#b/c i want you to read the post

[hoofpeet]

Depersonalization + Family

[spaciebabie]

you have to stop acting like you are only worthy of hate and malice. you have to. i know how hard it is ta stop the self deprecating jokes or feeling the constant urge ta dunk on yourself i have been there and i have done that and i cant even say that i love myself b/c i dont, but im in a better place now b/c i actually accept that people feel positive feelings about me and i am not unlovable! ive lost count of how many times i have poured out my heart ta my friends and told them i love them or that i love something they create and then i just get slapped in the face by them saying "no thats not true everything i create sucks and i suck" like!!! what is the point of me being here honestly. why am i saying nice things ta you if you're constantly going ta say otherwise. do you even care about the things i hafta say? why are you acting like your friends are constantly lying ta you abt how they feel? you hafta think about how constantly rejecting someones affections for you (in this specific sense) is going to impact them! you dont hafta believe that you're the best thing since sliced bread if someone tells you that you are. but you have to accept that the people who care about you feel that way about you or you're going to drive them away. like im trying to love you asshole! let me!!

[caspersscareschool]

he literally sews his kids stupid little outfits from scratch does anyone even fucking care

[waterfallofspace]

don't know how to format this post so welcome to waterfall is craving things and she doesn't know if it's more h-rny or lonely so enjoy a little snippet of what is playing on loop in my mind~

Person A: tshhieew!

Person B: Bless you, poor little thing~

Person A: I'm- eshh'iew! tschh- kngt'shhew! I'm not little!

Person B: Even if you aren't, your sneezes sure are~

Person A, blushing: No they're- eh'tnshiew! aeshh'iee!

Person B, with a smirk: What a poor, sneezy little thing~

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically

[of-nyon]

girl help someone made a post explaining why they don't like one of my faves and I'm being so brave about it

[glimblshanks]

It's so difficult, because I genuinely do want to understand what the whole deal with Christianity is, but Christians are so apposed to any line of questioning about their belief system (in a way that no other religion is) that if you say anything they don't like they shut down and accuse you of being a sinner.

And it's like bro, I'm not trying to be insulting, I'm trying to understand why this religion is even appealing to you. How do you manage to get so many converts when you're not even willing to answer basic questions about your theology?

Everyone I've found who's actually willing to discuss Christian theology with me is an ex-Christian which is super unhelpful, because ex-Christians are people who have deconstructed Christian belief and come to the conclusion that it doesn't work for them. They're always very cynical about the whole situation. That's not what I'm looking for.

I want to talk to someone who's still into it. I want to understand what actually draws people to this religion ( I do not want to be trauma dumped at - I don't know what aspect of Christian belief confuses y'all into thinking that trauma dumping is an appropriate substitute for theological discussion, but it absolutely isn't).

Like you would really think for one of the most popular religions in the world finding answers to this stuff would be easier. Why can't you guys just talk about your beliefs?

[triaelf9]

Well, the one thing that has never changed on Deviant Art is the amount of folks who insist on mansplaining me my own job and my own work to me. Every SINGLE time. It's like, I've probably been here longer than you, kid. Also, I'm  not a newbie at this! Stop acting like I am! I fondly remember the time a dude tried to tell me how to publish books... when I was 3 kickstarters in and funding a 4th. When I said "I've published before, stop telling me how" he got defensive "HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW" I dunno, look at my page for 30 seconds?? Why are you giving me advice when you know nothing about my situation?? Useless!!

Anyway, dA stan, you could not have made me more certain that I made the right decision to stop paying for the site with the PARAGRAPHS LONG defense of the site and telling me how my business should run and that I can "inherit" my webcomic to my heirs What?? the heck?

like I can't do that on any other site?? Jesus, this is why I don't mess with the art community there anymore, I'm tired of being treated like a high school bimbo who has never held a job in their life. 

 And it's been like this since the start. sdahlksdfgskdfgalf ANYWAY, done.

