#anon you were truly incredible for reminding me how shitty this all was

[punkshort]

I just wanted to thank you so much for your story "Somewhere to Run". My mom went through physical and verbal abuse at the beginning of her marriage to my dad, even when she was pregnant with me. My sister's first husband was also physically abusive towards her and once with my nephew. Thankfully they are no longer married to them.

Anyway, this story has really touched me and you have handled the descriptions with the domestic abuse absolutely perfectly. Joel isn't just a love interest for the character. It represents to me all the people in someone's life who are steadfast in their love for someone (family, friends, etc ) and would do anything to protect them. Thankfully, my mom and sister had plenty of representations of "Joel" in their life and were able to get out of their situation.

Sorry for the rambling, but again thank you again for your story. I look forward to all of your updates with it and I can't wait to see where it goes! ❤

Oh my goodness. Anon, thank you so much for these words, they have truly touched me, you have no idea.

Firstly, I am so, so sorry your mom and sister had to go through that. It's not fair, and it's shitty and I am so glad they realized that and had people in their lives to help them. It breaks my heart that there are so many people out there who don't have someone looking out for them, and every single person deserves someone who cares.

Whenever I write about this type of thing, I try my hardest to be as respectful as possible. I get nervous that I might have done something wrong, or maybe didn't describe something right, so to hear this is such wonderful validation. I am so glad that this story has impacted you in a positive way, and that it (hopefully) didn't trigger anything.

While the topic of SA/DV is an incredibly sensitive one, I like to think that when we write about it in this medium, it can remind people out there who might be going through it that they don't have to put up with that shit, that they deserve better, and there is always a way out.

And you are absolutely right about Joel being more than a love interest. Of course, he is a love interest, but he is also a lifeline. Someone who paid attention and will do what it takes to help her, because after hearing how alone she's been and how everyone has let her down time and time again, all it takes is one person to help pick you back up.

Thank you for sharing this story with me, it really means so much.

[persephoneflouwers]

-

[xpeachesncream]

acquainted | twelve

> series masterlist | series playlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: jungkook x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.1k

warnings: cussing/mature language, physical fighting, some asshole-ish things are said/some degradation but i meeeeean.. look at where we’re at lol

notes: i was going to wait a little bit to post this, but my lovely anon has been waiting patiently for their namjoon x ryujin one shot request, which majority takes place in conjunction with chapter 11-12. pls check it out after you read this chapter! 

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead@bluesharksandfish@photographic-girl @yonkoghan @moonchild1​ @thebeebi​ (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

Grace knew.

A woman always listens to her intuition.

She knew when she caught that weird look you sent Jin's way during the charity event. When Jin stepped out to take a call in his car that same night. When she's seen his ring tucked away into his drawer multiple times. She knew when she's seen your name pop up on his screen more than once. She knew when the sex didn't feel the same, when Jin wouldn't touch her the same.

When he could barely look at her in bed.

Grace knew.

But she gave Seokjin a chance to tell her, to be honest. To communicate. Yet, it never came.

"G-Grace." He stutters, dropping your hand out of his grip. You stood there, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, unsure of what to do or how to look.

"I fucking knew it." She spits out. "You were seeing each other all this time." She comes closer to the both of you.

"Grace, stop. It's not what it looks like." Seokjin stupidly responds. You furrow your forehead from behind him because, what the fuck did he mean it's not what it looks like?

"How could you? Both of you?" She cries, her eyes bloodshot red. She had been crying. She was waiting. "You have the fucking nerve! You little homewrecking slut!" She yells at you, slapping you against the cheek. The heat pooling at the site causes you to gasp and look at her. You honestly don't even know what to do besides let her bed mad. What could you do? Fight back even though she was right? Hell nah.

"Grace! Enough!" He yells, grabbing her wrist. "This isn't what you think--"

"Save it, Seokjin. I got your message loud and clear." She gets out of his grip and pushes him. "You're disgusting." She spits out before storming away, but Jin goes after her. You're left standing there like a watchdog for your baggages, while Grace rips her arm from Jin's grip once again and leaves him there. You feel incredibly guilty, but also, you're pissed as fuck now.

Because again - what the fuck did he mean this isn't what you think? After all the shit he said to you last night. After this weekend?

"It's not what it looks like?" You repeat to his face. He can tell you're pissed and he shakes his head in regret. "This isn't what you think?" You take your duffle that's sitting on top of his luggage and begin to walk back towards the tram station. He attempts to pull you back, both of his hands on your arms.

"Y/N, I panicked, please don't do this--"

"You panicked? Your fiancé smacks me on the face and you panic? What the fuck happened to being honest about our relationship? So much for I'll tell her when we get home! I look so fucking stupid.”

"Y/N, don't." He grabs your wrist and tries to pull you close.

"Jin, get the fuck off of me."

"No, stop. Y/n, please talk to me."

"I'm going home."

"Let me drive you, don't be ridiculous." You shake your head as you try to shake his grip off of you.

"Don't be ridiculous?" You scoff. "I was fine before you came into the picture, okay? I can handle myself." You finally get out of his grip and take your bag from him. "Apparently, this isn't shit to you." You spat out before you head back onto the tram to head back away from him.

"Hey, what happened?" Ryujin pulls you into a quick hug before throwing your bag in her trunk and settling back into the driver's seat. You begin to cry heavily into your hands, feeling completely overwhelmed from how things suddenly came crashing down. You had an amazing weekend with Jin, only to find out that this truly wasn't shit to him? How he couldn't even just be upfront right at that moment about your relationship? Suddenly you felt like you weren't worth it all over again. Like he was never going to leave.

Once you were able to pull yourself together enough, you told Ryujin about everything that happened this weekend up until the moment Grace showed up at the airport lot. Ryujin couldn't help but just pull you into a tight bear hug once you got into your apartment. You laid your head on her lap as she massaged your scalp and allowed you to cry as much as you needed to. She didn't wanna say it but she knew this could come crashing down the way it did. It was an 'I told you so' moment. But she knew you knew that. You didn't need to be told, or reminded. She just needed to be here for you and that's all she had planned to do, even if she had other things on her mind. You were always there for her through everything and anything; her thoughts could wait.

"I feel so fucking stupid."

"You're not. You can't help your feelings or someone, but what you can do is pick yourself up and move on. Learn from this. Do better for yourself." She responds softly.

"But, it’s him." Ryujin lightly sighs as she continues to brush your hair.

"Honey, you can't wait around forever for Jin to be ready for you or for whatever this is. You can't wait around for him to be a man and pull himself together. You've been through enough." You don't respond. "You need to talk to Jungkook before this spirals out of control. He needs to hear it from you himself."

"I will, just not now." You cried, Ryujin responding with a simple nod.

"Okay."

"This sucks. It sucks to have deep feelings for someone who doesn't even think you're worth it. He couldn't even just tell her."

"Look, I'm gonna be Jimin and play devil's advocate here. I don't know Seokjin personally like that, but part of him had to at least feel like you were worth it. I'm sure you still are, but he needs to shut this down with Grace first and that's not going to happen overnight. Not for them, especially."

"Ugh." You groaned as you continued to cry.

"It's okay. Get some rest. I'll go grab more of my things and stay here with you." She looks down at you and gives you a reassuring smile.

"I love you. Thank you." You tell her softly as you shut your eyes in hopes of getting any type of sleep.

"I love you too." Maybe you just needed time for yourself too. A breather. This was a lot, and the thing that bothered you the most was not knowing where Seokjin really stood with you. What if this was it? What if this was the moment that made him realize it was always going to be Grace all along?

