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nakediconoclast · 3 years

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About a certain livestock de-wormer...

Ivermectin

Before I even start this post, let me get the legal shit out of the way.I am not a doctor. I haven't even been to a doctor in over 5 years.I have no medical training except for maybe 100 hours of outdated first aid training when I was in the army 40 years ago and my First Sergeant needed a break from me.I am not a pharmacist, although back in the 1980s and 90s, I have dispensed dru..... Wait, I better leave that one alone.The point being, don't take my word for shit here. Do your own research. I'm going to refer to the drug as IM in this post because I don't want Google/Blogger taking my blog down or red-paging it for not toeing the party line. It is not my purpose to try to talk you into taking it any more than I'd try to talk you out of taking the vaccine if that's what you want to do. Your body, your choice.All I'm doing is making you aware of it if you haven't already checked it out, and to pass on my own experiences and thoughts. IM has been approved for use in humans, although it's more widely known as an parasitic medication for livestock.IM, sold under the brand name Stromectol among others, is a medication that is used to treat parasite infestations. In humans, this includes head lice, scabies, river blindness (onchocerciasis), strongyloidiasis, trichuriasis, ascariasis, and lymphatic filariasis. In veterinary medicine, it is used to prevent and treat heartworm and acariasis, among other indications. It can be taken by mouth or applied to the skin for external infestations.MORE Question: If it's already been proven safe for human use, why isn't there full speed ahead testing being done to see if it works for covid?Answer: Big Pharma. IM has been off patent for years and is dirt cheap. If it's found out to be effective for covid, guess who's profits are going to nosedive in that vaccine market? * Back a few weeks ago, a very good friend who shall remain nameless - fuck it, I'll out him, it was WiscoDave - initiated a conversation with me about IM and wanted to know if I had considered taking it to 1) prevent covid and 2) use it to cure covid if I were to contract it. Me, being invincible, said no, so he turned me onto a few links and pretty much left it at that.He's a sly devil - he knew I'd eventually get bored and read them. One of them concerned a study in India. As you may recall, there was a major outbreak a couple months ago and motherfuckers were dying like flies, then all of a sudden..... nothing.Why? Because they introduced IM. HERE is the link to the study in the first sentence of this paragraph.HERE is a 25 minute youtube video along the same lines. There's more out there if you take a few seconds to look them up. Okay, I read that, then I started digging and found more articles and videos on youtube, although youtube seems to be pulling a bunch of them if they even mention covid and IM.To make a long story short, I figured to give it a try. Hell, I never was shy about trying new drugs when I was younger, so it wasn't that big of a deal.My reasoning was this: While I may be invincible, my wife is not and with her health problems, she is one of those high risk people. She doesn't get out much, so about the only way she'd get it would be from me, so I needed to protect myself, but I really don't want to get vaccinated.Besides, I keep hearing about all the deaths and complications from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear about anybody dying from taking IM. On top of that, every day I read about fully vaccinated people being diagnosed with covid in spite of their precautions, so even if I got vaccinated, there's a good possibility that's not going to protect my wife from getting it. Wisco had also directed me to Ann Barnhardt's IM page HERE and told me to be sure that I read it - it tells you where to buy it, how to buy it, what kinds to buy (very important!) and dosage instructions. So, armed with that knowledge, I went into town to score some of this miracle drug in the liquid form. First stop was the Farmer's Co-op in town. There was none to be had and the old boy behind the counter said they can't keep it in stock for the past few months. That seemed a little weird seeing as I haven't noticed a massive influx of livestock around here lately - unless people are buying it up to use on themselves. Bubba also told me he couldn't guarantee a hold for me when it did come in, so I headed down to Tractor Supply. Once there, I couldn't find the liquid 1% solution so I asked one of the guys and immediately started getting the 3rd degree - just exactly what I did I want it for and shit like that, so I told him it was to worm a sick donkey. He went to the back to see if there was any there, but came back to tell me there was none in stock, so I asked him to order it for me. He hemmed and hawed around until the manager walked by and told him to order anything I wanted, with as much money as I've spent in that store, so he ordered a 50ml bottle for me and I got it 3-4 days later.While I'm on the subject of Tractor Supply, if you order something online from your home, YOU pay the shipping. If you have them order it for you, it ships to your address and shipping is free - something to keep in mind. Ten bucks is ten bucks. Anyways, after I got home and was re-reading Miss Ann's page, I realized I saw the 1.87% paste there at Tractor Supply, so I hustled back down there and scored a tube for about 8 bucks.Once I got it home, I figured to give it a whirl as a preventive measure, but I didn't want to use the liquid, figuring to hold off on that in case it became 'unavailable' in the future.Now Wisco had told me the paste tasted like ass, but what the fuck, I've eaten British food before. I ain't scared. Besides, this shit was apple flavored. So I took a piece of bread, squeezed out the recommended dose (I thought), put it on the bread, folded it over and wolfed it down. I got a very slight taste of bitter apple, so I shoveled in a load of Copenhagen and that was the end of that. Now, while IM in the liquid form is taken orally, it's drawn from the bottle and measured using a syringe which can be bought at Tractor Supply, livestock supply stores and even online at vet supply sites such as Chewy.com.In the liquid form and by using a little math, you can get the dosage down for your body weight pretty easily. Using the paste, the tube dispenses the doses in 50 kilogram increments for your body weight. Luckily, as I found out, it's pretty fucking hard to overdose yourself. As I was putting the tube away, I realized I had accidentally dosed myself with double the amount recommended for my weight. It's okay to round up - better a little too much than too little according to everything I had read, but damn, I really rounded up.Like I said, the shit measures out in 50 kilo increments for body weight and I did 3 clicks instead of 2. I weigh 170 pounds and took enough for a 330 pounder.I sat down and waited to die. What I got was a very slight headache and I do mean very slight - it wasn't even bad enough to require aspirin. I didn't even cop a buzz, damn it. Okay, that's my experience. Did I have any side effects? Nope.Did I get sick to my stomach? Huh-uh.Does my dick still get hard in the morning? Most of the time, but that's my age showing.Any frothing at the mouth? Only when I brush my teeth.Do my trigger fingers still work? Yes, praise the Lord.Any newfound empathy or tolerance for Biden? Fuck no.Do I have an urge to gallop in the pasture? What happens in that pasture is between me and God. Obviously, there's precautions.Ladies, you probably don't want to take it if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant.If you're taking medication, you most definitely want to talk with your doctor first to see if there's going to be any kind of interactions. There's a website HERE that you can check, but I think I'd want to hear it from a doctor. How you word those questions is up to you, but if it was me I wouldn't ask IF I can take it, I'd let him or her know I was going to take it and what should I know. Okay, bottom line for me: Like I said earlier, I've heard of many, many cases of horrible side effects and even deaths from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear of anybody taking the correct dosage of IM having any adverse effects. I'm sure there's some out there, but if they were even remotely common, the FDA would be spreading those examples everywhere. Instead, they're putting out vague warnings like this HERE.Do I believe the hype about how deadly covid is for healthy people? No. But I do believe it can make you sicker than a dog, and I generally try to avoid shit like that. And again, I do have to protect my wife by protecting myself. With her health issues, death is a very real possibility. * So, if you are considering it, please go to Ann Barnhardt's page on the stuff and read it. Again, you'll find instructions on the kind to buy (they're not all the same), dosage, how to take it, and even a little video on how to use the paste.HEREIf you're concerned about the correct dosage, she addresses that as well.HERE

