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plant-pluto · 3 years ago

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Hey, Neighbor!

Rodrick Heffley x alt! GN! Reader

Kicking Bill out of the band after the talent show caused löded diper to need a new guitarist, luckily Rodrick just got a new next door neighbor.

notes: This does take place after Rodrick Rules, and is slightly more modern. You’re pretty alternative but I try to keep description to a minimum

CWs-Underage smoking will be in this story and probably underage drinking too.

Links-Chapter One(rewritten), Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five

Masterlist

Chapter One

wordcount: 2,064

The quaint town of Plainview didn’t seem to have much to offer, and that fact remained true as you looked out the window while your mom drove. Turning onto Third Street (as the sign read), you were met with the same scenery that seemed to repeat in this suburbian town. A small sigh escaped you, and your mother cast a small glance, reassuring smile gracing her features as she picked up on your growing discontent.

“ I know, it’s not too exciting, but I’m sure you’ll find something to do, people to hangout with.”

You grumbled in response, thinking back to the bright lights of the city, and the people you left there.

“ I guess, but nothings gonna beat the city.”

You lamented, your phone’s chime catching your attention.

“ I don’t know, it seems kinda nice here.”

Your younger sibling chirped from the backseat. You opened your mouth to retort, but the car rolling to a stop caused you to look out the window instead. It was your average two-story house, looking similar to the rest of the neighborhood.

“ Go pick out your rooms, you two.”

Your mom’s words seemed to spring you both into action, hand reaching for the door handle. Not even bothering to close the door behind you, you raced up the steps, and they were hot on your heels.

“ Be careful!”

You could faintly hear your mom call from the car as the both of you squeezed through the front door. You were met with more stairs once you got inside, on the second floor, you saw a curious staircase at the end of the hall. Deciding to take a gamble as you could hear your sibling scour the area behind you, you went up.

You thanked god that you did, you were graced with an attic, it had a window overlooking the house across from you, and it was big. The rapid stomps up the stairs caused you to look at the source of the sound.

“ Woa-”

You cut off your sibling with a smug grin,” It’s my room, got here first.”

They rolled their eyes, an exaggerated groan escaping their mouth,” Fine, my room’s gonna be cooler anyways.”

“You wish!”

You exclaimed as they trudged down the steps. Getting a sense of where you wanted to put things, you roamed around the shell of a room before you went back outside to help your mom. She spotted you as you walked over, transferring the box from her arms into yours.

“ Oh, Sweetie! Perfect, now the movers should be here soon, but you can bring your boxes up to your room.”

Nodding at the instructions, you asked your mom if she needed help with anything else before you went back inside. You were already sweating once you got back up to your room, and you grimaced at the thought of having to do this a few more times, before inevitably helping with the rest of the move.

You grew to appreciate the cool winter weather the times you were outside when moving the various boxes between the truck and the house. Eventually you had to then direct where the movers should put what, and you didn’t even want to think about unpacking once the sun had set.

It seemed the rest of your family had the same idea as when you walked down to the second floor, you overheard your sibling asking your mom what you guys were gonna eat for dinner.

“ I don’t know, what do you guys want?” She questioned, looking between the two of you.

“ Pizza!”

“Takeout!”

Both you and your sibling exclaimed before looking at the other.

“ C’mon, you know the pizza won’t be what you're expecting it to be!” You stated before looking back at your mom.

“ There’s no way you can mess up pizza, besides you’re just being annoying about the city!” They shouted before you could get the words out.

Opening your mouth for the rebuttal, it quickly snapped shut once your mom began to speak. With a sigh and hands on her hips, she looked at the two of you disapprovingly.

“ Well, I want pizza, so we’ll get pizza tonight, maybe takeout tomorrow if I don’t make dinner.”

Fighting the urge to run across the hall at your sibling who stuck their tongue out at you, you went upstairs telling them to call you when it gets there.

There wasn’t much to do in your in progress room, boxes still packed to the brim with your various belongings left you staring at your empty walls. Despite not wanting to, you dragged over the nearest box and ripped it open. You were met with the decor you had haphazardly dumped in, and while rummaging through the box you found that much to your relief, nothing was broken.

Attempting to find a place for everything was hard, despite all the furniture you had put in here, it seemed there was no place to put a trinket or two. Eventually though, you got into a small groove, picking through the items, and putting things you knew where you wanted them to be.

The box was practically empty once you heard your name being called from downstairs. Racing down the steps, you quickly stopped once you reached the first floor. Someone was in your house, and you could overhear a few more as their voices floated through the silence you found yourself in.

“ Uhm…hi.”

Said the brunette awkwardly, and he shifted in order to lean on the wall next to him as a means to appear cool.

“ Hey…?”

You trailed off, silently cursing your mom for not letting you know there were guests, someone your age too, and a glaring point that you could not ignore, was that he was exactly your type.

“ I’m Rodrick! Rodrick… Heffley.”

He cleared his throat after he spoke, looking around the entrance as he ran a hand through his hair.

Introducing yourself, you began to walk towards the kitchen.

“I’m gonna go get pizza.”

You informed before you disappeared from the front, and walked into the living room. You could hear him trail behind you a few moments after, and once you got into the kitchen you were met with three new faces.

“ Oh, there you are! This is my eldest.”

