#another stupid theory from captain dummy

[captainspiggbo]

So. . What if Satan gets Yukio?

[[Tw: mental health, depression, s*icide, death, unhappy shit, etc.]]

I really doubt this will make sense, but as per usual, I'm open to being corrected and spat at lmao. . . So uh, enjoy the read! 😅👌

Boo!

Look I'm not one to bring up season one's uh. . "Ending" unless I absolutely have to. . But in this newest chapter we see that Yukio and Rin are on they're way to the palace thing and can already assume based on the time skip; things are likely not gonna go well. . Demons require broken individuals, mind breaking is like they're whole schtick. . Only one of the twins has truly spiraled (i.e. self exit attempt), depression is a demon all on it's own; point is, you don't spiral just once. While Yukio is finally healing, he's no where near "better" and unfortunately that makes him a walking beacon of a target. I don't have too solid a theory as to how this will play out, but Satan can't kill them outright correct?? He hates Rin, but Rin is the best body for him, Yukio would be the perfect stepping stone to get closer to Rin. . Rin is headstrong, he won't break easily. . But who is the one person he loves more than anything? If I was a deranged, narcissistic, fuck who wanted to hurt my target to they're core the logical step is to remove who they love/care for. . The older exorcists can be easily removed, Satan's little lackeys are gonna maybe (HOPEFULLY NOT) pick off everyone one by one. . His mentor, his friends, potentially even his love interest, and finally Satan will take his brother. Do I think Yukio has the potential to die? Not really? (A part of him maybe??) But he would be a pretty good puppet to dangle in Rin's face, cause him to despair; act foolish or straight up give up the good fight. . No, we don't see Satan directly having a body yet in the future, but there is a hungry core feeding on the land. He just needs something to latch onto, a vessel to hide in that won't expire right away, just a sentient nugget. . I'm likely going too far, as per usual, but I believe something will happen that will make Yukio either self sacrifice or have his will broken again. I see Mephisto or someone under his direction removing Rin from the situation as to not let Satan get them both right away (also extending the fun, yippee!). Either way, Satan will have a decent body to build around as he waits to challenge Rin again whenever he pops up in the future. The goal won't be to "win" the fight outright, but to have a vessel that can hold on long enough to wear Rin down in order to finally succumb to Satan. I believe that is why we don't see Yukio in the future, Satan has him in some form or fashion and Rin will have to fight to get him back. . The goal of "killing Satan" was already not enough as we've seen, Rin couldn't do it (well he could theoretically but you get what I mean). . . Ooooor I could be talking out my ass as per usual and bringing back an element from a (assumingly approved by Kato) "ending" from season one is too far fetched. . It's not like she's ever set things up from the beginning or anything. . She totally doesn't like hidden meanings. . . 👀

[rexcaliburechoes]

bittersweet [part b: sweet] // fire emblem echoes: shadows of valentia

in which everything works out.

rating: t warnings: canon-typical violence, temporary character death, nightmares characters: luthier, delthea relationships: none

now on archive of our own

Delthea was not having fun at all. Honestly, maybe Lu was right. But she needed to get out and away from the expectations pushed onto her and maybe, just maybe, prove that she didn’t need to constantly train from sun-up to sun-down. Plus, she was responsible! Lu didn’t have to remind her about what tagging along meant. She could handle traveling and fighting thing.

The company slowly marched into the Rigelian border and the wind started to pick up, rattling her bones. She pulled her rough training cloak closer to her bare arms to try to preserve some warmth. Even though she and her brother had lived relatively close to the border, meaning that it was colder than say, southern Zofia (not that she’d minded- she was too busy playing around and chucking snowballs at her friends/brother), she wasn’t expecting the wind to be so… nippy.

She edged closer to Lu, hoping to use him as a windbreaker for the time being. He only gave her a glance before raising his arm and letting her hide under his cloak. It was blessedly warm and she gave a small sigh. She snuggled closer to his warmth, burrowing into his side. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him tilt his head away in a “I’m-going-to-lecture-you” motion.

“You know-” he started, giving her that look. She rolls her eyes so hard that they might fall to the back of her skull.

