#array is a dum-bass

[zvtsz]

Array: fuckin....MOVE, takin up all the space!!!

Boss: “sigh”.....how does Silvia put up with you?

Im tired -vts

[rachel1987]

GWCFT Part 6

It’s the night of the big show! All our favorite Wonderlandians gather to show off their skills to June Hare. What acts has everyone chosen to perform? Will Hare be able to pull off his big show stopper? And what is Rabbit’s talent, anyway?

x posted on ao3 and FF.net

Hare stood backstage, his chin tilted up, Hatter's hands tying his cape around his collar. "You need to relax…" Hatter mumbled under his breath. "Everything is going to be just fine."

"How did I let you talk me into this?" he heaved, fingers twitching nervously at his chest. He had been alright all day with his mother, the shopping and monotony of it all making him forget about his nerves. But now that he was here and everyone was bustling around getting ready, a wave of nausea washed over him. He had become so nervous and preoccupied he kept knotting his cape ties and Hatter had to step in to help.

"You're last on the set list, don't worry!" Hatter said, brushing off Hare's shoulders and smoothing out the satin fabric. "Your mother is excited to watch you and you're going to be great. Besides you've never gotten nervous like this before a show before. Don't start this now."

Hare furrowed his brow and huffed a little, making him look like a child who was pouting because his mother wouldn't let him have cookies before dinner. Hatter chuckled and gave his bunny a quick smooch. "Why don't you go check on your mom, show her the pretzel machine? I have a few more things I need to do before the show starts."

"Alright," he grumped, giving the Hatter's hand a squeeze before going to his Mother's side. She was sitting in the front row by the Queen, chatting about something that probably didn't matter.

"Look at my boy!" June exclaimed, cutting the Queen off on whatever she was saying, causing her to "harumph" to herself. "You look just darling in that cape. Oh, I knew I should have brought my camera!"

Hare blushed and bounced his head around a little, rolling his eyes. "Thanks, Mom. Hello, your Majesty. Thank you for coming to our talent show."

"Yes, well," the Queen shook her hand in the air as she spoke. "I had a gap in my schedule today and thought it would be a good idea to spend some time with my subjects. After all, one needs to have a little fun from time to time."

"How true that is, your Majesty," Hare said, clasping his hands together by his chest as he spoke. "Would either of you, perhaps, like a pretzel or a drink before the show begins?"

"Yes, I would, thank you," the Queen cut in quickly, not even waiting for Hare to finish his offer before speaking. "Who knows where that Rabbit ran off to? He was supposed to bring me a drink twenty minutes ago and seems to have disappeared."

"Right away, your Majesty," Hare nodded.

"I'll go with you, son," June said as she got to her feet. "Please excuse me, your Highness."

The Queen dismissed them with a wave of her hand and turned her attention to other matters. She was watching the Tweedles spin around, practicing their routine on the other side of the courtyard and found them more interesting than anything else going on.

The pair walked to the pretzel machine that hadn't been turned on yet and Hare ran through it with his mom. "You put the dough in here, there's a salt meter and a unit that shapes, bakes and cools them so they'll be ready to eat when they come out. And a little bell you can ring when it's done."

"What are the lights for?" June asked, enchanted.

"Those are for fun," Hare smiled. "When you push them, they change colors." He then demonstrated them.

"And how do you turn it on?" she asked, brows raised in intrigue. She held her finger under her lip in a familiar pose as she listened, nodding as she took it all in.

"This knob here," Hare pointed. "But once it's on, you can't turn it off. Somehow we never figured out how to fix that. It'll just keep baking till it runs through the dough and then it'll shut down."

"Do you think…" June paused, feeling a little sheepish and her cheeks going pink. "Do you think I can turn it on?"

Hare smiled widely and guffawed. "Of course!" he hopped excitedly. "You just crank it to the left two turns."

June bit her lip and did as she was told and the machine came to life, mechanisms beeping and lights flashing. It didn't take long for the pretzels to start popping out of the contraption and Hare started piling them into bowls that were spread around the table. She seemed very impressed as she picked up one of the first pretzels, giving it a sniff and then a test nibble.

"This is delicious, son," she commended. "Not too salty, not bland. Excellent flavor. All we need is a fondue pot and this would be perfect."

"Why hadn't I thought of that…" Hare muttered to himself, thinking of his full fondue set sitting at home that hadn't been used in ages.

Suddenly, Alice was next to them, a little bit of a flustered expression on her face.

"What's the matter, Alice?" June asked, her motherly intuition rearing its head.

"Her majesty wants to know what's taking so long to get her some refreshments," she shrugged.

The three looked over at the Queen, who was shooting daggers in their direction, arms crossed over her bosom in frustration. Hare panicked a little, fingers flexing as he rushed to get her Majesty a pretzel and a wine cooler, cape whipping behind him as he ran. June and Alice followed behind, each taking some snacks and tea from the refreshment table, going to their seats casually.

