#anyways yeah im just having a terrible night so if you see me being Chronically Online thats why

[everyonewooeverywhere]

MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED

pairing ✭ bf!jongho x f!reader

synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.

content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, slightly angsty, relatively fluffy (certainly the fluffiest thing i've ever written here)

word count ✭ 2.5k

note ✭ so this was something i really needed to write for myself, i think. for those who don't know (which is all of you lol) i have adhd. where i see it the most in my own life is chronic procrastination. it's something i've had to learn to cope with a lot throughout my life. a lot of times, when i feel the need to avoid feeling the stress of my personal life, i'll scroll on instagram or tumblr forever. which then leads to a heaping ton of guilt in the following hours as i try to make up for lost time. it's a wonderful cycle.

anyway, this is to say, that coping alone can be incredibly difficult. don't get me wrong, i have a handful of wonderful friends (who go to school across the country) and an angel of a therapist, but i often romanticize having someone there to help drag me out of those hopeless cycles. and not because i think i need someone to do it for me, but having that person is a really comforting thought. and, today, that is jongho i guess 😀

that being said, this mc doesn't necessarily have adhd, but they are certainly experiencing something that i experience very frequently as a byproduct of it.

like, is this smut? yeah, but im allowed to be emotional 😗

warnings ✭ mc is stressed af, protected sex, really soft sex (they're in love 😤)

✭✭✭✭

It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.

So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 

You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.

Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 

Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Jongho months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Jongho had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.

But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 

Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.

| jongho 🐻🤎: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.

| jongho 🐻🤎: that ok?

God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.

| jongho 🐻🤎: y/n? 

| jongho 🐻🤎: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?

Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.

“Hi,” you picked up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 

You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”

“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."

You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.

“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.

You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”

“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”

“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”

When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 

✭✭✭✭

By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Jongho had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 

When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 

Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 

“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”

You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”

The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Jongho had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.

And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.

“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 

That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.

“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“How could I ever forget? I love you, too, y/n.”

✭✭✭✭

After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Jongho had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.

You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.

He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.

Jongho would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 

When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.

Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.

He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.

Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 

Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.

He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.

He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 

Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 

With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 

Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.

“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.

You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”

When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.

He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 

“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.

You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”

It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 

He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 

You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.

Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”

“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”

“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.

He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”

You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”

He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.

For him, though, that was more than enough.

✭✭✭✭

note ✭ ok this shit got really personal 💀 but i did really enjoy writing it. it's not often that i write a whole oneshot in one sitting but i did today (other than my minor break to eat dinner).

also, i was actually between writing this for vernon or jongho because i felt like they both kinda fit the vibe (sorry if the knowledge that this could have been a hansol fic makes anyone sad), but maybe i'll write something similar for him next time i'm feeling it

again, i hope you enjoyed this! thank you so much for reading 💗

mwah~

[effervescent-fool]

.

[ziracona]

sometimes i forget i originally followed you because of dbd and then when i see posts from other fandoms i like i go "woah awesome! who's reblo-ZIRACONA?!" also, it makes me really want to get into fandoms im not a part of. specifically the fates games. idk who they are but some character designs are looking pretty damn good.

Hadskdnd sorry, yeah, I have always been a chronically terminally multifandom blog who is too tired to make sideblogs for specific interests. I didn’t even make one for doodles until last year and I still forget I have it. But I try to tag everything meticulously so anyone who follows me only for a specific fandom can easily blacklist my other content if they want. Glad you’ve been enjoying it! Fate is an extremely varied fandom to get into, because they swap out the whole creative team like pet work (or per arc in Fate Go woof) so sometimes you get great stuff and sometimes medium or varied and sometimes terrible. It’s more like...being into Star Wars, or DC or Marvel, than a usual blanket fandom name like being into Scream or Zelda. Wide variety for a huge amount of only kind of sequential or related content, and it’s impossible to think of everything as canon bc it conflicts with itself, so you pick what you like and ignore what you don’t. They aren’t even all the same like, major genre or vibe remotely. I /really/ like some of it though! If you’re interested, I’d recommend basically anyone stick their foot in the water by watching the Japanese dub of Unlimited Blade Works (the 2014 tv show, not the earlier one. That one is...garbage) w subs, because the English dub is terrible, and I have no idea how the other language dubs are, but the OG/Japanese dub is excellent. It’s two seasons and not super long and /very/ good. I can link you to my earlier breakdown of what fate you might like if you want, because it’s a spiel 🤣. But yeah, I rec the sub for UBW tv show (on Netflix right now) to anyone curious about Fate as a starting point. They release the bonus episode as the first for some reason? Prologue was bonus content, and should not be watched first because it assumes the viewer has previous Fate knowledge, and the pacing is super weird. Start with episode 2/ Winter Day, Fateful Night, which is meant to be the first episode, and then just watch Prologue whenever after you want. It is the same day as Winter Day, Fateful Night, but from Rin’s pov instead of the protags, so it’s really neat character stuff for her and Archer, but it’s confusing if you start there since it was not meant to be the first narrative beat.

