#anyway i managed to ruin my morning before i even drank any coffee so its time to cry in bed now!

[pleckthaniel]

as a trans man who has become a political refugee in my own country, Directly caused by 1. autistic-women-being-manipulated-into-transitioning rhetoric and 2. testosterone being a controlled substance, frankly i feel like i should not have to say this, especially not in this year of our lord 2024. but.

trans men are oppressed?

if you're using "transmisogyny" to mean "transphobia against trans women", you MUST contend that transmisandry/transandrophobia is real

if you're using it to mean "transphobia intersecting with misogyny," first congratulations on knowing the actual meanings of sociological terms instead of making things up based on what you misunderstood from tumblr posts, and second this definition still means that trans dudes are oppressed lol

and, incidentally, if you see a post blaming The Concept Of Trans Men Being Oppressed for trans women getting their blogs deleted off tumblr instead of, i don't know, the Multiple Known TERFs On The Website's Full-Time Staff, maybe reflect on yourself for like 5 fucking seconds before ya hit reblog

[baby-blossoms]

Cold Eyes

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: 3,983

Summary/Request: “hey sorry if this is too specify but could you do a dean x reader where she grew up in a really abusive household and had an older brother but she couldn't deal with it anymore so she ran away when she was 15 and she somehow became a hunter and is now dating dean (he doesn't know about her past) but she runs into her brother while on a hunt and she starts having flashbacks so sam and dean get super protective and pull her away from him and she tells them about her past and it's like insanely fluffy”

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING! This story deals with triggering material revolving around child ab*se. Ab*sive Father, Cussing, Alcoholism, Blasphemy (taking the Lord's name in vain.) ((Apologies to those I offended, I’ve gotten a few messages about this)) Mentions of high anxiety and panic attacks. All around, if you are triggered easily, I would not recommend this story for you. 

**** BELOW THE CUT IS POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL ****

      “Y/N, if you leave this house, you better hope I never fucking see you again!” 

       You flinched as your father slammed his fists against your bedroom door, trying to push it open. A barricade of practically anything you could possibly push in front of it was currently the only thing keeping you safe. You had finally had enough. Your father drank alcohol like water and used you as a punching bag. Your brother took his anger at your father out on you, and God knows where your mother was half the time. No fifteen year old should have to go through any of it. Your yearning for escape had finally overpowered your fear of your father, and you were frantically shoving anything you could think of needing into a duffel bag before he could manage to get past your haphazard barricade. 

      “Trust me, I promise we’ll never be anywhere near each other again.” 

You said, knowing full well your father couldn’t hear you over his own drunken screams of outrage. 

      Yanking your window open, you kicked out the screen, climbed out of it, and ran like hell. The promise you made to your father that night was one you planned on keeping for the rest of your life. 

       You ran down your street, but it never seemed to end, only growing longer with every step you took. Turning to look behind you, you saw your father coming closer to you by the second, his hand raised, ready to hurt you more than he ever did before. He caught you, and you kicked and struggled as hard as you could, trying desperately to escape his grasp. His eyes were just as you remembered, they lacked any shred of empathy, humanity even. Other children grew up fearing the boogeyman, you were terrified of your own father and his cold eyes. 

      “Y/N!” 

His voice sounded wrong, too deep, too gravely. 

       “Y/N?”

Your eyes shot open to Dean hovering above you, his eyebrows knit in concern. You held back a heavy sigh of relief. 

      “Baby, you kicked the hell out of me. Are you okay?”

You checked the clock next to your crappy hotel bed. Six in the morning. Your dreams liked to torment you with memories of your childhood, especially the night you escaped that godforsaken house. You had run for your life, and your father never caught up to you, but your brain liked to play the lovely ‘what if you didn’t escape, though?’ game. 

        “I’m sorry, hun. Jus’ go back to sleep…” 

       Dean stared at you for a moment, then giving you a soft kiss before collapsing back onto the bed to gain some much-needed rest. You knew you weren’t going back to sleep. Sleep never came easy to you, but it was ten times more elusive after a nightmare about your childhood. 

      You sighed in annoyance at your own brain for weaving such cruel dreams into your night. Deciding to get some coffee, you got ready for the day as quietly as possible, tiptoeing around the boys as if they were sleeping bears, which they practically were. The town you were in was too close to your “home” town. You knew it was unlikely you’d see your father, he rarely left the house unless he needed to earn some money or burn it all on beer again. Either way, there was a constant dread in your stomach the moment Dean pulled Baby into the janky little town.

---

      “Hey, I got coffee!” you said as you entered the room once more. Sam was already pouring over something on the laptop. Dean sat staring blankly at one of his knives, most likely examining it for any imperfections as he had nothing better to do at the moment.

       “Y/N, I could kiss you.” 

Sam sighed out thoughtlessly, plucking a cup out of the drink carrier you held.

       “Sure, if you wanna get throat-punched.” 

Dean replied without hesitation. You chuckled, placing the other two drinks on the bedside table next to the bed you and Dean shared. 

       “Sorry Sammy,” you said with a smile, “I don’t like long hair.” 

       Sam glanced back to you with a raised eyebrow, a shit-eating grin lighting up his features,

       “So,” he replied, “you’re saying if I cut my hair…?” 

Dean grumbled and pulled you onto the bed with him. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. 

       “Watch yourself, Sam.”

You stated simply, giggling at his face of repulsion when Dean pulled you against his chest and started kissing up and down your neck. 

       “On that note, let’s be ready for this case. We’ve definitely got at least two, maybe three vampires picking off people in pairs.

       You groaned in annoyance, vampires were so tedious. Dean laughed silently against you, knowing your hatred for the blood-suckers. You hummed softly and turned to face him, bringing him into a soft kiss that became more heated with every second. He smiled against your lips and moaned lightly, pressing you even tighter against him. 

      “Jesus, I am still in the room!”

Sam said, his voice practically screaming his discomfort. You and Dean separated. Dean sighed, letting his head fall back against his pillow.

      “Ya mind not being in the room then, Sammy?”

You suppressed a laugh at the annoyed look Sam shot Dean’s way before quickly collecting his gear and heading out of the room. The moment the hotel door closed, Dean didn’t hesitate to pull you against him once more. 

----

      Dean led you toward the library. Nightfall was approaching and you needed to regroup before the vampires had a chance to strike again. Sam sat at a table toward the back of the library, fully engulfed in whatever article he had was typing on his laptop. Dean glanced toward you, a wide mischievous smile stretching across his lips. You shook your head and simply watched as Dean stalked quietly toward Sam.

        “Dude, I could hear you from a mile away.” 

        Sam said, and Dean huffed in frustration that Sam had ruined his fun. You approached the boys, already uncomfortable with the thought of being stuck in a library. You weren’t necessarily in a reading mood, and it wasn’t like you needed to research vampires. They were what threw you into the hunting life. A piece of shit vampire had seen a young vulnerable looking girl obviously traveling alone, fortunately Bobby had happened to be in just the right place at the right time. He took you in and taught you everything you knew. He never questioned why you used to flinch harder at him raising a hand too fast than at a full grown werewolf snapping its jaws at your face. You were always grateful for him treating you like his own till the day he died. Bobby was a saint to you, more of a father than your own had ever been.

        Obviously you came in contact with the Winchesters, having been with Bobby all those years. Dean had taken quite an infatuation with you, and Sammy had a small crush, but he respected Dean’s feelings too much to do anything about it. You missed Bobby, but once he was gone, there was no point in you staying at his house anymore. You finally gave into your feelings for Dean and took to the road with the boys. Now here you were, only miles from the very place you started. Miles from the place you vowed to never come back to.

       “Baby, you okay?” 

       You jumped slightly at Dean’s question, you had fully zoned out thinking about your past. You nodded, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling in your stomach. Something felt off. 

      “Y/n, seriously, what’s up?”