Your mom introduced you upon entry, looking towards an older woman with glasses who was holding a small toddler.

“ Hi, I’m Susan, we’re neighbors, I see you’ve met Rodrick.”

She smiled, and you mirrored her expression, gesturing to the baby in her arms, she went on to introduce the rest of the family. Saying hi to the rest of them, your sibling promptly stole Greg away from the kitchen and went into the living room.

Going over to the pizza box, you grabbed yourself a slice, and you found upon turning around that your path was blocked by Rodrick.

“ So what kinda music do you listen to?”

He asked while chewing on a slice of pizza. You leaned onto the counter, deciding to get comfortable as it seemed he was set on his spot in the kitchen, and you couldn’t exactly get past him.

“ Everything honestly, but mainly rock, metal, stuff like that.”

You listed offhandedly, taking a bite of pizza yourself before you continued the conversation.

“ You?”

You had asked, after you finished chewing, much unlike the boy in front of you who had somehow managed to inhale half the slice in your short exchange.

“ The same, but less of everything honestly, more into the heavy stuff.”

You nodded, suddenly becoming painfully aware of the adults in the room as you saw them not-so-subtly glancing over at you two.

“ Wanna go to the living room?”

You asked, looking over to the two mom’s who started to chatter once they had realized you picked up on their stares.

“ Yeah sure.” Moving through the doorway, you found both of the younger siblings conversing on a topic you couldn’t care less about on the couch. Sitting on the armchair while Rodrick sat on the couch cushion closet to you, you observed his obviously home-made shirt.

“ What's on your shirt?”

It was a logo, you could tell that much, but not from anything you could recognize, the bleached lettering that read Löded Diper was lost to you, but Rodrick perked up at the question.

“ My band’s logo! Loaded diaper, I play drums, you should totally listen to us. We play music so loud we actually make eardrums bleed.”

“ Yeah from how terrible it is.”

Your attention quickly got stolen despite your growing interest in the conversation, and him, you were always a sucker for a guy who played instruments. But nevertheless, you had to bite back a laugh at Greg’s snide introjection from the other end of the couch.

Rodrick glared at the boy, and looked quite similar to how you would when your younger sibling would make a similar comment.

“ Shut up Greg.”

He hissed, careful to not let his voice carry to the kitchen where the moms resided.

“ I’ll shut up when you stop torturing me with your shitty music.”

Greg continued to retort, and you couldn’t help but be amused by the exchange.

“ Shitty? Oh I am so telling mom you said that.”

Rodrick smirked, body beginning to face the kitchen as he appeared to get ready to shout. Greg’s eyes widened in horror as he rushed to speak.

“ Wait! Wait! Fine, I’ll shut up.”

He grumbled in defeat, and Rodrick’s expression was smug as he turned back to you.

“ Don’t listen to him, at this talent show a few weeks ago we got to play, and the crowd loved us.”

He bragged, pride oozing from his words, and you couldn’t even get annoyed by it as you would do the same.

“ I’ll be sure to give you guys a listen then, you play any other instruments or just drums?”

Rodrick shook his head, “ Nah, I only like playing the drums really, the only thing I’m good at.”

Just as Rodrick was about to ask you a question, Susan exited the kitchen, telling the boys to get ready as they were going to leave. Walking them all out to the front door, you bid farewell, stating that it was nice to meet them all.

With that, you shut the door, and decided to get ready for bed. Heading up the stairs, and into your room, you initiated your night time routine despite it being a little early in the night.

Laying down in the dark, it appeared you couldn’t sleep, it was quiet, much too quiet for your liking at least. Having grown too used to the constant noise of the city, the peace and quiet had ironically done nothing to aid in getting rest. Sighing as you sat up in your bed, you looked out the window that was right next to it.

Pulling it open, you decided to try and get a glimpse at the stars, surprisingly, they glittered amongst the navy blue, and you graciously took in the sight. That was one thing to appreciate about moving to Plainview it seemed, the light pollution not as horrific as the city’s.

The cold air did nothing to relax you though, the harsh winds of winter worse during the night. Hugging the blanket around your shoulders tighter, you decided to shut your window, the cold becoming much too unbearable for you to admire further.

Laying back down, you were still restless, but not as awake as before. The sudden clatter of drums caught your attention, and you couldn’t help but smile in amusement knowing who was the source of the noise. You listened along, silently impressed as Rodrick was certainly no liar when it came to his skills.

It wasn’t obnoxiously loud either, the volume just the right amount of noisiness as you could feel your eyes growing heavy, Rodrick unknowingly lulling you to sleep despite how many others would probably be kept awake in your shoes.

Just as you began to slip into unconsciousness, you could hear the sudden stop, and a muffled yell. Huffing in amusement at how he seemingly got in trouble, your eyes finally closed as you drifted off to sleep.

#diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick heffley #rodrick x reader #takes place after Rodrick Rules #reader plays guitar #greg heffley #manny heffley #frank heffley #susan heffley #Löded Diper #i literally love rodrick #doawk #doawk rodrick #rodrick rules #rodrick fanfic #rodrick heffley fanfic #Hey Neighbor!

