#and yea i just ended up sorta crying the rest of the day bc i loved that prof so much and i feel a little betrayed

[theloveinc]

More professor drama? 👀

yes. and boy did it break. my. heart :) ...

I'm in a math class, right? And it's catered towards non-majors who're just looking to fulfill a specific credit so we don't have to pay to test out. and i'm HELLA bad at math but i really enjoy this class b/c the teacher and TA are so helpful and kind and i'm actually learning etc. etc.

anyway, out of the blue my counselor (who is unrelated to math AT ALL) reaches out to schedule a reflection on the class with the head of my grad department (and would not tell me why)... only to postpone the meeting for two weeks, and THEN TELL ME I'VE BEEN BEHAVING POORLY IN MY CLASS???? not grades related, BEHAVIOR RELATED.

and so i'm fucking like, stunned and confused, i keep asking what i've done, why isn't the actually prof. talking to me, what i need to do, etc. and no one tells me shit until i'm literally SOBBING on this zoom meeting because apparently i'm being punished??

and finally i guess i cry hard enough for them to believe it was all unintentional and i DON'T know what they're talking about, and they fucking. tell me that i've been asking "too many questions" such that the whole class is distracted AND that i've been refusing to work with the TA (which isn't even true?????) ...

which is ridiculous bc the professor himself has NEVER mentioned to me that i ask for help too much, and i've been working with the TA since the beginning of the class???????

so i'm completely fucking blindsided by this bc i genuinely. LOVED. this class, so to find out I'VE BEEN A PROBLEM IS REALLY DEVASTATING.

and i go to email my teacher and ta apologies, just reflecting on like, how sorry i am my behavior came across so poorly and etc. AND ESSENTIALLY THEY JUST CONFIRM THAT I WAS A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS. like my profs response, deadass, is "how classy of you to parlay.." LIKE WTF?????

and this whole. fucking time. i genuinely had absolutely no clue. NONE.

[honeypirate]

My Idiot

Y/n, Kirishima, and Bakugou friends fic

Pairing - Bakugou x yn

.cw. Swearing

— in the dorms I can’t remember but is there like two different elevators for the boys and girls side? I just made it one Bc I I couldn’t remember. ??—

————————

‘Did he really pull me into his room to pull me into his bed to show me his glow in the dark dinosaur toys?’ You think to yourself as you hold one in your hand under the covers. He pulled you all the way up to his room, going on about how he had to show you something special, when you get his room he takes you inside and has you sit next to him on the bed before pulling his extra large blanket over both of your heads before showing you his cool surprise. A small plastic triceratops that glows in the dark. He says you can keep since he knows they’re your favorite. “Kirishima” you say quietly and then pull the covers from off your heads. “This is really cool and I’m definitely going to make this into a keychain but..” you look at the little toy in your hands “is this all you wanted to show me?” He hesitates for a second “yes, did you think this was about something else?” He asks genuinely confused. “No no. I just was making sure that this was uhh.. it” you calmly get up and grab your backpack and go to his door “I just have a lot to get done. Thank you for this. I love it” you quickly leave his room and run to yours before closing and locking the door, sliding down it sitting on the ground once your inside. “Shit” you say out loud before laying your head on your knees and trying not to cry. It was stupid. You knew he didn’t like you like that and it was dumb to get your hopes up that would be something different than his usual antics. You’re just friends and that’s all you’ll be. He didn’t want to get you alone to make a move, he just wanted to give you a glow in the dark dino toy. You wipe the few stray tears away and get up, grabbing superglue and your craft supplies to quickly throw together a keychain so you could carry that with you everywhere, as disappointed as you were you still thought it was a really cool dinosaur. After finishing your homework you watch an episode of your favorite show before heading to bed. You check your phone and turn off your usual Saturday alarm opting to sleep in as long as you want just this once. Before you put your phone down you get a text from Bakugou, you were pretty close to him since becoming best friends with Kirishima and you actually enjoyed his outbursts. You thought he was amusing and saw right through him. His message said “what’d stupid hair do this time? He won’t stop texting me about you.” “Promise you won’t talk to him about it?” “Nope” he shoots back. “Okay well fuck it, it’s stupid. He said he had something “super special” for me and then it turned out to be glow in the dark dinosaurs” he laugh reacts your message “I knew he was an idiot but I didn’t know he was that big of an idiot.” You sigh and think before responding, you already talked to Bakugou once before about your feelings for Kirishima and he promised you then he wouldn’t tell him and he has t to this day so you have no reason to fear “Don’t worry Suki. It’s no big deal. We’re only friends, right? I’m headed to bed. See you later” he only texts back “I never said I was worried...” before following it up with a sleeping dog gif. You put your phone on the side table and plug it in before quickly falling asleep.

Three months later you wake up with only barely enough time to get ready. You curse under your breath, you were going to lunch with Bakugou and Kirishima and you wanted to look your absolute best. you put on your favorite pair of jeans, the ones that made your ass look amazing, and a v neck black flattering tee shirt that showed the right amount of cleavage. You put on your favorite gold necklace with your initials on the end and slipped on a pair of checkered vans, grabbing a Levi jacket before leaving the dorm. You show up at the restaurant, it was your guys’ favorite place to eat because it was an all you can eat buffet, you always had a good time with them but the moment you saw Bakugou sitting at your usual table by himself as he waited for you and Kirishima you felt nervous for some reason. He was looking at his phone when you walked up “hey Bakugou, just you?” You said and took your jacket off placing it on the back of the chair next to Bakugou. You always sat in the same chairs, at a table with four you sat on one side and the boys sat on the other, but today Bakugou had moved, sitting in the chair next to yours this time. You didn’t mind, the tables were big so you had enough space between chairs, you sat sideways in your chair so you could look at him as you sat down and you noticed a little pink on his cheeks, he clears his throat “yeah it’s just me. In the group chat Kiri said he’d be late and we could start without him. You look great today y/n.” You couldn’t help but grin at him “Thank you! You don’t usually give compliments, I feel sorta special. And okay, I didn’t check my phone on the way here. I am starving” you get up to go make a plate and barely catch Bakugou whisper “you are special” you didn’t think anything of it now, too focused on the rumbling in your stomach.

