#autumn leaves1991-blog

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

So I thought I’d join in the Writer Wednesday from @autumnleaves1991-blog this week!

So what I’m about to post is actually part of a fic I haven’t released yet. RC a smuggler, Captain of her own ship with her own crew and Ben Solo is the last surviving member of the Jedi Temple. Only instead of fleeing to Snoke he returned to Leia and to protect him he just became a nameless face in the Resistance.

Fractured

A little part from my fic.

Smuggler!Female Reader x Hidden Jedi!Ben Solo

Warnings: brief mention of loss. Gambling, card playing, mention of cheating.

Word Count: 1447

Sabacc anyone?

Era managed to dock within the three hour time limit and you wasted no time in leaving Cantonica behind as you all settled down for the 3 days in hyperspace. You sat in the cockpit as you pulled your blasters apart giving them a clean, replacing the gas canister and power packs, you could hear the others playing Sabacc as their happy voices floated through to you. From what you could hear Ben was winning and knowing Sion he wouldn’t like that, he claimed he was the Sabacc king in the crew and usually people didn’t challenge Sion in anything. You couldn’t help the smile as a loud shout sounded from everyone and you heard the words ‘Idiot’s Array’ said more than once. They were sharing the trinkets and coins you’d stolen from the hijacked ship out between them as they got ready for another round.

The silence of expectation as the first round of cards were dealt was deafening and you knew your crew enjoyed having someone new to include. You tried to ignore the fluttering in your chest as you clipped your blasters back together, you got a brief sense of satisfaction hearing the smart clicks as they gave way easily under your expert handling. These blasters were your life and you maintained them regularly never wanting to be without them, you liked to think they had saved your life more times than you could count. You looked at the smooth alloy of the DL-44, you had removed the barrel-sights off both of them as it used to catch in the holster and a quick draw is what you needed in some situations. You gave them both a spin and slotted them perfectly into their holsters before grabbing the cloth and the empty canisters and heading into the living area.

“Captain!” Sion called as soon as he saw you. ‘This welp needs putting in his place, he’s won twice now!’ You poured some caf wondering if you should join them, part of you wanted to but also for some reason couldn’t bear being around Ben. You didn’t know what it was, maybe that innocent expression he gave you like you’d just kicked a loth-wolf cub or maybe it was the way your palms grew sweaty in his presence, maybe it was the way you felt your skin prickle as his eyes landed on you. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to be around him because when you were you couldn’t think straight and that annoyed you.

“All you losers would be just that,” you said with a smirk. “Losers!”

“That’s fighting talk,” rumbled Ben as he stacked up his winnings with those long fingers.

“Here Captain,” said Lysa with a sly smile on her face as she rose from her stool and you sighed knowing they wouldn’t let up until you had at least smashed one round.

“Alright, fine!” You snapped as Sion banged his fist loudly on the table. He shoved Ben with a gleeful look on his face.

“If I’m the King of Sabacc our Captain here is definitely the Queen!” He stated excitedly.

“Let’s get this over with,” you gently settle on the stool arranging the coins before you and throwing some into the Sabacc pot in the middle. You refused to meet Ben’s eyes as Sion dealt the first card out to just you and Ben. “None of you joining in?” You cast an irritated gaze over your crew as they all kept their expressions blank, shaking their heads. You hated them all. Sion dealt the next card and you finally reached out and looked at them.

The aim was to reach 23 or -23 in your final hand, you looked up at Ben as he looked at his cards, you watched as his finger traced the stubble on his upper lip.

“15.” He said, calling out his beginning total.

“11.” You answered. You both threw some coins in the hand pot, Ben went first taking a card from the deck and trading it with one from his hand. His golden eyes rose to meet yours and without breaking eye contact you took a new card from the deck. You glanced down keeping your expression blank knowing he was watching every small movement you made, you took a card from your hand and returned it to the bottom of the deck. Again you both threw coins in the hand pot before repeating the process. You noted how this time he toyed with his bottom lip, dragging it through his teeth and you realised that was a nervous thing, so he wasn’t sure about his hand. His eyes darted between his cards and you patiently waited, noting everything about him, the way his wide chest rose slowly with each breath, the shape his fingers made as they held the cards and how red his lip became after he’d just pulled it into his mouth.

Your crew were watching with bated breath and you could almost cut the tension with a vibroknife as they all waited for him to make a move. He took a card from the deck and he deftly swapped it for another from his hand. He settled back in his seat and you felt a flush of annoyance that you couldn’t read him, his knee brushed yours under the table as he stared at you, his cards clutched in his hand and he crossed his arms. You were about to break eye contact when he did it, the toying of his bottom lip and you tried to calm your racing pulse, but you weren’t sure if it was because you found it attractive or it was because he was nervous about his hand.