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hazbinextgeneration · 3 years

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Down The Rabbithole Ch14

The smell of roses lingered in the air as senses slowly came back to Allison. AH! See? She knew she was just dreaming this whole time she was dreaming. Chesire must've placed her on a bed when she suddenly fell asleep. It would certainly explain the soft thing he was laying on, must've been right? But what was with the giant, too heavy smell of roses everywhere? What the world was Chesire getting into? And why the heck was her head hurting so much?! It felt like she got run over twice by a train and then rolled down a giant hill, well wouldn't have been the first time she had gotten a headache from working a lot and going to bed sore. Maybe Chesire had an ice pack or something? Allison groaned and moved in the soft bed, moving her hands up to adjust on her elbows before pushing herself up to a sitting up position. Groaning and reaching up to rub her face. Oh gosh she still felt sore and tired. But thankfully her feet had stopped hurting and she felt less better now that she had been out for-......Hours? Allison had no idea. On instinct, she threw the red covers with rose and checker patterns off her and threw her feet off the bed-....It was only when she was done rubbing her face and blinked her eyes around did she freeze. ....This bedroom was NOT Chesire's tent. Allison looked around the room and gulped. A sinking feeling in her guts. This room was MASSIVE. It was as if someone slapped two and a half regular sized bedroom together, added a bathroom and closet, and then rented it out like that. The wall paper looked like it was painted by hand by a really famous artist and roses dotted all over the green walls. The ceiling a light blue with birds and beautiful clouds painted to It and a decent sized crystal chandelier. The floor was all covered with a checkerbourd carpet that looked soft if she stepped on it, and the canopy bed wasn't the only expensive piece of furniture in the large room. A giant polished wood table with carvings was sitting in the far right of the room and had a whole BUSH of roses on it, the bush inself was neatly trimmed into the shape of a heart. She wondered briefly if that was where the rose smell came from. An expensive looking LONG vanity was against the wall just in front of the bed and it was littered with what she guessed was make up. A kit with brushes of various sizes, lots of containers that glittered, or looked like lipstick or blush or rouge(she couldn't tell. Never was good with make up), and what she did recognize. A powder brush and old styled perfume bottles. The kind you'd squeeze a pump think to spray the perfume on you. What the world?!