The seats were filling as more of the talent and audience arrived. Caterpillar sat himself to the right of the stage, giving himself perhaps the best view out of everyone and Rabbit appeared with a gym bag which he stored behind the curtain for later. The Cat hovered over the crowd, probably already thinking of some sick burns to throw during the show to entertain himself.

Six o'clock rolled around and the Hatter took center stage, a wide smile across his face as he greeted everyone. He was looking extra spiffed up, his usual purple coat and tails speckled with glittering embellishments that sparkled as he moved.

"Ladies and gentleman, cats and Majestys! Welcome to the talent show!" There was a smattering of applause as people settled into their seats, the chatter dying down. "We have a wide array of acts lined up for you tonight. You'll laugh! You'll cry! You might not even believe your eyes! So sit back and enjoy the show." Another round of applause followed and Hatter waited for the noise to settle before introducing the first act.

"Our first act is the upbeat dance stylings of the Tweedles!" He casually stepped to the side, arm outstretched as the Tweedles came through the part in the curtain.

Dum set their oversized boombox to the side of the stage (volume set to 11) and pressed the play button, racing to center to hit his mark before the music began. They stood back to back, arms crossed over their chests, sunglasses covering their eyes for that cool hip-hop look.

The bass boomed from the speakers and they hopped into action, poppin' and lockin', ducking and weaving around each other. They synchronized their movements to each other and the music perfectly, hitting every beat with a gesture or pose that yelled nothing but hip-hop attitude. At one point they did a little rap battle, bouncing verses back and forth off each other with ease. The audience was mesmerized and feeding into their energy, getting hyped up and sucked into the show. Soon people were clapping to the beat and the Hatter couldn't stop himself from doing some dance moves from his seat just off stage. The Tweedles did some flips and jumps, landing just as the music ended, applause filling the area. They got to their feet and bowed, waving at the cheers as Hatter ushered them offstage.

"Thank you, lads. What a great first act, am I right?" Hatter said as he applauded, a bounce still in his step from the energy he gained from the show. "Really marvelous. Such a hard act to follow. But, someone has to do it! And our next act is a dramatic reading of a new story from none other than our resident storyteller, the Caterpillar."

The Caterpillar scooted his way closer to the stage, setting just off to the right of it. There was no way he was even going to attempt to get up on that tiny stage and nobody expected him to.

"Thank you, thank you…" he said to light applause that preceded him to the stage. His lowest set of hands applauded for himself, his middle hands were holding a book tightly and his top hands were moving in a downward motion, as if to settle a crowd of unruly children. "How am I meant to follow an act like that? Well, I would say, with a story." His middle hands passed the book up to his top ones and he flipped through the pages, going to one marked with a red ribbon. This was apparently his journal that his second pair of hands worked in (his best writing hands, if you'd asked him) and it was filled with all of the stories that he was working through.

"This is a story about a boy named Carl who thought it would be a good idea to go into the haunted house alone…" He read the story aloud, bringing the energy of the room down a spell from the last act. His second and third pair of hands worked with him, pulling items from a bag that was slung over one of his shoulders to act as props or sound effects as he read aloud. He droned out the story but somehow brought it to life and everyone felt like they could almost see the tale run through in their mind's eye. The story had twists and turns and one surprise after another. There was a jump scare almost ¾ of the way through that got a lot of them, Rabbit most of all. He almost hopped into the Queen's lap, causing her to make a little bit of a scene. But the Caterpillar reeled them back in to finish the story with a grim message.

"And, in the end, Carl learned that sometimes you must heed the warnings of others. Because, if you don't, the only friends you'll have are the worms in the ground who will feast upon that's left of your corpse."

The audience didn't know how to react to the story the Caterpillar chose to read to them. It was an enthralling tale, but one that probably would have been better saved for their Halloween Campfire session.

The Cat, however, loved it and howled with laughter as he applauded enthusiastically. "The little sucker got what he deserved, haha!" he boomed, tail swishing around with excitement. Everyone looked at him with confused expressions on their faces as the Caterpillar moved his way back to his original spot, Hatter taking the stage again.

"Ooh, spooky story, right folks?" he said with a nervous laugh. He was thinking that perhaps he should have screened the talent before allowing them to perform, but it was too late for that now. "I especially liked the part where the…" he paused and cleared his throat. "Anyway, thank you Caterpillar. We will keep our eyes open for when your next book is published and I'm sure we'll all be sure to grab ourselves a copy."

"I will be selling autographed anthologies after the show," he said as he settled. "Come and see me if you're interested. Oh, and no personal checks, please," he added with the wave of a finger.

"Righty roo," Hatter said with a chuckle. "Now, on to the next act. This little guy has traveled a long way from my tea table to perform his acts of daredevilry for all of you tonight! So please direct your attention to the center of the stage as I present to you: Danger Dormouse!"

Hatter pulled on a yellow cord that was to the left of the stage and the curtain went up, revealing a miniature driving obstacle course set up on a table. It was just below eye level, so even those in the back row had some sort of view of it. The stage, however, was empty of the small mouse with a motorcycle.