A lot of the stuff I reblog is Fate Grand Order which is a phone game as varied in its singular self in quality as the whole fate franchise is bc they rotate writers every god damn second lol, but I really enjoy the quality arcs and skim what I don’t like and enjoy it. It’s way more hit and miss if people will like Grand Order, because it’s /super/ varied, but it has some amazing characters. Anyway I’m on a Fate kick so if you ever want to know about it and characters I am /happy/ to monologue. Thanks for the ask. : ) 💙

[peanutbutteriscreamy]

You Can!

———

A/N: i didn’t really edit this also no prologue have fun

warnings: cancer (specifically chronic lymphocytic leukemia)

summary: it always gets worse, but can it get better for a change?~

a fic where Dan has an illness that he had hoped no one found out about, until it acted up in gym. then starts the school fundraiser for his treatments that he refuses to take, and a cute boy by the name of Phil convincing him to continue on.

——-

It’s bright. Not as bright as the blue and white walls of the hospital rooms, but bright enough. And he hates it. Maybe it’ll be fun, said the nurses and his doctors, maybe you’ll meet new people, said his parents. But he just hates it because the beige, bright walls and lights hurt his eyes.

He’s walking, too. Dan hasn’t done that in a while. And he feels small, like a bud amongst tall, smelly kids.

Dan doesn’t even realize he’s hit something until his fragile body crumbles to the ground, wincing as all his weight falls onto his foot. His eyes open after a second, not even registering the person in front of him.

He’s scared. Dan’s eyes travel the halls for a few seconds, panic settles, and suddenly he can’t breathe. Like, his lungs stop all function and he can’t breathe. No one’s even paying attention, but he feels as if all eyes are on him.

Soon enough strong hands grab his shoulders and shake him, and he flinches. That’s when Dan finally looks.

Hot, is the first word that pops into his idiot brain the second he sees the cute boy shaking him.

“Hey, are you alright? What’s wrong? Come on, breath with me. In, out.” The boy says, a concerned look on his face. Dan’s just nodding, not even listening. But after a long few seconds he scrambles for his bag, gasping for air as he grabs one of his several inhalers and takes a couple puffs.

The boy watches, slightly stunned at Dan’s sudden movement. When Dan finally starts to breathe somewhat normally, he says, like an intelligent person, “Hi.”

Dan wants to hit himself.

Instead the boy just laughs, lifts Dan, and replies, “Hey. Im Phil.”

“Phil- I mean hi- I mean, fuck, Dan. I’m Dan. Yep, that’s me.”

He wants to cry.

“So uh-“

“Do you-“

“Sorry what?”

“Need help with that?”

They stumble over sentences, both of their faces a bright shade of red. Dan stares, coughs a bit, then Phil laughs.

The boy throws his head back, his eyes crinkle at the corners, and he gives a slightly crooked smile as he laughs.

And all Dan does is flinch. And he feels terrible for it. Because the moment he does, Phil’s eyes go wide and he suddenly stops laughing at their situation.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable? Here I’ll just-“

“No it’s fine you don’t have to-“, Dan’s cut short as they both lean down to grab Dan’s bag and their heads bump. It hurts, and he flinches again. All Phil does is rapidly apologize and offer to get him some ice from the nurse as he fumbles with Dan’s bag.

His stomach starts to feel funny with Phil, in a way. Seeing his awkward and sorry state makes Dan giggle, then it turns into a light laugh. That gets Phil’s attention, and after a second a smile spreads on his face and his cheeks turn a shade of pink again.

Dan takes his bag, slides it onto his shoulders, slaps his hand on Phil’s arm and squeezes it lightly.