You looked down at your cards and you saw you had 20. Now you had to decide if you swapped with another card or kept your hand, the chances of The Mistress being at the top for a Pure Sabacc were slim. But this was a game of chance. You glanced up at Ben again weighing up your chances of sticking or ruining your hand completely.

“Bet you wished you were in here for the other games,” he rumbled softly and you smirked.

“Are you implying I count cards?” He shrugged and you felt his leg bounce slightly, another nervous trait. You looked down at the two 10 cards you had and suppressed a sigh. You could pick up another ten, even an 11 would be the best options. The Mistress would be the best card….your mind turned over as the moments stretched and you realised you really wanted to win. “I’m going to stick with my hand,” you finally said and you heard Lysa release a breath she’d been holding.

“This is intense!” You heard her whisper to Era.

“What have you got?” Asked Ben his chin jerking slightly as he looked down at your cards, you could feel his leg bouncing harder now and you knew he wanted to win as much as you. You lay your cards down and Sion clapped his hands together.

“Not bad Captain, come on new boy let’s see your hand.” Ben’s eyes locked with yours and a smirk began to play around his mouth as he finally laid his cards down one by one, the first was a Flask suit card with the worth 11. He laid down the next one keeping it covered with his large hand until Sion demanded he move it.

“Ooooooooohhh!” Sion jumped up with a shout as Ben revealed a Balance card and you couldn’t help the smile that broke over your face.

“Captains still got it!” shouted Lysa as she chucked her arms around your shoulders.

“Good game,” you said quietly as Ben grinned at you.

“Yeah, good game.” You stood up from the table as the others settled back down for another, the noise of their excitement and chatter filling the space as they dished out coins and cards. You quietly let yourself into your quarters, before you closed the door you took in the scene before you. They looked so happy but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t let yourself be a part of it. You missed the days when it was the 6 of you, his loss forever weighing on you and you didn’t know how to shift it. Really you didn’t think you wanted to. Your eyes met with Ben’s briefly and you felt annoyed he had witnessed your moment of reflection, you snapped your door shut closing them all out. You had another cycle at least in hyperspace before you reached your destination and you were going to spend it avoiding Ben.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

A/N: Back on Writer Wednesday! YEAH! Kicked this out super quick while I was inspired so it hasn’t been beta read at all. @autumnleaves1991-blog @clydesducktape

Warnings: Alcohol consumption 🤷🏻‍♀️

Word Count: 1173

You shifted the bag to your other hand, you hadn’t realised how heavy you’d made it filling it with all your Christmas crockery and stuff to lay the table with. This year Christmas was at Ivar’s and he never made any effort. You and his brothers always dragged decorations and food because if you didn’t, well you'd all be standing around in his flat like normal.

Finally you made it to the top of the stairs blowing a sigh out of your body before you knocked on the door.

“It’s open!” He yelled. With a grin you shoved it open expecting to see nothing in his flat but the sight of a tree in the corner had the words melting on your tongue. He watched you come in, shutting the door behind you and walking over to the tree. If you could call it that. It stood about three feet tall, he’d placed it on a wooden stool and wound some lights round the sparse branches then trailed the excess across the window in a haphazard way. Mismatched baubles, around ten of them hug disappointingly from the branches making you point in disbelief.

“Ivar. What the fuck is this?” You asked, finally turning to face him. He got off the sofa with a huff. The sound of his cane loud on the wooden floorboards but not as loud as the annoyance in his voice.

“It’s a fucking tree what does it look like?” He replied scowling at you, his hair falling either side of his face when he moved.

“A twig,” you responded immediately. He rewarded you with his middle finger and a stupid grin as he sloped off into the other room. “I mean, the effort won’t go unnoticed!” You called, tentatively reaching out to touch the poor sad looking thing. At the brush of your fingertip some needles fell off and clattered to the floor. “Oh shit,” you whispered, kicking them under the stall.

“At least I made an effort this year,” he shouted sullenly.

“Well, I guess,” you mumbled.

“Anything else you’d like to pass comment on?” He asked sarcastically, pausing in the doorway.

“No no. I think I’m done.” He smiled baring his teeth in a grin that didn’t reach his blue eyes before giving you a mock bow. “Anyway, move this shit I need to lay the table and put the oven on.” You could hear him mumbling curse words at you as he pulled his photography magazines off the table and dumped them on the sofa. You were going to make the comment that someone would need to sit there but you’d pissed him off enough already. He pretended to ignore you but really he was watching you closely as you laid the decorations on the table. As you were setting the plates out he stomped over, running his fingers over the red table runner. He traced the golden thread pattern for a moment.