From off in the distance, the put-put-put of his motor could be heard and he zoomed in from under the gate door, coming up the center aisle and up a ramp and onto the stage. He was making great speed but was still visible to everyone as he hopped another ramp onto the table, doing a wheelie as his tires screeched. That earned him a surprised round of applause, most of the audience being quite shocked that the Dormouse had this sort of act in him.

About halfway through the routine, Rabbit got a tap on his shoulder and he jumped to see the Hatter there, tilting his head to the side to indicate that he was up next. Rabbit twiddled his fingers and nodded, getting to his feet and sneaking away to prepare himself without anyone noticing.

They watched the Dormouse weave through traffic cones, do a crossing on a narrow beam from one table to another and he even did a handstand on his little cycle while driving it. Every stunt he managed to land received more applause from the audience. And when he pulled off his final trick, jumping over 8 of the Hatter's tophats side-by-side, you'd have thought he had jumped the entirety of the grand canyon by the way the audience reacted. Dee and Dum were so impressed they gave him a standing ovation, thrusting their fists into the air and hooting as the little mouse stood on the stage beside his bike, bowing to everyone.

"Alright, little guy," Hatter said as he entered the stage, applauding his small friend and housemate. The curtain had been dropped behind him and there was a scuffling sound from behind it, if anyone had paid attention to hear it. "Everyone should watch themselves with this guy on the road, am I right?" That received a little bit of a laugh and the Dormouse climbed back into his bike, kicking the stand up before looking up at Hatter. "You be careful on your drive home, alright? I know you have quite a journey to make." The Dormouse chuckled and turned the motor on, zooming away and around the side of the hat house.

"Now, this next act was a last minute addition to the lineup, so even I'll be surprised by what we're about to experience," Hatter introduced as the put-put-put of the motor died away. "Let's give a round of applause for the Queen's right hand bunny, and one of my favorite furry friends, The White Rabbit."

Rabbit took the stage from behind the curtain in a black unitard, leg warmers on his fuzzy legs, sweatbands on his wrists and no roller blades. He carried a small boombox and placed a cassette tape into it, standing upright as he addressed the audience. "I will now go through a day in the life of Rabbit… through interpretive dance." He bent down and pushed the button marked "play", waiting till an early morning music started before he started bounding around the stage, waving his arms.

Everyone in the audience was completely aghast by what they had to sit through for the next few minutes. They followed Rabbit through his day, watching him mime cleaning and cooking and the various frustrations of his life, all through dance and bunny feet shuffling across the stage. Hare couldn't help but notice that his mother's eyes never left Rabbit once. It made him feel uncomfortable and he felt badly for teasing Rabbit about it at the Market the other day.

After what felt like the longest and most agonizing two minutes of their lives, everyone in the audience applauded weakly as Rabbit stood in the center of the stage, one leg lifted up behind him, his arms above his head, the music coming to an end. Rabbit later said the dance was rather invigorating. Dee said he'd rather poke his eyes out with a pencil than sit through it again. The Cheshire Cat couldn't stop cackling to himself over it, wishing he had recorded it for later viewing.

"Well, that was something, Rabbit…" Hatter said, applauding as he entered from stage right, his guitar hanging from his shoulder. He was dragging a stool behind him as he made his way to center stage. "Thank you for sharing that with us…" Rabbit gave one final bow, his ears brushing the ground, before picking up his boombox and exiting the stage.

"After that last exciting little display of talent," Hatter started as he took a seat on the stool, flipping the guitar around to his front and resting it on his knee. "We're going to slow things down a little with a song that I wrote for the occasion." There was still a buzz in the audience about the strangeness they had just experienced and they were having a little bit of a hard time focusing on the Hatter, but his calm demeanor was drawing them in slightly. Hatter strummed the strings on his guitar lazily as he spoke, warming up his fingers to play his new song.

"As everyone here knows, we have a special guest in the audience tonight: Hare's mother June. Give us a wave there, Junie. Righty roo… righty roo… She was in the paper this morning, I hope you all saw that. And so was Hare, but that's a whole other matter…" he cleared his throat, licking his lips as he plucked the cords. "And, in seeing her with Hare over the past day or two, it's gotten me thinking about my own mother: Mother Hatter. So I decided to write a song to her and I hope you'll all be patient with me as I sing it." He paused and his foot started to tap on the floor gently as he began his song with a slow and loving melody.

This was quite a departure from the wild and crazy Hatter that everyone was used to seeing. He was calm and collected, fingers moving away over the neck of the guitar, singing a sweet song about the love of a son for his mother. Hare gasped a little at the tenderness of it, his breath getting caught in his throat as he listened. This was a song directly from the heart and it was beautiful. Even the Queen had to wipe a tear from her eye because it touched her so. His sweet song filled the dimming evening with a tranquility that was surprising to everyone in the vicinity. Every act up until this point was full of energy and excitement (except perhaps for Rabbit's strange display) and this was just plain different.

