#as I read this my heart literally sunk lower and lower?? im

[yummycrummy]

imagining uncharged roy angst…like him miraculously trying to be a better man despite it being completely against his intrinsic nature. kinda pathetically trying to bond with his wife and his son when they’re near the mirror and just completely failing at it. trying to be effortlessly charming like his counterpart but it ends up looking fake and creepy and manipulative. only being able to live vicariously through smart roy when he receives physical affections. constant little reminders of why he’s the one stored away and trying to convince himself it’s unjustified. is that in character at all?

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter twenty-one: make it feel like the first time

A/N: okay... so i suggest you read my update so you can understand why this is super late. also, two lovely reasons why this wasn’t up on time (bc anxiety and depression couldn’t just be it) is my laptop crashed while i writing this AND ALSO this whole thing is a sex scene. i’ve never truly written pure smut before, but i hope it’s okay. lmk if it sucks lol also lmk what you think of the story so far. alrighty... on with the smut.

description of the story

taglist:  @ajosieface , @localsleeper , @julyrubyrose , @far-to-many-bands , @absolute-randomness-forever

trigger warning: IT’S LITERALLY JUST SMUT

word count: 1933

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 12/14

"Fuck, I need a break." I mumbled to myself, tossing my laptop off me and walking to the kitchen.

I had been editing, answering emails, and doing general work things all day. I was bored, tired... but mostly bored.

I needed something to do that wasn't work. I would have hung out with Casey, but she was out with Brennen. I didn't want to call Colby. I didn't want to seem clingy since we had been hanging out almost every day since I got to California. And even though my time with him was running short... I just didn't want to seem desperate.

As I stepped into the kitchen, I felt my phone vibrate. Unlocking it, I saw a new message from Colby.

Colby: what are u doing rn

I texted him back quickly.

Skye: nothing really. why?

I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, waiting for his reply. I soon heard my phone buzz.

Colby: save me. im bored and no one is home :(

I could see his pout in my mind. I giggled to myself, typing out my response.

Skye: ask and you shall receive

/  /  /  /

"What have you been up to all day?" I asked as we both strolled into Colby's room.

He shrugged. "Nothing really. Mostly editing. I didn't even know I was alone in the house today."

"Where is everyone?" I inquired.

"I know Sam and Kat are hanging out all day. But everyone else... no clue." He replied, laying down on his bed.

"Am I your last resort?" I gasped dramatically, sliding my knee onto his bed.

He shook his head, grabbing my hands and pulling me down onto him. "No..."

I buried my face into his chest as we cuddled for a moment. I embraced him, and he did the same to me. Suddenly, he spun us around. I laid my back against his bed as he pulled away from me. He gazed into my eyes, smiling sweetly. I stared into his, getting lost in the deep blue that they were.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered.

A blush rose to my face instantly. I rolled my eyes, trying to cover it. "You love teasing me, don't you?"

"Never." He kissed my lips quickly.

I stared back into his eyes again, cupping his cheek. His mouth twitched from a smile he barely let show. His eyes scanned my face slowly, noticing every detail. I bit my lip softly, still looking into his eyes. When our gaze finally met, I leaned up and connected our lips.

Everything about this kiss felt slow and gentle. The nibble of his teeth against my lip, the brush of my hand up his back, every movement sweet. I thread my fingers through his hair, the slight tug causing a hum to leave his mouth.

His fingers trailed up and down my thighs, goosebumps following their path. I spread my legs, allowing Colby to get closer to me and relax against my body.

Our gentle nature changed.

As our tongues danced together, my fingers left his hair and traveled down his body, resting low on his stomach. My fingers snaked their way up his shirt, nails dragging lightly across his abs. He pulled away with a grunt, sitting up.

“Talk about teasing…” He mumbled, ripping his shirt off. A coy smirk appeared on his face.

I chuckled, my face mimicking his. “Bite me.”

“If you insist…” Colby uttered.

He shoved his lips against my neck, finding a sensitive spot under my ear. He nipped and sucked at the spot, causing me to moan. I gripped his forearms as I pushed my hips against his. I slowly started to grind in a circle, causing his teeth to sink a little more into my skin. A gasp escaped my lips.

His fingers pulled at the bottom of my shirt, slowly rising it up slightly. I nodded my head without a word, and Colby pushed my shirt off my body quickly.

His body pulled away from mine, looking at the new shown skin. I glanced into his eyes and watched his gaze danced across my skin.

A single word fell from his lips. “Gorgeous.”

My reaction to his words were cut short by his lips connecting to mine. His hands rubbed circles on my hips. They slowly moved up my sides, my back arching at the sensation. As we continued to kiss, I felt his fingers brush at the edge of my bra.

“Can I…” He murmured against my lips.

I choked out. “Yeah.”

He smiled softly, pecking my jawline as he unclasped my bra. He glided the fabric off me, the cool air of the room touching my newly exposed skin.

His lips left my jaw, kissing down my neck and to my chest. He glanced up at me as his mouth traveled to my left breast, pecking around my nipple. His tongue lazily circled it, my breath hitching in my throat. He sucked my nipple into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue.

I moaned his name, unable to hold back. “Colby.”

He removed his mouth, smirking. He kissed across my chest, going to my right breast. Doing the same thing to my other nipple, a shiver ran down my spine. I placed my hand on the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair.

