#august24

[talkingtomyselves]

just woke up and i can already tell today is going to be bad. I think i must have dreamed something bc i am in a csa trigger. Just going to take it easy today and hope i feel better by tonight.

[leaving-anorexia-behind]

26/08/24

So much has changed so quickly and I'm getting whiplash once again from the constant changing of decisions. Being offered to return for 3 months from when I get back from an EDU to make sure I went to a suitable placement seems like a lifetime ago. My home-team and funders refused to fund me any further time here as here were the ones who wanted to evict me in the first place. In fairness, I don't blame them.

It was the clinical lead and most of the support workers who wanted me to stay. Only, it wasn't to be.

On Tuesday I spoke with care coordinator. If go to an EDU without an address, then I'll be stuck in there for months and months while they try to find another placement, which would probably end up being similar to the house-share anyway. It's because the placement I fell in love with want me to go to an intermediate placement first which is fair enough but there aren't many (if any) that are suitable. So, she asked me to go the house-share, despite even acknowledging herself the situation wasn't ideal. She promised the community ED team would visit daily and the house-share had agreed to stay female only while I'm there and only admit low risk residents.

Reluctantly I agreed to go.

My care coordinator spoke about capacity and how she believes I have more than what here feel I have. I wondered if that meant I'm not unwell and therefore didn't need to go to an EDU.

The following day, I briefly updated the clinical lead that I would be leaving soon to go to the house-share. She was not happy about it, but despite emails about their concerns to my home-team, it was all set to happen and soon. Near the end she asked me to do the squat test, only my legs shook as I desperately tried to prove I could do it. I felt so ashamed.

I then saw my GP, who gave me more of a reality check than I had bargained for. My ecg had come back with tachycardia, my blood pressure all over the place and my muscles were wasting. The nurse who had taken it upon himself to come in asked her to write a letter stating her concerns, so she did. Although, first she said that even though I'm medically stable now, I soon won't be and would need an emergency medical admission.

Friday, my care coordinator emailed to confirm I'm to move to the house-share the following Tuesday (tomorrow). So I informed the clinical lead who wanted me to stay here until my admission. Luckily, my GP called and I was able to sort a letter to say I am cows milk intolerant and need to use my own laundry things due to eczema and sensitive skin.

Yesterday, my old key worker from the previous house did a one off shift and I was so grateful as it meant I was able to say goodbye. Plus, I'd written a goodbye letter and got her a box of chocolates. She was saying this is the worst she's ever seen me and I have no capacity whatsoever as I don't see myself the same way everyone does. I tried to say I was ok but she wasn't buying it, not at all. It's partly because on my previous admission, they were able to coax me to eat and help me get back on track, only this time she said "we've lost you". That broke my heart. I only wanted to be able to manage my ED.

We agreed here was definitely not the right place for me, but wherever I go next to get the help for my mental health AND my ED. I said I'd do my best but sadly that was very hard to come by. It's even harder to find the right therapist. We spoke about EDUs and I was surprised when she said she would have had me admitted weeks ago when she saw me, now she wants me to go in asap, as she doesn't feel I'll last anywhere near a week without needing to go into general for a medical admission at the house-share. I tried to say I'd be ok, but she wasn't buying it.

Part 2 coming tomorrow when I've moved into my new home! I wonder how long I'll be there for.

[famousborntoday]

Anže Kopitar is a Slovenian professional ice hockey centre and captain of the Los Angeles Kings of the National Hockey League (NHL). The 11th overall pick in th...

Link: Anže Kopitar

[famousdeaths]

Gail Sheehy was an American author, journalist, and lecturer. She was the author of seventeen books and numerous high-profile articles for magazines such as New...

Link: Gail Sheehy

[mynameiseosson]

Occidental (2017), dir. Neïl Beloufa

[theastrotree]

अगस्त में 4 राशियों की किस्मत चमक जाएगी। कल से अगस्त का महीना शुरू हो रहा है। और अगस्त में 4 राशियों को मिलने वाली है खुशियां ही खुशियां। अगर आप हमारे चैनल पर पहली बार आए है हमें फॉलो और सब्सक्राइब करे ताकि आपको ऐसी ही जानकारी मिलती रहे। जाने वो कौनसी 4 राशि है जिनको अगस्त में होगा लाभ। पहली है मेष :- आपका रुका पैसा वापस आएगा। और आपके पारिवारिक जीवन में खुशियां आएगी। दूसरी राशि है कन्या :- आपको करियर में सफलता मिलेगी और शादीशुदा लोगो को संतान प्राप्ति की ख़ुशख़बरी मिल सकती है। तीसरी राशि है वृश्चिक :- आपके करियर और व्यापार की परेशानी दूर होगी और धन लाभ होगा। चौथी राशि है कुंभ :- आपको व्यापार में लाभ होगा और नौकरी करने वालो का प्रमोशन हो सकता है। सावन का महीना चल रहा है तो आप भगवान शिव को जलाभिषेक जरूर करे। आपकी कोनसी राशि है कमेंट में बताये। ऐसी ही और जानकारी के लिए चैनल को फॉलो और सब्सक्राइब करना न भूले

[everydayhoroscope]

Happy Birthday on August 24

Happy Birthday on August 24 This year holds plenty of promise and exciting opportunities for you to explore.