[gideongrovel]

i actually have so many ideas for things I wanna draw for my ship with Brook,,,, but it's mosyly memey shit rather then anything fleshed out,,,, and I'm not good at drawing stuff like that 😔 maybe one day I will just do a doodle page of them all cause I have like 4 or 5 ideas in my head,,, but i know they wouldn't be worth fulling rendering em,,,,

[nostalgia-tblr]

i suppose this is a book review

I finished a book! It was The Usurper King: The Fall of Richard II and the Rise of Henry of Bolingbroke, 1366-99 by Marie Louise Bruce (Amazon link, sorz - I read this Kindle edition). I wasn't that keen on it at first so I skipped some bits early on and in the middle but once the actual usurping got underway it was quite exciting. I think one of the parts I skipped was the Peasants' Revolt (oops) so I shall have to find out about that from somewhere else, and as usual I kind of gave up on keeping track of who all the various nobility were who changed their name every time they got promoted (and in this particular story occasionally demoted). This is all part of the backstory for the Wars of the Roses though so I had some idea who most of the the most-royal people were already - this is the bit where we skip from the son of the first son of Edward III to the son of his third son and the kid who doesn't get the throne in this one is Important Later On, or at least his descendants are.

Anyway, Richard II is the son of The Black Prince (nobody seems to know why he was called that, so let's just say he was a goth) and he is quite unpopular with basically everyone, and he got semi-deposed in the 1380s but hung on and then got vengeful about it a decade later. Anyway he'd pissed off everyone and he'd had this weird sort of sexual tension loyalty-but-also-bitterness thing going on with his cousin Henry (son of the third son of etc) and then banished him and disinherited him, at which point the book notes that Henry considers this to be Richard breaking his coronation oath and adds ominously that all this fuckery therefore dissolves Henry's bond of fealty to his king... and then shit - as they Americans say - gets real.

So Henry comes from France to England with about a dozen boats and he has maybe 200 men in his can't-really-call-that-an-army BUT as mentioned everyone fucking hates Richard so as he wanders across England his forces grow signficantly. (If England had a penny for every time an invading Henry has overthrown an unpopular Richard...) And Richard's at this point off oppressing Ireland and for some reason dilly-dallys a bit there despite the Cousin-Usurper-Has-Invaded-England thing, and when he does show up (in Wales) he promptly falls for some oath-breaking (of which there is A LOT in this story, mostly from Richard himself) and gets arrested and deposed.

At this point the author expresses some scepticism about whether Henry really had much in the way of grounds for claiming the throne (oh and also he'd told most of his new allies that he wasn't going to - see previous mention re: the shocking amount oath-breaking going on here) but he manages to get it and then to hold onto it he of course has to kill Richard but he's not keen on the idea and then there's a failed rebellion and then soon after that Richard conveniently dies, possibly because they stopped feeding him (GRIM!) and then there's the history equivalent of a post-credits teaser for the next film, where Henry (now the IV) dies and apparently his son liked Dead Richard more - I should look into that as it sounds a bit fucked up. And like I said the 'skipped-over second son' plot point will become important in the 1460s or thereabouts.

Some of the primary sources are quoted in the original Badly Spelled English - though in fairness there's no standardised spelling as yet (and won't be for some time) but still it's hard to make sense of in places so I often just skipped those quotations. There's also the odd bit of untranslated Latin (thanks, shitlord!!!) but never more than a line so it could be worse. Sometimes events are referred to without further explanation which is a bit annoying - I want to know why Henry V will be so pissed off at his dad! And why an archbishop gets executed in some later installment! But yeah mostly I found it a bit of a slog early on but once - as the French say - la merde got le real it picked up a lot and it became quite the page-turner which is partly the nature of the events but points to the author anyway cos I know that - alas! - a bad writer can turn any bit of history dull.

I'd initially given this 3 stars but then upped it to 4 when I was finished because it got rly good in the last half.

[businesstiramisu]

Hi! How are you? Your ask box is open again! Would you like to see cats? What is the difference between Ayin and Tsaddik? How did you make the Dreamwidth captcha thing? It looks very professional! I got the book "Witch King" by Martha Wells! Unfortunately, it seems that the Murderbot Diaries are colluding against me to prevent me from reading it. Also your tagging system is very great! I love it!