Colby’s head slipped out from under my hand as he trailed his lips down my stomach. He kissed the skin that rested just above my shorts. His fingers traced the waistband as he looked up at me.

��Please Colby.” I whined.

He nodded, a smirk almost coming to his lips. He shimmied the shorts down my legs, leaving me in just my underwear.

He got up on his knees, watching me as he pulled his own shorts off, leaving him in just his boxers. My eyes widen at the sight of him.

Holy shit… this is actually happening.

Colby lowered his body back onto mine, brush his lips against mine. His hands cupped my hips, his fingers itching to touch me. My tongue swept across his lips, needing a taste. As our tongues grazed each other, his hand trickled down to my heat.

He rubbed circles on my clit as his mouth fell from mine. “I can feel how wet you are.”

I hissed. “Oh my God.”

He brought his lips to my ear, whispering huskily. “Can I taste you?”

I could feel my sex squirm at his words. I muttered a ‘yes’ as he snaked down to my hips. He pealed my underwear off slowly, teasingly. I felt a wave of nervousness wash over me, until I saw his face.

Not a single ounce of judgement appeared. His lust filled eyes looked up at me for a moment, and then back to my slit.

He leaned forward, his breath fanning across me. I shuddered, my legs shaking. His lips landed on my clit, and I melted into the feeling. He lapped at my clit, his tongue exploring. His fingers slid up my thigh and entered me gently.

“Holy shit! Fuck!” I whispered aggressively. My hands instinctively reached for his hair, pushing his head closer.

He hummed against my clit, causing my hips to buck against his tongue. His fingers sped up their pace, curving and going deeper.

“Colby, I’m so close.” I grunted, grinding my sex against his mouth and fingers.

He abruptly removed his fingers and mouth, causing a whine to come from me.

He chuckled lustfully. “I wanna feel you cum around me. Be patient, baby.”

“Not fair.” I sighed, trying to catch my breath. He rolled off me and pulled his underwear down, his cock springing free.

…Damn.

He got back on top of me, kissing me in the process. The kiss was slow and gentle, like how this all started.

“Do you want this?” He whispered, his lips barely pressed against mine.

“Badly.” I muttered.

A short laugh fell from both our lips. He nodded and reached over to his nightstand, opening the drawer. He grabbed a condom, bringing the silver packet over to us. He put the corner of it in between his teeth, tearing it open. He pulled the condom out and began to roll it down his shaft.

My heart began to pound in my chest.

Was I really ready for this? Should I tell him I’m a virgin?

“Colby?” I asked.

His movements stopped. “What? Is something wrong?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I- um. I…”

“What? You can tell me.” He smiled, cupping my face.

“I…”

The words couldn’t come out. I wanted to tell him I was a virgin, let him know that this wasn’t just going to be our first time together, but my first time completely. But… I couldn’t form the words.

“I haven’t had sex in a long time. So… be gentle.” I stated, exhaling.

Colby nodded his head, pecking my lips. “Of course, baby.”

He lined up his hips, his tip playing against my entrance. I slid my hands up his back, feeling his muscles relax under my touch.

“Ready?” He murmured, gazing into my eyes.

I stammered. “Please.”

Slowly, he entered me and my walls stretched around him. Every inch of him made me feel full. It was all intense and unlike anything I had felt. When his hips finally rested against mine, I breathed.

“Fuck, Skye.” Colby grunted, his hands gripping my sides.

“Oh my God.” I gasped.

We stayed still, Colby only moving to lean down and kiss me roughly. My body calmed, allowing the slight pain of him inside me to dissipate.

“Move, baby.” I moaned, yanking my lips away from his.

He leaned his forehead against mine, slowly pulling his hips back. He slowly sunk back into me, a groan escaping his lips.

His pace picked up to a steady rhythm, the in-and-out causing my hips to buck in time. I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my legs around his waist, wanting him closer and deeper in me.

“You feel so good, Skye. Fuck.” He groaned.

“Go faster, Colby.” I uttered, my nails digging into the skin of his back.

He thrusted his hips harder, his pace speeding up. I could feel my wetness drip down my pussy lips, slicking my thighs.

“You’re so wet for me.” Colby smirked, biting his lip.

I whimpered. “Keep going, don’t stop.”

I began to thrust my hips in a circle. Expletives leaked from Colby’s mouth as he dived deeper into me. His eyes stared into mine, making the moment even more intense. I could feel a build up beginning in my stomach.

“I’m close.” I was barely able to form a sentence, the pleasure being too much.

He nodded. “Me too, baby.”

Colby pounded into me harder. His fingers suddenly finding my clit, rubbing it forcefully. He buried his head into my neck, lips against my ear.

“Cum with me, Skye.” He grunted lustfully.

My high came the moment those words left his lips. My body exploded from the pleasure as I moaned loudly, unable to hold back anymore. Colby sped up his thrusts, his orgasm ripping through him. He jutted his hips against mine, groaning against my neck and shoulder.

Our movements stopped as his body relaxed against mine. A sheen of sweat rested on our skin, causing the room to feel both too hot and cold all at once.

Colby picked his head up, looking at my face. He moved a piece of hair off my forehead as he leaned down and kissed me sweetly. His thumb stroked my cheek as he pulled away.

<< CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 22 >>

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛

FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN

thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore

my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.

everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore

the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”

and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!

plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.

im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!

i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.

not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.

and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.

and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that

i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”

and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.

and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good

except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that

but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her

work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.

and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.

whatever happens happens i guess.

she who lives will see.