The Hatter played his song through, hitting the final cords with perfect rhythm, earning him applause from everyone. Hare saw June dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief she had taken from her purse, her makeup smearing a little under her glasses. He returned his gaze to the Hatter, who looked at him and gave him a wink. God, he loved this man.

Hatter relished in the praise for perhaps a little longer than he should have, before he tugged the stool off stage. "Thank you, thank you, you're all too kind," he said with a wide grin, moving his hands in a downward motion to get them all to settle. "Still two more acts to go, folks. Does anyone need a refill on refreshments? More pretzels, we have plenty? No? Ah, righty ho. Well, you're all taking home the extras because I never want to see another pretzel again as long as I live."

Returning to the center of the stage, he maneuvered his guitar onto his back again, clearing his throat to catch everyone's attention. "Now, for a little something by our very own Alice."

Alice took the stage with a bright smile and flashing green eyes, her hands held behind her back as she addressed the crowd. "I'm afraid that I don't have a big flashy act or anything to share with you all tonight," she said with a little bit of a shrug. "But what I did bring to share are a few of my favorite poems from my world that I would like to share with all of you!"

The audience "oohed" as Alice cleared her throat and began reciting a number of poems she had taken the time to memorize over the past couple days. The poems she had chosen were by Robert Frost, TS Eliot, Emily Dickenson and Shel Silverstein, who were not completely unknown to the Wonderlandians. She never fumbled her words or paused to try to remember the next line she had to say, saying every word calmly as if she were making them up as she went along. The Queen shone with pride at the girl's display, nudging June next to her to say that she had helped her learn the words and practice them the day before. The Caterpillar made a mental note to talk to Alice about the talent who was TS Elliot sometime.

After finishing the last of her memorized works, she gave everyone a bow and stood center stage as Hatter came to join her. "Very nice, Alice! Wonderful job," he said, applauding her happily. "Everyone give her a hand!"

The audience clapped for her as she gave them one last bow, rushing to her seat beside the Tweedles in the back row. She passed Hare as she made her way, taking the time to whisper a "Good luck, mr Hare" and give him a reassuring thumbs up before taking her seat.

Hare smiled and nodded, adjusting his collar on his cape before turning his back to the audience. Normally he wasn't one to get stage fright. But this was a whole different set of circumstances. He was performing for his mother and he lacked confidence in his big finale. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, taking a moment as Hatter wound everyone up.

"Righty roo, everybody!" the Hatter said, a wide grin on his face as he introduced the final act of the night. "Everyone, hold onto your hats! This is the act we've all been waiting for! Well, I know June has, anyway," he said, giving her a playful wink, causing her to giggle from her seat. "I give you, the man of mystery, the illustrious illusionist, the Amazing Hair-raising Hare!"

Hare forced a smile on his face and turned around on his heels, holding his arms out so his cape draped over his form just right. There was a light bit of applause, a boost of it coming from where June was seated.

"Thank you, thank you!" Hare said aloud, trying to make his voice sound as confident as possible. He kept his eyes off of his mother, focusing on the other faces in the audience to put himself at ease. He found he kept eyeing Rabbit, which was obviously making the elderly bunny uncomfortable.

"For my first trick of the evening, I will show you one that may ring a bell!" He chuckled to himself, pulling from behind his back three sets of golden rings. He showed them to the audience, running his hand along the golden bands to prove that it was a continuous piece. After some fancy handwork, the three rings were linked perfectly, Hare tugging on them to show that the rings were still solid. He displayed them to the audience, walking down to the Queen and having her inspect them.

"I know gold rings and, yes, these are solid!" she said with a laugh, clearly impressed. Maybe it was the sparkle of the gold, but her eyes glittered a little.

"But what good are three rings stuck together, am I right?" Hare asked, licking his lips a little before taking two of the rings and rubbing them between his gloved fingers. Pressing hard with his fingertips, he felt the metal slip and pulled them apart with ease. He handed the free one to the Queen, before unlinking the second pair as well. Everyone applauded and Hare felt a boost in confidence as he took the three rings from the Queen, tossing them in his magic box behind the curtain and retrieving his next magical item and tucking it away in his jacket.

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer from the audience! And who better than my own Mother, June Hare!"

June's eyes widened as her son came down from the stage, taking her gloved hand and leading her up onto the platform with him. She stood there nervously, hands balled up and fingers laced in front of her as she watched him closely.

Everyone in the audience grew nervous when they saw Hare take the handcuffs out from his jacket pocket.

"Don't think about it, Hare!" the Queen pouted, making everyone laugh a little, causing the Hare's happy demeanor flicker a little. His eyes looked at his mother, who was beaming so wide you could see all her teeth. He put on a brave face for her.

"Worry not, your Majesty! This trick is foolproof!" Hare gestured his arm out, holding the handcuff aloft in his other hand. "I'm so confident in it, I would risk handcuffing myself to my own mother to prove that it can be done!"

It probably didn't come out the way it had sounded in his head, but his mother didn't seem offended by the statement and everyone in the audience took it as a sign that he was serious. In fact, his mother seemed a little overwhelmed by being pulled on stage. Quickly, he decided he needed to distract her and give her something to do to settle her nerves.

