wit, so thank you, baby.”

Elliot grinned at her, either because he’d had a few drinks or because he genuinely liked JaLeah, and said, “You could be a character in an Oscar Wilde play.”

The table laughed and one of the tech’s jumped on the reference to talk about the new play based on Wilde’s life that had just opened.

I leaned over, my lips dangerously close to Elliot’s ear, and said, “See? This isn’t so bad.”

Elliot’s pinky wrapped around my own and squeezed, and I gave him a sweet smile before turning back to the others.

It was one of those nights when people just seemed to be having a great time. We ordered appetizers. The waitress kept our drinks filled. The conversation never lulled, and bursts of laughter kept peppering the air. Before any of us knew it, it was 9:00 and a few people at our table started checking their phones with more frequency.

“Shit—I forgot my wife’s parents were in town. She’s gonna kill me,” Travis, one of JaLeah’s techs said.

“I told my boyfriend I’d be home an hour ago,” another tech said, giggling.

“It’s been a minute since we’ve had such a good night out,” JaLeah said. “See, Elliot? You should come more often.”

“It was cool to hang out,” Travis said. “You’re usually so intense at work—kinda like the big boss,” Travis finished with a chuckle.

I could feel Elliot’s fingers brush against mine. We had been playing this touching, not really, sometimes definitely, game all night and I was wet. I was appalled at myself for being so turned on just by proximity, but I couldn’t stop thinking what if this were normal? What if Elliot were mine? What if we went home together at the end of the night?

“There’s nothing wrong with taking work seriously,” I said, smiling. “That’s why I am the big boss.”

Travis and the others laughed.

We settled our bills and said our goodnights, but I noticed Sarah lingering at the door, clearly waiting for Elliot.

“I think we take the same line home,” she said smiling up at him as we reached her.

Elliot’s hands found their way into his pockets, the material of his dress shirt bunching a bit as he shoved them in.

“I take the 6,” Elliot stated, tension creeping into his voice.

JaLeah was giving out hugs like candy on Halloween, and I laughed to myself. She was such an extrovert, and I appreciated her energy on nights like this. The others slowly went in their separate directions as Elliot stayed close by, Sarah still talking.

“Great! We can ride together. It’s nice to have someone to talk to on the train at night. I forgot my earbuds this morning,” she said, chattering happily.

“Actually, Y/N, I was wondering if you wanted to, uh, come back to my place...” Elliot said, his eyes focused intensely on mine.

I could feel JaLeah and Sarah, damn near open-mouthed and watching this exchange. I felt like I might throw up on my shoes for a minute and I was thankful the street was dark because I knew there was a blush coloring my cheeks. I thought quickly, and shook my head, my words tumbling out of my mouth.

“Oh! That bug—that bug you told me about. You wanted me to run the analytics on it. I’ll send you the pin for Team Viewer and we can do it this weekend—I gotta get home. Taking care of my neighbor’s cat. Probably out of food. Have a good night!” I said, grinning like a madwoman and telling myself that Elliot did not look like I just kicked him in the face.  

I waved to the three of them and took off for my train, thankful it was in the opposite direction. I turned around to see Elliot and Sarah headed in the same direction. I almost tripped over my own foot as JaLeah jumped up and down and mouthed “What the fuck, Y/N?! What the fuck?!”

I shook my head, turned around, and doubled my steps. I felt sick to my stomach. Fate had just laid an opportunity bare, spread eagle on the floor, and I walked away.

By the time I jumped onto my train and collapsed into a seat, I was fighting back tears. The look on Elliot’s face haunted me. I really, really hurt him—and I wasn’t sure I could fix it this time.