 Dean questioned once more, his eyebrows were now knit in concern. You had never told Dean about your childhood. Every time that topic came to life, you quickly changed the subject or gave vague answers. You didn’t want him to pity you for the family you were born into. You didn’t want your shitty past to affect your future, and you didn’t know how Dean would react. At this point in your relationship, you weren’t sure it was even smart to tell him about it. 

     “I guess I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night, after all.” 

      Dean didn’t look satisfied with your answer whatsoever, and he went to further question you, but you swiftly took a seat next to Sam. Sam glanced at you, offered a small smile, and continued typing away. 

     “So what are we dealing with here, Sammy?”

You asked, leaning back into the padded chair. It smelled funny. You frowned, choosing to instead sit on the edge of the chair. You could handle blood, guts, and all the other things that came with hunting, but publicly used furniture like this was where you drew the line. God knows how long it had been since the chairs had been properly cleaned. By the smell that oozed off of them, clearly the cleaning had not been recent.

     “Well,” Sam said, pausing for a moment to finish up whatever he was typing out, “It shouldn’t be too bad. It’s two vampires terrorizing towns all over the state. Looks like a couple, honestly.” 

      You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Murdering innocent people and draining their blood. How romantic. You looked to Dean, going to make a sarcastic comment, but he was already staring you down. Clearly he was not ready to let go of your brief conversation. Sighing, you turned back to Sam. He looked between you and Dean awkwardly, clearly sensing the tension between the two of you. 

      “Uh,” Sam looked about ready to sink into his chair. “Well… anyway… I hacked into a security camera around where the last two bodies were found. Here.” 

       He spun the laptop toward you, and you squinted at the terrible quality video. The male vampire ate like an absolute pig, he practically tore his victim to shreds, splattering blood everywhere. The female was surprisingly neat and well mannered for a vampire devouring the blood of its victim. Disgust overtook your features as you watched them practically eat each other’s faces as well once they were done feeding. Kissing with blood smeared all over Dean’s face was not your number one romantic fantasy if you were being honest. 

     “Okay, well enough of that.” you cringed at the disgusting display of affection, spinning the laptop away from you. “Should be easy. The woman is my worry, they’re always harder to get. Male vampires love to run right into a fight, the girl will probably strategize before she attacks.” 

      Sam nodded in agreement. Not all male vampires ran straight into the attack, but most did. You expected nothing less from this one, especially watching the hyper-aggressive way he ate. 

      “Who knows, Y/n, maybe he’s smarter than you think.” 

Dean grunted. You shrugged. Maybe. 

     “We can never be too safe. Just don’t underestimate either of them.” 

You responded. 

    “Yeah, maybe they’re hiding something. Doesn’t it suck when people hide things from you?”

Dean quipped back. You narrowed your eyes at him. He was being petty now. Sure, you could see how not telling him everything might upset him, but you hated when people were petty. 

     “Okay, well when you’re done acting like a high-schooler, I’ll be preparing for the hunt.”

     You stood from your smelly library chair, and quickly made your way back to the streets. Practically slamming the doors open, you didn’t even know where you were going, but you didn’t want to be anywhere near that library and its god awful smelling seats. 

    Your thoughts were interrupted when you abruptly ran into seemingly the only other person out on the streets that night. You withheld an angry exclamation, it was your own fault for not paying attention to where you were going, but god it was infuriating either way.

    “Oh sorry.” 

You began, your next words dying in your throat when you made eye contact with the man you had run into. He had your father’s eyes. They lacked any emotion, they were cold. You felt a wave of nausea in your stomach, and practically jumped away from him. 

    “Y/N?” 

    Your stomach twisted. You felt the blood leave your face, and considered pretending not to know who the hell he was talking about. You never wanted to see him again either. The situation you were put in prevented you both from ever becoming as close as siblings should have, let alone nearly as close as Sam and Dean. Your brother, Danny, only got worse as time went by. He seemed to lose all empathy as the two of you grew older.

---

    You sat in your bedroom, reading the latest book in your vast collection. They felt like the only way you could escape your reality at that point. Your father refused to give you any form of technology, and wouldn’t allow you to watch television with him in the living room. You were only provided with books he approved of, or ones you managed to sneak in under his nose when he passed out on the living room couch. The book you were reading at the time was a perfect example of one you weren’t supposed to be reading. Anything revolving around traveling the world, or freedom of thought and speech, your father hated. 

     Anything that might give you any semblance of hope outside of that house was absolutely forbidden. He constantly reminded you that he owned you, that you weren’t even allowed to think a certain way unless he said you could. As you grew older, even being forced into homeschooling, you obviously formed your own thoughts, opinions, and personality. You never expressed any of these things to him, but rage started to build within you, buried under your fear for him. 

     “What are you doing?” 

     You jumped, slamming the book shut and shoving it under your pillow. Your brother stood at your bedroom door, eyeing you in suspicion. 

     “Nothing, Danny. What do you want?” 

Danny scoffed, slowly stalking toward you. You cringed with every step he took closer to you and your smuggled book. You knew this wouldn’t end well. Your brother would snitch if it meant his skin was saved from a beating. It was almost as if your father had a daily tally going. Whoever did the most wrong, or annoyed him the most would be punished every night. You felt as if yours were always more severe than Danny’s. Danny rarely ever got punished anyway, he made sure of that. 

    “I want to know what you’re reading.” 

He replied.

    “Danny, stop it!” 

    You cried out, trying to stop him as he quickly lunged for the book under your pillow. He held it up, a victorious smile painting his lips. His eyebrows knit in anger as he read the description of your book. His glare toward you shifted to pure anxiety when his eyes darted to your bedroom door. You tensed. You knew what that look of fear meant. Father was awake. 

     “What the fuck are you two making so much noise for? What are you doing Danny?”

Danny shook his head quickly, holding up the book for your father to see while he quickly explained,

    “It’s Y/n’s! I caught her reading this stuff, I was just telling her to get rid of it.”

    Fear shot straight to your heart, and you stared at your lap, trying to keep yourself from shaking. Every step your father took closer to that book was a step closer to your next punishment. You understood Danny throwing you under the bus this time, but still resented him for it. 

   “What the fuck is this bullshit, Y/n? I didn’t say you could read this propaganda!”

You let out a small cry when he grabbed your chin so harshly you knew it would bruise. Forcing you to look at him, he sneered, 

    “Going behind my back and reading shit like this under my fucking roof? You’re in for it this time, little girl.”

    He hit the side of your head so hard with the book, you became dizzy for a moment, and your hearing was muffled. At least you could only hear him screaming at you through one ear. That was only the start of what he had planned for you. He made Danny watch everything he did to you. Danny didn’t show an ounce of emotion the entire time. His eyes bore into yours. They were cold and unapologetic. Better you than him, right? That was the day you realized Danny had your father’s cold eyes.

---

   “Y/n?”

   You snapped out of your worst memory with Danny, feeling like you really might throw up, scream, run, cry, or punch him. 

   “No.” 

You stated, moving to walk past him. He grabbed your arm, so hard you knew it would bruise. You felt as if your lungs were collapsing in on themselves. You felt trapped. You felt like that fifteen year old girl again, helpless to everything going on around her. Isolated, terrified, and wanting nothing more than to run. 

   “Y/n, I know it’s you. You have dad’s eyes.” 

You tore your arm from his grasp, feeling as though your heart had stopped beating the moment you heard him utter those words. Those disgusting words.

   “Don’t you ever compare me to him! Don’t you dare say I look anything like that fucking monster!” 

   Danny took a step toward you, and you matched him with a step back. 

   “Y/n, dad would love to see you.” 

You stared at your brother, appalled. 

   “So he can beat me again? Call me worthless? So he can fucking torture me while you watch?”

Danny shook his head, grabbing your shoulders, 

   “Y/n, it's been years. We’re still your family.”

You laughed at him, pain lacing your voice as you practically screamed,

   “I will never consider either of you my family! You did nothing, Danny! He beat me, and you just watched! You stood there and fucking watched as he beat me! You just wanted to save your own ass. You never cared when we were children, neither of you did, so don’t you dare act like you care now!” 