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earthh2jadee · 4 years ago

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if you kissed me - Rodrick Heffley | 1.9k

Yeah yeah i know i haven't written since a million years ago. and yeah yeah i know this is my first real fanfiction i posted on tumblr. fair warning, i'm not the best writer, i honestly just do this for fun and i'm totally up to criticism because i do want to make my writing better. if this is literally inaccurate, im sorry its been like 5 years since i've read the books. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fluff-fest that I created in the span of a few hours.

paring: rodrick x reader genre: fluff. lots of fluff

Credits to the maker of the picture! 15 Days till the Contest | 9:42 PM, Saturday

Plick, plick, plick

My speakers were blasting so loud I almost didn’t hear the sound of pebbles hitting my window.

Plick, plick, plick

I rubbed my eyes and slammed my laptop shut, walking toward my bedroom window. Peering down, I saw a figure a few yards down from my second-story bedroom, looking back up at me. Dark brown, messy hair that stuck up around his face. A red and black flannel, black ripped jeans, and, (of course) a tee-shirt with “Loded Diper” clumsily written on it. A grin spread on his face as he saw my face come into his view, causing me to blush. Rodrick Heffley, Crossland High bad boy, and my boyfriend.

I unlocked the latch to my window and stuck my head out, taking in the cool air and letting the neighbors enjoy the music I was playing (they never did). I looked down.

“Y/N!” He whisper-yelled

“Evening, Heffley.”

“I need to tell you something!”

“What’s so important that you have to scratch my window instead of using the power of modern technology to call me?”

His mouth opened to give me a response, but nothing came out. I smirked, “Come on up.”

I opened the window wider as he climbed the trellis that lined the back of my house. I backed up to my door and locked it. Precautions, my parents liked Rodrick but they definitely wouldn’t approve of him in my room at night. I looked back and I saw him, every feature of him illuminated by the light of my room. His cheeky smile and chocolate brown eyes. He slowly closed the window and walked toward me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I still got butterflies whenever he touched me.

“Hey, Spiderman. What did ya climb in here to tell me?” I asked

“I got Loded Diper into a contest.”

My eyes widened, Loded Diper, my boyfriend’s rock band, wasn’t exactly known for being the best. It was mostly known for his mom’s insane dance moves during the Plainview Talent Show. But of course, i'll never say that in front of his face.

“You did?! That’s awesome Rodrick!”

“Yeah! It's a battle of the bands contest, we’re going against two other bands. I really think this is gonna be our big break!” His eyes sparkled in excitement.

His happiness was contagious, he was like a goddamn puppy. I pulled him into my arms. “I’m proud of you Rod.” I muttered and smiled into his collarbone. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and twirl my locks around his fingers.

“Hey,” he said, breaking the hug. “I’m having practice tomorrow with the band, you wanna come?”

“Sure. I go to every practice anyway, why miss out on this one?” I shrugged.

He chuckled and looked at me. Really looked at me. That’s one of the reasons why I fell for him. It never seemed like it, but he paid attention. We’ve only been dating for 4 months, but he knew me like no one else did, and I knew that in the way he looked at me. I felt his hand cup my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek in small circles. I looked up at him, noticing how tall he was, how close he was. Was I the one who leaned in? Was he the one who leaned in? Did we just do it subconsciously? Did he want this? Was he ready? Was I ready?

The ringing of Rodrick’s phone filled the room. The daze we were trapped in was gone and we separated, our faces red. Rodrick picked up the phone, it was his mom.

“Yeah, mom? Mom...I’m in the middle of something. I’ll do laundry later, ok? Now? C’mon… Alright, fine. Bye.” He hung up. “Sorry, I gotta blast.”

“It’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked him as he started toward my window.

He looked back at me and planted a kiss on my forehead, the farthest we’ve ever gone with physical touch as a couple.

“Tomorrow”

~~✰✰✰~~

14 Days till the Contest | 1:22 PM, Saturday afternoon

“Should we take it from the top?”

Practice wasn’t going so well. I could feel the nervousness, the tension. Drums were slightly off beat, the guitarist’s fingers would fly to the wrong places on the fretboard, lyrics would go all over the place. The contest was two weeks away, and Loded Diper was already feeling the anxiousness. I sat on the floor of the garage, on top of a picnic blanket I found. To Rodrick’s dismay, his mom forced him to let Greg watch band practice, as a form of “brother-to-brother bonding time.” Greg sat next to me, mockingly covering his ears.

“Oh thank god, it's done.” Greg said with an immense amount of sarcasm and uncovering his ears.

Rodrick threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at his head, “Shut up.”

“Both of you, be nice.” I laughed. “I think you guys should take a break for a while, maybe shake off the nerves.”

“Good idea Y/N, 20 minute break everyone!” The lead singer said. Everyone spread out, grabbing a piece of pizza ordered earlier and laying down. Greg ran out of the garage, yelling, “I’m free!”

Rodrick stood up and began gulping down a bottle of water. He wore a black tanktop and black ripped jeans, sweat dripping down his forehead. I ran up behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He turned and faced me, running his hands through my hair, lost in thought.

“You ok, Rod?” I asked him.

He sighed, “nerves”

I leaned my head on his chest, “You’re gonna do great, you’ve done so many gigs in the past. Think of this as one of those!”

He smiled at me, “You know what would make me feel a lot less nervous?”

“Oh god. What?”