Hello! I don't remember why I closed it, but usually if it's been a while and it's not open it's b/c I forgot indeed *that* I closed it, and you can ask me to open it again (that's what happened here lol).

Ayin vs. Tsaddik (Romanization/spelling varies) -- re: this post

As you can see, they are slightly similar looking letters. I expect no one actually literate in Hebrew would make this mistake (any more than you would mix-up lower-case 'a' and lower-case 'c') but lots of us are not literate in Hebrew. Hence the humor of the mis-spelled mug. My tags were b/c I tend to make a game out of trying to read all foreign-language text I come across, if I've got the time. I'm actually pretty good at sounding out Russian, now, and sometimes also Japanese (I blame all the weebs on here). But I'm absolutely terrible with Hebrew, and part of me feels I ought to be better b/c I have relatives who speak it. (I don't talk to those relatives nearly as much as I read weeb things online, though, so it only make sense). I don't remember for sure but I think with that post I also mixed up Bet with something stupid like Nun or even Resh.

2. Dreamwidth captcha -- re: this post -- INSPECT ELEMENT BAYBEEEE Seriously, it looks professional because it literally just the dreamwidth website with one word added by me. Two clicks and a bit of time poking around CSS you, too, can use this knowledge for evil

3. The Witch King by Martha Wells-- Oh, nice!! I actually read quite a bit of Wells' fantasy catalogue this month, and i've been meaning to write up a post reviewing and comparing them. Wells definitely has some favorite motifs that she keeps returning to (e.g. prominent ruins of past societies) and it would be fun to compare them. I really enjoyed The Witch King, but I will say as one fan of Unsounded to another, I actually really recommend The Fall of Ile-Rien trilogy! I think it has some overlapping setitng and characterization stuff that I think might especially appeal to an Unsounded fan. (TREMAINE. LOVE TREMAINE)

Though you should really keep trying to get Murderbot b/c those are by far her best work IMO (not to say any of her fantasy is bad, just Murderbot is 11/10 for me on so many axes). (How is reality colluding against you, if you don't mind sharing? sounds like a story lol)

4. Tagging -- thank you!! i do it for myself b/c I like to find my old things but glad it's working for you too <3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some threads woven together flawlessly. or fumbled with intently until it's like Look [holds out a cat's cradle] but no. it's good & real

smthing "i can't believe it's this Telling!" about Romance(tm) being multiple times hearing this sentiment like. "okay talking about relationships right. dating has always come easily to me / i've been lucky / i'm Good At romance: i was not single for more than 5 consecutive days from the autumn of '34 to Now. but it wasn't until my late twenties 90 yrs & dozens of Romantic partners into it that, for the first time ever: one of those relationships was actually like, good." and it's like damn i can't believe it's that Telling. that the remarks have this would be twist / punchline (not actually delivered as such. it's not unexpected to them?) that still gets framed thusly as being Successful in dating. spending eons with a bunch of people involved in bad relationships, but you weren't Not dating