“Did you make this?” He asked.

“No, it was my mothers.” His fingers curled away from the fabric, looking up at you with an expression of disbelief.

“And you’re wasting it on me and my brothers?” Smiling a little, you shook your head.

“Not wasting. My mum would have loved having Christmas with a large family so in a way she’s getting her wish. There,” you announced. Taking a step back to stand beside him, you admired your handy work. “I brought my firecracker hot chocolate,” you told him.

“You did?” He shrugged trying to come across uninterested but out of all the brothers he always drank the most. It relaxed him, made him smile more and he did not stop talking which was the opposite of the Ivar standing here right now. Entering the kitchen you pulled the pot out of your bag and settled it on the hob. Both of you whipped round when the door crashed open and Björn strode in, running his gaze over the apartment.

“Ivar!” He bellowed. “Sæta?”

“In here!” You squealed as Björn wrapped his arms around you, lifting you into the air. Ubbe followed, giving you the same treatment with Hvitserk and Sigurd trailing behind. The kitchen became the epicentre of activity, Ubbe had cooked the Christmas dinner it just needed all heating up. You were handing out your firecracker hot chocolate and then shooing them all out of the room. You downed your hot chocolate feeling the warmth from the alcohol pool in your belly as you got another cup.

“The table looks pretty kær,” commented Hvitserk. “Did you see Ivar’s tree?” You pinned him with a firm stare and a pointed finger making him hold his hands up.

“Don’t rag on Ivar’s tree! He made an effort and I’ve already said all that needs saying on it.”

“How is that fair? You get to have all the fun!” He moaned.

“Shouldn’t have been so late then should you.” He rolled his shoulders with a sigh.

“You know Ubbe drives like an old man,” he mumbled.

“Yeah well…skál!”

“Skál! Ah! Eye contact!” Both of you downed the drink while maintaining eye contact when Ivar came in. Wordlessly you took his cup and refilled them both at the same time.

“Skál,” you said, holding out your cup. He hesitated for a second, his fingers shifting on the cup before snapping his intense gaze to lock with yours.

“Skál.” Holding eye contact with Ivar was completely different to mucking about with his brothers, maybe it was the ridiculous amount of alcohol you put in the chocolate, possibly the gripping intensity that sparked from his stunning blue eyes. It could be the heating just kicked on in the apartment but something was making you feel stupidly hot. Shedding your cardigan with a soft gasp you tossed it on the side and picked up your cup.

“Come on, let's join the others.” You stepped towards the doorway when Ubbe threw out his arm to stop you both.

“Look,” he said simply pointing at the top of the frame. A sprig of mistletoe wrapped in a red bow hung above you and Ivar, who turned his furious gaze onto his siblings.

“Who put that there?” He demanded. “It’s not mine!”

“Well it’s in your flat,” Björn pointed out as he slapped Hvitserk on the arm who was sniggering with Sigurd. You tried to push past Ubbe but he didn’t budge, giving you a knowing look and you rolled your eyes in frustration.

“Fine!” Before Ivar could react you grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him towards you. His hands stayed up in the air in surprise as your lips collided roughly but otherwise he didn’t hold back. Even when his brothers cheered, neither of you stopped, chasing the taste of the hot chocolate on each other's tongues until you ran out of air. Pulling away you sucked your bottom lip into your mouth, finally opening your eyes to his wide eyed expression of shock at what just happened.

“Merry Christmas Ivar,” you whispered breathlessly.

“Merry Christmas elskan.”

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Here is a little something for Writer Wednesday before I go to sleep! I saw the picture from @autumnleaves1991-blog and this little scene from my fic Fade Into You was all I could think about! I haven’t posted any of this fic before and really this doesn’t ruin the story at all, it’s just a taste.

Kylo Ren x Female Reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: mentions of slaughter, description of blood, full on description of undressing Kylo Ren 👀 not smut though sorry to disappoint 🤣

Word count: 1270

He stood trembling in his quarters, his back was to you but you could see he was hunched over, nowhere near his tall commanding height. You approached slowly not wanting to startle him or give him any excuse to lash out. As you stepped into his eye line you could see the blood dripping from the hem of his cloak, it splashed in small puddles on the floor. The blood coated his armour and some had sprayed up his face blending in with the scar that slashed down the side. His hair was matted and flat against his skull, dirt clung to his dark outfit but it was his expression that caught your attention. He looked hollow, his eyes blank as he stared straight ahead, you wanted to speak but instead you reached with your feelings like he’d taught you. His eye twitched, as he felt you tentatively seeking him out through the force but he didn’t block or stop you. For once, he let you in.