A really common thing Rodrick did was try to bargain a kiss on the lips from me. It's been an ongoing joke, a meaningless bit he did all the time. I’ll do my homework if you kissed me on the lips. I’ll smile in the picture if you kissed me on the lips. It still hasn’t worked.

“I might be less nervous if you kissed me on the lips.” He whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes, “If that’s what it takes then I think you’ll lose the competition.”

He let go of me and laughed, my favorite laugh. “Worth a try.” He shrugged, going off to join his bandmates and the pizza. But as I watched him smile and laugh with his friends, I lost myself. I thought about the previous night. The way we fit into each other, the closeness, the fact that was so close that I could see my reflection in his eyes.

Maybe I should just say yes.

~~✰✰✰~~

The Day of the Contest

For the past 2 weeks, Rodrick has given me the “kiss-bargain” joke 9 times. Every time, I deflected it with sarcastic remarks, and every time I regretted not agreeing.

I sat on the front steps of my porch, waiting for Rodrick to pick me up. I regretted the jean shorts and plain black tee-shirt I had on, as a cold breeze brushed my skin. I pulled my black leather jacket on, which I painted “Loded Diper” on the back in white paint. Then, I heard it. The echo of heavy metal turned to full blast, and… the faint sound of something big getting knocked over. Oh god, they’re here. The white van with “Loded Diper” written in huge words screeched to a halt in front of my house.

The window rolled down, revealing my boyfriend and his excited grin. “Get in.”

~~✰✰✰~~

30 minutes till Loded Diper preforms

It felt surreal to be backstage, and really exciting. Energy was flowing through the room, as all the other bands talked and played. The rest of the band members seemed excited, full of adrenaline. Except for Rodrick, he’s been nervous ever since soundcheck. His leg was bouncing,he twirled his drumsticks around, drumming them on random objects, and his eyes stared into nothing.

“Rodrick, you want me to do your eyeliner?”

“Huh?” He didn’t take his eyes away from the ground, his voice seemed far away.

I lifted a liquid eyeliner pen I had in my pocket, “Eyeliner. I just did mine, we can match!”

He lifted his head and noticed me. I had my eyeliner smudged, just like he always does during a gig. He grinned, “Yeah. Yeah sure.”

I’ve done his eyeliner many times in the past, and I loved doing it because I had to be as close to him as possible. So I hopped onto his lap, pressing myself close to him, trying to comfort him with my warmth.

“Close your eyes.” I ordered.

As I applied his eyeliner, I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. It was heavy, and fast. I’m pretty sure I would still hear it if I wasn’t as close to him as I was, even though the loud music blasting through the theatre.

“Done”

He opened his eyes, and butterflies flooded my stomach. We were close. Very close. Should I do it? Should I lean in?

Rodrick probably sensed my flustered-ness. He smirked, “Cat got your tongue?”

I rolled my eyes, blushing hard. “Shut up.” I said, playfully punching him.

~~✰✰✰~~

“5 Minutes until Loded Diper performs!” A man exclaimed to us.

Rodrick was as nervous as ever. We’ve been standing on the left wing of the stage, watching the other bands play. It felt like a bunch of Loded Diper copy-pastes. A bunch of high schoolers, weird names, very aggressive playing. But they were still pretty good. Rodrick was biting the nails of one of his hands and tapping his other hand on the wall behind him. I looked up at him and held his hand, stopping it from fidgeting. He smiled nervously.

Now or never Y/N…

“Hey, you said that if I kiss you, you won’t be as nervous. Right?”

He looked at me, wide eyed. He seemed to be trying to compute what I said.

I stood on tiptoe and put his face in my hands. It was that night all over again. Every detail of his face, of him was in full view. His eyes, his eyeliner, his scent, his lips. I leaned in.

His lips were soft against mine, but they were tense, flustered. I was terrified, It was the wrong place, the wrong time. Until I felt one hand in my hair, another on my waist, pulling me closer.

How long was the kiss? A few seconds? It felt like minutes, hours. Sparked ignited. Butterflies flew in my stomach. His scent was the only thing I smelled, his warmth was the only thing I felt. The music faded away. Everything faded away. It was just him and I. Until we broke apart, taking in deep breaths of each other. We wanted more, but Loded Diper was playing in a few seconds.

“Hey, Rodrick.”

“Yeah?”

“If you win I’ll kiss you again”

We both knew I would kiss him regardless.

I didn't edit this because editing is for wimps (just kidding be responsible and edit your work)

please like and reblog because it gives me serotonin and i need that

#rodrick x reader #rodrick heffley #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick rules #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #fanfiction #rodrick heffley x reader #doawk #devon bostick

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photolover82 · 4 years ago

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The Masked Singer Season 6 Episode 1 Recap: Group A Premiere Baby!! (Commentary & Guesses)

Hello everybody and welcome or welcome back to Ana's Masked Singer recap, where I, Ana, recap every single episode of The Masked Singer. The time we have been waiting for is here, the season 6 premiere (ooh that rhymes)! If you don't know how these recaps work, pretty much I talk about the reveals first (major spoiler alert by the way ⚠️) and then get into the remaining contestants, what I thought about their performances, guesses to who I think it could be with the clues to back it up the best I can. Anyways, having said that, let's get started with the 1st recap of season 6 (which is covering the Wednesday episode, Thursday's will be covered separately):

In this episode, Group A performed which consisted of Bull 🐂, Skunk 🦨, Octopus 🐙, Pufferfish 🐡, and Mother Nature 🌬 and 2 of them were eliminated, but only one was revealed this episode, damn cliffhangers, and that mask was:

Octopus 🐙

Performance Commentary: I was honestly so sad to see him go this early in the season, because I really enjoyed his performance of Tutti Frutti by Little Richard. He probably wasn't the most technical singer but for (spoiler) a non singer he did pretty great! I would buy his album.

