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willowrites · 2 years

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does this feel good?

PAIRINGS. austin/elvis x reader

SUMMARY. you and elvis have been friends since you guys knew how to walk. one day you’re deep in conversation about your firsts and you both realize you’ve both never had your first kiss yet, you decide to get it over with and kiss each other but it doesn’t seem to stop there …

TROPE. best friends to lovers !

WARNINGS. switch!austin/elvis, sub!reader, dry humping, (m) receiving a hand job, (f) receiving stimulation and fingering, aftercare (i just wanted to include this), best friends to lovers trope. lowercase intended. let me know if there are any other warnings!

AUTHORS NOTE. this gif has me in a chokehold but anyway welcome to my first short story or whateverrrr. i’m so excited to start actually writing and hopefully, i can keep on top of it! imagine him as you’d like and pls, read my carrd if you’re curious and if any other writers wanna be friends pls pls pls BE MY FRIEND!! i need friends on here but anyway enjoy this story and my requests are open! SEND ME REQUESTS I NEED INSPIRATION! have a good rest of your day or night <3

WORD COUNT. 4500+

you and elvis had just finished seeing a movie at a drive-in theater that you both had been dying to see. rear window - it was thriller and mystery and you both were suckers for thriller and mystery.

after the movie ended you both got out of the car to refill your sodas and began walking back to elvis's car.

“wanna come over mine?” elvis had proposed. sure why not? it was nothing out of the ordinary to go over to his house. especially since he and your family were practically like family too.

“sure, would i be staying the night, or do you have to work tomorrow?” you questioned him noticing the loose strand of hair that always seemed out of place.

“mm, no. i don’t gotta go workin tomorrow. m’off, so does that mean you’re comin’?” he responded pulling out the keys to unlock his 1941 lincoln.

“yeah..then i suppose it would be fun. promise me we’ll actually do something fun instead of listening to that damn radio of yours? wanna actually do somethin” you whined. you both always seemed to be listening to his radio, you have to admit though - his taste in music sure was good.

“y’of course, what’d you wanna do then hm?” he chuckled lightly. he always found your complaints cute.

“well, my mama has been teachin me these new recipes for apple pie? wanna try mine?” you smile at him as he gets in and unlocks the car for you both.

you climb back in adjusting his jacket he had loaned you because you were a bit chilled in your white sundress that consisted of yellow decorative flowers with straps two inches thick with a yellow tied ribbon in the middle of your torso.

“will it be as bad as the last one you’ve made? m’sure you don’t wanna make me suffer like that do you honey?” he teases putting the car into reverse and backing up out of the space.

you laugh at his antics. you both knew you were a great cook. he once said that he would rather eat your food than eat anything else.

“oh, don’t lie. you know you looove my cooking and baking hm?” you grin shoving his shoulder playfully.

“mhm, maybe i do” he admits and starts maneuvering towards the street and heading towards his house.

once you guys get to his house, elvis rushes out and closes the driver's side speeding towards yours to open your door like always. he does this every time.

“why thank you sir.” you giggle taking his hand and hopping out. you both make your way to the front door and are instantly greeted by elvis's mother opening the door and bringing you into one of her famous hugs.

“ohh is that y/n? hi, sugar how are ya?” she greets you with excitement.

“hi gladys i’m well how are you?” you can’t help but smile at her aura and energy.

“i’m good i’m good it’s so good to see you! finally gettin elvis out the house instead of stayin in and listen to that damn radio!” she walks up to elvis and grabs his face.

“mama, i do other stuff i promise.” he pouts and continues to walk through the doorway inside the house. you follow suit and so does his mother locking the door behind her.

“are y’all hungry? i made you’re favorite food elvis.” she smiles and you internally frown. you had just eaten before the movie…

“i’m sorry mama we’re not hungry right now, we had a big dinner,” elvis says guiltily. you somehow felt guilty too so you thought this was the perfect time to bring up your recipe.

“actually gladys, i was thinking of making my new recipe for apple pie that my mama showed me, i can make two and you can have the other. how does that sound?” you proposed tugging elvis toward the kitchen where his mama was heading.