   Danny’s eyes betrayed his apologetic expression. He had no intent on letting you go without a fight.

Click. 

   “Get the fuck away from her, you piece of shit.”

Your eyes started watering in pure relief at the sound of Dean’s voice. You were shaking, too many traumatic and repressed memories were slamming through you like a tornado. Danny’s grip on you loosened in surprise, just enough to let you pull back and jab him in the throat.

   “Mother fucker!”

Danny wheezed out, stumbling backward and falling on his ass. 

   You didn’t think, you bolted. You sprinted as hard and fast as you could straight to the hotel, not once looking back. 

----

   You sat in the hotel bathtub, trying to choke back sobs. Trying as hard as you could to stop yourself from having a panic attack. You knew something felt off earlier. It was your gut telling you to get the hell out of that town. A knock on the door almost sent you into a full panic until you saw it was Dean. You were terrified of the thought of Danny tracking you down and dragging you kicking and screaming back to your worst nightmare. The sight of Dean calmed you slightly, but you were still on the brink hyperventilating. 

   “Baby…” 

   Dean took a few tentative steps toward the bathtub, silently gauging whether or not it was okay for him to be near you, let alone touch you after what happened with your brother. You squeezed your eyes shut, drawing shaking breaths in and out, trying more than anything to keep it together. 

  “Do you want me here?” 

   He asked after a moment. You nodded your head in affirmation. Dean stepped into the bathtub, struggling to sit comfortably in it. It was comical how small his larger stature made the tub look. You let out a raspy laugh, and Dean smiled softly at you. He slowly and gently guided you to lay on top of him, your head resting on his chest. 

   You laid there in silence for almost an hour. Dean didn’t try to pry anything out of you, he simply rubbed your back and ran his fingers through your hair. He didn’t even need to speak to calm you down. Eventually your breathing came easily again, and you finally whispered,

  “How much did you hear?”

Dean sighed, his voice nothing but factual as he responded, 

  “Everything.”

You nodded. 

  “My dad… he was worse than any monster we’ve ever hunted. He hurt me in more ways than I thought possible.” 

You finally adjusted to look Dean in the eyes. They didn’t hold any pity, just sorrow.

  “You don't have to…”

You cut him off quickly,

   “I want you to know everything. I don’t ever want to hide anything from you, Dean.”

Dean nodded, giving you a soft smile. 

   “He would do unspeakable things to me, and make Danny watch. It got to the point Danny would get me into trouble on purpose- to save his own ass. He didn’t care, just as long as it wasn’t him getting the beating.” you paused, taking in a few shaky breaths, “One night he told Danny to hold me down while he punished me for speaking out of line. Even when I screamed and pleaded, Danny just held me down while my father punished me. My brother was long gone, he stared into my eyes, and it was almost as if he couldn’t hear or see me. I was only fifteen.” 

   Dean’s eyes were glossy with tears, you could tell it hurt him to hear, but you felt he deserved to know everything. His voice was thick and raspier than usual as he murmured, 

  “You don’t ever have to worry about him. I made sure he’ll never look for you, let alone touch you, again.”

You could only imagine what Dean and Sam had done with Danny the moment you left. 

   “It was my dad who caused those scars on my stomach. The ones I told you were from a hunt gone wrong. I ran away the night he carved them into me, and I never looked back. After a few days of traveling I was attacked by a vampire. Bobby saved my life. That was the night I consider my life to have actually started. Bobby saved my life in more ways than I could ever explain.” 

   Dean wrapped his arms around you, holding you against him as if the moment he let go you might disappear. 

   “I’m sorry about earlier, baby. I didn’t…”

He trailed off with a sigh. You knew what he meant. He never could’ve imagined it was this that you were hiding from him.

   “No, I’m sorry for keeping it from you for so long, darling. You deserved to know, especially with how long we’ve been together. I was scared it would push you away, or make you look at me differently.” 

   Dean shook his head adamantly.

   “Y/n, I’ll love you no matter what. I knew I wanted to be with you when I saw you smile for the first time. You could try to kill me, and I’d probably still follow you around like a dumbass.”

You laughed, drawing him into a gentle kiss.

   “I love you so much, Dean.”

You whispered. Dean kissed you softly once more, then whispering back,

   “I will love you with everything in me until the day I die… again...” he trailed off for a moment before adding, “I’ll love you even when I’m dead.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

   “I don’t think you’ll ever permanently die anyway, Dean.” 

Dean laughed with you, retorting,

   “I’ll love you every time I get brought back, too.”

[imma-fucking-nerd]

Promise Me

(Connor x Suicidal!Reader)

⚠️TW: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Drug/Alcohol Use, Mentions of Self Harm, Suicide Attempt⚠️

A/N: So as you can tell from the tw this one is going to be very dark and may be triggering for some readers. If you're going through a rough time and don't think you can handle reading depictions of these kinds of things PLEASE skip this one. I only feel comfortable writing about it because I've been living with depression and suicidal thoughts for a very long time, and writing comfort fics with my favourite fictional characters helps. Sorry for the long A/N I just want to make things clear and give a good warning.

————————————————

Your alarm clock blaring by you ears woke you up from your only escape from your reality, signalling it was 6am. Groaning, you lazily slapped the alarm off but made no attempt to get up. You knew you had work today but you just couldn't get yourself to stop staring up at the ceiling and into nothingness. What if you just didn't go in? Would anyone even notice? Would anyone even care?

No. No one cares. You're worthless.

And there it was. The voice in your head that sounded like your own yet betrayed you at every opportunity. Yet even so you couldn't help but believe it. After all, it was your thought wasn't it?

That's how it had always been.

Horrible words blending into your thoughts so seamlessly you managed to convince yourself they were normal. But no normal mind tried to tear itself down every time it was silent. That was the demon known as depression.

You've lived with this demon for as long as you've know. It was your normal. But recently it had been more and more frequent with it's hurtful words that spread through your mind like a deadly virus. The past couple of weeks had been especially difficult.

You tried everything you could to shift your mind to something else, anything else. You smoked pot, cigarettes, drank, you even slipped back into an especially dangerous copping mechanism. But none of those seemed to be enough. Every time they would come back. Your voice would spew venom at yourself in your own mind.

The only times you've managed to have any moment of peace was when you were asleep, or when you were with your only two friends. Hank, and Connor. You loved Hank, but it was Connors presence that really made you feel good. A feeling you longed to feel again every time he left. Was it just a silly crush? Or were you madly in love with him? Did it matter?

He would never love you back anyway.

Of all the thoughts that one might have hurt the most, because you knew it was actually true. He couldn't love you. He was, as he put it, 'a machine, designed to accomplish a task.' Therefore, it was a hopeless battle to think anything could come of it. Yet you still had hope. Maybe because you needed to have it to survive. Because if you didn't have that little hope, you might as well been dead.

It wasn't like you didn't have your reasons to hope, or maybe you really were that desperate. Connor was always so sweet to you, but then again e was sweet to everyone. Except Gavin. He would always get you a cup of hot chocolate in the mornings because you don't like coffee. Connor definitely didn't do that for anyone else. He does get Hank coffee in the mornings too. Then there was the fact you were one of the two people he talked to the most, aside from his detective work. Maybe he just pities you because he knows how fragile you are.

So, as you laid there staring up at the cieling, you decided to test that hope once and for all. See if there was anything to be hopeful about at all, or if he really was a machine who wouldn't love you the same way you loved him. You decided you weren't going to go to work that day, and you weren't going to call in either. If anyone were worried about you, if anyone even cared about you at all, they would check up on you, right?

Not if they don't even notice in the first place.

Hour after hour went by. No calls. At first you figured that it was still early and they probably just thought you were late. But you were never late, why would they think that? Aren't they worried? Not if they never cared to begin with.

At around 9am you couldn't take the overthinking anymore and just went back to sleep. You couldn't think if you weren't conscious. A little secret you learned in the game that is living. Sleeping was the best way to just escape. Especially if you were dreaming. That was the best part. Mostly because your dreams were the only place you could feel Connors arms around you, and his lips on yours.

