#anon i highly doubt this is close to what you were expecting and im sorry for that

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

merlin ask: make a ridiculous AU right now

A ridiculous AU, off the top of my head? Okay.

It's a canon divergent AU for Coming of Arthur

Morgana had an inside man in Camelot: Leon

That whole "My loyalty is to the king and Prince Arthur. There is nothing you can do to change that," thing? And the smirk Leon gave Morgana afterwards? Yeah, that was all an elaborate plan to con Gwen, to gain her trust. Leon knew where Arthur was, sure, but Morgana wanted Gwen dead too, to ensure that prophecy would never come true. And Leon maintaining his loyalty and breaking out of Camelot with Gwen to find Arthur was the best way to ensure both of them died

After all, Leon was a skilled swordsman and a high ranking trusted knight. Merlin had no issues with him. A little regicide in the dead of night would be easy

And it was.

After all, no one expects a loyal knight to kill his prince. Even less do they expect a soldier to kill using poison.

And sure, maybe killing every last one of them could be seen as a bit much, but Leon wasn't an idiot. He saw what happened to people that underestimated Merlin. He wasn't going to make that same mistake.

He got "recaptured" by Morgana’s men and brought a sob story back of how the prince had been slaughtered by Morgana’s immortal soldiers.

With Uther’s public execution soon after, the people of Camelot had no choice, no hope. So they submitted to their queen.

Now, again, Leon wasn't an idiot. His loyalty to Arthur and Uther was well known. He couldn't just abandon that loyalty, even with them gone. So in the public eye, he was the begrudging advisor and first knight to Morgana. But behind closed doors, to Morgana and Morgause, he was a loyal ally.

Well. Here's the thing about that: you should never trust a double crosser

With the trust of the sisters, it wasn't hard to learn how the cup worked or that those with blood inside the cup were cursed a half life.

It certainly wasn't easy, getting Morgana and Morgause's blood without them noticing and getting it into the cup and correctly and covertly casting the spell to make them immortal. But Leon was patient.

After that, all he had to do was empty the cup of blood.

With Morgana gone, and his image of loyal knight of Camelot still in place with the people of Camelot, it was easy to claim the throne after that

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon. I know I should react to the Kenma part, but I just went through the update, saw Meiko’s portion and I have feelings that I need to get out because I’m so far gone right now—

I swear, I can break down every single text what the flip is this BS. Meiko, dear, do you,,,have a concussion. Are you thinking. What,,, this is like the time you were underdressed at the restaurant and you ended up getting drunk as heck.

Okay, let’s do the breakdown.

Coming in hot, we see Meiko with “tooru!!!!!!” (Yes, I did count the number of exclamation marks) firstly, the usage of his first name after ‘exiled’ where she raged at him and used Oikawa instead... mood swing much because I cannot believe the audacity of this... and really. First name basis. Trying to be close and to get rid of animosity, but not offering up anything like “hey, I’d appreciate talking to you for a sec if you’re free?” Or an apology for blowing up at him because he did indeed have your back, it’s just that you were the one problem. But yes, the exclamation marks too. A bit childish, obvious excitement...mmmm, I’ll move on to the next section.

Oikawa’s “oh. hey meiko” shows that he really ain’t up for this. First is the obvious low energy. I don’t want to go into depth about that but the “oh” shows that he paused. He saw her message. He answered. And he didn’t expect her to talk to him. Especially with that sort of energy. Mixed feelings towards her. And his “hey meiko”. I would say he is one of the more energetic of the House. He probably would’ve done something like “meiko!!! <3” in response before or something like that. He’s a bit flashy in that regard. But no punctuation. Just a downtrodden “hey” in response.

“don’t sound so enthused” she says. I mean, at the very least it seems she understands and can grasp tone from messages? But I am like “it would be more surprising for him to be enthused? I’m in awe of how you were able to become so enthused after you got yourself crushed into pieces by YN...” Besides that, even if Meiko wasn’t physically hurt, a confrontation of this sort would not lead to anyone having a happy mood? Me glancing between Meiko and all the therapists that were mentioned before because I really hope that we can figure something out because she gives off so many different vibes I am like... “what even goes on inside her brain...”

