#at least steven had the privilege of having a human dad that knows how to buy kids books so ofc he'd share

[ratective]

pearl never owned a fun book in her life, let alone a childrens book so the babies make do with what they have 😔

[the-desolated-quill]

Why Spider-Man Leaving The MCU Is The Best News I’ve Heard In Ages - Quill’s Scribbles

Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Did you hear the news? I’d be surprised if you didn’t. EVERYONE has heard the news by now. A couple of days ago it was reported that the deal between Marvel and Sony that allowed the two studios to share custody for the rights of Spider-Man has fallen through. Spider-Man is no longer going to be part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Speaking as someone who is not only a big Spider-Man fan, but also a very vocal critic of the current state of Marvel and Disney’s cynical and convoluted ‘shared universe’, this caused quite a reaction when I first heard the news. I’m as happy as a man who just found out his high school crush likes him back on the same day he won the lottery. Happy, but not surprised. In fact I’m more surprised that other people were surprised by the news. The deal Marvel and Sony managed to strike was almost unheard of. Two rival movie studios in mutual cooperation. Never thought I’d see the day. But if you thought this was going to be the new norm, then I’m afraid you don’t understand this industry. I knew, or at least suspected, that once Sony had a hit on their hands, they’d cut ties with Marvel and Disney. It was only a matter of time. Now that Spider-Man: Far From Home has made over a billion dollars at the box office and now they have found success with their own non-MCU films, Venom and Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, the simple fact of the matter is they don’t need Marvel or Disney anymore. So they’ve flown the coop. Yes it’s possible they could renegotiate the deal, but given how unlikely the prospect of the initial deal was in the first place, I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. It’s more likely they’re going to take their ball and go home. Sony’s Universe Of Marvel Characters (despite its incredibly clunky name) is now going to be firmly built upon and expanded, and I for one could not be more excited.

Of course not everyone shares my excitement. Disney, for one thing, aren’t happy. Nor are the cast. Jeremy Renner has made his views clear, begging Sony to give the rights to Spidey back. (Perhaps he should focus more on his own character Hawkeye, considering what a mess he’s become). Die hard MCU fans aren’t pleased neither. Same goes for ‘celebrity’ fans like Kevin Smith, a filmmaker who preferred to be called a comic book expert on the Venom Blu-Ray bonus features presumably because he hasn’t actually been relevant as a filmmaker since the 90s. (it’s worth reading his thoughts just for a laugh. He honestly thinks Disney aren’t greedy, corporate bastards. ROFL). And of course the so-called ‘professional’ critics, who for years have deluded themselves into thinking the MCU is actually good, have been writing their own little think pieces about what all this means. Can Spider-Man possibly survive without Iron Man and pals to prop him up? To which the answer is obviously yes. Sony had the rights to Spidey for fourteen years before the Marvel deal. They made five Spider-Man movies, four of which were massive box office successes. They also released Venom and Spider-Verse last year. Both hugely successful and the latter even won an Oscar, which is one more Oscar than Marvel Studios have ever won (sorry Black Panther. You were robbed).Can Spider-Man survive outside the MCU? Gee I don’t know. I guess somehow Sony will find the strength to soldier on without them.

Although, that being said, there’s not as many journalists siding with Disney as I thought there would be. There are quite a few articles explaining how this split could help Spidey in the long run, which is both absolutely true and refreshing to see. Hopefully this is a sign that we’re finally turning a corner and critics are starting to use their brains again. Like how everyone worshipped the ground Steven Moffat walked on until Sherlock Series 4 where everyone realised that he’s actually shit and has always been shit. 

Spider-Man leaving the MCU is the best thing you could do for the character at this stage. The way he’s been treated since joining the Marvel clusterfuck has been nothing short of appalling. I’ve made it no secret how much I detest this version of Spider-Man and some might dismiss what I’m about to say out of hand, perhaps claiming I’m biased because I’ve said numerous times that I love The Amazing Spider-Man films starring Andrew Garfield. Two films I will go to my grave defending because they were bloody good movies. People were just butt hurt because it wasn’t Spider-Man 4. Never mind the fact that the original Sam Raimi films were never that good to begin with (seriously, have any of you actually watched Spider-Man 2 recently? Trust me. It’s not as good as you remember it). No, I promise you that if MCU Spidey existed in a vacuum, I would still hate him just as much for the simple reason that he has absolutely nothing in common with the source material. Under the watchful, Orwellian eye of Marvel, they took Spider-Man, a character most famous for being a working class everyman, and turned him into the most spoilt and privileged little bum-balloon I’ve ever seen.

Spider-Man: Homecoming was a terrible movie. Plain and simple. A cynically produced, written by committee, pile of wank that gets so much of Spidey’s character and story completely wrong, it’s almost impressive. No longer a teenager/young adult struggling to balance his superhero life, his school work, his career and his social life, instead we got a groomed Mary Sue who doesn’t have to fight for anything because everything is basically handed to him on a silver platter courtesy of Iron Man. We never see him struggle. He’s not relatable. He never has to face consequences for his actions. He misses God knows how many classes and debate group meetings and yet he never gets punished for it. Sure he gets sent to detention a couple of times, but we see him leave whenever he bloody wants to. It’s just boring. If there’s no struggle, where’s the tension? And the less said about the villain, the better. Taking an eccentric antagonist like the Vulture and turning him into the stereotypical blue collar dad trying to provide for his family has got to be one of the most uninspired and blatantly lazy bits of characterisation I think I’ve ever seen. And that’s not to mention the supporting cast. Aunt May is youthed for no reason other than to make sexist jokes at her expense with every man that comes within her general vicinity staring at her with their tongues hanging out and eyes as large as saucepans. Minor villains like Shocker and the Tinkerer have their characters reduced to unfunny comedy sidekicks. And then there’s Peter Parker’s gang of racial stereotypes. We have Peter’s best friend, the fat and nerdy Ned who has no real personality other than being fat and nerdy (and is without a doubt the most annoying character in the damn film). Flash has been racebent so now he’s the stereotypical arrogant Asian prick. Michelle has no character other than being the same sassy black teenager who don’t give a shit, a caricature so old now it’s practically been fossilised. And then there’s the love interest Liz, a character so bland and one dimensional that I had to look her name up. Oh and lets not forget that the majority of this Spider-Man’s story was nicked from Miles Morales because people are only going to empathise with his story if it revolves around a white kid, am I right?

You know, I get so frustrated whenever people slag off the Amazing Spider-Man movies and claim that these new movies are better because... well... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I’m sorry, but I was much more invested with Peter and Gwen than I ever was with Peter and... what’s her face? Or Peter and Michelle (who I categorically refuse to call MJ because she’s not MJ, is she? They just used the initials to pander to gullible fans. They didn’t have the guts to just make Mary Jane Watson black, did they? Of course not! We don’t want to alienate the casual racists, do we? They’re our main demographic after all). The reason why Peter and Gwen worked is because they’re well-written, three dimensional characters with great chemistry and whom we actually spend a significant amount of time getting to know. So when Gwen dies at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, it becomes a heart wrenching moment because we’ve grown invested in this character and this relationship. If Michelle were to die in a future movie, I honestly wouldn’t bat a fucking eyelid. Even Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst had more chemistry than those two, and that relationship was a total shambles from start to finish.

It also helps that Peter and Gwen felt like real people. I loved the scene in the first movie where Peter awkwardly asks her out because it reminded me so much of how I asked my first girlfriend out. And that’s why I love the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Because out of all the Spidey films we’ve had over the past 17 years, the Amazing ones are the only ones in my opinion that manage to capture the humanity of the character. As fantastical as the world is, the characters, their relationships and their dilemmas are grounded firmly in reality. Homecoming on the other hand is just embarrassing. Despite casting teenage actors, none of the teenagers actually act like teenagers. They act like five year olds. It’s painfully obvious that the filmmakers are trying to pander to young kids and they clearly don’t know how to write them. Again, this is where the Amazing movies stands head and shoulders above the others. They’re not treated like kids or teenagers. They’re treated like people. Real people. Same goes for the villains. (Yes, even Electro, despite wonky execution).

But the main criticism people have with MCU Spidey is that these films aren’t actually about Spidey. They’re really about the MCU mascot Iron Man.

Now to be clear, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the idea of Iron Man being a surrogate father figure to Spidey. It could work. Captain America: Civil War, despite the clunky and contrived way in which Spidey was introduced to the MCU (oh you just happened to know about a masked vigilante we haven’t seen or heard of until now Tony? Okay. What about Daredevil and Luke Cage?... What do you mean they’re not in the movie?), did a good job of setting up the dynamic. Namely that Tony doesn’t actually care about Peter or his well being, merely using him for his own ends. Unless Americans have some kind of ‘Bring Your Child To A Warzone Day’  I don’t know about. 

Despite its flaws, Civil War was good because it gave us an unsettling look at the characters we’ve been watching for years. We see Captain America consumed by his own naivety and idealism to the point where he can no longer see the bigger picture and we see Iron Man go from being an industrial capitalist to an authoritarian fascist. Homecoming could have followed up on that. Have Spidey realise that Tony doesn’t have his best interests at heart, reject him as a father figure and grow into his own man. Instead the movie seems to go out of its way to undo all the interesting things Civil War brought to the table. Of course Tony cares about Peter! Oh and his relationship problems with Pepper Potts have been magically fixed off screen and now they’re getting married! Relax people, it’s okay! Nothing morally complicated going on here! We apologise for assuming you’re actually intelligent and promise never to make you think about anything ever again!

Not only is this quite insulting to the audience, it also negatively impacts Spidey’s arc. Turns out the movie isn’t about Spider-Man becoming his own man. It’s about him proving he can be an Avenger. He’s constantly in the shadow of Iron Man and, more to the point, we’re supposed to be happy that he’s in the shadow of Iron Man.

Again, this is where the Amazing Spider-Man gets it right. The first movie is very much about father figures. Uncle Ben, Curt Connors and Gwen’s dad all play a role in Peter’s growth and development over the course of the film. He’s able to take all the lessons and advice he gets from the three and use them to become his own man. As director Marc Webb so eloquently put it, ‘it’s a story about a kid who grows up looking for his father and finds himself.’ Compare that to the current iteration of Spidey where Uncle Ben doesn’t even appear to exist in this continuity because he’s been completely supplanted by Iron Dad. Remind me again why people think the Amazing movies are shit?

The latest film, Spider-Man: Far From Home, is no better. Same problems as before only this time Mysterio gets MCU’d to death. Instead of the pathetic loser trying desperately to receive recognition for his talents, we basically get a rehash of the plot from Iron Man 3, which in turn was a rehash of the plot from The Incredibles. Mysterio is basically trying to supplant Iron Man because he got screwed over when he used to work for Stark, and it’s up to everyone’s favourite wall-crawler to stop him because there’s only room in this universe for one Iron Boy. Even when Iron Man is dead, he’s still front and centre of the fucking narrative. Here’s a bright idea. How about we make a Spider-Man film that’s actually, you know, about Spider-Man? (Oh yeah, spoiler alert, Iron Man dies in Avengers: Endgame. Not that it’s really spoiling anything because Endgame is a big piece of shit).

Here’s the thing. Everyone is blaming Sony for the deal breaking down, and okay, I’m not going to pretend that Sony aren’t cynical. As much as I love The Amazing Spider-Man movies, I’m well aware the only reason they exist is because Sony desperately wanted to keep the rights. They spent a stupid amount of money on The Amazing Spider-Man 2 to the point where it needed to make a billion dollars at the box office in order to make a decent profit (a feat only achieved at that time by Batman with The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises) and they crammed loads of characters and plot points into an already overstuffed movie in order to rush out their own shared universe to compete with Marvel. When that didn’t work, they went crawling to Marvel and Disney in the hopes that the MCU could bail them out of the shit. I get it. There’s plenty to criticise. But for the likes of Kevin Smith and other idiots to only blame Sony and defend Marvel is really quite galling to me because Marvel and Disney are just as cynical, if not more so.

Does anyone here actually know what the deal was? Basically the agreement was that Kevin Feige would get lead producer credit for any solo Spider-Man films and Marvel and Disney would get five percent of the cut. Meanwhile Spider-Man would be allowed to appear in any MCU film. Also, because Sony still hold the rights to the character, they get the final say on any creative decision regarding Spider-Man. Or at least that’s the theory anyway. In reality that wasn’t the case. Reportedly Marvel and Disney were so anal about keeping the plot of Avengers: Endgame a secret that they didn’t tell the screenwriters of Spider-Man: Far From Home what happens in the bloody film. And considering that the film follows directly on from Endgame, that’s quite a problem. Sony may have creative control over Spider-Man, but Marvel and Disney can still call the shots, deliberately sabotaging Sony in order to boost hype for their own films. Also Sony are actually worse off in this deal because Marvel and Disney are the ones making all the money. Spider-Man has appeared in three MCU films. Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame. All three of these films made Marvel and Disney over a billion dollars at the box office. Sony meanwhile have only made two Spidey movies, Homecoming and Far From Home, only one of which has made over a billion and both of which Marvel and Disney get five percent of the profit. Now that Sony have finally got their billion dollar Spider-Man movie, Marvel and Disney had the cheek to propose that Sony share fifty percent of the profits with them. Because it’s not enough for Marvel and Disney to be making shit tons of money off their own films. No. They also want as much money as they can get out of films made by other studios that are only tangentially related to their’s. God forbid a movie studio should be allowed to keep all the profits from their movie.