[bel0vedmendes]

An Angel Among the Angels  (Part 4)

Shawn Mendes X Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Word Count: 1,868

Warnings: Language, kinda-smutty, fluff, angst 

Description: Y/N is working behind the scenes at the VS Fashion Show, and Shawn has his sights set on her. She can’t believe he would even look her way, considering they’re literally surrounded by Angels. 

Not my GIF!

It was nearly 4 am when I asked him to stay with me. His hands grabbing at my waist while my fingers dove through his curly locks, tugging lightly. His lips attacking my neck, as I moaned into his ear which only seemed to make him more eager. Finally our bodies landed on the bed, his legs slotted between mine as I straddled him. He was sitting up against the head board of the bed, with his hands firm on my ass. They were pushing and pulling as my hips rocked back and forth on top of him. My body was ready for him to do whatever he pleased, and so was his. He was very ready. He slowly took my face in between his hands, softly pressing his lips against mine. My breathing caught in my throat as my movements slowed down, matching his vibe. Something was different. I smiled into our kiss, and he smiled back. 

“We should slow down, hm?” I giggled as I nuzzled into his neck.

He laughs quietly. 

“As much as I don’t want to, I think you’re right.” He mumbles kissing the shell of my ear as his fingers weave through my hair.

And that was that. It wasn’t that either of us didn’t want to take the next move, it was that we knew that the wait would be worth it. We sunk down into the mattress, pulling the white duvet over our bodies, drifting off to sleep in a matter of seconds.

It was 11:37 am and the sun was spilling through the window, lightly illuminating his face beside me. His arm was heavy, resting over my stomach as I laid on my back next to him. I gazed at him in awe for what felt like eternity, just the sight of him was enough to make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. I was falling for him, I was falling hard and fast. How couldn’t I? He was doing everything right. He was everything I’ve ever thought about needing and wanting in a man, but it had only been a short period of time. At this point I didn’t care, I was ready to dive into him head first.

“Good morning, Honey.” He rasps from the side of me, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. The light from the window bouncing off of his eyes, creating the most beautiful brown hue I had ever seen.

“Morning.” I smile back at him.

He props his head up to look down at me by folding his arm and resting his head in hand. His other arm still over my stomach, his thumb now grazing lightly. A growl in my stomach making him widen his eyes at me.

“Someone’s hungry.” He laughs quietly, as he pats my stomach.

“Im starving.” I whine, jutting out my lower lip.

He starts to get out of bed, and I instantly start to miss the warmth of his body. Was it too soon to tell him that? To soon to tell him that I didn’t want to eat if it meant we had to leave this moment. It was like our lives were paused as we laid next to each other. Neither of us knowing what would happen next but it was okay, because we didn’t need to worry about it in this moment. I sighed watching him pull his hoodie over his head. Knowing that our moment was gone. If I don’t get up, I wonder if he’ll come lay back down.

I prop myself up against the pillows on the bed, watching him as he gets ready. He starts to make coffee using the coffee machine the room provided me. He glances over at me a few times, catching me watching him. He just smirks back at me. He likes that I’m watching him.

“What are you looking at punk?” He smirks at me as he pours his coffee into one of the cups they provided, his eyebrows raised high.

“Punk?! I’m just… admiring the view.” I say wiggling my eyebrows at him.

He lets out a silent laugh before crawling up my body and trapping me under both of his arms. He looks down at me before kissing my forehead. I look up at him  biting my lip, hoping to persuade him to come back to bed. He shakes his head taking a deep breath, before pulling me off of the bed. Damnit.

I got to my luggage and pull out a pair of black leggings and one of my t-shirts and go to the bathroom to change. Looking into the mirror, realizing I look like a crazy person. All of my baby hairs going wild, and last night’s mascara giving me a look similar to a racoon. I’m sure my breath was just fantastic too. I groaned as I started with my teeth then washed my face and tamed my hair. Finishing by throwing it up into a messy bun.

I finally join him as he looks at the menu for the hotel. His eyes finding mine as he makes grabby hands, silently telling me to sit on his lap. I giggle as I sit down on his huge thighs.

“Whatcha thinking?” He asks pushing the menu into my hands.

“Definitely something with Chocolate and maybe some fruit.” I say looking at the menu, gnawing at my lip. He laughs at me, deciding not to make fun of my childlike appetite this time.

“Why don’t we go to a restaurant?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his neck kissing just below his ear.

He moans as I continue to leave delicate kisses all along his jawline.

“Mm, well… if we get food here. We can do more of this…” He rasps, his right hand pulling one leg over his lap so that I was straddling him.

I giggle. “I guess you have a point.” I whisper into his ear just before running my tongue all along the shell of it. His hands gripping my ass tightly, kneading gently. His lips quickly attaching themselves to my neck, sucking softly to be sure he didn’t make marks on me. My stomach growling once again, reminding us of what we were doing before we got distracted.

He looks up at me and kisses me quickly before re-adjusting me on his lap. He grabs his phone and I watch him pull up his messages with the guy who showed us around the night before. He quickly texts him asking if there was any great restaurants with breakfast that deliver. The guy, which I find out his name is Marco, tells Shawn that he would be happy to pick breakfast up for us. I internally roll my eyes, Shawn really has the world at his fingertips. We tell him what kind of food we wanted and Marco insisted on making it happen. I wondered what Shawn had agreed to do for this man. We laid in bed for a while, talking about silly things. 

