#I think I’m just really horribly overwhelmed by everything and it’s built up to a breaking point | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kass-storycorner · 3 years

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Mentally I’m getting worse again (tho I try to do all the stuff I learned from two years in therapy to … prevent it from getting bad bad ), so I’ve only been thinking about how some of the Genshin characters would comfort me? So here have this, whatever this is, that I wrote at 2am on a night before I have 11am shift at work. Using you in all of this but honestly this is 100% self indulgent. I just want someone to cuddle with. Pretty sure most of this isn’t really in character and every point is vastly different from the others but hey, it is what it is. As long as I’m in my current mindset my stuff won’t be any better than this

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst I guess idk man, comfort i hope

Content warnings: depression (?) I don’t go too much into detail, don’t want to write out those negative thoughts HA but you know you are just not in a good spot in these, absolutely inconsistent writing, every character has to deal with a different stage of feeling depressed and yeah

Characters: Diluc, Childe, Albedo, Yoimiya

Fun fact: my app crashed while writing this so thank the tumblr admins that you can restore posts you wrote after the app crashes one of the few good features of the app

Diluc:

Would definitely notice the first small changes in your behaviour, but wouldn’t think much of it in the beginning.

Maybe you are just tired? And even if not Diluc knows best that no one can always be chipper.

Still he doesn’t know how to act around you when you are sad / heading towards a depressive episode.

He would offer you his help, you just need to say what you need and he’ll give it to you.

Ah, but Diluc didn’t really consider at first that you would be too afraid to ask, even when he offered it to you.

One day he will directly ask you in the privates of your home if you are okay. At first you would try to brush it off, not wanting to be a burden on Diluc. You know how much he’s been through and that he also has his emotional scars… would be a bit selfish to dump it all onto him, wouldn’t it?

But oh, you’ve been dying to talk with someone about your feelings, craving a warm hug and words of comfort… so when Diluc doesn’t drop the topic you just let it all out.

He will take you in his arms and hug you, cuddle you, as long as you want. He’ll stroke your hair, quietly listening to your words, only small “mmmhs” and “it’s okay” leaving him, to reassure you that it’s fine for sharing it all.

When none of you talks all you can hear is his steady breath and oh, it’s so soothing.

Maybe you end up crying, while sharing all of it with him. All he does is to pull you closer into his chest, saying that it’s okay and tell you to let it all out.

Diluc hides his softer side from the people of Mondstadt, always hiding behind the more grumpy image some of him have, but he knows that it’s not good to run away from your own feelings. What you need to do is to feel them, do not try to push them aside because you are uncomfortable with them.

Generally he would be soft, kind and understanding. At first he might give you too much room, afraid he might be overstepping a boundary when he keeps pushing you in the beginning. Ends up in you isolating yourself / pulling away more, but once Diluc sees the pattern he will be more attentive to your needs and learn to differentiate between you needing space and you isolating.

Though please communicate with him better, he’s busy and if him having less time for you causes you distress you need to tell him, he might only notice it after the feelings festered.

Childe:

Oh boy - he hasn’t seen you in a while, Fatui duties you know, so when he knocks on your door one day he notices immediately that you are not in a good place.

This man - he cooks, he cleans, we all joke about him being the perfect husband but seriously. He sees the state of you, the state of your apartment and immediately helps.

Having spend the last week or two in a depressive state caused you to neglect your housework - the dirty dishes are everywhere and laundry keeps piling up. Not to talk about how you look.

Childe will make you a bath and while you’re in it he cleans. An immense help!!! Taking away a good chunk of thinks that made you feel just so overwhelmed and helpless.

The whole time he wouldn’t breach the topic of why it has come to that point, but now after you finished the bath and the apartment looks liveable again he asks you what’s wrong.

Honestly you don’t know yourself, you’ve been just lacking more and more energy to do the basic tasks and suddenly everything was a mess.

Will wipe away your tears and tell you “don’t cry, I’m here”, taking you in a hug.

When he’s around more, will he notice it when it slowly gets worse? Mmh, yeah!! He definitely notice when you are feeling more down, seeing how your interactions change and how your laughs become more forced.

In the beginning he will just try to make you feel all the “positive” feelings, not wanting you to feel any “negative” emotions at all

this man definitely represses his own trauma a lot and has a horrible way of coping with it so I doubt he would be the most emotionally intellectual person to help you through it

Though when you show that you don’t feel like showing your sadness aside and you just want someone to share it with / need some comfort he will adjust to your needs

Albedo:

Boy as impeccable observation skills, he will notice immediately when something is off.

However - he somehow struggles to understand your feelings. Like. At all.

When he asks you what’s wrong and you tell him that there is not a reason for your feelings, you just feel a bit depressed that’s all, he will not get it.

How do you feel a certain emotions without something causing it? There must be a reason for it.

And honestly he’s right there is always a reason for a certain feeling to arise, but sometimes they aren’t easy to understand for yourself or to spot, sometimes it’s just that your inner child needs a hug and it takes you three weeks and a metal breakdown to understand that this is all you needed… plus a good cry

He’s gonna be so awkward at trying to comfort you, making you feel better, at first. Trying everything out to cheer you up, he really doesn’t want you to feel bad. Asks around for advice what helps others when they are sad.

Honestly? The things he does, the small presents he gifts you - they are nice and make you feel loved, but it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away. Even worse it somehow builts up this immense pressure for you to get better quick because look! Albedo does nice things, he tries to help. He tries to figure it out. Why can’t you give him the results he hopes to get???

Only when someone (Timadeus for sure) finally tells Albedo that it’s not a special dish or flower or even place that helps with sad feelings - it’s that they remind them of something that’s comforting. Klee told him Dodoco helps when she’s sad, because Dodoco reminds her how much her mum loves her. So when people told him about certain foods or flowers - it was more because those were valuable for those individuals, doesn’t mean it has value to you. Most importantly is that he’s just there for you.

With that new bits of information he will try to adjust to your needs more, to learn what you need and to understand it.

He will be so upfront about it too, coming into your room and telling you that he’s been trying to make you feel better the past couple of weeks and noticing how your mood has not improved at all. Finally asks you what you need opposed to him only having asked why you feel that way

Will definitely make you cry with how he approaches the topic. When he apologises for making you cry you cry even harder at how soft he says it.

Albedo will remember what he was told, that it’s important to just be there for someone, so he will stay at your side, his hand on your back rubbing it while you are just sobbing.

After the tears have calmed down you can just be honest with him, tell him that you sometimes don’t know yourself what will make it better, that sometimes you just have to life with the feelings and accept them - but that his attempts really didn’t help.

He will apologise for putting more pressure on you, asking if you need a hug (something a lot of people have told him helps them but he was just to shy to actually try it out). After saying yes you both stay for a long time in the hug, the first thing in a long time to make you feel better.

Yoimiya:

My love, the light of my life, my future main - she would be SO good at helping you through an episode.

Notices the way you act towards her changes and immediately confronts you about it, afraid that something in the relationship is amiss until you tell her the truth that you are a bit depressed.

Canonically the one with the best communication skills, if you were to put her, Diluc and Kaeya in a room I’m 1000% sure those two would leave it as brothers again.

That said she can sometimes be a bit too overwhelming - she can talk a lot, but she’s a good listener too, but in her attempt to fix the issue she goes a bit overboard.

She’ll want you to talk it all out which isn’t a bad thing per se, but sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or that talking would help.

However the way Yoimiya is it will make you communicate with her more about how you feel and what you need - she kinda just seems to be more approachable and the kind of person you can pour my heart out to after meeting her on the toilets of a bar.

Will cuddle you as long as you need.

And honestly? 100% sure she would even make you a firework to cheer you up that you both watch from her favourite spot on a blanket while doing so (the cuddling!)

or you know maybe it’s just what I would really want to do with her when I’m depressed aka RIGHT NOW MAN

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boykingdom · 4 years

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Dean doesn’t have to drive far before he finds Cas. He’d had a hunch Cas might be waiting for him no matter the direction he went, but still he can’t help the sigh of relief he lets out when he sees the slump of Cas’ shoulders among the trees.

He doesn’t have to walk far, either, once he’s pulled the Impala into the grass beside the road and let the metal door shut behind him with a creak. He’s in the forest after a few paces—it’s a pretty forest, all green and overgrown, the tan of Cas’ coat standing out purely for its dullness. Cas’ back is to him and he’s looking down at something, hands in his pockets, but the rigidity with which he holds himself gives away his awareness of Dean’s presence. Cas won’t turn toward him but will angle his head so Dean can see the sharp line of his cheekbone, like he’s any sort of thing that would need ears to gauge how close Dean is.

Dean has half a mind to hesitate, to stop and take a deep breath and collect his thoughts or something, but he’s so fucking tired of not being near Cas and of schooling how much he gives away to Cas in every conversation that he walks up so their shoulders are inches apart and he doesn’t think twice about it. He looks down to take in what Cas is looking at and finds a small pond with a few muddy-gray fish scooting their bellies across the silt. Dean thinks Cas might be gearing up for a speech about the fish and creation and humanity, something nice and cinematic to bookend their journey, but instead Cas says, “Hello, Dean.”

That works, too. At least Dean knows how to respond to that one. “Heya, Cas.”

They’re silent for a second.

“Sam?” says Cas.

“Went off to the Roadhouse. Wanted to see Bobby and Ellen and Jo,” says Dean. “But you knew that already.”

“Mm. I did.”

They both watch the fish drift. One comes close enough to the surface to form gentle ripples in the water.

Then Dean is smiling, because he can see Cas out of the corner of his eye, see the way he shifts and fidgets and is so clearly also looking at Dean out of the corner of his own eye. It occurs to Dean that Cas is nervous—that after everything they’ve been through, after the end of the world, after Cas’ big sacrifice, this angel of the Lord is nervous to speak to his best friend of twelve years. Dean can’t help but take the opportunity to tease him.

“What, did you think we’d never talk about it?”

A pause. Cas half-grumbles, “I thought I’d have a few decades to prepare something to say.”

And then Dean is laughing and laughing and bent over double with it because this whole thing is so fucking absurd and he’s so happy to be standing here next to Cas, weird and awkward Cas who pulled him out of Hell and told Dean he was in love with him just months ago. Cas who he thought he had lost forever. Dean laughs so hard he cries and then he—he cries, and cries, and he’s not laughing anymore. It happens fast and hard. Cas finally turns to him, eyes wide and hands suspended in front of him like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to touch. Dean’s sniveling and holding his jacket sleeve under his nose so his face doesn’t get all snotty but he probably looks fucking gross anyway, the way the tears won’t stop coming. Cas says, “Dean?” all worried and concerned. Dean practically falls forward into him, wraps his arms around Cas’ waist to clutch at the back of his coat and shakes when Cas immediately holds him in return.

“I missed you so bad,” Dean sobs into Cas’ shoulder. “I missed you so bad. I thought I would never see you again. I missed you so bad.”

“Oh,” Cas breathes. “I’m here. It’s okay. I’m right here.” Cas hugs him tighter, leaving no spaces between their bodies. His voice breaks a little when he says, “I missed you, too.”

They stand like that for a moment. The forest buzzes around them, twiddling with birds and squirrels and insects. Dean breathes Cas in, feels him warm and safe and real in his arms. It’s a small piece of Earth here in Heaven. Unlike any other time before, Dean lets himself lean into it, touch Cas without Death looming over their shoulders. It feels good.

Dean does calm down after a few minutes, and as much as he would love to freeze time and stay suspended in that moment, he knows he can have even more if he gives it one last push. He pulls away, Cas’ hands sliding off his coat, lingering. “Sorry,” he says, a little embarrassed despite himself.

“Don’t be,” says Cas, in a way a that shows he really means it. Dean clears his throat and looks at him. Cas looks back. The whole thing is so achingly familiar, so akin to how they were when they first met. Even when Cas was alien and unknowable and potentially a threat, Dean always had to stifle the breathless thrill of having Cas’ attention. He doesn’t stifle it now.

He hasn’t quite internalized all the things Cas said to him, but he can see Cas was telling the truth about one thing—he is clearly so happy to be standing at the edge of this pond with Dean. Nothing in his gaze is asking for something more.

And as much as Cas would argue differently, Dean isn’t as good as him. He was never content just wanting. He had long ago accepted that he could never have Cas, sure, had recognized that he would spend the rest of his life with a horrible ache in his chest, that he would white-knuckle the wheel of the Impala to keep himself from touching. But he couldn’t find peace with it. Love rotted in him like a body at the bottom of a well. He spent a long time thinking it would kill him and kill Cas too, that it was a weapon to be used against them both, that the heat of his gaze would actually burn Cas if he looked long enough. He still has to choke down those half-formed thoughts when he looks at Cas now and can see in his eyes that he loves Dean without reservation, that despite everything he doesn’t think of Dean’s love as a death sentence. That he wants him.

Dean’s mind was made up the second Bobby had mentioned Cas’ name on the porch. It took him too long to untangle that part of himself that couldn’t separate loving men from danger, but he did untangle it, in the end.

“I know I can do it,” Dean says, both to Cas and to himself, “but I think it might be hard.”

Cas’ brow flickers in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“This,” he answers, gesturing lamely at the two of them, at the space between them. He swallows, steels himself, thinks of all the words he spent the nights since Cas died murmuring into his pillow, deliriously drunk. “I don’t know— I don’t know how to be this to someone— to you. I’ve never— and you’re—”

He’s getting frustrated, is upset that after thinking so long and hard about this moment for so many years he somehow still doesn’t know how to explain to Cas how much he means to him, how much he wants him, how hard it is to beat down his self-hatred and accept that he might just deserve Cas, too. But Christ, he wants to try.

“Dean?” Cas says. Dean can see in his expression the flowering bud of hope. He is so beautiful.

“I love you too,” Dean says, because it’s the best explanation he can give. His heart is beating so hard he can feel it in his throat. Cas blinks; his mouth drops open. “God, Cas, you have to know that. Of course I love you too.”

“You mean...?” Cas can’t finish the question. He’s looking at Dean like a man finding faith, finding Heaven. Dean feels so overwhelmed and so happy for the two of them and surely he’s still red from crying before, but again he feels himself burning.

“I’ve been yours,” he chokes out. “You can have me. Please.”

