#anyway i need to rewatch troll hunters at some point

[lonely-moonshine-still]

Little Troll Jim for a friend's Christmas card (feat. some crappy lighting)

[chimbu617]

A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

     It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together.      My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie.      The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life.      I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for.      I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness.      I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons.      I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word.      I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok.      Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise.      January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series.     In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat.      When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me.      The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for.     It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail.      When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood.      When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it."      Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

[awed-frog]

hi there! i dont tend to trust sdcc interviews but i figure i'd ask this so i could get your opinion! a big thing they were talking about was the aftermath of michael on dean.. if they do this right it could be SO good and SO interesting for his character.. so i was gonna ask what you think this means for his character? after he is done being possessed by michael?

Hi! I haven’t heard the spoilers, and to be honest my enthusiasm about the show is pretty much in free fall - under a cut and sort of bitter, okay?

So, the obvious parallels that come to mind are Dean coming back from Hell and Dean being freed from the Mark, and I think the time and energy the show spent of those aftermaths is very telling of what the narrative priorities are. 

If you look at the post-Hell period - was intense. I haven’t rewatched that season in a while, but I seem to remember they spent a lot of time on how broken and not himself Dean was? And the whole thing, of course, was revealed to be even more tragic than what fans expected when Dean decided to tell Sam about how he’d chosen to torture others. Ouch. That was some truly powerful stuff, especially because in the pre-Hell period Dean had mostly pretended to be carefree - scarfing down burgers for breakfast, having threesomes, and generally trying to convince himself (and others) that since he never had much of a lifespan anyway, this death made complete sense. All of that, of course, was masterfully contrasted with how Dean actually died - he never got the hero death I’m sure many were expecting, the beautiful and sexy death main characters and pretty people are mostly gifted (or burdened) with. Instead, it was terrifying, base, humiliating affair - Dean was literally torn apart by dogs as his baby brother watched (not to mention he regretted his righteous decision as soon as he landed in Hell, and found himself calling for Sam like a frightened child instead of suffering his fate in manly silence). Jesus Sycamore Christ. That was beyond sobering, as was the whole post-Hell period - and especially how Dean wasn’t, in the end, all that happy to be alive again. Again: ouch.

What happened in S11 was rather different. On the whole, I enjoyed that season a lot, but while there were some tense and emotional moments for Dean (like his conversation with God), I found it very odd - and somewhat disappointing - that nobody ever mentioned the Mark again. After all, it was implied (or stated outright? I honestly don’t remember) that the Mark didn’t exactly change Dean; its power was preying on people, and taking their worst instincts to horrifying extremes. For instance, Dean kept hunting, but where he would normally give people a second chance, or find a solution that didn’t involve a full-out massacre, MoC!Dean never cared about that at all. However necessary it was for Dean to choose this burden (and even that is debatable), it led very directly to the death of a bunch of innocent people - Charlie, of course, but also the NoHomo hunter, knockoff Draco Malfoy and Rowena’s godchild (you’d think she’d mention him again at some point, or that Sam and Cas would bring him up in a kind of ‘Hey, remember when we slaughtered an innocent teen on the off chance his beating and bloodied heart could cure Dean? Good times’, but nope). To make matters worse, those four deaths happened in the space of a couple of days? And I get that Dean had other things on his mind soon after he was cured, but I still found it bizarre that they never came up at all. I mean - sure, there were subtextual clues and all that - when are there not, amirite - but to me, it was too weak. Honestly, it looked like Dean (and Sam, and Cas) just didn’t give a damn about the trail of destruction they’d left behind. Because this is what’s never acknowledged in S11: that those deaths were on them. Whoever got killed when Dean had the Mark: on them. And, more directly and unequivocally, all those people Amara killed: on them. That’s some powerful stuff, and yet it’s never explored at all, because it’s not what the current showrunner is interested in.

All this to say: in theory, post-Michael!Dean should be huge. The fact Dean took the decision so quickly was already a narrative blunder, considering how he’d been in exactly the same situation (and worse) in earlier seasons but had decided to say no to Michael. I mean - Dean’s free will and how it clashes with his need to help others - that’s the core of the character, and yet it took one line of dialogue to erase it into nothingness. Now, heading into S14 it looks pretty likely that Dean will rid himself of Michael very early - we’re talking two or three episodes, max, and apparently that’s our fault or something (don’t even get me started), which means this Very Meaningful and Earth-Shattering thing is already losing importance in favour of - I don’t know.

