#apologies for rambling i don't want to be alive and haven't for a very long time

[teethrotter]

panic

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for not killing someone?

Some years ago I (now 30M) was working on some research with a scientist (then 34M) and a willing test subject from abroad (??F). Without getting into too many details, this research was meant to ultimately improve the lot of those who hadn't won a sort of genetic lottery for a very desirable trait. (It was all completely safe and above board!)

One part of our project involved the scientist doing a small skin graft from our subject, nothing extreme. However, the procedure went on for a very, very long time and I was wondering what was going on. So I walked into the laboratory and...

Well, it turns out the scientist was quite mad. He'd essentially gone off the deep end and vivisected our test subject, replacing her limbs and organs with mechanical parts.

We had a brief altercation, and I...inadvertently injured him quite badly, putting him in a coma. I swear I didn't mean to! But I panicked and did not admit him to the hospital with the subject.

Now, to the present. Things have actually looked up for me; I managed to save the test subject, and we're now close friends! We've even started a sort of mentorship group with others who think like myself about the unfairness of our world at large, and I really do think we're going to change things for the better.

But...the scientist is still alive, in my building's basement. He's been there all this time. I haven't told anyone.

In essence, he's a vegetable, completely unresponsive. I don't know how to reverse his condition (I'm not sure I'd want to if I could), I'm not sure if it's even possible to fix, and if I were to turn him over to doctors now, people may find out what I did. That could risk my whole career, my entire life, and this chance I finally have to do something good.

And yet, I can't bring myself to kill him. I worry about how some of my actions will be interpreted as it is, and feel as if that would be truly crossing a line I could never return from...

Apologies for all of the ramblings, haha. TL;DR am I a horrible person for not having the spine to kill someone who is essentially already dead?

[gonzogodzilla]

Anyway I'm simultaneously feeling the most mentally stable AND fucked up that I have in a long time. And I know why, the fucked up part is that I'm falling into old destructive patterns to feel like I have some sort of control over my life. Which is why I actually feel SO much more secure and stable, I've channeled the instability into a "controlled" pain.

Now the pain is that comfy old friend ED. She's a bitch. I know exactly what I'm doing and I will not tell anyone, not even my therapist. And I know that's psychotic, I know that's wrong. I'm aware of exactly what I'm doing.

It doesn't help that it started because one of my many glorious mystery chronic illness symptoms lately has been nausea. So I was eating less because of that, and then that empty feeling tickled a part of my brain and here we are. Today I've eaten... well honestly not technically nothing but none of it was a real meal. Mostly coffee and beer (beer has calories, is that a win?).

Its amazing how much more quickly my body reacts to abuse than it did as a teen. I think it's been like a month of this garbage and my hair is already fucked and brittle. I mean I guess I haven't been eating well for a while, it's just taken a severe dip recently. (I have never been good at eating when I live alone).

It's actually fascinating to watch? In like a really fucking morbid way. Do most people who do this shit know it's awful? I'm led to believe they're all in denial. I 100% know it's wrong and bad for me and all of that. I know it's not sustainable. I know it'll end in madness. I know it could very well eventually kill me.

I guess it's like smoking. You do it knowing literally all of the risks, and you just sort of assume it won't happen to you? Or hope. Or I mean maybe you subconsciously DO hope it'll happen to you. Do I really want to live another 40 years? 50? My grandma is 73 this year, I'm 32 this year. Thinking about having that much time left makes me want to be throw up, how the fuck am I supposed to go another 40 fucking years? I'm not even at the half way point? Fuck.

I'm not sure if the people who think life is short are happier than me or if they just don't see it. I have lived 31 years, it's a lifetime. And I have at least that left? Another lifetime? Unbelievable. Fake news. Couldn't be me.

This is rambling and I'm still going to post it and no one is going to read it. And that's fine. I'm not even drunk, for once. I am fully and totally conscious. Is this an autistic thing? Do we just KNOW ourselves so well we can be totally in the midst of... madness and self-destruction and just... choose it? I don't know how else to handle being alive quite frankly. And if SLOWLY killing myself is the answer to not immediately checking out then quite frankly it's an easy choice.