Cas kisses Dean. It happens so fast that Dean feels it coming rather than sees it, feels Cas’ hands on his face, feels himself be tugged forward. Cas’ hands are shaking and Dean’s are too when he grips the front of Cas’ shirt and the back of his neck, eyes closed tight, learning the shape of his mouth. It’s hard and a little desperate and not at all artful, and Dean’s whole self feels a bit like an open wound but Cas is healing him, like he always has, like he has since the beginning.

Dean pulls away for air but doesn’t pull far, keeping his forehead pressed to Cas’ and his eyes shut. Cas’ thumb strokes his cheekbone. “Dean,” Cas says, and Dean takes a deep, shuddering breath. The way Cas says his name doesn’t scare him anymore.

Dean opens his eyes. He smiles. “Hi,” he says.

Cas smiles back.

They’re sitting in the Impala, Dean’s hand on Cas’ thigh, when Cas asks, “What do you want to do now?”

Dean pauses, thinks. The answer to what do you want has been Cas for so long, but he never let himself think far enough to decide what he would do if he ever got him. He’s safe, Cas is safe, Sam is safe. Realistically, he shouldn’t want for anything.

He looks out the Impala’s windshield, smooths the hand not holding Cas over the steering wheel. He knows that he loves this car with everything he is—that for a long time it was the only home he had. He also knows that he’s tired of the road. Desire has always come too easily to Dean.

“I think I’ll build us a house,” he answers, and immediately he knows it’s the right thing to do. They can pick a spot wherever Cas wants—Dean’s not picky. It’ll be something solid, something with walls that he built with trees he cut himself. Something that reflects the home he already built for Cas, the one that lives between his ribs.

Cas’ eyes light up. “I like that plan,” he says. “I want that, too.”

Years ago, Cas had sat in Dean’s passenger seat and asked him if he would rather have peace or freedom. Dean never got the chance to answer him.

Dean leans across the seat and kisses Cas again, open-mouthed, slow. He does it for him now and for the version of himself who mourned the distance between them. It’s answer enough.

#spn #supernatural #deancas #destiel #15x20 coda #i know the finale happened so long ago and also isn't real but i had to try my hand #i'll reblog this when the europeans wake up 🏃‍♀️#my fanfiction

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anyoneseenadam · 3 years

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omg can u do smth about the inner circle finding out about reader and azriel’s relationship? maybe they’ve been like secretly dating for a while! ily <3

pairing: Azriel x reader (acotar)

warnings: butt ton of fluff

a/n: i made this a part two to this fic! but it can be read separately, i love az sm so i hope you enjoy!! (this has not been proofread sorry lol)

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A week later you were invited up to the house of wind. Azriel was swamped with work and missed you, and since he stayed there most the time he had dragged you in with him.

Currently you were lying in his bed, curled around a long pillow, and sleeping, wearing one of his shirts and your panties while he trained. He had promised you he would introduce you all soon but so far you had been sneaking about the house. A task that was easy for the spymaster, but less so for you.

He had tried to treat it like a holiday. Sneaking you down to the kitchen to bake cookies at midnight and spending nights on the roof, pointing out constellations.

When you had first arrived Azriel had explained what was going on with Nesta and Cassian as he snuck you in. While you were walking up, giggling behind one hand, the other tightly clasped in Azriel’s warm calloused hand, you had run into Nesta. Your eyes had widened meeting her, stomach dropping as she sized you up and down.

“Nesta,” Azriel’s voice calmed you slightly as you wrapped both hands around one of his, moving behind him ever so slightly. “This is my girlfriend; we’ve been dating for about six months and you cannot tell Cassian.”

She had smiled then and reached a hand out to shake yours, “am I the first to find out then?” she asked and you nodded.

“I’m (y/n).” You muttered, some confidence coming back.

“Pleasure to meet you, if you ever need someone to bitch too about him come to my room,” she left with a warm smile and you laughed, turning to Azriel.

“I like her,” you said, and he looked down at you frowning.

“Why would you need to bitch about me?” he asked, and you kissed his pout away, pulling his hand to continue onwards.

“Probably cause you smell.” He jabbed your side before picking you up and carrying you over his shoulder into his room, dumping you on the bed and crawling over you.

“Horrible girl,” he muttered, pressing kisses into your neck as he ground his hips down into yours. You giggled into his mouth; the rest of the day spent tangled up in him.

The next few days after that were relaxing. He was always away first thing to train, but you weren’t going to complain when he came back stripping of his clothes, sweaty and flushed but always holding a coffee for you.

The rest of the day would be spent either flying out to walk around shops and see markets in other courts, or sometimes flying over mountains, safe and secure in Azriel’s arms. The day before he had prepared a picnic and taken you to a beautiful field, smiling as you pointed out different kinds of flowers, before he picked a gerbera daisy and pushing it behind your ear, then kissing you so hard you almost fell over.

You woke slightly when Azriel returned, his heart warming when he saw you dozing, engulfed in his scent. He put your coffee next to you and you muttered something inaudible to him, snuggling further into his pillow and smiling sleepily when he pressed a kiss to your head, eyes never opening. He sat by you for a minute and pushed the hair away from your face before deciding he was going to bring you breakfast.

He pressed another kiss to your head before standing, quickly replacing his sweaty clothes, and leaving the room, letting you sleep in. His mind so filled with thoughts of his pretty girl and the smile she would give him when she woke up that he didn’t notice that Cassian wasn’t in the kitchen at his usual time.

You on the other hand noticed it pretty quickly, waking suddenly when the door slammed open, a man’s voice that you didn’t recognise asking your absent lover a question.

The well-built man stopped suddenly when you sat up in bed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he tried to work out what to say.

“You’re not Azriel.” He stated, realising that the strange girl he saw was covered in his brothers’ scent. And was wearing his brothers’ clothes. And drinking coffee from his brothers’ mug.

“Yes I am.” You said on impulse, shaking your head at your own stupidity but relaxing when the man you presumed was Cassian relaxed.

“Who are you?” he asked, a smile breaking out on his face when he realised who you were.

“Umm I’m (y/n), Azriel’s girlfriend.” You sat up straighter, pulling the covers tighter over you as you realised you were half dressed.

Cassian’s eyes lit up and he ran to your side, sitting in front of you and cheering. “Tell me everything! How did you guys meet? What do you do? How long have you been together?” he bombarded you with questions and you laughed nervously, silently preying that Azriel would return soon.

“Uhh we’ve been together for about six months and I own a flower shop, that’s where we met,” you explained to him when the door flew open again, another tall, dark haired man running in with three women. You recognised your high lord and lady and blushed bright red as they stared at you, smiling so widely.

“We came as fast as we could.” Rhys explained, introducing himself, his wife and Amren and Morrigan. They all crowded you and you moved back slightly, feeling the panic rise in you as they all asked you a million questions.

They were all kind, but so excited that their friend had gotten a girlfriend they were acting slightly insane. You tried to answer their questions, but they were coming so fast that your breathing began to pick up slightly, insecurities rising as you realised that you had just woken up. Your hair was probably a mess, and you hadn’t even washed your face, and you were in an old t-shirt and probably smelt bad.

You looked up when Azriel walked in, his eyes widening at the sight of his entire family in your room.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked as his family turned to him instead, asking him a million questions, Cassian practically in tears that he hadn’t been told.

You jumped when you felt a hand on your arm, turning to see Feyre smiling at you, “I’m sorry if we freaked you out a bit,” she said and you went to deny but she continued, “it can be a but much I know I went through similar, except for me it wasn’t eight in the morning!” her voice raised at the end and Rhysand turned around sheepishly.

“You’re right, my deepest apologies,” he said, still unable to keep the smile off his face, “Come to ours for dinner this evening.”

You smiled at him, nodding as your knee bounced to get rid of the anxious energy, muttering goodbye as Feyre and Rhys dragged their family out the room.

“I love you!” Cassian called over his shoulder and you laughed, eyes filling with tears you were trying to hold back.

“Cauldron baby I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Azriel asked and you nodded at him laughing at yourself as you cried.

“I’m okay, really. They were all so nice.” You assured him as he put down the tray he was holding and wrapping his arms around you.

“Then why are you crying?” he asked, his hands gentle as they wiped the stray tears.

“I cry at everything, the other day I cried because someone said they liked my dress,” you laughed and he shook his head, laughing with you.

“You’re in touch with your emotions,” he reasoned,

“I’m a baby. A baby with no social skills that gets overwhelmed very easily,” His shoulders shook with laughter as he lay the two of you down, “I haven’t even had my coffee yet and that was so much social interaction.” You complained, wiping your eyes as you calmed down.

He smiled down at you, kissing your forehead gently, “Are you up for seeing them properly tonight?” he asked, holding you so gently.

“Yeah it’ll be nice,” you assured him, “plus I do think me, and Cassian have to discuss our shared love for you. I think we might start a fan club.”

Azriel laughed, “If you say so.”

“I really do by the way. Love you I mean. Like I love you so much it makes me stupid, when I’m bored I just think about you and things we could do, and it makes me so happy.” You raised yourself up to look down at him as you spoke, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as he smiled dopily up at you.

“I love you so ridiculously much too.” You sat up together, your back pressed against his chest as he passed you your coffee and the breakfast he had prepared the two of you.

The stress of tonight could come later, you were just content to spend the rest of your morning in his arms.

#acofas #acotar #azriel #acomaf #azriel x reader #acowar #acofs #acosf #rhysand

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whumpzone · 3 years

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Tomas and Rowe - Part 18

Masterpost

@sola-whumping @just-another-whumper @misspelledwitch @looptheloup @briars7 @black-polarf @zipadeedooda-drabbles @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @rosesareviolentlyread @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @jazz-0307 @kestrelsparverius @whumpsy-daisies @whumpersworld @memoriesneverforget @sky-or-something-idfk @cupcakes-and-pain @frankieswhump @ihaventwritteninsolong @mybrokenlittletoy @kiretto-laorentze @morelikepainsley @lavmars @tears-and-lilies @whump-me-all-night-long @newbornwhumperfly @itaina-anta @whump-it @haro-whumps @simplygrimly @alex-ember @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @mnmlover2002 @jordanstrophe @princessofonward @xmonster-under-the-bed @as-a-matter-of-whump @5boys1house @crystalrainwing @starnight-whump @chifechi @unicornscotty @penny-for-your-whump @getyourwhumphere @likeit-or-whumpit @jasm0307 @lightdrinker @hurting-fictional-people @captainseconds @glamrockgregory

CW: recovering pet whumpee, environmental whump, references to an amputated finger, paranoia/hallucinations

As he turned to lock the final door behind him, Rowe could see that he had been in a warehouse, evidently a rarely-used one. A single floodlight was on, illuminating nothing but a bare wall and the road leading up to it. Rowe had been correct- it was night. The open air was a thousand blessings as he breathed it in. His eyes felt clean, he could stand up properly, he wasn’t wearing that fucking collar anymore.

The happiness was short-lived, but he let himself have it. He was free. He just had to get home, now.

Rowe would have panicked, at that moment, but instead his heart toughened, because Kasia hadn’t been able to break him down. He was missing a finger, and the throbbing pain made sure he wouldn’t forget in a hurry, but he was still there, still himself. His nightmares would probably take a new form, and he wondered if he’d ever be able to sleep alone again, but he was fine. He was a Pet. He was a person. Surviving was a skill of his.

He rested a hand on the wall, making sure he was hidden in shadow, and let himself take some of the weight off his scarred leg. Burnt, smashed, sewn up and burnt again. He would be limping, by the time he got home. But get home he would, and in some way, it was thanks to his leg. He had been sat on his bed, back when he couldn’t walk, looking for something to distract him from the feelings of anger and uselessness and what if he throws me out?

So he’d looked down and practised his reading. He remembered it perfectly. Tomas G…Grz…. something… 12 h-a-r-t… Hartland Road… your Pet… s-p-l-i-n-t…. bed rest for up to one week…

Rowe had read the address, and perhaps even then he’d known he might one day need it. It didn’t solve the problem of knowing whereHartland Road was, or whether he’d make it there without being stolen or beaten up or killed, but he had to try.

Kidnapped, he thought. You’d only say stolen for a piece of property.

The warehouse was evidently on the outskirts of town. Was it the right town? Rowe thought so, as he studied the lights shining down the road. Several of the shapes were familiar to him. The colourful string bulbs that were hung up along the shopping streets, the glow from the theatre on the hill, the dark spot where the graveyard sat. From his bedroom window he had to crane to get a good look, but he could see it well from the office. He ached to be back there. In the warmth and familiarity of it. Back with- Master? The word sounded strange now. Especially since- since Rowe felt like he understood him now. Understood his intentions.

He started to walk. Kasia’s jacket rested on his shoulders, and he couldn’t bear to put his arms in. The idea alone made him feel trapped. The thing smelt distinctly of the bastard, but Rowe knew it was preferable to the cold of a dead night. He found a main road soon enough, built up above the rest of the grassy flatland, so he gingerly climbed down the hill and walked alongside. He would be hidden from passing cars well enough, but his bare feet soon began to take the brunt of the choice of rough land over tarmac. Stones, sticks, was that roadkill, oh, god, all were littered through his journey which was only sparsely lit by the occasional road light. After a particularly sharp stone, or possibly even a discarded glass bottle, Rowe knew his foot was bleeding. He ground his teeth together. It wasn’t real if he couldn’t see it. And right now, he couldn’t see his own hand in front of him.

He kept his eyes on the lights from the town before him, slowly drawing closer.

He thought he heard footsteps behind him, running closer with horrifying speed. As they drew near he could hear Kasia screaming at him.

You think you can fucking get away from me? You think you locked that collar? You really think I won’t come back?

He kept his eyes fixed on the town. “It-it-it’s n-not real,” he whispered past the lump in his throat. He was trembling with fear. “It’s not real, I locked him up, I st-stopped him, it’s not real, it’s not.”

The paranoia wouldn’t leave him, though. Every passing car, though they were few and far between, made him jump and crouch down, hands clamped over his mouth. He couldn’t shake the fear that it was Kasia after him, out searching for the rotten escaped Pet. His leg burst with pain every time, making him whimper and cry when he tried to stand back up.

The sounds of footsteps gradually stopped, and Kasia’s voice faded, but Rowe could still feel his hands clawing at him. His back tingled with the overwhelming sensation that someone was behind him, creeping up and reaching out to grab-

Against his better judgement, he turned back. Darkness there, and nothing more. “Fuck, f-fuck, keep it together,” he muttered.

Just up ahead, he could see streetlamps. Proper ones, glowing a gentle orange. He went as far as he could along the grass, then climbed up, wetting his hands in the dew. He checked for cars, and seeing none, scrambled fully onto the road.