The turmoil inside struck you down to your very centre, the pain was a black mass that roiled inside him, it covered him, pricking at his torn soul, dragging him into the pits of despair. He didn’t enjoy this, the mindless slaughter but he felt it was necessary to bring Order to the Galaxy. You tried to calm the storm inside him but it battered you away, pushing your feeble attempts to the side and you withdrew. He still didn’t move, his jaw flexing the only indication he wasn’t a statue. You weren’t sure if he’d let you, but the only thing you could think to do was look after him. You cocked your head slightly as you looked over his armour, you weren’t sure where to begin. You reached out slowly, your hand shaking slightly as you deftly unclipped his belt, it fell open and landed with a loud clunk on the floor, you paused expecting to be restrained or told no but still he didn’t move. You stole a glance up to his face, his jaw still tense but his rich cinnamon coloured eyes watched you. You stood on tiptoe to unclasp his cloak, it slipped off his shoulders revealing his wide sturdy frame. Your fingers felt slick with wetness and you tried not to look down, you knew the redness would be marking your skin. Next you carefully took his hand, slipping the glove off his now unclenched fingers. Your fingertips brushed his bare skin and you held your breath at the sensation, you could feel the force vibrating between you sending ripples in all directions with every minute connection the pair of you made.

You felt more sure in your movements now he wasn’t stopping you, you pulled his other glove off, letting it fall to the floor with a wet slap. Next you knelt down, you wanted to ask him to lift his foot but he was already complying. He managed to hold his posture and balance as you deftly slipped his boots off one by one. Your fingers were coated in grime and blood now but you just tried to ignore it, tried not to think of the lives he had taken today. His toes flexed and you rose, next was his tunic. You glanced at him again, surprised to see he was watching you intently now, his pupils dilating and you could hear him breathe deeply as though trying to ground himself. You gently trailed your hands around his neck freeing the top of the tunic, his sodden hair brushing your fingertips. Your eyes danced over his features, taking in his freckles and the jagged line of his scar that sat under the filth. You found the clasp just under his neck and you carefully trailed your hands down his broad chest undoing each hidden fasting. You felt the rise and fall of his chest, even the pound of his heart as he responded to your tender attention. You used your hands to push his tunic off his shoulders, leaning in to him as you did so, but he didn’t move. You swear he sighed into your hair but you couldn’t be sure, the tunic finally slipped off his arms and dropped to the floor, joining the rest of his dirty clothes.

You felt a flutter of nerves as all that were left were his long sleeved top, trousers and undergarments. You looked up at him, catching his scorching gaze and it emboldened you to carry on. You delicately tugged on his sleeve at the cuff, holding it as he finally moved, pulling his arm into the main part of the top and you both repeated the motion on the other side. Your breath hitched as his body flexed, his arms strained as he pulled the top off his wide body, his muscles rippling with his movements. His hair stuck out at odd angles from being rubbed by the fabric and you wanted nothing more than to run your hands through it. His body heat was evident now as he stood proudly half dressed before you, his skin was pale but when you lived on a ship you didn’t get much sun. The scar from his face trickled all the way down his chest and before you could stop yourself you found your fingertip trailing down the groove in his flesh. The connection between you strengthened, flooding your system like adrenaline and your head swam slightly, your heart rate increased and your lips parted, dragging an extra breath into your body. He really was beautiful, an absolute god of a man. You swallowed, trying to tear your gaze away from his chest that was at your eye line, your hands reached for his trousers and you gasped when his large hand grabbed yours, dwarfing your fingers. Your gaze shot to his, your eyes widening slightly wondering if you’d overstepped but his grip was soft and you reached with the other hand. This time he didn’t stop you. The clasp on his trousers pinged open and you hooked your fingers into the band and carefully shimmied it down his hips, you pulled them as you crouched well aware how close his body was to you as he stepped out of the black garment. He kicked it away when you rose slowly, dragging your eyes over his chiseled body. It was the first time you’d seen him like this, unwrapped and bare. You could see his muscles tense with every breath, his plush lips were parted as he watched you stare at him, drinking him in. The force almost swirled around you, only something you and he could feel, a hidden moment between you both. You swallowed and his eyes trailed the movement of your throat with an intensity you’d never seen before, his eyes were now almost black giving him a dark look but you weren’t afraid.

