#and who knows if she'd even want to watch a kdrama

[whenthegoldrays]

🦢

[dangermousie]

Finished my rewatch of ep 2 of City Hunter and it really still holds up.

I love that he sees her throw a man over her shoulder in the first two minutes of their acquaintance and he is definitely intrigued. Honestly, so much of this ep is him being so smitten and not even realizing he is.

I mean, the last shot is after she knocked him over for kissing her as a means to dump his source of information after the information dried up and giving her cash for the trouble of the kiss. (She stuck money back at him and said "for treatment." )

But then there was this earlier - him making out with his target while watching Nana the whole time. Badwronghot.

(And of course the very fact that he's sleeping with someone he doesn't want for info. He may not want to carry out undaddy's murder plan with murder but he's certainly been trained to do a lot of things that are objectively fucked up and to treat himself as an instrument.)

The thing that strikes me so much on rewatch is just how AWFUL undaddy is in his plan. It's one thing to take out people he thinks wronged him and his dead partner. It's another one to use a baby you stole and to fuck him up and train him into a killing machine who will then unknowingly kill his own father. I mean, this was genuinely chilling:

He is meeting the President who he does not know is his father but who he also does not know is his final target. Not to mention his half-sister is checking him out and it's just so wrong wrong wrooooong. It could have all gone way more horrifically wrong than it already did.

In retrospect, it's so clear how undaddy is manipulating the hell out of him, leading him on with the hope that after this is over they can live a normal life. Undaddy told him the name of only one target, and that's the slimiest, least sympathetic one and says he'll tell him the names of the others and why he wants him in the Blue House later - you know what that is? That's grooming. He's slowly and methodically grooming him into an assassination machine via baby steps and that is effing creepy as hell and my wish for undaddy to be eaten by snakes and I am only sad it took as long as it did for him to meet his demise.

Trust you? Great idea. NOT.

It kills me just how kind YS tries to be even with his insane upbringing - he paid for Nana's father surgery, he was kind to those kids, and he wants to take down the target without murder. Oh, young man, you are gonna go through hell and a half in this drama.

Also, I love how even this early on, he is so gone for her. He knows she's the girl whose picture he fixated on in hell jungle. And what better way to angst than in the shower? Man, I miss those glorious old school angsty kdrama shower scenes.

But I think my favorite sequence in this whole ep and the one that speaks volumes is what happens after he goes to her apartment (after carrying her four flights of stairs since she sprained her ankle.) It's an almost throwaway moment but it says so much. He sees all these markings on the wall and asks her what the weird numbers and notches are all for and she explains, as one would to a somewhat dim small child, that this is how her family would measure her height every month, throughout her childhood, until she was 17. I liked it so much because in those few seconds it established both the warm, loving, thoroughly normal childhood Nana had and what a lack of one he had - that he has to have something this basic explained to him. And then his little pleased grin when he figures out exactly how tall she is in her bare feet compared to him and where she'd come up to on his chest - he's pretty much unknowingly in love with her to bits and so learning little things like that about her make him happy.

The thing that I love so much is that Nana doesn't have a charmed life - her father is in a vegetative state, her mother died in the same accident that made her father that way, and bank was close to taking away everything for debt. But she's had love and warmth and a solid foundation and so she's sunshine - but it's a choice for her and an affirmation, it's not because she's only known sweetness and light.

The scene where she explains the stickers is a very quiet scene I adored - in a way she's an inverse mirror of him. She has a dead parent and one parent who's as good as dead, but she's a good sunny person and not a mess like he is because she was brought up properly. And eventually his being around her drags him into normalcy, which is helped by the fact that he doesn't feel any personal urgency in vengeance. Yeah, all these people killed his supposed father but it's abstract to him - he's never even met the man. He will get rid of them because undaddy basically brainwashed him into it, but he doesn't have an emotional stake in their deaths (even if he has one in the outcome - getting to find his mother and living a normal life, which undaddy dangles like a carrot). However, he has an emotional stake in people he knows - Nana being one of them but other people as well (you can see later, her character basically draws him into interacting with others on personal levels).

You watch him be empathetic and you watch him be teasing and dorky about the ramen and you realize that his demeanor is not just a disguise - it's someone he'd like to be and possibly would have been except for undaddy. And that around her he lets his guard down and allows himself to be childish.