It was then she remembered what had happened in her 'dream'. Singing roses. A cage being pulled by a horse down a path towards a giant castle on top of a tall hill. Her red eyes widened more remembering farther back. Chesire had-....Something threw a bowling, juggling pin at him and he fell to the ground. Something....Something had hit the back of her head and she- Panic and fear set in as her eyes wondered around the room more. Realizing that she had basically been kidnapped by someone. A castle. Men in gleaming armor. Who would have a reason for kidnapping her?....And what usually ruled a castle?....A Queen. Allison abruptly stood from the bed and jumped when something clattered to her feet. Falling back into her sitting position on the bed. ...She blinked seeing it was just that tacky red umbrella she seemed to be stuck with. She slowly bent down to pick it up, and mid way leaning back up she paused again. Staring right into the mirror and red eyes blinking back to her. Subconciously, she stood from the bed she had been laying on and approached her reflection. It stared right back at her and blinked it's red eyes. Those...Those weren't her eyes. Her eyes were a reddish brown and was just a bit red near the bottem, but she thought that was normal....These eyes were just a wee bit back near the top of her pupils and faded into a deep red everywhere else....What was-

CREAK!!

She ended up yelping and jumping around gripping the umbrella...And was met face to face with the most BEAUTIFUL woman she had ever seen. If it weren't for the fact that the whites of her eyes were a deep red, and her pupils was literally white floating hearts amongst the red, she would've easily passed as human. The woman was taller than her definitely, around six foot. Her body was fit and slim and the glittery, featherly outfit accented her perfectly. Her long bright red hair was pulled up in some kind of fancy do, and her make up was neatly done of course. And her face was also slightly glittery. It looked as if she had just stepped out from a ballet performance or something. She regarded Allison with a calm, almost slightly bored/irritated face, before closing the door calmly behind her and walked over towards the vanity. She immediately stumbled back and watched as the taller lady pulled out the chair and sat in front of the mirror looking at herself. Not even looking at Allison in the reflection.

"I was wondering if you would sleep forever," She spoke without looking away from her own reflection. The woman reached over and pulled a tissue from the box of tissues next to her and reached up to run it across her cheeks. Immediately the glittery make up started to come off revealing the pale, flawless skin of the woman underneath it. Even her voice was lovely, it was smooth and held no harsh emotion despite her face. "I apologize if my men caused you any trouble. I asked them to bring you to me unharmed, but I guess knocking you unconscious didn't count."

She scowled and before she could think pointed at her and blurted out, "Your 'men' hurt my friend!"

The lady hummed, wiping her eye lids free of the dark eye shadow applied to it. "And who might that be? If they're hurt perhaps I could help."

"Chesire, that's who!" The woman then paused what she was doing, and those eyes flicked over to her scowling reflection. She was still pointing at her as a sudden realization came over her and she got madder. "You're that Queen everyone's told me about! Chesire told me you'd be up to no good!"

....Silently the taller woman turned around and gave Allison her own calm, half make uped slight scowl. She regarded her silently for a moment, before sighing through her nose. "Perhaps I came off on the wrong foot. I assure you I mean you no harm, but now perhaps I may have a new problem to face."

"What are you talking about!?" She was confused, sore, but most of all angry. Angry she had to run around all willy nilly for just one break home. Angry someone wanted to capture her just because she was human. ...Angry because all this time Chesire had been tiring himself out trying to get here to help HER and then this woman had the nerve to have men go out and hurt him just to get to her! She growled and pointed again and without thinking let all her frustrations out. Screw it! If she was going down then fine! She had a rough life anyway and she had hurt the one good person left in it. "You listen here you- ..you-....Cold hearted, heart breaking witch!" The queen blinked, obviously not expecting that comment out of the timid looking human. She had been so easily captured, she didn't think she had a tongue like this. "I crash landed her BY ACCIDENT, which hurt because those giant mushrooms aren't as soft as they look! I'm talking to mice in dresses, clowns, pink rabbits, wizards, a girl with two heads and I have been following their instrustions EVERYWHERE JUST TO GET HOME!! First I had to find a literal fork in the road, then Enchanted Vil where I almost got hit by flying beer, then a magic mothman inside the fog, and then Im told to follow a bug all night through the woods to find a tent! Then I FINALLY find someone I can trust, and Im sore and tired and hungry!! Then the next thing I know some one attacks my friend, hits me over the head, and then I hallucinate I'm in a cage with singing flowers, only it wasn't a dream and now Im here and I don't know if my friend's hurt. And I never did A. SINGLE! FUCKING!! THING!! TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE!!" She heaved as she ended her angry rant still scowling at the silent surprised looking woman and she still pointed. "And now you have the nerve to apologize to me after I was scared you'd capture me and Chesire might be hurt!? Screw you! I had it with my life up to now so if you're going to off my head or ban me then do it now and get it over with!!"

There was silence as Allison finally stopped her ranting and both women just stared at each other for a long moment. Before the taller lady's shocked face slowly, contorted back to her bored scowl and half lidded eyes.

"I still see his opinion of me hasn't changed." Allison rose a brow in question and the Queen sighed, turning back to the mirror and proceeding to wipe her face. "I'm afraid my family and his have....butted heads a few times."

"Your family wiped out his entire kind sixteen years ago." The queen once again paused. "Why WOULDN'T anyone judge you for that?"