“I don’t know, Lu, and frankly, I don’t care. Plus, I didn’t really have a change of clothes on me when I was being mind-puppet-ed.”

“I was going to say that you could have just asked me for my spare cloak,” he started to retract his cloak from around her, a little miffed at her snarky comment. She makes a noise and grabs the edge, wrapping it around herself protectively and giving him a wide-eyed, pathetic stare. He only sighs again in response and pulls her closer to him.

“Mila, your hands are cold.” He grouses at her, to which she only sticks her tongue out in response.

A messenger runs towards the captain of their unit. They briefly discuss something before they run off again, to deliver whatever message they have to the unit behind them. Frankly, she wasn’t paying attention to that, or her brother, but she felt that something was wrong. She whips herself out of Lu’s cloak, throwing a fireball in the direction of where she felt the uneasy sensation.

She misses, of course. Luthier follows up with a spell of his own. He clicks his tongue at her, but doesn’t say anything else. She could feel him composing a lecture in his head and she scowls at him.

“Now’s not the time, you know,” she snaps, walking away from him. She hurls another fireball at an enemy archer, knocking him over.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” his voice was equally snappish, which only made her even more annoyed.

“Don’t lie, Lu. You’re not a good liar.”

“Then, fine. You need to practice your aim, Delthea. You can’t rely on the spell doing all the work.”

“Whatever,” she scoffs. She didn’t need his magical theory lecture. She was a good enough mage to not need to practice as much as him. She turns away from him, then, running towards the front of their unit to help out there, clearing out a path for the rest to follow.

Luthier calls her name and she yells back at him. “Go away, Lu! I can handle myself, you know!”

He only shouts her name even more insistently. She turns on her heel to face him, frustration welling in the pit of her stomach. “Mila, what do you-?!”

Delthea’s eyes widen as she watches Luthier stagger backwards, taking the full impact of an incoming spell. A spell that was meant for her. Everything was moving in slow motion. He falls to the ground, electricity sparking through his body. Her eyes snap to the Witch who floated nearby, lingering sparks of Thunder fading from her fingertips. Delthea’s fists wreathed themselves in purple smoke.

“You- you jerk!” She screeches, white-hot rage boiling through her veins. She pointed both of her hands at the Witch, suffocating her in a pillar of purple light. She turns to the next one, flames flickering in her hands. With a flick of her wrist, she sent the fireball spinning towards his face, where it caught on his robes. The flames flickered, hungrily devouring everything on his person. She didn’t even feel herself moving forward, casting spell after spell after spell, leaving a wake of destruction in her path.

Someone grabbed her arm and roughly pulled her to the side. A sharp retort fell from her mouth, but the man only huffed, dragging her further from the front lines. The rage in her veins cooled as the while light of Recover washed over her.

“Geez,” the mage grumbled. “Fight’s over. You’re gonna kill yourself.”

She let out a shaky breath and glanced at her hands. They were shaking badly, too. Exhaustion creeps up her spine, alleviated only slightly by the white magic. She pushed herself too hard, she knows, but she couldn’t just do nothing. Not when her brother’s out. They hurt him. She didn’t know where he was or if he would be okay, she just knew that he shielded her, and that scared her. She could have survived that. She would have been okay! He didn’t have to stupidly put himself in the way for her sake. The idiot! She could have handled that herself! She wasn’t a helpless child!

“What… happened?” she asks, tentatively. It’s not that she completely blacked out, but everything felt hazy and out of focus.

“You went on a rampage.” he says shortly. “Almost like you were possessed.”

Her mouth forms a soft ‘o’. The only other time that happened was at the Sluice Gate… and she didn’t like what that entailed. She pulled her cloak closer to herself, missing the reassuring presence of her brother behind her. “I’m sorry...” 

He only eyes her critically and drags her back to the makeshift camp by her wrist. She’s too tired and doesn't protest. Finally, he releases her, looks her up and down, and says finally, “Go see your brother, or something. Help out with the healers.”

A pit of dread opens in her stomach. It didn’t sound like he was… so there wasn’t a reason to worry about that, right? He was fine. She was sure of it. “Where is he?”