[rosyfingered-moon]

Sejak episode 16

So daebi said: just marry this crossdressing weirdo that you're sexually obsessed with and have an heir, it's fine idec at this point. And Yi In didn't immediately jump on that but was like, well mom if you want it then I'm NOT going to do it 😤

Since this is the final installment I want to officially thank Sang-hwa for his service to the crown! His loyalty and diligence is only rivaled by his commitment to the bit. One of my favorite scenes in this entire show is the Gay Rumor era where he sprints off with the swiftness of Hermes to fetch the king's boyfriend some candy

I must say I wish they would've talked more baduk when they play baduk. They always debate their real life issues and the game is just something they dabble with in the background, the way I embroider things while watching TV, but they could be meta-talking about baduk strategies in a way that convinces us that this really is their Mutual Obsession while simultaneously shedding light on their personalities. Is Mong-woo an aggressive and haphazard player? Is she more intuitive or more calculating? Has she memorized previous games or does she not have to, because she's operating on Pure Vibes? I still don't know what they're like as players, or if the king is ever close to winning, or if Mong-woo is getting kinda bored of playing against him because he never puts up a real fight. (And how does that then translate to their sexual relationship: she told her dad from the start that she'd only marry someone who could beat her.) In their first game they didn't speak a word because they were so absorbed, and they didn't even notice it had begun to rain -- I liked that much better, because if Mong-woo is the greatest baduk genius in the world then she would be more obsessive about it, almost to the detriment of their relationship, like Beth in The Queen's Gambit. She'd want to go to Qing for the challenge and thrill of playing the Emperor, not (only) for her country and king and father. Okay sorry rant over.

Sometimes I pounce on my partner like this when he's just about to leave for the supermarket and I say "kdrama back hug 🥺" and he's always very patient with this extremely annoying behavior

"I cannot send Mong-woo to the Qing alone. So I'll choose the violent criminal who tried to stab me and instead stabbed her. He'll keep her safe."

Sure this is satisfying but did we have to spend so much time on this when we've got like 45 minutes airtime left to show Mong-woo's life-changing trip to Qing? Let me see her play the Emperor and pretend to lose! Let me see her flirt with the imperial harem and gain friends and enemies in court!!! Also: how did her father react to her crossdressing (since she gave it up when Myung-ha threatened to tell daddy)?

Shin Se-kyung having to teach worthless noblemen on how to start a fire is a must for any sageuk. To me.

It’s actually very sweet that everyone's just treating her like the princess now. But what's going to happen with the real princess? Another thing that they could have wrapped up instead of...

THIS. So writernim introduced this guy as a new threat in the last ep and then resolved it with no tension or conflict. Another thing that we could maybe have just have skipped in favor of Mong-woo Wreaking Havoc in the Imperial City.

PLEASE I don't understand anything!!! So they'll stay together forever now. But Mong-woo doesn't want to be his concubine (she'd resent him). And Yi In has no apparent plans to abdicate (he'll be king until he dies). Is she going to stay on as gidaryeong, and if so, why didn't she return to her station right away but tried to sneak away?

It’s so funny that she just gave up and told him her name anyway lmaooo. She was like baby you'll never beat me let's not pretend ❤️

Despite my ranting I did love this drama very much!! A fantastic set up with a somewhat underwhelming execution is my sweet spot because it means I can write fic about it 🫶

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

Okay so the entirety of the WEBTOON is out and so is the KDrama. Both have, in fact, been out for a bit, but I needed to get my thoughts together. Obviously, if you haven't interacted with either piece of media, this is going to be a spoiler it. I'm specifically going to be talking about suicide and the way it's used in the WEBTOON as this particular character backstory and subsequent original death were both changed a lot. If you don't want to read about suicide, fictional or otherwise, or you don't want spoilers, please don't read on.

And if you want to know what's going on or want to know the full context of the WEBTOON because you've either never engaged with the material or have only watched the show? I recommend reading the comic on manhwa instead of WEBTOON since manhwa seems to be totally free. And in order to not take a while (plus lot of ads since you get 1 free chapter per day + 3 ad chapters that last 3 days) to read it there, you'll need the webtoon app and 15 bucks. And no matter what WEBTOON is gonna really yell at you if you do even a single screenshot.

Okay, to start off with, there are some things that don't change for Mr. Yu regardless of medium. No matter what, at the beginning he's seen as cold and distant. He's also extremely buttoned up and more than a little bit awkward around Jiwon to the point where he actually seemed suspicious to me at first because he was just always around when something was about to happen, and Jiwon did not know why that was happening, so neither did I.

