#anywayyyyys. hows everybodys day been?

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

where is that 'i was raised by a woman who hates me' post. i need it

[hotdamnhunnam]

thoughts that I shouldn’t be thinking tonight after I chose to stop writing fics on this hellsite

[everybody ignore this, it’s just that my brain hurts and I really need to word-vomit very thoughtfully explore this]

So liiiiike apparently my recent decision to stop writing tumblr fics is backfiring in a big way because all of a sudden my head is BURSTING with this whole novel-length fic that would be about Jax and this OFC (face claim is the lovely Kristin Kreuk pictured above ⬆️ yes that’s a self-indulgent choice because she’s half-Asian like me) who was really his true high school sweetheart and they were supposed to go off to college and plan the rest of their lives together until *some shit (not to be specified in this rant)* happened (kind of as in the KutteVerse but also DIFFERENT) soooo Tara was just Jax’s next best replacement (literally second best since incidentally she was salutatorian whereas OFC was valedictorian lmaooo did I mention self-indulgent??!?) ANYWAYYYYY that stuff is all in flashbacks but in the present day we’re picking up in Season 7 and everything has been canon till then (this fic doesn’t depict that shit at all, canon is just there in the background lol) including Jax killing the poor guy who got blamed for Tara’s death aaaaand as it turns out that guy was OFC’s cousin(?) or something but Jax didn’t know that at the time (and OFC doesn’t know that Jax killed him) and idk yet when/how each of them finds out BUT ANYWAYYY they’re reconnecting in the present day because the Sons (as in canon) have caused serious wreckage to the whole Asian community around Charming which included a lot of OFC’s friends/family and now she’s come back temporarily from her successful life in some faraway big city to help deal with all of that and Jax of course is twisted up with grief and guilt and regret and self-hatred and on the verge of canon suicide BUT THENNNNN all of a sudden she arrives and all he sees is life and even though he’s never felt less worthy of her after all the shit that’s happened deep down they fucking love each other still and always will but also there are ISSUUUUUES and maybe at some point some of the people in her family are like out to kill him (understandably??) and she has to navigate that too and her own self-hatred for feeling what she feels for him because it all seems so distasteful and just totally disgraceful and like honestly is Jax even redeemable at this point idk but obviously they are gonna have a lot of super hot passionate sex anyway??!?!?

Yes that was one sentence don’t @ me.

This idea just attacked me.

It’d be a story about star-crossed love, and all the tragic ways that love gets tangled up with self-hatred and self-respect or lack thereof.

And if I were to write this shit it wouldn’t rhyme at all – I’d write it the way that I used to write actual novels.

ANYWAYYY NVM LOLZ 🤡 I’m sure I won’t actually write this and in any event this idea is so bad I cannot even. As a (half-)Asian I obvi felt some shitty feelings watching season 7… I don’t want to get too heavy on tumblr and dig into all of that but in my fantasies I like to think of Jax as having deep love (romantically) and attraction (sexually) and respect (most importantly) for a woman who’s Asian like me, and more respect than he had canonically toward the Asian race generally (and more respect than the entire series demonstrated honestly, in my view of it at least), as a matter of idk basic humanity. This fic premise probably isn’t the best way to explore that but it came into my head so I just ranted in an outburst of insanity!!

Ok so I hope no one actually reads this, but I’m also a clown who is not going to delete this 🙃

[park-chimx2]

♥️ MY BTS WINGS TOUR IN ANAHEIM EXPERIENCE (04/01/2017) ♥️

SNEAK PEAK: The chaos in the morning for the official line to get the numbered wristbands. Soundcheck. Eye contact with Jungkook, Jimin and J-hope. BTS solos. CYPHER!!! Getting baptized by the holy J-hope. Throwing the two Mickey ears on the stage and making one of the most iconic SOPE moments in the history happen.