So yeah, I’m glad Sony have split and are free to make their own movies again. Because Disney have got such a strangle hold on the entire industry that I’m always happy to see any studio or IP slip through their fingers. And I’m not the only one who thinks this. Do you know who else agrees with me? Stan Lee’s own daughter.

In an interview with TMZ, Joan Lee slammed Disney for their lack of compassion when her father passed away:

“When my father died, no one from Marvel or Disney reached out to me. From day one, they have commoditised my father’s work and never shown him or his legacy any respect or decency. In the end, no one could have treated my father worse than Marvel and Disney’s executives.”

She then went on to support Sony’s decision to break the deal with Marvel, saying ‘whether it’s Sony or someone else’s, the continued evolution of Stan’s characters and his legacy deserves multiple points of view.’

And do you know what? She’s right. She’s absolutely right.

While people were celebrating when Disney bought 20th Century Fox because the X-Men and Fantastic Four were finally going to be part of their precious shared universe, I was watching in absolute horror because nobody was actually talking about the ramifications of this. Disney serves as a cautionary tale of what happens when capitalism goes unchecked. Seeing this mega-corporation consume and absorb other major studios like some Lovecraftian monster is both frightening and heartbreaking for me because the industry is going to be so much lesser for it. Less studios means less movies are going to be produced. It also means less variety in the entertainment we consume. Marvel and Disney have already done their utmost to homogenise and dumb down every MCU film to the point where most of them all feel the same, look the same and have nothing unique or creative about them whatsoever. And now we’re on the cusp of seeing that potentially happening to my most favourite superhero in the whole wide world:

Thanks to the Disney buyout, plans for X-Force and Deadpool 3 have been placed on indefinite hold with people reckoning we won’t see the Merc with the Mouth again until Phase 5 (Christ, give me strength) of the MCU so that Marvel and Disney can work out exactly how to fit him into their shared universe. Naturally the R rated nature of the character makes him difficult to integrate into the PG-13 MCU. Some have suggested toning down the character. Even David Leitch, the director of Deadpool 2, said they could make a PG-13 version of the character, which just feels like such a massive betrayal. After literally years of Ryan Reynolds, director Tim Miller, screenwriters Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, and the fans fighting tooth and claw to get an R rated Deadpool movie green-lit, it sickens me whenever I see people discussing how a PG-13 Deadpool wouldn’t be so bad and that they just want to see him pop up in an Avengers movie.

Here’s a suggestion. If you can’t make someone like Deadpool fit into the MCU, STOP TRYING TO FUCKING DO IT! Let him be his own separate thing! I’ve got no problem with that! But no. Everything has to be connected to this idiotic shared universe, but here’s the thing, I really don’t fucking care. I couldn’t give two shits if Deadpool and Captain America were to meet in a movie. I just want to see X-Force and Deadpool 3. I just want some good fucking movies. Is that really too much to ask?

The MCU, and by extension Disney, are slowly ruining the industry with this shared universe crap and I’m getting so bloody sick of this. Not only does the premise have absolutely nothing new to offer at this point, it’s also ruining the quality of standalone movies. Instead of telling compelling stories with likeable characters, they’re just adverts for more movies to come with nothing unique to offer. Oooooh, can the Avengers stop Thanos and unkill everyone who we know aren’t really dead because they all have fucking sequels planned? Tune in next week to confirm what you already bloody know! I don’t give a fuck what you’ve got planned for me down the road in ten or fifteen movies time. Right now I’m stuck here at a service station and I’ve got no fucking sandwiches.

Off the top of my head, the only MCU films I can think of that I’ve watched in recent memory and I’ve actually enjoyed are Captain America: Civil War and Black Panther. And do you know why? Because they actually have something to say. They’re not focused on teasing the next bullshit spinoff movie. Black Panther in particular has little to no connection with the rest of the MCU. It works as its own standalone piece and has its own unique voice, commenting on how black people are viewed in society. Civil War takes elements from previous films and goes in an entirely new direction with them, exploring the faults in our beloved Avengers and questioning their role as superheroes. It offers something beyond a tease for the next film. It poses thought provoking questions about the characters and forces us to confront some harsh truths about them. But in an environment like the MCU, where everything is pre-planned by committee, there’s no room for creativity or expression, which means the few good movies get stifled. It’s impossible to continue the themes of Civil War because Homecoming exists to contradict everything. Black Panther is an amazing and impactful movie, but its impact is lessened thanks to Infinity War where we see the Wakandans reduced to little more than cannon fodder so that the real heroes can fight the baddie.

It’s frustrating to see people blindly accept and support the poisonous business model of Marvel and Disney because it’s not normal, it’s not benefiting the industry at large and it’s not even financially viable in the long term. Marvel Studios’ success revolves around one franchise. What happens when the shared universe/comic book movie bubble bursts and people eventually stop watching these films? (and it will happen because it always happens. That’s how trends work). They’re going to be up shit street, aren’t they? At least Warner Bros have Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to fall back on. Their future isn’t entirely dependant on the success of the DCEU (thank God, some might say).

Also it’s worth noting that studios are slowly starting to move away from the shared universe format. Before the buyout, 20th Century Fox were taking risks with smaller budget, standalone movies like Deadpool and Logan. After the disaster that was Justice League, Warner Bros and DC have recently started focusing more on standalone movies to great success. Aquaman and Shazam, while still part of the DCEU, work as their own independent films. We’ve also got Joker being released in a couple of months time, which I think everyone should be paying really close attention to, because if Joker is critically and commercially successful, it could very well serve as the death knell for the concept of a shared universe. Definitive proof that you don’t need twenty movies and interconnecting stories with massive budgets to be successful. All you need is a very good idea.

Even Sony have finally learnt their lesson. They’ve taken a risk with Into The Spider-Verse and received an Academy Award for their trouble. As for Sony’s Universe Of Marvel Characters, they’re already off to a strong start with Venom. And mercifully they’re not making the same mistakes they did with the Amazing Spider-Man 2 or Ghostbusters. They’re not spending ridiculous amounts of money with unrealistic expectations of success and they’re no longer putting the cart way before the horse. They’re focusing on making a good movie first and worrying about potential expansion later. Venom may not be a masterpiece, but it’s a hell of a lot more entertaining and fulfilling than the majority of MCU films because it tells a complete story with a beginning, middle and end and it has well developed characters that we actually like and grow attached to. And if worst comes to the worst and Sony’s next film, Morbius, doesn’t do well, then they have Venom 2 to fall back on. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll still have Spider-Verse. They are no longer putting all their eggs in one basket and that’s good. That’s the smart thing to do.

Can you imagine something like Venom in the MCU? Of course not! Because Venom has its own unique tone and vision. That’s why it was so successful with audiences. Its mix of dark comedy and campy sci-fi horror made it stand out from the crowd. Marvel and Disney want us to believe that there’s only one way to make a superhero movie, when that’s simply not true. And now that Spider-Man is free to find his own unique voice again, hopefully people will begin to see just how creatively limiting and damaging the MCU truly is.

[wintersqueenmab]

Silly, do all the questions you definitely deleted. All of them.

Well, since you asked so nicely, sure. Under the readmore to save dashboard space.

1. how tall are you?

I’m 5 foot, 9 inches tall, or 175 centimeters for those of you using metric units.

2. what is your body type?

Softer than I’d like, but otherwise pretty standard.

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

I do like the color of my eyes, and I think my hands are pretty nice.

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Partially, yes. However, the top of my head is currently a cotton candy riot, so not that part.

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

I like to pull off the shy -> outgoing combo for maximum damage.

6. are you more femme or butch?

Being AMAB, I’m pretty sure I’m automatically on the butch side. Not where I’d like to keep it, though.

7. are you tol or smol?

I don’t think 5′9″ is very tall, or very small. The middle it is, then.

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

Definitely vodka aunt.

9. weird habit?

Does eating popcorn seeds count?

10. favorite meme?

I’m a sucker for bass boosting in the middle of otherwise normal videos.

11. do you sing in the shower?

Ironically, that’s one of the only places I don’t sing.

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

A couple times, but never in any seriousness.

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

Not currently, but I definitely was in high school. Would love to go back.

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Nah, son. Shit’s expensive.

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes, but in a good way.

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

Sadly not.

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

“Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.”

18. last movie you watched?

Spider-Man: Far from Home.

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

In front, definitely. Doing theater has shown me that I love being in the spotlight.

20. favorite tv show?

Toss up between Steven Universe and A:tLA.

21. meaning behind your url

Comes from an old username I had a long time ago. I still use Rydyr for most things online.

22. reason you joined tumblr

Kingdom Hearts fandom, then almost immediately comboed into Homestuck.

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

Probably samysticeti.

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Lord of the Rings.

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

Nope.

26. have you had sex?

Sure have.

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

Yes, several times.

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

I once told my dad that my brother had destroyed my writing journal to get out of writing in it for the day. It worked!

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

Getting to know systems and the best way to exploit them is pretty dang neat.

30. describe your best friend.

Always there for me, even when I don’t want them there. But they know better.

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

Now, what makes you think you’ve earned that?

32. how do you feel right now?

Slightly irritated at the amount of formatting work I had to do for this (a lot), but otherwise good. Go listen to Starlight Brigade if you haven’t heard it, it’s fantastic.

33. what is your biggest fear?

Not becoming who I want to be.

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Glory, by Bastille.

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Being more outgoing has, in general, done a ton for me.

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

Yeah. That’s life, though.

37. something you fantasize about.

Financial stability, a harem of cuties, being in a harem of cuties. Lots of unattainable goals.

38. last time you cried and why

A while ago, probably over past relationships.

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

A dumb play my friend made in a League of Legends match.

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Always.

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Honestly, nobody. Without sounding like an edgelord, there’s a lot I don’t want people to know because they’d just worry.

42. the last time you felt broken?

Last night.

43. are you starting to realize anything

Many, many things.

44. are you more dominant or more submissive

Depends on the context, obviously. I try to be assertive in everyday life, but I think I’m more submissive in the bedroom.

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect.

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

I don’t have any real preference, but I think I’d feel weird if I dated someone significantly younger than myself.

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

That’s not fair; I have too many crushes to single anyone out. One of the pros/cons of being poly.

48. do you have any kinks?

Look, there’s a whole ass list here. Gotta get more specific.

49. first thing you notice in a person?

Probably their voice if I’m actually interacting with them. If I’m seeing them from afar, it’s their hair.

50. how can someone win your heart?

By being sweet to me.

51. been rejected by a crush?

Of course.

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Tons of times.

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

If they were down, yeah.

54. is trust a big issue for you?

Like, do I have trust issues? Not really. Is it a big thing for me in a relationship? Once we hit a certain point, yeah.

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

A couple of them, yeah. Not nearly enough, though.

56. is confidence cute?

It’s fucking sexy.

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Good for them! They’re living their best life. Fuck jealousy.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Probably not. I love being with funny people.

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

At least one of them does. I try not to make it a big deal.

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

I’ve embarrassed myself in front of my partners more times than I care to count.

61. do you want to get married

Not unless the government gets really cool about a lot of things really quickly.

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

Lied to people that trusted me.

63. three things that turn you on.

Confidence, a nice pair of legs, and the ability to take charge.

64. who do you hate?

Nazis.

65. favorite term of endearment?

Stardust.

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

Probably some fucking Homestuck characters, I dunno.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Both. Both? Both are great.

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

We gotta like the same stuff. Also want to get freaky in the bedroom the same way.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

Sixty-nine, eyyyyy. Uh, all of them.

70. are you good at flirting?

Only when I’m unaware I’m doing it.

71. who was the first person you came out to?

My friends in high school.

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

Yes! Several.

73. is your crush wlw?

Some of them are, yeah.

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

Pretty much literally any attractive person. I think about it a lot.

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

I wish you’d know me

As I’ve gotten to know you

See me as I am

76. do you fall in love easily?

Love, no. Infatuation? Almost pathetically so, yeah.

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Boy fucking howdy, yeah.

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yep.

79. are you a forgiving person?

Extremely. I just wanna be friends with everyone.

80. what is your “type?”

Kind people that can slam me against a wall and make me thank them for the privilege.

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

B O T H

82. tall girls or short girls?

I’d love to be with a girl that just fucking dwarfs me in height.

83. hugs or kisses?

I fucking love hugs. And I’ve had strangers tell me I give great hugs, so I wanna share that with others.

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

Fuck, dude, I’d sure love to get twirled.

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

A tummy kiss that transitions into a big fucking tummy raspberry.

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

Neck kisses, hell fucking yeah.

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

Hair, absolutely. Too many people are ticklish.

88. making out or soft kisses?

I don’t understand why I need to choose here. They’re both great in different situations.

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

Waist! Easier to pick people up that way.

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

I’m pretty confident in my ability to be attracted to nearly anyone that’s nice to me.

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

Butterflies, with blushing only when I get embarrassed around them.

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

Yes and yes.

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

Well, being AMAB, this was pretty early. It took me a lot longer to accept being into guys.

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

There was this one time I just nerded out about MtG for like ten minutes, and she was just sitting nearby. When I saw her, I almost died.

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

Rosemary from Homestuck. It’s so good.

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

“Are you sure you can’t just pick one person and stick to them?”

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

Like six hours ago.

98. what is love to you?