After a plate and half you’re stuffed, thankful to your hard training for allowing you to eat whatever you wanted, you relax back into your seat and adjust it so you’re at an angle to see Bakugou better as you continue talking to him. He’s gone through four plates already and it always amused you how much he could eat. It was then that Kirishima showed up “hey guys sorry I’m so extremely late” you smile at him and you realize that you don’t feel anything for him anymore “no problem! Bakugou’s still eating and I’ll get some dessert soon” he set his jacket down on a chair and gets some food before sitting across from you. You really adored how well you three could hang out and chat for hours comfortable. Like you were all cut from the same cloth. You finished the rest of your lunch with many laughs and only one complaint about how loud Bakugou was which was a new record. You three walk back to the dorms together, you in the middle of both of them, “since it’s our day off I think we should go finish the training I know we all are going to do,” you laugh softly “and then get pizza and watch a movie in the lounge, we could even invite other friends and have a..!” You jump up and down once and throw both arms in the air with fist fulls of glitter raining down over you and yell “movie night!” this isn’t the first time you’ve done this and you know they hate it when you do it but it’s just so fun. You’ve learned to not do it close to them tho because as cute as an angry Kiri was you missed him when he would ignore you for a while for getting glitter in his hair. “Goddammit y/n.” “Not again” they say at the same time and you just laugh and say “at least it’s biodegradable��� as they walk on ahead of you “come on! I love it! My happiness should at least make you a little happy and...” you run up and catch up to them hooking your arms in theirs “don’t I look so cute when I’m happy and glitter is raining down” you laugh and look up at Bakugou “that’s besides the point” he grumbles out quietly and you laugh in shock but before you can say anything Kirishima yells out “ugh you got it in my hair again! Damn! I hate glitter!” He shakes your arm off and runs off “it’ll wash out! movie night at seven! I’ll get the pizza!” You call after him laughing and keep walking with Bakugou, not noticing your arm still in his. “He’s ridiculous” you laugh “so what movie do you want to watch tonight? I’m thinking something scary” “something scary” he says at the same time as you and you smile “yea! Okay. So there’s this new one that looks really good on Netflix and we will watch that. I’ll order pizza when we get back and just schedule it so I can forget about it. What are you going to train today?” You ask him and he pulls you into him a little by your elbow as he shoves his hands into his pockets. You realized you were still holding on to him then, but you waited to see what he’s do, you were sure he would do something rude, shake you off and call you some name, but he didn’t. He just cleared his throat and answered the question “it’s leg day for me” you felt shy all of a sudden, Bakugou who was a man known to be aggressive and who never touched anyone outside of fighting and sparing, was out in the open walking back to the dorms with you on his arm. You quickly squashed the butterflies in your stomach and convinced yourself it was just something with the food you are giving you an upset stomach. There’s no way Bakugou was into you. Kiri told you that you weren’t his type, (maybe he’s just being uncommonly nice)you decided it was just a fluke and thought nothing of it. “It’s arms and shoulders for me!” you pull your arm from his, he almost looks like that made him sad, and you flex dramatically, earning a smirk and an eye roll from him. “Cmon Bakugou you know you love it. You think I’m funny and cool and that’s why you’re friends with me” you bounce into the elevetor pushing both your floors, you were coincidentally the room directly below his. “No comment” he says, his hands still deep in his pockets.

You get off on your floor and turn to him “you’re coming to movie night, right?” You say quietly, suddenly nervous he wouldn’t be there “of course ” he says in his usual gruff voice and you smile at him your same radiant smile that he secretly adored. The doors to the elevator close and you make your way to your room feeling extra excited to watch a movie tonight. You get ready for the gym and order pizza ahead of time, then text the rest of your dorm about move night before heading to the gym. Training goes by quickly, your arms turned to jello by the end, and when you got home you had enough time to shower and look nice, putting on comfy clothes before heading down stairs to make popcorn and set up the movie. You were the first one there at six thirty, and you played some music in the kitchen as you watched the bag in the microwave. “This is my playlist” you jumped a little, startled by Bakugou suddenly being right there and you laugh at yourself “yes it is! You sent it to the group chat a while ago and I love it. I listen to it all the time” he didn’t show it but you just gave him so many butterflies. Just then the pizza man comes through the door and you rush over to him, signing the receipt and taking the stack of pizzas. “Yesssss!!” Kirishima says as he runs in, taking the stack from you and placing them on the table. After him everyone else trickles in and you snatch a piece of pizza and a drink before sneaking over and taking one of the good couch seats before anyone else could. “Smart move” Bakugou said as he sat down next to you, you noticed he had a blanket with him and smiled when he sat down, not really next to you in the middle of the couch but not all the way over either. Like he was trying to discourage anyone from sitting next to you guys. You already queued up the movie and just needed to press play. “I’m gonna press play can someone get the lights?” You ask and Iida immediately gets up and shuts the light off, telling everyone to quiet down now. “Move over Bakugou so I can sit on the couch too” kirishima said coming up behind you guys and Bakugou gives the most dramatic sigh before scooting over so he was right next to you, Giving Kiri a seat on his opposite side. You press play on the movie and everyone quiets down engrossed in it. You start to get a little cold and wish you brought a blanket, you fold your arms hugging yourself for a little warmth, you didn’t want to miss anything. At the first jump scare in the movie you gasp, grabbing bakugous arm and hiding your face in his shoulder. You pulled away quickly with a whispered “sorry”. “It’s okay.” He says and then offers you half his blanket “your fingers are freezing” you accept with a smile and cuddle into the blanket pulling your knees up move sideways, tucking your toes under Bakugou’s thigh. He was grateful for the darkness so no one could see him blush. At the next scary part you hide your face in your knees with a gasp and a shudder, when you look back up, Bakugou wraps his arm around your knees and pulls you as close as you could be to him. You look at him but he just watches the movie. The next time you’re scared you bury your face in his arm now, your right hand reaching up and placing your hand over his, the one that’s around your knees, and squeezing softly. He sits up taller now, adjusting his body so he wasn’t slouching anymore, and you took the time to readjust too thinking you went too far, but when you settle back down he takes your hand in his, lacing your fingers together under the blanket. You were suddenly not interested in the movie anymore, your heart beating wildly from what’s going on. You couldn’t really understand what was happening. He didn’t like you. He couldn’t. But he does? You were screaming internally. You turned your body into him, quietly so no one around you would notice, no one was paying attention to you guys anyway, and you lean into him and look up to find him looking down at you with red eyes like fire. His other hand comes up and cups your cheek and he smiles at you like you’re the only two in the room.