“Probably in the healers’ tent,” his sarcasm is missed on her as she bolts in the opposite direction of the healers’ tent. She couldn’t face him right now. She was so stupid. She’d almost killed herself fighting those people, and she’d let herself slip back into that hazy realm of not quite realizing what she was doing with her magic. Was she in control? Could she distinguish friend from foe? Vaguely, she remembers from one of Lu’s lectures that it was… possible, and that she needed to practice more control. Maybe he was right. Maybe she wasn’t prepared for this at all.

She stumbled to a stop in front of a tree, panting in uneven, shuddering gasps. Collapsing to her knees, she tried to not let the tears fall. Mila, she was so stupid. She curled herself inward, pulling her cloak around her arms. She missed Luthier. She wanted him to tell her it would be okay, and that everything was fine, that everything would go back to normal, just like in their tiny village in the middle of nowhere, when she would get mad at her friends or at their parents’ insistence that she had to do everything they wanted her to do.

She hiccupped, sniffling as she scrubbed away her tears.

“What’s- Delthea?” She jumped, hearing her brother's voice come from behind her. She stubbornly stared at the ground, ignoring his footsteps crunching on the grass as he came to sit beside her. Pulling her knees to her chest, she looks away, trying to scrub away the remaining tear tracks that ran down her face.

“What do you want, Lu?” She grumbles, pulling away from the hand that rested on her shoulder.

“I just… wanted to make sure you were okay. The last thing I remember was you storming off, and…” he pauses, thinking for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

She whips her head back to him, incredulously. “What are you saying sorry for?”

“Well, I-” Now, it was his turn to sheepishly look away from her. “I held you to the same standard mother and father did. And that wasn’t fair of me.”

“Wow. That’s… random.”

“D-Don’t make fun of me for that!” She laughs at his expression and he only turns even redder. She laughs even harder.

“What brought that on?” She tries to suppress her grin. They were having two entirely different conversations and she really didn’t mind that. It was… nice to know that he was okay enough to be completely random like that. It was nice to know that he was okay. He could be a real big idiot of a brother, sometimes. But he was her idiot.

“... Just thinking, that’s all.” He answers vaguely. Of course, he can’t be too forward with what he actually thinks. Because this is her brother. And he’s a dummy. “I’m getting the feeling like we’re having two separate conversations. You were crying earlier.”

She doesn’t reply, at first, her smile fading a little from her face. Should she tell him what she did? He probably should know, but she didn’t want to have another lecture about control and working hard and the same things she’s heard over a zillion times, now. So, she does the thing she normally does, and tries to deflect his concern. She didn't need him more worried than he already was.

“I was just worried, that’s all,” she finally says, a little petulantly. He raises an eyebrow. She never was a good liar.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. Well, if you want to join me in practicing, just let me know.” Of course, he’s also a lot more perceptive than she gives him credit for, too. He stares into her face before finally standing, mumbling something about being out more than five minutes. She stands up, too, grabbing his cloak. He sighs, rolls his eyes with a smile and opens his arms enough so that she can wrap herself in it.

Everything would work out in the end.

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 4

"THE GAMEKEEPER"

Notes by me

- PJ7989

- the building on this planet looks like a greenhouse dome

- jack: 😎

- sneezy!Daniel

- suspicious people in pods

- why are they dressed for a funeral

- OKAY here we go

- memory loss?? They dont remember where they were

- OH SHIT

- ???? Kowalski????

- he just called Jack "captain"

- is this jacks memory

- this is 1982 so Jack would have been around 22 or 23? A little baby!

- TEALCS HAIR LOL

- wait he has no forehead sticker either

- the goauld are trying to create time travel and I feel like this is gonna come up later in the series. Thats too cool of a potential storyline

- this, however is NOT time travel bc tealc is there and he has no forehead sticker and hair. He wouldnt just be magicly different if they time traveled

- also where is Daniel and Sam

- what are these soldiers and Jack trying to do anyway

- Jack watching his friends die again I'm emotional

- theyre on a loop!!! What is going on

- daniel and Sam are in a New York Museum ooooo

- "okay.....what just happened" my thoughts exactly

- assuming its daniels memory bc theres archeology stuff everywhere

- did some guy in the back round just say "dr jackson"

- his parents. 😟 since the theme is horrible past events I feel like this isnt gonna end well

- HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS MOM

- lol both his parents have glasses no wonder his eyes are terrible

- this is extremely fucked up

- lmao micheal shanks acting is so good I want to die 🙃 can u imagine watching your parents get crushed for a second time. What the fuck

- Jack not wanting to go thru this again😟

- the weird people in black are watching

- they changed the position of the bad guys on purpose!!! Cheaters!!

