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[azurexaiya]

12.4.2024 No.53

.noname

It appears to me

that all my travels are doomed to bring me nothing

For I'm bound to love the stars I cannot reach

Yes, what an irony

If I'm a sun shining too bright - doomed for burning

what is there to teach?

I could have asked so many questions

But the stars don't know the way of speech

My gaze would arrive to them too late

My songs would turn to screech

I wonder if it's ought to be this way

If I'm bound to love from afar

If the only way for a bright star

Is to burn before it can have life

[azurexaiya]

6.3.2024 No.52

A Star shiny and small

Well hello

I didn't expect this find

And yet here we are

Walking through the universe of my mind

I finally noticed You a star, somewhere far

So small and tender

Yet- Your light is the purest of them all

It's falling on my tired body

Soothing my bloody eyes

How precious

I forgot that something can be so nice

I used to sing alone into the dark

But somehow You joined as You're bright

Maybe, if I'm right

I'd let You in my life

Maybe, I'd shown You my wounds

Let You clean my back

I'd walk the skies with You

I'd swallow my pride

Maybe, when I'm ready to love again

We could share our pain

So our harmony would not be in vain

[azurexaiya]

16.2.2024 No.51.

The Closure

More than everything

More than your smile

The best feeling in the end

Was holding the broken piece of heart

that is mine.

I can finally return home

I can finally close this life

I can finally breathe and cry and laugh

Without feeling like it's a lie

I'm done here

And it's time to say goodbye

And thank you

[azurexaiya]

Forgetting Faces.

[azurexaiya]

15.1.2024 No. 50.

A shirt unfolded

Sun had risen above my frozen life

It's so warmly nice

Yet so empty

only full of echoes

Empty bubbles of nonexistent realities

Hiraeth in which we had a home and were happy 

Missing someone

is missing each shirt that you used to fold 

Rythm of their breath

The spark in their eyes

The way the sun had touched their eyelashes in the evening

The empty spots in between their very theirs teeth when they smiled

The way they used to annoy you when you tried to sleep

Missing the other part of heart, that used to beat

[azurexaiya]

2021 No. 49.

Broken bones

Only dirt

Broken bones

Spilled dog food

On the floor

Ancient dust

Past of the gone

Dusted wood

Full of worms

Scent of rust

Moody walls

Smell of mold

Loudest snore

Of the person who should have kept me alive

But I died

Inside

I died

Inside...

There are bugs

In these rooms

Carving roads

Inside out

Outside in

And my scream

Loud and clear

Cannot reach

Nobody

Nobody...

Nobody

Nobody outside of my personal hell

Of my eternal pain

Of the moment in past

When I became insane

That will forever last

Time means nothing

For the broken hearts

And even broken bone won't heal

If it's dead

And a broken heart won't heal

If it's dead

Only dirt

Broken bones

Spoiled dog food

On the floor

Me and my ghost

Share the doom

Of this gloom

Wanting more

More to explore

More to enjoy

More to inhale

More to dispose

More to live

Because being dead

Is so sad

When you are alive

Broken bones

Broken hearts

Only dirt

Ancient dust

[azurexaiya]

3.6.2022 No.48

Everything of you

I really love the songs you sent me

All the words that you ever said

And the looks you gave me

Everything you did changed me

slowly

I am no longer the person I saw years ago

In reflection of a mirror

Yet I'm someone I can relate to more than ever before

I really love the songs you left in me

They gave me new perceptions

Cravings of the worlds I didn't belong to

Now I crave

I crave a lot

I crave you

Each day is like eternity

And they go one after another

The slow hell of expecting

The timeskip of waiting

And I crave

I crave a lot

I crave you

[azurexaiya]

17.11.2021 No. 47.

Barefoot

Winter is coming...

Flowers of chaos are blooming on the streets

And we are dancing, my love

Dancing on bloody stars of the crystal night

We can't hear distant cries dying in time

as we laugh and spin in our minds.

We should live in present, forget the past!

But if no one remembers, what will last?

Fires are red like roses in the snow.

It's going to repeat, it's coming slow...

All the music won't wipe away the screams.

And all the arts won't make the destruction disappear.

It stays within us,

without us knowing.

Poison of the gas....

Where is it going?