He realised he couldn’t run anymore- his leg would give out, or he wouldn’t be able to contain a howl of pain- so he limped as quickly as he could towards the next patch of shadow, over and over.

Eventually he came upon a sign: Welcome to….

It was half shadowed, but it was a map. He pushed himself up on his tip-toes, eyes scanning the jumble of letters and lines and symbols. Eventually he spotted it. Hartland Road. He traced the direction in his head, making sure it was committed to memory, although he knew he wouldn’t forget it even if someone tried to beat it out of him. And then, he started walking.

He couldn’t tell exactly what time it was, but he would have guessed around three or four in the morning. The pub, as he passed it, was quiet, although he still kept his distance, hugging the shadows.

He soon reached the base of the hill he knew he’d have to climb. As he started to ascend, he saw the Pet hospital in the distance. Oh god, would he have to go back there to get his finger treated? He pushed the question to the back of his mind. If he did, there wasn’t anything he could do.

A few cars drove by, as he walked. He wanted to duck into one of the smaller streets that branched off, but he had only memorised one route home, and he didn’t trust himself to improvise in the dark. So instead he squared his shoulders, stopped hunching, tried his best to look like a person walking home in his heavy jacket, not afraid, not prey. It didn’t feel quite right, but it was easier than he’d expected. And it worked- no cars stopped, no one seemed to give him a second glance.

He finally reached the street, the name lit up. Hartland Road. The sign was scuffed, like kids had popped the cap off their beers along its edge. It was fixed to the wall of a garden, weeds poking out through the bricks, a flyer from the council tied at eye-level to the neck of the streetlamp. Rowe took everything in as he walked. The bicycle clipped to a fence, the parked cars, the black bins left out for collection. Before, he never would have taken notice. None of it had mattered. But now, Rowe felt as if he had a new connection to the world around him. He could interact with it. He wasn’t leashed or under the watchful eye of an owner, he wasn’t crawling or blindfolded in the boot of a car. He was in pain, yes, but he was always in pain, so constantly that it hardly registered anymore. He was free.

Rowe didn’t recognise the house itself. The only times he’d ever left it, he’d been unconscious, or practically so.

But when he turned around, he saw the same view he’d had from his bedroom window every morning and night. He was home.

He remembered Kasia’s key, but it no longer fit into the front door. The lock must have been changed. Rowe hated that the alternative was to make a loud noise, at this hour, but perhaps that was the smarter way than simply slipping inside like- like Kasia. So he hesitantly pressed down on the doorbell, hitting his fist against the wood as well. He waited. He thought about how he’d never rung a doorbell before in his life.

Silence. Rowe wasn’t exactly surprised, but his heart still tightened. Suddenly the fresh air didn’t feel freeing, it felt exposed. He rang again, knocking harder, not giving up. Surely he would know it was urgent? Surely he would come down, and Rowe would get to see his face again?

Faintly, he heard the creaking of the stairs. “I-I-It’s me!” he said, hushed. “It’s me, I…”

His words died as the door slowly opened. Half a face, an eye framed by blond curls peered out, full of apprehension. In a heartbeat it landed on Rowe and widened, and the door flew open.

“Tomas,” Rowe said, loving how it felt to say his name, loving him, loving everything. “I’m back, I, I’m back, I’m back.”

Tomas raised a hand over his mouth, and for once he was the one shaking. “Oh my god… oh my god.”

And then he was reaching both arms out for Rowe with a sob. Rowe threw the horrible jacket to the ground and fell into him, wrapping his arms around his waist and holding on tight. He couldn’t have known whose knees failed first, but suddenly they had collapsed on the floor, clinging onto each other, not leaving a shred of space between as they both cried. Soaked in the orange light that pooled through the still-open front door.

#tomas and rowe #pet whump #whump fic #deconditioning #mine #my thoughts while writing this: i love my boy i love my boy i love my boy

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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I’m sorry, but can I just go on a little rant about the Louis, clouis, and the Clem comic...?

I didn’t really talk about Louis in my overall review of the comic because I wanted that to be more contained to the content shown on the pages, Clementine’s relationship with AJ, and her as a character.... but the more I think about these comics and Louis, the more frustrated I become thinking about what Clementine abandoning everyone would do to him.

[... okay it’s not little anymore since I guess I can never just do anything simple when it comes to Louis, sorry my bad]

So, no surprise, we all know the comic’s bullshit by now. Clementine leaving everything and everyone behind because she’s not happy is dumb, AJ just letting her go is dumb, and Clem going to the mountains on crutches and a peg leg to find this so-called happiness is dumb.

Now that we’ve established it’s dumb, I wanna talk about Louis because I got a lot of built up feelings about how bullshit this storyline is with how Clementine would not only abandon AJ, but also abandon Louis.

Because let me tell you..... his heart would be broken beyond repair and I need to talk about why.

Sigh.... so.... muh boy.

Before he met Clementine, Louis was this laidback, irresponsible, but caring and musical person who kept his head down to avoid conflict and never looked at the future. He was the kind of person who took things one day at a time, saw survival as a day-to-day task, and said that the future doesn’t exist, there’s only today. You get the point, he was never too concerned with things because they always seemed to work out, and if they didn’t, then that sucks and that’s why we should appreciate every day while we have it.

Louis is shown to be charismatic and friendly, he spends his free time playing piano and card games, but no one really takes him seriously. Not even Marlon, his best friend for 8+ years. While he doesn’t seem to be on bad terms with anyone [including Aasim, they just act like people who disagree with the other’s point of view and have had the same argument many times, but that doesn’t mean they hate each other, y’know?] he also doesn’t appear super close with anyone outside of Marlon and possibly Violet, but even then.

Marlon’s shown to have little faith in him with the way he talks about if Louis will even show up to hunt. He has a controlling grip on Louis that’s prominent during the confrontation scene when he uses intimidation to try to convince Louis to not interfere. Oh, and there’s the fact that Marlon’s been lying to Louis for the past year about the twins and then continued to lie to his face about what really happened to Brody... which isn’t great when you consider how Louis was the only one who had blind faith in him as a leader and, according to Marlon, was the only one who couldn’t see how pathetic he always was.

Violet, while having a few more nicer moments with him than Marlon, still invalidates him and his feelings several times throughout the first half of the game which makes me wonder how close they ever were, or at least if Violet ever considered him a close friend to begin with. And no, a small monologue in the dorms doesn’t make everything better or confirm they were brotp the whole time... especially when once they’re on the boat, Louis might as well not exist because Violet can’t be bothered to acknowledge what happened to him or inquire about how he’s doing. I guess she just didn’t have time react while standing in her cell for several unbothered minutes-- no wait, it’s she already reacted off screen. Right. Good writing is good.

What I’m getting at here is that even though Louis is surrounded by people who he genuinely cares about, there is an argument to be made that he’s a lonely person. Hell, he’s aware of his loneliness when he says that no one hears past his music and jokes. I mean, how many nights do you think he spent by himself playing the piano because no one wanted to hear it? Are they like Violet and crack jokes about how he doesn’t have actual talent? Probably, given that someone literally carved “you suck at playing” onto the side of the damn piano.

Oh, and let’s touch on that backstory of his. Louis grew up wealthy with two parents who loved him and each other, and they gave him anything he wanted except singing lessons. Louis says he wanted to be a real musician. But I guess his father didn’t like that idea and told him no, with the [as Louis puts it] dumb dad lesson of, “You get to be happy, or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” ...which is interesting given that Louis and his family were stupid rich but also.... were they not happy? well, that doesn’t make sense because little Louis knew that if he broke up their marriage, they would be hurt.

So yeah, Louis was so upset that his father continually refused to let him take singing lessons that he broke into the man’s credit cards and faked an affair, which led to his parents divorcing... and then he spit his father’s words back in his face.

Then they dumped him at Ericson. And the walkers came.

There’s so much to unpack from the story he tells that it could be it’s own analysis, but basically.... Louis is aware of why what he did was fucked up, and he carries it with him every day.

He regrets what he did, chews himself out for being such a “vindictive fuckhead” [and the amount of force used in that line tells you a lot, like how it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself like this] and he admits that he doesn’t even know the person he’s talking about. Yet, he still sees himself as bad, saying that they [I assume the staff] told him and the other kids they’re bad people. I don’t doubt that Louis internalized that which played a huge role in the confidence and self-esteem issues he has during tfs.

Anyway, I’ll come back to this later, but when you take that amount of guilt and regret, and mix it with the fact that they dropped him off at this school that was supposed to make him better.... then the walkers came and those teachers, staff, and headmaster? Gone. Left a bunch of kids to fend for themselves, with the exception of Ms. Martin [but given how she looks when we find her I doubt she lasted that long] and I cannot imagine how horrifying that was for all of them. The dead are up eating people, and if you die you become one of them... and the people you thought you could rely on just fucking left you to die at this school.

Every kid in that school has trauma and abandonment issues from before and after the world went to shit, every last one, and Louis isn’t the exception here. Over the years, a lot of kids died and they’ve all seen horrible shit. They all knew they were never going to see their families again, and as far as we know, no one came to get their kids at the beginning. They had to find ways of coping while trying to survive, and all they had left was each other.

Louis copes with music and games and jokes. He’s built up this persona where it seems like he’s unaffected by the comments the others make, that the death and suffering he’s gone through is in the past, that he is confident and open to those around him.

But then Clementine and AJ show up, and Louis grows close with both of them. They had immediate chemistry upon first meeting, he was the one who looked after AJ since it seems like everyone else saw him as a little terror, and he went out of his way to be kind and make them comfortable.

When they go hunting with him, Louis and Clementine have a moment after taking care of the walker where they lower their guards a bit-- Louis gives her more in-depth reasons for his views of survival, and going off her expression, it gets to her and makes her think.... but they’ve know each other a day and he’s not quick to infodump his life story or let her in, so he cuts the conversation short.

Then we have the Marlon confrontation scene that I have gone over so many times in the past. I won’t dillydally with it too long but..... Clementine appeals to Louis, who curls in on himself because of the control Marlon has on him. He wants to help, and hell, he knows this is wrong but he’s so used to not getting involved that he gets defensive.... plus, he’s known Clementine for two days, and he’s known Marlon for 8+ years.... he wants to believe Marlon but you can tell he doesn’t want this, either. It takes Clementine talking to him to give him courage to stand between her and Marlon’s gun and it’s a lot.

AJ shoots Marlon and everything goes to shit, and Louis is a goddamn mess. His best friend was murderer right in front of him, so add that to the trauma list, and he’s overwhelmed with all these feelings that again.... they keep getting invalidated by Violet because “Marlon was a liar and murderer, therefore you shouldn’t feel bad about his death. Get over yourself, Louis, you can be such a shithead sometimes.”

Oh yeah Vi, I guess he should care more about two people he’s known for a total of two days rather than for the safety of the people [including you] he’s grown up with and cared about for 8+ years.... makes sense.

So yeah, little to no support during this time. Alone again.

And just because I have to make this clear so no one gets a hair up their ass-- both Louis and Violet are wrong here. Kicking them out isn’t the solution, but neither is acting like AJ was right to commit murder just because it was Marlon.

But plots gotta plot, so they get voted out and you can see that Louis is conflicted about the whole thing. He wants them gone, but at the same time, he knows what kicking them out means. You can see it on his face that he’s not okay with kicking them out. He’s hurting when he’s there in the dorms telling them how the vote went... he literally doesn’t know what else to do. He just knows that everything hurts, Clem and AJ caused it, and he wants the pain to stop. He even tries to justify it to himself by figuring that they’ve done this before so they’ll be fine. Not a great thing to say, Lou.

Anyway, we know the story, Clem and AJ come back and Louis once again sees the consequences of acting out of pain.... AJ is shot because Louis was hurt and he made a bad decision that he’s gotta live with.... something that he’s done before, and this affirms to him that he’s bad. He wishes he could take it back, and goes as far as to admit that to Clementine during the archery scene.

By the way, credit to him for his apology to her. It’s rare in these games that Clem gets a genuine apology from someone who hurt her and doesn’t turn around to repeat the hurtful behavior, y’know? Plus, I can think of plenty of characters who owed Clem an apology in the past or if they did apologize, it was half-assed.

You can feel how conflicted he is with this whole thing-- learning who Marlon really was and what he did, feeling something for Clementine before everything went down and not knowing how to handle those feelings afterward, caring about AJ and understanding why he thought shooting was the best choice but still hurting that his friend is dead....

And the thing is.... Louis forgives her for so much, as she does him, and through all of that bullshit, they manage to develop that strong connection that turns romantic. Louis lets himself be fully vulnerable with her and is honest about his feelings, how she listened when no one else did and seeing him for more than just the persona he put on.

This works on Clementine’s side, too. Clementine has been through her own fair share of bullshit-- trauma, abandonment, loss, injury, you name it. She’s made mistakes, done terrible things, and has been in enough groups to know that romance usually ends in heartbreak.... and yet, she’s willing to open herself up to Louis and admit she feels a lot for him.

Is it a little rushed? Yep. Could it have been handled better? Of course, most things this season could’ve, but what we got was pretty good.

So Clementine and Louis are romantically involved now, the raiders attack, and she saves him... and boy does Louis feel guilty about that one, too. He feels bad enough that he questions why she would pick him because he can’t fathom his life being worth saving over another’s. He doesn’t see himself as useful, and even though Clementine is literally his girlfriend at this point, his self-esteem is so all over the place that he can’t understand why she would have him at her side.

And when Clementine tells him that he’s too important to her, he’s too baffled to even give a response. He looks at her in disbelief like he wasn’t expecting her to say that. But this shows that at the beginning of their relationship, he still doubts himself, and through her working with him, he begins to build up that strength in himself.

He becomes brave enough to share what got him sent to the school with her, and he plays Don’t Be Afraid for everyone at the party and like.... for once, everyone is listening to him. Really listening to him. They’re not talking shit about his musical skills, they’re not ignoring him or the feelings he’s putting into the song, they’re sitting there with him and I just..... if you watch him, you can see that his eyes get pretty glossy throughout the song. The moment meant something to everyone.

There’s also the fact that Clementine asked him to come with her and AJ onto the boat, and to be the one in charge of the bomb... that’s a huge responsibly and he feels the pressure of that. He starts to panic a bit about if he can do it, because what if he fucks up? What if he gets them caught and makes everything worse? What if something happens to Clementine and he can’t do anything about it?

