#anyway it's two o'clock in the morning and i'm rambling so I should go and sleep

[void-kissed]

I was going to update my self-insert carrd with a new render before realising that would technically actually be quite big spoilers for Fatebreakers, but I did manage to resolve it by making a (very in-progress) render of my third Cloverse self-insert, Chiara!

..It's accurate for her physical appearance, but probably not her outfit, aside for the feathery leafy cape thingy. At the moment she sort of just looks like a depressed Camille, and she also kind of looks like she's matching Telanthera's outfit which isn't quite right, but.. the vibes are there. She's a witch whose magic was inverted by a curse, leaving her only able to use her magic to wither, erode or decay things instead of revitalising things and creating flowers like she used to be able to; this unfortunate fate, as well as her lack of control over her magic as a result of the curse, leads her to be set upon by many as an antagonist, despite the fact she doesn't want to be a villain at all.

At the moment, I have her classified as a self-insert who isn't associated with any F/Os, but I think it'd make sense for her to also end up seeing The Storytelling Witch as a mother figure like Alise does, because the two have similar situations of once being good witches but something happened to them and now they're sort of not. Which is kind of amusing considering Chiara exists concurrently with Alise (as well as Telanthera - all three are in there somewhere at once), who is completely different in terms of how she acts =P

[song-fox]

"You're A Dork."

.

Roman's P.O.V.

This is it, I thought gleefully to myself. I'm finally gonna know my soulmate's first words to me!

Well, at least for after I get my soulmark.

I closed my eyes excitedly as everyone began the countdown to midnight. It was my sixteenth birthday, and it was tradition for everyone to stay up until 12 o'clock for when the words appeared on the person's wrist. After years of daydreaming and wondering, I was finally about to find out what they would say to me. But even still, I had so many questions. What would he look like? How would he act? Would I already know him, or would it be a complete stranger? Would he like Disney as much as me? Would he even be a he? I desperately hoped so, otherwise all those years of denial and coming out would have been pretty useless.

"Three..."

I took in a couple of breaths, balancing on the balls of my feet.

"Two..."

I tugged at my sleeve. What would my wrist say?

"One...!"

I immediately opened my eyes and pulled down the sleeve of my red hoodie, revealing the black letters that stood out against my pale skin. My eyes scanned over them frantically.

You're a dork.

I almost laughed out loud at that. It certainly wasn't what I was expecting, but it wasn't exactly an unpleasant surprise, either.

"Ooh! What'd you get?" Patton asked, bouncing around and looking just as excited as I was, if not more. Right. He couldn't see the writing on my arm. No one could. Soulmates are supposed to be personal and should be your own choice to pursue them, so nobody can ever see the writing on someone's wrist.

Unlike me, Patton had already found his soulmate, on the same day as his birthday, in fact. Of course it had been Logan, our mutual friend who seemed to have been dropping incredibly obvious hints that he was crushing on the boy, at least by Logan's standards.

I grinned at them both. "It says You're a dork."

Logan snorted. "Fitting," he remarked, earning an elbow from me.

Patton, however, seemed ecstatic. "Aw! That's really cute!"

I put down my arm, still smiling. "Yeah, it is."

*****************

Over the next few days, I was waaayyyy too confident on finding my soulmate soon, if not right away. If Patton could do it, why not me?

"'Sup, dork!" a kid yelled out one morning on the bus. We were on our way to school, so he could have been talking to anyone, but still I pulled down my sleeves and quickly read over the words.

No match. It was probably for the best, anyway. The guy was straight, and also kind of a jerk. He wasn't even talking to me, either.

Oh well. Maybe next time.

Months later. I walked into the local bookstore, looking over the list that Patton had given me. Logan's birthday was coming up, and Patton had suggested gifting him some books and gave me a list of specific ones. Patton himself was making Logan a scarf, since it was nearly winter and the nerd got cold easily.

I walked over to the checkout counter a few minutes later with a stack of books in my arms. I placed them in front of the cashier, surprised at their weight. Those books were heavy.

The cashier hummed as he grabbed the books and scanned them, reading over their titles.

"Encyclopedia, A Brief History of Time, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd... wow, you're a nerd," he teased. I paused, then quickly glanced at my upturned wrist whilst the cashier bagged the books. No match.

Of course.

"Oh, uh, they're just for my friend. But he is a nerd. I'll tell him that you acknowledged it too," I remarked. The guy smiled, handing over the books.

"Have a nice day."

A few more months passed. I tried hard to forget that I had a soulmate and to stop constantly checking my wrist every time someone said anything similar to my soulmark. It worked, for the most part. I spent most of my time at school, anyway, and the rest of my days were mainly hanging out or talking to Logan and Patton.

I also spent a lot of my time drawing and painting, although that didn't really have much to do with the whole soulmate thing. I just really enjoyed it. I even posted a lot of it online, along with some picture of my friends and I just hanging out and goofing around.

One day while I was drawing, I heard a faint vibration from my phone, signalling a notification. I dropped my pencil and grabbed it, scrolling through all the random notifications from weird group chats until I found one from a comment on one of the pictures I had posted.

I tapped on it. The picture was one that Logan had taken, with him looking disappointedly into the camera whilst Patton and I goofed off in the background.

I kept scrolling until I found the comment.

PurpleDinosaur123: Lmao youre such a dork

For a second I felt my heart stop, and I scrambled to look at my wrist.

No match.

I sighed, instead opting to type out a reply.