“oh, babe that would be wonderful! i would love to eat it! your last one was delicious, even ask elvis - he finished the whole thing in less than a day!” she giggled looking at her son. you look at elvis from the corner of your eye and grin.

“mm, look who loves my cooking and baking.” you playfully shove elvis’s shoulder making him put his hand up in surrender.

“alright, well i’m gonna go on and head to bed but y/n honey you can go ahead and leave the pie in the oven once you’re done. you know where everythin’ is and if not elvis’ll show you, goodnight..” she blabbers before heading up to bed.

“mhm cmon now. show me your recipe, honey” elvis says before putting his hand on the small of your back and leading you towards the cupboard.

after you finished baking, you put the pies in the oven but not before taking a taste test in which you could tell elvis was going mad for your apple pie.

you’re sure it’s the best you’ve made yet which you surely were very proud of.

but anyway, afterward you both headed up to elvis’s room, and guess what you guys were doing? you were listening to that damn radio.

“elvis,” you whined patting the bed sort of roughly in objection.

“hmm?” he groans turning over and putting his hand over your waist.

“can we do something? catch up? play a game? anything?” you make the tone of your voice knowingly sound like you’re bored.

“what d’ya wanna do then baby,” he mutters into his bed covers.

you scoot up and lean against his bed frame adjusting his boxers that don’t exactly fit your waist. you had been wearing his clothes because he offered and he also didn’t want to leave you to be uncomfortable in your sundress.

“let’s catch up! sooo, any new girlfriend? i seen you talkin’ with that girl at the diner while i was orderin” you attempt to wiggle your brows but fail miserably.

“nah honey you know how i am, can’t talk to anyone let alone a girl for shit.” he sheepishly tells you grabbing one of the throw pillows and burying his head into it.

“elvis, you know you can do much more than just get one girl. m’sure any girl would love to just get her lips on you…hm,” you roll your eyes at his lack of self-confidence.

you know elvis could get any girl he wants. girls practically stare at him in public. you always notice them and even though it’s annoying you can’t help but get jealous. not because you’re attracted to him of course! only because he’s you’re best friend and you don’t want to lose him…right?

“i haven’t even kissed a girl y/n how could i even begin to-” he begins to say but is cut off by your not-so-subtle reaction

“you-you’ve never kissed anyone?” you question in minimal disbelief not wanting to act like he should be ashamed but even though you try to spare his feelings he still averts his eyes away from yours.

“mhm, not once. most i’ve done was hold hands and that was way back when,” he speaks with a tone you don’t necessarily like to hear.

“well, i mean if it makes you feel better…” you scoot a bit further up to have less of a gap between you both. “i haven’t kissed a single boy in my life. not once.”

“huh?” he gasped. “not even that skinny kid that you was talkin to a while back?” a hint of humor in his voice.

“mm mm, not even him.” you sigh, your turn to bury your head in one of the pillows now.

“but..i don’t get it. you’re gorgeous baby anyone would kill to even have a chance with ya? no?” his face written with confusion.

“i don’t know maybe? i guess i just never really put myself out there. then again, it’s scary. thinkin’ about fallin’ in love.” you don’t know whether or not you’d be oversharing but you continue. “i mean look at my parents, imma be honest - i don’t wanna end up like them.”

he nods in agreement. “yeah, but that’s the thing about love and experiences. fallin in love n’gettin hurt is part of it.”

“mhm, yeah…i’ll just stick to barely kissin anyone.” you chuckle to lighten up the mood.

“well…” he clears his throat. “i- if you want we could you know, mm kiss like, each other? just to get it over with y’know” his suggestion shocked you, to say the least.

kiss elvis? you’re bestest friend? he’s not bad looking at all but you didn’t know what would happen after you guys kissed. would things be weird? what if you were a horrible kisser?

“uh…well what if i- suck? at the kissing thing?” you sounded pathetic.

“if i sucked would you say anythin’?” he moved a bit closer now sitting upright.

“i mean, no not harshly…not to make you feel bad of course.” you shook your head no lightly.