I have no counter. I know it's bad. I know I shouldn't. But I'm going to anyway. Because as bad as it feels, I know it could feel worse. I know it could be just over with no do-over. At least this way there is a chance of coming out the other side. It's harm reduction. It's genuinely the least destructive.

Because honestly I want a cigarette so fucking badly these days. But I know it'll curb my appetite and then I'll not only be starving myself but I'll also be poisoning my body to boot. Somehow this is the better option, and that is genuinely astounding. It's like when my doctor told my mum that he would prefer her smoking actual cigarettes to vaping, because we KNOW the harm cigarettes do but we don't actually know enough about vaping.

I apologize for the block of text to anyone who is still active and follows me. I'm posting it. I'm not deleting it. I want this for my own future reference. I'm sure someday this will be informative? I don't even know know how else to explain it.

There has to be someone as crazy as me out there.

[scribbleshanks]

So, like, what happened after Pure was saved by The Knight, any rekindling relationships like with collector or what?

I like that idea!

A bit of rambling below if that's alright:

That would be a very large can of worms for either party because for my particular interpretation of their relationship, there's a lot of baggage that they both would need to unpack should either of them even want to rekindle what sort of connection they might have had in the years leading up to Pure's eventual sealing.

Their relationship was walking on egg shells to begin with, and in the events that I imagine, whatever progress they might have made as friends or confidants shattered as the reality of their circumstances became that much more stifling and the divisiveness of their ideologies drove them apart. It's a difference of motivations between the two for me; pre collector desiring freedom and the space to be themselves without fear of repurcussions, pure dedicating themselves to being the solution and obligate savior of their parents' kingdom regardless of the damage to their personhood and wellbeing. Both having different ideals and expectations of the other (with collector believing pure was being too cowardly to tell the truth of their entire sentience, and pure believing the collector to shirk their duty and responsibilities in favor of selfishness) which I don't agree with but bear with me) led to a lot of arguments and clashes that eventually led up to the falling out of their already fragile relationship.

Any encounter that might happen after Pure comes back would likely be accidental because I don't think either of them would have expected the other to survive. (Not sure if it's possible either considering the Knight canonically kills the Collector, but here in the HK fandom death is always indefinite according to the whims of our emotions. If anything there's nothing stopping us/me from making an au where the collector is alive and flourishing and kidnapping.) (Of course there's also the potential of Pure mourning the collectors death and not at all expecting the impact that it would have on them considering how badly they left off, but that's an idea for another day.)

I personally hope that the collector and Pure would want to reconnect in the event that they find out both are alive. Just...a lot of catching up to do, if you know what I mean. ^^;

In short, it would be very messy. Very difficult to purse through all of their baggage. Would require a long period of time involving confessions, unpacking, discussing, listening, understanding, apologizing, etc. Painful, but necessary.

I actually have a lot of thoughts on this since I do have a comic that's related to them reconnecting after all those years, but unfortunately I haven't solidified much of those ideas so I feel very disorganized about it right now ^^;;;; I hope that what I mentioned above will suffice for now.

Another note I'd like to share: I'm not particularly confident in my interpretation of any of the Hollow Knight characters, so I'm afraid that any thoughts I have will likely not hold any water as they'll be very biased and opinionated. But I appreciate you asking for my thoughts on it because I very much enjoy thinking and talking about these two, and talking about Hollow Knight in general :) don't be afraid to keep asking questions if you'd like ^^

[ghoulishhusband]

I just realized I can actually talk here. Like this is my account fuck u

Fucking uhhhhhh, hi ig lemme ramble abt my God ocs yea?

Ignore this part if you don't wanna hear (likely) unedited rambles lol it doesn't matter

CW: neglect/abuse, assholery/narcissism, manipulation, tread lightly!

read the under cut owo

Also don't steal my art I'll fucking?? Fight you????

So

I have three main gods that I wanna talk abt especially bc they've been on my mind lately.. Less get it, side notes are in (parentheses) and are bolded cause I have perception issues whoo I don't want it to jumble together is my point lol

First up is my asshole,

Giodine

they/them (preferred)

god/godself (i like pronouns that fit my characters, so I'm giving a bunch away for one night only at--)

ID : Giodine is colored with gold-ish yellow skin and ginger hair. Their eyes are a muted purple and they have tiny eyebrows. Their lips are a muted brown and are full looking, their nose is sharp and points down. They have wings for ears and is wearing a blazer with a long-sleeved, collared shirt underneath it. The background is beige with a yellow square and a dark purple square partially encompassing it. It is signed GH (for ghoulish husband), Spork, 21.