Having said that, he was revealed to be:

*FIRST DRUMROLL OF THE SEASON PLEASE*

🏀Dwight Howard 🏀

Ok I kinda figured it out even though I don't know anything about the sports world... But he is one of the few names I do know in the NBA (my dad's a huge sports guy and I might have seen a meme of him falling so that too). Anyways, can I for one second, point out how tall this guy is?! He makes Nick Cannon look tiny…and Nick is 6 feet! It was so funny… I also was surprised at how funny he was… but yeah Clues, here are some you might have missed or gotten idk:

Survived a hard core fall= yup like he legit fell and hurt himself, which really hurt his game & probably his career

Gold phone= won the 2019-2020 championship with the Lakers

Magic playing card= eight seasons he played for Orlando Magic

Also, I gotta note that Ken got it right and is in the lead for the Golden Ear and that shocked me more.

Next, this mask was also eliminated, but wasn't revealed until episode 2, so I'm just gonna talk about the performance and that was:

Mother Nature 🌬

Performance Commentary: I'm not going to say I didn't see this coming, because her performance of I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross was the weakest one vocally of the night. However I still enjoyed her as a performer/entertainer and that costume is unreal like wow it reminds me of Te Fiti from Moana (look it up if you don’t know what I am talking about)

Anyways, let's get into the remaining 3 and my guesses for them *

*I just want to preface that I knew I wasn't going to have time to do this recap in between the 2 episodes, so I wrote my guess for this one mask down before they were revealed

1. Skunk 🦨

Performance Commentary: The beginning was super cool and so well staged, kudos to the producers on that one, but I was pretty underwhelmed with her performance of Diamonds by Sam Smith. Like, that's a great song, but I don't feel it suits her voice & range of what she's capable of doing. All in all, it was ok, nothing wowing about it, even though I do think her voice is very strong.

As for my guess, I think Shunk is:

Faith Evans

Ok, so this was a guess I got thanks to Twitter, voice matched it, and I am sold honestly… idk who Faith was until now, she was married to Notorious B.I.G, but that’s all I know. Anyways, let’s dive into those clues, shall we:

She was on a train to Seoul, South Korea= Soul Train! = she was honored with a lifetime achievement award in 2018 by Soul Train

Duality/yin and yang of the Skunk= she has a song that references Ying Yang in the lyrics called Goin’ Out

Her connection to Elvis= she devoted a song to her late husband Biggie called “The King & I” and Elvis is the king of rock and roll

2. Pufferfish 🐡

Performance Commentary: She sang Say So by Doja Cat, which I mostly know the entire song due to Tik Tok, so I hope people also use her version because it’s super solid. When I was watching at first, I was thrown off by the rapping, but now watching it back, I embraced it. It wasn’t the best rapping ever but it was dope ngl seeing a woman like that also kill a rap. I really enjoyed tbh more than I did the first time when I thought her voice wasn’t really at its full potential.

My guess for the Pufferfish is:

Toni Braxton

After voice matching Pufferfish with Toni, the voice is uncanny! But you need some clues baby boos so here we go:

Voice stands out, she was different, tried to blend in= no like seriously, because everyone knew it was her because Toni has a super distinct voice no one else has

Disco ball= home girl performed on season 7 of Dancing with the Stars, get it disco ball, mirror ball like the trophy they win

Guitarra= she has a hit song called Spanish Guitar, and guitar in Spanish is you guessed it Guitarra

3. Bull 🐂

Performance Commentary: He sang Drops of Jupiter by Train, and wow HE GOT VOCALS FOR DAYSSS (what he ain’t is shy so stop lying my guy). He is absolutely my favorite of the night, his voice is absolute butter, raspy butter… yes I did just say that but you know what I mean (if you don’t, it’s those nice raspy voices that are so smooth like butter). You could tell he is used to performing and singing, because wow that performance was absolutely fantastic.

Even though he was amazing, he was also super easy to guess because from the first damn note (actually from the first damn sneak peak preview they gave us of him singing), I knew who this was:

Todrick Hall (finally those hours watching YouTube as a teen are paying off lol)

Before I even get to the clues, just so you guys know, I have been watching Todrick since like 2014 on YouTube and I know his voice and his mannerisms and how he performs and that Bull ticks all the boxes… I don’t even need clues but to show you my point in the form of evidence, lemme back myself up with these sweet, sweet clues (side note: I could even hear his voice through the modulation, which was crazy):

Grew up in a small town filled with cows= yes sir, he grew up in Plainview, Texas which is a small farming town with less than 25,000 people living there (and I am sure when he lived there it was smaller than that) and filled with cows which at first I thought was a metaphor but looking into it I find out Plainview has the largest beef processing plant in the country… hence cows lol

Heard no again and again and again= reference to how he was on American Idol and then lost the show