"We've decided to split." Jin says, his eyes slightly red, bags visible and his body weak. He had been arguing and going at it with Grace as she had packed up most of her things. She had decided to send movers for the rest of her things throughout the week, leaving Jin feeling a little emptier than before. He called the guys over as soon as Grace was out of the house that same Sunday because he knew he didn't have much time until Grace was out there updating friends and family members about the shitty fucking excuse he was of a fiancé. On top of that, he was scared because he hadn't heard from you and he knew he fucked up - he was afraid he had lost you completely, too. That wasn't supposed to be the plan, and that wasn't how this was supposed to turn out. He wasn't sure how he'd handle seeing you in class tomorrow if you both hadn't talked by then.

"I'm sorry, is there anything we can do for you? What happened?" Hoseok sat on the barstool in front of the kitchen island, Yoongi and Namjoon quietly sitting beside him.

"I— uh, no. We just haven't worked out for awhile."

"Jin." Namjoon says softly, hinting that he should be honest with both Yoongi and Hoseok now. There was no point in hiding this anymore.

"Namjoon." He responds in the same tone. He looks over at Yoongi and Hoseok who are quietly waiting for more of an explanation. His head falls as he sighs heavily, his hands tightly gripping the edge of the kitchen island. "Fuck."

"Dude, what is it? What's going on?" Hoseok asks, genuinely concerned.

"I fucked up."

"W-what do you mean by that?" Hoseok goes on, prying him for more details. By the time Jin picks up his head and is about to explain while looking at them in the eye, he hears his front door slam loudly, the walls almost shaking with it.

"Jin!" He hears the voice call out as it came closer to the kitchen. Fuck. This-- This was the one thing he absolutely wasn't ready for. "What the fuck!" Jungkook almost growls. "How could you?!" Jungkook storms into the kitchen, fists clenched. The look on his face is something Jin will always remember - the hurt, the anger, the betrayal he felt by his own brother.

"Jungkook, listen. Let's just go outside for a minute--" Jin tries to pull him aside but Jungkook smacks his hand away.

"No, fuck you dude! Don't fucking touch me." He yells. "I trusted you! You knew how I felt about her! Why the fuck would you do that, and-and-and to Grace?!" He stutters over his words. "Why?"

"Seokjin, what's going on?" Yoongi says, climbing out of his seat to get in between the two. Namjoon is silent because this isn't his fight. He's staring Jin down as if to tell him that he needs to man the fuck up right now. He wasn't going to do it for him.

"Great, perfect. I'm not surprised they don't even know." Jungkook chimes in sarcastically as he pushes Seokjin against the counter. Jin reacts defensively, grabbing his brother's collar as he tries to push and pry him off. "Why don't you tell them how you kept fucking Y/N behind my back? Going after her and doing all this shit, getting her to spend the weekend with you in LA even though you knew how I felt about her? Let alone that you were still fucking engaged to your fiancé this entire time!" Yoongi gets in the middle, prying Jungkook off completely and stepping in between to spread some distance.

"Woah, what?" Hobi looks at him in disbelief, his face lightly turning red from how incredibly fucked this whole situation is. How things just blew up in a matter of minutes. "Is that true?"

Jin sighs, his tears welling up in his eyes as his voice cracks. "Yes, and I'm sorry for hurting you." He turns to Jungkook.

"I just--" Jungkook's tears began to fall. "I trusted you. I always trusted you. How could you do something like that when I never did you wrong?" Jungkook's bottom lip trembled.

"Jungkook, please--" Jin's tears began to fall, feeling incredibly sorry for having hurt his brother this way.

"No!" Jungkook shook his head. "What kind of fucking brother are you?" He spits out before he walks out of the house, Yoongi going after him to check up on him outside.

"Seokjin." Hobi slowly shakes his head, his facial expression full of disappointment. "You know I love you man, but why did you have to do that?"

"I-I don't know." Is the only proper he can come up with, because he doesn't. He was so caught up in his feelings for you and how things felt right, that he just pushed everything that was wrong aside.

"Look, let's just give everyone some time to breath." Namjoon gives Jin a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. No matter what, he was always going to have his back and be there for him.

"Fuck." Jin groaned as he slammed his fist against the kitchen island. "I need to talk to her. I can’t do this without talking to her.”

"Maybe Y/N just needs time to breathe, too. Give her that. I promise it'll be okay." Namjoon says.

And he's right - you do need time to breathe. You were hurt by the fact that Seokjin couldn't even come forward about you, yet he said all these sweet things to you over the weekend. It all came crashing down, and suddenly, you were questioning if this was all worth it. If you were never going to be worth it in his eyes, why would you keep stringing yourself along?

"Hey." Jimin says, gently rubbing your knee as he sat on your living room floor. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been awfully quiet."

"I'm okay. Thanks for coming over." You smiled at him toothlessly, before looking over at Ryujin and Taehyung finishing up plating the brownies in your kitchen.

"Y/N, please know that you can always talk to me about anything." Jimin says softly, knowing there was something really off about the way you had been acting. He hated prying it out of you, but he knew you'd eventually tell him when you were ready.

"Yeah, I know. Right now, I just need you here, okay?" He nods. As Ryujin and Taehyung are bringing over the plate full of brownies stacked high, a loud, aggressive knock comes to the door that Taehyung takes upon himself to open.

"Jungkook!" Taehyung yells, opening the door widely for you and him to make eye contact. You immediately stood, catching that his expression was angry. Upset. He clearly had a lot to say and you already knew he had given his brother some of it. You knew this would come; you just hoped you had a little more time.

"Y/N." He says, in a heartbreaking tone.

"Jungkook, please— can we talk about this another—" You ask, meeting him at the door.

"No, how could you? He-he was engaged to Grace— I thought we were good— Y/N." He repeats your name, unable to really complete his statements. You began to cry seeing how hurt he was. "I thought I was doing everything right."

"It wasn't you—"

"Then what the fuck was it, huh?" He spat out. "What exactly is it about my brother that made you wanna do this?"

"I didn't mean to—"

"What, you didn't mean to hurt anyone? Y/N, you obviously didn't give a fuck what this would do to anyone!" His tone rose, Jimin and Taehyung immediately coming behind you. "Grace called me crying so hard she could barely speak. You fucked this up for her, you fucked this up for me and my brother— I- just—" You began to cry harder, Jimin now gripping onto your arms as Taehyung stepped in front of you.

"Okay, that's enough. I think you should go now. You made your point clear." Taehyung said sternly, his jaw lightly twitching from how tightly clenched it was and his hand out to create some distance between him and Jungkook .

"What kind of fucking person does that? You're by far the most selfish person I have ever met. I don't know how you'll go to sleep at night knowing all the damage you've caused." Jungkook shook his head before walking off and slamming his fist against the hallway wall. Taehyung watched him walk off before shutting your door and locking it. He turned to face you but you had been sobbing against Jimin's body while he held you tightly.

"Y/N, please don't tell me this is what I think it is." Taehyung says softly.

"I'm sorry." Is all you can say. At this point, what else can you say? What's done is done.

"It's okay, we don't need to talk about this now." Jimin looked at Tae and slightly shook his head.

"Look Y/N, why don't you just go lie down? You've had a really long day." Ryujin softly chimes in. You don't say anything and instead follow Jimin to your room as he keeps his grasp around you. He plops you both onto the edge your bed, allowing you to continue crying on him.

"I'm so sorry, Jimin. I fucked up."

"Stop, why are you saying sorry? It's alright." He shushes you. Yeah, he was truly disappointed, but what was he going to do? This was entirely your life, he only played a small role in it. He just needed to be there for you and help you grow through this. No matter the circumstance, he wasn't going to look at you any differently. Same with Ryujin and Taehyung. Part of Jimin already knew this was a possibility cause he'd also catch on to the small habits in class and how completely zoned out you've been. There was a reason for everything.