Love is caring about another person more than yourself. It’s wanting the best for them at all times. It’s being happy when they’re happy and being sad when they’re sad. It’s seeing the universe in their smile, and glimpsing eternity in how they make you feel.

99. ask me anything.

Well, this sure is awkward. If you read all this, congrats! You know more about me now than my own parents probably do. Have a great night, everyone.

[spidermanifested]

not to do Universal Steve Discourse on main in 2019 but....... i did genuinely enjoy the season finale and i want to like. express the reasons why? in a really really really long drawn-out and needlessly convoluted manner probably because this is being typed on mobile and im tired

first of all i know the main thing people dont like about how things have gone in general is the fact that its less You Gotta Beat the Bad Guys and more You Gotta, Talk to the Bad Guys Until They Stop Being Bad, which is not very often a realistic approach to stopping actual horrible people in our real human society from doing actual horrible things

and i get it!! but honestly the way the finale goes about resolving conflict (or specifically how steven goes about resolving conflict), while flawed, feels more like. a mediatorial power fantasy id have as a kid than anything else. like....... for once, things not having to end with the strongest person coming out on top. making the other side just sit there and listen for a few minutes, and force them to realize that their actions have consequences for the rest of the world and the people they claim to care about. that no, their idea of whats best isnt always helpful! that theyre ignoring everyones actual needs in favor of an idealized and selfish narrative!

every time i would watch a show featuring superheroes or anything similar when i was younger id hate that it always had to resolve itself with violence instead of just TALKING to each other, and maybe su and the homeworld arc in particular isnt an accurate portrayal of successfully navigating interpersonal conflict with stubborn assholes or of fighting systemic oppression or a fascist government colonizing everybody else and suppressing all dissent through any means available or whatever but. sometimes metaphors dont work as a direct 1:1 comparison to things happening in real life, and thats, okay i think? sometimes? i dont know it just feels good to see everybody UNDERSTAND each other. it reminds me that its. actually possible once in a blue moon to convince someone to treat the people around them with respect. and it just feels good honestly. its a fantasy show and Everybody Goddamn Finally Getting Along is a Common and Valid Fantasy to Have Especially If Youre a Kid in a Bad Place

also: though in a lot of scenarios this way of approaching the diamonds wouldnt be feasible at all, steven in the show is not just a random human whos magically able to change the minds of alien dictators. hes the son of maybe the one person they had any compassion for, and they treated him like he was still her, which even then Wasnt Great because the diamonds were not a healthy familial setup by any measure. but at the very least they could SOMETIMES be swayed by pink. and he used that to its advantage by showing them how much they hurt her, and then by extension how much they hurt everybody else, even if they didnt particularly care about the rest of their “flawless” gem society. and maybe they still dont!!! maybe theyre just making reparations to honor pink. but when it comes down to it their feelings dont matter. their motivations dont matter. their ACTIONS matter. in stevens words: “you did this, and now you have to fix it”.

he used his foothold in their good graces (again, relatively) to make them take a closer look at their actions, and thats what makes it more rational to me. because of course they wouldnt listen if he was some random half-alien kid. if he really was unrelated to the diamonds he would have HAD to use force. you dont get people to listen to your viewpoint by just talking when theyve already convinced themselves youre below their consideration and itd be useless to pretend otherwise, yes!! but to use another characters metaphor- the best character in the whole show (bismuth)- if you are a lion, you can safely enter the lions den. use your respected-as-a-peer status to convince the people around you to be better. obviously everybody being affected by oppression can fight with everything theyve got and it makes a huge difference, but what also makes a difference is people in positions of privilege standing up for other peoples rights and magnifying their voices, and the burden of breaking out from an unjust system shouldnt NEED to be placed on the downtrodden. we should fight, but we shouldnt HAVE to fight. its not our fault things are this way

and giving up on galactic conquest doesnt suddenly make the diamonds good people. not once to my memory do they ever actually verbally apologize (at least white diamond definitely didnt) but like i said before, that doesnt really matter to the people they hurt. the damage is done and any apology offered would just look flimsy and performative. instead steven has them just shut up and fix the things theyre able to fix. nobody says “i forgive you”, they arent suddenly given tragic backstories to make the audience sympathize with them, theyre just... the same close-minded egotistical royalty, but being forced to look at everybody else from a different angle for the very first time, directly after coming to grips with the fact that their awful caste-based society pressured one of “their own” into faking her own death and later dying for real just so she could experience life outside of the constricting role she was born into. thats their thing. that isnt a redemption arc so much as a “hurray we made them pay for their reprehensible actions in a constructive and viable manner” arc

i think thats... cool? less focus on Punishing Wrongdoers and more focus on Fixing Problems. we need that. in a lot of ways

but yes i also wholeheartedly believe that you should not argue or debate or converse with fascists in real life unless youre somebody they have to take seriously. like. their dad, or something. and dont do it anywhere public where they can perform for the audience instead of addressing your words. and also dont do it on the internet where they can screencap and mock you with their friends instead of being serious. but if youre their dad i dont know why youd need to be doing that. anyways this post is long enough so thats the end of my ‘Punching Nazis is Very Morally Good and Also Fun and Im Not About to Say Otherwise in a Million Years’ disclaimer

the tumblrmobile refuses to post this so ive had to save it as a draft and come back on my laptop to add tags good website great design functions as intended

[mimik-u]

Flower Child (Chapter 4)

Title: Connie

Summary:

Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, Greg, Yellow, and Blue—they've all lost someone. Lovers and daughters and friends and family, and that's not a wound you easily come back from.

If at all.

But this isn't an 'if at all' kind of story.

It's a story about a sickly, little kid named Steven and his ever-growing surrogate family.

It's a story about the kind of boy who'd extend a flower and a smile to a sad stranger he meets at a cemetery. Human AU.

AO3 Link

It was precisely five in the morning when the Maheswarans’ tan sedan eased out of the driveway and onto the blacktop road. The sun wasn’t set to rise for a couple of hours still, and the fading moon cast an eery, ghoulish glow on the still slumbering world. Everything was stained blue, from her mother’s white lab coat to Connie’s own hands, which she rubbed over her bleary eyes in an attempt to spark some life into them.

She didn’t usually go with her mom to work—being an avid lover of sleep and all—but her dad was on an out-of-state operation for a couple of days, and so she really didn’t have a choice in the matter.

Which she had absolutely hated at first.

Being an avid lover of sleep and all.

But something… no, someone… changed her mind.

Yesterday, she had met Steven Universe, and ever since they had parted, she hadn’t been able to get his goofy smile out of her head.

His loud, round laugh.

And the curious way he drew out her name.

As though it was full of exclamation points.

“Steven’ll be there, right?”

Mom offered a slight grunt in response, which Connie supposed meant yes. (Mom wasn’t really a morning person… or, well, much of a person at all until she’d at least gotten three cups of coffee into her system. She was only on number one as of yet, and the creamy smell of hazelnut wreathed her travel tumbler like perfume.)

“What time?”

“Twelve.” The one word answer was terse and forbidding.

But Connie ducked under the lurid yellow tape and pressed on anyway.

“I didn’t get to ask, but who was that woman with him? The one who had her feet propped up on the bed?”

“Amethyst, one of Steven’s many guardians,” she growled impatiently. “Connie, this isn’t twenty questions.”

The sharp rebuke stung the air between them.

A chill that the car’s heater could not touch.

“Sorry, Mom.” She looked out of the window in a vain attempt to stifle the heat rising in her cheeks, where it settled somewhere behind her eyes. The sickly tinged suburbs were beginning to give way to the long stretch of ancient forest that wound its way from her home to the city. The trees tall and everlasting. Friends and guardians in the daylight. Sinister, grasping things in the darkness. “I’m just excited to have a new friend… that’s all.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it.

She was excited to have a friend at all.

The kids at school didn’t like that Connie’s hand seemed to be permanently stuck in the air during class.

Or the way she lugged thick books around the playground.

Or how her glasses seemed to make her appear all the more erudite.

Which was, like, not her fault, but kids were cruel, and she just happened to fall on the easy end of their predatory food chain.

Priyanka Maheswaran let out a sigh that seemed to deflate all of her prickly, caffeine deprived edges; her grip on the wheel relaxed a fraction of an inch.

“And you have the right to be, sweetheart,” she relented wearily, a billion years old and yet only forty-two at the same time. “Go on. Ask your questions. I know you’re curious.”

The corner of her lined mouth quirked upwards. “I won’t bite anymore.”

Coming from this woman, whose whole manner of being was like the scalpel she used during surgery—sharp, methodical, ruthless—an invitation to talk more was about as rare as an I love you. Connie blinked once before she smiled.

“Thanks, Mom!”

“Ask your questions, Connie” came the short reply, which Connie translated to be a solid you’re welcome.

“I… I have tons of little questions,” she began uncertainly, chewing on her lip, “but I think they’d all be answered if I just asked you one big question.” And she expanded her fingers in her lap as if to realize the breadth of the thoughts swarming through her head like bees. She’d gone to bed thinking about Steven, and she’d woken up excited for the opportunity to see him again.

Eyes still searching the empty road for obstacles that hadn’t yet materialized, Mom jerked her head as if to say, Go ahead and ask it then.

So Connie took a deep breath and did just that: “How did he… how did he get like this?”

Even as the words left her mouth, she knew that they didn’t cover half the sentiment she was trying to convey in them. She was asking how he had ended up in the dialysis center, yes, and yet, she wasn’t asking just that. What she was really trying to get at—in so many words—was how this kid, this specific kid, found himself on the other end of a diagnosis that no decent person would wish on his worst enemy.

Steven Universe was the type of kid you’d meet on a playground after you’d fallen down from the monkey bars and needed a hand to get back up again.

Not the type of kid you’d expect to find in a hospital swarming with tubes and wires.

He was loud and he was playful and he was good, and those weren’t things that were supposed to be shackled to a machine three times a week.

So maybe what Connie was trying to do was piece together the correlation in it all.

Him.

The disease.

His unwavering smile.

The machine.

He was a contradiction, an oxymoron, a particularly hard equation she wished to solve.

If only her mother would give her the unknown variables.

Mom sighed, and the shadows underscoring her eyes seemed to solidify into harsh lines.

“Loaded question,” she said heavily, “but I can work with it.”

But before she began to work with it, per say, Priyanka raised her tumbler to her lips and took a long, reverent drag of coffee. Connie could see the cords in her throat pulling the sweet substance down, down, down.

She had been reading Homer lately—the Iliad this time, rife with glorious, bloodstained battles that were only palliated by the quieter intimacies of a fireside, a prayer, an embrace—so maybe it was no wonder that the image of a libation bearer came to mind.

A devout hero—an Odysseus, an Achilles, an Ajax—drinking the second sip of wine after he had poured the first to the gods in an invocation for strength.

For the courage to press on.

Priyanka set her cup down.

Squared her eyes on the road that unspooled through the dark like a ribbon—silky, its ends disappearing into the deep blue.

And began.

“It all started with Rose Quartz, Steven’s late mother, and she was the most infuriating woman I’ve ever had the privilege to know…”

◆

“I was just a resident at the time, shadowing Dr. Howard—you know, that old geezer colleague of mine who thinks your name is Cindy.”

Connie chuckled at the wry reminder. “Yeah, I just stopped correcting him after awhile.”

“Prudent choice.” Priyanka briefly returned the smile. “But anyways, I was just a resident, and I’d been helping Howard with some of his cases when Rose Quartz showed up for her monthly checkup and—in spite of everything that was wrong with her body—told us she was pregnant. I can remember it like it was just yesterday, Connie, how her hand tenderly tucked itself against the natural curve of her belly, as though she could already see a baby bump forming.”

Mom’s steady gaze on the road finally broke.

Drifted to the roof of the car for an infinitesimal second.

Distracted by a long passed memory.

“I’d been familiar, if not intimate with her case for a long time by then… and I was disgusted.”

“Alright, Steven—you know the drill. Hop up onto the scale,” Mom instructed without looking at him, scribbling something on her clipboard. Connie, standing just next to her mother, leaned up on her tiptoes to see if she could glean something from the chicken scratch symbols, and she thought she could make out the word pale.

Which—Connie glanced at Steven now, who had dutifully stepped onto the gray block—was an observable feature in him she concluded with no little unease. Even against the ultra white of the hospital gown, his complexion seemed to be ashy in comparison, and every bruise he had was inclined to look darker because of it.

The monitor flickered and produced a number.

118.4 pounds.

Mom wrote something on her clipboard again, and the little frown that hung itself on her lower lip told Connie everything she needed to know, and yet, precisely nothing at the same time.

“Aww,” Steven said, tsking playfully. “It’s an even number.”

“Do you have something against even numbers?” Connie asked as he reengaged the floor once more with a totally unnecessary but very cute hop.

He had to think about it for a moment, dark eyes tilted towards the ceiling, head cocked to the side.

“Nah,” he finally shrugged. “I guess I just find odd numbers a little more… exciting, you know?”

She giggled into her hand. She’d never heard it put like that before.

But out of the corner of her eye, she watched as an unspoken conversation passed between Amethyst and her mother.

When Amethyst frowned, her plump lower lip poked out.

“You were… disgusted?”

It was a strong word to describe a pregnancy.

The miracle of life and all that jazz.