Didn’t give up, became his own boss= that American Idol loss got him to start YouTube hence being his own boss

Hollywood and Forbes took notice= he has appeared in the 30 under 30 successful people list by Forbes in 2014

Astronaut aka Hunter Hayes= he covered Invisible by Hunter Hayes on his YouTube channel (which is my absolute favorite Hunter Hayes song so you go Todrick… but that video was actually recently sent to private so you kinda can’t see it… also that was a bit sus)

Anyways, that’s it my friends! Sorry it took so long, have had a lot on my plate with school, work, and just life you know? Anyways, I will try to get episode 2 up tomorrow, but expect it before Wednesday for sure 🤞🏼… Anyways, bye guys! Follow me for more Masked Singer goodness, give this beautiful blog a like if you enjoyed reading it, and comment below your guesses, do you agree with me? Did I convince you? Bye y’all!! 👋🏼

#the masked singer #themaskedsinger #celebrities #music #hollywood #the masked singer season 6 #dwight howard #tv shows

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theworstbob · 8 years ago

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the thing journal, 4.2.2017

scattered thoughts on the things i took in over the last seven days. this week: matt pryor, boyhood, julien baker, literally show me a healthy person, drake i guess, the goldfinch, the discovery, dave chappelle

1) Memento Mori, by Matt Pryor: i mean yeah, it's an album of acoustic folk songs? so i don't. i'm sure there's a lot that can be said about this album? but i'm so not the person to say those things, i could listen to this album again and again and try my best, but i can't be that person. this is no one's fault but my own, i'm not gonna be like "nyeh, this album sucks" because this happens to be something i don't typically dig, because i'm just not the kind of person that listens to folk. (don't you listen to country?) yeah but in country everyone's drunk and heartbroken, this is, i dunno, adult? yeah too adult for me, and i'm comfortable admitting that. (aren't you 27?) listen.

2) Boyhood, dir. Richard Linklater: So it IS possible to be absolutely dazzled by MOVIE-MAKING MAGIC yet be left kind of cold by the finished product. The story of how this film was made is cool, and you can feel the love and passion for this project oozing from the seams, but this is also a film about how a young boy grew up to become a college student with bad facial hair?, and there's a limit to how engaging I find those types of stories. So it's tough, because this is a film completely unlike anything else before it and an absolute treat to watch and think about (gosh, the pains one must have to go through to shoot a film over 14 years and make the finished product look cohesive!), but also a story I could get literally anywhere else. I thought the overall product was fantastic, but enough other people have been waving their flags hard enough and long enough that I'm okay not adding my own to it.

3) Sprained Ankle, by Julien Baker: This week, Bob! attempts to digest three quiet indie things despite not being all that into quiet indie things! For what it's worth, I know I have to give this a more attentive listen, this sort of music would pair better with list-making than it did with Mario Kart 7. I won a race where I had fewer Mario Kart points than all but one other dude in the field. I won the race with a last-turn pass and only by half a second maybe, and once I saw I took 1st, I shouted at my Nintendo 2DS, "REMEMBER THE FUCKING NAME," while alone in my apartment. The Mario Kart 7 headspace is not condusive to an album in which a young woman sings songs about death. I will say: even spending the first listen shouting at Mario Kart 7, I could still tell there was tremendous depth to be plumbed, so at least this thing was able to permeate the mania. Every now and then I'd hear a lyric ("I'm screaming at myself in public/I know I shouldn't act this way in public") and think "oh fuck, that's me, I need more time with this."

4) literally show me a healthy person, by Darcie Wilder: I don't know that any one thing has had a greater influence on my writing, if not my outlook on life, over the last year or so than the 333333333433333 Twitter account. Darcie Wilder is an absolute master of that form. I deleted my Twitter because the website is exhausting and I couldn't handle it (also real talk I'm just a fucking dude in Minneapolis, why do I need to worry about my brand), but hers is one of select few accounts I still visit on a regular basis because the Posts are just that Good, and her voice is perfectly represented in this book. Lesser writers would have published a compendium of tweets. Wilder presents something between a monologue and a short story collection, a recap of the day's thoughts, her mind bouncing from fun thoughts about rats to THIS IS SOMETHING I DID WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET like a mind actually does. It's dope as hell. It's the best thing I've ever read that I was able to knock out in three and a half bus rides. (Also, there's a passage in this book that is just a two-word sentence, "bob died," and it is my favorite instance of my name appearing in a work of art since Undertale.)

5) More Life, by Drake: I took an Intro to Film course at community college, because I like film AND I liked taking classes to help fill the art credit requirement! I took this class in 2008, so naturally, people were abuzz about some of the classics that had been released late in 2007, like There Will Be Blood. The professor DID NOT like There Will Be Blood. When pressed, he said something along the lines of: "There's no story! Daniel Plainview begins the movie as a monster, and he ends the movie as a monster. What changed? What did we spend two hours of our lives watching?" And while I don't agree with his assessment of the film, his perspective has stayed with me. Why do I bring that up? Who knows! Anyway this is the same album Drake has been making for nearly a decade and listening to it didn't enrich my life in any meaningful way because I already listened to other Drake albums. Also this was fucking 80 minutes long and even if I enjoyed Drake's whole thing, there is no excuse for a feature-film-length album, like calm down, just who the fuck do you think you are even? I spent less time reading literally show me a healthy person than I did listening to More Life. That's stupid and I hate it.