When you woke up again it was 5 o'clock in the evening. However you didn't accomplish an impressive 8 hours of sleep uninterrupted. No, during that time you woke up just for a minute or two before going back to sleep at least a dozen times. That's usually how you slept most days. It almost felt weird when you sleep a long duration uninterrupted.

Glancing over at your phone, your heart dropped when you saw 0 notifications. Well, not including ones you got from youtube. You turned your phone off and tossed it onto a pile of clothes in the corner of your room.

Maybe they were just having a busy day and didn't notice you weren't there.

There was no way Connor wouldn't notice. He notices everything.

What you didn't know was that Connor was in fact not aware you weren't at the prescinct, but that was because he wasn't at the prescinct either. Connor and Hank had been called in to do a high stakes stakeout to bust a person who had been stealing and selling Cyberlife memorabilia illegally. They had to leave at around 4 am, way before you had to be at work. The entire time Connor was disappointed he'd have to break his streak of greeting one of his favourite people every day.

Truth was, Connor had grown quite attached to you. Despite the fact that he wasn't technically supposed to have any favorites. You were just so different from anyone else he had met. You were the first, and maybe only, human that actually referred to him as a friend. Or even treated him with a shred of decency in general. It made him feel....nice. You made him feel.

So, when the duo arrived at the office finally at around 4pm he noticed the lack of your presence immediately. He asked around the prescinct if anyone had seen you today and all of them, well the ones that actually talked to him, said they hadn't. He even went so far as to ask Fowler if you had called in only to be met with the same answer. Now he knew that was odd, that something was wrong.

He tried to call you when he was finished Hanks reports for him so the poor man could take a nap but you didn't answer your phone. Now he felt worried. A fact that only worried him more. However before he had the chance to go to your place to see if you were alright, he and Hank were needed to defuse a hostage situation at 6 pm. Of course, he immediately made his new mission his top priority, but every so often you would slip back into his mind.

It was currently 9 and you had managed to drag yourself from your bed to take care of your business in the bathroom a couple times since you had woken up. Everytime avoiding looking at your pathetic self in the mirror. But you would always go crawling back to the comfort of your bed. You didn't even leave your room yet. Not even to get anything to eat. It's not like you didn't want to, but whenever you thought about eating that damned voice in your head always ruined your appetite. So you just kept your eyes glued to your laptop as you laid buried under your blankets. YouTube was always a good distraction. That was until now.

Now that you glanced at the clock you were reminded of the fact that the work day had been over for you hours ago. The fact that no one seemed to care that you weren't there. You didn't even want to look at your phone. You already knew there weren't any missed calls or texts from anyone. No one cared enough.

If only you had actually looked, you would have seen how wrong you were. How wrong it was.

It was at 11pm when it was all just too much for you. Youtube wasn't doing its job in distracting you anymore and the thoughts just kept getting more and more persistent. The worst part was, you didn't even have the energy to fight them anymore. At this point, to you, they all just seemed to be facts. Like you were trying to get yourself to see the truth.

You weren't wanted.

You weren't needed.

You weren't missed.

You should just die.

You believed them.

Closing your laptop, you sat up in bed, letting your legs dangle off the side of the mattress. You looked down at your feet blankly. You couldn't even bring yourself to cry, you just felt numb as you prepared yourself for what you were about to do. Slowly, you got up and went to your bathroom. Once you were inside you made sure to avoid your own ruthless stare in the mirror.

You walked over to the bathtub and turned the nob of the faucet before sticking in the drain plug, not particularly caring about the temperature of the water. You weren't going to be using it for long anyways. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub you rolled up the sleeves of your hoodie and looked over your arms as you waited for the tub to fill. They were littered with many scars of many different ages. The oldest being more than a decade old, and the newest being only a mere few hours. You grabbed the razor from the sink and turned it over in your fingers. These next couple ones would be more permanent.

knock

knock

knock

The sound at your door didn't seem to reach your ears and were only met by silence. This caused Connor's LED to flicker into a pale yellow. Why weren't you answering? Were you harmed? The android tried knocking again, even calling out your name, but was met with nothing once more. He was just about to go and bust down your window like he had once done to Hank when said older man stopped him.

"Don't you even think about it," he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the android.

"But Lieutenant, (Y/n) might be-" Connor argued but was cut off when Hank held up the finger that was once pointing at him to signify 'one moment'.

Hank then bent down, with a little bit of a groan, before lifting up the corner of your welcome mat and plucking up a spare key. Once Hank stood back up with a huff, he shooed Connor away from the door before unlocking and opening it. Connor wasted no time cutting Hank off from the entrance and stepping inside.

Immediately upon entering Connor noted the complete darkness, but that didn't really matter much to him. Through the darkness he knew you weren't in the livingroom or kitchen, a fact made clearer when Hank flicked on the lights. However Connor also noted that there seemed to be no traces of a break-in or a struggle at all. At least not the definition of a struggle he was familiar with.

"(Y/n)?" he called out.

Silence

Connor moved through your home to where he assumed your bedroom. This was the first time he had entered your humble abode and under different circumstances he would've taken more time to investigate the surroundings. Get to know you a bit better. But right now that could wait until he was sure you were okay. He didn't know why it even seemed to be a priority but he couldn't just ignore it any longer.

Your room was just as dark as the rest of the house and also completely lacked your form. The only thing illuminating the room was the light coming from the bathroom which had it's door wide open. Before Hank could stop and scold him about the importance of privacy, Connor made a beeline towards the bathroom.

The sight that he had walked into made his LED flash a dangerous red and eyes widen. You were laying in your bathtub. Fully clothed. Water tinted pink. Your dangerously pale face. However it wasn't those small details that caused the android to suddenly rush over to your side. It was the two long gashes on both of your wrists. Upon scanning you he found that you had lost a lot of blood, but you were still alive. Barely, but he could work with that.

"Connor what the fuck are you- Jesus christ," Hank cut himself off once he saw for himself what was going on.

"Call an ambulance Lieutenant. (Y/n), (Y/n) can you hear me?" Connor managed to keep his voice calm and steady, a feat that took more effort than he would have liked.

The sound of Connor's voice, and feeling you body shift as he gently lifted you out of the cold water made your eyes gently flutter open. Your dulling (e/c) met with his worry written coffee brown ones.

"Connor...?" you called out weakly.

Despite the fact your vision was blurred from a mix of blood loss and building tears, you could recognize his form immediately. What you weren't sure of however was that if it was just a trick of the mond or not. A sense of comfort in your dying seconds.

"Yes (Y/n), it's me. I'm here, you're going to be okay," he said in the most reassuring tone he could muster.

As he spoke he took off his jacket and gently tied it around your left arm while doing the same with a towel for your right. Guilt and regret ate at you from the inside as you silently watched him, his LED still very red and blinking every so often. Hell you could even see the worry on his perfect features. Before you knew it tears started brimming your eyes before large droplets rolled down your pale cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice cracking as your fragile body wracked with soft sobs.

Connor froze when he heard your little voice but it didn't take him another moment to hold you close to his chest.

"It's- It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay (Y/n), I promise," Connors words were soft and confident, you almost believed him.

You heard what you thought was Hank's voice speak but you couldn't quite register what he said. It was becoming harder and harder to keep your eyes open. As if your eyelids suddenly weighed a million pounds. You shifted further into Connor and you barely heard him speak but the whole world seemed to be fading. Soon enough you closed your eyes and couldn't seem to open them again.

At least, not for several hours. When you did eventually flutter your eyes open again you were mixed with confusion, and then relief. You knew by the pristine white of everything, along with the abundance of machines you were hooked up to that you were in a hospital. As the memories of the previous night came flooding back your eyes dropped down to your newly bandaged arms, and an IV transferring blood into your system. Like last night, a deep sense of guilt, regret, and shame squeezed at your heart.