It takes until chapter 46 of the WEBTOON for it to be revealed that Jihyeok also traveled back in time and died before. Up until that point, his goals and motivation are still somewhat mysterious. Even though they are like, fully dating by that point. But I don't consider that the biggest change. After all, the WEBTOON is from Jiwon's POV mostly, and the show took a much more widespread approach, which made sense. Also the show had to condense the entire comic into like, 16 episodes. That's a lot to get through.

So here are the things that I actually consider the biggest changes to his character and I promise I'll explain why those lead to the writer's choice of death for him making way more sense for that version to me.

1.) Jihyeok has known that he was romantically interested in Jiwon since before they officially spoke to each other in college. He even specifically saves Pang (the cat) because Jiwon liked that cat and he saw her interacting with that cat. He even saved the cat for her after Jiwon's ex poisoned the cat (yeah, she's literally always had terrible taste in men before Jihyeok).

2.) He quit his job at U&K after Jiwon married Minhwan in an attempt to move on because he still loved Jiwon. Probably wouldn't have been good to be the boss over the newlywed couple you're secretly like jealous over.

3.) The day Jiwon dies, Jihyeok goes to visit her because he learned she'd fallen ill. He sees her take a cab away from the hospital and isn't sure if he should go talk to her. And then he hears a scream and arrives just in time to see her die. He is devastated and arranges and pays for her entire funeral while wishing he could give his own life to go back to fix his own mistakes. Like literally. We get this information extremely clearly.

I think all of this combined with the fact that otherwise in his life, he's made no other choices for himself, makes Jihyeok killing himself make a sort of tragic sense. And also I've seen people say that there was 'no reason' for him to kill himself, and I've just got to wonder if the people who said that read that chapter at all. He literally says multiple times across 2 flashback chapters why he wants to die. Like I don't agree with suicide, but as someone who has battled, and is still battling, depression my entire life, and knows what it's like when it feels like your life has been kind of chosen for you? Going through a situation that he did has got to be devastating. Like in a completely soul crushing way. And if you have nothing to anchor you in life, it's not surprising when that life ends in heartbreak.

And from a literary standpoint there is something deeply tragic about a man who didn't truly make a decision for himself until it was too late and so the only choice he actually makes is how and when to die. The show has a different sort of tragedy in that he never decides how he lives or dies in the show for his first life. I believe my interpretation is further supported by the webtoon making his new life filled with choice. Like a lot of choices.

He is constantly making actual decisions in his new life.

He actually pursues Jiwon, he stands up for himself and others more at work, he actually ends things with Yura and gets her sent away pretty quickly (she doesn't die in the novel and straight up isn’t in the WEBTOON), and then he actually quits for the right reasons. He quits because he never wanted to run U&K in the first place, so he goes off to run his own company and leaves his sister to run it since she's the one who wanted that life. And she's better at it.

And I honestly think the show makes his character a little weaker for not having his arc focus on his choices, both good and bad. That's not to say he doesn't start making choices in the show, but it's more along the lines of 'I'll actually commit to this choice other people made for me'. Well, with the big exception being marrying Jiwon.

Jihyeok's decision to take his own life wasn't a good decision. It's not one I can agree with in real life, but from a writing choice, I like it for the story way more than a random car accident. I like the implications for the character and his arc way more if it's intentional. I think it's a stronger choice if this time he chooses to live and not to die. And also I really liked how it got then mirrored in Minhwan inadvertently killing himself with what was supposed to kill Sumin. I feel like overall the deaths in the WEBTOON in general, but especially with Jiwon, can be governed by the idea of choice, and the show lost that a little bit.

Also in the comic he literally opens his eyes and the first thing he hears and sees in his new life is Jiwon and you cannot tell me that's not the cutest fucking thing.

[iamacolor]

honestly I've never watched a drama with a second season (aside from age of youth and I didn't watch s2 at the time because they'd changed the main actress) so I don't know what to expect from a kdrama second season especially when it wasn't written with a second season in mind in the first place which means they'll close the different plotlines by the end of ep16