- another loop! Lets try this AGAIN shall we

- "the keeper" youre dressed like a douche

- why does this guy even care if Jack saves his friends or not

- Jack nooooo theres nothing you could have done to save those men

- "we're not playing this game" thats right!!! Hunger games style!!!

- "tell me this isnt real"

- Sam confirming my theory that this isnt real 💞

- daniel being forced to watch his parents die AGAIN. Who said this was ok. This man has enough problems

- "danny" OH MY GOD

- daniel going the extra mile and saying he broke his leg while standing right in front of them. A for effort!

- "okay sweetie?" I'm losing my grip on my emotions right now bye

- how old was he when this happened?

- when the tour guide turned into the keeper dude it scared me lol family friendly shows making me jump

- "where's the fun in that?"

"FUN?!?"

Wrong choice of words douche bag!!! You just proved youre an asshole

- are they watching this for entertainment

- *Daniel watching his parents die for the third time*

The people in black:

- when Daniel stares into his moms eyes for the first time since he was a child. I'm fine I'm just having some thoughts

- "danny jackson!" AHSDJSOSNS

- I cant take this micheal shanks is such a good actor tears are streaming down my face

- hey how come the keeper didnt take a memory from sam

- I dont want him to watch his parents die on a loop for hours!!! What the fuck!!!

- lmao Jack and Daniel doing the exact same thing and being stubborn as hell

- Ah!! Reunited and it feels so good

- the goauld changed sams brain chemistry and thats why he couldnt read it??? Thats SO COOL

- but also how does that work

- assholes???? Like u watch people relive their most traumatic moments??? The fuck is wrong with you

- they are too stupid to know that their own planet is livable again

- the keeper is a douche bag Confirmed and no one is surprised

- yeah sending the people in black away will certainly convince them that youre keeping them safe👌 idiot

- wake up!

- Jack jumping out of the pod lmfao

- youre still in the simulation ya big dummies!! Its very obvious!!

- daniels glasses resting on his head👓

- gee hammond is super on board with the keepers ideas it almost seems like its NOT HAMMOND HHHMMM

- "are you cracked??"

- catch on guys come on

- "sit down, colonel!"

"I dont think so BUCKO"

- there it is!!! Somebody stab themselves to wake up or jump off a high rise or somethin havnt you guys seen Inception

- the keeper is so obvious its not even funny. Like he barely tries to hide the fact that its him lol

- oh hello again Kowalski

- he used to make Daniel laugh 😫

- Jack plays street hockey!

- these people in black dont even know that their planet is literally Eden

- "In our memories...before the simulation....leave me alone"

I forgot he can show them the planet with his memory. Good plan

- are they out for real this time. I'm gonna assume yes since theres only 4 minutes left

- haha his people ruined their own planet and made it unlivable. Environment killing civilians go in the containment pod to think about what theyve done

- theyre out!! Like rats escaping the lab

- when the keeper is losing it bc their picking all his flowers and sg1 just turns around and leaves. Aint dealing with this shit anymore! good luck PJ7989! hope these people dont ruin your atmosphere again lol

~

Whump under the cut

Jack Oniell whump: emotional, punched, shot at, memory loss ish , traumatic memory of former soldier days

Daniel jackson whump: emotional, crying, yelling "no!" Multiple times, traumatic memory of parents death

🎶listening to Out Of My Head by Theory Of A Dead Man

[samwell-actually]

Zimbits Fic-Rec

Although I have my all-time favorite OMGCP fic bookmarked on my Ao3 page, I wanted to compile a master list of all of my favorite OMGCP Ao3 fic to have in one place on my tumblr. And since I’m that neurotic, I thought it might also be nice to break-up each ship as well: 

You Never Said You Wouldn’t So Here I Am | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 10k. Eric just wants to get past this crush, but Jack keeps getting in the way.

