#and yknow what the thesis i’ve learned from it?

[harrenhell]

the real moral of fire & blood is that unmitigated haterism and repressed lesbianism is strong enough to doom your family to a cycle of self-perpetuating violence as cosmic retribution for their inability to accept one another as they are. and to that i say: slay.

[fifty-ten]

🖊️ :]

she has been the oc apple of my eye lately because of the comic so i will talk about zoe :)

what to say about her…. well, something that’s kind of interesting (and is pointed out in the comic super clearly) that the initial thesis of her character is that she wants to live an independent, “normal” life. but the thing with that is that even she doesn’t really know what that looks like.. (and ofc any concept of it gets uprooted by becoming a magical girl). so she has to change her ideal self from a societal ideal of normal to one that incorporates the weirder world of magical girls and bioengineering and complex corporate schemes she’s found herself in.. which is ultimately one that nets her close friends and stuff. so it’s kind of about embracing what’s unusual and more gay/transgender, yknow? it’s that kind of thing.

it’s also not something that’s super apparent yet but zoe starts off kind of selfish… she doesn’t really want to go out of her way to help people or anything because she’s “busy”. this changes pretty fast though… she grows into the archetype of a hero fairly fast, since she recognizes that she’s the only one who can fight the octo twins on a weekly basis, although she’ll still complain about it. becoming friends with stella (who already goes out of her way to help people) helps with that too.

and then this is kind of an aside, but, one of my art goals this year is to learn how to/improve at drawing furries so i’ve been picking out fursonas for various human ocs so i can practice that… i haven’t designed it yet, but zoe’s is a horned owl because her hair tufts kind of look like it (see below)

and that’s all i can think of to say about her right now… thanks for the ask ^.^

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know. 

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha 

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

[hobisexually]

Hi amber! I have a question with regards to writing. I have been working as a content writer of sorts for the past year after doing my undergrad and I feel like my fiction writing quality has downgraded? I feel so exhausted with writing after work and don’t read as much as I used to at college. I wanted to know if your job in publishing also leads to a similar problem...(I honestly don’t think so because I write very basic things on a daily basis that is v different from being an editor)?

I think that’s logical, love, and don’t be so hard on yourself. During my last year of my BA I was writing as a copy writer as a side job, I was writing my thesis, I was writing on a voluntary basis for an online magazine, I was writing for my internship and doing interviews (it was a cultural instance that had a blog and a magazine) AND I was trying to write my own fiction on the side. Needless to say my fiction was not great and I was wearing myself out. Writing fatigue is a thing. I wasn’t careful and ended up in a burnout at the time and for at least six months I couldn’t write anything at all. I’m not saying that to scare you, I’m just saying that what you’re experiencing is normal! You can’t do it all at the same time. That’s not humanly possible, you do what you can.

This is actually why I decided to not be a journalist like I’d been planning to for years — writing fiction is what makes me happiest so I made a choice to have my life dedicated to writing in another way that made it manageable for me. Even now, I’m not writing that much or at a frequency like I used to — at work I’m simply editing other people’s work, and that’s exhausting as is. I’m definitely writing less, but that’s because I’m exhausted after a week of working full time. That’d happen to me with any full time job, because I also want a social life, time to myself, and take care of myself, there’s just not enough time, RIP. However, when I do write, I feel the quality has gotten better because I am advising other people on how to write every day (and see my coworkers’ comments as well), so I’m learning as I go. It’s different for me in that regard now. But I read less at home now because I already read so much at work, so I get you completely.