Plus, randomly spending a weekend at your parents' house? He didn't think so. You hadn't visited them in awhile, and he knew you always planned your visits way in advance. You never just dropped your shit and left for home.

"I don't know what to do."

"Mm, we'll figure this out, yeah? For now, just get some rest." You backed yourself up on to the bed, catching a quick glimpse of Chance's picture before lying down. Fuck, why couldn't shit be more easy?

As you fall asleep, Jimin makes his way back out the living room where Ryujin and Taehyung are quietly cleaning up in your living room.

"How long?" Jimin asks Ryujin.

"It's been awhile, Chim."

"Why didn't she tell me or Tae?" She shrugged.

"It's not that she didn't want to. She was going to but I think she just got caught up in everything."

"So? What now? We see him in class tomorrow." Taehyung says.

"I don't know? Nothing. I'm assuming she'll just need her space for a little until she can figure out how to approach this."

"Why—why did she do this?" Jimin asks, still confused and disappointed with your actions. "She knew the mess it would cause."

"Don't tell her I told you so. That's not what she needs right now, she knows. I just, I don't know. Sometimes you really can't help who you fall for. She tried to push it aside."

"Tried?"

"Yes." Ryujin looks at Jimin sternly. "She did." The rest of the time, it's quiet. The boys had gotten the living room ready so that they could all stay with you for the night. You didn't leave your bed even after Jimin knocks to let you know dinner had arrived or when Ryujin asks if you wanna join them for a movie.

You just want sleep.

You just wanted to be alone, in this dark, and sleep.

You weren't ready to face your feelings, or Seokjin. You weren't sure where to go from here or what to do. You weren't sure how to pick yourself up. Is it fucked up to still wanna be by his side after all this time? Is it fucked up that he's still the one you want? What the fuck do you do?

Do you stay, or do you go?

[spicysoftsweet]

Sorry anon, I think I don’t understand the meaning of comfort, but I hope you like this...

Leorio x Reader - “Protection.”

The first time you met Leorio, you didn’t like him. 

Nothing he did in particular was wrong or unkind, but your plucky, seven year old self burned with embarrassment when he ran over to you, having noticed you lose your grip on the monkey bars.and crash into the bed of wood chips.

“Are you okay?!” He exclaimed as he examined you, disregarding the fact that he probably wasn’t a day older than you. 

“I’m fine!” You shrieked, ignoring the sting across your knees as you swatted his hands away.

You were always fine; you were tough as nails after all. 

While he ran off to find an adult to come help, you ran the other way into the dusk.

--

The second time you met Leorio, he was equally as mad at you. 

“Do you know how long it took me to convince someone that you were there? Just for you to disappear? You suck!” He accused you, the moment he saw you the next morning at school. 

You tried to ignore him, but earnestly he called out behind you as you filed into your classroom instead.

“Be careful next time!”

You turned around and stuck out your tongue at him before turning into the classroom.

But for a moment, you decided you would make nice the next time you saw him. You had to convince him you were tough, anyway, didn’t you?

--

You met Leorio frequently after that, and over the years, an unlikely friendship grew. Leorio retained that nurturing kindness in him that was at odds with your brash independence from the very moment you met: always ready to take care of your wounds, and you had to admit that despite being impulsive and even more hot-headed than you were at times, he gave wonderful advice.

When he told you he wanted to go to medical school, you weren’t surprised.

“It’s fitting, Mr. Walking First Aid Kit. It helps that you already look like a 40 year old man,” you teased between cheeseburger bites at the fast food joint you loved to frequent after classes. He gave you a look that feigned annoyance, but you knew he liked to feel needed. 

However, when he told you he would have to take the incredibly dangerous Hunter Exam to pay for it, you were surprised.

“You can barely take me in a fight, Leo!” You said, aiming to push on his buttons, but you took pause when he didn’t laugh in response. His eyes were serious behind his tea-shade glasses. 

“You’re serious…”

“Yup,” he said, bringing the straw of his milkshake to his lips. The sound of the straw drawing up air as he finished was oddly loud over the silence now between you.

“But people die during that exam,” you said, in a small voice.

“People die when they don’t get good medical care too,” he replied, almost too curtly.

You set down the rest of your food, now having lost your appetite. Leorio was rarely that serious when he was with you, making this statement all the more grave.

“Will it be soon?” He nodded, and you bit your lip.

“Okay,” you whispered, and the two of you finished your meals in silence.

---

You didn’t see him off to the Hunter Exam, but you called.

“You’re not allowed to die or I’ll beat your corpse,” you warned. He laughed heartily at your threat but you weren’t sure you’d completely meant it as a joke or not.

---

A couple of months passed, and a small part of you wondered if he truly had died.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to call him. Something about the fact that he was always the one to worry about you, you who were incredibly self-sufficient and above feelings. 

But you also didn’t want to admit that you were worried, so you played the role of indifference.

Leorio was just being a shitty friend. Or really, he was just busy. People are allowed to be busy, right? You were busy sometimes. Yeah, that was it. He’d just gotten his Hunter License a while ago, and was just messing with your emotions. That was all.

With that chant running in your head, you put your phone down, and decided to go for a run.

---

As your feet hit the pavement, you let the sounds of classical music fill your ears and clear your mind of the days’ worries. It was odd that someone as stubborn and energetic as you played Mozart at the height of activity, but who was there to judge?

Your neighborhood was small, dark and quiet. It was dusk, and suddenly the pinks and oranges of sun setting reminded you of the first day you’d met, and how much you’d hated that he was the only one to stop and help you.

You hated the idea of weakness so much, even from that young. Weakness, injury and debility was what had taken your family from you after all.

These things were the reason why Leorio was the only person you had really had in your life. Leorio understood more than anyone why you never wanted to depend on someone else. 

As you reflected on this, tears started to fill your eyes as you picked up your pace.

But you depended on him!

Knowing all of that, he had still decided to be the one you could depend on your whole life to this point.

And now he was probably dead, and you wouldn’t even admit to yourself that you were worried about him, and that you needed to know he was okay. 

The tears started to form faster, clouding your vision. The pain in your chest now settling in your chest was something other than overexertion and you were now working harder to draw air into your lungs. 

He’s fine. He’s fine. He’s fine.

You don’t need him. He doesn’t need you. When he has time, you’ll see him again and it’ll be like old times.

He’s taken care of your wounds your whole life. He can take care of himself. 

Oh God, why couldn’t you be the one to help him for once, you selfish person?!

You stopped suddenly, almost tripping as you skidded to a halt, and hunched over, suddenly unable to breathe. Your head was spinning and you felt like your heart would escape your ribcage the way it was pounding hard and irregularly.

The next few moments were like agony… until you felt a familiar warm hand on your shoulder.

A small panic at the touch coursed through you, until you turned to see him. Leorio, again, in your time of need.

“___, take deep breaths. You’ll be okay,” he instructed and reassured, lowering you into a seat cross-legged on the sidewalk. Despite being dressed in a full suit, he also sat down promptly across from you, his face deathly serious, as you tried to slow down your breathing. 

You thought you were imagining things.

Of course you’d conjure up his image when you needed help. Maybe you really were dying for real, if you were actually this desperate.

His hand continued to rub circles into your back as your body attempted to pare down its flight-or-fight response. You could hear a small, low hum in his throat, serving to soothe your nerves.

Your imagination wasn’t this good. It really was him.

“Leorio,” your voice wavered slightly, making you wince, but you  

“Mm?” He responded, his palm continuing its steady rhythm.