Enjoy~ :,)

OKAY so, I arrived there at 6:30am because I had P1 GA with soundcheck and there was already a line outside the venue with a security guard In front. At 7:45~7:50am (as soon as the security sent a go signal) EVERYBODY RAN!! I mean RAN!! It was absolutely insane and TERRIFYING!! The sound of foodsteps was so loud and the pushing was so bad that people literally fell and others just ran over them!! And this happened RIGHT in front of me! I was so scared and felt so sorry for those people! There were people falling head first, injuring their knees n legs literally drawing blood! I was just running and couldn’t see where because of the sun and I heard my friend calling out to me who was already in the line. She had to GRAB me so I wouldn’t get washed away by the TSUNAMI OF PEOPLE! Yes TSUNAMI!!! At this point I was terrified To death and thought “if this is just for the line how bad is it gonna be at the actual concert?!” And really wanted to trade for a Seated But I didn’t lol nobody with Seated wanted GA and that was completely understandable! Anyways, now we’re in the official line waiting To get our numbered wristbands (my number was 226) which wasn’t that bad. At the end of the day there were over a thousand people with GA Wristbands! Anyways, after the wristband there comes the merch line, again it was insane! In terms of length. I got sunburnt because of how Long I stood in that line under the sun! But thankfully I got my jungkook picket!! It’s huge!! At this time, it was around 1:45pm and they said the soundcheck people should line up starting at 2:45pm. I took this time to really hydrate myself since I heard people have fainted Because of dehydration. I drank 4 bottles of water! Lol 😂 but I mean I guess it helped cuz I didn’t faint. The security told the Soundcheck people to line up at 2:30 based on their numbers which was good and horrible at the same time. Their organization skills were 0!! After we lined up, they opened the doors and checked the bags and stuff and LET ME TELL U when they say the security is pretty strong..NOPE IT WAS NOT! THE SECURITY DIDNT EVEN OPEN MY BAG AND LET ME GO THROUGH!! Like wtf?? There was no picture/video allowed during the soundcheck. OH I FORGOT SOMETHING!! while we were behind the doors waiting for the security to tell us when to line up, WE COULD HEAR BTS PERFORMING INSIDE!! WE WERE LIKE shouldn’t we be in there?? Isn’t this the soundcheck we were supposed attend?? It was awful and sad af and we just chanted the lyrics from outside :,) one song I could clearly hear from outside was cypher and I was like :,,,,) I wanna be there! Okay now back to the Story: now were inside, all of soundcheck people had to stand on the left side of the runway towards the main stage. The view was great and people didn’t push at all!! They were standing still and everyone had enough space for themselves to breath and do whatever. We waited and waited until BTS came out!!! First was jimin! they were all in their sweat pants like they just came straight out from their dorm :,) No makeup no nothing AND JUNGKOOK WAS WEARING A CAP!! 😭 they all looked like college boys you see every day (BUT OF COURSE THEYRE MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL) jungkook looked much more slim than his pictures, idk if it was becuz of the loose clothing or what but he was slim. They all Kinda looked tired too. I held up the picket as soon as they walked in and Jimin came right in front of the stage where we were at AND JIMIN MADE AN EYE CONTACT WITH ME!!! When ppl say jimin stares at u when he makes eye contact THEYRE NOT LYING!! I screamed and jumped up an down so hard THEN came Yoongi! He was in all black and looked hot af! He waved at us shortly then went back to the middle of main stage And JHOOOOOOPE!! He’s literally a living sunshine!! He was so bubbly and smiley and greeted us with such energy and positivity all the pain In my body from the last 19 years went away :,) AND THEN JUNGKOOK OMG!!! When he stood in front of the stage where we were at, I held up the Picket so high AND HE SAW IT!!! HE MADE AN EYE CONTACT WITH ME AND NODDED SHAKEGSKAVDKA!!! My baby noticed me now I can die happily :,,) Jin was pretty attentive with fans too!! He made eye contact with as many people as he could and all Jin stans were living their lives!! Then Taehyung and Namjoon. They greeted us and started rehearsing. They only did three songs first was 21st century girl 2nd save me and I CANNOT REMEMBER THE THIRD ONE😭 (it might’ve been Am I Wrong) but we all did the fan chants and it was so loud and beautiful Tae was trying so hard to hold in his smile :,) It was good and then it was over… it wasn’t an hour or even half an hour :( it was around 10 mins and then they were gone 😭 Then we got out, waiting to get into the official line for the concert, we started at 5pm. THANKFULLY they really did go by the number policy and now everything was starting to feel a lot more organized so we all were happy lol. Fast forward to getting inside the venue again I really wanted to be in front of the extended stage but there were a lot of people there already so we ended up at the side of the extended. BUT the view was excellent!! We were in the second row and could see everything perfectly! Which was awesome~ when we were waiting for the show, a girl