...."You already heard about that. Not too surprising." She finished wiping her face which left her fair skinned face blank before looking over her shoulder at him. "It's true, my parents did do that. I can't try to hide that fact, but don't you think it's unfair to judge me for something they had done when I was a mere child? Wasn't there things YOU couldn't control that affected you as a child?" Allison immediately stopped. Staring at the queen like she had just read her mind and made it into a book, then read it outload to her. The queen hummed at Allison's look. "You're right, I shouldn't NOT expect anyone to judge me for it, but that doesn't mean I have to follow in their footsteps now do I? But now I wonder. Did this friend tell YOU what he had done?"

She had been quiet for a while. Honestly still so confused. But-...No. She guess she couldn't judge her based on what her parents had done. No one could judge her granny for how she grew up, Allison was taken from her care. As bad as her aunt was with showing her favoritism towards her cousins and not helping her out ever, she didn't compare to horrendous tranical rulers and...And didn't the Twiddle Sisters say something about her being better than the previous rulers?...But still, she banned and fought people for no reason! She sent her men and they possibly hurt her friend and kidnapped her! She may still be thrown into a dungeon or something! She wasn't bad, but she wasn't the greatest either.

"No. It isn't fair to judge you by their mistakes, but that doesn't mean I can't judge you by yours! You hurt my friend, you scare people with your stupid fights, and you kidnapped me! You're literally doing all these things for no reason and it's wrong!"

Her slight scowl became more irritated. "Do YOU know how to rule a kingdom? Have you ever ran one?"

"No. But I know enough that banning someone just because I was jealous of their singing skills." The Queen's eyes blinked wide in shock from the closet and Allison crossed her arms. "And I know enough to talk things out instead of challenging a defenseless woman...Women?? To a fight they couldn't win and punish them for it. If you want to be a better person then maybe you should try not jumping to conclusions-"

The Queen's hand slapped down on the vanity moving everything and looking to her fully with an obvious angry face. "You know nothing about why I did it! I had to do it! For his safety!"

"Who's safety?!" The queen immediately stopped. Looking almost horrified as she did so but Allison scowled again. "If you claim to ban two innocent women for someone's safety, then you better be ready to convince me. You hurt my friend, so I'm not a big believer on your safety measures." Instead of answering, she immediately faced away from Allison and looked back down to her lap silently. Making the strawberry blonde human raise a brow...before groaning and throwing her arms out. "Look. I don't care if you have your reasons, but at least tell me why? Why am I here? If you're gonna ban them, then how can I trust what you say if you can't tell me anything?.....You don't have to say his name or anything. Just give me a reason to give you even a bit of my time."

The Queen really didn't change from her position and remained sile- "You really want to know why?" She finally looked up from her sitting position and looked at Allison through the mirror's reflection. "It's because they knew the truth of where my beloved was. I couldn't risk him getting discovered like that, and strangers leading him away from me. He likes his privacy."

Allison confused to stare at the closet door confused for a moment. Who could the Twiddle Sisters possibly know that- Allison's eyes widened in realization, and stared at her in disbelief. "You mean the fortune telling guy?" The queen looked away again with red rising to his cheeks. "Wait. You and HIM are a thing?"

"Not yet. He still believes I have something to learn before be agrees to be by my side. He's usually right about these things," She stood up and went over to the closet. Opening the door before disappearing from sight. "Apparently I need to rethink about how I do things, and I have."

"But what does this have to do with me? I never did anything to anyone."

".....A lot of my citizens still view outsiders as people who are a danger and expect some kind of measure to be taken. And I can't just leave them feeling afraid and like I didn't do anything to protect them."

"Well, what ARE you going to do?"

. "Simple. In one hour I intend to 'confront' this danger head on. We shall have a battle like all the others and if you win, you win the right to go home. That's what you want isn't it?" Allison fell quiet and she hummed. "And if you lose, you'll be 'reformed' and be banned to live out your days here. A 'reformed' human just might be what my kingdom needs to stop feeling scared. I take measures to help my citizens slowly. You see? Where you see unfairness, I see ways to repair my family's damage without rolling them into a boulder doing so. I banned a woman who could reveal the location of my betrothed who doesn't want to be found. I give fairer chances to my people and offer labor or exile as punishment than imprisonment or death.....I am the ruler my parents weren't. Even if no one sees it or understands now. Everything will fall into place, after all. There is ONE rules we fallow here. Never judge a storybook by it's cover. Now I do wonder so badly, did anyone tell you about what your beloved Chesire did?"

Allison gave her a look like someone had asked her to solve the mystery of life. "What do you mean? He's been nothing but kind to me. He saved my life and.....and he's honestly all the good I have left in my life. ..What did he do to you that could've been worse than what your parents and your men did to him? Everyone seemed to like him."

The queen soon exited the closet, red hair flowing down her shoulders and outfit now similar to a ringleader of a circus. "....As revenge for what my parents did to his, he returned stronger than before and turned them to ashes for their crimes." She watched Allison's face turn to one of shock and chuckled, smiling. "Oh, don't act so surprised. I was expecting it from the start something like that would happen. I should really thank him really. Without his help I wouldn't be Queen right now and trying to fix everything, and my parents would've most likely killed you on sight with no questions asked. Of course that meant mixed feelings. Some view him as a savior for his actions, some view him as a danger. But barely anyone approaches him for it."