Neither of you moved as you explored this new sensation between you both, you could feel the tiny hairs all over your body stand on end and reach for him, you stepped forward to your surprise with the force of the attraction. Your nipples grazed his chest through your thin dress and he flinched slightly, his eyes widened with an almost frightened look making him look pure and you felt yourself melting into that. Before you lost your resolve you took his hand, capturing it tightly with your fingers, probably applying more pressure than was needed. You felt every step tremble through your body as you led him to the refresher, he came easily matching you stride for stride

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Here is my little drabble for Writer Wednesday @autumnleaves1991-blog @clydesducktape

Armitage Hux x GN!Reader

Warnings: Soulmate Au. This is me, angst. Pain. Mentions of an accident.

Word Count: 1541

Soulmates. Everyone wants one, everyone wants to find that extra special person they spend the rest of their life with but it’s so difficult when all you have to go on is the last words they ever say to you tattooed on your body. You had poured over yours for years wondering what it meant, everyone had this vision of spending their whole lives with the right person but fate never worked out that way. You’d given up anyway, everyone was destined to meet their soulmate at some point, it was just a case of when.

You stared at the tin of soup in your hands, you hated shopping. No one told you as an adult you’d have to feed yourself at least once a day if not more and you’d have to think about it and cook it. Every. Damn. Day. The sound of the tin hitting the bottom of your basket rang out loudly and you looked up hoping not to have disturbed anyone in the quiet shop. There was only one other person near you, a tall gentleman smartly dressed in a suit and he certainly looked too well put together to be shopping here. You looked back at the shelf but the urge to look at him more was almost overwhelming and you ducked your head, turning slightly so you could see him out of your peripheral vision. His shoes were smart and shiny, his suit a rich black, the shirt crisp and white creating the perfect contrast. He shifted slightly and you got a good look at his profile, high cheekbones and light green eyes that were looking at you. He was looking at you. Oh shit. Embarrassment made you feel hot and uncomfortable so you quickly walked round to the next aisle, standing in front of the fridge of ready meals and hoping it would cool you down. You grabbed a lasagne and dumped it in your basket trying to think of what else you needed but nothing was coming to mind.

“Hi.” You flinched and looked up momentarily speechless. His bright red hair fell over his brow, his eyes were intense as they looked at you, a slight smirk tugged at his pink lips and you found yourself thinking he was the most gorgeous person alive.

“I…um….oh….sorry….hi.” You muttered, feeling the heat creep under the skin on your face wishing the floor would open up and swallow you whole.

“Can I…?” He pointed at the meals you were blocking from him and realisation washed over you.

“Oh! Yes of course…sorry.” You sidestepped and watched as he reached across you to retrieve a packet of Macaroni cheese. He was close enough to smell and you couldn’t help but breathe him in, the brush of his jacket swiped your arm making goosebumps race over your skin and you shivered slightly. “Good choice.” His head turned to you and you wished you could just keep your mouth shut but when you felt uncomfortable you always spouted nonsense. And now you felt you had to talk yourself out of this. Your eyes rose to meet his amused gaze and before you knew it you were babbling. “I mean I like that meal too…I chose a lasagne today though. I hate cooking, it’s such a chore. I mean…I’m not being nosy…sorry I ramble…..” You were drowning in air. What was wrong with you? You shifted the basket to your other arm and stuck your hand out offering your name. To your surprise he took it, his skin smooth and soft but his handshake was firm and sure in your grip.

“I’m Armitage. Armitage Hux.”

“Hi,” you breathed, caught up in the open expression on his face as his eyes studied your features. You snapped your hand away, realising you've been holding it for far too long. “I haven’t seen you here before. I mean not that I make a point of scouting the men that come in here, it’s just….” You gestured to him. “You kind of stand out. In a good way!” You almost yelled, your eyes wide. You couldn’t believe he hadn’t walked away yet, just standing here looking at you holding his macaroni cheese and sandwich.

“I haven’t seen you here before either.”

“Oh. Oh.” You didn’t know what to say, a numbness was creeping over your brain and it was making you feel sluggish and even more stupid.

“Have you lived in this area long?” He asked. He wanted to keep the conversation going. You raised an eyebrow in surprise expecting him to run in the opposite direction long ago.

“A while, the days just kind of all slip into one another, what with work and then coming home to an empty flat and cooking.”

“You live alone?” He enquired.

“Oh I mean I have like 6 housemates and they’re all burly body guards….you’re not a murderer are you?” His laugh was loud and rich and you smiled nervously.

“No I am not, sorry I was trying to deduce if you were single or not.” Oh.

“I am so very single…” you murmured.