“then what makes you think i would even remotely make you feel bad either huh? you think that bad of me?” a light smirk plastering across his face. my eyes trail to his lips. just do it.

“okay.” you whisper quietly and as you whisper you can tell elvis starts to get nervous. his eyebrows furrow and lightly licks his lips.

“okay.” he nods in agreement shuffling until he’s a few centimeters away from your face.

you’re gonna do it. do it y/n. don’t be a chicken. just kiss him. he’s your best friend you can do that.

“d-do i kiss you now?” you hear elvis ask quietly. yes, okay just close your eyes. do it.

you nod leaning forward toward him slightly tilting your head like you’ve seen in the movies. your eyes flutter closed as your faces get closer and closer. you can feel his breath tickling you and suddenly his lips are on yours.

you can’t move you can’t breathe. you’re kissing someone. you’re kissing a boy. you’re kissing elvis. how did this happen you’re not sure but what you are sure of is it would be weird not to move your lips in some sort of way.

you start slowly kissing back and elvis pulls away for .2 seconds before going back in and kissing you a bit harder.

you adjust yourself so that you can give him the same energy he’s giving you. you can feel his hand rest on your knee before it starts trailing up to your waist, then shoulders, then to the back of your head, threading his hand behind your head to control it in a way.

his other hand makes his way to your waist pulling you closer causing your chests to come into contact.

he pushes you more towards him so you have no choice but to straddle him to relieve the pressure between you both.

you can feel elvis slowly start to breathe heavily and that’s when you feel him. not him in general but him.

you hesitate to kiss back and that’s when elvis pulls away. “d-did i do somethin’ wrong?” he questions catching his breath.

you wanted to say no but all you could really focus on was the fact that both you and elvis were so intimately close to each other in more ways than one.

he seems like he notices because his cheeks turn a light reddish color and he averts his eyes to look somewhere other than at you.

“y-you didn’t i just- i don’t..” you close your eyes to relax your mind. don’t be weird. don’t we weird.

“m'sorry it’s just…” he takes a deep breath. “can i…kiss you again? you can say no..”

he wants to kiss you again, first, you didn’t suck, second, you didn’t act weird to the point where he feels awkward. he wants to kiss you again idiot just say yes.

“no, i- yes you can.” you nod. you wanted more. you wanted to feel close to him again.

he moved both his hands to your waist and pulled you hungrily towards him. you were shocked by how desperate he was acting. although, you were not complaining.

you shifted in your position on his lap which caused a deep groan to erupt from him. you pulled away quickly to survey his face hoping you didn’t hurt him.

“i’m sorry, are you okay? what’d i do?” you asked voice laced with concern.

“mm, y’didn’t do anything i- it felt good.” his hooded eyes look up to yours. you could tell he was embarrassed.

“what felt good?” you genuinely asked him. you had an idea, you weren’t all that naive.

“just- i don’t know. i-“ before he could finish you repeated the action and moves your center closer to him which caused friction between you both. you heard the same groan but more freely. it caused your insides to warm and it felt like you were getting butterflies.

“i- i’m sorry i was just-” you apologize quickly for your action but he shook his head.

“c'mon, do it again.” he hungrily said. “go on mama, do it. need more” you oblige keeping your hands on the back of his neck and start moving in a grinding motion on him watching his face contort in pleasure. “god, feels good.”

you continue your action on him till he stops you. “feel like i’m gonna like- i don’t know i just- i’m overwhelmed.” you know what he’s talking about but you know he’s embarrassed.

usually, people at school would ask how long someone could go on having sex. people would tease the boys about not lasting long enough..which you were clueless of until now.

“did you want me to…y’know” you shyly whisper quietly. he looks up at you as if you’ve just said something that he wasn’t expecting you to hear and maybe that was just how he was feeling.

“d’ya wanna? don’t have to, baby. i’ll be fine.” he removes his hands from your waist putting them behind his back placing them on the bed and leaning back on them tilting his head back as if he’s trying to control himself.