Phone, Please! | twentysomething One-Shot, 5k Five Times Jack Took Bitty's Phone (And One Time Bitty Put It Away Himself)

Ice Crew Please! | rosepetals42 Completed Multi-Chapter, 61k Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is. He’s not, of course. Enter the Ice Crew.

écrit dans les étoiles | gurlsrool One-Shot, 5k Jack didn't go to Samwell and Bitty doesn't follow hockey but through the bathroom of a Beyoncé concert, a ticket to a Bruins game, and a lot of texting, they come together anyways.

Positive Image | twentysomething One-Shot, 4k When Bittle first showed up at a meeting with management, sitting next to Sara with wide, scared eyes, Jack didn't think he had a chance in hell.

I never saw the signs | biblionerd07 One-Shot, 4k Bitty gets asked out on a date, but he's already spoken for. It wouldn't be a problem, really, except he didn't know he was already spoken for.

Mixing It Up | sinspiration Completed Multi-Chapter, 41k Eric Bittle, of Bitty's Bakery, is very excited to have been chosen as a contestant for the Food Network Challenge. He's even more excited to find out that he's making a cake for the NHL new-Cup winners, the Falconers.

Being in Motion | marswithghosts Completed Multi-Chapter, 54k Watching a college boy jerk off online for money is not what Jack Zimmermann ever saw himself doing. Getting to know that boy is something he expected even less.

found out | applecrumbledore Completed Multi-Chapter, 20k “Bitty, you have finally rose to the rank of ‘bad roommate who brings people home and has loud sex,’ and we love it. It’s lonely here at the top. And now, you’ve joined us.”No one notices Jack, at the far end of the table, staring at his bacon.

A Little Bit Closer | marswithghosts Completed Multi-Chapter, 108k Children’s librarian Eric Bittle falls for Boston Bruins forward Jack Zimmermann.

Hold It All At Bay | psocoptera Completed Multii-Chapter, 50k The theory of extrapolative synchronization of the mirror neurons was debunked back when he was still in his teens, so Jack is reluctant to mention that he can smell Bitty's pies baking from across campus.

naked ambition | asfroste One-Shot, 2k The one where Jack strips down for ESPN The Magazine's Body Issue and Bitty has some...issues with it. issues involving inconvenient boners.]

live through this and you won’t look back | nighimpossible One Shot, 4k The worst part about falling in love with a straight boy is definitely not watching him date girls. No, the worst part about falling in love with a straight boy is that you never even had a shot.

Here Come the Dreams | porcupinegirl Completed Multi-Chapter, 26k Sometimes it seems like Jack can't go anywhere in Providence without being hounded for autographs, so he's relieved when the people who work at the coffee shop in his new neighborhood don't seem to recognize him.But the cute baker who owns the shop, Eric, has a few surprises for him - and maybe Jack has a few of his own in return.

say it’s been a long six months | biblionerd07 One-Shot, 10k Jack falls in love, comes out, and loses his friends. Not quite in that order.

Helpless | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 19k “So we should ask Bits and Lardo to come with us to New York,” Shitty said. Jack turned to look at him, frowning. “Seriously?”“ Yeah, man. I mean, I know this was supposed to be just you and me, but… We both know those two are gonna be part of our lives after graduation. It’d just be like. Getting a head start on it.”

make this house a home | bleepobleep One-Shot, 2k With the prospect of an empty Haus for Thanksgiving, Jack invites Bitty over to his new place in Providence. As friends, of course.

i don’t see your name on it | heyfightme One-Shot, 5k that old chestnut of soulmates’ names being branded on each others’ wrists. jack and bitty, from the moment their names appear to the beginning of the rest of their lives.