When your eyes wandered to your left you flinched slightly when you saw Connor standing next to the bed. His eyes were closed and his LED was gently flickering amber, you assumed he was in sleep mode. However as you jolted slightly at his presence, the sudden movement was enough to alert him back awake. His eyes fluttered open and were now on you, seemingly softening a tad the moment he registered it was you. Your eyes only met for a second before you shifted your gaze down to your hands. The guilt and shame made your eyes sting as tears threatened to form in full.

"How are you feeling, (Y/n)?" Connor asked, breaking the silence.

There was a certain sincerity you've never heard from him when he spoke. It made you heart clench but you weren't sure if it was in a good or bad way.

"I'm okay," you said, your voice hoarse and barely audible.

"Good, I'm glad," he replied.

There was another long silence between you two. The only thing keeping the room from being dead silent being the steady beeping and whirring of various machines. This time it was you who spoke up first.

"I'm s-sorry," you croaked.

Your voice was somehow quieter than before and it cracked near the end as your throat tightened up. You were trying desperately to hold back the tears but to no avail. Large teardrops fell from your eyes and rolled down your cheeks.

"I'm so so sorry," you continued, your body being wracked with heavy sobs.

Connor just stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do for a brief moment. His LED went from blue, to golden, and flickered a dangerous red before settling back to golden. Suddenly, he reached out to grasp your hand. His grip was firm yet gentle, and it captured your attention immediately.

Honestly, he didn't know why he did it. But the sight of your fragile and vulnerable form made his biocomonants feel like they were being crushed. Much like how he felt when he first saw you last night. Except it wasn't nearly as bad. Last bight he felt like someone ripped out his therium pump altogether.

That alone made him confused as to why he felt anything to begin with. It was a question he had been asking himself for a while. At least almost as long as he'd met you. He'd run a million diagnostics on himself and they'd always come back with everything working smoothly. Even after last night. It baffled him.

However at this moment, when you looked up at him with your big, glossy (e/c) eyes, he ceased to think about it. All that mattered right now was you. That was all the information he needed.

"You don't need to be sorry," he said softly.

You intertwined your fingers with his and practically held onto him for dear life. Connor noted how your stress levels seemed to go down at his touch, so he decided to take a seat next to you at the edge of the bed. Once you realized what he was doing you scoot over slightly to make more room.

"Everything is alright, just take deep breaths. Can you do that for me?" he asked soothingly, tilting his head ever so slightly.

You nodded and closed your eyes, focusing on nothing but taking deep breaths. Well, that wasn't the only thing you were focused on. You were also focused on Connors fingers that were laced with yours. It really did help. After what felt like hours, your breath seemed to finally stabilize, and so did Connor's LED, settling on a calm blue.

"May I ask you something (Y/n)?" Connor inquired, a question you heard him ask often.

You opened your eyes and looked up to him. You didn't respond right away, knowing exactly what it was he was going to ask, and you dreaded having to answer it. But eventually, after a few moments of him patiently watching you with those warm chocolate eyes, you slowly nodded.

"Why did you do it?"

His voice was softer than ever, and confusion was written all over your face as he tried to understand. You had to look away from him before you broke down again. A soft sight escaped you and he gave your hand a little reassuring squeeze. You knew you had to tell him, so you took a deep breath before speaking.

"I.... I felt worthless. Like nobody cared if I was gone," you spoke slowly, avoiding Connor's eyes at all cost.

"I stayed home today to see if anyone would care if I wasn't there. No one called. I thought that meant I was right. That I didn't mean anything to anyone. That I was a waste of space. That I should just.....just die," you continued, surprised at yourself at how you were able to keep it together.

Connor listened, his LED whirring golden as he processed the information. He then waited for a moment or two before responding. Wanting to be absolutely sure you were finished before he spoke.

"I assure you that I was aware you were missing as soon as I returned to the prescinct. I regret that I wasn't able to bring you your morning hot chocolate," Connor smiled slightly as he spoke, but it soon dropped along with his gaze before he continued.

"But what I regret more was that I wasn't fast enough to stop you. I'm sorry (Y/n)," the sorrow he held in his voice, and the flucking of his now amber LED made you squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"Connor, if it weren't for you I'd be dead. You saved me. You have nothing to be sorry for," you offered him a weak smile once his eyes returned to you.

Connor returned the smile. It was awkward but it wasn't forced, and it was adorable. His LED returned to sky blue, his chocolatey brown hues glancing down at your intertwined fingers. He gently stroked your knuckles with his thumb, the small action making heat rise up into your cheeks. For the first time since you had been awake, there was a comfortable silence for a few moments before Connor spoke up.

"(Y/n), can you promise me something?" his eyes flicked up to meet yours as he spoke.

"What is it?" you replied, subconsciously tilting your own head.

A habit you picked up from the adorable android.

"Promise me you won't try to take your life again?"

"I promise. But can you promise me something?" you implored.

"As long as it's within my capabilities, I'll try," he said sincerely.

"Promise me you won't forget about me."

"I think I can manage that," he said with a little playful smile before adding,

"I promise."

———————————————

A/N: OOF sorry if the end was kinda ass. And also sorry its so mf long. ALSO sorry its kinda dark. Hope y'all enjoyed anywayss 💙

[writingdispenser]

New Chapter Excerpt While It’s Still Cooking

The new chapter is still in the works, and I am in fact gunning to have it finished by today! But while I’m still working on it, I know y’all have been waiting for a while now, so here’s a small excerpt from the beginning to tide you over.

For context, here’s where I’m at in the word document right now:

Sorry for the delay! Hope you enjoy it when it’s finally out.

It was an unspeakable hour of the morning, yet the BLU base was buzzing with more life than usual as everyone clattered around before the long drive. Heavy was helping Demo move the last of their bags down for the bus, as Scout raced from room to room anxiously, seeming to be looking for something lost. Engineer groggily drank a mug of coffee in the kitchen meanwhile, doing his best to politely ignore the loud food shoveling coming from Soldier next to him. He gave Spy a silently relieved nod as he entered the room, glad to have someone finally he could actually converse with.

“Mornin,” he greeted as Spy returned the nod back, already making a beeline straight for the coffee pot.

“Good to see you too,” Spy replied, checking the pot’s contents. “Surprised to see you here, actually. You didn’t have to wake up with us too, you know.”

Engineer shrugged as he took another sip, before Scout’s head poked through the kitchen door for what must have been the third time so far today.

“Yo, are you sure you haven’t seen my –”

“No, I still haven’t seen your lucky baseball card in the plastic sleeve ‘round here, and yes, I did look,” Engineer answered like clockwork amiably. “You seen it anywhere, Spy?”

Spy shrugged with a sigh, before downing a swig of coffee from his freshly poured mug.

“You always keep it in your pocket, yes? Have you checked the laundry room?”

“Wha – of course I checked the laundry room, I looked through ALL the stupid laundry, do I look like a dummy?!”

“…And you remembered, I assume, that we place items found in the pockets in the basket on the second shelf to the right then, yes?”

Scout gave a short pause at that.

“Uh…yeah! Totally! Totally checked those places I’ll – I’ll be right back –”

Scout ran just as quickly out of the room as he had entered it, Engineer giving a low chuckle as he watched him dash.

“Not the brightest crayon in the box, is he?”

“I’ve worked with worse,” Spy shrugged, before blinking as he finally noticed the stack of pancakes on the countertop. “Hm…was that you?”

“Nah, Demo got here first and made uh…a lot.” Engineer moved his chair a little bit to the side at that, as Soldier enthusiastically squeezed maple syrup out of the bottle a little too hard next to him.

Syrup gushed across on the table, but Soldier didn’t seem to mind or care as long as at least some of it landed on his horrifically wrecked plate of pancakes. Engineer scooted his chair even further as Soldier dove back into it, cleanly managing to avoid most of his coworker’s mess.

“Ha…he probably made too many on purpose,” Spy laughed lightly, already walking towards their table with a neatly stacked plate of his own in hand. “He likes to be helpful, but never wants to look like he’s trying to be helpful. If that makes any sense.”

Engineer made some room for him on the least sticky stretch of table as Spy pulled out a chair, sitting down.