(lemme know if that helps at all! I'm sure I can do better so lemme know!)

If they look weird here it's bc I accidentally made their face too long but believe it or not this is in fact just a doodle Ik I'm so fuckin talented babes.

Anyways, they're basically the first God to ever exist on my version of earth (though even that is fickle rn, world-building is hard unless I hyper-focus on it, and haha Guess What I Haven't Been Thinking About) and they're very egotistical and selfish. As I'll probably yap about later is how they're manipulative as well, especially to another God I'll mention, and very neglectful to the other... other one.

Their partner(professionally), or fiend as they call him, is sam who for the first few eons was, unsurprisingly, absolutely terrible to him. A few tender moments are few and far in between in what could only be described as a completely rancid relationship. I'll describe giodine's side and in sam's lil ramble, I'll describe his :]

I have to explain this because it's a big part of the lore and how they can't work together, even when one of them is very much near The Void (technical death for gods) BUT basically, with Sam, giodine created purgatory. The issue here is that they basically seduced sam into doing it. Well, even if they hadn't, sam was in lesbians(happy pride month lmao) with giodine and would've done it anyway. But the ISSUE is that with the creation of purgatory came complications. See, my gods have to take time to develop into their power, and considering giodine was first and sam was around 666th.. you see the issue. Sam wasn't into his complete power yet and thus lost a giant part of it that went into purg.

See, giodine saw no problem with this (until much later, they do get a VERY SLOW BURN redemption arc cause this ain't even the worst of it), they got what they were aching for out of them and thusly had no need for..sam. They laid him in the spot where she was made (fwi it isn't inherently sexual, it can be, but literally, they just merged together-- taking bits and pieces of each other (which sam did not have enough of) and earth and light yadda, yadda I'll post the story I wrote for that later if I'm up to it) and left him there in the grass.

Again, they saw no problem with that, the deed was done, they didn't care anymore. A common issue in their qualms, sam and Giodine. They did find an issue in Sam finding an issue in the lack of aftercare, which resorted to any message going to or coming from sam going straight to his assistant and going back through them for a couple of thousand years. They found that infuriating-- how could he not face them over something so small! and for years?! it was ridiculous. After forcing a face-to-face meeting, a heated proclaim of hurt from sam, and a bitter agreement to meet up every now and again, they got what they wanted from him. Again. It was a business after all, there was no point in making it harder than it needed to be. 

Giodine doesn't necessarily like boundaries and tends to overstep sam's frequently. They also don't like his reaction to his boundaries being long jumped over, which thusly ends up in disgruntled messages being sent back and forth between them and his assistant for a month or three. It slowly gets through to them, but they tend to say some stupid shit and if they want sam to stay, they have to try and avoid mentioning how "overly sensitive" he is to something that happened eons ago.

(quick mention, there isn't like. time. here. so in all honesty, giodine probably counted earth days instead of Heaven 'days' to get that) Soon into their arrangements to meet, they seem to get on at least tolerable terms, obviously, a few meetings where neither of them feels like going apeshit and taking proper shapeless (or in sams case, he's got a newfound form for ANGER OO just for giodine 🤗) forms isn't going to fix a grudge that has yet to be apologized for by the way. But it's a start to a very long process down the road. Tolerance.

Giodine as an entity is very fickle and rude and demanding. They tend to have a short temper that no one else is allowed to have or comment on-- They were the first therefore they were the most important!

This is very obviously an issue. But it's mostly directed to purgatory. Almost all of their seething rage is pointed towards the poor entity, she's barely been alive yet and they already seem to hate her for things she doesn't know how to do. Honestly, I don't think Purg will ever fully forgive them for the unnecessary abuse of her character, but just as Sam and Giodine get on better terms, they had barely just begun fixing the hole in their relationship. As of now, Sam/Giodine don't have any minor plot points with purgatory other than the major one so I don't have a lot to say about their relationship right now. Maybe one day.