[daleisgreat]

Avengers: Infinity War

Last night was the soft opening for the 11 years in the making MCU phase/season/arc/whatever finale that is Avengers: Endgame, but today Friday, April 26th is the official opening day. Yesterday I went to a friend’s place who has a big ‘ol 4K TV and I watched my first UHD in the form of last year’s Avengers: Infinity War (trailer) as a nice refresher going into one of the biggest cinematic releases ever this weekend. I am glad I did experience it again in 4K HD because there were so many little things I forgot and so much transpiring that it made the two and a half hour runtime breeze by before I knew it. Like with my entry on Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 yesterday, I will probably tiptoe into light spoiler territory for Infinity War so reader beware! Unlike the previous Avengers film, Age of Ultron, Infinity War does not kick off with the Avengers on another routine mission kicking ass. It is a polar opposite where quintessential Marvel villain Thanos (Josh Brolin), yes that same Thanos who was teased in the post-credit scenes of the previous two Avengers films has finally arrived and lays immediate waste to Heimdall (Idris Elba), Loki (Tom Hiddleston), Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and Thor (Chris Hemsworth). It is in this opening scene where it is established Thanos is after the six Infinity Stones that were seen scattered throughout previous MCU films to gain ultimate power and use it to instantly eliminate half the world’s population. The dark nature of the opening scene foreshadowed what would be the grimmest, darkest film yet in the entire MCU. While this is a more serious, high-stakes film, there is still a fair amount of witty exchanges and zingers throughout, especially once the Guardians of the Galaxy and Spider-Man (Tom Holland) get in the mix.

Infinity War sees Thanos and his children travel to all reaches of the galaxy to acquire all six Infinity Stones. This leads to many awesome CG battles involving nearly the entire roster of the MCU sans a handful of characters who are explained why they are absent. This also leads to the fun dynamic of experiencing heroes from different films interact with each other for the first time and sometimes putting differences to the side to combat Thanos or at other times getting in a dispute of 1ups-manship in the case Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) and Thor. I will give props to the masterful MCU directors Joe & Anthony Russo for experimenting and segmenting off the traditional teams in order to see how new hero mash-ups play out on screen, and they nearly all gelled wonderfully together and resulted in a ton of awesome ‘What If’ scenarios coming to fruition on the big screen. A couple quick favorite team-up scenarios that stood out for me was early team-up scenes with Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr) and Hulk/Bruce Banner colliding with Thanos’s forces. Rocket (voiced by Bradley Cooper), ‘teenage’ Groot (voiced by Vin Diesel) and Thor venture out in their unique arc in order to find the ultimate weapons to take on Thanos in what was an odd, but fun pairing to see unfold. When we get to the final act two huge battles play out simultaneously. A huge battle on the planet, Titan unfolds with Iron Man, Spider-Man, Nebula (Karen Gillan), Peter Quill, Drax (Dave Bautista) and Doctor Strange as they attempt to combine forces in one last gasp to takedown Thanos in one-against-all war that was one of the top highlights of the film.

While the battle on Titan is happening, almost every other MCU hero imaginable teams up in Wakanda to engage in a gigantic war with Thanos’s army. This was a CG delight to consume as almost every hero no matter how big of a lead or periphery they were in past films gets a chance to shine in what is easily the biggest confrontation of any MCU film. I thought it was awesome the Russos’ gave the women time to shine where Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Okoye (Danai Gurira) rally up against Proxima (Carrie Coon). This Wakanda War has a finale and payoff that will be one of the most memorable for not just comic book movies, but nearly all of cinema. Needless to say, JAW-DROPPING MOMENTS OF CONSEQUENCE occur from the fallout of the end of the Wakanda clash and it all builds up perfectly to get everyone primed and ready to see the follow-up to this in Avengers: Endgame. It would not be fair for me to go this whole time without one little quibble, and it is a feint one that I cannot fully get behind, but bears mentioning. This is a star-studded cast, and props for Marvel Studios for squeezing almost everyone in. Unfortunately, this expectedly has the side-effect of some standout stars getting short shrift so everyone can get a modicum of screen time. I was surprised Captain America (Chris Evans) came off as a bit player compared to others and ditto for at least several others. I still am stunned that Nick Fury (Samuel Jackson), who is a constant for many past MCU films, is only in one scene. For what it is worth it seems at least every person I felt who got slighted in screen time at least has a moment or two to have the spotlight on. It oddly reminded me of recent Wrestlemanias where WWE’s roster got to be so enormous the last couple installments went on to be nearly seven hours in order to cram almost the entire roster on the show in some way or another.