Catfishing for Dummies | andquitefrankly Completed Multi-Chapter, 12k Eric Bittle hadn’t planned on signing up for online dating.He also hadn’t planned on messaging the super obvious catfish masquerading as Jack Zimmermann. And he definitely hadn’t planned on possibly falling in love with him.

if there’s anything on my face you put it there | jedusaur One-Shot, 2k “You don’t have to tell them it was me. I mean, you don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop leaving marks if you want me to. Just…“ He lifts up Jack’s shirt and touches one of the hickeys. When he looks back up, his eyes have gone dark. “I really, really like it. Do you mind?”

forget the wax and feathers | decinq One-Shot, 6k Bittle scores against Yale and Jack acts like a son of a bitch. They’re not friends.

bold; over the worst of it | decinq One-Shot, 3k “Spring C,” Jack says, “is full of mystery.”

when it’s over (you’re the start) | onawingandaswear Completed Multi-Chapter, 13k Jack goes to sleep in Providence next to his boyfriend and wakes up in Montréal to discover he’s been in a coma since 2009. Refusing to believe Samwell, Bitty, and the Falconers were all a dream, Jack tracks down the real Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, and Holster to find they’ve shared the same group hallucination for years. Now, they’re on a mission to find Bitty, the love of Jack’s non-existent life, and the only member of SMH they can’t seem to get in contact with.

is it too late now to say sorry | magneticwave One-Shot, 5k I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS, Eric types furiously into Twitter. THIS IS LIKE RENAMING LAKE WOEBEGONE “LAKE SCOTT WALKER.” // Or, the only person in the entirety of Canada who is upset about Jack Zimmermann’s first Stanley Cup is Eric Bittle, and by God is every single one of Eric’s 160,000 Twitter followers going to hear about it.

providence loves you | nightwatch One-Shot, 8k Bitty loses his phone.He dies (approximately) a thousand deaths when he finds out that it’s Jack Zimmermann who found it.

through the crowd | kirkaut One-Shot, 4k The notification sound isn’t the one that he’s got assigned to Jack, which is why he doesn’t feel any panic when Holster hums an agreement and leans over to peer at Bitty’s phone screen.At least, not until Holster says his name in the tone of a person with a slowly growing suspicion. “Bitty,” he says, very expectantly. “Who is ‘Good Robert’, and why is he blowing up your phone?”

the backpacker’s guide to the aftermath of gap year hookups | heyfightme Completed Multi-Chapter, 20k In which Eric Bittle absconds from Georgia with half a year of hard-earned savings, and makes the most of his six months before starting college living a backpacker’s dream in Europe. On the final night of his travels, the night before a giant reality check and with the threat of a future looming over him, he meets a fellow traveler. There is etiquette, for sure, about hooking up in a hostel dorm.

gonna wanna make it move | decinq One-Shot, 8k He spends so much time thinking ahead–being careful, holding onto everything so tightly with his shaking hands–that it’s easy to forget that he’s an honest to god dipshit.

Jack Zimmermann is a Masochistic Fuckwit | porcupinegirl One-Shot, 11k Bitty decides to go home for Thanksgiving his sophomore year - so he can come out to his parents. When Coach Bittle is in denial, the boys in the Haus decide that Bitty needs to bring a boyfriend home for Winter Break. A boyfriend chosen from the very attractive ranks of SMH, of course.Why does Jack volunteer?Because he’s a masochistic fuckwit, that’s why.

Passing Notes | marswithghosts One-Shot, 4k Jack Zimmermann is charming, and Bitty enjoys the way he writes the B in Bittle. He knows he’s being stupid, but his life consists of seventh graders and baking pies; he’s allowed to have a little bit of a fantasy.

the road leads back to you | heyfightme One-Shot, 9k Bitty meets Jack Zimmermann on 5 AM on a Sunday morning after someone set their grilled cheese on fire in his dorm. He doesn’t really expect that they’ll become friends. Or that he’ll become friends with an entire hockey team.

someone to count on (and other cheesy idioms about finding your soulmate) | heyfightme & Omgpieplease One-Shot, 9k (+ art!) Another soulmate AU, this time with pining, lying, and a lot of assumptions.