Cuddled close together, with the sunlight pouring into the room. I was squished into his left side with his arm wrapped around me pulling me close to him. He started to tell me about a guitar he bought when he was visiting L.A. He reaches into his hoodie pocket pulling out his phone to show me a picture of it. He starts to scroll through his photo album in his phone looking for the picture he had saved. As he’s looking a text from Andrew comes in and it sits at the top of the screen. My eyes quickly flash to it. My heart drops when I read the tiny bit before Shawn swipes it up and out of the view. My breathing quickens, and I dismiss myself to the bathroom. Shawn’s eyes are hard on me as he watches me go. I get to the bathroom and I look at myself to try calming down. The words rush through my mind a mile a minute.

‘Shawn you CAN NOT be seen with her.’

CAN NOT. Be seen. With… me?

Before I could even process what it could possibly mean, a light tapping was on the other side of the door.

“Honey? Can we talk about it.” He mumbles, his voice sounding shaky.

I look at myself in the mirror, trying to compose myself. I guess talking to him about it would be the easy thing to do. No assumptions, just truth. Why couldn’t he be seen with me?

I open the door the find him leaning against the wall opposite of the bathroom. His cheeks were a different color of red, was he embarrassed… ashamed?

I sit down on the bed and watch him as he sits on the chair across from me. His leg bouncing up and down hard as his fingers twirl the ring on his fingers. My eyebrows raising telling him to start explaining.

“He’s just looking out for me, Y/n.” He pleads, and my eyes squint and my head cocks to the side as I scoff at him.

“So, that’s why we ordered breakfast in. You cant be seen with me?” I argue.

“Believe me, you wouldn’t want us to be seen together.” He shakes his head trying to make a point.

“Oh, I’m so glad you know what I want. Thank you SO much for making that decision for me!” I yell at him sarcastically.

“I'm not deciding anything for you, I'm just saying that this world that I live in is different. You have to do things different. You know?” He was stuttering, he wasn’t prepared to talk about this.

“Yes, Shawn. I know I could never understand your world.” I scoff rolling my eyes at him.

“Y/n, I promise you are not ready to be seen with me.” He says softly. I bite my lip, to try to keep from crying.

I stared at him for a moment. Did I rush things with him? Is this just normal protocol for his hook-ups, charm the pants off of the girl? He didn’t want me, he never did. I’m probably just another notch in his bed post.

“No Shawn, I think you’re the one who isn’t ready.” I tell him quietly. He stands up and starts to walk closer when his phone starts to ring. He answers it, then tells me that Marco had arrived downstairs with our food. He stares at me waiting to see what my next move would be. I gnaw on my lip trying to figure out what I was going to do.

“Maybe you should go eat, I’m going to go walk around.” I say trying not to make eye contact with him, I know this will be harder if I do.

“Y/N, please, just come eat with me and let me explain more.” He stands at the entrance of my hotel room holding the door, his voice is broken.

“I need to think.” I say quietly before closing the door quickly. I catch a glimpse of his glossy, sorry eyes for just a moment. That was all it took to make the tears come.

This is why I didn’t want to leave the bed this morning. 

A/N: Hopefully tumblr decides to show this in the tags... but probably not. Please let me know what you think, and let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

Taglist:

@scxrletwitches , @onlyfoolsss , @dino-16-avocado

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author’s note: imma keep it real w/ yall... im a lil drunk rn!!! hope this fic is still good tho lmao! this is pertaining to the plot of the anime rn like how gray and juvia reunited after six months... well we never did get to hear gray’s explanation or apology..... so here it is! enjoy! side note: after actually writing this 1. im not rly drunk anymore, a shame. and 2. all my fics as of recently literally have the same exact format lol!!! cool! great!! we love a boring queen! ok hopefully i can stray from this format in the future but for now! here is ~this~.<3

*

“Oi, Juvia,” Natsu turned and called out to Juvia. They were finally beginning their long awaited journey back to Magnolia, to reform their guild, after just defeating Avatar. “Did you and Gray wanna’ go back to your cabin and get some of your stuff before you go back?”

“G-g-go back?! Just the two of us?! After all this time?!” Juvia’s face turned a blistering red as she cupped her fiery cheeks in her hands. It had been so long since they were both alone in that house together. What would it be like? How would they act? Would things be different?

“Oh yeah.” Gray calmly chimed in. “There are some things I wanna’ get.” He then turned to Juvia. “We should probably go.”

“O-of course! If Gray-sama insists!” She perked up, suddenly eager to go.

They caught a train back to the village they stayed in and made it there in a fairly short amount of time. Gray looked around their old home with suspicion.There wasn’t a soul to be seen. The town was once so full of life, and bright with spirit. Now the grey clouds above seemed to reflect the dreary village.

“Did something happen?” Gray asked Juvia as they casually walked through the town. “There’s nobody here.” He continued looking, looking for any sign of life.

“Oh.” Juvia remembered, and slouched slightly, partially ashamed. “Everyone kind of, well, left.” She said simply.

“What?” Gray was surprised. “Why?”

“Well...” She paused and took a moment to breathe. “Juvia’s rain sort of... came back, and it was, well, constant.” Her voice was sheepish. “It sort of drove everyone out of the village Juvia supposes.” She forced a smile and a fake lighthearted laugh.