She’s there to reassure him that she believes in him, and that he can do this. They’re going to get everyone back, and he needs to focus... then he asks her to slap him which why would you? that’s dumb, so Clementine smooches him instead and like.... he physically relaxes into her because he’s comfortable and trusts her in this situation.

Also, he loves her and cares about this mission enough to cover himself and his fancy jacket in walker guts.... sure, he complains while doing so but how else is he gonna cope with rubbing rotten guts on himself to blend in with a herd of walkers?

Skipping ahead so that we’re not here all day, I wanna talk about the walk back to the school because it’s one of the most important clouis moments in the game and a huge reason that solidifies why the comic is bullshit.

Louis went off on his own to go out and find them. He didn’t know where they would be, he just knew that he had to go out and find them after making sure everyone was okay back at the school because he couldn’t bare the thought that he had lost them. And the way the AJ gets so excited to see him? and the group hug??

At this point, Louis has grown so much as a character. With Clementine by his side to support him, he’s grown stronger and more reliable. Remember how he never thought about the future? Well, now he is because his relationship with Clementine has given him a reason to long for a future. He talks about building this imaginary house with her, one he knows they can’t physically build... but it’s his way of saying we can build a home together, that he wants a future with her and AJ and everyone else. It’s such a personal conversation that flows so easy between them. Louis is more comfortable talking to her about things from his past, which is something he didn’t want to do back in ep1.

He confides in her how he’s feeling after he shot and killed Dorian, he tells her that having a home means protecting it and I just.... it’s so good, okay? And from Clementine’s side, you can feel how at ease she is with him, too. Just the way she smiles at him as they’re walking? like he’s the cutest thing and she’s so happy to have him with her?

But then we gotta deal with Minerva’s crazy ass on the bridge and well, AJ shoots Tenn and Louis is having flashbacks to Marlon and it’s not great. That’s a whole thing, and he ends up separated from them while escaping.

We don’t get to see Louis’ reaction to Clementine getting bit and losing her leg since I guess that puts a damper on the overly happy ending. But, going off of what we know about him and what I’ve explained [which isn’t even all of it, this isn’t a full Louis character analysis. if it was, it would be much longer and in multiple parts... believe it or not, I’m trying to not make this too long and only sorta failing...] we can get an idea of how he would react.

Um, to say he was upset is an understatement.

Because remember, he had no time to think and climbed over the fence, thinking he could get them to climb over and they could get away, but it didn’t work. He ended up leaving them in order to save himself since walkers were closing in on him.

But you know that he’d blame himself for the bite. A lot of, “if I had just stayed” and “I should’ve climbed back over, I should’ve stayed with you.” I’m sure there were points where it looked like Clem wouldn’t make it and I can’t imagine how much hurt he went through watching her suffer and heal from losing a leg like that.

Not only that, but knowing that AJ was the one to do it? And him thinking about what Clem’s death would do to AJ after all this? There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Louis would take care of AJ if she died. He cares about AJ, and he loves Clementine, so he be there for both of them, even if he’s still hurting from Tenn’s death.

However, Clementine didn’t die. She survived the bite and amputation, and when we flashforward, she and Louis are still happily together. Louis is right there next to her at dinner, and he’s the one to help her with her crutches. He’s there to go over future plans to meet the traveling caravan, and Clementine wants him to be the one to go.

Oh, and Louis once again forgives AJ for shooting Tenn, claiming that he understands that AJ saw something that he couldn’t. Like with Marlon, he’s not happy Tenn’s dead but he can see why AJ did it to save his life.

I just..... happy ending. Clementine and Louis are together and she’s truly happy to have found a home for her and AJ with him at Ericson.

....But then the comic thought it would be fun to say “nah.”

The comic isn’t canon, I’m still insulted that it would ever consider itself as such, but even so I can’t help but feel so frustrated about how this would destroy Louis.

He finally found someone he would consider his best friend, not just his girlfriend. She saw past that funny man persona and he trusted her enough to let her past this wall he built around himself. He let himself become vulnerable around her, he named his song after her. Their initials are carved into his piano with a heart surrounding them. He loved her.

Clementine left him feeling loved, something he probably hasn’t truly felt since he was a little boy with his parents before their divorce. She loved him even after hearing his past because she knew that wasn’t him anymore, and she helped him build the confidence he needed to step up. Because of Clementine, Louis wants to enjoy every day while also looking at the future. He isn’t lonely anymore, he has her and AJ. He’s truly happy.

So to tell me that Louis would wake up one morning only to have AJ tell him that Clementine’s gone, she’ been planning an escape without telling anyone because she wasn’t happy...? I’m sorry, but if you think that wouldn’t leave Louis absolutely devastated, then you know nothing about him as a character.

This idea is just.... look, Louis is perceptive. That’s a big part of his character, he’s perceptive of those around him. If Clementine was showing signs of being unhappy or depression, he would see it. He would notice a change. He would be able to tell if something was off, and he would ask her about it. Louis is the type of person to ask you what you need. What can he do to help? What do you need to feel better? And if you don’t know, it’s okay, he’ll help you figure it out in any way possible.

Plus, the comic suggests that there are times where she went off on her own but came back [probably doing her escape prep ugh] and you expect me to believe that Louis wouldn’t notice that or wonder what she’s doing? Wouldn’t sense that something’s going on?

After she’s gone, he’s going to blame himself for not being enough. He couldn’t make her happy and he was a fool to think he ever could. AJ lost the only family he’s known since he was born because Louis couldn’t help her, couldn’t do anything to stop her from leaving.

And for him to realize that she didn’t love him? Clementine, the girl he thought the world of because of how strong and confident and in-charge she was, because she saw him for who he was..... she left him, abandoned him... and she couldn’t even be bothered with a goodbye.... that says that she didn’t care all that much about him in the end.

You KNOW that he would think he had this coming, too. How could the universe allow him to fall in love and be happy with someone who loved him back after what he did to his parents? He would feel so heartbroken that he would see this as some sort of karma for breaking up his parents happy marriage as a kid years before he ever met Clementine and before the apocalypse.

I fucking can’t.... I don’t have the words to fully explain how much I hate this. Louis wouldn’t be okay afterward, and I doubt he’d ever fully recover. I wasn’t joking when I mentioned before that Louis would stop playing piano. How could he sit there and play when I he can see is their initials and remember the night she confessed to him? When he named his song after her? Clementine left and took the music with her because Louis wouldn’t have it in him... something that he used to cope would be ruined and that’s just.... it’s fucking awful.

Not only that, but now he has AJ who I assume is hurting just as much [though the comics inaccurately assume he would just let Clem go sooo... yeah] and he would be the only one Louis would really talk to about it, but then again.... what if AJ doesn’t wanna talk about it? What if AJ starts to act out and things just become terrible and Louis is just too overwhelmed?

I just.... UGH. That’s how I feel. UGH.

Clementine from the comic? Not her. She would never fucking do this to Louis, AJ, or anyone else at Ericson, and you would know that if you played the tfs.

Sigh.... sorry, I just needed to get this all out. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Clem leaving would affect Louis and I’ve gotten some asks/come across some posts about Louis that have left me incredibly annoyed.... well, I was annoyed before because of the comics, so my annoyances with those things were only heightened. So yeah... I wanted to talk about Louis’ character in hopes of explaining why he would be so hurt if this comic was canon.

Which it’s not. So it’s fine.

How are we all feelin’ at this point, by the way? I know I’m not the only one still annoyed with the comic, so I hope y’all are doin’ okay. Hope you’re stayin’ chill and thinking about your faves to help cope with this mess hahaha

#twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg clouis #twdg aj #twdg marlon #twdg violet #clouis #twdg #sometimes i just need to talk about louis okay #one day i'll do a full character analysis that goes over everything #but today isn't that day #long post

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gay-snom · 3 years

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contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

#its My post and i get to pick the subplot #i have...brainworms #wwx and lwj are foils in the public image theme change my mind #mdzs #mdzs meta #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #stfu #meta

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nerdzzone · 3 years

Text

Gaze on the Shore

Summary: As the world starts to reopen, tentatively hoping the worst of the pandemic is behind them, Chris and Whitney face a new set of challenges. With busy work schedules and the pressures of normal life looming on the horizon, will the foundation they’ve built through lockdown be strong enough to keep their relationship steady or will they crack under the strain?

Chris Evans x OFC

18+

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Part One

-----

Part Two

My mind was racing all afternoon and my gratitude for Chris was overwhelming as he was organized enough for both of us and steered me through the day. Jack had called again in the middle of the afternoon to let me know that what he’d said earlier was true - the surgery went well and my dad was expected to make a full recovery - but I was still so stunned by the whole situation that I was struggling to focus.

Chris, however, was a machine.

He booked us flights that left at six-thirty that evening which would get us in just after nine-thirty, he dropped Dodger off with Lisa - taking Grayson with him so he could say goodbye since we didn’t know when we’d be back - and then he finished all the packing because I’d made virtually no progress by the time he’d done everything else. He got us to the airport on time and through security - despite me misplacing my boarding pass at least twice and Grayson being very hard to wrangle as he was practically vibrating with excitement from the sudden trip.

He looked exhausted by the time we were settled in our seats on the plane, but he didn’t complain once and I felt so much love towards him in that moment that I hated myself for how I’d handled things when he told me he had to leave. That guilt was made even worse by the fact that the flight had gone completely fine. Grayson had no issue keeping his mask on and he slept for almost the entire flight anyway. Being in first class, we had access to the private lounge and were quite far away from other people even on the plane so I never felt at all unsafe either. I had overreacted and I wanted to talk it through with Chris, but with Grayson curled up on my lap and the roar of the plane engines, I hadn’t had a chance to and knew it would have to wait.

When we landed in L.A., Chris lifted Grayson out of my lap and carried him to the baggage claim area. He was still out like a light when we got there so Chris passed him to me and grabbed our luggage while I balanced Gray on my hip as I pulled my phone out of my bag.

“Jack’s right outside,” I told Chris when all our bags were piled on a cart. “His car is dark blue.”

“What make is it?”

“Uh, I have no idea,” I admitted. “It’s kinda like an SUV, but a small one? Or maybe just a big car? I’m horrible with that stuff.”

Chris chuckled and nodded as he led the way out of the airport. Luckily, Jack was parked right outside and was leaning against the car in question so my useless description of it was unnecessary.

“Hey!” He grinned when he spotted us, but the exhaustion on his face was clear. “How are you guys doing?”

“Tired and stressed,” I sighed. “How are you? How’s dad?”

“He’s doing really well. He’s still in the hospital, but they think he can come home tomorrow.”

“Can I go see him? Tonight?”

“If you’re up to it,” he nodded. “Visiting hours end at midnight so you should have enough time to at least say hello.”

“Can you drop me off now? Then take Chris and Gray to mom and dad’s house?”

We’d agreed that it would be best for us to stay there for a few days as Chris’ house probably needed some organizing. He’d let his friends stay there occasionally since he was hardly ever around even before the pandemic, but no one had been for a while so the beds would need making, things would need cleaning and we also knew there were no toys or anything child-friendly to entertain Gray.

“Sure, whatever you want,” Jack shrugged. “Does that work for you?”

He was looking at Chris who nodded his head.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan,” he agreed. “Thanks for picking us up, man.”

“It’s no trouble,” Jack assured us as his eyes landed on Grayson. “It’s great to see you all. I can’t believe how big that little guy is now!”

“I know, he’s growing up too fast.” I squeezed him a little tighter as Chris grabbed the car seat that he’d had the forethought to bring off the pile of luggage. “But what about Theo? How is he doing? Will I get to meet him soon?”

Jack laughed at my list of questions as he opened the door to the car for Chris to put the seat in.

“He’s great. Honestly, he’s the best. He’s learning so fast and talking so much now.”

The pride in his voice reminded me of Chris whenever he spoke about Grayson and I couldn’t hold back the grin that slid onto my face. It hadn’t been an easy road for Jack and my sister-in-law to have a baby and I was so happy for them that they finally had the child they’d always wanted.

“I’m so excited to meet him. Will he be around tomorrow?”

“Yeah, definitely. I have a meeting I can’t miss first thing in the morning, but Andrea said she would head over to Mom and Dad’s to help keep an eye on Mom and help get things organized for when Dad comes home.”

“Perfect,” I smiled. “It’ll be nice to see her too.”

I passed Grayson over to Chris and he stirred slightly from being jostled once again. Knowing it would be disastrous for his sleep pattern if he woke up now, Chris rocked him gently for a moment until he settled and nuzzled his face into Chris’ shoulder. Very gently, Chris lowered him into the seat and buckled him in before brushing the hair out of his face and soothing him until he had relaxed again.

“He’s a sound sleeper,” Jack observed as he headed towards the driver’s side door.

“Not always,” I smiled, getting in the passenger side as Chris went to climb in the backseat with Grayson. “I think he’s just exhausted from the busy day we’ve had.”

“He was so excited about seeing you,” Chris chimed in. “All we heard all day was ‘does Uncle Jack like dinosaurs? Will Uncle Jack want to play with me? Is Uncle Jack funny?’.”

“I hope you warned him that Uncle Jack isn’t just funny, he’s hilarious,” Jack grinned as he pulled away from the curb. “But I’m excited to hang out with him too. It’s been weird not being able to visit at all and see him grow up.”

“Imagine how I feel,” I huffed. “I missed the entire baby stage of Theo’s life.”

“Consider yourself lucky. He was a tough baby.”

“They’re all tough,” I insisted. “I’m sure he was no worse than any other baby.”

“I dunno about that,” Jack laughed. “He has quite the knack for temper tantrums and he has a shockingly impressive stamina when it comes to screeching when he doesn’t get his way.”

I smiled, having heard stories about my nephew’s flare for the dramatics, but as Chris and Jack started swapping stories of their nightmare dad moments, I turned my attention to the view out the window. I had been very happy to leave Los Angeles when I moved to Massachusetts and I never regretted making that move, but seeing the familiar sights as we headed onto the highway had me realizing how much I’d missed it and how happy I was to be back.

Walking down the hallway of the hospital, my stomach was twisting into knots. I hated hospitals and knowing why I was there made it even worse. Jack had tried to prepare me as I was getting out of the car - he explained that it might be uncomfortable to see our dad in his current state - but as I pushed open the door to his room, I was shocked.