‘I’m sorry. For always needing your protection. Even from myself,” you croaked out. His hand stopped for a moment and it was quiet.

“Thank you for being my knight in shining armor,” you felt compelled to add. If you were going to be vulnerable, you might as well go all the way.

His arms wrapped around you now that you were calm and steady, and he hesitated just for a moment before giving you a peck on the forehead.

“Always.”

[petekaos]

2020 creator wrap + a follow forever

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

hiii hello everyone! sorry it’s taken me so long to get on this BUT it’s all for good reason! i thought i would combine this post into me sharing some of the works i am most proud of this year as well as spreading more love in this wonderful little community because i truly love you all tons and being a part of such a lovely group of people has made me beyond happy this year. it’s been a difficult year for all of us and i’m just so glad that i can give back the love and care y’all can give to me 💛

onward to spreading love to people who tagged me, in no particular order! thank you all for tagging me, it means so much and know that i have read through your posts at least twice with a smile on my face.

@wjmild: kylie!! you constantly surprise me with how kind and insightful you are, as well as your dedication to watching absolutely every show with lee thanat in it. you are so smart and educated and every time you talk about your research and your studies i can’t help but feel so incredibly proud of you. i really hope life brings you the peace and fulfillment you deserve. i love you!

@gigiesarocha: cata - it is always such a pleasure to see you on my dash. i can rely on you losing your shit over ingredients every two weeks and every time i see jeff doing things it 100% reminds me of you! you possess such a kind soul and i’m so glad to have had the pleasure of following you this year :’)

@yihwas: sometimes i still can’t believe you know who i am and that we’re grouped together, soph! your blog is such a refuge to me, i adore scrolling through your replies and laughing at all the witty things you say. you are simply so kind and thoughtful in your responses and criticism and you have such talent in gifmaking! i am forever grateful to you for introducing me to new lakorns and to you and shannon for creating @lakornladies​. 

@morksuns: sumaya! my url twin! i absolutely love seeing you on the dash, it really is that trans desi solidarity, no? your moodboards are always so aesthetic and your blog is so soft and calm. i see you sending such lovely asks to people, including myself, and i truly admire your personality so much!

@gayvlad: nico, my sibling! i love you so much and seeing you on the dash always makes me smile. sometimes you’re too hard on yourself, but that’s okay, because i’m always here for you. i loved your reactions to dbk in live time, and that you’re now as attached to the show as i am. we love a lot of the same things, and i’ll forever be grateful to you for indulging my headcanons and developing them with me, like the ram and bohn friendship. the ram fic of him finding the gym as a home was developed through much of your influence, and i’ll never stop being astonished at how kind and supportive you are. i love you! 

@khaotungthanawat: saaaam! your gifs are always a beauty to behold. i admire you so much for making those bl compilation gifsets because that takes so much patience and dedication, especially to find all the moments. i can always count on you for underrated gifsets, too, and i smile every time you send me an ask!

@tanwirapong: roa! oh i adored getting to know you better this year through the gifted gays gc. i remember still when you made a post about there’s an art to honesty and it truly made my day - i sent it to my partner and best friend and they were so fond as well! i will always be so happy about the fact that we both lose it over petekao every now and again, it means the world to me :’)

@emisfritish: your wisdom and way of expressing your thoughts will never fail to amaze me, emma. i can always count on you for calling things like they are and writing out well-worded, thought-provoking posts that express everything i have ever thought about fandom but could never quite write down. it’s such a pleasure seeing you on my dash and honestly, whenever i see tay, he reminds me of you!

so that was everyone who tagged me, for which i am eternally grateful! (if i missed anyone... i am so sorry ily...) now onto me rambling about how much i love specific people in the fandom generally that i haven’t already mentioned.

@earthfluuke: maddie... where do i even start. getting to know you this year means the absolute world to me and i love how many thoughts we can share together and how many aus and ideas we can plot out to the finest detail, but i also love how we can talk about serious topics and irl issues affecting us both and know that the other person will be there. i admire you so much for going on and persevering despite the many difficult factors in your life right now. know that i will always be there - to listen to you, to support your gifs and fics, to develop characters with you, to weigh in on problems or ideas you have. i love you!

@asianmelodrama: faiza!! i can never address you without immediately adding ‘jaan’ after it honestly. you are a sister to me in all things and knowing you has been such an honour. your wise words, your calmness in dealing with things, your infectious excitement - they are all facets of your personality that i both admire and adore. whether it’s getting angry about shitty muslim rep or freaking out about a movie, i know that i can always count on you to be there for me if i ever need it. i hope light and love touches your life always, and you find peace in everything you do. if i ever happen to be in england, i am definitely coming over for your chai :’) i love you!

@yioh: yura my laddoo! i say this all the time, but i simply am so grateful that we met. i love seeing your tags on my posts and i just... adore seeing you doing your thing on your blog, your posts always make me smile. i know school is hard right now, but know that i’m always rooting for you and believe in you completely. words cannot express how happy i am to have found another tamil lgbt person who can understand the same experiences, it really does mean everything to me. and know that i will begin reading tyk soon, i promise, and i’ll tell you all about my thoughts! i love youuu!

@1akorn: shannon!! i still cannot believe people group us together because i’ve always admired you from a distance - imagine my absolute surprise when i found out that you followed me! i 100% rely on you for the good mek content and love your gifs so much. you’re so articulate and speak your thoughts incredibly well, which i truly admire.

@brightwin: jelly - you already know the amount of love and fondness i hold for you. you’re such a kind and bubbly person and your personality shines not only through your tags and responses to people, but also through your gorgeous gifsets that are just so warm and lovely. i can always rely on you to give me updates on all things related to brightwin and 2gether. you’re wonderful!

@yibobibo: aamna! i know i can always get my yibo content from you, and i adore it. i love seeing updates about your bunnies and your kind responses to your anons, you truly are a ray of light! you’re also one of the fairly concentrated cql blogs i follow - and for that i am always grateful.

@metawwin: ali! your gorgeous gifs are always such a light on my dash. i remember once you called me ‘rahulito’ and it made me so soft. your voice and songs are so lovely and i don’t even know where to begin thanking you for sharing your art with us. i know it means a lot to me, and it means the same to many others.

@taytawan: nuriaaa! i remember seeing you so often in the petekao tag and i gotta say that your sets of both petekao and sarawatine, especially the heart eyes series, always make me so soft. and of course, the fact that you gifted me this wonderful url! i will always be thankful for that and for your general kindness and warmth that you bestow upon everyone.

@piningbisexuals: axelle! although we don’t talk that much, i always love seeing your gifs and your thoughts on shows on the dash. i’m wishing you all the best with your thai classes and hope that everything goes well with you! also, you should know that i read that manboss fic you gifted to me at least once a week because it just means that much to me - and i’m so glad i got you into this little silly ship of mine. 

@sunsetchimyeon: nene, my pk anon! i love seeing your asks in my inbox and writing essays as replies. having conversations with you was one of my absolute highlights and i’ll always be blown away by how kind and calm and supportive and patient you are! i hope life is treating you well, my friend.

@toptaps: zey!! oh i love seeing your gifs and kindness on my dash and know that whenever i see toptap in anything, he always reminds me of you! also your gifs of sammy? absolutely gorgeous!

@giftedgays: i love you all SO much it is truly insane. being part of our tumblr gc that evolved into a discord server with a thousand channels has been one of my 2020 highlights. i loved yelling with you all about tgg every week and i must thank you all for sitting through my chanonpom breakdowns every second day. 

in particular: 

@pangwave - dawnie, i love you! i admire you and your no bullshit attitude so much. i know you’re going through a process of change right now, and i could not be prouder of you for persevering through it, regardless of the painful and strange circumstances we find ourselves in. i have full faith in you, and i know that you got this. we’re all here for you! 