6) The Goldfinch, by Donna Tratt: This was recommended to me by a friend, so that's how I read this story about a young man who gets big into antiquing, and now I'm offering a review where, not only am I out of depth trying to proffer literary criticism, it's not even the sort of book that I'd come to on my own, so now I'm HELLA out of depth. This book is written in this elegant, austere way, and I loved the moments in the book where the author was just describing things, this book is at its best when no one is talking, but it was always somewhat jarring when a reference to modern technology was made. It felt odd and out-of-step with the rest of the novel, to have the odd reference to video games or iPods, like what's technology doing here, get out of here, I wanna read about the chairs this dude's been selling. But overall, I dug this book. It's about grief and the power of art and how decisions you make when you're 13 still influence the rest of your life, all things I’m into, and it was a welcome change of pace from what I usually read. (You mean nothing?) Again, listen:

7) The Discovery, dir. Charlie McDowell: ah just what i need a cloudy-day movie about suicide So like, I remember watching The Happening for a Bad Movie Night and thinking that the worst thing the movie did was squander an intriguing premise. There was a good movie somewhere inside The Happening, a movie about how to keep yourself believing life is still worth living, and it's not a perfect one-to-one translation of course, but The Discovery is pretty danged close to being the film I thought The Happening could be. Maybe it's a matter of scale: it takes this concept, "What would happen if science proved the existence of an afterlife?" and applies it to this small family drama, the son of the man who found the proof and their efforts to find out what the afterlife is. It has an offbeat sense of humor (I never realized how much I needed to see Jason Segel and Jesse Plemmons just hangin' out), and I appreciated the hell out of the final twist (even if I could have done without the Usual Suspectsy montage of moments from earlier which presaged the twist; "Look at all the foreshadowing we did! Aren't we such clever boys?" ugh i mean as someone who once paid enough attention to game of thrones to be able to identify every single white dude with a beard, i find that kind of shit annoying, i KNOW he said those things, i was WATCHING your FILM). I found much to enjoy about this film, even if "enjoy" is a weird word to apply to a film where a suicide counter figures prominently in the background.

8) Deep in the Heart of Texas, Dave Chappelle: I think a lot of what I said about his other Netflix thing applies here. The focus was a bit tighter, but ESPECIALLY here, it felt at times like he was telling jokes he wrote a few years ago that he just really wanted to get on television. He did a run on "Wait (The Whisper Song)." I didn't know people were still talking about that. He attributed "Wait (The Whisper Song)" to 50 Cent. One, you think people are gonna remember "Wait (The Whisper Song)," but won't remember The Yin Yang Twins? Two, you're gonna attribute it to 50 Cent? Come on, man. Say Lil' Jon. Lil' Jon is as current a reference as 50 Cent (moreso, actually, given "Turn Down for What"), that name is at least in the ballpark, and it's an easy applause line for you, like dude, shape up, I know it's not that simple but I'm pretty sure I've nailed it. But this was still more good than bad, and it still provided exquisite shots of white people in the front row who somehow didn't know who they had paid to see. Gosh, you could just smell the "well, actually" on some of those bros. That's the best part of these specials.