also reminded in terms of [i don't really have any podcasts i'm listening to] like one i was like "hm i've heard some episodes. i'll put this one on in the background" then dropkicking it out the window like 10 min in b/c irrelevantly this Guest was like "real talk. ugh it's sooo cool to be poly nowadays 9_9 everyone has to be poly but i'm Naught into it!!! i guess i Feel too much. i want PASSION and DRAMA!!! this is just like how pop in the late '00s / '10s was all 'feminist' telling you to be independent sluts well i care about true LOVE" and like. i don't remember but i don't think they were a man, i'm quite surer they were queer, it was just so fucking lmfao like would you get thee fuck out of here. we actually don't live in "it's like it's illegal to be monogamous :(" world you're not Edgy now b/c you're insecure about what you see as "trendy" but don't Get / don't want in on. you're not going against the grain for being like "maybe i Do want to settle down with my soulmate" like great news that's normative. pick another queer group to Project on b/c they'd rupture your idea of the Bounds of queerness where you're like "ugh they're so mainstream & ruining it for us True queers disrupting the cishet agenda (arguing for queerness to be on The Terms Of said cishet agenda)" e.g. ohh the cishet agenda is pro asexuality!!! (it is not. even if it was? is the Queer Agenda for some people to have to deny their own sexuality & "have" to have sex a certain kind of way with certain people? up next "bi women: gender traitors, why not Choose to (have to) have only certain kinds of sex w/certain people :)" trans people gender traitors We decide what everyone's gender is, bit fucked up of you to be deciding your own huh, what Assumptions are you making you sicko?? you Have to identify / present xyz certain ways or you're failing to be the gender vanguard like we are) like what if the queer agenda was about everything we Can do. we Can have this sex w/these people sure, & we Can: Not do that w/them. like oh no what if cishet men were able to get their hands on the gay resources only when we recognize Aro/Ace identities can ppl Say "yeah i'm....hehe....Not cishet"? legitimate question Yeah What Then. oh no. god's wounds What If you can just say you're trans now & change your pronouns every day. like yeah let's let everyone do that. what if we all did. oh no lol. oh my god more people are talking about polyamory like they're allowed to talk about polyamory & if my monogamy isn't Assumed ""normal"" & i might feel like it's thus more in question?? well don't mind me as i get defensive by way of Derisive & start scoffing & spitting at the queers making the rest of us look bad but we're Really fighting the fight out here (doing what we were already doing but now feeling extra smug & self satisfied about it?)

like "ohh i have too much Emotion for that" like who said you didn't. why do you think polyamory involves less emotion or passion or desire or commitment or whatever. it sure doesn't posit it necessarily requires More either. it posits that it is not monogamy. & like christ Congratulations then. congratulations on having too much of a heart. that is then used to sneer & backbite like i forgot that this person on this damn podcast also brought this up b/c a friend or acquaintance who was poly made whatever kind of proposition & here they are on some podcast going Ugh & talking about how they have too much passion, despite years of top40 telling them, according to them, that feminism is sluttiness now (again this is. according to them. Groundbreaking circling back to bog standard misogyny) & isn't it so groundbreaking in turn if a woman were to sing love songs? imagine. you can have emotions & passion & drama taking the parking spot a stranger wanted. You could've brought the monogamy with a poly partner, when the Agenda for it is always distilled to Exclusivity, like, bring your own, huh? like your own Feelings & Passions & Commitment. but obviously it is the assumption that the poly partner is the Inadequate one there who would be causing any relationship to be Lacking. b/c they sure didn't frame it as some matter of fact Mismatch or else try to start being outright about how poly people are, like the bisexuals, these sluts (feminists!!) who are only giving you Part of themselves when you deserve All Access to your exclusive, locked in partner!!! & like good lord do you ever? with your Reliable kinsey endzones binary gender soulmate for life, do you?? locking them in what, why. excluding what, why. accessing all of what, why.

Romance(tm) being defined by Exclusivity defined by entitlement to as much of this other person as you want, to ensure that exclusivity: compare w/the boundless potential Threats or already Violations to thee proper romantic relationship. spending too much time with other people, sharing too much with them, getting too much support, feeling too much towards them, valuing them too much, to say nothing of what could be considered "intimacy," which then yeah sure includes "well no kissing or sex" but yknow again that does need to be a bound you even accept, monogamy style, & even if you do, that All Thee Rest of it can be attributed to "well you shouldn't be talking to them / having these friends / doing these other things b/c that's a slippery slope to Romance (kissing, sex)." that the exclusivity is so often inevitably defined by, when pushed to it, Exclusion, e.g. like if everyone i loved was held at gunpoint & it's like only One of them could be Not Shot baby it'd be you like tf is this scenario?? gee it'd suck if everyone else died but baby as long as it's not you like The Hell. that it's about Everyone Else being shut out & Less & Lacking & deprioritized thusly in specificass hypothetical winner take all tournaments of disposing of loved ones like what in the christ. & this being an Isolating logic like well that soulmate should be Enough. & the instruction like, yeah any & all feelings passions desires wishes wants needs hopes dreams? file that away under "to be fulfilled by the One True Romance." it'll fulfill Everything in your life!! if it doesn't umm cough must've been doing it wrong. turn your discontent into Passion. philosophically muse on how Fulfillment may have eluded you but maybe just maybe we all still come closest in struggling through a marriage for a few dozens of years & also perhaps parenthood! surely. and don't even think of considering if this cosmos of the nuclear household is not in fact the distilled essence of all that one's life can possibly contain

