#anyway. im normal. im sooooo normal about the problem of evil

[soldier-poet-king]

'fran can you stop being Like That for 5 seconds?'

Unfortunately not. I am a non-person underneath all the masks and personas and the only thing left is an empty void obsessed with depressed christian existentialists, theodicy and the existence of evil, and the nature of suffering

[firelord-frowny]

honestly like!

i HATE!!!! the very CONCEPT of guns. and i’m theoretically SO fundamentally opposed to violence. 

but that opposition is based on an idealist assumption that no one is doing anything that they need to be stopped from doing. 

and there are obviously a fucking hell of a lot of people doing a fucking hell of a lot of vile shit, and no amount of ~peaceful protesting~ or litigating or campaigning or Reaching Across The Aisle is going to stop them, and it’s fucking RIDICULOUS that anyone at all thinks people should just wait patiently for The Powers That Be to spontaneously manifest a conscience and finally quit trying to maim and murder people For Funsies. 

i would LOVE it we could just hug them into submission and invite them over for tea and chit chat and take their ugly ass hand and smile at them and show them that I’m Just A Normal Person Like You and have them finally decide to stop wanting me to die. and honestly, some people REALLY CAN be reached through those kinds of methods. and i don’t think people should stop trying to do that. and if anything, i think MORE people need to be trying to do that.

but i ALSO think that more people need to start punching some bigots in the fucking face. 

if self proclaimed conservatives and right wingers and proud wimpy boys get to go around committing terroristic acts against other peoples, and if the politicians and ceos they stan for refuse to take any actions to stop them at best, and at worst go out of their way to FACILITATE the suffering of all but bigoted, well-off white people....

then we should get to punch them in the fucking face and not have anyone say WORD ONE about it. 

they wanna be all big and bad and parade around threatening and committing violence against teachers and health care workers and black people and asian people and jewish people and indigenous people and women of all backgrounds, then they should be fucking tough enough to cope with a goddamn punch in the face every now and then. they should WELCOME every fist that ever collides with their flesh. 

if they want a fucking fight, we should GIVE THEM A FIGHT! and make sure they fucking lose.  make sure the pathetic little ~civil war~ they’re begging for is HUMILIATINGLY short. chase their fucking asses into the most barren, useless parts of the world where they can be vile all by themselves. 

bc i SWEAR TO GOD, the only reason why these people have any power at all to impact anything or anyone is because people LET THEM. not because they’re soooo smart, or they’re soooo dangerous, or there are sooooo many of them. it’s STRICTLY because an enormous majority of bare-minimum-decent people care more about Taking The Moral High Ground than about actually doing what’s necessary to disable evil people from doing evil things.

This is a hella problematic way to put it, buuuut

black people know not to do or say certain things to a cop because we’ve been conditioned to fear the consequences of even the most benign ~infractions.~ We swallow our fucking pride and whip out those “yes sirs” and “no sirs” and we move slowly and we try to keep our hands visible at all costs because we’ve seen, over and over again, for DECADES (centuries, really) what those people might do to us if our hand isn’t totally visible for a fraction of a second. And sometimes it doesn’t even work. Sometimes we do everything in our power to demonstrate that there’s no need to hurt us, and we get murdered anyway. 

WOULDN’T IT BE NICE if those wack ass bigots could learn to fear the consequences of being disgusting out loud and in public? 

Imagine if, over the last several decades, malicious bigots were met with SWIFT physical consequences every time they did some fucked up shit. 

do you think they’d be so bold now? 

i don’t. 

i think if they thought for one second that whoever they pull a gun on might pull one out back at them, then they would keep their fucking mouths shut and behave. i think if they LEGITIMATELY thought that they’re actual lives and their actual freedom were at stake, they wouldn’t say SHIT. Because they know that whether or not they have to wear a mask or get vaccinated or whateverthefuck has absolutely NO real impact on their place in the world. there is NO. WAY. that they would be all up in arms over something so fucking absurd if they thought anyone would actually try to hurt them in response. 

they don’t think anyone is going to show up at their dumb lil protests with tear gas. they don’t think an angry BLM activist is going to shoot up their country club in retaliation against the oppressive policies they support. they don’t think anyone is going to stop them on the street and start screaming in their face and threaten to kill them. they don’t think they’re going to lose a damn fucking thing. they think they’re literally going to just waltz into some of the most secure buildings in the world and wreak havoc, and that NO ONE is going to do shit about it. 

that’s the problem :) :) :) :) :) :) 

the problem isn’t that these people exist. i mean, it fucking sucks that they exist and if they could somehow cease to exist, whether by alien abduction or some sort of freak simultaneous lightning strike or WHATEVER, i would be THRILLED. but just existing doesn’t hurt anyone. Having a stupid belief doesn’t automatically make someone dangerous. It just makes them a shitty person.

