#anti golf boys

[saccharinemeat]

can you draw tennis ball with a butt

when you're your gf's test subject for better or worse

[ghostarii]

CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU ! ～ JING YUAN . ❛ i want your bliss on bliss; a little company!

˖ ⁺ ⫾  CONTENT WARNING fem!reader ❱ golf dad!jing yuan ❱ dilf!jing yuan ❱ groping ❱ praise ❱ breeding kink ❱ size kink ❱ perv!jing yuan ❱ PWP!!!!! ❱ age gap ❱ cunnilingus ❱ multiple orgasms ❱ pussy drunk!jing yuan ❱ locker room sex ❱ jy’s kinda gross ❱ coercion ❱ creampie & unprotected sex (pls stay safe) ❱ pet names (mostly pretty [girl] & little one ❱ dubious consent ❱ dirty talk ❱ not proofread in the slightest ❱ minors and dc antis do not interact.

˖ ⁺ ⫾  TIP i’ve had this idea floating around in my wee wittle brain for quite some time so here’s perv golf dilf jing yuan ! ! i didnt rlly have a plot for this nor an idea on how to execute the vibe in my mind so truly i apologize if this is not that good :’( this got way messier than intended n i took forever writing it cause i kept getting stuck. i rlly rushed this toward the end cause i rlly wanted to post it so i rlly hope u guys like it 😿 rbs n feedback is always greatly appreciated <33 (pls don’t report i worked rlly hard on this n comm guidelines r so mean)

˖ ⁺ ⫾  GB 7.2k+ words .

JING YUAN CAN’T help it. He doesn't know what drives him to do it; to stare at you until holes are burned in you or touch you carelessly or talk about you like you're a piece of meat, he can't help it. It's akin to a primal urge, or manly instinct that makes him defile you disgustingly and unapologetically—and it makes him feel like a gross teen boy whose dick grows hard at the simple mention of women, but it's something about this aura of naivety and peace that swarms you that brings this carnal desire out of him. You’re the perfect prey, helpless, unsuspecting, and trusting of the ill-intended, hungry predator. Everything makes his heart flutter and his stomach gnarl—he turns into a different man because of you.

Friendly, neighborhood, retired Army General and current Xianzhou Police Chief Jing Yuan was a mask to cover perverse, snobby, and icky pervert Jing Yuan; the one who got a kick at making you do silly tasks so he can stare up your skirt and who always told you to take a seat so he can press up on you and grope you indistinctly. He sees you and immediately a deviant fire is kindled in his chest, his cheeks heat up and his skin runs cold. It's nasty, but he can't help it.

He needs you selfishly. He can't stand to watch you talk to other men and tend to their needs—sure, it's your job to pour them lemonade and escort them to the spa and guide them around the country club for a look at all the activities, and he respects that you're a hard and diligent worker, but seeing you with other men boils his blood. It's as if the lines between reality and his fucked up fantasy world have blurred, and you belong to him, you're his woman and he stakes his claim on you like a wild animal. Jing Yuan likes how you don't question how he suddenly needs your assistance, and that it's impossible for anyone but you to do it, because it lets these other men know that you respond to him. He's never felt this way about a woman before, not even the mother of his own child, so it means you're special. You mean much deeper to him than you could ever understand and all he wants is your company and to love you down into the cage of his heart.

It's not a crime to have a crush. It's not a crime to be in love with a woman you barely know. And it's not a crime to imagine her stuffed with your kids after watching her interact with yours. A crime? No. Weird? Maybe; but Jing Yuan does it anyway.

On the occasion when he brings Yanqing to the club, he gets on his best behavior. They play friendly games of golf and lounge about in the garden area, and eat up a storm in the illustrious dining hall—normal father-and-son things. Nothing out of the ordinary, people wouldn't even know that all Jing Yuan could think about was you and how sweet your pussy must taste as he eats ice cream with his son. He stays on his best outward behavior, truly—you wouldn't have even known he was in the bathroom jerking off because something about you today set him off.

He walks into the dining hall, looking around to see you. Yanqing had run off to the pool ages ago, so Jing Yuan had some time to himself…or, rather, time for you and him. He thought about how he would take you and claim you for far too long now. He thinks about it too much, actually. And that’s insane; considering the fact that you only started working at Stargazer Navalia Country Club two months ago.

He goes to his usual spot: against the wall on the northeastern side of the hall. It's slightly tucked away, the ceiling lights on that side are dim and the roaming eyes of others are limited. It's perfect for him when he touches you and even more perfect to convince you to have a seat and chat with him. You always listen, always fall for his lonely old man act, even though you've seen him with his snob friends Luocha and Dan Feng, and he's more than well-known around the community—he’s far from lonely, but his lips utter such pitiful deception that you can't help but spare him some of your company.

Jing Yuan has been doing this for a few weeks. He’ll invite you over for a refill of the house's special lemonade, sipping the juice as soon as you finish pouring, letting his lips smack obnoxiously, his tongue running across his top lip, and muttering out an “Ahh, so sweet…”, keeping eye-contact with you. His plump, rosy lips will break into a smile at your widened eyes and flustered expression, and that's when he asks you to stay. “Wouldn’t you give me a moment of your time? C’mon…call it…customer service.”

Usually, he’ll sit across from you and ask about your day. He’ll listen to your short spiels about your coworkers or your university and even your extremely personal information about your family and friends. It's cute how you open up with abandon, and he likes how apologetic you get when you feel like you’ve spoken too much. He’ll reach across the table and tap your pouted lips, “It’s okay, sweetheart. Keep going,” and he stares at your lips as you talk his ear off. But today—today, Jing Yuan is pushing the limits.

He invited you over, and instead of you sitting across from him, he pulls the chair next to him. Your proximity is close, no closer than ever before, but close enough that you feel like he can hear your heartbeat. He drapes a buff arm around the back of your chair, the pads of his fingers just barely ghosting over your biceps. He takes a deep breath, presumably to settle into his seat but actually to breathe you in. You smell sweet. He wonders if you taste sweet.

“How was your day?” the man starts. It's okay, it's fine, it’s just Jing Yuan—he’s fine! You nod your head, “Okay…not too eventful but um…kind of busy.” He immediately replies “Yeah? Tell me about it.”

Your shift started at eleven o'clock this morning, and you clocked in slightly late earning your managers, Ms. Yukong, mouthful of scolding. “Again? This is the third time in a row…” She was a strict woman. Yukong was adamant about running an establishment—not a job. In her mind, there's a distinct difference, a fine line that separates Stargazer Navalia Country Club from other leisure resorts, and that line was drawn by poise, professionalism, and punctuation—the three Ps. You essentially lacked all of that. You’re always late, and if you’re not late, you’re just barely making it, you run around a lot and don't collect yourself. Oftentimes, you take on too much than you can handle and overwhelm yourself, making a fool of yourself before the very opinionated eyes of the patrons. And you were clumsy. The country club was your first service job and your first job ever. You wouldn't have gotten the job if your parents didn’t force independence upon you and you complained to your friend, Tingyun, about your unfair predicament, and she promised to put in a good word for you to her boss. That good word was a basket full of fabrications and exaggerations. Yukong told you that you were fortunate to be allowed to work at the club, but it was hanging in the balance if you didn’t step up your game.

Jing Yuan hadn’t expected a full rant, but he was glad that you felt like you could talk to him. He wants to hold you, tell you that Yukong is a miserable bitch and she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. You can't do any wrong—that woman wouldn’t know poise, professionalism, and punctuation if it slapped her across the face, so who was she to criticize perfection?

He gets even more upset when your chest starts to heave and you’re blinking back tears, explaining how you cried after leaving Yukong’s office and felt so useless and stupid. And you made it your mission today to do your best. No overworking, no clumsiness, and no more strikes earned. Your head was on a dart board, and Yukong was aiming at the bullseye.

You told him you just wanted to be good. To be worth something because you aren't incompetent. If only you knew how he saw you.

Tears run down your warm cheeks and your frowned lips curve into a sad smile, a laugh escaping as you pat away tears from your eyes. “Sorry, I don’t mean to cry…”

“…I should be getting back to work…” You move to get up but Jing Yuan stops you, his big hand on your thigh. This isn't new, but your eyes meet and you almost burst into tears again. Your lips frown up again and quiver and your eyes gloss over—oh, you poor thing. He squeezes your thigh as if to tell you you’re okay, but when that doesn't seem to stop the tidal wave of tears from beating at the barrier of your blinking eyelids, he pulls you in.

It's a hug. You've hugged people before. You do it all the time. Even to him—you’ve hugged Jing Yuan before, but this? This is different. He cradles the back of your head as you rest your cheek on his shoulder and he kisses your hair softly. He’s warm, like the summer heat, and your body feels like it’s on fire. His fingers stroke at your hair as if he was trying to soothe your feelings, and it works, you sniffle and softly whimper, curling your fingers against his thighs. He's taking care of you and if only you could understand what you’re doing to him. His cock is slowly growing stiffer and heat lights beneath his skin as it does yours. You feel so weak and small in his hold and God, is it doing something to him. Your breathing brushes your tits against his side and he wants to feel them pressed against his chest as he pounds into you. Your sniffles and tears that form small puddles on his shirt make him think about how you would cry from overstimulation and his big cock stretching you out.

He needs to get a grip. To stop his gross thoughts but it's no use when your entire existence is an aphrodisiac to him. It was a short hug, no longer than a minute, but it felt like it lasted a lifetime. When you pull away, Jing Yuan can't look at you. He can't look at your flushed cheeks, glossy eyes, clumped lashes, and pouted lips—he can’t look because he won’t be able to contain himself. You clear your throat and sit up, wiping your eyes and smudging your cheap mascara. He’s slightly upset that you’re leaving already, so before you go, he pinches the hem of your shirt, pulling you back.

“It's gonna be okay, little one. Have a good day.” He pats your head and smiles at you. You get flustered and quickly nod, running off as if to disappear.

You find it hard to have a good day when you’re wrapped up in your head, thinking about Yukong, yourself, and Mr. Jing Yuan. He was a nice man, sometimes too nice and you were unsure if that was a negative or a positive.

His touches feel like they’re burned into your skin. When you think about his tight, warm, and world-erasing hug, your skin tingles and births goosebumps to the surface. When you think about his deep, reverberating voice praising you and denying the existence of imperfection in you, you run hot. It’s a dangerous juxtaposition that left you an unfocused mess, productivity being the last thing of your concern. How bothered your body felt was in big bold letters in your brain, and it was hard to not prove Yukong’s harsh words about you right. You needed to get it together, but it was hard when Jing Yuan lingered in your mind like a deadly plague.

You catch Tingyun up during your dishes duty, scrubbing the dirtied plates, bowls, spoons, and forks and passing them to the girl to be dried. She laughs at you, shaking her head as she spins her hand around the inside of the porcelain bowl. “Can I be honest with you?” You nod at Tingyun’s question, “his intentions are less than pure. He’s nice and all but I think you should create boundaries. I don't like how every time you tell me about him he's grabbing on you and stuff…”

You have an issue with seeing the best in people. You can’t see anybody as evil—their actions don’t define their character in your mind and that's a fatal flaw. You shake your head at Tingyun’s words, smiling, “I don’t agree. He’s just…I don’t know.” you shut the water off, and set down the plate in your hand. “I think he’s just lonely—”

“—He has friends. His golfing buds…?” She points out. You sigh and shake your head. “Yeah, but they don't come to the club often.”