“Then you wouldn’t say no if I asked you out to dinner?” Your brain stuttered, your thoughts scattering, fleeing, leaving you utterly thoughtless and your mouth opened but no sound came out. “You know, what with you hating cooking and all….” He trailed off. “You can say no…”

“No! I mean yes! I mean I’d like that.” You smiled slightly as the nerves twisted your stomach into a million knots. “I hate cooking so, yes. I would really like that.” He smiled and it changed his whole face softening that intense demeanour he had just moments before.

“What do you like to eat? I’ll let you pick the restaurant.”

“Oh, I am so indecisive….” You looked him over again and realised you were judging where he’d like to go by the way he was dressed. He could like a greasy burger from a fast food joint for all you knew. “Somewhere that does chips?” He nodded.

“That’s good, I like chips too.” You smiled shyly as he looked at his watch, his mouth pulling down in surprise. “Damn I need to go, my meeting started 5 minutes ago.”

“Wait!” You dug around in your bag quickly scribbling your number down. “Here, otherwise knowing my luck we’d never find each other again.”

“I promise I’ll message you as soon as I can!” You followed him to the tills, noticing he placed your number in the pocket inside his jacket and a warm sensation began to expand through your chest. He paid and turned to you. “Enjoy your lasagne for a family of five. I’ll be seeing you,” he breathed close to your ear with a smirk and you rolled your eyes.

“You bet I will!” You called after him. Both of you smiled at one another before the door closed after him. You frowned, something he said made your mind race.

“Miss, are you ready to pay?” Said the cashier but you didn’t hear her as a cold sensation ran through your body, the basket crashed to the floor at your feet, falling from your numb hands. Everything was muted, like your ears were stuffed with cotton wool, your hands shook as you pulled back your sleeve to see the words scribbled on the inside of your wrist:

I’ll be seeing you.

“No….” You were aware someone was trying to talk to you but all you could think of was to get to Armitage. Your legs moved but they were slow, too slow. The door to the shop opened and you saw him stop in the middle of the road, looking down at his wrist. You wanted to shout at him, scream his name but your throat had closed up. He turned to look at you, his eyes meeting yours and you saw the realisation dawn on his face. He took a step towards you, his mouth open to say something when a waft of air ruffled your hair and he wasn’t there anymore. The screech of tyres rendered the air around you, tears already sliding unbidden down your cheeks. People shoved past you, voices rose in panic but you didn’t register any of it. He had been right there, just seconds ago. His red hair glinting in the sun, his green eyes full of concern for you. But he was the one who had been taken. You flinched as your wrist burned, the writing of the last thing your soulmate would ever say to you began to fade. Everything about him was being erased making your heart flutter in your chest. It pained you to think your soulmate had been around all this time and as soon as you met him, a cruel twist of fate took him from you. Turning away from the accident you found your feet moving, leading you down an alleyway where you stumbled. Your legs gave way and you fell to your knees as the pain of your soul splitting in half engulfed you. A cry ripped your chest echoing against the walls heightening the anguish you were feeling to an almost unbearable pitch. He had been right there…and now he was gone.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Writer Wednesday (little late I know! But I’m surprised I wrote anything!) @autumnleaves1991-blog @clydesducktape

Echoes of the Heart

General Hux x Female Reader

Prompt: Writer Wednesday picture and Heartbeat.

Warnings: arranged marriage hint, mention of abuse, childhood, injuries.

Word Count: 1433

He hated it here, the memories that flash behind the lids of his closed eyes were never happy, accompanied with pain. The swift punch of a gloved fist, the imprint of a boot, the bruising….so much hurt and suffering was tied to this place. Armitage gave himself a mental shake, his father was gone, yes others who had inflicted the abuse on him still lived but he was an adult now. General of the First Order. And yet….his leather gloved fist clenched around the handle of the umbrella he held, the deluge that plagued Arkanis ran off the sides creating a clear wall of water around him. But he didn’t need to see where he was going. His feet had trodden this path a hundred times over, the maze had never changed and his steps never faltered. The immaculate hedges parted to reveal a pond, the water rippling with each raindrop creating a pattern he could get lost in.

He paused under the brick arch that marked the entrance to his place of solace, peering through the rain only to find someone was already here. At first he felt a flare of anger, his mouth twisting with a rebuke ready to chase away whoever it was. The wall of rain sliding off his umbrella stopped when he passed under the arch and he finally caught a glimpse of a dress. He never did understand how the women of Arkanis could parade around in these dresses, all tight in the waist and flowing around the legs, especially outside soaking up the constant puddles that littered the floor as the fine material dragged along the ground. He cast his eyes over your solemn figure, your head bowed under your dark umbrella as you watched the pond ripple at your feet. The deep red of your outfit barely visible in the murky light but still you offered a splash of richness amongst the green and stone. You were a daughter of high society, regarded as an acceptable match for him and had been brought here to his old estate. At first he had dismissed you, not seeing how marriage could benefit him at all but the more he caught glimpses of you the more he was intrigued.