“elvis…i could..” you trail off moving your hands from his neck down towards where you’re sitting. you can see his prominent bulge. you decide to place your hand on it.

he lifts his head when he feels your touch staring at your hand then lifting his eyes to you. the eye contact you were making was unbearable to you so you move your eyes to your hand. you scoot back a little causing a light grunt from him because as you did that, you moved your hand in a rubbing movement.

you had no idea what you were doing but when you moved your eyes back to his face it looked like you were doing it just right.

a burst of confidence had you moving both hands to the waistband of the pajama pants he was wearing and you slowly started trailing your fingers on the inside of only the waistband of his pants. elvis quickly moved his head up once again now staring at what action you were carrying out.

“can i?” you questioned to make sure he was okay with it.

he nodded and muttered a breathless yes. his response had you continue your gesture.

as soon as you got a good grip on his waistband you got up settling on your knees - both of them on both sides of his legs and patted his hips so he lifted them.

he obliged lifting them so you could tug off the pajama pants. underneath were his briefs. you were just about to take them off when he stopped you. “are you sure you wanna do this y/n? you don’t gotta, honey.”

“yes i promise, do you want me to? I’m sorry if i somehow overstepped elvis i didn’t mean to-” elvis quickly cuts you off by sitting upright and pulling your face in for a chaste kiss.

“baby, you’re fine. of course, i want you to. if you’re okay with it, believe me, mama, it don’t bother me.” he smiles lightly and you nod understandably. he scoots back leaning against his headboard gesturing for you to follow him.

you crawl on your knees towards where he’s sitting and straddle his thighs like before. the only thing lighting up the room is the tiny lamp on his bedside table.

once you’re comfortable you slowly bring your hands towards his briefs sliding them off and letting his cock free. you hesitate to touch it but do so anyway.

you wrap your hand around his base and rub slowly up and down making elvis erupt with a moan you could tell he was trying to hold back.

you got the memo that he liked it so you continued that pace. up and down you kept mentally telling yourself.

you stopped looking at your hand on his cock and looked to see elvis's head resting on his headboard, fists clenched, and neck vein prominently showing.

you quickened your pace gaining a bit more confidence and that’s when you start hearing his moans get louder.

you suddenly realize his mother is two rooms down and you whisper. “shh..”

he nods “mhm, m’sorry. you’re just making me feel so- fuck. so fucking good.”

he got quieter but you could tell he was using most of his strength to keep himself from moaning.

you use the precum coming out of his tip to make your hand move around him smoother.

to prevent his moans from making their way through his reddish colored lips you connected yours with his again swallowing his addicting sounds.

the way he was having trouble kidding you back showed you that whatever you were doing was working.

a few seconds later you can feel him tense. “gonna come y/n, oh god.”

suddenly white stuff starts coming out of his tip. elvis grabs one of the tissues on his table and wipes it before it can get on his sheets. he throws the tissue away before pulling his briefs back on and sitting there for a quick moment. afterward, he surprises you by pulling you towards him and kissing you straight away.

his lips move against yours harshly causing you to feel breathless as he pulls away. “that was so good, baby. so good, felt amazing.” he mutters before kissing you again.

you can feel something pooling in your underwear. you were extremely turned on, you wanted him to touch you, but you didn’t know how to ask.

“e-elvis…” you whisper against his lips as he continues kissing you from your lips, moving to your cheek, then your ear, all the way to your neck. your head tilts back enjoying the feeling of his lips on your neck.

“hmm?” he mutters against your skin sucking on the flesh where your neck meets your shoulder.

you sigh wanting to shrink into a small hole due to what you’re about to ask. “can you please, touch me?”

he slows his attack on your neck and looks at your eyes - his filled with lust. “i- yeah” he takes a deep breath. “i was going to ask if I could but i don’t really know what you like or- i don’t know how to- you know? i’m just…i..”

you smile at his nervousness knowing exactly how he feels. “i know, i just want your hands on me. i’ll tell you if i feel good, elvis. you don’t have to but…i want you to”

“anything for you..” he whispers against your lips pecking them once more. “lay down ‘kay?”

you remove yourself from his lap laying right beside him. he scoots down a tiny bit so that he’s not up against the headboard but he’s also not laying. he’s laying on his side one arm propping his body up and the other hand free.