But to have a stupid belief and to feel SO ENTITLED to acting upon those beliefs???

those motherfuckers need to fear for their safety. those motherfuckers need to be SO PETRIFIED that they dig themselves underground and bury themselves alive and NEVER resurface. 

i don’t understand how, at this point, with over half a million people DEAD because of the actions of these assholes, and with thousands of people CONTINUING to drop dead over it every day, the so-called “good guys” still don’t see fit to resort to drastic measures to render these people INCAPABLE of causing further harm. 

so many people have died. not just in the time of covid, but decades before that. so many people are murdered in the name of carrying out the pettiest whims of the most wretched people on earth. People get injured. People get poisoned by their own water supply or the very air they breathe. People get sick because they’re forced to live under unhealthy circumstances, and then they DIE because they can’t afford treatment for the illnesses they developed because of the unhealthy circumstances that made them sick in the first place! Children starve. Global warming sets people on fire and drowns them and destroys homes and lives and landscapes. 

literally, at WHAT point does it become acceptable to finally just declare war on these fucking demons? WHEN do we meet them where they’re at and start punching back instead of just curling up and trying to survive the attack?

i KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW that there are groups out there who are taking direct action in some form or another. but CLEARLY it’s not enough.

and i ALSO know that there are MANY PEOPLE who have the actual skills and resources to stage a legitimate countereffort, and they’re just. not. doing it. 

we’ve got all these vile-ass ~ex military~ types boasting about their arsenal and how they intend to use it to reign terror upon innocent people. these fuckfaces who are LITERALLY HOLDING PUBLIC OFFICE and saying Out Loud that they want to attack us. and their peers exalt them for it. 

you CANNOT tell me that there are 0 ~ex military~ people who are sympathetic to the cause of resisting these malicious bigots. you CANNOT tell me that there aren’t people in public office who know that something MUST be done, and who have the POWER and ACCESS to do something - even if it’s “unlawful.” 

but they’re not doing it. :) because they’re weak. :) and they fear for their lives in a way that ~the right~ has NEVER had to contend with. A democratic state senator knows someone might hunt them down and try to kill them if they say anything ~too radical~. a republican state senator is confident that he could literally call for the public execution of someone and be met only with a pathetic verbal reprimand from some spineless liberal congressman who bends over backward to be Respectful And Fair as they gently try to explain why it’s not okay to facilitate mass death in every demographic but their own.

can somebody with the actual power and means to do so PLEASE start doing ANYTHING to terrorize these people back to the bland, tasteless, spiritually bankrupt cesspit they congealed in? When one of these american terrorists brandishes a gun in someone’s face, can someone PLEASE brandish their own gun right back at them? THEY should be the ones who are too terrified to speak up. Not us. THEY should be the ones compelled to look over their shoulder. 

im so sick of a world where mass suffering and exploitation are accepted as Just The Natural Order Of Things. instead of a harrowing dystopia that should be burned to the ground quick, fast, and in a motherfucking hurry.

[ccsthemovie2]

Character-Clow Reed

(avril lavingne voice) WHYD YOU HAVE TO GO AND MAKE THINGS SO CLOWMPLICATEEEED I SEE THE WAY YOURE ACTING LIKE YOURE SOMEBODY ELSE GETS ME FRUSTRATED- ok jokes aside LETS GOOOOO 

Why I like them:

for all my angry yelling and kicking and complaining you may be surprised to learn that clow(riol) is one of my favorite parts of ccs! 

i think that having the Mystery and Legend of a long-dead wizard that hangs over sakura’s head at the start get light shed on it more and more so that we can see he’s just a person makes the world of ccs feel small and personal. it really stabilizes the heart of the series, what i love most about ccs- that it’s a story about individuals and the choices they make. the magic itself all traces back to one man and the way he felt it was right to act and to treat other people. i think he’s a fascinating character and a very very good choice of central figure.