“Very much so,” Mom nodded. In the now graying dusk, her face had gained a pinched quality to it, as though she had swallowed something particularly nasty. “Because she knew damn well that pregnancy was dangerous for her, dangerous for any baby she ever wanted to have, and yet, there she was anyway. Glowing. Steven’s father—Greg—was sitting next to her, and he looked like he was about to throw up or pass out one.”

“I don’t… I don’t think I understand.”

“No,” Mom shook her head. “I don’t imagine you do. She had Type 1 diabetes—had had it ever since she was a teenager—and it wasn't even just normal diabetes! Even though she did x, y, and z to take care of her body, and even though she visited Dr. Howard so often they could call each other by their first names, it was still abnormally stressful on her body. Howard diagnosed her with diabetic kidney disease when she was only twenty-three.”

Mom dragged a frustrated hand through her graying hair.

“I was so mad at her,” she said, her voice strained, tight, fervent. “I thought… I thought she was throwing her life away.”

With Steven, her mother was strangely gentle.

Her words were still sharp, but her actions belied their sting in a way that Connie hadn’t taken the time to notice yesterday as absorbed by Steven as she’d been. She took his temperature and clamped a firm hand on his shoulder, smiling a parenthetical smile when he smiled up at her. She checked his blood pressure and was noticeably conscientious as she slid the inflatable cuff up and down his arm.

She and Amethyst bantered back and forth like two sailors home from sea.

“So how’s old Greg doing? Still washing the same five cars of the fifteen people you guys have in Beach City?” Done with recording his temperature and blood pressure on the chart, Mom was now fiddling with the dialysis machine, bringing it to life with some mighty expert button pressing and knob turning. It began to beep steadily.

“You know it, homegirl,” Amethyst grinned. She was already sprawled in the chair next to Steven’s bed, arms behind her head, legs tucked up on the bed. “I think his rotation’s next, so ya should be seeing him soon.”

“Nope,” Steven corrected her. “It’s Garnet’s.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s me and then it’s Garnet and then—“

“My Dad and Pearl,” he finished with a slight flourish of the hand.

Mom shook her head at the mention of Pearl—whom Connie did not know from Eve along with all these other people—a wry smile crooked at the corner of her mouth. “If it was up to Pearl, she’d have all four rotations.

“And then, like, she’d make up a fifth one just to make sure she had every potential shift,” Amethyst said, not without some mischievousness tucked away in the subtleties of her scratchy voice.

The three conspirators shared a knowing laugh, and Connie made a brave attempt at a smile that faltered the more she tried to hold on to it. Water slipping through her fingers.

“She must have known how I felt because she pulled me aside once we were alone. Dr. Howard had gone to check on another patient, Greg had gone to the restroom, so she took me by the hand and made me sit next to her on the examination table.”

And it wasn’t that she was jealous of her mother.

Far from it.

That would be absurd.

No, the something that was gnawing at her chest felt a little more nuanced than that.

There was an intimacy that her mother shared with Amethyst and Steven.

She had long been a part of their strange, little world.

And Connie was on the outside looking in, her fingers pressed against the glass.

Observing the microcosm they had created between them.

Wondering what it took to be let in.

(Okay, maybe she was a little jealous.)

“You hate me, she had said. And I think I may have just glared at her, or if I did say something, it wasn’t very kind. I remember that I couldn’t look at her. I stared at my lap, at those godawful green scrubs that residents had to wear, and my fists were clenched on top of my knees. Maybe I’d been prepared to punch her.” She chuckled lifelessly. “Who knows?”

“What did she look like?” Connie asked as her mother took a deep, steadying breath.

A not quite smile turned the corner of Mom’s mouth.

“She was a very beautiful woman. Tall and big. Gorgeous pink curls—she liked to dye her hair—spilling over her shoulders.”

A not quite frown upended the not quite smile.

“Steven looks a lot like her.”

It was a fitting conception , Connie thought.

Steven as beautiful.

Steven was sharp, intuitive, more so than she had ever realized in the twenty or so hours she had known him. With an embarrassed jolt, she caught him staring at her from the top of the bed, his brown eyes softened in sympathy, in what was surely understanding.

The intensity of his gaze intimidated her, and she looked away, looked down at the pristine hospital floor where the scuff marks caused by beds and shoes and machines were the only scars that marred all the white.

She was being seen.

It was a foreign sensation.

“Hold up a sec, guys!” Steven said, interrupting the laugh session. “We gotta fill Connie in on who all these names are!”

“Heck yeah,” Amethyst consented with an almost serious nod. She grinned at Connie from the other side of the bed. “If you’re gonna hang around, Connie-Con, you’ve gotta know the whole cast!”

Connie-Con, huh?

That was a new one.

She couldn't help but offer a shy smile in return.

“Well, while you exposit, do me a quick favor and pull on your masks,” Mom said, adjusting hers to her lower face in an instant and throwing them each one. “I suppose we’d better get this ball rolling.”

Connie caught hers by the tips of her fingers and wrapped it around her ears in a few delicate motions.

Steven was still staring at her—she flushed to notice—and even though his mouth was now hidden, his wide smile could never be as equally as concealed.

“And then—I’m mortified to admit this now, Connie—I let it rip. I read her the Riot Act and enumerated every single reason she had to be ashamed of herself. Her body couldn’t handle the stress. She had put herself at a statistically liable risk for all sorts of complications. Hypertension. Cardiac arrhythmia. Severe anemia. Death by multi-organ failure. Not to mention what her condition might inflict on the baby!”

“You never did have the best bedside manners, did you, Mom?”

Mom couldn’t do anything but accept the criticism with a bitter smile.

“No,” she agreed grudgingly,“but for all the pansy hand holders in the field, I feel strongly obliged to contend that there should be at least one person who’ll tell you to it straight, no honey nonsense, no sugar. And Rose, despite all I said, despite every hurtful word I leveraged her way, did nothing to stop me. She just sat there and took it, a small, sad smile on her face—which made me even more angry, mind you.”

Mom took a hand off the wheel to indignantly stab it into the air, stiff fingers splaying towards the road.

“What business did this woman have smiling when I was confronting her with the fact that she was probably going to die? I wanted to shake her. I wanted to interrogate her. I wanted to know why .”

“So basically, I’ve got one cool dad and three great moms,” Steven said before jerking a thumb at Amethyst. “This is Amethyst, and she’s, like, the fun mom. We goof around a lot.”

Amethyst nodded approvingly at the description, her long, rather messy bangs shifting from behind her ear to cover one of her eyes.

“Yup, that’s me.”

“Steven,” Mom interjected, very much in doctor mode now, “prepare yourself. I’m going to flush your lines.”

“Roger that, doc,” Steven replied and leaned back on the pillow as she gently peeled back one of the shoulders of his paisley studded gown to reveal what Mom had yesterday explained to be a central venous catheter, or CVC for short. It was a thin tube that had been surgically grafted into a vein just below Steven’s collarbone. On the surface of his skin, it extended into two, short tubes called lumens that would be used to connect to the dialysis machine. Connie watched mesmerized as her mother quickly and skillfully relieved the lumens of their clamps, squinting at them with a searching gaze as though looking for any flaws in them, and huffing in satisfaction when she seemingly didn’t find any.

She was so distracted by this process that she didn’t realize that Steven had continued on with his introductions until what had been a vague buzzing in her ears materialized into his cheery voice once more. “—one we were talking about earlier was Pearl, who is the strict but very loving mom. And then there’s Garnet, who is just, like, cool; there’s really no other word to describe her, and like, finally, my dad, Greg, who is kind of the best. And that’s the family!

Connie recovered her wits quickly enough to laugh. (Was Pearl the cool one, or was she the strict one? She hoped she’d never be tested on the specifics.) “That’s a pretty cool setup you’ve got there. Stick it to the nuclear family unit!”

“We’re a nuclear family unit,” Mom inserted dryly as she flicked the tall syringe she was holding. It was filled with some kind of clear liquid—some sort of solution, Connie supposed.

“I dunno what that means exactly,” Steven smiled, all sheepishness, “but yeah, it is pretty cool. I mean, most kids only get to have one mom in their lifetime, and I’ve gotten three. They’re the best.” He slid his hand downwards and poked the tip of Amethyst’s boot. “I don’t know where I’d be without any of these guys.”

Amethyst made a big show of pushing him away, but her brown eyes were bright with something other than the grin haphazardly slapped across her round features.

“Ugh, shut up, little dude. You’re making me emo.”

“Oh, no!” His eyes widened in mock disapproval. “We can’t have that, now can we? That’s Lapis’s thing!”

Amethyst and Steven’s belly laughs shook the bed.

“And you know what she said to me?”

“What?” Connie asked when her mother wasn’t immediately forthcoming, seemingly lost in thought.

“She squeezed my hand just like this”—Mom reached over and enveloped her entire hand, their fingers intertwining, warmth passing between them like a third touch—“and told me that she didn’t expect for me to understand, but she’d long made peace with the fact that she wasn’t set to have a long life and that before she died, she wanted to bring someone in the world who could enjoy all the things that she could not.”

“That life was supposed to be an experience, not a curse.”

“That if she passed away tomorrow, Greg and all of her friends would be left with nothing but memories, and memories were like petals. They were pretty until the crumbled to dust. She wanted to leave them with roots. She wanted them to have a chance to grow.”

Roots and petals and the potential for growth.

Connie immediately thought of the sunflower fields near their townhouse, how the tall stalks bloomed in the sun.

How all the yellow looked like spun gold.

“I told her she was stupid. I told her that she could have had a relatively long life even with her condition. She could have lived to forty, maybe even fifty!”

Priyanka laughed. It was a harsh sound, like metal clanging against metal.

“And she told me that once I got the giant stuck up my butt seen about, I’d see what she meant one day.”

“Did you?” Connie prodded after a long moment of silence. “Did you ever see what she was talking about?”

Mom’s syringe hovered over one of the lumen for the briefest second before she injected the solution into its exposed opening. 

She had been watching Amethyst and Steven.

The way they looked at each other.

As though they had everything to lose if they lost each other.

“I did,” she paused, reconsidering. “I do. Greg and all the rest? They’d be lost without Steven, unanchored.” 

“That’s how they were for a long time after Rose died. I was there when it happened. I saw all their faces. I hope I never have to see it again.”

“How did she die?” Connie wished she could have taken back the question the moment it left her mouth. Her mother’s grip immediately tightened on the wheel, and the resulting paleness clamored up from her hands all the way to her face in the very way poison ivy slowly overtakes white walls.

“We had to do a c-section, and her blood pressure was rising too rapidly for any machine or doctor alike to keep up with it. We delivered Steven, let her see him, and then started to work on her… but it was no use. She went into a diabetic coma and never woke up.”

They were approaching traffic and the city now. 

The sedan rolled to a stop behind a line of other early risers.

It wasn’t a nuisance for her mom this morning so as much as it was a reprieve.

Priyanka dipped her head and inhaled sharply, her black hair dripping, framing the sides of her face. Connie could no longer see her expression.

She didn’t know if she even wanted to.

“We pulled the plug two weeks later.

“I wish they could make a more flavorful saline solution,” Steven grimaced as her mom injected the replenished solution into the other lumen. “It tastes like salt.”

“Hence the word saline,” Mom remarked drolly.

“You got me there, Dr. M.”

With that tedious necessity out of the way, the process went far more quickly. She connected two tubes from the machine—or Steven’s robokidney as Steven slyly called it to the groans of everyone involved—to the now flushed lumens. The red tube accepted unclean blood into the machine, and the blue tube distributed filtered blood back into the body. It was a precise system and a slow one.

Since the lumens weren’t exposed anymore, they took their masks off and found themselves free to do whatever they wanted to for the next three hours, so long as Steven remained relatively still  that was.

But he was a pro at this, had been for months now, and after Mom went away to tend to another patient and Amethyst wandered off to the cafeteria, Connie pulled The Unfamiliar Familiar out of her backpack to pick up where she’d left off yesterday.

“With or without voices?” She asked, thumbing through the pages until she found her bookmark (a crumpled straw wrapper).

“What kind of question is that?” He snorted. When he did, the tubes nestled against his chest gave a little jump of indignation. “Voices, of course!”

“Sorry, sorry!” She deferred with playfully raised hands. “I was just being thorough.”

“You remind me of Pearl when you say that,” he said. “I’d love for you to meet her someday.”

She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and adjusted her glasses.

“I’d like that, too.”

She wanted to meet everyone who made Steven… well, Steven.

The early sun was just beginning to creep towards and above the horizon, bringing with it the varicolored shades of dawn. A muted pink. A slowly simmering orange. Gold shot through all of it. 

The line of cars leading into Empire City was moving forward at a sluggish crawl.

“So where does Steven fit into all this?” Connie could have made an educated stab at it by this point, but she didn’t see the need to when her mom was being so generous with her details. 

Priyanka took the opportunity to take another sip of her coffee as she composed her thoughts, exhaling softly, with subtle weariness, when she set the tumbler down.

“When Steven was born, we immediately found that he had what was more or less a minor birth defect—unilateral renal dysplasia.” And since those weren’t necessarily easily accessible words to a twelve-year old, even a precocious one, Mom took care to elaborate. “That’s when one of the kidneys is somehow malformed during the developmental stages.”

“And that… developed into kidney failure?”

She could see the pieces coming together now.

The contradiction not so contradictory anymore.

The oxymoron resolved.

The equation having a logical, rational end.

Rose Quartz, despite her best intentions, passed on her bodily demons to Steven.