Tingyun rolls her eyes. “Can you be for real? What company can you provide to a man who’s nearly double your age?”

On that front, Tingyun had a point. You’re still in college, barely coasting your way through your third year and Jing Yuan is in his mid-to-late thirties, pushing forty. He was a dad and you were a student. He lived his life—he’s on his second career, and you’ve only just barely begun working your first job. You never knew what to talk to him about and you never understood what he talked about. There was a disconnect, but you felt like that didn't impede the slight friendship you had. “He just needs someone to talk to!”

“Didn't know talking included his hands on your ass but okay.” Her snide remark makes you frown. He wasn’t all that bad. Tingyun didn't get it.

Her eyes immediately meet yours and she softens. “Sorry.” You nod to her apology, cutting the tap back on and resuming your work. You didn't like to be judgemental and you wanted to give Jing Yuan the benefit of the doubt. He wasn’t all that bad and you liked him—for the most part. She pats your shoulder softly. She does mean well. “Just be safe, okay?”

“You never know what’s going on in someone's head.”

It’s so hot. The weather forecast called for unbearable heat and ungodly levels of humidity. The sun was angry at the world, shining down harshly and roasting your skin. Surprisingly, the club had seen the most members today. It was filled to the brim, bustling and condensing heat at every corner that you couldn’t escape.

Your uniform was dripping in sweat and it was sticking to your skin. Your hair, pulled away from your face, felt like it was dripping onto your shoulders. You were hot. And luckily for you, Qingque had taken off from work today due to the heat, leaving her shift open. You swooped in and took the role, slipping off your uniform when the clock hit 2:30 and sliding into the lifeguard swimsuit. It was tight fitting but comfortable and paired with the visor blocking the mean sun from your face, you felt fine.

Lathering a security layer of sunscreen onto your skin, you make your way to the pool, reciting Yukong’s words in your head. You had met with her at the beginning of your shift where she told you this was your last chance. Lifeguarding wasn’t some fun easy-money task. Screwing around the way you usually do could be at the cost of someone’s life and she wouldn’t put anyone at risk. At all. So you go with your head up and a warm smile, climbing up and sitting down with a hawk eye on the pool.

The water was clear blue and rippling. Bare flesh and bright swimsuits are blurred and hazy under the surface of the water. It’s a nostalgic scene, sweet chatter and giggles from the playing children, splashing water, and pattering wet feet on the hot pavement work together to induce peace upon you. This is a scene you could get used to, especially when Jing Yuan emerges from the water.

He looks divine. His upper body is exposed, large muscles flexed as he lifts his body weight from beneath the water, resting on the edge of the pool. His water-darkened hair slumps heavily in his ponytail, flipping over as he shakes his head, ridding of the water. And the water spills down his skin deliciously, thick droplets pathing down his body. It’s a sight to behold and you can't help but stare.

Jing Yuan wonders if this is how you feel. Ogled and objectified down to the bone. Your shade-hidden eyes bore into him when they should be watching the children. But he likes it. He feels like today is going to be a good day.

He comes to the pool often, usually just watching Yanqing show him his “tricks”, but he notices the order. The lifeguards cycle every forty-five minutes. He noticed it the first time when one of them took off immediately after jumping in after a panicking Yanqing, but today it was going to come to his aid. Today was the day. He’d waited too long, thought about it too hard…Jing Yuan’s fantasy world was going to pour into reality. That in itself was a terrible horror.

He waits patiently for forty-five minutes. Splashing water with his son occasionally, stepping out of the pool for a rest, or waving at you as he floats atop the water. Forty-five minutes. Tick tock.

He stops you on your way inside. His towel was thrown over his shoulder and his wet hair slung up into his fixed ponytail. You’re so enthralled by his state that you aren't taking into consideration the lazily fabricated lie that he needed your urgent attention to. You were no dummy. Jing Yuan is an overly attractive man, but he was out of your league and the father to a boy only seven years younger than you. Your lives were incompatible and frankly, he wasn't what you were looking for. Attractive? Yes. Boyfriend material? Not so much.

Regardless, you follow him to the locker room to look for his supposed missing watch. You ask him where his locker is located and he points around the corner, “125D.” His locker is tucked off around the corner, deep in the row and far from anyone’s initial line of sight. You see his golf bag resting against the wall and Yanqing’s goggles on the bench and make your way to it, “Where did you last have the watch?”

This was way out of your jurisdiction, and, besides, he was the police chief—what the hell could you do to help him find a missing watch? Nonetheless, you listen intently as he provides the details: he took it off to go swimming, placed it on the shelf in the locker, and came back to find it missing. You nod slowly, diligently looking through the slim locker. There’s not much in it and not much space a watch could slip through, so you’re confused. It's clearly not here. “I don't think I can be much help for you, you’re better off checking with whoever was in here last.”

And then his body is close to you. Your proximity thickens with the chlorine and sandalwood scent he carries, and his broad form towers over you. Your breath hitches and your body tenses as a large hand lays against the back of your thigh, running up your bare skin until it meets the curve of your ass. He doesn't say anything. Neither do you. You feel like you’re frozen, stuck beneath him, and that only urges him further.

His other arm wraps around your waist and he pulls you in, resting his chin on your shoulder and breathing you in with a deep breath. You can feel his exhale on your neck and you shudder, pushing away to create distance. Jing Yuan only tightens his big grip on you, “I want you…” he murmurs, leaning into your neck. His lips ghost over your skin and you squirm, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. This can't be happening. Not here. Not now.

You try to tell him that but it's futile. He presses his slightly chapped lips against your neck in fluttery kisses, wrapping his lips around nips of skin every now and then and leading a path to your collarbone. He steals a look at you from the side, “Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop.”

He now frames your body beneath his, pressing you against the cold lockers. You wince at the harshness of how he handles you—how his hands incessantly run up and down your body and gropes your assets and how he grinds his dick against your ass. He breathes heavily against you, grunting and growling in your ear as he edges himself closer and closer to the brink of losing control.

You try to speak up. To tell him you can't do this and that here is not the place. But you part your lips to object, only for a whimper to escape in its place. You’re shaking your head no but it opposes the sounds that leave you and the subconscious grind back of your hips. Jing Yuan uses his right hand to cup your pussy with a hardened gaze watching your reaction: your eyes widen and then squeeze shut, and you roll your lips inward, pressing them shut. He feels a slight throb when he presses his fingers against your sex, and the heat that radiates from you is all telling. “Stop fighting it…don’t deny it…you need me to take care of you.”

Kisses on your neck resume as he rubs your clothed clit, using the way your knees buckle as leverage to slightly bend your over, grinding into you rougher. “Can't you feel how hard you make me, baby? Fuck,” he whispers, his grinding now turning into desperate rutting. “Indulge me, just a little…say yes…”

You’re shaking your head no, fighting his words. You think that if you close your eyes hard enough you’ll wake up in the real world and this will have all just been in your head. The sight of the lockers in front of you dispels that thought instantly. You fight against your own body, swallowing down the sounds of pleasure that rumble in you at his touch. You promised Yukong you would do a better job. You liked working here. If she found out you had sex with a customer during work hours in the public locker room, she’d have your head on stake. But God, he knew what he was doing. It’s like Jing Yuan knows how to get into your head. All of his innuendos day in and day out, his flirtatious banter, and his wandering eyes the past few months have been test runs on you that he’s conducted for his fucked up memory log. So he could prepare for this moment. So he knew how to make you weak and make you succumb to his advances. You were a nice girl with a hard time saying no. You always indulged his requests and always did what was told to you. His constant “Say yes, baby. Say it. You know you want this,” in your ear was persuasive enough for your weak resolve. Soon enough, you’re quietly parroting his words.

“Y-yes…I…I want it,” you huff out, and he stops.

Jing Yuan lets you go—pulling off of you and spinning you around. Then, he’s swiftly pushing you against the lockers, caging you in with his big arms on either side of you. His golden eyes are richer, darkened with fantasy and lust as they bore into yours. His rosy lips curve into a sinister smirk, “Look me in my eyes and say you want me to fuck you.”

Your eyes meet, locking with each other softly. You’re telling yourself in your head that you can say no, but your mouth moves first, “I want you…to…” you grow shy at the words, and Jing Yuan smiles at you. He steps closer, grabbing your chin softly and your waist with his free hand, pulling you in. “Sweet girl…” he mumbles, brushing his lips against yours and bumping your noses.

Your kiss is sweet. It's the type of fairytale kiss, the type of wonderful kiss that whips the air out of you and has fireworks blowing in your pretty little head. Your lips mold and work together, and he takes his time getting acquainted with your mouth. He waits until you part your lips on your own to invade your mouth, and even then, he tenderly explores the cavern. He kisses you with dominance and experience. He kisses you with passion and desire. He kisses you like he’s in love with you.

You wrap your hands around his neck, pulling him into you, chasing his kiss as if he was trying to leave you. It begins to heat up. Impatience grows like mold between the two of you, you begin to want and need each other more. His hand gripping your chin wraps briefly around your neck to pull you closer, and his hand around your waist moves to your ass, cupping a cheek in his palm and roughly squeezing. He sucks on your tongue, moaning deeply into your mouth. Teeth start to clash and tongues start to bump and spin, spit dribbling out of your mouths. He bites onto your bottom lip as he pulls away, and then catches the drool running down your face with his tongue, running back up on its path to your mouth. With your saliva on his tongue, he kisses you harshly one last time—a kiss that makes you lean your head against the lockers behind you, giving him access to the expanse of your neck.

He admires the hickeys he already left, kissing them tenderly before leaving a few more. His teeth drag on your neck, and he's pulling the straps of your swimsuit down your arms. It's agonizingly slow and you look away, not able to face him as he unveils your body to him.

It's like a dream. Even better than. All of his fantasies and perverted thoughts haven't done any justice to how you look—the most perfect, pretty boobs with hard nipples that are begging to be played with, the most gorgeous frame that pops even more without your clothes, your dips and curves begging to be filled by his grip, and your pretty pussy, which he takes his time getting to and unveiling. He gets on his knees, kisses your soft thighs, and slowly pulls your swimsuit down to your ankles. You try to hide, feeling vulnerable and anxious in your fully naked state but he pulls your legs apart, kissing the inside of your thigh. “You’re beautiful…”

“Prettiest thing I've ever seen…” he says, trailing up your legs. He doesn't give you time to fall into your mind. He exhales deeply, letting the air from his nose blow against your pussy. You squirm but he pulls your legs apart again, looking up at you as he places a chaste kiss on your slit.

You’re already wet, susceptible to his touch, and fragile. You slightly leak past your labia and his lips shine in your slick. Eye contact remains as he licks your arousal off his lips, swallowing your taste with a satisfied hum. “So sweet, too. Better than I ever imagined.”

Something about his admission flusters you. You knew he enjoyed your company, but you didn't know he put thought into you this way. It flatters you, to say the least, and your body responds in a very telling way: your clit throbbing and hole clenching in need.