“Can I?” He whispers so quietly you barely hear it before leaning up slowly closing the distance between you, softly and quietly brushing your lips against his before pulling back and looking at him to see if it was okay. “Meet me in the laundry room” he whispers into your ear before getting up. No one questioned him, no one ever does. You wait five agonizing minutes pretending to watch the movie before you get up yourself and quietly make your way back into the laundry room, leaving his blanket on the couch. When you open the door you smile at him, he looked nervous, you’ve never seen him look nervous before. “Hi” you say softly and close the door behind you. “Y/n” he says and you walk over to him, you wish there was like a dryer on or something so there was some noise to cover your voices but oh well. “You wanted to see me..” you start to play around and he can’t wait any longer, he grabs you by your waist and pulls you to him, his other hand goes to your cheek and jaw as he presses his lips to yours he’s been thinking about how much he’d love to kiss you for months. Since you thought Kirishima liked you he got jealous, he gave you a couple months between then and now, to make sure his feelings were genuine and not ego based. But every day since he noticed he fell harder and harder for you, wondering how he never noticed how amazing you were since the beginning. He was worried tho because a small part of him thought you might still be into Kiri, but tonight has gotten rid of all his fears. You sighed with a smile and wrapped your arms around his neck, you had gotten closer to Bakugou and unintentionally developed a crush on him. Which scared you and annoyed you, it was Bakugou for hell’s sake he’d never focus on anything other than becoming number one. You never suspected this, but you weren’t complaining. Your heart soared and your skin tingled. His lips were so soft against yours even though he was rough, his hand squeezing your hip sent shivers down your spine and you bit his bottom lip and pulled it before letting go and looking into his eyes.

“Wow Katsuki,” you were breathless as you spoke, his smirk on his face adorable “that was better than I imagined it would be” your hands started to play with the hair at the nape of his neck “you imagined kissing me?” He asks and quirks his brow and you chuckle bringing a hand down and caressing his cheek before running your thumb across his bottom lip “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now. But I thought you’d never think of me as anything but your weird friend” he laughs a little too loud and you cover his mouth with your fingers and shush him softly “oops.” His voice was quiet now “you are my weird friend, and I love that. I thought you still ... kinda liked .. shitty hair” he sounded jealous and shy which was completely unlike him, it was your turn to laugh but you at least did it quiet “I realized that I was reading too much into his friendship and that I didn’t really like him more than a friend. Then I thought I was doing the same thing with you and I was kicking myself before tonight. But I guess you really do like me and I’m not a huge idiot” you laugh again and he smirks “well I wouldn’t go that far. Yes I have strong feelings for you but you’re still a huge idiot” you slap his shoulder “hey!” You kind of yell and he laughs and covers your mouth with his fingers “you’re a huge adorable beautiful idiot but you’re my idiot and that’s all that matters” you quirk you’re eyebrows “yours huh? Does that make you my idiot in return?” He rolls his eyes and you smirk before leaning in and starting to kiss slowly up his neck, sucking below his jaw and biting just a little, causing him to moan quietly. You bite his ear lobe “Katsuki. Are you myyyyy idiot?” You whisper playfully before kissing the other side of his neck, biting and leaving a hickey down on his collar bone causing him to get goosebumps before he whispers “yesss, I’m yours” you pull back with a laugh and a quick kiss, bouncing on your toes. “Good! Now, let’s go finish the movie” you take his hand and pull him along, he sighs pretending he was annoyed when in fact he was beyond happy and grateful that he was wearing baggy inconspicuous sweats.

[pun-pkindude]

- The Todeshund -

?: FRED ARE YOU THERE?! WHERE ARE YOU?! I CANT SEE ANYTHING IN THIS FREAKEN SNOWSTORM!

Fred: Yup! I'm here! Right in front of ya crys!

Crystal: My eyesight is already bad and having everything be one color isn't helping!!! Where is the base?! also, Dont call me crys, it makes me sound like a boy!

