#anyway there is not a day that goes by without me thinking that asterix is adorable

[alisterix]

Asterix yelling at Obelix and going to Panoramix immediately after to talk to him about it and look smol and defeated like this will never not get to me

[bestanimatedmovie]

Welcome to Revenge of the Underrated!

Some of you asked me to put a "haven't watched both" to be more fair to the more unknown movies, but I've seen other tournaments doing this and I think it limits too much who can participate in the polls. So what I decided to do is a double elimination!

What does that mean? That means a movie has to lose twice to be eliminated. In other words, there will be a sorts of losers bracket that'll be part of main bracket. I'm undecided on whether to do this for only one round or the whole bracket, as it would make the tournament very long. Do let me know if you have any opinion about it.

Anyway, Revenge of the Underrated, Round 1:

Miss Hokusai vs Happily N'Ever After

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children vs Tiger and Bunny: The Rising

Ballerina vs Book Girl

On-Gaku: Our Sound vs Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Eternal The Movie Part 1

Cats don't Dance vs The Flight of Dragons

Dragon Ball Z: Cooler's Revenge vs The Girl Without Hands

The Twelve Tasks of Asterix vs Flatland: The Film

Felidae vs Pokemon the Movie: The Power of Us

An American Tail: Fievel Goes West vs Unico in the Island of Magic

Rock and Rule vs Rock-A-Doodle

The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning vs Freddie as F.R.0.7

The Plague Dogs vs The Magic Riddle

Pokemon Heroes vs The Pebble and the Penguin

Strange Magic vs Sea Prince and the Fire Child

Help! I'm a Fish vs Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs

16.Azur and Asmar: The Prince's Quest vs Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer

17.Titan A.E. vs Ico, the Brave Horse

18.The Adventures of Mark Twain vs A Troll in Central Park

19.The Case of Hana and Alice vs Once Upon a Forest

20.Underdogs vs Long Way North

21.Mars Needs Moms vs The Twelve Months

22.Phineas and Ferb: The Movie: Candace Against the Universe vs Blinky Bill

23.Robot Carnival vs Revue Starlight: The Movie

24.One Piece: Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island vs Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom

25.Ruben Brandt, Collector vs Samurai Jack: The Premiere Movie

26.Lupin III: The First vs Pippi Longstocking

27.The Three Caballeros vs The Legend of Manxmouse

28.Princes and Princesses vs The Snow Queen

29.A Letter to Momo vs Seven Days War

30.The Wild Thornberrys Movie vs The Rabbi's Cat

31.Night on the Galactic Railroad vs The Boy who Wanted to be a Bear

32.The Swan Princess vs Planetarian: Hoshi no Hito

33.Patema Inverted vs Bartok the Magnificent

34.Next Gen vs Padak

35.Asterix: The Mansions of the Gods vs Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland

36.Thumbelina vs Catnapped!

37.Early Man vs Rainbow Magic: Return to Rainspell Island

38.Junk Head vs Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie

39.Charlotte's Web (1973) vs The Princess and the Goblin

40.Shaun the Sheep Movie vs Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius

41. Redline vs Balto

42. The Addams Family vs Inu-Oh

43. Epic vs Mary and the Witch's Flower

44.The Girl Who Leapt Through Time vs Vivo

45.Barbie: Princess Charm School vs Kronk''s New Groove

46.Waking Life vs The Transformers: The Movie

47.Barbie in the Nutcracker vs Barbie as Rapunzel

48.Pokemon: The First Movie - Mewtwo Strikes Back vs Cool World

49.The Land Before Time vs When the Wind Blows

50.The Secret of NIMH vs Summer Wars

51.The Black Cauldron vs All Dogs go to Heaven

52.The Red Turtle vs FernGully: The Last Rainforest

53.Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas vs Ron's Gone Wrong

54.The Boxtrolls vs Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade

55.Arthur Christmas vs One Piece Film Red

56.Barbie of Swan Lake vs The Rescuers Down Under

57.Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole vs Secret of the Wings

58.The Castle of Cagliostro vs Pokemon: The Movie 2000

59.Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust vs Arthur and the Invisibles

60.Tinker Bell vs Barbie as the Island Princess

61.Mind Game vs Tekkonkinkreet

62.The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh vs Dragon Ball Super: Broly