Jing Yuan smiles at how you can't hold eye contact with him and how you look down at him with urging eyes. Your body gives him the okay your mouth fails to do, and he dives in, wedging his tongue between your folds to lick a thick stripe. You gasp loudly and slam your palm against the locker behind you, seemingly caught off guard by his action. And then he does it again. This time, making his way to your clit slowly, only to circle around the bud but not pay it any attention. And again, this time only lightly flicking your clit with his tongue and ghosting over it but ultimately focusing on collecting your sweet juices, slurping it down with an obnoxious volume.

Your position is fixed—you’re stuck. Your legs are draped over his shoulders as you basically sit on his face, and he holds you tightly by your soft thighs. Your gaze is filed unto each other, unmoving, and he watches with glee at how you react when he finally gives your clit attention. He wraps his lips around the bud, sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. You practically burst into tears. You moan out, immediately threading your fingers in his white locks. “Oh, fuck,”

He abuses your clit until your voice goes hoarse. He doesn't care that people could probably hear you. He wants them to. He wants them to hear his name flow from your mouth like syrup out of a maple tree—thick in lust and fatally sweet. Your moans sound even prettier in reality. Jing Yuan has come to the conclusion that you are one of a kind. No wild or active imagination could do you justice. He could eat you out for days—you’re just so sweet and so easy to please. Your clit getting sucked on sets you off and when he runs his thick tongue through your sloppy folds to collect your stream of arousal, you whine even louder, competing with his slurping and licking noises.

“I want you to cum on my tongue, pretty girl,” he says, pulling away from your folds. “Wanna taste all of you,” and he presses a kiss to your clit. You suck your bottom lip between your teeth, nodding rapidly, “Please! Wanna cum so bad…”

He’s determined now. Like a man starved, he practically feasts on you. His tongue is everywhere—licking and swirling from every direction and it drives you insane. You can feel the burning tension in your gut churn and to egg its release out of you, you toy with your nipples, resting your head against the lockers as ecstasy overcomes you. You whine and whimper out meek little “Yes!”’s and “Oh, God!”’s like those are the only words you know, feeling your orgasm so close that it heats your skin to the touch.

Your back arches and eyes blow wide, your body fighting against itself. You trap his head between your thighs but push his head away, damn near screaming at the top of your lungs that it's too much and you can't take it. This pushes Jing Yuan to do more, to tighten his hold on your thighs and suffocate himself in your pussy. Knock the tip of his nose against your puffy clit and probe your clenching hole with his tongue. His jaw hurts but he keeps it up well, humming and moaning endlessly to send warm vibrations through your skin. His name breaks off of your tongue so weakly and your head feels light. It's like something in you snaps, like all composure and decency melts off of you in an instant. You could care less about Yukong or anybody else for that matter. This entire room could cease to exist and it wouldn't matter because Jing Yuan has blasted you off to cloud nine. The feeling of his tongue swimming through your folds is pleasure in its purest form and it pushes you to the deep end, drowning you in overwhelming ecstasy.

The grip you have on his hair tightens and you pull the long locks as if it’d stabilize you from the wreckage your pending orgasm was bringing upon you. A silent moan falls from your lips, followed by an airy plea, “J-Jing Yuan, please..!” Your voice falters and falls into another broken moan. Your back arches yet again and your hips buck into his face, and there it is. That tight band in your stomach snaps and your orgasm wracks through you roughly. Your thighs shake and your chest heaves heavily—you feel like you can't breathe. And he doesn't let up, wrapping his lips around your sensitive clit for the harshest suck of the night, humming happily as you squirm and spasm in his hold.

You come undone, dripping down his face like a rushing waterfall. He cleans you up with his tongue, continuing to help you come down from your high even as you whimper and sniffle from overstimulation. With peppery kisses, he pulls away from your pussy, licking his lips clean and rolling his eyes at your taste. “You did so good for me, baby.”

A carnal glint shines in his eye as he takes your waist in his hands, pulling you into him for a kiss. Your lips connect with fervor. He immediately establishes dominance, invading your mouth with hunger and greed. Your teeth clash and knock and your tongue is bullied by his. Your taste on his mouth is strong and it's hard to ignore it, and on him, it tastes wonderful. Your legs are jelly, useless. He holds you up with his hands but ultimately decides to press you against the lockers once again, grinding his painfully aching hard-on onto your thigh. No. This can't happen. The longer you're in the locker room with him, the more risk that's run. People are going to start leaving the club soon, and you don't know what you’d do if they caught you like this.

You try to push him away but he only presses into you more, rutting against you more desperately and aggressively. You gave him an inch, and now he's going to take a mile.

He growls against your lips before pulling away, resting his forehead on yours. “Gotta have you, baby,” he starts, pulling down his swim trunks. His hard cock jumps out, leaking and hard and so thick it makes your eyes bulge out of your head. You can't do this. You open your mouth to protest but he just kisses you again, shutting you down instantly. He takes your hand in his, bringing it down to his dick, and forces you to hold his girth in your hand. He's heavy and hard. Two prominent veins bulge and throb and his angry tip spills milky beads of precum into a pool in his slit. He makes you jerk him off, groaning into your mouth deeply, “Fuck. Need you so bad, little one. Need your sweet little pussy wrapped around me, need to feel you, to fill you—oh, fuck. Let me? Give me that, please.”

He practically begs you. He ruts into your hand and speaks into your mouth like a bitch in heat—you’re finding it hard to deny him. And he keeps begging. Keeps nipping at your lips and swiping your jaw now and then with his tongue. He's desperate. And you feel like you have no choice. “…Okay.”

Jing Yuan doesn't notice the uncertainty in your tone. He nearly jumps for joy, kissing you so passionately and hooking his hands on your ass, hoisting you up into the air. You squeal and he laughs, kissing you again as he properly positions his tip at your entrance. “Been thinking about this since I first laid eyes on you,”

As he starts talking, he slowly slides you down on his length. You gasp and wince—he’s so fucking big. Your nails immediately dig into his shoulders and you try to brace yourself, but good God, it’s like he’s splitting your body into two. He slowly sinks in, kissing your cheeks and mumbling praises that don't do much to ease the burn of the stretch. You almost want to stop, but he's like a brick wall. Impossible to get through.

“You’re so tight…” He feels like he’s breaking you in. Like you’re untouched and not prepared to take him and it sets him off. Your whimpers are sweet and the way you hug him like you're scared to let go ignites that all-too-familiar carnal flame. He wants to ravage you. It takes a few moments but he finally bottoms out with a deep groan. “So tight…so wet…fuck, it's like you’re made for me.” He does an experimental thrust and his heart swells at how you moan into his ear and clench around him tighter. “Taking me so well,”

This starts a rhythm of slow thrusts, the two of your bodies getting to know each other. Jing Yuan is so big and he feels even bigger inside of you. Your cunt feels like it's being reformed in its shape, stretching around him widely to accommodate every bit of him. And your pussy around him was so worth the wait. Your gummy walls welcome him with a tight, warm hug, and you leak down his length unabashedly. The combination of your arousal and his slow thrusts get you two acquainted quickly, and he steadily starts to pick up the pace.

Jing Yuan has shortly found his rhythm. He thrusts up into you while simultaneously maneuvering your hips down and you’ve never felt anything like this before. He pounds you. Hard. Rough. And slowly gains speed. His heavy balls slap at your ass and your puffy clit kisses his pelvis and it all makes you weak. You bury your head into his neck and pull him closer to you, feeling enveloped in his strong hold. How he's easily able to hold you up and fuck you the way is he makes your stomach churn and knot. There's a rhythmic slapping that coordinates with his grunts and your cries and it's so loud and lewd, you’re sure the whole country club knows what you're doing. But it doesn't bother you. Because yet again, Jing Yuan works your body like an expert, plunging into your depths so well that you can't do anything but clench and drip around him like a broken faucet.

His hands are on your ass, squeezing and slapping your cheeks to make you squeal out, practically yelling his name for the masses. It all feels too good. He knows what he's doing—how to angle his hips and find your G-spot almost instantly and abuse it until you feel like your brain has melted into mush, how to mix the pain of his calloused hands slapping your ass sweetly with the pleasure he bestows upon you, how to sweet-talk into your ear and flatter you so well that butterflies are born in your tummy and your hole clenches even tighter around him. He's experienced. He's taking your body on a trip it's sure to never forget and never replicate, and you wish you knew how he did it, because he’s only been thrusting into you for a few minutes and you feel like you're about to explode.

He's now pounding into you more furiously, and you chalk that up to his orgasm approaching him as well. “I'm gonna cum again—!” you announce, voice low in a broken whisper. His thrusts get sloppy and he grunts to concur, “Me too—look at me,”

Your eyes meet and this might be the rawest moment you've ever had with Jing Yuan. There's nothing but passion and adoration in his golden eyes as he looks at you. And as he kisses you for the nth time this evening, it's soft. Kind. A complete one-eighty from how desperately and angrily he bullies his thick cock into your drooling cunt. “Cum with me.” It's more of a demand than a request, but you nod in understanding anyway. You want to feel him throb and empty out his balls inside you. You want to hear his voice crack and break as he moans out your praises. You want to feel him give it to you until he can't anymore.

He snaps his hips into you, hard and one at a time. He goes as deep as possible, making your eyes blow wide and spill tears. He's so deep in your stomach it's almost like he pops the bubble of your orgasm himself, and you're spilling all over him in a matter of seconds. It was unexpected and you drawl out a whiny moan, grinding your hips back onto him subconsciously. Your orgasm makes him follow suit, and soon enough, you're filled to the brim with his semen. Warm ropes mix nastily with your own release and it drips out of your hole as he continues to thrust through your orgasms.

“Oh shit…’s good, little one.” He kisses your cheek and carries you to the bench, laying you down. “One more for me, ‘kay?”

Your mind is lagging behind. You didn't even catch his statement until he was sliding into you again, pressing your hands against your stomach to feel him inside of you. “So deep…”

“Yeah? Feels good, doesn't it?” He wastes no time, not sparing a second to waste. You're still so sensitive, and so is he, and everything is so sloppy. So messy. Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he finds your sweet spot again, and fuck, it feels so good. “‘M not gonna last…”

Jing Yuan basically crushes you against the hard bench, closing the proximity between you two and harboring the flame between your chests. His head in the crook of your neck shakes, “Me neither. Want you to keep it all in.” His pathetic rutting elicits the wettest sounds from your pussy, and the empty locker room echoes it around with bass. He runs on and on about stuffing you full, fucking his kids into you and you don't know what at what point that started to sound good to you. Your belly rumbled in that all-too-familiar wait, your orgasm wasted no time in building.

Your eyes start to tear even harder and white blotches soon cover your whole line of sight—but not before Jing Yuan stills inside of you, dumping his second load inside of you with a guttural groan and clench of his abdomen. He rubs rough circles on your clit, murmuring about how you can do it until you clench around him, squirming beneath him as your orgasm hits you again. He doesn't pull out. He keeps you plugged up with his cock, forbidding his cum from leaving you. You didn't expect this to happen. Ever. But Jing Yuan? He always knew. It was just a matter of when.

So when your sight returns and you open your eyes to see him leaning over you, you smile happily. It was almost like you're Cinderella and he's Prince Charming, coming to rescue you from your hellish job in the most unconventional way possible. But unconventional feels good.