Allison still looked off at nothing in disbelief. Chesire.....turned someone into dust?! Why didn't he tell her? "H-How-"

"Magic." Something slapped her other hand and Allison blinked at a black baton with some giant ruby at the end shaped into a heart. " We both poses great power passed down from our ancestors. Each of the generations more stronger than the last, which is why I rule without question. And why he was able to perform such feats. He's a dangerous person to cross and shouldn't be trifaled with."

"....." She shook her head. "W-W-Why didn't he tell me?!"

"We all have our reasons. You got angry you can't get home. I do what I do to fix my past. Perhaps he did it to keep a friend?...You two ARE friends aren't you?"

Of course they were. He waited patiently for her. Fed her. Helped her work around the house. And he spent all that energy just to come try to help her. He wouldn't NOT do that if they weren't friends. And because of her he got hurt. Guilt bubbled up in the back of her mind again, but something else also rumbled out. She looked down almost embarrassed as her stomach rumbled and the Queen rose a brow...Before making her way over to the door and opening it.

"I'll have one of my maids bring you some food. In one hour our performance shall take place. I'm expecting someone important coming, so make yourself look presentable, my things are at your disposal....Human?" Allison jumped and looked up at her. "I-...never got your name."

"Uh-..A-Allison. It's Allison. Uh. W-What's your name?"

The Queen of Hearts regarded her for another moment before closing the door behind her. "Velveteen."

The door closed and as soon as it did Allison's mind finally began to panic with questions. She was gonna have to fight the QUEEN!? Who had MAGIC?! What was she gonna do?! If she didn't win she'd be forced to spend the rest of her life here...She guessed it wouldn't be so bad if everyone didn't already not like humans that much, but she wan't ready for that kind of thing and what would the point of her whole journey be then if she just gave up now! She immediately went over to the one window in the room...but any hope of escaping out of there was squealched when she saw how HIGH she was in the castle. Now that she got a good look, she saw the backyward of the castle so to speak. It had lots of beautiful flowers and a giant fountain spouting water out. And behind that was a giant maze made of bushes. Guess she found out what the green walls were. Allison shook her head and headed to the door, opening it and going to quickly step out- But jumped out when two spears suddenly crossed over each in front of her and she blinked when two tall men in gleaming armor leaned over to peer down at her.

"Sorry, Ma'am. Her Highness says you're to remain here until she sends for you."

She backed away as one of them reached back in and closed the door right in front of her and she was left staring at the door for a few silent moments, before aimlessly looking around the room. What was she going to do now?

***************************************************************************************************************

The blue cat groaned but wasted no time pushing himself up off the floor and sitting down on his behind. He remained in that pose for a moment before reaching his tiny paws up to rub at his face and hiss at the obvious bruise under his fur. Without even getting up from his current position his head tilted slightly to his left where a juggler's pin was laying down- Immediately he jumped into the air and snapped his fingers. The hat and staff that had been on the floor flew up to retake their positions on his head and in his hands as his head and eyes snapped around the room around him.

"ALLISON?!"

There was no human girl anywhere but something else sure was. His worried eyes locked onto it almost immediately and slowly floated over to it. The door by the pins-.....Behind it was a giant hole in the tent's hallway's fabric. In fact there was another one after that and another, until there was a very obvious few holes where someone obvious cut straight through his maze to get to them. Usually the tent couldn't be destroyed but he guessed the magic he used to make it so wasn't enough at the time. His worried frown slowly turned to just a thin small line on his usual smiling face as he started to fly through the holes. A tearing noise sounded behind him as the holes began to magically repair themselves one by one as he passed through them. Until he got to the last one. The tent all repaired behind him as he looked around, not seeing anyone in this giant field of him...Before those half lidded eyes looked down and the floating cat paused at the sight of footsteps. Heavy bootprints sank into the ground and their was a decent amount. Maybe four of five men based off the size of them, and horse shoe prints too. As well as two straight lines which he assumed were the tires of whoever was pulling the cart along. He stared at them for a moment before slowly following the path they made with his eyes,....and a grin devoid of any happy emotion spread over his face showing his fangs, his eyes slanted and narrowed, his ears pinned back against his head as he chuckled without happiness.

"Well, well, well.~ It seems someone wants to play a game of cat and mouse.~ They got the cat and they're the mouse.~ Hmhmhm." A crackling sound appeared and his tail shook violently before snapping off his body only attactched by a few beadlike strand attatched to his lower back. More crackling sounded as his tail shook more and broke off into three segmented pieces, rings of blue energy vibrated off them like energized halos as he smiled. "Well then kidnappers of Allison Gale.~ Ready or not. Here I come.~"

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agent-kentauris · 7 years

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d185

okay i swore id make a note about the canon bending in this but im sleepy so tomorrow

“Almost done,” I said. “But I want to know who they were torturing. Let me ID him, and then I’m out of here.”

“All right…” she said doubtfully. “But hurry.”

No kidding. The shots were dying down outside. I got halfway back across the room when I heard…I don’t know. Something metallic. I stopped before I realized I’d done it. Three Russian were firing wildly at Marburg’s men towards the back of the room. No one was looking at me. No one else seemed concerned. I squeezed the knife.