I get that content writing can feel mind numbing at times? And like it squashed your creativity. It’s a very different way of writing than writing fiction but still takes up the same amount of space and energy in your brain. And it’s also logical that when you get home you want a change from the rest of your day, your brain craves that. So don’t be too hard on yourself for it and just write when you want to, that’s the most important part, to listen to your needs. Life in uni is also VERY different in terms of spare time, creativity and energy management than working life is, so you’re bound to read less now. I wish I’d appreciated it more when I was still in uni because I had so much more freedom and space to explore things then and I didn’t even know it! So what you’re experiencing is normal, I think. And there’s time to figure out what you want and what works for you. I don’t know if I’ll be an editor forever. I’m having fun now, but my book has to come to fruition at some point as well and I dont know if that’s manageable in combination with the job I currently have. Who knows. We’ll see. You don’t have to stick with being a content writer forever if your fiction matters more to you, but if you’re enjoying yourself now, why the fuck not, yknow?

Always here if you want to discuss this more though because I totally feel you, I’ve had this exact worry after undergrad haha

[untoldfayrietales]

so where will I begin?

One question that can be asked to a lot of aspects in my life right now.  

Where will I begin in writing this post?

I honestly just wanted to type and talk about certain things or whatever that pops in my head now, I just want to post something. I know what I want but at the same time I still dont have a concrete idea on how I will start this post. Many things have been happening since I was gone (On hiatus) in tumblr. I was scrolling on my page to see where did I stop and what have happen to me. I admire Anagel’s consistency in keeping her page and Trisha inspired me to get back after meeting her personally.  DISCLAIMER: This may look very personal but there are still certain things I cant talk about and cant share publicly. HAHA Chika tayo somewhere personal so I can talk to you about it. I dont have any control on who may visit my page so yeah. 

Where will I begin in my life right now?

Hey, just a quick kwento, I became busy when our major subject courses started from the exhibit, ojt, and thesis. Soon, I will give out detail story about these but for the meantime, I am typing now recalling my life in College cos I finally graduated on my degree. I honestly wanted to graduate on time and have planned my life after College but circumstances and God's will didn't allow it to happen, instead, I received much more blessing that also matters for a long run. Life after college is clueless and the world becomes wider. Challenges and Responsibilities meet halfway. You'd always feel that you already know everything you needed to learn, but surprise!!! This is just the start. You get the urge to try this and that, go here and there, and you started to try and discover new things with yourself. You also get to face your consequences by yourself. Everything seems first time and new to you. That is all how I felt and experienced when graduation sunk in. I may be different with yours or maybe similar but I know one thing for sure is the "lost" feeling we usually feel. It may be career related or in any other aspect of your life.

Where will I begin with regards to new people I am meeting?

Will I say the greeting first or will I wave or will I immediately hug a person? for the past 5 months after I finish my college requirements,(or even during haha) I’ve met different and I may say quite alot of people. Most of them are mutuals and some are completely random strangers.  I always remember my mentors saying “build bridges and good relationships with people, have a good connection with them and it will keep you moving in this industry.” But yknow, if you happen to know me personally, I am a socially picky person and an ambivert---extreme one I guess. When introversion hits me, I really distance myself, and vise versa with extroversion. And when im in the “ mood” of extroversion, it is where I gain friends. I may also seem mataray or be dominating at first and it all leads to hesitation and ending up with myself rather than “socializing”. I am also in the situation where I really dont wanna welcome people anymore. I may be hurt with all those dearly people leaving along the way (and YES it is clear to me that people come and go but yknow.. they were the ones who said who would understand and stay... but.. sht happens) I am already contented with the people I have now (I guess.. well, as for the moment) and if the Lord would allow me to have m own family, I would probably go with one of my closest guy friend HAHA OR I may say that I want my partner in life to be someone I already know by now cause I really dont wanna trust my life with someone I just knew for less than 8 years or something yeah anyway, I am also awkward so, goodluck with this kind of phase of meeting new people. 

TO CLEAR THINGS UP I dont mean to close my doors to new friendships and people, I was just talking about those friends who I consider as sisters/brothers or whatever you call it, close to my heart kind of friends. In fact, I would love to expand my circle but since I just got out of college and still feeling lost at the meantime, I dont know where to begin.

Where will I begin?