of course two people can have a long term intimate relationship w/each other exclusively & it not all necessarily play into some nuclear family cisheteropatriarchy agenda moment lmao, but this is just the same as like. yeah people Can exist in ways that some rando today could look at & deem "are they not cishet" but where this is also not of the cishet agenda(tm). b/c ppl Have to be cishet(tm). & Have to be finding their monogamous cishet lifelong spouse. & sure Have to Not do otherwise, so why Wouldn't there be the narrative that all passions & emotions & desires & wants & needs & chance of fulfillment is a matter of the domain of Romance(tm)? the idea like oh you enjoy talking with someone? Love. you're excited / interested / affectionate? Love. you're dtf? either Love or else held to be the other side of the same coin: marked Lack of love(tm). wild that Stimming in enthusiasm is used in this Romance framework lmao as like a recognized Normal nd moment. love the enthusiasm. you could be stimming even more, about more. you could be enthused even more, about more. you Could. you don't Have to, But You Could. you don't Have to be involved in a way you consider some degree of intimate enough to have a particular classification on that basis, but you Could. you don't want to? alright awesome how many versions of a person there can be on this earth. why would one want to define it as "having" to be monogamous though b/c you're Too Legit to be poly. Too Legit queer to respect asexuality. Too Legit trans to respect someone's gender expression/identity being a casual, dynamic, easy experience.

also always noticing like "oh right, another day's work giving Others' feelings legitimacy & priority, & not my own" back in college times when like a couple of times having to outright or gradually* deflect acquaintances whom i'd interacted with trying to go for the dating route. & then nominally having to presume that they are the uniquely burdened one here like oh way to go (did not do fuckall), what is more Legitimate than disappointment re: Romance right. except it's like now hang on i'm also the one going "i thought someone was interacting with me trying to be friendly :/" like lol, no. & as though then taking on this impossible unilateral responsibility to demur from seeming [i want to hang out & interact] interest now on the terms of both neurotypicality (also normative) & amatonormativity. & being like "??" like what would someone even have particularly strong feelings about when i prommy i did not yet feel comfortable bringing even like most of the range of my personality, or comfortable in general w/what i Did bring, what's the basis of this lol. making up a guy. & like we are all performing we are all perceiving & interpreting without a direct channel into someone else's interiority. but like where's Any genuine intimacy leading into this lol? like still a No even if so but at least it'd be less perplexing. & if there isn't even expected to be any then also still No. tf was this one guy trying to start shit over buying textbooks & by start shit i mean keep trying to talk to me when crossing paths on (community college!) campus until i'm like no i don't wanna go to a movie b/c i don't really know you from adam, & he's like "well isn't that the point of dating, to get to know each other" like No this isn't cishet amatonormative marriage speedrun "i'm so good at dating i wasn't single for 93 years! each relationship was shit btw!" central get out of here. luckily he did. rando guys in public & semi public barely count yet also fully count