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thewebofslime · 6 years ago

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The ‘Mad Doctor,’ Danielle Roberts, D.O., appears to be practicing family medicine in Plainview, NY. Plainview is in Nassau County, near Oyster Bay. She is apparently affiliated with Plainview Hospital. Her office address is listed as: 888 Old Country Rd Plainview, NY 11803 (516) 719-2546 This is the same address as Plainview Hospital, whose board of directors may or may not know she is the notorious Nxivm branding doctor. Dr. Roberts has 11 years of experience in medicine, and four years of experience in branding women. The New York State medical licensing board has found nothing wrong with her branding women, and there are evidently no criminal charges against her for her role in DOS. Yet, when one Googles “Dr. Danielle Roberts,” there are more than a few stories about her and Nxivm on the first page of results. She has become well known for her branding work in DOS. For those who don’t know – and perhaps are considering her as their family physician – Dr. Roberts was the healer who scarred women – as many as 150 of them – with her master’s initials. She did this between 2015 and 2017 – and maybe later. (Maybe she still brands women.) They were mostly young women. She branded them two inches from their vaginas – in the most sensitive and painful place – the pubis. As the years roll on and the flesh withers and the person changes from a young woman to matronly to elderly, the scar goes with her. Every day, or nearly every day, the 150 will look down, and not with pride, and see the mark, the scarring of Keith Raniere. And maybe ask, “How could I have been so stupid, so manipulated and abused?” It may be possible to re-scar and obscure the initials or get a tattoo over it, so it can’t be read, but the underlying scar will remain. That stays for life. The 150 will be buried or cremated with that scar on their pubis. Is Dr. Roberts branded? If she is – did she brand herself or get one of the DOS slaves to do it on her pubis? For the apologists of Dr. Roberts, I submit that without her, there would have not been DOS branding. The crazies who thought up DOS entrusted to her the actual implementation of this vile and brutal practice. She would make it safe. Make sure it did not backfire on Keith (or so they stupidly thought). Dr. Roberts’ handiwork. She knew she was etching Keith Raniere’s initials – but she chose not to tell the women. Yes, she knew, for she had to draw his initials with the white-hot pen. Yet the women were told it was a symbol of the four elements. Dr. Danielle Roberts was a coconspirator in this lie. There may have been the blackmail, the collateral, the nude pictures, without Dr. Roberts, but the branding – that was made possible by her. She was the one who knew how to do it. Lauren Salzman did not know how to brand. Allison didn’t. Cami didn’t. Rosa Laura didn’t know how to safely take a cauterizing pen – white hot and painful – and apply it on the pubic region of a naked woman – in the dark, by candlelight – and how to burn into her flesh with it the initials of Keith Raniere. And how to make sure it was safe afterward. What to do so it won’t get infected. How to advise the women on topical antibacterial cremes and covering it with bandages till it scarred up good and clear. How to assure them – even as they lay on the branding table – naked and held down by other naked women – readied for the horrific experience of their lives – and assure them that it was going to be safe; that they would get out of this alive. Here was a doctor performing the operation, Dr. Roberts. That made it safe. They knew her from Nxivm, knew she was a doctor. She was the one who told them it was safe, as she took the white-hot pen in her hand and etched out slowly and painfully the initials of Keith Raniere. Today, some 150 women carry the mark of that beast on their person – private and hidden – to be seen by them dressing and undressing. When taking a bath – or during intimate moments. It’s a secret thing, something to hide from lovers or husbands, something to deny to friends who knew of their former association with Nxivm. “Are you branded?,” someone is bound to ask any woman who was known to once be part of Nxivm. How do you answer? Do you lie and deny it? Or admit? “Yes, I have the scar of the monster on me.” Danielle Roberts at a speaking engagement. I am quite certain that every one of the 150 will remember Dr. Roberts leaning over them, scarring them, amid the smell of burning flesh and intense pain, and that memory may grow more vivid in time. The 150 won’t likely remember Dr. Roberts kindly. Maybe she did not think up the idea, but she is the one who did it – who applied the pain and told them it was alright. And no one really knows if this branding, so close to the genitals, might not affect the physical health of the women, as it must their mental health. Yet, Dr. Roberts continues to practice medicine. She goes on practicing. She charges patients and probably makes good money. Maybe, when she is not branding women, she is a good healer. But it’s hard to say, if, whatever the madness that would make her think it was fine to brand women – scores of them – and not think of the consequences – is not a disabling, disqualifying factor in her work. On the popular website, Vitals.com, which provides information about doctors, she has seven reviews. Six of them mention her role in Nxivm. https://ift.tt/2YOpaFm Here are the reviews: “Dr. Roberts loves to brand women near the genital area with a cauterizing iron. Specializes in extensive surgical procedures without the use of anesthesia. Looking for someone to cause you extreme pain, discomfort, and then film the whole thing? This is your gal!” *** “Please do your research before visiting Dr. Danielle Roberts. She was in a cult NXIVM and was branding women who asked her to stop but she continued anyway while other women held them down. A complaint has been filed against Dr. Roberts and there will be more to come. The cult leadership has been arrested (5 of them) and the “President” has already taken a plea deal. The founder of the cult has been charged with sex trafficking and production child pron. Please do your homework, I’m sure there are other good doctors in your area you can see without supporting a woman who has done such ‘medicine’.” *** “This doctor was a NXIVM cult member and is now promoting her own brand of sick cult behavior. She branded women with the initials of the NXIVM cult leader and is obviously unfit mentally to practice as a physician.” *** “She was a little shaky when forcibly burning Keith Raniere’s initials into fellow cult members. Supposedly good at leather burning as well.” *** “This doctor was branding women to become sex slaves in that cult NXIUM. NXIUM’s ‘Vanguard’ is that creepy sociopath Keith Raniere. How dumb do you have to be to get sucked into a cult with a repulsive creep like Raniere. Stay away!” *** “Dr. Danielle Roberts is amazing and perfect. Please do not listen to those other horrible reviews. She is the best and i would never want any other Dr.. I would follow anything She told me.” ** Would you trust Dr. Roberts with your health care? Some think it wrong that the general public be advised that she is the doctor who made it possible in the 21st century to brand women as slaves of a man – if you can call him a man. After all, she was not practicing as a physician when she branded the women. “What she does in her private time is her own business,” I believe is what one state official said in response to why she did not lose her license. “You don’t need to be a physician to perform scarification [branding].” Still, wherever she goes – like the brand does on seven score of women – she will be known as Mad Doctor Roberts – who crazily branded, – even if it was in her private time – with the hot iron, without anesthetics, a criminal’s initials on the pubis of what the criminal thought would be his 21st century slaves. In fairness to Dr. Roberts, she too was one of those slaves, willingly, a slave to Keith Raniere and at the time (and maybe she still does think it), she thought it was right to do what she did. That, more than vengeance, is the reason to expose Dr. Roberts wherever she goes. Her judgment in at least one thing – branding women – was so monumentally reckless – that patients who might be entrusting their lives in her hands and depend upon her judgment – have the right to know. Dr. Danielle Roberts thought it was good judgment and morally right and supremely ethical to scar up 150 women. – that’s part of what every patient should know about her when considering using her services for their family health needs.

#TheWebOfSlime

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