#azurexaiya

[azurexaiya]

6.3.2024 No.52

A Star shiny and small

Well hello

I didn't expect this find

And yet here we are

Walking through the universe of my mind

I finally noticed You a star, somewhere far

So small and tender

Yet- Your light is the purest of them all

It's falling on my tired body

Soothing my bloody eyes

How precious

I forgot that something can be so nice

I used to sing alone into the dark

But somehow You joined as You're bright

Maybe, if I'm right

I'd let You in my life

Maybe, I'd shown You my wounds

Let You clean my back

I'd walk the skies with You

I'd swallow my pride

Maybe, when I'm ready to love again

We could share our pain

So our harmony would not be in vain

[azurexaiya]

21.2.2022 No.32.

My blood on your smile

Wearing crown of thorns,

of thorns of my own mind

I thought I could wear it

But my shadow was right

There are so many flowers inside of this mind

But I can't give you much, for it rips my hand

My blood fell on petals of your smile

I get wounded by the cursed past of mine

I wanted to be strong and win my fight

I wanted to be true, so I've shown you my heart

But your silence is a crust that I can't get through

And your distant gaze almost seems rude

Your touch so stiff and rough

Why won't you just leave me, if you have enough?

Oh how I love your heart just because it's beating

Your lungs just because they're breathing

I love your body, because it is keeping

Your soul trapped here with me

And here we are. I'm still alone in this fight.

You wouldn't speak and you wouldn't smile.

I was stupid for falling for another lie.

I was naive for calling you mine.

This was a mistake.

My selfish wish for redemption from my hell

I will end this for our sake

Because you didn't catch me, when I fell.

[azurexaiya]

2021 No. 49.

Broken bones

Only dirt

Broken bones

Spilled dog food

On the floor

Ancient dust

Past of the gone

Dusted wood

Full of worms

Scent of rust

Moody walls

Smell of mold

Loudest snore

Of the person who should have kept me alive

But I died

Inside

I died

Inside...

There are bugs

In these rooms

Carving roads

Inside out

Outside in

And my scream

Loud and clear

Cannot reach

Nobody

Nobody...

Nobody

Nobody outside of my personal hell

Of my eternal pain

Of the moment in past

When I became insane

That will forever last

Time means nothing

For the broken hearts

And even broken bone won't heal

If it's dead

And a broken heart won't heal

If it's dead

Only dirt

Broken bones

Spoiled dog food

On the floor

Me and my ghost

Share the doom

Of this gloom

Wanting more

More to explore

More to enjoy

More to inhale

More to dispose

More to live

Because being dead

Is so sad

When you are alive

Broken bones

Broken hearts

Only dirt

Ancient dust

[azurexaiya]

15.5.2022 No. 40.

Dead Butterfly

Droplet of water caught me in

I caught it before it fell

I caught myself in it

Whole world was in it

In that small droplet

I saw everything I've known

Connected in one

Your tear caught me in

I caught it before it fell

I caught myself in it

I saw whole world in it

In small tear of your eyes

But your eyes are not of this world

yet I saw the world in them

And that world

and everything I've known

Was fading

Your eyes were glowing

And my dreams

were fading

Your tear caught me in

I caught it before it fell

I caught myself in it

And the world

and everything I have known

Was fading

Living life like never before,

but everything

Is fading

(Compared to you)

[azurexaiya]

7.7.2021 No.38.

The love

I'm looking for something I don't know the name of

I just know I can't get it

I'm looking for something I don't know what it's about

I just know I don't want to live without it

What would the world be if we had enough?

And what would it look like if everything had a name?

What would be mine words about?

Would be all arts wasted in vain?

Language is empty

So is the world around

As long as there isn't someone

To walk with on this ground

I speak truth

It's truth of my heart

Even if it didn't happen

It came out of my throat

[azurexaiya]

16.3.2023 No.22.

.noname

Watching the sunset with eyes of a freedom

not the ones of a suicide man

One of the most beautiful things

Is an old man buying flowers on a open market place

Look

We are alive

There is trash on the floor

But we are alive

There is pollution in the air

But we are alive

There is war going on

But we are alive

There is pain in our heart

But we are alive

The scars on us are healing so badly

But we are alive

The trees are still blooming

Cats are still purring

Rain is still falling from the sky

As much as the sun and the moon are changing it's place

And the Earth still spins

Time flows

And it flew throughout times terrible and less terrible

Throughout lives beautiful and less beautiful

Long ones and short ones

And we are still alive right now

The children are playing around

And the nature still minds its own business

And we are alive

Isn't it beautiful to have such an honor to feel?