@doctorbahnjit: - alexa! i still remember when you wrote the first manboss fic and an anon sent me a link regarding it. you are genuinely one of the funniest people i know and you deserve the absolute world. i read out of the blue every day, no kidding, because it means so much to me! thank you for being my fellow chanonpomer, my fellow manboss-er, and just being an all around ray of absolute sunshine.

@gunatps: vee! i have already embarrassed myself enough in my post to you but it’s worth repeating. i adore our eden chanonpom breakdown sessions, which we should have again soon when you have time, and i love us roasting modi in the chat, it truly cracks me up! we have so much in common and i just want to say that i am so proud of you for studying and taking your exams - i know how difficult they are. 

@wavelovespang: cass!! how i adore your analyses and breakdowns of scenes and relationships, you have so much insight and wisdom that you spread in such thoughtful ways! you’re so supportive and kind and such a great teacher, i know that. your writing is so wonderful and i’m truly so honoured that we all get to read it, it’s a gift!

@class2clown: angel! i cannot say this enough but i admire your art so much, it’s so so beautiful! you’ve always been so kind and lovely, and just like with cass, thank you so much for organising the gifted week events! although i couldn’t properly partake this year because of time constraints, i loved seeing everyone’s creations and it was super thoughtful.

@soulmatelines: i’ve said this before, jo, but it must be said again: i cannot believe you thought i was cool. i’ve always adored your gifs from afar and you’re such a sweet person! i love love love talking with you in the kpop channel (even if you personally hate 3racha smh), and you truly do bear the novel agenda! i’ve learned about so many more novels i must read and for that i am so grateful :’) 

@billkinpp: violet, i will never fail to crack up at a) your and kylie’s plans to run away and get married, and b) you having a thousand sideblogs and complimenting yourself on your own gifs in the tags, as you absolutely should! i hope the next year is kind to you and that your sleep schedule isn’t too fucked up :’)

@vihokratanas: mel, i will always be in complete awe of your gifs! they are always so clean and crisp. i remember still when you were fondestphan and my phannie days flashed in front of my eyes fhsnfg but either way, you’re so kind and sweet! 

@pvrrish: eleni!! i don’t think i’ve ever told you this before but i’ve always loved the 2gether poster that you made, i sometimes go on your blog to look at it for like 5 minutes, it’s truly so beautiful! i hope you’ve had an okay year, all things considered, and that life is kind to you!

@lee-thanat: another leesbian, ke! y’all always crack me up in the lesbians for lee thanat channel truly. your simping for ms ladda is so valid, i miss her so much honestly. i hope that the coming year is kind to you, and that you find the peace you deserve!

okay, so i think that’s everyone that i either talk to regularly or admire a lot! in case i didn’t mention you, please please feel free to reach out to me because i mean no offense at all - my brain is small haha. would also like to shout out all my anons who send me asks and bear with my late responses these days because of life, i adore you all and i love answering your asks.

if you’re still reading after this... whole monster of a post, i’m just gonna quickly mention some things i’ve been proud of either writing or making this year. in no particular order:

1. my weary heart has come to rest in yours. this is a fic i wrote in an... interesting headspace, and i was really going through my chanonpom feelings at the time. i’m really proud of how it came out and i adored writing chanon through pom’s pov. also i kinda love how i tied in p’bird’s song prip dtah in with the fic because i adore the song and it fits so well with them.

2. petekao week 2020. i guess this is sort of cheating, because these are technically 7 fics, BUT. i am actually proud of myself for writing seven, and i think they’re all of fairly good quality. i just really love this little universe i created for the dbk characters after the show and this whole week was just so warm and lovely to be a part of.

3. this set of num and prang from a gift for whom you hate. this moment really stuck with me from the finale and i actually am really proud of the colouring and how it came out! i think the blues really popped and i managed to lighten this dark ass scene without whitewashing mek or aye. the fireworks gif also is one of my favourites i’ve made! num and prang’s whole relationship was so pure throughout the entirety of this show, i adored them. 

4. but love is impossible and it goes on despite the impossible. this is the longest fic i’ve posted so far and i’m super proud of it - it’s also my most well-received fic. the yunmeng brothers mean the world to me and i just... wanted to write about jiang cheng and his love for his brother and give them a somewhat happy ending, in one future at least.

5. there’s an art to honesty. i think i really nailed my version of kao in this work! i just really loved writing this fic so much, especially because it was right after the whole ‘scandal’ with new happened. i was really just finding a way to separate kao from him, and i delved into my feelings with this fic as well, because i relate to kao in multiple ways. either way, i thought writing this fic was fun and a lot of people loved it too, which made me so soft!

if you’ve read this far, i personally adore you! while this has been a difficult year, i am blessed to have been part of this loving community, and i really hope that next year will be kinder to us all and give us good shows and discussions! i love you all. stay safe and stay kind, friends 💛

[petersmparker]

Q and R feel like a superhero reader with Peter in my option so if that seems like something you’d like to write go for it my creative friend

I’m not entirely sure if this is what you were expecting, anon, but I had a lot fun with this one so I hope you have fun reading it !! 😘

Alphabet Prompts Q/R - “Quit playing games and just tell me the truth, okay?” “Right then. We are screwed.”

We managed to chip into that shitty Chitauri communications system this morning. They’re setting coordinates for 44.2239° N, 74.4641° W. That’s near that big green weirdo’s private lab, right? You’ve got a squadron heading your way within the next few days, probably. Should be nothing big. Let us know how that goes. -Rocket

-

“Remind me again,” you say, lacing together your fingers and pulling back your arms to stretch your aching spine, “why everyone else gets to wait around in Dr. Banner’s lab while we have to sit out here.”

Peter’s above you with knees locked around a tree branch, hair falling away from his face and a bored look on his face. The metal of his Iron Spider suit glistens on the chest piece with the light that cuts through the leaves, directing a beam of light onto the ground a few feet away. He’s starting to turn a little red, even with how frequently he ends up upside down. He’s been hanging there a long time.

“Ehhh,” he responds, sounding just as bored as he looks, “It’s your fault we gotta stand out here, Y/N. Stop being more accurate than all of our tech if you want air conditioning.”

What he says is right, which is kind of annoying. Peter’s your best friend though, and at this point it’s only natural for you to be dicks to each other for fun. You watch him dangle for about a minute longer, his face getting pinker as the blood rushes to his head, and finally decide to ask what the hell he’s doing.

“I’m trying to set that leaf on fire,” he answers, “The one I’m directing the light at.”

“It’s not going to catch on fire.”

“Yeah it is. Look at it. It’s all dried out.”

You both stare at the leaf. Spectacularly, nothing happens. Peter drops down from the branch eventually, a disappointed look on his face. He decides to return to the previous conversation like you hadn’t taken an interim to discuss his hopeless endeavor. By then, you’ve closed your eyes to focus on the movement around you, focusing your energy on those of the living world around you, and determine that everything is fine. Peter waits for you to finish. You shake your head, and he goes back to chatting.

“Have you considered being less gifted so that I could have air conditioning?”

“But then when will I ever get the chance to spend time alone with you and your sparkling personality?” You shoot back and reach up to adjust his now-tousled hair.

A moment passes. “That’s fair,” he concludes.

It’s not the most fun to have your closest friendship consist of two incredibly busy superheroes and college students who live on opposite ends of the state. A constant string of texts and a handful of phone calls a week do a lot to make the distance feel less vast, but even so, it’s hard not to miss each other when you really only meet face-to-face for missions. It sucks, but realistically, you’re not sure your heart can handle being that close to Peter all the time. You’re already stupidly in love with him now. How big of a mess are you going to be if he’s within a reasonable distance from you? A massive one, is what.

