#anyways I'm unwell about this book and the longer I think about it the more terminal the illness seems to be

[quiescentdestiny]

Jean answering with "my father" hurt me in ways I can't even explain.

Renee told him that if he couldn't give them the truth to say it was from childhood so people would leave it alone, but was he really lying when he said that?

It wasn't the truth but it wasn't a lie either.

[eustasskiddsprosthetic]

I was replying to someone on my Sabolaw fic on AO3 and I casually mentioned the idea of professor!Sabo. More specifically, English Professor!Sabo. I'm debating about their ages but feel free to imagine whatever you want! Just note they're all of legal age! Sabo teaches 'Introduction to English Literature' in a huge lecture theatre. He does not care who's an officially registered student and who's just here to hang out. He welcomes anyone willing to listen! He speaks casually, because he realises that's the most efficient way of communicating to students—both literature and otherwise. That made him a very beloved professor.

He does this for several years part time, alongside his regular work as a journalist and book writer. He loves talking to students in one-on-one consultations. He thrives on active participation, both from students and his TAs. Yapping is just as important as breathing! On a rainy day, the most sleep-deprived, pinnacle of idgaf-ism, sloppily-dressed guy Sabo had ever seen, walked into his lecture theatre forty-five minutes early with a cup of coffee.

"Hello!" Sabo says brightly. He turned to Sabo and blushed slightly. "How can I help you?"

This individual, Trafalgar Law, is pursuing a masters in medical humanities and is a TA. As always, Sabo's friendly and promises to help Law in whatever way he can. That said, he felt that Law's kind of a prick. Law's sullen and seems to have no opinion on anything other than the weather. Still, Sabo pushed on.

On the first lecture of the semester, Sabo makes every TA introduce themselves with their specialties. Everyone generously shared about their research and why they're doing what they're doing.

When it's Law's turn, Sabo was genuinely surprised to hear that Law had nothing to say other than his name and the fact that he's interested in the 'multi-disciplinary nature of medical humanities'.

"Can you elaborate?"

"I studied medicine in my undergraduate years with a minor in literature," Law said. This was clearly not in Law's script. "I wanted to be a surgeon, but I got disillusioned for lack of a better word."

"How so?"

Law blushed. "When I was a child, doctors refused me treatment for a fatal illness because they've been misled to believe that it is contagious, despite multiple papers proving otherwise. I want to change that. I don't like how hospitals discriminate against patients."

Law was soft spoken but Sabo knew everyone could hear him even without a microphone. Sabo appreciated his efficiency. They were slightly behind, actually. That was alright, Sabo thought, Law could speak up throughout the semester!

Law did not speak up. On his own free will, anyway.

Sabo knew Law was one of the few people who paid attention to every word he said. He wanted to hear Law talk for longer than a single sentence. That made Sabo try something relatively new. He usually respected students' wishes to keep to themselves.

"In The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner features four eccentric narrators to tell us about the Compson family's fall from grace. Can anyone explain why he would do that?" Sabo waited. He knew that not many people would have read the novel in full.

"Law?" Sabo laughed when Law glared at him.

"I'm not sure, I never thought of that."

"Thirty seconds to think about it!"

Law spoke after thirty five seconds, "Having everyone be at least a little 'eccentric', as you put it, reminds us that mental illness manifests differently in different people."

Sabo nodded. The little shit clearly thought about it before.

"Well, doctor," Sabo loved how easily flustered Law got. "If they're unwell, how would you cure them?"

"They can't be cured," Law said decisively. "They're incurable to remind us that we are what we believe in. If you keep holding onto unhealthy principles, you'll end up traumatised and inarticulate. I think that's what Faulkner's trying to say."

Sabo found it cute that Law was still very clearly passionate about medicine despite being 'disillusioned'. He thanked Law for his answer and moved on. Despite Law glaring at him every time, Sabo still picked on him at least once every seminar.

On one hand, Sabo liked hearing Law speak and on the other hand, he thought Law's grumpy face was so dang cute.

The following year, on a similarly rainy day, Sabo found a pastry next to his briefcase and Law bowing slightly to greet him. To Sabo's surprise, Law was his TA again.

Law claimed it was because he needed the money, but Sabo knew Law liked him, if his nervous, somewhat embarrassed smile was anything to go by. At least, that was what Sabo thought since he was producing a similarly awkward smile. He thought a bespectacled Law was cute.

Things were better this time. Law stopped glaring whenever Sabo called on him and even indulged Sabo by speaking up first. He still spoke in less than five sentences, but Sabo realised Law was being efficient, rather than rude or shy. Again, Sabo thought Law was cute.

On the last day of the school term, Sabo ended the lecture early to let everyone go home to rush essays and study for exams. Just as he was packing up after answering a couple of last minute questions, he noticed Law walking up to him. That was new.

"Hi, Law! How may I help you?"

Law smiled. Sabo realised he had not seen Law smile at him before. "I'm finishing my masters paper soon and I'll graduate this summer."

"Congratulations!" Sabo was genuinely happy to hear that.

"Thank you for everything, Sabo," Law said. Law never addressed him by name before. He usually called Sabo, 'prof' or 'sir'. It was a nice touch, especially when he said it so warmly. Law gave him a piece of paper that was folded in half.

"What's this?"

"I wrote a question inside. You're not obliged to answer it, if you don't want to. It's quite personal and I understand if you're uncomfortable." Law stopped Sabo from opening it. "Not now. Maybe later today."

Sabo laughed. Students gave him anonymous questions before. "Sure! I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you for your help, Law! I enjoyed having you in class."

Sabo thought Law's bashful expression was particularly adorable. Law waved good bye and left. There was a good feeling left in the air.

Sabo was alone inside the lecture theatre. Not many people turned up today. It was warm and slightly humid outside. Sabo thought this would be a good time to have an impromptu picnic with his brothers. In that calm atmosphere, Sabo lightly peeled open Law's note, feeling oddly curious.

Sabo laughed out loud when he successfully deciphered Law's doctor handwriting.

"Would you go out with me?"