My dad had always been a large man as he was over six feet tall and very broad shouldered. He was usually quite an intimidating presence - despite the fact that he was a very friendly and kind man - but now he was the opposite. Lying in his hospital bed, hooked up to several different machines, he looked small and frail and the sight immediately brought tears to my eyes.

He appeared to be sound asleep as I crept into the room, but the closer I got, the worse he seemed to look and a quiet sob fell from my lips.

Our relationship had never been easy. We were very different in a lot of ways and we butted heads a lot when I was growing up. I knew he cared for me, but the way he chose to show it - like insisting I go to university for something I had no interest in just so I’d have a steady job and decent income - didn’t always sit well with me and I’d never been scared to push back when I disagreed. When I’d dropped out of university, the strain between us had been at an all time high and, as I told Chris the first night we met, he seemed to be perpetually exasperated by me. I shrugged it off and pretended that I didn’t care, but it did always weigh on me that we weren’t as close as I would have liked.

And that was the first thought that crossed my mind when I heard the words ‘heart attack’ come from my brother’s mouth earlier that day - that I’d missed my chance. That I’d procrastinated and taken time for granted and would never get the opportunity to try and repair our fragile relationship. It was a thought that devastated me more than I would have expected and as soon as I knew that he was going to pull through, I knew that I needed to finally put the effort in and try to make amends.

“I’m so sorry,” I choked out, sharing my thoughts out loud as I sat in the chair next to the bed and reached out to take his hand. “I know that I was difficult and I never listened to you. I know you had high hopes for me to have a good degree to fall back on and I know you never understood most of the choices I’ve made in my life, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I ever let you down and that I’ve been such a disappointment for you.”

“I’m gonna have to stop you right there,” My dad’s croaky voice piped up as his eyes fluttered open. “You are absolutely not a disappointment.”

I smiled through the tears in my eyes, feeling relief flood through me at the sound of his voice.

“You’re awake!”

“Of course, I am. You weren’t talking all that quietly,” he teased me. “I was just asleep, monkey. I wasn’t in a coma.”

Monkey. My heart clenched at the sound of the name he always used to call me when I was a child and I felt a few more tears slip down my cheeks and soak into the top of the mask I was required to wear.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I sniffled. “I was so worried when Jack called me.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” he assured me. “It’ll take more than something like this to get rid of me, but anyway, why on earth do you think you’re a disappointment?”

Now that he was awake, I didn’t want to stress him out by having such a serious conversation so I kept my answer as to the point as I could.

“Because I dropped out of university and got knocked up by a man that I wasn’t even dating?”

“Oh, please,” he rolled his eyes. “You might not have been dating, but we all knew you were madly in love with the guy even back then.”

I wrinkled my nose at that observation.

“Even you knew?”

“Everyone knew,” he insisted. “But aside from that, all it did was make me more proud of you. You moved across the country, away from all your friends and family, to give my grandson as much stability as you could. You sacrificed your own comfort and security for Grayson before he was even born and you amaze me constantly with what an incredible mother you are. You’re not a disappointment for ending up in that situation, it made me even more proud of you than I already was.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I choked out and he squeezed my hand while I took a moment to try and resist the urge to collapse into sobs. “That really means a lot.”

“Well, I’m sorry I haven’t said it before. Can’t have you living your life thinking that I’m disappointed in you. Not when I’m so proud and love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dad,” I smiled, using my free hand to wipe my eyes. “Wow, they must have you on some good painkillers. It’s making you soft.”

“Yeah, let’s blame that,” he chuckled. “Just don’t tell your mom and brother or they’ll want a deathbed heart to heart as well.”

“You’re not on your deathbed, don’t say that,” I scolded as I snorted out a laugh. “But while we’re on that topic, how are you feeling?”

“I feel fine. I wanted to go home today, but they insisted that I stay overnight,” he huffed. “It’s all a lot of fuss over nothing.”

“You had a heart attack,” I reminded him. “That’s not nothing.”

He scowled and looked down, clearly not impressed with the situation.

“Yeah, yeah, so everyone keeps reminding me.”

I smiled at his stubbornness and couldn’t help, but roll my eyes.

“Don’t sulk. I hear you get to leave tomorrow.”

“Hopefully,” he sighed before forcing a smile back onto his face. “I’ve got to get out of here so I can see your little monster.”

“He’s very excited to see you,” I assured him. “I think he made you about eight get well cards today while Chris and I were packing.”

“That’s very kind of him,” my dad grinned. “He’s a good kid.”

“He is,” I agreed. “He really is just very nice. He hates it when anyone is sad and does his best to make them feel better.”

“You’ve raised him well.”

“I dunno,” I shrugged. “I think some of it is just personality.”

“Well, surely you can take some credit for that as well.”

“Can I?” I smiled. “Do you take credit for my personality?”

“Some of it,” he admitted. “At least the good parts. Your mom is to blame for your attitude problem.”

I laughed at that claim, knowing that most people would agree that my attitude was definitely from him.

“Sure, Dad, you keep telling yourself that.”

We chatted for a bit longer as he asked about our flight over and how life in Massachusetts was going until a nurse knocked on the door and poked her head in the room.

“Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are over in about ten minutes.”

“Okay, thanks for letting me know,” I smiled at her before turning my attention back to my dad. “I should let you get some sleep anyway so you can be all rested up for tomorrow and make sure they let you go home.”

“If they don’t, you’ll have to come and bust me out.”

“I’ll get Chris on it,” I laughed. “He can use his Hollywood charm to sway the nurses.”

“Perfect,” my dad grinned, squeezing my hand again as I stood up. “Thanks for coming, monkey.”

“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It was hard to leave him there by himself. After seeing him and speaking to him, I knew he was doing okay, but it was hard to say goodbye and leave him all alone. With one last wave, I made myself walk out the door and headed out the front exit of the hospital. I sent off a quick text to Jack to let him know that I was ready to be picked up, but he must have already been on his way as he appeared a few short minutes later.

The ride home was mostly quiet. Considering it was almost three in the morning for my body when the time difference was taken into account, I was exhausted and ready for bed. Jack dropped me off with a quick goodbye and a ‘see you tomorrow’ and I dragged myself into the house.

I assumed that everyone would be in bed already, but the kitchen light was on so I went to investigate only to find my mom sitting at the table with a cup of tea. She looked as exhausted as I was, but the sight of her made my heart swell.

“Hey, mom,” I announced my presence, her head shooting up at the sound of my voice. “How are you doing?”

With impressive speed for someone who looked ready to fall asleep any minute, my mom leapt out of her chair and dashed across the room to pull me into her arms.

“Oh, Whitney, I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” I smiled, squeezing her tightly. “I wish it was for a better reason, but I’m so glad to be back.”

“I’m glad you’re back too,” she agreed, reluctantly letting go of me. “How’s your dad doing? Is he less cranky than he was when I left earlier?”

“He was still pretty cranky,” I admitted. “But he’s alright. We had a good talk. Hopefully they’ll let him come home tomorrow though or I’m guessing he’ll get pretty unbearable.”

“He’s unbearable already,” she rolled her eyes. “He was furious that I wouldn’t insist the doctors let him leave an hour after he’d woken up from his surgery.”

I laughed, not at all surprised by that information.

“I don’t blame him, hospitals are pretty bleak,” I sympathized. “But even sending him home tomorrow seems really soon after the surgery he had.”

“They don’t like to keep people in these days,” she sighed. “With this virus still going around, I guess they need the beds and it’s probably safer for him to be here anyway. I’d hate for him to be exposed to it while he’s recovering.”

“That’s true,” I nodded before letting a yawn slip out. “Where’s Chris?”

“He’s fast asleep upstairs in your old bed with Grayson,” she informed me, the look on her face making it clear that she found that very endearing. “He said he didn’t want him to wake up tomorrow morning all alone in a strange bedroom. He’s a good dad.”

It was a very sweet thing for Chris to worry about and something that I hadn’t even thought of through all the chaos of the evening.

“He is,” I agreed. “He’s the best. Grayson absolutely adores him.”

“You picked a good one,” she smiled. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’m excited for you guys to get to know him a bit better.”

“We’re excited too,” she assured me. “But for now, you need to get yourself to bed. It’s been a long day, it’s very late and you look exhausted.”

“I am,” I admitted. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Of course,” she smiled, taking her mug to the sink. “Goodnight, Whitney.”

“Goodnight, Mom.”

I headed out of the kitchen and down the familiar hallway to the stairs. My parents had lived in this house since I was ten years old and it was always a comforting place to come back to for me. My childhood bedroom had been turned into a guest room - as had Jack’s - but it was a fairly small room so they’d kept my little twin sized bed. The sight of Chris and Grayson cuddled up in it together when I walked into the room, melted my heart. I didn’t want to disturb them, but I couldn’t resist sneaking over to place a kiss on each of their foreheads before going to Jack’s old bedroom where Chris and I were supposed to be sleeping.

Part Three

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fic #once bitten/more hearts #gaze on the shore

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ramzawrites · 3 years

Text

Prologue - Nature God!Reader - Learning how to fly

Pairings: none

Characters included: DreamXD, Eret

Warnings: themes of abandonment

Series: Yes! Planned are at least two more chapters for now!

Summary: Y/N was a god. Just like their mother Demeter they are also responsible for nature, though Demeter neglected to teach them. So when their mother suddenly disappeared it was Y/N’s time to step up. Unfortunately DreamXD was there and his idea of teaching them on how to take care of the realm left them with more worry and fear.

Words count: 2322

Authors Note: Honestly I didn’t expect this to go this way! I wanted to jump straight into this but now I’m here with a prologue. I am only planning to write a few more chapters and this will mostly concentrate on Y/N talking with memebers of the dsmp and trying to give them a chance to heal. Even if all they can offer are words of encouragement. Maybe the others can do the same for them :]

This will probably end more open ended and is meant to be like a thing to write for me to explore characters and their pain when I feel like it

Special thanks to 🌱🌟 anon who let me use traits from his OC for the Reader!

The wind picked up. The flowers bending and pushing against Y/N’s body as they laid alone in the field. The petals softly petting the exposed skin. Caressing them and calming them down as choked sobs escaped their lips. The usual blooming flower crown on their head now brown and grey. All the color faded.

The sun was shining bright and yet the temperature suddenly dropped significantly. The air turning into a sorrowful howling. The leaves of the trees rustling, the sound of it crying out.

Something was wrong.

Something just vanished, no someone.

Someone important.

And Y/N felt it. It was like all the warmth in their body just disappeared. A hole in their heart. A love gone that should be there. Suddenly alone in a world that should yell out love to them. A world created for them but the soul of it just left.

Between the sobs, the cracking of the leaves and sound of the wind, there was a thud. Steps that scrunched up the grass and the few flowers that sadly grew in the wrong place.

The person who just appeared moved around Y/N. Standing next to them. His head moving above their body, casting a shadow on their face. Yet they refused to open their eyes and just kept on crying. Tears running down the side of the face into the grass. Breathing was difficult as they wept.

Y/N didn’t need to open their eyes to know who was standing above them. The aura alone gave them all the information they needed.

It was a cold aura, something foreign and yet it made them feel safe. Feel protected and seen.

There was only one with an aura like that. DreamXD. A fellow god. The only god Y/N knew besides their mother and themself.

“Y/N.” The End God spoke. His voice calm. Emotionless but with purpose. He wanted to talk.

Their body still shaking, Y/N sat up and begun rubbing the tears off their eyes. Opening them up to see DreamXD, his cracked porcelain face staring down at them at an angle. It surprised Y/N to see that his hood was down, which was a rarity for him.

“Uncle XD- I- She is-“

He nodded which stunned Y/N a bit. DreamXD wasn’t really experienced in emotions and the like but this felt, close. He sympathized.

“I know, Y/N. Demeter is- your mother is gone. Not dead but she will be gone for a while. I’m here to tell you that. I made her promise to tell you. To make sure you are alright. Teach you.”

For a moment Y/N just stared at their hands as they wrung them. Dropping them in their lap, tears still slipping down their cheeks. “I felt it.”

“I would be surprised if you hadn’t. It must feel horrible. The world, the nature already feels empty without Demeter but you must have felt it tenfold. I can see it on you.”

While Y/N suspected that DreamXD knew definitely more than he let on it also made them self-aware of their own situation. The flower crown on top of their head that decorated their hair was an extension of them. Their emotion on display via these flowers and right now they looked withered. Dead.

Y/N stood up in order to try to be more on the same eye level “What happened? Where is she? Where is my mother? Can I help her?”

It took a moment before DreamXD answered. It was difficult gauging what his thought process was even if Y/N was a fellow god, they always had problems with that. Demeter on the other hand could almost always tell what DreamXD was thinking about. Probably a result of them knowing each other for eons but Y/N only knew him for a few decades. They were a young god after all.

“She is-“ he paused “She is resting. After creating a miracle she never took the chance to rest. Now her body forced her to. Demeter will be back. It will take time but she will return.”

Apalled Y/N shook their head “What?! Uncle the realm needs her! Nature will wither without her! I need her! She is my mother! Why did she leave me alone! Why didn’t she tell me!”

While their first thoughts fell on the problem of; what happens to nature if the nature god disappears, their mind soon dove back on the fact that their mother was gone. Usually they were surrounded by her love but that just suddenly vanished and they didn’t know how to deal with the situation. Their mother was their everything.

For the first time in their life, they felt alone. Truly alone.

DreamXD shook his head “It was inevitable. That she didn’t tell you was her choice and I can’t say anything more about that but the realm will be fine. You are still here. A god like her. While she took on the responsibilities of caring for the realm on her own you two are connected. The powers she holds also flow through you. It is time you learn how to fly, little bird.”

Y/N’s hand flew towards their lower lip, nervously holding it between their fingers only to drop it again so they could talk “H-How? I’m sure you can feel it too! It’s empty! It’s like her soul left this place. She had such a good sense for everything. I don’t know what to do! I don’t have the same sense for the place that she had!”

They were rambling. This came out of nowhere. Demeter promised them that she would always be there for them. She promised to always be there and ease them into their shared responsibilities so how did it end up like this?

They just vanished without telling them anything. Just dropping them into the cold water and DreamXD probably knew everything but he wouldn’t tell Y/N and they knew they couldn’t get it out of him. He was known for being incredibly loyal and dutiful after all and if he promised Demeter not to tell Y/N then he won’t.