“Are you just going to stand there General?” Your voice slicing through the weather surprised him and his entire body tensed, hoping he had gone unnoticed.

“I do not mean to intrude,” he said stiffly when all he could think was you were intruding on his secret space.

“You’re not.” His eyes swept over the area, noting the stone bench where he used to sit as a child, hiding from his father and stepmother. He could feel his chest tightening as he remembered the echoes of their yells trying to find him but they never bothered learning the way through the maze and he used that to his advantage quite often. “But something tells me I am intruding on your time of reflection.” Your voice pulled him back, the sound of the weather creating a constant patter on both umbrellas. His eyes rose to meet yours for the first time and he felt his breath catch slightly. You really were stunning, your gaze pierced through the gloom and he felt like you were really seeing him. He schooled his expression, emotion was a sign of weakness after all and everyone around him used him or abused him, why would you be any different?

“I used to come here often, it was my thinking space,” he found himself saying, surprising himself. He never divulged any personal information about himself if he could help it, knowledge was power and it could be used to someone else’s advantage. But here he was, his heart thudding in his chest as your gaze alone seemed to drag his darkest secrets to his very lips. He wanted to share the footprints that stained his soul with you and that shook him to his very core. Nonetheless he found himself drawing level with you, lifting his umbrella slightly to cover the edge of yours, creating a little pocket of relief so you could talk without the interruption of rain.

You looked back at the surface of the pond, nodding slightly in acceptance. Armitage shifted, now he didn’t know what to say. Put him on the bridge of a ship, or in front of a battalion of troopers and his mind would be in overdrive, thinking 5 steps ahead, his orders sure and precise never wavering in his decisions. And yet here, standing next to you he suddenly found himself empty of all words and it infuriated him. He rolled his lips angrily against his teeth wishing he could be suave and not so socially awkward. At times like this he blamed his father, for only teaching him how to control and to create fear, for taking him away from his mother. There. The echoes of his heart that always shone through when he was here, his gaze slid to the stone bench as he remembered. It had been a nice day, very rare here on Arkanis the sun had broken through a small gap in the clouds highlighting the world around him. As a child it was wondrous and made more beautiful by the fact his mother had been there with him, comforting him in his moment of need. It had been the last time he saw her, the last time he heard her sweet voice, the last time he felt the feather light touch of her hands as she studied the bruises that blossomed under his skin. The age old fury rose inside him and once again he revelled in the fact that his father was dead, and Admiral Brooks had been a bonus. The shackles they created, forever cracked but not entirely broken.

“Forgive me, General, but I can never quite work out what’s going on behind that very blank mask of yours. What does a man like you hide away?” He felt a smirk lift the corner of his mouth, he was fairly sure you didn’t want to know the inner workings of this particular General, it was enough to make anyone run in the opposite direction.

“I apologise if I seem pensive. Returning to the estate is always such an….adjustment.”

“Yes I can imagine. The fresh air, the rain, the gravity…”

“Actually on our ships the gravity generators are some of the best the First Order has engineered, they adjust accordingly even when we near a planet's gravitational pull so it’s just like having your feet on solid ground but out in space.” He trailed off realising too late that you had been teasing him, the smile tugging at your lips was something he wished he could see in full. “Ah,” he murmured quietly. “You didn’t need to know all that.”

“Maybe I should.” He shot you a quizzical look, his brow pulling down slightly. “Well if we are to….I’m assuming I would reside with you on the Finalizer.” Your words made him inhale sharply. He hadn’t even thought that far ahead but the fact you had dared to create a warm glow in his chest and he had no idea what to do with it.

“Oh,” was all he could manage. Oh.

“I understand if you’d rather I didn’t encroach on your privacy and your leadership. I can stay here and run the estate.” You said, mistaking his lack of acknowledgment for reluctance.

“I—I hadn’t really thought about it, I had no idea you were considering…” he was a mess. The words wouldn’t flow as his heartbeat roared in his ears, each beat slammed into his ribs almost shaking his body with each pound.

“We may have been put into this situation, General but that doesn’t mean I was unwilling.” Oh.