“are you sure?” elvis asks setting his hand on the inside of your thigh - that alone feels like it’s burning your skin metaphorically of course.

“yeah…i promise.” you nod and he lets out a quick ‘okay’ before he leans down and starts kissing you. over and over you could never get enough of him and his soft lips.

continuing to kiss you, you start to feel his hand trailing closer and closer towards your heat. he repeats the same gesture you made to him to take off his briefs. you lift your hips so it’s easy for him to pull them down.

afterward, you can feel the warmth of his hand trail lower and lower before they make contact with your underwear. he slowly starts pulling them off until they’ve been tossed aside.

it still wasn’t hitting you that you were doing something like this. this type of thing seemed forbidden to do. especially to your parents. bad time to think about them y/n, stop.

at a sudden moment, you feel his fingers touch your entrance which felt weird but at the same time, you knew you were safe. you know elvis wouldn’t do anything remotely negative to hurt you.

he stops kissing you and you feel two of his fingers apply pressure on your clit. “i-i’m sorry i really don’t know what i’m doing.” he confesses and you shake your head.

“it’s okay elvis. i promise i’ll tell you what feels good.” you reassure him. “here, let me try showing you.” you have to admit you had touched yourself before but you don’t think you ever came. you just know it felt good.

you reach down take his hand and guide his fingers to press on your sensitive area. you apply pressure with his fingers and rub in slow circles.

a whimper made its way out of your mouth before you could stop it. elvis seemed to gain more confidence and started rubbing you on his own. you removed your own hand as he continued that same action over and over causing your thighs to spread more giving him more access.

he rubs all over to gather your arousal before repeating the same action but better. it felt so good to you. your back arches a bit as you gasp in his mouth.

afterward, he moves his kisses towards your neck making you tilt your head towards the ceiling.

you’d thought it couldn’t get any better than that til elvis spoke up.

“does this feel good?” he whispers against your ear. god, did his voice do something to you...

“yes, yeah keep going, please. don’t stop.” you nodded repeatedly.

he continued his movement over and over but faster and faster. he spoke up after a few seconds. “tell me when to stop okay? don’t be afraid.”

you agree to his request as he continues kissing your neck. that’s when you feel one of his fingers start inching its way inside you. it was a weird sensation. you didn’t expect the sting that was coming from it but it felt good which sort of surprised you.

“d’ya want me to keep going sweetheart?” elvis checks in and you nod hastily. “c'mon you can use your words can’t you pretty girl? go on, tell me what you want.”

“yeah, i’m fine elvis i’m okay just keep doing what your doing…please.” that last word of your begging must’ve boosted his confidence because as soon as you let that tiny little word slip out he kissed your neck harshly with a chuckle before adding another finger. you could tell because the stretch was strong but this time it wasn’t as comfortable as last time.

“go slow please, kinda hurts me,” you whispered to him in the dim light.

“m’sorry sorry i will baby.” he slowly inches both fingers inside you and leaves them there for you to get used to them. “is that better, honey?”

“much better…oh lord.” you let out a moan as elvis starts moving his fingers in and out of you in a slow paste. “that feels very nice.”

“yeah? look at you, who would’a thought you would be here strugglin’ to keep your eyes open while im two fingers inside you, huh?” he peppers kisses all over your face. “imma make you feel so good, mama. god, look at you. so beautiful. always so beautiful.”

he starts going at a faster rhythm hitting somewhere inside you that has your eyes clenching tight. little controlled whimpers making their way out of you.

you can feel a sense of tightness in your lower belly and even though you’ve never had a conversation about the after-effects of messin around with someone - you knew the idea of what was happening to you.

“elvis i feel like i’m going to- fuck. i just- i don’t know if i can-” the urgency in your words makes elvis smile. he knows he’s making you feel good and he’s so damn proud of it. seeing you desperate for his touch is something he never really thought he’d love seeing and yet here he was. touching on the girl that he’s known for quite some time now.