White hands came out of DreamXD’s cloak, moving slowly up and down as a sign for Y/N to calm down “You don’t have that sense yet because Demeter wanted to give you a life similar to that of a human. Therefore she neglected to teach you earlier in life and instead gave you a life close to that what she considered human.” There was some judgement in his voice “Now, the first thing you have to do is find a connection to the realm. The emptiness you feel? You have to fill that yourself.”

“How?”

“I think it is time you visited the place proper and not live in this pocket dimension created by your mother. Here, I’ll show you.”

He then stretched his hand out towards Y/N. It was weird having him here like this. Y/N liked him and saw him as their uncle but he was still a bit aloof at times. Whenever Y/N wanted to play games with him it took him a few moments until he understood what they wanted from him. But he was willing to learn and amuse them.

Y/N hesitated a bit before they put their hand into that of DreamXD’s but when they did they were a bit surprised with how warm they were.

DreamXD then used his free hand to open a portal up via a flourish of his hand. The portal seemed to be made out of liquid night sky. It moved and hummed full with energy.

That’s when it hit Y/N “I’m not ready. I can’t do this.”

“I’m sorry.”

And with that statement he just stepped through. His grip on Y/N strong and pulling them along into the cold liquid, if they liked it or not. They closed their eyes. Scared and still overwhelmed by the sudden emptiness their mother left behind.

It surprised them with how fast the coldness of the liquid passed. The emptiness that allowed them to travel between realms. They made it to the other side.

The birds sounded different. That was the first thing Y/N noticed before they opened their eyes. And as they stood there, eyes still closed DreamXD didn’t remove his hand. He held on.

After moments that felt like minutes Y/N opened up their eyes and looked around. The two stood on a mountain that gave them free view of what they would describe as a destroyed city. Holes as deep as they could be. Buildings half build and half destroyed. Remnants of places people obviously used to live in.

“What is that?” Y/N asked. Their voice weak and wavering. Either from nervousness or from the crying.

DreamXD turned to them “A place I have watched from time to time. Your mother too, though she watched more than she interacted. She was too busy with you to talk to them and here is the place where you will learn more about this world. The world we all help to keep up and protect. Our role as gods is to uphold the rules of this realm and sometimes sow seeds so it runs smoothly. We don’t sway the mortals. If they try to break our rules we will act but the mortals just live. That’s what they do.”

“I never- I don’t know what to do. Do I talk to them? How does that help me to connect with the nature? I don’t understand.”

“Look around. Demeter’s work is everywhere. The wood that their homes are built with. The crops that they need to survive. You can talk to them and see how they live and since your mother put so much emphasis on letting you live similar to them, maybe it will help you understand your mother better. I can help only so much. This is not my domain. It is somewhere else. Maybe I will see you one day there though I hope not.”

He wanted to remove his hand after his explanation but this time Y/N didn’t let go. Scared of him leaving. He was the only thing that was close to family.

“You can’t leave me. I wouldn’t even be able to go home. This is crazy!”

As a response DreamXD relaxed his hand and strengthened his grip again. His free hand went back into his cloak and came out with what looked like a green eye in his palm.

Y/N looked at it curiously and as DreamXD moved it closer to them they slowly moved their hand up to it. Their fingers carefully touching the cold, glassy looking eye. When DreamXD didn’t move the eye away from them, they carefully took it into theirs. Opening up their other hand to look and hold it between both of their hands.

“Put this on your clothes. This will let me see what you see. Hear what you hear. If you need me, call me.”

They just shook their head “Why? Why can’t you come with me? I’m scared, uncle.”

He sighed “I can’t really help you with this, besides, you are a god. There shouldn’t be a thing that can scare you. Your body and powers are that of a god but your mind is that of a human. Demeter tried raising you as one and it shows and she- She failed her own responsibilities and now we are here. I am sorry little bird but this is how you will learn to fly.”

Not even giving Y/N a chance to answer, he immediately moved his hand around and dove into the familiar black abyss that appeared. Y/N tried to follow him but the portal closed before they had the chance.

They felt absolutely alone beforehand but this? Stranded, alone and scared in a world they only heard stories from.

Y/N couldn’t help themself and dropped down on the ground. Once again crying. Tears streaming and in between sobs they yelled out for their mother and uncle. This felt so unfair. No, this was unfair!

Not only did their mother just disappear out of nowhere, dropping a huge responsibility in their lap but also DreamXD, whom they considered family as well, just stranded them out here.

Why? Why can’t they just continue living how they used to? Maybe Demeter would help them to work on their little home. Expand it or rearrange it. Together they would try to draw and laugh whenever something came out funny. Or Demeter would teach them everything and absolutely everything about a particular flower or animal.

Though Y/N’s favorite thing was always when Demeter would tell them of old stories of hers. Humans she has met over her lifetime. The humans that made her fall in love with the mortals so much. So much so that she gave her own child a human name and tried to give them a human life.

A god raised like a human. That was what Y/N was.

Overwhelmed by everything.

“Hey, are you alright? Can I help?” a deep voice suddenly appeared behind them.

When Y/N turned around their eyes fell on a person with fluffy hair and wearing sunglasses. A crown resting on the head. They also wore what Y/N suspected to be an old royal gown. It looked a bit dirty and battered. For some reason this made them sad. Instead of fear they felt sadness for the stranger though this soon switched back to fear when the person moved closer.

“I- I’m-“ Y/N begun to stutter out but their mind went blank.

Worried the human knelt down so they could see Y/N better and was on eye level.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. I’m not going to do anything to you. What’s your name?” their voice was soothing. It also helped that they sounded genuine.

“Y/N. I’m- I don’t know where I am.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. My name is Eret and you are at the remains of what used to be L’Manberg.”

#mcyt x reader #mcyt reader insert #mcyt x Y/N #dream smp reader insert #dsmp reader insert #dream smp x reader #dream smp x Y/N #dream smp fanfiction #dsmp fanfiction #dsmp x reader #dreamxd x reader #dreamxd fanfiction

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yayteaberry · 3 years

Text

*SFW* Babysitting (Bakugou)

Rarely did he ever take a Saturday off from either training or studying, he was determined to stay better than everyone else. But, it had been raining since yesterday and he felt like he deserved a break anyways. From morning to afternoon, he enjoyed doing absolutely nothing, scrolling his social media and avoiding liking any of his friends posts on principle.

Shitty hair still won’t shut up about the selfie he liked so now nobody gets any.

His planned day of nothing is interrupted by a knock at his door, and he’s been pacified by memes to a degree where he doesn’t react violently to the intrusion.

Instead he shoves his phone into his pocket as gets up and opens the door, plain faced until he sees it’s you and that you’re holding something. Well, someone.

“Hey!”, you greet with an unusual level of enthusiasm, “I need you to do a favor for me.”

“A favor?”, he asks while he takes in the fact that you’re holding a baby, dressed in a striped onesie.

“Yeah, I’m kinda busy with stuff and I need someone to keep an eye on this little cutie for a bit!” To emphasize the importance or maybe sway him, you turn the baby around so he can see the chubby face.

“... If you’re asking me to babysit it, then no.”

You click your tongue against your teeth, rolling your eyes. “Well don’t call her by ‘it’, and I really need you to do this for me!”

He puts a hand on the door to signal that he’s about to close it, “Nah. Ask shitty hair or Deku, I think they’d love to drool over your kid.” “It’s my aunts baby!”, you say as you put your foot over the threshold, jostling the baby somewhat, which excitedly babbles as it meets his eyes, “They’re busy too, I tried asking! Believe me, you weren’t my first choice.”

“What do you mean by that?” He speaks with annoyance, opening the door fully as his competitive nature rises.

Internally you give a sigh of relief, externally you place the baby on your hip. “Bakugou, I think we both know that you’re awful with children. But you’re my last option and I have nowhere else to turn.”

“I should’ve been your first choice! I’m a fuckin’ wiz at keeping brats well behaved! Gimme!”

“Ah!”, you step out of range of his attempted grab and put out your pointer finger, “Don’t yell at the baby, don’t be aggressive with the baby, and most of all, don’t yell at the baby.”

In spite of your words you know full well he’ll do nothing of the sort, just wanting to give the appearance so he’ll be on his best behavior. He doesn’t have to know he was actually the only one you wanted to watch her.

After all his surface level bullying you can tell he’s soft on the inside, knowing he’s the least likely to give into a baby's whims while also being gentle enough to avoid making her cry.

“Yeah yeah.”, he grumbles, taking her from you when you extend her towards him, “When are you gonna collect the brat?”

You give a 50/50 gesture, shrugging, “Ah an half hour to two hours, but I’ll be back before three hours for sure! She’s been fed and changed recently but just in case,” A bag is revealed when you pull it from behind your back, taking it off by the strap and setting it inside.

“Diapers and toys, if she’s hungry there’s something for her in there too. Just, be careful about that, she’s sorta young for it.”

He nods at your words, watching her grapple at his shirt, having not once taken his eyes off her.

“Thank you!”, you chirp and give him a kiss on the cheek, knowing that he can’t do anything about it while holding her. That makes him glance up at you with some minor malice, which is reduced severely by the dusting of pink across his nose.

With that you take your leave, confident he’ll do fine.

He shuts the door and sits at the edge of his bed, cradling her in his arms. After a moment he takes a look over to the bag you left, thinking it’d probably be best to fish something out of there for her to do.

While he wasn’t experienced in caring for a baby in any capacity that felt like common sense. Plus, it’d allow him to continue wasting time on his phone.

“You,” he gently places her on the middle of the bed as he stands, “are not taking my Saturday from me with your tiny incapable hands.”

With one hand he grabs the bag off the floor and sets it on the bed beside her, opening it and digging through its contents. You were right, the thing is loaded with diapers and many different plastic objects.

Keys, babies love keys.

That toy seems the best choice, taking that and a blanket out before putting the bag on the floor nearby, holding the baby like a barrel under his arm while he flattens the blanket, then placing her on her belly.

He dangles the keys in front of her, watching as her eyes widen as she takes a horribly aimed swipe towards them. With a laugh tinged snort he lets her have them, sitting with his back against the bed and taking his phone out, resuming his leisure hobby.

A minute passes before he peeks over at her to make sure she’s still there, idly chewing on an orange key. It reminds him of something a puppy would do, up until she shoves it in way too far.

He drops his phone and yanks the keys away with concern she’ll vomit, not expecting her to look so upset over it. Briefly she contentedly waits for them to be returned, but when it becomes apparent they aren’t, she scowls.

“No,” he preemptively says, putting the keys down at his other side to keep them away, “you did something fucking stupid, so now they’re off limits. Don’t get all upset over it.”

She huffs and slams a hand down a few times, making a ‘gah’ with very demanding intent.

“I said no. Let me find something else then, calm down.”, he says as he reaches over to grab something random out of the bag, finding a plush red dinosaur. “See? Fun. Chew on this.”

He sets it down in front of her, and she immediately pushes it over, repeating herself. If nothing he gives her credit for having a strange amount of object permanence.

“I. Said. No. The fuck do you want me to do? You’re the one who can’t handle having the damn thing!” With a curt ‘no’ as a final statement, he leans over her to shove the keys back into the bag.

This turns out to be a huge mistake.

In a universally understood way, her face screws up as she starts taking in heavy breaths, which makes his eyebrows raise.

“Don’t. No crying.” his tone is as assertive as he can get it, shaking his head as if to cement it. Her tiny face turns red, sniffling once before fat tears begin to roll down her cheeks.

With no idea what to do in this situation, he starts rummaging through the bag for a solution, diapers spilling out as he digs for a similar toy if there even is one. He cringes as she really starts crying, caving and getting the keys back out, giving them to her. “See? See??”

She either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, bawling in the way only babies do, arms giving out as she lays down.

His instincts on consoling anyone are terrible and usually not to be followed but he acts without thinking, picking her up and setting her in his lap, bouncing his leg as he pets her back, softly shushing her, ignoring the part of him that does in fact wish to yell at the baby.

Her tiny body trembles, pawing at his shirt as she rubs her tear stained face into it. Continuing to follow his instincts he lifts her up, both arms cradling her as her head rests against his shoulder. She does eventually calm, relaxing as quiet hiccuping replaces her sobs, breathing regulating.

She's effectively soothed, he on the other hand is completely shaken up.

Jesus, why did that scare him so much? He’d heard babies cry before and always was irritated by it, but this time there was something so different about it. Even now his heart is still racing, mouth dry as he stares forward into the wall with a mixture of worry and gratefulness.

Once she’s relaxed, he picks up the previously discarded dinosaur, placing it in his lap next to her. Thankfully, she seems to have forgotten about the keys, happy to latch onto the plushy.

He takes his phone back out with the intent to resume his earlier scrolling, but he can’t entirely take his eyes off her. He’s more interested in watching her reactions than he’d ever admit.

In some ways she reminds him of you, mainly the eye color and the way her cheeks pinch up when she smiles.

You seem the motherly type to him so he assumes you’re leagues better at this than he is, but you’ve never mentioned having to babysit her before.

In fact you’ve never mentioned her before at all.

Maybe you enjoyed doing it but kept quiet so you didn’t have anyone intruding or asking to see her, babies can feel stranger danger so that made sense, it’d probably be overwhelming. She doesn’t hate him though, maybe you knew that she wouldn’t?

Despite the panic she’s sent him through he really wouldn’t mind watching after her again. It'll probably be easier with you here, though he isn’t sure what he’d do if you were, he’d just be sitting around while you did everything.

God, she is really goddamned adorable. He smirks as he takes a second to allow himself to outwardly express something positive, watching her slap her tiny hand against the toy.

Usually the idea of having a baby is the worst one anyone can have, but right now he isn’t all that opposed to it. Not that it looks simple, more that it looks to be worth it.

He knows he’d make super cute babies, based on what he looks like and has always looked like the kid would outshine any other snot maker.

While he didn’t know what you looked like as a baby he just assumed you did too, briefly considering what a baby would look like if it came from you and him.

He’s got his mother's blonde hair despite his father's brunette coloring so that’s a dominant trait, possibly overriding your own but who can know, it’d more likely have more of your features.

Out of anything he’d want a little girl just like this one, though he’d be happy with anything as long as it's yours. Your features have always been something he likes, face as well as body, you’re built well in every aspect he tends to care about.

That, and your winning personality, even he can see that it’s a very pleasant contrast to his own. A kid with a mixture of both would be undoubtedly unstoppable, making him proud left and right.

Suddenly the thought bubble pops as reality rises to the surface.

You’re not his and he doesn’t like you anyways, this doesn’t bear so much thinking since it’ll never happen.