While I watched the 4K UHD at a friend’s, I made sure to pull my BluRay out of my backlog box to dive into the extra features. Coming right off GotG2, I love how Infinity War follows the same format for extra features with a making of special, gag reel, deleted scenes and a commentary track. The Marvel gag reels are always a riot, but this one clocks in short at only two minutes! The deleted scenes are worth checking out because it is the only place where Happy (Jon Favreau) makes an appearance and it is where Quill and Drax have a fun argument for control of music over Quill’s precious Zune player. There are four brief making-of specials that combine for just over a half hour. A couple of the specials that focus on the huge cast and another on Thanos feel more like extended trailers with brief interview snippets, but the back half dealing with both of the final act battles are worth checking out as the cast and crew have a lot to show in how they pieced together these huge battles on the big screen. Finally, the commentary with the Russo brothers and writers Christopher Markus and Stephan McFeely is a recommended commentary track worth your listen, or read which I will tip my hat to Marvel to for being one of the few companies out there to subtitle their commentary tracks! Commentary highlights are constant fascinating reactions to the unique hero pairings throughout, love for Brolin’s acting in his mammoth mo-cap setup, interesting insight on why the Russo’s were determined to make sure they got one specific hooded Infinity Stone protector back into the MCU and hearing all four react to the powerful scene between Gamora (Zoe Saldana) and Thanos. Other than the making-ofs being a little on the lacking side, this is another fine set of extra features from Marvel Studios.

I realize I am many weeks late to saying this, but I highly recommend giving Infinity War a viewing again before going into Avengers: Endgame. I absolutely loved this film from beginning to end, especially on this second viewing. With a year going by after seeing it in the theaters there was so much I forgot that transpired in these two and a half hours. I have not seen such a fast-paced film of at least this length since Inception. Somehow, I have managed to avoid all trailers for Endgame as I did not want a hint of what to expect out of it and I am insanely amped up to see this MCU event that has been building to this finale all the way back since 2008! If you do not have time to give Avengers: Infinity War a re-watch then I hope this entry has at least brought you back up to speed on the broad strokes of it going into Endgame. I cannot think of a better way to wrap this up by quoting what the man, Stan, would say: Excelsior! Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed Deck the Halls Die Hard Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Dirty Work Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hercules: Reborn Hitman Indiana Jones 1-4 Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Man of Steel Man on the Moon Marine 3-6 Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Take Me Home Tonight TMNT The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Days of Future Past

[chekhovsraygun]

2. Nana, the Unwitting Philosopher

Yesterday morning I found myself haunted by a rather long dialogue in an otherwise brief French film from the 60’s.

While my motivation to really sit down and focus my attention on a movie has really dwindled recently, I later started up the film with the intention of just watching the one scene from the film that was on my mind all morning and ended up watching the whole thing, eyes transfixed to the screen.

Jean-Luc Godard’s Vivre sa vie was a pretty formative film for me transitioning into my college years; I watched Vivre sa vie soon after high school ended, and at least another two times during college. It’s a common notion that the sign of a good film is when you always find something new, feel something new when you watch it again. But lately I’ve found that notion to be a tad simplistic, because to watch or read or play a certain piece a year after your previous engagement is to come back to it a wholly different being.

Every time I watched Vivre sa vie, I watched it with a slightly different lens, blurred with imprints and dust grains of my own ever-changing experiences. I still felt the things the director generally expected or wanted me to feel, living her life as the title invites you to do in that paradoxically visceral yet distanced sense that is cinema. But I always brought something into the picture too, as any good piece of art tends to encourage you to do.

Vivre sa vie’s about a woman who becomes a prostitute to earn enough money to scrape by at its most objective, basic level. But that’s never what the film’s only about to any viewer. Maybe just for the first time watching it, that was what the film was about to me; you’re unfortunately always forced to engage with plot on the first go-round.