He won. No matter what he had to do, he won. His fantasy came to fruition and he would rather nothing else. This moment will be forever cherished, even if the distant opening of the door sounds off, and footsteps rapidly approaching bring you back to reality. He won. And nothing, or nobody, can change that. You’re all his now.

[theultimatesandwich]

Made the decision to watch the presidential debate tonight. Making a live list of some of my takeaways

Trump is a good speaker but damn he's spouting a lot of bullshit

Biden is doing good staying on topic (for the most part) and telling the relative truth but this man can barely public speak it's a little hard to watch (give him some water please)

Trump supports giving Roe v Wade to the states and on allowing abortions in the event of rape or health concern for the mother (but still defends getting rid of RvW in favor of getting it to the states); Biden wants to ensure abortion rights for everyone regardless

Trump is so focused on bashing Biden and fearmongering that he's avoiding answering the debate questions

Trump is very anti-Palestine, Biden is in favor of supporting Israel and trying to establish peace in the Middle East (unclear if he would support the Palestinian state as an existing country)

Damn ok Trump is still avoiding the debate questions this is getting hard to watch

January 6th oo boi I need alcohol for this

Gonna have to fact check so much of Trumps BS after this can't wait to read the news tomorrow

CONVICTED FELON MENTION BY BIDEN

CONVICTED FELON MENTION OF THE MODERATOR

And also convicted felon mention of Hunter Biden yep knew that would come up

Trump says the system is rigged and he did nothing wrong regarding his conviction yet also says the system was right with convicting Hunter Biden.....the hypocrisy I swear

There's gonna be so many memes after this debate I can't wait

Annnnd Trump avoiding the topic again claiming the Charlottesville story is faked (again can't wait for the fact check to come out after this)

Oh good a break good thing they did I think I'm getting a migraine

Weird they're running political ads during the debate feel like I should just be watching my silly local car commercials

And ANOTHER instance of Trump avoiding the debate question to rebute Biden like dude just stay on topic god damn

Alright I'm caving it's alcohol time

Finally getting to the question yayyyyyy

Yes Joe call him outtt

I should just have the dictionary definition of Fearmongering printed out or at least displayed on the screen every time ole Donny opens his mouth

Biden wants the wealthy to pay their damn taxes

Do Americans have better healthcare coverage right now??? I mean the whole system is just a mess Idk if you can claim that right now Joe

(Side note pleaseee let them talk about student debt)

I should do a shot every time Trump avoids the question and starts his statement by bashing his opponent

I stopped watching the Shibuya Incident arc of JJK to turn on this debate and somehow this is more upsetting

"We have the finest military in the world" ok Biden weird flex but ok

I thought this question was about childcare why are we talking about the military

I'm not going into work tomorrow maybe I should switch from a seltzer to wine. Or rum. Or straight vodka. Unlike American politics I have options

TRUMP AVOIDED THE QUESTION AGAIN SHOT TIME

You went from addiction to immigration again Don I'll send ya some neuroscience papers to read educate yourself before you speak

Spilling tea on both candidates now

Yes Biden you are old try and assuage the concerns you're going to keel over in office instead of talking about computer chip jobs

Yes Trump you are old thank you at least for answering a question for once this debate (but laughing at how he's talking about golf that's not as big a flex as you think)

"I'm happy to play golf if you can carry your own bag" Is Joe Biden trying to settle this debate on the golf course? Is this a high school sports movie?????

I thought these mics were supposed to be muted why are they all talking over each other I thought we could avoid this

Classic politics can't answer a yes or no question

Yes Joe drag himmmm there was no evidence the election was faked

Another break???? Alrighty

Closing statements??? It's almost over????

Biden: tax the rich if you make over 400k to solve inflation and debt and social security, Trump wants to tax you more, handle lead pipes and health issues and lower inflation

Trump: bashes Biden and blames him for all the conflict in Ukraine, Palestine, and USA; more military, more tax cuts, claiming he helped make more jobs or his policys made the jobs in Bidens administration, pro-veteran

Debate analysis time? I thought we were done

Ok I'm going to cut my notes here. My thoughts overall: thought Biden had good points but I'm not super convinced of his mental state for another 4 years. Hopefully he surrounds himself with competent people who can help him get work done. Thought Trump was a good speaker but that's terrifying, considering most of what he was saying was incorrect or avoidant of the question being asked. Wish the moderators had questions about student debt and made the candidates address the questions instead of just the repetitive asking. I did like the choice to have no audience and mics that silenced between candidates (surprised that hasn't been a thing longer)

Anyways form your own opinions, but please go vote and make your voice heard. Have a good night yall

Edit: caught a little of the analysis and thought this quote was darkly hilarious and perfectly summizes American politics right now:

"The most meaningful exchange between the candidates was about their golf swing"

[moony-2001]

Lore Olympus ch. 257-262 critique pt. 1

This one is gonna be split into 2 parts. I'm trying not to ramble on too much but I figure it'll be better if this bad boy is just split up. After that, I may or may not do more chapter critiques. I don’t want my content to *just* be chapter critiques

Ch. 257

I honestly don't remember having a lot to say about the beginning of this chapter. It was very meh. It basically just reconfirms what we already knew about the state of the mortal realm. I did want to discuss a few "stand-out" scenes when we flip back to the meeting room.

The bitter MIL trope

When we cut to Demeter trying to verbalize what's happening in the mortal realm, something she said really pissed me off:

Let me be clear. I'm not mad about what she said. I mean, I am, but I'm more mad at the fact that Rachel made her say this and the overuse of the whole "Demeter is a petty, bitter in-law that can't handle the fact that her daughter has her own life" trope.

Literally what problems is she creating from this plague?? First of all, this is a problem Persephone started, not Demeter, so Demeter confirming that the mortal realm is dying is not "creating problems". Inadvertently, the other gods back her up on this by expressing concern about the fact that what will happen to other non-immortal beings like the nymphs and what will happen if it spreads to the other realms.

I don't know if this is a callback to the original hymn, and if it is, it's in really fucking poor taste. In the original hymn, Demeter did not cause the winter "out of spite". She did it because she was fucking pissed that not only was her daughter taken away from her, but it was done so behind her back and without her consent. Also, can we stop with the "bitter MIL" trope, especially involving Demeter? I know MILs in real life can be a nightmare. Trust me, I know. But I don't think fiercely loving your daughter and not wanting her to be traded away like she's a set of golf clubs constitutes being a bitter mother-in-law.

Apollo

Yeaaaah Apollo is right, I'll give him that. Persephone is, once again, a big part of the problem. I know the gods aren't perfect. No one is perfect. But for some reason, a lot of the plot of this story seems to center around Persephone making these big-ass messes, blaming everyone but herself, and then doing fuck-all to actually fix the situation. Also, I find it hilarious that Hades is so offended by the notion that Apollo would accuse him of trying to expand his kingdom when his entire realm was built by slave labor. When has a slave master ever complained about having more slaves prisoners with jobs? Don't answer, that question is purely rhetorical.

Eris, my beloved

Ugh, the part with Eris is just *chef's kiss*. Especially when she transforms into Artemis??? I just??

I want to redraw the scene when I have time because I feel like it could be a lot more spooky-looking than it is now.

Hera

The rest of the chapter is kinda meh. Hated Hera and Apollo's interaction. Also, I'm pretty sure Rachel spelled "wife" wrong. A "waif" is a homeless person, particularly a child. Much hate to Apollo for what he said to Hera, even though Hera also low-key sucks. And yeaaaah. That's it.

Ch. 258

The handling of Hera and Kronos

Chapter 258 picks up pretty much where we left off with Hera. I gotta say I actually really liked this chapter. I know my whole page now is pretty much constantly shitting on the entirety of LO, but I gotta give major props to Rachel for how she handled 258. Was the chapter leading up to and including the interaction between Hera and Kronos perfect? No. But IMO it was still really good.

The reason why I say this is because not long before this chapter was posted, I and a lot of other anti-LO creators noticed there was a spike in comments both under Rachel's insta and in the comic's comment section romanticizing the relationship between Hera and Kronos. It was disgusting. Never should someone ever romanticize the relationship between a victim/survivor and their abuser. In this chapter, Rachel seemingly put her foot down about this and basically said "This is not okay". Now, she never outright said that anywhere that I saw, but that's the vibes I was picking up. Standing up to your abuser is really hard to do. And I'm proud of Hera (even though she's not real lol).

The one thing I did not like about this portion of the chapter was Hera and Hestia's interaction.

Really? That's all you have to say to your sister that has been going through a hell of a time? Yeah, okay, Hestia.

The ritual

Now that I've fulfilled my once-a-month praise quota for LO, time to get back to the shitting.

Besides the ugly ass art, I introduce a new challenge. The Persephone tries not to make everything about herself challenge: impossible. I see she's picking up a few tricks from Hades in the narcissist department. I've noticed, especially recently, that H&P has a particularly nasty habit of diminishing others' feelings or certain situations to make it all about themselves. I know I mentioned this in my last critique but I feel the need to bring it up again, especially in these last bits of this chapter.

Case in point A is that Hades and Persephone get so wrapped up in each other that they don't even notice that Hecate is, for lack of better terms, wigging out.

Obviously, she turns out fine, but seriously? You didn't even pay attention to her until Morpheus pointed out the fact that something was clearly wrong.

*unholy screaming* pt. 1

So you guys know how I felt about the whole nightie situation with Persephone. Well, you're in luck because the rage I feel for the last part of this chapter makes that pale in comparison.

This is case in point B of Hades and Persephone making everything about themselves.

When I first saw this I was kinda like "Huh???" And then the chapter ended??? I had to wait a whole ass week to find out but my fuckery senses were tingling.

Ch. 259

*unholy screaming* pt. 2

Boy oh boy were my fuckery senses right.

Literally, who fucking cares? This isn't about you!! You aren't the victims in this. They both started all this and they need to be willing to do whatever it takes to fix it. Persephone, to her credit, at least acknowledges that in a much nicer way. But yet again, HADES MAKES IT ABOUT HIMSELF.

"...it will come at a cost to us... we have to basically choose between us and everyone else." Uh. YEAH??? Jfc, stop being a whiney piss baby, and get your shit together! Choosing between yourselves and everyone else? Is that even a question? If you both have to sacrifice yourselves to make this better, tough titties.

The pool scene

This scene is what I was talking about when I mentioned Persephone's speech. But I still can't enjoy it. Why, I hear you ask? I don't know, MAYBE BECAUSE THEY'RE HAVING SEX WHILE THE WORLD IS BURNING DOWN AROUND THEM. Yeah, sure they deserve to have their lovey-dovey moments (I guess. Undeservedly so IMO). But how about you wait to pork until you've saved the world from perilous doom???

Also maybe I'm reading into this waaaaay too much, but tell me why I feel like Persephone just had sex with Hades to talk him off a wall. To me, it almost felt equivalent to "I'm going to kms if you leave me" or some other kind of weird hostage situation where now Persephone has to make HIM feel better even though this is about HER and how SHE fucked up. Idk.

Final notes

Well, that wraps up part 1. I know I've been gone for way longer than I said I was going to be and for that I'm sorry. Overall, pretty yikes but I liked 258 the best.