[bookwyrminspiration]

taking a small break from The Devices which means no reading acod for a bit BUT i think i am midway through? and like am far past this part but (intense ranting voice) when the man you've loved for four years is in love with the woman who you've ALSO loved for four years finally kisses you and thirty seconds later his dad is dead there is a dragon corpse on the front lawn and he's left you with his other lover (past life wife. u are sure she hates you) to go on a mission to meet the deity of shit and both of you are DEEPLY INSECURE about um. the everything

You're stronger than me, I don't think I could willingly take a break when reading the series. I skim through scenes and whoops there's half and hour gone and I already know what happens!

Anyway YES I love that scene SO MUCH. I was so thrilled, because I'd been scared after book 2's ending that we might be heading towards a love triangle situation that would tear Tereath and Kihrin apart fighting over Janel, but my god I'm so glad I was wrong. And I'm so sorry I doubted you Jenn I should've known better based on the rest of the books. I literally made a post with an apology losing my mind over the triad.

But also! so incredibly cruel of Jenn to physically separate them immediately after they finally work things out. Kihrin acknowledges and confronts his internalized homophobia, makes out with his best friend and crush of four years while their other lover watches, and then BOOM we have to be on opposite sides of the world now actually. Imagining an au where they had like. an hour together at least. please

though I have to admit another scene I can never stop thinking about is the lizard basket scene. when you and a love of your life who you can't admit to yourself is one of the loves of your life are both strapped to a basket on a giant lizard together in the middle of a forest and you cannot escape the unspoken tension and yearning any longer and after a drained misplaced joke he pins you to the ground crying as he grinds out how painful it is to watch you fall in love with your lover when he loves you both and you're leaving him behind and it brings up everything you've been repressing and you don't know what to do because you love him but are scared to admit it to yourself but are even more scared of hurting him, and you think you're inevitably going to do that no matter what you do. SCREAMING

on second thought I think I'm just unwell about kihrin/janel/teraeth in general

[beef-strokinoff]

erik is a 40 or 50 something year old kissless virgin who has never had a normal social interaction in his whole life his only real social skills are 1) hide from ppl 2) trick ppl into thinking he's a ghost/angel 3) murder ppl thats it those are his only means of getting what he wants from people the only relationships he has that come even a little bit close to normal is with madame giry and the persian and even then he still lies to them so with all this in mind it's obvious that he's completely inexperienced and unequipped to navigate a romantic and/or sexual relationship which means he has neither the charisma nor the confidence to be seductive and sexy thats why in order to get a girl to talk to him he decided to pretend to be a supernatural being instead of just being himself and when he does start being himself things go downhill instantly because as an angel he had power over christine and his interactions with her plus it allowed him to keep a (metaphorical and literal) wall between them to protect himself but as just a guy he's much more vulnerable and he is absolutely not emotionally mature enough to deal with being in a position where he has to talk to her and be in the same room with her as an equal which is why he tries to control her throughout the book through force (kidnapping her, threatening to kill everyone including himself if she doesn't become his waifu, etc) maybe if he had just been normal and brought her flowers or something after a performance and went from there things could've worked out better between them but the other thing is that she's like 20 something, he's old enough to be her father which on it's own isn't great but even if everything went exactly how he wanted and she married him in like. 10.. 20, maybe 30 years she'd have to dump his ass into a retirement home but also in the meantime sex could be a problem because my man is not only middle aged and a virgin he's also been living in a cellar for ??? years so you know he's gotta be physically as well as mentally unwell by now how likely is it that peepaw can keep up with someone in their 20s he doesn't seem very sexually motivated in the book like he was fully prepared to never take his mask off around christine until she yoinked it so i doubt he would've dropped his pants like any kind of physical intimacy just never seemed to occur to him until the very end and all that was was the most chaste kiss imaginable and even with that he was super timid about it erik did you really think you could just do card tricks and play music all day for your wife and she would be happy about it??? you didn't think that if you managed to get a wife that she might want you to fuck her??? if you don't have low self esteem now you definitely will when you realize her recovery time is 10 minutes and yours is.. much much longer and given how good he is at dealing with people and his own emotions (sarcasm) it would definitely become an issue i'm mostly talking about leroux erik here but i think some of this still applies to the younger and hotter alw erik like if u think that he's a sexy dude you've fallen for the front he puts up anyway all this is to say that i think the thing where christine is soo horny about him that she runs back and has wild nasty sex with him at the last minute sucks like if ur gonna do that with your adaptation at least do what susan kay did and have him die afterwards (death by pussy is funny)

idk i just think the reason erik is sexy is not because he is sexy. its because when you peel back the paper thin and incredibly performative veneer of sexiness he puts up you see that he's actually the most pathetic and irritating lil guy you'll ever meet underneath. and i think thats special. smiles

[wifeymakesgifs]

Hello! Me again! I also love commentary youtubers. I'm even subscribed to your three favorites! I love reading too so when the secret part is over I definitely have recs for sapphic stories that aren't solely romance if you're interested! Anyways onto todays questions: What's your fav trope? Fav plot bunny you never got to use? Go to sentence starter? Fav character name you've created? Did you ever write fanfic? Fav fandom? Do you rp in fandom rps? In a canon rp what character do/would you play?

rfjkenfkjewnfnewf OMG REALLY??? love your taste, bestie!! and yesss, im all up for book recs, because like my goodreads is a little dry atm and the last book i tried to read was Mexican Gothic, which I didn't really vibe with :(

Putting under readmore BECAUSE GOOD GOD I LOVE TO TALK

FAVOURITE TROPE: im a big fan of ship tropes, like grumpy x sunshine, lovers to enemies to lovers???? and some more im forgetting.

PLOT BUNNY: i dont think i have any! im usually just going with the flow of things. and some plot bunnies are just partner specific that i could never replace, so i never think about them anymore lol!!

GO TO SENTENCE STARTER: i hate writing starters, so if you can teach me to write a good starter, i will kiss you anon! like, i genuinely suck at them to the point where i depend on my partners to keep it going, bc.....it SUCKS and i just feel bad for everyone involved

FAVOURITE CHARACTER: i think i answered this already!!! Here we go!