"But first, I will demonstrate that I can remove them from myself. Ma, if you would be so kind…" He gave her the handcuffs and she snapped them around his wrists nervously, fingers shaking a little as she did it. He took hold of her hands and gave them a reassuring squeeze before continuing. "Thank you…"

Holding his hands out in front of him, he tried to tug at the cuffs, showing that they were indeed locked onto his person. "The cuffs are securely fastened… but not for long?"

With the flip of his wrists, he twisted and turned, causing the cuffs to fall right off. Of course, all the Wonderlandians who went through the great handcuff ordeal knew how the trick worked, but Hare's mother was delighted by the trick and clapped her hands enthusiastically. Her hands reached out to inspect the cuffs for herself, eyes wide with wonder.

"As you can see, there's really nothing to it!" Hare said aloud, turning to his mother. "Now, the real test."

Hatter came on stage and assisted Hare in getting the cuffs around his and June's wrists, stepping aside to allow the act to continue.

"As you can see, the handcuffs are on tight," he raised his arm out and tugged against his mother, showing everyone that they were indeed locked and not going to move. "Now, on the count of three, the cuffs will come off as easily as they had been put on."

June watched as her son guided her in her actions without really realizing it, raising and dropping their connected arm as he counted aloud. She lifted her right arm as he counted, and on the count of three he moved his wrist, causing the cuff to rotate around hers, making them fall off easily. The audience applauded as the cuffs fell to the ground with a clatter. It seemed they were impressed that he'd actually managed to get the trick to work this time around.

Again, June clapped enthusiastically, examining her wrist as if it had been removed from her body and reattached again.

Hare ushered her off stage and back to her seat, Hatter standing on stage with a box and some more magic items when he returned.

"And now, some slight of hand!" he reached into the box and took out three small multicolored balls. With nimble hands, Hare tossed the balls up in the air, not missing a beat as the orbs did their dance. He tossed them high and low, over his shoulder and under his leg, adding a fourth ball with ease as the act went along. The audience was impressed by his skill. He was a clumsy hare and people often forgot that he was a master juggler.

"He sure knows how to handle his balls," the Cat said aloud, causing Dee to laugh out boisterously.

He continued to juggle, tossing the balls to audience members and instructing them to toss them back to him when he gave them the signal. Dum might have thrown the ball a little too hard, because Hare had to stumble back in order to get it, almost causing him to trip over his own feet. But he caught himself, adding to the suspense of the trick, a smattering of applause coming from the audience. After a little more of this, getting 5 balls in the air, he caught them all in a box and gave a short bow, mentally preparing himself for the final trick. Everything had gone well up until this point, he was feeling comfortable on stage, his nerves had gone to the back of his mind. It was now or never.

"My final trick for the evening will shock and amaze you!" Hare said, tossing the box of balls backstage and into a crate with the rest of his magic items. "Hatter, bring in… the box!"

The curtains parted behind Hare and Hatter appeared, dragging a large trunk behind himself. Hare moved around to help at the other end, positioning it in the center of the stage. Hatter gave Hare a reassuring pat on the back, before stepping aside.

"What you see before you is a plain, ordinary box!" Hare said, gesturing a hand toward the trunk in a flamboyant fashion. "This trick requires a volunteer. Alice, if you will, please come look at the box to make sure that it is, in fact, ordinary."

She looked at him and nodded, going to the trunk and investigating it. She opened it with the help of the Hatter and looked inside, tapping on the sides and the lid.

"Looks like a plain box to me." She announced.

"Wonderful, wonderful," Hare said, fluttering his fingers mysteriously for effect. "One more, thing. Did you happen to find something -in- the box?"

Alice took a peek in and pulled out a large velvet bag.

Hare's mother applauded joyously, causing Dum to lean over and say to her "I don't think that was the trick…" causing her to stop.

Hare forced a smile and took the bag from Alice, showing it to the crowd. "Now, Alice, inspect the bag for any holes or imperfections, if you please."

Alice came over and glanced over the bag, turning it this way and that and checking the inside before agreeing that the bag hadn't been tampered with.

"Thank you, Alice," Hare said aloud, taking the bag from her and placing it in the bottom of the box. "Now, Alice, stand in the bag!"

She looked at him, shoulders dropped, her jaw slack. "What?"

Hare's eyes widened and he smiled at the audience, hearing them laugh nervously, before turning to Alice. "Get in the box."

She blinked and shook her head a little, before the Hare put a hand out and guided her into the box, positioning her so she was standing in the bag.

"Now, Alice, I'm going to close you in the bag and lay you down in the box. Do not be frightened! You will come out of this, completely unharmed!" He accentuated the last bit by looking at the audience, gesturing an outstretched hand at them as if he were reeling them in, causing them to Ooh and Aah. Dee might have muttered something along the lines of "I hope Alice has health insurance" before being jammed in the ribs by his brother.