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Uncovering August 24th: Key Historical Events You Should Know! #history ...

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[musclelovergr]

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[talkingtomyselves]

so i have a cold. and i’m a bit weepy about the whole thing but nothing scary! it also feels wild to be able to display symptoms at home. my mom isn’t offering to make me tea or anything but if i was coughing and resting like this when i was thirteen she would have skinned me alive. It feels… good. To not be afraid of that anymore. i had this last semester too, when i was fully on my own for half a year and i caught a cold. I just started crying because it was safe to have cold symptoms and feel under the weather and allow myself to sleep.

i also haven’t had csa nightmares in a while. Or no bad ones, at least. And even those have been infrequent and not detailed. It fucking sucked feeling exhausted but also being terrified of sleep. It looks like things are taking a turn for the better for a bit!

[leaving-anorexia-behind]

06/08/24

How can things have gotten even worse?!

I feel more lost and more confused than ever before. Yesterday I went out for my usual walk after morning snack, when a private number called. After answering, I knew it wouldn't going to be good news. It was my care coordinator's replacement. He asked how things were, I said stressful and he got to the point quickly.

Several people involved in my care came together last Friday including my care co, ED psychiatrist (who I thought were on leave!), housing manager from here (who wants me out anyway) and my CMHT psychiatrist. He said that if I dropped any further weight the next day they were looking into me having a mental health act assessment as I said I wouldn't go voluntarily if an admission were advised. I'll find out their decision tomorrow. I'm so frustrated as the only reason I've gone backwards is because of the stress, anxiety and pressure the management here and my social worker have put me through.

I could probably get back on track if I wasn't being pushed to go to a house-share which was unsuitable. I don't want to stay here long-term, but I do want to be in a position where I'm well enough to go to a step-down placement like my own flat with support. I have no idea what is happening but my social worker has said he will be accepting the offer of a bed at the house-share I don't want to go to, but I've asked to go to a flat instead.

Last night, I spoke with the housing manager and he was saying he wouldn't agree to let me stay long term because he's concerned of the risk that my depression will come back over winter and last time he was convinced I'd take my life had I not gone into hospital (for a week), the other reason was because I only get on with some support workers.

Has he met his support workers?! 2 don't know what a saucepan is, some just shrug their shoulders if I say I'm not eating and one thinks she understands how I feel with my anorexia as she has type 2 diabetes...

He did say he'd be open to me staying another 3 months though. Apparently my care coordinator and psychiatrist have complained a lot (particularly my care co) which I think is definitely more the reason he doesn't want me here.

However, the clinical lead wants to offer to let me stay on a 3 month rolling review. Can't we meet in the middle and agree 3 months and if it's necessary and/or it goes well then extend it once more for 3 months to get me completely ready to live in a flat with support?!

I should be having a meeting with the housing manager and the clinical lead asap but we'll see when that happens and what's said. It needs to be done quickly as my social worker wants me moved out by the end of next week/ 19th August.

Food wise things are a complete nightmare. I don't want to eat, my stomach is in a constant knot, my chest is heavy and when I do comply, the guilt is crippling. I know a lot of this is stress/ anxiety related, but that doesn't make it easier and it doesn't take it away.

[famousborntoday]

Maryna Volodymyrivna Zanevska is a Ukrainian-born Belgian former professional tennis player. She has a career-high singles ranking of world No. 62, achieved on...

Link: Maryna Zanevska

[famousdeaths]

Louis Leo Prima was an American trumpeter, singer, entertainer, and bandleader. While rooted in New Orleans jazz, swing music, and jump blues, Prima touched on...

Link: Louis Prima

[dolilac-tr]

August24 Creations ♡ (Part 1)

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[theastrotree]

अगस्त में 4 राशियों की किस्मत चमक जाएगी। कल से अगस्त का महीना शुरू हो रहा है। और अगस्त में 4 राशियों को मिलने वाली है खुशियां ही खुशियां। अगर आप हमारे चैनल पर पहली बार आए है हमें फॉलो और सब्सक्राइब करे ताकि आपको ऐसी ही जानकारी मिलती रहे। जाने वो कौनसी 4 राशि है जिनको अगस्त में होगा लाभ। पहली है मेष :- आपका रुका पैसा वापस आएगा। और आपके पारिवारिक जीवन में खुशियां आएगी। दूसरी राशि है कन्या :- आपको करियर में सफलता मिलेगी और शादीशुदा लोगो को संतान प्राप्ति की ख़ुशख़बरी मिल सकती है। तीसरी राशि है वृश्चिक :- आपके करियर और व्यापार की परेशानी दूर होगी और धन लाभ होगा। चौथी राशि है कुंभ :- आपको व्यापार में लाभ होगा और नौकरी करने वालो का प्रमोशन हो सकता है। सावन का महीना चल रहा है तो आप भगवान शिव को जलाभिषेक जरूर करे। आपकी कोनसी राशि है कमेंट में बताये। ऐसी ही और जानकारी के लिए चैनल को फॉलो और सब्सक्राइब करना न भूले