FANFIC: ......perhaps. once upon a time i did. it was Big Time Rush fanfic and I'm sure it no longer exists (it was on Wattpad and it was eons ago, so if my account is still standing, then i guess it will be there????). it never went anywhere, and i am not like....I do not think about it anymore looooool

FAVOURITE FANDOM: oh BOY IM IN SO MANY like....my tv tag on sydsweeneys might give you an idea??? but i am like in the Shadow and Bones fandom, just anything Leigh Bardugo writes tbh. Then there's Marvel, Harry Potter (fuck JKR it's my own canon at this point, so fuck her terf ass pls), i tried to get into DC and there's only two characters i'm okay with writing lol, some TV shows that I'm into and would create content for them on and off, and the audiodrama scene <3 im in Wolf 359, The Black Tapes Podcast, The Magnus Archives, Unwell and Wooden Overcoats! Also these are great recs if you're into spooky shit or just funny British humor!

CANON RPS: it's been a hot minute since ive joined those because I cannot stand tumblr roleplays and jcink sites take a lot of brainspace to keep going. Same with fandom rps. I used to be in those Marauders rps, but the cattiness and competition and always talking about who plays James Potter better gets on my nerves, to the point where I just....indie that shit instead. It's easier that way. As for what kind of characters I play??? Love me a nice anti-hero or villain character. It started with the whole "im not like other roleplayers, i dont need to play good guys" to now me just....really liking giving everyone a redemption arc!

i'm a simple bean, i write my simple bean nonsense and just try to have fun with it, bc otherwise roleplay would be another chore i have no interest in anymore :(

[littleavengerfics]

heyyyy

can you do where reader ( female) has been out drinking with her friends and comes home to loki/bucky/tony ( your choice ) but has sobered up and just wants to be little . Also she’s in pain from dancing a lot- like her feet hurt and stiff

This is very specific sorry

I love youuu

I'm so sorry this took longer for me to make. My tumblr kept crashing and deleting all of my progress. I hope you enjoyed this anyway and have a great day. (don't worry I love specific requests because it gives me more ideas and more to work with.)

I chose Loki because I haven't really written about him before and that is a crime.

WARNINGS: age regression, slight mentions of alcohol, daddy Loki, female reader, non specified little age

(If I missed any please let me know)

By the time I walked through the door it was past 1 am, Loki was sat in the armchair waiting for me with his favourite book. "Hey my love, did you have fun?" He asked getting up from his seat. "Yeah, but now I'm exhausted." Loki let out a small chuckle, "so you definitely did have fun then, well at least it's over now so you can get some rest. I say we go to bed and stay there as long as your heart desires." He smiled helping you take off your coat.

"Considering how much you drank, yes I saw the photos you sent me, I'm surprised you can stand." You hummed. "Well we sobered up at my best friend's house then we got a lift home." Loki nodded. "That was clever of you darling, I would hate to think of something happening to you and me not being there to protect you." You leant back into Loki's chest, that was exactly what you wanted him to do, protect you.

You wanted to stay in his arms forever where you knew you were safe and that you did not need to worry about anything. You wanted him to look after you...

You wanted your daddy.

You turned around, burying your face into his chest. "You okay my love?" Loki asked running his hand through your hair. "Mhm." You mumbled trying to hide the change in your behaviour. But of course he noticed, he always did. "Don't lie to me y/n, what is going on in that pretty little mind of yours?" Before you could take a second thought your hand was pulling on his armour.

"You know that doesn't work as well as it does on midguardian fabric, and although it is adorable when you do it I am not putting on a midguardian shirt just for that again." You looked up at Loki with a frown, why wasn't he acknowledging you. He just stared off into space.

"Daddy." You did grabby hands at him. "Oh sorry little one, daddy got distracted, is someone feeling tiny?" He asked with a soft smile. You gave a sleepy yawn before muttering. "Ya I s'eepy daddy."

"Then I think my little princess needs some cuddles and some night night." Usually you would put up a fight but even you knew he was right and though stubborn as you were about bedtime you didn't have the energy nor the want to argue. Loki picked you up effortlessly and carried you to your bedroom.

"Come on baby let go of daddy." He chuckled at your iron strength grip on the back of his neck. "Please can you let go of daddy so I can get our clothes and we can snuggle?" You frowned unwrapping your legs from around his wait and releasing your arms from around his neck.

"Thank you princess now are you feeling okay? Does anything hurt? do you feel unwell?" You nodded. "Daddy I owies." Loki's face immediately changed as he looked at you with concern. "It's alright y/n daddy is going to make it all better. First let's get you into your comfy clothes." He helped you change into your favourite pyjamas before placing you on the bed.

"Can daddy put some lotion on your feet owies?" you gave him a sleepy nod as he began to rub the lotion into your skin. "Does that feel better princess?"

"mhm tank yous." He gave you a huge smile. "You are more than welcome. Daddy loves taking care of his baby." He placed a kiss on your forehead before sliding in to bed next to you. You instantly rolled over onto his chest and sighed happily making him chuckle. You began to doze of as you felt all the pain in your body float away as Loki's arms settled around you in a comforting hug.

"Go to sleep little love, Daddy is right here to protect you."

[littlemissaddict]

juke are best friends (,both chicken to tell each other they like one another) both 17 and 18, but julie starts getting sick (flu) at school and sent to the nurse (she sneakily texts Luke whats wrong and going on,he's julie ride home)  Luke shows up to nurses faking  sick (headache fever, temperature check by nurse ) after convincing they are sent home, and Luke takes care of her maybe all weekend (each respective parents went away for the weeekend) and along the way they admit they like each other  and get together (fluff caring please). And maybe karma bites to and Luke gets sick. Please and thank you possibly 🙏

I have not wrote in such a long time that I'm a little rusty, this was also written on my phone so I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes 😅

This ended up being way longer than I intended.

----

This was not how Julie had planned for her day to go, it was Friday the last day of the school week and here she was in the nurses office with nausea and a fever. Looking back she should have realised this morning that her unusually high temperature was noting to do with the warmer weather and more the fact that she was coming down with something but she brushed it off as she left for school, ignoring the worried look her dad gave her as he passed on his way to take Carlos to school before going off on his work trip that meant he would be gone all weekend.