Hare helped Alice pull the bag up around her, seeing her give him a wink to signal him that she was okay, before tying the bag shut above her head. Then, with the Hatter's help, they helped her get in a lying position in the box before closing the lid.

"Now, Hatter, the lock please!"

The audience was on the edge of their seats as Hare put a comedicaly large lock on the front of the lid, jangling it around to show that it was, in fact, sealed.

Hatter came from the left side of the stage with a portable curtain on a rod. He switched it around, making it flutter in the wind, before handing one end to the hare. They walked around the box, before Hare stepped atop it.

"Now, don't look away!" he shouted, wiggling his fingers at the audience a little before lifting the curtain in front of him. Hatter stepped aside as the curtain shook and shimmered in the light, obscuring the view of the trunk from the audience. It continued to shake from side to side for a few moments, before falling to the ground, revealing…

Alice standing atop the box, arms outstretched and wearing Hare's cape.

The entire audience gasped as she was revealed, not missing a beat before they erupted into applause. Everyone jumped to their feet and roared, even the Queen had gotten swept up in the moment. They were all so impressed that they forgot to ask where the Hare went.

With Hatter's help, Alice hopped off of the box and took a bow, before taking a step aside and gesturing toward the trunk.

And nothing happened.

Alice had a strained smile on her face and Hatter was starting to look nervous. She gestured back to the box and still, nothing happened.

"Uh… mr Hare?" Alice asked, going to the box and tugging on the large lock, finding that it was still stuck shut. "Uh oh…"

There was a thumping and banging from inside the trunk as the noise died down and people started to get the feeling something had gone wrong. The box shook a little and scooted around as Hatter bowed down next to it.

"Hare? Are you in there?"

"I can't get out!" Hare shouted from inside. "I can't get the thing open."

"Oh dear…" Alice gasped, hand going to her mouth as she bent down beside the Hatter.

Hatter hit against the back of the trunk, finding that the secret door was stuck. He reached for the lock with his giant hands and gave it a yank, straining to pull it off. After struggling for a few moments, the crowd had gathered at the foot of the stage to get a better look at what was going on.

"Where is the key?" Rabbit asked, pointing at the lock. It was the most obvious solution, why hadn't they thought of it already?

Hatter patted his sides down, but he didn't have it, so he bent down and shouted at the box. "Where's the key, Hare?" he asked, holding his ear against the lid of the trunk to listen for an answer.

"It's in my pocket…" came the response.

June looked like she was about ready to either faint or pull the lid off the trunk with her bare hands. To say she was getting frantic was an understatement. "Did he just say they're in his pocket?"

Hatter laughed and shook his head. "No, he couldn't have!"

"He did, Mr Hatter…" Alice said, biting her lip.

"Oh… well, this is quite a pickle here, isn't it?" Hatter said, scrunching up his face and putting a hand to his hip. "Well, only one thing to do." He got to his feet, everyone having their eyes trained on him as he walked in through the IN door and immediately through the OUT door, holding an ax in his gloved hands. The group parted as he stood at the front of the box, lifting the ax above his head and was about to swing down, when…

"I don't think so!" June exclaimed, putting her arm out.

"But, June! How else are we going to get him out of there?" Hatter asked, still holding the axe above his head.

"A mother has her ways…" she said, raising her hands to her head and pulling two hairpins from her updo. Kneeling down at the lock, she straightened the pins and shoved them into the lock, moving them around with expert fingers. They sat for a few minutes, Hare tapping on the lid of the box every minute or so to let him know he hadn't passed out. Eventually he started making casual conversation with those outside the box, asking what the outside world was like and if the price of gasoline had dropped because it was much too high. He also asked if it would be appropriate for him to sing a song when he got out of the box (they told him no) so he started singing a song about being stuck inside it instead.

A few minutes and broken hairpins later, the lock clicked open and fell to the floor.

"She got it!" Dum exclaimed, jumping to his feet in excitement.

"I'll be damned…" Dee added under his breath as June wrenched the lid open.

She found her son scrunched up inside the box, trap door knocked off its hinges on one side, tied up in the sack.

"He did it!" Hatter rejoiced, giving Alice a hug. "He finally got inside the bag this time."

Desperately, Hare clawed at the mouth of the bag, pulling it down over his sheepish face. The view from inside the box was one he didn't think he'd ever forget. All his friends were looking down at him, expressions varied from surprise to anger to trying to hide laughter.

"Ta-da!" he shouted, with a little bit of a nervous laugh. He wanted to climb back into the box and die right at that very moment. Instead, he allowed Hatter and the Tweedles to help him get out of the box and to his feet, dusting himself off as Alice gave him back the red cape. June fussed over him, giving him a once over to make sure he was alright. If you had looked at her while she was picking the lock, you'd have thought she was keeping very calm, but on the inside she was frantic with worry. Now that her son was sitting on the lid of the box, sipping a calming cup of tea, she was starting to relax.

"Where did you learn to do that, mrs Hare?" Alice asked, very impressed with how well she dealt with the situation. And her skill with a pair of hairpins was very intriguing.