“I like you. You seem like a good friend.” Dan says meekly, “Was that a bit bold? I’m sorry. I’m not good at this.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m not very good at it either. But yeah, you wanna have lunch together?” Phil says, and Dan laughs at the clearly intended boldness.

“Sure! I’ll find you there.”

“Nah, I’m walking you to class. Then we can say our goodbyes.”

“Oh it’s ok, I can find it, really-“

“Come on. I insist.”

“Ah, I suppose then.”

They walk for a bit, mostly in a slightly awkward silence, but a few corners from his class they start talking.

“Hey, won’t you be late to your class?”

“I’m late to them anyway. Always gotta run around this bloody place.”

Dan chuckles at that. They round the last turn to his class and he looks down at his feet as he walks, a smile and a blush on his face. He’s holding his breath a bit, having not used his machine for a while.

Phil says a small see you later, and for some reason Dan decides to give him an awkward side hug before he walks into the classroom.

He isn’t late, people don’t stare at him, but a few give him weird looks when he flings himself into a desk and the chair screeches on the dirty floors. Everyone looks away after a quick glance, going back to reading or talking or playing on their phones, whatever normal kids do before class, Dan thinks.

And he hasn’t breathed in a while. He’s sure his face might be red from the lack of oxygen, and he’s damn sure that he might pass out if he doesn’t do it quickly.

Dan stares at his bag and thinks about what’s in it. For one thing, people could find out. And he really doesn’t want that. Now others would think that if you had such a condition as Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, you’d like others to know so that they aren’t rough or anything, and they know not to be offensive.

But he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want sympathy, he doesn’t want to be the sick kid. The cancer kid. He doesn’t want to be known for that.

Yet he’s doing it. Of course Dan checked first, to make sure no one was looking. He unzipped his back pack, quickly got the flow going, then pulled his hoodie over his head and leaned down. Dan put the nasal cannula on, then waited a few seconds before breathing in. He let out a sigh of relief, smiling slightly as he concentrated on controlling his breathing rhythm.

“What’re you doing down their, drugs mate?”

He jumped, dropping his bag and scrambling to throw the tubes into the pocket, turning off the machine before zipping it quickly. Dan looked up, embarrassed and slightly scared. The girl standing over him stared at him for a second before her face softened and it looked like she felt bad.

“Oh my god, are you...?”

“No! No, no, I am not doing drugs I swear!” Dan whisper shouted as the girl sat down in the desk next to him.

“I know! Calm down. Did you have a breathing machine in there?”, The curly haired girl whispered back.

“I- what? No! Definitely not a ‘breathing machine’. Or anything that helps me breathe. Asthma! I have inhalers, that’s what you saw.” He rambled, watching as her features grew more concerned. She quickly shook it off though, and smiled as if they didn’t just have that conversation.

“I’m sorry, let’s restart. Hey! I’m Carrie. You must be new here, how’s it been?”

Dan was still, his head tilted as he stared at her. He held his hand out after a bit, grinning.

“Daniel, Dan for short. And it’s been ok so far. Only been here since yesterday though.”

Carrie shook his hand then put a strand of curly blond hair behind her ear, showing her teeth.

“Well why don’t you sit with me at lunch today?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry, I’m sitting with Phil. I don’t know if you know him.”

Her face feel, but she redeemed herself quickly. Dan’s smile faltered slightly, and immediately questions ran through his mind like a film roll. But he’d just met her, he wasn’t gonna screw this up.

“So, Carrie. How long have you been at this school?”

She seems relieved by his change in topic, and her smile blooms back.

“A couple years. Like, six? A while actually.”

“Oh wow. That’s a long time.” It’s Dan’s turn to falter, his mind turning to think about the hospital, and how long he’s spent in there.

Carrie definitely notices, but she doesn’t question him about it, and he’s grateful.

“Let me get you caught up on this class.” She nudges his shoulder, slightly rougher than he minds, but he doesn’t care. Dan rubs his shoulder and grins at her,

“Sounds like a plan. Start talking.”

——————

They talk about Shakespeare for a while, and the day goes by fast after that. Lunch feels speedy, and Phil acts all too kind for a normal human being. Gym hurts, as expected. And he’s been told to join the band, as he was playing piano and messing with the drums when he was caught on his free period. Needless to say, Dan’s questioning his sanity by the time he’s gone to wait for his mum to pick him up.