I'd go into details, seriously, but I just wanna ramble about their relationships with each other and their impact on each other's existence. Hope you don't mind a few secrets 😉

But, now, it's time for a new God, one I think most people take a liking to...

Sam (Samuel)

He/him

ID: Sam is surrounded by clouds in the light blue, fading to a darker blue sky and the yellow sun. His horns are a darker beige, which is being highlighted by the sun shining down on him, he also has pointed ears. His skin is red which is very prominent in the sun. His eyes are completely yellow, his hair, beard and mustache are also black. He has an orange scar crawling up to his Adams apple. His wings are a darker grey which is also being highlighted by the sun. His nails are painted black and his hand is holding up the black fabric barely covering his shoulders. Around the painting is a gold and red shaded frame with swirls complimenting each side and a crystal at the bottom of it. It is lightly signed GH, for ghoulish husband.

Sam, Sam, Samuel.

If you don't realize right away, Sam is basically Satan, he's the ruler of hell

Like how giodine was the first to appear on earth, as mentioned before sam was 666th for funnie reasons. Sam was made from bugs, dried blood, and sunlight which sounds pretty gross, but he's far from it. He's a silly, yet neat, guy. He wears Hawaiian shirts and khakis (not around giodine lmao) for cryin' out loud! how bad of a person can he be? Apparently to giodine (for a while obviously) he was the most retched entity to exist. This very much hurt him considering the amount of fake care they showed him before. With a mixture of confusing feelings (which wasn't supposed to be a thing but Univerce went "lmao you'll be fine" and left... short explanation, Univerce is the Universe and is the entity who simply builds these planets and gods that'll appear there and leave them to their own devices, xyr not extremely important in this story. Nor would they care.) and feeling used, he decided that no he wasn't going to take that.

If there is one thing Sam knows how to do is to self preserve himself, even if that means getting passive-aggressive notes sent to him every once in a while. While this period, Sam was surprisingly the least productive (unfortunately giodine knew this and eventually mentioned it in one of their meetings which made him hide away cause like hell giodine was going to be critical of /him/) but he managed. It wasn't terrible, but unfortunately, Sam being able to talk it out with someone who does practically the same work as he does and gets newer, more helpful ideas was better in the long run.

Unsurprisingly, Sam was the first to initiate the healing of his and giodine's relationship but it wasn't reciprocated. Who would've figured, aye? Giodine kept pushing it back onto him and ignoring any progress that could've been made before. Which was frustrating.

The painting above was 'painted' by giodine, which is sorta where their relationship gets somewhat on an understanding of each other. Giodine gets to take a deep long look into who Sam is and tries to express it but it never fit him, it makes them realize that they never really-- truly got to know him. And all it does for Sam is make him even more confused about his place in giodine’s mind. He figured it's another fluke to get him to do something, so he ends up distancing himself when they start actually reciprocating his friendship advancements.

Suddenly, like a flash, Sam was forced to stay with giodine which is where the majority. I'll explain.

Sam...isn't actually the ruler of hell. Anymore, anyways depending on the timeline. His and purgatory's relationship has always been complicated, she always avoided him, and when they talked she always seemed scared of him. So in the end, they've never been close. Distant. Sam always wanted to talk to her, he made her, but if she didn't want to talk to him he wouldn't force it. But imagine his surprise as Purg singlehandedly took over hell in a hazed frenzy.

And not only that, had a personal vendetta against him!

Well, that would be the only explanation to Sam considering how he ended up broken and barely 'alive' at the hands of her. Horns broken and in tatters, pain and almost obliterated it felt like a hate crime. He didn't know what to do when he made it to the office, Purgatory was creating chaos outside his door and barely being able to breathe he felt like it was the end. So he called giodine. 

Purgatory

She/her

ID: Purgatory is surrounded by flowers that are dark grey and white. The light fades down into a dark green. The light shines down on top of her straight, white hair that has yellow flowers tucked into it.  Her skin is a dark brown and has a orange-ish yellow scar on her shoulder trailing up to her neck. Her skin is also highlighted by the sun. In one of her eyes, her sclera is black with an orangey, glowing iris. As for the other eye it it has a white sclera and the same, glowing orange iris. She has wings for ears, one dark grey and one white along with beige horns. She has a white fabric covering her chest. The frame is gold with white accents, but also has vines and moss crawling up the side. 