That got Gray’s attention. He stopped looking through the village and snapped his focus onto Juvia. “What do you mean it came back?” He seemed annoyed.

“After Gray-sama left, Juvia’s rain came back.” She shrugged. Once she saw Gray’s look of what seemed like agitation, she began to panic. “It’s not a big deal or anything! Juvia was just being over-dramatic!” She gave another plastic smile, attempting to ease Gray.

“Tch.” Gray looked away from Juvia and turned back to the path to the way to their house, dropping the conversation.

Eventually, they approached their cabin. The wood that the house was built out of was seemingly becoming moldy, or at least dingy. All of the drapes to the windows were now closed, although Gray remembered Juvia always insisted they leave them open. The plants that Juvia adored that were littered around the porch were dead from drowning in her storm.

“Juvia is sorry the house is so out of shape, Gray-sama!” Juvia was embarrassed. She only ever had Gray on her mind, so she never took the time to worry about the appearance of their home once he was gone. Even though that place meant everything to her, she seemed to completely disregard it.

“Stop it.” Gray said, harshly. He didn’t need Juvia to explain herself. It was ridiculous of her. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We’re just here to get our stuff.”

“Right.” Juvia nodded.

Inside, the rooms were dark, and dusty. It was hard for Gray to believe they even lived their at one point, that this was the same home they shared. He remembered Juvia always making a fuss about keeping the place clean, and decorative, and so full of life: some things that this foreign lot was lacking.

Gray was finished packing up first. He had all of his belongings in a duffel bag with a couple other things held in his hand. The door to Juvia’s room was open, so he walked in and leaned on the frame of the doorway.

“Yo.” Juvia flinched to Gray’s low voice, it had been so long since she heard it. She paused her packing and turned around. “I’m all packed up. If you need any help just let me-” Gray paused. As he looked around, Juvia’s room seemed to follow the same format as the rest of the rooms. Dull, gloomy, muted, but something caught his eye.

“What’s this?” He set his belongings down. He walked over to her bedside table towards a vile of red liquid, which was now almost empty. 

“Oh, well, nothing really.” Juvia sporadically said with a forced chuckle and quickly was at Gray’s side, hoping to take the bottle before he could get a good look at it.

“Medicine?” He read the label of the bottle. “And it looks like Wendy’s handwriting.” He turned to Juvia.

“Y-yes.” Juvia took a step back and nervously held her hands together. “Wendy-san made that potion for Juvia.” She looked away.

“Why?”

“Juvia was, uh, well, sort of sick.” She remained avoiding eye contact.

“Sick?” Gray’s voice and tone raised. “You were sick? And Wendy couldn’t cure it with just her magic? She had to make a potion?” All of these little things were building up to one big slap in Gray’s face.

“Juvia had a very bad fever. I was sitting outside most of the time, so it was caused by my rain...” She said to the volume of that of a mouse, fidgeting her hands.

“Oh my god.” Gray sunk. He put the bottle back on the table and collapsed onto the bed, holding his head in his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. Just what had he done?

“B-but none of this is Gray-sama’s fault!” She was quick to perk up and defend Gray.

“All of this is my fucking fault!” Gray lifted his head and snapped his gaze to Juvia with sharp, blunt eyes, glistening with a sheen of tears. Juvia dropped her defense, and looked back beneath her.

“If it weren’t for me, this place wouldn’t look like shit, your rain wouldn’t have come back, and you wouldn’t have gotten sick!” He was angry. Juvia said nothing. “Am I wrong?!”

Juvia’s shoulders began to bog, jaggedly, up and down. She had finally broken. She was out of false excuses.

“Why did you leave me, Gray-sama?” She looked back up to him, tears overflowing in her piercing, yet helpless gaze. 

Gray’s eyes widened, the sight before him caused his breath to catch itself in his throat.

“I-it was a secret mission.” He looked away, bringing the blank look back to his face. “It was to get more info on Zeref. I had to go, and Erza told me I couldn’t tell or bring anyone.”

Juvia’s tears fell onto her face, and then onto the floor.

“Juvia knows.” Her head was down, once again. She gathered her composure, slightly, for a mere moment. “Juvia understands. Putting and end to Zeref and E.N.D is very important to Gray-sama. This was all for the best.” She sniffled. “So, why..?” She brought her hands up to her eyes, and lost the weak grip she had on herself for that second, and began sobbing into her palms.

“So why is Juvia so hurt?”

Gray said nothing for a brief instant. He looked at her, although she did not return the contact, with shock and sorrow in his eyes. He didn’t know what to think, and he couldn’t place Juvia’s emotions, but he knew what he was feeling.

Remorse, guilt, responsibility, sadness, Gray’s heart was a melting pot of these horrible things. He couldn’t bare to see her in so much pain before, and all because of him. He would not be the reason she shed tears. He refused, especially after all she’d done for him. She was by his side, supporting him through everything. Even after he abandoned her for six months, she still did nothing but be there for him. 

He quickly arose from the bed and wrapped his arms around her, with her hands still covering her eyes, causing her breath to stop in surprise for a second.

“It’s alright. I’m sorry.” His words were soft though his face was flinty. He stared at the wall as he brought his hand up to the back of Juvia’s head, firmly bringing her face to his chest, as he rested his chin atop her.

