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#as always it’s partially an issue of wasted time bc ive been getting up late and struggling to work in my room
exopelagic
·
11 months
Text
yeah I have more to say
#I think priest was right when he said I wanted a lot and it’s more than I can have bc I’ve taken more than I can handle
#I’ve been trying to say yes to things which is all well and good but I’ve been out every night this week between hockey and friends
#this week has lasted six months
#and at the same time Tuesday was a few hours ago
#and at all times there is so much I’m not doing.
#as always it’s partially an issue of wasted time bc ive been getting up late and struggling to work in my room
#but I also still haven’t recovered from the cold mentally or physically and it put me so behind
#which was now two weeks ago god
#somehow only two weeks
#.but also two fucking weeks that’s so long
#and I’m still trying to be gentle w myself but that doesn’t work but i also know I’m being too harsh on myself all the time
#I don’t know what to do with any of this
#I think temporarily I might stop Doing Things and just have time for me to get myself back together and slow down a bit bc it’s way too much
#I think I’m just really horribly overwhelmed by everything and it’s built up to a breaking point
#so this weekend I’m not gonna go out and see anyone I’m gonna stay in or go to the library and finish my work
#have a goddamn cup of tea before I go to bed
#I need to go to the shop and cook at some point but that can be basics for now because as much as I’d like to do the pie thing
#maybe leave it until I’m more together so I’m not worried abt Extra things. I think temporary goal is to minimise the number of things
#I really want to cry and just have it out but I’m teetering on the like. wanting to cry feeling instead of pushing over
#this is a jump but I’m so tired of prioritising everyone else’s feelings
#I realised tonight when I’m playing I’m always holding myself back a little to let other people do shit
#and it’s not even like I’m holding back bc I’m good. I’m just letting other people do stuff bc I think they deserve it more
#and when we had Shit happen I took on talking everyone down and making sure they were all okay
#and then that whole weekend after I was completely fucked I couldn’t Do Anything
#even with ms main character I’ve been stroking her ego do she doesn’t blow up completely and fuck stuff up for Everyone
#maybe. just maybe my feelings are also important and I’m allowed to have shit not be my problem like everyone else
#I think I’m going to bed it’s 2:40
#I’m gonna try prioritise myself just a little tiny bit more
#luke.txt
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