Bad Coffee and Ugly Running Shoes | alocalband One-Shot, 4k The Captain of the Providence Falconers lives in Bitty’s neighborhood. Well, more specifically, he lives somewhere within jogging distance of Bitty’s barely surviving first venture into small business ownership. During the preseason, he visits Bitty’s bakery at exactly 6:35 in the morning every weekday, without fail. He keeps his gorgeous blue eyes trained on anything and everything that isn’t another human being the entire time he’s there. And he only ever buys a cup of coffee. Bitty kind of hates him.

give my regards to summer romance | gurlsrool One-Shot, 2k SK 6:48 p.m.FUCKINDEETSJACKFUCKINLAURENTFUCKINZIMMERFUCKINMANN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JZ 6:50 p.m. It was nice.

Just Spit It Out | porcupinegirl One-Shot, 2k Jack can't believe he just heard the words on his soulmark from the mouth of the gorgeous new waiter at the diner he frequents. But now the pressure is on - what if he says the wrong thing back? Can you screw up meeting your soulmate?

All the Love in the World | alocalband One-Shot, 3k Bitty’s hands are shaking. He has five missed calls from Jack, two from Chowder, one from Lardo, and an astronomical number of yet to be viewed text messages. It’s not that he hasn’t been checking his phone, it’s that every time he’s picked it up at an alert, all he’s been able to do is stare at it. Which is what he’s doing now, as he waits for his mother to finish speaking with the doctor at Coach’s bedside.

the road leads back to you | gurlsrool One-Shot, 9k “That’s prom, right? You walk in on your friends boning, bone someone yourself, eat some chips.” / The boys find out Bitty didn't get to attend his high school prom so they throw their own.

Will Wonders Never Cease | porcupinegirl Completed Multi-Chapter, 57k You’ve Got Mail with a magical twist.

A Clerical Error | 1electricpirate One-Shot, 7k “There aren’t any twins left,” Lardo’s telling them, stress evident in the corners of her eyes and the tight clench of her jaw. The hotel is cheap and conveniently located, but the payoff for that is terrible management and a logistical nightmare. “Just a double. You’ll have to share.

Eric Bittle Got Married | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 27k If you could do it all again, would you change anything? (The time travel fic no one asked for.)

Something Rational | porcupinegirl One-Shot, 1k Jack knows tonight was a turning point, but it's not over yet. He won't be able to relax until he's sure they're on the same page about this.

It’s an Investment | imaginarycircus One-Shot, 1k Jack hasn't bought anything for his kitchen in Providence because he wants Bitty to pick everything out. That way he'll feel right at home when he moves in, but they haven't talked about that yet.

Graduation Day | iboatedhere One-Shot, 27k It takes Jack 50 days to finally see what's been right in front of him for the past two years.

the road leads back to you | heyfightme Completed Multi-Chapter, 56k Jack Zimmermann is an established hockey player. He’s three years in to his NHL career, has had the A for the Falconers for two and a half, and is ready to make winners out of the new group of rookies. He pulls one under his wing, affectionately nicknamed Poots, and it should all go as planned. But say Jack accidentally discovers that Poots has a boyfriend. And say that Poots wasn’t a very good boyfriend. And say, for arguments’ sake, Poots’ boyfriend definitely deserved better. Jack is maybe, possibly, totally fucked.

don’t you tell me i’m dreaming | gurlsrool One-Shot, 4k “It’s me,” Jack’s voice comes low and hits him hard. You are not in love, Bitty reminds himself. He is not in love with you and you are not in love with him.

[thedamiansmith]

They Broke My Watch

I haven’t done one of these in a while, so here we go for another round of “why I hate the NSW Blues”. Here’s my player ratings from Origin II:

NSW 1. James Tedesco - injected some spark but was substituted early for the more reliable Ron Palmer and failed to make an impact on returning 2. Blake Ferguson - one half of the left edge "Booze Brothers", touched the ball less times than there are bottles in a pack of Bacardi Breezers 3. Josh Dugan - some solid attack and defence, his game is progressing nicely. Will be devastating if he ever figures out how to pass the ball 4. Jarryd Hayne - the man, the myth, the legend. The most influential player on the park. Scored a try and thought he was superman, then apparently went home. Butchered a try by not passing to Brett Morris, butchered a second try by passing to Josh Morris in seat 32A. Had a hand in everything, usually to drop the ball or let in a try. Hayne Plane? More like the MH370. I never thought there'd be a more overrated player than Willie Mason, Jarryd, take a bow.   5. Brett Morris - Yeah he goes alright. Extra points for playing outside a rank imbecile.   6. James Maloney - some deft touches interspersed with some astonishing stupidity. As effective in defence as the honesty system. Blues should have been docked 2 points for his stupid beard. 7. Mitchell Pearce - hands down the most accurate kicker in the competition. Can find the opposing fullback with the accuracy of a tomahawk cruise missile. Still not half the halfback his father was.   8. Aaron Woods - Looks like Khal Drogo, plays like Joffre Baratheon 9. Nathan Peats - was brought in to provide a more dynamic running game out of dummy half and who knows, maybe we'll get to see it one day.   10. Andrew Fifita - man of the match in game one, so naturally he had to have a break this time around. Looked lost without some criminal element written on his wrist band to inspire him.   11. Josh Jackson - a good, solid toiler. I'll spare him the insults everyone else is rightfully copping.   12. Boyd Cordner (c) - I was genuinely surprised he was named as captain. And surprised that he was in the side. And that he is a professional footballer. The rugby league equivalent of a christmas present from a relative you rarely see - well meaning but ultimately a useless dust collector. 13. Tyson Frizell - See Josh Jackson 14. David Klemmer - Harambe or King Kong. A big, dumb animal that doesn't know how he got where he is and doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong. 15. Wade Graham -  I presume his selection was some kind of Faustian deal with the Devil, where he makes the team but everything he does falls apart. This is the most reasonable theory. 16. Jake Trbojevic - showed some exceptional work with an outside in pass that caught the opposition napping, presumably because Queensland were trying to read the name on his jumper.   17. Jack Bird - I honestly cannot recall him playing. The stats have him for 19 minutes and 3 runs, but I'm sure that's well within the margin for error.

QLD 1. Billy Slater - I never saw Clive Churchill play, but Slater is the best I have ever seen.  2. Val Holmes - Brilliant finish for the first try. Then the 'Flanno' polish kicked in and he dropped more pill than Michael J Fox at a pharmacy  3. Will Chambers - Never in position and saw the sideline more as a suggestion than an actual limitation. Did his side the favour of wiping himself out, allowing a more competent centre to carry Queensland to victory.   4. Darius Boyd - Played a strong game at center while taking notes from Billy Slater about how an actual fullback plays the game.   5. Dane Gagai - targeted heavily by NSW, weathered everything they sent at him and scored two tries. My man of the match. Here Laurie Daley demonstrated his tactical genius by targeting the competent winger instead of the idiot on the other edge.   6. Johnathan Thurston - the best player in the game. Played with one arm behind his back just to make it fair.  7. Cooper Cronk - the third best player in the game.   8. Dylan Napa - Queensland have adopted the NSW strategy of 'pick an imbecile from the Roosters' with the same result. Overall poor game. Only plus side is he looks a lot like Jake Busey and he was good in Starship Troopers and The Frighteners.  9. Cameron Smith (c) - second best player in the game. 10. Jarrod Wallace - Played a strong game in the style of Martin Lang - "if you can remember anything about the game afterwards, you didn't play hard enough" 11. Gavin Cooper - a strong, solid second rower. I bet NSW wish they had one of those.   12. Matt Gillett - see above  13. Josh McGuire - after Gagai the best player on the park. Tackled everything that moved and some things that didn't.  14. Michael Morgan - a true match winner. If I had to criticise him I'd say he looks a bit like Sean Spicer.   15. Coen Hess - Didn't really see much of him but when I did I noticed he looked like a young Dolph Lundgren, circa Universal Soldiers. Thumbs up.   16. Tim Glasby - Some players are just made for Origin. Tim Glasby isn't one of them.   17. Josh Papalii - Looked out of breath when he ran on to the field for the first time, like Axl Rose running to the mic in Winnipeg in 2010 and being unable to get through the opening bars of Welcome to the Jungle. Like Chinese Democracy, too little, too late.