(may have goofed a bit and forgot to color the sclera of her other eye white but ignore that pls)

Purgatory was made by Sam and Giodine, but to her it felt like a mistake. Why make someone that you’re going to be terrible to, she believed. Giodine seemed to hate her and eventually made her section almost obsolete because she simply wasn’t able to keep up with the backlog that she wasn’t taught to deal with. Not only that, she didn’t have any help with any of it, it was almost like she was expected to just do it on her own. Until Death came along to help, but that’s not what we’re going to be talking about right now. 

And also, Purgatory is Purgatory yadda, yadda, I wont insult your intelligence.

Giodine’s thought process (other than wanting to be Real Close to Sam and once that thought filtered out, promptly ignored it) was that all the extras that don’t fit in either category of their thought of good and evil they’d go to her. (doesn’t matter cause in Sam's system it filters through ‘levels of assholery’ and depending on how bad you are you either just vibe in the upper city under rule of capitalism and possibly many under paying jobs or being actually tortured for his amusement if you’re just evil. Morally grey. Anyway, it could work p well in heaven if giodine wasn’t such a damn stickler.) But in the end, every day, less and less people ended up in purgatory, leaving her with barely any people and more verbal abuse from giodine who ‘HAS to take them or they would be more dead than they already are’. You see the pain she has to go through, right? 

~Idea section, this is probably not canon anyways so dont take it serious~ 

My thought is that another oc (BA, you may have heard of him idk) takes over simply because Purg took multiple hims from alternative timelines (which isn’t allowed but what’re they gonna do, undead a dead clown? multiple times from multiple timelines???)) because she adored him and they figured ‘well we gotta redo purgatory may as well do it like this’ and make him a demi-dead-god. i think thats a cool idea right? anyhoo

~Idea section over uwu~

Purgatory overall is a fairly timid character, she doesn’t like conflict, is easily overwhelmed, and generally keeps to herself. She doesn’t see the point in being in any drama if she’s just going to be yelled at and scolded even if it’s not about her. The only way i could describe her taking over hell is this: 

She was tired. She was angry and after feeling like nothing was in control or in her hands, she snapped. Why doesn’t she get anything or get to be ‘all powerful’ but they do? She knew if she took on Giodine she’d likely get thrown to the void, but sam? He felt fair game. Considering her fear of both of these gods, she planned and got her courage up to take him over. She had considered negotiations but in the end, she ended up going into a haze and ruining everything in sight. She was more powerful than she thought and once she started, she didn't stop until Death restrained her and Sam was already in pieces at God’s doorstep. 

The aftermath was fuzzy for her and for everyone really. Godine was planning a take back hell while actually worrying for sam, sam was planning for a retirement, and she was being consoled while trying to get in contact with sam to apologize. Giodine wouldn’t dare let her talk to him, until she just showed up in their office. She didn’t have a problem with Sam, honest, she just was going to take shit over, but it got out of control. 

Spoiler, Sam took her apology and they actually became.. somewhat closer after reaching an understanding. 

I wanna say that giodine took them being okay and sam retiring as good as sam did about purg running hell, but they didn’t. Giodine and purgatory actually barely got along in the first place, and only begun ‘working’ on their bitterness toward each other because they both had sam to encourage it. I can’t say for certain if they’ll get better, as theyre both undying and have time, but I’ll just say for now its uncertain. 

Also, Death is Purgatory’s girlfriend after all of that lmao.

And.. yeah, i hope this makes sense and that you like my drawings and ramblings about my lil story in my head, i guess this is my way to develop it without just keeping it to myself cause god forbid i keep things to myself hshsh. If you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read and attempting to process everything, and even if you didnt read and just looked to look at my art thank you to!!

