#anyways ive been rlly tired lately

[hakusins]

cw // tattoos, slight nudity

timeskip! whitney x eri (pc)

i need to make whitney a dad ;;w;;;

reference used for the art under the cut!

(unfortunately i've lost the source for the ref pic, so if anyone can be so kind as to link i'll add the link to the post!)

[soldier-poet-king]

I was writing some thoughts down about a book I'm halfway through (I am trying not to let things stew in my brain as much. Writing incoherent thoughts is good for my nerves) and it's a fantasy 'let's get the gang back together' fetch quest featuring a 60 smthn yr old protag but also I wrote, imo, the best thoughts I've ever had about coming of age stories and my unconventional love of them . An excerpt bc you don't need all my thoughts about the book specifically:

Life is a constant state of becoming, a coming of age novel is supposed to be about growth and self discovery and inching your way towards some sort of peace (loosely defined). If we're a different self everyday, if we are constantly changing and growing, I think all good stories are, in a way, coming of age novels. We're all just, coming of a certain undefined age. We often speak of selves as discrete phases "the former self" as if they're completely disconnected to who we are now, as if our current selves are not just a blend and growth of everyone we have been and are becoming. I hate the common equation of coming of age with "grim or edgy novel about teens and the loss of innocence" because it can be so much more than that! It should be so much more! There no clear loss of innocence, no clear delineation between childhood and maturity, there's no automatic flipped switch in real life. We're never "done" while we're still living, there's no Telos or permanent state of self in life, so how can coming of age be limited to teens? We're ALWAYS in a state of becoming and that is the most wonderful thing I've ever believed

Sometimes "that's just the (innate) human condition" is a source of immeasurable Joy and Hope

[poems-of-a-lover]

writing this has made me realize i don't know jackshit abt the olympics. like i got no clue whats going on. im out here lookin at how many venues there are and where they were located and what sports were competing just so im not incorrect in my writing JGSJGHJSK

[mobtism]

turning off my mobile notifs for tumblr is one of the best things ive ever done. thank you and goodnight /lh

[starrierknight]

i love people that stick to canon ngl thats so cool of u nd the other people that do that it just could never be me 😭

i just need satoru away from twitter like they just LOVE to project their hcs onto him nd act like its canon and at one point its just like who's this character ur talking about. like ur changing him up so much to the point where all ur leaving untouched is his appearance. which hey, fair! sometimes u just see a pretty character nd u dont rlly care that much about their actual personality nd thats fine! just dont go arguing about it on twitter??

unrelated but ive also been seeing a lot of people calling satoru white on twitter lately nd i need to talk about it before i explode. like i do not interact with anything other than art and somehow every few days ill see someone calling him white im so tired im about to mute the entire dictionary on twitter so all thats left is just pictures

no because you are so correct and I am nodding my head vigorously and just. yes yes yes. yes. yes. yes, like that, please I'm so close and please fuck, yes, yes oh I'm gonna... jokes idk why I did that. devil made me do it or whatever but I felt bad that I could not add anything to this discussion since I'm not on twitter LMAO 🤦🏻💀

and bro like. don't get me wrong, I get seeing a character and having your own personal lore and hcs for that character, but don't act like it's who they are 😭😮‍💨 only the author can have authority over that!!! I sometimes question if Gege sees the weird hcs ppl give Satoru and gets the giggles... ik I would

oh my god. bro??? he's Japanese??? he's not white??? what??? what the fuck??? that's such a weird thing to say. yuck twitter. anyway please do rant away, I am all ears

[hangezoeenthusiast]

well hello anyone who is actually on tumblr and hasnt forgotten about me. ive been offline for a year or so, had personal issues in my life, and also started high school so i wanted to focus on that. life update:

- im in 10th grade now :)) high school isnt that bad and there actually isnt as much fights as there was in past years. also im in a lot of advanced classes now

- i got new friends, and dumped my old ones(they were toxic)

- got into some new fandoms(call of duty, genshin[sorta i barely tolerate some people, I just try to play the game without interacting with the fandom], tmnt[i’ve always loved it], and others that I can't rlly think about rn

- got my working permit today :D after new years I'm gonna look for a job

- well I figured out I'm trans now (f-t-m), after years of question my gender and making excuses, I'm also pansexual :)

- the name I want my legal name to be is kaisen(kai is just a nickname and I dont use j anymore)

- body image stuff, sucks to suck but I'm trying everyday, slowly

- i actually have a girlfriend, we have been together for 3 months, and known each other for around 1 or 2 years. We are long distance(she lives in another country), time zones suck, but we make it work. We also met on genshin, so i guess i owe the game for that.