[aropride]

you open a 16 year old’s rentry and its like nick ++ 6teen ++ it he she ++ 💐🥩🦟🌈🧃 ++ vincian and you click random words before realizing the png of the anime boy brings u to the next page which is like

[ “OUT OF THE ASHES…”

dni: “bi bisexual” supporters (kys) ++ antis ++ bigots ++ use the window curtain flag ++ think demiboys can say faggot ++ freaks ++ authoritarians ++ dont like kys jokes ++ int. with user catboyblorbo ++ hate my favs ++ general dni criteria

[ “…STARS WILL RISE ❤️”

and by this point youre in too deep you need to know more so u click on random words and pngs until u find the next page

~~ 🧚‍♀️ smiling unicorn system 🦄 ~~

freq fronters: emma she it they ++ jace no prns ++ nick it he she ++ naruto gore rot xe

and the last page (which u can only find once u realize the “t” in fronters is underlined) is like

transrace (white -> autistic) ; 12-16yrs ; antis dni ; 🏔️🌈⏰🧪🥩 ++proud. rabies (selfdx) adhd (profdx) ibs (med recognized) ; ex discourser

and then ur significantly cooler teenage mutual sends u an ask letting u know that the emoji keysmashes means they go around public parks beating up small children for fun and in 2019 they were called out for breaking into peoples homes and beating them to death with golf clubs and thats what they meant by “ex discourse blog”

[maneater217]

Little Miss Perfect: Chapter 1

Y/n Von Gatton had it all. Rafe Cameron had nothing. His hatred was envy. Her hatred was arrogance. Y/n, however, isn't as perfect as all of Kildare may think. When Rafe discovers her secret, paths cross, feelings change, and more secrets unravel.

TW: this story contains substance abuse, eating disorders, violence, and sexual themes. Interact at your own risk <3

Chapter 1: The Server and Receiver

Y/n Von Gatton knew she was special. She had been told she was special for as long as she could remember-by everyone she could remember. She also knew that she had to stay memorable, which was one of the many reasons she practiced at the country club. She may have had her own private court at home, but the country club allowed her to show off her skills to envious teenage girls and desperate teenage boys.

Today was no different. She had told her private coach that she had needed a change of scenery and so the two ended up on the pristine blue courts of the Kildare County Country Club. Y/n liked how the country club catered to her every need. She liked how the place was practically pogue free- except the few that managed to keep jobs there. She liked being called Ms. Von Gatton and she very much liked that there was a small crowd forming as she played.

It was no surprise to her that they watched. She recently returned home from her first year at the University of Florida- showing the world that she was just as special outside of Kildare as she was in it. Her collegiate tennis success explained the adult members of the crowd- and the little girls who watched with admiration. Y/n knew, however, that it was a different kind of success that led the boys to huddle together and watch her in awe. She didn't care if it sounded anti-feminist to admit that she liked the attention. Attention would get her free drinks later or maybe even dinner.

Y/n Von Gatton knew how to get attention- and keep it. She practically had all of figure 8 wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger.

On the other side of the country club, was another kind of attention seeker. Rafe Cameron had been trying to get the attention of his father for as long as he could remember and for as long as he could remember, he never go it. The lack of attention turned into a lack of care, which led him to frequent visits to the country club to aimlessly golf with his buddies. Today, he had happened to go with Topper, his sister's newest boyfriend. He had always been friends with Topper but they had grown closer since Topper was constantly at Tannyhill with his sister.

Topper, unfortunately, was also the cousin of y/n Von Gatton- which was why he had dragged Rafe over to the tennis courts to watch her play.

Rafe was trying to look at anything other than the girl on the courts. It wasn't that y/n had ever done anything to him, yet she made his blood boil. He hated how every person in the crowd talked about how successful she was in high school and how successful she is now. He hated how she just floated through life without any regard for those who stood outside of her spotlight. He hated how she naturally always had attention- the one thing he couldn't buy.

After what seemed like an eternity, Rafe watched the coach give a signal to y/n that practice was over. His personal hell, however, had just begun as Topper jogged towards his cousin. Rafe silently cursed himself for not driving separately.

"Y/N," Topper cheered as he engulfed his cousin into a hug.

"Topper! I didn't know you were here," she smiled.

Rafe bit his tongue to stop himself from rolling his eyes. There was no way in hell little miss perfect didn't notice every single person who laid eyes on her.

"How was Florida? You gotta give me all of the details," said Topper.

"It was so great. The people there are literally the best. I'll have to tell you all about it later," she exclaimed.

Rafe loudly cleared his throat. He couldn't take much more of this.

"Omg, Top! You didn't even introduce me to your friend. That's so rude," y/n laughed.

She had to be kidding, or he was dreaming and this all was a nightmare.

"It's Rafe. Rafe Cameron. We, uh, went to school together," Rafe practically growled.

"Omg, I'm so sorry. I'm not good with remembering people," she laughed.

She was lying. She knew exactly who Rafe Cameron was. He was an egotistical asshole so "forgetting" his name was absolutely hilarious.

"Yeah, I'm sure with tennis and everything you meet so many new people," chimed Topper.

Rafe never wanted to hit someone with a golf club more in his life.

"Yeah for sure, you guys should totally come to this match I have," she said.

"We would love to and I really mean love to, but we have a party to throw," Rafe said in a sickly sweet voice that was dripping in sarcasm.

"Oh no worries, I'll just come to the party afterwards," she giggled.

"Bye, Top!" she added and then swiftly turned the corner and started towards the locker rooms.

"What the actual fuck was that?" sighed Rafe.

"Chill dude, she's actually a lot of fun once you get to know her," reasoned Topper.

"Fine, but you owe me a 12 pack" huffed Rafe as he started towards his truck.

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

Donald Trump rushed to distance himself from the Republicans’ highly controversial Project 2025 Friday, calling parts of it “ridiculous and abysmal.”

The ex-president used his Truth Social platform to disavow the platform, drawn up by the Heritage Foundation, which offers a 900-page preview of how the most powerful think-tank in the conservative movement wants him to govern. He acted three days after the man who drew it up told Steve Bannon’s War Room podcast, “We are in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be.”

Among Project 2025’s most controversial–and potentially electorally costly–plans are restricting access to contraception; using the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) for heightened “abortion surveillance”; and revoking a Department of Defense policy funding travel for abortion. It calls the line-up of policies “Restoring the Family as the Centerpiece of American Life.”

But Trump posted on his platform, “I know nothing about Project 2025. I have no idea who is behind it. I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. Anything they do, I wish them luck, but I have nothing to do with them.”

The move suggests that Trump’s aides are concerned that Democrats have been able to insert Project 2025 into the public mind and associate Trump with its most radical ideas, at a time when the Republican Party should be on the front foot. Trump has had a poll boost from the crisis in Joe Biden’s presidency caused by his stumbling debate performance, but there are concerns in his campaign that a focus on abortion policy would give Democrats a potent weapon.

Democrats pounced on Trump’s statement on Friday, using it as an opportunity to continue to try and tie the two together.

“Donald Trump and Project 2025 are one big MAGA operation, coordinating on an extreme blueprint to rip away freedoms and undermine democracy — and they’ve made it clear themselves,” a DNC spokesperson said, adding: “Trump can’t hide his ties to the dangerous, unhinged MAGA loyalists at Project 2025, and the American people will stop them at the ballot box in November.”

The Heritage Foundation tried to pre-empt any Republican fallout from Trump’s disavowal, saying in a statement on Friday the group doesn’t speak for any presidential candidate.

“We are a coalition of more than 110 conservative groups advocating policy & personnel recommendations for the next conservative president,” the group’s Project 2025 X account posted. “But it is ultimately up to that president, who we believe will be President Trump, to decide which recommendations to implement.”

Trying to throw Project 2025 overboard matches recent rhetoric from Trump on abortion, where he has attempted to navigate between his base’s fundamentalist anti-abortion position and the reality that there is wide popular support for pro-choice policies. Notably, on Tuesday, the Trump campaign released a version of its plans for the party platform at the Republican National Convention this month without making any mention of abortion. At the same time, Trump has tried to claim that “everybody” wanted Roe v. Wade overturned and abortion policy returned to the states. And his promise of a clear abortion policy has been coming for many months; it was, for example, due “on Monday morning” according to a Sunday April 8 post on Truth Social.

Project 2025 was created by Kevin Roberts, the Heritage Foundation’s president, who was lambasted this week as “a coward” by MSNBC’s Joe Reid for his veiled threat of bloodshed. “He’ll be at a country club somewhere, golfing, while the real violent people, the armed people, the Proud Boys types, do the actual dirty work,” she said on her show, The Reid Out.

Other aspects of Project 2025 include making it possible for Trump and his aides to fire tens of thousands of government workers by ending their protection from political interference. The idea is based on claims that a “deep state” is trying to prevent Republicans enacting their policies, but it would then allow Trumpworld to stuff their followers into government positions.

Trump’s claim that “I know nothing” of the people drawing up Project 2025 echoes his long history of denying that he knows people with whom an association might be damaging. Among those he has denied knowledge of are white supremacist David Duke; the Proud Boys; never-Trumper George Conway whose wife Kellyanne was his campaign manager; jailed 2016 campaign aide George Papadopoulos, whom he had previously called “excellent”; and most expensively of all, E. Jean Carroll. Despite being adjudicated to have sexually assaulted her by a New York jury, he has continued to claim not to know the former advice columnist, to whom he has been ordered to pay $83.3 million in damages for defaming on top of $5 million for the sexual assault.

[joons]

As someone who knows very little about the Beach Boys but is curious, I would love to know all the tea on Mike Love.

"Mike Love isn’t just not rock … he’s actually in the red, like the anti-rock. He’s in rock debt and should spend his next life wearing golf pants and selling hairpieces." — Tony Hicks, Riff Magazine

A real article.

Let me take you on a journey.

Every Beach Boys fan starts to hate Mike Love as a joke, and then it gradually becomes real. (Mike Love defenders, I am truly sorry; you are the devil's strongest soldiers.) The traditional narrative is that when Brian Wilson (the eldest Wilson brother and de facto leader) stopped touring and began spending all his time writing music for the band, Mike Love (Brian's cousin, lead singer, lyricist) became worried that Brian would go off on his own and leave them behind. Mike had good reasons to worry; when the band came back from an extensive tour in Japan, Brian excitedly showed them what he had been working on: Pet Sounds. Widely considered their best album, and one of the best albums of all time, Pet Sounds is chamber pop music, with a wall of orchestral instruments and complex vocal harmonies, interspersed with really off-the-wall sounds, like bicycle horns and theremins, all in service of a "concept album" (the first ever such thing) about a young man entering adulthood and struggling to manage a relationship. Oh, and Brian had already recorded all of this with the Wrecking Crew (professional session musicians, who adored him), written all the lyrics with a new guy, Tony Asher, and then ushered the Beach Boys in to record the final vocals.