He picks up one of his many sanitizer bottles from his back pack and squeezes a glob onto his hand. He’s just about to start rubbing it on his arms and hands when he feels a hand on his neck, and he turns so throw the glob at whoever it was.

Turns out to be Phil, and he had thrown hand sanitizer all over his glasses and mouth.

“Whoops.” Dan mumbles, then Phil grimaces as he opens his mouth to speak, instead the stinging taste of the sanitizer gets in his mouth.

Dan laughs, and he doesn’t even apologize. He thought it was funny, and after Phil was done digging all the sanitizer out of his mouth with the end of his shirt, he laughs as well. They look like maniacs, laughing hysterically and leaning on each other.

It’s mostly Dan, but Phil’s in on it too.

Phil looks disappointed when Dan’s mum shows up, cutting Phil off again and honking her horn at Dan.

Dan laughs again, and without any words he pulls the straps of his bag over his shoulders and hugs Phil around the neck before waving and walks away to his mum in a blur.

Phil’s genuinely confused, but he’s happy when Dan’s gone and he still has the feeling of his arms around his neck.

————

When Dan gets home he’s still smiling, even after his mum pestering him and asking how his day went the whole way home. His father is calling him when Dan walks into the living room, and Dan’s little brother is trying to wipe the smile off his face with innocent insults and hard pats on the back.

He only succeeds in making Dan cough and his mother angry, and his smile is wider as Dan laughs at Adrian get yelled at.

As Adrian gets in trouble and his father watches his sports, Dan skips up the stairs and tosses his bag next to his door when he enters his room. He closes the door and jumps on his bed. Dan grins at the ceiling for a bit before eating a few crackers from his night stand, probably a few weeks old.

He drinks a bit of water from the night before and strips, laying on his bed with just his underwear. Dan’s giddy, but he’s damn tired. He turns to plug his phone in for the night, but then his eyes land on his night machine and his breath hitches. Dan coughs, loudly, and for a second he forgets how to breath.

He’s never really been good at it anyway.

He finally gets up to turn off the lights, then he sits on the edge of his bed and stares at his machine. Dan picks up the tubes and places them behind his ears, putting the cannula in his nostrils. He flips the switch and oxygen fills his lungs with a relieving and fulfilling feeling, but he doesn’t let it last. Dan takes them out about as quickly as he had put them in, turning it off and flinging himself under his duvet.

And Dan is aware that sleeping without it in is a bad idea, and it’s hard to. But so was stopping his treatments, and so was his parents actually letting him. It was what he wanted though. He just wanted to be independent, live for a bit without control. Or maybe he wanted to have control.

Dan doesn’t really know.

So he turns around, closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe. Soon after his mouth falls open slightly, his body relaxing and his mind shifting off to sleep.

[scp-168]

“Gabriel fucks up” The new horrible thing were a horrible oc of mine does horrible things! But this time I translated it! What a miracle! 

There might be some typos but I hope they don’t make this impossible to read

also im dying to know what you guys think and if you have questions i will definetely answer in an oc ramble

This is very long! I’m so sorry mobile users I really hope the Read More works!💕

content warnings for violence, blood, self harm, and abuse

This family had always been propense to tragedy. From the father’s side, chronic illness in every generation. From the mother’s side, accidents and misfortune plagued them.

All that tragedy fell in the children of that union.

The youngest found himself paralyzed, surrounded by his family. Surviving a fire was a miracle, but it didn’t matter. He was only able to stare at the roof, and once in a while, the horrified faces of his brothers and father. The mother could not enter the room, since she cried inconsolably every time she tried.

“We heard he would come soon, only he can save him.” the boy heard the town doctor said one time he was awake.

He didn’t know for how long he was like that, barely clinging to life and consciousness. Each day that passed, Gabriel Garza wished more and more that a miracle were to occur and that they would let him die.

One night, he heard it. He heard the town’s rejoice, their screams of celebration, their begging to get healed of any ill that soon turned into joy and thankfulness.

For a moment, Gabriel heard nothing in the room. No cry, sob, encouragement words, not even his own breathing. The world had stopped.

Did he die? He wasn’t sure, but it felt nice.

“Gabriel?” asked from the door a weak and trembling voice.