- im teaching myself how to draw, and also have been reading a lot of books lately

- family life isnt the best, im not gonna elaborate, but i just try to ignore it

it seems like a dream with how i acted a year ago. i seemed way more immature than what i do act now. i was so innocent i guess you could say, and i guess you could also say that i was just figuring myself out. and as im sitting in my bed, listening to The Neighborhood, im reminiscing. i do miss the friends that i had before i dropped them, and i really wish that i didnt push everyone away whenever i was in a depressive episode, but its the past. if i cant get over the past i’ll never be able to move on into the future. im just so glad that past me could get that experience of exploring themselves and meeting new people. also i was very very cringey i realize now, i feel like i was acting a sort of way to get recognition from people.

well anyways i dont think i’ll be writing anything anytime soon, i dont feel the passion i used to back then. maybe someday, but not today, and not the next. also thank you for 300 followers, that might not seem alot compared to other people, but it is for me. also thank you for all the support with the dsmp stuff even tho i stopped writing about them. i rlly didnt expect my stuff to blow up like that :))

well signing off:

kaisen(kai), have a fantastic day/night 😊

(ps: ive never deleted tumblr, and i was reading fanfics on here, i just was being lazy and didnt feel like responding to messages and updating my profile 😉 so to all the people who commented on my posts, i wasnt ignoring u, im too tired and my brain cells are the equivalent of 1 at the moment, but i’ll try to respond)

[noxiatoxia]

hi its me the dead anon and i would like to share that maybe 2 nights ago i was up rlly late. and i was figuring out what i was going to write back to ur last response to my other ask when i got really tired

in my strange sleep deprived state i was hit with 'inspiration' and opened google docs. within a matter of a couple hours, from 1-2 am, i wrote a pages long fic where kaoru kills himself and hikaru was so upset and made myself cry so hard i passed out.

when i woke up i looked at it and it really wasn't that good?? but at the same time it was and it made me cry again so. theres that. if you were wondering what ive been doing instead of responding

anyway very sorry about dying. ive really wanted to send u asks but ive been stressed out so im not great at coming up with hcs. very uninspired (besides my weird kaoru suicide fic but. yk)

maybe this says something about my current mental state. maybe not. idk

NOOOOOOOOO HAHSJSOKDFJ I SHOULDNT LAUGH BUT THE IDEA YOU WOKE UP FROM A HALF AWAKE DAZE AND WERE LIKE "FUCK I GOTTA WRITE KAORU KILLING HIMSELF" CRIED, THEN PASSED OUT IS SUCH A FUNNY MENTAL IMAGE.

But like I GET IT!!! same shit happens to me. I'm about to sleep but inspo STRIKES and I HAVE to get it on paper. It actually happened last night... Idk if I'll turn the idea into a full fic I'll post but it was a comedic concept nonetheless

The idea of one of the twins dying always kills me bc it's like... SO fucking sad.... the heartbreak is too much for me... i like happy endings... But like, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta write super depressing stuff. I have before.

The idea tho of one of the twins having a nightmare abt the other dying... Oughh. Like some super vivid nighmare that has one of them bolting up in bed panting on the verge of tears, immediately seeking the other twin and hurriedly waking them up to make sure they're still alive.

Like for example, maybe Hikaru waking up a month after Kaoru had his really bad depressive episode that scared the shit out of him. In his nightmare though...things don't have such a happy ending. And Kaoru does what he worried so much about every night in that dream, and he loses his little brother, and it feels so real.