Julie sighed as she glanced down at her phone, she had been constantly checking it for the past couple of minutes hoping for a reply from Luke but none came. Growing frustrated she pushed it back into her pocket knowing that Luke would be in class so he probably wouldn't be on his phone anyway. Turning her attention back to the school nurse who was currently over the otherside of the room attempting to call her dad, even though Julie had warned her that he was on a work trip so he wouldn't be able to answer the phone but she insisted that it was school policy so Julie left her to it. She'd already texted her dad to tell him not to worry about the call, that it was just to let him know she was feeling a little unwell and that she would see him Sunday when he got home.

The sound of the door opening drew both her and the nurses attention. Julie didn't know who she expected to see but it definitely wasn't Luke and as the nurse gestured her arm towards Luke to let him know that she'd be a minute, Julie used it as an opportunity to find out why he was here.

"Luke what're you doing?" She hissed quietly, confusion evident in her voice.

"I'm sick" he replied, bringing his hand up to his mouth and faking a cough behind it.

Julie had known Luke all her life and was one of the few people that could read him like a book so she knew he was lying but she couldn't figure out why. She was wanting to question him about it but the nurse came over to the two of them before she could.

"Well Julie I've left a message on your dad's mobile letting him know you'll be going home but is there anyone else that can pick you up" she asks, sighing as Julie shakes her head.

"I'll be okay it's not far" Julie insists but the nurse shakes her head, informing Julie that she can't let her go by herself.

"I'll take her" Luke pipes up, adding another fake cough in at the end that Julie has to stop herself from rolling her eyes at how obviously Luke is trying to sell this.

The nurse looks over at him, a knowing look in her eye that tells them that she knows fine well that Luke is faking.

"Mr Patterson, what brings you here?" she asks.

Luke reels off a list of symptoms that sounds to Julie like he googled the best way to be sent home from school. The nurse raises an eyebrow, as if echoing Julie's thoughts, and then when he's finished she shakes her head and mumbles under her breath as she goes in search of the thermometer. While her back is turned Luke flashes Julie with a smile and a wink that suggest he thinks he's selling this performance of being ill.

Coming back with a fresh thermometer, the nurse instructs Luke to open his mouth as she places the thermometer in, holding it as he closes his mouth. They wait until the thermometer beeps then Luke allows the nurse to take it back and she frowns as she looks down at the number on it.

"Your temperature is normal so that means no fever" she says and the confidence in Luke that it was going to be easy to be sent home falters a little. Julie can see it in his posture as his shoulders slump a little bit, it only lasts a moment but Julie notices it before the straighten again and Luke beings to charm his way to being sent home. Surprisingly, ten minutes later they've both been given the go ahead to leave and they're on the way to Lukes' truck.

"I can't believe you" Julie shakes her head as she climbs into the passenger seat of Lukes' truck, beginning to shiver as Luke turns on the engine.

He notices, of course he does because just as Julie can read Luke like a book, Luke can also read her like a book as well. Automatically he reaches for the jacket that he'd left of the back seat and offers it to Julie who takes it gratefully, wrapping if around her shoulders and resting her head against the window as Luke begins the drive back to her house.

Arriving back to Julie's, Luke parks and as Julie starts to thank him for dropping her off, Luke cuts her off, "You didn't think I was just bringing you home did you"

Julie nods.

"There is no way I'm leaving you home alone while you're sick" he remarks, watching as Julie sits quietly in front of him. "Come on lets get you inside and comfortable then I'm going to be you're very own personal doctor for the weekend" he chuckles, grabbing both their bags before climbing out of the truck.

It doesn't take long before Julie's settled in her bed and waiting for Luke, who informed her that he would be up once he'd retrieved some supplies from the kitchen.

"Woah wait what's with all the blankets?" Luke asks, almost dropping the two bottles of water he was holding, amongst other things, as he entered her bedroom.

"I'm cold" Julie pouts, shivering still under the pile of blankets she'd cocooned herself in.

"No, you've got a fever there is a difference" he states, dropping the items he was carrying on the other side of the bed and beginning to take the blankets away despite Julie's protests. "You're only going to make your fever worse with all these" he reasons, moving the blankets off the bed and trying to ignore the adorable pout now on her face that just made him want to kiss her. He stopped, shaking his head getting rid of the thought, she was his best friend and it was definitely not the time for that right now, not when she was ill.

"Just one blanket" Julie pleads.

"You've got one right here" Luke chuckles tugging on the duvet that she'd wrapped around herself.

Julie only huffs in response as Luke climbs onto the bed next to her, with no energy to argue she focuses on getting comfortable instead. Or trying to the shivers make it hard because her body is constantly moving. Luke nudges her, holding out an opened bottle of water and some painkillers which she takes without word but gives him a defeated smile of thanks which he returns with his own smile. A smile that everyone that knows them knows that only Julie gets to see, only the two of them don't realises it.

"Okay now time for some rest" Luke encourages as he takes the bottle back from her, screwing on the cap as Julie asks what he'll do while she sleeps. "I'll be here looking after you" he answers and she hums in response, eyes already closing as she drifts off to sleep.

She doesn't know how long she's been asleep, only that the curtains are now closed and there is no sign of Luke so she guesses he must have gone home, that is until the sound of feet padding against the floor in the hallway reaches her ears that she realises he's still here. Lukes' eyes find her immediately as he steps into the room and he smiles seeing that she is awake.

"How're you feeling?"

Julie thinks for a second, the shivers have stopped so she guesses that that's a good sign but she still feels sick and a quick brush of her hand against her forehead tells her that her temperature is still high. She sighs, closing her eyes as she mumbles "I hate being sick"

Lukes by her side of the bed now, reaching over for the thermometer to check her temperature hasn't risen since this morning, Julie let's him do what he needs to as they wait for the temperature reading. When it beeps Luke frowns as he looks down at it, "what was it this morning?" He asks, trying to assess whether or not it had increased.

"101.7" Julie replies, looking around in search of the water Luke had given her earlier, all this sweating was beginning to leave her dehydrated. Luke sensing what she was looking for reaches for it and hands it to her.