Case closed.

“Not exactly,” Mom frowned, and Connie’s hypothesis crumbled into her lap.

“Through rain, through sleet, through heat, through hell, Archimedes guarded Lisa’s vulnerable body as the fever ran its course through her small body in alternating chills and sweat. Even when night drew itself around them in curtains made of sky velvet and stars, the falcon retained his faithful watch. He was her familiar, her friend, and he would never leave her… not even if she left him.” She closed the book with a resounding thud. “And that, my friend, was Chapter Four.”

Steven’s chin suddenly lifted from where it had been resting on M.C. Bear Bear’s crumpled head.

“What?! You can’t just stop there!”

“No, Steven—you don’t understand,” she laughed warmly. “I have to. Chapter Five leaves me incredibly tender, and I have to emotionally prepare myself for it.”

“You’re just taunting me now,” he accused, a pout beginning to form on his lips.

“Smart boy! I so totally am."

“Kids with dysplasia in one kidney typically grow up without any noticeable decreases in health or kidney function, so Dr. Howard and I didn’t particularly worry about it too much. Hell, we were just relieved that nothing worse had manifested in his little body.”

“Un-fair,” Steven whined, drawing the word out into the two needling syllables. “I wouldn’t do this to you.”

Connie had gleaned enough about Steven’s personality in the short time they had known to each other to agree with him.

“No, you wouldn’t,” she replied thoughtfully, placing her index finger on her lower lip. “You’re too kind, but more importantly still, you have very little impulse control!”

“Hey!” He laughed indignantly.

“Not that that’s a bad thing per say,” she continued pointedly, arching an eyebrow at him, “but it’ll do you some good to wait until the next time. To feel the suspense build up in you until it reaches a breaking point! To stew and simmer in these characters until I relieve you of the heat.”

She leaned forward out of her chair and booped him lightly on the nose.

She’d make a fine reader out of him yet.

“So…” Steven began tentatively once Connie withdrew. She was leaning over now, replacing the thick book in her bag. Her slender fingers paused on the clasp, and she pricked her ears, equal parts curious and hesitant to hear what he was obviously struggling to say. “So there’s definitely going to be…. there’s definitely going to be a next time?”

“But Steven… Steven defied those favorable odds—every statistic and report that said he was going to make it through life without any kidney related complications. When he started to undergo puberty about a year ago, the natural changes in his body caused him to develop a severe urinary tract infection that injured his functional kidney.”

“I did everything I could to try and clear the infection up, but the damage was irreversible. Eight months ago, I diagnosed him with chronic kidney disease and put him on the transplant waiting list.”

“So it was random,” Connie whispered to herself, staring at the hands she had splayed on her lap. She clenched and unclenched them. “It was just chance.”

“What was that?” Mom asked, having heard but not understood her.

“So we’re waiting,” she amended herself quickly.

“Or, well, I’m waiting,” Priyanka said pointedly. “While we’re on the subject, there is something I wanted to talk to you about, Connie.”

She did not hesitate.

“Definitely!” she assured him. Concise. Clear. Genuine. “It’d be cruel to leave you on a cliffhanger, wouldn’t it?”

But he wasn’t entirely convinced because he clutched M.C. Bear tightly to his chest and asked, “I mean, are you sure? Not that I don’t doubt you or anything, but you don’t have to spend your summer in a hospital, you know.”

He looked away, his dark eyes clouding, impenetrable.

“I wouldn’t want that.”

“Steven is a special case to me, but that doesn’t mean that he has to be a special case for you, honey.” She was being uncharacteristically gentle, vulnerable, and Connie nearly recoiled against her seatbelt.

“What do you mean, Mom?”

“I mean that just as his mother was, Steven is liable to be plagued with numerous complications before all of this is, uh, over,” Mom paused, her voice stumbling over itself for the first time since the conversation had begun. “…one way or the other.”

It was life or death, she was saying.

And Steven was teetering on the edge between the two extremes.

“I know you two get along well, and I’m glad for it,” she said softly, “but, Connie, I don’t want you to get hurt. 

They were in the heart of Empire City now, slinking past skyscrapers and pedestrians and street vendors who were setting out their daily wares in preparation for the long day.

There was a drawn out silence in the car as Connie pieced her words together, thought by determined thought.

Outside the window, she caught a glimpse of the towering D.E. building, which was famous for its jagged geometry and how its glass windows were tinted gold.

“I appreciate that, Mom—I do, but I’m afraid that I admittedly look at it a little differently than you do.”

A sharply raised eyebrow. “Oh?” 

“Steven’s not beholden to statistics, I guess—to probability. You said as much when you told me that he developed a disease that not many kids his age ever get in their lifetimes. So sure, probability’s telling me that I may get hurt, or that Steven might be hurt a thousand times over before he gets a kidney… but I don’t want to think of him in terms of numbers, Mom, not when those numbers just may be wrong.”

Connie smiled sadly.

“I want to be his friend.”

Connie shook her head fervently and grabbed Steven’s closest hand. He was cold and soft.

A contradiction.

A puzzle.

An unsolved equation.

Mom’s stories helped, but there was so much more she had left to discover about this boy.

So much more to learn.

From him.

Maybe even for him.

“I want to be part of your world, Steven.” Her grip tightened on his hand, perhaps to emphasize the sincerity of her claim. “I want to be part of your universe.”

The edges of Steven’s pale mouth wobbled into a smile.

They pulled into the staff parking lot of the hospital and before Connie could unlatch her seatbelt, her mother leaned over the console and pulled her into a hug that was fierce and exacting and warm all at the same time.

After the initial surprise wore off, she leaned into the moment, leaned into the crook of her mother’s shoulder and closed her eyes against the dawning sun.

“I love you, Connie.”

Connie dug her fingers into her mother’s lab coat in response.

[coastalwolves]

Dialogue Script

Dialogue Of Furry Sex S01 E01

Work In Progress

[] = Character Thoughts

<> = SFX & Character Motion

{} = Evil Character Thoughts

-Opening Dialogue-

Work In Progess

Josh:

People usually go about their lives pretending like everything's alright & the world just leaves them be without giving that question of " are they really alright", or " should I try to talk to that person to brighten up their day?" Nothing like that what you usually get is people that do notice your struggling & try to make you feel like a pathetic pile of shit. You usually watch anime & say I want to be like that person. But not me, all I see is someone who I would never be able to become...

-Opening Theme Song-

Work In Progress

- [ ] Ample Metal Eclipse II

- [ ] Ample Metal Ray II

- [ ] EZ Drummer 2

- [ ] Rock Solid

- [ ] Made Of Metal

- [ ] Amplitube 4

- [ ] Steven Slate Digital Plugins

- [ ] iZotope’s Vocal Synth

- [ ] Nexus 2

Work In Progress

Male Singer:

Male Harmony:

Female Singer:

Female Harmony:

Still Working Out The Lyrics

-Episode I Dialogue-

Work In Progress

Josh:

<Alarm Clock Sounds In The Background>

Ugggghhhhh...... I really hate getting up in the morning... drink Scottish Whiskey they said... feel better in the morning they said... ah hell who am I kidding it's probably for the best not to go to a gay bar every night with those people I call friends... [ I didn't use to drink a lot much less go to a gay bar... since for a short period in my life I hated gay's & lesbian's but I guess I'm just a bit of an asshole in a way after being molested by my fucking neighbor's sorry excuse for a son... it didn't help that my evil grandma put me down constantly to remind me that she was an angel compared to me... & while she did that in the background I was dying on the inside & I shut myself away from the world... everyone at school made fun of me & called me names... hell even the doctors who were suppose to help me said that I would become nothing more than a pathetic sorry excuse for a human but hell here I am now just making it by with what little money I have... all those names they called me.. they said I was skitso. but I’m autistic.. that’s different & yes I have almost lost faith in humanity... this is my story as a human who had the privilege of traveling to another world known as the furry world. It’s a bit different from our world here on earth but even so my mom, dad, younger brother & older sister are everything to me in this world. ]

Josh:

I need to get cleaned up & go to work...

< With A Sigh I Get Up Shower, Shave, Put On My Work Uniform, Grab My Keys & Head Out The Door >

Josh:

I need to check up with my boss to see if she is okay with me working more hours... I need to be more productive... [ I guess you could say I'm a workaholic in a way I try to drown out my depression & sadness with activities & projects... so I tend to work at home to when I'm not busy with work... At this point I have thought about adopting a pet cat since a dog would be to troublesome but I need to save up money for one. Let’s see now I’ll need a water dish, a food bowl, a litterbox, a cat bed, some kitty litter, some cat food & last but not least a pet collar. ]

Oh who am I kidding? I can’t get a pet just out of the blue. I haven’t even asked for Kat’s permission considering the fact that I have no idea if she likes animals or not.. [ Kat’s my roommate currently In this house we call home. So as common sense I try not to overwhelm her since she spends most of her time practicing her bass guitar. She is a Japanese idol so she does live performances. ]

I need to pull my shit together. Don’t feel sad josh! Don’t make yourself feel like shit.. [ I say to myself as I open the door & head to my car. ]

Why do I feel like someone is stalking me? Waiting to go in for the kill.. [ I wasn’t scared at all.. rather willing to except my fate.. ]

If your gonna kill me I wish you’d hurry up & do it instead of just stalking me... unless you like me? Whoever or wherever you are... I’m sorry if I did anything to hurt or offend you so.. please stalk stalking me...

[ I said when I reach my car in my drive. ]

< I Fish my keys out of my pocket & just As I am about to open my car door I start to feel weird & the cross necklace I had been wearing since I was a child started to talk >

Mysterious Feminine Voice:

Why... don't you... remember?

< I look around me in a rather confused state >

Josh:

Great... just great... now I'm hearing voices... I mean I know I'm autistic but there's no sound it could possibly be... [ It was early in the morning when everyone was still trying to catch some z's right before heading into work. I guess I never realized how silent it was until now... I can't let it get to my head I have to keep being myself even if people hate me for it. ]

Mysterious Female Voice:

< The Voice seemed almost hurt by my response & it almost seemed like they were crying but I couldn't tell... & then it said something that bothered me but in low voice trying to hide they're question from being heard. >

Mysterious Female Voice:

What happened to you?, I wish I could have stopped whatever caused you this much pain... I wonder if we'll ever meet again?

< I open the car door & slump in the drivers seat trying not to think about that Voice. >

[hoodie-at-the-bar]

and as soon as possible, it ended

Steven said ASAP a lot, especially when dealing with getting back to me. After the movie night we still texted daily. I knew his birthday was coming up on the 23rd, and I had mentioned to him I’d love to take him out for his birthday. I mentioned it a few times.

He was always saying things like, “Aw thank you! that’s so sweet -” but then would never follow up with a commitment, of yes he was free for me to take him out. At one point, I felt I was being fairly clingy asking him constantly, if he was free or if he knew what he was doing. He wasn’t sure, but he’d get back to me ASAP.

The day before his birthday, he finally said his dad was coming up to stay with him but that he’d get back to me ASAP. At this point i had to call the lifeline - this was just too weird. Is he blowing me off?

I finally pulled the trigger and asked Loren what she thought. She said and admitted he was a bad communicator, that he actually had no plans and last minute asked Blaine and the guys if they wanted to hang out and have dinner. Ok that’s fine - maybe he just didn’t want to confirm with a girl he barely knew, but wanted to keep his options open. I love a guy who likes keeping his options open. 

Then I saw on his Snapchat he had a few friends over, and I overheard a girl's voice. Was it his friends’ girlfriend or a girl he was into? I became that girl who was uncertain and started going down the rabbit hole of a story I created: he didn’t confirm because that day was for girlfriend #7. The bummer part is, in most of my experience when your radar goes off (via photos of your guy standing a little too close to some girl or the sound of a girl’s voice) - it often means something’s up.

I tried to keep a distance and only texted “Happy Birthday” or “Hope you have a great day!” type messages. His birthday was on a Tuesday so I waited until Thursday before reaching out. I asked him what he did for his birthday and he said it was “chill”, and that he just “had dinner with his dad and played golf”. Why omit the truth that he had dinner w/ Blaine and friends? Was there more to hide? it just seemed odd with how he didn’t mention hanging out with his friends, knowing I’m friends with Blaine and can see his Snaps. Spidey senses went off.

The second time ASAP was in full effect was the camping trip we casually planned. Back in June when I was in Key West, I told him we should go RV camping sometime. Yes, just he and I: I had plans for us. He said he had a EDM musical festival at the end of July, so the first weekend in August he was free. Cool - as we get closer we can figure out if we want to do Friday to Sunday or just one night. 

Before his birthday I had asked him if he got the day off, he said he forgot and he would ask his boss. When I texted him that Friday morning after his birthday before his weekend at the Gorge, I asked him again if he had scheduled the day off. He said no, but told me we should still go so “reserve the date” - okay that was something. I got a bit concerned that the camping weekend was just a week away, and he would be at this music festival for the next 4 days. He said he couldn't request it off until he gets back to the office on Thursday, which was 24 hours prior to the trip.

What? He gets back on Monday, and has Tuesday and Wednesday off - he can’t ask then? He has to wait until he’s physically in? If he really wanted to go camping with me, or knew how to problem solve, he would just go in on the day after he returned, but maybe that’s just me.

“Oh dang it I forgot to ask. I’ll have to ask when I get back on Thursday.”