HERE. where I am exactly right now.  just realized while typing and re-reading this post, that I felt soooo lost, but hey! I just found myself. Thank you, Lord because I just realized that I could begin here. NOW. Because I chose to. And everything is a choice. Feeling lost too? Imma tell you something that I am sure about! Just trust God with His plans. I may have questioned Him but what is this mind compare to His will, right?

[blaggir]

What keeps you going in your studies, at work, doing your project for some engineering students there, I know how hard it is, also to other students taking other courses, and yeah the struggle is very real. But I'm not an engineering student just FYI (lol) so, what keeps you doing your thesis, coming to school early, what keeps you going being a student? What keeps you going every day??? So that’s my question for you all. There was this one time, I really cried so hard - and non-stop crying in the sleeping lounge at my workplace, well, of course, I didn't cry out loud cause we don't want to be embarrassed right? And if someone will hear you crying there they might think that you’re having a nightmare or whatevah hahahh, it wasn't only happened for once, i cried many times there in the sleeping lounge... The first time I cried there at my workplace, when we still had our nesting for 3 weeks, and to make long story short,, i cried heavily, this time in the cr, the reason behind of this, I was really nervous, pressured, anxious, stressed... because I was one of those agents who always get called by our team lead because I often received disat survey or “dissatisfaction surveys from the customers, and he started asking me “do you really need this job?? “what should we do to help you more or for you to improve” ..and I was like nga-nga. My tears were trying to drop on my face but yknow that feeling, when you cry sometimes, you’re holding it up. You’re really trying ur best not to cry, not even a single drop of tear on ur face and especially when you’re in front of a person, because I don't want them to think about me like “aw I knew it, she’s gonna cry, she’s going to give up, she is weak, she cant handle this” etc. But oh well, what if I just let it out there, crying in front of him? U know folks, it doesn't matter anyway, because if how weak or strong you are...its all up to you if how are you going to clean up your mess, how are you going to fix it, what are your next actions? Decisions??? are you just gonna cry there and do nothing? Or yes, you cried there, but you’re making an action to move forward,? What are your next plans, how are you going to fix this?I've watched some few motivational videos in youtube, and there’s this one thing that I learned...where he says “You’re here not just to make a living, but you’re here to make a change.. because you have a purpose.” and that made me think to myself “yea right? Why am i still here - studying in USJR or working in a call center?” though you can just say “I give up, I'm tired, anyway I'm still young I can just go to work maybe  after 2 years, I can just go to college whenever I want, age doesn't require for college, etc. but our time is counting, days that we missed the opportunities...our life is limited, and God put you on that particular place for his purpose and not by accident. Now for my conclusion, don't focus on how are you going to manage your time, but it’s how you manage your character. Because folks, at the end of the day, it is yourself making your own decisions. Also, what kind of person you are? Sometimes try to ask that question to yourself, and you'll know yourself more for good, and you have nothing to worry about what other people think about you. Now, what keeps me going then? I have my goals in life, and that is only to be a successful person, and these are not all my own understanding, I shouldn’t be here right now - studying in USJ-R and met these nice people in my workplace if I'm not holding onto God’s promises. But with all God’s faithfulness for me, I found myself in Him, when I accepted Jesus when I got baptized that's when he showed His perfect character to me.

[mofmans]

sometimes i think i’m doing alright but then i hear about someone who’s taking 2 upper level CS electives, a CS independent study, and a thesis and i just.... yeah....

it feels worse since this semester should have gone better for me than it has, considering i’m basically taking two intro classes and i think those are the ones i’m doing the worst in. then again, i haven’t gotten a grade for anything in one of my other classes so who knows??

am i attempting to overcompensate by taking one of the harder CS requirements, a tutorial on Machine Learning where i basically have to teach myself the material, and two upper-level literature courses? (i’ve never really studied literary theory before lol) perhaps. my grades shouldn’t matter anymore at this point (but this assumes getting a return offer from my upcoming internship) but yknow i cant help but to want to appear impressive for once

those people who are mentioned by others in conversation “how are they so smart it’s crazy”

behaving off-kilter, eccentric can be compensated with intelligence

just what am i trying to accomplish here