another thing that's different but the same is it's kind of jarring like another thing you Can do but it rankles within me like i hope to just like. someone being like framed as Superlative Exceptional....like great lmao such a broad thing & common thing & i am fully aware like "Uh Oh Eesh when i am imagining it applied to Me. i do not like it" like how we are [it takes all kinds]ing and [no accounting for taste]ing & all these things we sure Can do. but i do tie it to just like. arguing for people's worth as A Thing on this bitch of an earth where some people get to see others' lives as less than theirs & the supposed cure for this appealing on Merit. where even the Personal, Individual protection against this is "well, just find the one person who is like 'you're Everything & btw i'd drop dead without you like what would be the point of Anything'" like now what tf is reassuring about that lmao....this Other audio experience i forgot where i was already just not that interested but it grated hearing someone assure us that like oh this person's webpage is so Intriguing i Have to talk to this person. another thing much more formal & established being this ode to someone being like So undeniably extraordinary & incredible & superlative etc, like, lovely ode to someone, but i do reflect like eesh i just really do not want that. no ironic "xyz would've hated this!!" like just do not. i'm so Not about merit(tm). i'm so not about anyone Needing to be considered superlative or extraordinary by even One other person. so not about rising Above anyone else as the evidence of worth. so not about praising anyone by assuring people they're Not "Just" [another xyz. a victim. passive. content to abc.]....so not about being stuck in isolation with the immediate Family as one's only support (against The Family: as like. a political deal) until the only other way to exist is to escape, &/or be pushed into, the marriage, aka thee romance (against Romance: also a political deal)

where in romance(tm) is there Not this narrative about how you'd better find all the support & fulfillment you need in your whole self & life & being in This. where is there not "ideally" isolation. where is there not exclusivity as the definition. with this also ofc assuming the "correct" monogamous approach. & the cisheteropatriarchy. like yeah sure people Can do xyz that would resemble like ah the cishet lifelong monogamous partnership, & Not be of that agenda. like there Can be ppl who would be perceived cishet by someone to whom "cishet" has any meaning but like, without that agenda. we had & can have all our phenotypes without the concepts of white supremacy / antiblackness around which to categorize "race," we have all our bodies w/o there necessarily, inevitably being ableism. & in the meantime against the [we Have to xyz] & the Normative & the assertion of "merited" deservingness & the isolating & authoritarian & controlling & extractive & prescriptive & limiting, & plenty of other things....polyamory like supposed "opposite" of aromanticism but it's peak harmonious when like, it is also very much outside how romance is "supposed" to be, to the extent of like ohh it doesn't count b/c it is so uncontained by any Definitions. ohh i could never be polyamorous b/c they're Diluting themselves (there's the Isolating & Exclusivity definitions....the Most romantic relationship? baby idgaf if everyone else in my life died. you wouldn't either re: all your loved ones, right. why are you talking to them again. or hanging out with them again. or saying Love to them again or changing your plans for them or listening to them or etc etc. & of course you couldn't kiss anyone else, why Wouldn't this relationship crumble away if that weren't the case??? lol) like okay you're not polyamorous, that others Are is good for you. ppl being trans is good for cis people; no genders as constraining classes. ppl being ace is good for allo people; no compulsory sexuality. people being bi is good for everyone; same. etc etc etc. that They can exist as themselves unhindered = you can; that they can't, you can't. you're not Too Good to be them; acting/doing Better than someone else is acting/doing is like, about choices lol. versus [oh it's not even a choice i Couldn't be poly....b/c i'm too good for that] like. now what does this do for anyone exactly. but make you feel more secure through feeling superior b/c you're hearing more often more casually more proximately about different choices people are making for themselves

anyways surfacing from [my god. writing a post now] & i would like to emphasize "aromantic sure but & also anti-romance i mean it. like politically" & "lovelessness let's gooo. politically as well like can we Not with the affective-centric"

[ceresthestimfairy]

*find a cool gifset*

*scroll down*

*dni banner bigger than the gifset*

[el3ctraaa]

Y'all send me asks with what you think will be on my Spotify wrapped.

[capseisen]

A "selfie card" + three full-body illustrations. Shaw [they/no pronouns], Aiden [he/it], De'ran [they/them], and Karl [no pronouns]. ,,March 2023

[artemismatchalatte]

I do not know what happened to my last post about A Little Life but I started reading it maybe a week ago?

Anyway, after reading as much as I have, I do NOT understand why this book is so highly recommended. It's so miserable and everything seems to keep going wrong. Much of the story is very drawn out too. Like the actual action of the book could probably been better described in a shorter novel. It might have had more impact?

I'm almost 600 pages in and I intend to finish this for my 2023 reading challenge. But wow, I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider DNFing this book a few times already.