Fred: over here, I see it! *Crunching of snow, door opens then slams*

Fred: we are here! Yay!!

Crystal: uggghhh Its so cold even with all this winter gear.. when I signed up to study this place I didn't sign up for snowstorms and unbearable cold!

?: I mean.. no.

But it's sorta part of studying a mountain isn't it?

Crystal: I guess so germ but it's still stupid!

Jeremy: my name's Jeremy but call me what ya want I guess, also, I'm tired.. I don't know why.. can you take over "writing and updating the log for the team" duty?

Crystal: I do that every night. All the time.. you haven't done a single thing. I mean, Fred helps me explore sometimes, you just sit around, and yet YOU'RE the one who's tired?

Fred: actually, I'ma crash too see ya!

Crystal: wait what? oh come on! Fine I'll do everything by myself... Ok I guess I gotta update the log first and call group 1 at the base to say we have to delay the trip. Oh well.

*phone ringing*

Crystal: This is crystal from group 2 and we need to delay the trip to the top of the mountain, we have been hit with a snowstorm. Let's say.. 2 more days?... Wait.. you there? Hellooooo? *Phone stops* the phone lines must be damaged, that's gonna take some time to repair, guess I should write things down now.. but where's my pen!?! Or my journal?? Oh crap.. they might be in the other building.. it's night.. uggfhh

*10 mins later*

Alright I'm ready to go, let's do this.

*door opens then slams shut*

So... Cold... I think.. the buildings over.. here? There it is!!

*Running, door opening then closing*

Whew.. now to write..

*12 mins later*

Ok! Done. Now to go back..

*door opens then closes, footsteps*

Crystal: alrighty this time I can bring the journal with me so I don't have to worry about going to the writing room.. hehehe.

Why do we need to study this mountain anyways?! So what if it had a few people go missing on it, it's a MOUNTAIN! I hate this joB-

*screams*

*12 hours later*

Fred: *yawns* whew. Nice night. Though I'm still sorta tired so that sucks.

Jeremy: *yawns too* me too.. i think I only got a bit of sleep.. I couldn't sleep. HEY CRYSTAL CAN YOU BRING ME A DRINK OR SOMETHING? LIKE A PEPSY OR AN MT. DOO? *Silence*

Well you could just say no instead of ignoring me ya butt. Heh. Don't worry I'm getting up to get it.. you there? Fred look at this, she's gone!

Fred: what? She's probs sleeping In the writing room.

*door opens*

Fred: looks like the storm mostly passed, get your coat though.

*they both get ready and leave*

Jeremy: is that blood on the ground?

Fred: that's just her journal you idiot, just because 2 things are red doesn't mean they are the same.

Jeremy: HER JOURNAL IS ON THE GROUND?

Fred: oh yea that's also bad. Did she update it?

*page turns* yup.

Entry 17: a snowstorm hit today while we tried to go to the top of the mountain, the phone lines are down, why are we studying this place anyway? It's just a dumb mountain that 2 people got lost on.

Jeremy: weird.. WAIT A SEC IS *THAT* BLOOD?

Fred: that time it seems you are correct. What the fuck happened here? It seems there's a trail of footprints and blood that way, well, less footprints and more just.. tracks.. I can't tell what might have made them. let's go, we gotta find out what happend.

Jeremy: are you kidding? Like every horror movie ever we FOLLOW the monster?!

Fred: it's not a monster.. some animal might have scared her and made her drop her journal and run or something.

Jeremy: fine but if we die bc of you I will kick your ghost ass.

*2 hours later*

Fred: let's set up some sorta camp. Luckily I brought food from the main base, so no death from starvation. And also I brought 2 tents. I came prepared.

Jeremy: what about things to make a campfire?

Fred: ....... Fuck.

Jeremy: we won't die luckily, but that sucks. Let's set up the camp here, there is a clear area over there.

*26 mins later*

Fred: well that should be good, food is outside due to oh having 2 tents.. that sucks, but there are very few animals in this cold so it should be good. Let's go to sleep.

*6 hours pass*

*metallic crunching and banging*

Fred: you hear that germ? Something is outside!

Jeremy: hecc no I'm staying in the tent, you go outside and kill yourself.

Fred: fine. I don't want this animal eating our food!

*footsteps*

Fred: WHAT THE FU- ARGH...

Jeremy: ok well now I HAVE to check on him

*he peaks outside the tent*

YOUR BLEEDING?! HOW?! WHAT ATTACKED YOU?

Fred: I'm alive don't worry.. but that... Thing attacked me.. I believe you now, whatever it is it is NOT normal. This thing is a monster. Heck it almost bit off my leg and it ate almost all our food! We got a few meals worth left. We gotta pack that up and get going. We must follow the trail more no matter what it takes.

Jeremy: good to hear your ok, bud. But we cant go, you can barely walk!

Fred: WE NEED TO SAVE CRYSTAL BEFORE THAT MONSTER DOES MORE TO HER! If your not going I am. I can still sorta wal- *trip* ow.. I'm going.

*footsteps*

Jeremy: fine. Atleast let me help you. *More footsteps*

*one hour later*

Jeremy: we are going nowhere and you need rest

Fred: we are going somewhere and no I don't. Speaking of what's that in the distance? Looks like a abandoned building. It would be warmer there then anywhere else, I bet that's the monsters hide out.

Jeremy: there are broken windows and papers surrounding it. It's a abandoned research building. The research team went missing studying this Mountain I bet! But they hired ANOTHER research team to discover a missing research team?! How stupid IS group 1?

Jeremy: well we are here. I doubt we should go in the main entrance. We should probably climb through a window.