“can you blame me? you yelled at me the last time i talked to you” and this is the truth. He shouldn’t be enthused. You yelled at him, you disregarded his concern and you showed that you didn’t care for him as a person. Even if there was a circumstance where she didn’t yell at Oikawa, he would reach out first and be concerned about her health. Meiko has no grounds to try and blame him for anything right now. Frankly, I don’t think Oikawa should have even bothered answering her because I don’t think he is in the best place emotionally to deal with her.

“im so sorry sweetheart!!!! i didn’t mean it :(” lemme just day, wind anon cannot believe the BS that this message is. First, she says she is sorry. But really? Really. I can’t even look at her. Look, I don’t know what it is but “I’m so sorry.” Has the weakest apology energy. “I’m sorry.” Fine, decent, the classic and simplest. “I’m really sorry.” Also good! Shows regret. “I’m so sorry.” Sounds like you when you just learn that a person’s family member has passed away. There is something about “I’m so sorry” that doesn’t sound sincere to me and it’s infuriating. Next, the “sweetheart” I might’ve gagged a bit internally. Does she,,, talk like that? Normally? Is that a thing? She’s younger than him...and I don’t know but sweetheart sounds so condescending I literally can’t even— and finally, the “I didn’t mean it” yeah, well, you don’t mean anything because everything you say is BS that’s what you mean. Stop excusing your behavior. There is no merit behind it.

“you know i was just beat up and i couldn’t control what i was saying”. Okay, let’s break this down too. First, trying to incur sympathy by the “I was just beat up.” I cannot believe this gal. And the “you know” for a reference to a person’s knowledge of the matter, it lets them be more susceptible to beliefs. But the “I couldn’t control what I was saying” is complete utter hogwash. I mean, Meiko can’t control any bit of her because she is just impulse. But she excused her inability to control herself by saying it was because she was just beat up.

I don’t know what to say for the next portion. Alone, it’s cute, but put into perspective it’s just manipulation and she doesn’t love him. I’ll just move on.

“what do you need that you can’t ask iwa-chan?” Okay, so he didn’t reciprocate with an “I love you too” so that just shows what type of mood and how effective her words were. It also shows that she always messaged Oikawa when she needed something, because he caught on super quick to that. The “Iwa-chan” is interesting though. I wanna know if Oikawa talks to Iwaizumi after this conversation with Meiko because she is clearly going behind his back right now.

“oh well hajime is being very rude rn. he won’t let me leave my room!!!!” Okay, he had best interests at heart and Meiko...I know every single one of your rooms has a bathroom too. They’re bringing you food. They are letting people go into your room. Meiko, you wouldn’t have lasted quarantine if you’re this petulant now. It’s literally going to be like, 3 days max if you work to get an actual solution. I don’t want to break this down, I feel this is self explanatory. She feels entitled still.

“i know, it’s for your own good” he replies, and that is true but I am also of the belief that it is (hopefully) better for the rest of the house to not be in contact with her so I guess that’s that. Anyway, this shows Oikawa placating her, next

Meiko...being...not pretty. “ugh!!! but i wanna go out!!!!!!” Yeah, she would not have been able to be safe throughout the pandemic. Please,,, you’ll have fresh air if you open up a window,,, I know for certain you don’t exercise,,, please Meiko, shut up already you are making yourself look like more of a pile of garbage than you depict yourself as please I cannot handle the idea that the guys fell for this act—

“you have a black eye babe” okay, the black eye is actually Tooru trying to refer to knowledge that she has. As in, she should be trying to rest and get better right now. (Just curious, who treated her? For the injuries? She raged at Iwaizumi and Oikawa so maybe Daichi?) the babe gives off the placating vibe to me, still low energy, not very affectionate, but it’s there so I’m like “hm”.

“so??? omg are you calling me ugly tooru???????” Well...he didn’t call you ugly. But I might? Because you have the ugliest personality of everyone here. But also, shifting blame onto him. Gosh, I give Oikawa some water. He’ll get a migraine from this.