Feel pain and love and fear

To know that we are truly living

Isn't that beautiful?

I just wish I could be fully awake

To feel it all like a child

Without the walls around me

But no fire and no hurt can strip me from the truth of being able to know that I have a life to live

Everything is as it should be

Because if it wasn't, it wouldn't be

And we are alive

Right now

[azurexaiya]

16.2.2024 No.51.

The Closure

More than everything

More than your smile

The best feeling in the end

Was holding the broken piece of heart

that is mine.

I can finally return home

I can finally close this life

I can finally breathe and cry and laugh

Without feeling like it's a lie

I'm done here

And it's time to say goodbye

And thank you

[azurexaiya]

November-ish 2022 No. 43.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a rusty razor that lies on my shelf

waiting

It calls my name

Beats me in my daily work

Destroys harmony of my voice

Gives me pain

Gives me a lesson

Envy eats me alive

for all the things I never had

When will the spring come again?

[azurexaiya]

26.4.2019 No.39.

Friends

As I see a blue hole in the clouds

Or a flower in green grass

Or small crack in broken glass

It reminds me of us

We are special, gifted ones

We are freedom in small clans

We are living outside trance

We are us

So join one other side

Dangerous water slide

Our freedom, pride

Join us and be kind

Because we are kings of our inn

We are youngsters in old skin

We were saved out of bin

We will take you in

We aren't first but not last

This is power maybe blast

This is something what will last

This is us

[azurexaiya]

5.19.2021 No. 37.

I fell

We were building Babilons tower

And we fell

Forgetting to understand each other

Your love is my drug

And I can't live without her

[azurexaiya]

15.1.2024 No. 50.

A shirt unfolded

Sun had risen above my frozen life

It's so warmly nice

Yet so empty

only full of echoes

Empty bubbles of nonexistent realities

Hiraeth in which we had a home and were happy 

Missing someone

is missing each shirt that you used to fold 

Rythm of their breath

The spark in their eyes

The way the sun had touched their eyelashes in the evening

The empty spots in between their very theirs teeth when they smiled

The way they used to annoy you when you tried to sleep

Missing the other part of heart, that used to beat

[azurexaiya]

28.10.2023 No.23.

And I still love you

Years are melting together in one huge twisted soup

It is the painting on you face

I shiver when I'm close again

You are everywhere

I have lost the trace 

To forget

And yet I remember

My muse

My love

My tender carresment of the soul

It was always you

My witness

And friend

Mutely watching my tortures

Listening to my pains

Harmonizing your strings with my sorrows

And solitude

And then there begun the days

We have been separated

I have avoided the roads to you

And forgot how to sing by you

My dear

My lovely

My rich and nutritious

My beautifuly out of tune

I still love you

Crippled by the time

Robbed by my fear

I won't need my memory to know this

Every time I come close I shiver

My piano

[azurexaiya]

13.10.2023 No. 16.

My ugly fall

I have lost myself in you 

Try to find all the feathers I have lost

When I fell

It seems, there are so many of them 

As the people

As the lessons

I no longer want to be controlled by your word

I need to fly again

For that is what I was born for

I wonder though

 If I collect all of myself

  Will my time run out?

[azurexaiya]

15.8.2021 No.46

Just dust

Children of time

Made of dead suns

Passing through lines

Drowning in sins

Why should we die?

And why should we live?

Passing each day as if we had all of them.

But we don't.

Why is everybody so calm?

Why is noone asking?

Nobody cares that we don't know anything.

Does it even matter anymore?

[azurexaiya]

November-ish 2022. No.44.

The beginning

You came here into my beginning world

it was a beginning of the end

And you brought it

the autumn to my summer

Inevitable to a miracle

Just passing around

One of thousands ends to my worlds

One of thousands poems of my unspoken words

You didn’t even blink

I know what is coming upon me

I feel at peace

My new catastrophe

My new tragedy

I feel at peace

[azurexaiya]

30.7.2022 No. 29.

Farewell

After long draughts, days are finally rainy

Heavy water falls as tears do only

What a relief

Says me to me and me

Autumn came I don't know how

Again the year starts to end

As another leaf falls

You leave, my friend

I am as a tree,

seasons of life write their days into me.

My leaves change as people who lived

My home changes as the worlds around me

Somehow I proceed to grow

Autumn came and I don't know how

Another cycle starts to end

As my leaves I lost another friend