"I'm sorry, dear," June said with a friendly smile, once she realized Alice was talking to her. She was watching Hare from a distance now, just making sure he was okay. "What did you say?"

"I was curious about how you knew to pick the lock, mrs Hare," Alice said, taking a seat beside the elder bunny.

June couldn't keep the shy smile from her face. Her cheeks turned a little pink as she bent toward Alice.

"Let me tell you," June whispered to her, patting the child on the knee. "When you have a son who would accidentally lock himself in rooms as often as Hare did, you had to get good at picking locks," adding a playful wink at the end, she held a finger to her lips to tell Alice it was a secret. The girl nodded and returned with a wink of her own.

[atmilliways]

Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life)

This @mtl-trick-or-treat fic is for @tanyonlee, who asked for either a treat of “Very cute Skwistok!!” or a trick of “Skwisgaar and his gmiltf girlfriend XDDD.” 

It was while writing this bit that I realized, hey, I’m writing this for a Halloween event, maybe it should have some actual Halloween in it. Thank you to @little-murmaider for the costume suggestion. All the other suggestions were close seconds, you are all superstars. 🎃 

Here’s part three! (1562 words)

(part 1) (part 2)

~

Halloween day dawned cold and crisp over Mordhaus — but the five members of Dethklok all slept through that part. It wasn’t until a much more reasonable eleven am that three hunched figures sat around the sawblade kitchen table, piled high with breakfast pastries, clutching steaming cups of black, black coffee in their hands.

“Fuck, okay,” Nathan rumbled after a few mouthfuls of blessed caffeine. “I call this what-the-fuck-do-we-do-about-our-guitarists meeting to order.”

“Uh, exchusche me, I’m a guitarischt?”

Pickles rolled his eyes. “Yeah, bass guitarist. That’s barely an instrument.”

Murderface glared at the drummer, but chose not to dignify it with a response. Not an audible response, anyway — he may or may not have mumbled something containing the word Thunderbottom into his coffee.

“Stop bitching and pay attention,” snapped Nathan, who was absolutely not a morning person. “Look. Toki keeps going off and costing us money in damages and lawsuits, and Skwisgaar’s being even more of a moody asshole than usual. We’ve gotta do something about it.”

There was a drowsy silence while the three men tried to think while still in the process of waking up.

“Does anyone else get the feelin’ that they’re, like... eggin’ each other on or someshit?” Pickles asked finally.

“Let’sch juscht put ‘em in a room together and lock the door,” Murderface grumbled, still smarting from the jab at his instrument.

“That’s...” Nathan paused, mulling the suggestion over for a minute. “... Not the shittiest idea I’ve ever heard. Good job, Murderface.”

The bassist replied by flipping him off with his still-bandaged band, his other busy grabbing for a powdered donut.

“What if they kill each other?” Pickles asked.

“We’ll stay nearby,” Nathan said firmly. “I’m pretty sure if any of us get seriously hurt, that... thing would happen again.”

They all shifted a little uncertainty at that — except for Murderface, who inhaled at the wrong moment and started coughing and hacking on powdered sugar, which diffused the feeling somewhat. Because sure, That Thing had been brutal and badass and a rush, but the idea of it was still unsettling. It was the kind of experience that you half hoped, half worried would happen again someday.

Nathan reached over and gave Murderface a helpful couple of thumps on the back, which helpfully knocked over his coffee into the bassist’s crotch.

~

SEVERAL HOURS LATER.

A klokateer had just finished bringing three fresh drinks to the hot tub when Pickles suddenly sat up from his relaxed slouch and asked, “Wait, don’t we gotta figure out how to get both’a them in the same room in the first place?”

“Uh.” Nathan’s brow furrowed. “Yeah... I guess we do.” He took a long pull from his beer. “So, uh... if anyone has any ideas, that’d be great.”

“Schuper leaderschip right there,” Murderface deadpanned.

“Shut up! I had the idea to come up with an idea, I’m fucking worn out.”

“It is Halloween,” Pickles said slowly, ignoring the bickering with the ease many years’ practice and more substances than just alcohol in his system. “Meybe we could tell Toki some story about trick or treatin’?”

“But what about Schkwischgaar? He doeschn’t even want to go out for schweet poontang anymore now that he’sch deschided to schack up with that fat grandma.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Nathan grunted. “Skwisgaar doesn’t even know the word monog... mogon... m... hrnnnnn... He doesn’t know what settling down even means.”

Pickles shrugged. “Feck If I know. Meybe we can grab ‘em while he’s still sleepin’, throw him in wherever, boom, lock the door, done.”

“But that only worksch if he’sch aschleep... What if we juscht tell him the fat grandma isch waiting for him schomewhere, and when he goesch in that’sch when we lock the door.” Murderface sipped thoughtfully on his Bloody Mary, then made a face. “Ugh, thisch thing isch dischguschting!”

“Dood, then why’d you ask for one? Give it here, I’ll drink it.”