(More KFC demons? Lucifer’s cousin Throckmorton? Bobby and Mary’s budding romance and how that is finally the thing that turns Mary into a Tupperware wife and removes her from the boys’ lives in a believable way? I guess we’ll see.)

Will it have an effect on Dean? Obviously I can’t say for sure, but I doubt it. 

Like, for one, Michael has no beef with Dean, and vice versa. These two characters are not connected in any emotional way. To Michael, Dean is just a random and contemptible human; to Dean, Michael is just another over-ambitious freak in need of a good beheading. As for archangel possession - that’s tricky. Some guys are left empty shells; Sam wasn’t, and Cas wasn’t (and Dean is another main character, so he can’t be hurt too badly). Sam suffered a lot, but that’s because Lucifer hated him and had a personal vendetta against him. As a comparison, when Lucifer possessed Cas, he basically gave Cas a nice TV and never bothered him again, and I think that’s a more accurate description of the connection between AU!Michael and Dean. Neither of them cares enough for this thing to escalate. So whatever happens between them (Michael dies; Michael is kicked back to the AU!world; Michael finds another suitable vessel; Michael is forced into an unsuitable vessel), I don’t think there’ll be a lot of focus on how that changes Dean.

On the plus side, there are solid narrative reasons for that lack of focus to make sense. For instance, Dean’s never been the emotionally stunted troll fanon keeps pretending he is, but over the last two seasons he’s really made an effort to make his feelings crystal clear, and he’s been berated and ignored every single time. So if I were him, I don’t think I’d be very eager to confide in Sam ‘What about MY feelings?’ Winchester, Mary ‘Ew, I don’t want to be your mom’ Winchester or Cas ‘You humans make everything so needlessly complicated’ Winchester (he’s a brother now, right? even if for some reason we’re seeing him less than Jack). No, Dean is likely to keep his feelings private - despite the fact this experience should, logically, be a turning point for him. We know Dean has big issues when it comes to giving up control, and possession is - inevitably - also a metaphor for rape, which is - canonically? - a part of Dean’s past (look at Alastair’s unnecessary queering, for God’s sake). So a post!Michael Dean - he could have less confidence in himself, especially if his decision ends up doing more harm than good for some reason, or he could develop PTSD and decide to retire because he’s got nothing left to give (narratively sound, but not a place the show can afford to go to) or he could become nihilistic and even more determined to get his blaze of glory ending, and sooner rather than later (after all, we know he gets suicidal when he feels he needs to atone, so).

From a RL perspective, I don’t know how much of that we’ll see. Considering how little they used post-MoC!Dean, I think maybe we can expect some new crisis which will keep the focus off Dean’s feelings and opinions. On the other hand, S13 was basically a ‘best of’ of the Kripke era, so it’s possible that S14 will revisit the post-Hell!Dean theme in some way. I don’t know. Lately, the show seems determined to prove our heroes are Good People Who’ve Done Nothing Wrong Ever, so from that perspective Dean saying yes to Michael should turned out to be a Big Mistake, because Dean saying no to Michael is basically half of what saved the world the first time around. Then again, I’m not seeing a lot of coherence on that front (I’m on team ‘Why was the AU!world even about Mary’, sorry about that), so, really - everything is anyone’s guess. At this point, the one thing we can predict about Supernatural is that if you’re interested in the characters’ inner lives and in them actually evolving in some healthy way, you’re better off with fanfiction.

I apologize. I know that was depressing and bitter. Here is a baby owl.

[i-aim-to-overanalyze]

Fanfic writers meme: 3, 4, 6, 7, 10, 13, 14, 17, 19, 20, 27, 39, 40, 42, 45, 46, and 50 (my question for #50 is: Your favourite character from any of your fandoms (pick one or several characters you like) is writing a fanfic STARRING YOU AS A CHARACTER. Regarding this fact, what kind of fanfic do you think he/she/they are writing about and how would you feel about you literally being in it?)

Thank you so much for sending in an ask! :D

3. Name three favorite writers.

Ahh, this is a toughie! I’m going to list three writers from different fandoms that I admire a lot.