"Well the rest must have done you good it's come down a little" he smiles, putting the thermometer down and turning his attention back to Julie. "I didn’t know if you were hungry or not so since its about dinner time and I know you've not eaten all day, I had a look in the cupboards to see what was in and I can't make anything fancy but there is some soup or I can make you a sandwich" he rambles.

Julie shakes her head, "I'm not hungry" the thought of food makes her stomach churn and she snuggles down further into the duvet, watching as Luke begins to protest telling her she needs to eat something to get better. She reaches out a hand and rests it on his leg which gets his attention, "I know Luke maybe later but for now can we just watch a movie or something please"

Seemingly satisfied with her answer he nods moving to Julie's desk where her laptop sits which he retrieves and joins her back on the bed. She leaves him to turn it on and load up Netflix where he picks out one of her favourite films, she smiles to herself when she sees what movie he picked.

"Ready" he asks, waiting for her reply and when she nods he presses play then automatically goes to rest his arm across the back of her shoulders to allow her to cuddle into him like they've done countless times on many a sleepover that they've have but when Julie resists he pulls back looking down at her with concern to find her already looking at him.

"I don't want to get you sick too" she says before he has chance to question her.

Luke softens, "Julie there's nothing I won't do for you even if it means getting sick" he replies, reaching his arms out again and this time she leans in hesitantly at first but then melts into him when she feels the familiar warmth of his chest. "See not so bad" Luke jokes once she's comfortable against his side but she just shushes him turning her attention to the movie and Luke does the same after leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Julie's head, pulling away quickly when he realises what he was doing but luckily Julie doesn't say anything about it.

Luke wakes to the sound of a phone ringing somewhere in the room, his mind is fuzzy but he manages to remember where he is, he's at Julie's. He feels a twinge in his neck from where he'd been asleep sat up from where they'd been watching the movie and he can see the laptop still on in front of him. The phone he heard, Julie's he guesses from the ringtone, is silent know but its only moments later when his own phone begins to ring, pulling it out of his pocket as quickly but as carefully as he can so as not to wake up Julie who is still asleep against his side, he finally sees who is calling.

Ray.

"Hello" he answers quietly and he hears Ray let out a sigh of relief on the other side of the line.

"Luke, I've been trying to get a hold of Julie do you know where she is, the school left a message yesterday to say she was ill but I can't reach her" Ray rambles.

Yesterday? And sure enough when Luke pulls his phone away to look at the time and date it's almost 8.30am am on Saturday morning they'd managed to sleep through the night.

"Yeah she's fine, she's sleeping I've been with her since they sent her home" Luke adds.

Another sigh of relief echos through the phone, "thank you but do you maybe think you could ask her to give me a call when she wakes up please" Ray asks and Luke assures him that he will before Ray thanks him again and hangs up.

Now that he's awake Luke realises how much he needs to pee but he needs to try and get up off the bed without waking Julie. Carefully he pulls his arm back from where it rested over her shoulder, it feels slightly numb from how it was rested but he ignores it focusing on slowly moving Julie's arm from where it has wrapped around his torso. She stirs a little when he's pulled her arm away but she rolls over still asleep and that's when he makes a dash for the bathroom.

Once he's relieved himself he's goes down to get some fresh water for Julie and to make some breakfast because he's starving. He's in the middle of buttering some toast when he hears someone coming down the stairs and when he looks up he sees the flushed cheeks of Julie watching him.

"Morning sleeping beauty, how'd you sleep?"

"Good I guess feeling a little better, I don't feel as hot as I did yesterday and I'm a little hungry so that must be good, right?" Julie answers and she meets him in the kitchen.

"Must be" Luke answers, reaching a hand up and placing the back of it against her forehead. She definitely doest feel as hot as she did yesterday but she's still a little warmer than he would say she usually is, gently he removes his hand from her face using it to took some loose hair behind her ear before he slides the plate of toast over to her and turns to the sink where he'd already got ready a glass of water and some more pain killers for her.

She takes a piece of toast, thanking Luke as she does eating it slowly because even though she's feeling better she doesn't want to upset her stomach too much so that she feels sick again. Luke joins her and between them they finish off the toast while Luke tells her about the conversation he'd had with her dad and Julie sighs.

"I'll call him after we clean up" Julie assures him but Luke shakes his head.

"No I got this covered you ring your dad and I'll see to this"

Julie looks skeptical but allows Luke to direct her towards the stairs as he beings clearing the plate and the crumbs from the counter.

Luke takes his time clearing the kitchen and honestly there's not much to clear up but he wants to give Julie the time to talk to her dad with feeling like he's eavesdropping on them.

When Luke does go back up to Julie's room he can't help but notice that she looks a little frustrated. "What's wrong?' He questions taking a seat on the bed next to her.

"I told him that I was fine, that I was feeling better but he said he would finish up what he had to do today and that he be back tonight instead of tomorrow" she tells him, "I just don't want him to feel like he has to drop everything for me and come back, I mean I've already taken you're weekend from you" Julie sighs flopping back onto the bed.

"Julie he's your dad, that's what family does they take care of each other god knows you did a lot for him after your mom passed" Luke says, laying down on his side next to Julie, "and as for me you haven't taken my weekend away from me it was my choice to look after you and I would do it again if I had to because I love you" Luke reveals, eyes widening a little when he realises what he just said.

Slowly, Julie turns her head to face Luke, 'you love me?"

Luke nods, "I think I always have it just took a while for me to figure it out but then I didn’t tell you because well I didn't want to lose you" he clarifies, his voice quiet as he speaks, his eyes not quite meeting hers.

Julie lift her hand to Lukes face, cupping his cheek and she watches as his eye slip closed at her soft touch. When his eyes open again, he finds Julie immediately and all the worries he had about losing her if he ever confessed his love disappear when he sees the certainty in her eyes as she speaks the words he's longed for her to say.

"I love you too Luke"

He can't help himself, he leans down and presses a soft kiss to her lips, the same lips he'd fantasised about kissing everyday but always told himself that it would never happen. Smiling as he pulls away and sees the exact same smile on Julie's face.

"Now you're definitely going to get sick" she teases.

"It'll be worth it" Luke replies.