Why I don’t:

THAT SAID, AAAAAGHHHHH HE IS HORRIBLE HE IS JUST A TERRIBLE LITTLE MAN I HATE HIM I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH. even putting aside everything he* pulls as eriol, just the things he does as clow reed make me SO upset....LYING ABOUT HIS DEATH??? ELABORATE SETUP TO PRETEND KERO AND YUE HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER OF CHOOSING THE NEW CARD MASTER BUT ACTUALLY KNOWING ALL ALONG AND HAVING A SPECIAL MAGIC ITEM MADE TO SEE THAT IT GETS DONE??? BREEZING INTO A TOWN TO STEAL A FORTUNE TELLER’S BUSINESS, GETTING HER NICE AND KATE BEATON NEMESIS.PNG’D, AND THEN IGNORING HER FOREVER??? it’s bad!! *(it’s complicated,) ive said this jokingly before but i think he just doesnt even think about other people having agency, that he’s not trampling but Guiding and Helping. i think part of his controlfreakiness is also a deep fear that he’s not enough, that he can’t keep a friend on his own merits so he’s gotta get his claws sunk in as much as possible, whether by emotionally living rent free in people’s heads or magical dependance. and that’s not a uniquely horrible belief, yknow, i think it’s very human and normal, but the problem is no one can criticize him. not with the amount of control he has over the people he surrounds himself with, the fact that he can physically shut down kero and yue any time he likes, etc. it’s not that power inherently Makes You Evil, it’s that power made it harder for people to say “hey stop that”, and if no ones telling him to stop then he must be doing fine!

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

GENUINE TIE BETWEEN THE BACK TO THE PAST EP OF THE ANIME AND THE SAKURA SEES THE TRUTH SCENE IN MANGA. i think both of them are great- the tightly controlled dreamy guided tour where she sees just what he wants her to see, AND sakura outpowering him and seeing the reality of his lies. in the manga when sakura sees him gives gentle headkisses to kero and yue before putting them to bed and eriol+fujitaka-ing i go AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ....... THEY LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS TERRIBLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUU MY HEART. i headcanon that’s when he mind-messed with them, too, i think he had to touch them to do it and that was how.

Favorite season/movie:

bold answer but im going to say the implications left behind in the clow card arc of Why Do Cards Act Like That/Have Those Specialties. what about clow made him want to make a voice-stealing card, a small-object-moving-card, a body-swap card, etc? it’s good questions.

Favorite line:

in the mokona book when they say he said dogs dont have owners they have housemates, bc that explains SOOOOO much abt him and how he treated kero and yue lololol. if you think being a pet owner and a roomate are the same you’re gonna treat your roomates, uhhhm, bad.

also if eriol counts its him in the wonderland ep like YOU DONT KNOW IF IM NOT THE KINDA PERSON TO PRETEND TO BE A CAT and I THINK YOU AND LI ARE SO DUMB I HAVE TO BITE MY TONGUE CONSTANTLY TO NOT INSULT YOU and BUT I CANT ACT LIKE THIS OR KERO AND YUE WILL KNOW IM CLOW. so like. was clow just like that then.

Favorite outfit:

uh his regular clothes are cool. theres an illustration on him in this cool coat with like a sun pin on it too. whenever i draw him in something frilly i have a huge brain. cant deny the guy has style and aesthetics. sakura’s first staff, look at it!! the style it has!!! 

OTP: 

im neutral-positive on clowyuuko cuz i havent holic’d since high school. you can refer to the answer i gave abt yue for clowyue thoughts (tl;dr: [touches ground] “something terrible happened here” ). madoushi is just kate beaton nemesis comic. 

i think it would be funny if albus dumbledore was his ex.

Brotp 

yuuko again i guess? and him and all his creations. headcanon territory even though that’s actually the next question but you asked for my thoughts so here they are: i think of him as trying to be a sort of fun camp counselor or teacher type for kero+yue and the cards- specifically a role with an authority behind it, but without the same sort of responsibility that a parent would have. or, i guess, lacking an unconditional love, always an undertone of you having to prove yourself. someone who you go to to learn from, but if he likes can also go “no no im just like you, now let’s have fun!”. it’s hard to explain, but there’s a difference. 

what i’m trying to get at here is i think it’s significant that the only creations he has that we see him truly ‘raise’, (going by the info+lack of it we have, anyway, i fill in the blank for myself that kero and yue and the cards all showed up full of knowledge, fully formed, CLAMP DO NOT INTERACT!!!!!), were the mokonas, with yuuko. it was another person’s influence that brought a parental attitude in, it’s not something he ever wanted to be. there’s also a healthy dose of “yue textually had a crush on clow and i will not, no way, let you make that any more unfortunate than that already is”, i’ll admit, but i think that’s just a puzzle piece of the whole theory here. i think it would also be funny if he knew people like tolkein (eriol’s a tolkeinverse name if i remember correctly) and c.s. lewis (side note, i find the fact that clow is an actively practicing christian really funny), but i dont want to think too deeply about that sort of realworld mix, yknow.