“of course not. i would never”. Low energy, not elaborating, I think he sees that she is trying to manipulate him, or at the very least he isn’t going to play that particular game. But actually, he runs a fashion channel on YouTube. We know Bokuto runs a fitness one and his header message was something along the lines of everyone’s bodies are beautiful, so chances are Oikawa has the same sort of idea for his channel too. He may criticize fashion, but he would never criticize the people wearing it or the people who made it in a mean way. He would be respectful, and he lets people do what they wish because it’s their choice. I mean, there has to be a reason why Meiko’s fashion is how it is—he doesn’t intrude on matters that aren’t his to intrude upon.

Okay, Meiko. I’m gonna stop trying to format the messages exactly how they are, autocorrect is making my time with them a bit too much, but she says she wants him to take her with him. Okay, starting off, you are really under the belief that he will take you on to a trip he has planned when he didn’t invite you in the first place? Pushy... but yes, her petulance again... me flicking water at her, “you got super drunk because you were underdressed at a fancy restaurant and now you have a face that looks like roadkill, how much do you want to embarrass yourself before you get turned into a pariah?”

Oikawa not knowing how she knows that is clear concern. Someone knowing your schedule when it’s none of their business and not public knowledge is major red flag. The “uh” shows that he is clearly taken aback. The ellipses shows that he doesn’t know what to think.

Okay, Meiko—she is actually able to notice something??? Good golly gee, I am baffled by how she did that when everything else she does is on fire. But the consistency probably gave it in. She may have been looking for him at one point, noticed he was out, and saw the pattern then. But actually, wouldn’t she be good at noticing the patterns of the guys so that she always knows which one to go to and use? Thoughts.... but I’m curious about the fact she said the “same group of absolute losers”. I highly doubt they always go and meet up directly in eye view of the house? Chances are they meet up at a bar or something? This potentially could be a thing where Meiko was stalking them? It would be interesting if she saw them while she was out as well—and if yahaba and kyoutani noticed her around before too. Also, her saying “you ain’t slick” like,,, Meiko, have you looked into a mirror. Can you see.

Oikawa defending his friends, we stan. Let’s move on though: “they’re so much younger than you?? and yahaba is def not cute lmao” me, doing like the... monkey meme where they look away because I am just like??? Meiko, you’re younger than Oikawa. I bet Yahaba and Kyoutani are your age. And anyone younger than you is a loser huh? That’s why you look at Bokuto and YN like they are dirt beneath your feet. (And Yes, I do remember that you put Bokuto and YN as the babies of the house, this reoccurrence is very well done). And she went and insulted Yahaba directly like...you’re talking to his friend? What are you doing? Excuse me? I beg your pardon?

And the ellipses strike again— and Oikawa is fishing for information because we have seen him—he listens to logic. And Meiko... her emojis... wind anon be flicking more water at her, she is too much. Also. Kyoutani. She is calling Kyoutani cute. This was the message that made wind anon start this long analysis. Kyoutani, cute? Listen. Kyoutani would take one look at this parasite hanging off his arm with her swollen black eye that was slathered with makeup and her lacking clothing sense, before looking at Oikawa who would be so haggard by then, and then Kyoutani would force her off his arm before grabbing Oikawa and running off with Yahaba following them. There is no way at all Kyoutani would involve himself with Meiko. I refuse to believe he would go for her.

Okay, the two messages after about wingmanning—I don’t want to do a large scale analysis of it. Oikawa really is shown to have good sense for Meiko’s intentions. His intuition is good. And we know that he cares and respects his friends and he focuses on their capabilities. He knows them. Meiko is just...childish in the worst of ways.

“You don’t see the issue with this”. Oikawa really digging in his feet. First, he wished to be in a relationship with Meiko. And here she is, asking for him to wingman to get her together with one of his friends, who may not even like her—and I bet that if it doesn’t go well, she would blame Oikawa for it like really—but I give Oikawa more water for the migraines Meiko induces.