*breaking glass and a plop*

Fred: I'm in. Now to find crystal.. how many hallways *are* there In this building? It's like its one gaint room with a buncha walls slapped randomly everywhere- come look germ! Come look! It's crystal! I think she was hurt!

Jeremy: ya think?

Fred: well, let's get her outa-

*growls*

Fred: germ... Run... I'll get crystal.

Jeremy: no. For once I don't wanna be the guy that doesn't do anything. For once I want to help people. I'll fend it off. I think i know where it is.

*Jeremy picks up a sharp piece of glass as a weapon*

*footsteps*

Fred: alright. Good for him. Now I gotta pick her up and *OWW* oh yea my leg... Who cares

Fred: ok. I gotcha. Now we gotta go through the front... or not..

*infront of him is a gigantic wolf about 5 - 6 feet tall, growling at him*

AHHHHHHHH! *fast footsteps* fred: where is the door where's the door where's the fuckin door?! Oh crap a wall.. *SLAM*

Fred: good.. dog?

*growls, slow footsteps*

*ROAR*

Fred: AHH-

*whining and whimpers, fast footsteps away*

Fred: am I dead yet?

Jeremy: sadly no.

Fred: wow. That was badass! You stabbed it with a glass shard! Go get it, it's running away! *Fast footsteps* I'll come with! *Ow* let's go!

*faint whimpers and footsteps*

Jeremy: COME BACK HERE YA IDIOTIC DOG!... it jumped through a window! we can't follow it... What were these guys researching anyway?

*papers rustling*

Fred: looks like they researched that thing. The creature is called todeshund.

To-a-shund... Well, let's go help crystal.. speaking of thanks for saving me, Jeremy, I guess your not so lazy after all!

Jeremy: no problem, it means alot. *He smiles*

*2 hours later*

Jeremy: we are here! Whew.. let's get crystal bandaged up in our bed... It's the softest place.

*5 mins later*

Crystal: HH! wait wha- where am I? Where did the big wolf go? Why am I back at the base?

Jeremy: we saved you from it, i stabbed it with a shard of glass. It's called a todeshund.

Crystal: you killed it?! Awesome!

Fred: not really.. it's still out there.. somewhere...

- Audio log 1 ended -

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.3

did you know that tumblr no longer has those lil.. lines that i liked to separate my notes from my fic with? i didnt. until now. unbelievable.

SO NOW I HAVE TO SUPPLY MY OWN and hopefully this is fine

anyway. ive been... dead for a while. summer destroyed all motivation to do Anything, but ive been forcing myself to write on and off and this part feels... shorter than it should be, but

anyway! i am alive! i have plans! i have things to write! some of them are never going to be on this blog bc theyre original works, but im always open to talk abt them skdfhdsfh

warnings: uhhhhhhh vague manipulation, and i think thats it? just general. squip. yea.

         The last time you had seen Michael Mell as a friend had been the beginning of sophomore year. He and Jeremy sat on either side of you in his basement, clutching controllers and halfheartedly playing video games. Soda went untouched and unopened, snacks left alone, and too many times had Jeremy lost on games he knew like the back of his hand. The air had been stiff and uncomfortable, and the feeling had seeped into your nerves and bones to make your stomach turn at the thought of staying longer. Jeremy wasn’t quite there, and Michael was trying too hard to be extra present to make up for it. He became doting on the two of you - quick to refill a snack bowl that had barely been touched with Jeremy following him out of the basement. That was when you found your phone and called your parents, asking if they could come pick you up - bullshitting some excuse about how you felt sick. When Michael came down, he saw you packing up your things with a half-assed apology and a shitty acting job before you tore up the stairs and nearly rammed into Jeremy in the process. Your chest had tightened as you pushed past him with a quick apology and went to wait on the front steps outside for your mom to come get you.

          That had been the beginning of the end. After that day, Jeremy had slowly stopped talking to you almost completely. Michael had tried to patch things up, to keep things going, and then he just stopped abruptly. To make things worse, you had broken down at school a few weeks after everything went silent, because you’d been alone. You wiped at your face roughly with the sleeve of your hoodie, and left the bathroom. Barely seconds after you had turned the corner to head to class, you ran straight into him - headphones on and head down - only for his gaze to find yours the moment you stumbled back. He opened his mouth to speak, and you stumbled through a rough, shitty apology before you pushed past him and onward to your class. And then you avoided him purposefully, not wanting to address that little moment of weakness you had.

          And now you were sitting in front of him, eyes red and tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled to find your voice. Your back pressed into cold metal, the lockers clanging behind you as you pulled away and tried to say something, anything to explain yourself. But Michael just stared at you, uncertain about what to say to you. Your legs were like stone, almost as if something was keeping you from darting away, from finding a safer place to land and cry and get over the tears forced from your body.

          “[y/n]?” Michael finally said, still staring at you. The lights overhead gleamed off his glasses and headphones as he pulled them down and around his neck, music loud enough for you to hear. He gave you a quick once-over, his attention now fully on you. “You okay?”

          You went to nod only for another sob to overtake you instead. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” you admitted after a moment, voice shaking and broken. And it was sort-of true.

          “Are you sure?” He said, “hey, I, uh, I know I sorta stopped talking to you and that was kinda shitty but... I’m still here if you need someone to talk to, alright?” After a moment, he tacked on another thought, “do you need a ride home?”

         Immediately, you didn’t want to say yes. It didn’t feel right to. But you’re already nodding before you can debate anything further. “Yeah,” you said slowly at first, reaching up and wiping at your eyes. Realization hit you quick. Your bag. “Shit.”

         “What’s wrong?”