“Palmer?” He wanted to ask, but he hadn’t been able to speak since the accident, so everything stayed in silence.

“Gabriel...I’m...I’m sorry...I didn’t-” From the tone and volume, it was clear Palmer was in the border of breaking down, but he was getting closer rather than running away. “I’m sorry…”

Gabriel was annoyed. “Why didn’t you stop me?” He wanted to ask, but thinking about the accident only made things hurt more.

“I heard your dad calling...the...the horseman so you...you will be-” A sob stopped Palmer, but he managed to continue “You will be fine soon, Gabriel.”

The world stopped again, with the difference that now only two friends existed in it. It was peaceful despite all the pain and cries, all of that didn’t matter, Gabriel just wanted to leave and play with Palmer, do anything again. If things could stay this tranquil...

Then, it all broke when he heard his dad and brothers enter the house again, with a stranger following.

Palmer left the room and shyly greeted everyone that entered, staying with the brothers to stare from afar.

“Please...my son….my son...you have to save him, please” begged the father.

The figure observed the kid. Nobody knew how he looked at that charred body, if with mercy, disdain, or pity, the plague mask obstructed any resemblance of humanity from the horseman.

Gabriel opened his eyes to find himself face to face with that terrifying mask. He knew who was behind. Pestilence, horseman of the apocalypse, savior and protector of the town. The only person able to cure him.

Gabriel saw how the hand of the horseman slowly approached him. What was he going to do? The man abruptly lowered his hand to the boy’s forehead, this being as painful as the fire he had survived. Gabriel felt his life was leaving him, and painfully screamed at the top of his lungs. He was dying. He was dying.

Gabriel never felt in so much pain before.

Then he felt nothing.

Was he still in bed? There was no more pain, yes. But there was no hand petting his head, telling him everything will be okay. There was no delicate touch from a father who thought his son would never run or play around the house anymore. There was no hugs or kisses from a mother that saw how her son looked like a kid again and not a charred corpse. There were no light touches and teases from curious brothers that wondered if anything still hurt. There was no trembling hand from a friend who held and grasped with fear the hand of someone who he never thought he would see again.

There was nothing.

-----

Blessed to feel no pain, they told the kid. It really was not feeling anything at all, heal of anything that hurt him, and the sharp and pointy teeth all the marked in town had. It was difficult the first months. Nobody thought badly of the gift and everyone wanted Gabriel to find the benefits of his new abilities.

When he fell face first into a pot and horrified his family with his face covered in blood, he started to understand how most saw as a benefit his new gift.

But Gabriel could not fully take advantage of it.

Palmer was there.

Since the accident, Palmer dedicated himself as Gabriel’s new protector. Not even his parents cared so much for him as Palmer did. It was boring.

A kid needs to find a way to entertain himself.

It started with some scissors. An accident while doing homework, he defended himself with that excuse, but he really wanted to see how deep he could hurt himself with them. Palmer was horrified and ended up making the two's homework by his own. A knife while he was eating. A burn while he tried to cook. A fall from the stairs for being careless. All these "accidents" put Palmer in an state of immense panic and worry. There were moments when he didn't know how to help his friend and he would cry from feeling so useless. That was one of the biggest joys Gabriel found after receiving his gift. He couldn’t quite explain it, but there was something about reaching that breaking point. Accidents increased and then they stopped being accidents.

Threats started next year. There were things as “I’ll fall down the stairs unless you do my homework” but then they turned into bigger and more impossible things to complete that would give to more terrible and painful consequences for anyone that wasn’t Gabriel. There were time he had hurt Palmer, but it wasn’t as fun. Gabriel had done almost anything that would’ve kill any average person before becoming a teenager, from getting stabbed, shot several times, dismemberment, and even eating things like glass, blades, poison, and nails.

He had told other all of these, but besides some scolding from his parents calling him out in his cruelness towards his friend, nobody seemed to care. The world kept spinning as if nothing wrong was going on, as if all that was just how things were.

In many of those moments, Gabriel swore he could feel again.

------

Gabriel bandaged his wrist while his friend still recovered from the show. He didn’t need them, but they would be good evidence for his finding.

“Did you finish?” Palmer asked, still recovering  from the nausea of seeing so much blood. It really hadn’t been much, but some drops were too much for him.

That being said, it hadn’t been some droplets.