“What?? It’s not like we’re actually together lol”. The laugh out loud at the end really shows how much of a joke she sees this as. She sees him as a joke. And she just crushed all his efforts and actions to try and get into a relationship. And actually...will Meiko ever get into a relationship with another? She has no loyalty. She definitely wouldn’t have ever got into a dedicated relationship with one of the guys. And she would be the type to get upset if they slept around, wouldn’t she? A hypocrite.

“Ugh don’t be like that!!! I’m sure you sleep around too!!” Okay, she is trying to defend herself while also potentially blaming him if he does. It’s just manipulation...I’m gonna move on...

Oikawa’s just done and his “I don’t” holds a lot of emotion. But Meiko’s response back I don’t believe at all. “Oh well that’s your fault, I don’t really give a sh*t if you sleep around hehe!!!” First, blaming him for his choice of only choosing you??? And I highly doubt the second part because she is shown to throw blame and ditch people for negligible reasons—I have no trust towards her words. I do not believe her. I believe she would care. I believe she would blow up at the guy before leaving him.

“Of course you don’t” And there is the utter doneness. He has given up on Meiko in this message. He doesn’t care anymore. He was already not in the mood for her when she first messaged him, he doesn’t want to see her at all anymore. He’s given up.

“So you get it!! Perfect!!!!” Please, wind anon has written so much already, her eyes are sweating everytime she has to look at Meiko being like this hhhhh. “I’ll be ready at like 9pm? Come by my room!! Actually no I’ll come by yours” and her usage of emoji. Get her away from me and everyone in PF. She’s toxic. Send her off with hazardous waste. Also, she deliberately changed from her room to coming by his. She is cutting off him so he has to go with her, he can’t just sneak out and not wait at her room (though she did offer a time so he could just go out now and ditch her presence completely). But it would be amusing if he did something like lock his door, (either after he’d go out or if he wold leave through window) and she would just be there waiting all decked out in her clothes and makeup pounding on his door. He wouldn’t answer and the others would see her out of her room (a misdemeanor). And then she would have to make an excuse. But it would be hard...because Oikawa has text evidence of Meiko going against Iwaizumi to just play like this.

“And if I say no?” Says Oikawa, who is testing the waters—very smart. We approve. “You won’t.” She replies, because she is terrible and we hate her controlling, manipulative, abusive self and we would all fight her. And she ends it off with a “great!! see you then!” Because she has to have her way and the last say.

Okay, wind anon is done

Completely. Utterly done with the analysis and reaction for that. Might not get to Kenma and YN analysis because I went off in this one but just know I appreciate it and I’ll try to get to it—just,,,not today.

I hope Oikawa sends these screenshots to like, Iwaizumi at the very least but it would be even better if he just drops it in a group chat with Daichi and Osamu instead and asks them to keep an eye on her for “her own safety” and ask her to stay in her room. She’s too daring and if she blows up on him after, he will receive more evidence of her being terrible. And of course, he’s smart. He’ll definitely block her number when he doesn’t want to bother with her anymore. Okay, wind anon is ending here. The ask is too long. I think it’s the longest ask I’ve ever sent. I wish you well fr0ggy. I hope your sleep is pleasant and you wake up very rested and refreshed!

WOO LONG POST!!!! i cannot nearly respond to all this!!!! but!!!! i am in Awe??? text by text???? i love this????? ur so amazing i <3 u

[allforhader]

The Unexpected

Bill Hader x (F) Reader

Requested by: Anon

Warnings: Langauge

Bill having three kids already, he should be experienced in those stressful situations where you’re going to have to drop everything when your wife goes into labor. But he also didn’t plan for Y/N to not make it to the hospital when she delivered. LA traffic is a bitch.

——

When Y/N and Bill got married, they didn’t really plan ahead for anything. Bill went back to filming for Barry after their honeymoon and Y/N was a writer for the show so she had to get her job done. The two found few energy filled moments when they had a day off from Barry and when the girls were with Maggie.

The day Y/N found out she was pregnant she didn’t tell Bill right away. She needed to confirm it without relying on store bought tests. And she didn’t know exactly how he’d feel about having another kid. So it wasn’t until she was around three months when she finally wanted to tell Bill.