         “I, uh, kinda left my bag in the auditorium.” You hesitated to step away - you didn’t really want to go back and make an excuse to leave, to let anyone see you with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Michael... can you-”

         “On it,” he gave you a small, two-finger salute, “I’ll be back in a sec!”

         As Michael took off down the hallway, you felt a pit develop in your stomach while he disappeared around the corner. Nothing felt right. You looked around for a moment, acutely aware of how silent everything had gone. When your SQUIP materialized in front of you, you avoided its gaze as you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself for a moment. The world felt a little colder, a little dimmer, and everything was off. The sound of Michael’s approaching footsteps minutes later played the steady beat for your incoming guilt-induced breakdown, and yet the boy smiled at you - as if nothing was wrong. Maybe that was because it looked like nothing was wrong. The strap of your bag was tossed over his shoulder, bouncing against his own backpack, and yet he looked at you like you were still friends.

        “Thanks,” you finally said as you reached for your bag.

        Michael stepped back, “I’ve got it,” he said with a smile, “don’t worry.”

       You let your arm fall back to your side, only to then shove your hands into your pockets. “Thanks,” you said, avoiding eye contact for a moment.

       The walk to Michael’s car was mostly quiet, with concerned glances thrown your way every now and then - that, when you caught then, were met with insecure smiles at the situation he’d been pulled into. Which.... frankly, threw you off a bit. Michael had always been the one who was better with all this feelings shit - you and Jeremy had the unhealthy habit of bottling everything up. And now Michael walked in step with you, still warm as ever - and still wearing that damn red hoodie you swore he showered in, but it still made you smile because of course Michael still took good care of it. When you hesitated for half a step upon seeing his P.T. Cruiser, he looked back at you before you shot him an uneasy smile and continued towards the passenger side. One of his moms must have given it to him - whether for his birthday or as a gift for passing his driver’s test, you weren’t sure. But the seats were still well-worn, a Pac-Man sticker stuck on the head-rest of the driver’s seat that Michael had stuck there when bored out of his mind. It was worn with age, like you’d expect it to be, but you suppressed a small smile at the fact it was still there.

      If the walk to Michael’s car had been quiet (with the occasional snippit of Michael saying something about how he still feels bad about what happened between the three of you, or about how he’s kinda sorry about the walk to the back of the parking lot) then the ride to your house was dead silent. Music flooded through the car speakers, Michael’s phone resting in your lap due to him pushing it in your direction and telling you to play whatever you want, and his attention was fully on the road - the sound of his phone’s GPS spitting out directions every so often to guide him. You watched out the window, a small sense of dread resting in your stomach the entire way, and for some reason... you felt sick.

      When the car started to roll to a stop, Michael reached up and turned the music down. “Hey, uh, you still have my number, right?”

      You blinked at him for a moment, before pulling out your phone. “I, uh, think so?” You opened your contacts, flipping through them, “I don’t think I deleted it or anything-”

      “Good,” he smiled at you, “if you ever wanna hang out, I’m, uh, pretty free since Jeremy’s busy with this whole.. play... thing.” He paused for a moment, only to follow it up quickly with “I mean if you aren’t doing anything, since - I dunno, you aren’t apart of the cast so-”

      “Okay,” you cut him off, “yeah, sure - I’m only painting the set for it, so... I’ll probably try to do that during lunch.”

      “I, uh,” he began, nodding towards your jacket, “I like your pin. Have you ever played the old shit?” When you shook your head, he was filled with excitement. “Dude. You have to come over then. I’ve got the classic Zelda stuff if you wanna play.”

      Running a hand through your hair, you just sort-of nodded in response as you opened the car door, swinging your bag over your shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, Michael.”

      You closed the car door, taking a few steps back as he pulled off and drove away, before you turned and head up to your house - pausing to notice your parent’s cars were missing. Right. Letting your bag fall down to your elbow, you began to fish through it to find your keys tucked away in the bottom of your bag, and you nearly sent the contents of your bag spilling when you went to pull it back to your shoulder. But with lightning reflexes that weren’t your own, you managed to snap into action and pull it shut before anything could spill - and when you looked up, your SQUIP was standing before you.

      Huh. “... Thank you?” You zipped your bag back up, letting yourself into your house.

      “You should stick to hanging out with Michael,” your SQUIP said, watching you head into your bedroom

      Dropping your backpack onto your bed, you shrugged at the idea as you began to search for your homework. “I mean, sure, he’s still a cool guy-”

      “Michael is close to Jeremy,” it said, as if the fact wasn’t obvious, “therefore, if you get closer to Michael, you’ll get closer to Jeremy.”

      You stopped. “Isn’t that using Michael?”

      “You were friends with him before. It’s rekindling your friendship that just so happens to mean you’ll rekindle something with Jeremy.” It said, “you aren’t manipulating him.”

      You shook your head, setting one binder down and searching for another. “I don’t really like this,” you said, “I don’t want do hurt Michael or anything-”

      “Why would you be hurting him by being friends with him?”

      Thinking it over, you finally nod a little. “... I guess you’re right,” you looked down at the textbook in your hands. “It just feels wrong-”

      “Don’t feel, [y/n],” it stepped beside you, turning your head to meet it’s steely gaze. “Just listen. I’m here to help you.”

      Reluctantly, you nod. “... Right.”

      So you did. The next day, Rich fell into step beside you - inviting you to stop acting like a loner and to sit with him and Jake and the rest of his friends. You debated taking him up on the offer for a moment, only to spot Michael sitting alone in a corner of the cafeteria. You declined immediately, not looking back as you crossed the room to join Michael. That became your routine - sliding into a seat near Michael, talking about video games and whatnot, and occasionally letting the topic slip to Jeremy as Michael had the habit of occasionally venting about the boy.