A barrage of bullets came through the open roll door. The outstretched arm on a statue imploded. I dropped, several bullets clipping the air above me.

The shooting stopped. Russian swearing started.

“Michael, Michael,” a familiar voice said.

The fuck was she doing here?

“Why are you always hiding behind boxes?” she asked.

“Sie?” Mina exclaimed over the earpiece. “Mike, tell me it’s not.”

I stuck my hands up first, then stood. “Don’t suppose Grigori told you where to find me this time.”

Sie chuckled, keeping, I could hardly fail to notice, her massive minigun centered on me.

“Let me guess,” I said. “You’re here for Marburg.”

“I am as surprised as you, dahling.”

The Russians at her side didn’t look to eager to stop pointed their guns at me, either.

The distant sounds of sirens filtered in through the open back gate.

“Mike, you’ve got less than a minute,” Mina reported.

“There’s a split in the VCI,” I said. “You’re fighting Marburg. That’s why you’re here; I can help, if you tell me what’s going on.”

She gestured at one of the Russians. He sauntered over to the man Marburg’s guys had been questioning.

“I’m afraid,” she said, “that as much as I enjoy our time together, I will have to leave you.”

The man hoisted the body over a shoulder. I took a step towards him. Every finger not on a trigger shifted.

“Mike, get out of there,” Mina warned.

“Just tell me who he is, what’s going on, anything. Sie-”

Her Russians kept their weapons trained on me as she walked out without another word. Then they followed, not so much as a hey, maybe we’re on the same side here, maybe we can help each other.

“Thorton,” Mina said tensely.

“I know, I know,” I said.

The side door was blocked by an enormous, ornate antique vase. Too heavy to move, but to unbalance it? By the time the cops blew past me on the road, lights challenging the early morning sunlight, there’d be nothing in the warehouse but vase shards, bullet casings and dead Deus Vult to deal with. I kept my hands in my pockets and my head down as they passed.

“There’s good news,” Mina offered. “Can you talk, or do you want me to wait?”

“Go ahead,” I said, trying not to move my lips too much. Few people were out on the sidewalks. Those who were out confined themselves to other industrial buildings, other warehouses, a couple of smaller, closed businesses. I looked out of place. It didn’t help that the scabbed, aching wound on my thigh was complaining. Hard to keep an even pace once I’d noticed it.

“We’ve got evidence of a transaction between Russian weapons dealers and Marburg.”

“Wait,” I said, talking despite myself. “Actual hard evidence?”

“It’s not going to stand up in court, but…”

She laughed, with disbelief, suspicion, doubt, but none of those stopping her from confirming it again.

“Yeah, I think so, Mike.”

“I’m guessing the deal went south, then. Marburg tried to double cross the Russians, and they caught wind of it.”

“Maybe. I’m not sure how Sie plays into it.”

“Who cares?” I exclaimed, the pain from my leg gone now. “We’ve got something solid this time. We can-”

“Who cares? Mike-”

“I care, I care,” I reassured her. “Just…this is a big deal.”

“Believe me. I know. We aren’t that much better off, though – we still have to figure out what he’s doing here in Rome, and stop him before he does it.”

“Maybe we don’t. Maybe…”

The thinnest beginnings of an alternate plan. Something different.

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe we send this to Scarlet, she gets the story out, Italy takes care of its Marburg problem itself.”

Madison goes home. I go-

To Taiwan. Forgot about that for a second.

“I…” Mina said. “That…might not be the worst idea we’ve come up with. Look, this…”

She sighed.

“This is your call,” she said. “What do you want to do?”

It sounded suspiciously like a peace offering. I took lead on the Madison thing, you take this.

“We call Scarlet. And if you want, all three of us can figure out what to do next.”

I disagree, but I’ll back your plays anyway.

“Alright, Mike,” she said, a smile in the back of her voice.

The world swam, one hazy wave passing through everything visible and distorting the lines of buildings and the road. I stumbled on a crack in the sidewalk.

“Mike?” Mina asked.

“Sorry,” I said. “Headache. I-”

-could feel myself losing my balance again. I fell flat on the pavement, tried to push myself back up but the palms of my hands belonged to someone else and they only sort of looked like my hands.

“Mike,” Mina said, all command now. “Talk to me.”

Sleepy, I said.

It came out as a slurred slllllllllshhhhhh noise.

A hand grabbed at my hair, light pain radiating from the sniper wound on my head. The hand pulled my head off the pavement. The man tugged his sunglasses off, exchanging them for a small penlight in his pocket. He ran the light back and forth, brightly. Stinging my eyes. Too tired to blink the blue spots out.

“Mm?” I said.

“Resistant fucker,” he said. “Damn.”

He replaced the light. He tapped a bulky pistol gently against my side.

“Okay, Thorton. You can come quiet, or I can tranq you again. Up to you.”

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

I couldn’t feel my legs. Or much of me. The sunshine was pleasant on my forehead. Small patch of warm in the cold air.

He shook a hand in front of my face, my vision blurred out, and he became a round person-shaped blob.