Head Canon: 

i think pranks were highly encouraged in his house and none of the clow cards are being intentionally destructive, just acting in ways that were totally normal at home, and are genuinely shocked to learn that people will get seriously injured without clow there to cushion their damage.

Unpopular opinion: 

evil

A wish: 

i wanna know what his pre-story days were like, his life with the cards, his life BEFORE the cards,

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: 

^ same the above but i find it out from clamp

5 words to best describe them:

did you know? clow sucks

My nickname for them: 

clown, :kingboo: (discord emoji of him with a 🚫 over it), “the bastard jester himself” (which is, or at least was, in comedian-podcaster stephen buckleys twitter bio and i think it abt clow frequently, sorry stephen buckley), king of living rent free in people’s heads

[celestialallstars]

Episode #8: “Au Revior Cyrena” - Mitch

I can’t believe I lost Alyssa....

So the blindside happened and I think it will just stick to me...I hate Alyssa went but at the same time I feel good knowing that I put something together to try to wreck what seemed like a growing alliance. And now I think they all will know by now but if I lose, I'm gonna lose knowing I tried to do things I wouldn't normally do and I just think it feels so like evil. I don't wanna be evil but what it takes to get to the end, I'll do it

________________________________________________________________

Chris just told me he wanted the S1 alliance that Mitch had floated ages ago but couldn’t remember if I was keen for it or not, so instead of asking me he just said fuck it and voted me. Bro cmon

The merge is finally upon us! And I couldn't be happier. I was in the minority on Orfeo so getting to re-unite with my closest allies after they pulled off the biggest blindsided of the season together is greeeeat!

Right now, it does really seem like there are 8 players all on the same wavelength. I don't think anyone in the group is very likely to flip at this point in time so hopefully it should be smooth sailing for awhile.

Of course, there are sure to be bumps along the way. I'm gonna keep prioritizing my own safety so I can sail these seas without being a target.

My strategy for the comp is to ask for a "crumb" or "nothing" from people I don't trust, so they can't try to sabotage me since they won't know what I'm going for or will think I'm throwing. And from people I trust, I'll ask for something negative without being specific.

So what's gonna happen tonight? Me Michael Matt and Drew sit around, panic, and hope it's not one of us. I feel like we're the 3 amigos (plus Michael Snow) in Caramoan going up against Stealth R Us, although I KNOW the 9 other ppl in this game aren't all aligned. But where are the cracks?? I just have no clue. I'm gonna have to do a lot of talking to people who I never got to be on a tribe with and hope somebody throws me a bone. Chloe? Loris? Stephen? We kept up a decent dialogue during one world. Matt is paranoid Bryce/Zach are running everything and tbh, I can definitely see it. But we can't do anything yet about that I don't think. I really hope Chris and Mitch pull me in on SOMETHING or this is gonna be an absolute bust. I really want Jared out he's so fucking snakey and I caught him in a fucking lie about voting Rhys but of course he had to go and win immunity. Not that he'd be voted yet I don't think. Man. This is just bad luck right? Surely? That 5/8 people voted out were my allies/tribemates and that everyone just stupidly targeted me/Alyssa when Cyrena is already depleted? They'd all have to be fucking morons to keep that up this time with us 4. They'd have to be. There is nothing remotely threatening about the 4 of us we have NO ONE. I just don't trust anyone on this cast to be intelligent at the moment, which is unfortunate.

So I felt confident going in but now its like...if Im not careful this is just gonna blow up. By voting one of Michael/Drew/Chloe out, theyre gonna feel betrayed. Even though we do have a fair reason to do it theyre not gonna see it that way. If I do Matt then they could at least think of at least he didnt vote us. But I am beginning to think it is inevitable that its going to be shown that the Betty Whites rumor started from Loris but through me by proxy. Jack is waiting on a name to be told so lying to him creates another problem. Like dont get me wrong I trust the 8 more but I dont want to sideline my game for their goals. This may be messy

Woo ok ok ok so uh yea. THIS ROUND HAS BEEN WILD AND THERES NOT EVEN A NAME. Firstly rip alyssa she was robbed and her idol would be really nice to have right now but um she died dude. It feels so good to be so close to winning and actually getting POSITIVES. Now for the bad, this is the first time that I feel like o have no idea what the fuck to do I’m honestly stuck! But I never give up I came here to win I’ve waited too long to fucking play to give up when the going gets tough, I have no loyalties except to myself and if I have to snake everyone out to reach the top that’s what I’ll do.