You’d rather not embarrass yourself with your unrequited crush on a daily basis.

“You know,” Peter starts, a bit of a smile building on his features, and you know exactly where this is going, “There’s a listing down the street from May’s apartment. I was thinking of applying for it. Maybe move off campus next semester and commute.”

You know what he’s attempting to insinuate. It’s been an idea he’s become gradually more interested in over the past few months. Despite this, you play dumb.

“Go for it,” you respond, “Might be nice to live alone.”

Peter sees through you. He chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Might be nicer for us to live together.”

You don’t respond. The ground is moving beneath you, waves of vibrations traveling up your spine and into your head. Peter’s senses haven’t keyed into them yet, and the shaking of the earth isn’t truly real, but it’s prominent to you. Hurriedly shutting your eyes, you ground yourself, crouching down to press your palms to the grass below. You can picture the energy of life all around you as it connects to the earth’s own. Here, yourself and Peter. Twenty yards away, more faintly from inside the facility, Dr. Banner and the others waiting inside. At the edge of the atmosphere, faintest of all, a huge cluster of energy, approaching fast.

“We’ve got incoming.”

Peter looks unconvinced. To be fair, you’ve been known to fake it on occasion to mess with him. He usually finds it pretty funny. Right now he seems a little hurt. “Quit playing games and just tell me the truth, okay?” He asks suddenly, “Why are you so against it? Don’t you wish we were closer?”

You feel bad avoiding the conversation, but since the imminent threat is very real and it’s Peter’s job to radio and warn the others over the comms while you continue to monitor, you don’t really have time for this. You can't exactly do it, considering your habit of shorting out the radio systems with your powers.

“Not kidding, Peter.”

“I’m kind of used to this trick by now, Y/N,” he sighs, “Please just be honest with me.”

The cluster of energy is still approaching. Another one appears just to the left of it. They’ve sent an extra squadron. There isn’t time to waste anymore. Peter Parker is more of a stubborn bastard than you could ever be, even if you’ve managed to avoid telling him the truth for this long. It’s a long time coming when you fold to his request.

“I’m in love with you and if we live together I’m going to have to look you in the eyes every day and accept the fact that you don’t love me back,” you blurt out, half humiliated and half urgent, “There’s two squadrons approaching at about two hundred and fifty miles away. Please tell the others now.”

You open your eyes for a fraction of a second. Peter is clearly taken off guard by this. His eyes are wide, mouth slack in his surprise. You level him with a look that says bigger issues right now, and shut your eyes again.

“Right then. We are screwed,” Peter admits, “That’s one more than we prepared for. Also, I’m in love with you.”

The astonished noise that jumps out of you makes him laugh. He starts jogging in the direction of the entrance to the building to meet the others where they’ll inevitably be coming out. Before lifting his mask to send out the warning though the comms, he turns back to call, “I’ll send you the apartment listing, yeah? Later? I’ll send it later. Hey, Karen-”

-

Luckily, you manage the Chitauri forces even with such a small group. The last member of their squadrons is torn apart from the inside as you urge the energy inside of it to expand, and green alien goo sprays across the front lawn. Your hud dings as soon as you lower your arms. An internet tab opens up on the right side of the screen, Pretty Bitch Parker appearing in the corner as the sender.

“It’s got nice lighting,” you yell over to him.

Across the way, Peter flashes you a grin and a thumbs up.

permanent tag list

@undiadeestos @moonstruckholland

[angelinuhh]

adms from krps shouldn't feel like they need to put more race in their rps bc they are literally playing a whole ass rp with a race that died and still die in the hands of americans

(pt 2) ive come from a place where asian people are hated for absolutely nothing and they suffer from racism everyday, so claim that krp are not diverse is just bullsht, fuck whitey rps not asian rps! we should have a wakanda based rp or smth, but don’t go after krps like that. asian people are not white people for gods sake. and when it comes to sexuality it’s incredibly diverse in the country i play rps tbh no one is straight

(pt 3) you must be those whities who thinks that asians are white ugh just say you’re racist and go

Hi. So this anon was kind enough to give me three messages. I’m going to be responding to all three in this fun last one. 

But first, let me tell you a story about me. Because I hope no one ever fucking comes in with this stupid ass horseshit reasoning ever again.

(tw mentions of death, the vietnam war, racism)

I never met my uncle. He died in the Vietnam War when he was barely 18, a soldier for a war that I don’t know if he believed in. In every home that I’ve ever lived in, a picture of him sits on the altar—a reminder of all we left behind.

I never met my cousin. He was just a baby when he died. My aunt had just had him when she became a refugee from the country she loved. And though she lived to come to a new country and find a new home, he didn’t. There are no pictures to remember him by.

I am luckier than them.

The first time I really knew that I was asian, I was in kindergarten. There’s a clapping game we used to play. It involves saying something like “Chinese, japanese, dirty knees” whatever. The point is part of it is about using your fingers to make your eyes slanted. Someone told me that I didn’t have to do it, because my eyes were slanted enough. I didn’t understand. But, when the teacher came over and saw everyone with their faux-slanted eyes and me sitting there, she gasped and yelled at them. And, when everyone started crying, that’s when I knew it was wrong.

When I was in high school, a Vietnam War Vet came and talked to my history class. Someone asked him how he felt about the Vietnamese now. He said and I quote, “I still hate those Vietnamese sons of bitches. I wish I had gotten more of them.”

The teacher apologized to me after class. But that doesn’t matter. It had already been said.

So unfortunately, I am not, as you say, ”one of those whities who thinks that asians are white”. I have not had the privilege to be.

As you so helpfully put it, I am part of a race that died and still die in the hands of americans. I live in a place where asian people are hated for absolutely nothing and they suffer from racism everyday. When they graffitied my house and egged it, when they called me all those names, I never knew. For every microaggression and fetish-y conversation I ever had, when they told me “it didn’t really count that you did well because you’re Asian” or they told me I looked like an anime character or asked me “where are you from” or commented that I “speak English well” when I’ve lived in this country my entire life, I was completely oblivious.

Now that you’ve told me, this changes everything. /s

KRPs can still eat my fucking ass. Just make your fucking RP actually diverse, you racist POS cowards.

Honestly, your argument here is that Asians experience discrimination and, thus, writing them is diverse and good for the community. And I cannot criticize KRPs because I will thus be racist.

The only problem here is that I am well aware that Asians, as most POC do, experience discrimination and bigotry and, unfortunately for you, writing Asians doesn’t open you up to any of that. Just because your muses are Korean or your rp is set in Korea doesn’t suddenly make you part of the family, doesn’t make you understand what it means to be Asian, what people like me and many other have gone through to be proud of their skin. And so, when I or anyone else criticizes the existence of KRPs and KRPers— there is no criticism of Asian people or diminishing of their struggle. Only a criticism of people who feel comfortable enough to perpetuate harmful stereotypes, fetishize a race and continue to disrespect the thoughts and wishes of Asian people.  

All you do is wear the discrimination and pain of my people like a costume, and you defend yourself with it. This shitty defense you’re using?? It is the skin I wear. It is who I am. 

I will never meet my cousin. I will never meet my uncle. My family wrests with the burden of knowing that we are lucky but also knowing that colonization and western interference has taken so much from my culture and my country and my people. To me, that is what it means to be asian. 

This is not everyone’s experience. This is not even close to a general asian experience or even an asian-american one. I am so fortunate to have only experienced what I have experienced. I do not pretend to speak for the group and would never even dream of doing so. But you came into my inbox, so you get to hear my story. 

