#at least make the carousel small. why does it take over a third of the screen

[tvmblrsillyman]

becoming more of a boomer each time youtube makes a ui update

[vixxenfox]

Things I’ve noticed after watching the pilot over and over again

And things I just find amusing

- is it just a coincidence that when Charlie says “I wonder if it could be me” the center angel’s face lights up?

- not important but the “F*ck you heaven!!!” Sign is hilarious

- I hate Valentino with a burning passion, look at him texting Angel

- people drop from the sky to get to hell, more importantly without clothes which means each flippin person has to get specially made clothes for their weird demon bodies like sir pentious needs clothes to fit his snake body and stuff... idk just interesting

- the place beside the “we couldn’t come up with a catchy slogan but we sell hardcore drugs” building is called “begg slut”

- imagine dying, going to hell, and realize that you’re an egg

- egg #23 is the best

-one of the eggs like does a weird walk thing with their hand on sir pentious’ tail

-Cherri Bomb’s clothing is so asymmetrical and I love it like she is literally wearing a high-heel boot on one leg and like a tiny shoe on the other

- really just poor Tom he’s great

- Vaggie says “it’s all highlighted” but none of what we are shown is highlighted

- Also read the parts of the list we can see, it’s adorable

- “I don’t touch the gays” I find Katie great

- Jeffrey Dahmer obviously (Also the sticky note saying “who approved this show?)

- When Charlie scans the crowd another tv head just says ‘words’

-The person Vaggie punches isn’t in the crowd

- I love Razzle and Dazzle TvT

- Those two owl demons in Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow are most definitely references to Timber

- CHARLIE YOU JUST KILLED A PUPPY

- I love that there is a boo section

- Tom watches Angel Dust’s stuff confirmed

- I love the sonic spring noise when Angel launches an egg into the air

- Sir Pentious probably has a son that might be in hell so look out for another snake

- Do you see how happy Cherri Bomb is near Angel Dust, best friends! :D

- Aawww Angel pushes Cherri out of the way

- Angel didn’t just sprout a third set of arms, he also pulled an entire gun out of his body sooo... what’s with that

- I think you would just stop existing if you died in hell Angel

- That creepy fan has a body pillow of Angel

- Charlie takes off her pink... jacket(?) in one scene and the next she has it on again (you see her wearing pink in the closeup)

- Lilith is an absent mother

- There goes everyone’s fanon about how Lucifer acts (why couldn’t we get a nice stupid one T~T)

- I think they changed Alastor’s knock but I’m too lazy to check

- They fixed Alastor’s disappearing monocle

- I like that the mic has an eye sometimes it’s cool (how many “sentient-ish” things does Alastor’s have, first the shadow and now this)

- Alastor can teleport at least short distances and he appears as the shadow for a second

- They really make Alastor a very animated character and I love it

- (we knew this already but) Alastor clearly puts himself on a different level than the other sinners, he thinks of himself as justified and better (he doesn’t say “us sinners” he says “loathsome sinners” w/o him in the picture)

- Valentino, Rosie, Lilith (obviously), the girl from the porn studio, and the tv head dude (Vox, thanks @lavipsi) are all some of hell’s “strongest demons”

- TV head (Vox) is in the middle and top so he must be very powerful and behind him there’s also a green and red demon that reminds me of the wolf/fox demon from the bar scene

- Husk is very blocked out by Vaggie’s face but he’s clearly in the picture with Alastor (it looks like a fight but I don’t want to assume) like we know they know each other and stuff but it’s just weird that Husk is in the art when Vaggie says he’s “a dangerous Blahblah” and has entire speech of how dangerous he is

- I love the symbols that float up when Charlie isn’t looking and then the squeak as he turns to a more “innocent-like” Alastor when Charlie looks back

- Alastor rolls his eyes at Charlie when she says “No trickster, voodoo strings attached.”

- Talked about this before but the way his smile gets wider when Charlie says “for as long as you like”

- Why does Charlie have at least 2 posters about alcohol up if she didn’t want it in her hotel?

- I love how Niffty comes in and her bug-like noise when she appears

- You can see their reflection in Niffty’s eye during the closeup and Charlie is too adorable in it, Angel and Vaggie look ready to kick her out XD

- Everybody’s reactions to Niffty rambling on is beautiful, just watch them go from defensive to confused

- Alastor just following Niffty’s every movement as she zooms around

- Please tell me I’m not the only one who didn’t immediately see Husk as a cat? I honestly thought he was a dog for a while because he looks sort of like a Husky and his name is Husk, which got me thinking about the contradictions with Alastor not liking dogs... then I realized Husk was a cat.

- “are you sh!tt!ng me” “no I don’t think so” and “you think I’m just some clown” “..maybe” are some of my favorite lines

- Was I just supposed to know that on the bottom of Alastor’s boots (shoes? Hooves?) there were deer prints?

- So did Alastor really just teleport two sinners and basically copy part of the bar Husk was at and it’s just going to be there forever? Like you can see where the bar’s like territory ends because it’s walls are green while the hotel’s is red

- No like seriously Alastor you can copy a part of a bar but you can’t make the walls match the rest of the hotel’s walls?

- Husk seems slightly taller than Alastor

- Also Husk also has yellow teeth and if we go by Alastor’s teeth are yellow because he’s a cannibal, Husk might have been a cannibal when he was alive

- Husk clearly knows Alastor, he’s not afraid of him (to an extent, he was still a little shaken by the... Sir Pentious thing). Husk obviously voices his complaints without restraint and isn’t afraid of Alastor hurting him (I guess), and even when he was shaken up he was still the second person to follow Alastor back to the hotel.

- The entire relationship between Husk and Alastor is very intriguing to me! Husk doesn’t fear Alastor, Alastor called him a friend (obviously another jab at Husk but still), and they were in the same picture when Vaggie talked about Alastor being dangerous. I’m guessing they were probably friends once, maybe the picture is them both fighting another demon or fighting each other in like a fall-out.

- Vaggie is very exaggerated when she’s complaining about the bar and it’s beautiful

- Husk in the background as a still image just chugging booze is beautiful

-Angel’s angry face as Vaggie complains about the bar just before he leaves to lunge at her is beautiful and my favorite face

- 27:46 Alastor flipping FLUTTERS HIS EYES AT VAGGIE and you can hear a small sound effect of it and I just thought that was beautiful

- At the same moment Charlie is just rubbing her cheeks and it’s cute

- Right before Alastor starts singing, he throws some red... fire in the air and Charlie follows it with her eyes and she just so awed by it

- The fireplace in the background has an eye and a top hat above it and it just reminds me of Sir Pentious

- Alastor’s song has so many Friends on the Other Side vibes and I love it

- There are so many Christian symbols (and Satanic symbols) in the background of this song and I just don’t want to spend that time looking at each one :l

- Alastor’s shadow is also here further nailing the Friend on the Other Side vibe (not to mention the other shadows and voodoo doll things)

- Poor Niffty, she should never get hurt

- When Sir Pentious is talking and it shows the chibi characters, Charlie, Angel, and Niffty are looking at Alastor and when it zooms in for a split second Angel’s face is the most innocent bab ever

- There’s a building in the background with (again) one eye and a top hat, there’s also a cat building right next to it

- You can see heaven as a planet with a halo...

- There’s also a sun(?) or moon(?) or planet(?) with a pentagram on it

- I know that Egg Boi #OUCH is just a joke, but what if after 666, Sir Pentious just started giving them stupid names like that?

- Again, religious symbols float around Alastor that I’m not going to look into because I’ve taken so much time T_T

- Niffty is actually unfazed by Alastor summoning tentacles and destroying Sir Pentious’ ship. Really she has a normal smile and face and she immediately follows Alastor when he walks back to the hotel

- Angel is still flirting with Husk

- Charlie reassuring Vaggie is adorable

- Are we not going to talk about the carousel and gigantic steam boat that’s just protruding from the hotel

- I also love how the windows at the top of skull designs <3

- There’s an eye on the top of the building and the sign of Happy/Hazbin Hotel could also look like a top hate (why are there so many one-eyed top hats like Sir Pentious’...?)

- Stay tuned TM

- Not from me but, Alastor changes the name to Hazbin Hotel and Hazbin means something that was great before but is terrible now or something that is meaningless

- So Alastor liking terrible jokes is now canon? The dad joke thing wasn’t just a stream thing, it’s actually canon?

- Alastor actually has a red ‘X’ on his forehead, you can see it right after he destroys Sir Pentious’ ship

- The art in the credits shows Cherri Bomb having a tattoo

- I would like to talk a little about the design that’s in the background during the credits. So in the middle is an apple that’s being held by two sharp hands, there are three snakes coming out of it with only one snake fully out but still seems to have originated from the apple. The snake that’s completely out is on the top and has some designs around it that emphasize it, making it look more like a king (the devil, duh). The other two snakes are going down (probably referencing Adam and Eve maybe? Even though they also seem evil I just think of Adam and Eve.) Under them is another snake head. There are two sets of eyes around the top snake, one set has a line going down the middle of each eye like a scar while the bottom set has eyelashes. Even though the bottom set looks more “girly”, it reminds me of Lucifer because of the dots under them. If you want to grasp at straws the complete bottom snake’s tongue sort of looks like the bottom part of the symbol of Lucifer. The three snakes that clearly originate from the apple in the middle can also look like “Three snakes and one charm” if you squint. The symbol above the top snake looks like the infinity symbol combined with the cross, but it’s not the leviathan cross, so maybe just eternal... crucifixion?

- The smoke coming from the pit that Alastor made has souls in it

- I think #23 is depressed because he really wants to be shot... and he was just sitting there next to a bunch of dead hims

- Vivziepop said on a stream something about Lucifer being “generally goofy, but it depends on his voice” or something like that, please correct me if I’m completely wrong. This makes me things that Lucifer is going to have multiple voice actors.

-The Loading Crew “Everything We Know About Hazbin Hotel” brings up a point that it seems like the only things that can kill demons and sinners are the Exterminators’ weapons which are sometimes left behind that demons scavenge, Vaggie also appears to have one. I recommend watching his video, it’s very quick but also brings up points I haven’t addressed. 

And yeah, that’s all for now! ^_^ comment if you have something else to add or think I should change something

[the-tiva-og]

His Ninjas

Hey, y’all. This is my contribution to @talisbirthdaychallenge for our favorite little ninja’s birthday. I’m going to warn you that it is 100% straight-up fluff, but there’s three chapters of it and that is the most I’ve written in a while, so I hope you enjoy it.

And if you want to read it on AO3, I’m gonna add that link. https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832249/chapters/60067054

Chapter 1: Departures and Arrivals

“I still do not understand why we need to take a taxi,” Ziva said, handing a suitcase to Tony as he loaded it into the back of the van. He grit his teeth a bit and anyone passing could immediately tell that this was certainly not the first time that this discussion had taken place, “I already told you, Sweetcheeks. I fight my way through the Metro five days a week, there’s no way that I’m doing it with three suitcases and a five year old in the middle of rush hour.” “Rush hour is exactly why we should not be taking a cab!” Ziva said with exasperation clear in her voice. “Daddy! Are you sure I can’t bring Kalev and Pikachu?!” Tali’s voice called out from the doorway of their townhouse, interrupting the bickering couple. Tony stood up and cracked his back, “I am very sure, T-Bird.”

The little girl looked sadly at the two plush toys in her arms. Tony walked over and knelt in front of her, “Listen, kiddo, one of these brave guys has got to stay here and take care of the house while we’re away. You know, make sure that Marc doesn’t over-feed the fish, keep the pigeons out of the flowers on the windows, things like that. I know that you really want to bring them both, but we’ve got to leave room in your bag for souvenirs, remember?” Tali looked, uncomfortably, from her father to the two toys she was carrying. “Which one should I bring?” she said, quietly, “I don’t want to make them sad.” “Well,” Tony said, holding out his hands to take the toys, “let me talk with them.” Very seriously, Tali handed them to Tony. “Okay, guys,” he spoke to them, “which one of you is responsible enough to take care of the whole house while we’re on vacation?” Using the toys like puppets, he had them look at each other. “Woof woof!” he spoke through Kalev and responded, through Pikachu, with “Pika pika!” He turned the toys back to face him, “Sounds like they made a decision.” Tali looked at him with bated breath. “Kalev has said that he’s gone on trips with Tali before, so he would be happy to watch the house. Pikachu has friends in Tokyo, so he would really like to go on vacation with Tali so that maybe he could see some of his old friends,” Tony responded, as though he was reporting actual facts. Tali looked from her father to each of the toys, in turn, then nodded. “That sounds good,” she said. Tony smiled, “Alright, why don’t you put Pikachu in your backpack and I’ll take Kalev back inside and let him know the rules while I lock up the house. Got everything you need?” Tali smiled, taking the plush Pikachu from his hands, “Yep!” “Good girl. Ima’s waiting for you at the taxi, okay?” he tousled her hair as he stood and carried Kalev back to the house.

“I see you picked out your toy,” Ziva said as Tali walked toward her, pushing Pikachu into her little blue backpack. “Yeah, Daddy said that Kalev needs to stay behind and protect our flowers from the pigeons.” Ziva chuckled, “Did he? Well, I am glad that you were able to get that settled. Kalev certainly is the best puppy for the job.” “Besides, Daddy said that Pikachu wanted to see his friends in Tokyo,” Tali said, letting her mother help her into a seat in the taxi. “Ah, yes, that is right. He’s from Japan, isn’t he?” Ziva said, smiling, as she buckled Tali into the seat and moved to take the seat beside her. Tony returned and took his seat. Looking at Tali and Ziva, he smiled and asked, “You guys ready for an adventure?”

---------------------------------

Tony checked his watch and smiled. “See, look at that,” he began, “made it in time to get through security, grab a bite to eat, check in, and we won’t have to rush the kiddo to finish her food before we get on the plane.” Ziva playfully rolled her eyes, turning from watching Tali happily munching on her sandwich to look at her partner. “Looking for me to stroke your ego, mon cher?” she snarked. He looked at her with puppy-dog eyes and a little pout, saying, “It would be nice.” She gave a bark of laughter before leaning across and pressing a small kiss to his cheek before giving it a teasing pinch. He yelped, drawing disapproving glares from many of his fellow travelers, but a wicked smile from his partner.

After Tali finished her dinner, Tony checked the time once more. Looking up from his watch, he announced, “Last chance for a potty break before we get on the plane. If you have to go, speak now or forever hold your pee.” Tali looked up at him strangely, “Is there not a bathroom on the plane?” He chuckled, “Yeah, but it’s not as easy to get to and you can’t use it until the pilot does the ‘ding’ thing and we can take off our seatbelts.” The little girl continued to give her father a skeptical look, trying to remember her last time on an airplane. Ziva broke in, “Well, I am going to the restroom. Tali, why don’t you come with me and at least try to go?” She gave a nod of agreement and hopped out of her seat, grabbing her mother’s hand and following her through the airport.

By the time that the entire family had returned from their pit stop, there was a general rustle in the air of the gate which indicated that boarding would begin soon. “Ah!” Tony gasped, “I’ll be right back.” He then dashed off away from the gate. “Where’s Daddy going?” Tali asked, looking in the direction he had just gone. Ziva looked after him with a similarly puzzled expression, “I… am not sure. We should go ahead and get everything ready to go, though. Do you have your backpack?”

Tony arrived just in time to board the plane with Tali and Ziva. “Where did you go? You were almost late” Ziva admonished, as they walked down the jet bridge to their plane. He grinned and held up a bag, “You always do forget your gum and magazines.” Her look turned soft and she gave a shy smile. To his credit, he managed to wait until she looked away before plastering a victorious smirk on his face. Dragging moments of cute, knowing romanticism out of Ziva had turned into one of his most compelling goals ever since she returned to him. Since this was their first vacation as a family since their reunion, he refused to let the opportunity pass him by.

They settled into their seats, Tony sighed happily as he gave a little stretch and snuggled into the cushion. “Ahh, business class on the company’s dime,” he said with a smile, “nothing better than that.” Ziva snorted a laugh as she helped Tali fasten her seatbelt. “I wanna see out the window,” the little girl whined. “Hush, hush, ahuva,” Ziva soothed, “When the plane gets in the air, perhaps your father would let you sit in his lap and look out for a while.” Tony turned to his daughter with a grimace, “It’s cloudy outside anyway, probably not going to be much to see.” Tali pouted a little, but accepted the answer. The roar of takeoff and a coloring book offered to her by the flight attendant soon had Tali completely forgetting about wanting to see out the window. Tony glanced over at Ziva and smiled as she colored a page, following their child’s instructions. He began scrolling through the in-flight entertainment, intent on catching up with the movies he had missed while working on his latest project. Tali, like her father, soon found the list of movies and fell asleep halfway through a cartoon movie that Ziva was certain she had seen before. She reached across and pulled the blanket up a bit over the child’s shoulder, then returned to her magazine.

When Tali awoke, the flight attendants were beginning to serve breakfast. “Where are we, Ima?” the little girl asked, groggily. Ziva showed her how to use the entertainment screen to see the map showing the plane’s location. “How much longer?” Tali asked. “Almost seven hours,” Ziva replied with a little smile. Tali frowned, “We’ve been on this plane forever.” Before Ziva could respond to that, Tali continued, “I’m hungry.” There was a much easier answer to that than the original question. “Well, you are very lucky,” Ziva began, “because you woke up just in time for breakfast.” Tali’s eyes lit up and she sat up straighter in her chair, “Where is it?” “Patience, my love,” Ziva corrected, reaching out to her antsy daughter, “they are bringing it.” “Who?” Tali said, wiggling in her seat, trying to see the people her mother said were bringing breakfast. “The flight attendants,” Ziva responded, “Sit still, ahava.” Tali leaned into the aisle and hissed, “Pssst! Abba! Daddy!” Tony took a deep breath and shook his head, blinking awake, “Huh? Wh- What is it?” “They’re bringing breakfast!” Tali whispered excitedly, as though letting Tony in on a wonderful secret. “Alright,” Tony smiled at his daughter, “thanks for waking me up, T-Bird. Don’t want to miss a meal.” He gave a showy wink to his daughter and partner. “It would be very unlike you to miss a meal,” Ziva teased. As soon as Tali got her meal, she opened the cover of the main course and gasped, “Ima! Look! My rice looks like a chicken!”

--------------------------------------------------

“Alright, you take Tali to the restroom, I’ll go wait for our luggage,” Tony said as they surged out from customs with Tali grimacing and clinging to her mother’s hand. “Ima!” Tali cried out, tugging on Ziva’s hand. “We will meet you at the luggage carousel,” Ziva responded as she spotted the sign for the restrooms and hurried off in that direction. By the time that they returned, Tony had two suitcases and was waiting for the third to come around on the luggage carousel. “Daddy!” Tali cried out with a grin, “I saw a big picture of Pikachu!” “Hey, that’s great, kiddo,” Tony responded, glancing at Tali before looking and spotting their last bag.

The family passed the rest of the afternoon and evening in the hotel. Tony had to talk with his team and make plans for the next week. Meanwhile, Ziva and Tali read through some Tokyo guidebooks and discussed what they wanted to do in the week of vacation before Tony had to go to work. They had dinner in the hotel’s restaurant and returned to their room. Tali turned on the TV and found a channel playing cartoons. Tony watched her for a little while, grinning at how enraptured she was with the program, despite it being in Japanese and the little girl only knowing the few phrases that he and Ziva had taught her in preparation for their trip. “She gets that from you, you know?” Ziva spoke quietly, making him jump in surprise, not realizing that she had walked over to the office area of the room. He grinned and sarcastically responded, “Oh, you mean her natural drive to learn languages?” Ziva scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Hey, let me see that list you guys were working on,” Tony said, turning to face her. She gave him a curious look. “You know, we don’t really know our way around here, so I thought that maybe we should make an itinerary or plan or something,” he explained. “Look at you being so clever,” she said smiling warmly at him and handing the list to her partner. Tony glanced over at Tali to make sure that she was still watching television, “So, when do we tell her about her surprise?” “We should probably tell her soon,” Ziva responded, “Maybe over breakfast tomorrow?” Tony nodded, “That’s a good idea. I’m lucky you’re so smart.” She swatted his arm, “You have already won me over, you do not have to continue greasing me up.” He took a moment to think about what she said, opening and closing his mouth a few times and squinting in thought, “Do… do you mean buttering you up?” She shrugged, looking at him, “Do I?” “I hope so,” he laughed, taking the list from her and looking it over.

[theawkwardterrier]

things left behind and the things that are ahead, ch. 3

I had to raise to a T because of this one. Awkward.

AO3 link here.

Peggy is a busy woman. She loves her job, knows how important it is and takes that responsibility seriously, understands how overwhelmingly successful she has to come off considering her role and her gender. However, she loves Steve Rogers too, and is not unmindful of the absolutely miraculous circumstances which have brought them back together. So when he suggests a regular date night, she can’t refuse him. She has her secretary put it in her official work diary that she is to leave the office no later than 5 PM on such evenings, and when some emergency comes up and she can’t avoid missing the appointed time, she reschedules promptly.

And Steve is clearly doing his level best to make it worth her while. He isn’t overly familiar with Washington D.C., doesn’t know the hole-in-the-wall family restaurants or quietly original little spots the way he would back in Brooklyn, and so she often finds him perusing travel guides or the newspaper for ideas about where to take her.

He starts simply, though, with just a picture show, a good idea in the heat of the summertime. It’s the new feature Sunset Boulevard, which Peggy has been anticipating seeing; she’s heard plenty of people buzzing about it. She knows that she should be riveted by the atmosphere and the characters, by Miss Swanson’s performance, but she finds herself distracted.

She’s held hands with Steve before, of course she has, she’s done much more than that with Steve. But there’s something about sitting in the dark theater that makes it different. She feels it more, notices all the little bits of it. She stares ahead at the film and sees nothing, overwhelmed by the smooth skin of his palm, the feeling of his fingers interlocking with hers, the way he sometimes runs his thumb absently over the back of her hand.

She chances a look over at him, disguised as a rearrangement of her hair. He appears captivated by the action on the screen. He doesn’t seem to so much as notice that she can’t focus on anything but him.

He had let her choose the seats while he purchased refreshments. For some reason she had gravitated to the back row rather than her usual preferred spot toward the middle of the theater. Now she knows why. She must already have been anticipating this.

She lifts their clasped hands, places a small kiss on the back of his, just on the middle knuckle. Then another, and a third, pressing her lips down toward his wrist. Gentle, focused kisses, silent and unnoticed except by the two of them.

When he turns to her, Steve looks startled, even in profile. She can see him clearly enough in the flickering light of the screen. “What are you doing?” he whispers, leaning close to her.

“I should have thought that would be obvious,” she whispers back, taking advantage of his proximity to touch his throat with her fingers, then with her mouth.

He shivers, a full body movement, and quickly stills himself into a nearly unnatural quiet. She imagines it as if he is on a diving board, preparing to spring, and readies herself for the heated motion of his mouth against hers. The anticipation of it shimmers within her. She waits for him. But he subsides again, turns himself back toward the screen.

“Maybe not here,” he says out of the corner of his mouth, voice low. He loosens his hand from hers and slides his arm around her shoulder instead.

She could goad him into it, heated words that would get into his blood. Instead she stays still under his arm, more puzzled than angry, more confused than hurt. She misses even the feeling of holding his hand. She spends the rest of the film staring ahead and wishing she hadn’t done anything. She won’t actually enjoy Sunset Boulevard until several decades later.

She doesn’t remember Steve as a particularly good driver - of cars, at least; he’d managed well enough on the motorcycle, until such time as he decided it was more prudent to blow it up or throw it at an enemy combatant - but he insists on surprising her with the location of their next date.

“You could simply direct me,” Peggy says tetchily from beside him, hands folded over the handbag in her lap. Steve laughs.

“You’d put it all together. At least this way I get to do some kind of reveal.”

He does tell her that the drive will take about an hour, which is a mistake on his part as she begins calculating what could be within an hour radius from them. She doesn’t come up with any particularly likely options, though, so she settles in to watch him.

What she notes most generally is a look of confidence about him: he drives with just the one hand on the wheel and glances over at her for long moments, as if trusting that the road will remain straight enough for it not to matter. But every so often he will seem to check himself, placing his other hand on the wheel and straightening himself up in the seat as he focuses through the windscreen. She imagines that at this point he’s used to driving vehicles a bit more advanced than this one. He might have reassured her (and Howard, and Bucky when they’d asked) that there were no flying cars in the future, but she has the feeling that they’ll have developed more updated transportation than her Studebaker.

His hands, she notices, are beautiful on the wheel, solid and confident. She remembers him in the dark of their bedroom last night, the gentle rub of those fingers along her skin, and has to suppress a shivering breath. She slides closer to him, concentrating on smoothing her skirt as he glances over at him.

“How am I to know if I’m even dressed correctly for this outing?” she asks, keeping her voice entirely light, with just a joking hint of a pout. She subtly adjusts her blue checked summer dress over her décolletage and only looks up when he jerks the car straight again on the road.

“You’re dressed perfectly,” he says hoarsely.

She rests a hand on his upper thigh in concern and gives him a bit of a comforting back and forth stroke. “Are you certain you’re feeling all right?”

“Yes.” He clears throat. “I’m fine.” They make one last turn and then he says, with what she disappointingly identifies as relief, “We’re here.”

‘Here’ doesn’t seem to be much of anywhere, but she sighs and gamely gets out of the car and walks through the field where rows of others have parked.

“I read that they just started up last year,” Steve tells her as he hands over a pair of quarters for each of them and leads her into the county fairgrounds. “So it’s not too big just yet.”

He isn’t wrong - the majority of the space seems to be taken up with livestock shows that neither of them have particular interest in, and the limited selection of rides and games is a bit shabby and homemade - but she enjoys walking along the midway together. Steve won’t allow himself to be convinced into entering the pie eating contest, but he does eat several more hamburgers than seems sensible.

“I hope your stomach is as strong as it is expansive,” she teases as they wait in line for the small carousel with its tinkling music. Steve pats his middle beneath his red and white striped shirt.

“No need to worry about me.”

Oh yes there is, she thinks to herself as she remembers the way his abdominal muscles will shock inward as her breath hits them, as she trickles a finger down his torso. She has to shake herself to remember that she is actually sitting on a plaster horse beside Steve, both of them surrounded by children. You’re a menace, Steven Rogers.

They save the shooting gallery for last, selecting places next to each other.

“I’d like the dog,” Steve tells her. “If we’re picking prizes.”

She promises, “Then you shall have it,” and moments later he has his trophy in hand. Not the small stuffed animal he had pointed out - they had taken pity on the boy who had come in third place to Peggy’s first and allowed him to take his pick - but a tin airplane that they both look at with some irony.

“Is it strange that I’m more impressed that you can do this than I am that you can shoot a dime in the air at fifty paces?” Steve asks.

Peggy laughs. “I think you’re perhaps confusing me with Annie Oakley. My skills aren’t quite that sharp, and are generally put to less entertaining use.” She comes behind him, giving over another nickel when the man overseeing the booth glares at them for not vacating the place now that their game has finished. She adjusts Steve’s aim, sighting down to the target.

“These guns are always made with a bit of a defect,” she says, leaning near to him. “They don’t shoot straight. You simply have to make a test shot and gauge how far off they’ve designed them, then adjust accordingly.”

Steve’s next shot gets much closer to the bullseye, although that wasn’t a particular accomplishment based on his previous round. Nevertheless, she squeezes his shoulder, and says softly in his ear, “Excellent work, my love.” He turns toward her, the gun largely forgotten. Their faces are very close. She can practically measure his eyelashes, or match his eye color to an artist’s palette. She begins to count his freckles...

It wasn’t a plan this time, or anything near, but somehow she finds herself pressing him against the far wall of one of the tents. She thinks this one might have had the flower show inside, but her mind is too preoccupied by Steve’s mouth on hers, by the way her fingers have anchored themselves in his hair, by his hands’ daring exploration of her back. When they encounter the strap of her dress, however, he pulls away.

“Um.” He rubs the back of his reddened neck and takes a deep breath in. “Um, I think they’re closing things down.”

He’s right, which is the only reason she joins him in calmly walking back to the car. They don’t speak much on the drive back. Steve is concentrating very intensely on the road. As they approach the city, Peggy says, “You’ve forgotten your plane,” and Steve says, “Win me another next year?” with such hope in his voice that she finds herself forgiving him.

Peggy is a strategist, and her mind begins planning officially seducing Steve on a date before she’s consciously set herself to the task. When he takes her out to dinner, she twines her legs with his beneath the table; he loses his train of thought sufficiently that she has to order for him, but recovers himself by eating his way through what seems like an inhuman quantity of the spaghetti she requested. At the newly opened drive-in, she settles against him, touches him entirely chastely but affectionately beneath their shared blanket, and pointedly does not mention the spacious backseat of her car. (He holds himself rigid the whole time, and gives monosyllabic answers to all of her questions about the film on the way home, but doesn’t give her more than a chaste peck until they’re back in the apartment.)

She thinks she has him the evening he takes her to the ice cream parlor. She typically requests a small dish of ice cream, maple walnut or sometimes chocolate, but tonight she looks up at Steve and asks if he would be alright sharing a banana split with her.

“I’m having a bit of a craving,” she says blithely as they move toward the counter. “But I certainly couldn’t finish it on my own.”

The table is small, and they both have to lean over it to share the large sundae. Peggy takes small, considering spoonfuls of ice cream, her face quite close to his as she carefully licks her way through her portion. She is very attentive as he begins to tell her about a very early request he’s received for hand-drawn Christmas cards, asking thoughtful questions about the designs and his scheduling in order to have the quantity ready in time. Strangely, it is he who seems distracted, however, stumbling over his answers and barely able to complete a thought.

“Steve? Are you alright?” she asks him with concern, having thoroughly cleaned and finished - slowly - her second cherry. She twirls the stems between her fingers, this way and then that.

“Sure,” he grunts. “Just an ice cream headache.”

She cuts a section of one of the bananas with her spoon, nursing the whipped cream off the tip as she considers him earnestly. “I wouldn’t think that your enhanced metabolism would allow it.”

“Well, I guess we don’t know everything.” His voice is pitching lower now. “Maybe we should just head home. I think I need to...lie down.”

“But what about the ice cream?” she asks sensibly.

“I’ll buy you another one tomorrow.” He takes her hand and helps her up: disappointingly, the most he’ll touch her for twenty more minutes. (Although the next morning, she wouldn’t say that she’s unsatisfied.)

She mentions it to Barnes one night as he sits reading her newspaper and she makes her final preparations to meet Steve at the art museum, where she plans on making sure Steve pays special attention to the nudes. She has already decided to use the words “curve” and “flesh” at least twice each.

“Has he happened to mention to you why he only just seems to want to hold my hand in public?” she asks grimly as she applies her lipstick.

When Barnes smiles now, it looks nearly real, nearly - nearly - correct. He doesn’t get the memory confusion he had at the beginning. He does, however, still like to come around to their place fairly often; Peggy thinks the silence of being alone reminds him of things he’d rather not remember.

“He thinks he’s being smart,” Barnes tells her.

Peggy sighs. “Which usually means he’s being hopeless.”

Barnes shrugs. “Usually,” he agrees, and turns to the funny pages with the air of Steve and his hopelessness being significantly more her problem now.

One Friday afternoon, she finds herself at the bottom of a stack of paperwork with nothing else to replace it, and so for once she gives herself the rest of the day off. Simply strolling down the street feels luxurious at 3:30 on a workday, and she considers actually treating herself to a pastry or having a browse at the bookstore, but instead she finds herself taking the route home. Hopefully Steve won’t have started preparing anything just yet and they can have a meal out.

It seems she’s in luck: she spots Steve as she approaches their block, sitting on the steps at the corner and chatting with their neighbor Iris, eight months pregnant and knitting yet another tiny sweater.

“Good to see you, Peggy,” says Iris with a wave.

“Hi Peg,” Steve says smiling up at her. He has clearly been enjoying what might be the last of the fine weather for the year; his face is a bit flushed. He has his legs stretched down the steps in front of him. He might not be the boy she lost to the ice and he never will be again, but he is something new instead, something deeply familiar and still open for her endless exploration.

Peggy smiles back at the two of them and nearly goes to sit down herself, but then Iris yawns and starts wrapping up her yarn, clearly ready for a nap. Steve helps her stand up (everyone in the neighborhood has been quietly speculating about twins based on how unwieldy she is) and they wish Iris a good afternoon before they continue up the block.

“Not that I’m complaining, but how’d you get away so early?” Steve asks, draping an arm around her waist as they walk.

“Well, I’m in charge, you see. So I simply stopped in the middle of a meeting and said, ‘I must get home, I’m absolutely desperate for some meatloaf with my man.’”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Steve says as they climb their front steps. “Not for meatloaf.” He waits patiently behind her as she digs out her keys and goes to open the door.

Peggy sniffs as she twists the knob. “You have no idea what I would or wouldn’t do for meatloaf,” and Steve twirls her into his arms in the foyer and says, “Since I’m usually the one providing it for you, I think I have a pretty good idea,” before he bends to kiss her, slow and warm and in front of the still-open door facing their entire street.

She is quiet as they climb the stairs, but she thinks Steve has mistaken it for a satisfied sort of quiet. He hums very softly as they reach their floor, and has changed his shirt and combed his hair before he realizes that she hasn’t moved from the living room.

He starts cautiously, “I thought we were—”

“Why is it,” she asks, “that you don’t mind touching me here, in front of any of our neighbors who might walk by, but when we’re on one of your outings, the idea of any part of my body besides my fingers seems entirely impossible for you to grasp?”

“What?” He blinks, but she recognizes it as more nervous than confused.

“Don’t,” she says dangerously, and he deflates.

“Oh.” He drops down to sit on the sofa. “Huh. I guess I hoped that you wouldn’t notice...that.”

“I’ve noticed, Steven.”

He looks pained, whether at being found out or because of the icy blast of her tone, she isn’t sure. “I just thought that it was more better this way.”

“Better for whom?”

“Well,” he says, a bit of courage to the sticking place in his tone, “for both of us.”

She puts her hands on her hips and asks, “Why would you think that, when I have clearly been signaling otherwise on my own part? We live together, Steve, and I’m certain you remember what we do in the privacy of our own home even if you pretend otherwise. Why would you think that this type of behavior when we’re out together was something I wanted?”

“Fine.” He stands. “Maybe it was for me. Maybe now that I have this life, our amazing life we’re starting together, I want to slow things down, just a little bit. I’ve lived everything out of order and for once I want to do something normal, I want to take you out and have it just be about the date because we didn’t get a chance for that part. I want to take the time we never had.” He closes his eyes, looking lost in the middle of their sitting room. “I’m sorry if it was selfish. I just—For once I wanted to do things right.”

“Oh, Steve.” She sits on the sofa herself and sighs so deeply that her shoulders rise halfway to her ears before dropping. Steve must sense the de-escalating tension, because he sits down cautiously beside her. Gently she says, “I wonder if perhaps you’ve forgotten how very much good has happened to us out of order. For us, that is right. I know it’s not...traditional, but so little about us is, and that’s something that I love.”

“I usually love it too.” He waves a hand a bit helplessly. “But I thought maybe this once we could mix things up, do them in the order most people do.”

“Well, we aren’t most people, but I think I would be willing to compromise.”

“What did you have in mind?”

She holds up one finger. “We continue with regularly scheduled date nights.” She adds a second. “You kiss me at least once on each one, publicly.” A third. “I won’t force you into exhibitionism.”

He looks at her for a long moment, at the fingers she still has extended into the air. He gently unfolds a fourth one. ���I’ll tell you if I don’t mind a little exhibitionism for once.”

He surprises her the next time by choosing to take her bowling. He kisses her once for every strike and twice, in consolation, for every split. When she wins, he dips her so deeply that she hears whistles from the adjoining lanes.

“You do earn marks for enthusiasm,” she tells him once they’ve come up for air. “But I think it will be a good while before you catch up to me in terms of creativity. You’re still a work in progress.”

“That’s okay,” he says. “We have plenty of time to work on it.” And he kisses her again.

[antiquechampagne]

Beastly Kingdom - Chapter 5 - Wonderland

Liz made her way to Kiddie Kingdom slowly, her mind churning over the day’s developments. So many things to consider and weigh against each other. She knew the threat the Brotherhood posed. It was very much real and nearly at their doorstep but… the Minutemen were equally dangerous. Could Nuka-World take them both on if it came down to it?

Something red sticking out of a trash heap caught her eye. Bending down, she plucked a rusted Nuka-Cola truck toy from the refuse. Stuffing it into a pocket, she made her way to the lollypop-themed entrance to the children’s park.

“Any problems? Requests?” she asked the two bored guards standing outside the barricades.

A woman nodded, colorful feathers pasted resplendently to the pale pig-nosed mask covering most of her head. “No, Boss. The ghouls have been pretty quiet lately. Nothing’s come in or out.”

Liz reached into a pocket, pulled out a blue bottle, and tossed it to her. “Have yourself a little break, on me.”

The woman turned the bottle over. “Day Tripper?!” A greedy smile glowed on her face. “No shit! Thanks, Boss!” She turned to her compatriot, grabbing his shoulder. “Come on!” The two guards headed off in the direction of the nearby dilapidated restrooms.

Past the barricades, Liz felt a familiar buzz on her skin. A buzz humans would be smart to avoid. Kiddie Kingdom had a network of still-functional sprinklers. These misters used to cool the prewar patrons on oppressive summer days, but now they spread a steady mist of deadly radioactivity through the air. Not that this bothered the current residents of the park.

“Grraaaagh,” guttered a slack-jawed ghoul standing on a bench, turning to face Liz. Its clothes were in tatters around its waist, its face grotesquely covered with bright patches of flaking make-up.

Liz waved. “Good evening, Mark. Is Oswald in the Castle?”

“Gwwaa,” Mark managed to shrug.

Liz made her way past the eerily silent carnival rides and empty midway to the focal piece of the park, a huge medieval fantasy-styled theater named King Cola’s Castle. Every so often a feral ghoul would notice her, snarling or howling at something unfamiliar. Each soon turn away uninterested, recognizing her as one of their own.

She found Oswald in the courtyard of the castle, fussing over a feral friend, as usual. Oswald stood out among the ghouls in Kiddie Kingdom. Not only did he wear a stately tuxedo costume complete with top hat (he was a professional magician, after all,) but also he had yet to turn feral, his mental faculties still sharp as a tack. Another thing that made Oswald unique was that he had a literal glow about him, as if some personal nuclear reactor powered him deep inside.

As soon as Oswald spotted Liz, he waved her over. She smiled as she crossed to him.

“Hello Liz! You are just the person I needed to see today.” His voice was gruff and gravelly like that of most ghouls. “Jerry here, I just can’t convince him to wear his kit today.” In his gloved hands, he held a scruffy, curly clown wig. “I put it on him, but after a few minutes, he just rips it off again. I’m not sure what’s going on.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to wear it… God knows I wouldn’t be caught dead in this thing!” Liz stifled a laugh.

Oswald frowned. “I don’t think that’s it. I can put it on him just fine. He just keep taking it off.”

He handed the wig to Liz. Liz squatted down to look at the Jerry, who stood hunched over and pawing at the ground, then back to the wig.

“Hey Jerry, come here please?” she asked calmly. The feral ghoul meandered over to her on all fours, almost skittish, like a wild animal. She put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. Liz noticed he wasn’t anxious at her touch, but tracked the wig.

Liz pursed her lips in thought while running her fingers through the plastic fibers that stubbornly clung to the cap. Flipping it over, she found the culprit. Plucking a wooden sliver out, she held the offender out for Oswald to see.

“Oh Jerry… I’m so sorry. I’ll be more careful next time.”

Liz gave the wig back to Oswald. “I’ll leave that part to the professionals.” She stood up. “Where’s Louis?”

“Last time I saw him, he was watching the Nuka Racers by the carousel.”

“How’s he doing?” Liz’s brow furrowed.

“The same. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. It’s been a while since your last visit.”

“I know.” Liz sighed.

She made her way around to the carousel. On the grass stood a small ghoul with a threadbare striped shirt and red baseball cap staring at the nearby tracks near a pile of toys. She hesitated as she retrieved the toy truck from her pocket, placing it on the ground near the dozen other toy cars and trucks, each smashed and scattered about.

“Hey, honey. Mommy brought you a new toy.”

Just then, a pair of cars came racing along the railway track, clattering loudly on their endless loop around the park. The noise broke the boy out of his trance. He hissed and raced after the duo for a few steps before losing interest and returning to his spot.

“Louis… Mommy’s sorry she hasn’t been around much.” Liz sat on the ground. “There is a lot going on right now at work.” Her words sounded hollow, fake to her, but it might be something that would be familiar to her son. Louis continued stare down at the tracks, unmoved by this mother’s words. “Mr. Oswald has been taking good care of you, hasn’t he? No bad people trying to chase or hurt us.”

Liz reached out, picked up the new truck, and held it out to him.

She really wished she could come more often, but had to be careful with her visits. Someone might come to suspect something more than just her letting her hair down with a local. She had worked so hard to find somewhere safe for her son; there was no way she was going to screw that up now. Even if that meant spending more time than she would like away from Louis. He probably didn’t even notice. At least he was safe. No random human could find him in here. Oswald made sure of that.

Slowly, Louis took a few steps towards his mother before taking the toy. As he did, she held his hand tenderly.

“Do you want to lay down for a bit? I bet you are tired from chasing those cars around all day.”

The boy stood, eye vacant, his breath rattling in his chest for several long seconds before he allowed her to lower him into her lap. She held him as he tried to pull the wheels of the truck with his teeth, gently rocking him until he fell asleep.

A half an hour later, she returned to the ramshackle castle with her boy in her arms. Oswald smiled warmly, opening the door that lead to a room with a bed. After placing him down, they both retired to the apartment in one of the towers.

“He hasn’t slept properly in a few weeks,” Oswald said as he pulled a couple of Nuka-Colas out of the fridge.

“You mean since the last time I was here.” Liz leaned against the back of the couch.

Oswald sadly nodded as he popped off the cap and handed her a bottle.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been back. Is there anything you need? Food? Paint? The guards say they haven’t received any requests in a while…”

“We’re fine. If I need anything, I’ll let you know. That is the agreement, right? But…” He took a swig. “Why are you really here? I wasn’t expecting you for another week or so.”

The both moved to sit on the couch. Liz looked away as she sat down. “Well…” she tried to avoid his question, but she didn’t have the energy. His glowing green eyes drilled into her. “Fine.” Some soda cleared her palate. “You remember that pipe dream I told you about?”

Oswald’s brow arched. “That crazy one involving catching Quantum deathclaw?”

“Yeah... well, we bagged one.” Oswald’s jaw dropped. “A big one. Probably the biggest one in Nuka-World. I think we got the matriarch.”

“Really? That explains all that noise coming from Nuka-Town.” Liz nodded. “Where in the world are you holding her?”

“Under the Bradberton amphitheater.” Liz could see Oswald start to shake his head. “Now hold on. I had the guys build a custom cage for her. Strong as Fort Knox. She ain’t getting out.”

“She better not! She’s going to eat all of you for breakfast, lunch and dinner if she does. You really think that little trinket is going to save you if she gets out?”

He poked at the talisman hanging from Liz’s neck. She swatted his hand away.

“Hey, knock it off! Big Mama isn’t going anywhere.” She looked critically at the talisman, a small claw from a young deathclaw decorated with crude scrollwork, capped with a metal clasp.

“Oh, it’s got a name? Are you going to keep it in a doghouse and feed it treats? You think you’re going to train it to fetch your slippers?”

“Shut up!” Liz couldn’t help but snicker. She had to admit to herself that part sounded insane… but who said it was impossible to tame a deathclaw?

After a minute, Oswald looked at her with a serious look in his eyes. “The deathclaw thing, as neat as that might be, isn’t all that urgent.” He turned to face her right on. “What’s really on your mind?” He had quite the knack for reading her. Guess that was why she always came here when she needed to talk.

“Turning it up to the third degree, eh? Fine. I need some unbiased feedback.” Oswald settled back on the cushions. “Have you been keeping up with those newspapers I’ve left for you? Yeah… well, you know who the Minutemen are then.” Oswald nodded. “Guess who walked through the Gauntlet? The fucking General of the whole outfit.”

“Oh boy.”

“Yeah. We’ve been butting heads with those guys every time we try to expand out into the Commonwealth. And here he waltzes in right through the doors!”

“His head’s on a spike over the gate now, I suppose.” Oswald’s obvious distaste for the violence soured his features. Liz found it a bit endearing after 200 years of hard living.

“Actually… not quite. Seems he wanted to parley.” She could see Oswald starting to stew over this new information. “Upshot: Nate and his band of merry men will leave us alone in Nuka-World AND give us access to some lucrative trade routes… in exchange for additional firepower against the Brotherhood of Steel. Not too bad of a deal there, but there is a catch. He wants us to go legit too.”

Oswald thought for a moment. “No more raiders in Nuka-World,” he said succinctly.

The both sat in silence, sipping their soda.

After a while, Oswald ventured, “Can you even manage that? Do you have that much power over them?”

Liz rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “I’m not sure, but I have some ideas.”

Oswald’s eyes pierced her own. “Do you want to?”

That question gave Liz pause. She had been a raider for centuries out of pure necessity. She cultivated and honed herself into a viciously sharp blade, mostly through sheer power of will. After watching all her friends and family slowly ghoulify and lose their minds, she nearly lost it herself. She only kept herself together in those years to keep Louis safe. Cruelty was the only currency the Commonwealth dealt in.

But…

Nuka-World was busting at the seams. The factions had flourished under her leadership, filling Nuka Town and nearly all the surrounding parks. Only Kiddie Kingdom was left untouched, a haven for her son. They critically needed food and supplies, and stable ones at that. Shaking down farms and raiding caravans just wasn’t cutting it anymore.

She knew about Nate’s exploits, which went beyond his defeat of the Commonwealth’s bogyman, The Institute. He treated ghouls, freed synths and even some mutants as people, even palling around with a few. His network of settlements was changing the landscape of the Commonwealth. The one thing he seemed to give no quarter to was raiders, but he had paused to try to broker a deal with her. That meant Nuka-World must be sizable enough that he thought they could give his forces trouble.

“The fact is, the Brotherhood could strip everything here for tech trinkets if they wanted. It’s a real possibility… and we need to solve our resource problem. We’ve grown too big. Something needs to give.”

“Can you do what needs to be done?”

Liz thought, ruminating on the question. Partial ideas started to crystalize in her mind, focusing her, showing her exactly where she could exert pressure and influence, turning the gangs to her will. She smiled and nodded.

“I think I can.” She finished the bottle. “But… if it doesn’t work, you need to have a plan. Nate has set up ghoul settlements, so I think you could probably work with him. The Brotherhood has no love for ghouls. I lose control of the gangs…”

She didn’t need to say anything further. The both knew what that would mean. Her rules would no longer apply.

Oswald shook his head resolutely. “We’re not leaving, Liz. This is our home.” Removing his top hat, he played with the brim. “It will be easier to hear any news from Rachel.” Oswald looked into his lap. Liz felt for him; he missed his girlfriend terribly. “Damn, I miss her. It’s been years since I’ve heard anything from her… and nothing about the cure.”

Liz put a comforting hand on Oswald’s paint-speckled shoulder. “I know. What would you do if… well… if Rachel never sent news? If she… didn’t come back?”

“I don’t want to think about it.” His fingers tapped nervously on his hat.

Liz frowned before putting on her best ‘buck up’ smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure we’ll hear from her soon. Just think what a cure for ghouls would mean.”

Oswald tried to smile back. “Yeah… I’m sure we will.”

They didn’t say anything for a long while. Eventually, Liz got up and gave Oswald’s shoulder another pat before saying good night. She silently made her way to the small bedroom that held her sleeping son. She nearly tripped on his baseball cap, which had tumbled to the floor.

Some things never change, she mused to herself, thinking of how hard it was to get Louis to clean his room back in Sanctuary Hills before the bombs fell.

Carefully, she picked it up and hung it from the corner post of the rickety bed. Pulling out a sleeping bag stashed in the corner, she soon fell asleep on the floor next to her son.

[forestiyari]

CS JJ Day 18: Packing Poles

AN:  This is my (rather random) contribution to 2018′s @csjanuaryjoy.  It’s fluff and so far away from what I usually write that I’m amazed it’s making it out there.  Thank you so much to @lenfaz for organising this this year.

Packing Poles

Rated G - 2.5k

It was 11am.

At least that’s what the dial flashing in front of her said.  It did not feel like 11am.  Eleven, while annoyingly early, was a time that she could at least conceive of, but her body was telling her it was closer to 5am and having been awake for a good sixteen hours was rejecting her attempts to remain upright.

Emma hated international travel.

And after two hours in line at customs she was pretty sure she hated Stansted Airport too.  She’d followed all the advice she’d been given by her teammates, but despite wearing her official team USA hoodie, having her team USA ID badge poking innocently out of her passport cover and making sure all of her landing card was filled out in perfect, black inked, block letters the woman in front of her seemed decidedly unimpressed.

“You’re here for the what?”  Ms Ghorm, as her badge proclaimed her to be, icily asked.

“The World Championships?”  Honestly after the cramped flight and lack of sleep Emma was beginning to question herself whether that was the right answer… She was sure she’d answered at least three times already.

“Right, the athletics?  In Stratford, right?”

“No, London.”  Her brow furrowed, she had absolutely no idea what was going on- she just knew that if she failed to check in for training in… She checked her watch, took away five… two hours, then Mary Margaret was going to actually kill her.

“Well, Ms Swan.  If you wouldn’t mind just taking a seat over there then I’ll see what we can do about moving you through as soon as possible.”  The woman’s grin was sickly sweet and Emma swore it was the source of the headache she could feel coming in.  She turned her head to take in the seats that Ms Ghorm had indicated and was shocked to realise she was being put into a holding area; the square of seats gated off but in full view of all of the other passengers.  As she took a seat she felt like a toddler being put into a pen to be kept out of trouble.

Emma dozed, almost sliding off the plastic chair twice before she worked out how to wedge herself in between the arms, she took out her phone out of habit before discovering her European SIM card was in her hold luggage and the wifi was almost non-existent, she even considered reading the book that her teammate Archie had shoved into her hand back in Boston before remembering that it was a book on crown green bowling and that she hadn’t seen Archie since then.  She took in the queued passengers around her, but the rest of her flight appeared to have cleared and left her alone.  It was gone 8:30 when a smarmy-looking man with a clipboard approached the gate.

“Emma Swan?”  The man called.

“That’s me.”  She jumped to her feet.

“Follow me.”  The man span quickly before marching away, not checking whether she was following him or not.  She almost had to jog to keep up with him as he lead her down an ill-lit corridor to what was definitely some sort of interrogation room.  She groaned.

It didn’t take long for the interview to be set up: Emma on one side of the table, the immigration officer on the other and a small voice recorder between them.

“This is Eli Gold, officer number 02368, conducting interview in relation to case S6-41.  Present is the alleged Emma Swan.”  The man droned and Emma frowned.  Alleged? ��Who else would she be?  “Can you state your name for the record please, miss?”

“Emma Swan?”

“Your full name.”

“Emma Swan.”

“Date of birth?”

“October 27th 1983”

“Country of residence?”  The inane questions continued for at least half an hour and Emma was ready to tear her hair out before the reason she’d been singled out became evident.

“Miss Swan, I have here your landing card.  Can you please tell me why you have listed your date of birth as being the first of August 2017?”

“Seriously?”  She ground out.  “Seriously?”  Her exhaustion suddenly wiped out by indignation and frustration.  “I have been travelling for twenty hours and managed to accidentally put today’s- sorry yesterday’s- date down and that’s why you pulled me in here for the third degree?”  She regretted her outburst almost immediately, the look that crossed Mr Gold’s face letting her know that she was going to pay for it.

“If you would like to take a seat in the waiting area, an officer will be with you shortly to let you know the outcome of your case.”

***

It was 9pm.

The smirk on Mr Gold’s face each time he passed the waiting area had been torture, but as soon as his shift had ended and a Ms French had taken over Emma had been free to pass onto British soil.

Only to discover the new nightmare that was the “unclaimed luggage” office.

“It’s bright pink.”  She explained slowly to the rather inattentive attendant on duty.  “Walter” his name badge declared.  “With a yellow flower.”  She cringed at the description she had to give, but since Mary Margarent had gifted her the monstrosity she’d had no problem finding her suitcase quickly- until now.

“It’ll be here somewhere.”  Walter said with a brief wave of his hand.  “Take a look.”  Had Emma been more awake she might have wondered at the lack of security, but honestly she just wanted out of the airport some time yesterday.  Her suitcase was easy enough to find, but as she searched around the shelves and floor she realised her other piece of baggage was missing.

“Does the oversized baggage come here also?”  She asked, only to receive a puzzled look.

“Of course not.”  Apparently Walter thought this should be obvious.  “That goes to the chute by carousel 9.”

As she crossed the baggage reclaim hall once again Emma couldn’t decide whether to cry or scream, but spotting her pride and joy lying in the middle of the floor, footprints and scuffmarks covering the dark blue casing, caused a chill to run through her body.  She sat down on the floor next to the bag and prepared herself for the worst.

The zipper opened easily and she stretched as far as she could to pull it along the side of the bag.  She’d barely opened it a third of the way before her fears were confirmed.  Three of the custom made fifteen foot long poles were broken.  Emma groaned and held her head in her hands.  She was crouched there a few minutes before a cool voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Y’know I’m not sure, Love, but I think you might be a shotputter?”  Emma had had a bad enough day that really anything could have set her off, but a smooth British accent filled with laughter and making jokes at her expense was definitely a decent target for her ire.

“I’ll give you shot-”  As she muttered the words through gritted teeth she rose to her feet and span around, ready to give whoever was there an earful… but she was brought up short by possibly the most handsome face she’d ever seen “-putting” she trailed off pathetically.

“Emma Swan, right?”  The man asked, extending his hand.  Almost in slow motion she took it and let him shake, not taking her eyes off his face- taking in the crooked smile, the sharp jawline, the oh-so-blue eyes.  Only when his brow creased slightly did she realise he was waiting for an answer.  She pulled back her hand and snapped her mouth closed, feeling the blush spread over her cheeks as she cringed internally at the thought that she’d been staring.

“How do you know?”  The question came out harsh, covering her own embarrassment.

“Love,” He said with a grin, “You’ve won three medals in the last eighteen months.”  Instead of clarifying anything this only made Emma more confused- yeah, she was good, but that hardly made her a household name.  Afterall, pole vaulting was hardly the world’s number one sport.

“And you are?”  She settled for in the end.  The man didn’t look like some kind of stalker and wasn’t dressed like any sports reporter she’d met before.  He laughed before holding his hand over his heart and dropping his eyes.

“You mean you don’t recognise me?”  She shook her head.  “I’m hurt.”  He reached behind her to the oversized baggage chute and picked up a long bag, just over half the length of her pole vault bag.

“Javelin?”  She asked stupidly.

“Aye.  I’m Killian, team GB javelin superstar.”  She frowned, rifling through her brain until she found what she was looking for.

“Killian Jones?”

“The one and only.”  He grinned and she didn’t like to admit she only knew of him because of Ruby’s rant about the British distracting the opposition with eye candy.  Not that Ruby had been wrong to class him as such.

“Why have you checked in javelins?”  Emma asked, more to keep the conversation going than out of real interest.  “That seems like a risk given you could just drive them.”

“I got held up in Monaco.”  He shrugged as if that explained everything.  It didn’t.  The diamond league meet in Monaco should have finished over a week ago and she may not have been an expert on Europe but she was pretty sure the length of drive was nothing compared to some of the cross country trips she’d taken with her poles.

“And you’re headed to London now?”  She asked, the vague beginnings of a terrible idea running through her head.

“Aye.  Why?  You need a lift?”  He asked casually and she felt the relief shoot through her at the fact that he’d offered before she had to ask.

“Kinda?”  She shrugged one shoulder, hoping to come across as contrite.  “I’ve been held up a while and I’m avoiding turning on my phone cos I’m too tired to deal with my coach’s voice right now.”

“And let me guess: you’ve never heard of public transport.”  Killian’s voice was teasing and Emma realised he was probably going to say yes.

“Have you ever tried to get a bag of five fifteen foot long poles on the subway?”  She asked, matching his teasing tone before remembering what she’d been looking at before he appeared and continuing in a much more morose tone;  “Even if three of them are broken.”

Emma could see the moment he took pity on her, shrugging his rucksack higher on his shoulder and scooping up his equipment bag before making a sweeping gesture with his free hand from her towards the door.

“After you Love, I don’t know if I trust you at my back with those poles.”  She snorted in response.

“Believe me; if I stab you with my poles, then you’ll feel it.”

***

It was 11pm.

The light was fading fast and after an hour of trying they still had yet to successfully find a way to reliably secure Emma’s pole to Killian’s car.

It didn’t help that said car was a battered VW beetle whose age was greater than its gas mileage.  And sported a curved roof.

Emma was an expert at securing pole vaulting poles to cars, but the beetle’s shape and lack of opening windows or trunk was proving beyond her and her trusty bungee cords.

“Killian, it’s fine.  I’ll call Mary Margaret and she can arrange for someone to come and collect me.  It won’t take long.”

“Nonsense Love.  We’ll manage.”

“You need to get to London, you have to be up for training tomorrow.”  She tried to reason with him, but he only offered a derisive snort.

“So do you.  I’m not leaving you here alone.”  He turned away from her, effectively ending the conversation and she let out a small relieved sigh.  She really didn’t want to wait here alone either.

As she circled the car for the fiftieth time it hit her- literally.  On the hip.  The passenger side of the car had an exaggeratedly large wing mirror.  Emma made sure that Killian was looking away before experimentally placing her hands on it and jumping to force her weight down.  It didn’t snap.

“I’ve got it.”  She said before heaving her pole bag from the sidewalk to rest on the mirror.  With the rear end suspended precariously on the back bumper of the bug, straps holding shut the door and her arm out of the window to offer support- or at least an early warning system- she slowly began the journey south.

**

It was 3am.

Emma was vaguely aware that in not much more than twenty four hours she was due to vault nine metres into the air at an international competition, but the part of her that was running on the best two hours of sleep she’d ever experienced in Killian’s car, adrenaline and giggles didn’t care.

Because wherever it was that Killian had dragged her to after declaring that the noises her stomach made were louder than a freight train was feeding her the best lahmacun and salad and she was on her fourth with no intention of slowing down and no shame.

The company wasn’t bad either.

In fact, she hadn’t felt this way just talking to a guy ever and she didn’t need the buzz of alcohol to appreciate the dimples and the self-depreciating smiles and the wisp of hair that was visible over the collar of his shirt.

And maybe it was just the effect of a really crappy forty eight hours, and maybe it was a really bad idea, but maybe taking him up on his offer of ‘resting up’ at his place instead of fighting to find her room in the athlete’s village wasn’t completely off the table.

Knowing he had a garage and she wouldn’t have to worry about leaving her remaining poles outside exposed to the elements or any potential thieves was helping with her decision too.

She really loved those poles.

It didn’t take her long to realise she could really learn to love the way he kissed too.

**

It was 11am.

The blinds were doing nothing to keep out the bright August sun and Emma felt herself being forced to wakefulness despite the soft mattress beneath her and the silky blankets on top of her and the firm body behind her.

Also the chirping cell phone really could do with shutting the hell up.

She felt Killian roll away from her and the murmur of his own sleep filled voice washed over her, both relaxing and thrilling at once.  Emma refused to open her eyes though and burrowed deeper beneath the covers, only allowing a smile to tug at her lips when he finished his conversation and wrapped his arm over her once more, pressing light kisses to her shoulder blades.

“So Love, it turns out my agent Regina is practically family to your coach.”  Emma frowned, knowing only enough of Mary Margaret’s personal life to know that she’s an only child.  “And when you fell out of contact yesterday the two of them set up some missing person operation.”

“Let me guess,”  She replied, “They found me.”

“Not exactly- but apparently reports of a yellow bug with fifteen foot poles stuck to the side made their way onto twitter.”

Emma groaned.  Mary Margaret and Ruby were never going to let her live this one down.  But as Killian rolled her over and lowered his lips to hers she wondered whether she really cared.

[mikegranich87]

Galaxy Z Fold 3 hands-on: Built stronger for durability and S Pen support

It’s hard to believe that in just a matter of years, foldable devices have gone from the stuff of science fiction to actual usable daily drivers. Here we are today, checking out the third generation of Samsung’s foldables, which the company just launched at its Unpacked event. The Fold 3 is the bigger, more premium of the new pair of bendy offerings, and the Fold series has been around longer than any other folding phone. Since launching the original, Samsung has worked to improve durability and software, which continue to be the two biggest challenges for foldables.

The Z Fold 3 is also the first of its kind to support Samsung's S Pen, meaning you can write or draw on the larger canvas without breaking the screen.

In addition to stylus support, the Z Fold 3 features water resistance, a new under display camera in the larger screen and a stronger build that Samsung says brings an 80-percent increase in durability. Best of all, it starts at a cheaper $1,800. At a socially distanced preview event in New York, I was able to check out the Z Fold 3 and am so far pleased with what I've seen.

S Pen support

Given my limited time with the device, I focused on checking out things that are new, starting with the $50 S Pen Fold Edition and $100 S Pen Pro. For these versions, Samsung made the nib rounder than on older styli, so they’re less likely to tear into the screen. If you apply too much force with the pen, its nib will retract. For those who are concerned that the nib might be too sensitive and slide back into its housing at the slightest touch, I can say that it took a fair amount of effort for that to happen during my hands-on.

Cherlynn Low / Engadget

Though the 1.5mm nib is rounder and more than twice as thick as older S Pens, I didn’t find it too large and it was still very precise. I was able to draw fine lines and sketch thicker ones by applying more force, thanks to the 4,096 levels of pressure sensitivity.

Samsung said the durability and latency on this screen are better than any other pen-compatible device it offers, and while I can’t make a direct comparison yet, the stylus did feel responsive and fluid in my brief preview. You can spend a little more to get the S Pen Pro, which also works with the Fold 3. It’s bigger, longer and supports Bluetooth for remote controls. Unlike the Fold Edition, the Pro model needs power and has a USB-C slot at the top for charging.

You can only use either S Pen on the internal screen, by the way — the cover display does not support pen input. There's also no slot for the stylus so you'll have to find a way to make sure you don't misplace it.

Multitasking software and under display camera

With the unfolded display, you can use multiple apps at once. The 22.5:18 aspect ratio is uncommon, which is why on previous Folds, many apps like Instagram and Netflix didn’t completely fill the screen and were awkwardly flanked by empty space.

Cherlynn Low / Engadget

Samsung has worked on a few experimental features to make Android apps work better on the roomier canvas. Under Labs in settings, you'll find options to choose 16:9, 4:3 or fullscreen as the default aspect ratios that apps launch in. You can also enable Multi Window for all apps, which allows them to open in floating panels or split screen, even if they weren’t designed for those layouts. There are also options to auto rotate apps and use a Flex mode panel that makes better use of the screen space when the system detects that the Fold is half-open.

At my demo session, I launched the Camera app on the Fold 3 and it expanded to take up the whole screen when I opened the device all the way till the hinge clicked in place. When I folded it slightly, the app split in half, with thumbnails of photos in my camera roll on the left side and the viewfinder and controls on the right. As I snapped more pictures, they quickly showed up on the carousel on the left. I was impressed with how responsive the system was — the app switched between Flex and fullscreen modes with no delay.

There aren’t many apps that support Flex Mode at the moment, but Samsung said it’s working with developers to encourage adoption. One more thing the company did to make multitasking on the Fold 3 easier is add an option to pin the Edge panel on the side to get a taskbar-like experience a la Windows or Chrome. I can’t vouch for how useful this will be in the real world yet but I like the idea in theory.

Cherlynn Low / Engadget

To make the larger screen feel more immersive, Samsung used a new Under Display Camera (UDC) on the Fold 3 that camouflages the 4-megapixel sensor under some pixels. At least, that’s the theory. I was confused at first when I looked at the Fold 3’s main screen with a dark wallpaper and could clearly see the camera. Then I opened Google Maps and the small dark circle that’s the sensor disappeared under the blues and greens of the world. Well, sort of. There was still a ring of pixelation, but it was only obvious because I was looking for it.

The distortion is there because that part of the display has spaces between its pixels to let light through to the sensor underneath. It was noticeable in Maps, but less so in Chrome, where the top row of the screen was more evenly colored. I didn’t find it too distracting when I jumped between apps or browsed the Engadget website, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I got used to it over time.

The sample photos I got with the UDC were decent, although I’d still prefer using the main sensors on the other side of the Fold 3 for selfies or landscapes. This under-screen option is mostly there for video calls.

Updated screens and stronger build

Software and a UDC aren’t the only improvements to the Fold 3’s screens. Both the 7.6-inch interior display and the 6.2-inch external one now support adaptive 120Hz refresh rates. For the cover screen, that’s twice what it was before. The front panel is still somewhat low-res at 2,268 x 832, while the bigger one inside is 2,208 x 1,768. At least they’re both AMOLEDs. That means colors look richer, blacks are deeper and contrast ratios are higher than on LCD smartphones.

Cherlynn Low / Engadget

To support the S Pen, Samsung also redid the Fold 3’s display stack and added a Wacom layer. While it did that, it also used a new stretchable PET5 (Polyethylene terephthalate) material in the Fold 3’s factory-installed screen protector. Compared to its previous foldables, Samsung claims this screen is 80 percent more durable.

The Fold 3 also features a stronger build than previous versions, and for the first time since Samsung started selling foldables, this year’s Z-series phones are rated IPX8 for water resistance. I didn’t get to test this at our demo, but I appreciate the peace of mind that will give me when I inevitably get caught in the rain or accidentally spill water all over a review unit.

The company also used something it calls “Armor Aluminum” in the Fold 3’s frame and hinge. That’s “the strongest aluminum ever used on a Galaxy smartphone,” Samsung said. It also covered the Fold 3 in Gorilla Glass Victus, which it said is 50 percent hardier than what it used on its older devices. Again, I didn’t want to drop or scratch the demo unit under the watchful eyes of Samsung reps at my preview, so I can’t say how well these will withstand the bumps of daily life yet. But the hinge did feel sturdy as I opened and shut the device repeatedly. Plus, as I pushed my thumb into the middle of the edge to close the Fold 3, I didn’t feel like I was going to damage it.

Cherlynn Low / Engadget

Although it made the device more durable, Samsung was still able to shave off a few grams and millimeters. The Fold 3 weighs 271 grams (0.6 pounds) and measures 6.4mm (0.25 inches) thick, which is thinner and lighter than the Z Fold 2 (282 grams, 6.9mm). These are subtle enough differences that the new Fold doesn’t feel much smaller than its predecessor, but even an 11-gram weight loss can make it easier to use the device for longer.

A more noticeable change is the new slate of colors. The Fold 3 is available in silver, green or black, and my favorite of these is the green. It’s a muted forest green, unlike the pastel hue on the iPhone 12 or the understated jade of the Pixel 5. Compared to these shades, the Fold 3’s looked the classiest.

Wrap-up

Three generations in, Samsung has clearly learned a lot and the Z Fold 3, at least based on this preview, feels very refined. Plus, its lower starting price of $1,800 is more palatable than the Fold 2’s $2,000. But does that mean Samsung has perfected its foldable formula, and is the Fold 3 ready for the average consumer? Even at its new price, it’s probably still too expensive for most people. For early adopters curious about things like battery life and camera performance, I can’t gauge these till I can test the Fold 3 out in the real world. But for the first time since the original Fold, I can see a future where foldable phones will be embraced by a mainstream audience.

Follow all of the news from Samsung's Galaxy Unpacked event right here!

from Mike Granich https://www.engadget.com/galaxy-z-fold-3-hands-on-specs-price-available-now-140051893.html?src=rss

[screwtoddstevesherdaddynow]

California Heart

Chapter One: New There I was on a plane. First time ever, my anxiety was at an all time high along with the plane. But I have to give myself credit for doing this. I had to get through this first flight before I started college. I looked out the window and saw that the clouds were more translucent here than they were from the ground. Sitting back and taking a deep breath, I began to think about all the wonderful things my parents promised about this huge summer adventure. They kept referring to this as the summer I'd always remember. It's only the third of June and I'm ready for this all to be over. I just want to begin my first year at "". If I was to make my parents proud, I was to attend there and become the best "" I could be. Of course that's not my dream. It was the plan. You know that plan that parents selfishly come up with the day you step out of the womb. Okay maybe I'm overreacting but it's the truth. Ever since I could first walk and talk, dad had this plan for me to attend the school him and my mother attended. Follow his career path and fall madly and deeply in love with someone, whom later in life would drown his regretful sorrow with booze and the scent of second hand smoke from a gentleman's club. Not that my father does that. No instead it's the exact opposite. I cannot ever remember a moment where my parent were ever apart. As my thoughts were coming to me, I was interrupted by the voice coming from the front of the plane. "Attention passengers!" The flight attendant beamed. You could tell she's been doing this for years. Her smile was plastered to her face and the crows feet at her eyes were fairly aged. "Please put your seat belts on and prepare to land. We have made it to Los Angeles! As always thank you for choosing American Airlines." I clicked my seatbelt and took yet another deep breath. I made it safely. I made it to the city of angels. Now my next objective was to find my cousin Macy and make it back to her place in one piece. Not that I have too much to worry about. Macy was responsible. At least I hope she still is. I hadn't seen her in three years. Sure we talked and wrote back and forth. The occasional Skype sessions, as well as the Facebook Birthday posts. But other than that, nothing else. I know when she moved out to L.A., she did a complete 180 from who she originally was. Macy would tell me how everything seemed so at ease and that her life felt free finally. I believe that came from the irrationality of who her mother was. Don't get me wrong, I love my aunt Karen, but honestly she was a bit flighty. Mom said it was because her sister was born in a time where peace and love was all you needed. No structure. To put it into simple terms, aunt Karen was a pure hippie. Less pure than you'd hope, but nonetheless a hippie. And I was about to embark on a wild summer with her spawn. As I walked through the terminal and went to the luggage carousel, I couldn't help but feel some anxiety about Macy possibly forgetting to come get me and instead sending her recent man of interest and me fighting him off, so I don't smell like marijuana and stench of sweat mixed with some sort of essential oils. When I had my luggage in hand, I heard a loud whistle and whipped my head to the direction it was coming from. "Yoooohoooo! Leslie Marie!" There she was. Cut off shorts and her mesh halter top. Her skin perfectly tan and freckled from head to toe. Her sunny blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun. Her piercings still in tact and possibly a new one. I even was able to spot the tattoo she had on her forearm. It was our grandmother's name inside a glass heart. She walked over. I noticed something even more strange. From far away I hadn't noticed. "Macy! What is going on?" I was curious looking at her torso area. It looked a little stretched out and I had noticed that her naval piercing was missing. "Are you?!" "Duh! Leslie I'm preggers!" She laughed. Her laugh sounded exactly like her mom's laugh. Very loud and echoing through. "But wait, why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "I wanted you to find out in person. I'm only four months. Next month we find out the sex." Macy explained. "Who is the father?" I wanted to make sure she was in good hands. "His name is Greg. He is a chef at a vegetarian cafe and is totally cool." She noticed my curiosity. "We just got engaged and he's very good to me" "So I take we are having a shotgun wedding?" I smirked. Macy didn't appreciate it. She shrugged it off and changed the subject. "How was the flight? Aunt Faye said this was your first plane ride." She helped with my bags. "Other than the screaming children and the creepy older man staring at me, I'd say fairly well." I explained while following her. "Good. I promise to take good care of you. But please by all means, don't stay in. Go out. Have fun!" Macy was acting like a mother already. But not the kind that was motherly. More of the friend type. But I do appreciate that she's letting me stay with her. "Macy, thank you." I smiled. She smiled and we walked to the car. Once we had got to the car, there stood a man fairly thin, blonde hair that was done in what could only be a small faux hawk. He wore a pair of shorts, that had to cut the legs of pants off. A tank that had a picture of an avocado on it. Weird. As we were standing face to face, I could see his facial features were very prominent. His chin was perfectly square and he had simple as he smiled ear to ear. Green eyes that reminded me of wooded areas. This guy had the all American guy look. Not the pretentious guy, who is an all star quarterback that your parents told you about. He seemed like the kind that you would bring home to your parents. "Hi, I'm Greg." He smiled and reached his hand out to me. I took his hand and shook it. "Hello Greg, I'm Leslie." I left go of his hand. Greg nodded and picked my bags up to put in the trunk of the car. "You don't have to do that." "Oh no worries, it's my pleasure." He reassured me. "Oh don't mind him. Greg is from the mid west. Well Mid East from here." She snorted out a laugh. "Oh, which state?" I was actually interested. Go figure. "Kansas!" He said opening our doors for us. We sat down in the car and buckled in. Greg had started telling me about how he was raised and all of his childhood memories. He did have an interesting life for sure. Two older brothers and parents who loved helping others. A pet pig that was actually quite adorable. They shown me pictures. I'm proud of the man my cousin chose. He is such a gentleman to her and he absolutely loves and adores the little baby already. A plus in my book. My mouth dropped open a little when we pulled up to the house. It was very modern and if I must say, big. I didn't know Macy had this nice of a house, especially along the beach. She must've noticed my mouth, I heard her chuckle. This house though, all white with big glass windows. A balcony overlooking the streets. Fenced in yard with a garden on the left side of the house. There was a gate that opened up to let us in. "Oh did I mention that besides being a chef, Greg is a very talented musician." Macy said a matter of factly. "I'm not that great." He leaned over and kissed Macy. "I love your house!" I blurted out. They both laughed as we started getting out of the car. Greg got my bags, as Macy took my hand and lead me in. They took me to a room that was on the first floor. Right next to the living room and across from the kitchen. The room was eggshell white and had tapestries on the far wall. Big glass sliding doors that would let you out to the beach. The desk was handmade and you could tell. Not that it was crappy, but that it just that sort of charm. The bed was a queen sized bed, with bedding that was similar to the bedding we had at our grandmother's house. There was a shelf full of books that were alphabetically arranged. I was impressed. Macy outdone herself with this. She even had a picture of her and I from so long ago. It was in a wooden frame and had daisies painted on it. It was from when we were so very young and would spend our summers together with our grandparents in Florida. Macy must've noticed me looking intently at it. "You know, this is the first summer we will have spent together since she passed." I felt her arms around me for a hug. I squeezed her arm for the comfort and nodded. "The only woman that would believe we weren't troublemakers." I felt a tear on my cheek. "She would be the one to start the trouble at times." She laughed. I couldn't help but laugh with her. I turned around to hug her better. She whispered in my ear. "Maybe you a walk on the beach would clear your head." "That doesn't sound bad at all." I squeezed her a little tighter before I left go. She smiled and her Greg left the room. I started unpacking a little and put some more comfortable clothes on. Nothing fancy, a grey tee and some navy blue shorts. I left my flip flops by the bed as I walked toward the sliding doors. I pulled my hair back in a messy bun and headed towards the beach. Making my way towards the water, I saw many families just relaxing and having a grand time. Something inside made me wish it was ten years ago, on the beach in Daytona. I pushed those thoughts away and started trekking up the beach where the water kisses the sand. It was so peaceful and just a nice feeling knowing I was alone. At least I thought I was. I heard some one yelling somewhere behind me. I turned around quick, but not quick enough. "Look out!! Hey look out!" A manly voice yelled. "Huh?" I looked up and saw what he was talking about. I had a football flying towards me. Before I had a chance to react, I felt the slap of the pigskin on my face. Feeling my legs turn completely to hello for some reason, I fell to the ground. "Are you alright?!" I felt someone shake me. My eyes started opening slowly. "What happened?" I asked. Sitting up, I brushed myself off a little and looked at him. "By the way, I'm Leslie." "I'll be sure to remember that next time I see something hurdling towards you." He chuckled. "You got hit by my football. My friend threw it too hard and I wasn't gonna catch it in time." "Seems logical. But next time play something that won't hurt anyone." I joked. "You got it. Leslie is it? Are you alright? Do you need anything?" You could hear actual concern in his voice. "Just one thing. Who are you?" I started to get up from the sand. Brushed myself off some more. "My name? It's James. James Maslow." He smiled. Extending his hand, I took it and shook his hand. And just like that it's as if the pain in my head had disappeared. Like nothing happened at all. Chapter 2 is on its way!!

[marketingplaybook]

My 15 Facebook Ad Campaigns

I’m often asked for examples of how I use Facebook ads. Since I recently restructured my own campaigns, I thought it would be helpful to share the 15 Facebook ad campaigns that I’m running right now.

That doesn’t mean that these campaigns are perfect. Some will work, and some will fail. I’ll undoubtedly tweak, adjust, and create new campaigns in the very near future.

But this restructure gives you a behind-the-scenes look at what I’m thinking about when I’m creating my own campaigns.

Here we go…

Motivation Behind the Restructure

It’s far too easy to get stuck in your ways, particularly when things are working. I suspect that’s where I was recently when I decided to shuffle the deck a bit.

I had fallen in love with a few targeting methods. In particular, I was targeting my website visitors who spent the most time on my site. This was an all-purpose audience that was being used for multiple objectives.

A Facebook rep will tell you this is a bad idea. The know-it-all advertiser will tell you the same. “Too much overlap,” they say. “You compete with yourself in the auction.”

The truth? That targeting was awesome. I don’t care about “competing with myself” if it provides the results I want. And I was getting great results.

I stuck to that approach when writing my post about Delivery Insights. If you aren’t familiar with the new tool, it helps you see things like Auction Overlap.

Since I rarely target broad audiences like Interests and Lookalikes, I tend to have high Auction Overlap. And as stated above, that’s not necessarily bad in and of itself.

By doing so, I don’t drive up the price of my own auctions. Instead, Facebook prevents this by automatically removing targeted people in a poorer performing ad set when they show up in the same auction multiple times.

So as long as your targeted audience is deep and awesome, you’ll be fine. And that, at least, has been my explanation for using that approach.

But I’m not averse to change. And I also love experimenting. So I figured, why not? Let’s scrap everything and start over.

And I think regardless of where this goes, we all need to “scrap everything and start over” every now and then. It challenges your assumptions. It allows you to see from a different perspective. You gain knowledge.

Overview: My 15 Facebook Ad Campaigns

I’ll be honest: I don’t typically have 15 campaigns running at a time. But this exercise forced me to go there.

I wanted to be sure to cover every objective. But I was also conscious of not using the same audience too often.

That realization opened things up a bit. It allowed me to get a little creative with how I targeted people and when.

My end goal wasn’t to completely eliminate overlap. Overlap will surely continue to exist.

Instead, I wanted to avoid using the exact same audience in multiple ad sets. I wanted to leverage the most engaged for the bottom of the funnel while going after those lower-engaged users for the top of the funnel.

And that funnel is critical. I talk about it a lot. My central strategy is to drive people through this basic funnel:

Top: Consume Content

Middle: Provide an Email Address

Bottom: Purchase

The result is that I target a broader audience for the top of the funnel, getting more precise as we go down. I end up spending more money at the top than at the bottom.

Another reason this is my focus is because Facebook ads aren’t the end of the game for me. My primary goal with ads is to drive traffic and build my email list. My email list then does the bulk of the heavy lifting with selling.

Enough talking. Here’s a 1,000-foot view of my 15 Facebook ad campaigns…

In the grid above, I break this up by goal. The top group is driving traffic, the middle group is building my email list, and the bottom group is selling product.

Don’t be distracted by campaign objectives. I use the “Reach” objective to sell sometimes because I want to reach everyone within a very small, relevant audience (like those who registered for a specific webinar during the past 14 days).

In the grid, I give you the basics regarding the following:

What I’m promoting

Campaign objective

Targeted audience

Excluded audience

Daily budget

Just know that I’m leaving out A LOT from this grid. I wanted to be as concise as possible so that you could actually read it (even if you still need to squint a bit).

Now, let’s take a closer look at each step of the funnel…

My Funnel: Driving Traffic

I complicated my funnel in January when I started writing about the entrepreneur topic in addition to Facebook ads. As a result, we have to nearly double the budget and campaign creation.

In a typical week, I write two blog posts: One about Facebook advertising and one for entrepreneurs. I then promote those two posts for one week — until the next posts are published.

This is an ongoing process. So while an individual campaign will only last a week, the approach itself doesn’t stop. I’m always promoting two blog posts.

While I’m not a big fan of targeting Interests and Lookalike Audiences, I’m more willing to do so at the top of the funnel. This is actually the first time in a long time that I’ve done so while promoting my Facebook advertising content.

But I do need to utilize these audiences for promoting my entrepreneur blog posts. The reason is simple: My audience of people who have read my posts for entrepreneurs is still growing. It’s a fraction of those who have read my Facebook advertising posts. I need to go beyond that.

All blog posts for entrepreneurs have “entrepreneurs” in the URL; all blog posts on Facebook ads include “facebook” in the URL. That’s how I’m able to create Website Custom Audiences around visitors who read posts on a single topic.

Most of these campaigns are pretty basic. I just promote the post that I shared to my Facebook page where I shared that blog post. And I leverage that same ad for multiple ad sets.

But you’ll notice that my third campaign is a blog post carousel…

This carousel consists of 10 of my most popular and recent blog posts on Facebook ads. I target those who visited during the past 31-60 days (but not during the past 30). This is an attempt to re-engage those who haven’t visted lately, driving them deeper into my ads funnel.

There’s another, more complicated campaign that’s for my most recent subscribers…

This is one of a series of ads that people who are new to my email list will see. I’m not selling anything yet. Just introducing you to what I’m all about.

This is done with a little Infusionsoft tagging magic. We have some automation in place that detects a new subscriber (as opposed to a current subscriber who made another action). They are then tagged and put into a “New Subscriber” email campaign. When that campaign completes, that tag is removed.

I created a Custom Audience based on that New Subscriber tag, and it is synced using a third party tool. So as long as a user is tagged as a new subscriber (it’s a short period of time), they’ll be seeing these ads.

Once again, I want these new subscribers to click on more links. When they do, they’ll be added to audiences that will be targeted further down the funnel.

My Funnel: Building My List

As explained yesterday, my list is critical to the success of my business. And Facebook ads are a big part of how I build that list.

At this moment, there are three lead magnets driving my list-building efforts with Facebook ads:

Keys to Success Facebook Ads Webinar

Keys to Success Facebook Ads Video Series

What Now? Entreprenurship Webinar

The Keys to Success video series is currently only available via Facebook ads, and I started promoting it (with lots of success) beginning last Friday. I plan to also create a video series for entrepreneurs.

The webinars occur on a near monthly basis. I do take some months off here and there, but the Keys to Success webinar, in particular, will air seven more times this year.

For each webinar, I create two separate campaigns:

Campaign #1: Lead Generation Objective

Campaign #2: Conversions Objective

The first campaign utilizes Facebook lead ads, which keep people on Facebook via a lead ad form. The second sends users to a landing page on my website.

I’m often asked why I use both. Well, the truth is that there are advantages and disadvantages to each approach. I’m not ready to commit 100% to one. The results tend to be about the same for me, too.

Something else you may notice is that I have two different strategies for my webinars:

Ongoing: Target very recent website visitors

1 Week from Webinar: Target larger group

I want to focus on a small audience for most of the promotion of these webinars. In this case, only those who have visited during the past few days (excluding several groups, too). That way, those who don’t register won’t see these ads forever.

But that daily budget is modest, and I want to push registration as high as possible. So I’ll expand the audience for a week prior to the webinar start date. I’ve created all of those ad sets to run for my scheduled webinar dates for the rest of 2017.

My Funnel: Selling Product

Finally, I sell. As mentioned many times before, this isn’t my primary focus with Facebook ads. But I do sell as well, even though I dedicate the smallest proportion of budget here.

The reason why it gets the smallest budget is simple: The audience I target is largest at the top of the funnel and smallest at the bottom. To spend more, I’d need to expand the audience — making a sale less likely. I prefer to sell only to those most likely to buy.

In all, I have seven campaigns running to promote products. But the reality is that I only have five products to sell (at this moment):

Facebook Pixel 4-Week Training Program

Power Hitters Club – Basic

Power Hitters Club – Elite

Power Hitters Club – Entrepreneurs (CLOSED BETA)

One-on-Ones

So I’m promoting everything. I just don’t have a lot of products to sell.

Notice that in each case, I’m very careful to only sell to those most likely to buy that particular product.

Facebook Pixel Training Program: Those who registered for Keys to Success webinar or video series recently

PHC – Basic: Those who read a Facebook-related post on my website two times in the past 14 days

PHC – Elite: Those who read a Facebook-related post on my website three or more times in the past 14 days

PHC – Entrepreneurs: Those who are PHC – Elite members AND read an entrepreneurs post on my website

One-on-Ones: Those who are in the top 5% of time spent on my website during the past 30 days

I also created an “Abandoned Cart” ad for Power Hitters Club and the Facebook pixel training program.

Those who visit the landing page for one of these products during the past seven days but don’t convert will see this ad.

This is also where I’m much more likely to optimize for Reach. The reason is quite simple…

If I optimize for conversions, Facebook is going to show my ad to a small percentage of people within my targeted audience who are most likely to convert. While that’s typically acceptable (and even preferred), this isn’t what I want for a very small and relevant audience.

The abandoned cart audiences are tiny. I also want to reach ALL of those who registered for a recent webinar. No optimization needed, Facebook. Not in this case.

Your Turn

So these are the 15 campaigns that I’m running right now. As I said at the top, these campaigns aren’t perfect. The situation is fluid. I’m constantly tweaking, stopping campaigns and adding new ones. But this is a snapshot behind the curtain.

What campaigns are you running right now? What is your strategy?

Let me know in the comments below!

The post My 15 Facebook Ad Campaigns appeared first on Jon Loomer Digital.

[timothyakoonce]

My 15 Facebook Ad Campaigns

I’m often asked for examples of how I use Facebook ads. Since I recently restructured my own campaigns, I thought it would be helpful to share the 15 Facebook ad campaigns that I’m running right now.

That doesn’t mean that these campaigns are perfect. Some will work, and some will fail. I’ll undoubtedly tweak, adjust, and create new campaigns in the very near future.

But this restructure gives you a behind-the-scenes look at what I’m thinking about when I’m creating my own campaigns.

Here we go…

Motivation Behind the Restructure

It’s far too easy to get stuck in your ways, particularly when things are working. I suspect that’s where I was recently when I decided to shuffle the deck a bit.

I had fallen in love with a few targeting methods. In particular, I was targeting my website visitors who spent the most time on my site. This was an all-purpose audience that was being used for multiple objectives.

A Facebook rep will tell you this is a bad idea. The know-it-all advertiser will tell you the same. “Too much overlap,” they say. “You compete with yourself in the auction.”

The truth? That targeting was awesome. I don’t care about “competing with myself” if it provides the results I want. And I was getting great results.

I stuck to that approach when writing my post about Delivery Insights. If you aren’t familiar with the new tool, it helps you see things like Auction Overlap.

Since I rarely target broad audiences like Interests and Lookalikes, I tend to have high Auction Overlap. And as stated above, that’s not necessarily bad in and of itself.

By doing so, I don’t drive up the price of my own auctions. Instead, Facebook prevents this by automatically removing targeted people in a poorer performing ad set when they show up in the same auction multiple times.

So as long as your targeted audience is deep and awesome, you’ll be fine. And that, at least, has been my explanation for using that approach.

But I’m not averse to change. And I also love experimenting. So I figured, why not? Let’s scrap everything and start over.

And I think regardless of where this goes, we all need to “scrap everything and start over” every now and then. It challenges your assumptions. It allows you to see from a different perspective. You gain knowledge.

Overview: My 15 Facebook Ad Campaigns

I’ll be honest: I don’t typically have 15 campaigns running at a time. But this exercise forced me to go there.

I wanted to be sure to cover every objective. But I was also conscious of not using the same audience too often.

That realization opened things up a bit. It allowed me to get a little creative with how I targeted people and when.

My end goal wasn’t to completely eliminate overlap. Overlap will surely continue to exist.

Instead, I wanted to avoid using the exact same audience in multiple ad sets. I wanted to leverage the most engaged for the bottom of the funnel while going after those lower-engaged users for the top of the funnel.

And that funnel is critical. I talk about it a lot. My central strategy is to drive people through this basic funnel:

Top: Consume Content

Middle: Provide an Email Address

Bottom: Purchase

The result is that I target a broader audience for the top of the funnel, getting more precise as we go down. I end up spending more money at the top than at the bottom.

Another reason this is my focus is because Facebook ads aren’t the end of the game for me. My primary goal with ads is to drive traffic and build my email list. My email list then does the bulk of the heavy lifting with selling.

Enough talking. Here’s a 1,000-foot view of my 15 Facebook ad campaigns…

In the grid above, I break this up by goal. The top group is driving traffic, the middle group is building my email list, and the bottom group is selling product.

Don’t be distracted by campaign objectives. I use the “Reach” objective to sell sometimes because I want to reach everyone within a very small, relevant audience (like those who registered for a specific webinar during the past 14 days).

In the grid, I give you the basics regarding the following:

What I’m promoting

Campaign objective

Targeted audience

Excluded audience

Daily budget

Just know that I’m leaving out A LOT from this grid. I wanted to be as concise as possible so that you could actually read it (even if you still need to squint a bit).

Now, let’s take a closer look at each step of the funnel…

My Funnel: Driving Traffic

I complicated my funnel in January when I started writing about the entrepreneur topic in addition to Facebook ads. As a result, we have to nearly double the budget and campaign creation.

In a typical week, I write two blog posts: One about Facebook advertising and one for entrepreneurs. I then promote those two posts for one week — until the next posts are published.

This is an ongoing process. So while an individual campaign will only last a week, the approach itself doesn’t stop. I’m always promoting two blog posts.

While I’m not a big fan of targeting Interests and Lookalike Audiences, I’m more willing to do so at the top of the funnel. This is actually the first time in a long time that I’ve done so while promoting my Facebook advertising content.

But I do need to utilize these audiences for promoting my entrepreneur blog posts. The reason is simple: My audience of people who have read my posts for entrepreneurs is still growing. It’s a fraction of those who have read my Facebook advertising posts. I need to go beyond that.

All blog posts for entrepreneurs have “entrepreneurs” in the URL; all blog posts on Facebook ads include “facebook” in the URL. That’s how I’m able to create Website Custom Audiences around visitors who read posts on a single topic.

Most of these campaigns are pretty basic. I just promote the post that I shared to my Facebook page where I shared that blog post. And I leverage that same ad for multiple ad sets.

But you’ll notice that my third campaign is a blog post carousel…

This carousel consists of 10 of my most popular and recent blog posts on Facebook ads. I target those who visited during the past 31-60 days (but not during the past 30). This is an attempt to re-engage those who haven’t visted lately, driving them deeper into my ads funnel.

There’s another, more complicated campaign that’s for my most recent subscribers…

This is one of a series of ads that people who are new to my email list will see. I’m not selling anything yet. Just introducing you to what I’m all about.

This is done with a little Infusionsoft tagging magic. We have some automation in place that detects a new subscriber (as opposed to a current subscriber who made another action). They are then tagged and put into a “New Subscriber” email campaign. When that campaign completes, that tag is removed.

I created a Custom Audience based on that New Subscriber tag, and it is synced using a third party tool. So as long as a user is tagged as a new subscriber (it’s a short period of time), they’ll be seeing these ads.

Once again, I want these new subscribers to click on more links. When they do, they’ll be added to audiences that will be targeted further down the funnel.

My Funnel: Building My List

As explained yesterday, my list is critical to the success of my business. And Facebook ads are a big part of how I build that list.

At this moment, there are three lead magnets driving my list-building efforts with Facebook ads:

Keys to Success Facebook Ads Webinar

Keys to Success Facebook Ads Video Series

What Now? Entreprenurship Webinar

The Keys to Success video series is currently only available via Facebook ads, and I started promoting it (with lots of success) beginning last Friday. I plan to also create a video series for entrepreneurs.

The webinars occur on a near monthly basis. I do take some months off here and there, but the Keys to Success webinar, in particular, will air seven more times this year.

For each webinar, I create two separate campaigns:

Campaign #1: Lead Generation Objective

Campaign #2: Conversions Objective

The first campaign utilizes Facebook lead ads, which keep people on Facebook via a lead ad form. The second sends users to a landing page on my website.

I’m often asked why I use both. Well, the truth is that there are advantages and disadvantages to each approach. I’m not ready to commit 100% to one. The results tend to be about the same for me, too.

Something else you may notice is that I have two different strategies for my webinars:

Ongoing: Target very recent website visitors

1 Week from Webinar: Target larger group

I want to focus on a small audience for most of the promotion of these webinars. In this case, only those who have visited during the past few days (excluding several groups, too). That way, those who don’t register won’t see these ads forever.

But that daily budget is modest, and I want to push registration as high as possible. So I’ll expand the audience for a week prior to the webinar start date. I’ve created all of those ad sets to run for my scheduled webinar dates for the rest of 2017.

My Funnel: Selling Product

Finally, I sell. As mentioned many times before, this isn’t my primary focus with Facebook ads. But I do sell as well, even though I dedicate the smallest proportion of budget here.

The reason why it gets the smallest budget is simple: The audience I target is largest at the top of the funnel and smallest at the bottom. To spend more, I’d need to expand the audience — making a sale less likely. I prefer to sell only to those most likely to buy.

In all, I have seven campaigns running to promote products. But the reality is that I only have five products to sell (at this moment):

Facebook Pixel 4-Week Training Program

Power Hitters Club – Basic

Power Hitters Club – Elite

Power Hitters Club – Entrepreneurs (CLOSED BETA)

One-on-Ones

So I’m promoting everything. I just don’t have a lot of products to sell.

Notice that in each case, I’m very careful to only sell to those most likely to buy that particular product.

Facebook Pixel Training Program: Those who registered for Keys to Success webinar or video series recently

PHC – Basic: Those who read a Facebook-related post on my website two times in the past 14 days

PHC – Elite: Those who read a Facebook-related post on my website three or more times in the past 14 days

PHC – Entrepreneurs: Those who are PHC – Elite members AND read an entrepreneurs post on my website

One-on-Ones: Those who are in the top 5% of time spent on my website during the past 30 days

I also created an “Abandoned Cart” ad for Power Hitters Club and the Facebook pixel training program.

Those who visit the landing page for one of these products during the past seven days but don’t convert will see this ad.

This is also where I’m much more likely to optimize for Reach. The reason is quite simple…

If I optimize for conversions, Facebook is going to show my ad to a small percentage of people within my targeted audience who are most likely to convert. While that’s typically acceptable (and even preferred), this isn’t what I want for a very small and relevant audience.

The abandoned cart audiences are tiny. I also want to reach ALL of those who registered for a recent webinar. No optimization needed, Facebook. Not in this case.

Your Turn

So these are the 15 campaigns that I’m running right now. As I said at the top, these campaigns aren’t perfect. The situation is fluid. I’m constantly tweaking, stopping campaigns and adding new ones. But this is a snapshot behind the curtain.

What campaigns are you running right now? What is your strategy?

Let me know in the comments below!

The post My 15 Facebook Ad Campaigns appeared first on Jon Loomer Digital.

from Jon Loomer Digital https://www.jonloomer.com/2017/05/04/facebook-ad-campaigns/