Y/N wanted to tell him before the work day started but he jumped right into filming and she didn’t know where to find room. Until Sarah Goldberg and D’Arcy Carden gave Y/N the wildest idea of having a surprised script change. The two only knew she was pregnant because Y/N told her mom over the phone as the two over heard.

“Yo! Hader, there’s been a script change” Sarah states handing Bill the new pages as he instantly looks at Y/N confused.

Y/N shrugs for the most part before standing beside Alec to watch the take be done.

“Was this your plan Y/N?” Alec asks her as Y/N rolls her eyes before whispering to him what’s going on. “Well, if he gets a heart attack from excitement. I’ll blame you”

“You’d blame me when I would probably have one if he does” Y/N gave Alec a look before laughing a bit. Alec moved his stuff from Bill’s director’s chair letting her sit. “Not my idea”

“Actors have crazy ideas. I’m not surprised that this came from the two” Alec states before nudging Y/N to look at Bill look at the script after rounding up who he needs.

“How much you want to bet he’s going to scream?”

“You want to make a bet on my husband’s reaction?” Y/N laughs a bit before relaxing. “Let’s not”

“Ok ok”

Bill stares at the two he got not really understanding how the scene they shot before lead to this one. Or where this scene will be but he froze when Sarah grabbed his shirt.

“You have no idea?”

“What?” Not scripted.

“This is going to be life changing! Get excited!” D’Arcy states as Bill stood there even more confused before looking down at the change.

Sarah suddenly took it from him when he was supposed to have it in the first place. Y/N face palms hearing Alec laugh.

“Get excited about what?!” Bill stares at the two as they have each other a look while the other actors for Barry grew confused on what the fuck was going on.

“Can I be first to say congratulations?”

“What”

The “script change” was really just Sarah and D’Arcy getting up in Bill’s personal space trying to see if he can connect the dots before stating the obvious.

“I did not write this, Im just gonna make that clear” Y/N tells Alec as he knew it was them. No brainer.

“Come on Berkman! How the fuck do you not know?”

“This is really exciting we heard it from your lover”

Bill really is oblivious and kept looking over at Y/N and Alec expecting something. But all he got was a shrug from Alec and a smile with a thumbs up from Y/N. Thanks. Very helpful.

“Can I Uh get the script back”

“Goddamn Berkman!”

“How did you not know she’s pregnant!” Fucking. Finally.

Bill stares at the two confused before being handed back the script and reading the last bit. He froze in place feeling like an idiot for not catching on, even though Sarah and D’Arcy at first weren’t helpful. He immediately looks over to Y/N watching her nod to confirm it as he started getting emotional. Bill handed the script back before quickly heading to Y/N and holding her in his arms crying happily.

“Should we call it a day?” Alec asks knowing for damn sure the two were having their moment. “Alright! We’ll pick up with the actual script tomorrow!” He states letting the two have the rest of the day.

So now Bill knows. It’s a good thing but something he didn’t take into consideration is, this is Y/N’s first and possibly only pregnancy. So even if Bill does know what he’s doing and is willing to take care of a lot of things in preparation. But when Y/N was finishing her second trimester heading into her third, she got extremely anxious over everything and would stay up unexpectedly startling Bill when he’d come home late.

“Shit-“ Bill whisper yells as when he closes the front door around 1 in the morning. Staying at the office to make adjustments to a few scenes, was a mistake.

Bill hangs up his jacket setting his keys down and before he could sneak up to bed. He stops seeing the shine of a screen distract him in the living room.

“Y/N...?” He asks walking around the couch seeing her sitting on the floor with her laptop on the coffee table open to a number of things. “Why are you awake?” He frowns moving himself beside her seeing the scariest shit he’s ever seen looked up about pregnancy. “Okay—Hey?”

“Hm...?” Y/N turns to him looking extremely tired as she was protectively holding her belly. “When did you get home?”

“Not even a minute ago. It’s one in the morning why aren’t you in bed?”

“Well, I was working on...a scene. Then got distracted by a number of things. Also you try growing a human. I can’t get up easily so I stayed here” Y/N sighs watching Bill get up moving the coffee table. He moves in front of her holding his hands out which she took to get help off the floor. “Did you know that 1.61% of births aren’t in a hospital?”