A. Anappleofdiscord from fanfiction.net I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a tumblr and even tho it’s been forever since I spoken with her personally, she is an awesome person and an awesome writer. She writes for the Hetalia fandom, focusing on gen stuff centering around England and America. If you know anything about the Hetalia fandom, it’s ridiculously rare to find platonic fics about these two and her fics are like the cream of the crop. Her characterizations are on point, her fics are educational and hilarious (and also a rollarcoaster of emotions) plus she pulls off OCs superbly. If you ever check out her fics, tell her that Listenerofshadows sent you ;)

B. Glimare from fanfiction.net I don’t know her personally, but I love her work in the DC fandom. Sadly, she’s since mostly moved on to other fandoms (which is great for her, if the feeling’s not there, don’t push yourself to write fanfic for certain fandoms) but she has a TON of content and it’s all so good. Her most-well known work is a collection of one-shots known as “Daddy, Not Bats���. It’s an AU where Bruce encounters the bat-kids at a younger age and decides to retire to raise them all. It’s sweet, fluffy and angsty all rolled into one.

C. @elfpen from AO3, Fanfiction.net and Tumblr.  I stumbled across her fanfic Reprise when looking for a good star wars time-travel fanfic to satisfy my needs and boy, DOES SHE DELIVER. Most time-travel fics center around the OT era or Obiwan and/or Anakin traveling to TPM, but hers focus on OT!Obiwan traveling back to the era BEFORE TPM. It’s a great fic, I love the characterizations and her OCs are on-point. Not to mention, she also has a lot of other awesome SW and HTTYD content. 

Putting everything else under the cut because this is gonna get long quick!

4. Name three authors that were influential to your work and why.

A. Anappleofdiscord, again. Because she has actually beta’d my work before and given me great writing advice. I haven’t finished Neverlast, nor barely touched on it, but I’m thankful for her influence she’s played on it.

B. It’s hard to pinpoint my inspiration for my writing, because it’s kinda an intuitive thing? Like, I’ll be writing and a phrase comes up and I’m like “I know I stole that phrase from some fanfic lol” but i don’t know which one??? But basically all the fanfic writers I love are legions above me and I admire them all. But I have to say, I’ve started writing more third-person present tense because of a few good fanfics (but I can’t pinpoint which ones) which it’s a rare tense for a novel to pursue but I love the rhythm of it.

6. How did writing change you?

I’ve been writing before I could even write. Basically as a little four-year-old, I’d make pictures and then dictate to my older sister/mom what the pictures were about, essentially creating a storybook out of it. Since writing has been part of my life for so long, it’s so innate to me like breathing air. I know there’s a lot I could improve on writing, but it’s just a freeing way for me to express myself in a clear and concise manner. In real life, I can be awkward in how I word things and I have a tendency to trip over words or don’t fully pronounce my th-s and s-es. Fanfiction is great because I can explore my favorite concepts of a fanfic in a medium that people can enjoy reading in :)

7. Early influences of your writing

Once I discovered reading was fun (I didn’t learn to read until 2nd grade but that’s okay, because once I did I was reading several grades above my level) I devoured books. Some of my favorite books as a child are: PJO, Chronicles of Narnia, Boxcar Children and Black Beauty. I also did some RPG’ing at a young age, which greatly improved my writing as the constant writing at a rapid pace forced my writing to improve exponentially. There were roleplayers that I admired greatly that I imitated because I wanted my writing to be as good as theirs.

10. how do you do your researches?

Google, man, Google. For example let’s say my fanfic is a historical AU. I know a lot about history, but I might look up a historical site to proofcheck my dates or phrases of the time. Fanfic is nice, because it gives you an excuse to rewatch your favorite show if you wanna make sure you nail the characterizations. I might just look at a fan wiki if it’s a minor detail like what’s Ahsoka’s smaller lightsaber called. 

13. Hardest character to write

Oohhh boy! I think everyone can agree that Yoda and Darth Vader are the two toughest SW characters to write for. It’s hard to get into the head of a 900 yr old troll and Vader is just…really hard? Palpatine is also hard not to make him the typical cookie-cutter villian (Which he is, but I’d like to try to give him some depth). I feel like I write a different take of Anakin every time I write a different AU involving him, but I think that’s because the AUs are at different points of his life and also the AU effects his reaction to things.

14. Easiest character to write.

I know it’s contradictory, but Anakin. He’s definitely chaotic good and it’s fun to write that archtype. I haven’t written much Obiwan (actually I have, but I can’t post it until I write the chapters bridging to him :/) but he’s more lawful good compared to Anakin and throwing those two into the same fic is fun to see. Padme is a fun one to write as well as Ahsoka.