They spend the rest of the day until Ray gets home cuddled in Julie's bed watching movies inbetween Julie taking naps as she's still a little ill despite trying to hide it. When it's time for Luke to leave Julie promises she'll see him Monday at school and leaves him with a kiss on the cheek that makes him smile bigger than she ever thinks she's seen him smile and she doesn’t think she'll ever get used to the feeling that it gives her.

Although when Monday morning rolls around she wakes to a two word message from Luke that makes her laugh.

"I'm sick"

She replies with a simple 'I told you so' followed with a 'I'll see you after school love you' knowing that it means more cuddles with the boy she loves.

[9tzuyu]

run into me sunday pt. ii

pt. i

notes: i am yet again projecting my own issues in fics lmao. this isn’t my favorite work, but i wanted to make a second part. this is the result. all mistakes are mine as im too lazy to proofread :P.

warnings: heavy talk of having an eating disorder.

requests are open!

the first few of weeks at natasha's house were fine. you tried really hard not to think about all the changes happening. like being monitored 24/7, or having to abide by natasha's rules all the time, or knowing that you were growing to be healthy.

it was okay, at first.

you hardly put up a fight when it came down to her rules. even meal time seemed to go without a hitch.

but as many people have said before, all good things cone to an end.

the second you woke up today, you could already tell it wasn't going to be fun. everything you'd pushed aside came crawling back, and you could feel every insecurity of yours heighten a thousand times worse than before.

nat's arms rest gently around your waist, and while it normally felt reassuring, you couldn't help but notice the extra weight you'd put on.

you still felt overly full from last night. if natasha woke up right now, you were positive she could feel how expanded your stomach was.

(god, you did not want her to feel how bloated you still were.)

now you knew there was nothing wrong with having a stomach, especially one that wasn't flat or as unwell as yours had become. but it was your body, and your body felt wrong.

feeling natasha's breath on the back of your neck, you gingerly began removing her arm from your body. however, your plan quickly failed when natasha pulled you in closer, her grip tightening around you.

you bit your lip to suppress your cries. you needed out and you needed out right now.

things quickly became unbearable. the longer you felt trapped, the more your body began to tremble. and though you despised it, you turned around to face natasha, your head buried in the crook of her neck.

the thoughts were loud. much louder than they had been the past few weeks.

you tried to keep your cries to a low level, but that didn't seem to work. natasha awoke within the very same minute. her first instinct was to check on you, but seeing as tears were streaming down your face she knew what the problem was.

nat pulled you closer to her, letting her right hand rub the backside of your body in an attempt to calm you down.

"hey now, it's okay, it's alright. you're okay, you're safe, you're here. i'm here." you continued to sob, letting every detail of your own self hatred slip from your mouth.

natasha wasn't surprised at the outburst. she knew you would have days like this, more days would soon follow. that was reality. she didn't expect your recovery to be perfect, if it was then she would know you weren't really getting better – simply putting on weight to please her.

she couldn't take away your pain (although she wished she could), but she could be there, offer you her love and support, coax you through meals when you needed her to.

when you'd finally calmed down you turned away from her, suddenly embarrassed at how you acted. she could feel you tense back up again, a failed attempt at blocking her out.

it was nat, who were you to think she couldn't read you like an open book?

nonetheless, she kissed the back of your head and moved out from under the covers. "i'm going to make breakfast, i'll be back."

you sighed. breakfast was not an option.

but 15 minutes later natasha returned with a plate of eggs, toast and a cup of fruit on the side. she even made it all pretty and nice for you.

“up, y/n. i know you don't want to, but you have to eat.”

"no," you mumbled, bringing the blanket over your head. she tugged them away instantly, "yes."

"it's too early."

"you didn't say that yesterday-"

"well i'm saying it today, natasha. now fuck off."

natasha knew better than to take your words to heart. if anything, she found it rather entertaining to see just how far you'd go to try and push her buttons.

an idea came to mind, a negotiation, really.

"tell you what, no breakfast, but you have to eat lunch and three snacks between dinner."

you thought about it for a second before peeking from underneath the covers, "deal." natasha patted your side, "i'm only doing this because you've been doing so well these past few weeks. don't count on this deal happening again." she spoke thoroughly, the plate of food now on its way into the kitchen trash-bin.

while you laid in bed natasha texted wanda. the redhead thought it would be beneficial for the younger woman to pay a visit. she knew how close the two of you were and decided to invite her over. it wasn't much, but the idea of wanda coming over and (possibly) helping you in any shape or form was very reassuring to natasha.

wanda texted back almost instantly, informing her that she was just short of an hour out, having to stop for gas on the way. natasha thumbs up'd her message and began planning out the day.

before either of you knew it, it was 12 noon. lunch had approached sooner than expected. wanda and natasha easily got caught up in a conversation. the only thing keeping time was nat's alarm that set off.

"time to go wake y/n up," natasha giggled, although she knew you'd be a challenge today. wanda followed her, too excited to wait on surprising you with lunch.

"y/n! c'mon, a special someone is here to see you."

a groan could be heard from the bed as you up to see who was there. you smiled at the sight of wanda and she immediately brought you in for a squeeze-the-life-out-of-you hug.

you didn't miss her smile faltering when she let you go.

you were still just as boney and thin as you were when you left the compound. three weeks was nothing, but you swore you could feel every ounce of weight gain coming back.

wanda helped you out of bed, allowing you to lean on her as she guided you into the kitchen. it was a good thing too, because you were more light headed than usual.

"what are you doing here?" wanda smiled and pushed the already prepared plate of food towards you. it'd been a few minutes and you hadn't even touched your fork. "what? couldn't surprise you?" natasha giggled from your left. you already seemed to be in a much better mood with wanda around than you had been this morning. but both women caught onto the fact that you were only shoving the food on your plate, not making any effort at all to actually eat it.

nat tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, "you have to eat, you know the deal we made." her push was soft, but it didn't make things any easier.

you sighed, tightening the grip around your fork. things like this shouldn't be so hard. it was food. food is fuel, food is good, but somewhere in your mind those messages were twisted and crumpled into something that could never be more false.

you leaned into natasha, keeping your face shielded away from the plate. tears sprung into your eyes and you begged for her to not make you eat.