       “I mean,” he started one day, pointing a fork in your direction, “you remember how he is. He’s just... so in love with her,” he shook his head, “and, I mean, yeah, it’s Christine, but he could, y’know... not abandon me every day.”

      You nodded, “I’m sure he’s just blinded by his crush, Michael.”

      He nodded, stabbing into his burrito bowl, “I know...” He trailed off, looking away for a moment, “I just... he’s excited about this and - and that’s great! He’s actually sort-of talking to Christine!” He smiled back at you, “every time he talks about her, he gets that stupid look on his face. He practically has heart eyes, [y/n].” He paused for half a beat, “but... y’know, I can’t blame him. He keeps talking about how she’s been helping him with his lines, and that she’s so passionate about theatre...”

      You couldn’t help but smile a little at that. From your limited interactions with Christine, she seemed to be a complete sweetheart. No wonder Jeremy liked her.

      “In time, he’ll like you more.” It nudged it’s way in between your thoughts, “as long as you do what I tell you to. I’ve got a plan-”

      Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you busied yourself with your lunch. “Sure, buddy.”

      The stern silence that responded to your tone spoke volumes. But like a knife through butter, Michael’s voice washed away the slight tension you’d begun to feel: “hey, do you still draw?”

      You perked up at the question, turning your full attention back to Michael, answering with a far-too chipper “yes!” You immediately forced yourself to calm down, “yeah, I, uh, I still do. My art’s changed a lot, though,” you kind-of smiled, “I have a, uh, pretty decent following online now. I’m just glad I get to do what I love.”

      Snagging his phone from his pocket, Michael went silent for a moment as he opened up his tumblr app. “There’s this artist that Jeremy and I discovered - they seem really fucking cool, dude, and they seem like someone you’d like-”

      And then you were met with your own artwork, tagged with your online alias, and you had to resist the urge to immediately spill that he’d found you online after you remade your account. You could feel your SQUIP’s fingers gripping your shoulder, and you bit your tongue as you nodded, giving some half-hearted answer about how they seem cool, sure, before wondering why it had stopped you from saying anything.

      You didn’t address it until later. Halfway through your homework, you looked up and pushed yourself away from your desk. “Hey.” You spoke aloud. 

      Within seconds, your SQUIP proceeded to materialize in front of you. “You’re speaking aloud-”

      “I know,” you said with a hand wave, “my parents are still out. What was up with that earlier?”

      “You shouldn’t go around saying things-”

      “But it’s Michael,” you refuted, “I trust him. Besides - wouldn’t telling him that get me closer to Jeremy?”

      It’s cold gaze made you shrink under pressure. “I have a plan. [y/n]. If you want to get Jeremy, you have to obey.”

      “What about what I want?” You forced yourself to stand your ground, staring at the figure before you, “what if I want to do things differently?”

      “You bought me for a reason.” It crossed its arms, watching you, “this is what you want, though. That’s why I’m here: to help you get what you want. And what you want is Jeremy. I’m going to help you get Jeremy, but I can’t do that if you don’t trust me, [y/n].”

      Pressing your lips together, you mustered up a weak nod. Right. “Sorry,” you finally said, “I just - I’m scared it’s not going to work.”

       “It will.” 

        When Michael invited you over the next day, you were more than happy to take him up on the offer. He began to reason it as well, Jeremy’s at play practice, before he ended up dropping the facade and admitting he still kind-of missed you and that it’d been a while since he’d kicked your ass at video games (and, fuck, the glimmer in his eyes when he said that was enough to make you agree, and you realized in that moment just how much you actually missed Michael). So he drove you to his house, letting you take complete control of the music, and then he left you in the basement to find any games you’d be interested in while he grabbed some snacks from the kitchen.

       While the two of you played, you talked idly when the situation would allow it. About anything. About everything. About trips Michael had taken with his moms, about his and Jeremy’s brand new Halloween tradition of watching horror movies - usually the shittier ones - and gorging on candy, about how your parents always seemed so busy (and almost immediately Michael offered up his house for whenever you didn’t want to be alone, and you melted a little at the offer). The entire time, the room felt too quiet, even among the conversation and the music of each game. At first, you thought it was because Jeremy was missing. Things didn’t feel right without him. But it hit you, right as you were laughing at something Michael said.

       “Hey!” Michael brightened up at his idea, “you should join us.” When you looked over, slightly confused, he continued, “the, uh, Halloween thing? You should join our marathon.” 

       You faltered for a moment, looking down at your controller. Your voice isn’t your own as you speak, saying some sort of confirmation that felt too distant for it to be you. The guilt built within you, as you pushed yourself to hide the feeling while turning your attention back to the game, back to beating Michael this round. But the thought lingered.

       You were using Michael Mell.

[pastelroses]

Thanks @watduidu ily but I hate u rn

1.Is a kiss considered cheating?

Yeahhh

2.Have you ever faked orgasm?

Nah

3.If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

My gf asked me this and then called my answer (power to manipulate probability) boring and said she’d want a superpower where she would be able to make someone orgasm with her mind so that if she didn’t like someone she could embarrass them publicly

4.Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

Nah but I’ll be more rich than I am rn

5.Tell us some funny drunk story.

One time four of us danced to high school musical as two of our other friends basically shagged on the floor it was a fun night

6.Why are you no longer together with your ex?

Uh it just wasn’t right for us I guess

7.If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?

Lauren Jauregui choking me to death

8.What are your current goals?