Mike Love was probably justifiably a bit peeved that Brian had just like ... done the thing without him and without the band, but that was Brian's job; that was the deal they had worked out when Brian decided he couldn't handle the pressure of touring anymore. Brian was already considered a savant composer at the time and the key to the Beach Boys' success; the Beatles adored his work, and he was in a constant battle to do something as spectacular as the Beatles were doing with albums like Rubber Soul. But when the band came back and got to hear the full thing (Mike was consulted on some of the lyrics beforehand), Mike was like, "This isn't us, this won't sell." (Other members had similar concerns, especially about having to recreate these elaborate orchestrations with a few guitars and drumkits on tour, but they trusted Brian.) The stressors between Mike and Brian continued when Brian started doing an even more ambitious album, Smile, using a really avant-garde lyricist who dealt in poetic imagery rather than concrete stories. Mike once again spent all the recording sessions whining about it and resisting any push toward psychedelic imagery. Legend has it he said something like, "Don't fuck with the formula" (of cars and girls and surfing), and basically shat all over what would have been the most innovative pop album of all time (purely from a production standpoint, it was a beast, needing to be constructed in tiny segments and then edited back together using analog recording equipment). It would have been, as Brian described it, "a teenage symphony to God."

Brian, being mentally fragile, did not do well with conflict like this, (he had already, with great struggle, gotten his father, Murry Wilson, fired as their manager, after Murry's abusive, controlling behavior made it impossible for them to record) and the disappointing reactions from the band and from the public toward Pet Sounds and Smile essentially killed his confidence, meaning that he soon retreated from being the band's leader and took less and less of an interest in writing. (He was more involved than popular imagination might think, but it was certainly a turning point in his creative output.) The pressure quickly became too much, and Brian, who was struggling severely with his mental health, shelved the entire Smile project. It was not released in any complete form until 2004, when Brian had the support around him (hint: not the Beach Boys) to let him put it into an acceptable shape and release a legendary lost piece of media. And it was incredible.

Now, at this point, most fans are like, "Aw, that Mike! Always sticking to the formula!" while acknowledging that he was right about how big of a risk these albums were. Points were made, and Pet Sounds didn't actually sell as well as their other stuff! Smile was very weird! Pet Sounds was so influential among rock musicians at the time (the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was a direct response to it), but it wasn't a commercial smash. And music does need to be somewhat concerned about the business side. So maybe some fans are like, "Well. We give Mike too much grief for this, Brian had to be responsible for his own confidence, this stuff happens, whatever."

But there's never really a moment where Mike Love is vindicated. He is never satisfied to be "right" about one thing; he must be right in all things. As you keep learning about him, you're like, "Mike is just an asshole."

Very famous picture of Mike and Brian. You can see the whole relationship here.

The main reason the clashes in '66-'67 are still a sore spot is because they're a microcosm of the decadeslong war for the soul of the band. In the 1990s, Mike wrested control of the Beach Boys name from the other surviving band members after the death of Carl Wilson, Brian's brother (a saint, a diplomatic soul who kept the band together when they would otherwise be at each others' throats). This gets into complicated legal weeds, but basically Mike won the rights to tour as "the Beach Boys" even though he only toured with one other member. All of the members share in the profits but are not allowed to do their own tours with the name. Brian had no interest in touring with him at the time, and neither did Al Jardine, another surviving member, but Mike went after Al for touring as "Beach Boys Family & Friends" and successfully sued to prevent any of the other boys from doing anything similar. At the same time, he excluded them from working with him on the official tour. He has kept the band in stasis, rarely playing songs beyond the 1962-1966 eras, and keeping the band's image as a good-time surfing group, when they are so much more, and it grates that they are not more known for how musically significant and groundbreaking they were (I count the entire band's contributions in this, not just Brian, as many of them are great songwriters in their own right and did wonderful production work in the late '60s and early '70s). Mike stands athwart that deserved legacy because he finds it difficult to share the spotlight, and his contributions in the later years were simply not good. Mike isn't solely responsible for the Beach Boys being classified as a nostalgia act; that impression began when Capitol Records, their first label, put out a greatest hits album that sold far more than anything new the band was making in the early '70s. But Mike leaned into that, and instead of capitalizing on renewed interest by showing how the band had grown, Mike wanted to show that the band was exactly how you remembered them.

He is also known for being bizarrely abrasive at times, to the detriment of the band's reputation. When they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1988, Mike interrupted Brian's sweet statement and wound up going on a ramble lambasting other Hall of Fame members for suing each other (THIS IS DRAMATIC IRONY) or for not "showing up" for that year's event because they've "always been chickenshit to get onstage with the Beach Boys." I have never been able to get through this video in one sitting, I have to stop because the secondhand embarrassment is too much.

ELTON JOHN: Thank FUCK he didn't mention me!

He later blamed his tirade on not meditating that day.

In the 1990s, Mike began to sue the other members for damn near everything. While Mike was somewhat justified in regaining songwriting credits from the Beach Boys' early work (Murry Wilson had something to do with wanting to keep the credits for the Wilson brothers), he went on to claim that Brian including a picture of the Beach Boys in the album sheets for his version of Smile "damaged" the image of the band. Jesus wept. He also sued Brian for how he was portrayed in a (to be fair, mostly ghostwritten and bad) memoir without having read it.

The surviving members of the Beach Boys reunited in 2012 for the band's 50th anniversary. They put out a new album (it was great!) and toured together for the first time since the 1990s. David Marks, an early member who left during the first year, was invited back to play with them. It was healing to see them together and genuinely enjoying performing. Audiences were thrilled. Brian Wilson and Al Jardine both expressed how excited they were to keep it going, not just as a one-time anniversary tour but something they could conceivably do year after year, healing the split between Mike's band (with Beach Boy Bruce Johnston) and the tours that Brian and Al did together. But before any of that could be worked out, Mike just ghosted them, along with David. He announced that the tour was going to go on without them without doing a joint release. Brian and Al wrote a freaking letter to the editor stating they hadn't been told. So it's definitely another "Mike is why we can't have nice things" moment. He has described his exclusive ability to tour as "my nourishment and my revenge," framing it as a way of recovering lost royalties after being cheated out of songwriting credits for a long time, even though he was already awarded monetary compensation for that. In actual fact, he just cannot handle being upstaged.

Some other things that Mike gets flak for: getting obsessed with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and Transcendental Meditation movement, writing songs exclusively about the concept and trying to turn the Beach Boys into an official Maharishi touring group; overclaiming writing credits for his small contributions to certain songs; playing for Trump's campaign events; playing for a trophy hunter guild (these last two in spite of public disavowals from Brian and Al). There are probably other, more private things that I don't think are necessary to get into. None of the band members have completely clean hands in how they've treated one another. What sets Mike apart is that he makes it public and cannot move on.

Everyone has a different breaking point with him, I think. For me, it's his continued digs at Brian, particularly relating to Brian's mental illnesses. Even extending some grace to him for dealing with difficult working conditions as some of the band members spiraled, I cannot excuse how disgusting his language is and how much he clearly wants to erase the empathy and love people have for Brian, with whatever tool he has at hand.

For context, Brian Wilson was locked into an unspeakably abusive conservatorship with his psychologist, Eugene Landy, for a decade, up until 1991. The abuse involved improper prescription treatment that continues to affect Brian to this day. (He is lucky it did not kill him.) I don't even like to think about it much because it's so dark, but Landy controlled what Brian could eat, what he sang, and who he could talk to. He sold off Brian's publishing rights and represented him in public and corporate matters. Thanks to a longtime fan and music journalist, David Leaf; Brian's future wife; and intervention by the family (who had been cut off from communicating with Brian), he was given control of his own life again and eventually properly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. He has gotten to lead his own life again, making music that helps him deal with auditory hallucinations and depression, and working with who he wants to.

With that background, it's absolutely fucked for Mike to say this:

"He’s not in charge of his life, like I am in mine. His every move is orchestrated and a lot of things he’s purported to say, there’s not tape of it. But, I don’t like to put undue pressure on him, either, because I know he has a lot of issues. Out of compassion, I don’t respond to everything that is purportedly said by him. I’ve noticed where he says he really regards me as his greatest writing partner and that he loves my voice. Even on the 50th (anniversary tour), he made it quite clear he really liked watching me do my thing while he was at the piano. So, there’s a lot of positivity there.” (X)

So many layers there. He's so comically up his own ass, but the things he says about Brian upset me so much. He's so vile for no reason. Even if this were a criticism of Brian's PR or legal team, he could say so, instead of using Brian's past abuse to brush aside his opinions. He always does this thing where the Wilsons' addictions and illnesses are the result of bad choices, while he's never done anything wrong and was victimized by them. It's so infuriating, but it's also hard to get too upset with him because he's genuinely blind.

The thing about Mike is that he's so ... bad that he's fun to hate. Is he truly the worst person in the world? No. But is he actually the worst person in the world? Yes. His terribleness makes me laugh. That might have more to do with the cerebral way Beach Boys fans cut Mike Love clips, but goddamn, it gets me. (Beach Boys fans have had to deal with an awful lot of kitsch against their will, and I think this is their way of coping.)

LISTEN TO THIS MANIAC, I AM WHEEZING AT WORK.

(It's so crazy, he even added in that psychedelic riff at the end of the video! That's not in the song! It's just to emphasize how weird he thinks "Good Vibrations" is and how much he has to "apologize" for it. What is happening. Even when he is "joking," there's such a dark energy about it.)

In conclusion:

A real article. "His memoir leaves him neither vindicated nor convincingly tolerable as a human being."

[sommerregenjuniluft]

lune can you please explain obx to me, im so invested in your AU i just have no idea what’s going on

LMAO royal youre the sweetest<<333 okay here goes

the setting is a small-ish island off the coast of north carolina which’s population is parted into two main groups: the kooks aka the rich people living on figure eight with their fancy houses and even fancier boats, throwing parties and playing golf and sipping cocktails all day and then the pogues aka the poor ppl from the southside, living on the cut. the working class, the fisher men, the small business owners. there’s also the tourists but they dont play a big role. the main character is john booker routledge (named after his father big john routledge, an avid treasure hunter, who is presumed dead). his best friend is JJ, as pogue-ish as they come: father is a drunk, he’s always in trouble, skipping school, surfing, breaking and entering, the “i know a guy” in every situation kinda dude, he’s a doer, thinks up the most insane plans of action, impulsive, ballsy asf. his other friend pope, has loving parents, super book smart, scholarship smart, a little weird and odd, no rizz whatsoever, has his heart at the right spot. then there’s kiara (kie), lives with her parents on figure 8 but she’s always hanging with them. she’s all about protecting the planet, nature, wildlife, anti pollution and littering and super cool. the boys all kinda have a thing for her. at the start of the show there’s a heavy storm and things happen, a person goes missing, the police gets involved and it all snowballs into the four of them taking on the treasure hunt john b’s dad was following before he disappeared. things get really complicated when john b has to accept help from sarah (his boss’s daughter <- kookiest of kooks) and they go on a little adventure and totally fall in love ofc. little do they know that sarah’s dad is the bad guy of the story, because of whom ppl keep disappearing and who is also after the treasure. sarah also has a boyfriend which she cheats on with john b and she has an older brother that’s a cokehead and a bit (a lot) of a psychopath, generally. like, even off drugs. there’s something wrong with this young gentleman<3 so yeah, they all fight over this lost treasure and they get shot at a lot, have to run from the cops a lot and love each other a lot. it’s messy and it’s fun but hey that’s the pogue life baby

[monstrousproductions]

Hey hero, you know you posted the thing that was anti golf course ... well boy have I got a movement for you

YES YES YES YES YES YES

[cut-content-contest]

Matchups, Round One!

Botsun | beta Alice Yabusame (Your Turn to Die)

playable Zelda (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword) | Vah Manta (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)

life indicator rune | early concepts (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)

Termina Ganondorf (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask) | Unicorn Fountain (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

cut dungeons (The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker) | The Legend of Zelda: Mystical Seed of Courage

Yosuke Hanamura romance route (Persona 4) | devil Joker boss fight (Persona 2)

Moonjumper | Timmy (A Hat in Time)

Sand n Sails | Vanessa's manor third floor (A Hat in Time)

distilled emotions (Psychonauts 2) | Li-Po document (Psychonauts)

human woman (Star Fox 2) | Dinosaur Planet (Star Fox Adventures)

Michael Tutori (Wii Music) | fish render (Wii Party)

"like, half the game" (combined with cut levels of Monty Gator Golf) (Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach) | coconut.vtf (Team Fortress 2)

F-Stop | Cave Johnson cube (Portal 2)

Czar Dragon (Final Fantasy VI) | musketeer class (Final Fantasy XIV)

room_water_prebird (Undertale) | unused art (Undertale console versions)

twisted sword | everybody weapon (Deltarune)

unused Ralsei battle (Deltarune) | final boss battle backgrounds (Mother 3)

wolf howls | beast boy (Minecraft)

Rana | Steve and Black Steve (Minecraft)

beta Arceus | beta Giratina/Kimairan | ???-type Arceus (Pokémon Diamond/Pearl)

Pokémon Z | Paldean sea and skysphere (Pokémon Scarlet/Violet)

cut beta pokémon (combined with unused baby pokémon) (Pokémon Gold/Silver) | Kotora and Raitora (Pokémon Red/Green and Gold/Silver)

unused trade theme | Mew (Pokémon Red/Green)

Honey the Cat (Sonic the Fighters) | Tiara Boobowski (Sonic Xtreme)

good Cortex (split from Good Cortex and Evil Coco) | evil Coco (Crash Twinsanity)

8 beta colossi (combined with Spider colossus) (Shadow of the Colossus) | "Hot Coffee" minigame (NSFW) (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)

backdash | ancient_bench (Hollow Knight)

extended Abyss | Pure Vessel dream nail dialogue (Hollow Knight)

the Aviary | Daylight Prairie invisible boat | early Isle of Dawn (split from the entirety of Sky: Light Awaits) (Sky: Children of the Light)

arms on the player characters (Journey) | Omori keyhole cutscene (OMORI)

original rabbit designs (Splatoon) | octoling backup dancers (Splatoon 2)

Singing Mountain (Chrono Trigger) | multiplayer sabre (Halo: Reach)

Selph/Self | robo NiGHTS (NiGHTS into Dreams)

fur (Wobbledogs) | Ancient Castle Spires (Neopets: The Darkest Faerie)

Dude (Hylics) | FN F2000 (Hot Dogs, Horseshoes, and Hand Grenades)

BomBom (Angry Birds) | Snick the Porcupine (Pizza Tower)

Golden Deer!Ashe (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) | Jagen death scene (Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light)

Laura Cruz (Tomb Raider) | Kale quest (Eldin Ring)

Dragon King: The Fighting Game (Super Smash Bros.) | Melee selected animations (Super Smash Bros. Melee)

Meteor Slime (Slime Rancher) | SNES CD-ROM (Super Nintendo Entertainment System)

the original story (Bayonetta 3) | Kid Kirby

Bionis Shoulder (Xenoblade Chronicles) | pitcher plants (The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

Phoenix Wright heart eyes | early concept art (Ace Attorney)

cut character models | docks mission (Dreamfall Chapters)

Musa boss battle (Skeleton Boomerang) | the plot (Ace Combat 03: Electrosphere)

Starbeans café crossover cameos (Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga) | Bottles's Revenge (Banjo-Tooie)

Shipwreck Cove (MySims Kingdom) | MySims Agents 2

Shockwave (Genshin Impact) | doki17.mp3 (Doki-Doki Literature Club)

Satsuki Rin (Touhou Project: Embodiment of Scarlet Devil) | anti-piracy measures (Higurashi: When They Cry)

elh (Luigi's Mansion) | Tramplin' Stu (Super Mario Sunshine)

cats (Super Paper Mario Korean version) | dragonhead flower (Super Mario Galaxy)

[jisreal64]

Hi, my name is J (it’s not my actual name, but it’s the first letter of my name). I am a white 20 year old agnostic cisgender man (my pronouns are He/Him/His) with ADD, OCD, autism, anxiety, and depression who identifies as heteroflexible (meaning I’m a straight person who falls on bisexual/multi spectrum). I am also an aspiring creative writer/novelist as well as an aspiring femboy and catboy <3! This account is a safe space for people of all races, sexes, genders, physical abilities, mental abilities, incomes, sexualities, and religions (except for cults and hate based religions).

Likes:

-Disney

-Marvel

-DC

-animation

-comics

-superheroes

-video games

-Super Smash Bros

-Mario

-Assassin’s Creed

-Bioshock

-Castlevania

-Red Dead

-FNaF

-Bendy

-Half-Life

-Portal

-TF2

-Spongebob Squarepants

-South Park

-The Simpsons

-Supernatural

-Lost

-The Good Place

-Phineas and Ferb

-Invincible

-The Boys/Gen V

-Theme Parks (Especially Disney and Universal)

-Nintendo

-Mythology

-Musicals

Among many other things.

DNI:

-Racists

-Homophobes

-Transphobes

-Queerphobes

-Sexists

-Misogynists

-Antisemitics

-Conservatives

-Trump Supporters

-Pedophiles

-Mapsexuals

-Zoophiles

-Zoosexuals

-Disney Haters

-Bullies

-Wish Haters

-One State Solution under Palestine Supporters

-One State Solution under Israel Supporters

-Hamas Supporters

-Netanyahu Supporters

-Rad Fems

-TERFS

-MERFS

-Rad Queers

-Ableists

-Pro-Lifers

-ACAB Supporters

-Anarchists

-Putin Supporters

-anti-golfers/people who want to ban golf

-Islamophobes

-Christian Zelots

-Terrorism Supporters

And anyone who is basically mean spirited and toxic in general.

With all that being said, have a great day! 🥰

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Turkish Prisoner Job

So that name feels like a reference to the "Spanish Prisoner" (the original form of what is now known as the "Nigerian Prince" con). --- 2 crooked cops sitting in a car, complaining that there isnt enough crime for them to hit a quota. One of them is playing hexagordle or whatever its called. Guy name Delgado is leaving the house (that was the cartel from the OG series wasnt it?) Rodrigo is walking to his car like he's got shit in his pants. Cops plant a gun. And Rodrigo is about to be sent to prison cause crooked cops. --- Harry is at a courthouse trying to talk to a runaway prosecutor. Harry is already working Rodrigo's case. Its Golf Job Girl! (i dont remember your name, thats not an insult im just shit with names)

Its Harry's turn to run a con. (he still doesnt know how to steal a catchphrase) --- Parker is clicking a pen in a car. Parker is right, surveilance is boring. Operation Bigger Fish is a go!

Parker has stolen the free smoothie (come on man, not cool. This guy is only trying to prevent himself from getting framed by the cops.) Cops have taken the bait, Sophie is playing the "criminal" to be targeted. Harry is playing himself. (Sophie has brought on 2 understudies as bodyguards), also Breanna, why are you putting so many cuts into your camerafootage. Jumping from cam 1 to cam 3 every other sentence. --- Ok so the plan is to leave the cops alone around a bunch of cash and cocaine and let them "help themselves" while hidden cameras roll. Simple plan.

Oh Romero's family problems just chased him down in prison. Time for an improvised jailbreak! --- Plan has changed, tell the two stooges that the drug deal has been postponed, then kidnap Rodrigo in court. We can get the stooges vengeance for their victims can wait until after we ensure their victims dont die in prison.

Breanna has set up a botnet to astroturf up an anti-hotsauce factory protest. (probably based on the Irwindale Sriracha lawsuit. Yes i had to google the city.)

Quick read of the signs, prop department should be proud of the simple Jalapeno sign. Good work!

GolfGirl catches onto it pretty quickly that Harry is about to do a thing. (DAQ protocol engaged) Elliot is in a shared holding with Rodrigo.

The coffee is smoking. Cops are walking down the staircase, Beardy boy has a concious. Or at least is worried this might bite them in the behind. Woman is clearly the mastermind. "i did it by the book for years, it got me nowhere". Ah, so thats how we're playing this episode. The instruments of state-sponsored violence cant be evil only misguided cause what if the government wont give our production company their subsidies no more. (even the "evil cops" episode is copaganda nowadays)

And we frame the protesters for a chemical attack. Because the solution to innocent people getting their lives ruined by cops framing them for crimes they didnt commit is to frame a bunch more innocents for crimes they didnt commit. --- And the team enters in hazmat suits. Romero is having a panic attack/asthma thing.

Turns out the cops, while evil, are actually good at their job and now we have our victim charged with attempted jailbreak.

Harry has to make a tough call, cant get into a high-speed chase with the foodtruck (not only does it compromise elliots entire food-based Lucille army, the Lucille Legion is also not meant for stealth not speed) --- Sophie shows Harry her Eiffel Tower Salesman Trunk, mentions her mentor. (we're seeding more Sophie Lore) Harry has homework.

Covers arent blown, they're recyclable. (Narco in town on mysterious business, Federal officer in jail.) --- Did these bodies get buried in a tic-tac-toe formation normally, or did Breanna make this entire setpiece from scratch in an actual graveyard?

Sophie arrives to let Breanna and Parker "die" in character now that our cops are hooked. Elliot warns us that another hit is coming in the morning. (we're gonna have to kill this guy and set him up with the Leverage Witness Protection Division) --- Elliot reminds Rodrigo that the real bad-guy here is still theoretically the as-of-yet unidentified housing corpo that is bribing a congressman into presuring the cops. (if these people dont get rounded up at the end of episode, it'll all feel sort of hollow)

Elliot pretends to be a fellow gang-member/hitman angry that Rodrigo isnt actually a delgado.

Huh, using a key as a hilt on a shiv. Creative.

Cops are here to break out Elliot and Rodrigo. --- Old gator-zoo abandoned after Katrina. (turns out you dont need ghosts when you have Gators)

"im not a moron i just have a lot of concussions", His constant references to sportsball. Are we really weaving in a CTE storyline in the middle of this Evil Cops story? If so, its a verry nuanced characterdetail to give our crook of the week.

Billy Brainbash is starting to recognise Elliot from somewhere. --- The un-tied boat (untied as in "was never tied" not as in "has had the tie-ing undone") buys us enough time to fake a gator attack without needing to blank their guns.

Ok even if the guns werent blanks we just unloaded them on the "gators" so Sophie is safe.