17. Favorite AU to write

I have so many AUs so again, hard choice. Gotta say Impetus, since it’s the most I have written for and I love it. It deals more with the traumatizing effects that slavery/the Jedi have inflicted on Anakin plus an even more problematic Palpatine. I didn’t mean to recreate Palpatine in that fashion he’s basically a pedophile in this AU, the characters kinda just made it happen and I ran with it. It was supposed to be a humorous/fluffy what-if but like everything I touch, it’s also angsty ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

19. Favorite fandom to write for

My favorite fandom to write for naturally changes with my interests. I was obsessed with YJ for a while, then Hetalia and now SW. Star Wars is fun to write for because there’s a big audience and it’s pretty easy to find a pocket audience who love the same types of things that you do. YJ will always be my first love. I’m currently writing a fanfic for a YJ fandom event, but I’ve been kinda struggling? I’ve lost my enthusiasm writing-wise even tho I still love it to bits.

20. Favorite Character to Write.

Anakin, probably. It’s funny because I used to never like the PT, but the Clone Wars changed all that. It’s a shame that Lucas went the direction he did for Anakin in PT because TCW uncovered a problematic but likeable hero and I wish we could’ve seen that live-action (It’s not Hayden’s fault btw, the director is the one responsible for what portrayal the actor gives)

27. Best review you ever got.

Okay, so. I used to share an account on FF.Net with a friend and I wrote of a lot of YJ fanfics. One of them was a gen one-shot involving Bart and Jaime that received a good amount of attention. AND A REALLY GOOD FANFIC AUTHOR THAT I ADMIRED AND LOOKED UP TO REVIEWED MY FIC AND I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT. I never in a million years imagined that my favorite authors potentially read my fanfics, let alone review/favorite it.

39. Do you want to be published some day?

Kinda. As a kid I’ve always wanted to get published but now I’m not so sure. I’ve never finished any fics other than one-shots and that really has gotten to me. My current goal is to finish at least one of my fanfics but I think I’ve been putting it off because I’m afraid it’s impossible to acccomplish. It’s silly, I know. I just need to do it.

40. Which one of your stories do would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Hmmm….probably my one-shot involving those two bounty hunter OCs. I could just see them trying to survive the universe with the least amount of weird space stuff happening but they seem to get pulled into it anyway. Those two are actually the easiest OCs for me to write, btw.

42. Do you plan or do you write whatever comes to mind?

I’m a weird creature. In life, I like to know things ahead of time. I like things to run exactly the way I planned. I don’t like unexpected variables. but in writing…I rarely outline. I usually write whatever is on my mind. Pure inspiration is awesome…until it runs out and feels like you’re pulling teeth to just to write a single sentence. That’s when I attempt to outline things.

45. Share the synopsis of a story you haven’t published yet

“Whatis love? To a young child slave, it is the words his mother used to caress himafter a brutal beating by their master. It is wrapped in the kisses she givesto each bruise and lullabies that lull him to sleep.” A meta on Anakin’s varying views of love a crappy summary authored by moi

46. Share a scene of a story you haven’t published yet.

Welp. Might as well share from the above fic.

Whatis love? To a young child slave, it is the words his mother used to caress himafter a brutal beating by their master. It is wrapped in the kisses she givesto each bruise and lullabies that lull him to sleep.

Hismaster can freely touch every part of him he wishes. He can say words to him—hecan do anything he like to him.

Hecan say things like, “You know I love you, boy?” and the slave obedientlyanswers, “Yes, master.”

He’sso very young, but he knows that his master’s words and touch are not love.Only his mother’s is. He doesn’t know how to describe it. But he can feel thewarmth behind them, like hovering over a fire on a cold desert night. They arelike a thick blanket made of bantha furs, soft and comforting. They melt awayhis tears and fill his lungs with laughter.

Everyday, his mother tells him “I love you Ani.” and Ani, the slave boy, freelyreplies, “I love you too, Mom!”

Hefollows by her example, smothering her with hugs and tells her silly stories tohear her laughter that rings like the bells at the market stands. Because heknows love is the best medicine to heal anyone. It makes them feel fuzzy insideand they don’t feel so sad knowing someone cares about them.

Hismom gets sad a lot, so he does his best to repel the sadness away. He doesn’tget angry when she’s sad, because she isn’t angry when he’s sad.

“It’sokay to be sad,” She tells him one night as she runs her hands through hishair, “Everyone gets sad, just like how everyone gets angry or happy.”

“Mastersdon’t like it when we’re angry though.” Anakin pouted.