passed out three headbands (Mickey ears) to us and asked us to throw them on the stage at the end of the concert for them. I got the silver one, the one that was had Jungkook written on the ears and wore it on my head. The security told us that if we throw anything on the stage we will get kicked out, but I told the girl who gave us the headbands to not worry and I WILL throw it for them. It was gonna be at the end of the concer anyways and at that point nobody’s gonna listen anymore. […] its 7:55pm and we’re losing our shit!!! Only 5 more minutes!! They played Spring day mv and we all sang with it! It was beautiful :,) then was VCR AND THEN NOT TODAY!!!! LIT LIT LIT!!! So good!! Sooooo good!! Since it was on the main stage I had difficulty seeing them but it still was awesome!!! People really did the fan chants throughout the whole show Their solos were so nice, YOONGI’s SOLO MAN… it was beautiful! I get chills even thinking about it! I cried, really did cry Cuz I can really relate myself with that song and the experience he went through and just the feeling, the vibe of his performance was like Re-living that experience. It was beautiful. I was wiping my tears when jimin jk jin and tae came up on the extended stage for LOST!! I STARTED SCREAMING AND JUMPING WHILE MY FACE WAS STILL WET FROM THE TEARS!! Jimin came to our side and AGAIN MADE AN EYE CONTACT WITH ME!! LET ME TELL U!! JIMIN AND JHOPE MADE ALOT OF EYE CONTACTS WITH ME THROUGHOUT THE SHOW BUT JIMIN MAN… HE STARES AT U FOR A WHOLE 10 SECONDS! WHEN HE SAW ME I BLEW A KISS AT HIM LIKE JIN AND THEN HE LOOKED DOWN omg!! It was insanely good!! JUNGKOOK ON THE OTHER HAND… I HELD UP TWO JK FANS WITH A JK SLOGAN JUST TO GET A LILL EYE CONTACT WITH HIM THROUGHOUT THE SHOW BUT I GOT NONE!!! NOT EVEN A GLANCE IM SO SAD YALL, my arms were on fire for holding the slogan so high up for such a long time but NOPE!! He kept looking up at the Seated ppl :,,,,) I’m not sad (I’m dying inside) anywayyyyys Namjoon’s solo :,) ppl did the “WE LOVE YOU” and it was beautiful! Jin’s solo was STUNNING!!! And Jhope’s was….GODLY!!! He was smiley throughout his whole solo and it was BEAUTIFUL!!!! Omg I love him so much!! CYPHER YALL… C Y P H E R!!!! FINALLY I GOT BAPTIZED BY THE HOLY JHOPE!!! JHOPE BAPTIZED OUR SIDE AND YOONGI THE OTHER! I CANT BELIEVE I WAS PART OF IT OMG ITS UNREAL!! The whole show was fantastic but I was unable to record much SINCE I WAS BUSY TRYING MY ASS TO GET NOTICED BY JUNGKOOK 😒 but I recorded wings :,) fast forward the the end of the show when they were bowing to say goodbye and I took the chance! I removed the headband from my head and threw it on the stage!! I threw it so far but thankfully It didn’t fall. I was extremely careful when throwing it and making sure it didn’t hit any of them! Now, the headband I was wearing the whole show and threw it was the silver one and the girl gave me the other (black) To throw that as well WHICH ENDED UP ON SOPE’s HEADS!!!!!! JHOPE WORE THE HEADBAND THAT WAS ON MY HEAD THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW!! CAN YALL HEAR ME SCREAMING??? AND YOONGI WORE THE BLACK ONE!! Out of all the plushies and stuffed animals on stage SOPE CHOSE THE HEADBANDS I THREW FOR THEM :,,,) IM TOUCHED!!! But the security did ask who it was and lol I played it cool like “did anyone really throw something on stage?? Smh” lmaooooooo BUT OMG THAT WAS AMAZING I FEEL BLESSED!! THANK YOU JHOPE THANK YOU SUGA!!! I love u guys so much!!! AND TO JUNGKOOK!!!! PLEASE DO LOOK DOWN SOMETIMES WHEN YOURE ON STAGE!!! THERE MIGHT BE SOMEONE RIPPING HER ARM MUSCLES HOLDING UP UR SLOGAN JUST TO GET A QUICK GLANCE FROM U!! So please 🙏🏻 lol but all in all, it was an amazing experience and it still seems unreal to me! Now I’m really glad I didn’t trade for Seated cuz I was able to make one of the most iconic SOPE moments in history happen :,) Also, I feel weird asking this but, is it normal for someone to forget some of the songs they performed after the concert?? Becuz I literally can not remember I NEED U performance (which REALLY sucks since this song was one of my most favorite songs to see live!!) and BOY IN LUV and some of the other songs in their medley and that’s HELLA depressing :,) but thankfully I clearly remember all of their solos! I forgot to tell u this but JUNGKOOKS SOLO WAS COOL AF!!! The way they edited his performance and play/showed it in the background of him singing/dancing was so beautiful and epic! It was classy! And omfg don’t even get me started about JIMINS SOLO… I’m sure you all have already seen his lie performance so I’m gonna shut up now and leave lmao Thank you for reading my crazy experience and I hope and wish for those of you who haven’t seen them live to really get a chance and attend their concert!!! And don’t worry! You WILL see them live one day! Two years ago when I started liking BTS and was already head over heels for them, they had already announced their LA concert and it was too late for me to get a ticket and all the prices were so high I couldn’t afford it. I cried myself to sleep listening to Let Me Know while they were performing literally one hour away from me. But thankfully I did get a chance to see them at Kcon LA 2016 and their Wings Tour! So do not worry 😊 you all WILL get to see them one day! Hope u have a nice day ❤ BYE~!