“G-Gray-sama should not have to apologize.” She shook her head as she sobbed into his chest, her voice muffled.

“Like hell I shouldn’t” His voice was even lower. “So cut the crap. You’re allowed to be sad. From some aspects, what I did,” He paused. “What I did to you was a shity thing. Really shitty.” Her cries were much softer as he spoke. He remembered all the scolding Natsu gave him, and manifested it into his words.“So let me say I’m sorry.” He grumbled through his pouted lips as his cheeks were colored pink.

Juvia finally removed her hands from her face and wrapped her arms around Gray, being encased by his warmth. The warmth that she had missed, so very much.

“It’s ok.” She hummed; her mood was already much better just by appreciating being in Gray’s hold. “Juvia is glad Gray-sama is ok.”

She held on even tighter, and in about a minute, her instincts kicked in. Her mind began to soar with thoughts of Gray, and his big, toned arms that were engulfing her. She subconsciously began to sniff him, and exhale with delight.

“Ahh.” She swooned. “Gray-sama still smells just as delicious as he always has.” She snuggled up against him. 

“O-kay” Gray announced. “That’s enough of that.” He said, avoiding Juvia’s odd comment. He pulled her away from him and turned back to his things. “We should probably head out. The guild isn’t gonna’ rebuild itself.”

“Aw!” Juvia said, defeated, and dramatically slouched over.

“Don’t sound so disappointed cause’ I stopped you from smelling me! Don’t you realize that ain’t normal!?” He exclaimed.

“Juvia doesn’t care about what’s normal! Juvia hasn’t smelled your sweet scent in six whole months! You can’t blame me!” She defended, reaching her arms out for Gray.

“Quit bein’ creepy and meet me in the living room when you’re done packing.” Gray asserted with an annoyed, but familiar look on his face as he quickly made his way out of her room and shut the door, as Juvia sulked on her bed.

They soon packed all of their belongings and walked through their front door, back into the village where a ray of sun peaked through the dispersing clouds.

“Juvia is so sad to say goodbye to she and Gray-sama’s home.” She frowned with exaggerated sniffles.

“I wouldn’t call this a goodbye.” He said frankly. “It’s more like a ‘see-ya-later.’“ He turned to Juvia with a smirk on his face. Her eyes began to glow, and she settled onto a content smile.

“Yes, Gray-sama.” She looked to the ground with her fulfilled smile.

On their walk to the train, Gray grabbed his arms and gave a small shiver.

“It’s gettin’ kinda’ cold out.” He simply said.

Juvia pondered and looked around a little to see any signs of anyone or anything being cold, which she did not, and felt her own body temperature at a fairly normal level, and for Gray especially, this weather was hardly anything.

“Really? Juvia doesn’t think it’s too co-” She turned back to Gray with confusion and quietly gasped as she saw him wrapping himself with a grey, poorly knitted, homey/cozy looking, seemingly worn in scarf. He did not make eye contact with her, and kept his sharp expression on the road ahead.

She knew that scarf all too well.

“Actually, Juvia is a little chilly.” Attempting to keep her overjoyed reaction in line, she simply wrapped her one arm around Gray’s and with the other she reached out and held his hand, causing him to initially flinch, but he kept his hand intertwined with hers.

They made their way to their true home, Fairy Tail, walking in bliss, putting the bad parts of the past behind them and looking to a hopeful future.

One where Juvia’s rain would never return.

[markleetrashh]

Admiration;Doyoung

Genre: fluff

Request: Could you write a scenario about doyoung he’s your make-up artist that have crush on you but he don’t know how to confess to you because he become so nervous around you… P.s you’re a model. Please make it fluff

A/N: this was the cutest scenario ever and i’d have to say im proud of my work? except that the ending was pretty bad because i didn’t know how else to end it ahh. i also used the song “for you” by sistar for reference! i hope this story is good ahh

Word count: 2,904

——

“The heart fluttering feeling of the start The awkward moment of our first meet Do you remember as well? It was a warm day like the spring Memories spread in my heart”

His stiff arms were kept behind his back, lips pursed tightly together as his eyes darted back and forth at the people in the room, amazed by how quickly everyone was working.

He clenched the big pouch in his hands tightly as his heart pace quickened.

Alone in the room full of strangers he looked timid and intimidated, unsure of what to do or say.

Until his eyes met yours.

You raised your eyebrows when you saw the brown-haired man looking lost in the reflection of your mirror, his eyes widening as soon as he noticed your stare.

You gave him a small smile.

He hesitated for a while, looking around him confused before bowing slightly to you when he was sure that you were referring to him.

His fingers still held on tightly to the light pink pouch, the other hand fondling with the hem of his shirt.

You shook your head as you let out a small laugh to yourself, before turning around to face him, signalling him to come over.

His round eyes widened once again as the beads of perspiration rolled down the side of his cheeks. He pointed a finger to himself, then quickly made his way to you when you nodded your head.

“Are you new here? I’ve never seen you before”

The tall and slim man bowed his head down at your words, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he nodded his head. He cleared his voice, “Y-Yes, Mrs Lee told me to come help out today but i don’t know what to do or how to help..”

Your mouth formed a small ‘o’ as you nodded your head at his words. Looking around the room, the other make up artists were busy helping out the other models, too busy to care about this lost soul on his first day here.

You took the pouch from his hands and placed it on the table in front of you, before patting him on his arm lightly, “Show’s starting in two hours and i don’t think anyone’s free to do my make up. Mind if you help me?”