I may post some art over on @ghoulishhusbandart cause.. it was my art account before i completely forgot about it but i might reboot it! But if you wan art NEOWWW follow me on insta (ik cringe lmaoo) by the same name as this account @ghoulishhusband​ or just click that insta link! also ignore the fact that giodine is the only one without a portrait, maybe I’ll replace it the next time i draw but im graduating on monday and my dad’s coming TOMORROW?? so i won’t have too much time to do it... but i hope you like my art anyways :]

ok!! ty!! ily!!

[postmortem-bookworm]

Bright - Bucky Barnes - Part Two

Fandom: Avengers

Type: Series

Word Count: 2,562

Character(s): Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Shuri, T'Challa

Warning(s): Cussing, Mentions of attempted suicide (but shouldn’t be anything triggering), smut (maybe), mentions of X-Men, Steve is crushing

A/N: This picks up almost right after Black Panther, but before Bucky is awake, there is no Thanos, and everyone is alive.

Life in Wakanda starts off slow, much like her time at the School did, taking a time to get used to it. Finding things to do to fill her time, Shuri comes by twice a week to accompany her to the market, showing her the vendors who will give her the best deals, and even helps her buy some packets of seeds so that she can start a garden of her own, off the side of her hut. In the mornings, she works on her garden and writes letters to her friends, and in the afternoons, she works on painting under the pergola, and baking goods.

Occasionally, in the evenings, she walks to the palace to have dinner with Shuri, T'Challa, Nakia, and the Queen Regent Ramonda. Other times, she makes a simple meal for herself, and sometimes Shuri, and goes on a walk through the woods behind her hut. She swims in the stream every once and awhile, enjoying the natural spring compared to the water from her sink and shower.

Most of her days are leisurely slow, too used to something coming up for a fight, like aliens, HYDRA, killer ex-assassins, fighting her own friends and family, fighting other mutants. But, with keeping up with her meditation exercises, she manages to keep her powers under control, and relax her enough to get to sleep each night without any nightmares of her time as Magneto's prisoner. Things change three or four months later, after a trip to the market with Shuri, the two of them are preparing dinner for the two of them, when Shuri brings it up.

"Sergeant Barnes will be coming out of stasis in a few days." She says as Maeve starts to cut into the chicken on her board. The preplucked and beheaded bird is a heavensent in this sometimes-godforsaken place, because if there is one thing this girl doesn't do, it's behead a chicken. "After he is awakened, we will let him rest in the village for a day or two, so he can get used to being awake again. It is a long walk from here, to the palace, and if there are any medical concerns, we want him to be within walking distance at the very least."

"Understandable." Maeve says as Shuri starts to cut into the potatoes. "Need those squared." She says, pointing it out, before she continues to cut the chicken off the bone. "So, after the first couple days, I'm supposed to help him settle in here? In the other hut?" Shuri smiles to herself, dicing the potatoes.

"Indeed. He will be confused, and lost. His last 70 years have been dictated by people who used him, people who wanted him to kill, and did not care about him as a person, in anyway. He will need a friend." She explains, glancing at Maeve as she pauses, knife hesitating over the chicken. Shuri can't see it, but there is terror in her gaze as haunting memories flicker across her gaze. Suddenly, her flour pot on the shelf before them shatters, causing the two of them to jump, and Shuri looks at her in surprise as she starts to gather up the shards.

"Sorry, sorry." She rambles, her hands are swift in gathering the flour with her telekinesis, her frazzled floundering surprises Shuri.

"Are you alright?" Shuri asks as Maeve drops the flour into a new pot, and tosses the shards away, biting her lips as she nods. "Are you sure?"

"Let's just say... There are things that are better left unsaid and left in the past." Her words don't even sound like her own, muffled by the immense fear sending her heart pounding in her chest, and the memories flashing through her mind. "Um, the Kimoyo beads- I can contact anyone in the world you said?"

"That is correct. Do you need to call someone?" Shuri's inquiry goes half unnoticed as Maeve glances at the silver bracelet.

"Um, yes. You mind if I step out?" She asks, already starting towards the door.

"Not at all. You've already shown me how to make these "hobo" potatoes once before. I will continue while you make your call." Shuri answers, causing Maeve to nod, leaving before Shuri can finish her sentence. The night swallows her almost whole, crickets chirping and cicadas singing as she walks towards the woods for privacy, stopping just within the treeline. The screen comes up on the call, shedding blue light across her and her background of trees, the line starts to ring.