Shepauses; looking down at her son with a sad smile, “No matter what they say,you’re allowed to feel angry, Ani. Bundle it up, and keep it to yourself—andrelease it when they aren’t looking.”

“Areyou ever angry, mom?” He yawned as he snuggled closer.

“Yes.”His mother breathed deeply, and he could feel a bit of her anger—for aninstant.

It ishot—not warm like Love’s fire. No, it burns and consumes him for a moment. Itreminds him of all the bruises and welts that his masters have given him. Angeris selfish and doesn’t love. He doesn’t like seeing the giver of his Love feelthis way. He internally sighs in relief when her anger melts away as he told atale about a funny customer that came in that day.

Hehas never truly felt anger. He flinches from its’ touch and refuses to feel theemotion that his masters are fond of.

50. Your favourite character from any of your fandoms (pick one or several characters you like) is writing a fanfic STARRING YOU AS A CHARACTER. Regarding this fact, what kind of fanfic do you think he/she/they are writing about and how would you feel about you literally being in it?)

I feel like everyone relates when I say I don’t think my life is interesting. I’d pick Cassie from YJ because I feel like she’d be the type to write fanfic. I will say one ironic moment in my life is that I starred in a play as a shy bookworm girl who got the lead role in her school play alongside her crush, the star basketball player, incidentally they ended up together in the end. Everyone irl teased me about this but the truth is….I actually had a crush on the actor himself. We’ve known each other for years and are good friends. And the closest I ever gotten to “kissing” him was a moment in the play where our characters almost kissed before being interrupted by other students. But of course nothing real came of the play and we still remain good friends.  I always note in my head that the hollywood version is that we…would’ve hooked up in the end. I’m sure if I was a fictional character and Cassie shipped me with him and we didn’t get together in the end, she’d be writing a fix-it fic where our pairing is the true pairing in the end. If i wasn’t fictional, I’d feel really weirded out by it. I don’t like fic involving real people in it, especially if it involves ships. I’m almost 90% sure this guy doesn’t have a crush on me and just regards as friends. Which is okay, because I’m not sure if I even want a relationship at the moment.

[bibliophileiz]

Going through my drafts, I found a post of myself liveblogging “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” from when I started (but never finished) a Steve Yockey rewatch last summer. So here you go if you want to read it.

Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets

And all the deancas shippers said, “Amen.”

Directed by Thomas J. Wright and featuring the adorable Alicia Witt as the Kill Bill-inspired titular character, “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” is just a 42-minute long old married couple fight interspersed with the coolest angels have been since Season 4. Yes, Steve, I will take more of this, thank you.

(Guys, I’m really gonna miss Steve Yockey next season.) (Note from April of this year: I am DEFINITELY missing Steve Yockey this season. Although Meredith Glynn’s still fab.)

We open on an arcade where an attractive woman is playing games and ignoring the employee telling her he’s about to close up shop. Enter another attractive woman, this one with red hair and an eyepatch, who starts trolling our first hottie. The first thing I notice is that the dialogue is less snappy in this scene than at any time during “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox” so I’m just going to look at these ladies instead.

Tired of Eye-Patch’s trolling, Arcade Gamer starts to leave, only for Eye-Patch to keep blocking her way. The next exchange is delightfully testosterone-fueled.

“Move out of my way.” “Or what?” “Or I will move you.” “Go ahead. Try.” I feel like I’m watching the two jocks from Heathers.

Arcade Gamer tries to do something magical, but it doesn’t work, as Eye-Patch tells “Benjamin” -- who is not a dude, but an angel (as Cas will later tell us.) What follows next is kind of a boring fight, but the music is pretty good.

Eye-Patch (oh, who are we kidding, it’s Lily) pins Benjamin to the wall and tells him to call his angel friends. Benjamin starts speaking in Enochian and it apparently gets the attention of Castiel, Ishim and whoever the other angel this ep is (I forget) because we get some interesting shots of them all looking at the ceiling. Anyway, Lily kills Benjamin and leaves the arcade like a boss.

I really don’t want to narrate this whole episode, so I’m just going to make sarcastic notes like I did for my “Asa Fox” post.

Bunker scene (Part 1)

I do legitimately want to know: How did Kelly drop off the map? I mean, she’s not a spy, she’s a presidential aide. She has reporters who know her personally and follow her around. This would be like if Josh Lyman just disappeared one day in The West Wing. 