for eaw, it obviously all depends on how episodes 15 and 16 go and on wether or not they can get the full cast back but I hope they could explore youngwoo staying or not at hanbada (even if the last two episodes kind of dropped this, ep12 made it clear she wanted something from her job that hanbada couldn't provide but that she wasn't sure about what the right path for her would be) and youngwoo getting to mentor a younger attorney or an intern since a s2 would be set in a few years and she'd be more experienced by then and I think it'd be super interesting to see her try to guide and advise someone, hers and myeongseok's mentee/mentor relationship is such a highlight of the show, I think they could do very well with youngwoo in a reverse position. when it comes to her personal life, I'd love to explore her moving out as it was kind of dropped after she learned about her who her mother was, maybe on her own (would she like it, would she hate it), maybe with junho (who would ask?, how would they pick a flat? would they marry first - seeing them getting married would be a great throwback to ep2 -? how would they navigate so much shared space and all the little things in that space and all that time they could have together? ), if they marry and/or move in together they would most likely talk about wether or not they want kids and with youngwoo never having had siblings or a mother present, with how society might not consider her capable of being a good mother, with how much she loves her work what would her thoughts and desires be? also would junho's family be an obstacle to them going further with their relationship? would tae sumi be in her life in any way (not that either of them seem interested in actually seeing each other again so far - and if youngwoo has no interest in it once everything is out to the public that's fine)?

and obviously youngwoo has to see a whale for real. and more geurami please

[bitacrytic]

5 things I think should have been done differently in The Devil Judge

I preface this by saying that this show has ruined me for all other kdramas. It will be a while before I watch another drama without thinking, "Nah, TDJ did it better." I'm that messed up about this show and it feels so good to know that I'm not the only one who can't stop thinking about. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

That being said, the title of this post shows that I will be expressing some misgivings about the show. So I will put it under a page cut to allow anyone who doesn't want to ruin their fun pass this post by.

(1) Lawyer Ko should have been a woman.

This show is a bl. (I take no arguments on this) Which means that our primary focus would be a relationship between two men. I understand that the film makers wanted to balance that out by making the only other main focus point a woman and so they made the villain a woman. But you see the problem with that is that she was destined to die anyway. So by removing the woman from the place of a love interest or main character, there was no hope to begin with. She was going to die.

I could understand that.

I could understand that Sunah liked to work with women, and there was a reason for that. But there was no reason why Yohan had to work exclusively with men and then recruit one little girl during the end of his plan who never even learned to defend herself. Han was literally frigded till the end and was eventually rescued by a man.

So what did we have as Yohan's final team up in the courthouse? Three guys standing around Min Jungho. When we could have had one bad ass Lady-lawyer Ko at Yohan's side. It would have been a nice balance, and it was a missed opportuinity to not even have one woman who actively fought on the side of light. (Jinjoo doesn't really count because she was kept in the dark too long)

(2) The show should have ended with Gaon and Yohan staring at eachother.

That walk away was cool and symbolic. But it would have been so much louder to just have them stand there till the music changed and the screen went still. 🤷🏿‍♀️

(3) Minister Cha shouldn't have committed suicide

This woman sacrificed her son for her career. I'm not saying loving him was out of character but killing herself was a bit defeatist. I would have loved it if someone else killed her. If Yohan and Gaon showed up to her office to find her dead on the floor because

Jaehee had killed her to cover up Sunah's involvement and stop the her from giving the files to anyone.

On the other hand, Sunah killing herself made sense. Because as a child, she chose to throw herself out a window, rather than admit that she'd been caught stealing.

By using the same, "get me a gun," and then, the shooting herself in the head, Sunah's suicide felt like a replay. It should have been the original. Minister Cha should have been murdered by someone else, and then they could have kept Sunah's death as a suicide.

(4) Episode 16 should have been Gaon's episode.

Yes, Yohan is a major planner and Gaon is a himbo. But are we saying that Gaon learned nothing from his time with Yohan? I'm glad he went berserk but his craze was overshadowed by the stunt Yohan pulled with the caucus in the live courtroom. And if they wanted Yohan to be the master planner, that would have been okay. But he just left Gaon in the dark. Not once, but two times.

Maybe he was mistrustful of Gaon, but he knew Gaon was going to kill himself and he waited till the last second to show up, when he could have told him what was going on. And then in the middle of all that, he physically threw Gaon out of the room again. *sigh* It's cute when they touch and all that, but everytime Yohan manhandles Gaon, I am reminded that they're on such uneven footing that it hurts me a little. Till the end, Gaon was just a pawn that Yohan moved about anyway he liked.

We can claim that Gaon changed Yohan and all that. But really, Yohan was the one who allowed himself to be changed. Anytime he wanted to shut that shit down he could have done it. It's very true to the Jesus/Judas form that Judas never had any power to make any choices to begin with. This was one thing I was uncomfortable about in their dynamic

(5) They should have made this show longer.

I don't think this even needs an explanation.

[sketchguk]

It's great to see you're relaxing after ☺️ what are you watching on Netflix??? And yes I'll keep give her my scarf and keep her warm 😭😭😭 hhhhhhhh I might slip and say I love her too 😭😭😭 and my house is Hufflepuff eheeee what's your house?? I was thinking about questions to ask about the au 👉🏼👈🏼 Can you say things about gryffindor soonyoung that makes mc angry and things mc does that makes soonyoung angry? I'm excited to know what makes soonyoung angry 😭 - 2am anon

Thank you !!! My break is much needed ;n; I've been watching Single's Inferno and Our Beloved Summer !!! I've also been watching Bad and Crazy on iqiyi because Lee Dong Wook is so hot..... Whenever he's on screen, my brain is empty, but my coochie is thinking 😵‍💫 are you watching anything ?? Let me know if you have recs 🥺 even if they aren’t kdramas, haha I’ll check them out !

No wayy, I'm a Hufflepuff too !!! 💛 I'll be your wing woman when you're ready to confess to mc hehe. If you need help sneaking her into the common room, I gotchu 😌

Oh God, let me start with things that mc does to piss off Soonyoung, that beautiful man..... Upsetting him comes easy because of how passionate he is. He's competitive as hell, especially when it comes to his girl

Very early on in the plot, it wasn't an unknown secret that mc had a puppy crush on Hufflepuff Mingyu. He's warm, reliable, always willing to listen, and he's got the biggest dick heart. So naturally, they developed a friendship. Somewhere along the line, she caught feelings for him, or at least she thought she did considering Soonyoung is in the picture. However, she would flirt with Mingyu very openly, and her heart eyes would not go unnoticed. Of course, Soonyoung's jealousy would rile him up like no other, and he'd be fumingggg

Mc didn't mean to do it on purpose, at least not at first. And she definitely didn't mean it when she fell into bed with Mingyu that one time..... lol (all hell breaks loose, but that's a whole other story). After all, she's convinced that Soonyoung isn't serious about her. She thinks this is all part of his game. He wants to break down her walls, but emotionally, she thinks that she's strong enough to withstand his charm. So who is she hurting by liking Mingyu??? (Literally every character in the story LOL), but ignorance is bliss, ya know?

So yeah, as smitten as Soonyoung is, he's also possessive 😔 That's his toxic trait, but I think I can overlook that LOL. Nobody's perfect right??

Okay, likewise, Soonyoung is a popular guy. He's the star quidditch player, and people can't decide whether they want to be him or be with him. His classmates gravitate towards him like the force of gravity, and mc can't help but get jealous as well further down the storyline when she develops feelings ;n;

Girls practically swarm him, and all she can do is stand in the crowd and watch. She'd stomp away, pretending as if she isn't upset, but Soonyoung would follow her anyways because she's the only person he cares about 😭 His eyes have always been on her ! Since he pays so much attention to her, he can read her like an open book :-( He's the only one who truly understands her because of that ksljdkal. I feel like we talked about this aha. But still, she doesn't drop her facade, so she continues to act indifferent as if Soonyoung doesn't have a chokehold on her heart. What is this ache in her chest? Why is it pounding so hard? Why does it hurt so much?

As for something that is in Soonyoung's control, mc gets annoyed when he interferes with her studies. She's all business when she hits the books, and she would honestly bite off his head if he doesn't stop his nonsense. There's no eating in the library, so what is he trying to do by stuffing a whole burger in his mouth?? What does he have to prove?? Any other day, it would be funny, but at this point in time, he needs to read the room because she is STRESSED.

Sometimes, she'll go a little overboard and say something hurtful. You're wasting my time, go away and leave me alone. Stop being so fucking annoying, can't you see I'm busy? You're embarrassing me. And Soonyoung would take it to heart :-( He just wants her to loosen up and relieve her stress :-( She's the smartest girl he knows, so why does she need to push herself soo hard when it's hurting her?? :-(( (sorry, I got sentimental loll)

And to this day... the headcanon where Soonyoung and Mingyu fight lives in my head rent free. Have I mentioned it already?? LOL sorry if this info isn’t new 😔

[p---leia]

Ancient Writer of dreams and nightmares: I am 71 (-one month), and have been writing (making up tales) since I was three. I can still remember my Pawpaw whittling a pencil for me, and Mawmaw tearing a piece of brown grocery bag for me to write on. They weren't 'poor', but writing paper wasn't to be wasted on a 'kid' just for fun. I carefully scripted my first short story.

Of course my 'letters' looked more like ancient Hanguel, so I had to read it to my "captured" audience. I really don't remember the story, but as my grandparents had a yard full of chickens and my dog, Mutt, liked to chase them (because of this we 'both' got into trouble -- because I always joined the chase) I most probably wrote about that.