A heat takes to his cheeks as he tries to move on and pretend he wasn’t having a domestic fantasy involving you, mostly pretending he hadn’t had any fantasies about you.

It was something that’d creep into his mind sometimes.

Kirishima and Deku tended to have some softer traits alongside their bolder ones but it just wasn’t the same coming from either of them.

You had a certain tenacity to you, it was totally within your options to let some rich older man take care of you but you wanted more for yourself, you wanted to be a hero.

It made you strong, and you were strong because you worked for it constantly. As thick as your innocence tended to be, he was fairly confident you could knock him unconscious if it strikes you as the right choice.

He shook his head and made an effort to clear out all his emotions, directing his attention back towards the baby to ground himself.

At some point during his daydreaming she’d knocked out cold, the dinosaur laying on the floor beside him, propped up against his chest, quietly snoozing while drooling a slight amount. Even if he wanted too he couldn’t be grossed out, it was way too cute of a sight for him to get mad.

Looking at her makes him feel tired, so he decides that taking a nap wouldn’t be a terrible idea. Careful to avoid waking her, he shifts around to get comfortable, hooking an arm around her so she doesn’t teeter backwards while he’s moving.

He thinks about whether he should turn her over and lay her on the blanket, unsure of what the proper protocol is.

His neck is gonna get super fucked up if he stays sat like this, so he very slowly gets up and lays on his bed, keeping her held to his chest until he’s flat enough to let gravity do the work. For a moment he returns to thinking about laying her on a flat surface but he lets her stay as she is, being a light sleeper means he’ll be able to deal with any problems if there are any.

After thanking Aizawa for the extra sparring lesson, you quickly get yourself showered and changed.

It’s been about two hours since you left her with Bakugou and you were getting increasingly worried he was reaching his limit.

Honestly you didn’t expect to be gone this long, but you were glad you gave him the estimate because it meant he’d have less reasons to be upset with you.

You prepare yourself for him to yell at you for leaving him alone with a demon for so long, even if she’s rarely a problem you do suspect he’ll be dramatic.

Still, it was a godsend that he said yes to begin with, you were going to make sure to tell him that.

When you get to his room you don’t bother with knocking, opening it to let yourself in without hesitation.

You were going to say something, but you forget the instant you lay eyes on the scene in front of you.

Practically swooning, you place a hand over your mouth to prevent making any noise, getting your phone out to document perhaps the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

He’s laying on his bed, one arm over her and one over his eyes to block out the light, her tiny hands secured around the collar of his shirt, both of them peacefully asleep.

Not intending it to be blackmail but being aware it would probably become that, you take pictures from several different angles, wanting nothing more than to show everyone.

Though, for his own sake, you don’t actually send them anywhere near the class.

This doesn’t mean you don’t send them all to his mother, you do.

It does pain you to know you’ll have to hold off on showing people lest the information come back to him, but you do make it your phones home screen anyways.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou baby shenanigans #fluff #mha fluff #SFW #gender neutral reader #gn reader #bakugou katuski x reader #a03 fic

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corysmiles · 3 years

Note

TINY BELOVED AU:D i love that name! Now angst abt feeling helpless bc i cant sleep and hurt/comfort is all ik. Tw for panic attack and hopelessness cuz i dont want anyone to be caught off guard:)

When they arrived at Tubbo’s home he ralized quickly that there was no easy way for him to use the restroom, and for the first few days until Tubbo’s dad hurriedly finds a tutorial online about installing tiny sized bathroom appliances, they drive Ranboo to the nearest public tiny restroom and he showers in Tubbo’s sink. Its incredibly embarassing and Ranboo feels like a burden the size of Alaska thats really the size of an unsharpened pencil. Theres so many things that have to be built and baught in his first week that he just wants to curl up and die, or at least go back home. Tubbo tries to assure him that its kinda his fault for not realizing Ranboo was small before hand, but that doesnt help his anxiety.

With every new thing Tubbo’s dad has to buy and everytime he has to facetime Tubbo to come take him somewhere he gets closer to a breakdown from embarasment and guilt. It all comes to a head when Ranboo asks for something from the fridge and Tubbo sets him inside it on the shelf with the item he wanted. Tubbo turned away to open a different container for their snack when Lani came into the kitchen. She shut the fridge on instinct apon seeing it open, Tubbo, destracted, didnt think of the consequenses.

Ranboo was horrified to see the door slamming closed and the light turning off. It felt a hundred times colder, and when the door didnt imediately open he had the horrible realization that he’d been forgotten. All he’d been trying to do was pick out what kind of sandwich meat he wanted and now he was going to die. He was too small to open a fridge door, too weak to take care of himself. Everything was so big, and he was so small. He’d never belong here, not with his friends. He’d always be the one that needed help getting from place to place and couldn’t even get a snack without help. He was overwhelmed and cold and sad and lonely and-

Light suddenly flooded the fridge and he was scooped into Tubbo’s warm hands. In his state of panic Ranboo didnt hear Tubbo’s desprate appologies and questions of his health.

“Ranboo! Are. You. Ok!” Ranboo flinched out of his panicked state and started crying. His teary eyes had preaviously made his eyelashes heavy with frost.

“I’m too small!” The outburst was sudden and strangled and scared but Tubbo was just happy he was talking.

“What do you mean? Lani shut the fridge on accident?” He heard her appologizing from the other side of the room but Tubbo quickly shoo’ed her out.

“She wouldnt have been able to if I was Human!” Tubbo cupped his cold friend in his hands and held him against his chest to warm him. And to hopefully ground him.

“Ranboo, its not your fault. We werent ready for you, but if you dont talk to me I can’t help make things easier. I know its hard but no one in this house thinks youre a burden, or useless. We just want your stay in a different country as easy as possible. It has to be scary, being so far from home in such a big house. But nothing you could ask for or need is bad. Please tell me when somethings wrong.” It was a long winded thing for Tubbo to say at one time, but his speaking grounded Ranboo and the reassurance helped him relax a bit.

“Thanks Tubbo. Im glad youre the friend that got stuck with me.” Tubbo chuckled at him but eventually let him go.

“How about you pick your lunch meat out here.” Tubbo said as he pulled the meats out of the fridge and onto the table for Ranboo.

They both laughed and Ranboo began to think maybe he’d get used to living with giants, and they’d certainly do their best to help him.

I got kinda lazy:( but i promise i love writing these its just 3am and writing is hard

-Im Brick btw:) if u wanna call me that

BRICK YOUR WRITING IS JUST !MUAH! CHEFS KISS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 💙💙💙

This is so amazing and I can’t get over the idea of Ranboo feeling guilty about how much they have to do for him. I cant even imagine how much it would hurt Tubbo to hear Ranboo constantly asking if it would be better if he just flew back home. All Tubbo wants is for his friend to be comfortable and safe, but the tiny won’t even tell him what to fix out of guilt. The last thing he wants is for Ranboo to feel helpless, but it takes them all a while to make the house safe for him

#tiny beloved au #mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #t!ranboo #g!tubbo #brick ask #bricks writing my fucking beloved #AHHHHHHH #THIS IS SO GOOD #CUEJXNEN CNN WHDN #corydrabbles #IM SCREAMING IN A GOOD WAY

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haechanhues · 3 years

Text

pairing : sunoo x reader

genre : angst....there’s fluff too

warnings : uhm heartbroken. a lil guilt and all those great feelings.

summary : a friendship was built on this relationship and you want it to be worth it. // if this were fiction, he’d have hanahaki

words : 3.1k words

Sunoo weaves his fingers through his newly blond streaks as he reaches for you. Wrapping an arm around your shoulder so his hand hangs off of your body. Without much thought your hand interlocks with his and you smile warmly at him. The cool metal rings he wears on his three middle fingers begin to warm at your touch. With a smirk, he kisses at the crown on top of your head and you rest your head onto his shoulder.

With a coffee cup in one hand and an energy drink in the other, Jay grimaces at the public display of your relationship in front of him, “You guys are gross.”

“Say that when you don’t have that in your hand,” Heeseung remarks as he takes in your slight hesitancy to involve yourself in their teasing. The other five boys laugh as Jay flicks his middle finger up towards Heeseung in response.

You can’t help but watch with a longing smile on your face. People had their talents and for you, making friends definitely wasn’t one of them. Even being able to communicate with your brother, Taehyun, was hard. He had a solid group of friends that were glued to the hip. In fact, if it hadn’t been for Sunoo you don’t think you’d had ever built a bridge to befriend any of the boys that had become such important people in your life.

Jake had been the one to approach you first, much to Heeseung’s chagrin. He had smiled at you with his big brown eyes and rounded features. Your body naturally turning to him and feeling comfortable when he was around. Luckily for you, that sentiment never dried out. He was always someone willing to lend a helping hand and liked to converse with anyone willing to listen (Which really wasn’t hard when you saw how pretty he was).

Jay on the other hand was quite similar. He liked talking to others and to you there was no exception. Jay didn’t really mind if you weren’t listening though. He just had a lot on his mind. He was a talkative person and for most of your conversations, he led them. He was passionate and it was always fun learning about who he was as a person and what fuelled his fire rant of the day.

Jungwon was a boy you never really got to figure out all the way. He always seemed to surprise you at every turn. Whenever you were sad, he’d silently console you without bringing unwanted or unnecessary attention to your fluctuating emotions. He’d give your hand a squeeze or sit beside you so your arms would be touching. He’d be the one to wipe at your tears and pinch at your cheeks. He’d always use touch as a way to show his friendship. In return, you learnt to use touch to demonstrate your love and how thankful you were.

Sunghoon was a shy person in public but loud with his friends. He had been in a couple of your classes and when Sunoo introduced you both he decided you were one of them. He was awkward with you at first, as expected. But as he walked with you to classes everyday and learnt that it was okay to poke fun at you or to tease you, the two of you started to bond. You bonded quickly with how annoying the chairs were and how red pen isn’t the colour you’d choose for if you were a teacher.

Niki, however, took a while to warm up to you as you did with him. It wasn’t easy striking up a conversation with him or discovering common interests like you did with the other boys but you gradually got there. In order to become closer as friends, you opted to instead visit parks, bowling alleys and cinemas to fill up the lack of common interests with adventures and little anecdotes to fondly remember each other by. He became a boy you were so fond of seeing and he thought the same of you.

Heeseung had made small talk with you at first. You kept it minimal in case you were to say something insulting, horrible or unfunny. You stumbled a bit of the time but your voice began to get excited when you started finding common interests and confessed your plans for the future. He engaged with you just as well. But, the open day university trip had truly solidified your friendship. You shared everything you ate and messaged Sunoo about how your friend date was going. It was a great day and definitely one you’d remember for the rest of your life.

Sunoo though, Sunoo was a special one. Before Jake had approached you and before the rest of the boys befriended you, there was Sunoo. In a way, Sunoo had brought colour into your life and showed you the world with linked arms. He made you take photos and encouraged you to write longer day entries in your journal. He liked watching you take the world in with those eyes of yours, drinking in everything around them. Your favourite thing was the way Sunoo taught you. He didn’t judge or make comments about your lack of almost everything. He was always positive and always on everyone’s side.

People started to talk about the two of you. You weren’t friends because friends don’t look at each other like that. People even said it was mutual. Sunoo looked at you in the same way you did him. People were convinced that you liked him and you believed it. You told him whilst holding hands. He smiled and said, ‘I do too.’

Yet, despite it all. If this were fiction, he’d have hanahaki.

Your heart doesn’t thrum at your chest with an incessant need to be with him in a romantic way. Your hands don’t get sweaty and you’re certain what you feel for him isn’t the type of way people are convinced you feel for him. But you want him to be happy. You want this relationship to be worth it. To be worth the risk of jeopardising your friendship with not only Sunoo but the rest of the boys as well. You want to keep Sunoo in your life.

But it hurts.

To have him falling deeper and deeper whilst you remain stagnant and unmoving in your affections.

You scratch at the fabric at your wrist and do your best to look the part. In your acting, you miss the way Heeseung and Jungwon glance at you from the corner of their eyes.

The whole day consists of it all. Guilt holds your hand throughout the day and pulls at your vulnerabilities.

Niki asks if you want to go for pizza. You don’t really feel all that hungry but you agree anyway. The other boys say they will meet you after their other commitments. As Sunoo leaves to meet up with Jaebeom, a friend from another school, he wraps his arms around you in a gentle hug, pressing a kiss to your forehead and a wave goodbye.

It is through long cheesy slices of pizza, fat chugs of chocolate milkshake and Niki going to the bathroom that you find your head in your hands, agonising over what you should do.

You bring out your phone and search for ways to break it off. 3,920,000,000 possible search results showed and yet you weren’t convinced by a single one of them. Not one knew that you were you and Sunoo was Sunoo.

You rack the cogs of your brain to find a solution and come up with nothing. Your heart cracks with every lack of answer.

The rest of the boys filter into the pizza shop and every happy face you see seems to drain you and rid you of distraction.

Heeseung's eyes are lined with worry as he takes in your hunched shoulders and lackluster smile. Despite the way you engage in conversations and ruffle Jungwon’s hair, you’re not really here. You’re stuck in your own head.

You soldier through the afternoon like a true trooper, making sure to giggle and commit yourself to appear normal. At times, Heeseung truly believed you.

But, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that you were less than alright.

You collected your things, hugging each of the boys as tight as you could. You pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Sunoo’s mouth.

“Want me to walk you home?” Sunoo offered.

You smiled a little and nodded in reply. He grinned and held out his arm for you to link your arms with. The sky cracked open and rain trickled down the collar of your shirt. But you continued to walk down the pavement with Sunoo by your side.

As you reached your house, you had an overwhelming need to be inside. You felt like a drenched rat and the fabric of Sunoo’s arm was starting to soak straight through. He brushed back his wet hair in a grimace.

‘Get inside,’ Sunoo jerked his head to your front door, smiling at you so fondly your head breaks a little more.

You sighed, frozen in place. You nibbled at your lip and mauled over whether or not you’d bring up your worries.

You were just so tired of feeling this way.

“What’s wrong?” Sunoo asked with a raised brow. A dormant feeling was in his chest and it scared him to the core.

‘Do you need a towel? Or anything? You’re gonna be cold,” You murmured, squeezing his arms and shoulders. Anchoring yourself.

“Y/N,” His eyes narrowed at your attempt to dodge his questions. The dormant feeling in his gut was gradually increasing as you mulled over your words.