(The whole president plot this season drives me nuts. There is literally no reason that Jack’s biological human father needs to be the president or that Kelly needs to work directly with the president, and there are so many other ways to get Dean and Sam locked up in a secret government base. This whole dumb fucking convoluted plot where the Winchesters are arrested for trying to assassinate the president and no one ever finds out about it is one plot in this show that I actually can’t suspend my disbelief for.)

Also, I think someone pointed out when this episode first aired that there is no reason for Cas to be in the kitchen, because he doesn’t eat, meaning he was just in the kitchen to deliberately not talk to Dean in Dean’s presence.

Cas straight up flounces across Dean’s line of sight this scene, you work it, buddy.

They are so passive aggressive and bitchy, I’m just expecting them to turn to Sam and demand he settle their argument over the Monty Hall problem.

Car scene

Dean turns down the opportunity to listen to music in the car because he wants everyone to know how he’s deliberately not speaking to Cas.

“This Benjamin sounds pretty cool, like he wouldn’t make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.” “Yeah, you know what I like about him is that he’s sarcastic, but he’s thoughtful and appreciative.” “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dean’s internal monologue as he veers into the wrong lane: Oh my God, we’re going to see Cas’ ex-boyfriend!!!

The devout nun who Benjamin would never put in unnecessary danger sounds like way more than a friend.

Cas lets out at least two beleaguered sighs in this scene alone.

Arcade scene

So angels can identify/contact each other by their blades now? What does that mean for all the human hunters with blades? 

Restaurant scene

“You, Castiel -- I liked the old you better.” Yeah, because you’re a dirty old man, Ishim.

(Mirabel, that’s the other angel’s name.)

“And you’re gonna storm in, riiiiiiiiiiggghht now.” God, I love Sam.

Dean “Feeling Left Out” Winchester sits down on Cas to let Ishim know he’s taken.

The actor who plays Ishim is Ian Tracey, and he plays a nice old man in The 100.

Ishim is such a racist he makes finger quotations when referring to Sam and Dean as “people.”

“Why do you let him talk to you like that?” says Dean, who says meaner things to Cas on a regular basis.

Dean just really doesn’t want to work with Cas’ other ex-boyfriend.

Ishim failing to smite Lily is super awesome. Girl has some badass angel powers.

Flashback Scene

Introducing Fem!Cas, which the fandom never got over.

I’m all for these angel ladies in turn-of-the-century dresses. 

THAT SAID, these angels seem to think the human mother could be alive after birthing a nephilim, which is ... not how the rest of this season plays out.

Akobel looks pretty shocked when Cas accuses him of banging a human. Also, apparently presumed innocent and trial by a jury of peers aren’t a thing with angels.

And not to get too out of this episode, but where is Naomi, and shouldn’t she be on Ishim’s ass for trying to shack up with a human??

It’s pretty cool that Lily’s a professor (and of such a badass subject!) in 1905, when most women weren’t even going to universities.

Back in the present, Cas is extremely pretty. These shots are just all his good side.

Ishim and Cas in the church

This scene is actually pretty sexy -- Cas gently removing parts of Ishim’s clothes, Ishim moaning and writhing as Cas heals him and then them both panting when it’s over. Good thing Dean was gone or he would have punched them.

Hotel scene

I get that Dean and Sam are trying to reason with Lily, but the whole “He was just following orders” doesn’t work on a grieving mother. It’s also generally a weak moral argument, and the fact that Sam and Dean (who disobey orders from Heaven they think are unjust all the time) are using it at all demonstrates how they’re thinking with their hearts and not their heads to save Cas. 

“Her name was May. And she was beautiful.” I just love the moms this season. (Mary, Lily, Kelly.)

Alicia Witt is honestly great. She’s so strong, but so fragile, so sad. 

Ishim, of course, is classic abuser/stalker (which Dean’s figuring out), and while that kind of villain is slightly more Meredith Glynn’s wheelhouse, this won’t be the last time Yockey will write about this kind of issue.

“I had my daughter long before I ever laid eyes on an angel,” is the kicker of the whole scene. “My daughter was human.”

And then Dean’s like, “oh fuck, gotta call Cas”

Also, did Ishim take Cas’ phone? Why can’t Cas find it?

And then Dean goes back to save Cas, because nobody messes with Dean’s husband but Dean, dammit!

(for some reason I didn’t finish the post, and I’m not turning off Lost Girl to watch a Supernatural episode right now, but just trust me, the end is great.)