Get the grades to go to a good uni for psychology and also not to die in London since me and Robyn are going alone

9.Do you like someone?

I like my gf

10.Who was the last person to disappoint you?

Myself

11.Do you like your body? Sometimes and sometimes I hate it

12.Can you keep a diet?

Nope

13.If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

Be nice to people n stop breaking hearts

14.Do you work?

Not ATM

15.If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?

Tofu katsu curry 💯💯 I’m obsessed

16.Would you get a tattoo?

Yeaaaah I want a few

17.Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

Poetry books

18.Can you drive?

Sorta

19.When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

A couple days ago I think

20.What was the last thing you cried for?

I cried last night reading a story about a dog who went to live with a family for the last few weeks of his life and the kids threw him a party

21.Do you keep a journal?

My drawer is filled with themmmm I currently have 3 ongoing ones

22.Is life fun?

This is vague but lmao yea

23.Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

Wtf is this question

24.What’s your dream car?

I don’t really have one??

25.Are grades in school important?

Yeaaah

26.Describe your crush.

She’s beautiful, kind, caring, intelligent, passionate and i love her a lot

27.What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?

The last book was ‘Our Numbered Days’ by Neil Hilborn and the last movie was 'Everything, Everything’ bc my wife is in it (and once the overpowering heterosexual storyline laid back a bit it was actually pretty good)

28.What was your last lie?

I have no idea I don’t remember the last time I lied

29.Dumbest lie you ever told?

Again idk I never really lie

30.Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

Oh god yeah

31.Something you did and you are proud of?

I’m proud of how I managed to get out of the dark place I was in like September/November/December last year

32.What’s your favourite cocktail?

I don’t remember it’s full name but the sunrise one is nice

33.Something you are good at?

Helping ppl

34.Do you like small kids?

Depends how annoying they are

35.How are you feeling right now?

Nervous and excited

36.What would you name your daughter/son?

Honestly I have no idea but I like the name Dylan

37.What do you need to be happy?

My dog

38.Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

Trump

39.What was the last gift you received?

@ma-ma-chete bought me a cactus mug and a cat purse 💞💞

40.What was the last gift you gave?

I gave my gf a mochi ball lmao

41.What was the last concert you went to?

Not rlly a concert but I saw Neil Hilborn a couple weeks ago

42.Favourite place to shop at?

Idk tbh I like shopping online

43.Who inspires you?

Lauren Jauregui & Sasha Velour

44.How old were you when you first got drunk?

15 I think

45.How old were you when you first got high?

I’ve never been high

46.How old were you when you first had sex?

16

47.When was your first kiss?

It was last year

48.Something you want to do until the end of this year?

Be happy

49.Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

There are a lot of things

50.Post a selfie.

I will soon

51.Who are you most comfortable around?

My gf and my best friends

52.Name one thing that terrifies you.

Parasites 🤢🤢

53.What kind of books do you read?

Poetry books

54.What would you tell your 12 year old self?

Ur body isn’t too much of anything it’s totally fine

55.What is your favourite flower?

White Rose

56.Any bad habits you have?

Does laziness count

57.What kind of people are you attracted to?

Passionate, intelligent, artistic people

58.What was the last thing you cried for?

A dog

59.Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

I don’t eat meat, & raw fish disgusts me

60.Are you in love?

Yes

61.Something you find romantic?

Really long cute messages out of nowhere, calling just bc they miss your voice, random 'i love you’s’

62.How long was your longest relationship?

It’s been 8 months

63.What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

This is generalised lmao

64.What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

^^

65.What are you saving money for?

London

66.How would you describe your bad side?

V anxious and uncontrolled and snappy

67.Are you actually a good person? Why?

I think so? I insist on helping people even when I shouldn’t even talk to them

68.What are you living for?

Life

69.Have you ever done anything illegal?

I drink underage

70.Do you like your body?

Haven’t I answered this??

71.Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

Nope never

72.Ever sent nudes?

Yea boi

73.Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nope that’s disgusting

74.Favourite candy?

Ooh idk

75.Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

Not really

76.Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

I do! And atm it’s The Last Guardian bc it’s just so aesthetically pleasing and calming

77.Favourite TV series?

The Bold Type, Rupaul’s Drag Race

78.Are you religious? Does God exist?

Nope and who knows

79.What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?

The Chaos of Longing and it did because k.y.robinson’s writing is beautiful

80.What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

It’s healthier both for our bodies and the world

81.How long have you been on Tumblr?

¾ years??

82.Do you like Chineese food?

Yeaaa

83.McDonalds or Subway?

McDonalds

84.Vodka or whiskey?

Vodka

85.Alcohol or drugs?

Alcohol

86.Ever been out of your province/state/country?

Yesss many times

87.Meaning behind your blog name?

I’m like obsessed with roses and idk I like the symbolism of fire

88.What are you scared of?

P sure I’ve answered this too but I’ll say more things; anything being inside me, the ocean, squids, spiders

89.Last time you were insulted?

I don’t remember

90.Most traumatic experience ?

My parents breaking up n all the arguments n shit

91.Perfect date idea?

Going to an abandoned place tbh like it’s just such a nice place to talk

92.Favourite app on your phone?

Music

93.What colour are the walls in your room?

3 are white and one is grey

94.Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

Not often but I used to love Yogscast Hannah

95.Share your favourite quote.

'Sunrise will come. All you have to do is wake up.’

96.What is the meaning of life?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

97.Do you like horror movies?

Not really

98.Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

Nope I haven’t

99.Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

Sometimes

100.Can you keep a secret?

Yesssss

@watduidu you have to do all 100 now !!