“go one mama. let it go baby honey. give it to me hm? be a good girl and come on my fingers. you’re doing so good.” he praises you and those jumble of words have you going extremely feral.

you can feel elvis plant his lips on yours but continue the attack his fingers are doing on you. you feel like a band in your stomach has snapped and you’re finally having the pleasure it’s been building up.

you try your best not to let the pleasure make you become vocal but it was so hard.

“shh, gotta be quiet baby. shh,” elvis warns you but all you can focus on is the high you’re experiencing.

you can feel elvis shuffle with a hand on your mouth trying to cover up your moans.

a few moments later you feel yourself come down from your orgasm but you feel a little embarrassed to open your eyes so you bring your clenched hand up to your face to cover your eyes.

reality sets in and you realize what you have just done.

what if everything is weird. what if elvis thinks you’re weird and he doesn’t wanna talk to you anymore. what if his mama finds out? oh god, what if yours does?

while all of these thoughts swarming in your head, you feel elvis get up and walk away from the bed.

oh my fucking god great. great, this is just great. he’s going to tell you this shouldn’t have happened, that you need to leave and that he never wants to see you again.

just then, you hear water running for a few seconds then it stops. your eyes still covered and shut you hear elvis walking back into the room and assume he went to his bathroom that’s attached to his room.

feeling exposed you tug his big shirt down your body trying to cover your intimate part with your free hand.

that’s when you feel his warm hand on your hand covering your eyes and he lightly pulls your hand off your face. too weak to refuse, you let him take your hand off and make straight away eye contact with him.

“you look so beautiful y/n.” he smiles down at you before you see a towel in his hand. “can i clean you up?”

feeling less self-conscious you nodded and felt the warm towel touch your area and he wipes gently cleaning you up. you flinch feeling how sensitive you are but afterward, you felt good.

you put his boxer briefs back on and laid there on his bed as he went back to his bathroom then came and laid next to you.

you can hear the audible sigh. this is awkward you thought.

what did this mean? did you have feelings for elvis?

you had no idea but you had to admit you weren’t regretting what just happened. you were hoping neither would he.

FIRST PUBLISHED STORY NOW LET ME GO HIDE!! i tried my best to proofread but if some of it doesn't make sense please let me know!

comments are encouraged if you want a part two comment on that as well and requests are open!

#elvis presley smut #austin butler smut #elvis movie #austin x reader #austin butler elvis #elvis x reader #elvis film #austin butler x reader #elvis presley x reader

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makingausernameisthehardest-blog · 7 years