“Yeah, yeah, it was nothing.” Gabriel cut the gauze and moved his fingers. All were moving. All was fine.

“That was a bear trap, Gabriel.” Palmer turned around to see his friend.

They were both using the town’s sentinel uniform, just with some variations. Their job was to watch out the town’s perimeter.

“Worse if any of us stepped on it” He stood up from the log he was sitting in and watched the forest around him “Not me, but what if you stepped on it? Or Robin? Imagine if Carla stepped on one, what would the sheriff think if his daughter lost her leg?” he made a mocking face of anger and crossed his arms, taking the usual posture the sheriff would have “He would say something like: And you call yourself a sentinel! My sweet angel is in the hospital now because of you! Which one of you didn’t report the strangers who set up these traps?”

“It’s not funny. Carla has suffered enough because of our negligence.”

“In my defense, she wanted to run away from here with that guy from the neighbor town. The one time I follow orders correctly and you all got mad.”

“You shot her in the leg. She had to be marked to not lose it.”

“But, didn’t you see how she runs now?” Gabriel got closer to Palmer and put his arm around him “I still got the best gift in town but...running that fast is kind of cool.”

“Stop. This isn’t a game. We should head back and report this.”

“I know, I know.” Gabriel pushed Palmer aside, heading to the zone they haven’t revised yet. “But I doubt whoever that put these just left one trap.”

“Gabriel, let’s...let’s head back to town. Nobody gets out anyways…” Palmer instead looked back at the town.

“We all can get out.”

“You know I can’t.” He kept staring, with a more bleak expression. Palmer knew the rules. The marked could leave town as long as they brought new people in, the unmarked had to stay.

“I can change that.”

“Gabriel, I can’t-”

Palmer was interrupted by the sound of a gun cocking.

He quickly turned towards Gabriel “You said you...you wouldn’t bring...bring it…”

“I knew you wouldn’t go with me alone if I told you I was bringing it.” Still pointing, Gabriel approached Palmer slowly and grinning “One shot in any of your organs and we could get out of this putrid town.”

“Gabriel, I don’t-” He wasn’t sure of what to answer. He had always wanted to leave, but the town had been so nice towards his family since any of them could still be perfect hosts. This town was all he knew.

Gabriel changed his expression to a more serious one “What’s wrong? Afraid of death? Afraid that they won’t save you? That you will bleed to death in the woods?” He smiled mockingly ��I thought you were scared of being chosen, do you not want to end up like me?”

And he was. Palmer was frozen with fear, he knew that choosing the right or wrong words didn’t matter, that in any moment his childhood friend could end his life by shooting him with no mercy.

“Please…” was the only thing that could get out of his mouth.

Gabriel shot.

The bullet grazed Palmer’s arm.

He sighed with relief, closing his eyes to enjoy living for a few moments again, being saved from all his fears by mere millimeters.

Then he fell a strong and precise punch to his gut, for a moment his breathing completely stopped. Palmer fell to the ground in pain, barely registering what had happened.

“Coward” Gabriel didn’t give time to Palmer to recover and kicked him in the stomach, hurting too the arm that was trying to protect him.

Palmer groaned in pain. He cowered into himself and feared that this was how he would die. The bullet would’ve been a mercy.

“You are a fucking coward” Gabriel was furious, he raised his leg, ready to stomp but hesitated for a moment “I give you a chance to do something for us for once and you just-” and stumped Palmer’s side.

He screamed in agony. It wasn’t his full strength, and Palmer knew this because he was still breathing, with difficulty, but still breathing “Stop! Stop! Please!”

He heard the gun cocking again.

“You never changed.”

Strength was abandoning Palmer, his vision could make nothing more than a blur, he whimpered and broke into tears “Please…” His voice was broken and trembling, almost sounding like the scared boy all those years ago.

“Why didn’t you stop me?”

He didn’t know what to answer. He couldn’t think, all the pain was unbearable. He whimpered and tried to speak.

“I don’t know...I never...never…” he couldn’t go on and kept crying, mumbling to get forgiven. Curled up, he closed his eyes and hoped the last thing he would hear to be a gunshot.

It never came.

When Palmer opened his eyes, it was dawn.

His walk towards the town was slow and painful. Nobody had to know what had happened. Nobody had to know he was injured. There were so many things in his mind and they were all reaching to a daunting conclusion, but Palmer only wanted to get home and be with his rats.