“Goddamn it,” he swore. “Fine.”

The ground shifted underneath me, and then it wasn’t ground, but air. Standing? Who cared. Didn’t. Much at least.

“Let’s go,” his voice said. The world was a big blur of sunlight and brownish building colors.

Footsteps. Idle rumbling car engine.

“Fuck,” he shouted, and it felt like falling.

Someone else shouted something odd, ringing words, and loud. Even louder the shots. And siren. Didn’t matter. Ground cold with night and air warm with dawn. Nice. Good, then.

Okay.

My arm was handcuffed to a plastic bed rail.

#the omega report #aptor sie

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Mother’s Day Gift Guide: Gifts For The Regular Mom, The Cool Mom & Everyone In Between

What greater holiday is there than a day that celebrates the strong, beautiful women who raised us? Go ahead, try to think of one, Ill wait. 4th of July you say? Okay. Anyway, Mothers Day really does serve as a reminder that we should be really really nice to all the moms in our lives because we too may be mothers some day and we dont want a bitchy daughter who doesnt appreciate us. So its good karma to get them a gift, right? A betchs mom is the most important lady in her life. Shes given us endless words of wisdom on fuckboys, shes reluctantly allowed us to borrow steal her clothes, and she always picked us up from school when we were feeling sick. Shes molded us into the betch we are today, and for that we are forever grateful. To show her how much you love her, were giving you a list of all our favorite brands/gift ideas that are perfect for every type of mom in your life. Welcome to the Betches Mother’s Day Gift Guide 2017.

FOR THE MOM WHO STILL GRABS CANDY FOR HERSELF AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER

Hats off to this mom, she still answers to her sugar cravings and DGAF. Elevate her candy standards with Sugarfinas Sweetest Mom Candy Bento Box and watch it disappear within 20 minutes of her opening it. If shes into the juicing craze like any betchy mom, feel free to gift her a bottle of Pressed Juicery x Sugarfinas green juice gummy bears. Its the perfect candy she can eat while convincing herself that shes healthy AF. These are the chicest and yummiest candies ever, and Im sure this mom wont mind if you steal a few for yourselfmaybe

FOR THE ZEN AF MOM YOU CAN ALWAYS VENT TO

This mom is amazing because she has the patience to listen to us talk shit about irrelevant shit for hours and somehow make us feel 10 times better in the end. Philosophy is a fave brand of ours, not just because of their amazing products, but also because of their values. Its the wellness brand version of the mom who always sends you inspirational articles and makes sure you never leave the house without food in your stomach. To reward this woman for putting up with your crazy ass, give her the Moments of Grace boxthe perfect set of shower, fragrance, and moisturizing products.

FOR THE MOM WHO KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A HOUSE A HOME (AND WONT LET YOU EAT ON THE COUCH)

This mom might have come off as a little strict and slightly neurotic due to her strict house rules you lived under as a young betch, but you now understand it was all worth it for the image of a perfect home. Shes classy, shes elegant, and shes not afraid to tell you to fuck off when you deserve it. Giving her a Venus Et Fleur box is not just giving her clich flowers for Mothers Day, its giving her a centerpiece for her precious home. These are the most beautiful flowers and they last for an entire year. There are several colors to choose from so you can def find one to match the living room couch. PS, theyre having a pop-up shop at Saks specifically for Mothers Day, so go with your siblings and get her the most Instagrammable flowers ever.

FOR THE MOM WHO WANTS TO BE INA GARTENS BEST FRIEND

This mom spends half her life watching the Food Network and the other half begging her husband to agree to redoing the kitchen. As such, she takes great pride in all her kitchen essentials, and each time you come home theres a new blender or toaster. Although you have barely any space for a wooden spoon in your apartments kitchen and deem it acceptable to microwave water for your tea, this mom would rather be caught dead than without at least 25 different spatula options. Cuisinart is the perfect place to find the best and newest kitchen products that this mom will die over, like the QuicKettle and the PrepExpress. If you get her any of their products, I foresee massive amounts of free food in your future.

FOR THE MOM WHOS NOT AFRAID TO BLACK OUT AT FAMILY DINNERS

This mom is always invited to hang with you and your friends whenever shes in town. As a betch who can single-handedly create a party out of thin air, her Mothers Day gift needs to suit her hostess needs. Kim Crawford Wine is the perfect bottle to whip out on any given occasion, and with summer around the corner, it is officially ros season. Their website has tons of amazing recipes, including fros, sothis mom will def exploit a bottle of Kim Crawford ros for all its worth. If she also happens to be an Insta whore, were sorry in advance.

FOR THE MOM WHO GIFTED YOU YOUR WITTY SENSE OF HUMOR

This mom has passed on her good genes of having no filter and always has the entire family in tears at Thanksgiving dinner (like, the good kind). We were always afraid of what kind of backhanded bitchy comment she might make at our frenemies when we were younger, but we loved her anyway and secretly enjoyed it. If shes begging you not to get her anything this year, at least get her the perfect card from Shop Betches.