63.Mirai vs Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero

64.The Lion King II: Simba's Pride vs Scooby-Doo! and the Cyber Chase

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate “Mini Review” 1: About Male Abuse

Alex ze Pirate is in my opinion the WORST “comic” series Dobson has ever written up until this point (date for archives: June 2020). Sure, I agree with people that his “hot take” comics on Star Wars Fans, political issues and virtue signaling for the sake of making brownie points are worse overall cause they are uneducated propaganda that give insight in how much of a loathsome human being driven by spite he genuinely is, but Alex “offends” me as someone who enjoys fiction. It may not be the worst thing ever written, but it just does so many things wrong in terms of storywriting, storytelling, presentation and creating fictional characters, I can’t help but wonder what went wrong that Dobson even remotely thought this thing would be a “successful” comic series to establish him as a creator. Cause I can tell you, having read the likes of Don Rosa’s work on Disney, Hilda, Cleopatra in Space, Spirou, Asterix, One Piece (of which I will talk a lot in my next few posts) and many more, I can confirm by comparison that Dobson’s pirates as a published comic would have only one use on the public shelves: alternative for toilet paper during the COVID-19 epidemic

 Believe me, I would love to write an in depth analysis of everything wrong with Alex ze Pirate, from the lazy artwork up to even the publication history of this trainwrack. But doing so would take a lot of time and there is one individual part of this I think deserve at least extra attention. Something that in my opinion embodies quite well a lot of things I consider wrong with this comic. So before I am going over Alex in its entirety (and believe me, the day will come) let me just talk within the next few posts about one certain aspect and story of the comic, that genuinely got me to loath this comic to the core: Sam the Cabin Boy and “his” own individual story Dobson drew in three parts around 2010.  

For starters, lets talk who Sam is: Sam is one of the main characters in the comic and actually the first person who joined Alex and Peggy in the initial pages of Legends, the “original” form of Alex ze Pirate.

See, back in 2004, Dobson released Alex ze Pirate in form of a single comic volume called “Legends” which features Alex trying to recruit a crew. The thing is around 78 pages thick and based on what I saw pretty terribly paced. For comparison: When Luffy in One Piece got his crew together, he spend multiple volumes and at least three minor story arcs to get Zoro, Nami, Sanji and Usopp to join him. All while also giving us good insight into the kind of people his new crewmates were (especially Sanji’s and Nami’s backstory got to me), defeating the likes of Buggy and Captain Black, meeting Dracula Mihawk and defeating one of the biggest bastards Eichiro Oda ever created in form of Arlong. What is the story how Sam joins the crew? An orphanage organizes an auction and sells kids off. Which I assume was even illegal in pirate times, so kudos for already showing us how despicable the world of Alex ze Pirate is to begin with and how much it deserves to be nuked in some sort of alien invasion.

 Sam also doesn’t really get anything to do when he is introduced, just helping Alex escape on a small boat. Which is weird because he does not know her at all, she is just some stranger who bought him off and has no means to keep him in check, so why even bother following her and not let the mob get rid of Alex? 

Anyway, I wish I could tell more about Sam’s involvement in Legends, but I don’t have really more than some scans of it in the beginning and near the end. So I don’t know his involvement in the rest of the volume. I also can’t say how he plays out in volume two, because that does not exist at all. Cause for reasons I will never understand, Dobson just abandoned the idea of telling a “coherent” and ongoing story with Alex ze Pirate and instead went to his colored one page comics/strips with it, turning it into what some people called “Garfield with Pirates” (which I consider a genuine insult towards any newspaper comic out there, even something as Boondocks). And the first thing we see of Sam in “classic” Alex ze Pirate?

 The perverted dwarf of the crew showing of his shota underwear so that Alex and Sam stop bickering who is the cutest, leaving him embarrassed and humiliated.

 Which kinda sums up his role in the comic to a t. Cause this is what Sam is: He is the buttmonkey of the crew. And honestly, I would not have a total problem with Sam being a buttmonkey, if a) he wasn’t it all the time, b) he would actually do something to deserve any form of humiliation and c) if the other characters in this comic itself would not be some of the biggest assholes I have ever seen, who get away with abusing the poor lad.