“No, it’sch mine,” Murderface whined, holding the glass as far away from Pickles as he could and thus giving Nathan a good look at the cocktail onions decorated to look like eyeballs and a set of plastic vampire fangs floating in the thick cocktail. “It’sch feschtive!”

“What’s you guys all doin’s up so earlies? Trick or treats hasn’t even starts yet!”

The three men in the hot tub turned in unison to look at Toki. Somehow he’d managed to sneak up on them despite his costume, which requires a moment of blank staring to fully take in — from the ridiculous umbrella hat on his head to the ludicrous arrangement of base drum, cymbals, and various horns slung on his back like a backpack, completed by an array of mouthpieces clustered around his face like an addition to his already weird facial hair and his Flying V strapped to his front.

Plus, there were coins dangling from the umbrella, clinking against each other every time he moved. Nathan and Pickles exchanged one of those what just happened here and could it have anything to do with…? looks, because he shouldn’t have been able to sneak up on them with all those noisemakers on. They weren’t that drunk yet.

“What the fuck?” Nathan asked finally, speaking for everyone as per his job description.

Toki grinned proudly. “I ams a one man band!” He punctuated the statement with a cymbal crash, operated by some sort of hand lever. “Where’s Skwisgaar? I bets he ams too lazies to even does a costumes...”

“He’s prahbly still sleepin or something. What’s... with all the coins, dood?” Pickles asked.

The flicker of disappointment in Toki’s eyes was so brief that his band mates didn’t even notice, quickly replaced by exaggerated childlike glee. “They ams my tips what’s I get for playing goods!”

“That’s, uh...” Nathan glanced around, searching his brain or possibly the room for something to say that wasn’t too jackassy but not an outright lie either. It was hard to tell sometimes what might set off one of the rhythm guitarist’s violent tantrums, and Toki’s bubbly mood could just be the manic before the storm. “...Uh... sugar-free?”

Murderface, still staring, spoke up in lukewarm agreement. “Healthier than playing for candy, that’sch for schure.”

“You got your insulin, right?” Pickles asked reflexively.

Toki nodded and beamed and played a riff on his guitar, accompanying it with various clashes, bashes, and honks.

In the midst of the cacophony, Pickles turned to the other two and said in a low voice, “This is a tickin’ time bomb. You guys wanna get this over with now?”

“...Yeah.”

“Schoundsch good. I’ve got my tascher in with my clothesch over there.”

“Okey.” Pickles leaned back and raised his voice again. “Hey, that’s real good, Toki! You wanna start trick or treatin’ early this year?”

Toki stopped the assault on their ears and clapped his hands together in excitement. “Oh boys, does I!” He paused. “But… it doesn’ts starts until suns-set, I thoughts?”

Murderface, ever a champion of messing with people, literally leapt up in his eagerness to cover this plot hole in their story. “Nope! I know a neighborhood that schtartsch early, scho letsch get thisch schow on the road!”

As one, everyone in the room groaned and shielded his eyes in dismay.

“Goddammit Murderface,” Nathan bellowed, “stop freeballing in the hot tub!”

~

ABOUT HALF AN HOUR LATER.

Nathan pulled his dethphone out of his back pocket. “Okay, I’m going to text Skwisgaar now. Everybody ready?”

Pickles nudged at Toki with a sneakered foot to make sure he was still down for the count, getting the hoped-for lack of response. He nodded and flashed a double thumbs up.

From his position by the door, Murderface held up his taser in wordless salute.

They’d decided that the one man band getup presented too many improvised weapon possibilities, so they’d tasered him into unconsciousness, removed everything but his clothes, and made a couple klokateers carry him down to the studio. To make the whole thing more fair, they’d also decided to do more or less the same to Skwisgaar as soon as he stormed in.

“... Wait, how come I gotta do all the taschering? My hand schtill hurtsch, schomeone elsche do it thisch time.”

“This isn’t the time for whining, Murderface,” Nathan called as he and Pickles hid behind the couch, just in case. “This is your time to shine!”

~

Text log between Skwisgaar Skwigelf and Nathan Explosion:

NE (5:29:27pm) — Hey, come to the studio.

NE (5:41:02pm) — GET YOUR ASS DOWN TO THE STUDIO RIGHT NOW.

NE (5:43:26pm) — Some of your pickups in the new track need some work.

SS (5:43:56pm) — WHAT

SS (5:43:57pm) — BOLLSHIT

SS (5:43:59pm) — THEMS WAS PERFECTION

NE (5:45:37pm) — Prove it. Just get in here.

SS (5:45:44pm) — THIS AMS SLANDER ON MY NAMES I WILLS PROVE IT ALL OVER YOURS DUM BITCHTITS

~

ONE AMBUSH LATER.

Pickles was helping Nathan drag an unconscious Skwisgaar into the booth with the equally unconscious Toki, when the drummer suddenly dropped the pair of booted ankles he’d been lugging and asked, “Wait, don’t I have some sorta dentist appointment to go to later today?” 

He glared at his band mates. 

“How come neither’a you dooshbeags reminded me? Now I don’t got time to pour bleach on my teeth first!”