My Pawpaw was a story-teller. For several years I thought there really was a baby found in the wilds of the African jungle and raised by the great apes. I thought he was the luckiest babe, EVER!

Then I found Pawpaw's books about three years after he died. I was eleven when he died, and felt that my best friend had abandoned me. But when I found those books I realized just where Tarzan actually came from and went to. I read everyone of those books and got the complete picture. THEN..

Well, Pawpaw also told stories of Daniel Boone and Davey Crocket...before I saw them on Disney. Then, of course, I went to school and learned what I already knew. Pawpaw was an excellent story-teller and never mixed up his facts, time-lines, or characters.

Growing up under his influence had a lot to do with how I developed as a story-teller. At family gatherings when I meet cousins I haven't seen in decades, they STILL remember me and the stories that I used to tell them. My children and grandchildren have grown up with me re-telling Pawpaw's old stories, and sharing many that I made up on the spot.

But I think what I read in my early years developed my writing style.

I was just turned eight when I read my first Shakespeare, MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. He was my first favorite author. Then I was forced to read Romeo and Juliet. I was disgusted by the fact that TRAGEDY was made famous as a ROMANCE! Even at the innocent (then) age of fourteen, I was disgusted with the idea that it was considered romantic for 'anyone', let alone 'teenagers' to commit suicide over unrequited love.

My sister (now 68) and I recently discussed this play. Because she had a 'forbidden' teenage love, she said that she related to the story (even though she had never read it). GASP! It was required reading in ninth grade!

I remember our dad breaking up my sister and her boyfriend, who was really cool. He was a hard working farm boy who had saved his money to buy a motorcycle. AND his own car. But he wasn't good enough for my sister. smh

I always thought her story would make a great LifeTime movie. But I'm not touching it. She would 'skin me' for sharing with the world her broken heart. And if I added the stuff that sells today, she'd scalp me for lying. Not a win situation at all. So, I will write notes in my "Random Jottings Journal" for future decendants who might grow into writers or story-tellers.

By the way, the title "RANDOM JOTTINGS" came from a sci-fi book that I read as a kid in the fifties. I don't remember the author, although I'm pretty sure it 'might' be from a Heinlein juvenile book. But I've never found a reference to any sci-fi books using that term. SO!!! If anyone recognizes "RANDOM JOTTINGS", which was a note book that a professor/scientist/genius used to keep his 'thoughts', PLEASE share the author's name and the title of the book!!! Thank You.

In the meantime, I referenced Shakespeare. James Oliver Curwood wrote about Kazan, the Wolf Dog, and later Baree, Son of Kazan. From those two books, read when I was eleven, I searched for and found other books about Canada. Later there was Walter Farley, author of the Black Stallion, and the Island Stallion series. I think I met my FIRST friendly alien in the Island Stallion Races.

Of course, Edgar Rice Burroughs taught me much false history about the jungles of Africa, as well as the Moon and Mars. But I loved every 'read-under-the-covers-with a-flashlight' minute! I believe he was a contemporary of Zane Grey, because he wrote a few non-jungle and non-space stories, too. Which led me to Zane Grey.

Having read both of their biographies at a young age, I learned about the hardships of being a writer. I should say 'the hardships of a struggling writer'. I have never had a problem writing. Since I write for 'fun' and not 'profit', the few short stories I've had published were by local press, and a State magazine.

No, my struggles have centered around graduating high school, and completing college, stuggling to satisfy my husband, a 'Mr. Spock in the Flesh' personality, and later raising two children without benefit of parental support or child support. But we survived in the middle of laughter and many tears. And my made up stories about children lost in the woods who were rescued by a great friendly bear, or wolf. Or dog. And sometimes by a great Black Panther - a by product of one of my Pawpaw's 'local historical tales'.

I understand that publishers detest stories that begin with "It was a dark and stormy night.." But let me tell you, some of the BEST bedtime stories occur on stormy nights when the power has gone out, and it's too hot for candles or lanterns. That shadow that stands darkest in the corner and seems to be moving towards the bed is actually grandma come to check on the kids, and stands quiet so not to disturb the kids if they're already asleep. But since they are awake, and they see her 'shadow', she becomes the old crone who lives in the castle dungeon, and has slipped her chains to visit with the 'wee folk'. But there are no fairies out on such a blustery night, so the old crone comes to visit with the 'wee bairn', who fall all over themselves to get out of bed and sit around her to hear her stories of 'long ago' and other 'dark and stormy nights'. Again -- unpublished, because publishers don't like ... LOL

Of course there's always On-Line publishing. But that involves more work than actual writing.