"tasha, just one day, please. i promise i'll eat tomorrow-"

"i wish that were true, i really do, sweetheart." nat rubbed your shoulder before pushing you back, forcing you to look her in the eyes. "i'm going to go grocery shopping and run a few extra errands. wanda will be here to watch you finish your meal and to have a snack or two before i get back. i love you, okay?"

(you knew she did. but holy fuck, why did she have to do this to you.)

"yeah, you too." and with that, natasha grabbed her keys, kissed you on the forehead and left.

you don't know why, but you didn't actually think wanda would listen to natasha. that belief was quickly thrown out when you moved to get up from the table, wanda quick to grab your wrist and stop you from going to far.

"stay. please? just a few bites, i won't tell natasha if you don't..." she pleaded. a feeling of safety grew in your chest. your level of trust with her had always been high, but this time it felt more intimate. wanda was seeing you at your worst, a vulnerable position you'd never let anyone else but tasha see, and yet, wanda decided to stay.

it took over an hour for you to manage half a meal. wanda sat through it all, however, and coaxed you through each bite.

now, two hours later with a snack in hand, you sat quietly on the porch, head resting on wanda's lap with her fingers tied in your hair.

"do you talk to nat?"

"sometimes. actually yeah, most of the time i talk to her. it helps, and she's a great listener." you complimented.

"wanda?"

"hm?"

"why are you doing this?"

wanda looked down at you, seeing your eyes bore into her and bit her lip, "it's hard to see the girl that i loved and the girl that came back. i should've noticed before you went on your mission, but i didn't because i was too wrapped up with my own issues."

"you can't blame yourself, wanda. i didnt want to be seen. you couldn't have done anything different."

she hummed, ears perking up at the sound of natashas car pulling in the driveway.

you jumped up from her lap and ran to help tasha with her groceries, earning a loving glare from the redhead.

oh yeah. no strenuous activity. too many calories that you needed would be burned off. at least that's what you were told anyway.

wanda stayed the rest of the day, even through dinner. (only because you begged natasha to let her stay that long.)

natasha didn't seem to mind that she stayed. the redhead heard more laughs and giggles from you than she'd heard in the past six months.

the worst part about the day ending was the fact that wanda had to leave eventually.

(eventually being now.)

you pouted. you weren't ready for her to go just yet.  she'd taken your mind off of so much today and you weren't sure you could face it again. really, you didn't want to face it again.

"i believe in you." she murmured.

stupid mind reading.

wanda rolled her eyes, "i'm serious, y/n. you've got this. you're amazing."

“you're only saying that because you have to.”

her eyebrows pulled together. "no. i'm saying it because i know it's true. you've got a gift, y/n. what you have– you're going to get it back."

you inhaled.

"next time i see you, i want you to be a little bit more healthy, okay?" wanda gave you a tight hug and left without another word. she just hoped the next time she saw you it wasn't in a casket.

you hoped the next time you saw her, you'd be better.

today wasn't easy, but it gave you a taste of everything you'd been missing.

and you wanted it back.

[liodain]

Oh hey! Consider this a humble request for J, L, and O from the writer asks. And if you’re feeling extra generous for X, a prompt of ‘strange beauty’ with whatever fandom/characters/ship strikes your fancy.

Hey you 💙 thanks for the questions!

J: What does writing mean to you?

My first foray into writing was kind of nonstandard in that my hobby was writing room/item/npc descriptions for a MUD (the text-based telnet precursors of the modern MMO). Back then I didn't even think of it as "writing" as such, since they were separate if interconnected chunks of text that averaged about 50 words a piece, so like... not exactly a book, was it? (I figured out eventually that what I was doing was environmental storytelling, don't worry 😅)

My satisfaction with it wasn't so much the narrative anyway though: it was the freedom to build a world that I wanted my character, and my friends' characters, to inhabit. The admin side of this particular MUD was largely hands-off, there were no specs and barely any documentation and the guy in charge was bordering on Timecube levels of weird (and retrospect, was some kind of unwell) — builders were given free rein to generate whatever content we liked so long as we could figure out how and that it fit the aesthetic of the game, which was kind of nuts in retrospect. Someone would go "hey lio (this mud is the lio origin story btw) I want to explore some caves", so I'd build some caves for them to explore, and die in, more often than not — there'd be a bunch of clues scattered around that suggested they should probably get out of there before high tide. When was high tide? The fisherman on the beach would tell you, if you took a moment to talk to him. Writing meant an ability to shape the world into one I wanted to spend my time in. And boy, did I.

This was back in 2000. I didn't write any narrative prose until 2009, when I fell into my first real fandom at the tender age of, uh... 27. I'm not particularly good at quickly converting my feelings into thoughts and articulating them, as 1) anyone who's tried to talk to me in real time and/or irl and 2) how long it's taking me to reply to these asks will attest, lol. Writing is an effective way to share what it is about a character or ship or canon that grabs my attention (/obsession), and a way to satisfy that urge to talk about them, only instead of trying to have a conversation or writing meta, I can write a story instead. Show, don't tell, quite literally. So for me, as well as a way to get lost in a world and characters I enjoy, writing is also a way to...idk, feel part of a community with people, but with a buffer that can compensate for my fumbling interpersonal skills, thus saving us all a lot of embarrassment, lmfao.

L: What advice would you give to other writers?

I'm not sure I can say anything here that wouldn't be regurgitated Le Guin or just straight up hypocritical 😂 I don't think I'm in a position to be imparting any words of wisdom in a general sense.

But for writing in a fandom context specifically — this. AO3 has done a lot to protect freedom of expression for fans, but also visibly quantified success and/or popularity, then made it sortable. Hits/kudos/comments are far from an objective assessment on the quality of your work but it's still easy to lean into that external validation and get the value of it all tied up in that shit, and that's a miserable place to find yourself. I 100% recommend getting rid of those numbers.

O: What motivates you to write?