“Well, you’ve known him longer than me,” Engineer shrugged now. “Only reason I’m up right now is I was plannin’ on driving to my other work arrangements early…what with all the fuss going on lately and all.”

He wasn’t lying there either; he really did want to get to work early today, although for reasons other than his own personal healthy work ethic. He took another sip of coffee with a quirked smile as Spy gave a snort in response.

The sooner he had time to make use of the teleporter he had hidden in the RED’s base the better…and who knows, maybe there would be something there that would help him slip into the old fighting grounds. Two birds with one stone, if he was lucky. Hell, he knew about the underground tunnels BLU used to operate, thanks to research he did back when he knew he’d be stationed here – who knows what the REDs had going on that’d be similar?

Just then, Medic suddenly burst into the room behind them. The doctor barely acknowledged his teammates as he darted past them with a grunt, grabbing three pancakes from the countertop stack and shoveling them haphazardly into his face. He just as quickly grabbed the entire pot of coffee off the machine before dashing back out of the room, leaving the door swinging, as he left nothing but muffled curses from his still stuffed mouth behind.

“…What’s got his goat?” Engineer asked curiously.

“He had some experiments this whole…excursion of ours is interrupting,” Spy replied calmly. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Honestly, he’s always like this.”

“He could have at least poured his own coffee instead of stealing the entire pot…”

“I WILL MAKE A NEW ONE!”

“Soldier, no –”

It was too late to protest however; Soldier shot up from his seat proudly, still covered in sticky syrupy mess as he made his way towards the coffee machine.

“Hold on just a second, Soldier!” Spy quickly got up after him, stopping the man in his tracks with a hand to his shoulder.

He winced quietly as he tried to ignore the brown sludge now sticking to his unfortunate gloves, Soldier curiously turning around towards him, grin still plastered across his face.

“What’s the problem, private?” Soldier asked, clearly itching to unwittingly spread his mess further.

“You know, we’re going to be leaving in about a half hour,” Spy replied, keeping his voice smooth as best he could. “There will be…higher ranking officials seeing us off. And our ah…previous engineer besides. You do wish to look your best, don’t you?”

Soldier paused, before looking down at himself, then back up at Spy. Clarity regarding his situation finally seemed to sink into him.

“…ALRIGHT MAGGOTS, NEW PLAN! YOU MAKE THE COFFEE, I HIT THE SHOWERS!”

Soldier made a race for the door now, running straight into Sniper who stumbled in surprise as he was pushed aside. Sniper looked down mournfully at his newly ruined clothes, as the hurried stomping of Soldier’s boots faded down the halls.

“Well,” he sighed quietly. “Off to a great start.”

“You and the rest of us,” Spy replied, shaking his head in sympathy.

Spy tossed his own sticky ruined glove in the sink, before replacing it with a fresh one from his jacket pocket. As he pulled out an unused coffee pot from one of the cupboards, Sniper finally made his way inside with a shrug.

Spy passed Sniper a roll of paper towels in the meanwhile as the man muttered his thanks, pausing to wipe himself off as best he could.

“Surprised to see you here this early Truckie,” Sniper murmured, tossing the now sticky towels away into the garbage.

“Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot today so far,” Engineer chuckled as he went back to his coffee. “Well, except from Soldier. I think the man actually expects me to keep this early morning schedule as a regular thing…”

“Christ,” Sniper muttered now, as he stopped fishing around for a clean plate long enough to fully take in the absolute state of the kitchen table left behind. “Don’t tell me this was all his work?”

“Just got him to go to the showers,” Spy snorted, already placing the newly filled coffee pot into its machine to heat up. “I might have used Everett’s name, of course.”

Sniper gave a low laugh at that, as Engineer looked between them curiously.

“Everett…?” He asked, voice trailing off in question.

Sniper and Spy exchanged glances at Engineer’s question, causing his back to stiffen up at that. Things had been going so well, he had almost forgotten…in many ways to his own team he was still practically speaking, an outsider. It’s not as if he knew it couldn’t be helped; most teams he joined already had a much longer shared history going, before he was ever added into the mix.

“Ah, apologies – that was the name of our previous Engineer,” Spy finally replied, shrugging as he now returned back to his seat, coffee duties finished. “I just thought it was alright to use his actual name, given he’s technically retired…”

 “Soldier used to follow him like a puppy,” Sniper added in bluntly.

He took a seat at the same table now himself with his newly procured plate of pancakes. Spy sighed, shaking his head towards him at that. Sniper didn’t seem to notice though, or at least pointedly ignored Spy’s reaction. He reached for the syrup then before hesitating, pulling his hand back. It appeared as if Soldier’s misuse of the stuff had put Sniper off for now.

 “…That’s certainly one way of characterizing it,” Spy replied slowly, choosing his words carefully. “He harbors admiration, I think. Everett served in the previous World War, keep in mind – officially I mean. And you know how Soldier – hm. Soldiers in the badlands in general. How they tend to be.”

“Ah,” Engineer replied slowly as well, swilling his mug. “I was too young to get drafted for most of that business myself…although if I’m being honest, it was a pretty close shave. I turned 18 in September of ’45.”

Sniper gave a low whistle at that.

“That’s more than a close shave mate; you must have the luck of a saint.”

Engineer snorted, before downing the last of his coffee.

“Boy, I wish…if I did, maybe Miss Pauling wouldn’t have chewed us out as long as she did after yesterday’s dance with the GRNs.”

At that Sniper gave a raspy laugh of his own, Spy’s eyes crinkling in amusement himself.

“It’s a miracle we got off as scott free as we did,” Sniper finally managed to add, a lighter smile now on his face. “Outside of the talkin’ to, I mean…”

“It’s ‘cause all them pencil pushers in admin know y’all are gonna be out of their hair soon anyway,” Engineer chuckled. “A few respawns on the GRN’s don’t cost ‘em as much as the usual bail money with these sorts of situations anyway. And I’m pretty sure those fellas had to have gotten a chewing out too.”

Engineer grinned at the thought of that…he sure hoped they did.

“Speaking of Pauling,” Spy mused. “I heard she’ll be arriving in the bus we’ll be leaving in today…although I highly doubt she’ll be driving back with us. I assume a different member of administration will be assigned to keep tabs on our lot while we’re away.”

“Probably Miss Howard then,” Sniper shot in over another bite. “She’s the one we see most often ‘round this area anyway.”

“Can’t say I’ve met that member of admin yet…”

[a-septic-mind]

NSIDE CHAPTER TWO

Neglect

To leave undone or unattended to, especially through carelessness

April 2017- LATER THAT SAME DAY

“Three...two...one…* clap *

“ TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE and welcome to a little game called Infinity Inc!”

Chase looked up from his phone as Jack’s intro rang through the Hub like it had been played on a loudspeaker. Marvin was at the “controls”, watching through Jack’s eyes as he usually did when they recorded. The doctor had moved away to a desk that he had manifested on the other side of the room, and was typing away on a computer, muttering to himself. Chase noted that he seemed to do that a lot.

Stretching, Chase got up off the couch and walked up behind Marvin. Jack was playing one of those pixelated side-scroller games- this one involving cloning or something like that.

“HEADS UP!”

Chase and Marvin whirled around just in time to see Jackieboy come barreling into the Hub from his room. His hood was down and it was one of those rare occurrences where Chase realized he wasn’t wearing his mask. Probably because it was currently being held in the tail of a small green eyeball that made a circle around the room and stopped in the middle, wiggling it’s tiny body playfully.

“Sam, give it back !” Jackie tried to say sternly, but it was ruined by a laugh. Sam scrunched up, not unlike a cat about to pounce and waved the mask in Jackie’s direction. Chase snorted.

“You little-! Comere!” Jackie lunged at Sam.

His hand barely missed the little septiceye, but his momentum carried him a little too far and he tripped over himself and landed facedown on the floor with a comical splat! Chase doubled over laughing as Sam landed contentedly on top of Jackie’s hair, pleased that he had won.