You can portray a muse of any background, but do it with respect. Don’t presume that you truly understand their struggle. Do not use it as an excuse to not address your own racism and your own problems. On my part, I will try to do the same.

So, in conclusion, make your RPs actually diverse. It’s fun. You’re going to love it.

one, sexuality and gender identity are not the same. i’m asking rps to be more inclusive of trans and nb muns. i don’t give a fuck about how “no one is straight”.

two, I never addressed how anti-poc and anti-black in particular your argument is, so let me do that now. yes, a wakanda rp would be dope. but wakanda is special bc it was made for black people by black people. the nuances are subtle and tbh i’m not going to go into it. but krps are not equivalent to wakanda. most of them are not made by asian people. there is a difference between a space that a poc group makes for themself and one that is run by outsiders. 

Asians are POC. We experience racism. But we also have substantial amount of privilege in most societies in comparison to other POC. Most countries in asia are extremely colorist and most rps reflect the same standards. 

LET ME NIP THIS IN THE BUD. No one is going to force you to play any type of muse or say that you’re racist for not playing anything. If you only feel comfortable playing kpop or Asians fcs, fine!! But when you’re consistently picking light-skinned Asian characters over other types of POC, particularly those that darker-skinned, it might be important to reflect on exactly why.

Asian people have been long regarded as “the model minority”. They are often regarded as “less intimidating” and “more acceptable” by outside culture. If you believe in any of these things, please understand you are only harming actual Asian people. We don’t exist to fit into your narratives.

PLEASE STOP DEFENDING YOUR ANTI-BLACKNESS BY USING US AS PROPS TO SHOW OFF HOW YOU LOVE DIVERSITY. 

Please don’t use the KRP label or tag as it reinforces the perpetual foreigner stereotype and is a breeding ground for fetishistic and racist portrayals.

My tag on the topic is HERE, it does showcase various other blogs and posts about KRP is harmful. If you would like further direction, I would be happy to point you in the right direction

And, lastly, NEVER fucking EVER come to me again telling me that  ‘don’t u know Asians experience racism and, thus, the people who write Asian characters also experience it!! And should be left alone. Bitch, I’m vaguely aware of what Asians go through. And, knowing that, KRPs can go fuck themselves.

[md-admissions]

Hi MD-A, how do I get better at taking criticism? I'm an ms3 and every time I get criticism I take it incredibly personally and want to quit medicine. I understand that not all criticism is valid, and it's the stuff that doesn't quite make sense that I really struggle with understanding and accepting and handling well. For example being told that I shouldn't examine patients and should only take a history, or that I'm not qualified to say a babies poop is normal. Thanks for any advice you have!

Hi there, anon!

I’m definitely a sensitive person and taking criticism is still something I struggle with. The big thing to know when criticism is constructive and when criticism is abusive. 

In medicine, there are a lot of excuses made for abrasive, unprofessional personalities, there’s not enough teaching for our residents, fellows, and attendings to teach them how to provide helpful, actionable criticism. Knowing when it’s more of a lack of teaching versus truly a malignant and rude remark is important. You are allowed and should take it upon yourself to improve. But you are not responsible for accepting cruelty. 

My tips below only apply to constructive criticism. These would be recommendations and tips that are provided in a positive, supporting way designed to make you a better doctor rather than to put you down:

1) Remember that GOOD constructive criticism at work is just that: about your work; the person giving you that criticism will make it clear, obvious, and helpful. If someone tells you “I think you have a great ability to forge relationships with your patients, use that to help you elicit more details during your interview to flesh out your histories.” that’s helpful. It provides a strategy and does not take a personal tone. Notice how it’s very different from “You shouldn’t examine patients; you should only take a history.” Which doesn’t say anything. 

2) It is your right to ask for details and follow-up if someone gives you criticism. Once you get over the initial shock and sting (as I often do, I have to take a breath or two and re-center myself), ask the to do their job and teach and guide you. “Can you show me/tell me what parts of my exam were not up to your standard? How would you do it?” You’re not being unprofessional, demanding, whiny, or needy by taking ownership of your education. A lot of people will respect that. 

3) There are certain specialties or departments in your hospital that will be known for their malignant personalities. And no, I’m not talking surgeons. ANY department that is underfunded, poorly led, rife with politics, or circling the drain is going to be vicious and mean; that ultimately gets dumped onto the med students who have no way to protect themselves on a day to day basis. Talking to fellow med students to know who and what they are will help you come in prepared, knowing that you’re gonna meet some shitty people. This is not to say that everyone will suck. But coming in knowing it’s not going to be pleasant can do wonders to protect yourself emotionally when the mean comments begin to fly, so you know it has nothing to do with you and it’s more to do with them. 

4) If you’re being told the things you just mentioned, document carefully and report at the end of your rotation. Because the comment examples you provided are not teaching or criticism at all. That’s just unprofessional behavior and people who need to be taught how to teach instead of dragging their med students.

5) Learn to equate helpful constructive criticism as feedback. Bad criticism is just name-calling and being rude; get what good you can from it and then drop it. When you feel like the feedback you’re getting identifies areas of weakness but also teach you how to get better, remind yourself mentally “this is helpful, constructive criticism. This is feedback.” As I’ve gone through medical training, I’ve seen a lot of people give me feedback and I’ve discovered that when some people give you that type of constructive criticism, it’s very concise teaching and it can be so incredibly supportive and helpful. Remember that: well done constructive criticism is teaching. Bad criticism, unhelpful criticism, is just useless and unhelpful. Do your best to find something teachable or actionable in the mess of bad criticism that makes sense for you. But also know that the person providing said criticism is not good at teaching through criticism. That sucks, feel bad for them. And take what you can get. 

[taeyongs-laugh]

Not Close Enough: Too Close Sequel (Angst/Fluff) || Park Jaehyung

Request(s):  OMG, it's perfect! I really like it! This's what I expected ❤ If you have a time can you make a part two? But with fluffy end? I'll be grateful ❤ @jaepark-soul​ ||  PART TWO PLEASE @briannatrbl​ || Too Close jae scenario part 2??? Angst, but a happy ending pleeeaaase. Your killing me😢😢😢 (Anon) || Hiii! I was too affected by your 'too close' scenario of jae, so im here to request if its okay with you to have a second part of that? Like where they make up? ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ (Anon) ||  oh my god, i love 'too close' so much! will you do a part 2 (pls pls pls)? my heart is racing for the couple, omg, love your blog! (Anon) ||

Genre: Angst-ish? I guess kinda in the beginning but there’s fluff this time and also drama because I am T R A S H

Warning: Swearing (can you believe it because I can’t)

Word Count: 1960ish

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who liked the first part of this scenario! I am so grateful for all of you and I hope you enjoy this one just as much, if not more than the last!! Also I altered the prompt a bit to make it a little messier and more dramatic oOPS! ENJOY!

Masterlist

           It had been 3 weeks since your fight with Jae. Therefore, it had also been 3 weeks since you two broke up and you stormed out of your shared apartment. Not seeing him was killing you, although sometimes there was a familiarity to it. It reminded you of a time before you had to stress over someone finding out about your relationship and spreading it to the public, successfully ruining his image and his career. But nonetheless, you felt a dull ache whenever you entertained the thought of his smiling face or his stupid, stupid jokes that never failed to make you laugh.

           You were living with Brian for the time being. You really didn’t have many friends who had their own place, and the ones that did had no clue about you and Jae in the first place, so he was more of a last resort than you wanted to admit. Mainly because he was so close with Jae and you didn’t want to be reminded of him any more than you were on your own just by looking at your camera roll—which you had also done more times than you wanted to admit, and it had gotten to the point where Brian had threatened to take your phone from you altogether.