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I'm going to start from the beginning beginning when we first met in high school up to now. We met at my High school dance my sophomore year of high school. I was friends with people she was friends with and I also knew her bitch friends that she hung out with. At the end of the dance we were all talking and I was loving the attention because she was feeling on my biceps. I was like ayee I got this bad chick feeling my muscles lol. Afterward we all went to Wendy's where her two bitch friends were at the side crying about guys while she was chilling at the table with me and my friends. It was fun. She was cute but my good friend said he was going to try and talk to her so of course I backed off. But he never actually pursued anything with her. We would occasionally talk on Facebook just being silly and being curly hair buddies. I thought she was cute but still never even really tried to talk to her. Idk why I just didn't. We didn't talk much for a while but we were cool. We started getting close because we started talking through Facebook messenger. We started to actually get to know each other and really become friends. She had nobody to go comic con with so I told her to hangout with me and my family. So we all went to comic con and had a really fun time. I thought she looked really good. As in her cosplay and very attractive. At that point we had started talking regularly and had become close friends. At one point we even went ice skating it was so much fun, then she introduced me to five guys and it happened to be really good. My timeline is a bit off but it's okay. I remember when I was working at Best Buy she came to visit me once. It was cause her friend thought she could get a PS4 on the release date LOL. But it was really nice that she came to visit me. It made me happy. What was funny was that my other best friend came to visit me that day too. It was so funny. I found it crazy how she came to visit me and my girlfriend never actually did. Then she went to a career fair at her school and applied to bed bath and beyond. She knew I was going to my school and told me I should apply so we could together and I thought that was a great idea. I'd get to work with my best friend. We both got the job and started training together. Everyday of training I would go to her house and we'd just chill. I was going through one of my breakups and was pretty emotional about it and she was there for me the entire time. She was the only person I had I could really talk to and be honest about how I was feeling. She would talk to me about her past relationship as well. I felt myself having feelings for her but I never tried anything even though it was the perfect opportunity to. I was at her house giving her a back massage with her family upstairs. But not only did I not try anything because I was hung up on my ex but also cause I'm super pussy when it comes to trying anything. lol. After that we started working at bed bath and for some reason I started becoming and worse and worse friend to her. I pretty much put her on the back burner when she was my best friend. The person who had been there for me all this time and the one who actually is the reason for me getting the job. I still feel incredibly bad and guilty for that when I think about it. It's something else I try to push to the back of my mind. She would call me and I wouldn't pick up and she would text and I would forget to respond. I wouldn't hit her up or anything. I was terrible person to her and she still called me her best friend. I didn't deserve that title but she still gave it to me anyway. I considered her my best friend as well but I sure as hell didn't act like it. I don't know why I did it part of me believes it was cause I needed to distance myself from her because of my feelings for her. I found her amazing, a great person, and absolutely beautiful. Whenever we would go out and drink i would be all over her. I wanted to be all over her. I would always hug and and sit on her and everything. I wanted to kiss her but I never did. Because I was in a relationship but I would've been too pussy to do anything anyway. That was part of why I distanced myself. I don't know what the other reasoning was. I just wasn't being a good friend or a good person to her. I still could've at least texted her. Then she became friends with a guy who I was friends with in high school, his name is Jose. I knew him as an asshole but I was cool with him. The last thing I wanted for her was to get involved with him but it happened anyway. He was treating her good and spoiling her at first so I was supportive of the relationship because he was making her happy but then it flipped. He turned into a completely asshole who emotionally abused her. She ended up moving him with him because of something that happened at home with her family. After that he took everything from her. Her life, her happiness, and even tried to take her friends. I would always tell her to break up with him but she was stuck with him. If she broke up with him she'd be homeless. I offered her a place to stay but she didn't want to be a burden to me. Whenever something happened I tried to be there for her. It hurt me a lot to see someone I care about so much going through that. I wanted to do more but I couldn't. One day he kicked her out and said things that should never be said to anyone. As soon as she contacted me I started moving as fast as I could to get to her I know she needed me. I texted our friend jess saying she needed us and jess came as fast as she could as well. That was a period of time me her and jess were hanging out a lot. All the time. That night I had her spend the night with me. I couldn't let her go back to that house. Her boyfriend thought she cheated on him with me but nothing happened that night. We just talked and played video games. It was a fun night. But the next day she went back to the house. I was so upset. I don't think I'd ever been that mad with her. I didn't want her to back. I wanted her to stay with me because I knew everything he put her through. After that happened we stopped talking as much. I wish I hadn't done that. She needed me still. What made me really distance myself was a day we were suppose to hangout and she canceled telling me that we couldn't hangout alone together because of Jose. I was incredibly hurt and angry. She put him before me and I felt like I deserved to be put ahead of him because of what he did to her but that was also selfish of me. I didn't realize the position she had been put in and put my feelings of being hurt in front of what she was going through and distanced myself. We stopped talking and I didn't see her for a long time. I fucked up as a best friend. I wasn't there for her during that time when she really needed me. I finally saw her again and realized how much I missed her. One of the first things I told her was that her boobs got bigger lmao. She told me it was cause she got fat but I still thought she was as beautiful as ever. Just like before I was all over her that night. We started talking again but still not as much as before. Fast forward to when me and my ex finally broke up for the last time. We were hanging out all the time and my feelings for her started getting stronger and stronger and I found myself getting attached to her. One night we talked a little bit about kissing. The next day we were drinking with jess and when jess went to the bathroom we looked at each other and she kissed me first. I was gunna do it but I was still kind of pussy. We made out a lot that day. It was great I had wanted to kiss her for so long and it finally happened. We didn't get into a relationship right away because I was still getting over my ex. But even before we were in a relationship she made me happier than my ex ever did, she spoiled me more, and did more for me as well. Even before we were in a relationship it was already so much better than my last. On July 3rd I felt like I was over my ex completely and wanted to officially be in a relationship with Ali. We would go out all the time it was so much fun I was so happy with her. But not long after I did something incredibly stupid. I was in Atlantic City with family having a great time with I get a text from my best friend nick asking if I was okay because of what Jonathan posted. I didn't know what he was talking about so I went on ig and saw a pic of my ex kissing Ali's ex on the head. I got very upset for more reason then one. I realized I still had feelings for her and because she knows what Ali went through with him but went after him anyway. The biggest mistake I made was contacting her without talking to Ali first. I was upset and let me emotions take over at this point. When we spoke Tati made me feel like shit. Telling me how I hurt her and making it seem like everything happened was my fault and I fucking believed her when I know that isn't true. She flipped everything and made me feel like that bad guy. Manipulating me into thinking I was wrong for moving on with Ali. Making it seem like I cheated on her or something. I told Ali about most of that conversation but not everything. It might have been that night or the next morning. I don't remember but I was feeling like shit about myself and guilty over things I shouldn't be and I texted her something very stupid. I told her I was sorry and I regretted my relationship with Ali when I know that wasn't true. It went against everything I said to her before when I said Ali makes me happy. I never told Ali about that conversation and it blew up in my face but I'll get into that later. I came back from Atlantic City stressed more than ever because of all the shit that happened. Me and Ali were still together and continued going out and creating amazing memories. I knew I loved her but I was scared to say it too soon but one day at night in Central Park she got my to say it. Technically speaking she said it first but whateverrrr. After saying it I just felt it getting stronger and stronger and I soon realized I was falling in love with her. I eventually told her and she told me she felt the same way back. But then I fucked up. This is the first fuck up though. I had plans with her but I was going to hangout with my friend ray first. We went to the gym and then played smash and smoked. I was suppose to see her after a short while but I kept her waiting for hours. I again was being a selfish asshole. She called me and hung up angrily and I didn't even try to call her again knowing she was angry. I got upset myself so I tried to justify my actions by saying that but I was the one who fucked up not her. After a few days she completely forgave me and things got back to the way they were. We were happy going out, her coming to my house and me going to hers. She spent the night a few times and we spent our holidays together. But recently I fucked up worse than ever. I lied to her, betrayed her, and everything I believe in. Someone was messaging her on tumblr talking shit and it seemed like it was my ex. We were 100% sure it was her. She wouldn't text her so we took it upon ourself to make contact. We both messaged her on ig so she could respond. She constantly said she didn't send it and then send a screenshot of the conversation from months ago. Instead of just telling Ali yes I send and just explained to her what happened I lied. I fucking lied. In my head I got scared about the relationship getting ruined not think about wtf I was doing by lying. Lying is much worse then the text I said. She was defending me saying she didn't believe that I sent the text and I said nothing. I let her believe that didn't send that text. I knew it was wrong and I knew I was being a piece shit but I just let keep going. In my head something was telling me it was the smart thing to do even though I knew it wasn't. She trusted me and I fucked that up. If I was in her shoes I would be incredibly hurt and have trouble believing what she would have to say after that. I completely ended my last relationship because of lying and I went and lied to the one person who never lied to me and trusted me completely. I made her feel like shit and even though she already forgave me I don't feel like I deserve it. I honestly am sorry about lying and I swear on my life that I don't do it again but that doesn't take back the fact that I lied. The fact I made her look bad. I can't do anything to take that back and it sucks. I should've came clean. I even fucking promised. I fucking promised. I take that shit seriously and went against what I even believe in. We're suppose to be able to trust each other and I broke that and it makes me feel like shit about myself. I'm at a new low right now I deserve whatever shit she were to give me right now. I have no excuses. I fucked up when I shouldn't have. I want to chance in the near future to build that trust up again and never break it. I love her with all my heart and I shouldn't hurt her. I promised never to hurt her again and I fucking did. I broke 2 promises. I won't do it again. I won't fuck up again I can't. I can't ruin this. I want my future to be with her. I want to make her happy and I want her to trust me.

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