"Hello?" The voice on the other line answers after half way through the second ring.

"Professor?" Her voice is hesitant, nervous like she's a student all over again.

"Maeve, thank goodness you called. I haven't been able to get ahold of you, nor have I noticed your power signature anywhere in Cerebro. Are you alright?" His father voice nearly brings tears to her eyes, and she swallows against the lump in her throat.

"I'm safe, Professor. As safe as I can be right now. Um, I seem to be having some... difficulties adjusting to my new life." She swallows against the lump once more. "The night terrors are fewer, I don't wake three feet above my bed as much, but... I seem to be remembering... well- more than I ever have before. It's not the same as other memories either, it's like I'm frozen in fear because I feel these memories as if they're currently happening. It hurts, and it scares me." He lets out a soft sigh, and she can practically seem him rubbing his temples as he thinks about what to say.

"I miss confess, Maeve. When we found you, after your... time with Magneto. You were very different. Almost dead like. You were mentally and emotionally broken. You wouldn't respond to anyone, not even Logan!" The Professor clears his throat. "He was- We all were worried that you were gone for good. You were physically there, but you were almost as active as a corpse. I had think of something, because by the time we found you, you were practically dead."

"Professor... Please tell me you didn't." She whispers hoarsely, her fingers sliding into her bangs, nails digging into her scalp.

"I didn't remove the memories at all, I merely put... mental stints in between them, then over time I started to remove them. Slowing your journey back into what happened. During those times, your night terrors would worsen. It seems I forgot to take some of them out, and they're all coming free at once." He explains.

"Professor, why didn't you tell me?!" She cries out in anguish, nails blunting against her scalp as panic spikes through her.

"You might have tried to remove them yourself, and that would have damaged you worst than what happened with Jean's ability." He answers resolutely.

"You shouldn't have doubted me! It's not my first time experiencing this- look at what happened to Jean! I was there! You should have told me immediately after what happened to Jean!" She shouts, dropping her free hand from her hair, the Professor's regretful sigh is audible from the other end of the line.

"I apologize. I see the error of my ways, and I did try to contact you after you left, but you left without anyway for us to contact you. You made certain that we knew, you didn't want anything to do with us until you were ready." He points out, cause Maeve to growl out a sigh, raking her fingers through her hair once more, before she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You are correct, Professor. My apologies. I will keep in contact with you if anything should occur." She pauses.

"Maeve," He says softly. "everyone here misses you." She swallows thickly at that, letting out a sad sigh.

"I know. I miss you all too." She hangs up, walking back to her hut, where flavorful scents are wafting into the great outdoors, causing her to smile. Things would be alright.

After Bucky was awoke from Cryo, and settled into life in the village a bit, she was alerted by Shuri that it was time to meet him, post-battle. The trip to the village is long, cold, and wet, the rain pooring down around her, but it's a difference in the weather, for the first time since she's arrived in the last few months. Walking through the village, she approached Shuri and her Dora Milaje guards, the princess smiles at her in greeting as Bucky ducks out of the hut behind the princess, stalling at the sight of her.

"Hello Sergeant." She greets softly over the pouring rain, he becomes visibly uncomfortable from the title.

"Bucky, please." He says, and she nods.

"Hello Bucky, I'm your new neighbor." She smiles at him, her umbrella covers the two of them as Shuri holds her own. "I've come to accompany you to your new home."

"I appreciate it." He smiles a bit, before he runs a hand through his shaggy locks, and they all start back through the village, towards the outskirts. "You were at the airstrip, right?" He asks as they march through the grass.

"Yes, Steve recruited me." She answers, struggling to keep up beside him, he seems to notice as she starts to slow down, taking the umbrella from her hand. "Oh, thanks." She murmurs as he just nods. "Anyway, I mostly provided air support. My abilities can be a bit iffy, sometimes." He watches her as she bites her bottom lip, before she lifts a hand up, a few drops of rain around the two of them freeze, quivering to fight against her hold on them. She turns her hand to him, holding the drops before him, causing him to gape as they walk, reaching up with his metal hand to touch one. They pop and scatter from her hold, causing her to wince at the cold.

