#at least i tihnk it is lol idk

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

i just watched everything everywhere all at once and i'm experiencing every emotional all at once help

[mellow-worlds]

I feel like I keep getting worse. I don't think I've made any progress in the past few years. Though maybe? Idk. I feel like nowadays, there's just L to sometimes help me bob to the surface, but overall I'm feeling bad, still. I feel bad about myself. He's also caused me to be more concrete about my self-hatred, I tihnk. The urge to cut myself is really strong.

I gave in lol. I cut myself with my scissors in the palm of my hand. Only one little cut. Barely any blood. It feels good, though. I did it again lol. They look pretty. I want another one. The last one kinda stings. Feels good. I want to feel this on my arm.

I texted him that I wanted to talk to him and that I feel weird but he hasn't seen it yet. I don't even know what I'd tell him I jsut don't want to feel alone. I want him to know that I'm in pain.

These cuts are so tiny lol. They kinda hurt though. That's nice ig.

I want him to really hurt me. Like, really, really hurt me. I want him to cut me with a knife. I want my back to be covered in scars. I want him to choke me so hard I pass out. I want him to bite pieces of flesh off of me. I want him to throw me on the floor and kick me in the stomach so I can't breathe and vomit blood. I really want to bleed. So much that I die. I want to be his completely. I want him to tell me that I'm disgusting and worthless and then I want him to throw me in the garbage and then I want to rot slowly and die in the sun.

I could at least starve myself.

But I want to get better, don't I? I just want to talk to him. Do I want him to be worried? Kind of. Or maybe not worried. But aware. I want to tell him that I never wanted to live this long. I want to tell him that I wanted to die on December 1st.

[legobatjoker]

btw idk why (actually thats. fully a lie the reason is that i was talking abt the show my sibling on eid and also mentioned it to chess the other day so it reminded me) but i started like. rewatching some of liv and maddie today? like its kinda funny bc both times talking abt it recently it was was abt how the best ship/couple in the show (live and holden <3) was ruined by the worst one (maddie and diggie boo boo tomatoes) so i decided to rewatch the first ep w live and holden bc that reminded me that oh yeah they where quite cute lol and then i j started rewatching the show from that point lol but then i stopped actually i was gonna say bc i got to the s2 finale that was rly focused on maddie and diggie and i kinda didnt care which is true but it was also bc i wanted to read the latest chapter of ur les mis fic <3 <3 which btw is SO GOOD OMGG like. even tho idk the characters (kinda i tihnk i am a point where i offically know r via friends blorbo osmosis but idk as much abt anyone else sorry<//3) i rly am like enjoying it sm and am like. v invested in the characters and their dynamics and stuff and i j feel likes its v well written yk. also a v little moment but i enjoyed the bit were R says he liked a book even though he hasnt read it but he did know a few moments from it and the general ideas ans things in it j bc it felt like a very You thing to include in smth (/pos !!) if that makes sense. prob bc u where a fan of the book this fanfiction in question was abt a while before u started actually reading it FGDFGDF also obsessed with the moment when right after he finds out that enjolras doesnt think sodomy is a sin r is like "please please can we. please" FHDFHDF also oughh the bit at the end where like. eponine tells r abt how she fell for marius after he ripped off a bit of his shirt to bandage her wound and then r doing that for enjolras ough... ik these r not my blorbos so i dont fully know the everything going on w them contect but it still rly got me i think prob bc u r a rly good writer mx... anyway this ask was abt liv and maddie at one point. but j like when i turned it off to read ur fic i no longer rly care 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽 FGFDHDF but actually tho i might end up watching more of liv and maddie tbh ill let u know.... i enjoyed it more than i thought i would rewatching it so !! or at least i enjoyed the liv and holden bits DFHDFHDF

OMG I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO WATCH LIV AND MADDIE AS A KID i would honestly loveee to watch some of it sometime with you if u do end up doing more of a rewatch !!!!!!!!! also omggg T____T thats so sweet of you tysmmmmm also yeah literally grantaire bullshitting his knowledge of lit is just like me fr and that whole paragraph was just because i had to look up diderot cuz all i remembered from ap euro was that he was an atheist ahahah and then i found out he wrote smthing called "the skeptic's walk"???????? so i had to include that???? AND YEAH. I HAD TO INCLUDE MY FAVORITE EXR TROPE OF PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE AJNJNJAJK literally they do count as ur blorbos by osmosis at this point even the ones u dont know as well bcuz like literally they just are<333 and u prob know them as well as i did when i started les mis posting if not better JBJABJK but mainly its sooo sweet of u to read it and to send this ask wtf;;; !!! also anyway this was abt liv and maddie which i need to watcha hsbsybahbau

[caruliaa]

hmmnnnmmmnmnnnnn i really really do think that you are just so incredible mushroom like ur art which is so inspiring and wonderful and cute !!!!! and in general the things u create j sooosoo good!!! and ur voice (and laugh!!) is so lovely!!!!!! and you say such true things bestie !!!!! and you are so so so fun to talk to and chat with and know!!!!!! like literally you are just so amazing and endearing and charming and sweet ladybird and you are so so so loveable and i just want you to know ( i mean i know you already know but i wanna remind u!) how very much i care about you and am here for you and hope i can support you in anyway possible epescially considering how much i know youre here for me and good to me and youre just such an amazinf friend!!!! i just truly love youuuu smmmmm (hugs you if you would want to for as long as you would want to💕💕❤️❤️💕❤️❤️💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕)

ooogh ;; i love you so so much mx i hope you know so so much ;; it rly rly means sm 2 me tht like. u feel tht way abt me nd wld say such kind sweet things abt me it rly rly does it makes me so happy infact :'> like ur rly rly so so kind 2 me nd the fact like. idk how to explain it but i j think ur such an incredible amazing wonderful talented person nd like i rly admire you so so so much nd stuff nd i love like the stuff tht u make nd the stuff tht u have to say so yea it j rly rly makes me feel like so so happy tht like u wld say the same things abt me nd feel tht way abt me it rly means so so much to me i hope u know ;; nd also i hope know tht i wanna b here for u nd support u in any way i can too my dearest nd tht like u rly rly do mean so so much to me and i j wanna be a rly rly good friend to you becuase youre a such an incredible freind to me and are just so so so good and kind and sweet to me and make me feel so so loved and cared for nd j it rly rly does mean the world to me how sweet and kind to me you are it rly rly does and* you* mean the world to me and i just love you so so much mx so much :'> *hugs you back actually for so so long if thts okay w u * 💞💞💞💞💞💗💗💗💗💗

[boy-and-girl-crazy123456]

aesop rock

Favourite Song: No Regrets

Least Favourite Song: idk if i can think of one?

Favourite Album: Labor Days

Least Favourite Album: I always thought Uncluded was kinda weird so the album they made. maybe it's good though idk it's been years

Song that got me into them: Abandon All Hope (i found a torrent of Music for Earthworms in like 2012 so even though that album is super hard to find now i listened to it a bunch lol)

Seen Live?: no

Rate: 8 he's kinda like prototypical "overly wordy white boy rapper" but like he's good at it i tihnk