 See, here is the problem: In a crew featuring a choleric homophobic soulless ginger

 A black rat person who wants to fuck the ginger even without her consent

 A furry abomination that has the same brain wavelengths as Chris Chan 

And a perverted dwarf who tries to impersonate Happosai from Ranma 1/2

 Sam is the only decent person in the entire crew. He works hard, he even questions the morality of his friends at times, he is honest, he is not perverted, almost good to the point of childish innocence and he has a very humble “goal” which is he wants to own his own piece of gold. Not even a big pile of treasure, just one single coin would be enough for him.

 So he is likeable and relatable. In fact, if anything goes by, he may have been one of the most popular ones in the comic. And yet he is the one who gets constantly abused by “fate” and his friends, because as Dobson would say it, he is supposed to be the buttmonkey. There is just one problem: People do not necessarily like buttmonkeys.

I can primarily speak only for myself here, but I hope what I have to say resonates with others too. See, I get it: A character who is the butt of a joke can be fun. Like Daffy in Duck Amuck. But there is a fine line where a character being humiliated for the sake of a joke is fun (and perhaps even deserved because of his own shortcomings or deeds/actions that make the humiliation sort of kharmic, like lets say Johnny Bravo) and a character being humiliated to the point it feels disproportional, unfunny and mean spirited if not outright sadistic, can be crossed. Take Meg Griffin from Family Guy for example whose only “purpose” for existing within the last 12+ years is to get shat on by her family and the writers. People have no idea for a plot with her, so what do they do? Have her father physically and emotionally abuse her, fart in her face for what is supposed to count as a joke and then add additional insult to it by acknowledging that they are only doing this, because they have no other idea for her and think abuse is fun. Let me just tell you from experience, it is not.

And that is essentially what Sam is: He is the Meg Griffin of Alex ze Pirate, used by his creator as the butt of very unfunny jokes, even if he does not deserve any of the things said or done to him. Want to see some examples?

 How about the description Dobson gives Sam within the introduction of one of his volumes, showing how little Dobson as the creator even cares for him.

Why is he called an unworthy “slob” if he is the only one who actually works? Shouldn’t a slob be someone like Dobson, who can’t even take care of himself anymore? Also the confirmation that he was kidnapped at the age of 16. And as we have no clarification how much time passed between Legends Vol. 1 and anything afterwards, that means that in a way Alex is a child abuser.

And now, here some examples by the rest of the cast. Like Uncle Peggy framing him for all sorts of his perverted actions and even trying to kill him for no apparent reason?

Alex trying to kill him with chicken pox…

…Destroying all his worldly posessions which is hilarious because he is a poor orphan…

…Essentially describing him as worthless because he was born with an Y-chromosome…

… doing the kind of thing Dobson claims women would never do to man, using their sex appeal to hurt them…

…forcing him to do some unnecessary and rather petty work for her in a physics defying manner (seriously, the way he holds the axe does not compute with how he swings it. Try it out yourself)

… stealing his food and just being a cruel sadistic cunt to him just because it is fun.

Which is “funny” in so far as that there are a few comics indicating she would jump his dick and ride it like a little pony if she could.

 By the way, Talus and Atea are not better. None of them calls Alex out on her bullshit on average, Atea uses Sam to trigger traps in one story arc…

And Talus, the closest to a “friend” he is supposed to have, once for no apparent reason made him dig through his litterbox

And don’t get me even started when the characters decide to gang up on Sam, to the point he gets sexually harassedor is called to be less worth as a human being than the dirt you find in your belly button

Fuck’s sake, even in fanart everyone gangs up on him, even the freaking big bad of the story everyone is supposed to hate or be afraid of

 Bottom line, Sam is an abuse victim played for laughs in this comics. And just to clarify, I do not think this was Dobson’s intention. But if the character is undeservingly the butt of jokes for the majority of over 120 strips, it turns nasty. The way Sam is treated, I just find disgusting and indictive of just how unlikable any other character in this comic is to the point I do not want to see this being turned into a proper “franchise”. And I assume others were disgusted by it too, cause Dobson eventually decided to make a story more or less addressing the treatment Sam receives, while also attempting to prove that deep down the assholes with starring roles in this trainwrack care for him. How did this play out? Well, I am going to talk about it, so likely not well. If you want to see the details, grab yourself some popcorn and take a toilet break before we tackle part 2 of this thing.