“Damn! Think they’d let you off so close to the ask? The Motorhome sales world is foreign to me”.

“Yeah it all depends on how much I’m selling really. If I’m selling a lot they don’t really care.”

Ok, so… do you think they’ll care? It’s Friday bro, you are going to wait six days before asking if you can have the following day off? Can you at least guess the chances of your boss approving? I grew tired of this game. 

“Snap - then good work on all your selling.”

“Ha, thank you!”

“Have fun at the Gorge this week. Drunk texts welcome”

I was being too nice and supportive and just kept thinking: you’re not his girlfriend, you don’t have the right to dig in to get him to commit to camping. I didn’t want to come off as a nag offering a solution for every sentence he made, especially over text. Most people are not that direct so it can be taken as abrasive. I tend to continue a conversation until there is a solution, getting creative and asking questions, but often times when a guy doesn’t want to do something and they don't know how to articulate, then they just end up getting frustrated that I keep hounding. Then I thought no, even if he was just a friend, you don’t blow off people or act non-committal, it’s just rude!

At this point I was half annoyed and half bummed that I was feeling ghosted. Saturday night while I was at a birthday party he snapped me “Miss ya”. The “ya” part wasn’t as romantic, but it made me feel a bit better about the anxiety of whether or not he was into me. It all went downhill from there.

Monday: he returned from the Gorge. I didn’t reach out

Tuesday: I texted him welcome back. I also asked how his dad was because he posted something cryptic about his dad’s well being on Instagram . I told Steven I was going to a concert tonight and asked if he wanted to come. He did the usual slew of fake interest, but no action.

“What concert?”

“Oh yeah! That’s cool!!”

“Haha, still famous!”

“Ok will do”

Then finally, 

“I’m feeling super chill today so most likely going to hang out here. But if I’m feeling a little cray I’ll tell ya”

Why? Just tell me you’re out, better yet, before all the “oh cool!” texts. For some reason I kept trying. Now it was just a vendetta to get this guy to say : I’m not into you. I did get him to say “most likely going to hang out here” - it was a carrot to keep me going, to win at him saying something finite. 

“ALSO I know we “may” hang out on Saturday [since he still hasn’t asked for the day off] but you wanna 2x that and do something fun tomorrow?”

“Like what??” 

False excitement, phantom enthusiasm. This reeled me in, I got joy from it, to only realize it was a stalling tactic.

“Discovery Park? Ever been?”

“Uh uh. Is it cool?” 

Was I speaking to a toddler?

“It’s very neat. It’d be a flat hike that leads to fun views and stuff”

“Ooh” 

What. What ooh?

“Anywho, I’m not as pressed about tomorrow as the weekend so you can make game day decisions. I’ll be doing some adult things around the house and relaxing.  (But if something comes up and I’m not free I’ll let you know) - I’m a communicator, it’s a thing.”

Do you see what I did there? I tried to not be overbearing about hanging out on Wednesday, while also letting him know I really needed to know about the weekend. Lastly - let him know what good communication looks like! I had a friend who’s birthday was on Saturday and I had to say I’m not sure if I could go because I ‘may’ be camping? I normally plan more than a month in advance, here I am, three days prior and have no idea. This should have been a clear indicator that Steven and I were not compatible.

“Oh for sure. I will let you know about both ASAP”

I should take a shot every time this kid says ASAP - to be fair, I don’t think he knows what it mean.s

Wednesday came, and I got sassy. It was the end of the workday and I hadn’t heard from Steven if he was up to go on a city hike.

Clearly we seemed like two people who didn’t really feel like hanging out with each other. I wanted to see him, go on a hike to see if I can get to know him better, or even go to his house and have an adult conversation about our communication styles, and how it wasn’t working for me. But being an afterthought to hanging out with him and his friends wasn’t appealing. Again, this would have been a great point to say something to the extent of, “Hey Steven, I wanted to spend time with just us, so I can have a conversation with you about us” - but the thought of it sounded more and more exhausting. I may have a high bar and assume if I ask a guy to hang out, he knows it’s me asking him to hang out together in a date-like fashion. I could be more explicit and say I want to hang out with you and only you because… but then at that point, it’s a compatibility issue for me and someone I need to use 2x more words than I’d like. For Pete’s sake can you just get it? I’ve had conversations with humans who did. There is a limit to explicit communication - and pass that limit is hand holding.

I had told some friends I wanted to ask him what he wanted out of this - figured we had slept together and it was a fair question. My friends reminded me that I myself wasn’t sure what I wanted, or if I even liked him (enough). So, did I need to rush into things? I said no, but the anxiety of not knowing what my plans are was enough for me to raise a flag. He didn’t have to say if he wanted to be together exclusively, but I did need him to communicate better as to whether or not he is committed to hanging out, if we planned to continue progressing.

Thursday came and he texted me about the RV. 

I didn’t want to press. Examples of what a guy would say if he actually wanted to spend time together, in no particular order:

“But we can still go tent camping if you’re down?”

“Sorry i couldn't get the day off. How about we do dinner?”

Something, anything - instead he just sounded whiny about his RV privileges. I didn’t care. I even asked a question that made his text conflicting: His second sentence said no employee can use RV’s, but said his privileges got taken because he broke a window? I was confused if the broken window mattered, or if he piled on the reasons to ensure we couldn’t hang out, the age old “I can’t go out because it’s late, I mean I don’t have any money, I mean I have plans.”. I didn’t even try to solve the problem, I just left it at that.Eight days past, and neither of us texted. I knew I would eventually have to get closure and call it off. Then he messaged:

He kept asking me questions to move the conversation, and I was trying to give short answers because I was annoyed this fake enthusiasm is coming up again. I had invited him to a BBQ at my house a while ago. He RSVP’d during the eight days we hadn’t spoken, but I assumed he wasn’t going to show up. Afterall, he couldn't’ commit to a birthday dinner, a hike at Discovery Park or even camping - why would he show up to a party with just under 100 people he didn’t know?

Then he texts me to see if he could bring a friend. I’ve been in scenarios where a guy brought another girl in daft fashion, but at least Steven did not. It was an older guy who dressed just like him and smelled of axe body spray. My friends thought they were a couple. Steven knew no one at the party and it was awkward.

I felt anxiety during the party because I wasn’t enjoying his presence, but also didn’t want to ignore him - and I was hosting. I felt I had to give him attention, but it reeked of obligation. Weaving through a crowded house, I didn’t know how to introduce him: this is Steven, we were sort of hanging out but now we're not - then he showed up to the party. Who wants a refill??

Why couldn’t I just say “this is Steven?” Because all of my friends knew each other through the parties I hosted, so if anyone is new into the picture, it's very apparent and the details get shared of the origin story - it’s a classic big party ice breaker. This is even more apparent since I haven’t had a boyfriend in eight years, all eyes on deck when an unknown man walks through the door.

A couple hours later, he found me to say goodbye and I apologized for not being around. He said he got it because I was hosting, and he left. Weight was lifted off my chest, and I could finally start to enjoy the party.

Gareth asked me if I thought I was dating down - I always thought due to my attraction to Steven I was dating up, but I didn't know anymore. So Gareth told me to be direct - that neither of us wanted to continue seeing each other. So I texted Steven, in my own writing style, to ensure there were no hard feelings. I didn't hate the guy - I’d be happy to hug him at a party in the future with a smile - but I was done talking to him one on one.

Another eight days went by and I decided to call it off, or give it closure. My first draft was to tell Steven that our style of communication wasn’t working for me but I am open if he thinks I’m wrong for any reason. My therapist told me I should be honest with myself: it wasn’t working, for either of us, period. Gareth, my therapist, said it was clear neither of us wanted to continue spending time together, so call it what it was.

Gareth had also asked me during this time, what it was about Steven I liked, and I had to think about it. I knew a good foundation was the story: I noticed Blaine and Loren’s friend five years ago, I was infatuated, and I got to have him, even if for a little while. His messages always seemed happy, positive and enthusiastic, to only find out he was like that for all things, and had a density I hadn’t realized. He was also Blaine's best friend, and I respected Blaine: Blaine was a solid guy and his wife Loren, wouldn’t tolerate anyone not worth my time. 

I was confused - I gave him a friendly out! I was done! How should I have responded?

If I said no, I’d feel like a dick.

If I said yes, it would appear I was playing games, fishing for him to want to talk to me.

My honest answer would have been, “No not really, but if you need to then I’d be happy to” - but I still didn’t know him enough for that to not come off as hurtful. This is a foreshadow by the way.

So I settled on “Sure” - with a shrug and a circular head motion behind the scenes.

Even Gareth laughed when I told him Steven’s response and didn’t know how to respond to that. Was Steven just trying to be nice? Or did he actually want to talk.

I never heard from Steven... well, for six months.

I found out months and months later from Loren that Steven thought I was mad at him. I laughed and said I purposely put emoji’s in my message and said I’d smile and wave. Can you imagine if I actually wrote “Not really, but if you want to I can” - he would have pissed himself. 

She said he wasn’t used to women who were direct and upfront. Well, I don’t know what to tell you - I was trying hard not to be as direct because I didn’t want to stress the delicate petals of this sensitive flower with my direct sunlight, but even with sunglasses on a smile, the guy thought I was mad. 

Six months after his last message, he sent me a happy birthday text, and I said thank you.  It grew more and more apparent we had different lifestyles, his social media streaming him taking videos of young women in short dresses touching each other at night clubs. I never engaged.

A month later he sent me another message, responding to a post of me cooking.

Again, I was polite and said yes with a smile. I imagine these sporadic messages will come though, but it’ll be treated now as an acquaintance saying hi.

Goodbye Steve

[ciceroisthefamilycat]

I am sorry for ranting in your inbox. I just need to let it out so, you can ignore this. But remember how a year a go, there was a piece going how supergirl is not racist because James was black. It kind of rubbed me the wrong away because it reminded me of I am not racist, I have a black friend. I waited to see, if they would hire more poc. But the whole white girl playing a woc, lack of other poc. I am just disappointed, that my initial reaction was right

I don’t mind. Just a quick caveat before I respond: I am white, so I’m by no means an authority. I try to keep informed about these issues, but my opinion is ultimately less-informed because of my privilege, and if anyone takes issue with what I say below I promise to listen.

I don’t remember the specific piece you’re referring to, but I’m sure there was more than one. The presence of James as her obvious love interest (and also Hank/J'onn though at first we feared he was a villain) did a little to alleviate people’s fears, but I remember from the night of the premiere that there were already articles calling out the lack of WOC on the show and how that undermined it’s feminist message. Even though there was at least one really great scene where James talked about black men not being allowed to be angry, the show continued to struggle with its POC representation.

No one can blame you for being disappointed, especially because you gave the show a chance. I’m sorry that it has been disappointing so far. If you’re interested, under the cut I have a whole bunch of thoughts on how they could start to remedy things. But as they are, your reaction is so understandable.

I think the intent of this season, in adjusting Maggie (who at least was intended to be adapted as a Latina character despite being white in the comics) and M'gann was to remedy the lack of WOC. And for a month or so, when the vast majority of the fandom thought Florianna was Latina those hopes were starting to look up, but then we got the increasing erasure of James and the complete lack of content of M'gann, and the realization that Florianna is not Latina. I’ve got to say, I believe Florianna’s casting may have been an honest mistake (in that they thought she was Latina, not that they thought they had a free pass to try and pass her off as such). And as much as I like the character Maggie and her relationship with Alex, I’m personally of the opinion they should peacefully write her off at the end of the season (i.e. she decides to move to Gotham for career advancement, hey Alex do you want to come with, obstacle for Alex, Maggie goes without her). As long as FL’s there, people are going to be hurt by what happened with that whole situation.

They also need to readjust their use of M'gann, James, and J'onn. I’m personally thinking they’re going to kill off Mon at the end of the season (during the invasion or whatever), though maybe they’ll send him off alive to recolonize Daxam in a Superman parallel (and maybe Kara will have to decide whether she wants to go with him or choose Earth and, hey, maybe Danvers sister parallels?). That moves James back to center as romantic interest, and they can either decide to slowly develop it while Kara grieves her last relationship or rapidly unpause it because Kara is done waiting for things to line up perfectly. Also, with Mon gone, Kara would have to seriously consider if she wants a fellow hero, maybe if only to help with the more human threats in National City (if she’s that concerned for James’ safety).

Next season’s major arc could focus on the White Martian threat (maybe they’ve done a larger infiltration of the political system and that’s what the President’s glowing eyes were at the beginning of the season). Then M'gann could come back to aid J'onn, and bring with her an alliance of White and (the very few surviving) Green Martians and take a centerplace in the over-arching season threat.

Lucy could come back (a mixed-Lebanese WOC) because, hey, she and her dad have serious governmental ties (and maybe Lucy went to D.C. to collaborate with the president and that’s where she was all season) and play a part in that season arc, and maybe we could have a slowly-developed Lucy/Alex relationship. (Or they could restart James/Lucy if they’re just going to deny us Kar/olsen, so at least James isn’t desexualized).