He immediately nodded at your words, then made his way to the pouch, taking out the make up and brushes he needed.

“Oh, what’s your name?”

“Dong young- or you can call me Doyoung, Kim Doyoung”

You hummed in response, holding out your hand for him to shake.

He took your hands in his and shook it, bowing again.

He cut you off before you could even open your mouth, “Miss Y/N, i’ve seen you many times before on television- You’re really beautiful”

You laughed at his words, “You can just call me Y/N, there’s no need to be so formal”, his smile appearing in response.

It did not take long for him to go back to focusing on choosing the make up he needed for your look. A few seconds later he was clipping up your hair, preventing them from falling to your face.

“I’ll start now”

His left hand reached out to gently lift up your chin as his other hand lifted up the small cotton pad in his fingers, dabbing it onto the foundation before applying it lightly onto your face.

You couldn’t help but admire every feature on his ethereal face. The way his eyebrows knitted together, lips pouted as his long and slim fingers skillfully applied the make up on you seemed to make your heart race.

You noticed how his eyebrows would also rise up in shock whenever he caught eye contact with you, the side of his cheeks blushing up as he’d quickly turn away to re-apply the powders on the brush.

“And… We’re done” Doyoung softly said as he took a step back, looking at you through the reflection in the mirror, flashing you a small satisfied smile.

As soon as you saw yourself in the mirror, your eyes lit up. Amongst your whole two years of career as a model, no other make up artist was able to make you look this good. And the fact that he was a beginner impressed you even more, something about him was special.

“It’s really really good, thank you so much, i’m literally in love with myself right now” you joked as you gave him a thumbs up, causing him to giggle a little, shyly lowering his head down.

“Doyoung ah! I’ve been looking for you but i see you helped Y/N out! Great job today” Mrs Lee called out from behind as she shot you a smile, impressed by Doyoung’s work as well.

The shy man bowed once again, shaking his head humbly as he went forward to keep the make up in the pouch. You heard Mrs Lee mumble a few words to him before she left, as he nodded obediently, then proceeded to pack his things.

“I have to go now, good luck on your show!” he said as he waved a goodbye to you, his gummy smile shining brightly on his face.

The sides of your lips instantly rose up as you waved goodbye too, your heart racing for some reason.

“See you again,”

——

“We were close yet far We knew each other but didn’t Just looking at each other, there wasn’t enough time Waiting for you was happiness to me”

Your whole body jerked up as soon as you heard the notification from your phone, your hands reaching out immediately to grab it.

“I’m so sorry for replying this late, i had to cover up for my colleague who fell sick today.”

You pouted your lips as your fingers quickly tapped against your phone screen.

“It’s fine! Just wanted to ask if you’re coming down tomorrow? You haven’t been able to help me out the past one week, i’m sad”

One week of not seeing Doyoung and you were already slowly getting upset - what was this feeling?

Your phone buzzed again.

“Aw someone misses my skills. Haha don’t worry i’ll be able to make it tomorrow! I’ll be there”

You jumped up in victory as you shot your fist up in the air as soon as you read his message, heart pounding loudly against your chest as you could not wait to see him again after so long - at least for you.

Yet what you didn’t know was that there was someone as nervous as you were. Despite being your make up artist for two months now, his heart couldn’t help but race whenever he was with you, and he tried his best not to get nervous but his words always jumbled up whenever he spoke.

But he was thankful that the relationship between the both of you developed to a friendship more than just a job.

He couldn’t ask for more.

Seeing you almost everyday due to your busy schedules was too much for him to handle. Every single day, each second, he found himself getting lost in your beauty and everything about you. He was falling harder.

As much as he didn’t want to, thank goodness for his colleague’s absence at the other company, for he would not have gotten the chance to take a break from seeing you and making his body full of this fuzzy and warm feeling.

But he’d missed you too, more than you did and he was overjoyed that he was able to see you again.

“Brought you your favourite coffee on your way here, rest for a bit before you start! It must have been tiring for you the past week” you said calmly to him as you passed Doyoung the warm cup in your hand, which he gladly accepted.

His body sunk to the back of the chair as he took a sip, smiling to you sweetly, “Thank you, i really needed this. Nah it was nothing much! The artists there are really friendly too, like the people here”

You nodded your head and took a sip out of your drink too.

Moments later you were sitting in front of the mirror again, Doyoung skillfully and patiently applying your make up, his eyes full of concentration like always as they never once left your face.

Every single time he helped you to do your make up, his face would only be a few inches away from you, and you often questioned yourself how you even managed to stay calm in such a circumstance when deep inside, your heart like it was going to burst.

Doyoung took one last look at you as his eyes scanned through every detail of your face. He nodded lightly before putting the brush in his hands down onto the table, before patting your head lightly, “All ready”

He never once disappointed you. You found yourself amazed and in awe by his skills once again.

“Y/N! Go get changed, shoot’s starting in 15 minutes” your manager called out to you from behind, earning a hum of response from you as you gave Doyoung a look before you headed off to your dressing room, his eyes following you.

You shot a gaze into the camera as you confidently stroke a pose, flaunting your legs as your hair covered half of your face, the flash from the camera striking brightly, signalling you to change your pose.

Doyoung stood at the side, mouth agape as his eyes seemed to sparkle just by staring at you. He loved it most when you had photoshoots; he loved how professional you were and how good you were at your job.