"Sorry." He says, causing her to giggle, and shake her head.

"Nope, it's just cold. Like I said, I have difficulties with my abilities sometimes." She says, shaking the water off her fingers. "It's fun to experiment."

"So, what are your powers?" He asks as she looks up at him. "You... don't have to answer." He says, running her fingers through her hair, she looks down while biting her lip.

"Empathy, telepathic, and telekinesis." She says as she keeps her eyes on the grass.

"Wait, seriously?!" She jumps as she hesitantly looks up at him, and he gapes at her. "How were you flying then?"

"U-Uh, m-my telekinesis makes me able to fly." She answers, before pushing her hair behind her ear- she hardly notices that Shuri and her guards had left to return to the palace.

"You haven't had the best reaction to your powers, have you?" He inquires as she shakes her head, walking through the grass to approach the huts. "I won't judge you, it's not like I have the best track record."

"I'm not going to judge your track record." She says, causing him to smirk a bit as she runs her fingers through her hair again, and gestures to his hut. "Your new life starts, right through that door." She says, causing him to chuckle as he hands her the umbrella, and opens the door.

"Thank you, for the company." He says as she nods, shrugging.

"I was lonely when I first arrived, I don't want you to feel like that." She replies with a teasing smirk, and he waves her off.

"I think I'll be fine." He answers, she shakes her head as she walks over to her hut, ducking inside the door to pull out some stuff for dinner. Midway through cooking dinner, the loud sound of a hammer smacking against wood, captures her attention. She flips the stove knob down to low as she steps out of her hut, the cool breeze is the only reminder that it rained earlier that day, and she pauses at the sight of Bucky. He's hammering a large wooden post into the ground, his hair is pulled up in a half bun, and he's in work jeans, a gray shirt, and a makeshift poncho is draped over his metal arm, almost like to hide it.

"Was it something I said?" She jokes as she leans on his hut behind him.

"What?" Bucky asks, looking over at her, before he chuckles. "No, it's not like that."

"Well, that's good. I wouldn't want my first day as your neighbor to put up fences between us." She says with a playful grin on her lips, and he shakes his head.

"No, I talked to Shuri the other day, and she had set me up with a therapist in Wakanda The therapist told me that the best form of therapy would be taking care of something living. Shuri agreed to set up some goats for me to raise." Bucky explains as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Goats?" She asks, causing him to chuckle as he rubs the back of his neck.

"Well, they give milk, which I can make into butter and cheese. Their hair can be used for fabric, for blankets and clothes, and they can be killed for fresh meat." She smirks as his thoughts of 'not that I'd ever kill them' echo at her, causing him to gape at his head snaps up to look at her. "Did you hear that?" He asks.

"Oh," Her smirk falls, and frowns, looking down at her feet. "sorry." She prepares for him to shout at her, tell her off, or anything else of the like.

"No need to be sorry, I think I didn't think you were really able to hear my thoughts." He explains as she sheepishly looks up at him. "It's actually really fascinating." He says, causing her to blink in surprise, before heat scores her cheeks, and she turns her head away.

"I-I-Th-" She stammers, obviously taken by the surprise as she backs away, gesturing wildly over her shoulder. "Dinner. Burnt. Not." She manages to compose those words, before she turns on her heels to sprint back to her hut, throwing her door shut behind her as she attempts to finishes dinner, and busy her mind. After the food is done, she's managed to compose herself enough to walk outside, and wander over to the burly man, who is still hammering posts into place around the side of his house. "I cooked dinner," He turns to look at her in confusion. "you should go freshen up a bit."

"Oh, are you inviting me to eat with you?"

"That was the plan." He smirks as she shuffles in place, feeling nervous as he chuckles.

"I'll be right over." He says, swinging the rubber mallet into place to smack the post into the ground.

"You have five minutes. If you aren't washed up and over to me house by then, I'll do what my mom used to do, and drag you over by the ear." She warns, causing him to shoot her a skeptical look, and she rolls her sleeve as she takes a step towards him. He drops the mallet, dashing inside with a surprised and slightly fearful look on his face, causing her to smile triumphantly as she walks back over to her hut, happily with a little pep in her step.