           Needless to say, the past three weeks had been nothing short of hell. You had no idea where Jae was, what he was doing, who he was with, or how he even felt about the situation. You didn’t bother asking Brian, not wanting to make him feel like you didn’t care about him. Despite the shit that you had been going through, he had made the past 3 weeks more bearable. Talking you through things, comforting you, spending time with you, and overall being your rock. However, Jae was still the one thing plaguing your mind the other 75% of the time.

           You sat on Brian’s couch, tugging at your hair as you struggled to remind yourself for the third time that day that Jae is not your entire life, you can survive without him. Yes, he was your first meaningful relationship and yes, you still love him even though you’re the one who broke things off but you can be a functional human being without him! You felt sick to your stomach, your brain going to the worst possible places, feeling the couch sink next to you as you spiraled out of control. Brian sat down next to you, reassuringly wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you slowly began to look over at him.

           “He didn’t end up going out with Jamie that night, you know,” Brian muttered quietly, looking down at your tired eyes.

           “Really? I figured he’d want to leave the apartment, if not just for a little while,” you replied, equally as quiet as you rested your head on the taller boy’s shoulder, eyelids drooping. There was a slight pause, silence filling the room.

           “He did leave the apartment. Jae came over to the dorms not long after and just sat there with wide eyes, clutching one of your t-shirts for dear life for a while,” he began, relaxing slightly into the couch. “He was really shaken up about the whole thing, I don’t think he could really comprehend what had just gone down between you two. It took about 15 minutes before we could get him to talk to any of us. After he explained what had happened between you two, he asked if he could move back into the dorms. Jae was almost positive he couldn’t get out of the lease and didn’t want to just leave you to pay the rent on your own, but he just couldn’t stand being there without you. We let him stay at the dorms for a few days but thankfully managed to convince him to stay in your guys’ apartment.” Your eyes immediately widened at the new information; you couldn’t even fathom how this felt for him. It was a bit of a shock to learn that he cared so much, and you began to wonder if calling it quits was really the right decision.

           “Why’d you wait so long to tell me this?” you asked, knitting your eyebrows together. Brian sighed, tensing up slightly as he opened his mouth to speak.

           “Part of me wanted you two to get over each other, which was incredibly selfish on my end. I really care about you and I didn’t want you to just go running back to him blindly, especially after all the shit he put you through,” he replied, timidly. “But another part of me wanted to wait until you were ready to hear it. If I would’ve told you all this the next day when you were standing at my door, sobbing over how stupid you thought you were and how you had made the biggest mistake of your life, you wouldn’t have realized that you were right about everything you told him and that you deserve to be treated better. If you’d have just run back to Jae two days after your split, he would have just continued to neglect you and I couldn’t stand to see that happen, let alone be a part of it because I--” Brian cut himself off, inhaling sharply as you lifted your head off his shoulder.

           “What I’m trying to get at is, Jae misses you like crazy Y/N. He can’t continue like this without at least talking to you about what went wrong,” he explained. “I’m definitely not asking you to forgive him, I’m just asking you to talk to him. Whether you give him a second chance is totally up to you, Y/N.” Brian gently grabbed your hand, weaving his fingers between yours.

           “Why did you want to wait for Jae and I to get over each other?” you asked, your gaze glued to the floor. Brian let go of your hand, exhaling loudly. You could practically feel his heart beating out of his chest.

           “I—it’s because I’m in love with you. I really, truly am Y/N. But I realize that it’s not fair to you or to Jae for me to be selfish or act on it, especially right now,” he began. “I didn’t want to tell you because you need to go talk to Jae. He loves you, Y/N, and you love him. No matter how much I love you, I can’t deny the fact that you’re still hopelessly in love with him, more than you probably want to admit. You really don’t need any extra complications in your life, especially at a time like this, which is why I’ve kept it inside for as long as I have. It’s been killing me for so long but I couldn’t say anything a—and I thought this break you two were taking might be my only shot. But then I realized that you were still in love with him, and you don’t deserve to have that taken away from you, and I deserve someone who can truly love me in return.”

           “Brian--” you began, reaching for his hand as he stood from the couch. You pulled him back, standing up along with him. Brian whipped around as you quickly pulled him down, connecting your lips. He was shocked, but soon relaxed into the kiss as you loosened your grip on his hand. The kiss started off rushed and out of sync, but the two of you soon found your rhythm, Brian placing his free hand on your lower back as you wrapped your arm around his neck. He pulled away softly, slightly leaning his forehead onto yours.

           “Thank you,” Brian whispered, squeezing your hand lightly. “But you need to go talk to Jae.” You nodded in agreement, lightly burying your face into his neck before he broke away. The feeling of his fingers lingered on your lower back as he walked away, going into his bedroom.

           The next day, you collected all your things from Brian’s place and went back to your apartment. Jae was still at the studio and wouldn’t be home until late, so you had time to think. The whole altercation with Brian the night before had fucked you up a little bit, but you decided it was best not to focus on that while trying to get his best friend back. It was incredibly stressful nonetheless.

           You jumped when you heard the door open, eyes darting to the front of the flat. Jae stood in front of the door, staring at you like a deer in headlights. He looked paler than usual, his dark circles seemed to be embedded into his skin. You stood up slowly, terrified of what might happen next.

           Jae ran over to you, tightly wrapping his arms around your torso. You froze in shock, slowly returning his strong embrace.

           “Y/N, I’ve missed you so much,” he choked out, burying his face into your neck. “Please, please forgive me. I love you so much, I promise I’ll change, I don’t know what I’d do without you, please--”

           “Shhhhhh, Jae just calm down, I’m here,” you whispered, gripping onto his back. The two of you stood like that for a while, Jae heavily leaning onto you. Eventually, Jae collected himself enough for the two of you to sit on the couch, neither of you sure what to say.

           “I’m so sorry,” Jae spoke up. “You have no reason to forgive me, I know that, but please just hear me out.” The room grew silent, the tension thick.

           “I’m listening,” you began. Jae sighed, staring at the ground.

           “I have no excuses for neglecting you, and I realize that it was really shitty of me to try and blame it all on you,” he began, gradually starting to look up at you. “I was scared; I was scared of how much I cared about you and I tried to distance myself because I thought it would make it less scary, but I just lost you in the process. I haven’t been able to keep you out of my head for the past 3 weeks, I barely ate anything, I couldn’t sleep, I—I’ve just been a mess. And I understand how depressing that sounds, especially because I’m a grown man who should be able to take care of himself, but I need you. I love you more than I think I’ve loved anyone in my life and I was so terrified of it that I ended up doing what I feared the most; losing you. I understand if you don’t forgive me but I just wanted you to know that I love you and not having you in my life has made these past 3 weeks complete torture.” You looked up at his pleading eyes, your heart growing slightly weak at the sight. His words lingered in the air as you contemplated how to respond.

           “I forgive you,” you sighed, reaching out to grab his hand. “But the next time you feel like that, I need you to talk to me about it before this happens again.”

           “I will, I swear. I can’t risk losing you again,” Jae said, reaching to cup your cheek. He leaned in for a soft, slow kiss, both of you relaxing into the feeling. It was comfortable but electric, it reminded you of how much you truly loved him. A pang of guilt struck your heart as you recalled the feeling of Brian’s lips on yours—strange but comfortable—as you and Jae slowly pulled away from each other.

           “I love you,” you breathed out, wrapping your arms around his neck.

           “I love you more,” Jae replied, leaning in once again, the world around you suddenly completely irrelevant.