Back to the writrs who influenced my writing:

While I enjoy a good Western, an adventurous space trek, or time travel, I also enjoy the occasional Historical Romance. Georgette Heyer was my first! I still re-read her amazing books. Of course there's Jane Austen.

There are a myriad of modern writers that I have read over the last five decades. Heinlen, Asimov, Norton, Bradley, McCaffrey, Moon, Stirling, Krentz/Castle/Quick, and Moening, just to name a few of the ones whose books I have in my personal library.

Those older authors did affect my writing style to develope as I read their stories. The later authors helped me to move into the late 20th century. But I'm not so sure that I like the 21st century so much. It's all about being politically 'correct'. If you aren't ashamed of your gender, your race, your country, your religion, your culture, your family, your history, then you are prejudiced. That's just too much guilt to have to live with.

I'm still dealing with my mom's death from ten years ago. I was her care-giver for five years. Her doctor had given her nine months. I still worry if I did enough for her in those last years.

And though my children are grown with their own families, I worry that I wasn't a good enough parent. And I worthy as a grandmother? How was I as an older sister? I was responsible as a moral guide when our parents were at work. Was I a good neighbor? A good support in our Church? And Hollywood wants me to feel guilt about something I can't change?!!

I'm an old woman who still likes being a woman and enjoys liking men. I'm not just white. I'm also mixed with a bit of Native American, and even a drop of -- OMG!!! --- Black. snicker.

That's a serious joke, because as a kid I had a recuring nightmare that I was a black man being judged by a group of people in white hoods I was hanged amidst their fiery torches. I always thought those white hoods represented the Catholic Church, because at that young age I didn't know about the Ku Klux Klan. Even though I grew up in the South, my family was not involved with that group of out-lawrey. Thank God!

Still, I'm supposed to feel shame? For something not even my family supported.

I've always believed there's a hint of Fae in my DNA. Because I love dancing in the light of the full moon, and flying with the owls who perch outside my bedroom window and call to invite me to follow the moon's shadow. If I am part Fae, I know it came from my mother's people. They were Irish mixed with Alabama Indians who believed in the Nunnehi aka Immortal, and the Yunwi Tsunsdi, aka Little People.

ALSO, while there's no DNA proof of ancestry, I've always been a 'closet Chinese'.

In the Fifties, when WW2 was still fresh, and we were involved with the 'Korean Conflict', and at odds with China, I would sneak around the radio, turn down the volume, and tune into 'that wierd channel' that sometimes played Opera, or Chinese music. Ahhh. I would close my eyes and wander through the few visuals I'd found in books, or the occasional movie. (before color tv)

A year or two ago I was totally depressed and disgusted with American TV. Hollywood has become so political, so wierd. Their programming is no longer for entertainment, but to 'educate, enlighten, or to inform'. zzzzz

Then I found KDrama!!!!! Korean TV. Japanese Tv. squeal!!! Chinese TV.

The rom/coms are sweet and 'pure'. Okay. I'm realistic. This is not a reflection of real life on any planet. But the innocence of the early 1950s programs is there. Similar to Disney's 'Summer Magic'. I'm happy with those dramas that remind me of thati nnocence. I have found a few dramas that shared more than I cared for, and I do enjoy an occasional 'romp'. But I've always preferred the Lady and Gentleman characters.

And watching these programs have reminded me of those fairy tales and legends from my childhood that had been sprinkled with the Occasional Oriental myth, legend, and children's tale.

Then I remembered my FIRST historical legend. "The White Stag" by Kate Seredy, is the tale of Atilla the Hun!

I recently found a copy of that book and am waiting for a quiet time, when the power is out and there's nothing to do. Then I will use one of the many flashlights I bought for a huge hurricane, and relax on the sofa beneath an open window and read this legend once again. I live in Florida. The odds of this happening increases as the summer progresses. I can't wait to learn if my memory of this tale of Atilla the Hun remained true, or has been distorted in the last half of a century.

Most of the tales that I write involve space adventures, the occasioanl ghost, and encounters with fairies, the evil ones, not the romantic ideal fairy. smh

I've never been very good with romance or comedy. But thanks to the recent influence of the Asian productions, I have re-formatted one of my dark adventures and turned it into a rom/com.

I love a good joke, but very seldom get the point or see the humor. And I can NEVER remember the punch line if I try to share a joke. My family have said they will write on my tombstone --

"I don't remember the punchline ... but it was funny."

