#at this point idek if I care abt what grade I get I just want it done

[otter-pup]

Tomorrow. i should finally. be free.

[threeracha]

in honor of earth day tomorrow, who are your top 10 closest human friends (both irl and mutuals combined) and how have they inspired you??? 🌎💕🤧

IN HONOR OF EARTH DAY LDFMSOF OMG thank u for sending this ;_____;

hHH ok ok ok i totally got emo during this but like ig im more emo than i thought 🤑✊🏻im literally that one dude crying but posing still 😩

1. my IRL BEST FRIEND is my fav person ever she’s like the only irl i have that actually wants to keep in contact w me like forever 😩 legit in 7th grade she told me she had a dream she died and was crying bc she wasn’t sure if we’d be in the afterlife together LFMAOFOAOOFO we have out entire lives planned like if our s/o’s don’t comply they’re canned, no exceptions :// i think she inspires me to be me bc she’s the only person im comfortable being myself w :( but she also inspires me to not get into a relationship bc she’s super soft and doesn’t know how to take a firm stand on anything LMFAOOO im Boutta save her from The Monster that is her bf dwdwdw *sideeyes* jk im also weak how do i handle This

2. ariane : one of my longest w1 mutuals

3. rissa : she’s so nice and says good morning Everyday even tho i die off for literal Weeks ;;;; idk what i did to deserve a sunshine even tho im the only person she ever roasts it’s?? totally fine she inspires me to be nice n cherish friends n roast them w love :(

3. tina : like one of my og wives 💓💞💖💕tina is super soft like SUPER soft n inspires me to be down-to-earth, she definitely is one to emphasize self-care nd i rlly like that ✨

4. mae ; other half of the og wives😩 mae is so strong :( like she may deal w the Biggest problems in her everyday life but is still? always being a sunshine :((((((( if only i could not cry as often abt deffo less traumatic experiences LFMODSF

5. aurora : my coldhearted mother that actually is super tsun :( she’s super blunt and straight to hte point like a very No Bullshit Zone w aurora which is scary but also admirable in terms of getting things to be done the way i want,,, i just gotta channel my inner aurora :””””)

6. one of my closest friends in school (bc my bff and i live like an hr away from each other :/) is my rIDE OR DIE nd my school bff!! ;; she deffo has like Everything in life stacked against her but she works so hard in school and like actual work which i could Never do nd it’s super inspiring for me to think about all she has to do keep up in life whereas i don’t have to and still complain abt stuff a lot ;;; SLDFJLSKJF wow im getting emo abt my friends rn tbh LAHAHHAHHA

7. idek if this is lameass but my mother is one of my best friends? LFMAOFOOA she and i spend one day a week together w/ just the two of us nd sometimes im like :/// abt it but ik she just wants the best for me by taking a break from school nd all that and like tbh i dont think i’ll be a mom when i’m older but she’s a gr8 mom and is prob the biggest reason for me to want to work w kids when im older :”””)

8. karen!!!! y’all prob alr kno how much i love karen :( i’ve honestly never met ANYBODY so nice like karen cares so much about people i really wanna be like her one day like :(((((((((((((( i’m really reserved honestly so i have a hard time approaching ppl but i love how karen wants to get to know ppl nd to make sure they’re doing well  ;;;

9. allison is like one of my longest mutuals ever ;;;;; nd like even tho allison seemingly denies my Love :( she’s one of my fav ppl ever ;;n;; she always helps me out bc im literally so dumb nd i want to be as accomplished n intelligent one day 😩

10. omfg i want to include like every mutual i’ve ever talked to like i probably have died from our convo but trUST ME LSKDJFLKSDF D IF WE”VE ACTUALLY TALKED THEN IM totally comfortable n feel close to u alr ;;; ✨💌😌💗💘💞💓💒like honestly i have such a hard time getting clsoe to ppl but the face that anyone approaches me makes me Greet w the openest of open arms,,,,

[scarecrowbutch]

this is a long rant but hey im super upset and this is my blog anyways so here you go im on the verge of a mental breakdown if anyone wants to comfort me feel free to idk if ill be able to reply but i love you guys if you do sen dme reassurance or even if you dont

please lms if you read tho so i know how many read it

so as a kid ive always been put at extremely high levels of expectations and i was literally that stereotypical little kid who hated weekends (i said that aloud once no lie), lived for school alone, and needed perfection in order to live. i had very few friends and was so so incredibly naive abt everything esp like w friendships and just general human relationships and i was so starved for perfection and had no social life whatsoever and literally i was just thinking abt how i would make myself sick over schoolwork (kinda like whats going on rn) and needed everything to either be in the 90s or be a 100 bc i literally remember CRYING over getting an 80-something grade on an exam when most of the class got in the 50's and being super depressed about it for days on end and this is probably a core reason im such a perfectionist and i always do this i always put my work off until the very last minute and then rush bc im lacking motivation and am worried that im going to fail im worried im going to be a failure and i hate it i know im smart i know im capable i just always underestimate myself and doubt my own knowledgelike it can be someone asking me what 1+1 is and i know the answer is 2 but i dont want to be so confident in my answer and then look like a complete fool and send me into a downward spiral of self loathing bc whenever someone points out smth i did wrong i get so defensive and mad over it bc i hyperanalyze everything i do and like "yes thank you like i didnt already fcuking know that" and i hate myself an di hat ehtat i do this and i hate that i procrastinate so much bc i just need to get it done but i second guess myself and doubt my capabilities and only do it at the end when its like a life and death situation bc honestly in my head still school is a main priority and since im not in honors or skipped to a sophomore level even tho i dont even want to like i want to be a damn freshman and live college how im supposed to ppl around me are as smart as me and doing sophomore stuff and getting their work done and i get so damn self concious when i work bcim in a state of vulnerability when that happens and im always so afraid that ill be doing smth wrong n tho id likely fix it id feel ppl would judge me when doing it therefore i only work on sketches that are like complete and only work on work that is complete in front of anyone bc im so damn terrified of their judgement and yes its irrational and stupid and idek what that means i have but i hate it so so so so so so so so so so damn much and thats why i havent been able to work as well bc my roommate is here and i hate this and i hate life i hate myself i hat ehat im like this im so fucked up and irrational like why the fuck do i get so overly concerned with it and am literally unable to function properly w others around like hownestly what the fuck what the fucking fuckin guvkcufk i shouldnt care what ppl think but ive literally been unable to do hw today bc my roommate is here and i feel so pressured and upset by it and dont want to work on my art bc i feel that it would look like im slacking or smth idek i just i really really hate this