But then the next time I watched it, it was about love. Another viewing: art and truth, the real. And another: a shared viewing with a dear friend, discussion to follow; our converging, mingling subjectivities.

And yesterday: language, unsurprisingly.

To say that the scene I kept viewing in my mind while I was having breakfast yesterday morning was a memorable one doesn’t really narrow it down. Vivre sa vie’s filled with those; just the thought of them gives me the itch to watch it again.

The protagonist Nana watching The Passion of Joan of Arc; a spiritual transference, from Joan to Nana. Her easygoing, seductive pool room shuffle. Nana philosophizing over white wine in a cafe about how she’s Existentially free and responsible for her own happiness. A chanson from a jukebox and a montage soon after. Godard jump-cutting a shot to the rhythm of machine gun rounds being fired outside. Mind-blowing.

Nana’s actor Anna Karina is magnetic whenever she has screen time. I’m captivated by every little gesture or mannerism captured by the camera. Her face morphs in the most subtle ways. She delivers her lines with a sort of breathy grace. She makes smoking look glamorous (like everyone did in French movies back then, it’s scary how they make smoking look so fucking cool). It helps that she’s positively one of the most attractive women I’ve laid eyes on. Godard agrees and knows that she’s positively one of the most attractive women he’s laid eyes on. He anxiously wrestles with the notion of inevitably objectifying his wife behind the camera and on the silver screen in the film itself.

NANA FAIT DE LA PHILOSOPHIE SANS LE SAVOIR

All of this to say that for a film with an 85-minute runtime (those are, unfortunately, hard to come by these days), this movie is dense with cinematic brilliance; simply incredible moments etched in my mind forever. But the scene I keep coming back to is this one:

It’s easily one of the longest dialogues in the film if not the longest, running at roughly nine minutes. We watch Nana striking up a conversation with a scholar in a café. Watch the entire thing; really soak it in, first because it’s just a really amazing piece of dialogue, but also because I really doubt I’d do it justice with my writing but here goes. Not even one minute into the conversation, Nana says:

“Suddenly I don’t know what to say; it often happens to me. I know what I want to say. I think about whether or not it is what I mean. But when the moment comes to speak, I can’t say it.”

And then later she asks why we even need to talk: “The more one talks, the less the words mean.” It’s like that scene in Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman asks why people always feel like it’s necessary to yak about bullshit all the time thirty years earlier. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Tarantino straight up took this scene and rewrote it a bit for his movie, subconsciously or otherwise; I know Tarantino loved him some Godard back in the day.

…Anyway, The philosopher and Nana go back and forth a bit; the philosopher posits that we talk because we have to: to communicate and even to think we need words, of course. Nana then becomes frustrated with how hard it is to express what we want, “Do words betray us?” she asks desperately.

“But we betray them, too,” the philosopher counters.

Why is it so difficult to say what we mean? Even writing what we mean, especially with how we send messages and texts all the time can be surprisingly difficult even with how premeditated it is. And why are we so bad at it? Even when writing this about the film I was tempted to just scrap it altogether; I knew what I wanted to touch on, but when it came time to express those ideas I was drawing blanks, and I didn’t know if I’d do a good job expressing them.

But I ultimately decided that I really wanted to express those things, so I had to do it. And so, here we are.

I think for the past few times I’ve watched it, I’ve always held this scene dear to my heart for its last few minutes, when Nana asks, “shouldn’t love be the only truth?” I’d always be moved to tears for whatever reason, listening to this man in an almost-documentary exchange talk about needing to search for the maturity to love, to know what it is that we really want in love and in life altogether. How love is a solution on the condition that it be true.

But this time, what really sank in on me was what how the man responds after Nana asks, “how can one be sure of having found the right word?”

“One must work. It needs an effort. One must speak in a way that is right—doesn’t hurt, says what has to be said, does what has to be done—without hurting or bruising.”

I think that line speaks for itself.

(...)