FOR THE MOM WHOS PUTTING OFF BOTOX FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE

This mom has had perfect skin her entire life and is now in overdrive doing everything she can to keep it that way. Washing her face isnt just something she does a couple times a day, its now an insane obsession. To make sure this mom is getting the most out of her incessant face cleansing, get her the Soniclear brush from Michael Todd Beauty. The antimicrobial brush stays cleaner and fresher for longer, and cleans deep into your pores. Lets be real, youre probs going to get one for yourself as well. Also, since shes probs big into blending, you should get her the Sonicblend brush to apply her makeup flawlessly.

FOR THE MOM WHO WON’T LET YOU ANYWHERE NEAR HER KITCHEN

This mom has a panic attack whenever there’s too many people in the kitchen (which for the most part means if there’s anyone in there besides her). She’s a firm believer in “a place for everything and everything in its place”, which as a betch you can only relate to on the level of your apartment’s bar cart. Joseph Joseph has the perfect modern organizational kitchen shit that will perfectly encourage this mom’s obsessive compulsive habits, but at least the kitchen will look sleek AF so who cares. We love their Nesting Bowl Sets and their super chic Worktop Savers.

FOR THE MOM WHO ALWAYS FALLS ASLEEP WITH HER IPAD ON HER FACE

This mom can’t get enough of her Facebook feed and loves to send you videos of dogs at all hours of the night. She probably thinks she’s squinting at all her screens because she’s old, but really it’s because no ones eyes should not be staring at this shit all day. Felix Gray glasses are v trendy-looking and protect your eyes from the blue light emitted from all our electronics’ screens, so mom won’t have to fight through the headaches to continue scrolling through Insta anymore. Our offices fan favorites are the Turing and Nash frames.

FOR THE MOM WHO JUICED BEFORE IT WAS COOL

This mom has been a juice drinking yoga freak since before you were born, and she’s always looking for new ways to show the world that she’s healthier and has more of her shit together than anyone else. Daily Harvest delivers fresh soups, smoothies, chia parfaits and overnight oats to your door on your schedule. This way, mom can get her fav smoothies delivered at 3pm just in time for her to consume before her 5pm spin class. If you didn’t think eating healthy could be convenient, neither did we, but here we are.

FOR THE MOM WHO HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEVER KNEW YOU NEEDED

This mom may seem like a hoarder, but in reality she’s just a collector of random shit that will impress people. Totally different. Also, we are not ones to talk about hoarding as evidenced by our closets. Anyway, Tovolo is the perfect place to shop for this mom because while it’s super fun for us to look through all the fun kitchen gadgets they have, it will be that much more fun for her because she’ll know exactly what to do with whatever you get her. “OMG, skull ice molds?! This will be perfect for Debbie’s divorce party!” We love their Clear Ice System and Stainless Steel Cocktail Shaker.

FOR THE MOM WHO ALWAYS LOSES SHIT

As a young mom, this one relied on her children to remind her of her dentist appointments or whenever she accidentally left the stove on. Though shes the most scatter-brained person you know, shes so lovable youve never (really) faulted her for it. Plus, her lack of having her shit together taught you how to be a proactive, multitasking betch. To make this moms life a little easier as her brain is only getting worse with age (sorry but its true), get her Tile for Mothers Day so you never have to get another phone call about her missing keys again. All she has to do is attach the little Tile to whatever it is she loses every day and connect it to her phone through Bluetooth and voil, when she needs to find either thing she can make em ring (I did not do that on purpose but I apologize).

FOR THE MOM WHO REALLY WANTS TO LOSE 3 POUNDS BUT HATES THE GYM

This mom might sound very familiar because she is all of us. She would much rather spend an hour at book club talking shit than hitting the gym, but the thought of showing up to Southampton for the summer in her current state is freaking her out. Do her a favor and buy her HUM Nutritions Skinny Bird, a natural weight loss supplement. If youre feeling really generous, they also have a Turn Back Time supplement that helps with skin cell protection. Time to pop some pills!

FOR THE BRAND NEW MOM

This mom has been MIA because she is now with child and a real human and also struggling to get more than 4 hours of sleep at night. Brighten up her day by getting her little Betch In Training a baby onesie from Shop Betches.

FOR THE MOM WHO IS ALWAYS ON THE GO

This mom has always been your business betch inspiration, as youve admired her for balancing her work and home life so well. Despite being super important at her company, she somehow found the time to proofread all your high school papers and prepped you for every job interview youve ever had. Soap & Glory is the perfect cheeky and empowering cosmetic brand that this mom absolutely NEEDS in her life. Since shes always running from mandatory family breakfast to business meeting, get her some of our favorites like their Rushower Dry Shampoo and their Hand Food hydrating hand cream.

FOR THE MOM WHO ALWAYS KEEPS IT SIMPLE

This mom is a woman of few words, but always knows what to say. You can find her in the yoga studio in the morning and hosting a charity dinner party by night. Shes the one who taught you that doing things for others is like, important. Not one for flashy things but a lover of the arts, this mom would love a piece from Adam Marc Jewelry. Our favorite pieces are the Kim Star Choker and the Rafaeli 14k Gold Bar Necklace. Use code BETCHES20 for 20% offyour mom will never have to know you didn’t pay full price.