Gabriel watched Palmer’s arrival from afar. So many thoughts flooded his mind, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about them. He thought of the routine that everything had become, his place in town as a trophy and shield, the lives he had ended with no problem, and the ones he let go to see if they could bring anything new to his life. New experiences, new reasons, something, anything.

The week passed like any other with no changes.

And one day, Palmer went missing.

[isitstraightvodka]

so buckle in: so way back when i was 21 (.. so three years ago) which i know doesnt seem young when you're it, but looking back im like HOLY SHIT i was a BABY, i was at uni (still am) and when i was picking my classes for the semester found it amusing that two of my classes were with the same professor. i'd had him before, he was pretty chill, and ugly as all fuck. like. he was known for being the professor that all the good professor's chucked their shitty classes at bc he'd never published (1)

and anyway it was all good! u know, the classes seemed interesting and i was coming out of a really bad depressive period that had lasted about a year or so and i was, to my mind, Recovered. so that semester i put in a lot of effort into…. pretty much everything. my grades were sky high, i was dressing nicely and doing my hair and makeup, i was moving out of home, i was On My Shit. and it had been a bit of a joke among my friends and i that the prof seemed to quite like me (2)

he was always joking about with me, he handed out extensions to me like candy, and one time he was caught staring down my shirt which. was just sort of Funny at the time because??? this dude is in his late thirties and a bit sad, so whatever you know. it just became a running joke amongst my friends and i that i was going to fuck my professor. until, of course, end of semester came about and he invited the whole class (for one of the units) out for end of semester drinks (3)

and so my friends and i trundled along and got…. fucking obliterated. he did too. and then as the night goes on people start leaving and it somehow ends up just being he and i as i figure out how to order an uber (i’d never used uber before at the time, it was still relatively new in perth) so i can get home. anyway my phone died so i was like… well. Fuck! and he invited me to come to his office and charge my phone. anyway ended up fucking him because im a Disaster who wants validation (4)

and he’s a dickhead in a position of authority exploiting that position and also out relative drunkenness to get a fuck. anyway all good, all fine. the next morning im freaking out like holy shit CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN to which he’s like. it’s chill, i really like you and im already planning on notifying the university that i cant teach you again which had me like. oh. oh okay? cool. that’s pretty great, thanks.  and he’s like… so like, would u be interested in going on a date? (5)

and im like…… in for a penny, in for a pound right? so. sure, ig, as long as you. file that paperwork, that would be nice i suppose. anyway we end up dating for eight months, i meet his friends, some of his family. it’s all cool, but also im not actually sure if i like him or not or if i just like the fact that someone’s into me? and then i meet a girl through a friend of mine who is like oh man i met this girl i think you’ll get along with you should join us for dinner tonight (6)

so, i do. and while we’re at dinner i mention something about the prof just casually to my friend and the girl stops and goes “oh, you know x?” and im like oh yeah we’ve known each other a while and she sort of went quiet. and then later on she’s like “hey, dont take this offensively, but do you know if x has a history of sleeping with his students?” and im like. alarm bells ringing. like yeah! my dude he sure does! in fact, i’ve been fucking him for 8 months (7) 

and she goes “that motherfucker, i’ve been dating him ‘exclusively’ for five months” :) and so we confronted him and it turned out! he also had a chronically ill fiancee at home! who none of his friends or family that i’d met had said anything about! anyway someone ended up reporting him to the university without our consent and he ended up getting away with the whole thing (and! he never submitted that paperwork lmao). that’s the story of my shitty ex! who i still have to see around campus (8)

tl;dr: don’t fuck people who are in positions of authority over you. even if you think you’ve got control over the situation, you don’t and they Will fuck you over and destroy your mental health!!!!! (9) 

well THAT was one hell of a rollercoaster! men ain’t shit, he is disgusting and I can’t believe you still have to see him, that must be horrible. and he’s a fucking professor, it’s wrong and foul to take advantage of students like that, and he’s engaged too?? like wtf dude, he sure is fucked up for thinking all this is/was ok. i’m fuming, this is why i don’t trust many men bc they’re act in terrible ways, I hope you’ve had/will have better experiences, lo, it’s what’s best for you, and you deserve everything good when it comes to relationship. I pray you never go through something like this again, but thank you for sharing! xx

let’s chat about shitty exes!