So like ya I think I'm kinda fucked. If you're not gay or friends with a few select people , you're definitely on the outs and it's really annoying. I know my game is trash but still lemme be somewhat bitter for goodness sake! It's very clear anyone who was on cyrena 1.0/2.0 is in danger on the bottom, which is super dumb cause it's literally just circumstantial but hey I can't do anything bout it. I'm over these people and want to slap them out of the game. So fake and I'm just awaiting my death honestly.time to off myself!!!1!!1

4 hours till tribal and nobody’s heard anything hmmmm..... I’m gonna die!

AHHH! we merged! and the one person I was most fine with leaving left!! she was rlly nice tho... sorry alyssa :(. umm... so like this round is one of the two rounds I can play my legacy.. which is rlly scary because I’m gonna be even more paranoid now that I have an option to confirm my fate this tribal and potentially save myself..  But like if I need it now I’ll probably need it very soon and if I’m not playing to win what’s the point? So. I’m gonna save it. I’m gonna be the only player to have a legacy advantage, and I’m gonna have it for the entirety of the two seasons meaning it was never passed... woo! tribal is a mess but I think names are coming out and I’m not 13th? or at least I hope so

Sooooo a new alliance has been formed here on the Asteria Tribe. An 8 person alliance consisting of everyone outside of Betty White's influence.

(Me, Chris, Jared, Mitch, Bryce, Loris, Rhys, and Zach)

I think this might be the biggest alliance I've ever been in period? LOL

So we came up with a plan for this vote. It's a simple plan! Vote Drew, but say we're voting Matt so the other side wastes idols if they have them. Barring any other crazy advantages mixing in, I think it should be simple. There are some risks though.

This plan requires that I have trust in my 8 which is kind of essential anyway with such a large merge. If I don't have their trust, I don't have anything going forward. Still, it's a big risk no matter what.

I know Matt wants to get rid of me (I learned through Chris) tonight as well, and I've talked to Jack and he seems to obviously be on the same page. It's just about trust. I can't really blame them for sticking together. I wish they'd pick an Orfeo to target instead of me but it is what it is. I spent the last few rounds of pre-merge trying to set up this alliance and I'm not gonna flip on it for people who want me out tonight.

This could end up being my last confessional, though, and that's sad to think about. I've tried my best in this game and especially today to make sure my allies are all rock-solid. I wasn't able to keep the opposition from wanting me out though, which was a bit of a mistake but whatever.

Right now the vote seems to be on Matt and that’s unlikely to change so time to go with the majority woo.

About an hour until tribal and I still haven’t been approached by many people at all lol! Let’s see where this goes because I have a feeling this vote could flop super easily. Au Revior Cyrena because hopefully only one will be left after tonight

Hehe YOIKES SO Stephen is now more of a tangible target to go home so either way I’m shaking out a player which is like mood but it’s time to play a game and if Stephen is not good for my game because he’s a big threat and I trust Matt more than he’s gone.

This cast is a bunch of cowards. Everyone has spent all day being too nervous to say a fucking name and now that there is names going around everyone’s just dipping in and out of being offline. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person right now presenting as active. But do I have a single person in my messages? DO I FUCK.

Here I was thinking maybe we'd have a shot, Chloe and Zach indicating they'd rather not vote out Matt while Chris and Mitch want to work with me. Now, 30 minutes before tribal, I find myself in the exact same spot as last time: a minority number confirmed from my allies, and people being shady about if they're with my plan or not. It shouldn't be me this time, hell I wouldn't be shocked though if they split 5-4-4. Anti-Cyrena is a fucking disease and these assholes need to be cleansed, but I just know in my gut Matt is going and only the 4 of us are voting Stephen. Fuck this noise man all star seasons suck

I've also heard Stephen's name from Chloe so that makes me feel good because he is on the lower end of my priorities in my group if he is idoled out. Could be a diversion too. Anyways I still hope Drew goes.

Omg so I lied about us being able to get out Stephen I can’t believe I did that I’m so random ahah time to snake out matt sorry my Coventry love.

________________________________________________________________

Drew is voted out 8-3-2.