Hikaru wakes up with a really startled jolt and is on the verge of a panic attack. His first immediate course of action is to turn around and nearly shake Kaoru off the bed, panickedly saying his name.

Kaoru of course wakes up sleepy and confused, barely awake as Hikaru begins to squeeze the air out of him with a bear hug. He's mumbling some things Kaoru can't piece together in his tired state, but Kaoru can tell he's really upset...so he just holds Hikaru and sleepily mumbles some reassuring things to him, and it does make Hikaru feel better, just to hear him alive and well...

Also since I'm a sucker for close physical affection between the twins I like to think Hikaru sometimes kisses Kaoru on the cheek. He did it more when they were younger, but he still does it I think under special occasions. I think this would be one of them... He was just so broken up in his dream and it scared him so so badly, so as Kaoru is stroking his hair lazily and sleepily murmuring reassurances to him, Hikaru sniffling as he's trying NOT to burst into tears, he kisses Kaoru on the cheek. Kaoru makes a small confused noise because he isn't expecting it, but he gives Hikaru a kiss back. He basically ends up passing out after that bc he's barely awake as is but Hikaru stays up long after that, holding Kaoru and just listening to his steady, deep breaths and resting heartbeat. Just taking in the fact his brother is still here and alive.

He eventually falls asleep once dawn begins to filter through the curtains.

Also it's okay for not sending asks!!! Life is tough and busy. Your health & happiness is far more important!!! I really love your hikakao and ouran asks in general they are my day's highlight. But I'm here if you just want to send general asks about whatever :) DMs are always open too!

[post-office-by-the-bay]

hi covey!!!!

i havent been able to respond and interact with all ur posts since im not home atm but im sitting in hotel room bed writing this rn so! i have found my way to your other account tho😈 so im gonna write a little rant i hope you dont mind (even tho thats kinda what the account is made for, i still feel weird doing it!!) so feel free to ignore i just reallt want rant!

also wanna start it off by saying i hope youve been doing well and the college stress isnt affecting you too much!!

okiiii so anyway its my birthday tofay 😜😜 and for my bday weekend we went to chicago since its pretty close to where i live and i thiight it would be fun but sometjkng about me is just that i hate being away from home like idk i just love my room so idk why i wanted to do thid for my bday but ANYWAY.

friday and saturday were oretty fun even tho its so cold out but ive had an overall good time! the obly downside is my DAD bro. i dont think hes ever experienced true happiness in hus life bc if any tiny bad thing happens he gets so MAD and for NO REASON. i try to stay happy but its literally such a mood killer like how am i supoosed to enjoy my time wjen ur over here bitching and complaing about not getting the corner booth like. get over pls shut up i wanna be happy.

and then today i thoight we were gonna go to this museum and then meet up with my brither to go to the sears/willis tower but it got completely changed and i was so confused and we didnt do anytbing k wanted to do that day. like i wanted kbbq as my bday dinner like it was the MAIN reason i wanted to go to chicaho but they switched uo and said it was too far away. like okay then… im like fine whatever just choose some place else bc idk what i want and i dont wanna decide and THEY KEPT ASKING ME AND BOTHERING ME LIKE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE. and then we were just walking around everywhere trying to fund a place to eat and i was getting annoyed so i just said olay i wanna go here, AND THEY JUSR GO SOMEWHERE ELSE EVEN THO THEY WERE ASKING ME WHERE I WANTED TO GO??? pls.. jusg make up ur mind. and then when we finally got to a place bc i was like yall im tired lets just go to fresking shake shack they starting bitching about the prices and i get we dont have a lot of money but it just made me feel so guilty??

anyway i felt way better bc me and my cousin started making fun of my dad so i felt 10x #wcousin😇

now im in the hotel room listening to my dad snore SO FREAKING LOUF LIKE HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.

OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH LIKE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RESD ALL THIS COVEY OMG

TLDR; birthday was rlly my dads rlly whiny but im chill now!

have a good day/night covey sorry writing so much😭😭

-🐌

beloved snail anon,

do not feel bad for ranting!! that's the whole point of this blog!! we just need to ignore the fact that i ignored it for so long lmao.

first and foremost, HAPPIEST OF (late) BIRTHDAYS TO YOU!! I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS BEING A BIT OF A BUMMER (kill all men) BUT YOU DESERVED TO HAVE THE BESTEST DAY AND IM SORRY HE TRIED TO TAKE THAT AWAY.

my dad is, from the sound of it, very similar to your dad. and i've grown to kinda just throw it back at him. it took years of warming up to it, but now i just treat him the way he treats us and he shuts up real real quick, ya know?? anyways, im so so sorry that he was being sucky (again kill all men) and you totally didn't deserve that!! wishing you a better birthday for next year!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[wangkuans]

ventpost incoming!

im sorry to ventpost but talking to the guidance counselor at school has to entail an appointment first and the website doesn't offer the option for my program so . last time i just walked in but im not sure i can exactly do that again,,,

anyway this semester has really been kicking my ass and there's a lot of things that have been making me feel worse? being separated from my usual block and group of friends is rlly tough,, and adjusting to a new set of classmates is also difficult,, especially cause i try to talk to them but they dont always reciprocate the same energy. and they're not being mean at all, its just different and its been hard to adjust.

my org work has also been really tough lately,, not in the sense that ive been overly busy, but idk if im doing a good job lately, and its making me insanely anxious. i also dont rlly know once again where i stand with all my orgmates,, if we're just on friendly terms or if we're actually friends, and it makes it difficult to interact with them. its just making me anxious as hell

and theres a specific thing that has just. been making me go crazy but it sounds petulant and childish and i hate feeling or even thinking it but. all this time ive been overworking myself with org stuff bc i dont think im all that good at my chosen field, and i have to buff up my portfolio w all these extracurriculars. and after this semester we'll all have to get internships and iiii have been so anxious ab it, bc i dont know where to go, or if i'll get accepted to places, or what kind of places i should be applying for. and recently, we had a project where we had to speak to marketing teams of real estate places, and my friend got invited to intern for them and it just.

she absolutely deserves it and shes also been working hard,, but at the same time it feels like all this work was really for nothing, bc ive been trying so hard with everything, but i currently have no invitations to any place or anything. and it just feels like. ill just keep trying and trying like i have been my whole life, and none of it will be worth it, and all of it will be for nothing. im in an org that makes me anxious, in a position i didnt ask for or want, spending time doing things i cant really add to my portfolio, and it wasn't even for anything. it's been for nothing this whole time, and im really tired.

my prescription for my antidepressasnts are also almost up,,, and i have to set an appointment for that, but i feel anxious about renewing my prescription too. i think i want to maybe take half a pill instead of a full one, and hopefully it'll do me good. but i feel bad for still having to take it. and if eel bad for still struggling. i wish i had a good couple years, where i ddin't need it or therapy at all.

anyway thats all. its so !!!! but its okay. ill be okay!! never back down never give up and all that

[gayboymanifesto]

homecoming!

first post!! ive never really blogged before so this is exciting but I really just want a place to scream into the ether and tal about whatever I want.... I used to keep a journal but id only write in it every three months or so and I haven't written in it in at least a year and I'm afraid to read it now.... anyway

as sophomore year has began for me I have been experiencing a lot of emotions (which isn't entirely out of the norm but at the same time it is) and I never really open up to people so I want somewhere to talk about things rather than bottling it up since im no longer in therapy

omfg grammarly is smothering my entire text page

anyway! homecoming was tonight and it was a disaster!!! well not entirely but I thoroughly did not enjoy it.... I got to the before at O's house* and I didn't want to talk to anyone when I got this like sharp pain in my abdomen and my first thought was like..... oh fuck I have appendicitis! which is so scary and annoying bc I'm going to ALL THINGS GO tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to attend if I had fucking appendicitis.. so I sat around for a little and then I sat in the car for a but, then my mom took me home where I had so much fucking diahreahha... like there was actual liquid coming out of my ass.. idk why but I think it was the combination of all the coffee nd shit I had and then the food plus my nerves. I made it back in time before we left and then we went to the dance where it was just so fucking bad like I hate dances so much I cant even rlly get into that but I had so many awkward interactions.