They could also introduce new characters, like Cir-El or Nura Nal, as fellow allies. I made a Nura Nal scenario with Arden Cho in the role a few months ago. Cir-El is originally introduced in the comics as Superman’s half-Earth daughter from the future (then she turns out to be a Braniac experiment). While that may be too radical, I would love to see Rowan Blanchard in a character somewhat adapted from that. They could also introduce wlw Grace Choi, a tall Amazonian (of East-Asian descent with possible Pacific First Nations heritage too) as a love interest for Alex, working as a bouncer. They could do Ryan Choi to have another Earth’s version of the Atom and introduce him as a love interest for Kara if they’re going to be obstinate. If she’s not too big a character, they could bring in the Jessica Cruz version of Green Lantern, or do E-S Hawkgirl. They could do the Shelly Gaynor “Whip,” a columnist who decides to discover what it’s like to be a superhero, as a multi-dimensional foil to Kara and James.

They have a lot of options, but it’s up to them, and not the fans, to remedy this stuff.

ETA: potential actors I didn’t mention above (in order of preference)

Grace: Ashley Callingbull, Cara Gee, Elle-Maija Tailfeathers, Roseanne Supernault, Tanaya Beatty

Ryan: Godfrey Gao, Steven Yeun (I know he’s Korean when Ryan’s Chinese)

Jessica: Josie Loren, Seychelle Gabriel, Victoria Justice, Francia Raisa

Shelly: Alexa Vega

[inloveandwords]

I upped my reading list this year by 50 books.

I have no idea what I was thinking, honestly.

Actually, I do. I got a little overzealous after upping my goal last year by 50 books and reading 10 more books than I’d challenged myself to.

200 books. That’s how many I thought I could read this year. And, surprisingly, I’m actually pretty much on schedule to reach that goal.

Below are the books I’m likely going to reach for to finish up my goal. Many of them are the shortest books that are currently on my bookshelf, the shortest audiobooks that are in my Audible Library already, and a few highly anticipated books I picked up recently on Kindle.

Bloom by Kevin Panetta, Savanna Ganicheau

Now that high school is over, Ari is dying to move to the big city with his ultra-hip band―if he can just persuade his dad to let him quit his job at their struggling family bakery. Though he loved working there as a kid, Ari cannot fathom a life wasting away over rising dough and hot ovens. But while interviewing candidates for his replacement, Ari meets Hector, an easygoing guy who loves baking as much as Ari wants to escape it. As they become closer over batches of bread, love is ready to bloom . . . that is, if Ari doesn’t ruin everything.

Writer Kevin Panetta and artist Savanna Ganucheau concoct a delicious recipe of intricately illustrated baking scenes and blushing young love, in which the choices we make can have terrible consequences, but the people who love us can help us grow.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Blood Water Paint by Joy McCullough

A debut novel based on the true story of the iconic painter, Artemisia Gentileschi.

Her mother died when she was twelve, and suddenly Artemisia Gentileschi had a stark choice: a life as a nun in a convent or a life grinding pigment for her father’s paint.

She chose paint.

By the time she was seventeen, Artemisia did more than grind pigment. She was one of Rome’s most talented painters, even if no one knew her name. But Rome in 1610 was a city where men took what they wanted from women, and in the aftermath of rape Artemisia faced another terrible choice: a life of silence or a life of truth, no matter the cost.

He will not consume my every thought. I am a painter. I will paint.

I will show you what a woman can do.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Owned by M. Never

***Content Warning*** Owned is a dark erotic romance. Please pay close attention to the use of the words dark, erotic, and romance. It has intense sexual situations, a Master/slave relationship, mild abuse, and some violence. Reader discretion is advised.

“I like you collared, baby. I like you naked, I like you mine.”

Ellie Stevens has lusted over Kayne Roberts since he first walked into the import/export company she works for a little over a year ago. As Expo’s most important client, Ellie has always kept a safe distance from the man with the majestic blue eyes — until temptation finally gets the better of her. Impulsively, Ellie invites Kayne to one of Expo’s infamous company parties her flamboyant boss is notorious for throwing. Unbeknownst to Ellie, the god in the Armani suit isn’t just the suave entrepreneur he portrays himself to be. Underneath the professional exterior is a man with a secret life, dark desires, and nefarious contacts.

In a hidden corner of a trendy New York City lounge, the spark kindling between the two of them ignites. Unable to resist the sinful attraction, Ellie agrees to leave with Kayne, believing she is finally bedding the man of her dreams. Little does she know when she walks out the door, she’s about to be Owned.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Cirque de Minuet (Cirque Masters #1) by Annabel Joseph

It’s no easy feat transitioning from the disciplined arena of competitive gymnastics to the artistic whirl of the Cirque du Monde. Kelsey Martin finds secret inspiration in Theo Zamora, a dark, taciturn trapezist–until his partner dies in a tragic accident and he decides to leave the circus for good.

Theo doesn’t understand why Kelsey reaches out to him, only that she compels him with her unique combination of innocence and recklessness. Before long the two are collaborating on an aerial silks act for a new production, the Cirque de Minuit. Theo’s impatience with Kelsey’s naivete is matched only by his passion for her, and the two soon become embroiled in a tempestuous, consuming romance.

But some still blame Theo for his partner’s accident, and danger wraps up the two performers as inevitably as the scarlet silk of their act. Theo and Kelsey must find a way to connect and trust one another as he leads her deeper and deeper into a dangerous world of control and desire.

✦Goodreads✦

Rise of the Sea Witch (Unfortunate Soul Chronicles #1) by Stacey Rourke

Details of the sea witch’s banishment have been exaggerated. The body count that preempted it was not. Once an illustrious princess, her hands and tentacles were stained with the blood of thousands. No one could comprehend how the hooks of madness dragged her down from her life of privilege. Born Princess Vanessa of Atlantica, the ambitious young royal was one of two children born to the great King Poseidon. She and her brother, Triton, were groomed from birth to rule. Yet only one would ascend that coveted throne. While carefree Triton flits through his training with a cavalier demeanor and beguiling charm, Vanessa’s hunger for her father’s acceptance drives her to push herself to the limits of magic, and combat to become a leader worthy of her people. When war against the humans ravages their once regal kingdom, political sides are chosen. Factions from the seven seas challenge the existing leadership, pitting Vanessa against her brother in a vicious battle for the crown. Traitors are exposed, dark family secrets revealed, and a once strong sibling bond is strained to its breaking point. Only when the ink black waters from the ultimate betrayal rescind, will the truth be known of how the villainous sea witch rose with one name on her vengeful lips–Triton.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Jane Doe by Victoria Helen Stone

A double life with a single purpose: revenge.

Jane’s days at a Midwest insurance company are perfectly ordinary. She blends in well, unremarkably pretty in her floral-print dresses and extra efficient at her low-level job. She’s just the kind of woman middle manager Steven Hepsworth likes—meek, insecure, and willing to defer to a man. No one has any idea who Jane really is. Least of all Steven.

But plain Jane is hiding something. And Steven’s bringing out the worst in her.

Nothing can distract Jane from going straight for his heart: allowing herself to be seduced into Steven’s bed, to insinuate herself into his career and his family, and to expose all his dirty secrets. It’s time for Jane to dig out everything that matters to Steven. So she can take it all away.

Just as he did to her.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

The Virgin Gift (The Gift #2) by Lauren Blakely

I might be a virgin, but I know what I want in bed. It’s just that I haven’t found him yet.

So I’m stunned when charming, laid-back Adam volunteers to work through my wish list. That’s when I discover the voracious, commanding man in him, my next door neighbor. And I’m enthralled — in and out of the bedroom.

Every night we explore my fantasies, and every morning I try harder not to want more from him. Because there’s no item on my list about falling for the guy. Besides, we agreed to the last item already — when we’re done we walk away.

But every fantasy unlocks another. Each hotter than the last. Until I discover there’s one last thing on my to-do list to check off. One so daring I can’t figure out how to ask him or what it might do to my heart… 
 The Virgin Gift is a red hot and sexy exploration love story exploring all sorts of fantasies.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Love and Other Wild Things (Mystic Bayou #2) by Molly Harper

Available in audio first, this hot, hilarious stand-alone will keep you wildly entertained!

Welcome to Mystic Bayou, a tiny town hidden in the swamp where shape-shifters, vampires, witches, and dragons live alongside humans. The town formed around the mysterious energy rift in the bayou, which helps keep the town’s magic in balance. But lately the rift has been widening and destabilizing – threatening to send the town’s magical population into chaos.

Energy witch Danica Teel has been sent by the League to figure out what’s going on, with the help of bear-shifter Mayor Zed. While working on the case, Zed falls head over paws for Dani, but she’s reluctant to engage in anything beyond a roll in his cave. Dani’s family is counting on her to get the job done, and she has no time for distractions. But when an ominous presence begins stalking Dani through the bayou, they’ll need to band together to make it out alive.

✦Goodreads✦

Sadie by Courtney Summers

A missing girl on a journey of revenge. A Serial―like podcast following the clues she’s left behind. And an ending you won’t be able to stop talking about.

Sadie hasn’t had an easy life. Growing up on her own, she’s been raising her sister Mattie in an isolated small town, trying her best to provide a normal life and keep their heads above water.

But when Mattie is found dead, Sadie’s entire world crumbles. After a somewhat botched police investigation, Sadie is determined to bring her sister’s killer to justice and hits the road following a few meager clues to find him.

When West McCray―a radio personality working on a segment about small, forgotten towns in America―overhears Sadie’s story at a local gas station, he becomes obsessed with finding the missing girl. He starts his own podcast as he tracks Sadie’s journey, trying to figure out what happened, hoping to find her before it’s too late.

Courtney Summers has written the breakout book of her career. Sadie is propulsive and harrowing and will keep you riveted until the last page.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Man Hands (Man Hands #1) by Tanya Eby and Sarina Bowen

He puts the “screw” in screwball comedy…

BRYNN

At thirty-four, I’m reeling from a divorce. I don’t want to party or try to move on. I just want to stay home and post a new recipe on my blog: Brynn’s Dips and Balls.

But my friends aren’t having it. Get out there again, they say. It will be fun, they say. I’m still taking a hard pass.

Free designer cocktails, they say. And that’s a game-changer.

Too bad my ex shows up with his new arm candy. That’s when I lose my mind. But when my besties dare me to leap on the first single man I see, they don’t expect me to actually go through with it.

TOM

All I need right now is some peace and quiet while my home renovation TV show is on hiatus. But when a curvy woman in a red wrap dress charges me like she’s a gymnast about to mount my high bar, all I can do is brace myself and catch her. What follows is the hottest experience of my adult life.

I want a repeat, but my flying Cinderella disappears immediately afterward. She doesn’t leave a glass slipper, either—just a pair of panties with chocolate bunnies printed on them.

But I will find her.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Merry Inkmas by Talia Hibbert

Enjoy another Dirty British Romance by Talia Hibbert, author of Bad for the Boss. Christmas just got sexy…

“There’s a beast inside of me. I keep it caged. You drive it wild.”

Cash Evans has come a long way since his troubled childhood, but all the wealth he’s earned as a tattoo artist can’t fix the hole in his heart. He knows that the sweet barista who haunts his dreams is off-limits… But life doesn’t always go to plan.

”There isn’t a man on earth who could ruin me.”

Bailey Cooper is determined to learn from her mother’s mistakes. She’s seen how cruel love can be, and she’s not about to sacrifice her self-respect for a relationship. But when a bad boy with a heart of gold comes to her rescue, she finds herself wondering if this beast might just be her Prince Charming.

Will these two lost souls find a happy ending under the tree this Christmas?

Or is their love doomed to wither with the mistletoe?

Merry Inkmas is a steamy Christmas romance starring a brooding, bad boy hero and a Black, BBW heroine. Be warned: this love is hot enough to melt any winter frost!

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Get a Life Chloe Brown (The Brown Sisters #1) by Talia Hibbert

Talia Hibbert, one of contemporary romance’s brightest new stars, delivers a witty, hilarious romantic comedy about a woman who’s tired of being “boring” and recruits her mysterious, sexy neighbor to help her experience new things—perfect for fans of Sally Thorne, Jasmine Guillory, and Helen Hoang.

Chloe Brown is a chronically ill computer geek with a goal, a plan, and a list. After almost—but not quite—dying, she’s come up with seven directives to help her “Get a Life”, and she’s already completed the first: finally moving out of her glamourous family’s mansion. The next items?

Enjoy a drunken night out. Ride a motorcycle. Go camping. Have meaningless but thoroughly enjoyable sex. Travel the world with nothing but hand luggage. And… do something bad. But it’s not easy being bad, even when you’ve written step-by-step guidelines on how to do it correctly. What Chloe needs is a teacher, and she knows just the man for the job.

Redford ‘Red’ Morgan is a handyman with tattoos, a motorcycle, and more sex appeal than ten-thousand Hollywood heartthrobs. He’s also an artist who paints at night and hides his work in the light of day, which Chloe knows because she spies on him occasionally. Just the teeniest, tiniest bit.

But when she enlists Red in her mission to rebel, she learns things about him that no spy session could teach her. Like why he clearly resents Chloe’s wealthy background. And why he never shows his art to anyone. And what really lies beneath his rough exterior…

✦Goodreads✦

The Bromance Book Club (Bromance Book Club #1) by Lyssa Kay Adams

The first rule of book club: You don’t talk about book club.

Nashville Legends second baseman Gavin Scott’s marriage is in major league trouble. He’s recently discovered a humiliating secret: his wife Thea has always faked the Big O. When he loses his cool at the revelation, it’s the final straw on their already strained relationship. Thea asks for a divorce, and Gavin realizes he’s let his pride and fear get the better of him.

Welcome to the Bromance Book Club.