Royal_arts: Lol thanks for noticing, I really do try

I put my phone on silent and tucked it away.

Almost a full year had passed since my sixteenth birthday, and although it was irrational, I was starting to lose hope. I know, it was dumb to expect a soulmate in just one year, but still. I couldn't really force myself to feel any different.

I pulled out my phone and texted to a group chat with Logan and Patton.

Me: i'm sad :(((((

DadPat: Is this about me eating the last cupcake?? if so I'm sorry <333

Me: wait you ate my last cupcake

Me: nvm it doesnt matter,, i'm just being angsty over the whole soulmate thing

DadPat: Aww, chin up kiddo, you'll meet him someday

Nerd: It's true. My parents didn't even meet until they were nearly thirty

Me: but what if i never meet him :(((

DadPat: Of course you will!! you're destined to, remember? it's basically set in stone :)

Nerd: Well, actually

Me: stfu logan i'm trying to cheer up here

Nerd: Right. My apologies

Me: s'cool

DadPat: Ah well, just get some sleep kiddo, maybe you'll feel better in the morning. love ya!! gnight!

Nerd: Indeed, perhaps some rest will benefit you. Goodnight

Me: goodnight ya nerd, ily2 patt

With that, I turned off my phone and let sleep overtake me.

I haven't seen him in a while, and it's a pleasure to see him again.

"Do you think I'll ever meet my soulmate?" I ask, staring into the dark, nightmarish atmosphere. He sits with me too, a warm and comforting presence beside me. He laughs and shakes his head, although it isn't a negative sign.

"You're a dork."

I tilt my head. "What do you mean?"

"Roman, you're a brilliant and amazing and creative person. Don't doubt yourself. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

I mull it over, before pausing. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I said that anyone would be lucky to have you."

I shake my head frantically. "No, no before that!"

"I said 'You're a dork'."

I feel like my breathing has stopped for a second. I stand up, backing away.

"No, no, no," I say breathlessly, running a hand through my hair. I nearly trip over my own feet.

"What? You don't want me?"

"No, I- I, but.." I'm stumbling over my words. Tears are threatening to spill out.

"Not you... not you... please, not you," I plead to deaf ears. The threat is now a battle with my emotions. My cheeks are wet with bitter tears and I'm gulping back breaths.

"Please..."

I jolted awake, my mouth ajar and sucking in precious oxygen. My eyes stung with fresh tears.

I grabbed my phone off the table and texted the group chat again.

Me: hey patt?? i'm gonna need a ride later

DadPat: Oh? what for?

DadPat: Are you meeting someone??

Me: kind of

DadPat: ??  ',:/

Me: i need to have breakfast, i'll just text you the location later, k?

DadPat: Okie kiddo, I'll pick you up at noon <33

Me: thx, ly

As he said, Patton was waiting outside my house by lunchtime. I stood anxiously outside my house, holding tightly onto a bouquet of flowers. Hydrangeas, hyacinths and lilacs, all varying shades of purple.

Patton waved me over, and I noticed Logan was sitting with him in the front seat.

"Hey, kiddo! I hope you don't mind that Logan came along; he saw your texts and wanted to make sure you were okay." Logan waved awkwardly at me.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "Thanks. It means a lot."

Logan tilted his head. "Roman, are you okay? You seem upset."

I let out a deep breath. "I met him."

They both perked up at this.

"Wait, really? Roman, that's amazing! Who is he?" Patton piped up, eyes glimmering excitedly. I kept silent and simply looked at him, watching his misty blue eyes scanning my face.

Logan realized it first. He stifled a gasp and his eyes widened, before softening sympathetically. Then it clicked for Patton. He gasped, and his hands flew to his mouth.

"Oh my gosh, Roman, I'm so sorry, that must be terrible," he rambled, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

Logan nodded, then gestured to the flowers. "Are those...?"

"Yeah," I muttered simply. Logan stayed quiet, knowing better than to press on.

The ride was agonising. Patton had tried putting on some Disney songs, but I insisted no music. The day was beautiful, otherwise; the sunlight glinted on the morning dew of the bright, crisp grass. The trees were lush and full of life, and daisies poked out of the masses of summer foliage.

We arrived after twenty minutes of almost complete silence. The only time it was broken was whenever Patton tried to crack a joke, or when he saw a sign that said ROAD WORK AHEAD and muttered, "Yeah, I sure hope it does," under his breath.

I got out of the car, the gentle breeze stinging my watery eyes. I gripped the bouquet with both hands, as if I were scared that it might have disappeared or suddenly died.

Just like he did.

"Would you like us to accompany you?" Logan asked tentatively. I shook my head slowly, my gaze trained on the ground.

"No, I-I'd like to be alone with him. You can join me later."

Logan nodded and stepped back to join Patton.

Walking through the maze of stone slabs was painful, as it always had been. Even the grass that had been bright and lively just a few minutes before seemed limp and dull.

I kept walking, each step slower than the other, but I kept going. I needed this. I needed to see him again.

I kneeled down in front of the grey stone slab in the ground. Letters were etched neatly into the grave, chipped away with time but still legible.

Here lies Virgil Emory

2004 ~ 2019

Gone, but not forgotten.

I took one more look at the writing on my wrist. The familiar curving lines and dark ink contrasting against my skin.

You're a dork.

I placed down the bouquet, a faint smile on my lips.

"So," I said, choking back a sob. "You're my soulmate."