In his eyes you seemed perfect.

He felt his blood rush up to his cheeks again as you caught him staring again, smiling at him before focusing back on listening to the cameraman’s instructions.

He found himself lost in your beauty once again, his eyebrows raising in admiration at your strong gaze towards the camera.

Yet once the camera’s off, the way you’d always give him your softest look and sweetest smile made his heart melt.

He was only falling harder for you.

——

“Rather than sweet words Hold me, know me, that was you I hope this’ll reach you Even my tiniest feelings, I’ll sing for you Who always waited at the same place”

“D-Doyoung, are you free to come over right now? I just- I really needed someone right now” you softly said into your phone as your tears threatened to fall, hands clenching into fists as your eyes fell onto the words on your laptop screen again.

“Breaking: Model Y/N is dating the biggest idol?”

As much as you loved being in the limelight and being a model, you hated it the most when you had to deal with false news and rumours. Just one small mistake and your whole career could fall, especially with such sensitive fans.

Especially gaining hate and attention over something that every normal person did-having lunch with a close celebrity friend, had caused a huge fuss in the entertainment industry as fans and reporters started making assumptions that the both of you were dating, when you clearly weren’t.

Your heart was already with someone else anyways.

But the words of fans hit you with impact as they said the most negative and mean things no one else could ever imagine to you, all because they were ‘protective’ and ‘didn’t want you to touch their oppa’.

You told yourself not to get too affected by all these, but everywhere you went on the internet, this was the news that appeared first, followed by all the negative comments.

You couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

You heard the man from the other side of the line shuffle around as he quickly grabbed his keys from the table, before replying you in a worrying tone, “I’ll be right over, hang in there Y/N”

His voice itself gave you comfort, as you tried to clear your mind off things, but they wouldn’t leave.

After what seemed like hours to you, there was a soft knock on the door to your apartment, followed by the comforting voice of the man you loved most, “Y/N, it’s me. Open the door”

You immediately got up to reach the door, and you were greeted by Doyoung, a bag full of sweets in his hand and the other, holding on to your favourite cup of drink.

“I’m so sorry i took so long. I thought these might cheer you up so-”

Doyoung couldn’t even finish his sentence before you attacked him with a big tight hug, the tears that were bottling up in your eyes falling as his warmth hovered over you.

He stopped for a while, before carrying the cup in his other hand, then wrapping an arm around your shoulders, gently patting your back as his head rested on yours.

His tears were going to fall too, but he held it in, as he comforted you, “It’s okay Y/N, let it all out”

One hour later, you found yourself lying on his lap on the sofa in your living room, his hands twirling and playing with your hair.

His calming and soothing voice echoed in the cold and dark room for the third time that night, singing one of your favourites for you to hear, hoping that it’d calm you down and make you feel better.

Truth is, it did.

Your mind was cleared up as soon as Doyoung listened attentively to every word you were saying, and the way he held you in his arms managed to make you feel secure and protected, away from all these negative thoughts.

His singing had always been one of your favourite, like how he’d always sing for you before photoshoots to calm your nerves down.

Every inch of him seemed to just give you warmth and comfort.

You could feel his love.

And for him, he was willing to do anything just to make you feel better. Your happiness meant everything to him.

He was glad you turned to him when you needed help, when you were at your worst, as it showed him that you fully trusted him and could depend on him.

And he wanted to be that person for you; he wanted to always be there for you and to give you the support and love you needed.

“Under the dazzling sun Even though you’re far away, it was warm to me With a warm touch You comforted me”

The next morning, you woke up without the pair of arms that held you throughout the whole night, and you felt lost without his hold. Your eyes squinted at the bright light from the windows as you took a look at the time- 10:14AM.

Thank goodness you didn’t have any schedules today. You could finally have some time to rest, especially with all that was happening lately.

“Doyoung?” you called loudly but there was no response, causing you to step out of you bed and to check the rest of your apartment-no sign of him.

Your heart sank a little but your eyes lit up at the small slip of paper sitting on the table, beside it was Doyoung’s jacket, the one that kept you warm last night.

“I hope by the time you wake up you’re feeling much better! I’m sorry i had to leave early because i have to help out at another photoshoot today. I’ve already prepared breakfast for you in the refrigerator and do take the time to rest for today. Text me as soon as you wake up alrights! - Doyoung bunny”

You felt yourself blushing as you took out your phone to text him immediately.

“I just read it and thank you so much, have fun at work today!”

A few seconds later your phone screen lit up, a message from him, “Yes that’s great! Thank you hehe, i’ll come over again later to check on you”

You giggled at his response, your heart beating two times it’s normal pace as you started eating the scrumptious breakfast Doyoung had cooked just for you.

He had every ability to make you smile.

You didn’t even need to hear the doorbell to notice that Doyoung was here again. His hand carried a bag again, this time, with your favourite chocolates.

He flashed you his smile as you opened your door for him, your hands holding onto his to pull him in, which, caught him off guard.

“For you” he said as he passed you the bag, eyes lighting up.

A gush of emotions ran through you as you hugged him once again, the same way you the previous night, as you tucked your head in his chest, “I really love you so much Doyoung, thank you”

His body stiffened up at your sudden hold, but softened as your words passed through his ears. He couldn’t help but smile as he hugged you even tighter, “I-I love you too”