But as I write humorous lines or events I find myself laughing. Or crying at sad events. And I am all 'giggly' when I write what is supposed to be innocent romance between a young and shy couple. But I have never felt that my own reactions were a true guide to how the story might come across to a 'reader'.

As it happens, I have two sisters younger than I am. My middle sister is bored easily and immediately redirects our conversation to something about 'her'. Okay. I understand. She is lonely, needy, and maybe a bit selfish? Not judging. She's the 'middle child' and that's her excuse. ROFL..

But the youngest sister is my greatest fan who declares that I am an awesome writer. "I love you, sister, dear."

So she visited me last week and patiently listened as I read the first chapter. She listened quietly, and I wondered if I had 'read her to sleep'. sigh. Boring books are often the best sleeping pill. Then I heard her laugh.

Squeals/Dancing/hooting/flying around the room in ecstasy!!

Okay! At least one person has laughed. And she's not that easily 'tickled'.

So, I will always carry on and write. But now I feel that at least I might be following a path strewn with "Black-Eyed-Susans, honeybees, butterflies, and bunnies".

I don't know if anyone will read this, or will enjoy it. I hope so. While sharing bits of my youth, my worries, and my concern about certain ones of my 'stories', I actually had ideas for developing 'new' stories.

I am always amazed when writers say they are 'blocked'. I have only to open my eyes to see a world around me that no one else can envision. I listen to a song, and I'm in a different world, time, planet. A gift from Pawpaw, and Mother's DNA.

It is my oldest granddaughter's birthday this month, and I don't know what to give her for her birthday. But when she was younger, she always asked me to tell her a story. I think that I will pull out one of my OLD/ANCIENT tales that I wrote when her dad was her age and make it into a book for her.

p---leia aka Mamma KayeLee

7/19/2020

[padmesbox]

I posted 2014 times in 2021

40 posts created (2%)

1974 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 49.4 posts.

I added 2751 tags in 2021

#bts - 619 posts

#jungkook - 549 posts

#mi amor chiquito 💜 - 533 posts

#mcu - 304 posts

#spoilers - 211 posts

#fatws - 153 posts

#me - 107 posts

#gpoy - 101 posts

#exo - 92 posts

#run bts - 82 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#still can't believe how kdramas can have such a light tone and the next second go full dark and painful like?? it's a gift these dramas have

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

So... all of this happened TODAY I'M 🥴😵

See the full post

2 notes • Posted 2021-06-28 18:48:03 GMT

#4

like streaming and fandom are not jobs pls for real seek therapy bc it is absurd how you take it as a job and don't even get me started on the fund accounts, omg raising 30k+ dollars to mass buy digital songs and albums??? People willingly donating 1000k to these accounts like??? IT'S INSANE all this money for millionaires?? They can claim it is for fans who can't afford albums but a) they buy digital albums not physical ones for fans that can't get those goods and b) let's be real REAL here, that's not the goal, the goal is to have numbers to brag about in fanwars and that's just not right... pls do seek therapy!!!

3 notes • Posted 2021-03-16 15:44:01 GMT

#3

Okay now that the marvel shows are off the way until june, time to go back to watch kdramas (or more like rewatch bc I'm a dumbass who hasn't been able to concentrate on a new one since start up but I'll make the effort) and I am so ready for it 😎

8 notes • Posted 2021-04-23 22:30:39 GMT

#2

This is what bothers me most about fatws and why it made my blood boil hearing the words "then she [Karli] is no better than him [Zemo]" from Bucky's own mouth no less like???? I'm so fucking tired of that narrative bc the rage of the opressed is not the same as the senseless violence the opressor inflicts on them??? This is bugging the hell out of me beyond belief.

And why I also fucking hated that they had Karli, a character that has established that she wants to protect people bc she lost everyone when she was a kid, fucking threaten Sam's family. It makes no sense she'd blackmail a black woman and two little black kids living in the U.S. after she implied she at least knows what that means or could mean. Like when she said something along the lines of wanting to find out if she should kill Sam or not, that was more believable and aligned with what we know about her so far, but nooooo, they had her play mafiosa and be like "I'll pay a visit to you and those little boys" or something like outta nowhere just to hammer it on our fucking foreheads that she's also evil, that she's no better than Zemo or even fucking John Walker (bc the way they showed Lemar and her friend's murders back to back oh boy... like no, just... no)

12 notes • Posted 2021-04-10 22:03:01 GMT

#1

The fact that this happened...........

14 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 15:18:26 GMT

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