Distraught and desperate, Gavin finds help from an unlikely source: a secret romance book club made up of Nashville’s top alpha men. With the help of their current read, a steamy Regency titled Courting the Countess, the guys coach Gavin on saving his marriage. But it’ll take a lot more than flowery words and grand gestures for this hapless Romeo to find his inner hero and win back the trust of his wife.

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Christmas in the City by L.J. Shen, Helena Hunting, Corinne Michaels, Melanie Harlow, Vi Keeland, Penelope Ward, Sierra Simone, Kennedy Ryan, Penny Reid, L.H. Cosway, Sarina Bowen, Elle Kennedy

Twelve bestselling authors have come together to brighten your holiday with six ALL NEW co-written novels. Travel through six cities and fall in love with these enchanting love stories.

L.J. Shen & Helena Hunting Just The Tip It’s not every day you meet a stranger who knows how to jingle your bells…

Corinne Michaels & Melanie Harlow Baby it’s Cold Outside My Christmas list did not include a broken heart, freezing temperatures, or my tree stuck in the door to my apartment building, but that’s what I got. Just when I thought Santa had failed me, I got something I never thought to ask for …

Vi Keeland & Penelope Ward Kissmas in New York It was just supposed to be a simple kiss with a stranger. I’d done it to prove a point–that I hadn’t lost my sense of adventure. But you know what they say about the best laid plans. Maybe I’d get something in my stocking after all this holiday season…

Sierra Simone & Kennedy Ryan The Christmas Crown Noelani, queen of Manaroa, has one mission on her diplomatic visit to the States: forge strategic alliances for her homeland. When she meets brooding security specialist Brock Grimsby, their unexpected alliance heats up the holiday. One night. No promises, but come Christmas, will either be able to walk away?

Penny Reid & LH Cosway Songbird Two lonely souls find companionship in Dublin for one magical night. Broderick Adams doesn’t mind his solitude, until she walks in. Ophelia Kelly sings to heal her heart, but has no idea he’s listening.

Sarina Bowen & Elle Kennedy EPIC Jamie and Wes are having a blast living and working in Toronto. Until a scout for another team swoops in to make one of them an offer that might complicate the life they’ve built together.

CHRISTMAS IN THE CITY is a holiday gift as a thank you! It is available for a LIMITED TIME!

✦Goodreads✦

♥

Fix Her Up (Hot & Hammered #1) by Tessa Bailey

A brand new romantic comedy from New York Times bestseller Tessa Bailey!

Georgette Castle’s family runs the best home renovation business in town, but she picked balloons instead of blueprints and they haven’t taken her seriously since. Frankly, she’s over it. Georgie loves planning children’s birthday parties and making people laugh, just not at her own expense. She’s determined to fix herself up into a Woman of the World… whatever that means.

Phase one: new framework for her business (a website from this decade, perhaps?)

Phase two: a gut-reno on her wardrobe (fyi, leggings are pants.)

Phase three: updates to her exterior (do people still wax?)

Phase four: put herself on the market (and stop crushing on Travis Ford!)

Living her best life means facing the truth: Georgie hasn’t been on a date since, well, ever. Nobody’s asking the town clown out for a night of hot sex, that’s for sure. Maybe if people think she’s having a steamy love affair, they’ll acknowledge she’s not just the “little sister” who paints faces for a living. And who better to help demolish that image than the resident sports star and tabloid favorite?

Travis Ford was major league baseball’s hottest rookie when an injury ended his career. Now he’s flipping houses to keep busy and trying to forget his glory days. But he can’t even cross the street without someone recapping his greatest hits. Or making a joke about his… bat. And then there’s Georgie, his best friend’s sister, who is not a kid anymore. When she proposes a wild scheme—that they pretend to date, to shock her family and help him land a new job—he agrees. What’s the harm? It’s not like it’s real. But the girl Travis used to tease is now a funny, full-of-life woman and there’s nothing fake about how much he wants her…

✦Goodreads✦

♥

The AI Who Loved Me by Alyssa Cole

Listening Length: 5 hours and 18 minutes

A captivating romantic comedy with a thrilling sci-fi twist by award-winning author Alyssa Cole!

Trinity Jordan leads a quiet, normal life: working from home for the Hive, a multifunctional government research center, and recovering from the incident that sent her into a tailspin. But the life she’s trying to rebuild is plagued by mishaps when Li Wei, her neighbor’s super sexy and super strange nephew, moves in and turns things upside down. Li Wei’s behavior is downright odd—and the attraction building between them is even more so. When an emergency pulls his aunt away from the apartment complex, Trinity decides to keep an eye on him…and slowly discovers that nothing is what it seems. For one thing, Li Wei isn’t just the hot guy next door—he’s the hot A.I. next door. In fact, he’s so advanced that he blurs the line between man and machine. It’s up to Trinity to help him achieve his objective of learning to be human, but danger is mounting as they figure out whether he’s capable of the most illogical human behavior of all…falling in love.

✦Goodreads✦

End of the Year Reading List I upped my reading list this year by 50 books. I have no idea what I was thinking, honestly.

[bumskulls]

F/O List Updates and Info

Since I’m participating in “To My S/I” I wanted to add some info about my S/I’s and their relationships to my F/O’s, as well as make two (2) additions to said list! Without further ado, here we go!

Romantic: Sans from Undertale (Hopeful Lovers) (Main Romance) S/I: Lexi, Human We’ve been dating for a while now, and we love each other very much. We try to help each other keep going, even when we feel like giving up. We don’t talk as much as we should when something is bothering us. At least not to each other, so I know we’re both hiding something. One day I hope we can trust each other enough to break that wall between us.

Serana from Skyrim (Till Undeath Do Us Part) S/I: Dria, Nord Dovahkin After our adventures together we settled down. We’re married and living out our days in Lake View Manor with our children Lucia and Hroar. Serana has been cured of her vampirism.

Scorpia from She-Ra and the Princess of Power (Love Stings) S/I: Flamera, Princess of Fire It’s hard to love someone on the other side of the fight. But we have managed to keep it secret so far. We hope one day we can live in peace, without the war getting between us.

Aaravos from The Dragon Prince (Twinkling in the Night) (Newly Added~) S/I: Aurora, Human Mage We first saw each other through a mirror locked away in a dungeon. Not the most romantic of first dates, but it was worth it to meet such a marvel of magical beings. He is interested in me, in an almost scientific way. We have managed to communicate through writing.

Semi-Romantic: Damara/The Handmaid from Homestuck (Time Immemorial) S/I: Lexi, Human Damara and I met each other due to the machinations of Doc Scratch. Over time we became very good friends and she asked me to be her Moirail. I accepted and we keep each other safe from Doc as best as we can.

Doc Scratch from Homestuck (Reduced Autonomy Privileges) S/I: Lexi, Human Doc is a bastard and I hate his stupid face. But there are moments that walk the line between venomous and sensual. And I hate that I like it. Damara calls it Kismesitude. I guess that’s what it is? (This is a deliberately unhealthy ship.)

Alduin from Skyrim (Destiny Binds Us) S/I: Dria, Nord Dovahkin Alduin was returned from the grave by his father Akatosh in mortal form, as a punishment for forsaking his duty. Akatosh believed that Alduin needed to walk among mortals in order to understand them. As Dovahkin, I pledged to keep an eye on him. Serana and I make him unruly and envious. He is fixated with capturing my attention. Serana thinks it’s funny. I think it’s adorable. He thinks it’s just a phase. Paarthurnax thinks Alduin has found a soul mate...

W.D. Gaster from Undertale (Existance is Futile) S/I: Lexi, Human He haunts me, obsessed with me. He’s never harmed me, but he appears in my dreams and in the darkest corners, beckoning me to free him. But I don’t know how. Or if I want to.

Platonic: Alphys from Undertale (Karaoke Kweens) S/I: Lexi, Human Alphys and I bond over trashy anime, cooking shows, making fun of Sans, and weekly karaoke nights.

Asgore from Undertale (Flower Crowns) S/I: Lexi, Human Asgore is someone I can always go to for a good hug, a warm cup of tea, and friendly advice. He’s a father figure to me, and he’s trying to help me reconnect with my own dad.

Flowey from Undertale (Nip It In the Bud) S/I: Lexi, Human Flowey is a pain in the rear sometimes. He doesn’t know what to do with himself most of the time. Even if I show him something new, he tires of it quickly. I promised him something that I don’t know if I can keep. I promised that I would make sure he had a soul. He confided in me, I feel it’s the least I can do after what he’s been through.

Frisk from Undertale (Determined Humans) S/I: Lexi, Human Frisk is a tough kid. They are sometimes hard to communicate with, but they’re intelligent, brave, and kind. It’s hard to get them to open up, but I’ve been doing my best when I tutor them to help them understand that they’re allowed to talk about whatever is bothering them. It was Frisk who showed me I wasn’t alone in having a soul so red.

Grillby from Undertale (Quiet Quality) S/I: Lexi, Human Grillby is a pretty cool dude for a fire elemental. He’s a little wary of me, but I think it’s because he’s worried about Sans. Apparently the two of them used to date. But Grillby is a sweet man and he’s never spit in my food, so I call it a win. Besides we can bond over our mutual love of cuisine.

Mettaton from Undertale (Sexy Shapes) S/I: Lexi, Human This asshole cannot keep his competitive streak under control and neither can I. It helps to have a thing for glamor when dealing with him, so I may or may not have gotten into the hobby just to one-up him from time to time. I like to consider him a rival in that regard. But he’s a good friend and has always stood up for me when people are unkind about my body. He really does see the beauty in everyone.

Muffet from Undertale (Pastry Activists) S/I: Lexi, Human Muffet and I love to bake, even if I’m not the best at it. Sometimes her spiders scare me, but I would never hurt one of them. Especially since I can at least talk to them and tell them when they’re invading my space. Muffet loves that I’m nice to her babies. We’ve also attended rallies together in order to fight for monster rights. We bring snacks and hydration for events that need it.

Napstablook from Undertale (Easily Spooked) S/I: Lexi, Human Blooky shares a love of cool jams with me. We’ve worked on a lot of tracks together. Their company is soothing.

Papyrus from Undertale (Loud and Proud) S/I: Lexi, Human Papy has been the best wingman a person could ask for. He constantly tells me how proud he is of me and Sans. And he and I enjoy puzzles together. He’s a very good friend and I’m so happy to have him in my life.

Toriel from Undertale (Pie Babes) S/I: Lexi, Human Tori and I get together for lunch often. I want to be a teacher at the school she works at when I finish college. I get to be an Aide in her class and she has me tutor Frisk from time to time. She’s a wonderful mother figure to me, and she reminds me to keep fighting for my own happiness. She also really likes my mom, so I’m glad they can get along, even if my mom is a little confused by all the monsters suddenly in the world.

Undyne from Undertale (Just Desserts) S/I: Lexi, Human Undyne is hard to keep up with, to say the least but she warmed up to me after seeing how I interact with Alphys and Papyrus. She’s trying to motivate me to work out with her, but I think I’ll stick to the couch for now. At least until she agrees to take me to a normal gym and let me do my own thing. Her workout routine is a little intense for me.

Naruto Uzumaki from Naruto (Noodle Buds) S/I: Minyou, Kunoichi I work a lot of long nights helping Naruto on his path to become Hokage. He’s practically hand-picked for the job when Kakashi retires, but he’s still slacking off. You’d think saving the world would change that attitude of his, but at least he tries to listen to me when important topics come up. He came to me to learn what he needs to know to run the village, but often our study sessions turn into noodle night at Ichiraku. Not that I’m complaining there. He’s really something else.

Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece (Gum Song) S/I: Siren, Captain of the Shanty Pirates It wasn’t very long ago when I met the Strawhat crew. They’re a unique bunch. I’d never been interested in the kind of goals they’re after, least of all King of the Pirates. But Luffy changed my mind. After his stand against the Marines, I was emboldened to chart a course toward the One Piece. Maybe we’ll find it, maybe we won’t. But won’t it be a fun adventure along the way? Besides. I’d like to see him again, and thank him for reminding me why I became a pirate in the first place.

Trunks from Dragonball (Partners in Time) S/I: Rugala, Saiyan I was summoned for one reason, to assist Trunks in saving the universe from collapse. I never thought I’d make friends with someone like him, but I’ll stand by his side until the end of time. Which for the two of us, may not ever come, but I digress.

Mallek Adalov from Hiveswap: Friendsim (Semicolons Are for Smart People) S/I: Lexi, Human I miss Mallek a lot. We are able to text each other sometimes, but I have to be careful when it comes to doing so. Doc could take him away from me. Mallek is one of the truest friends a person could ask for.

Steven Universe from Steven Universe (Shooting Stars) S/I: Lexi, Human Steven is a great kid! He’s helped me do a lot of things I didn’t think were possible. He helped me build confidence in myself and taught me how to play the ukulele. I’m going to chase my dream, and I owe it to him for encouraging me.

Flash Sentry from My Little Pony (Flashy Flare) S/I: Doodle Flare, Unicorn Flash was charged with protecting me on my journey across Equestria. He stands up for me when I am unable to do so myself. He’s thrown himself into freezing water to save me. He’s made me feel like my mission is important, even when everypony else thinks it isn’t. I owe him a lot, and I should be sure to thank Prince Shining armor for assigning him to guard me.

Phew, that should be everyone. If any get added to this list, I will update it accordingly.