[celestialallstars]

Episode 11: “The odds are against me but I’m gonna make it....” - Loris

FUCK YOU MATT. FUCK YOU JACK. FUCK YOU STEPHEN. FUCK THIS CAST. YALL LYING ASS HOES SUCK MY FUCKING NIPPLES

Right now, I've got a mixture of feelings. On one end, I guess the tribal showed were some people's loyalties lie, but on the other I couldn't help but feel like it was a bit much. Like everybody in this game has literally lied and like I don't know, I understood Jack and Matt's frustration but it was a big yikes to see it get so tense and everyone get worked up. Like had my laptop not shut off, I would have likely snapped tonight and I think I'm seeing the good and the bad of things right now and it's just...a mess. Not to mention the 8 man alliance couldn't get it together until the 11th hour.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. Matt is finally gone, and this time we pulled it all off to keep him until Jared fucking pulled out an idol. How did he even know it was gonna be Chloe anyways? Man. I can't help but wonder if he wouldn't have played it had Matt and I shut our mouths but I think he would've anyways. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't let him lie again in public about that I had to expose him. Now he's got no idol, he's got few allies (I think), he's totally vulnerable and I pray to god we get him in the next 2 rounds.

It just occurred to me that I had a part in the chaos tonight. Stephen was already worried about the vote, but if I don't talk to Jack/Mitch then none of the last minute plan to vote Chloe happens I feel or gains as much momentum, then half the craziness that happened tonight at tribal does not happen at all....I saved Steph but at the cost of seemingly having Jared cost his game.

________________________________________________________________

I'm really drained at the moment between the school stuff and this game and now Jared claims my name was around for this round, or at least it was Bryce's plan. It did not phase me because I already wanted to go against Bryce/Zach but now it at least gives me another reason. AS of all of the craziness, my gut told me to try and stick it out with Michael/Chloe. I believe that between Rhys/Bryce/Zach's sketchiness, Jack just being himself, and Loris, I'd rather just try things out with the others. At this point, I'm kind of over a lot of the BS that people keep trying to sell. Having that said, I firmly believe that things need to get outted tomorrow unless we attempt a full on blindside.

I keep checking my messages as though someone wants to talk to me. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Sooooo YESTERDAY WAS A DAY!

It started off so simple, Matt seemed to be the target for the majority alliance and Michael/Chloe didn't seem very interested in keeping him around. So I came up with a scheme that I think may have tied into someone else's scheme. But I didn't know it at the time. ANYWAYYYYY...