then we went to paiges and it was chill at first until people started getting drinks out, and HP wouldn't give me a drink... which is like whatever but she had said before that she would. I don't want to act like she was obligated too bc that. bitchy but in the moment it was annoying, I don't blame her it was js confusing... then I venmod O again, who I had decided before that I wasn't even speaking to for reasons that I said I would write about later... and she kept avoiding me which isn't out of character for her lately and then later when I told her again that I nemod her she acted like she hadnt ever told me she was gonna give me a drink and sent the money back at least. HR also told me she would give me a drink but she was SO FUCKING WEIRD ab it too like she always is. Anyway everybody at that party was being annoying as fuck and it was also just bad... and I know I'm not above these parties, I'm literally so irrelevant but I'm still aware of how ass that was.. I went home afterward I don't think anybody gaf. Im trying not to sound like super selfish or unaware of how dumb I sound rn but like I'm tired af and I'm just writing to express how I feel I'm not trying to say anyone in this case is morally in the wrong I'm just upset so shut the fuck up if future me is like omggg I was so annoying why was I complaining about that

I wish I had different friends but I know mine are the best I can do and that I'm lucky to have them and I like them all as people but most of them treat me like shit or a joke and I just don't want to deal with that

I just wish I was drunk idk I think ill be an alchoholic at some point idgafffff anything to not deal

*nts make a name list for reference

[pomolandian]

um so idk why i have a tumblr acc since i never post in here... umm... im not sure if anybodys gonna read this shit it write but i sometimes ffeeel like i want to speak to someone. of course ik this is not the right place to speak abt myself, but well... what can i say? so... im going to a foreign country one of these days and i rlly cant wait to go on a trip im so sick of my country and i need to see something new. even though this country isnt relly interesting, im glad i will be seeing new things.

um lately ive been pretty tired and sad and ive been languishing in limbo, but i keep on and waiting for school to start and do so many stuff ive been waiting for. it is kinda weird for me, but i want to visit so many places in my town, and my friends are on vacation rn, and i cant rlly hang out with them.

so im trying to be creative these days, and do my makeup and read books and write stories and design and draw, and im rlly glad i find moments for myself, to be creative and do something i like.

dude idk why i climbed a mountain which was 8000 ft tall ( 2500 m for the europeans). and yeah. dont do it ppl. i was so fucking tired after that my legs are still hurting.

i rlly hope the following days go good for me and everyonne i love. it has been a really shitty week, and i hope to get to rest the following days/. idk why im writing ll these shit, im just rlly bored ig. im not a writing genius as u noticed.

anyway thats it. if someone is reading it have a great summer.

[omnivolent]

i will get to writing soon hopefully !! i know i revamped this blog n then Dipped but i will write !!

[razzafrazzle]

something something science team

its an oc hlvrai au babey!!!

[kotumari]

got a new poncho.. hehe :]

[candyunicornsateme]

I just like to think the boys would get together and surprise Kenny with some treats because Kenny’s a quiet and caring friend and he.... deserves it...

[bonnaby]

bbbbb

vvrrrr i suddenly had a fever yesterday after feeling really bad since saturday and my fever broke this afternoon and im not feeling as terrible but i'm still hurting pretty bad and stuff and icant really hear because my ears are not Cooperating!! they are ouchie and keep popping and it hurts. my head is pounding and it hurts rlly bad and i keep taking some medicine and its toned down th headache and my bones dont hurt all too bad anymore i can stand without nearly collapsing and i got myself to eat smthn so im not. dying and being rlly dizzy bc i havent eaten since saturday and im not as nauseous as before even though eating has been making me feel sick i just pushed through it and ate to shut th hunger up. i have to get tested for the flu and covid and they might draw blood and i am not excited!!! but whatever ig i just hope i dont have covid. i was just telling myself "woah... i might make it through the year without getting it" and now here i am. feeling like trash. pls let my nose stop running ty.

anyways dream is helpin me feel better n stuff but i gotta go to the doctors soon to be tested so i might watch some of george and stuff on th way there to feel better n stuf. wooo. bye guys be safe remember to tie ur shoes.