I have an idea in my head and I cannot rest until it is not in my head any more, and about 50% of the time, have inflicted it on everyone else like a cursed videotape. Sometimes it's a(n often stupid) joke or dialogue exchange that I pack a fic around, other times it's a scene that expands itself naturally because I want to hang out with the characters for longer, or it's a trope that interacts with the specifics of a canon/character in a way I find interesting. The rest of the time it's just habit; I write excruciatingly slowly, but even 200 words a day still results in a fic a month on average (recent months are an outlier adn should not be counted). I love exchanges in theory, but tend to stick to treats or game for art requests as a safety net because I don't trust myself to finish something on time. Like many writers, I put a not insignificant number of skill points into procrastination. Psst hey wanna see my spreadsheets?

I will cop to a degree of contrarianism as well, but I think it's fair because while I love a good old well-worn trope, I do genuinely prefer a few things that fall outside of wider fandom preferences as well. When I read something that makes me go "oh, this again?" and then write the opposite or a subversion, I'm doing it because that's what is more interesting to me, and it's what I want to read.

X: (strange beauty)

I WILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THIS ONE 🤣

[agirlunderarock]

Hello! For the fandom ask game, Star Wars seems too vast, so. The Kenobi show?

First of all I'm going to start by saying this is my second time typing this up and I'm going to cry if it gets deleted again. Second- Thank you friend I love you, I love this ask, bless you for narrowing it down to the Kenobi show. I can pick my top two characters easy, but my top three is hard to decide on and it would have made me have a small crisis. But anways lets see if I can do this and not have it get deleted this time! 5 favourite characters

Obi-Wan: I don't think anyone is surprised by this, so I'm not going to elaborate.

Reva: I meant it when I said, I don't trust you if you think she should have died. I mean it. I love where she's going. I was so fucking terrified they were going to kill her. After what I had to endure during Book of Boba Fett, I DID NOT TRUST ANYONE do her justice. Now I have SOME trust but I only trust Ms. Debra with Reva. No one else touch her. Reva has the potential to have one of the greatest character arcs in Star wars and I'll be damned if anyone takes that from her. Like I could finally have another character outside of Zuko to be like "this is how you write a good redemption arc." I have hope for that, but that means we need more Reva, and half the star wars fans don't deserve her. The only reason Obi-Wan keeps his top slot is because I've known him longer, but I've been dying for a story like Reva's since I jumped back into star wars.

Tala: No one fucking touch me, I cried like a baby when she died. I knew it was coming, because unfortunately someone always dies for development, I'm just glad she sorta took it into her own hands, instead of like another "I just died in your arms tonight" moment. I was reminded of Rogue One and it made me UNWELL. I miss her. I wanted more of her character.

Leia: And this is purely because former roommate texted me after she saw the first episode and said that little Leia reminded her of me- and I wasn't entirely sure how to process that. I have since rewatched A New Hope and Empire Strikes back and have been UNWELL in realizing how much of her attitude I just straight up absorbed, mostly in the form of sassy remarks instead of being emotionally vulnerable. I'm sure theres more to it, but no one talks about themselves accurately and this is supposed to be about Leia not me. But anyways I don't trust anyone who says they don't like Leia- just say you don't like kids or little girls with loud opinions. I still won't trust you, but at least you'll finally be honest.

I feel like its lame of me to include Vader on this list, but like- heres the thing. Listen listen....I paused E3 the moment he started the fire. I paused it and I fucking laughed at this petty man's fuckery. I laughed because my thought was, "Anakin you petty bitch, you're going to TRY to burn this man like you did on mustafar oh my god you petty son of a bitch" and once I recovered from sheer amount of petty fuckery I hit play. It was instantaneous. It was 4 am and I nearly screamed and woke up the house because I didn't think it was going to THAT far and they did. I fucking started crying. No other character has made go from laughing to sobbing that fucking fast. Also the part with the ship, and I didn't like that he moved quickly it freaked me out. So yeah, this was the first time I think I really processed Vader and I'm a little fucked up.

3 OTPs*

I'm gonna be real honest, I was glad that there wasn't any mention of his past romantic relationships. Like yes, I have written a character that is in a relationship with Obi-Wan, but even then I wrestle with the fact of do I want them to actually be romantic or do I want it to be plantonic and more like a qpr. My point for this is that I feel like Obi-Wan's story hits the hardest without any kind of romantic interest, and I'm glad it wasn't even a factor in this show. I have a lot of thoughts on his relationship with Satine, but thats another post I may or may not get to. This is a long way of saying that it took me a long time to think of any kind of relationships because I forget things and am actually a dumbass.

BailXBreha: I fucking love them I miss them every day. I want S2 only for them to come back. They had minimal screen time, but I would die for fics about them raising Leia. I adore them.

OwenXBeru: Like I said I went to rewatch A New Hope and I am 100% convinced that they took out at least a squad of troopers before we see Luke go home. I miss them too. I can't believe I lose them in the same movie I lose the Organas and I'm not okay with that.

Obi-WanXSleep: If you know anything about me you'll know this is my number one ship. Its very important to me I hold it dearly, and evidently so does Leia.

Funniest character:

Is it bad if I say its a tie between Vader, Haja, and Leia- I feel like it is. I'm gonna go with Haja, because I love him too. He won me at "You remembered my name" and the little smile he gave. Man I'd be in the exact same boat if he called me by name. Haja is a stronger man than I am though because I would have just puddled on the floor and been absolutely useless.

Prettiest character

You know this question is harder than I thought-

I was going to say Obi-Wan, because every time I see a gif come across my dash, I just sorta sigh and think "He's so pretty" and thinking about how I'm supposed to meet Ewan in August set my heart racing and so I feel like I should say Obi-Wan is the prettiest

BUT TALA AND REVA ARE RIGHT THERE AND THEY ARE GORGEOUS.

You know what this one goes to Reva. I love her so damn much okay. Her story, her, she's amazing and I love her for all the reasons why I've listed in the character piece.

Most bad-ass character

This is stupid hard because I can think of scenes before the actual characters but I might say-

nope scratch that, I was gonna say Vader for the ship scene but no

there is another....BERU AND OWEN FUCKING GOING TOE TO TOE WITH REVA HAD ME SCREAMING OKAY No they win okay.

Character I’d like as my BFF

All of them, Haja, he's a fun guy, definitely him

Character that’s ruined my life

All of them

[mittensmorgul]

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever… :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack… 

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.