Matt's going home, but I don't want to vote him. Why? Because I wanna strengthen my relationship with Jack, so I approach both of them to talk about things and figure out who they're voting for. Matt was very antagonistic and I figured out this is because he heard I was saying his name, which was true! I get them to say a name they'd rather have taken out, and it's Chloe. Sure. Me and Chloe barely talk tbh. So I essentially go around getting pissy about wanting to vote Chloe instead of Matt to my alliance because I need to sell it anddddddd........

They... Want to vote her out? SKDJSKDKSKSKSKSKAKSK

Ummmm this wasn't the plan! Everyone except Loris and Jared want to do it. Okay. Whatever. I'm too deep in now to flip back, sorry Chloe!

THEN JARED PLAYS THE IDOL SKSKDKDMSKSKSKSKSSM

Ok but why didn't you use that idol to save Mitch hm?

Sketchy bitch.

Soooo I hear afterwards that Zach and Bryce had a chat with Jack and Matt and apparently they might have wanted to vote Chloe anyway????? But then why let the vote be Matt for the entire day? When we all would've voted Chloe if they just said her name originally? And now Jared also has a chat with Chloe and Michael? Worst allies ever.

Idk Zach and Bryce are sketchy and I've known that since the Mitch vote. Maybe they should watch their backs in the near future ......

First off I was SO happy for Loris! It would have been nice to immunity, but I know with all of the distracting things I had for the day that I did good with the few hours I had. This makes me wonder if it will continue a trend I see in a lot of orgs where I begin to place in the top 4 a lot in the late game. Only time shall tell. Going into this tribal, I for once feel great. Making a new alliance with Loris/Michael/Chloe/Jared all the while keeping Stephen in the loop. I'll still smile and wave in the 13th, three kings, literally any other chat but as far as I'm concerned, I'm ridding my hands of that. Hope its not too early to feel good (it is)

________________________________________________________________

So I did some thinking and for a bit I had a feeling me or Bryce would get 10th. This was just because Karth came in 20th and Kori in 15th, which had to mean one of us would come in 10th and the other in 5th. Time to see how accurate this prophecy is

Day 25......... gross. So disregarding the challenge because yikes the whole game seems to be flipped on and the best part is that I don’t put myself forward as a target and Jared and Chloe are seen as this tight duo so I expect them to be targeted over myself. However chris and loris both expressed disappointment in how the game has been progressing and Bryce and zach both came to me to strategise so hopefully I’m in some sort of power position in the game however chris has pulled this before where he’s so sad he didn’t get his way and so disappointed and nothing has changed so right now my focus is on how to get myself forward in the game with hopefully more to come and Bryce will hopefully be eliminated this round.

Soooooo I had to abstain from the challenge for work but that's okay. I don't think I'm the target anyway.

The biggest news is that Jared has added onto his old group of Chloe and Michael to create a new majority. One that is planning to overthrow the old one in the near future. Based on what Chris has told me, the additions are himself and Loris.

The issue is, based on what Jared has told me, that Loris wants to wait one more round before locking things down. I see why he'd want to do this. Jack could easily slip through the cracks of the impending majority vs. majority war and that puts him within reach of an easy win at FTC in my opinion.

Jack might actually go home unanimously if things keep up like this. It'd be sad, because I just really started putting work into my relationship with him recently, but it really doesn't seem worth it when, even if I save him, I'll likely be targeting him within 2 or 3 rounds anyway. Cyrena? More like, sayonara.

Of course, if last vote is any indication, this can all change in a couple of minutes! So who the fuck knows. There's still 3 hours until tribal and if I can convince the 5 in power to pull their move now I wouldn't mind it at all.

hi!! ok so like... I won immunity??? and it was a creative challenge???? I’m so shocked and proud of myself I rlly tried to snap and things went wrong but I still SNAPPED!!! and now I made single digits oh my god!!! like... 9th or above I’m so happy with but of course I’m gonna win anyways. so. I suggested an alliance with me chloe Chris michael Jared to Chris and Jared and now it’s a real thing and like.. we just need to get people to vote jack for themselves and then we can run the game perry add. That could be a serve. I genuinely feel like I’m in a rather good spot this game I don’t think anyone should want to vote me out except stephen  maybe??  jack is hard to read because I’m not sure he talks To that many people ... idk... also oh my god so I just need to survive 3 more tribals and then I can play my legacy.... and like I’ll be so proud of myself if I get to do that. both seasons I find the legacy in round one(?) and I manage to hold onto it until the final six both times ?? like.. the odds are against me but Im gonna make it....