Flashback shows Breanna making Gatordroids (i mean didnt even need a flashback. The gators were pretty clearly props by the way Elliot dropped them. Or maybe im just getting too familiar with the show) --- Meanwhile our crooked cops are at (presumeably the prosecutor's) stashhouse. Yup its the Prosecutor (McShane really was the smart one.) --- Harry presures the judge to pressure the prosecutor to investigate the Quota's.

Breanna found the Bagmans house. (turns out, cash money takes up a lot of space and only some houses built in the story-apropriate era have enough space between their walls. Add in his area of operation and it narrows down to 1) --- Harry Wilson, Law Criminal. Has a ring to it. (also the "con artist" line gets a 10/10)

[the-cat-chat]

February 17, 2024

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

A high-school boy, Cameron, cannot date Bianca until her anti-social older sister, Kat, has a boyfriend. So, Cameron pays a mysterious boy, Patrick, to charm Kat.

JayBell: I don't know if it's the nostalgia, but it seems everyone everywhere loves this movie. So since I had never seen it, I was excited to finally watch it for V-Day 2024. And I was shocked.

So here it is: 10 Things I Hate About 10 Things I Hate About You

Heath Ledger's character. It has almost 0 redeeming qualities. Not only is he a deceptive liar, the movie never gives him a sympathetic reason for him to accept money to date Julia Stiles' character in the first place. I kept waiting for the movie to say he was poor or he needed the money for school or a sick mom to help us think better of him. But no. Also, when Julia's character is suspicious, he gaslights her into thinking she's an insecure bitch for questioning his motives (like what???). Why do we like him?

The inability of any character to apologize. Heath Ledger is the one in the wrong. But in the end, Julia's character gives this "romantic" speech as if she wasn't the victim of the plot? And his apology? Oh yeah I bought you a guitar. AND instead of apologizing at one point, he just tries to force kiss her? Also where is the sister's apologies?

The physical gags. Why were they in the movie at all? The bike accident, the gym teacher getting hit by an arrow, a guy getting hit by a golf ball, the dad throwing the exercise equipment into a neighboring yard. WHYYY. It wasn't funny in the slightest and felt out of place.

The dynamic between the sisters. At one point, the sisters get a nice moment of vulnerability where Julia Stiles' character reveals something significant. And her sister is an insensitive, uncaring brat about it. And then the movie never shows their "reunion" or a moment where they actually come to an understanding. Instead the sister is selfish, cries about it on a swing, and all is better.

David Krumholtz's character. It hurts me to say cause I was a Numb3r's fan, but wow was his character not easy to watch in this movie.

The entire plot. Okay I get that they were adapting Shakespeare. But the original deal is that the girls can't date until they graduate. And then the dad's like nevermind it's when your sister dates. The change makes no sense. Why does everything depend on the sister? How is that fair?

The English teacher's behavior. He has it out for Julia Stiles' character because she has opinions? Anyone that engaged would normally make a teacher happy. Also he kicks her out of class after like 2 minutes multiple times for seemingly no reason which is so odd.

The flashing scene. I think the fact that her character would do that is so weird. I know this is probably an outdated "joke" that just doesn't resonate today. But the idea of flashing your teacher and whole class is just gross to me and not funny in the slightest.

The guidance counselor or principal or whoever she is. Why is she so horny? This might be another case of humor not aging well cause none of her actions or jokes quite landed.

The relationship between the sister and Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character. JGL falls for the sister on first sight and defends her to everyone. I wish that JGL wasn't a new student but a guy who had a crush on her for a long time. I think that would give more weight to their feelings.

Now that I'm looking back at this list, maybe I just hated all of the characters, the jokes, and the entire plot? Which is crazy for how much people love this movie.

Rating: 3.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I was going to be cute and make my review like the little poem and like 10 things blah blah blah. I can’t. I honestly can’t. Every time I’ve thought of writing my review my mind was entire overwhelmed by how physically affected I have been by Heath Ledger’s hair in this movie. God rest his soul but I want to go back in time to this movie set with some shampoo and a hair brush. I know he’s a rebel but plllssss does that mean his hair has to be greaser than the rats hanging out in the Burger King dumpster???? Anyway. I feel better now. And I’m sooo peeved bc Heath Ledger!!! Little baby me loooved Heath Ledger. And Julia Stiles. The Prince and me??? Hheeeeelllo??? Gawd I’m an idiot we should’ve watched that. Ugggg. Okkk. Baby JGL???? Forget it. Okkk. I have to say- I never read the entirety of The Taming of the Shrew, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say even in Shakespeare’s day it wasn’t this offense. Bc it is. And I now know that the odd feeling of false memories that I had “seen” this- weren’t “false” at all it was my sweet, kind brain once again trying to protect me from myself. Okkk so now that that’s out we’re speed running the review.

1. Pls let me shampoo HL’s hair.

2. The guy from Numbers. no. It’s a no. I can’t stand him. Idk why. I can’t. I think it’s Santa Clause related- can’t be sure.

3. What is the dad’s actual malfunction? He needs therapy and chill pills. Bc his obsession over his daughters becoming pregnant is so insane.

4. Also no back story really on the mom leaving thing??? Right? I’m sure it’s totally related to the dad’s nutso thing.

5. Everyone needs to lay off Kat? Like seriously. And the teacher??? Bc she’s got an opinion? And the stoopid model guy. And her sister?

6. Yes model guy gets his own spot.

7. Yes her sister gets her own spot? How could she not?

8. And this whole plan???

9. And the whole reason she hates model guy??? I’m sure you’d tell your sister that if she actively going after him???

10. And the whole Kat finds out/peter buys her love and forgiveness back/ but at least they’re self aware about it????

Ga. Oh make it 11 things I hate.

11. The scene where her and her sister “fix” things??? Just non existent- but sure show us numbers guy flying off the hill with his scooter.

Gaaaaa.

12. We can’t forget Ms. Perky. Whyyy??

13. The more questions the more I honestly fell I need to read taming of the shrew just to understand.

14. Ohhhh. And how did it literally take to the last scenes to learn HL character was called Peter?? (Patrick). Is that on me or was it never talked about? I’m sure it’s me.

Gaaaaaaa. 14? 😬

Rating: 4/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[hirugaymi]

lemme tell you about the new football anime please

It’s called Blue Lock and it’s my brand of absolute shitshow;

TLDR: the soccer anime is a shitty gay as fuck battle royale and your op here LOVES it.

First thing I want to make clear is that sports anime is a very vague definition because people who create these stories will literally just fucking do anything. Love it. You got your serious sports drama that inspire you to become better, like your KazeTsuyos and your Haikyuus. You got the fujobait/yuribait bullshit that’s just kinda themed around sports so it has a plot to follow along (Free!, Sk8 the infinity, that one about the golf girls dressed in lingerie I think).

and of course, the biggest contendant of the sports genre: the anime bullshit. Prince of Tennis, Kuroko’s basketball and, most recently: Blue Lock. 

Blue Lock is a battle royale manga that uses football as a plot but it is impossible to make any statement on said plot because the manga is kinda silly and is constantly contradicting itself but that’s not the point I want to make. This huge post is not a criticism, but mostly about me sharing my new favorite cringe. 

The art is stellar, I’m an absolute sucker for good dyanamic art in manga and BL (will purposely use this abbreviation that always makes me cackle) has so much power to its art, actually! Nomura Yusuke-sensei, the responsible for art and character designs, is very very good at his job!

(It’s hard not to get spoilery with these examples)

Anyways, when I started reading this thing the battle royale and the “anti-sports anime” aspect were the things that got me thinking I should keep going and, let me tell you, this thing does not go where you expect it to go and I will spoil you a little bit on very later plot details on this story, so just skim with your little eyes closed in case you...really don’t want spoilers for  BL anime

I realize this post will not sound coherent at all, I’m mostly spitting out thoughts about a manga that I, admitely, have not thought about that much.

Yes, they have bullshit powers in this thing. They have SPECIAL MOVE NAMES they have JOJO STANDS they have ELDRITCH FOOTBALLIC ABOMINATIONS. 

and it’s EDGY, good lords it gives the 13 year boy who watched too much anime vibes. I dig that cringe so hard.

The best part though? As every other representative of its genre, Blue Lock, the manga that has BL as its IN UNIVERSE ABREVIATION, is so unapologetically gay. 

As gay as a battle shonen gets, which is a lot, may you not lie to yourself. You like your BL with childhood friends and cliche high school scenes, they got you a WHOLE ASS SPIN OFF AROUND YOUR FAVORITE GAYS. 

Do you like your gays extremely on the nose and horny, I GOT YOU SOMETHING FROM BL 

WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

This manga has been my personal source of campy madness for a while now. I purposely look for the chapter discussions on manga forums just to see how people react to these and most of the time you just get guys talking about actual football (boring) but sometimes.... sometimes you get these

(TL: BL is about repressed homosexuality with a bit of football sometimes sprinkled on)

the purpose of this post is just to tell you, this manga/anime may look like a serious shonenfied reading on japanese football but that is far away from its best asset. The crazy levels of drama and the homoeroticism are what you should be here for, because those will not require any critical thinking (or eye-straining, let me tell some panels are REALLY hard to get through, geez, the protagonist keeps turning into puzzle pieces)

If you got curious about it and want to have any idea of what awaits for you in Blue Lock, trust your friend over here, this is what you should expect.

[voidsentprinces]

Last time on Final Fantasy XIV, someone put a child in charge of the military and just like name a fucking Mission Impossible, some rich asshole screws it up but gets killed in the process. Now its up to Barbie Island Adventure, the Warrior of Blight, and the child fuck up that is Alfrado to travel to Definitely Not Paris and save it from the clutches of another fucking Pope. But first we have to find the Antipope Joanne and convince her to take us to parley with Dragon Satan to save Notre Dame from Also Dragon Satan along the way we’ll fight a Jo Jo stand, those bug things from Mimic, the wife of Dragon Satan, the urge to not strangle the fuck out of a Moogle, the urge to stop the unwashed spikey man from being prejudice torwards the Anti-Pope, and B A G  P I P E S! But not before the Arch Angel Michael hurls a spear through our bottom bitches’ tit and ruins our entire happy future. Setting in motion a story where we have to fight Rocky from the Horror Picture show by way of Dio if Dio was even more taller, had DDDs and wore a katana golf bag and enjoyed being fisted at the end of time and space. But that is a story for another time, because the Pope turned out to actually be a bad idea combined religious hypocracy refusing to give up power forces him to confuse the eye of Dragon Satan in order to become the reanimated corpse of mecha Margaret Thatcher and her back up dancers from the pits of The Garden of Earthly Delights. As well as Tweedledee and Tweedleimportantotheplotbeunderutilized who fusion together to make the Ghost of Christmas Future. And to make matters worst because the spikey boy didn’t shower he is possessed by the soul of Dragon Satan who vows to get revenge on Paris but not before fleeing instead of just killing us outright because by the laws of MMORPGs all villains must give us enough time to get our shit together and kick their face in. Unless you’re a cat boy then prepare to be SHOT by Pepe Lepew. Don’t worry though after escaping a Metriod countdown, we return to Paris and who tell us not to worry about the stinky boy or dragon satan or even Scrooge McDuck on the Moon with our Doppleganger and kick back and relax its not like a tragedy so massive is going to happen that it’ll be like a Storm of Blood now shut up, take this coat and date this handsome elf. Goodbye.