‘Uh-nothing sounds right,” You let out a fake laugh, “I just- I don’t want you to hate me-”

Sunoo winced at the direction that this day was going but he felt almost offended, “I could never hate you. Y/N, I-”

He stopped at the sight of your flinch.

“I just- I’m not,” You growled at your lack of your ability to find the perfect sentence. Though, you could bet that there wasn’t any. You closed your eyes and with a frustrated determination and overwhelming guilt, “I’m not happy, Sunoo.”

It was so quiet.

Sunoo’s heart dropped, “Not happy?”

“I’m happy I get to spend time with you and see you everyday. You make me happy. But it’s just- the relationship doesn’t make me happy,” You rambled to soothe over the chaos of emotions that have escaped you.

He paused and nodded, scratching the top of his eyebrow.

Yet, he didn’t really move or talk. He just stood there.

You wanted him to say something. Anything.

Sunoo opened his mouth in desperation to cover the silence, and yet, nothing came out of his mouth. Nothing. Instead tears were seeping into his eyes and it had gotten slightly hard to breathe.

“Understood, ahh I guess, friends then?” Sunoo smiled the first fake smile you had ever seen him wear around you, “I guess I’ll just get out of your hair. Get inside-it’s cold and raining.”

He looks down, and the rain trickles from his hair and you have the impulse to smooth it over. But you don’t move a single muscle.

You don’t know if you should do that anymore.

He nods at you, wiping at his face once before leaving you at your doorstep. Sunoo zooms past the streetlights you both previously passed, ignoring your shouts of concern.

Before, you had a boyfriend.

Now, you didn’t.

You had caused it.

You watch out in the rain, wondering if you even deserved to walk back into your home to take a warm shower and to comfort yourself by the warm blankets.

You felt empty

Just like that...your relationship was over.

You enter the house and everything feels bland. Everything tastes like the sour aftertaste of possibly ruining the best thing you’ve ever had. Like a plug being yanked from the bath.

Your brother's door is open and his friends are over. They’re all laughing and bickering. You bite your lip as you pass his door, not wanting to bring attention to yourself so you can cry in your room in peace.

‘Hey Y/N!’ Beomgyu spots you.

You turn to him and send him a warm but brittle smile, hoping that your tears have disappeared at the sight of Beomgyu's face.

He pauses at your expression, before smiling in a subtle attempt to comfort you. Taehyun goes to turn around but you leave to avoid your brother’s intuition.

Beomgy’s eyes don’t leave the doorway for a while before pulling Taehyun’s attention towards the TV.

Taehyun finds you in the dead of the night, when the boys have settled into their spots. Beomgyu had pulled him aside earlier, ‘I think you should check on your sister.’

It didn’t take much to convince him. You hadn’t come downstairs since you had come home and the shower didn’t run at all.

Your light isn’t on and your curtains aren’t drawn. Your brother purses his lips at the sight of your fetal position on the bed.

He slides in beside you, pulling the blankets up around your body. He leans into your back and furrows his eyebrows at the small shakes you’re starting to make.

Taehyun directs you to look at him, your eyes are the most miserable he’s ever seen and are welled up with gluggy tears.

What to do?

Your eyes squeeze shut and instead focus on your brother’s breathing and the warmth of his embrace.

‘I might not have friends,’ You whimper into his chest.

He frowns as he attempts to hear you better asking you to repeat.

‘I think I might lose my friends’ You blubber.

‘You’re not going to lose your friends,’ Taehyun scoffs silently, rubbing your back, ‘Sunoo will kick anybody’s ass if they even consider it.’

‘But that’s exactly the reason why.’

As you say it, you feel regret. The pain is like nothing else you’ve ever felt. It sinks down into your left chest area and it sinks from the weight of it.

That regret, worry and heartbreak of it all makes you bedridden for three days. Taehyun had taken the day off school to make sure you were okay and Beomgyu had even made an appearance after school.

After the third day, Taehyun’s conscience caught up with him and he went to fulfill his studies. Everyone else thought you were sick at home with the flu. But in the hallways as Taehyun catches Heeseung’s eye, he realises that not everyone was so convinced.

The bell rings at exactly four in the afternoon. Nobody is at home but you. The regret has clung itself onto the host (you) but the small layering of guilt causes you to slowly make your way down to the front door.

You rub at your eyes and brush back your hair with your fingers to make yourself look at least a little bit presentable.

The bell rings again as you go to pull the door open, greeted by two people at your door.

Heeseung and Jungwon look at you with their big eyes filled with worry. Heeseung sighs in relief before pulling you into a hug.

‘You’re an idiot,’ Heeseung mumbles before kissing the top of your head. You swallow as you twist your grip into his clothes and anchor yourself to him, crying as much as you wanted.

Jungwon lays a supportive hand on the back of your neck, pulling at the strands of loose hair on your clothes that are in dire need of a wash.

‘We’ll always be here for you, you stupid stupid girl,’ Heeseung curses at you whilst still holding you close, ‘You need to tell us these things.’

‘And that stupid boy too,’ Heeseung adds.

‘What do you mean?’ You ask with a furrow in your eyebrows.

‘Taehyun came up to me and gave me the details of your breakup. Everything you should’ve told me or one of the other boys. But mostly me,’ Heeseung says, ‘Not only you, but Sunoo too. The other boys are over at his, looking after him.’

‘Why are you two here?’

‘You’re our friend, Y/N,’ Jungwon reminded you, pulling you in for a little hug as well, ‘And so is Sunoo.’

‘Even after all I’ve done….I’ve lost Sunoo as well,’ You blubber as you grip onto Jungwon’s hand.

‘That’s all shit. You haven’t lost anyone. We’re still your friends,’ Jungwon states, holding eye contact, ‘Sunoo is still in your life. Granted, he may need a few tries but he’s still important to you and you’re still important to him.’

With a bitten raw lip you nodded, getting tired of all the nagging you’ve received in the past few days over your insecurities.

It wasn’t the end of it though.

Because that night Niki had biked to your house, demanding to have a sleepover. He was banished to the couch by your brother and his friends but still, he didn’t seem to overly mind you on a mattress beside him.

Jake and Jay had barrelled in that week during lunch period the next day. They forced you to come out and eat with them. Jay had made sure you showered and washed the clothes you were wearing.

Sunghoon was busy doing his assignments but he had emailed you every hour and Facetimed you. However, that didn’t last very long because then you had started doubting that he was studying much. Even though you had become the nagger, you didn’t mind it too much.

They gave you updates.

Sunghoon had just passed his assignments (C’s get degrees) and had everyone promise that everyone would get pork belly and lamb skewers with him.

Jay attempted to ask out a girl, who unfortunately (Niki didn’t sound so down about it - with the way he was giggling and all) turned him down. He then proceeded to find she romantically preferred the woman kind of human being.

Jake made the mistake of paying for Niki’s bubble tea. Which in turn, Niki found as permission to try every single available flavour of bubble tea at the restaurant.

Sunoo was doing okay. Sunoo wanted to see how you were doing. He wanted to see when he would see you at school.

With that courage, you went to school with a tight grip on your bag. Jungwon was the only one to greet you in the hallway before you made eye contact with Sunoo. You froze in your spot but he had, in turn, rolled his eyes at you.

He stood beside you, looking very handsome. His eyes were still a bit sad but he was trying. You tried right back and smiled weakly at him.

He pursed his lips in a fake attempt at being mad, before offering his arm towards you.

That day we linked arms just as you always did.

But from now on, you were just friends.

A/N : yay! i finished my assignments!!! i wrote this awhile ago but never finished it or anything. it’s been what feels like a long time......

#enhypenwriters #sunoo x reader fic #enhypen sunoo x reader fic #enhypen angst #enhypen sunoo one shot #enhypen x reader #sunoo x reader #enhypen fic #enhypen one shot #enhypen imagine #enhypen scenarios #sunoo imagine #sunoo scenarios #sunoo x reader angst #sunoo angst #enhypen sunoo angst #enhypen sunoo fic angst

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ynscrazylife · 3 years

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can you do a oneshot where Human B!D is in the hospital for some reason? Her sisters are takin turns staying with her, but she's really bummed about missing game night so all the superfriends come and they have game night in B!D's hospital room?

Game Night at the DEO

Summary: The Superfriends and the eldest Danvers’ sisters adjust their game night plans to accommodate Y/N’s hospital visit.

Authors Note: Thanks for requesting!

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PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/mundodeseriess

Ironically, Alex and Kara had been sitting in Kara’s apartment, setting up the games for the game night which was the following weekend, when they got the news. Y/N had worked late that day for her job at the DOE and was sent on a last minute mission which was supposed to be simple and harmless right before she wrapped up for the night. Unfortunately, it was a trap. Some evil guys had wanted to lure out a superhero and when they did, they attacked Y/N. She just about managed to escape, but J’onn had to inform the older Danvers’ sisters that their younger sister was now in the DEO built-in hospital.

It was safe to say that the women did not take the news well. They dropped everything they were doing and Kara flew them to the DEO. Within minutes, the superhero and the agent had burst into the medical ward, frantic and yelling to anyone and everyone around about their sister and her condition.

Luckily, J’onn had been sitting in the waiting room, also anxious for news since Y/N was like a daughter to him, but he managed to be a bit calmer than Alex and Kara. He rose from his seat and just locking eyes with the alien managed to calm the sisters down. In quick strides, they were standing in front of J’onn, eyes wide, wanting - needing - to hear what happened and some good news.

“The doctors are still doing tests to see the extent of her injuries, but she’s going to be okay,” was the first thing he said.

Both Danvers’ let out breaths of relief and they slumped in the chairs across from J’onn, who sat back down as well. After a couple minutes of the trio just observing each other and their surroundings, Alex plucked up the courage to ask what she and Kara had been wondering ever since the phone call.

“What did they do to her?”

J’onn shifted his gaze to his lap. After a beat, he answered. “After she arrived at the scene, she stopped answering her comms since she was fighting. When she ran in the opposite direction of them, though, we checked in. All she said was ‘ambush’ and ‘too many’ before she stopped replying, so a team went out to her last known location . . . They found her unconscious-” he gave Alex and Kara a moment to process this. “-and two of the guys had ran after her. Our agents found them and interrogated them, and they admitted that they had faked a fight on the streets to draw a superhero out since they claimed they despised superheroes. They wanted to bring all superheroes down, but they didn’t except for Y/N to escape. They beat her up and hurt her real badly.”

The three fell into silence. The information was overwhelming, impossible to swallow. Both women were filled with great concern but also unbeatable rage, their minds conjuring up images of Y/N fighting and then running. It broke them.

They only snapped out of their thoughts when the doctor emerged, and her face was unreadable, lips drawn into a tight line, holding a slim paper in her hands. “Agent Danvers will heal,” she announced, and then glanced down at her paper. “She’s greatly bruised, cut-up, and has a minor concussion - she suffered no major injuries, though. We’ll have her stay overnight and then we’ll see when she can be discharged tomorrow.”

The three nodded and scrambled to her feet. “Can we see her?” Kara asked, her voice sounding strained. The doctor nodded.

Alex and Kara went in first to find their younger sister laying bandaged-up on the bed, but giving them a small smile. Immediately, the brunette and blonde rushed over to her, asking her if she was okay and how she was feeling.

Y/N just sunk further into her pillows and took her sister’s hands, quieting. “I won’t lie, I’m not feeling great, but I’m okay - just really tired,” she admitted.

They nodded and didn’t press her any further, allowing her to sleep.

---------------------------------

The next morning and Y/N was eager to get out of there. She didn’t stop talking about the game night which was going to be that night and how she really wanted to catch up with everyone and play. Alex and Kara couldn’t blame her and hoped that she could get discharged, too, but were still a little concerned.

They were her sisters, how could they not be?

Nonetheless, the doctor came in and instructed Y/N to stand up and walk around and see how she felt. Alex and Kara sat in their chairs, eyes darting back-and-forth between each other and Y/N, who nodded, easing herself out of bed.

She stood up and smiled — everyone else smiled, too — and prepared herself to take a walk around. However, after she took her first couple of steps, that was when her dizziness hit. “Woah,” she mumbled, putting a hand to her head and stumbling back.

Kara, who was closest, leaped out of her chair and steadied Y/N, gently pushing her back on the bed. The doctor frowned and checked her papers. “Dizziness isn’t good, what are you feeling?” She asked.

Y/N thought for a moment, scrunching her face up. “I think-I think those guys yesterday night . . . Now I remember, I think they blasted me with uh, this device that I’ve seen before. It weakens you. Drains you,” she said.

The doctor muttered under her breath, made a note on her paper, informed her that she’d have to stay at least one more day, and then left.

As soon as she did, Y/N explained that it must have been one of the DEO’s devices to her sisters (who knows how they got their hands on it), but pouted, unhappy that she wasn’t discharged.

Alex and Kara soon recognized this and had a silent conversation, resulting in Alex staying with Y/N while Kara made up a fake excuse to go out into the waiting room and make some arrangements.

She called the superfriends — Lena, Winn, J’onn, James, Brainy, and Nina — and told them that game night was still on, but held at a different location this time.

Everyone “RSVP’d” and at 7:00, they all showed up with Y/N’s favorite: PIZZAAA!

To say she was surprised to see everyone walk through the room’s door was an understatement. Her jaw dropped (especially when she saw the pizza) and she grinned, beyond overjoyed to see everyone. She didn’t care that she was injured, and gave them all hugs anyway (well, half-hugs, since she was laying down).

Everyone asked her how she was and she just responded with, “Better now that you’re here.”

Alex and Lena opened the pizza and got everyone slices while Kara got drinks. They ate pizza and turned on the med’s room T.V, which was filled with the basic channels but the superfriends did dramatized commentary to make Y/N laugh, and she did.

Afterwards, the games began!

Everyone split into teams, and everyone wanted Y/N on theirs. She ultimately went with Nia, and the teams were: Y/N and Nia, James and Winn, J’onn and Alex, and Lena and Kara.

First up was Pictionary! Y/N and Nia dominated everyone else. Then, they went into an exciting couple of rounds of Monopoly (which lasted forever), and Lena and Kara came out on top. To close out the night, they finished up with Never Have I Ever (lots of things got revealed there).

All in all, staying at medical wasn’t so bad. The bed’s mattress wasn’t horrible and Y/N got to have game night like she wanted to! She was never more thankful than that moment to have the amazing sisters and friends that she did.

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