girl idk. i feel in danger because of lack of talk. everyone wants jack out. id prefer chloe. the only votes we can get are bryce, rhys, jack and myself. loris is dumb. HE WONT idk. jareds legit playin super well and good for him but ppl needa wake up and start knockin off his +1’s so hes easier to take out in the future. but who cares. these people are gonna end up lettin like jared or chris win .. and good. i suppose they deserve it.

im just super tired. partly due to this game but partly because of irl factors... so i just cant go chaotic. its so fun but soooo draining, and its hard when everyone leaks things and jared wants to be dumb and idol. it wasnt dumb. im petty. its real dumb.

im just trying to get ppl on my side but it seems so hard NNNN so . we’ll see

My names going round again 🤠

Ever since I played the idol on Chloe (which was indeed an in the moment decision), I feel a lot better about my spot in the game.

I revealed basically everything to Chris. There was very little that I left out. I told him about the F2 with Bryce, and my motivations behind every decision so far.

Sometimes overbearing trust comes out of overbearing promises. I still need someone to have my back no matter what, so being open with Chris was necessary. I still will try my best to keep Bryce in the game. I need them to war with each other because it will be a long term buffer for me. In terms of F3 plans, I'm not sure. I have options between Chris, Rhys, Chloe, Michael, Stephen, and Loris. I wouldn't mind staying true and taking Bryce as far as I can, but eventually his number will be up and I think that will be better for my chances to win anyways.

Today I finally pulled the trigger and Chris and I put together this 5some of him, Chloe, Michael, Loris, and myself called "starpower."

I will have to be cheeky with Chris to stay in a better spot than him, because he doesn't have strict promises with Bryce as far as I know.

Tonight Jack will go home which was Loris' call. I think it's fine because either way next round Stephen will want a big target out and he needs me to make it happen. I want that target to be on Zach, because I think Zach is the current frontrunner to win, and I think voting him will suit Stephen.

With that being said, it will take a smooth game from hear on out to not be a total goat. I'll try my best.

Feeling very strange about this vote. It's another sort of last minute vote, we've all kind of agreed to do a hard reset and vote Chloe again, but now that I've seen one idol play I can't help but feel like there's another coming, and this time it'd directed towards me potentially. I think I'm gonna propose possibly splitting votes just to cover our bases, because I do feel like Jared and Chloe are now gonna want to target me for no reason other than it's convenient.

If someone idols Jack tonight I’m gonna scream 🤡

So, I wanted Chloe gone this round, because I'm scared she will just float through this game and take a spot at the end. Which is exactly what is happening this vote. People want Jack instead so here we go. Haven't been too active so couldn't have gotten the numbers. Sad times.

Hi so the vote seems to be on  jack which is a little bit anti climatic because everyone was like let’s make a move and then boom jack goes like I thot we were going after bryce zach or rhys but I guess not? Anyway I hope im not being played by bitches right now and people stick to their words. Or at least vote jared/Chloe out

________________________________________________________________

The thing that makes me most nervous going into tribal is that it makes strategic sense for Stephen not to vote with us and instead vote out Jared who’s a far bigger threat than Jack but hopefully the fear of a tie will mean that he makes it 6 and I hope he realises that I’m ok with going against Jared sksksksksk.

THIS game is so sad liek nothing i want happens ppl are just not wanting to do what i want and thats so unlike my first season KJFHDASKJ i just want total control and someone to run the game with but jared is so annoying and is trying to work with the ppl who will vote him out bc hes such a big threat like girl pls just let me have my way and i wont cut u at 4th! im still fuming over the idol play like who does he think he is playing it without letting me know thats all i ask i literally feel pathetic trying to work with him when he clearly has chris/loris/chloe interests ahead of me

________________________________________________________________

Jack is voted out 8-1-1. He becomes the third member of our jury.

Watch Jack’s exit interview take place below: