#at least some people in the featherington family loves pen

[plumeriacosmos]

Kinda want a Polin AU where Finch and Dankworth thinks it is now their duty to be the men in Penelope’s life, and becomes overprotective brothers to Pen, so they try to intimidate Colin and “assess” him, but like Colin, who grew up with two insufferable older brothers, only raises an eyebrow with an amused smile. He’s mildly intimidated but like, this is also quite funny

[dollypopup]

so now that season 3 is done and dusted can we FINALLY admit that Colin got the WORST hand for his season, and in the entirety of the show? And about how people were so rude to Luke Newton (and continue to be) because he isn't excited to have been given absolute crumbs in the entirety of the season as a lead? Like look me in my eyes and tell me otherwise. No other character is just an accessory to their love interest like they made him be. No other character gets hardly any backstory or screentime, least of all in their own season.

here's some proof, if you don't believe me

SOURCE

Colin got 138 minutes of screentime in his own season. He didn't get much of any POV in previous ones, so comparing that to Pen's 168? And Anthony's 181? When Anthony and Pen were BOTH main characters with ample screentime in previous seasons before their own?

Yeah, paltry. Hell, Kate got 170 and Simon got 150. And they weren't the Bridgertons of their season.

In the episode titled after HIM, 'Romancing Mr. Bridgerton', Colin got. . .drumroll please. . .FOURTEEN minutes of screentime.

Fourteen.

One. Four. 14.

Viscount Who Loved Me? Anthony got 23. Kate got 22. Duke and I? Daphne got 35. Simon got 25.

Penelope got 20.

Colin got 14.

FOURTEEN.

There is never, not once in Season 3, a time when Colin, the Bridgerton of the season, got more screentime than Pen. Not. One. Time.

So, what exactly are we meant to think, then? Colin is the ONLY Bridgerton so far, and likely for the entirety of the series, to get less screentime in his own season than his love interest. Even if you say he IS the Love Interest, and Season 3 was Featherington instead of Bridgerton- he STILL got peanuts as he got the least screentime of ANY character thus far!!!

And it SHOWS!

What is Colin's narrative? Tell me. And how much of it DOESN'T serve Penelope's? What is JUST Colin's narrative?

His first heartbreak with Marina? Serves Penelope's story, as she had a hand in breaking them up.

His travels? Well, he even said Penelope was the one who inspired him, and we didn't get any insight into them, or POV of him having them.

His writing? And how much of that did we actually see him grapple with? How much screentime did it actually get? And in the end of it, it intertwines with Penelope ANYWAY because she becomes his editor.

His 'friends' in season 3 and suave personality? Well, the show said that since Penelope ghosted him, that was why he adopted that persona in the first place.

Colin is my FAVORITE character. I adore him, so do not take this as an attack on him, more so as a question and an indignation at how poorly he's been treated: because who even is he to this show? If you say that he's a character in his own right, you're lying. Colin exists as a prop in the confines of Bridgerton. He has no relationships that are allowed to exist outside of Penelope. His relationship with Eloise? In season 3, near all their conversations are about . . .? His entire family hardly responded to him on his travels, yet the only discussion about a lack of response is Penelope's. Part 1's narrative? Pursuing Penelope. Part 2's narrative? Accepting Penelope.

What about him? What about Colin?

Who are his friends? What are his interests other than being a 'wife guy'? What are his hobbies? When will we actually see them? What do we know about how he grew up? Why didn't we see him and Fran's relationship? Him with Hyacinth and Gregory? In the background, he's always watching over them, but there's never any weight to that in the narrative. Conversations with his mum about ANYTHING other than Penelope? Conversations with ANTHONY about anything other than Penelope?

Season 3 was meant to be HIS season- and what did he get out of it?

No wonder Luke Newton wants to be far away from it. Between the blatant ableism he's had to deal with (I won't forget how of everything, they chose a MAD LIBS interview where he's been open about having dyslexia, and Nicola has been open about being a former English major) and the lack of screentime and character development (near everything about him was told behind the scenes, Luke Newton is the ONLY reason Colin has any depth at all, since the writing denies it of him), hell, I'd be running far away. Especially with a fandom as rude as this one.

The show doesn't care about him and neither does this fandom. There's no fleshing out of his character. From jump we've only ever seen him as an extension of Penelope, and thus he only exists in Polin as an accessory. That's why people can say 'Oh, we'll get Polin S4!' and it's just conversations about Pen grappling with Lady Whistledown.

Colin's only narrative was to fall in love with Penelope. Now that he's there, what's his purpose? His role? To continue being an accessory to her.

Is Kate an accessory to Anthony? Is Anthony an accessory to Kate?

Was Daphne an accessory to Simon? Was Simon an accessory to Daphne?

You know damn well Benedict and Sophie won't be accessories to one another.

So why is Colin dealt this hand? Why is he the only one denied backstory? The only one denied personhood and depth? The only one who has to just exist to soak up his partner's light- indicating he's lesser than her?

The production has even said, flat out 'I don't think Colin's smart enough for Penelope'. They don't respect him as a character, and I don't think they respected Luke as an actor.

Colin got less screentime as a Bridgerton in his OWN SEASON than love interests in theirs. Don't say it's because he was already established- we got no POV for him in Season 1 or Season 2, so he's at a deficit, and now all the articles and conversations about Polin in Season 4 continue to be about Colin serving Penelope's story.

This fandom would gleefully replace him with a cardboard cutout or a sexy lamp and have no issues.

He deserved better.

WE deserved better.

[mrsmusic93]

My thoughts on S3 Part 2:

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

Negatives:

1. Yeah, still not enough Polin-scenes, not for being THE main couple/focus.

2. Ties into nr. 1 but too many sideplots and this goes for Part 1 as well. Benedict's storyline was entirely unnecessary, Mr and Mrs Mondrich also got too much screen time.

3. Two scenes felt *very* rushed to me. Colin going to his family and shouting "We're engaged!" like they've been courting for weeks. I know Violet knew but the others must've been like ???. Could've at least gone with "I've got some news" or smth.

Colin finding out about Pen being Lady Whistledown also felt incredibly rushed. No build-up when he finds her. I really liked how it was written in the book.

Now to the positives:

1. Their first time. It was really beautiful, tbh. No notes.

2. I LOVED the scene where Lady Danbury finally made up with her brother, mainly due to Adjoa's acting. She is fantastic.

3. The Featheringtons. Just their entire dynamic. I love Portia and the siblings building a better relationship with Pen.

4. The ending. It was REALLY cute. I look forward to seeing more Polin family in future seasons.

5. Anthony being Anthony. We knew he was competitive from the Pall-mall games but him shouting random names of flowers was hysterical.

Other:

I know this has been controversial(?) because people love Michael but I don't mind this change. There has already been many deviations from the book but I feel like they can still follow the main points of the book, even with a female love interest.

[quotergirl19]

Today’s Bridgerton season 3 speculation (during this ridiculously long & torturous wait) is the following since the show loves to torture us by placing obstacles between the main couple, I could see the Polin love storyline going something like this…

Colin returns to London with a new look, super vain and eccentric after his most recent travels, he’s oozing confidence and every eligible lady in London is dying for his attention because he’s not swearing off women anymore and they all want to land a Bridgerton.

Penelope has not spoken to Eloise in months and her former best friend has begun to humor Cressida Cowper at parties, even snickering at her mean spirited jabs at Penelope. Pen however is determined to avoid Colin and Eloise this season. She’s changed her look after Lady Danbury kindly suggested she work with her modiste to avoid popular dress styles in favor of styles that accent her figure because she liked Penelope. But Penelope has been a wallflower for so long she has a hard time finding her confidence and when Lady Danbury overhears Cressida loudly reminding a group of people that Colin Bridgerton announced how he’d never court Penelope Featherington to be cruel and humiliate Pen, the countess makes it a point to tell Colin he’s to blame for the humiliation Miss Featherington is enduring.

The ton is abuzz about Lady Tilly Arnold and how beautiful and kind she is. The young widow isn’t the diamond, because she’s been married but, she’s highly sought after by several lustful men interested in making her their mistress. Colin once again gets caught up by the frenzy of competition with other men for her favor, similar to how he blindly went after Marina. Only this time he makes it clear that he is a gentleman and not looking for a mistress, announcing to his mother and family that he intends to marry Tilly. Violet is upfront that she believes Tilly and Colin would not be a good match, she thinks he should court Penelope Featherington because she’s a lovely person and their friendship would make an exceptional foundation for a happy marriage. Colin is adamant that he will never marry Penelope. Eloise insists that she would not want Penelope for a sister but refuses to explain why they have ended their friendship and storms off. Violet makes it clear that she doesn’t think Colin should marry Tilly.

Colin realizes that his comments at Featherington ball not only hurt Penelope‘s feelings, they have also made it much harder for her to feel confident while she navigates the ton this season as she tried to find a husband, and since he genuinely misses his friend, he decides to help Pen. He’s encouraging to her and introduces her to some nice gentlemen he knows who are looking for wives. Penelope’s new look and confident behavior attracts some suitors but Colin is protective of her and deters the least desirable men. He frequently calls on Penelope and consistently dances with her at balls and parties but makes it a point to favor Tilly. When Pen leaves a ball in a non-Featherington carriage, Colin follows her worried that she’ll allow herself to be ruined to ensure she snags a husband and that it would be his fault. This is when he discovers she’s Whistledown and confronts her, he’s stunned and unsure if he can trust her but after a highly improper and open conversation, he confesses his own scandalous secret to her, telling her he knows she is better than the worst things she’s ever done. He also thanks her for being kind to Lady Tilly in her Whistledown column and Penelope assured him she’s been kind because Tilly is a kind and good person and she understands why he’s pursuing her. After that they are less formal with each other and their friendship has undeniably deepened. Polin are each others confidants and have become a team of sorts. Colin convinces Penelope to stop writing Whistledown before she’s discovered.

Colin starts calling on Penelope more and more often, so frequently that Lady Featherington starts leaving them unchaperoned, convinced he has nothing but brotherly affection for her daughter. Penelope still prefers Colin to any other man but knows she must stay focused on her suitors and find a husband because Colin wants to marry Tilly. But one afternoon when they were left alone, Colin kisses Penelope. The kiss is intense and heated but Penelope stops things because she’s sure Colin is just being an opportunistic man who would leap on any woman he was alone with. Penelope tells him he’s virtually engaged to Tilly and that he shouldn’t be kissing another woman. He apologizes but makes it clear that he wasn’t being opportunistic, he just couldn’t help himself because he finds her so beautiful and he feels there is passion between them. Penelope insists that she would never trap him so he has to stop because if her mother caught them kissing he would be forced to marry her which would ruin both their lives.

Penelope tries to put some distance between her and Colin to focus on her latest suitor who she’s become certain is about to propose but then her suitor is caught in a compromising situation with Lady Arnold and he and Tilly become betrothed. Colin is convinced Tilly and her new fiancé must be in love because Tilly is a proper lady and would not allow herself to be forced into a marriage. And since he has not been able to stop thinking of his kiss with Penelope, he proposes that they marry. Penelope is adamant that marrying for lust would be a bad idea and she wants to be someone’s first choice, not just the woman her friend settled for to save face when the woman he really wanted has chosen someone else.

Colin is not willing to take no for an answer so he forces Penelope’s hand by telling her mother that he kissed her. The ton is buzzing that Penelope trapped Colin because nobody is willing to believe he chose her after announcing he never wanted her and how publicly he courted Lady Tilly Arnold. The rumors are cruel with people speculating that Penelope must be pregnant for Colin to marry her. Colin notices that Eloise says nothing to stop Cressida’s lies and gossip and he tells her she should be ashamed of herself for standing by while her oldest friend is mocked and disrespected and insists that will have to change since Penelope is going to be her sister. With his mother’s help, Colin makes a spectacle of their wedding to silence the ton by making it clear that he chose Penelope and she did not trap him. They marry quickly and give in to their mutual lust for each other, finding that they are blissfully happy together until Tilly and her new husband return later in the season and Colin draws attention to himself by defaulting to spending time in Tilly’s company at a ball, causing scandal and bringing on more cruel comments from Cressida towards Penelope. This time however Eloise checks Cressida and accuses her of being jealous of Penelope because she’s worthy of the Bridgerton name while Cressida will never be considered anything but a bitch to the Bridgerton family.

Penelope is humiliated but manages to save face before fleeing the ball. Violet tries to comfort her and later tells Colin he’s a fool for his poor treatment of his wife. Even Eloise is disgusted with Colin who was of course oblivious because he thought he was just being friendly to Tilly and her new husband who was an old friend of Colin’s from school. When Colin tries to speak to Penelope she can’t hide her heartbreak. She pleads with Colin to try harder to respect his wife enough not to make such a spectacle of his obvious love for another woman in front of the ton. She devastates him by insisting that he should pretend to favor his own wife in public so Pen would not constantly be reminded that she allowed him to steal her chance to marry someone who would have chosen her first and could have actually loved her. She lets slip that Colin’s heart was as wasted on Marina and Tilly as her own heart has been wasted on him. She turns to leave after saying that for her love is nothing but a curse.

Seeing how deeply he’d hurt Penelope and how sure she was that he not only loved another woman, but that he always would and that he didn’t even deem her worthy of his love is like a knife in Colin’s heart. She was so sure that he would ever put her first, but none of that was true and he had to tell her. Colin tells Penelope he was only being kind to Tilly and her husband upon their return to town. And that yes, he once thought he loved Marina & Tilly, but he knows now that he didn’t. He explains to Pen that he liked them and he intended to marry them but he didn’t know what love was then. Colin confesses that he only knows what love is because of Penelope. Because she knows and understands him, that she sees past the facade of the perfect gentleman to the imperfect man he truly is. That he’s been a fool in the past but could never forgive himself if he didn’t make it clear that she’s the love of his life. That he belongs to her, body and soul. That his love for her didn’t stem from some stupid competition with other men. It started with friendship and grew with her every smile and witty comment, and the fire he felt when she was in his arms as they danced. He tells her that she’s the most beautiful and intelligent woman he’s ever known and that he feels pulled towards her every time they’re in a room together. That’s why he kissed her that first time only he hadn’t know it then but what he wants most in the world is to be the man worthy of her hand and her heart. That he doesn’t give a damn about the ton or society, titles or gossip, Marina or Tilly… he only cares about spending his life with his Penelope. His friend, his true love, his wife.

Epilogue: Penelope and Colin waking up together while traveling, a package has arrived and Penelope surprises her beloved husband with a keepsake she had made for him. Colin’s had allowed his wife to read his travel journals for a fuller understanding of his travels and she edited them into a travel book and had it elegantly bound in leather with an inscription to the love of her life and father to the lucky babe growing in her belly. And Colin couldn’t keep the tears from his eyes. Penelope was the source of everything good in his life. She’d given him her heart, and her hand and now she had given him his life’s purpose, caring for their growing family.

[shiningstardan]

R A N T : B R I D G E R T O N I S S O B O R I N G (S1 & S2)

Ok, So if you like Bridgerton and this comes across, please ignore it. I don't want to ruin your experience with the show. Alright?

Thanks, now I shall Raaaaaaaaant.

So, I want to start on a positive note, so:

Characters:

I love

Benedict Bridgerton: My gosh, this character DOES DESERVE it's own season. He is open minded, wants to discover the world, challenges himself by accessing new people, new environments, rediscovering how to navigate society. He is so interesting, I need more.

Penelope Featherington: The woman you are, starstruck by you friend, who doesn't notice you. Having to stand you horrible mother. I kinda like her relationship with her sisters (as little as we are shown). Bearing to wear those horrible yellow dresses. But being witty and playing the game. I love you, can't wait to see season 3, just for you.

Edwina Sharma: This girl is ready to face the world and she knows it. Yes, she trust Kate's judgement but other than that she is a diamond, she can talk, has manners, a sweet personality and was ready to do what was needed, since she thought Anthony loved her. You dserve the world (I don't know how her endgame I haven't finished season 2)

Ok... there, I got it out. All the things (Characters( I love from Bridgerton.

Now. to the things I hate!

I hate

Eloise Bridgerton: Horrible, I don't know where to start. I hate everything about Eloise. Does she have more than 1 personality? She is histrionic, and looks nervous and anxious, her mannerisms are very exaggerated. But at the same time, she is whiny and opinionated. What?

She changes personalities to give feminist opinions and to complaint to others but the second she needs to have another kind of interaction she is nervous and having a breakdown. Horrible.

She thinks she is soooo liberated and a feminist but she gets very misogynistic with Daphne and with other female protagonist. she is only Pen's friend when she needs to, but when Pen needs her, she is nowhere to be found.

She can't dance... Why? Why can't she dance? Aren't the Bridgertons expected to attend parties and meet the queen when their family is so prominent? That doesn't make sense...

She goes alone to the market on broad daylight. Isn't she suppoused to be the "intelligent one"? She should be disguised. I don't think that all the feminism in the world can help her from becoming a social pariah because of her recklessness.

Daphne Bridgerton: Daphne s sooo insufferable, her dialogs are lame, they don't make any sense. She raped Simon, what? And the show just... moves on... I don't feel any tension between her and Simon

Others

Portia Featherington - why? Just Why? I don't need to see so much of this woman on the screen. I feel neutral about her, but she has way too much screen time. It should be cut down and be made more efficient.

Some scenes I would re-shoot

Not in any particular order. This are just a list of scenes I have been thing were written and shot in a devastatingly bad way.

Eloise discovers where Lady Whistledown's leaflets are printed.

So, I hated every second of how this happended on screen,

I need Eloise to have a leaflet in a handbag 24/7 wherever she goes, why? well, she is obsessed with this, isn't she? she needs to discover who Whistledown is. So, imagine she buys the dog grooming leaflet, and recognizes the paper and excuses herself really quickly and compares the paper, there is a close-up from the camera to her eyes, and the leaflets and she sees the logo of the printer. Innovative? Hell no, but at least it would not be forgettable. A friend who actually likes this series didn't even remember this scene. AND SHE LIKES IT!

2. Cressida noticing that Daphne and Simon Kissed.

Why does Cressida tell Daphne she saw Simon and her kissing each other. WHY?? I need Cressida to rage about loosing the prince, needing fresh air, walk to the balcony and notice how Daphne and Simon get into the garden and then kiss. THANKS!

3. Queen charlotte investigating Lady Whistledown

Anything about this would be nice. Literally anything, but we just get crickets. 2 seasons and this is the most BORINg plot ever. Who is investigating? What information have they collected? How do they reduce the list of suspects? NO-THING.

4. Kate deserves more time

So, why do we get 1000 clips of Anthony's backststory and none from Kate. Especially when Anthony is so gaddamn insufferable. I Anthony is an idiot. Coming back to Kate, why does she need to go back to India? They said they had no money left, why can't she teach in England? Why is she so adamant on being single? Why doesn't she align more with Eloise f she want to die alone? But, she just tells her that life is going to be harder from them. Does Eloise change her opinion or reconsider her position? No. So what was the purpose of that scene? I think there should be more Kate and less whatever the show showed us. Less portia, less Mr Featherington, less Anthony.

In Conclusion

I kinda like bridgerton.

Correction, I kinda like what Bridgerton is trying to do, I like some of its ideas and I like some of its concepts. But why is it written in such a clunky way, shot so horribly (in terms of camerawork).

I won't talk about costumes because I will get an anneurism if I go down that route, more so when it comes to corsets and fit of the dresses. I can stand the fabrics and some accesories since they give more fantasy elements to the series but, corsets in this series are a hard no. Just Hollywood shoving down our throats the corset killer trope. BOOOORING

[crescentcampbell]

Wouldn't You Like to Know, ch. 10

Ten

            Marina was engaged. Engaged to the asshole that she’d cheated on him with. The whole thing made Colin sick to his stomach. That was the real reason he didn’t want to tell the press those pictures with Penelope weren’t real. He couldn’t film a movie and do a press tour with everyone asking about the photographer he had punched because of the lewd things they’d said about her. They had been together since they were teenagers, and had done two movies together. For a while, they’d been something of a popculture moment where everyone had wanted to know about them.

            The attention had gotten too much for Marina.       

            And she’d been in love with someone else the whole time. Something, he remembered, Whistledown Blast had said since the beginning. He’d been ignorant and because they’d outed Daphne and Simon’s relationship before she was about to marry the prince, he hadn’t been willing to listen. But now, Colin realized that the Whistledown Blast had been Penelope.

            And all Penelope had been doing had been helping people see the truth. They might not have liked it, but there was nothing the gossip account had said that hadn’t been true. Penelope had simply said things other people didn’t like to hear. Colin’s only problem was that she didn’t take credit for herself. He knew exactly why that was. Her domineering, overbearing mother. Which was why, after the news was released about Marina and Penelope, he decided to pay a visit to Portia Featherington.

            It wasn’t that hard, really. Portia lived in the penthouse above theirs, something she had always been immensely proud of. To the point it had caused some conflict between her and his mother in the past. Portia was from old money, but when her husband had stolen from the Bridgerton’s, they had nearly lost everything.

            Portia had eventually rebuilt the family fortune with a fashion line. But it was nowhere near as grand as it once had been. Still, she held onto the Featherington penthouse on the Upper East Side for dear life.

            Colin had gotten up early, grabbed coffee, then found himself at Portia Featherington’s penthouse. He knocked on the door. He was surprised when Penelope’s tall, long necked sister, Prudence Featherington, answered the door.

            “Oh! Colin!” she looked him up and down, scowling. “What are you doing here? I thought the Bridgerton’s vowed never to come here again. Or at least, your mother did.”

            He smirked. “I am here to put an end to that.”

            “An end to a family feud that has been going on for decades? Even when my father was in business with your mother?”

            Colin nodded. “Is your mother home? I brought her coffee. Black, exactly how she likes it.”

            “She’s in her study.”

            Prudence didn’t move. “You know, I was there, that day when you said what you said about asking Pen out because your mother made you. And I saw the pictures of you sneaking out from her apartment online. She took forever to be independent because of everyone turning against her, and she just started seeing someone recently. Don’t mess this up for her. I don’t want to see her in a dark place again like she was.”

            He tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean, Penelope’s seeing someone?”

            “She started seeing that guy she was friends with in high school that she never went out with because she was always too hung up on you. David Debling.”

            Colin clenched his jaw. He remembered David Debling. He had been the editor of the school newspaper, and had always been a little too pretentious for his own good. He’d never liked Colin, and Colin had never figured out why. “I didn’t know that. I only reconnected with Pen recently because of work. She’s Lulu Rochester’s assistant. I’m adapting her book into a movie.”

            “Don’t mess this up for her,” said Prudence, “she’s been alone long enough----punishing herself for whatever insult your family thinks that we did to you. She deserves to be happy.”

            “What are you talking about?” Colin said. “I never stopped talking to Pen. She stopped talking to me.”

            “Eloise told her to stay away from you all, like she was some kind of criminal. I know Penelope and I don’t always get on, but she’s still my sister, and I don’t like seeing her hurt. After Eloise stopped being her friend, she got really sad and really lonely there for a long time. It’s only been in the past few years she’s been able to get some confidence back. I don’t want you ruining that for her.”

            Colin clenched the cup of coffee he’d originally bought for Portia. Maybe Eloise was right. Getting involved with Penelope was a bad idea. But hadn’t his mother always told him that the Featherington’s lived for drama? “Actually, forget it. I made a mistake.”

            Prudence smiled triumphantly. “Good.”

            He shook his head and left. Before he did anything, he was going to have to talk with Penelope. The Featherington’s thrived on drama. He had no way of knowing if this was only Prudence’s way of trying to start something. But he needed to sort things out with Penelope first, before he went through the trouble of trying to keep Portia from starting her own.

[its-been-you-all-along]

so the viscount who loved me isn’t only my favourite Bridgerton book it’s one of my favourite books of all time buuuut I am also a huge tv fan and know some time literature doesn’t hand itself to a literal play by play so here is what I liked about the TV show but *missed* from the book…

Liked About TV show:

- Simone and Jonathan - I am sorry but those people have chemistry with a capital everything. If you do not agree give me the number to your optician/eye doctor and I will make a personal call on your behalf. The scenes they had, the near kisses, the actual kisses, the dances it was truly all EXQUISITE.

- The bee scene - what they did with it was SUPERIOR in the show. I like how TV!Kanthony didn’t have a marriage of duty.

- SOME Edwina changes - now I HATE a love triangle even if I know how it will turn out HOWEVER I wasn’t entirely mad at the direction they decided to use Edwina as it gave her more substance… there is a big BUT… her actually loving Anthony 🥴 her being vile to Kate when she realised they were infatuated with each other(she’s supposed to see it herself!)😷 how long the engagement went on for 😑

-The accident! When Anthony screamed for Kate- cut my HEART OUT, blaming himself🥺

-Anthony desire to wed being bound by his duty to his family and refusing to love because of the dismay it caused his family not to his fear of never surpassing his father- I get this is a point a lot of people feel is important in the book and I agree it’s a massive part of TVWLM and I love it. But I didn’t actually mind the switch of the TV show- I thought it was well done to keep the theme of Anthony’s view on how he must protect his family without the fear of dying and feeling like he left a person who loved him as much as Violet loved Edmund behind. I personally didn’t mind it!

-Pall Mall! The Mud Scene- god I loved it - I do wish Simon would’ve been there I love the banter between them all but I am hopeful for season 3 Pall Mall scene from the extended epilogue after Pen/Colin story if they are going in book order.

-A small one that’s not really of much worth but the fact Anthony VOICED THE LINE “you are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires” !!!! OUT LOUD !!!! TO KATE !!!

What I missed:

-Like everyone, the library scene 🥲 I didn’t need the entirety of that back story to play out like it did in the book (I.E. going to Mary and asking about why) but I wanted to see soft Anthony comforter Kate at her hour of need.

-The friendship aspect - again, Simone and Jonathan were INCREDIBLE but if they had cut out half the shite about The Featherington’s, Whistledown & even Eloise’s side plot at times we would’ve gotten much more of opportunity to build up that side of things.

-Edwina’s reaction/treatment of Kate - as aforementioned above wasn’t the biggest fan of this- yes she came round in the end but she shouldn’t have come round at all she should’ve seen it for herself.

-Lack of Newton 🥺 where was my mans walks 😭

-Lack of domesticity Anthony/Kate- I am hoping this is because Simone and Jonathan have announced they are staying in for future seasons so we’re going to get more goodness of them throughout the next at least 2 seasons but I wished we had at least more that the short epilogue we got- just one episode between Pall Mall take 2 & the engagement. Anthony being bored without Kate and coming home early, the sofa room scene?? Come on we could’ve got a few more spicy times 😂

All in all they did deviate from the books an awful lot but I still enjoyed it profusely! I can appreciate both forms and love them. Whatever it was I am still a Kanthony stan account now and forever amen.

[sofwrites]

Each other's biggest ally

Polin Week Day 1: Favorite Quote

“No, his method of attack was a lazy smile, a well-timed joke. If Colin ever lost his temper...

Penelope shook her head slightly, unable even to fathom it. Colin would never lose his temper. At least not in front of her. He'd have to be really, truly—no, profoundly —upset to lose his temper. And that kind of fury could only be sparked by someone you really, truly, profoundly cared about.” - Romancing Mister Bridgerton, pg. 64

The one where Colin profoundly cared and had no choice but to lose his temper.

Type: One-shot, angst, sentimentalism, protective/mywife!Colin, protectective/myhusband!Penelope

Length: 3.3k

Read on ao3! Or continue under the cut

In the late months of the year 1825, Penelope Featherington Bridgerton published her debut novel titled The Wallflower. And in the early months of the year 1826, she relished in the praise of her work and suffered in the consequences of her now-public identity.

The response to her book was generally positive. Whether or not they were willing to admit it, the members of the ton were eager to uncover the scathing details surrounding Mrs. Bridgerton’s former pen name. They devoured the secrets hidden between the lines of the pages- forming their own conclusions and theories of what was fact and what was fiction.

It seemed that after many years of Penelope appearing to be invisible, the gravity of her voice was finally truly understood.

But as in all life, there were complications as well.

One gentleman in particular was quick to make his discontent known, and it was all due to just one short excerpt.

Although Beatrice did not befriend even half of the ton, she had made the acquaintance of nearly everyone at one point. And though they never realized, she scrutinized them almost as much as they disregarded her.

Even with her close examinations, she generally liked the people she met. There were bores, many in fact, as well as those with whom conversation could rarely be carried, but most were reasonably pleasant. There were exceptions, however, as there always are. One such exception was as follows:

It is an earlier season for Beatrice, one still full of wonder and disillusioned hope. She looks at the dancefloor with wistfulness in her eyes, dreaming, praying that her prince charming will notice her from across the room and ask her to take his arm.

He does not, of course. His mind is still focused fully on the small group that surrounds him, drawn to him like a shining star amongst the thinly veiled candlelight. Although the music is certainly too loud and the conversations too many, our heroine can perfectly hear his laughter through the crowded ballroom. She can hear it because she knows it better than she knows her own.

Later that evening, he’ll ask her to dance. He’ll remember her minuscule presence in his life, likely prodded by a sharp finger to his spine and a voice carrying a gentle reminder. And even though she knows why he will do so, knows that it is due to a kind sense of duty rather than true desire, she will cherish it all the same.

Right now, however, Beatrice remains at the edge of the dancefloor, her silent woes interrupted by the familiar voice of her mother.

“Beatrice, dear, this is Mr. Wetherden. Mr. Wetherden, I present to you my daughter, Beatrice Harpenton.”

Another bachelor, this one ranking second-tier rather than third. Her mother seems to have given her more credit this evening, Beatrice thinks as she looks at the familiar face.

The introduction is an unnecessary formality, of course, as are many of their rules; they were made acquaintances during her first season. Nonetheless, society calls for her to curtsy and give a gracious smile, and she obliges.

At the same time, he assesses her similarly to how he did so a few years before. And she sees it immediately, the dismissal that passes over his eyes even before he fully bends into his low bow.

Her mother leaves them to it- the stifled conversation in an even more stifling ballroom. The unfortunate girl in the canary-colored dress stands on the sidelines, trapped in conversation with yet another uninterested bachelor who is just as much forced upon her as she is on him.

He speaks endlessly, unquestionably more for his benefit than hers. He spends fourteen minutes explaining the difference between rugby and football. She suppresses three yawns and is interrupted twenty-six times throughout the topic, clearly expected to be an audience member rather than a participant.

At this time, she thinks this is Mr. Wetherden’s worst offense. Later on, when she is years older, Beatrice discovers that she was sorely mistaken in her youth. That without the cautionary lights of London (albeit often cloudy and forgiving), he is much worse.

She later on learns about his propensity to unwilling women. To frightened young housemaids who are often not given the options that women of a higher class are granted.

Our heroine also finds out later exactly how commonplace such a tendency is. And with it, her vision of social seasons- the one with balls and picnics and musicales- begins to splinter.

Penelope hadn’t named him, of course. She hadn’t named anyone directly.

She couldn’t publish a memoir, not really. Even though she was related to a fine variation of important characters in society, she couldn’t put such a strain on her family, and particularly not on her husband. Her husband, her lovely, amazing husband who supported her through the entire process even despite the fact that so much of their own private history was laid out in the pages of her novel. Penelope had written the truth, which hadn’t been entirely pretty. But Colin had agreed with her that the truth was more important than sheltering their secrets.

But even though she couldn’t publish a direct recounting of her life and experiences with the ton, she’d been unwilling to just hide behind fabricated stories.

Penelope’s telling of that night at the ball wasn’t completely factual. She did not know how many times Phillip Cavender interrupted her during their conversation, nor whether or not Colin had even been present that evening. But the details of the matter weren’t as important to her as shedding light on the entire situation.

She’d been young and naive during her first few seasons, believing that a few nasty comments and looks were really the worst of what society had to offer. Later on, she’d found out that she had been wrong, and that there was much worse than she’d ever known. And when her sister-in-law, Sophie, had recounted the night she and Benedict had met (well, met again), Penelope knew that she had to shed light on the matter. She had to make it clear what happened outside of the fancy dresses and giggling parties.

But as mentioned, such decisions did not come without their objections.

“Thank God, they’re leaving.”

The words came from just a few feet behind them, full of indignancy and bitterness. The couple had been walking together, arm-in-arm, towards the door, quite eager to return home for the evening.

They’d been attending an intimate house party at the request of the gentleman’s mother. She’d been unable to make her attendance that evening and had asked that her son and his wife go in her stead. They hadn’t been particularly excited about the prospect, but they’d agreed for her.

The party itself hadn’t been bad. The food was good, the music was pleasant, and almost everyone in attendance had offered the woman praise for her work. Though they hadn’t exactly been excited to attend, the evening hadn’t been at all poor.

That was, until they’d been nearing the exit and heard the troublesome remark behind them.

Colin glanced down at his wife, who grimaced, her nose scrunching as her eyes closed. They’d been met with a number of sneers and snide comments in the last few weeks, but they never became easier to hear.

With a small sigh, he turned them both around, looking directly at the man holding a glass of port too large and wearing a lip too curled.

Colin gave him a smile, the familiar one he used whenever he was looking at something that both irritated and mildly amused him. “Didn’t see you there, Cavender. So nice of you to offer us a sendoff.”

The opposing man’s mouth turned downwards, a stark contrast to the grin still on Colin’s face. Penelope swallowed, quickly cutting in. “We really must be getting home.”

With a pointed look directed towards her husband, she began pulling him back towards the door. Though Penelope would have loved to see Phillip Cavender get put into his place, she knew far better than to spar with a man holding a petty vendetta.

But before they’d even fully turned around, there was a mocking bark of laughter, followed by a slight slurring of words. “You do everything she tells you then? Follow her around like a lapdog?”

This time, Colin’s brow lifted ever so slightly, the same half-smile still imprinted on his lips. Penelope felt an uncomfortable heat rising up her neck as she reluctantly turned from the door again.

“If it means getting to share my life with this incredible woman,” Colin sent her a small wink before shrugging, “Then, by all means, call me a lapdog.”

There was some tittering around them by the small audience they’d attracted. With a quick glance, Penelope could see the angry lurch in Cavender’s throat, the narrowing of his eyes, the twitching of his fingers as they tightened around his glass.

Please, just let it go. Let us just leave and go home.

But he didn’t. Of course, he didn’t.

“I know what lies she’s spread about me.”

“Oh?” Colin’s face took on a thoughtful expression, one that might have been convincing in any other circumstance. “I don’t recall ever hearing my wife mentioning you.”

Cavender’s glare deepened. “In that bloody book of hers.”

Penelope cringed inwardly as she felt the twitch of Colin’s hand in hers. Her eyes darted around the room as an overwhelming sense of dread engulfed her. The ballroom was small and the guests were bored, and a public row was certainly enough to draw a crowd- one that was full of prying eyes and listening ears.

Colin’s face remained the picture of serenity even though Penelope could sense the angry heat rising from him. It was something she could feel in him that others always missed, a secret fire that he did so well in masking.

Looking at the other man, Colin let out a sigh, one that was forcibly tired, as though he were speaking down to an overly emotional child. “I can assure you that all the characters in my wife’s novel were fabricated. And if you saw yourself in one of the less attractive personages, then I’d venture to say that such is simply a reflection of your own self-image.”

The whispers around them grew, and Cavender sputtered for a moment, clearly caught off guard by the easy taunt. But his surprise only lasted a moment before he hardened once more.

A man with a petty vendetta did not often allow himself to be diverted.

His eyes flickered to Penelope before they returned to Colin and he sneered. “You realize that she’s made you out to be an ass, don’t you? You can act high and mighty, Bridgerton, but the wife you so proudly boast has fashioned you into the biggest fool in all of London.”

It was at this jab that Penelope frowned, feeling her own prickle of anger. And for the first time in the nasty exchange, she turned directly to their shared foe, a hard, determined look set on her face. “Excuse me, Mr. Cavender, but I must ask that you don’t speak to my husband that way.”

She could almost see his eyes flash in fury as they set themselves on her. But before he could give the biting retort that was no doubt resting on his tongue-

“And I’d suggest that you consult a dictionary to properly understand the concept of fiction.” Colin’s tone was relaxed, just a sprinkle of mocking mixed into it. But Penelope could feel the tension in him, the protective edge that mirrored her own.

Cavender’s gaze shifted back to Colin, his rage appearing a bit more controlled as they listened to the snickering that surrounded them. Slowly, his mouth thinned into a tight line, and he took a step closer to the couple. By instinct, Colin angled himself in front of Penelope as her grip on his hand tightened.

He was just a few feet away from them when he finally spoke, a voice so low that it was barely audible over the murmurs. “And I’d recommend that you consider taking yourself and that bitch of a wife,” his eyes darted to Penelope for a moment, “out of town.”

And it was this comment that wiped the smile completely off of Colin’s face, along with any attempt of levity.

It was as if a chill had passed over, one that was both icy and burning at the same time. He stiffened like a board, a wave of unmistakable anger coming over him. And when his words came, they were low and even, colder than anyone had ever thought possible from Colin Bridgerton.

“You would do well to avoid threatening my family, Cavender.”

Though there was a slight tinge of red on his face, Phillip Cavender did not retreat. Instead, he took another step forward. “And why is that, Bridgerton?”

Penelope could see the muscles in Colin’s jaw moving from where she was angled, could practically feel the heat radiating off of his body. She’d seen him angry before, furious even, but this was different. This was so much more.

She wasn’t frightened, not by Colin nor by the man standing across from them. Fright was not why she wanted this to stop.

She didn’t want her husband’s anger to be made into a form of entertainment at a party. For him to have to serve the role of gallant protector whenever she upset someone. So, she attempted to silently will him to calm down, running a featherlight thumb across the surface of his hand.

But Colin wanted to finish what they’d started and instead let go of her and took his own step forward, almost shielding her completely.

“I think we all know that I have more than enough relatives to run you out of town,” he said, eyes locked on Cavender.

There was a flash of worry that crossed his face, but it was quickly forced away by a snort. “Is that meant to scare me? The threat of a duke and a viscount?”

Colin didn’t falter. Instead, his head tilted as he considered the man, considered the shaking fingers and the smell of alcohol on his breath. He’d never been a violent man by nature, even having grown up with two older brothers. He preferred words when he fought, and they almost always gave him his victories. He wasn’t opposed to physical repercussions, but he knew that a private gathering was not the place or time.

He looked Cavender directly in the eyes, speaking in a low, clear voice. “I will ensure that you are ruined, that is a promise.”

And because he couldn’t help himself, “And if that is not enough, be rest assured that we will do worse. My only qualm in doing it myself is that my brother would be disappointed he wasn’t able to help.”

There was a silence in the room that followed as Cavender glowered at him. His eyes darkened in fury as his face reddened, trying to figure out how far Colin could really go.

But there was something in Colin’s threat that didn’t allow for any consideration that he might have been exaggerating. Perhaps it was the definitive and resolute tone in his voice, or the strength behind his gaze, or the tight set of his jaw.

Or perhaps it was because Colin Bridgerton wasn’t the type to quicken to anger. Wasn’t the type to have a temper or even hint at unpleasantry.

Whatever it was, it made Cavender finally break eye contact and step back. He turned away, taking another large swig of port.

Colin could hear the pounding in his ears as he looked at the pathetic man, anger still coursing through him. But then he felt a warm hand lace through his, and the red glare of the world began melting away. Penelope was whispering something, her voice calm and soothing. He squeezed her hand in understanding but kept his gaze on Cavender.

There was a familiar casualness when Colin spoke this time, but it was threaded with venom. “Do not forget what I’ve said.”

And with that, he turned to his wife and pressed a kiss into her hair.

“Good night,” Penelope nodded to the remainder of the crowd, who finally had the decency to look away.

A few minutes later, when they were finally in a carriage returning to their home, Penelope sighed. With her eyes glued to her skirts, she whispered, “I’m so sorry, Colin.”

He looked at her thoughtfully, taking in a deep inhale of breath.

He’d been scared after the reveal of her identity, terrified even. There were evenings where he’d lie awake in bed and imagine all of the awful things that could happen to the person who was his entire world. And though they never spoke of such worries aloud, he knew that she was just as aware as he was.

Italy had been like taking a deep breath after being underwater for too long. There, no one cared or knew, and the only threat they faced was the harsh sun.

And then Penelope was pregnant, and a new light was added to his life, one that shifted his fears elsewhere.

Then they became a family of three, and Colin was thrilled. He still worried, of course, but his joy outweighed everything else.

Old wounds had been reopened in the recent weeks, that was for certain. But it did not mean that he blamed Penelope for them.

So, Colin pulled her into his side and tucked her head under his chin. “You have nothing to apologize for. We both agreed that you did the right thing.”

For a few moments, she said nothing, just listened to the sound of his heartbeat and the wheels on cobblestones. And though he couldn’t see her, Colin could sense in the silence that she was crying. Wordlessly, he handed her a handkerchief.

Penelope dabbed at her eyes a few times before leaning back to look at him. “I didn’t want to force you into this position.”

He smiled and lifted a hand to stroke her cheek, feeling the familiar warmth of her skin. “I watch you every day with nothing but awe, Penelope. I love you, I’m proud of you. And I will gladly stand by you through anything.”

Her eyes moved slowly as they crossed his face, searching for any hesitance. There was none, not even a hint of resistance.

Instead, there was so much love that it overwhelmed her, struck her with the same shock that it had years before. It was a love that mirrored her own, a fierce desire to protect and support another with as much reverence as one did for themself. It was one that never faltered even in the most difficult of times.

Her eyes were glossy when her hand reached up to meet his, and the smile on her lips was weak but true. “I love you so much. And I can’t believe that I’ve become so lucky in my life to have you by my side.”

And with that, they settled into their drive home, sharing whispered conversations and watery chuckles.

They still had a long road ahead of them, of that they were sure. But they knew that they would cross it together.

[probablydaydreaming]

Don't know how i've somehow ended up watching bridgerton, the most heterosexual show i've watched in a long time and that's saying something, but here i am. it's kind of terrible but good at the same time. thought one of the brothers was gonna be bi but doesn't seem like it. also went through the bridgerton tag out of curiosity and like there were more straight people there than i've seen on tumblr in a while. by which i mean i saw ppl who were 100% straight talking about the issues with lgbt rep on the show and talking on behalf of lgbt fans, which is fine but some of them were saying stuff about how they don't want this or this character to be queer because it would risk the w/m storyline from the book (i never understand stuff like this because queer people can be in w/m relationships). Read one thing where someone said they wanted the character to remain straight or 'at least bisexual', lol. I love being 'at least bisexual'. don't really understand how making one main character queer, especially in a way where they can still end up in the relationship from the book, takes away from straight ppl when the whole show is the straightest thing ever but you know. this is why i don;t get involved in fandoms or go through fandom tags, im sure most ppl are great but imma manage to find something to annoy me lol. i love the dresses on this show tho. and i really liked kate but the whole will they won't they with the older brother got annoying after a while. i really like pen and colin as well, think they'll be cute when they get together but also kind of want pen to have a romance with someone else first who sees her straight away, though given what kind of show this is and the whole ruin thing i know that's not gonna happen lol. I like eloise aswell but she was kind of annoying to me a bit in the second season. i also wish that girl that colin was into in the first season was in the second season more because i actually found her to be one of the most interesting characters in the show. also wtf is happening in the featherington family

[pensbridgrton]

okay one thing I hope they explore in season 4 is also how Pen wrote such horrible stuff about herself too as Whistledown. I would love to see Colin (and the other Bridgerton's maybe even Portia) realize how low her self-esteem was and be really upset by it so they go out of their way to show her how much they care.

i’ve seen a couple of fics tackle this and i’ve enjoyed them, but for whatever reason... i can’t say i want to see it heavily emphasized in canon. i think it’s because i’ve always interpreted penelope’s descriptions of herself as kind of... “this is how society sees me, let me just lean into it to keep my own identity a secret.” like an empowerment through subverting expectations, if that makes sense. she knows how people view her (and resents it, i think) but doesn’t have enough courage to speak up for herself... so just uses lady whistledown to do it instead.

now obviously, she definitely has insecurities but i always felt RMB was really about penelope growing into herself and realizing that it didn’t matter what people thought of her, and danbury and colin giving her the courage and inspiring her to speak up for herself. like she never thought badly about herself (other than in relation to colin and his feelings) but rather was just so painfully shy, she struggled to actually speak her mind. 

and i dunno i’m not explaining this well i think - i wouldn’t mind if this was approached in canon (and obviously colin has to spend some time talking about how gorgeous she is/how much he loves her, but that’s a given for any romance) but i really do think they’re going to emphasize more of the damage penelope causes with lady whistledown and the risk posed by being exposed. they may tackle how terrible the featheringtons are to her, but personally i don’t think we’ve seen (at least from what i remember from s1 and apparently my memory’s shit lately) enough to suggest that penelope has low self-worth. she’s shy and doesn’t think she’ll ever end up with colin, but she doesn’t address her own appearance (other than yellow dresses)... again, i haven’t rewatched in months, but i don’t think penelope’s descriptions of herself are really that bad (other than exposing her family of course) and usually relate to how she’s dressed. 

EDIT: i posted this, and then someone posted this quote from RMB which summarizes everything better than i could:

Deep inside, she knew who she was, and that person was smart and kind and often even funny, but somehow her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong thing or, more often, nothing at all.

[invisibleinorange]

Swelter Weather  | 7/?

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: M Warnings: None at this point. Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Marina Thompson/Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane, Kate Sheffield/Anthony Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Hastings Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Phillip Crane, Benedict Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin

Summary: Colin Bridgerton is weary from travel and decides to spend the summer at the Aubrey Hall. While his initial plans were to avoid his perfect family, he ends up sharing the house with Eloise and Penelope. This is a Modern AU!

If it weren’t for the fact it would have disturbed the warm, soft body curled into to him, Colin wouldn’t have hesitated to get up and shut the curtains to stop the sun from filling his room.  He had zero interest in leaving his room or her though.

It was the strangest thing.  He’d never really craved someone’s company as much as hers. There had been people who had inspired less than gentlemanly thoughts in him.  There were many times he’d considered giving into those desires but not once had he wanted more than those things with those other women.

He wanted everything with Penelope and that was why he’d forced himself to take a step back, to make sure that he was doing things the right way with her.  He couldn’t possibly be happier than he was to hold her tight or listen to the little sounds she made in her sleep.

He’d always thought she was beautiful but seeing her at peace, lost in dreams only made him think her more beautiful. He dare say she was the most beautiful person in the world and she was his.  The novelty of the thought of it hadn’t worn off nor did he think that it ever would.

He was admittedly a little nervous about how Eloise might react to the news that they were together but he knew things would be okay. Eloise would come around. She always did.

He pushed all thoughts of his sister from his mind as he buried his face into Penelope’s messy red curls, closing his eyes as if to push away the morning and extend this bliss a little longer.

He smiled when he saw her eyes flicker open and her own tired smile form across her face.  Penelope wasn’t shy about snuggling into him all the more.  It was funny how intimate they could be despite the fact he hadn’t let them complete intimacy.

“Do you think Eloise would buy me still feeling ill and us needing to stay in here all day?” she murmured quietly.

“Not a chance,” he told her with a laugh.  Eloise definitely wouldn’t just leave them be unless she was explicitly told to.

Neither of them were any particular hurry to get up.  Colin knew his stomach would eventually betray him and demand breakfast would strike but for now, he just wanted to savor the moment.

In fact, he was pretty sure he could smell bacon permeating from the kitchen. Normally that would have sent him wandering down to try and get first dibs but times were changing.  His desire to keep cuddling Penelope trumped any food craving.

“I can’t believe she’s already up,” Penelope murmured, apparently smelling the bacon too. She sighed at the thought they were probably going to have to get up and show their face downstairs. “She’s not even a morning person.”

“I could always go down and make a big plate,” Colin said after a moment.  “Breakfast in bed?... All day in bed with me.”

“I’d be crazy to say no to that,”  she murmured leaning to steal a kiss before he could get up, which honestly made him not want to get up. He pushed himself up and out from under the comforter with a sigh.

Eloise was going to have to deal with him coming down in pajama bottoms and no shirt.  This was as dressed as he was going to get.

“You just stay right there,” he said with a grin. “I’ll deal with Eloise.”

--

Colin fully intended to grab a plate of food and tell Eloise to find something else to do today.  He had the whole thing prepared in his head, carefully crafted to deal and then escape back to his blissful little bubble.

His mind went blank when he made it down the kitchen and didn’t just fine his sister.  His eyes widened slightly at the sight of Phillip helping her make breakfast.

He watched for a long moment, trying to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating things. Phillip was a little bit too comfortable for his liking and the protective older brother in him debated whether he ought to punch his friend or start asking questions.

He cleared his throat loudly, an act he hoped to split up whatever was happening.  Eloise didn’t even have the modesty to look embarrassed by this whole thing though.

“How’s Pen?” she asked a little too casually. “Still feeling under the weather?”

The mention of Penelope did bring his mission back to mind. He was supposed to be grabbing plates and heading back up stairs.  His mind was flailing trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to be doing at this point.

“- I was coming to get her a plate,”  Colin said, eyeing Eloise and Phillip suspiciously.  “Clearly it was too late last night and you offered Phillip one of the other guest rooms.”

“Not exactly,”  Eloise said sheepishly.

Colin knew that look. He’d seen it on their older brothers plenty of times after they’d brought random girls back in the past.  He clenched his fist. He was going to murder Phillip Crane.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked despite the fact he had zero business doing it.

“Well, you could say that he was ill and I took care of him,” Eloise said crossing her arms. She definitely knew that Penelope hadn’t been ill and she definitely knew Penelope was in his bed at the moment.

“I didn’t -  we literally slept,” Colin said defensive over his own actions.

“I really should get going,” Phillip said clearly not wanting to get in the middle of family drama.  “It seems like you two have things to talk about.”

Both Bridgerton heads turned and said ‘no’ in unison. This really did have to stop becoming a thing.  They didn’t wait to see that he was staying though as they were busy squaring off.

“You invited him to distract me so you could fuck my best friend,” Eloise said in an accusatory voice.

“I’m still here,” Phillip felt a need to interject.

“Oh dear,” a fourth voice said from the doorway. Penelope had apparently heard the voices and decided to come mediate. She raised an eyebrow at the presence of Phillip.  That was a turn.

She moved closer to Phillip and shook her head, giving a consolatory smile.  “There is really no getting in the middle of these things. You just have to let them fight it out. You’ll learn.”

“I didn’t fuck her,” Colin argued. “We are together though, no thanks to you and your constant need to get in the middle.”

“You’re a liar and a hypocrite,” Eloise said right back.

“I’m neither. But you have no business sleeping with people that you don’t even know, especially not when you’re –“

“I wasn’t,”  Eloise said shaking her head. “I’m not a child.  I have just as much right as you do to invite whoever I want here. I like Phillip.”

“He’s literally years older than you and he has kids,” Colin argued.

Phillip wasn’t sure whether he should be offended or not but Penelope gave him a sympathetic glance,  reached to grab a filled plate handing him one so they could at least eat breakfast while watching and making sure blood wasn’t drawn in this fight.

“You’re a few years older than Penelope,” Eloise argued.

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“Because I love her,” he said talking with his hands. “I’ve literally been in denial for years and you’re really going to falsely equate hooking up with some guy you’ve known all of two seconds to me wanting to be with Penelope.”

“You what?” Penelope interjected, nearly choking on her bacon. Phillip had to give her a pat on the back to stop the coughing.

“I thought you said we weren’t to interject,” Phillip murmured.

“Well when people say they love you get to interject,” Penelope murmured.

Eloise shook her head, narrowed her eyes.  “I don’t need to travel the world to figure out what I want,” she said pointedly.  “Don’t try to get in the middle of it with this big brother nonsense and I’ll get out of your way.”

“Really?” Colin asked after a long moment, slightly unsure whether he’d won this argument or not, especially since Eloise was going to let him be with Penelope without trying to stop it, if he got out of her way.

“I mean, she’s still my best friend and I will hurt you if you hurt her but she’s also an adult and clearly she is a willing victim.”

“I wouldn’t really go with victim,” Colin said after a moment, remembering there was food now that things were at least semi-decided. His gaze finally moved over to where Penelope and Phillip had been standing, eating and watching.  He offered a small smile. “Girlfriend is the term we’re going with these days. Speaking of which, we’re going back upstairs.”

Eloise made a face at that.

“At least me and Phillip will be able to keep our breakfast down,” she said to their retreating backs as they disappeared just as easily as they’d interrupted her morning.

[viscountessevie]

To Lady Paige, With Love [Part 2]

Main Pairing: Eloise Bridgerton x FemOC! Paige Crane [Reference to Past! Marina Thompson x Paige Crane]

Series Summary: A WLW Rewrite of To Sir Phillip, With Love - featuring my OC Paige Crane, Phillip's twin sister. What happens when Eloise Bridgerton writes to Phillip after the death of his wife but her letter gets intercepted by his twin sister who loved more Marina than he ever did?

Chapter Summary: After corresponding with Eloise for over a year using her brother's name, Paige is mourning Marina's first death anniversary. All Paige wanted was some peace and quiet but little does she know, she's in for a rude awakening

Trigger Warnings: Grief, Brief Mentions of Previous Death/Suicide Attempt, Depression & Anxiety

Part 1 - Prologue: Take Me To The Lakes

Chapter 1: Right Where You Left Me [February 1823]

5:48pm. That time would haunt Paige for the rest of her life.

'Time of death: 5:48pm.' the doctor had said. The moment Marina was officially pronounced dead, Paige screamed. She could still hear the echoes of her own scream every night she spent in Marina's room, sobbing herself to sleep. It had been a month since she died. Paige truly understood what Marina felt and went through.

The grief, pain and sadness was all consuming. She was drowning in her own emotions. It made her want to throw herself into the lake and join Marina. At least drowning in the lake was tangible. It was a tangible way to match the melancholy she was feeling. Through the pain, Paige had learnt that when people take their lives, they don't get rid of the melancholy, they simply pass it on. Paige had become a victim of Marina's pain being passed onto her.

She knew that everyone was dealing with the loss on their own but she was just so angry with Phillip and the children and even the staff. Pretending like Marina was never there. The worst part is, she couldn't fault them for it. Marina wasn't there, at least not mentally present. The last month has eased off her anger. She nearly bit Phillip's head off when he came back from his business trip the day before she passed.

"You should have been here! I may love her but she's still your wife!"

"I had a very important specimen to pick up, you know that, Paige." He said gruffly. She was so sick and tired of him using his experiments as an excuse to neglect his family.

"I know that!" She snapped at him, "These trips are getting ridiculous. You can't keep using them to run away from your responsibilities. You made a commitment to her and your children. You completely abandoned them!" Her voice cracked with anger. Now Phillip was getting frustrated with her and snapped back at his twin.

"Do you think I wanted to carry those burdens? I had no choice in the matter! I had to be the one to clean up the mess George left behind!"

She stepped back at her brother's outburst. He never yelled. He refused to be their father. She knew she had crossed the line. She softened her expression.

"I shouldn't have yelled, I apologise. But so help me God, you will not repeat that to her or the children. They are our family, Phillip, 'not a mess George left behind." Her voice was low, laced with a cold fury.

"She's resting now but you should go see her. I'll give you two some privacy." Paige made her suggestion sound like a demand. There was absolutely no reason why he should neglect his duties as a husband now. She wasn't going to let him off the hook for it. She quickly slipped into the room to kiss Marina's forehead. She allowed Philip in and headed off to tend to the children.

Then there was that dreadful conversation where Amanda openly admitted that she was glad her mother was gone. Paige knew on an intellectual level that's not what Amanda had meant. She meant she was happy her mother was happy even if it meant she was gone. But emotionally, it destroyed Paige to hear that.

It was exhausting to feel like the only one who truly cared for Marina. She had all these emotions welled up inside her, screaming to be let out. Yet she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone. The children played and carried on as per normal. While Phillip had stopped taking his trips to avoid the children, he has hidden away in the Greenhouse more often. He refuses to talk about her. What else could she expect from her twin who represses the slightest hint of human emotion. God forbid he let himself feel sad.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that everyone processed grief in different ways. She needed something to get her mind off things. On cue, Miles came in to deliver the mail. She gestured for him to hand them over and he took his leave.

She flipped through the envelopes, none addressed to her. Of course no one would write to her and the only person who would, died. She was about to put down the pile when a name jumped out at her.

From: Eloise Bridgerton No. 5, Bruton Street London

She remembered Eloise like it was yesterday. They spent some time together during their first season. She came as a package deal with Penelope Featherington. So when Marina had struck up a friendship with Penelope, Paige found herself spending a lot of time with the two of them. The four of them were quite the formidable group during that first season. Paige remembered how many suitors Marina had received. Unable to deal with her jealousy in a healthy manner, she did what she did best, ran away from her emotions. She poured herself into a friendship with Eloise. Somewhere along the way, she had developed feelings for the clever Bridgerton. She recalled how she did her best to repress those feelings. Even though at the time, Marina and her were nowhere close to courtship, Paige still felt like she was being unfaithful to her.

There was just something about Eloise that had drawn Paige to her.

She shook her head rather violently, as if trying to shake those memories away. How could she be thinking of that when she's supposed to be grieving Marina? She set down the letter, leaving it for Phillip to read it later when he finally comes out of hiding.

She stood up to head to Marina's room to mope. It almost seemed like she had taken Marina's place as the Romney Hall's living ghost. What was the point in living your life when the person you wanted to spend it with was gone?

But rising questions about Eloise's letter stopped her. For one, why was it addressed to Phillip rather than her? She knew it had been well over a decade, but had Eloise forgotten her already?

Her plan to mope for the day had been abandoned and she picked up Eloise's letter once again. She picked up the letter opener and impulsively ripped it open.

Sir Phillip Crane —

I am writing to express my condolences on the loss of your wife, my dear friend Marina, I remember her fondly and was deeply saddened to hear of her passing .

Please do not hesitate to write if there is anything I can do to ease your pain at this difficult time .

Yrs,

Miss Eloise Bridgerton

***

Oh. She was just as lovely as Paige remembered her. This was too kind of a letter to delay it's response. Paige went to her room and sat at her desk. She pulled out her stationary kit and fetched herself some parchment and a quill. She quickly penned down a response.

Dear Eloise —

I hope you remember me from your first season. Marina was a dear friend to me as well and I thank you for your kind note on behalf of Marina. It was thoughtful of you to write asking after us.

I offer you this flower attached as thanks. It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet.

Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.

It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.

Sincerely -

*

She stopped short before she signed it off with her name. She had finally stepped out of her moment of impulsivity. Insanity more like, she thought to herself. She felt awful for invading Eloise and - by extension - Phillip's privacy.

She couldn't send this! How was she going to explain it?

*

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

I am absolutely mad and stole my brother's mail because I used to fancy you when we first debuted together in our first season.

Yours Sincerely, Paige Crane

That would certainly go over well. She would be lucky not to be locked up. She stared at her original letter and ripped it up. She detested the thought of Phillip striking up a friendship with Eloise. Deep down she knew if he became as enamoured with her as she once was, he'd make her his wife. It might have only been a month but she knew her brother. He needed a mother and wife for the children. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was already planning to look for one.

He had already taken Marina from her. As twins, they grew up sharing everything, starting from the womb. Everywhere Paige went, Phillip was there. They even had parallel careers. She just wanted this one person to herself. It was selfish she knew but she wanted to keep her London past for herself. Even if it meant never letting Phillip see the letter and responding on her own.

She rewrote another note without a second thought:

Dear Miss Bridgerton,

Thank you for your kind note on behalf of my wife. It was thoughtful of you to take the time to write to a gentleman you have never met. I offer you this full bloom flower as thanks.

It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet. Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.

It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.

When it came to signing off, she hesitated for a moment at her dishonesty. Then the anger of having lost most of her life and identity to Phillip came up. That was motivation enough for her to scribble the last line of the letter:

Sincerely, Sir Phillip Crane.

***

Letter Correspondence From March 1823 to March 1824 Between Paige Crane & Eloise Bridgerton

Dear Sir Phillip -

Thank you so very much for the charming flower. It was such a lovely surprise when it came attached to the envelope. And such a precious memento of dear Marina, as well .

I could not help but notice your facility with the flower's scientific name and seemed to be knowledgeable about its properties. Are you a botanist?

Yours, Miss Eloise Bridgerton

*

Eloise’s response had come quite quickly in a week. It was no easy feat hiding the letters from Phillip. He was the Lord of the house after all. Paige was lucky enough to have a friend in Miles. She had been the one to stop Phillip from being let go. She had named him her personal assistant instead. She coyly asked Miles for a favour and requested that all of Eloise’s letters be directed to her. He looked at her with utter confusion when she asked.

“Whatever are you up to, Miss Crane?”

“Miles, you know you can call me Paige. We are friends, aren’t we?” She had a mischievous shine in her eye that told him she was up to something.

“I suppose… that doesn’t answer my question, Paige.” He said her name pointedly. She chuckled at him, he was hilarious. She knew she made the right choice keeping him employed.

“Friends trust each other. I promise I will tell you everything down the line.” She shot him a look of promise. That fixed the issue of being found out was solved easily. All she had to do now was enjoy the correspondence.

She still had not been able to break her habit of crying herself to sleep in Marina’s room every night, but these letters took her mind off the grief momentarily. She couldn’t thank Eloise Bridgerton enough for that. She read back Eloise’s response and grinned. Eloise was as charming and eloquent as always. She was clever enough to pick out Paige's interest in plants just by her rambles. Paige also noticed how Eloise was clever enough to end her letter with a question. What a sneaky lady, now Paige had to reply. Not that she was complaining. She was rather happy to have revived this old connection.

She pulled out her stationary and penned her reply. She stuck close to the truth while using Phillip's qualifications. Just because she wasn't allowed a formal education at Cambridge didn't make her any less knowledgeable than her twin. She devoured his textbooks during his University days. She most likely would have beat him to an honours degree in Botany had the fairer sex been allowed to study in Universities.

She followed Eloise's lead and ended her letter with a question as well. She vaguely remembered Eloise’s interest in humanities but she wanted it confirmed from the lady herself.

*

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

Indeed I am a botanist, trained at Cambridge, although I am not currently connected with any university or scientific board. I maintain my own garden at Romney Hall, in my greenhouse. Are you of a scientific bent as well?

Yours , Sir Phillip Crane

The reply came another week later. She smiled at being correct in her assumption. They started going back and forth every week, until a year had passed.

*

Dear Sir Phillip —

Heavens, no, I have not the scientific mind, I'm afraid, although I do have a fair head for sums. My interests lie more in the humanities; you may have noticed that I enjoy penning letters .

Yours in friendship,

Eloise Bridgerton

*

My dear Miss Bridgerton —

Ah, but it is a sort of friendship, isn't it? I confess to a certain measure of isolation here in the country, and if one cannot have a smiling face across one's breakfast table, then one might at least have an amiable letter, don't you agree?

I have enclosed another flower and a book for you. This flower is Centaurea cyanus, more commonly known as the cornflower. They are a personal favourite of mine, especially for its vibrance in colour. They are actually grown as a weed in cornfields, hence where it derives its common name from. Quite beautiful for a weed, wouldn’t you agree?

As for the book, I would like to share a piece of my literary heart with you. You will find a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in the package. I regard it as a brilliantly complex novel that tackles the existential questions of creating life in such an nuanced manner. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

With great regard, Phillip Crane

*

Even though it was a friendly exchange of letters, Paige considered sharing her favourite flower and novel a way of elevating the friendship. They were a part of her identity. A part that she was willingly giving away to another to cherish and hold. It was a big step for her and that terrified her. She was scared of developing feelings for someone else. She could not bear to go through it again.

She knew no sane woman - despite being a child of Sappho - would give up the security of a husband and run off with another woman. Most of the sapphic women Paige knew were far too caught up in the social norms to ever step out of their comfort zone into a realm of possibilities of a free life with her. She knew she got lucky with Marina and that Phillip didn’t care enough for Marina to be bothered with their love affair. He also loved his sister enough to be happy with his wife, even if he didn’t understand how she could love a person who seemed to be made of sadness. Paige knew he never understood, but he didn’t have to. Marina and her understood each other and that’s all that truly mattered until the end.

While Eloise has never stated whether she felt that way about women, she did seem like a child of Sappho. The way she had interacted with potential suitors during that first season, or rather the way she didn’t. She hid away from every suitor that came her way. At times, she would pull Paige away to the lemonade table to avoid them, whenever Penelope was too busy dancing with Colin. The way she scoffed at marriage. She just seemed content in her independence. Paige had admired that about her.

*

As always her next letter did not disappoint:

Dear Sir Phillip —

Thank you for the book and flower, I truly appreciated them. I have always found sharing books recommendations with companions is like giving them a piece of yourself. So I thank you again, for gifting me a piece of yourself. I promise to cherish it.

And I have read Frankenstein before! It truly is one of its kind. I could go on for hours on end about how much I love this book and how brilliantly crafted it is. Perhaps, should we ever meet, we could discuss it over tea one day.

The cornflower was wonderful, thank you. I do love how it seems to shine a brighter blue in the sunlight. I think it might be my favourite flower as well.

Yours, Eloise Bridgerton.

A dreamy sigh escaped Paige’s lips as she drank in Eloise’s latest words. Paige had never felt more seen and understood. Eloise expressed the sentiment of Paige’s intent with the book and flower exactly. Paige might have used her brother’s name, but she knew in her heart Eloise knew her - even if it was not by her given name. She found the line about meeting and discussing the novel over tea, a rather bold choice. Was Eloise inviting her to tea?

She sighed when the sobering truth hit her. Eloise wasn’t inviting her. She was inviting her brother. She knew what she had to do - politely shut her down.

Dearest Miss Bridgerton —

You took the words right out of my quill. Those were my exact intentions when I thought of sending my favourite flower and book over to you. I am very much honoured that you cherish an important part of myself. I truly appreciate it. Truth be told, I appreciate you and our friendship.

Perhaps, one day. Tea does sound lovely.

What mischief have you been causing as of late? I am always excited to read your recounts of your daily adventures.

Yours as always, Phillip Crane. * Over the next few months simply flew by for Paige, the letters giving her a reprieve from her grief. They talked about anything and everything under the sun. She learned everything there is to know about Eloise Bridgerton. They exchanged childhood stories, more books between the two of them - Paige found out that Eloise’s guilty pleasure was Jane Austen’s romance novels - and held full conversations of various academic subjects. Her most prized possession was Eloise’s old copy of Persuasion filled with Eloise’s notes and thoughts on the book. Paige’s heart soared the moment she received it. It was Eloise’s version of giving Paige a piece of herself. She hadn’t read Persuasion before so she was glad for the recommendation. The botanist couldn’t help but laugh as she read the novel. Anne and Captain Wentworth’s story seemed to mirror hers. Their 7 year separation felt rather familiar to having not seen Eloise since their first season.

Before she knew it, a year had passed. She was startled when she saw the calendar on her desk when penning her latest letter to Eloise. 14th February 1824. It was the day Marina attempted to kill herself a year ago. Tomorrow would be a year since Marina’s last good day. And two days from now, on 17th February 1824, Paige would have to be met with the sobering reality of Marina’s death anniversary.

The holidays had been hard as it could be. The empty chair Marina had previously occupied was staring at Paige while her family carried on with their jovial Christmas dinner. She couldn’t understand how they could simply get on with their lives while she felt like a piece of her was missing. Yes, Marina was not much for festivities but sitting beside her and enjoying the food they cooked together was the highlight of Christmas. It was the only time Marina felt well enough to help Paige prepare the feast.

Marina’s birthday had been the hardest to deal with of course. She would have been twenty and eight then. Paige visits Marina's grave at least once a week. It calms and soothes her intense moments of grief. Sitting by the grave on Marina's birthday was a new kind of pain. Knowing that she was taken from the world far too early. Knowing that she should have been there right beside Paige. It was the hardest Paige had cried since Marina had died.

She had no idea how she was going to deal with her death anniversary.

She just knew she needed time to herself. She looked down at the letter she was going to write and found big splashes of tears all over the parchment.

"Blast it!" She cursed and crushed the paper, tossing it into a nearby bin. She was furious with herself for forgetting. For allowing herself to be happy when she didn’t deserve it. She wiped her tears angrily and quickly scribbled one last letter to Eloise.

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

These letters have brought me such comfort over a very difficult year. I cannot thank you enough for it, Eloise Bridgerton.

I do regret to inform you, I would like to pause these letters for the month. I require some time to process and mourn Marina's first death anniversary. I'm sure you can understand it will be a rather difficult time.

Thank you for understanding and do take care, Miss Bridgerton.

Yours, Phillip Crane

Paige could barely get through the letter without feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for abandoning Eloise so abruptly. Feeling guilty for using her as a distraction from her grief over Marina. Most of all, she hated how she can't seem to remember the smallest things about Marina. She was forgetting her love's memory and it was driving her mad. She tried her best to conjure up how she smelled, the sound of her voice, how she was. Paige found the little details escaping her. Memories slipping through her fingers. She detested this. She didn't know how she had gotten to this point.

She had allowed her corresponding flirtation with Eloise to soothe her pain. But her pain was the one thing she had left of Marina. Letting it go meant letting go of Marina. Paige absolutely refused to do that. If she forgot Marina, there was no one else to keep her memory alive. Phillip and the children certainly didn't care for it. Marina would be lost to history.

*

After delivering the letter to Miles to be mailed out, Paige found herself in Marina's room. She laid on her bed, aimlessly and feeling vacant. She was sure if someone walked in they might mistake her for Marina herself. Paige felt her melancholy creeping up her throat. It threatened to choke her, snuffing all the light out. She sat up and tried to breathe. She was feeling an unusual amount of panic rising within her.

She got out of bed and looked out the window. The lake was in perfect view. Of course, that’s where Marina had gotten the idea, She thought to herself bitterly. She looked up at the sky, imagining her lover was up there somewhere happier. Somewhere calmer, where she had found peace.

“I’m right where you left me, Rina.” She whispered softly. It had been a while since she spoke out loud to Marina but it had brought her so much comfort in the early days of dealing with the grief. For a moment, she could pretend Marina was still there. Then she didn’t have to deal with the all consuming guilt and loneliness that came with losing the love of her life.

Marina might have been the one who died but Paige felt like the ghost. Spending most of her days in Marina's room, sitting still in a corner, almost like she was the one haunting it. She heard what the staff said. Something along the lines of, "What a pitiful sight." And "She deserves better than to replace Lady Marina's disposition." They were valid in their concerns but Paige couldn't care less. This was the way she knew how to grieve and mourn and she'll be damned before she lets anyone dictate the way she feels.

Looking into the reflection of the lake from the window, she could still remember the day Marina walked into the lake. It was terrifying how crystal clear the memory was. It felt like she was frozen in time - forever cursed to be twenty and seven - forced to relive the last few days of Marina's days. The memory of her walking into the lake, Paige having to rescue her, staying by her side the next three days and the moment she died. They swirled around Paige's mind constantly. It was particularly worse since it had been a year.

She was paralysed, unable to find the will to do anything else. So she went back to bed. She sat there, silent and frozen in time. The servants walked past all day to ask her if she was alright. She barely managed a nod.

She swore she could hear a hair pin drop at how silent everything was. Deep down she knew her life stopped the moment Marina had died. Eloise's letters may have made her feel like she could move forward. However, the gaping hole in her heart today proved otherwise.

Everybody moved on. She couldn't. So she settled and stayed there, dust collecting on her pinned-up hair. She knew everyone expected her to find a new purpose or a fresh start. She could have tended to her own garden like Phillip was doing in his Greenhouse on this day.

Yet all she found the energy to do was sit and stare out at the lake. She stayed right there for the next two days. She just wanted the next worst few days of her life to pass her by so she would not have to deal with them. Just until the 17th had passed.

*

Of course as the saying goes, there is no rest for the wicked. All Paige wanted on the 17th of February was some peace but little did she know, a certain Bridgerton would be making their way to Romney Hall.

It started out like any other day. Except for the Crane household, there was a somber remembrance of Marina’s first death anniversary. Paige was relieved that she didn’t have to share the burden alone and that her brother had the decency to acknowledge it. He didn’t bother reminding the children but they were young so she let it slide.

Since the staff had honoured her request of being left alone, around noon Paige dragged herself out of bed to get herself some lunch. Marina would have wanted her to mourn respectfully, not join her up wherever she may be. Paige was on her way back to her room after picking up her meal of roasted mutton with rice and gravy - Marina’s favourite dish - when she overheard a curious conversation between Gunning and her brother.

"Sir Phillip," Gunning said, clearing his throat. "We have a caller." "A caller?" Phillip echoed. "Was that the source of the, ah..." "Noise?" Gunning supplied helpfully. "Yes." "No." The butler cleared his throat. "That would have been your children." "I see," Phillip murmured. "How silly of me to have hoped otherwise." "I don't believe they broke anything, sir." "That's a relief and a change." "Indeed, sir, but there is the caller to consider."

Phillip groaned and Paige immediately knew what he was thinking. Romney Hall hadn’t received callers in years. He was probably wondering who on earth would be calling on this day of all days. Paige didn’t think much of it until she passed the front door on her way up to her room when she spotted a familiar face on the other side of the door.

Eloise Bridgerton.

What in the devil was she doing here?! Paige mentally screamed to herself. Gunning and Phillip’s conversation had faded to the background, drowned out by the mental grind of Paige’s mind. She snapped out of her melancholy and had to come up with a way to cover up the consequences of her actions. Just when she needed it, Miles walked past her. She immediately grabbed him. He looked surprised and a little violated if you asked him.

“Miss Crane! What on earth?” “Miles, how many times must I repeat myself? Paige is perfectly fine. I apologise for grabbing you, I am in need of your service.” She said guiltily, looking over at the front door.

He gave her a curious look, “What did you do now, Paige?” He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

She shot him a glare, “I would snap at you for that but you are quite right to ask. I think one of my letters to Miss Bridgerton might have been misinterpreted as an invitation to come over to Romney Hall.” She gave him such a pitiful pleading look, he had to help her.

“How can I be of service, Miss - Paige?” He corrected himself the moment Paige shot him a murderous look. “I need a plan. If the truth comes out, neither of them will forgive me.”

Miles had never seen her so panicked and scared before. For someone who detests her brother, she really did love him. Her blooming feelings for Miss Bridgerton had become apparent over the last few months. He gave himself a moment to think of a plan.

"Yes, sir. She's here to see you, after all." They both heard Gunning say to Phillip.

Paige looked at Miles with wide eyes. They had officially run out of time. This was sealed by the sounds of Phillip’s footsteps making their way to the corridor Paige and Miles were hatching a plan in. Before Paige could push Miles to distract him, her dear brother had brushed past them and opened the door. She cursed to herself and watched helplessly as the two strangers who had technically never met interacted. She made her way to stand quietly behind her brother, listening to every word. Paige's heart nearly stopped when she heard Eloise's voice after all these years.

"Sir Phillip?"

[invisibleinorange]

Chapters: 5/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: M Warnings: None at this point. Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Marina Thompson/Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane, Kate Sheffield/Anthony Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Hastings Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Phillip Crane, Benedict Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin

Summary: Colin Bridgerton is weary from travel and decides to spend the summer at the Aubrey Hall. While his initial plans were to avoid his perfect family, he ends up sharing the house with Eloise and Penelope. This is a Modern AU!

Penelope had always been a pretty girl but when she came down the stairwell with Eloise at her side prepared for their evening out, Colin’s jaw practically came unhinged. If she was looking to give him a heart attack, she was succeeding. His pupils widened and felt stomach clench in anxiety and desire.  

It probably had to do with the fact she was in a dress that contoured to her body, left little to the imagination and was dangerously short.  He wasn’t sure whether to jump her right there on against the stair railings or throw a coat on her.

“Get a grip on yourself,” Eloise murmured, rolling her eyes at him.

He took a moment pondering whether it would be appropriate to suggest that he wanted to get a grip on Penelope instead.  He opted for a different direction.  A joke about masturbation might earn less ire.

“I love to but we’d be late to meet up with Phillip,” he retorted before offering his arm to Penelope.  He waited for her to latch on before offering his other to his sister.

Penelope could overhear Eloise murmuring the word disgusting as she did latch on and they made their way outside to a waiting ride.  There was no sense in any of them driving if they were to drink and Colin hadn’t saw fit to force anyone into the Designated Driver role. It was far easier to all pile in and let someone else do the heavy lifting of getting them to the bar they’d agreed to meet up at.

Colin had made up his mind that he was going to get the seat in the back with Penelope.  There was absolutely no way he was sitting in the front with the driver.

“I’ll let you have the front,” he offered Eloise.  “You’ll have more room to spread out.”

She didn’t go for that though.

“I’d really rather sit in the back with Pen,” Eloise told him, sizing him up with her eyes.

“We could all sit in the back then,”  Colin said knowing there would be no convincing his sister otherwise.

“I can sit in the front if it’s a problem,” Penelope offered after a moment, not wanting to be in the middle of a sibling fight.

Colin and Eloise both let out a “no” at the same time. They’d at least found one thing to agree about.

Penelope let out a laugh at that.

“Okay then,” she told them letting them sort out who was going to sit where.  She had the whole night to hang out with Colin so she wasn’t terribly fussed about where. Eloise was the smallest of the group so it made sense if he took the middle seat.

She was surprised when somehow she ended up in the middle though. She felt a bit ridiculous squeezed into the space but as long as there wasn’t an argument about it and they reached their destination, she wasn’t going to complain.

She wasn’t completely sure the seat belt was going to even fasten. She couldn’t help but squirm when she felt Colin reaching under her try and find it, spending a little more time than necessary to try and help her get the job done.

“You really do look incredible,” he murmured quietly to her, hoping the vehicle’s music would keep the words beyond his sister’s ears. He didn’t need or want commentary.

Those five words were enough to make Penelope’s cheeks pink in the dark.  She had a feeling she’d stay a particularly rosy shade if the night continued on this path.

She might have been trapped between Colin and Eloise but Colin’s proximity was the only one that felt electric.  One glance at Colin and she could almost read his mind.

He was debating how many times his sister might bounce if he pushed her out of the car.

--

The ride itself to the city wasn’t long.  There was literally no person who wasn’t eager to get out of the car when they got there.  Colin easily spotted tall, unassuming Phillip standing against the brick façade waiting on them.

He offered a hand shake upon approach.

“I’m glad you could find a sitter,” he said with a smile before gesturing to Penelope.  “This is Penelope and …”  He then gestured to Eloise, “And this is my pain in the ass little sister.”

“I’m Phillip,” he said greeting both girls though Colin completely picked up on the fact his sister didn’t have a remark. He gave her a glance and immediately questioned whether using Phillip as a distraction was a good idea.  Eloise was practically melting into the sidewalk and he’d never seen her with that look on her face. Why was his sister looking at Phillip like that?

“I’m Eloise,” she said afraid, offering her arm. As Eloise started off inside with Phillip, Colin couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief.  He waited for a second before looking at Penelope who looked a bit stunned and amused herself.

“Don’t ask me. I’ve never seen her act like that around a guy before,” Penelope said as she latched onto Colin, her laughter filling the warm night as they followed behind him.

“Do I let it play out or do I immediately remind her that he’s grieving?”  Colin couldn’t help but ask.

“You let it play out,” Penelope told him. “Maybe if she’s distracted, I’ll be able to get a dance or two in with you without her trying to dance in-between us.”

“She never tried to dance in-between us at parties before,” Colin couldn’t help but say. He was amused to hear Penelope glad that Eloise was distracted though.

“The way people dance in front of their mothers is entirely different than the way they dance at a bar,” Penelope couldn’t help but muse.

Colin grinned wickedly at that. She did make a very valid point. He shot a glance toward his sister who had dragged Phillip toward a booth to get some drinks.  Phillip was well aware of the fact he was dying to get a little one on one time with Penelope so if they just happened to not go join them for the first round it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Shall we dance then, Pen?”

--

Eloise was the absolute last thing on Colin’s mind once he was on the dance floor with Penelope. She’d always been an exceptional dancer but there was actually a big difference between formalized dances at boring society events and this.

He loved the fact that she wasn’t shy about the way she leaned back into him, guided his arms around hers or the way they swayed to the music.  The warmth of her curves against his was enough to distract him from anything.

He’d planned to have a few drinks himself but he was stone cold sober and he was grateful for it, especially when he decided to spin her around to face him so he could bring her even closer.

His gaze fell on hers and he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Penelope more alive as she shifted, filled any space that might have dared exist between them. His hand went had respectfully stayed on the small of her back, couldn’t help but find its way to her ass.

“I need to confess something,” he told her, leaning his tall body down enough so that she might have a fighting chance of hearing him.

Her eyes met his and she seemed to be debating whether to tell him to go ahead or not but her face softened and she decided to cut him off at the pass.

“I’ve always wanted you,” she told him confessing the truth of the matter.

He’d planned to say something along the same lines or at least that he wanted her and that he’d probably always had and hadn’t quite realized just how much until recently but the words didn’t come out.

Instead he dipped his head down and pressed his mouth to hers, a free hand tangling in her red curls as he showed her just how much he wanted her too.

Penelope received the message loud and clear, her shorter body pushing against his until she had Colin against a hard wall in some dark corner. It was certainly far from private but the shadows were at least somewhat more private than the dance floor.

Never in his most erotic dreams had he imagined Penelope would be the aggressor in this situation and yet there they were and it was all he could do to keep it together as he tried to regain some control, spinning her around until she was the one against the wall. He was too much of a gentleman to take her there but he certainly wasn't going to miss the opportunity to make her beg for it.  Then again, he was probably the one who ought to be begging for it.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he murmured against her lips. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[invisibleinorange]

Swelter Weather

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: M Warnings: None at this point. Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Anthony Featherington,  Benedict Bridgerton,  Portia Featherington, Violet Bridgerton, Genevieve Delacroix Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin

Summary: Colin Bridgerton is weary from travel and decides to spend the summer at the Aubrey Hall. While his initial plans were to avoid his perfect family, he ends up sharing the house with Eloise and Penelope. This is a Modern AU!

Additional Notes:  I still have plenty to write for my other series  but this is the first chapter in the Modern! AU which demanded release today.

There was something about the sweet freedom of being away from the crowded streets of London that Colin loved.  While he wasn’t quite ready for another adventure around the world, he did didn’t particularly care to spend the summer in his bachelor flat alone or at the family home surrounded by his perfect and over achieving siblings with their perfect marriages and lives.  Instead he opted to head to the family summer home in the countryside and it was everything he wanted.

He had fond memories of his childhood here.  Life was far less complicated when he and his siblings had been on fairly even footing.  There was nothing to worry about how they were going to spend their afternoons – hikes, swimming or even the occasional croquet battle.   No one had the same leisure between careers, families or school.

He had spent the last several weeks savoring his solitude and the quiet of Aubrey Hall. There were no schedules, no commitments and most importantly not a single person to bother her outside of the occasion phone call or text from a member of his family. If they were being especially annoying, he would turn it to silence and send them to voicemail until he would inevitable cave and respond because he did actually care about what was going on in their lives.

After a late night of eating takeout and watching a movie on Netflix, he had decided to simply not set an alarm clock for the next day. No one was going to complain about him sleeping in, so he did so. By the time he decided to move from his bed, the sun was already up the sky.  He wouldn’t have forced himself up then if it weren’t for the persistent growl of his stomach demanding his attention.  That was nothing new though. He was always hungry.

He pushed himself up from the comfort of his bed, padding his way down to the kitchen.   If his family had been there, he would have had to make some effort at making himself presentable but by having the house to himself, he could do as he pleased and that included going straight from bed to the kitchen.

He grabbed a frying pan and put on a couple of eggs before popping some bread in a toaster.  He hummed absently to himself as he moved back to the pan, working on properly scrambling his eggs.  He couldn’t quite remember the song but it was probably something he’d heard during his last stint in London at some social engagement or another.

“Colin,”  a voice came from behind, making him nearly jump in surprise at the sudden invasion of privacy.  He spun prepared to fight off the offender with a specula despite the fact he knew the voice belonged to Eloise.

He very quickly remembered his state of undress when he caught sight of not only his younger sister but also Penelope.  His eyes widened slightly and he froze, his face growing red with embarrassment. 

Penelope wasn’t any less pink. Their eyes met and then quirkly averted.  While he quite enjoyed the company of his sister’s best friend this was probably not something that would be on their topics of conversation.  He mentally cursed as his mind processed that over the years, he’d randomly had less than innocent dreams about the girl and a few of them started with happenstance just like this but Eloise was never part of them.  Now was not the time to let his mind linger to far there.  He decided to focus on the Eloise part.  His sister was a safe person to focus on.

Speaking of which, Eloise seemed to be the only person capable of taking action. She covered her own eyes, making a face that made it known that the whole situation was the stuff of terrors before blindly reaching for an apron that hung unused, extending it to her brother.

“Christ,” she muttered. “Cover yourself.”

Colin for his part did use it to cover his front not that the damage wasn’t already done. There was literally no way to escape the situation unscathed and he had no doubt his entire family would know about it by the end of the day. He really needed to go put on some actual clothing but first, well he felt like throwing an absolute hissy fit about the fact Eloise thought she could just show up unannounced.

“Did you think to maybe call before just showing up?

“It’s the family home. I don’t need your permission to show up. Besides, what kind of deviant runs around in the nude?  We need to sanitize the entire house now.”

“People who think they have the place to themselves,” he gruffed.

It was Penelope who came out of her shellshock enough to point toward the forgotten frying pan. “Uh, I think your eggs are burning,” she managed, though honestly it was any wonder the words came out in order.

“Shit,”  Colin murmured starting to turn back to the stove but it was Eloise who stopped him mid-spin.

“No,” Eloise said, reaching for the spatula and taking over the egg prep.  “We’ll finish this. You go find some pants for fuck’s sake. Penelope doesn’t want to see your ass. Right, Pen?”

Penelope was noticeably quiet for a long moment but to her credit she did nod at what Eloise was suggesting. It was probably for the best if he did find clothing. Colin decided to save Penelope (and his sister) from further embarrassment.  He moved past, trying to get to the door. He paused and did a little spin trying to keep some modesty not that there were any mysteries to be had at this point.

“Yes, wouldn’t want to traumatize her like that,” he said toward his sister before nodding, smiling cheekily toward her counterpart.  “Honestly, you can stay but  Eloise is ruining the fun. Try and ditch her before I come back, yeah?”

“I resent that,” he heard Eloise complaining after he left the room.

--

Penelope hadn’t been able to bear the thought of another summer locked away with her miserable family so when Eloise had offered the concept of a girl trip to the Aubrey Hall she’d eagerly accepted. It was only half way through the drive that the other girl had mentioned that they’d have to share the house with her brother.

The mere mention of Colin was enough to make Penelope’s heart skip a beat. She had a crush on him for more years than she could count anymore but he’d never given her any indication that he considered her more than a friend.  He was quite charming though and he was always kind.  When he would come home from jet setting around the world, he always made time to chat or dance with her.

It did very little to discourage the crush.

She had thought that with time and distance it would fade but all it took was a mention or a sighting for the whole dreadful thing to come racing back.  How Eloise wasn’t aware of the crush at this point was beyond her but since it was a relatively mute point he didn’t push it. She and Colin were friends but that was all they would ever be.

The last thing she’d expected upon arrival was for her eyes to be assaulted by full-frontal Colin. It wasn’t something she’d be forgetting anytime soon either.

“I’m sorry about that, Pen!” Eloise told her after a moment as she trashed the now slightly burnt eggs and decisively started over making enough to where they could all eat. It had been a long trip after all. “This stuff happens when you have brothers. At least he was alone not that it makes it any less gross.”

Penelope didn’t want to even think about that him having someone else there.  She nodded though. Eloise did have a point that she could only assume was accurate. She’d never had brothers of her own but she’d heard enough complaints about the Bridgerton Boys that she felt as if the mental picture was accurate.

“It wasn’t that gross,” Pen said after a long minute. “I mean, objectively Colin isn’t hard on the eyes.”

“Well he’s not your brother,” Eloise said making a face that made it pretty clear that she wasn’t interested in hearing how objectively not unattractive her best friend thought her brother was.  Maybe she didn’t know how far back it went and she wasn’t really aiming to ask questions about it but she was aware that Penelope had been into him at points.  She was also fairly sure at points her brother had probably been into her friend as well.  Nothing had come of it though and she definitely wasn’t going to try and encourage it lest it all go horribly bad.

Penelope didn’t push it for her part.

They began to work in silence creating a veritable breakfast feast for three and by the time Colin rejoined them wearing shorts a t-shirt they already had the plates made and juice poured.

“Well you might have invaded my very intimate breakfast this morning but I suppose I can forgive you for being angels who cook,” he said as she moved to take a seat at the table that was far too big for just three.  He did pause long enough to ruffle Eloise’s hair to mess with her before sitting in the end spot between the two girls.

“Someone has to be angelic when you’re clearly Satan incarnate,” Eloise responded stabbing a fork into her eggs and taking a bite.

“Only some of the time,” Colin confessed, laughing as he began to pick away at his plate. He offered a light smile toward their guest.  “Let’s be real, Pen is the only angel at this table. Us Bridgerton come from a long line of demons.”

Eloise made a fake gagging noise at that.

“That actually explains a lot,”  Penelope said after a long moment.

That managed to grab both of their attention, waiting to hear what she might have to say about demons and Bridgerton family members.

“I honestly believe you could be an incubus,” she said after a long moment, eyes directed toward Colin.

Colin nearly choked on a sausage at that, he recovered quickly though and fell into a fit on laughter.  Penelope always had been witty and the fact that she thought that he could be the incubus of the family was laughable. He wasn’t the person that most people thought him to be.  Of course, he was charming and could flirt with anyone but that didn’t mean he actually got anywhere. He couldn’t very well have his older brothers judging him for that though so he let people believe what they wanted to and didn’t go out of his way to correct them.

“You can’t just go around telling people that I’m a sex demon, Pen,” he said conspiratorially barely able to keep a straight face. “I mean, what I do in your dreams is between me and you.  Not everyone gets to survive with their soul intact.”

“You better not be doing anything to her in her dreams or your own,” Eloise said, kicking him in the shin. “My friend is off-limits.”

Colin frowned, reaching down to rub his shin.  He wanted to tell Eloise to mind her own business but before he could Penelope seemed to take it upon herself to handle that.

“Little late for that,” Penelope said knowing that by saying so she was declaring sides in this sibling battle.  Colin couldn’t be more smug about it either. Eloise looked as if she could kill them both.

“I’ll try to behave moving forward but I do hope it was as good for you as it was good for me,”  he said, though from the shit-eating grin on his face it was pretty clear that he wasn’t sorry at all.  Especially when his gaze moved from Penelope back to Eloise.  “Sorry El, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Of course not,”  Eloise said, shaking her head.

If this was how the summer was going to go, it was going to be a long one.

[invisibleinorange]

Unintended Consequence

Chapters: N/A, One-Shot Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: G Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Marina Thompson (implied), Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Benedict Featherington Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin Summary:  I had a muse for a bit of a POV from Colin regarding the warnings about Marina from family (and friends) and how he might have felt had he witnessed Penelope in tears.

It was true that Colin had a bit of wanderlust. He’d itched to leave the Ton and see a bit more of the world as soon as he’d arrived back home but there was also a piece of him that always found himself longing for the closeness of his family and the familiarity of their friends. 

He had hardly expected to find himself on the precipice of marriage quite so young. He could be a bit impulsive at times, jumping head first into situations without properly thinking them through. He had certainly liked Marina well enough but he’d leapt without looking.  He knew that much but he didn’t think he was making a mistake. He was tired of people suggesting that he might be.

He would have never admitted that second thoughts had crossed his mind long before his family had questioned him. He was too prideful for that. More so, he was a man of his word and he fully intended to follow through on his proposal. He was pretty sure that he loved her and that they could be happy. He felt fairly secure in the fact he would make her happy. Even if Penelope had gotten in his head with talk about some former love, she was just as wrong as everyone else. 

Marina had moved on to him, right? She loved him.  

His frustration at the situation was why he’d slipped from the Bridgerton home for a walk, hoping that the thoughts could cease and his mind could rest so he could properly plan his elopement.  He walked the blocks surrounding their home several times before he decided the refuge he sought was likely in the kitchen and not the streets.  

The silence of his stroll was interrupted before he could make it there though, causing his footing to speed up ever so slightly.  Whatever thoughts of his elopement or Marina Thompson slipped from his mind all together.

 He knew distress and he also knew the source of where the distress was coming from.  It rippled through him, sending his body into action seeking the cries as if he were a sailor and it was a siren’s call..His fists clenching as he mentally prepared himself to find Pen, comfort her and then pummel whoever had hurt her within an inch of their life. 

His stride slowed though when he caught sight of her safely wrapped in the arms of his younger sister.  If there was anyone who could fix whatever ailed Penelope, it was Eloise.  They’d been as close as two peas in a pod since before they could properly walk.  Colin felt some reassurance knowing that her sister wouldn’t cease until her closest friend was in better spirits. 

Penelope’s cries were so loud that he could not possibly imagine the sort of heartache that could have precipitated such an outcry.  He simply knew that he detested it. He detested whoever would harm a girl who had never been anything but kind and respectable.  Not once did his mind spring forth the prospect that he could have been even marginally responsible.  

In that moment, he furious with whoever was responsible.  A part of him, despite knowing Eloise was quite equipped to deal with the situation desired to cast her aside and to wrap Penelope in his own arms and to make her smile as she so often did when they were in each other’s company. He wanted to dissolve the tears into laughter.  He felt fiercely protective of the red haired girl and knowing something was wrong didn’t settle right in him.

He resisted whatever urge he had to comfort her himself, questioning whether she’d even actually want him there. They were friendly but Eloise was her best friend.  He was just the rake of a brother.  He kept his distance afraid that stepping in at this point would only serve to add injury to insult. The last thing Colin Bridgerton wanted to do was hurt her further by embarrassing her with his presence.  

He didn’t see any harm in crying though and if he could have told, he would have. He had held his sisters plenty of times while they’d cried about some unfortunately incident in their lives. He was acutely aware that Penelope was not one of his sisters though and it wouldn’t have been proper. 

He remained in the shadows stalking the incident, watching and attempting to listen, determined to at least satisfy one of his two urges by discovering the source of this pain.  If someone had harmed Penelope, they’d regret it.   He would even recruit Anthony and Benedict if necessary to ensure it never happened again.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he heard Eloise plead.

Penelope’s reply was muffled through her tears and he mentally cursed, attempting to stretch the limits of his hearing while trying to not be seen or heard. If he could just get a little closer, maybe he could make out what was being said and then he could fix it.

Whatever she said made Eloise furious. He could tell in the way his sister’s face changed, the fact she was pretty sure some unladylike words slipped out. He definitely caught what he thought to be ‘kill her’.

His eyebrow raised and he tilted his head trying to work it out. Was it one of her sisters?  Her mother?  Maybe this was just some simply family issue and it could be resolved without violence.  

Just as the light bulb began to light up in his head that this was about Marina and by proxy him, he felt a hand on his shoulder.  

“What are you-”

Before Benedict could properly finish his sentence, Colin was covering his brother’s mouth with his hand, turning and using his body to try and keep him from being noticed by pushing him further into the dark of night. He brought a finger to his own mouth, giving a sharp look as if to warn him to be quiet.

Benedict clearly didn’t appreciate the greeting either. His face contorting into confusion but he ran with it.  

“I heard Pen – uh, Miss Featherington in distress,” he explained trying to keep his voice to a whisper so attention wouldn’t be drawn to them. He was torn between turning back so he could hear more and drowning his new found guilt in whatever could be found in the pantries. Benedict being out there all but guaranteed they’d get noticed if they lingered.  He tried to compose himself, to not earn additional questions from his older brother by playing it off. 

“Let’s go inside. Eloise has it in hand.”

Whatever torment he’d felt before had magnified though.  He felt like an absolute churl.  Penelope hadn’t just been trying to save him, she’d been trying to communicate her own feelings on the matter and he’d ignored them. He had been so wrapped up in trying to prove everyone wrong he hadn’t been listening. 

He wasn’t sure that he could live with himself if he hurt her. He wasn’t sure he could handle hearing more. 

[invisibleinorange]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: T Warnings: Presumed Character Death, Suicidal Ideation  Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Simon Hastings/Daphne Bridgerton Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Anthony Featherington,  Benedict Bridgerton Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin Summary:  Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". (#I’mHereToKillYouAllWithFeels)

---

Anthony and Benedict had expected a lot of different reactions from their younger sister, dead silence was not one of them.

They stood there though watching as she read the letter, complete and utter disbelief and confusion clear on her face.

Eloise Bridgerton was certain that Penelope Featherington told her everything.  Sure, Colin had always been nice to Penelope but so were the rest of her brothers.

If there had been something out of the ordinary, she would have picked up on it.  If one of her brothers was taking more notice or spending more time with her, she would certainly picked up on it.

Colin had barely broken off his engagement to Marina before he departed.  Why would he have been so concerned about Pen?

This whole thing felt ludicrous and the only rational explanation was that this was some cruel prank.  Sure, she knew that Penelope was incredible but her brothers were all idiots.   As much as she might have loved to have her best friend have become a sister, she’d never seen it as the remotest of possibilities.

Reading the letter, she felt almost guilty for having never given Penelope enough credit for being capable to grab the attention of one of her brothers.

After a long moment she raised a hand as if to tell her brothers to not even say a word.  She was going to get to the bottom of this.

“You had both better hope that I don’t have cause to leave Gregory my only brother when I return,” she muttered and then with was gone, leaving the safety of the drawing room toward the one person who could answer any of the questions she had.

--

The reason Penelope Featherington could get away with more than most was because no one actually ever paid her much attention. No one cared what she did honestly and that was why it was so easy to keep herself shut away in her bedroom, convince herself that it would be so much easier for everyone involved if she just disappeared.

There were certain things that she had to get in order though.  She had forced herself to sneak in the night to allow Lady Whistledown to honor Colin but after that, she’d begun to get her affairs in order.

She had every intention of it being the last thing that she ever sent to print. She intended to have the secret die with her so that those she loved could at least keep some self-respect.

There were other letters that she had debated putting together too but somehow the words that were the most important were the most impossible to put together.  Her family wouldn’t even put on a show of missing her. The only person left who might actually miss her was Eloise.

She kept plenty of things from her over the years though and perhaps, it was for the best if she never knew.  

The saddest part of it all was that her mother never learned.  The necessary toxins were still easily accessible in the home.  Penelope had listened when Marina had detailed what all she’d consumed.  Surely, if that could nearly kill her if she doubled it, it would actually do the job. If it didn’t work, she was pretty sure she would just throw herself into the sea.

Her normally healthy pink skin was pale, her hands trembled as she wrapped her hand around the deceptively sweet smelling cup of tea. She raised it to her lips, prepared to take a sip.

Her plan was interrupted by the door opening with a slam.

The look on her face must have said it all because all 167.6 centimeters of Eloise Bridgerton came at her with a horrified force, knocking the cup out of her hands letting it shatter and spill against the floor.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” the brunette bellowed.

It was enough the send Penelope crumbling into the ground, curling into herself.  She was shattering and a part of her felt selfish for this all. She no longer had the strength to lie though.

“I want to join him,” she sobbed.

Eloise was completely taken aback but she still descended to her own knees, wrapping her arms around the red-head trying her to best to calm the storm.  She didn’t have to understand any of this to understand that there wasn’t a chance in Hell of her letting Penelope actually harm herself.

“You will not,” she ordered. “I won’t let you.”

“This is all my fault,” Penelope cried.

Eloise didn’t see a possible scenario where that could be true. The letter that her brother had written was still clearly imprinted in her mind along with the millions of questions that followed.

She was starting to think her brothers might have been right to share it.

A loud sigh escaped her lips and she forced her friend to look her in the face.

“My brother would not want this no matter what happened between the two of you,” she said resolutely, knowing that without a shadow a doubt.  

It was Penelope’s turn for confusion to show across her features.

“Nothing happened between me and your brother.”

Eloise couldn’t help but wonder if this was one of those situations where someone protested too much. Sure, she’d clearly missed something but her eyes were wide open now and she just wanted to know the truth.

“Then why did he write to you?” she couldn’t help but ask.

If Penelope could have turned paler in that moment, she was pretty sure that she would have.  Eloise wasn’t sure if she swooned, she’d have been able to keep her up right.

“He … wrote �� me?” she asked.

Eloise nodded.

“Before he left,” she said. “It just doesn’t make sense to me because you’ve never given me any inclination that you had any passing fancy for any of my brothers and – I know I’ve been busy with my investigation but surely, I would have noticed something.  Surely, if you were this in love with my brother, you would have told me.”

She didn’t say it because it was of no relevance now that Colin was gone but she was a bit hurt with the thought that she wouldn’t have been told. As much as it might have been weird, there was no one she would have rather had become a sister. In many ways, she’d always felt as if they were sisters.

Her words shamed Penelope.

“I didn’t tell you because he wouldn’t have felt the same. I’m not like you and your sisters. I don’t have Lords and Dukes fighting over my hand. The only men who ever dance with me at balls do so out of pity.  Yes, I … believe I loved your brother but he never would have loved me. Maybe he didn’t marry Marina but there would be another next season or the next.”

Eloise’s loyalties were completely and utterly torn. Did she defend her brother’s character? Did she argue her best friend’s virtues?

“ You’re incredible, Pen.  Maybe the men and the Ton are idiots but that doesn’t change the fact you are one of the smartest, kindest and most loyal people that I’ve ever know. Even if I am furious at you for not telling me all of this, I’ll keep telling you as much.”

There was a pause, the folded letter retrieved from where she’d stashed it in her haste to get there to investigate.

She extended it toward her friend after a long moment of thought.

“I was going to say my brother was daft but apparently you both are when it comes to romance. I’m sorry that he’ll never be able to tell you as much himself.”

--

My Dear Pen, Everyone in my family has a bit of a label to them. I love them all dearly. It’s sometimes a big heavy trying to live up to their accomplishments. Being clever has always been my method of disguising my discomfort in my own skin at times. If you are reading this, I was a coward who couldn’t be man enough to utter the very words that have taken to plaguing my every waking hour. When I am with you, you disarm me.  I am in awe of you to the point that it terrifies me. I’m not completely sure that you recognize how magnificent you truly are. I know that you think that no one takes notice of you but I do.  You’re also my sister’s most beloved friend and as such I may have taken for granted the fact you would always be there. I know that I have acted beastly in recent weeks, throwing myself head first at an ill-fated engagement with little consideration for your own circumstances, ignoring you when you sought to warn me and taking our friendship for granted. I cannot apologize to you enough. I am completely and utterly undeserving of the repeated forgiveness you have bestowed upon me. I had hoped I might throw myself at you for your mercy once more. I know that you are facing bigger issues than my own selfish need of your company though. I understand now that this is why you spurned my request at the ball.  I was wounded when you took leave of me but struggle to find sleep, I knew just how foolish I might have been to think that you would even want to spend the night dancing and talking with a rake like me. You have always deserved the attention of a man not a boy. You deserve someone who would  put you above his own boyish whims. You deserve to be cherished always. By the time I return from Greece, someone else will have seen how magnificent you really are. Perhaps one day, I will grow into the man that you have always had faith that I could be and when I approach you won’t feel need to take leave of me. I will never be as good as Anthony or Benedict but if when we can meet again you so  much as deem me worthy of friendship, I will not take such opportunity for granted.

Your most humble friend, Colin