Jackie propped himself up on one arm, shooting a good-natured glare at Chase. “Haha very funny.” He commented dryly. He held out his hand and looked up at Sam. “Can I have that back please?”

Sam made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle and dropped the stolen mask into the superego’s waiting hand. Jackie stood and pulled the mask back down over his eyes as Sam flew over to Chase. Chase held up a fist and Sam bumped into it in greeting.

“Nice one, little dude.” Chase laughed. Sam squeaked in response before making himself comfortable on the brim of Chase’s hat. Marvin glanced back and smirked as Jackie came up next to him.

“Bested by the evil septiceye once again.” He teased. Jackie shoved him playfully.

The three of them settled into a row and continued to watch Jack play. For a few seconds, everything was quiet except for the sound of Jack’s commentary- which of course wasn’t quiet at all- until Scheeplestein straightened up at the desk.

“Chase.” He said urgently. “Come here for a moment.”

Marvin raised an eyebrow and leaned over. “What did you do this time?” he whispered.

Chase sighed. “Who the fuck knows.” He muttered back before turning and walking towards the desk. “Sup Doc?”

Schneeplestein studied him for a moment, which as usual made Chase fidget a bit. Sam slid down off his hat and perched on his shoulder, returning the doctor's stare.

Schneeplestein finally relented. “I realized something today when I vas going over ze brain activity records for zis past week.” He waved his hand absently at the computer screen, which showed graphs and charts that Chase couldn’t begin to comprehend. “You haven’t manifested yet have you?”

“Oh…” Chase shoved his hands into his pockets. “Uh no, I guess I haven’t.”

Schneeplestein muttered something in German that sounded an awful lot like a curse. “I thought so.” He said, rubbing his temples. “Zis is not good.”

“We drank the last pot of coffee not good or last Halloween not good?” Chase joked. His smirk died however when Schneeplestein shot him a withering glare.

“Young man zis is serious. Manifestation is one of the key abilities you must learn if you’re going to be part of this subconscious. If you can’t make a physical form in the real world then you give up all possibilities of being able to take control should Sean need you to.”

“Right,” Chase muttered. “That’s important.”

“Incredibly important, I can’t believe we let you go this long without-” The doctor exhaled deeply before managing a tight-lipped smile. “It’s mostly my fault, so I will be teaching you.”

Chase felt his stomach sink. Schneeplestein had always been impatient with most everyone- he had recognized that the moment they’d met. He especially didn’t seem to appreciate Chase’s sense of humor. He couldn’t imagine any sort of scenario where this ended well, but he grinned anyway.

“Sounds great Doc. When do we start?”

—————

Jack, a moment, please.

Jack leaned back in his chair to stretch, mentally acknowledging the voice in the back of his mind. Adjusting his headphones, he continued to fiddle with the thumbnail he was making.

Yeah, Doc?

I wanted to let you know that I will be teaching Chase to manifest. I needed to confirm that you are alone this evening?

Jack snorted. Not the best way you could’ve put that Schneep.

You know vat I meant.

Yeah Doc, it’s just me tonight. And my lovely date Photoshop.

Excellent. Let me know if it starts becoming too much of a strain.

Will do. Good luck Chase.

There was a slight pressure in the back of his head as Chase acknowledged him- the mental equivalent of someone giving a thumbs up.

“Now Chase, ve will go step by step.” Schneeplestein began, turning to the younger ego. “Manifestation is relatively simple once you have mastered the steps, but you must be careful not to drain too much energy from Jack. Do you understand?”

Chase fixed his cap lower on his head. “Got it Doc. What’s first?”

“First you must tap into the core,” Schneep explained. “Your shard has an aura of sorts. You must connect zat aura with the aura of the core. Like plugging in a computer, zis will give you the strength needed to make a physical form.”

Chase frowned in thought as he tried to imagine what the doctor was saying.  “So what I just….feel around?” He chuckled at his own joke. “Heh, get it? Feel-”

“Yes, yes I get it.” Schneeplestein cut him off. “While that’s not ze most elegant vay you could’ve put it, that’s mostly correct. Imagine your shard is like a magnet, let it point you towards the core.”

“Magnet...got it.” Chase closed his eyes. Concentrating hard, he focused in on the grey sliver that was his shard.

For a moment, it sat still, but Chase gave it a mental push and it suddenly spun on its axis. He felt a fluttering sensation in his chest as it searched- which was quickly replaced with a tugging feeling that nearly jerked him off his feet.

“Shit-!” Chase opened his eyes and stumbled. Schneeplestein caught his arm and straightened him again.

“What is that?” Chase gasped.

That’s me, Chase. Jack reassured him. Nice work. Chase grinned as Schneeplestein nodded.

“Vell done.” the doctor said. “Now, zat you have ze connection, you must use it to pull yourself into the physical world.”

Chase’s smile fell a little. “You make it sound so easy Doc.”

Schneep narrowed his eyes. “It vill be easy, once you’ve practiced enough. Now, maintaining a physical form is easy, creating one is ze hard part. Everyone has their own ways of helping themselves form but my first suggestion would perhaps be a running start.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not at all. The barrier between ze mind and ze real world is simply a doorway that you must pass through.” Schneep moved aside and put his hands behind his back. “You may start ven you’re ready.”

Chase tilted his head. “I don’t even get a demonstration?” He chided.

“I believe in hands-on learning.”

Chase rolled his eyes but didn’t argue any further. Taking a deep breath, he backed up a few steps and then sprinted towards the other end of the Hub. His shard spun like a top in his chest as he felt the air shift around him.

Suddenly, the shard stopped spinning and the tugging force pulled away from him like a rubber band snapping back on itself.  Chase yelped as he felt an invisible force hit him in the gut. Doubling over, he dropped to his knees in pain and the connection was severed.

Schneeplestein shook his head. “No no no.” he chided striding up to Chase. “You need to maintain the bond with the core.”

Chase huffed. “I thought I did .”

“Vell obviously not.” Schneeplestein grabbed his arm and pulled him back up. “Again. And this time don’t let go.”

Chase sighed. It was going to be a long night.

—————

Chase was frustrated. He and Schneeplestein had been at the manifestation lesson for hours. Days? He didn’t know anymore. All he knew was that he was tired and Schneeplestein was starting to get on his last nerve .

“Again.” The doctor said after what seemed like his millionth failed attempt. “You need to concentrate Chase.”

Chase huffed. “I’m trying .” He snapped.

“Vell try harder .”

Chase gritted his teeth and bit back a retort. Not worth it. He told himself.

Still, he really wanted to wipe that condescending glare of Schneep’s face.

He could easily connect with Jack’s shard now. It was the actual manifestation part that just wasn’t happening. Jack, for all it was worth, had been extremely patient throughout.

Chase connected again and this time backed up completely so that he was pressed against the farthest wall. Schneeplestein simply stared at him as he pulled his hat down.

Concentrate Chase. He told himself.

Three...

Two...

One...

Go!

And he took off.

He nearly made it all the way to the far end of the Hub before the connection snapped again. This time, it was like he had smacked into a concrete wall. A strong force hit him hard, making him stumble backward and land hard on his back.

“Fuck it!” Chase groaned as Schneep came up behind him. The doctor was frowning, but his face revealed nothing.

“Again.” He said, grabbing Chase’s arm to pull him up. Chase shoved him away.

“Forget it Doc, I’m done.”

Schneep pressed his lips together. “Chase zis is not one of your silly trick shots, zis is a skill that you-”

“I don’t fucking care Schneep! I said I’m done!”

A silence stretched between them as Chase glared at the ground. When he finally looked up, the doctor was staring hard enough that Chase was sure he was going to burn a hole in the floor.

“Fine,” Schneeplestein said, rubbing his temples and turning away. “Just go.”

Gritting his teeth, Chase got to his feet as the doctor stalked off. Digging into his pocket, he fumbled angrily for his phone and earbuds as he headed for his room. He didn’t even look up until he ran headfirst into someone else.

“Hey now!” Jackie laughed and steadied the younger Ego as he stumbled. “Where’s the fire Loser?”