Is it too late to retreat?

Is it all bound to repeat?

Winter is coming, my love

and we don't know if its right.

Winter is coming...

And we are dancing on bloody stars of the crystal night.

[azurexaiya]

15.8.2021 No.46

Just dust

Children of time

Made of dead suns

Passing through lines

Drowning in sins

Why should we die?

And why should we live?

Passing each day as if we had all of them.

But we don't.

Why is everybody so calm?

Why is noone asking?

Nobody cares that we don't know anything.

Does it even matter anymore?

[azurexaiya]

Please

[azurexaiya]

30.5.2022. No 45.

Stress and milk

Stress and milk.

That is what marks my face with marks so volcanic.

As my words in eruptions,

earthquakes of warning before ignition.

I don't want to blow up...

I don't want to destroy you-

my dear Pompeii...

Spitting fire all around

or silent gas, or water-poisonous.

Destroying life in deadly dose

just for peace to be found.

But it seems there is hope.

For this is how this world works.

Where is destruction,

there is creation.

Emptiness gives space to growth.

And a dead body is for many lives

a home.

[azurexaiya]

New emotion once you reach your 20s

[azurexaiya]

November-ish 2022. No.44.

The beginning

You came here into my beginning world

it was a beginning of the end

And you brought it

the autumn to my summer

Inevitable to a miracle

Just passing around

One of thousands ends to my worlds

One of thousands poems of my unspoken words

You didn’t even blink

I know what is coming upon me

I feel at peace

My new catastrophe

My new tragedy

I feel at peace

[azurexaiya]

November-ish 2022 No. 43.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a rusty razor that lies on my shelf

waiting

It calls my name

Beats me in my daily work

Destroys harmony of my voice

Gives me pain

Gives me a lesson

Envy eats me alive

for all the things I never had

When will the spring come again?

[azurexaiya]

23.10.2023 No.42🤌✨.

Bitter felony

Another holly feather had fallen down

And time has passed again

Seasons changed

But you still hurt

I wonder if I could love you 

  one day

     someday

when I'm good

Would the pill return pieces of me that were lost?

Will what I know as me be what will it cost?

I worry

That my love would be no more than forced

Malfactured, synthetic, medical graduation

 of unreal world

If so, is it real now?

I don't know what I feel

I don't know what is real

My mind screams facts

But my heart is deaf

The everlasting sadness lasts

And my me is dead

You are better... wow

You are best without me

And maybe I say this to me

Maybe I want to leave

Want you to leave

Would I be free?

Why do I feel so uneasy?

You bitter, bitter felony

[azurexaiya]

27.11.2023 No.41.

Sensitive fish

Chaos is destroying me

Routine is killing me

This world will eat me alive

I will just die

And people will gather around me like vultures

Gathering the little something of me, that once made me a person

For I am a sensitive fish

A big one, that dives into great depths

And travels to distant lengths

I belong nowhere, but can be just around everywhere

Yet not for too long

I will dissolve in this world

Like a cube of sugar in coffee

Like a drop of honey in tea

Like a spoon of salt in water

Like a soul of human in this world

[azurexaiya]

Black hole

Ostentatious and futile, barely warm

They call me a hollow Sun

My bridges were built to be burnt

I'm a juxtaposition, a graphic contradiction

It's my birth right to be a black hole

It's my birth right to be drained and broken

It's my mission

But I will die, I will kill, trying to make myself whole

Lay your body in here, while I bury mine deep

Lay in your lava bed, while I dig

For hidden, undiscovered gold

I laugh in the face of fear

I dig through a deeper void

Until I find something real

I'm forever faithful and enamored

I'm forever intoxicated by my own core

Don't think I haven't eaten the forbidden fruit

I've already done this, I've seen it all

I know they won't be merciful

I've known the worst

But I know better

And I know to keep on searching for love

All around, up and down

Side to side, door to door

In trash cans, on the solid floor

Through hounted roads, inside confused passengers

Simple similarities or toxic disparagement

In the future or the past

As above, so below

In one more vacant, hollow Sun

Or an unpredictable black hole

I will be open even if it's dangerous

Once again I will experience it

Even if it's treacherous and deadly

Until I suck up everything around me

Or be empty, once again

Diana M.