“That’s a very low percentage”

“It equals to 62,228 births, Bill”

“Okay and why are you looking that up?”

“What if I’m part of that one percentage”

“Y/N...I can promise you. When you go into the labor, you’ll make it to the hospital. I doubt you’ll have the baby in the backseat of my car”

“Are you implying that it’s a possibility?”

“Y/N. No”

“Bill it can happen. It probably would knowing my luck”

“What do you mean by that?”

“If you don’t agree with me I’m going to be even more anxious than I was before”

“We’ve gone over this...You get anxious when I do agree with you sometimes” Bill laughs a bit before bringing his wife into his arms. “I highly doubt you’ll have the baby in my car”

“Mmm...better prepare for that possibility Bill” Y/N sighs resting her head against his chest feeling him kiss the top of her head. “The baby is healthy and is on track. But one small thing can fuck everything up”

“Giving birth anywhere other than a hospital won’t fuck up everything. It happens. But still. I promise. It won’t. You’ll have our little one in the comforts of a hospital”

“Just know if fate says otherwise. I’m yelling at you”

“You were going to yell at me regardless baby” Bill smiles resting his chin on top of her head feeling her grip onto his shirt. “It’s going to be okay. Okay?”

“Mhm..”

When the time actually came, Y/N didn’t realize that her water had broke until Bill asked pointed out. Guess she didn’t think about it when it happened. Bill helped her into the backseat thinking she wouldn’t be cramped if she was in the front. He put the hospital bag in the passengers before starting to head to the hospital.

“Bill—“

“Just take deep breaths, we’ll be there soon—shit” Bill frowns seeing the traffic start to become bumper to bumper. “Shit. Fuck. Okay, how close are they?”

“U-Uh. Uhm. Shit—“ Y/N couldn’t really think at this point when she thought the contractions would be more elongated. But they were coming in more expectedly.

This baby isn’t waiting and Bill is trying to find a way out of this traffic and to the nearest hospital.

“I. Fucking—-Told you Bill”

“Y/N—I can’t predict the future!”

“But people—jinx it” Y/N moans in pain unbuckling herself which startled Bill but she knew they weren’t moving any time soon.

As traffic started to lift a bit, just enough for Bill to rely on surface streets. Y/N had already positioned herself comfortably in the backseat trying to “keep it in” until they get to the hospital. It wasn’t until Bill parked in the ER load off that Y/N couldn’t wait. Bill ran inside hurrying over to the nurse’s station.

“I uh. My wife is in the back of my car—She has the baby—“

“Someone get a wheelchair!” One of the nurse called as Bill stopped the nurse.

“She needs more than a wheelchair”

“Sir did your wife get hurt-“

“She had our baby in the backseat” Bill blurts out as the nurse he was talking to went to get an ER doctor for the time being along with a gurney before paging OB.

After two hours of making sure mom and baby were perfectly okay, Bill was let into Y/N’s hospital room finding a very tired wife holding a little bundle of joy wrapped in a blue blanket. The two wanted to be surprised and indeed it was.

“Sorry I killed your all girls streak”

“That’s the first thing you say...?” Bill laughs as the tears of joy started streaming down his cheeks kissing Y/N’s temple before admiring the little boy she’s holding.

“Told you Id be part of the one percent”

“Oh shut up” He smiles kissing his wife lovingly before climbing into the bed beside her.

Y/N instantly handed their little boy to Bill watching him still be shaky when he’s had three before this one. It was honestly and will always be an amazing experience. This one definitely having quite the story to it. Y/N rests her head on his shoulder looking down at their little boy watching him instantly ease into Bill’s arms.

“Wow. A natural” Y/N jokes as she smiles nuzzling close to her husband. “So, the third?”

“William Thomas Hader the third? Wouldn’t that be a mouthful?”

“Bill, really?”

“You know I’m just teasing”

“Mhm”

Bill couldn’t stop smiling at their son as after some time of holding him, Y/N had fallen asleep against him. He loves this, and can’t wait to start this new chapter.