Chase shrugged, not acknowledging the nickname. “Doc said we were done for the day,” he muttered.

Jackie raised an eyebrow. Chase shook his head and pushed past him. “It’s nothing man,” he insisted, putting in his earbuds, “just Henrik being Henrik.”

He opened the door to his room and flicked on the light. He would be the first to admit that he might have gone overboard when Jackie and Marvin showed him how to create his own headspace, but he was proud of the results. Everything from the skateboards mounted on the far wall to the unmade queen-sized bed was his and his alone. He couldn’t say that about many things.

Pulling off his cap, he ruffled his hair and threw himself on the double bed, rousing a sleeping Sam who had been curled up on one of the pillows. Chase stared at the ceiling, letting his legs hang off the side. He was so fucking tired- he wanted to blink out of existence for a few days.

“Chase.”

He looked up. Jackie was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, staring at him. Chase groaned and flopped back down.

“Am I gonna get a lecture from you too?” he snapped. “I get it, I need to learn. He doesn’t have to be a dick about it.”

Jackie snorted and put down his hood before walking over to sit down on the edge of the bed. “Schneep isn’t the best teacher,” he began, “but he’s had more practice, so he knows what he’s doing.”

Chase gave a sarcastic thumbs-up while staring at the ceiling. “Awesome. Ten out of ten. That makes everything better.”

“Look, as bad as it sounds, I’m actually glad he's teaching you.”

Chase lifted his head to stare at him. “ Why? ”

“Because that means things are getting back to normal.”

Chase pressed his lips together in frustration. Of course, no matter what was going on it all came back to that. Back to Halloween. He rolled over and pressed his face into the pillows with a huff. He could feel Sam nudging his cheek gently.

“Give it a few weeks,” Jackie promised. “I think moving will be good for all of us. Especially  the doc.”

He stood up as Chase rolled back around. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He smiled before shifting his attention and adding, “don’t let him mope around for too long Sammy.”

Sam gave a mock salute with his tail. Chase snorted. “Thanks, Jackie.”

“Just doing my job.” Jackie winked and struck a heroic pose. “Jackieboy-Man away!”

The superego ran off, making whoosh noises with his mouth. Chase laughed as Sam jumped onto his chest and turned in a circle, bunching up the fabric of his shirt into a bed that he curled up into. Chase absent-mindedly stroked the little mascot as he thought.

He understood why Schneeplestin was worried, everything he remembered about last Halloween was not pleasant in the slightest. Feelings of fear and pain that had lasted for hours.

Still, he couldn’t help but think that everything felt fine now. He didn’t notice any difference in Sean. Schneeplestein was just probably just paranoid even though he admitted that there hadn’t been any problems since March. And even then that had been more of a video hijack done by whatever that thing was.

Jack was healing up just fine.

So really, how bad could it be?

Tag List: @isa-ghost  @mini-hero-rena @immabethehero

[peterwritting12-blog]

Counselling in Hell

The mother’s nails tapped the wooden desk methodically and said in a New Jersey accent, 

“What are we waiting for,  ah?” 

Myself, the psychologist, replied,  “Please describe your side of the story of what happened…” 

“Well, alright,” the mother replied  as she spat our her gum, “It all started two weeks ago …”    

 “It was any like any regular morning in New Jersey. I got up at 7 am to get my freakin’ child’s breakfast ready. I even cut up the strawberries and bananas into their cereal, and I got no thank you at all! What spoiled, little turds, they are!” as she gave a death stare to her sons on the couch beside her, “Then, I drove them off to their luxurious private school in Manhattan all I could think about is how good my life would be without them! I would be a thousand dollars richer and spending my winters in Malibu! After I dropped them off, I went to  my favourite coffee place, Café Artigiano, I thought to myself – you know?  Why should I let them ruin my life? So, I started to devise a plan to murder  those little sacks of imps. But, when I got home, I smelled a strange odor  form their bedroom. As I reached the top of the stairs, I saw a horrid sight.  They were dead, on the floor, in a pool of blood. I saw no sight before that  brought me that much joy!” 

The husband lowered his newspaper to show his eyes  and said, “Bullshit! That never happened” and flipped to the next page. 

“Alright, lets hear your side of the story then” I said

Mr.Ababliano closed his news paper, and then folded it in half and then said in a soft sigh “alright then, my story, the correct story went like this...”

That particular morning, I felt  tired. I was tired of doing the same things everyday. Having my morning  Cheerios, as I drank my coffee, and looked at what is new in the world. I was  tired of looking at my same wife everyday and coming home to my same, boring  kids. Look at these two! I have a wannabe rapper as a son and a moody pre-Madonna  as my daughter! And my wife? Her fashion sense is stuck in the 80’s! –“ “Hey?  You got a problem with me?” interrupted Miss Ababliano.

“Let him finish!” i replied, “I believe Mr.Ababliano is just getting to the good part” I said with a soft  chuckle.

“Thank you” replied Mr.Ababliano

I just want to emphasize that this was NOT an accident, or a mistake! It was carefully calculated. A couple years ago I bought a pre bred pit-bull. This mother and father of this young dog where world renound dog fighters. They thirst for blood. I thought, if I where to kill my kids, I would want them to be killed by something that was at least worthy. So for years I kept it safely locked away; feeding it only the finest food. I wanted to keep it healthy and strong for I couldn’t risk them to fail this up most important task. To ensure that they would take a liking to flesh I fed them raw food. Chicken, lam, cow, pig, I threw down their limb bodies down the hole I kept them in. When I knew that they where ready to preform their destiny at the up most highest proficiency I walked into the house with them carefuly following me from behind. As the kids came home from school, I told them that I rescued these dogs as I watched the look of joy wash across their faces. As they rolled around the ground playing with their new found best friends, I gave the command. As I watched the dogs devour my own kids, I lit a cigarette and took a nice long drag. At that very moment I felt as though apart of me wash away. All my stress fled my body. My worries about financial struggle, putting a second mortgaged on the house, the kids not passing high school after all lets be honest they arnt the brightest. All these feeling accompanied by the best feeling of all; knowing  that I will be able to have a early retirement. Ahh it was the best day ever. So you see, they did not die in the bedroom, they died in the living room.

“Ahh, you know what now to think  about I did find them in the living room” said Ms.Abablinano. and continued on to say “ my husband and I where planning to go out to celebrate the death of our children. For it wasn’t till after the fact that we figured out we both wanted those pests gone. Any way, come dinner time we both finished off cleaning up for our extravagant dinner at Provence. We managed to make a reservation at eight-”

“with such small notice?”  I interrupted

“I know right we where surprised  to” said Ms.Abablinao in a surprised voice and then said “anyway, we noticed a batch of  cookies on the kitchen counter with a note attached to it by the kids. It red  “Dear mom and dad. We baked you this batch of cookies because we know you guys  have been really stressed out lately. Hopefully these will make you feel  better.” After we read the note, both Jerald and I thought how sweet of them-”

“I actually laughed when I saw the note because I was planning on saying a similar thing when i was going to introduce them to the dogs” interrupted Jerald Abablinao

“back to what I was saying”  Ms.Abablinao said in a stern voice

I opened a bottle of Champaign to have a little toast to our little desist devils. After we cheered and clanked out glasses, we each had a couple of bites of the cookies. To our surprise they where pretty good. Until ten minutes latter we where dead on the ground with foam coming out of our mouths.

“wow, kids, you wish to chime in  here?” I said.

“For years we knew that you didn’t  like us. When had to learn how to cook for ourselves at the age of six.”  Cried Logan

“its called teaching you how to be  independent” argued Ms.Abablinao

“if you didn’t want kids then why  did you have them?” cried out Lisa

“kids, your missing the big  picture. We can all love each other for how much we despise one another” said  Mr.Abablinao

“wow!” i said in a stern tone and continued on to say

“id like to take this moment to congratulate you all! You’re by far, the most fucked up family I’ve ever seen. I want to thank you all for I never had thought id be here long enough to witness this!”