“Maybe…maybe we should go over the terms of the agreement.” He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. How formal, how unfeeling he sounded when all he was doing was feeling. It rushed through him, making the very tips of his fingers tingle in anticipation, a strange fluttering feeling made him feel slightly nauseated and he placed a hand on his stomach. “Armitage.” He managed to utter. “You may call me Armitage.” Now you graced him with a smile, and all he could picture was the sun breaking through the dull clouds. You were a breath of fresh air, a moment of peace within the storm that was his life and he knew from this moment he was never going to let you go.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

So apparently I woke up this morning and chose absolute sadness. This bitch is back though!

Writer Wednesday 16-06-2021

“I’ll always be by your side.”

Poe Dameron x Reader

Warnings: Mention of injuries. Character death. Language.

Word Count: 863

Your eyes opened and all you could see were trees. The light filtered through highlighting the greenness, it was beautiful. The different shades and how they all fitted together making the canopy above you like a woven blanket. The air was cool as it wafted over you, and your eyes fluttered shut as you sighed lightly. Your nose wrinkled, you could smell burning, an odd ticking noise was sounding about you and a high pitched whine was coming and going, that was when it all slammed into you.

“They’re targeting us!”

“Everybody hold on!”

“Shields failing!” Alarms were screaming, lights flashing and you knew this wasn’t going to end well.

“Poe!” You had moved wanting to be in the cockpit with him but the shot had slammed into the ship, ripping a hole in the hull and all you could remember after that was sky, such a rich blue colour with white fluffy clouds that looked like they could save you, only if they were solid.

Your eyes widened and you tried to move but you were stuck, you tried to sit up at least but the pain in your spine made you cry out loudly. He shouted your name, but you couldn’t reply. You could barely catch your breath so your hand scrabbled on the ground and grabbed the first solid thing it could reach. The sound was loud as you struck the metal that covered your body, pinning you to the forest floor, you carried on, ignoring the way how it made you head spin from the loudness when suddenly he was taking the stone from your hand, his finger lacing roughly with yours making you wince. You smiled seeing his deep brown eyes, his messy curls but it dropped when you saw the blood smeared down the side of his face.

“You look like shit,” you murmured as he let loose a laugh, bringing your dirty hand to his quivering lips as the tears began to spill from his eyes.

“I look no worse than you,” he retorted. You tried to laugh but the effort was too much and you choked, blood flecked from your mouth, the tangy taste lingered in your mouth and you winced. “I’m going to get help.” Before you could protest the pressure on your hand was gone, and the trees that he’d blocked out returned. You coughed again, dragging your fingers over your lips you could see them stained with red. Where did he go? Come back Poe! You closed your eyes, a sense of peace flooded your body, dulling the pain.

“I brought Finn and Rose.” Poe. You struggled to open your eyes, dragging yourself back to the pain just so you could see him again. You looked up to see Finn and Rose, they were filthy and also had blood on their clothes. Finn's arm was bandaged with a shirt and he cradled it close to his chest, they all flinched when the high pitched scream sounded again, their faces falling.

“What….who….” Poe clutched your hand tightly, his head bowed.

“It’s Rey, we can’t get her to stop.”

“What h—happened?” Poe’s red rimmed eyes misted over and his mouth set into a hard line.

“They shot us, right out of the fucking sky,” he snarled. “Murdering fucks. I tried to land us but the damage was too much. We were coming in too hot. I’m sorry I’m so sorry!”

“Why? I—I like your v—very exciting landings.” Rose sobbed quietly and you saw Finn wrap an arm around her. “Someone should b—be with Rey,” you stuttered looking up at them.

“Kaydel is with her.” Poe looked up sharply.

“Someone needs to find Chewie, he could lift this off her…”

“Poe, I don’t think that’s gonna work,” commented Finn.

“No, it will just, someone needs to find him, go!!” You tried not to cringe at his shout, you nodded to Finn and he smiled sadly. Steering Rose away a few paces they stopped knowing that Poe was going to need them.

“We just need to get Chewie…” he repeated. You moved a hand to his face, gently caressing his cheek, feeling that ever present stubble under your sensitive fingertips. His eyes rose to meet yours and his face scrunched up as he tried to hold back the flood of tears.

“I’ll always be by your side.” You whispered, the strength leaving your hand and he caught it before it fell back to the ground.

“You can’t leave me!” He cried, the pain of losing you evident in his voice but all you could do was smile.

“I love you Poe Dameron.” Your breath rasped and a numbness began to creep over your body.

“I love you, I can’t do this without you! I need you…please!” You gasped, the pressure on your chest making it impossible for you to breathe anymore and your eyes fluttered closed for the last time.

His cry rendered the air scaring some birds from the trees, they fluttered into the sky, soaring over the destruction that littered the forest floor. The Falcon was scattered, broken, just smoking ruins remained, on a far distant moon at the edges of the Galaxy.